Calm Parenting Podcast - One Quick Way to De-Escalate (Listen With Your Kids)

Episode Date: December 10, 2020

One Quick Way to De-EscalateMy Dad and I used to fight a lot. And it escalated quickly. Then we both had regrets. Learn one quick way to stop this negative cycle in 6 minutes. Have your kids listen to this one! Our Christmas Clearance Sale Begins NOW! We have special deals at www.CelebrateCalm.com  Become the parent your kids need you to be. Calm. Confident. Accepting. Have hundreds of answers at your fingertips for the toughest situations. Start 2021 with the confident to make these changes stick. And tell your hubby this is what you want for Christmas: A calm home!  Download to multiple devices, share with relatives so they understand you instead of judging you. Change the way you understand, discipline, and motivate your strong-willed child. These are our LOWEST prices ever.  Questions? Need help deciding on the best tools for your family? Email [e-mail] and Casey will help you personally!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Calm Parenting Podcast listeners get an exclusive 20% off an IXL membership when you sign up today at ixl.com slash kirk. Visit ixl.com slash kirk to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price. Hello and welcome to the Calm Parenting Podcast. This is Kirk's strong-willed son Casey and I am taking over the podcast this week. You can find us on Instagram and Facebook and all over social media. Please subscribe to the podcast. If you have any questions for me, please feel free to email me at casey at celebrate calm.com and I will be happy to help you and your family. I want to share an idea for de-escalating emotional situations, and I'd like to dig into a pretty common situation, something that our family struggled with a lot and that

some of you may struggle with as well. Your kids are on screens for the hundredth hour of the week. You ask them to do the chores that they've been ignoring since Monday, they snap back at you with a nasty tone, you yell back at them that they can't talk to you that way. And the situation escalates, everyone gets upset turns out terribly. Or maybe your kids are playing with their siblings, and it's starting to get rough or mildly insulting. All was going well until one snaps and loses it. And when I was a teenager, my dad and I had a tendency to go from zero to 102 seconds flat. And I remember playing video games one day and my dad

coming into the room using his typical approach of, Hey Casey, I know you're enjoying the video games. I just want you to know that you have two chores to do and I need them done by 8pm. How you do it, I don't care. Just need to be done by 8pm. Otherwise, no video games this weekend. Now at 7pm, I had naturally still not done any of my chores, so my dad came into the room to remind me that I had about an hour left and I should really get going on the chores. I responded with, I know, I still have plenty of time, leave me alone. My dad wasn't really having any of that, so he snapped back at me. The situation escalated, devolved into a fight that lasted well beyond 8pm, none of the chores got done, I lost my video games, and the night was fraught with anger, disappointment, and

frustration. So how could that situation be handled differently? We know that situations tend to escalate, so how do we change our behavior and instead of lashing out, de-escalate the situation before it gets to the point of no return. And I want your kids to listen to this. One of our favorite ideas is this idea of having a code word. It's an idea that kids across the country take home from my student assemblies, and they take it home and they apply it immediately. So if my parents and I started to get to that point where we knew things were going to turn into a fight, we would say a code word. Our code phrase was chips and salsa. Chips and salsa basically meant we're in

a be quiet, stop talking and give each other space. It said that in a respectful way, because when we're upset, we have a hard time sharing things in a respectful way. So having a code word is a good way of not saying something we shouldn't say. But our code word meant be quiet, no more talking, let's give some space. It was a way for us to separate for a few minutes

and calm ourselves down before things got to the point of no return. And sometimes that's all you need. That's all your parents need. That's all your siblings need. A few minutes to step back and process the frustration or disappointment or whatever is going on. If we would have had a code word in the chore situation, it's likely that I would have gotten some of my chores done or all of them done. And instead of escalating the situation, this situations this weekend, I want you and your family to come up with a code word so you can calm situations instead of escalating. What's the benefit to you? Well, with one tool, you won't lose your screen

time, your parents won't yell at you, your siblings won't get in you in trouble. And you kids, you always say you want more freedom, but you can't have freedom without earning trust with your parents. And one of one of the best ways to earn trust with your parents is to show your parents that you know how to calm situations down instead of yelling mouthing off and escalating so this weekend i want you to come up with a code word that you can use anytime your brothers or sisters are annoying you anytime you get into a conflict with your parents. And then I want you to try. Use the code word, step back, take 10 minutes apart, and then come back and talk about things.

And see if that changes the situations in the home. If you want more ideas like this, we do have a Christmas, our Christmas clearance sale is going on right now. If you go to celebratecalm.com, click on the Christmas clearance sale tab. We've got great deals there. If you have questions for me, if you need help financially, need help putting together a custom bundle for your family, email me at Casey, C-A-S-E-Y, at CelebrateCalm.com. And I will be happy to help you out.

And until next week, I hope you have a great weekend and thanks so much for joining us.