Calm Parenting Podcast - Overcoming Triggers That Set You Off: Messes Everywhere Part I

Episode Date: December 3, 2023

Overcoming Triggers That Set You Off: Messes Everywhere Part I We talked all last month about kids with big emotions. But what about parents with big emotions? So I asked Facebook friends, “What sets YOU off?” Even if messes aren’t a trigger for you, apply these action steps so your triggers don’t cause you to yell and lose it. Learn how to be free from your triggers! Learn more at CelebrateCalm.com. Our Christmas Clearance Sale Begins NOW! Take advantage of the Lowest Prices of the Year at https://celebratecalm.com/christmas-clearance Questions? Need help deciding on the best tools for your family? Email [e-mail] and Casey will help you personally! Get $15 off the perfect Christmas gift, a Skylight Digital Picture Frame, at https://www.skylightframe.com/CALM Get your kids something they will actually LOVE, use, and look forward to getting all throughout the coming year. Build your child’s confidence NOW! Visit https://crunchlabs.com/CALM and get your kids CrunchLabs today! A Revolutionary Baby Monitor is Born. Visit https://www.masimostork.com/ to learn more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey moms and dads, you know that our goal is to raise curious kids who love to learn, and iXL makes that so much easier. iXL is an online learning program that enriches your homeschool curriculum from K-12. iXL encourages students to be curious and empowers them to choose how to learn. No matter your child's learning style or knowledge level, IXL has video tutorials and learning games to guide your child in the way your kids learn best while meeting them at their level. On IXL, kids can explore any topic in any grade level. They're not forced into a single learning path. Kids love IXL's positive feedback and parents love knowing specific skills that need work.

Make an impact on your child's learning. Get IXL now. Calm Parenting Podcast listeners get an exclusive 20% off an IXL membership when you sign up today at ixl.com slash kirk. Visit ixl.com slash k Kirk to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price. So you know we are very purposeful about how we manage our emotions and take care of our bodies because we only have one body and one skin. That's why we love OneSkin. Their products make it easy to keep your skin healthy while looking and feeling your best. We use the face topical supplement and love that there's no complicated routine,

no multiple step protocols, just simple scientifically validated solutions. The secret is One Skin's proprietary OS1 peptide. It's the first ingredient proven to switch off the aging cells that cause lines, wrinkles, and thinning skin. OneSkin is the world's first skin longevity company. By focusing on the cellular aspects of aging, OneSkin keeps your skin looking and acting younger for longer. Get started today with 15% off using code Kirk at OneSkin.co. That's 15% off at OneSkin.co with code K-I-R-K. After you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them. So please support our podcast and tell them we sent you. What really sets you off as a parent? What are your triggers that cause you to react? We talked all last month about kids with big emotions, but what about parents with big emotions?

So I asked our friends on Facebook, what does set you off? And the responses were overwhelming. There are a lot of triggers out there. Well, I want you to be free from these triggers. So that is what we are going to discuss on today's episode of the Calm Parenting Podcast. Welcome. This is Kirk Martin, founder of Celebrate Calm. You can find us at CelebrateCalm.com. If you need help, reach out to Casey, C-A-S-E-Y, CelebrateCalm.com,

because we're gonna talk about messes today. He was one of the messiest kids you will ever meet, but he's not anymore, which is interesting. So reach out to him, tell him what you're struggling with. We'll reply back to you. If you need help with anything, booking a live event, help with our sale. We have a huge holiday sale. Christmas holidays are coming up right now. We want, look, my goal is I want you to be free from these things once and for all, and to actually have tools to discipline your kids so that you still build a

close trusting relationship with them instead of ending up with like endless consequences and taking away screens, all those things. So let's get control of ourselves first. That's what we're going to talk about today. And we'll set us up for a really nice next year. So here are a couple responses from parents. My trigger is the messes my kids leave. I don't need my house to stay overly spotless, but I need a decently tidy home. Like I need it for my sanity. I can go from a zero to a hundred pretty fast when I walk through and see a trail of mess. There's school books on the table, lunch plates, crumbs, snack wrappers, dirty clothes on the floors, one shoe in the hall, one in the entryway, blankets all over, and don't even get me started with the bathrooms.

Look, mom, if I came to your house, I'd intentionally want to leave a mess just to set you off because I really am a jerk like that. But then I would pay someone to come and do a deep cleaning or organizing for you because I'm also a nice guy sometimes. I'm kind of kidding with that, but I can hear how much that irritates you. Here's another honest reply from a good mom. Messes trigger us, she's talking about her husband, to anger because we both grew up with lots of messes and clutter and it makes us frustrated. I get that one too.

I get upset when I clean most of the day and then evening comes and the kids decide to do a painting project, cook something for themselves and they leave everything on the table and I ended up yelling, go clean up the mess. I need a spotless house.

I worked on it all day and this is how you don't love your mother the results end up bad there were kids refused to clean up and if they do they're resentful so get all of that share that frustration with you so when I sat down after this Facebook post I went through everything and I was kind of laying out my thoughts. I originally thought I would share how to get kids to clean up more. But as usually happens, when I began thinking about this and writing down my thoughts and kind of detailing how we dealt with this in our home, the results honestly kind of surprised me. And you will probably not like my initial ideas, but if you follow this action plan, it will release you from so many triggers and so much

frustration, so much anger and resentment. It's liberating, partially because many of you are breaking generational patterns of reacting to triggers and dealing with stuff from childhood you learned from your parents. Now look, I'm going to highlight messes as a trigger in this episode, but even if that isn't your trigger, apply the same exact action steps to your triggers in order to be free from them. So number one, you're going to hate me for this, but just do it. Sit in the midst of the mess without fixing it. Without fixing it yet. We're going to get to ways for your kid to help your kids start picking up and be responsible for themselves. But right now, I want you to sit in the midst of your mess without even trying to fix it. Look around at it. I am not saying that you're going to

do not do anything about this or remedy this, but I implore you, I encourage you, I even dare you to do this. One day, sit down in the midst of the mess or the chaos, if that's your trigger, right? If that's your trigger, sit in the midst of the chaos. So the kid's fighting and they're running around. Sit in the midst of it without fixing it right away. And then I want you to really think about this. And if you're into journaling, do this. Or if you just want to make some notes on your phone or a piece of paper, because then that's the way it's not like journaling.

You're just making some notes, but you're really thinking. First, identify. What are you feeling in your body? Seriously, think about this. You're looking at that mess. Does your heart race a little bit? Do you feel even a little bit short of breath? Does it give you a headache at all? That's important to know. Next, I want you to identify how this makes you feel inside. Why does this trigger you so much? Does it feel overwhelming to you? Do you feel guilty over letting it get out of control like this?

Do you feel like you've somehow failed because your kids are so sloppy? Do you fear your kids will grow up and be unable to be organized and they'll end up living a chaotic life? Is it just plain irritating because you work so hard for five hours to keep the house organized and then your kids come in and mess it up within five minutes? Do you feel resentful toward your kids after all you do for them? Like that one mom said, like, this is how you show you love your mom coming in. Do you take it personally as disrespect towards you? Think about this for in childhood. Were you raised in a home that was messy and chaotic? So you fear you're replicating that negative pattern in your life, or maybe it's opposite. You grew up in a home where you were

required to keep things spotless. And now you feel the judgment of your parents, right? How could you let this happen to your home? Didn't we raise you better than this? Or maybe the one way you learned, think about this one. The one way you learned to get your mom or dad's affection or approval was to be clean and organized. Some of you learned how to get your mom and dad's approval by being the good child, by always following their directions, by doing schoolwork really well. Because you watched your siblings not get that. And then you learned, oh, if I'm just a good child, my mom and dad like me.

They give me good attention. Those things are really important in life. So this stuff can be really deep inside. Think about this. Do you now sound like your mom or dad as you walk around ranting about messes? Well, that's very normal. So I never want you to beat yourself up. We don't do any blame or do any guilt, but I want to break these generational patterns. Who role modeled for you that things have a right place and a wrong place? Was there a moment in time where you no longer sought their approval? Or do you still seek your parents' approval as what they deemed clean or godly or chaos? Did you turn from the recipient of their judgment into the judger? Well, if you have, there's no blame and guilt. Let's just break that generational pattern. So here's another

question that's hard, and I'll deal with this later. Does your spouse come home? In this case, I'm going to say, does your husband come home, get agitated at the mess? Does he blame you for this? Does he then start in on the kids, and now you have to jump in and be the mediator between the kids who can't control themselves and the man you married who can't control himself? These are very real dynamics and they will ruin your marriage and your family life. They just will. So you've got to, we've got to really address these things, right? This started out for me as like, oh, let's talk about our triggers. All kids make messes. Well, we'll deal with that. But when you dig deeper, you're going to see there's some origins to your triggers and the ways we handle them that, man, it works into all of your relationships. So for the next few days, and I do

mean this, just days, not weeks or years, I want you to sit in the midst of the messes without fixing it. Breathe into it. Make peace with it inside. It's not going to cause anyone to die because you have a mess. And don't give me that BS that, well, if there's your fire in your home, your kids won't be able to make it out of their bedroom. That's not true. It's not really a moral issue. Nobody's being mean with this.

Sit. Normalize your breathing. And here's a bonus tip. This will be weird. Walk, sit in the midst of the mess one day and sit and read a book or listen to music while you're doing this because the rhythm and order of that will kind of help you counter this mess. See, the mess creates a lot of disorder inside, but now I'm reading a book. I'm listening to music as I'm doing this. It will help you sit in the midst of it. Number two, stop the drama over this. Stop giving this and your kids power over your emotions. Why are you allowing this to steal your joy and your peace? You are giving this

power over you. And I know you want to hit me right now. That's why I'm doing this far away in a podcast. But it's true. Look, I'm with you. I'm a neat freak. I have a very high need for order on the outside around me because I struggle with anxiety and a feeling of being a little bit disorderly in my brain. I'm like your kids. Very chaotic brain. It's all over the place. I'm all into ideas. And so when I feel like I'm out of control inside, I like things to be just so on the outside.

I like order. But the truth is you are giving this power over your emotions. You're giving it power over your relationship with your child and relationship with yourself. It's robbing from you. And you don't have to react. You don't have to.

And I'll be even more blunt. I can tell by the way some of you, not all of you, but the way some of you write about it, that you create your own drama over this. And you make it even worse than it needs to be. You tell all your girlfriends and your mom and your sister how awful it is and there's stuff left everywhere. And I do everything for these kids and they treat my house like this, right? It's like everywhere I go, there's a mess. Why are you creating and repeating this narrative all the time? Think about this. This is a therapy thing. How is that serving

you? How does that serve you to do that? Is it a passive aggressive way of getting back at your kids or maybe even your own parents because you feel guilty for possibly playing a part in creating this in the first place? Not saying you have, but some people do. So two thoughts for you. And again, I understand if you're mad at me for this, but this is really good. So one, quit the drama and just stop. Relinquish it. Resign from your job of being always upset about messes. You're not denying that it bothers you. It is. But you're saying this. I'm not going to be bothered by it anymore. We just watched A Beautiful Mind again, right? After 20 years have gone by, right?

Russell Crowe plays John Nash. It's an awesome movie. And by the end of it, John Nash was still hallucinating and seeing people, but he just chose not to give them any energy. So stop complaining and whining about it like your kids whine. Stop giving it energy and power to change your mood. And I will tell you, I've learned a critically important principle in life that I'll remind you of. You already know this, but I'll remind you. Sometimes when you focus on something too much and give too much energy to it, you literally actually attract that to you.

Sometimes when you give kids power over your emotions in an area, they will keep pushing those buttons because they crave the intensity of your reaction. No, not the reaction itself, although it is kind of fun to actually have control over your parents, but they crave the intensity. So let's let that negative intensity go because I would bet that even without all the other tips, you will change 80% of the issue just by controlling and changing yourself. Number two, the other thought for you to consider is this. There's no blame or guilt in any of this. None. Zero. But just ask yourself if you have played a part in creating this dynamic by doing everything for your kids. See, this could be a little bit of a self-respect issue because if you've done everything for them and always picked up their physical and emotional messes, then you've kind of helped create this dynamic. They merely took

advantage of you for being overly giving and you allowed it. They didn't make you be like this. And so you have to work on demonstrating self-respect to create healthier boundaries and stop doing everything for everyone else. It's really hard a lot of times for moms, right? But that's a worthiness issue, isn't it? Do you feel worthy to have people actually do things for you? Or do you need to be the giver because that makes you feel, and in the past it made you feel accepted by your mom or dad. Do you always have to be the one who's giving and giving? Because also that gives you control over things.

I'd highly encourage you, if you already have our programs that you downloaded on the app, go through the Straight Talk for Moms program right now because you'll get to the root of it. If you don't have the programs, there's no reason not to. These will literally change generational families.

There's one program in there right now. It's called Straight Talk for Moms. And we go through how to demonstrate self-respect for yourself and stop doing everything. The whole package costs less than one trip to a therapist's office. And this one program is worth even more than that. And you can also go through the 30 Days to Calm. Because I want you to practice expecting more of your kids and doing less for them. It's a really hard pattern to break, but I know you can do it. And as you do this,

have compassion on yourself. Some of these things come from trauma in your childhood and your background. You had a chaotic family life growing up and you swore you'd never allow that kind of chaos in your home. And if things are not in order, it triggers feelings of trauma and judgment and guilt. And that's real and it's hard, but you still have to overcome it and make peace with it. So sit in the midst of this until this trigger doesn't trigger you so much anymore. See, that's your goal. It doesn't mean you don't want to get your house organized and have your kids clean up your messes. We're going to go through that. It just means it doesn't trigger you viscerally because when you get triggered, then you tend to lecture, yell, repeat yourself 14 times. And you know, that makes you sound and feel powerless and

weak. See how that pattern just keeps continuing. It's awful. And then you complain and you try to bribe and plead and go on and on and eventually just yell continuing. It's awful. And then you complain and you try to bribe and plead and go on and on and eventually just yell and nobody takes you seriously. Because it seems that this irrational, because it becomes in some ways this irrational drama you create. It's just like with regular discipline. I want you to do it in an even matter of fact manner. And that's when your kids will take you seriously otherwise they know that they have power over you and I don't want that anymore so I want to address this dynamic that often happens here's what a mom said verbatim just

gonna write this and I hope it irritates you and makes you upset. My husband comes home from work, sees a mess and walks around the house asking all the kids who did this in an angry way. Then he yells at me, what have you been doing all day? Why is the house such a mess? Can't you utilize the kids? I work so hard all day at work and then I have to come home to this. That's what he actually said. Now I know this is maybe a little bit extreme, but I believe the gist of it is very common because many men who are like project engineers and accountants and software geeks and dentists, they love the order of their office work. And most of us as men and women have a much easier time at work because the office is usually organized, neat, right? And we have colleagues, for the most part,

who aren't crying, screaming at you, walking, wailing away on the floor and calling you stupid. You're dealing with adults. And so there's a lot of consistency and order. But when you walk through the door of your home, there are Legos on the floor, there are kids screaming, and there's disorder. And I get that.

That's hard to deal with. I don't like that either. So here's some tips for men. This is for you men, from another guy, so that you don't lose your marriage and your kids. Number one, practice everything I said above. Then you're being a grown-up so that your kids and wife can respect. When you get home, maybe you do this. Go to your room, your bedroom. Hopefully it's nice and organized there change your clothes splash some cold water on your face and then come downstairs and handle this situation

like you'd problem solve at the office see at the office you don't stomp around yelling at people because if you do you're a jerk that no one likes or respects, right? You problem solve. You jump in. You teach. You show your younger colleagues how to do things. I want you to start treating your kids at home honestly the way you do colleagues at work. If you're a good person, you teach. You show them how to do it. Now, if you're like the guy above who walks in and starts yelling and blaming your wife for this, I can't tell you what my initial reaction to this is, but it does begin with this phrase, don't be a, and you fill in the blank because you know what that is. So I'll just be nicer and say

this, treat your wife like an equal. Don't be demeaning to her. Jump in and help her. I guarantee you, if you had to stay home and deal with children all day who whine and complain and wail on the floor instead of working with adults, you couldn't handle it. You can't even handle five minutes of disorder. So look, I'm being tough, but this is true. If you ever want your wife to sleep with you again, why not come home? Look, I said that for a reason. If you ever want your wife to sleep with you again, why not come home? Look, I said that for a reason. If you're a guy and you come home and say that to your wife, right, what you've been doing all day, no way in heck if I was your wife, I'd ever sleep with you again.

I would lose all respect for you as a man. Who does that? So that's not most of you. But if a couple of you do that, dude, here's how you can turn this around. Think about this. Hey, honey, I'm going to run upstairs, change clothes, and decompress for five minutes. And when I get downstairs, let me know how I can help you because I know you've had a long day with the kids. That, that will get you the respect you want

from your wife and kids. That's what a good man does. That's what a grown man does. The other response is you just being in, I can't say it, but think about this. You walk in, you acknowledge, right? I hate these messes. They bother me.

So I'm gonna run upstairs, change clothes and decompress for five minutes. I'm gonna splash some water on my face. And when I get downstairs, let me know how I can help you because I know you've had a long day with the kids because she has. And she's going to help you out every day because she knows you've had a long day at the office, right? So one of the hardest things for some women is being assertive and speaking up for themselves especially when you've been dismissed or married a controlling man it can be intimidating and hard and some of you have always been passive but this is a perfect opportunity to learn some new skills to break those old patterns and demonstrate that you respect yourself because people won't respect

you if you don't first respect yourself so you're going to yourself. So you're going to need to address this to your husband, right? The way men speak to men for optimal effect, short and sweet, direct, no drama, no emotion if possible. And I have no problem in this situation. Look, you can go the nice route and say, honey, I could really use your help around here. But you could also say, you're a 40-year-old man and I expect you to act like it. I don't need any more criticism. I'm hard enough on myself. If you want to be a full partner and a good husband, here's specifically what I could use your help with. But if you're just going to come home, yell and throw your own tantrum like our children do, then I'll treat you like a child. But I know you're better than

this because I've seen you step up in these other areas. Now, that's not perfect by any means, but it's critical to learn how to speak up. So do listen to that straight talk for moms because I go through a lot of scripts to learn that principle. No one will respect you until you first learn to respect yourself. And I know you're capable of doing that, mom. It's just really hard. So number three, think what the messes represent. It's one more thing to think about in the midst of the mess and chaos. Just do this for like 15 seconds. I'm picturing you doing this, sitting on the stairs. You quiet yourself and you look around you and you see this mess and chaos. What does this represent? Instead of just thinking

these messes represent your child's ingratitude and disrespect towards you, which may well be true, consider this as well. These messes represent normal family life. There's life here. There are children here. You have a living, breathing home and family life. There's life here. There are children here. You have a living, breathing home and family life. It's not a moral issue. It's just irritating, but it's not life-altering. And sit and picture your life 10, 15, 20 years from now. It's going to be quiet in your home.

It's just going to be you or you and your spouse. And odds are that by that time, you won't have much spark between the two of you. I'm kidding, but not really. It happens. What are you going to talk about that's new and fresh after 30 years, right after 30 years from together? I'm not trying to be funny or tragic. It's just reality. Look, you're going to be thrilled when your kids are gone at first because your house is going to be so clean and tidy. But one day, you're going to miss what this represents. Kids running in and out, life, family. So at least force a little smile.

Have you noticed something? We haven't even mentioned your kids' role in this yet, have we? We're going to get to that. Number four, expect it, normalize it. It doesn't mean accept it, but it's normal. Think about this. When you signed up for marriage, you kind of forfeited your right

to do what you want all the time because now you have a partner and you have to sacrifice sometimes. You have to compromise. Well, when you signed up to have kids, you forfeited the right to expect to have a non-messy home. You did. They're kids. So just deal with that

and change your expectations. Change some of those false expectations that you grew up with. Some of those false expectations of society of like, well, if you were a good mom, your house would be spotless. Why? Whose home is that? That's not real not real life number five what can you control in that moment when this is bothering you so much and again this isn't just messes this is any trigger because triggers triggers are caused by things that are out of our control so what can you control because you can't always control other people or situations but have a go-to activity that brings you peace and a sense of order you'll hear me talking all the time about people who, before you go to bed, you clean the kitchen sink.

Why? Because the rest of your life is chaotic, but my sink is spotless. And I can go to bed knowing there's one thing in my home that is spotless and there's order. I know parents who will do a crossword puzzle. Why? Because you sit down, do a crossword puzzle.

There's a place for every letter. And it makes sense and there's order. Create or make something in your hands. You know what I do? I input stuff into my Excel spreadsheet, expenses, receipts, stuff for the business. Why? Because there's something that goes into every cell within that spreadsheet and I can make it add up and I can, it's orderly. You know what else I do? And this will sound a little bit OCD because it kind of is, but some of it add up, and I can, it's orderly. You know what else I do? And this will sound a little bit OCD, because it kind of is, but some of it, look, some of these things that we do, there doesn't have to be something deeper, like, oh my gosh, I have OCD, I need to fix that.

Now, if it's controlling your life and your relationships, absolutely, but some of these things are just normal coping mechanism. You know what? Look, I love what I do, but I'm dealing with messy families and relationships every day. And for me, I'm kind of a sensitive person despite being a jerk. I'm also a sensitive person and it affects me. And there's chaos and disorder. So I count things all the time. Like I count my number of steps in a day. When I go on hikes, I'm counting my elevation gained. I'm competing against other people in record times. Am I doing that because like, oh, I need to be validated because I'm an amazing athlete on the trails. No, nobody knows or cares. But it's something where I

know, hey, if I'm going to set this record, I need to keep X pace on my hike and to be number one in my age group, I've got to make it up to Delta Lake in under an hour and 29 minutes. A couple of weeks ago, I did it in hour 17. I crushed it. Well, what is that? That's creating order. It's something I'm in control of. And I can look at it on my little screen and see I made it in that time. See, my receipts, my steps, all those things, that's creating order. It's concrete. It's divisible.

It's orderly. So find those things for you. Find an area that can be a refuge in your house, your kitchen sink, your bathroom, your bedroom. Let your own room be a refuge. Number six, here's an option for perhaps a certain room or several rooms. And I do mean this, you're going to want to hit me again. Just happily clean up while listening to music or a podcast and go about your day. No drama, no complaining, no saying anything to anyone. I'm not saying this is what I do recommend.

I'm just saying it's an option. Because if you just walk into a room and instead of like, why do they always leave a mess? Start yelling and screaming. Just go and start picking stuff up and play some music and be happy. Because that will alleviate your stress and drama. And it gets you what you want without yelling or lecturing. A neat home without any negative feelings. It's kind of like the dishwasher. Look, if you need the dishwasher loaded a certain way, then please just establish it in your home

that you are the dishwasher loader and don't let anyone near it. You just handle it because nobody else can load the dishwasher to your satisfaction. And it's unfair to ask other people in your home to do something that will never please you. And if they can't please you, then you have to relinquish that right to yell at them and just do it yourself. And you and everyone else will just be much happier. Number seven, you could pay someone to clean up. I don't think that's the greatest idea, but it's an option. Look, there's some kids in your neighborhood who won't clean their home, but they're awesome for other adults like your kids. You could hire someone else's kid who won't

even clean up their home, but they would be thrilled to help your home because you're not their mom and you don't even have to pay a kid as much. Number eight, I'm going to end this section on what you can do by reiterating this. I want you to sit in the mess. Practice this over the course of the next few days and maybe weeks until you have some limited mastery over this trigger. You're never going to be 100% okay with messes and that's okay. Don't judge yourself for it. It's hardwired in there probably because of how you were raised. But get enough mastery or control over it that it doesn't trigger you in a visceral way and cause you to react and hurt relationships. Because you don't want your children repeating this with their kids. And you're modeling how to control yourself and overcome things that bother you.

See, that's the best discipline you can give your kids. Discipline means to teach. You're modeling this. And think about this. They're literally watching you change right in front of their eyes. See, that's what changed Casey ultimately. It wasn't me changing him directly. He watched me go through this process of being a very emotional, reactive man. And he saw me learn how to calm himself. That was the greatest lesson I ever taught him and didn't take any words, didn't take a lecture. He watched me. Science tells us you accomplish

breaking these patterns by repeated voluntary exposure to that which causes you anxiety. So practice it and then celebrate the fact that you're now 5% more comfortable with it than you were a few days ago. And soon you'll be 15% more comfortable. And you'll notice you'll stop breathing so heavily. Your heart rate will slow down. And then you'll be 25% more comfortable. And if that means you stop reacting and yelling and lecturing 25% less, that's a huge win.

I use this process with loud noises and chaotic kids. It's the process I go through in 30 Days to Calm program. It shows you how I went from being the reactive freak dad to the calm guy. So I'd walk through, work through that program. It's part of the Calm Parenting Package or the Get Everything Package. And we have a huge sale for the holidays. Just take advantage of it. If you want to do phone consultations with me, I won't be a jerk to you on the phone. Probably not that much. And I'll help you go through your triggers.

And we'll start in the new year. And we'll get the new year started off right. We'll break these patterns. I love doing this stuff. And if you and your spouse are struggling together in these things, let's get us both on the phone. And I can kind of be the mediator in between. And remember this,

you don't have to live with these messes forever. One day the kids will be gone and you'll miss it a little bit. Maybe not, but you will miss them. So let us know if we can help you. I'm gonna end it right there. And I'm gonna do a part two, because I'm 30 minutes in.

Let's work on this this week for the next few days. In a few more days, I'll release the next podcast and we'll talk about how to get your kids to be responsible and clean up. But I'm going to wait a few days to give you time to practice this because this is the most important part. In the meantime, if you need help, reach out to Casey at Celebrate Calm. Thank you for listening. Thanks for sharing this with other parents. We do appreciate it. Love you very much.

Talk to you soon. Bye-bye.