Calm Parenting Podcast - THE SMART*** KID WHO CHANGED THE WORLD

Episode Date: August 21, 2018

THE SMART* KID WHO CHANGED THE WORLD** Kirk's never told this story before, partly because it's so personal and emotional, but it's what prompted him to create the ADHD University program a few years ago. I bet you'll see your child in this story. But I'm sure your child doesn't have a smart mouth or big heart for others! Learn how to use 50 different tools to help kids develop confidence, lifelong skills and the ability to advocate for themselves. Get even more practical tools at http://www.celebratecalm.com/bb-adhd If you want your child’s teachers to have this insight, email [e-mail] with the word TEACHERS in the subject line. Tell us the name of your school/church and city. We’ll send a one-page proposal you can forward. It’s easy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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no multiple step protocols, just simple scientifically validated solutions. The secret is One Skin's proprietary OS1 peptide. It's the first ingredient proven to switch off the aging cells that cause lines, wrinkles, and thinning skin. OneSkin is the world's first skin longevity company. By focusing on the cellular aspects of aging, OneSkin keeps your skin looking and acting younger for longer. Get started today with 15% off using code Kirk at OneSkin.co. That's 15% off at OneSkin.co with code K-I-R-K. After you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them. So please support our podcast and tell them we sent you. Hey everyone, this is Kirk Martin, founder of Celebrate Calm, and you can find our stuff on CelebrateCalm.com. I wanted to share a story with you that's deeply, deeply personal to

me. It is from many, many years ago and is very foundational to actually everything we do here. Way back in the day, we started out by working with kids, just these kids with ADD, ADHD, OCD, ODD, anxiety, depression, kids with sensory issues, kids kind of all along this spectrum, Asperger's, autism, and just strong-willed kids, kids who just didn't fit in school, kids who had loved to argue. You know these kids, right? They're your kids. That's why you're listening. So over the course of a decade, we had about 1,500 of these kids actually come into our home so we could work personally with them. And I would also work one-on-one with kids sometimes back in the day. And I remember the day that I met this boy named Tyler. And what really struck me then, and even now I can kind of feel the

emotion in it, was this. Tyler came from a really good home, right? He had no outward signs of real trouble, but he had recently tried to commit suicide. And when I met this kid and I looked at him, it struck me just how much he looks like your child. Like, just like, he looked just like my son Casey at the time in every way and acted like him. And I thought, man, if this can happen to a kid from a good home like Tyler, this could happen to my son. It can happen to your child. And it really kind of shattered me inside. And so I want to recount a conversation that I had with Tyler and provide some different

insights and how you can actually use this and use these insights now in order to make a difference in your child's life and really impact them. So this was foundational to so many things. I mean, Tyler in many ways is responsible for us developing the ADHD University Program, which is probably the most helpful thing we've ever done. It's the most comprehensive program we have. And related to that is a program called Brain Boosters that we have had in schools now for a decade that is just phenomenal. To be honest, I think it's the best teacher training on the planet. Teachers love it.

It's fantastic. And you'll see why because of these insights. So anyway, here's the conversation. I met Tyler and I just sat down with him. I remember I met him in an ice rink actually, because I used to meet kids kind of out in public. I didn't want to have them in some kind of office where they felt like I was just trying to psychoanalyze them, right? It was kind of in a casual setting. And we had both, listen, this is like 12 years ago, and I can remember like it was yesterday. And I remember getting him a slice of pizza, and I got a slice of pizza, just because it's easier to talk, right, while you're eating like that. That's good insight

for you and your kids. Never have tough talks like, come on, you need to sit down. We need to have a talk about your behavior. You're just going to get a defensive response. So we're sitting there and eating pizza. And so I said, hey, Tyler, I've heard you're a pretty amazing artist. He's like, yeah, I'm okay. And I said, so did you get in trouble for doing that in class? And he's like, doing what? I was like, drawing on your arms. Because you look at his arms, they were all inked up, not tattoos, he'd just drawn on them. And he said, well, I guess so. So he said, I bet it helps you stay focused and awake in class. He goes, yeah. And then kind of sat up a little bit, and I could tell he's a little bit intrigued. And I said, Tyler, here's what happens. Your brain starts going to sleep in class.

And to keep it awake, you turn your imagination on, and you need to move your hands. So you begin drawing on your arm, and when you're doing that, I bet you're even listening better. And he's like, well, that's not what my teacher thinks. So I said, have you ever told your teacher that? And he says, no. And I was like, why not? Well, because I never thought of it like that. I just assumed that I was doing something wrong. Oh, and if you want to stop here, we could build a whole podcast about this whole idea. Just think about this. What this. And it was good for him. And there are so many things that your kids do. And I know some of them are irritating, but they're actually really helpful for your kids.

And yet, as a society, we tell them to stop doing it when it's the very thing they need to be doing. By the way, I just read some research on this. It's really fascinating that our kids are really bright. You know what they do? They daydream. Well, we make daydreaming out to be a bad thing, and it's not, because here's what happens. Teachers talking in class, one of our kids, very bright brains, they get things quickly. He's like, got the concept, got it. And you'll hear them even talking to you like that, say, okay, got it, got it, got it, got it, got it. And what do we do as parents? We keep repeating things over and over again and irritates them and makes them angry, but they've got it. So here's what happens in their brains. They've got it now. So they're going to be bored because sometimes teachers,

like my pastor, repeats things again and again and again. And you're like, got the main point, dude. Let's move on. So in order to keep from being bored and the brain shutting down, it switches over into daydream mode and they begin to use their imagination, which, in fact, is a really good thing to do. When I go to church and my pastor's repeating his main points again and again and again, you know what I do? I always have a notepad, so I begin making notes for my next newsletter.

I begin writing out different ideas that I have. Why? Because that keeps my brain awake. And so we've got to start seeing these kids in a different way and learning how their brains work. So back to our story. So he's like, well, I've always assumed I was doing something wrong. And again, meditate on that.

Think about that for a moment. How many of our kids just start to shut down and think they're stupid? I cannot tell you how many kids that I've worked with. I'm sure it is in the thousands who have told me well I just thought I was dumb and I meet adults all the time right young adults who are like well I just thought I was stupid because I didn't get good grades I was like well you were bright enough to do it you just weren't motivated right they were like yeah because later on life I found out that I'm actually really smart but they carry this weight of being less than other people, less confident, like they're stupid. And we've got to change that

stuff. Look, confidence and feeling good about yourself and knowing how your brain works is more important than just about anything they're learning in school, right? It's very difficult to rebuild confidence once it's shot. So you've got to be very proactive with this. So I said, so is that because since you were a little kid, you've always been in trouble? And he's like, pretty much. And I said, Tyler, you've just been misunderstood. And he kind of managed a little smile, but he looked a little awkward, like, who's this guy telling me about my life? And I noticed him rocking back in his chair. And I said, so you get in trouble for that too? And so he kind of smiled sheepishly, and he's like, yeah, drives my father crazy. And I said, and you like the reaction, right? Gets the focus off of you and onto your dad going all freaky,

right? Because he doesn't like you rocking back in the chair. And he just kind of smiled again. And I said, so do you see a common pattern here, Tyler? You sit like that, rocking back in your chair, because it's more interesting. And there's a chance you could fall back and crack your head open, right? And that's why you do things the difficult way,

different than your brother does. Even's why you do things the difficult way, different than your brother does. Even when you know doing it the difficult way may be harder and you may have a more difficult consequence, you do it anyway. And you're not weird at all. And you're not dumb. So don't ever think that. You're just waking your brain up. And then you get into a little fight with your dad, don't you? And I bet you secretly enjoy that. And here's what's happening, Tyler. You've got a really cool brain. All of that creativity, the way that you look at the world differently is a great quality.

It is. Your brain just doesn't get as much blood flow or dopamine as other kids' brains. And all that means is your brain is understimulated. And that's why you're always looking for stimulation to wake your brain up. And you do that by moving, by drawing, by rocking on your chair, by arguing, and by chewing. Because I can see him chewing gum. Yeah, I kind of get that.

So listen, when you go to school Monday, can you talk to your teacher about this? See, we're not making excuses. You're just saying, hey, Mrs. Teacher, here's how my brain works, and I'll learn better if I can chew gum. Maybe if I can stand in the back of the room and doodle on paper. Can we just try it out and see if my grades improve? And Tyler was like, well, I guess I can try it. And I was like, well, do you like losing all your privileges at home? Well, sometimes I don't mind, he said. And I said, you know why? And he goes, nope. And I said, sure you do. So he said, it's a challenge. And then another kind of sheepish little smile comes. I like pushing buttons. And I said, Tyler,

I've got another challenge for you. Listen, it's your life, not mine. If you enjoy being in trouble all the time, fine with me, but I know that's not the real you. So instead of fighting with your parents all the time to get that stimulation, what else could you do instead? And right away comes out with, um, fight with my brother. I was like, okay, funny guy. Listen, okay, we can add that to your list of great qualities, a quick wit, which also tells me you're really bright. So let me guess something about you. And I hope you don't mind because this is personal. And he's like, go ahead. Tyler, I know you have a really good heart. Now, you don't let on, but you're a deep thinker, and you feel stuff deeply. I know it.

So think about this for a few minutes. How do you want to help people? And he thought a little bit, and we talked about how the happiest people in life are people who are using their natural gifts and talents and passions to help others, which, by the way, is the greatest way to stimulate a child's brain. So within 15 minutes, we had come up with a few options to explore with his parents. And you know what happened after that? Tyler worked at an art camp that summer teaching younger kids how to draw. Why? Because he's good with younger kids and he's great with adults.

He's just not that good with kids his own age. Why? Because he's much brighter than them. But emotionally and socially, he's a little bit behind. He's a little bit naive. Right. Even with all that smart mouth, he's kind of naive and he's got this big heart. He struggles to connect with kids his own age, but he's really good with younger kids. So we got him working with younger kids doing something he loves doing. Guess what else he's doing? He started cooking and serving meals at his grandmother's retirement center once a week. And guess what happened? They love him there. All these adults think he's awesome, right? You know what else this kid did? He saved over $2,200 towards his goal. And you know what his goal was? He wanted to grant a wish to a Make-A-Wish child by doing odd jobs. Guess what else he started doing? He started working as a set designer on the drama team at

school. And here's the really cool part, and I'll get even cooler part after that. He started making agreements with his teachers so that he could keep his brain awake in class in ways that didn't distract other students. See, that's awesome, right? See, our kids have to understand how their brains and hearts work so they can advocate for themselves and make positive changes. And we've got to help you as the parent. As the parent, you have to understand these kids. I guarantee your strong-willed child, their number one trigger in life is this, feeling misunderstood. And we do it all the time. We call them lazy and unmotivated, like they don't care if you would just apply yourself. And that's not what's happening. So you've got to understand this. And we've got to get these tools

in the hands of teachers. So the teachers who are overwhelmed with all these kids, so they can understand these kids and actually have practical tools to help them, right? Because they can be very, very successful. It's just that these kids need some tools. And so the end of the story is this. What prompted me telling this is I just heard from Tyler's mom. Guess what just happened back in May? Tyler graduated from school, from college. Guess what he's going to be? He's going to get his master's degree to become a teacher. Why? Because he has a big heart for other kids who feel misunderstood. You know what Tyler's going to be able to do? He's going to get the kids in his class.

You know, the compliant, easy kids, they don't even really need teachers, right? They go to school, they do the right thing all the time, they turn in their homework. It's easy. You know who we need? We need teachers and we need people in there who understand the kids who fall through the cracks, the bright kids who learn differently, the kids with ADD and ADHD and OCD and ODD and Asperger's and autism and anxiety issues. We need people and Tyler's going to be awesome with those kids, right? And so I would encourage you to look in this week's special. We're doing a special on the ADHD university program. It is the most comprehensive program we have ever done. If your child, if you think he might have, look, he doesn't have to have a diagnosis, but if you think he has the traits of ADHD, sometimes you don't need to do testing, you know, because you already know that they struggle with this. What you need are practical tools, and we will give you at least 50 practical tools and another 50 practical insights that will actually make a difference

and help them in school with homework and just understanding them. And what we're doing is we're doing a special on it. We're doing it half price, but we're also giving a free download of the Brain Boosters program for teachers because you can forward that and share that with your child's teacher this school year, and that will help them and make a huge difference. And if you want us to come and train the teachers at your school, our training is phenomenal.

So I just ask you to reach out to my son Casey because he knows all of this this and he was that kid. And so the reason I like you reaching out to my son is because then when you talk to him or email with him, you're going to see, oh, Casey was kind of inspiration for Celebrate Calm and he had all these issues. And now he's like this amazing young man who's great at communicating with people and helping people out. Yeah, you get to talk to him. So you can either email him, KCCASEY at CelebrateCalm.com or call 888-506-1871. He can help you out with the ADHD University program. He can help you out with doing training. If you need help financially with any of our products, He can help you out with doing training. If you need help financially

with any of our products, he can help you out with that. But just remember, as we kind of wrap this up, let's start giving these kids insights into their brains. And by the way, I want your kids to listen to this ADHD University program or just use it as a springboard for discussions because I guarantee they'll be fascinated by the reasons they do all of these different things because it's not an excuse for bad behavior, but they'll start to understand, oh, there's nothing wrong with my brain. My brain just works differently,

so I need to work with my brain so that I can get a lot more done. And it's a really cool process. So thank you for listening. Thank you for being an engaged parent and teacher. And if we can help cool process. So thank you for listening. Thank you for being an engaged parent and teacher. And if we can help you in any way, just let us know.