Calm Parenting Podcast - Stop Crushing Spirits: 5 Ways Teachers Can Help Our Kids

Episode Date: February 25, 2019

Stop Crushing Spirits: 5 Ways Teachers Can Help Our Kids Can you imagine internalizing that you're a bad kid or stupid kid? Behavior charts crush our kids. But you can't just let kids get away with misbehavior when they struggle with following directions, focus and attention, blurting out, writing, social skills and more. Use this revolutionary approach and script Kirk provides, and your challenging kids can become leaders at home and in the class room. SHARE THIS WITH TEACHERS, PTA, AND PRINCIPAL. Want Kirk to train your teachers and parents on the same day? Email [e-mail] with the word SCRIPT in the subject line or call 888-506-1871 to book Kirk at your school or church. Want the ADHD University & Brain Boosters programs at a special price? Visit https://www.celebratecalm.com/adhd-brain-boosters Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Make an impact on your child's learning. Get IXL now. Calm Parenting Podcast listeners get an exclusive 20% off an IXL membership when you sign up today at ixl.com slash kirk. Visit ixl.com slash k Kirk to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price. So you know we are very purposeful about how we manage our emotions and take care of our bodies because we only have one body and one skin. That's why we love OneSkin. Their products make it easy to keep your skin healthy while looking and feeling your best. We use the face topical supplement and love that there's no complicated routine,

no multiple step protocols, just simple scientifically validated solutions. The secret is One Skin's proprietary OS1 peptide. It's the first ingredient proven to switch off the aging cells that cause lines, wrinkles, and thinning skin. OneSkin is the world's first skin longevity company. By focusing on the cellular aspects of aging, OneSkin keeps your skin looking and acting younger for longer. Get started today with 15% off using code Kirk at OneSkin.co. That's 15% off at OneSkin.co with code K-I-R-K. After you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them. So please support our podcast and tell them we sent you. Hey everybody, this is Kirk Martin, founder of Celebrate Calm, and you can find us at CelebrateCalm.com. And just so you know, this is my seventh time giving this podcast a shot,

because I don't like to script it all out. This one's going to be a little bit different. But I just had a 10-hour drive today. I drove to Cincinnati, where we're going to start our training week this week. And I was thinking, what's a different podcast topic that I could do? And I thought about this five things I want teachers to be able to say to kids who think and learn differently who have ADHD. Because I was thinking, I think I train more teachers across this country. And we do a little bit around in other parts of the world as well. But I think I train more teachers across this country, more educators than anybody else does. And that's a little bit odd to me because I didn't set out to do this.

But one reason I think teachers really love our training is, besides the fact that it's very, very practical, it's fun, you actually laugh. And teachers always come up like, this is so different than normal professional development. Usually it's these PhD guys and ladies, you know, standing behind a podium talking about all kinds of theory. But you teach us brain science and you teach us how to use this in the classroom. And so it's a really cool thing for me. And I think where that comes from is, one, I'm like most of the horrible students. I mean, the tough students that they have to deal with. My son was very much, it was difficult.

I always joke because it's true that he got kicked out of Montessori school. But what's different is after we spent like a decade working with very different kids. Look, I'll just call them our kids. You know what they're like. I worked with them in our home. We had 10 to 15 kids at a time in our home. Over the course of a decade, we've got about 1,500 kids we've worked with. So I got the kids. You know what they're like. I work with them in our home. We had 10 to 15 kids at a time in our home over the course of a decade. We've got about 1500 kids we've worked with. So I got the kids. So when I decided to transition full time to go down this path, I decided to take a sabbatical. And I took two years and I traveled across the country and I volunteered in classrooms

all across the country, cities, rural areas, everywhere, Midwest, East Coast, West Coast, everywhere. And I would volunteer time and just sit in classrooms and observe. And I started to take the brain research and science, match it with what I was observing in a classroom and understanding these kids at a very deep level and then applying very, very practical applications and strategies. And it was just a big hit. And so teachers love this stuff. And look, I'm just going to be blunt in this podcast. Our kids, and you know that I love them, they're difficult to teach. They are. They squirm. They've got a short attention span.

They're impulsive. They're oppositional. They've been on screens. Stop, stop, stop giving your kids screens from an early age, please. Look, can you imagine being a teacher? Look, most of you are like me. You're a parent. You have a hard time just getting your kids to do one or two things around the house. Can you imagine having 20 of these kids in your classroom? You've got to get them to follow directions and do stuff and learn things they don't want to learn, right, for six, seven, eight hours a day. Most of you can't even do it for an hour at home work time. It's hard. And now you're a teacher and you're having to compete for the attention of 20 kids who've grown up with their heads in screens fully entertained. It's hard. And I've seen a huge change in classrooms,

even in the past two to three years, let alone the past 10 to 20 years. And it's hard. Teachers are overwhelmed. Look, teachers are not equipped for this. They don't get good training on this. Sorry to be blunt, but most of the professional development training I see at conferences just isn't practical. It's not real world. It doesn't relate to anything. It's like it works in a book somewhere, in a college somewhere, but it doesn't work in an elementary or middle or high school. And so teachers are not equipped with this. They just aren't. And teachers are overwhelmed with so many arbitrary standards. And it's a bureaucratic nightmare, right? And they're

competing with screens and phones. They're competing with Fortnite, right? And who can compete with that? And so it's hard. And I know to balance that many of our kids do get their spirits crushed in school. And I know there are some teachers who do some just awful things with our kids. There are school districts and schools that have done horrible things with our kids because I've gone in and I've talked to them and I've worked with them. And the stuff they do sometimes is just horrific and it crushes kids' spirits. I can't tell you how many kids I've met, late teens in their 20s, and the first thing they tell me is, I always thought I was stupid. I always thought there was something wrong with me.

And they end up trying to seek acceptance and they end up in the wrong crowd. And a lot of these kids end up on drugs and are unmotivated and they check out. And so parents need tools. Kids need tools. Our teachers need tools. So look, I know there's a balance here in this, but that's why I'm doing this podcast and what we do in all of the training is I want to equip teachers and parents with some practical tools to help kids that really do struggle in school. And the red, yellow, green behavior charts, they don't work. They'll never, ever, ever work. If they didn't work last September, they're not going to start working in February or March of this year, right?

And all that happens to our kids is school begins at 8 a.m. and by 8.05, they're on red. And what they say inside is, if I'm going to be on red today, I may as well just double down and make it a really bad day because the truth is i'm never making it to green my best day is a faint yellow maybe right and they just give up and it just doesn't work and consequences don't work either so you've got to give them tools and you've got to give them specific strategies and in a lot of our other stuff whether it's's the ADHD University, I implore you, if your child struggles in school or with any of these things or at homework time, you have to get that program. It's called ADHD University. We've got it on the website, CelebrateCalm.com. There's a little tab that says ADHD.

I'm just going to be very blunt. Everybody in America, everybody needs to have that program. It is so, so solid and practical and good. And it will show you how to look at these kids in an entirely different way. I think we have it on sale now for 99 bucks. You guys have spent thousands on testing that didn't tell you anything except what you already know, or you've gone to therapy that hasn't worked. So you just get that program. And with it, with it, I believe you'll get the brain boosters program, which is our school training program that you can share with

the teachers. It's 99 bucks. Even if you have to scrap for it or not, like, look, go sell your kids video games or let them go without lunch for a couple of days. I'm kidding. Anyway, it's $99. Get it. So here's what I wanted to do. Five things I want teachers to say to these kids who are different. And look, this is going to be things parents can say to their kids as well.

And I want you to share this with teachers. And by the way, I'll say it's five things. It's probably going to be like 15 of them because I wrote these down, a lot of them, while I was driving. And yeah, I'm a stimulation junkie and I'm like my dad and I can take notes and write a podcast notes while I drive across the country because it's a lot more efficient and stimulates my brain. But I don't text, so it's different. It's okay if you're writing on a yellow legal pad, but not texting and looking down. And by the way, I drove on a Sunday. There's no traffic, so don't lecture me on say, and you're not going to stay at like one fell swoop, but over the course of a couple weeks, over a few months, this is what I want our kids to hear. Can you imagine an adult, an instructor, a teacher, a parent, a principal saying this to one of our kids who struggles? You know what, Jacob? I am so glad you're in my class.

You've got this really cool brain. You know what else you have? You've got a big heart. I know you do. I know you like to help adults, and I know you feel things deeply. You sense things. I know that. You're a thinker. I can see the wheels turning in your brain, and your thoughts are really interesting. Now, by the way, little aside, I'm going to throw in some little sarcastic comments that you can be thinking while you're saying this to the kid. Don't say it to him, but it's true. So while I'm saying like you feel things deeply and you're a deep thinker and I love the wheels turning, what I'm really thinking in my head is, yeah, you're always thinking of things that you're not supposed to be thinking of when you're in my class and you're off topic a lot of times. But the truth is they are really good thinkers, right? So Jacob, I don't want you to ever let anyone make you think that you're less than anyone else in this class. I don't want you to ever think that you're stupid

or not capable because you are. You know why? Because your brain is awesome. It's just that it works differently than some of the other kids. So you're going to be better at some things in class than you are than the other students, but you're also going to struggle with other things and other kids are going to be better at doing certain things. But no excuses, my friend. No excuses in my classroom. You know why? Because I know you're capable because I know you can do this stuff. You know why? Look, here's what I know about you. You struggle with focus in my class. I can see it. I can see you tune out because sometimes you kind of just get bored in my class because you're not interested in what I'm talking about. And I

get that. And people are going to say like, you have focus and attention issues. But you know what the truth is? It's not true. You have a motivation issue. When you're not motivated, when you don't have some ownership, then you struggle to focus. But the truth is, you have a gift. You can hyper focus. Because I know when you're building with your Legos, when you get interested in a subject, man, you can read, you can study that, you can look things up for hours at a time. You know how I know that? Because you never stop talking about those things ever because you're really into dinosaurs or black holes or whatever it is. You can talk forever and that's a gift you have. But you're going to struggle at times because you do struggle, right? You're going to struggle at times, and that's okay because I can help you out with that. Here's something else I know.

Writing assignments. I know when I give you a writing assignment, inside you just cringe. Now, it might be a little bit of dysgraphia, right? You have trouble with fine motor skills, and so it's kind of painful. But here's the good news. You live in 2019. You can use a computer to do your writing, and that's an of painful. But here's the good news. You live in 2019. You can use a computer to do your writing. And that's an awesome thing.

I know you're a great thinker. And I know you have really interesting ideas on the writing assignment. But you've got this really busy brain, right, which is awesome because it helps you come up with great ideas. But it also means sometimes things get jumbled in your brain. So when you go to write and get the thoughts from your head to paper, oh, it's frustrating for you, isn't it? I know that. And I know that you're a slower processor of information. Now, you're going to hear that and think, oh, I'm slow.

That means I'm dumb. No, it doesn't. It just means you're a deeper processor of information. Look, I know this. I watch you taking a test. I know it takes you longer than it takes some of the other kids to do the test. That doesn't mean you're stupid. It just means you have so much more interesting and fascinating information up in your brain than they do. And you're kind of rummaging through it to get to the answer. You

get to the right answer. It just takes you a little while longer. But you know what I know in life? Really deep people change the world because they're good thinkers. You know what? A lot of great songwriters, a lot of great musicians, a lot of great poets, a lot of great writers, they're deeper thinkers. So here's what we're going to do. I'm going to give you writing assignments because I have to, and you need to learn how to write because, man, you're a good writer because you're a good thinker, and I know that, but it's just tough for you. So I'm not going to always make you complete your assignment in class. I'm going to let you do a little bit of it in class. Kind of get your thoughts out on paper. You can jot them down. It can be messy on your page. You can write upside down. You can write backwards. You can write sideways. I you know what? In the real world, you usually don't have to do work assignments like right in the moment. You usually have a little bit of time and you're going to be able to do that. So I'm going to give you a little bit of time to do that. You know what else? I'm going to give you some flexibility because we're doing

this new unit, right? We're on ancient Rome. And I'm going to give you a writing assignment and you're going to struggle with it because you won't like what I tell you to do. Look, part of that's life. But I'm going to give you flexibility sometimes. I'm going to say, you know what, Jacob? I don't care what you write about. As long as it's related to ancient Rome and something you find interesting, I want you to write about it. All I want you to learn is the process of writing and how to express yourself in a persuasive way. And the reason I want to give you flexibility to write about some kind of other aspect that's related, that's interests you is one, you'll really enjoy writing about it. And two,

I want the other kids to be exposed to how your brain works because a lot of the other kids, they think the same way all the time, but you think so differently. And you're going to approach this topic from a totally different angle. And I want to expose them to creative thinking that you have. Now, sometimes I may not even have you do a written assignment, or I may give you extra credit and say this, Jacob, I know this about you. You're always playing with things in your hands. You're always kind of building. So I know you're good with Legos, your future architect, you could be an artist, you might be a contractor and build things one day.

So if you want extra credit, why don't you go home tonight, next couple days, and why don't you build for me a replica of a Roman Colosseum? Or better yet, find another Roman building that they've built, an aqueduct. Look, I don't care. If you want to build an aqueduct and bring it into class and pour water down it and show how that works, I'd love that if you want to build an aqueduct and bring it into class and pour water down it and show how that works. I'd love that because you're awesome at doing things like that. I want to take advantage of that. I don't have a lot of kids in this class that can do that, but I know you can. Look, Jacob, I know this too.

You need to move. You need to fidget a little bit. You know how I know that? Because I see you moving and fidgeting all the time. And you know who else does that? I do. When I do these professional development things where they bring in really boring speakers, except this Kirk Martin guy. Kidding. When I go professional development, oh, I'm always moving. I'm tapping. I'm playing

with my pencil. I'm balancing my legs. I'm eating a snack. I'm twirling my hair. I'm doing all kinds of things because that helps keep me awake when I'm doing this training. And I know that you need to move a little bit. So look, you and I are going to have a code word. We're going to have a secret signal. Only you and I know it. And when you need to move, like after about like 12 minutes in class, you know what we're going to do? You and I have a little secret signal. I'll let you come up and refill my water bottle. I'll have you do a little job for me because you're really good at doing jobs. That way you get to move for like 30 seconds and then you get to sit back down. But that helps, doesn't it? Jacob, here's a couple other things I know. You struggle with short-term memory and that's okay. You know why you struggle with short-term

memory? Because you have so many cool things going in your head and you're a strategic thinker. That's by the way, why you're so good at arguing with people because, because you're so good at like pulling arguments apart. You know how you like to tinker with things like with Legos, you know, you like to take things apart and put them back together. That's what you do with people's brains. You tinker with them. You see, like, I know you're always pulling, uh, picking apart your parents' brains over what they say so you can use it against them. That's not always respectful, so cut that out. But what I do love is you're a great thinker, and you've got all this stuff in your brain.

And what happens in my class is you get these ideas because you're like a junior Thomas Edison. You're going to change the world with your ideas. But you're afraid you're going to forget them, and so you blurt out these ideas and it's always off topic. So look, I'll give you a little talk tickets, right? And so that you can redeem a talk ticket when you want to share one of your ideas. And I'll give you some tools to help you with short-term memory. You know, it's kind of, by the way,

it's why you forget to turn in your homework. But I bet you're creative enough to come up with a solution to that. By the way, listen to another podcast. I show you how to do that with turning in homework. It's really cool. But Jacob, here's what I want you to know. There's nothing wrong with you. You and I just need to be creative and work together to come up with some workarounds and to deal with ways to overcome some of your weakness so we can show off how good you are at all these other things. Here's one more. Jacob, you're going to struggle with following directions in my class. I know you've been told that a lot before in school.

I bet you have, and I bet your parents even tell you that, that you don't even know how to pay attention. You can't follow directions. I get that, but here's what I know. You are a born leader. Oh, you are. You've got initiative. You're a little bit impulsive, and I know that. You're going to have to work on that. I'll train you. I'll teach you how to work on your impulsivity because you've got to learn how to control your emotions, control your impulses in life. You got to learn that. Look, if you want to drive a Ferrari really fast, you know what you need best? You need really good brakes because if you're going to go fast, you've got to have brakes. So we'll work in some brakes for you inside of you. But I like your initiative and I like the fact that you've got a lot of

energy. But you can't just do whatever you want to do in life. You have to do what I tell you to do. I'm not going to let you run all over the classroom, but here's what I want to work with you on. How can we use your leadership skills so that you can lead by example in my class instead of just following everybody else. See, I actually love the fact that you're not a follower. You're not a joiner in. See, you're a leader, and you're not going to follow what all the other kids, when they do all kinds of dumb things, get in trouble. You don't have to follow them.

I want you to be a leader because you're a born leader, and I can show you how to use those leadership skills in my class so that you lead by example. By the way, I know that you struggle sometimes with getting along with the other kids. Part of that is you're really smart and you're smarter than they are. And so that's why you like talking to adults and older or older people, right? Because you're so smart. And so sometimes you kind of act silly in class and you kind of do things that you think are funny because you want the other kids to like you and laugh and everything. But look, don't bother with that because I don't want the kids, I don't want them just to laugh and like you that way. I want them to respect you.

So I want you to be the leader in my class and I'll help you do that. So look, one final thing, here's your homework this week, Jacob. I want you to really think about this. How does your brain work best? How does it work best when you're doing homework, when you're in my class? Explore that. Experiment with it. Does your brain work best when you're laying down, when you're sitting under a desk, when you're chewing on something, when you're standing at your kitchen counter doing homework, rocking back and forth? Do you do your homework best while outside on a swing, while using a little sensory strip, playing with something, fidgeting with something in your hands? You tell me. You tell me how your brain works, and we'll work on this together,

because you can be wildly successful in class and in my school. Because here's what I know, Jacob. I need your brain. I need your energy. I need your creativity. And I need that leadership in my class. I want you to use all those things in my class because you'll make my class better. You'll make the other students smarter. You'll expose them to new ways of thinking. You'll be a leader in my class. And I believe in you. And Jacob, don't you ever, ever, ever let anybody tell you there's something wrong with you or your brain, because there's not. It's awesome, and I'm glad you're in my class. Look, if we started talking to our kids like that, you know what was beautiful? I'm not denying that the child struggles. I'm not letting him get away with things in my class at all. I'm not making excuses for him. I'm just teaching him how his brain works,

and then I'm challenging him to use that brain in really positive, creative ways to his advantage. And that is a lifelong gift to give to these kids. So how do we do that? Just like this. Share this with teachers and schools. Bring us in to train your teachers and parents. Email my son. It's Casey, C-A-S-E-Y, at CelebrateCalm.com. Casey at CelebrateCalm.com.

Tell him you want us to come in because you know what we can do, which nobody else can do? We can train parents, teachers, and students on the same day. My son Casey teaches kids how to calm down, teaches them how to control their impulses, teaches them how to control their emotions. It's really cool. So on one day, or over the course of a couple days, we can get parents, teachers, and kids all on the same page doing this stuff. So call them, email them. His number is 888-506-1871. If you're a teacher, if you're an administrator, if you're a professor, a professional development coordinator, if you're a school counselor, just contact us.

We'll help you work this out. This is really great training. And we will take you, we will give you teachers and parents will walk away after our training with at least 15 to 20 very, very, very practical strategies that work in classrooms, that work in homes, that work to calm down kids. Just let us know how we can help you. By the way, get the ADHD program. If you have trouble finding it, just email my son, but it's right on our website, celebrate calm.com. Just look for the little tab ADHD. It is awesome. And I want your kids to listen to it so that they know that they have awesome brains. By the way, think about allowing

your kids to listen to this podcast. Cause I don't think I swore or anything. And you can listen to this with them so that they know that they have awesome brains, right? Anyway, love you all. If we can help you in any way, just let us know. Bye-bye.