Calm Parenting Podcast - Teachers: 5 Ways to Help Students with Anxiety, Focus, Social Skills, & Transitions

Episode Date: January 10, 2023

Teachers: 5 Ways to Help Students with Anxiety, Focus, Social Skills, & Transitions Most of us have one or two children who may not listen. Imagine having 20 in your classroom! Kirk gives teachers very practical action steps and scripts to help students who struggle with anxiety, sitting still, social skills, and transitions. Please forward this to your child's teachers. If you want us to train your school's teachers, we can do so online or in person. Email [e-mail] with the word TEACHERS in the subject line. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Calm Parenting Podcast listeners get an exclusive 20% off an IXL membership when you sign up today at ixl.com slash kirk. Visit ixl.com slash kirk to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price. Do you have a child or a student, because we're doing this particular podcast for teachers, child or student who struggles with anxiety? Maybe they don't want to go to school in the morning. Maybe they have a frequent upset stomach, or maybe it's a child who has trouble sitting still all day or focusing, right? And what about the kids who struggle with social skills? Because a lot of strong-willed kids connect better with older people or little kids or animals, but they struggle with kids their own age. Well, that makes school

kind of tough and it makes recess even tougher. You know what else makes recess tough? Your strong-willed kids can't lose well. And so they change the rules of the game. They cheat or they quit and they don't always play well with other kids. So what do you do at recess time so that you're not just managing bites all the time? And then we also have kids, some of us have kids who struggle with transitions. I wanna give you some very practical tools for the classroom in this episode of the Calm Parenting Podcast.

So welcome. This is Kirk Martin, founder of Celebrate Calm. You can find us at celebratecalm.com. So if you're a parent, feel free to share these ideas with teachers or send the podcast to teachers. If you're a teacher, thank you for doing what you do. It is extremely difficult job.

Look, many of the people listening to this podcast maybe have one or two strong-willed children, and we have enough trouble getting our one or two kids to listen to us. You've got like 20 or more kids, and at least five or six, if not 10 of them have trouble listening and focusing. And you've got to corral all of them and get them through an entire day. That's exhausting. And you don't always get a lot of support. So I want to,

if I can provide a little bit of support, we've done teacher training all over the world. We love our teacher training. If you're ever interested in it, we can do it online or we can come visit you in person. We can combine a teacher, professional development training, a parent workshop, and my son also does school assemblies for kids, teaching them how to control their emotions. So we kind of get everybody on the same page. Feel free, whatever you need, reach out to our strong-willed son who really struggled in school. So if you're a teacher, you wouldn't have liked my son. Reach out to him, but he's awesome now. Casey, C-A-S-E-Y at celebratecalm.com. So let's go through these. And I'm going to do this kind of quickly. And I'd ask you, if you struggle with other issues, email us and say, hey, do a

teacher podcast on X topic. And I will try to oblige you. So kids with anxiety, I'll just do this one really quickly. Here is the best thing you can do for a child who struggles with anxiety. If you are a teacher, give that child a very specific job to do. Oh, Jacob, I'm so psyched that you're in my class. Listen, you are really good at doing X. Tomorrow morning, every morning when you come into my classroom, will you help me with X project? Because when he wakes up in the morning,

his first thought isn't like, yay, it's a new school day. I can't wait to go to school and get in trouble all day and not connect with any other kids and fall behind and my parents are going to be upset at me. That's their experience, right? That's just reality. But if their first thought is, hey, Mrs. Henderson needs my help and I'm really good at doing X and she asked me to be her special helper. Now, listen, if it's a 15-year-old, you're not going to ask them to be your special helper. You know the right language to use. But the idea behind this is with kids with anxiety, anxiety is caused by unknowns, things you can't control. And if I'm with a child with anxiety and I wake up in the morning there's so many unknowns of what's going to happen on the bus, right? Am I going to

have a test today? What if the teacher calls on me and I didn't do my homework or I don't do the assignment the right way? And what about I walk into the cafeteria and I sit alone because I don't always have a lot of friends or I turn other kids off. There's a lot of anxiety and there are a lot of reasons why these kids shouldn't rationally want to go to school. But if I know that there's someone there who's giving me a job to do, who believes in me and said, I'm really good at doing X, right?

Like even if I'm not good at sitting still and listening and recalling information for tests and doing assignments, use their gifts and skills. And here's one more, make a positive personal connection, right? I used to tell Casey's teachers because he was really into ice hockey. I was like, if you just ask him how his hockey tournament went after every weekend, you will own him. He will do anything for you because you're taking an active interest in him. What about kids struggling with sitting still? So you've got a kid and he's moving all the time. Look, I learned to observe kids and I can tell pretty quickly if I'm a teacher and I walk into my classroom and there's a child whose leg is bouncing the entire

class, that kid probably needs to move. I don't need a diagnosis. I don't need a diagnosis. I just need to watch their behavior, right? And so what I know is that kid has never stopped moving his leg. He probably needs to move in the middle of class. So usually what happens is little Jacob, we'll call him Jacob or big Jacob, gets up in the middle of the class, just starts walking around the class, talking to people. Jacob, sit. You need to sit down right now, right? And once you go to that negative tone, whether you're a parent or teacher, these kids either shut down or they defy you really badly. And so I want to come up with, so here's an idea that skews to a little bit younger. You can change it for older kids,

but I may pull that child aside at recess or some other time and say, Jacob, I can really use your help. Listen, when I'm teaching in class, my mouth gets really dry and I know you need to move. Look, I acknowledge simple things, facts. You need to move. I didn't put a label on it. I didn't say that it was negative because it's not negative. It's just the way he's made, right? And you need to move during class. So here's what we're gonna do You and I are going to have a secret signal when I glance at you and I either touch my nose like that or pull On my ear whatever it is you want to do. Here's what I want you to do, Jacob You get up out of your seat you come up to my desk

You grab my water bottle you take through the back of the room refill it bring it up sit it down on my desk And then you sit down you're not gonna talk to anybody to anybody. You're not going to distract anybody. You're going to be Mr. Invisible. You up for that? Most little kids love being Mr. Invisible. Don't do it with a middle school kid. He'll get beat up for being Mr. Invisible. So, but here's what happened. So now you're in class. You know, this kid is starting to move and he's getting a little bit antsy after about 13 or 17 minutes. And you give him the secret signal. He comes up, grabs the water bottle, takes it back, refills it, sits on your desk. You get to end that scene with, hey, good job. Thank you. By the way, always, this is for all of you, parents and teachers, praise strong

willed kids very even, matter of fact. Don't make a big deal out of it. Otherwise, they'll reject your praise, and it's too much attention on that. Hey, good job. Thank you. Here's why I like this. Look, you don't have to use that exact thing, but here are the principles. One is this. I gave him a tool. I gave him a tool to help him be successful in class because just saying you need to sit still for 50 minutes in class, it's never happened and it's not going to happen for him. So I gave him a tool and I gave him a specific job within my boundaries. I didn't say, hey, little kid with an ADD brain, if you need to move, just run around the class or go out in the

hall. I didn't say that. I said, after I give you this signal, you're going to come up and do this and that. You're going to refill it and you're going to sit down. I gave him a very, very specific job, very specific job. And our kids tend to be very good at doing specific jobs for other people, not for the parents at home. But they'll do that, especially if they feel helpful. You know why? Because you're creating success. Because you know what I know? If I'm a little kid and I have ADD, or if I'm just one of kid on the spectrum, I'm not always really good at doing these other things, but refilling the water bottle. Oh, I know how to do that. I'll do a good job at that. And it resets me.

I gave that child 23 seconds, because that's all it took, 23 seconds of appropriate movement within my boundaries in the class. I created a success so that the end of that, instead of lecturing about how he needs to stop moving and how he has to sit, sorry, I'm trying to talk too fast, instead of lecturing about how he needs to stop moving and how he has to sit, sorry, I'm trying to talk too fast, instead of sitting still, instead I was able to say, hey, nice job. Thank you. That's really helpful. Then the next week I may say, hey, last week, really great job. This week, I believe you're capable of sitting for 17 minutes or 22 minutes before I need to give the secret signal. I start to teach impulse control with

that. By the way, I love that phrase. I believe you're capable, right? That's awesome. Okay, social skills and recess. We've been through why our kids struggle with that, but here's an idea for you. Again, this skews a little bit younger, but I can skew it older if you need. So I may pull Jacob aside and say, Jacob, listen, I could really use your help. Listen, I've noticed you're really good at drawing and you're really into reptiles. Next week, we're starting a new unit on reptiles. So, I've noticed Jimmy in class also is really good at drawing because I've seen his graffiti in the boy's bathroom and it's really inappropriate, but actually very good. I'm just kidding, right right but I noticed Jimmy's really good at that also so could you guys do me a

favor could you at recess if I brought some poster board out or put it in a room in the corner could you guys draw some reptiles for me because then next week I can hang that on the board and everybody can see that you're great as an artist and that would really help me out a couple things I've done here now I've given them a job to do and I've created a success again instead of, hey, run along and go play well with the other boys. Jacob doesn't know how to do that. And so it always ends up in tears and he's in trouble. And this way I've also paired him with one other child because that really helps. And one of the best ways to build friendships is by working on a project together. And so then next week when I hang those things up,

it also helps with confidence because other kids get to see, hey, Jacob struggles in class a little bit, but man, that kid can draw. And then other kids know, hey, he really likes dinosaurs, I do too. And now you have a potential play date and teachers you could share with a parent of like, hey, Jacob really likes dinosaurs. I do too. And now you have a potential play date and

teachers you could share with a parent of like, hey, Jacob gets along really well with Jimmy. That might be someone you could set up a play date with. By the way, play dates always have to be short because most of our kids are controlling and bossy. So if you just say, hey, go run off and play, your strong-willed child's going to boss around the other kid. So again, at home, I give them projects to work on. And sometimes I give them projects to work on. And sometimes I give them projects to work on with me so I can teach them how to relate socially and build those things. But again, those things, that's all about creating successes.

One more, transitions. So let's say it is after lunchtime or recess, and you haven't done this and the child's like, his face is all red and he's kind of upset or he sat at lunch alone and now he's got to come in and get ready for class, especially maybe in the afternoon, right? Because many of these kids by the time the afternoon comes, they're emotionally worn out. Please realize that for many kids, and this was me, this was me in middle school, I was wiped out. It takes sometimes an enormous amount of emotional and

mental energy to make it through the day. And if you throw in, if kids got dyslexia, then everything he or she does is really, really hard and taxing. So they are often done. That's why parents after school, don't make your first question, hey, how was school today? If your kids don't like school, what are they supposed to say? Yeah, how was school today? If your kids don't like school, what are they supposed to say? Yeah, it was awesome. Nobody sat with me. Nobody played with me. And I got in trouble and got sent to the principal's office and I fell behind and I take too long on tests. So it feels like I'm stupid. That's how school was. So I don't ask that. Definitely don't ask like, do you have any homework? Right? Because a middle school child

is going to be like, no, did it recess? And they just lied to you. Start off with something else. Decompress a little bit. Okay? It's not like when you come home from work, your spouse is always waiting or someone's there like, hey, how was work today? Hey, do you want to get out those papers you need to grade? Why don't we do that right now? And teacher, why don't we, you know, honey, why don't we do, why don't you grade your papers while I stand behind you and ask you if you're done yet? And why is it taking you so long? Right? Like change things up a little bit. So the transition back in is going to sound familiar to you. Jacob, I need your help. When we come back in from cafeteria or back from lunchtime or recess, here's what I need you to do. Picture these three things because research says kids often remember things best when

they visualize and picture it. So one water bottle, three paper towels, front row of desks on my classroom. You know what I want you to do, don't you? You want me to clean the front row of desks? Yep, that would really help me out. So when he comes in, watch it specific. I didn't say just clean the desks because he might use a whole roll of paper towels and I didn't and I made it specific So he's not spraying down other children with the spray bottle, but here's something else that we add to this

He's now spraying down those desks in the classroom Everybody else is coming in his brain is focused on that and now he's wiping down the desk. You know is coming in. His brain is focused on that. And now he's wiping down the desk. You know what we're getting? Sensory pressure. Remember Karate Kid? Wax on, wax off. I'm missing my words here. Sorry for this. I'm really trying to make this fast. Crossing the midline of the body. Cross-brain stimulation. Cross-brain so that we're getting both sides of the brain working together. It's calming for a child and now he's getting some physical pressure on that desk cleaning it and for many of you who are OCD like I am a little bit you know how good that feels when you see something that was

dirty and now it's clean there's a sense of accomplishment a sense of order inside that feels good and again I get to say, hey, nice job. Put the water bottle back. Throw the paper towels away. You're a good helper. So let's try to use those principles. You can use them at home. You can use them in the classroom. If you need help, reach out to Casey, C-A-S-E-Y at CelebrateCalm.com. You can even put in the headline teacher and say, and you can email us with like, hey, can you do a podcast on X topic? Or you can say, hey, can you come to my child's school and train the teachers? And Casey will get back to you very, very quickly and we'll make it work. But if we can help you in any way, please let us know. That's what we're here for. Love you all and talk to you soon. Bye-bye.