Can You Don't? | Payment Plan. Van Pee. Rock. Plastic Sword.
00:00Payment Plan. Van P.Rock.Plastic Sword.Hey, fellas.Already gummed grass.What do you need those for?A lot of reading today.A lot of reading today.
00:29Episode 2, 2, 3.We got fucking confessions.And then right after we do all that reading,to take a little load off and sit down on Uncle Zach's lap.I couldn't need it.We got a little lap time on today's show.So that's going to be fun.It's going to be a blast.
00:44Remind her to send in your content.send suggestions to hey guys at can you don't podcast.com.That goes for confessions, goes for petty beefs, all that stuff.We do have some fun news about our honkathon.So over the last, I guess it was, yeah, I was wondering away.Maybe two weeks ago, but we had a listener reach out who's, it all started because we hadmentioned something about pasties.You know, the fucking nipple stickers, the nipping stick.
01:14Yes, sir.know about the nipple stickers the nips sticks dude uh he's like funny story my wife works for himand they're based at a sandpoint we're like what we had that conversation and he goes also by the wayi work at a gun range and it's beautiful sandpoint actually it's ponderay ponderay idaho county it's justone of those where they're yeah it's beautiful this time of year and he works at a gun range andthey rent machine guns yeah in the commentsIt went from nipple stickers to machine guns real quick.As it naturally does.
01:50And we piece it all together, and we have updated the honkathon.I think we should wear...Oh, go ahead.Sorry.Of course we will.I know what you're going to say.Yes, it's going to happen.But now we have teamed up with Shoot North Idaho at 475.
02:08Me, Zach, Brian, are heading up there to shoot some fucking machine guns with Shoot North Idaho.Yeah.And Cody is so pumped.He listens to the show and he tossed us out and had no idea.Or not really that.We'd be like, dude, that's fucking awesome.Let's do it.So you can go check them out, but shoot north.com.
02:28Some of their guns, like, if you've played any Call of Duty game, you know about the PPSH,the fucking great light machine gun.And they have it.They have a belt-fed RPD, MP5, a Thompson, like if you want to be like aTommy gun?Yes!Say hello, my little friend!They got the HK53,
02:52which if you don't know anything about that,it shoots rounds that are for bigger guns,but it's in a small gun,and it fucking rips.Uzi's, I mean, they have all of it,and we're going to go team up with them.Ezra said he's down to come.I said, you can come as long as you wear the hamburger outfit.
03:11He said, I'm in.So we'll see.see how this all plays out, but we're going to do it regardless once we hit that 475.So please help us. And we know we're going to shoot just some fun shit.I mean, we'll just line up what we want to blow up and we're going to shoot at it.Okay? So you know us, if it's going to be a video and we're going to be involved,it's going to create entertainment for you guys. So help us reach this next goal.Head over to patreon.com slash can you don't podcast, figure out which one is right for you.
03:40You ever shot a full-on machine gun before?No, I haven't.You have?Yeah.Then you can't come.AK 47.Yeah.I've shot an AK, but it was not full.
03:51It was semi-auto.Because it had to be state legal, whatever the fuck it was.It was like, you'll be as fast as you can pull it.Semi-auta, man.I want to hold the trigger down.Because those aren't, yeah, those aren't.You can't just have that.But they have them.
04:08How come they get to have them?Class B license.You tell me.Class J.D. license.Yeah.So I can just go get a license.I think it's like $25,000.Oh, that's it?
04:19Yeah.So I can have one.Maybe 50.I'm not sure.Yes, you can.Man.So, I mean, just so pumped about this.And it's that we're not like crazy gun enthusiasts, but we got a little country.
04:31Yeah.Like, it's just fun.And it will make, it will make, have so much fun going up there and doing it.It's going to be a blessed.I, uh.So go show them some love, too, once we hit this goal.I love the idea.Because every time I have.
04:44gone shooting, you're either shooting at claysor you're shooting at cans or something, you know,something's like, you're just like,boom, and then you reset, boom.Just be able to like put some out there and just go,ah!Yeah.That's a whole other level, bro.
05:03We'll come up with all sorts of fun games.So again, patreon.com slash can you know podcast.And we are so happy to be teaming up with Cody and everyone out thereat Shoot North Idaho.Shoot North.Who!Making all our podcast dreams from reality.I know.
05:16That's so good.And then also we have a merch announcementYepHead on over to can you don't podcast.comThat time of the yearHalloween is coming up check this outZach you put it on thereLook at that
05:28So it says can you don'tAnd it has a minivanBrian's driving the minivanI'm not sure whyI'm not sure why you're drivingAnd I'm not maybe I'm drunkWell I don't look like I'mYou look like you've had enough of my business
05:43Another your shit and no hands on the steering wheelYeah because we're like you're justYou're taking a breakThere's dead bodies in the back.I'm in the backseat.I'm clearly going like,I make some jokes.You got a couple of skeletons.
05:56You have a clear Mariners haton the top of your head.So that's you.Unless I stole your hat.I'm not sure.Anyway.So that's available right now.Head on over to can you don't podcast.com.
06:06And check that out.That's Halloween season.Oh, it's very Halloweeny.Should we get this shit rolling?All right.Zach, please.Thanks.Shut up.
06:19Start the show already.Okay.This was sent in by Seth.And I know the second that you say that, you can feel the entire...I'm going to get a strap in for this one.The wind, the nervous energy just rattles the Can You Don't Podcast Studio.But he has that impact on us.It's not his fault.
06:43He's just being him.This one is so ridiculous.What is it?Did you hear the one two weeks ago?Yeah. Have you read the comments about the one two weeks ago?Yeah.Man.Maybe should have just never done it?
07:00But we did.We got to do it.One of my favorite was like, you know that's not funny.And I was like, I'm pretty sure we said that many times.Yeah.It's not, nothing's funny about this.We laid it on pretty thick that it's not funny.We've powered through it.
07:14We're aware that it's like, no one was like, this is so funny.So go ahead and just get that.Oh, I can't wait to talk about this.This is so hilarious.This is so funny, dude.Oh, my God.And you know how funny we think it is that both of us won't mention what it was ever again?We moved past it.
07:32You can go back and figure it.Or don't.Or don't have to.The second you get to, you realize why we never wanted to do it in the first place and why people think we thought it was funny is not beyond me.It's like, did you hear words?Okay, here's Seth.This is also not funny.Would you rather?
07:49Always have to grill dinner next to a homeless shelter, never being able to share.Or, once a month, you go to an adoption clinic, meet a kid, fill out all the paperwork, except for the last part, then look them dead in the eyes and tell them you changed your mind.And it says, sent from, help me, I'm tied up in Joe's closet, and I'm super hungry.There's so many butt plugs.I'm scared.I'm fucking.I love that.Seth also texted us a picture of him giving duck lips with his ass.
08:29Yeah, with this tattoo showing.I knew, I, I mean, he hasn't abused it.Thank God.But I knew, like, we had that string.We're still going to get back into it of just calling people.I was like, this, I really hope it doesn't backfire.And Seth, I don't know we're just fucking duck lips of this can you don't ass tattoo in the mirror.It's like you fucking, yeah.
08:51That sounds like a card in the future.Oh, you want it to be?I think so.We have to, well, Seth's outside our circles.so you have to get his permission.Let us know, Seth.Seth, get a tattoo of you, of your signature on your ass cheek.And that'll make it okay for a card, I think.
09:09That's, I don't know how government works.Let's just forget to care.Yeah, that's good.I like that.We'll just put it out and say sorry later.That's smart.That worked out.You know what I really like about Seth is like, I don't know if he ever would want to do something where he was,
09:24like he created his own thing, like his podcast or whatever that thing is.So I love that he gets to vent it through us.Give us the material so we can get it out there.And so it can be shared because it would be a shame.For these thoughts to just go.To not to not ever come out.For these thoughts to just be a giggle before bed.Yeah.
09:46We just later and go, it's crazy.Yeah.And then forgotten about.He also, if he did start his own podcast,I'm giving him a week.He's going to get canceled.So he's bringing it in.We can filter it through properly.
10:03We have tweak this a little bit.Yeah.So, and you guys have no idea.I love it.The thoughts that he sends in.Like, just keep him coming.Not as bad as two weeks ago thoughts.Eh, some of them are.
10:15But this one's...All right.This one is just, it's sad.And it does remind me, because we did have a would you rather of eating.Remember, you had to eat dinner surrounded by stuff.starving children.Remember that?Would you rather?
10:30That was pretty early on.Because I remember the backdrop was Studio 1.I can see your face right now in us talking about it.And I know what the background looked like.Honestly, this one's kind of a, that one's kind of a mixture of these two in a way.I don't remember the adoption clinic just heading in there and pumping up a kid.Oh, you're perfect.Oh, my God.
10:56We've been looking for a kid like you.you. Let's get you out of here.We have all the PlayStation's. We have all the PlayStation.This place sucks. Tons of money.We couldn't have kids of our own, so we want to spend all our money on you.Like you just whatever you want, whatever you need, you got to, we have a big house, giant, your own bedroom, all the toys you can play with, all the food you can eat.Mm-hmm.What are you doing over this?
11:24What are we listening to?My glasses.What are you throwing your glasses around?I bumped them.Oh, geez.Sorry.It's okay.What was I saying?
11:34Yeah, every possible thing a kid could want.They want to shower.You've already been accepted to Harvard?Yeah.We have a call.Like I said, we can't have kids of our own.We've always wanted to adopt.We've already set your path out.
11:50We have money put away.You can have anything in the world that you want.In fact, you can have.Next week, we're going on vacation.We're going to Disneyland.Fuck.Twice?Mm-hmm.
12:00For a whole week.And Disney World.Yeah.We're going to tease with Disneyland and then go to Disney World.We have a helicopter picking us up from Disneyland to flies to Epcot.Right.This kid's like, yeah.And then you're just like,
12:13never mind.I guess.I don't know.I don't really want to do any of that.I don't care for it.So you're fine in here, right?Just look at him.You're like,
12:24nah, never mind.And it just, oh, my God.Oh, don't even.Give him a reason.Just be like,Yeah,just say you changed your mind.Your mind.
12:31I don't know.I'm a little off the fence about you.Is there a better one?Is there a better,you ask the lady?Is there a better one around here?Has the kids just standing there?What else you got?
12:48Okay,so that,here's the very big distinctionthat I find in this,would you rather,this pleasant,fun to think about,would you rather?
12:58From Seth.always have to grill dinner.So it's every meal is outside of a homeless shelter.Or you just shatter one orphan's dreams.One time.And let them know that like,nothing's going to get worse than this.Nothing can be worse than Brian.
13:19Sitting down in that orphanage.Fuck.And you just pumping him up and being like,never mind, see a nerd.little face pushbreak the pen in half of your kneeplease suckswalk out and wave at him as you're leaving
13:38it won't get worseand then out the windowfuckthe kid's staring at you at the windowas you walk to your carbut this is the rest of your lifeyour family dinners are outside of a homeless shelterif they want it hot
13:49you can go down there and grillrightand then they said you can't shareso even if they beat the shit out of youthe black magicof the would you rather, they don't get any of the food.They try and touch it and just like a sausage sliding away on the sidewalk.Like they can't, you cannot share your food.
14:05I mean, there's tons of, you'll never have to buy foil.Yeah.Because I'm sure they've got foil down at the homeless encampments.That's a pretty deep drug joke for someone who's never done drugs.Yeah.And I'm proud of you for that.Oh, yeah.Are you happy?
14:25That was a good one.Is it?Yeah.Just wrapping your hot dog and some foily foilJust cocaine hot dogIt's got a little patina on it alreadyYeah, just a little heroin sausageOh, ouch
14:42Do you mind if ICan I use that foil when you're done?He goes, I don't think I'm going to have much sayIn what you do with my foil in a secondYou're like, thank youDoing the fetefulExcuse meI'll take that
15:01Oh owHot hotThere's aThere's aI'm gonna get someShit for thisBecause I already haveHmm
15:09SoSoThere's an innocence toThe kid that's in the foster careRightLike they were born into somethingThat theyThey can't help
15:21YeahSo they loved itAnd now they can't do anything about itYeahBut it wasit wasn't their faultthat they're in this fosterright
15:30that's not what their parents saidthe parents probably said this is your faultyeah but the parents had the kidit wasn't the kid's choice to be bornthey didn't want itkids didn't choose to be born they didn't they justthey love sex before being a parentthey're like we're not doing this right now
15:48here you take itagain make ittake itcan I leave this hereI got stuff to doDo you guys have a drop boxI have something to leave hereThey do have a drop box
16:03Yeah and itLike justYou're dropping off a fucking packageThat criesYeahAlso supporting why I didn't want itAlso sorry if you're out there right nowAnd this is really hitting home
16:18OofI didn't mean to say that wordYeahOh hitting homelessSoanyway, my thought here is that let's just say it's not the kid's fault that they're in foster care.So they don't, you know, they're there just surviving.You go down there and you do that and you leave that kid and that's just fucking knowing that you're crushing that kid.
16:41And now I'm going to take it to the other side with the homeless encampment.And this is where I feel like I'm going to get shit, but I'm really, homeless shelter.I'm really trying not to make it sound like it's going to come across.Okay.Is I realizeI realizehomeless people don'tThis is all right
17:02How do I tiptoe?I don't knowHow do I tiptoe around this?Like there areYou want to come whisper it to meAnd I can help you?I'm just going to start saying itI don't know if that's a good idea
17:11TheyHomeless peopleSoThe thing aboutThe thing about homeless peopleIssome of themLike shit happened
17:22RightThis is greatThere are many reasons why someone could be homeless, right?Right.It's not just one.There's decisions were made at some point, maybe mostly on them, but maybe not everything was on them.Right.It's a wide gamut.
17:40But I think a large portion, and from what I can tell is they, like, you can be, ah!Let me just preface this by sayingThere's a gray area to everythingBut if you look at it just from a black and white perspectiveOne was a kid that was born into thatAnd they couldn't help themselvesAnd other choices that led them to where they're atAnd they're adults
18:14And they're adults and things like thatI'm trying to say this in the nicest wayI think you could do.So going and cooking a meal.One's your fault. One's not.Going to cook a meal in front of them is as sad as that would be.I think I could handle that a little bit more knowing that I'm eating in front of people that if they really tried could figure out a way to have a home cooked meal.I feel like if they wanted to turn stuff around.
18:46They have all the skills to better their situation.and sometimes they're just not.Whether it's addiction that has crippled them,an addiction is real,and their body doesn't know what to do about it,and they have to keep doing it,so everything they earn goes to that,and you just hope they find their way out,
19:01but they have the skills to get out.This kid is helpless and just got there,and you pump them fucking up,and then say you changed your mind and walked out.But kids are pretty resilient,and in that situation,they might be like,I guess another shitty thing,
19:19see the sun will come out tomorrow and they might but I'm trying to think of whatwould be hardest because I'm the person I have to do one of those things I'm trying tothink about the one that I could live with the most and leaving that kid that's what theadopted kid's also thinking who can I live with the most yeah but the idea of like now Ihave to go home and get my car and drive home and which one's going to be but once theThe one in done thing has to be a play here.That's true.The one in Don has to be a play.
19:54I keep forgetting about that.You can't ever forget about that.Just go in there, ruin one kid's life.But I would stick with me, dude.Can you imagine like flipping some burgers?And so like, just a homeless person who's sitting there.Could be a kid.And you're just like, hey, you pass me the sauce.
20:13And then it's like, reach over and hand you like the fucking Jimmy's seasoning.you're like, thanks bro.That's gonna help.You're like bouncing it off your elbows.You're doing the salt bay.Give me that plate.He's like,grab a little foily,
20:28wrap it up.Like, all right.Don't touch it.Don't touch my bro.We back.Give it to your own kids.Yeah,and then walk off,
20:35get in your car and drive dinner home to your family.Yeah,they can't eat the food,but they can't punch you.There's that too.I have to fuck that kid's up.I have to fuck that kid's day up.You have to what?
20:47Fuck the kids day up.Oh, his day.And that's where I have to go.I can leave.I can go to an adoption.I know this sounds bad, guys.It's the fun of it.This isn't fun to do.
21:01That's how this show works.I can go to a place like, I go to Virginiaand go to an orphanageand just be a piece of shit real bad.And then I'll go back to Idaho.You're not going to bring that home with you?I don't think.No, not the kid.
21:21Not the kid.But I can, I mean, with the jet lag and stuff, like, I could get over it.Like, you just be able to move on.I would go to sleep and see that kid's face.Forever?But I can't go cook dinner every fucking night outside of a homeless shelter.So the always is a huge one for me.This is going to also sound terrible.
21:41I can go to an orphanage in London.It doesn't matter how far away it is.It should matter.It's still, it's not that it's close to home.It's seeing that kid's face in the disappointment.as you leave the building.You're telling me if you didn't go to the closest orphanage,that wouldn't be more problematic than you go to the furthest one away.
21:59Like you drive by it every day.And the kid's just like...Looking out the window?You know, it's like drawing on...That's why I didn't want you,because you put your fingerprints all over the window.You're nothing.That changed my mind.
22:17I think you've exhausted this.I'm just going to have to be bad.And then the next person, when they get adopted,they'll just be happy they weren't me.And that's great.You'd like, you'd have no idea this other dad.And they're like, that's unbelievable.And they don't know if we're just doing it, would you rather?
22:37Yeah, he's down there cooking burgers in front of the homeless right now.Every day, no way.No way.I mean, it would be an inconvenience to have to go down and cook there in front of every day.I'm just thinking about it from a how could I live with myself standpoint.And I think it'd be easier to cook in front of the homeless people than it would be to leave the foster kid.And that's where I keep going.It's not the inconvenience part.
23:04I know.It's the having to live with it part.Both are so terrible that I'm going with convenience.I actually have some experience with this.Not the rich kid thing, but the cooking for the homeless.I had a buddy that owned downtown winery, very nice winery, put a ton of money into it,created his own wine there, but also did cooking.And it was right across the street from the main one downtown.
23:31Like on Pacific?Yeah.Yeah.And it was a mess, man.And they would have, they'd have barbecues in the back.Most of the time they had flatbread and stuff.But you had that little terrace thing?Was it that building?
23:42Yeah.That has like the terrace apartment, winery on the top top.Yeah.Yeah.It has a huge ballroom upstairs and stuff.Yeah.I remember that.Yeah, we shot a music video in there, blah, blah, blah.
23:50Okay.But outside, they had a patio where they would do barbecues and stuff.You could literally see.I could see over the fence.It's like throwing your onions off the roof.They're like, yeah!Well, I hosted an open mic there for like a year or something.And almost every day there was a piece of poop right on the door.
24:07That's perfect.I was like, well, maybe you don't get a sandwich because you pooped on the door.One piece of poop.Yeah.So I would help the kid out, and I think they'll be all right with the barbecue.you. I think they'll be a rip. Yeah, but you said outside, when I say, or when Seth says,you're saying no fence, huh? You, yeah, you are right there. You're just, you are outside the front door.There's going to be some riffraff. Well, yeah, with your little chef hat on. And you got to do it
24:36every day and your mood's going to fluctuate. Fuck that. That's it. There's no way. Okay,kid, sorry, kid. You'll be fine. I think I'm with Brian. It would hurt me too much to hurt a kid that hard.So you're just going to go get beat up and cook food at every.single fucking day outside of a homeless shelter.You're everyday. Pulling up and parking and pullinglike a Traegerover there and just
24:57getting it going and scraping.Then thinking you're going tocome down and feed the homelessand you're not. And you just, you make oneburger, wrap it up andthen pull it and leave.Throw it back in your Subaru Outbackand peel out.
25:17God,you don't think that's going toon you?Memories fade, man.Whatever.You guys can cook.I'm doing the logical thing here.All right.
25:27Sounds fair.And I'm being a huge asshole once instead of an asshole every day.A small asshole every day.See, like, sure.If I take a lot of the emotional side of it, I think the convenience factor has to take over,kind of like you're doing.And maybe I'm just going to have to disappoint one kid.Yeah.
25:45Because that would be a pain.Every time I've got to cook, you got to go down.Yep.And like, I drive through that area.Every time I leave here and go home, I drive through it.And there are more people out there taking dumps in the sidewalk and leaving shit all over the place.And part of the thing I wanted to say earlier was like sometimes I feel like I want to cook right in front of them.Just because I'm like, you guys are.
26:07Okay.They're destroying downtown.Wow.That's the thing.I can feel bad for homeless people, but I can also be upset that they're trashing downtown.You can both those things can exist in the worldI don't like that homeless people are homelessI feel bad for them
26:25But I also hate that they're destroying the downtownAnd no one wants to go downtown anymoreBecause because it's a fuckingTrash disasterThe shit show down there? Yeah soIt's quite the dilemmaYeah it's great it is a dilemmaOkay so kid kid
26:40No I'm gonna cook in front of the homelessYeah same here terrible same hereWe have to move onZach please let's rollHey.Hey, what's up, babe?What are you thinking about?You know, nothing.
26:53Actually, you know what?I'm thinking about a lot of shit.What are you thinking about?So this is a little bit of a wild situation because we had another, what are you thinking about in the place of this one?And then right before we started the show today, you're like, hey, how much are one of these S&7b microphones?And I was like, ah, it's like 400 bucks, I think.I looked it up.And it was like 437.
27:17So, you know, they've, they've bumped the price up a little bit.And then you do a little scroll and it was like, or you could pay $13 a month for 36 months.13, anything, every dream you've ever had is now is now affordable.You're like, how much is this?Like this house?And you're like, like $6 million or $11 for 28,000 years.And you're like, your grand.kids as grandkids will be paying on this thing.
27:51They just keep shrinking it down.And I know they do that with houses, but they do it to a rate where they at least are makinga bunch of money off of it.But if you take it outside of the giant life purchases, like a car, no one, not manypeople, can afford to just buy a brand new car and just go get it outright or a house.No one's like, you know what?Fuck, yeah, I got an extra half a mill just hanging.it out and just buy it flat out. So there's these big purchases and even phones, which is funny.
28:26But if you start shrinking down the payment plan, like just keep going with it, that's really funny.I mean, from an economic standpoint, a complete disaster, but does not mean that it's not funnyto think about getting a hooker for 36 easy payments of $199.I was just, I was trying to make a layaway pun there.Dude.With a hooker.Yeah, layaway.Play away.
28:57God.Just, like, you get, you get a hand job in Vegas that you're still paying off.Like, you've, you've moved on.You are, you have a few kids.Like, you got this hand job when you were 26 and you're just wrapping up your 23 cents a month.for the next eight-year hand-job payment.Your 40th birthday, you're like, I made my last payment on my hand-job.I paid off that hand job.
29:27And it means nothing.It's 48 cents.And everyone knows how this works.Like, you shrink it depending on the money, right?So you have a year to pay off your $1,500 phone.Because they have to still make some sort of substantial amount of money to know that you're going to one, make the payment.That's a big part of it.That's like when you buy a house, it's why there's so many things that are involved in it with all the credit score checks and the insurance and the mortgage.
29:58They're like, listen, if you can't do this, you know we get your whole family, right?You're like, got it.So they know what they're doing.Plus, they have created the credit score arbitrary made up grading system.This is how much.That no one wanted to be a part of.You just are now.Fuck you.
30:16You are enrolled in this.Like, listen, you do this.And if you don't, guess what?Fuck you.You don't get to buy things.You don't get to buy anything.Do I have to accept their, do I have to enroll in this thing?You're already in it.
30:28No, you just are alive.You were just breathing and we're like, here's your number.By the way, your credit score sucks because you haven't done anything.Because you haven't done anything.Wait, have I missed a payment?Well, you haven't done anything to earn a score.So you got to go buy things and put them away so you can earn a score so you can buy more stuff.And a little side note, the most fucked.
30:48up thing about credit scoresis credit cards. And when youpay them off and close them, it drops.It hurts your credit score?Yeah. It's a great grift.What in the fuck?When we were going to... What are we doing?Dude, we went to... When we were going to buy a house, we went to a couple
31:04classes. It's like buying a house classwhere you learn about it.Timeshare.com.Learn timeshare skills.Avoid timeshare.gov.No, they were like, here's how you get a good credit score and everything.to buy your house, all this kind of shit.And they told us that.
31:21They're like, what they recommend is that you,you should always have like half of it filled or something like that.To have it, like peak score is to have credit.Half your, have, have debt.Like, to have debt is the best way to have a good credit score.And I remember looking at it.And you're like, all right, I'm going to get out of here.Yeah.
31:47So.That's enough.You want me to buy.buy stupid shit that I can't affordto put a payment so I can get a higherscore to buy things I need. That I alsocan't afford? Yeah. You're nailingit. They just like take the
32:00sticker off the new put on your chest.Ficking credit approved.Approved.God. And then there are placeslike you're going to go buy a car and they're going to checkyour credit score and it's highand they're like sweet, you can get a good deal.And then they're like, some guy
32:16goes down there like, ah, you can't go. Go downto bills down there. And they're becauseyou're like, credit score.No problem.No problem.Beep, beep, beep.We don't give a shit.We don't give a shit.
32:29We'll just make the government cover it if you can.Wee.Here's an old Toyota Tersell that might break down on the way out of here.Guess what?Don't matter.But back to like small payments.How crazy of a world would it be if you could do that with like groceries?Like what in the fuck?
32:48you run down for milkyou run down the store for milk because you're makingsomething like ah I forgot the milkit's like do you want to pay for this in whole or do you wantto pay0.12 centsfor four years and they're likethat seems like a no-brainer
33:04I feel like I could affordcan you pay the $499 nowman plus there's a compound interest that they add to all thatwell you want to pay $499 now or$7.68 centsin eight yearsmore like$25, $30 in a year.
33:20Sure. I'd rather pay this $25 in eight years.Just keep pushing.Just pushing that debt down the road.It's a good grift because we want,give me, give me, we want. We need to get.I mean, the car payments, you go buy a car and you're like,should we pay this off in three years? Like, no,give it to me a nine.
33:36And I'll pay an extra 10 grand on this car.Isn't there like 50 year mortgages now or something that they're talking about?Fuck.Something crazy like that. I don't know, but it all makes sense.Whatever it takes to get any sort of money.Pay for your house.times.Yeah.
33:50Dude,I have an Amazon.You'll never own it.I have an Amazon card.Prove it.I think it's got like a $1,000 limit on or something like that.And so when I go on there, if I want to make like a bigger purchase on Amazon, I'll just do the six months defer to whatever and pay monthly things.But it gets to the point where sometimes I'm just like, I bought a, I bought a guitar pedal.
34:13And I think it was like 200 bucks.I'm like, I could spend 200 bucks on this.And it would be.fine.And I'd be like, or I could just put it on there for six months and pay whatever that is.30, 33 bucks a month or whatever for six months.I'm like, why wouldn't I do that?There's no, it was zero interest for six months.
34:31Why pay $200 now?I might as well do that.So I do that shit all the time.As long as you pay it off, you're good.I just have an automatic payment set up to where every, it just pulls the minimum payment out every time.Still paying for that fucking tube, tube.screamer.I don't even use it anymore.
34:52Metal son.Dimebag's still paying on that tube screamer.Hey now.We're not going back to that, are you?Who's paying on Dimebag's tube screamer?That's what I want to know.Because Vinnie took it over and now Vinnie's on.Vinny's out of here.
35:08Someone's paying for that fucking tube screamer.Biggie, biggie, buggy, buggy, buggy, buggy, buggy,uh.Stop it.Okay.Yeah.That's crazy.Just think about that.
35:22But the economy would collapse, but it is, it is fun to think about.No one uses full payment anymore.Nothing.You don't even have the option to pay for, like, a fucking what you might call it?A butterfinger?They're like, no, that'll be two cents for the next 16 years.You're like, okay.I don't go to Mariners games anymore buying tickets.
35:42I just, it would be like four or five hundred bucks.I put it on whatever the payment plan is thing.It's like, I end up paying like $10 in interest over a year.year. Like, I'm just doing that.Mm-hmm. Because I want to do stuffnow. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I get it.We'll worry about it later. Yeah.It's going to, no way that's not going to not
36:01work out.Are you guys ready? Oh, all right.For the golden geese.Brand new golden geese,Jennifer Gatlin.You know, it's funny about that.Oh, I'll keep going.Well, the
36:16Fuck.Jordan Holiday.E.M. 3.Neil Duffey, Matthew Leopard, Jason Clapper,Daniel Acapa,The Sofar King, Stephen Gawapapa Popper,Todd Eaton House.Okay, what were you going to say?
36:36Just Gatlin gun.I was thinking about it, like, if, I wonder if that place has a Gatlin gun.If shoot North Idaho has a Gatlin gun.I just remember in The Last Samurai,That'd be sick.When they'rewhen the samuraicoming up
36:51that hilland they're standing upthere with that gunhe's justjust mowingsamurai down.Mm-hmm.Love you guys.
36:59That's the top tier.Head over to patreon.comslash can you don'tpodcast.ZidenhGet your name mentionedin every episodeas long as you're
37:08a golden gooseand you get a thank you videofrom us.Jennifer,we'll work on you soon.All right,time for confessions.Long time coming.
37:13Zach,let's fucking go.Confessions.UpConfessionsAll right, it's timeYou guys ready?I mean, it's a lot
37:28What are you doing we're gonna?Your momThere's no wayDo you want me to take the first one?Sure.Okay, here we go.Fucking beesThey're all big.
37:37Put my glasses on.Okay, so howdyin my early 20sI was the drummer in a punk band.Fuck yeah, dude.Oh yeah, dude.Was it this one?Nice.
37:51Drummer and a punk band.Ah, yeah!Oh, yeah!And we were on our way to play a music festival in Tennessee.We're at Lou Friesbo.We rode to gigs in our bass player's neon yellow Ford van.Me and a guy, hitching a ride, were in the back row of the seats.At this point, the bass player was very much over my ship.
38:15I mean, there's a lot of context mixing between we guys.got in the van and he already hatesme. Okay, and you're like...Probably from practice. He's like, at this point, he's alreadyover my shit. And mytendency was to sneak beers in the back of the van.Being the rascal I was,we had a 30 rack stashed back
38:33there. Is it a Christian band or something?Me and my back rowbuddy drank the whole caseon the way to the gig.I mean, that is punk rock.The problem was, it was only fourhours away.That's a lot of beer.
38:49Yep.By the second or third time, I asked to pull over to pee.He looked in the back row and saw all of her empty cans, and that was the last straw.Look like that Red Fang video.Mm-hmm.He was a big sum of bitch, and I was a squirly little fella.Definitely didn't want him getting his hands on me.We ran around and around the van playing chicken, but I was too quick for him to catch.
39:12How big is this van?I was whooping and mocking him much to my amusement of the other passengers of the van.he resorted to throwing handfuls of gravel at mewhen I peaked my head around the sides of the vanI was drunkjust hammered off fuckingvan hamsyou get it
39:32that was over and we were back on the roadI asked to pee a couple more timesto which he replied fuck you pissed herselfwe are pulled into the music venueand it is in a big fieldwith hundreds of people out dancing and minglingthe yellow van was quite thesight, not to mention the catalytic converter was cut off, so it was very loud.
39:52Oh, no. He was revving the motor, pulling up, making a scene, and people in the field wereyelling and cheering. Meanwhile, I was about to piss myself. I climbed over all the music equipmentin the back and made my way to the back window of the van. The back window was one that you had tolatch just to crack it open from the bottom. Oh, I see it. The same latch they do to keep the deadbody from Smone. Yeah. So, while this is all going on, I'm laying sideways on. I'm laying sidewayson top of the drums and gear with my little pecker hanging out the crack of the back window getting sweet relief.Well, the road pulling in apparently was quite bumpy in my knee or something must have been resting on the door latch.So we hit a bump and the back door flew open.
40:34I tumbled out, followed by bags and gear landing on top of me in a cloud of dust.The crowd gasped and went silent.I was shirtless, barefoot, and face down under gear possibly dead.Don't know if I got knocked out or whatWith his dick out too, for allBut I burst back to lifeJumping up with the rubbleAnd threw my hands in the air
40:54Pecker out and free to the windThe crowd went nuts and cheersMy glory was short-livedAs I saw the driver doorLarge openAnd I knew I was dead meatI did what I had to doI scurried into the festival
41:08And disappeared into the crowdEnded up passing out somewhere in a fieldThat night avoiding an ass kickingOkay byeSo they never play the showOr what I couldGod.Just had to find a fill in.
41:19Fuckingkids.I don't knowthe guy's namewas like,where the fuck is Bobby?Yeah,where the fuck is he?
41:26He just,oh my God.God,you were,you're whyI don't play music anymore.Yeah,how long were,
41:33how much longer were you in the band?I think he wrote backand said he got kicked out,but the band went onto do some cool stuff.Very punk rock.Very punk rock.Just fucking,
41:44yeah.All right,you want to read the next one?Yeah. Hey, fucknards. Hello.I definitely have to stay anonymous for this one, and this is quite the story, so I'll get right into it.Growing up back in the 90s, I had a buddy who lived two doors down.I've been cool if it was three doors down.Dude, you get it.
42:03And he had a pretty cute sister we would hang out with, too.One day we were all hanging around their house when I noticed her room was a total pigsty,and a pair of lace panties were laying right in front of me.and being a disgusting 12 year old,I jammed them in my pocket for later use.Oh, God.Well, she obviously noticed them missing in the next few days,and Word got around school that someone had taken them.
42:28So trying to deflect and also be funny,I told a bunch of people that one of my best friends, Mark, took them.Well, Mark's family was pretty religious.And Word got back to his parents that he had done this.They pulled him out of school to homeschooling.fucking MarkI didn't see him for quite a few years laterand I ran into him at a bar
42:51we start catching up and he tells me his mom got so distraughtfrom thinking he stole these pantiesthat she literally became an alcoholicand drank herself into liver failureand deathohturns outMark was on the same path because after his mom's
43:10death he'd become a severe alcoholPollock and Pillhead.I felt terrible that I had caused that, but I didn't know him that well anymore.So I didn't know if I should admit to what I did or just let it go.Well, it turns out after reconnecting him, I formed a shitty garage band that has played at bars around town for a decade.He got clean and married, and I ended up being his best man at the wedding.Oh, yeah!I still have never told him, and I don't plan on it.
43:40Does that make me a dick?So, I almost killed two people by stealing some panties when I was 12, and that's why I'm staying anonymous.Thanks, guys.Love the fucking show.Always laughing my ass off.I want to plug the band.Just the little domino effect.I wonder.
44:00Do you guys have the panty jerk off thing?I think you've talked about that.I don't have that.I don't have it.I don't care for it.Because it leads to stuff like this, you know?Yeah.but I've never really been like a
44:12I need to smell what someone's wearingjust like I don't have to jerk off with your fabricI'd rather be inI'd rather just comeI don't have to like fucking wrap my dickin some fongslike yeah it's fucking kind of the same thingwith your butt your pussy
44:30seem like it'd be uncomfortablestart rubbing oryeah that's what they want like that's yourthat's that pusno in a bad wayI get what you're saying but to themit's alike this is a good way. I've never
44:42had that. I know a lot of people have it. It's a very commonfetus. I don't have it. Um,what a fucking disaster.What if the story gets around and this guyfinds out? Then you're fromlisten to the show. Then the band'sbroken up. Yeah. You have to finda new drummer. Oh,
44:58no. God, that spiraledway out of control.Yeah.Surprise you didn't.It didn't getexplained earlier on.And, and I will say,for what it's worth
45:10youthere's no waythat that one thingcaused all thatyeahthere's no wayso if you're playing it offlike you caused all of that
45:21this is your faultthere's no waymom had some shit going onand it wasn't just thongsthat wentor thong that we're missingshe probably hated her life anywaythey were really religious
45:31and maybe like dad wasliving adouble lifelike who knowsa double wifeI hate to makeI know. Don't blame it all on yourself, but I hope your 12 year old you fucking came sofucking hard, dude. Next confession. My ex-husband moved his German Shepherd mixed male dog
45:53out to my mom's larger property. So the dog could have more space. My mom was raisingllamas at this time. As one does. I love the concept of like farm stuff because I knowfarm stuff. I grew up. My grandmahad farm stuff. I'd have to gofucking help with sheep and cows andall the farm stuff.And at the time,just rotating through different things that
46:21you're raising at the time is veryfunny to me. It's like, what do we got this year,Mom? We're doing llamas.So that's funny.Lomas at this time, and we had about 10.Well, the lamas started dying.We thought it was coyotesuntil we saw this dog
46:37chasing one and ripping at its hamstrings.We tried to keep the dog penned, but he would get out and another llama would die.I knew my ex wouldn't give the dog to someone else because we had already talked about it.When the next llama died, I was alone at my mom's.I took my mom's four-wheeler and she had a gun.And I took the dog on one last run to the back of the pasture where I put a bullet in its head.No.I left the body in the back of the pasture.
47:13Put the gun on the four-wheeler and walked awayand waited for my ex to ask about the dog.I said we hadn't seen him latelyand my ex took the four-wheeler to search for the pasture.Well, he found the body,but luckily he thought it was like another rancher or a hunter.That dog had to have been a menace.Like he was just out there biting everyone's llamas.
47:38He was like, do you know what?I don't blame him.Must have been the other ranchers because he kept on killing their cows.I realize how much of a pain in the ass he was.Like, it's a good alibi.Yeah.So I only ever told my mom what happened to the dog.And only because she asked me point blank why there was a round missing from her gun.
48:00Well, I feel better.Thanks for listening to how I killed my first dog.The second one was sadder, but that's a story for another time.Jesus Christ.Christ. And not that, I mean, I don't know if I'm allowed to say this. I think I am. Just, yeah, it's still, this was a girl.Did you guys think it was a boy? No. I know me at any point. I did. Me too. Because it just seems like a dude thing to do.For some reason, I feel like I knew it was a girl. I think, maybe it's just said husband, but. Oh, right. Right.But in my brain, I was like, I think it was like, like, that just seems like a dude that was like, you know what? I know what to do.
48:40you justnopewe're allterriblejust wanted to point that outI don't know why that feltthat was importantit blew my mind
48:50a little bitthat she wasjust all wejust likeyeah you know whatfucking don'tquit killing my mom's llamascome here
48:56powbye byeI mean you'reit's the killingthe one to savemanyscenarioyeah it's my favorite
49:07scenariothe old trolleychoice fuckThat's a good oneGreatLove doing confessionsYou're ready to goLet's keep her going
49:16I love just knowing whatWhat's going on out thereI think this is aIt's a monsterYou can do itYou did so good on the first oneRight out of high schoolI got a girlfriend
49:27During my first semester at universityAnd we were reallyFit togetherYeahNow we were really fit togetherWe really fit togetherNot like they were fitNo just like
49:38The pegThe wholeYeah.It worked.If you know what I mean.Perfect.She had a younger brother, only about a year younger than her.And he would sometimes hang out with us during our nightly drives around the city.
49:51Total fucking cockwalk, dude.Don't you have friends or something?Does your brother have to be here?God.This is hand job time.Your brother's cutting into handjob time.Just having that conversation?Your brother's really cutting into hand stuff.
50:08I see a future with you.I can see you wearing the white dress.I can pick a fence.Pick a fence.Vows, blah, blah, blah.But right now, your younger brother's really cutting into hand job time.She's like, what?You're like, fuck.
50:25We should break up.I'm willing to pay for it over the next three years.But he's got can't be here.I'm a teenager.A hand job goes a long way.Well, yeah.Probably 18 or 19, but you get it.Next.
50:36I mean, when I was 18 or 19, it would love to hand job.We know.One night, we got to,talking about what we could get up to.And he said he had an idea and asked me to pull over.Nice.Hand job.He got out of the car, walked into a nearby open field, and shot himself.
50:55God.He didn't.We buried the body.Behind the pastor.Me and my girlfriend took the four-wheeler back home.And I got a hand job.The end.It was sad, but I was hard.
51:09The end.It took a while for it to go soft, too.No, we walked into a nearby open field and started picking up rocks.A little different.Not really understanding what the fuck he was doing.I just waited.He came back with about six, seven good-sized rocks.Before getting...
51:27Fist size.I love...Fist size.Just the guy, because that's just the way our brains are, like,fuck, that's a good-sized rock.Yeah, that's a good size rock.That's a good-sized rock right there.Whenever you're skipping rocks, you're like, oh, that's a flop.
51:39That's a fuck. Do I throw it or save it?Yeah, I might save this one.For another time.For another time I'm out here, skipping rocks.Before getting into the car, he suddenly turned toward a nearby parked car andchucked one of the rocks through its windshield.That's when I got the gun and shot him.He jumped back, jumped into the backseat, and we sped off into the night.
52:04I was pissed.I yelled at him like he was a child and asked, what the fuck were you thinking?He just smiled and said something to the effect of, well, something to do.I told him to get the rest of the rocks out of my car, so we tossed them out.Great.No more distraction.Later we stopped.Destruction.
52:26Oh.Same concept.Yep.Back to you.Later, we stopped on a back road outside the city.Smoked a little weed.Drink a couple of beers.Yeah.
52:36And hung out for a while before driving around again.Eventually, we were cruising.through some random neighborhoodwhen he said that he had to pissand asked me to pull over.He got out, took a piss, and started walking backtoward the car. Then,another fucking rock!
52:52He launched it atanother park car, this time completelyshattering the passenger side window.Then sprinted to the car, back to thecar we took off. Turns out while wewere hanging out on the dirt road, this littlefucker, it secretly collectedmore rocks!
53:08Without either of us noticing.Oh, sorry.What is that?Oh, my God.What kind of flower is this?It's just got pockets full of rocks of rocks.Except this time, being pretty stone and a little buzzed.Instead of getting pissed, my girlfriend and I were laughing and high-fiving it.
53:26It's amazing what a little substance.Same situation.Different brain.And this is where I become part of the problem.I asked my girlfriend to drive, and we started scoping out neighborhoods.looking for another target.God.Eventually, we found a Dodge Charger.
53:44My turn.I grabbed a large rock, swungback, and threw that fucker directlyinto the driver's window. Completelyshattered it.Unfortunately, this became a regular activity.What are you guys doing tonight?We're doing rocks tonight?
54:02Rocks, windshield.How's the shoulder?Rotator cuff, feeling good?I'm ready. Let's go.At least once a week, we drive throughquiet, isolated neighborhoodsand break people's windshields and windowsfor absolutely no fucking reason.
54:16That's one of those things too,like trying something onceand realizing, oh, that was fun.Mm-hmm.Like, he was,it was so bad before and he tried it onceand was like, hmm.Kind of like drugs probably.
54:29Yeah, well, he's like, oh, that was kind of...That was a good feeling.That was neat.Let's see.Eventually, we started noticingmore and more police carspatrolling these neighborhoods.neighborhoods and got freaked out enough to stop.
54:43So, we changed our method.Mest.Instead of rocks, we started chucking hot dog weaners, cupcakes, twinkies, and whatever the food we could find on on coming cars while driving.Like, how mad can you get if a hot dog gets your window?You're like, I didn't like that.Okay.It gets caught in the wiper.It's like, okay.
55:05Oh, you don't like it?Yeah, I guess you're right.Oh, you got a weaner on your window?Basically anything that would splatter without causing too much damage.Turns out some people get a little upset when a random cupcake gets thrown at their windshield while they're driving.Weird, huh?Because then you try to get it off and it smears.Then you realize you need to do wipers.
55:28We actually got into a few.And then you realize, well, she's driving.You asked your husband to change the windshield wiper.He didn't do it.Now you're chewing him out.And he's like, what the fuck did I do?Exactly.What the fuck do you do?
55:40I just wanted a hand job.And then you get divorced.Mm-hmm.And then you kill your wife because she ruined your life.Mm-hmm.So it's not just rocks.We actually got into a few car chases with people trying to check us down.But fortunately, we never got caught.
55:55Eventually, the girlfriend and I broke up after a year.I matured a little and took a solemn vow to never again fuck with people who are driving.If karma is real, I can safely assume that someday I'm going to walk outside and find my windshield smashed by some punk-ass kid.doing the exact same stupid shit I was doing.And you know what?Fair.That is fair.Well, that's my confession.
56:17Use it or don't.Whatever.Whatever.We don't care.Stupid.It's dumb anywhere.We all have that friend.I did shit like that too.
56:25You guys know about my dryest bombs.Putting them in mailboxes.What are we doing?Like, you just go out, like some dad.Yeah.Just wakes up.It's like going out to see if the new, the newspaper's there.and he's has that yellow mailbox
56:41shattered.The paper's not there because the...And it's full of like a busted open water bottle.He's like, this sucks.And he used to get another one.He was going to try to have a relaxing weekend.He got all of his projects doneand now he's working on a new fucking mailbox.
56:59All right, let's rip through this one.Next one.It was the summer of 1980 in central Wyoming.Beautiful this time of year.That time of year.Shortly after the release of Empire Strikes Back, I was in Kitten Garden and off for the summer, spending my free time in daycare until my folks got off work.It was a warm day, and we were playing outside, and I was playing with a plastic pirate sword.You know the kind that you got at the fair, reenacting some scenes from the aforementioned movie.
57:29I had to pee, so I put my sword in the grass and ran inside.Upon my return, I saw that another kid had picked up my sword and was playing with it.I was, apparently, less than enthused about this, and proceeded to confront the kid,ripped the sword out of his hand, and then beat him mercilessly with that plastic sword.Now, this could have been just a regular playground fight, but let me just throw thiscurveball in there. The kid was in a wheelchair and retarded.It turned out that I may have won the war and got my sword back, but that evening mymom picked me up and I was clearly not happy. When I got home,
58:08when dad got home.When dad got home, he beat the hell out of me with a belt,broke the sword over his knee, and threw it away.Now, I know what some people are going to say.That kind of punishment is terrible, and he should be thrown in jail.Well, number one, this was a different time.And actions of that time shouldn't be judged by the standards of today.Number two, it worked.
58:29I never beat the hell out of a wheelchair-bound retard again.Have a great day, fuckers.Yep.Just wanted the sword back.I love it.I love that.He's like, well, I never did that.It's so specific, too.
58:46Like, a mentally retarded person in a wheelchair is the thing he never beat again.Now I know what to not do again.But only over a sword.Right.He might have done it over something else.Running into him with a wheelchair or something.All right.Next one.
59:00Rip it.This confession is brought to you by depression and a hospital stay in Florida back in 2017.Oh, boy.Well, what a state for depression.Well, to get into the debauchery, all quickly like, I worked as a care nurse in an elderlyliving facility and ended up getting pneumonia three times in a row.My last day in the hospital resulted in being admitted throughout Christmas and New Year's.Maybe the second last day of my stay.
59:28What?Maybe the second last day of my stay.I'm transferred to another room.A big room, might I add.Oh, yeah.I'm actually feeling loads better at this point, but pretty big.bummed about missing out on the Christmas though.Anywho, nighttime rolls around and this old monkey brain thinks, I'm Chad.
59:45I'm going to come about it.What position did you play?Missionary.So I get to work under the sheets.About five minutes into polishing the pearl, an older nurse comes into my room with a disgustedlook on her face and says roughly, just so you know, that box on the wall is a camera.That shows us what's going on in a patient's room in case.uh it falls a false and then she leaves my face turned all shades of red got discharged the next day
01:00:15though tiny win okay bye did but did his did his seaman get discharged eventually no it's a girlpolishing the pearl ah yeah missed that so she's she's just masturbating under the sheets watchingthe ball watching ryan ccris count the ball down and just going and someone walking goes that's afucking camera dude you're just fucking yeah you fuckingOh, girl, I mean, you should be able to hide that a little bit better.Yeah, but, mm.Yeah, he just, mm.She wasn't trying to hide it.
01:00:48Yeah, that's true.There's a camera, you could just do a little sneaky,right, little sneaky rub down there.But she was just like, you know what, I got a big room.We got no family.I get spread out a little bit.I get my tosy-wozy's all spread out and just fucking come.All right, here's our final confession.
01:01:06We'll get off the laugh time.What's up, guys?you can call me Jane.Jane Joe.Jane Joe. I've been listening to you for a long time.Hell yeah, bro.I've always liked your energy, and you always make you laugh.I've been listening to Can You Don't since it was released,
01:01:21and I have been supporting you guys on Patreon for a bit now.Thank you.To get all that damn bonus content.Hell yeah, brother.You guys have kept me afloat with your dad jokes and dick jokesand all other inappropriate jokes,especially the one two weeks ago.I loved it.
01:01:34She didn't write that during some hard time, so thank you for that.But here goes to confession that no one.knows except the other person who was part of it.This is juicy.Don't worry, I didn't commit a crime or kill anyone.Never one.She can skip it.When I was around 15 years old,
01:01:50I didn't know that was going to tie in.I had a boyfriend.I was head over heels for, like a dumb teenage girlwho wasn't getting enough love at home from her parents.I grew up in a very abusive householdand dealt with a lot of dark shit from parents and step parents.So this guy was basically my world,and yeah, my ex took advantage of that.
01:02:08So my parents worked a lot and would leave me an abused, undiagnosed, ADHD, stricken 15-year-old girl,also obsessed with an idiot to watch their two younger brothers, 2 and 11, from 5 p.m. to 11 p.m.on weekdays while they went to a part-time job.I had to watch my brothers, feed them, bathe my 2-year-old brother, clean the house,and make sure that my brothers got to bed every night before they got home or else I got in trouble.I don't want them.If I got to deal with that when I get home, I'll fucking...Of course, with my parents not being around, no cameras around the homes in late 2005,
01:02:44I would allow my boyfriend to sneak over into the house when my parents were gone.One time I locked my brothers on the third floor.Well, I was on the second floor and let my boyfriend in.I snuck him into my parents' bedroom, put on a porn video cassette!Get they had. I knew where their stash was.And tried to give my boyfriend a blowjob.God.Just tried.
01:03:06trying to suck a dickis such a funny time in lifenot doing it tryingwhen you're likebecause you could be likeoh no no like I figured herit's like the first time you're likeno I tried
01:03:17I tried to fingerif you're honestI don't know what I'm doing hereI shouldn't get it as we goI'm just picking upwe're both learning hereI'm just herewe're gonna eventually figure this up
01:03:31what's a labiayeah what's thispage eightI think he was verynauseous or nervous, sorryso it didn't pan out and nothing really happened.That's the worst kind of blow job.I rewind that
01:03:48are rewinded, is that a word?Rewound that VHS tapecarefully and we got out of there.My brothers didn't know that they were locked inso I didn't hear from them but yeah, any minutemy parents could have come back unexpectedly and caught me in the act.This is the shit I was doing. Think about it now makes me sofucking anxious as my parents were
01:04:06extremely abusive towards me.I snuck him in the house a few other times before and after.Sometimes my brothers would knowbut be locked on the third floor.So they just bang on the door.Mostly we would have sex in the living roomand he just fucking leave right after.God, the idea of being at the house
01:04:23knowing that the parents could come home at any timeand kids are banging.Hey! Like that.And he's just like, yeah.You're fucking, let's come.Getting out of here.you're like, sorry about that, kids.I was getting fucked.
01:04:38Not great.So, do not let broken 15-year-olds watch your kiddos.I did some dumb shit as a teenager,and I'm honestly surprised I didn't end up dead or kidnapped.Joe, give your girl all the father-re-love and guidanceso they don't do dumb shit like I did.That's tough, because I did a bunch of dumb shit.And no matter what guidance and abusive is different.
01:05:00So that's, but I could lead the horse to water.You can't make the horse.not suck dick.Or however the saying goes.Something like that. Yeah, I'll try my best.All parents out there, be good to your kids, show them love so they don't waste it onthe idiots while their brains are still developing as they don't yet understand the fullscope of consequences and what real love is.
01:05:22I wonder what that guy's doing now.Probably killing it.That's my confession.I'm doing a lot better now after therapy and medication and getting very far away frommy toxic parental figures.Looking forward to more laughs, seeing the podcast.Gasket bigger and better.I always look forward to Monday afternoons.
01:05:40That's how you know she's part of the gaggles.Yep.I love seeing that email come through telling me a new episode is dropped.Take care, guys.Hugs and tugs.You dweaves!Thank you.All right.
01:05:49We're running long today.We love you.Anonymous.That was a great email.It was.I wish I knew your name because I would like to...I'd like to talk to you about your blowjob technique.Yeah.
01:06:00And if you just worked the tip, as Brian says,it's all you need to do the whole time.All right.Let's do some lap time.Zach, come on!Hey, little chitrons.Why don't you come take a seat on Uncle Zach's lap.Gather around, boys and girls.
01:06:16It's lap time with Uncle Zach.Sit on my lap, you little chits.Okay.Sit in my lap, you little chit.That's fuck.I don't want to.Oh, you have to.I don't want to.
01:06:27Uh, please?No.Okay.Okay.Never mind.I got some fun for you today.Okay.Maybe.
01:06:34What is Brian doing?Just stretching.That's part of it.You guys got to stretch out first.Maybe stretch out your brainy meats.Yeah.Do some Pilates.Yeah.
01:06:46All right.So I got kind of a hodgepodge of shit.We'll see what we get to in this whole mess of stuff.Okay.But it should look at the shorts.Look you can see his underwear underneath it almost.Whoa.I don't have underwear.
01:06:55Oh, all right.That's just the pattern of your butt.It's just the pattern of your butt.Is that a John Mayer's song?Yes.Yes, it is.All right.So these are, it's a quiz, basically, to start with.
01:07:10Oh.And for this to, basically, what does VIP mean?VIP.Very important person.Very good.Very important.What is setting a tone with an easy one?An easy one.
01:07:19What's RIP stand for?Rest in peace.Fuck.Rip my piss.You're going to destroy this.Okay.All right.But here's one that you might not know.
01:07:26But these are all things that we use throughout the day.Okay.Wi-Fi.Oof.Oh, you use it constantly.I know.Wireless?Mm-hmm.
01:07:36I've known this at one point.Does FI stand for like frequency?But wireless frequency be weird.No, there's not a lot of eyes in there.Wireless.Figures.Close.What?
01:07:52It's close.Figures.Wireless.Fingers.Should we do a little time limit?Four night.Wireless.Wireless fidelity.
01:08:02That's right.Now we learned.All right.How about this one?We use it all.the time. Atm.No. I know what it is.You do?
01:08:11Brian. I don't remember. Can you remember harder?No. Automated.That's right. Teller.You're correct. Machine.Nicely done. Maybe we should do a point scale.ATM machine.ATM machine.You guys know what to mouth.
01:08:24You guys know what is CEO. CEO. Chief Executive Officer.Officer.All right. Here's a difficult one.Oh.AM.AM.Oh.AM.
01:08:37Oh, I knew this at one point.I've looked it up a million times.You can add this to your knowledge base and forget it later.Yeah, I'll do that again.AM.It's Greek.Alpha.No.
01:08:50Latin, probably.Latin is what I meant.Amargus Morphus.Close enough.Margus Marius.It's anti-meridium.Oh, that's it.And pro-meridium.
01:09:00Post-Miridium.It's before and post is after.And meridian means middle of the day.somethingThe median, the meridian.Yeah, there you go.Yeah, it would be post and create now.How about QR code?
01:09:15Use them all the time.Fuck.It's a tough and quick.Quick.Quick.I got it.Quick.Mm-hmm.
01:09:23R.Recognition.Reader.Quick reader.Close.Quick.Roger.It actually doesn't kind of fit.
01:09:30Reader would be better.Yeah.Go ahead.Response.That's not even.That's stupid.Response code.It is stupid.
01:09:37A lot of these are stupid.Quick response?Yeah.That sounds like something that you would use in 911.Yeah.All right.What is your pin number?What does that mean?
01:09:46Oh, I know.Personal identification number.Nailed it.How about IQ?Intellectual quality.Quantum.Negative on both words.No.
01:09:58What?Ignition.That sucks to not know what IQ means.when you have to have an IQ score.That's why I thought these would be helpful.I think mine's like medium.Independent 120 or something.That's not medium.
01:10:13That's pretty high.That sucks, though.I don't know what IQ stands for it to be good with.Intelligence quotient.I don't only care for it.Only people with high IQ is like the word quotient, I guess.What a stupid name?No, one do they just call it IQ?
01:10:291.30.I'm trying to think of the last IQ test.I'm never doing.Man, let's do it.I don't know how.That's the next.Patreon goal, dude.You take it while you're shooting the machine gun?
01:10:39It goes up.All right.You hear about all the time, a PhD.Yep.What is it?Something document?No.It is not that.
01:10:56Doctrine.No?Delivery.It's not delivery.It's de journo.Something.The H is lowercase.It is.
01:11:05Which means that it probably belongs to the first word.physical.That's not bad.Practice.Joe, you're working it out, buddy.It's not practice, though.It's also not polygamy.Doctor of philosophy is what a PhD stands for.
01:11:23Oh, it's just backwards.Yeah, exactly.So, yeah, doctor.Uh, yeah.Because people would be like, why is it pH?Physiological doctor.Philosophical.It's how that's a new dinosaur.
01:11:36That's a lot of stuff.The falafidocytol.Flophelocytocytoc.Back to you.Back to me.I found the bones of a flophonocytoceros.Oh, fucking doctofidyl.Incorrect.
01:11:49PDF.We use them all the time.Less and less.I know this one.Do you think it's photo?God.Can you help you now?Something document file.
01:12:07Actually, one of those words is right.Oh, probably documents.No file.Document.A photon.A penis.Hold on.Pokede.
01:12:21Pedestrian.Pedestrian document flock.Pinesdick.Fong.What is it?Petus dick flong.Portable document format.Just off a little bit.
01:12:33Why are they naming it this?That makes sense.Yeah.Okay.How about this one?We all have...They're all poured them a duck.Do you remember SIM cards?
01:12:41Yeah.Simulated.What does Sim mean?It means, obviously...This one's very hard.Systematic?Nope.That's S-I-S.
01:12:55Sim...I don't even know if this works for SIM card.It's just Sim, Sim, Sim.So, but yeah.Can you say simulation?No.It's subscriber identity module.None of those words were getting...
01:13:08guest today. That guy never got laid.I'm the guy that came up with the SIM card.The SIM card. No, the guy that got laid was the guy thatstarted calling it a SIM card. They started selling it.Did you bring your Somatural Hothel module? I'm going to callit SIM card and I'm going to get so much push.Listen, if you say that one more time, you're never coming over again.It's a smocketlocket of a module. Back to you.
01:13:32How about we doing these one? WWW.No. World Wide Web. Wide Wape.How about GPS?GPS.Global positioning system.Nailed it.All right.How about VPN?
01:13:44Virtual.Yes.Virtual position.No.Mm-hmm.VPN.Network.Yep.
01:13:53Virtual.Something network.Portal.Almost.Popsicle.It's not virtual positional.It's what you might call your penis area.Your private.
01:14:03Yes.Virtual private networks.Yes.How about?virtual penis.All right.I have a few more of these.These are things that we use.
01:14:12How about a USB?Oh, universal.Universal standard.Standard business.Universal.Simulated.Simulated module.Biscuit.
01:14:27You ready to give up?Universal system biscuit.I'm glad you didn't give up.What is it?I want it to be that very much.Totally salty biscuit.Universal serial bus.Very fun, isn't it?
01:14:42How about LED?Those are everywhere.It seems like you could.I've looked this one up too.You have.It is not what you think it is.It is not.Not even close.
01:14:49It is a very difficult word for D.Yeah.Liquid is not correct.Light.Light is correct.Yeah.Duh.Light and emulated.
01:15:01Ooh.That's a good one.What does light do out of the light?Emits.Emits.There you go.L.E.What is the D?
01:15:07Light emits direction.This one's going to be hard.It's going to be dimension.It's going to be...Think about the technology of a light.Doctrine.What's inside a light?Photon.
01:15:19Oh, diode.Diode is right.Light emitting diode is LED.What a stupid fucking name.I've already forgot what IQ stands for.Intelligence quotient.Intelligence quotient diode.All right.
01:15:30Universal salty biscuit.I think we'll do one more here.And it's LCD.Liquid.Liquid is correct.C.Crystal.Liquid crystal.
01:15:40It's direct.Display.You guys fucking nailed it.No.We nailed that one.Yeah.Yeah.There was a couple more.
01:15:47The percentage is probably pretty low as nailing it, whatnot.I'd go 35%.All right.I've got a couple weird things here for you.Biscuit.I don't know how much longer we have.Universal salty biscuit.So these are like terrifying, terrifying glitches in your daily perception.
01:16:03That's scary.That's the name of it.But one is the return trip effect.the drive home always feels much faster than the drive there because your brain stops processing familiar scenery and goes on autopilot.I've always thought that.Unless you're driving at 3.30 a.m. and you are sleeping the whole drive to work.Then you're tripping.Yeah, then you just wake up at work.
01:16:24And you're like, how did I get there?How did I get here?This is not my beautiful house.This is not my beautiful wife.This is not my beautiful wife.Do you have one of those, Zach, where you're like, remember when you're driving and you all of a sudden you get to your location?you're like, oh, how did I not get in an accident?Because you feel like you weren't paying attention.
01:16:39I looked it up one time and they call it automaticity, where you do something without thinking about it.Now they should abbreviate that too.Yeah, automobisket.Auto biscuit.Auto trade.All right, there's a couple more of these.These are kind of weird.Get in the zone.
01:16:54Auto zone.You guys have heard of deja vu.There's apparently...It's a great strip club.A creepy opposite.It is a great strip club in 1997.Yeah, you should be here.To church now or rescue.
01:17:04It's a breastcue?Oh my God.They should totally call it like a placeyou go get your tits redone called a breastkew.Back to you.Okay.So I'm probably going to pronounce this poorlyso one of the people that knows this word
01:17:18can call me an asshole in the comments.I believe it's Jameas Voo.So it's J-A-M-A-S-Vu.And this is the creepy opposite of Dejavu.Looking at a simple word you know perfectly like doorand suddenly it looks completely alien and spelled wrong.Oh my God.That happens to me all the time.
01:17:36Welcome to every morning of my life.Right.Like, to he.It's awful.Sometimes it's with it when you hear a word.If you hear a word, you're like, you say here it a few times, you're like, that's not, that's not real.It's, like, it's a common word, but you're like, that, why is it?That's not it.
01:17:52Yeah.Yeah, I do that almost every morning doing the news.I'm mad at my brain for that because it's, but at least we're all in this together.It seems like a lot of people go through that.I'm going to skip a couple, but here's one called the Troxler effect.And this is weird.I looked at online the other day and they had this effect in something else.I'll tell you about it after this.
01:18:09If you stare directly into a mirror in a dim light for 10 minutes,your brain gets bored and your face will literally distort into a monster.Try it at home.Try it with your kids.But there's actually a little thing I was just going through my algorithm.Can you kill your kids because you think it's a monster?No, you mean Candyman?Don't say it thrice.
01:18:30Candy man.The candy man.Don't say it.he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good.Thrice.And the world tastes good.Thrice.Because the candy man thinks it.
01:18:41Well, there's this little thing that goes around online.It's basically a stare at a little X and it has two pictures of celebrities on the right.Oh, yeah.That's a crazy one.Isn't that crazy?Because it works.Fucking nuts.And so people, if you don't know what we're talking about, the faces, if you stare at the little X through your peripheral vision,
01:18:58all of the faces are people you'd recognize, like Tom Cruise or whatever, but it will literallydistort them into monstrous, goofy-looking pictures. And you can look right at it again,and it's normal. Your brain just fills shit in. Hey, you guys. That's when I, I remember,I mean, drugs, that's probably what drugs do. Like, I remember when I was on that ediblefor the first time, and I was, I had so much, and it was like way too far. And we're sittingat that restaurant. I was all scared. And I could see out of the corner of my eyes, someone'ssitting at the table. And in my brain, they were like this. They were.were looking at me at the table and going,
01:19:34eh,what are you?And then I was like,I was scared to look over.I looked over there and she was just like,mm-hmm,like talking at the personthat she was eating with and just kind of like,
01:19:43mm-hmm,having a conversation.You weren't even there.But in my brain,she was looking at me and going like,what are you doing?Yeah,you should,
01:19:50you should try acid.Oh, yeah.You should give it a right.I just told you how that was terrifying and scary.So you should try it mescaline then.Yeah.Good stuff.Okay,
01:20:00how about last one?You guys ready for a last one?I'm ready for the last one.Okay, this one is called, if I can read it, memory reconsolidation.Oh, MR.Yeah, MR.And so every time you remember a childhood event, you rewrite it.So your memories are mostly fiction created by your current emotions.
01:20:17Every time you use a new little neuron pathway, you fuck up the old one.And we kind of touched on that.Yeah, that little, when I came out the door and I was running around in a circle and my little jump, my jumps.It's the same vision every time.It's the same thing we talked about.Yeah, the childhood memory is like, I don't.don't know if this actually happened and I'm remembering it or it's a picture that I remember.That's what's crazy about our fucking brains.
01:20:38They are not our friends all the time.And that's why it's just not nice.That's why we can't trust people in court because they don't know the color of the car eventhough they're sure they do.Yeah.Yeah.Anyway, they remembered it too many times.And they're also influenced by things too.
01:20:54It changes their thoughts.Right.Well, thanks for indulging me on my lap.Get the fuck off of it.fun. Get off my lap. We're going todo it. All right, we're going to scramble over tofinish out this show.Zach, fuck yeah, dude. Let's go.
01:21:10So you're telling methere's a chance.Hooray, we aren't doomed.Yeah!All right, here we go.So this is a little oldat the time that this episode's coming out because it'shappening now or it's happened a couple
01:21:23days ago. But you've guys heardabout the whole Ed Shear and Maclemoreconcert thing. Yep.Free Palestine. And this isn't, it's to beclear here. This is not mesaying one or the other.There's nothing to do with that. It has to dowith McLemore being an artist
01:21:39and has something to say aboutPalestine on stage.And it wasn't Ed Sheeran.It was somemotherfucker. What was it? The guy from the NFLthat like chimed in andsaid, hey, you can't, you can't say stuff like that?It's Kraft, the owner of the day of the Patriots.
01:21:55Robert Kraft chimed in and basicallysaid you have to kick him off the fucking tourfor what he said. And he's, they're like,Okay.So they made him go.And then everyone else was like, wait, so now you just can't say stuff?So then everyone else took off too.Even Ed Shearons' band was like, we're not doing this.
01:22:14And he's just so now it's just Ed.He's just like, it's him and a stool and his guitar.You feel like a legs in here.And your legs don't work like I used to before.Just him by himself saying him.He'd be like, well, fuck, I'll just take all the money then.Sure.And that'd be great.
01:22:31But what I'm saying, like, we're not doomed is the fact that we didn't let some dude with billions of dollars to be like, you can't do that.And then everyone else was like, you're right.He cannot do that.And then all the artists, Lucas Graham was one of them.I have a weird tie.I don't know Lucas personally, but one of my really good friends, the singer from my first high school band, like recorded Lucas Graham and has multiple platinum records because he was his producer.I. So Lucas Graham was one of them and he was like, yeah, nothing against the Ed, but you can't just listen to this fucking guy. So he left. He's like, I come from a country where this is bullshit. Like, we know what this is like. And just because McElmore said this, you don't just kick him off. Like, it's fucking, nothing was wrong. No one was mad at the time that it happened. It was just a billionaire was like, I don't like it. Oh, my God. I don't care for it. You got to kick him off.And then I love that, like, he took all of the money he made from that tour and gave it back to Palestine.
01:23:35Macklemore did.So I'm just saying.And again, it has nothing.I'm not picking a right or a wrong.I'm just saying you get to just say shit.You get to say what you believe in.That's how this country works.And you get to reap the whirlwind of what you said.
01:23:51Sure.That's fine.But having billionaire fucking do it, it just sucks so much to know that money.Can control what anybody can do?Did Robert Kraft have something to do with the tour?He said you can't.He owns some of the stadiums.Yeah, he owns some of the stadiums there performing in.
01:24:06At least one of them, yeah.He's like, you can't just say that you got to kick him off.I don't care for it.Imagine being vat of an old fart too.Or a rap guy says something you don't like and you're like,I'm going to take him down.You're not taking down Macklemore?Do you know how much more popular you just made him?
01:24:25I feel bad for Ed Shearing, though, too.It's just so bad.My whole bandHe's the most likeDossile just likeHe's just a red-headedguy that makes beggarsYeah
01:24:36And he said it wasn't himHe said like his promotersAre the ones that made the callThe internet doesn't careLike Ed's not walking aroundBeing like approving all of the calls from the tourLike he's just showing upHe's the talent
01:24:49The unfortunate thing about when you get to a certain levelIs that it's not about you anymoreIt's aboutIt's about the arenaIt's aboutInvestors. It's a whole fucking thing. It's about people that if you cancel a show,these people that took time off work, bought plane tickets to go.Like Morgan Wall and canceling a concert, it's just not Morgan Wall and being like,
01:25:11I don't feel like doing it. It's a whole organization.It's like you're a corporation. It's not just one guy.And my take on it, and we have to move on, is just saying stuff.It's not like Maclemore got his dick out on stage or threw a chair into the crowd.like that's like hey you can't do thatand then no otherif you did that no other artist would have been likeoh now you can't throw chairs at people
01:25:35it was because he was just saying stuffand that should always be finejust saying stuff and it wasn'tand everyone's like I don't like itso I liked that everyone teamed upbit the bulletluckily they're all financially in a spot where they can just be likewe don't need this million must be nice
01:25:53most of them probably yeahmust be nice the bass playerthe last band's like, come on, guys.I just got finally hired to go on tour.And I'm sure they would have paid them like that.Whatever.Those guys, if you're willing to do that,you're willing to take care of your own, right?
01:26:07Like the people in your circle,in your monkey sphere.But anyway, just thought that was really cool.All right, let's move off to the next thing.Something I found on the internet.You guys ready for something?Okay.AI maybe shouldn't be?
01:26:19Let's go, Zach.The internet is pretty wild.Depending on your browsing habits,You can either experience something super cool or go to prison.Crazy, right?Let's check it out.Together, as a couple.Hey, look what I found.
01:26:37Yes, that's awesome.Every now and again, I found myself fantasizing about being in a club.That comes on.I like those dance moves that they didn't get to see.No one should ever see that.It's closer.But just those.just but it's a run down dance club
01:26:58it's got the old bowling alley floorwhere it's just shapesand squigglesand justand all the shirts match the carpetfuck dudethis is sickso Dyson
01:27:14if you guys happen to have an extra 500 bucks laying aroundthey have a new camera toothbrushthat's so advancedthey had to redesignedtoothpaste just to use itWait till you see this.They feel pretty confident about it, I guess.It's a good idea.
01:27:35It didn't need this much of a hype video, but here you go.A toothbrush that didn't start as one.Where did it start?As a vibrator.Brushing?White claw?A jet.Hold on.
01:27:46Did you just say white claw?I said butt plug.Oh.But plug.I thought he just went, white claw.I was like, whoa.Okay, you said butt plug.Yeah.
01:27:55Yeah, I'll have a dice.A butt plug.Brush your call.The jet worked.Great.We don't need all this.We need to be better.Watch.
01:28:03Smaller.Smaller.One millimeter to be precise.But it needed to film whilst vibrating.So, we up the camera frame rate.More frames?28 frames.Added an LED strobe light until shaky became steady.
01:28:16I'm gonna need to put this on payments, I think.I know. Watch.What if the camera misses a gap, we thought.We rethought.We rethought, created a machine learning algorithm that thought for us.One developed a little bit of us.images of the mouth. More images, over 470,000 images, so it could see, predict, andautomatically recognize the gaps to clean. That was something to smile about. But what about
01:28:39behind the smile? We went deeper, studied plaque, grew our own plaque. Keep your enemies close,right? We made mouthwash and toothpaste at the same time. Now there was an idea. Why notmouth, at the same time you floss and brush? We did, using the exact recommended amount,dispensed by the brush.By then, we had a total oral care system and tooth brush.We forgot to talk about the brush.Oscillations.Variable oscillations.
01:29:08Anti-stalling.Better motor.A sonic motor.More oscillations.58,000 a minute.Then...We stopped.We had a toothbrush.
01:29:23Kind of.It felt wrong calling it.I love that it's not AI.This is actually hard work.Dyson Camergett.Ooh, that was cool.So cool.So it flosses your fucking teeth.
01:29:36Knows exactly when you're brushing them to shoot the mouthwash through the tooth.He was quick, though.See how quick he was?Never mind.Never mind.You clearly don't care.The phone did it.I didn't do it.
01:29:55Listen, I'm listening.Are you, though?The phone did it. I didn't do anything.Hurry up. It's going to go off again in five minutes.Tell me what you're trying to tell me.It doesn't matter.That's just a toothbrush.Zach, let's get up to a hey, guys.
01:30:13I don't think it's just a toothbrush.Zach, just play the next thing.All right, let's hear what you guys think.Really? You want to talk to me?Wow, that's cool.All right, you want to read the email or?Or you got stuff to do?Are you still here?
01:30:32I'm like he's talking to myself.His first email.coming in from our filmmaker son, Zach.I don't care.I don't care who's that in him.Hey guys, I'll recently start listening to the podcastand I'm still catching up from the start.Okay.
01:30:54Love it so far, so keep it up, by the way.Thank you.Don't tell me what to do.What if I want to quit?I want to keep it down.Anyways, I just read this.I just listened to episode 33.We're at the end of you guys discuss
01:31:08how ridiculous it would be to see.Batman doing crime fighting activities during the daytime.It's, I love it. I love when a listener goes back through.And he's like, you guys were talking about this and you're like, that's right.We did talk about that.I have a friend that's currently going back listening to the show.He just started it.And he'll send me a text and be like, you were right.
01:31:27I don't know what Amber was talking about with the calendar thing.And I was like, it was so out of the boom.Like, wait, what?Do you think I just sit around and know this?Yeah.That was like the first or second episode.So that was four and a half of years.ago. So I actually do, I actually do remember that episode though. Yeah, but it caught me off the guard. I was like, what? Yeah, I don't remember it unless you tell me to remember it. Well, I just so happen to make two short movies that represent the ridiculousness of such a scenario, as well as portraying a Batman as an idiot in general, shameless plug. They're up to, they're up to, they're up on YouTube if you want to take a gander. They're titled Zachman, Cox Rising and two Zach and two man, two Zach two man, if you're curious. Yeah, fascinating.
01:32:09curious. Also, I'm currently going to schoolto be a geologist. I thought it saidgynecologist at first. My eyes wantedit to be. It's like, what? You're reading lips?And when I'm outin the field, looking at rocks, I swearfingers, gloves. I wear fingers glovesconstantly. They serve the
01:32:25function of allowing me to touch and feelthe textures of various rocks.I may want to examine, as well asprotecting my delicate, fairhand skin from the sun, sothat I don't develop sunburns or melanoma.That's interesting.which apparently affects geologists.
01:32:42Thanks for the tip.Particularly in their hands quite often,as they will forget to put sunscreen there.On that note, thanks for the amazing podcast,and I can't wait to catch up with the current episodesin the next year or so.Thank you, your badass gloved geologist, dynamite crime fighters.Daytime.
01:33:01Day man.Fider!Zachman Cox.P.S.feel free to read on the pod.obvi.And both of you are,excuse me, whoa.
01:33:14Both of us.Both of us did watchhis videos.Pretty funny.Good job, Zach.It is very funny.And I know that you're goinglike that low budget,
01:33:23make it work vibe,where it's just you guys,it's you and your friendsand you have an ideaand you have a cameraand you just go do it.That's the best.Like we don't,
01:33:33well, we don't have any blood.And it's like,well,then just fucking throw red paper out.And there's,there's no expectation.expectations. He's just doing it for fun.Yeah, it's so good.
01:33:42Again, that's Zach,Zachman, Cox Rising, and2 Zach too man. Go look them up on YouTube.Yeah, go check it out.Love you, Zachie Poo.Not you. I know.Yeah, you shut your mouth. I'm trying.That's it. That's it.
01:33:54Have you something when you see on the show? Email it in toHey, guys at can you know podcast.com.Remind her that theHawkathon is on.He just added. Just updated theHonkathon. We want to go shoot some fuckingmachine guns.Blow some shit up.
01:34:11Head on over there.Patreon.com slash can you don't podcast.Rate and review us.Wherever you listen to your podcast.Thanks, Uncle Zach.You're welcome.Hello.Scatcast, scatcast.com.
01:34:24Yeah, we're back to doing stuff a lot now.Good.Yeah.After you almost died.I'm feeling about 100%.I feel great.Almost a hundie.Yeah.
01:34:33Must be nice.Feels good.Yeah.And thanks to the babysitters that moderate the can you don't playground onFacebook. If you're not in there and youwant to be a... Never mind.Just play the next thing, Zach.Good God. Wrap it up already,
01:34:50huh?You got a joke for you, Joe.Hey, Zach, what did one flysay to the other? Uh, what?Hey, is this stooltaken? Oh!Oh, yeah!Because of poop?
01:35:14Yeah, because of poop. It's poop. It's poop, yeah.Poop.Flies like poop.flies. Yeah, that's why it's funny.The math there makes sense. Yeah, that's the thing.Somehow we got the show back on track, andit's still longer than normal,but it could have strayed off the tracks pretty far.
01:35:30It could have been tomorrow.Well, we rained her in.Rained it in, got it done.Head up to the bonuscontent. If you support us on Patreon, that's howyou get to listen. And alsohow you get to watch a shoot machine guns.Just consider it. It's a cup of coffee
01:35:47a month.But you support our hopes and dreamsYou have it a dayYeahThis is just one a monthOne a monthThat's itJust have one less cup of coffee
01:35:55In the armsOf an angelWe should make a pageForYeahFor three cents a dayYeahYou can help Brian read
01:36:04Uh huhWe're shooting fucking machine gunsBecause three cents a dayWhy are the words so generallyYou can help these two dipsShoot machine gunsAll rightOff to the bonus content
01:36:15Love guysBye
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