Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Payphone. Sex Dream. Nut. Glass Bong.

Episode Date: January 22, 2025

We learn a new life lesson today everyone! If you have a severe nut allergy, don't let someone nut inside you because if that someone ate nuts, that nut contain nuts. That's nuts! Let's talk about that, a payphone that only plays fucking bird sounds, having someone drink whiskey off your knockers then piss their bed, telling your boss you had sex with them in your dream last night, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/YR-Z_OBSAzwSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Zach's been awake all night and all day. He's hanging in there. Good job, Zach. A lot of content. Yeah. A lot of content this week. Uncles are better. A lot of commie content.

There was some even, yeah. Uncles are better when they're a little sleepy. Oh, yeah. All the good stuff comes out. I'm tired, Unky. Don't tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead was badass, by the way. Loved that movie. Episode 136 of Can You Don't?

Thank you, everybody, for supporting the show thus far. And if you want to go that extra mile, support us on Patreon. We reward you for that, by the way. You get bonus content, early releases, ad-free episodes, and just pick whatever tier is right for you. Head over to patreon.com slash canyoudon'tpodcast. Just a reminder, you can gift a patreon subscription as well so if you know somebody that uh would enjoy the bonus content but maybe can't

afford it head on over there and you can gift it to them we have any of those yet uh i don't does it tell us i don't know if it tells us yeah i send in content the email address for that whatever you find on the world wide web world Web. And personal stories. What is internet? I think I've watched a Laserdisc presentation about what is internet. What is internet? Remember Laserdisc? Oh, yeah. That was the future.

I mean, it was the future for a little bit. Yeah, for a couple months. Those giant players. That's how technology works, though, man. Hey, guys, at canyoudontpodcast.com, that is the email address. Doing a classic Can You Don't episode today, complete with all your favorites. And then we have a googly eye update. We do. We talked about this story fucking who knows, months ago now?

At this point, it feels like years ago. But it has happened, and we have pictures to prove it. Yeah. What did you find over there, Brian? Yeah, so it says, mission to get eyes on T. Remember that? Mm-hmm. That's so funny.

It was accomplished. Okay, they did it. A handful of trains now sport googly eyes. Here's one of them. It just makes traveling more fun. Doesn't it? It does. When the train that's coming to get you has some fucking googly eyes. It just makes traveling more fun. Doesn't it? When the train that's coming to get you has some fucking googly eyes on the front.

You could be having a really bad day. You're going to sit on that train and continue to have a bad day? While it's pulling up. You're going to be happy when you get on the train and you're like, oh shit, my day still sucks. Still going to my shitty job. Maybe you'll get passed by another train with go still sucks. Still going to my shitty job. Because you can't see the googly eyes. Yeah. Well, maybe you'll get passed by

another train with googly eyes. Flying down the track. And they're looking at each other. Back in April, a group of local residents held a sparsely attended rally and marched on Boston Common to ask the T for just one thing. Put some googly eyes on the trains.

And they listened. Five trains, including a commuter rail train, now will offer passengers thousand-yard googly-eyed stairs. It is a little creepy in the night. Yeah? Like, it's really funny, well-lit. You're like, oh, that's a cute little train.

At night, it's like, is this fucking happening? Demonic. Yeah. They light up red, and it laughs. It's like, yeah. it oh you know what it's like uh fucking maximum overdrive no no with starring emilio estevez got ptsd my stepdad allowing me to watch that is it even a good movie i was just gonna say i re-watched it uh i don't know probably six months ago maybe less than. And if you think of it as, it seems to me like they knew what they were doing.

Okay. Cause it seems like a cheesy action, eighties action movie. But to me, I feel like I think that they knew what they were doing. Okay. That it was a little bit of parody, a little bit of scary. Kind of making fun of itself. Sort of, but maybe that was the intention. But as an adult watching

it that's the feeling i got that they're like okay like watching what would be a movie now like killer santa yeah the violent night yeah they know it's goofy yeah but it's still well made don't take it we're not taking it ourselves seriously so don't take it seriously listen we've got a bunch of expensive equipment and we we're going to do something with it. And what we're going to do is make scary semi-trucks. Yeah. I mean, everybody does that. They're like, holy shit, we can do that now? And then they do it,

and then it's like, okay, that was ridiculous. And then it felt like they were like, well, yeah, we have the technology, so let's just kind of spoof it a little bit. Because there's like a fucking Naked Gun parody. You know, it's like slapstick. And then there's like, Naked Gun parody. You know, it's like slapstick. And then there's like, is it parody?

Well-made parody. Like, is it? So I feel like that's what it was. And then one more picture, if you are watching. This is my favorite train. Look at this guy. Nice. Man.

He looks a little serious more than the other guy. Well, I mean, his eyes are like, ooh. Am I at the right stop? Does he have a beard or like a mustache or something? His little plow. It looks like mean, his eyes are like, ooh. Am I at the right stop? Does he have a beard? Or like a mustache or something? His little plow? It looks like it's part of the face. Yeah. Well, good job,

whoever you are at your sparsely attended rally. Like seven guys. Come on! You fucking pulled it off. We want googly eyes! What do we want? Googly eyes!

When do we want it? Quit saying that one! Do a new one! Where do we want them? On the front! They say different things. On the back front. On the caboose. Guys, it's the front. I want them on the back.

Alright, let's get the show. I thought we were on the same page. We want googly eyes, we want them on the front. Stick with it. And then two people walk off? No. Now there's five people at this rally. Alright, you ready to get the show going? Let's start my own rally. Hey, shut up.

Start the show already. The even more sparsely attended backup train googly eye rally. Yep. Across the field. Across the tracks. Where do we want him? Back. In the back.

Just two dudes. Two drunk dudes yelling at each other. Sounds like Hatfield and McCoy's now. What are we doing? We're doing a Would You Rather. Yeah, so this was... It looks a little sexy. I see some

nice words. Yeah, there's sex dream. I just googled it was like filthy Would You Rathers. And this was number two on a list that I found. Two of filth? Yeah. number two on a list that i found two of filth yeah number two on the filthy on the filth meter um it's like a the fire or the bush's uh terror warning thing okay it's like orange okay or yeah the the smoky the bear fire danger yeah right in the middle it's

not red no but it's orange it's there not california well by the time this comes out you might be all might have rebuilt already okay you hope back to you all right would you rather walk around your work all day with your favorite porn category labeled on your forehead okay which we all know what you're into no you don't come compilation yeah we really don't do it uh what is it complex sex compilations definitely complex sex compilations or mindful prego have a vivid sex dream about your boss and have to tell them and the rest of your team about it in detail in the morning meeting. Oh, my God. It was slightly different, but I cut out some of the fat.

Okay. I mean, can I offer an amendment suggestion? Doesn't mean it's going to pass, but. Okay. Well, you guys can decide on it, you and Uncle Zach. Instead of favorite porn category, what about last porn category you came to that's good because just because where you ended up you mean like where what's that where you finished you mean right what took you what got you there got you there right right across the

fucking finish line fuck it this will do yeah i just want to come at this point. Because, I mean, the favorite, it just changes. You know what I mean? Like, it just cycles around. Go through phases. One day it's a pilgrim. The next it's a Mormon. You know? It's Pocahontas the next day.

Right. Just polar opposite stuff. If I could spell Sacagawea, I would. Probably look for it in porn. But I can't. So, no, but would probably look, look for it in porn hub, but I can't. So I know, but just like the last one, they got you there.

I post the, I don't know your favorite. Cause that just seems like what's your favorite porn category. Well, here's the only reason. I mean, I'm fine with it, but the only reason I like the favorite part is cause like,

that's what you're really into. Cause it's like, it's kind of like your fetish or your, it's, it's one of those things that like, I don't want anybody to know that this is what I'm into. Okay. I guess I bring that up because for me personally, it's a little more fluid. It changes. You know what I mean?

It's like, I can't believe I did that. If you want to go with that, I'm fine with it. As long as it's got to be something you're embarrassed by, though, a little bit. Really? I don't want people to know that. See, I think that's where it comes in, the last one that you actually came to. Because of your favorite, you used to be like, yeah, well, duh, simple sex. Yeah, I was just looking up doggy style, and then I was actually looking for real dogs by the end of it.

And I'm a grandma. That's everyone's favorite. Right dogs by the end of it and i'm a grandma that's everyone's favorite right bestiality with a grant like german shepherd and a grandma an old german shepherd grandma it's got to be it's got to be an old german shepherd like i mean come on who was who's not favorite porn his back legs just shaking dysplasia can we do something besides doggy style? You are a dog. No. You only get one style. It's your style.

You invented it. It's so weird. You see so many other animals doing that style. I see bears doing doggy. Okay. You don't call it bear style. Bear back. There you go.

That's something. Oh, yeah. I guess we have to take ourselves, considering we all, for the most part, work for ourselves. I kind of consider you two my bosses while I'm here. So I'm having sex dreams about you two. I'm trying to put myself in there. But you literally get to do whatever you want. You got to think of yourself as a person that gets going to a job.

And we all worked at regular jobs at one point. and we all know what that would be like okay so i think putting yourself in that that traditional workplace corporate ladder there's a boss and then there's your manager manager and then people underneath it and that's the team yeah maybe some people you manage also so i mean in my situation and this is not going to be uncommon if i jump back to radio land i'm having sex with ga like i'm having a vivid dream about fucking a good friend of mine named gary gary then i have to sit down with a bunch of other dudes, because radio is a pretty dude-dominated industry, and tell them how I fucked Gary. Gary!

Or he fucked me. Well, how you dreamt about fucking Gary. In complete detail. So it says walk around work all day. It's one day of the porn category above your head again like if you're walking around with a bunch of dudes that's not a big deal but if you're working in a place where they're like women working there and and all sorts of different ages and types and and everything you know like when you go into let's say like a let's say let's say you worked at like facebook or

something or like a a tech place where you're just like there's so many people working in your office or whatever it is. Like that's what I'm visualizing. Not like a construction workers where you're walking around and the dudes are like, oh, yeah, I'm into that too. It's like you got to be embarrassed by there's got to be some. The service industry would be really funny or like retail like you're looking at some shirts and someone's like can i help you find something you turn around it just says shemale gangbang yeah fuck tits complex giant prego milf tits shemale fist yeah that looks good on you we also have that in a size seven and she's just like it's just like

double fist double fisting anal baby. It changes whatever you're thinking. Hot babes. Hot babes. And she's just like, I don't. Is there anyone else who can help me? Nope. I'm your man.

Just me. Just me. Just me, old simple sex tits. Just me, Joey simple sex tits fuck. Prego pilgrim. just walking up to someone because they're over there you walk up and back hi is there anything i get you know are you interested in anything before they before they even hear you or see you like things just start getting brighter like because there's a neon sign above your head you hear the little buzz of a neon sign

he's turned your head Milf tits. Milking grandpa. A guy or a mom with her teenage, like preteen daughter shopping for her. Can you put something over your neon sign? You put it over your shirt. It's just showing through. Catches on fire. Fucking ebony fat ass titty fuck. Yeah.

Cream pie. Light cream pie. fuck. Yeah. Cream pie. Light cream pie, no pull-out. Safe sex. Threesome, pregnant, orgy fuck. Yeah, you get it. You get it. Delivery room anal gangbang. But anyway, so going back to that, it's just one day and you just have it on your forehead

and you walk around and you're going to be a little embarrassed, but it's the same people, right? So it's either you have a sign on your head and you walk around with a sign or you're sitting down with the same people that would see the sign because you're at work and you have to tell them about a vivid sex room that you had with your boss. You've got to remember though, these people, you still, you go home, you come back to work the next day. I know. It's not like people forgot.

I think they forget more about the sign than a vivid sex dream in a company meeting. Like, no, you could never recover from that. They're going around. It's just like no one's even talking about it. It's a normal meeting. Like, yep, no, of course, I got those reports. I also finished up uploading the new catalog to the website, so that's ready to go for next week. All right, thank you so much, Steve.

Joe, anything you'd like? Before we get to that, let's talk more about that waxed ass you had last night. What? Your whole team just like... Your taint was looking fresh. You stand up. Was it presentation? Yeah.

This is what I'm talking about. It's just like shitty drawn pictures of you fucking your boss. This is what I did. What did you do last night? Did you do any research on the project? Did you watch the game? Yeah. No, I was fucking Janet.

I was balls deep. I was balls deep in Janet while her husband watched. And she loved it. She loved it. You loved it too. You were there. Yeah, you were there. Just pointing at Scott.

He's like, so I'm going with the sign. I'm going with the porn category. That's a self-shame. People will move on. You can, you can good behavior yourself out of that. As soon as you start including specific details about real people in the room, that changes. I also, I envision like you're sitting in the meeting with that, and it's

like everyone's talking, but you can't not hear that buzzing. And I know this wouldn't happen, but I wanted a picture like bugs, like a bug zapper. So you're in there, it's like, you know, like the sound of a bug being zapped by a zapper. He's like, alright, what

we need to do is, we need to make sure the emails are getting out on time because zap! And everyone's just looking over at you and you're just like, mm-hmm. Can you guys hit the lights of a... We're gonna turn on the projector. I think it's turn it off. You're sitting in the back row with fucking just cum cheeks.

Cum-covered butt cheeks glowing above your head, dripping pumped pussy. Anal fisting, fuck twin, ass flappy. Simultaneous twin cum fucker. Just... Can you turn your head off, please? Is that dim or anything? Nope.

Because that is ridiculous. Don't worry. Should have done this presentation tomorrow. God. I'm going with that. I'm going with the sign. Can you take this meeting outside? Yeah.

Fuck. That's it. That's what I'm picking. Zach? Sign. Okay. I'm just wondering if I would be able to deliver the news in a funny, or in a way that's like entertaining and people don't take it so

serious because if you're sitting there and every time someone goes to you like what do you think johnson and everyone looks at you and you're just like i think it's a good plan i and you're like people trying to listen to you talk and it just like titty fuck anal yeah you have to excuse yourself from the meeting yeah can we do this outside please this is ridiculous this meeting is your meeting with hr is not going to go well i think it depends on how well i knew the boss it's your first day of work you just got hired start looking for a new job ah shit i don't know i don't know your face look better

covered my cum last night though what what yeah i'm picking sign that's you did you pick zach yeah you pick sign sign i'm gonna go story i'm just gonna i'm gonna try and do it yeah i'm gonna hope i can deliver it in a way that i can soften the blow. Going in and out of. Yeah, I can do it. Soften the blow job. That I received from my boss last night. All right, moving off to what are you thinking about? Zach, push it!

Hey. Hey, what's up, babe? What are you thinking about? You know, nothing. Actually, you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking about? Hi. So about a month ago,. What are you thinking about? Hi.

So about a month ago, we opened a show and we started saying something. And then just today before recording, we realized that we never actually, or I never actually shared the story on the show of why we were saying this particular thing. So today's the day. Yeah, we just, we started doing it. It's a weird thing to hear and not know any context. So here we go. This was, I don't know,

around the same time. I think it just happened maybe the night before we recorded this particular episode. We started saying this. It was the second time I believe that it happened. Maybe let's just get into it. So up by where the Can You Don't studio is

in beautiful Spokane, Washington there's a convenience store just down the way. And it's got everything you want. It's convenient. And it's one of those where there's too much stuff in there. And some of it

probably shouldn't be legal. And it has a giant glowing sign on the outside i mean you know these gas stations yeah you know these convenience stores where they just go all out we're talking the one that like they they sell all the bongs somehow i mean we're in washington so i guess whatever at this point but you remember back in the day you're like how you guys selling the bandanas with skulls how is a cop cops yeah how is a cop car not literally in the day, you're like, how are you guys selling this shit? Bandanas with skulls. How is a cop car, yeah, how is a cop car not literally in the parking lot every second of every day?

But they have all of that. They have like the Kratom, unlimited supply, bulk, Kratom. And they have a sign, like a sign for unique knives, like all this shit.

They have it all in there. And inside of this store, they also sell, and I haven't seen it anywhere else. If you're into this thing, then maybe you have. But this also inspired a lot of where my brain was at on this particular episode because we were talking about whippets. Nitrous oxide. Okay.

So in this convenience store, they have just canisters of nitrous oxide, which I didn't know you could legally just sell to people. I'd never seeked it out. I didn't whatever they do. And they have different brands. And I think it was maybe this summer. I was buying something at this particular convenience store and somebody in front of me. I didn't know what they were buying. But then all of a sudden, the guy behind the counter was grabbing balloons.

And then I kind of peeked around the corner, and it said, like, sky dust on this giant canister. And he was getting some giant balloons. And I was like, fuck, this is a sick party. But I still didn't know. I was like, is that just fucking helium? So it was my turn to get up there. I asked the guy. I was like, what the fuck?

What the fuck was he buying? He goes, nitrous oxide. And I was like what the fuck what the fuck was he buying he goes nitrous oxide and i was like oh and he goes yeah yeah and then he goes yeah and i was like the balloons he goes yeah you fill them up and then you can you you can suck them out of the balloon instead of just taking it like a whip it and then you have like a measurement depending on how big your balloon is you know how much nitrous oxide so you're regulating your nitrous yeah it's It's like weed. If you just smoked all the loose weed, you roll it in a joint. Right.

Yeah. So you know how much weed you're smoking. Right. Makes sense. Okay. So that's the measuring system for nitrous oxide. Learn something new every day. And then we fast forward months. Like if you make a crown, that's like a certain amount of height and like a dog.

Yeah. Like that's your. You suck one handle of the sword. Yeah. That's a good little high yeah um so anyway fast forward to about a month ago or so uh cassie and i are out and about and i think i stopped i was picking up some zen probably and we go in there together and as we're walking by the front door the nitrous oxide containers are right there on a shelf like right by the bongs and pipes and a dolphin glass that you don't smoke out of, but they're, they're available to, you know, the convenience store is for looks there.

It's there. Yeah. The decorative things next to the nitrous oxide containers. And all I do is we walk in together, Cassie and I, and I just point at him and I was like, see, cause I told her about the balloons and and i just point out i was lying yeah i was like see they fucking something i just point at him and down the entire aisle of this convenience store where the front counter is this guy peeks his head around and he goes you looking to get some and i was like no no like super loud i'm still standing there now he comes around the counter and he's walking at me. And this is exactly what it sounded like.

Probably 120 decibels louder for the, everybody in the store to hear. He just goes, you want to get high? Like as loud as he can. And everyone like, everyone's getting Chex Mix and beer and whatever the hell they're getting. They kind of pop their head around over the top of the... And they look over. And I'm like, no. And he says it again.

He goes, you want to get high? And I'm like, no. I was just pointing them out. And he goes, okay. Okay. And he just keeps looking at me. And at this point, Cassie just leaves me. She leaves the embarrassment.

She knows what's going to happen. Much like you and your doodle board. Right. Your wife is like, I'm not fucking dealing with this. And she just leaves me. She leaves the embarrassment, walks away. She knows what's going to happen. Much like you and your doodle board. Right. Your wife is like, I'm not fucking dealing with this. And she just moved on. So Cass, she abandoned me and she moved off. So I'm standing here with this guy and I was like, no, I'm not interested. And he goes, it doesn't show up in your blood.

Which is like the next level. Like after getting high, then you have to be worried about if you're going to get in trouble or not. Like by a parole officer. Sure. Whatever. He goes goes it doesn't show up in your blood no one know no one i was like no i got it like i got it and he goes he goes yeah get high and he kept doing that and i was like nope nope all fine so he leaves me. We get what we need and we go up to the counter. And Cassie's going to pay for it because she's nice like that. And so we have all the things. And Cassie's standing there.

She has a card at the little card reader situation. He's on the other side of the counter and gets done scanning everything and does this to me. He looks at me and goes. You forget something? He looks over the shoulder of Cassie and I'm standing behind her He looks at me and goes, you forget something? He looks over the shoulder of Cassie and I'm standing behind her and looks at me and goes, like,

like I'm trying to sneak a canister of nitrous oxide. Well, wait till she leave. He goes, doesn't show up in your blood. No detection. No detection.

He did say that too. No detection. And I'm like, no, I laugh and Cassie's like, what the fuck? Like now she's probably kind of thinking, do you come here and get nitrous oxide? This guy seems to really know you want some nitrous oxide. So that experience happened.

We left. Cassie and I go on with our lives. And then it was like a week later, just because of the location of the store, go back in there and walk by. And it's a different person behind the counter and as soon as you walk in of course like we're kind of laughing and like we look down at it and you know just kind of playing through the same moment look down at it and the guy behind the counter sees me again but it's a different guy okay he just like has a big smile on his face i'm like no fucking way i was like oh my god why do they want to sell this shit

i have no idea but he didn't do the he didn't yell you want to get high but he waited for us to come up to the counter with our things that we needed and from behind the counter he pulls up a nitrous oxide container and slams it on the counter he's's like, you guys want one? And we're like, God! What the fuck is going on here? Apparently there's a whole underworld. Yeah, I had no idea. And he's sitting there and he looks like he's on some kind of drug.

He just took a hit. And Cassie goes, you doing it? And he goes, no. He goes, too many cameras. And then takes it back down. And had a whole talk. And he just kept talking and talking. I'm not sure if nitrous oxide.

And he had it like in a holder. I didn't know. Nitrous oxide, like it had like a. Like a rubber. Kind of like a rubber container that had a handle on it. So you can do some whippets on the go. Yeah. You never know.

While you're running from the cops. Accessorize. Yeah. Running away from a blood test. but i don't know yeah it looked like a like a like a rugged outdoor battery kind of casing around his nitrous oxide container i'm not sure if nitrous oxide makes you talk a bunch but he talked a bunch and we laughed about it and we're like dude this is so wild but then the next time he went in there no one tried to push sell this nitrous oxide it was actually that same guy that had it in the container and he was way less energized oh did you acknowledge

the containers when you walked in no not this time maybe that's why he looked he looked hung the fuck over uh yeah first time he was pumped to be at work second time he wish he wasn't even around anymore what uh where's this? It's right up there. It's right by the Garland Sandwich Shop. That one that's right there. Okay. You know it. I'm going to pop in there. Yeah, take a look at the canisters. Walk in, straight down to your left.

Right there, baby. And I hope you get the same. I've got it. I used to go, I'd get my sandwich and then I'd go over there and get a pop. Get a sandwich, watch someone poop on a wall, go over there and get a pop. Yeah. It's all part of the little. Spokane.

It's a Spokane tour. Holy trinity of, yeah, Spokane tour. That sums up. Like people that, there's a gorgeous side to Spokane. It's very outdoorsy. It's very green. You can ski. You can do all this. You can fish. You can ski. You can do all this.

You can fish. You can hunt. You can do all this kind of stuff. But then there are people like, oh, do you live in Spokane? That's like. How'd that happen? That's what they, there are people that think that's what Spokane is. Just that.

Well, our stories don't help, but. No, they don't. But there are pockets of this town that are really nice. Really cool. And then there are large pockets that are like, that's what goes on. That's all that goes on is that kind of shit. And there's bigger pockets that make those other pockets look nice. I drive through downtown to get here every time we do this.

Yeah. And it is sad to go through and see the zombie kind of style. It's getting really bad. It's like a living dead. Yeah, it's bad. Every single bridge is just sad. I know. You got to strap a stick to some of the people, keep them from Living Dead. Yeah, it's bad. Every single bridge is just sad. I know. You got to strap a stick to some of the people, keep them from falling over.

Yeah. Doing the bend. Yeah. The stop sign bend. Or the bus stop bend. Yeah. That's fentanyl, isn't it? I don't know.

I think so, yeah. The fentanyl lean or the kibbles and bits. You can almost smell it, but I don't think there's a smell to fentanyl, but there's kind of like a vibe when you're driving through there. You can almost smell it. It just makes you want to touch your toes so bad. Limber. They are limber. They are limber.

I'll give them that. So anyway, that's where the wanting it high thing that we were yelling. Wanting it high. And just wouldn't stop. Doesn't show up on your blood. No detection. No detection. I was like, no, stop yelling it. I just looked't stop. Doesn't show up on your blood. No detection. No detection. I was like, no, stop yelling it.

I just looked at it. I feel like they're trying to push that. So the whole convenience store is like, it's the only thing there. It's like a front for nitrous oxide. That's really all it is. Everything else is just covering the nitrous oxide explosion. It's the only thing with a good profit. Yeah.

The margins are so low. They're like, oh, we could really... I know. I just hit my microphone, too. We could really ramp this up. All right. Let's move off to some dick. That's fun.

I'm excited to see what you got. Dick it. Whip it. Fuck. Is it dumb? Is it interesting? Is it cool? Then it's dick.

Dick. Dick. All right. What do you have, Brian? You found this stuff. So I want to preface this by saying... You can't read. I realize, yeah.

I realize that pay phones and things like that aren't relevant anymore. You don't use them. Everyone's got a cell phone. Pay phones are just there for basically looks now. Nostalgia. When I read this, and it's actually kind of cool what they do, but I also want to kind of visualize a world where we still need pay phones, but this exists, if that makes sense, what I'm trying to say.

Gotcha. Okay. An old Maryland phone box turned into a work of art connecting people to nature. Okay. I love art. Love weirdness. Let's do it. And nature.

Fuck nature. In Tacoma Park, Maryland, an old phone box has been transformed into an art piece that visitors can use to dial up bird song. Okay. What does this little play button do? Does it play? Is this dialogue? The article?

Let's see what happens. I'm pushing. Oh, here we go. Payphone. Now that payphones are getting phased out. Now you don't even have to read. Jesus Christ. Maryland gave one over to the birds.

Okay. So here's the phone. All right. Pick up the handset., so here's the phone. All right. Pick up the handset. Wait, is that you or me running that? Me. Do you want me to pause it? That's what you hear. Welcome to Bird Calls, featuring the sounds of birds who make their homes

here in Tacoma Park. NPR contributor David Shulman is a musician and audio producer in Tacoma Park. When the town asked for ideas in 2016, they chose his. I do feel you're based on the recordings that the Cornell Lab of Ornithology has through the Macaulay Library.

All these great recordings of birds. And I've always loved payphones, and somehow it just seemed like it would be great to have a phone where you could hit a button and you could hear the sounds of the local birds. What's that? Wouldn't it be great so you know what i've always wanted one of those birth those thing oh my god this gave me ptsd those bird clocks

oh yeah that everyone had oh my god we had one i think my dad threw it out in the lawn i was like that's one too many god i'm over the fucking cuckoos. Must be three o'clock. There was a... He flew over the cuckoos. Cheeseburger! Cheeseburger! I just... I know how much we love birds.

This one kind of has it all. Oh, yeah. So they converted this payphone into... So, hold on. Go back to the spot where. So the guy, no, so if you press it, I think it says, I think it's button nine, automated voice, and it's number one. It's called night, it's night herons. Okay. You hear a night heron.

So this is the way you could connect with that. Maybe somebody would pick up the phone who had no idea about these birds, they might be walking on the creek a few days later and they might hear it and think, huh, there's that night heron. That's that night heron that I heard in the payphone. And I wouldn't have known that if I hadn't pushed that payphone button. Tell me you're a nerd without telling me you're a nerd. I know. Number two, bird calls, migratory assistance. Can I help you? Yes. How's the weather uh so this is like it treats you like you're the bird okay so it says uh he sees um automated voice

411 bird calls migratory assistance can i help you yes how's the weather on my migration route uh state your destination please uh i mean the equator can you repeat that yes the equator can you repeat that again maybe do a pretty little trill on the end yes equator so then you have to imitate the is marijuana legal in this town it feels like marijuana i mean this feels like acid doesn't it yeah we're a little mushroomy and then the voice mushroomy. And then the voice goes. Just Portland. Yeah. The voice goes, okay, got it. I wouldn't worry. Your route doesn't look too bad as the crow flies. Oh, my God.

What a crow median. And then it says. And then the phone booth blows up. Sound bite of handset being replaced. But they showed the list of all the birds that you can do. You can do the wood duck, the red-tailed hawk, the belted kingfisher, and the wooden thrush, which we know all too well. Yeah.

But not the BJ Lederman. Why not? Who does our theme music. Oh, got it. It would be great to do another bird call box with some of the extraordinary birds in other places like Kahulas. And some that will just blow your mind. That did it for me.

We're going to do another one. If you can hear these birds, it's going to blow your fucking mind. You're not going to believe it. Listen, I'm late for work. Get back in your phone booth, nerd. You hear the sound of that, you'll think, and you're like this planet i mean i love passion always i mean i always support passion about weird ass stuff and when someone is just that much into something you're just like dude what the fuck they're birders man i know but this guy was an artist and there's a phone booth

and he goes i want people to listen to these birds gonna change their life so uh but the so that in itself i think is funny but what i now i was trying to think about like what it would be like let's say we still needed pay phones okay so let's let's say a scenario like a guy gets it gets attacked maybe stabbed or shot or whatever yes the bird bald eagle tree fucking punctures its aorta pecked his eyes and you're like you don't have a cell phone you're like you're fucking you're like trying i need to call an ambulance you're like you're trying to get wherever you're like oh fuck a payphone you get you get over this fucking crawling over this payphone you're pulling yourself up you grab the phone you're, your bloody hands are like, 9, 1,

2, 1. You give it, it's like, welcome to bird calls. Instead of hearing, 911, what's your emergency? Yeah, you hear that. This is the blue-footed boobie. Help me! Please help! Press 9 to hear that again. I'm dying!

Dude's bleeding out. No, no, no. Operator, operator! I'm dead. Would you like to hear the blue-tittied titty-fucker? The penis wrangler? Penis wrangler? The call of the penis wrangler.

Okay! Okay! The blue-titted PJ bird. Penis wrangler? Penis wrangler? The call of the penis wrangler. Okay. The blue-titted PJ bird. Notice the difference between the pussy titter and the titty pusser? There's a slight... The titty pussy's more wet. The call's way more wet. Way more wet. He loves it in the water.

What? But a... Yeah, then die and then die but uh so they like they painted it all canary yellow and all this kind of stuff to add a little bit more to it so i i love the idea of the the art aspect of it but so it's got that which is cool um but then it's just got the sheer nerd aspect of it that it's just like it's so specific yeah i know you just read it but i feel like i have to hear oh you want to hear the story i want to hear more of them okay because i he just he's he's cracking me up yeah how much is into this shit sound free jukebox has been a hit. Not this guy. Recently featured in the Washington Post. Pushing to post.

No quarters necessary. If you press, I think it's this button nine. You think? Night herons. You hear a night heron. So this is a way that you could connect with that. And maybe somebody would pick up the phone who had no idea about these birds. And they might be walking on the creek a few days later and they might hear that and think,

hey, that's the night heron. Hey! We also dial up a wood duck, red-tailed hawk, the belted kingfisher, and the wood thrush. Not B.J. Liederman, who does our theme music. David Schulman has expanded his thinking beyond tacoma park it would be great to do another bird calls box with some of the extraordinary birds in other places like but this first one is so not popular some of those will just blow your mind you know you hear the sound of that you'll think what planet and you're like this planet these people of all ages using the phone neighborhood children adults at the bus stop.

Oh, I give it two weeks, nothing's on fire. Or ripped out of the ground or something. Yeah. In some frat house somewhere. Oh, God, yeah. Totally. Gotta hear this fucking BC Titty Bird, bro. Yeah, dude.

Bunch of hammered dudes rolling. Oh, you fucking listen to this. I know we've covered it on the show before, but I do love a good funny phone number. We've talked about call-a-notes, where you have call-a-notes whenever you want it. You just give them a call, and you can pick which song you want to hear. Haven't done that in a while. Whenever it gets around spooky season, my kids are all about calling those weird numbers. And then it plays some spooky thing off an answering machine to get y'all hyped up.

You never know when you stumble upon something like this. 1-900-BIRDSEX. Birdsex. Bird. That is why they're making those noises. They're like, fuck me. Let's fuck. That's all they want to those noises They're like fuck me Let's fuck That's all they want to do

Just mating Yeah Fuck me No fuck that guy Fuck that guy Fuck me No fuck him Fuck me

Yeah The first noise you hear is Fuck him Fuck me First noise Second noise Fuck all of you Fuck me

A bigger pecker Bigger pecker Bigger pecker Bigger pecker Well that's fun Good job I'm glad you love birds that much But I guess I would swing by that Bird thing one time Bigger pecker. Bigger pecker. Bigger pecker. Bigger pecker. Well, that's fun. Good job. I'm glad you love birds that much, but I guess I would swing by that bird thing one time.

Yeah. Just be like, look at this, huh? I feel like after the second one, you'd be like, that's enough. As soon as it wasn't, I'd pick it up and be like, bird call. I know that I'm a geek about certain things. When I try to tell my wife About oh check out this drum roll In this song it's like And then it's like

The second time around But this time he went He changed it up a little bit And she's like I don't give a shit Let's walk to the canary box I don't like what you like Whenever you like something so much You notice everything about it and you don't realize that it's stupid and goofy but if it's sports or music or whatever it's whatever it seems like it's okay it's like oh

it's cool to to know every stat about the second baseman in the fucking 1976 reds you're cool but if you do that with birds, you're a fucking geek. I mean, just from the outside looking in. Plenty of people think he's the coolest person that's ever been. The birders, they have him high up on the pedestal. Yeah, they added this phone booth bird box to their bucket list.

So there's that. All right, well, should we move off to our next move on to our next dick yeah all right go for it uh is anybody here allergic to foods or no i'm not allergic to anti-thing oh shit what hold on what happened what'd you do talk for a second oh hello hello what do we we got the setup i'm guessing based off the setup that we're going to be here we go learning about food allergies of some sort the the uh link that i had was the wrong link classic so okay diagnostic dilemma a woman's nut allergy was triggered after sex oh nice what's your first thought when you hear that

headline? Exactly. Dirty balls. Dirty nuts. No, I picture cum. Nut. Yeah. She's allergic to cum. He dropped his nut. I nutted all over that bitch and she fucking died. Yeah. That's how powerful my nut is.

Just a guy thinking he's, oh, look how powerful I am. I came all over over titties and she fucking died. Yeah. Next. All right, go. What do we got? A woman with a known nut allergy had a severe allergic reaction after sex, even though her partner bathed and brushed his teeth first.

Here's why. My goodness. Can you imagine having to go to all that work? My first thought. I'm going to let you read. I've got plenty of red flags. A patient, 20-year-old woman in the United Kingdom. The symptoms, the patient had unprotected vaginal sex with her habitual male partner. And shortly afterward, her vulva and vagina began itching and swelling.

She developed angioedema, swelling of the tissue below the surface of the skin, and hives appeared across her body. She also felt faint and short in her breath. My wife feels like that every time. Oh, yeah? Maybe she has a nut allergy. Crazy as 30 seconds. She can't even get up and walk.

Why are you so tired? It's only 20 seconds. That's 20 seconds of her life, though, brother. Legs are shaking. All right. What happened next? The woman visited a hospital and was given 10 milligrams of cetrazine, an oral antihistamine

that typically you use to treat hives and allergies. She was already aware that she was severely allergic to Brazil nuts and a type of tree nut, and it was unclear what triggered her allergic reaction in this instance. Okay, I'm looking forward to learning more. She noted that her partner had eaten Brazil nuts

about two to three hours before they had sex, but he had taken a bath, thoroughly cleaned his teeth, and fingernails prior to intercourse. That's the worst foreplay. Isn't it? I'll be there in a second. But also, like, you're in a relationship with someone who has a crazy, extreme allergy to brazil nuts.

And then what? You just fucking love them? Oh, they're brazil nuts? What'd you say? I was calling them Brazil nuts. Oh, yeah. Brazil nuts. Sorry.

I just didn't hear what you said. Okay. I mean, there's so many nuts out there. You fucking fooled me. Fooled me once. These nuts. So the Brazil nuts. And then he's just eating them?

Yeah. But she could die? Yeah. It just seems like you guys, that doesn't work out. Maybe he didn't think that they were going to be plowing. Oh, he's like, dude, I fucked up big. Forgot her present on Christmas. There's no way I'm having sex.

I'm going to enjoy this. I'm just going to eat these nuts instead. Brazil nuts. There's no way I'm getting even a kiss. Nope. You know what? She's like. Yeah, but in the bathroom, like, trying to get excited and stay hard while you're flossing

ground-up Brazil nuts out of your teeth. Mm-hmm. Yeah, he's just in there like... Hope you're ready. Yeah. Oh, I hope you're getting wet. Once I get this number 14 right behind this molar, oh. Hang on.

There's just... I got... There's a chunk stuck right in the back. No, no. Keep going. I'm coming. I'll be in there. I'm not coming.

I will be, but. Yeah. Get it all. Too much. Okay. So that seems like that relationship shouldn't be happening when one person could die and the other person doesn't care and just keeps eating the nuts. Yeah.

Back to you. Due to the partner's patient. Partner. Fuck. It's okay. Due to patient's medical history, doctors at the hospital suspected that vaginal sex introduced allergy-triggering proteins from Brazil nuts

into the woman's body by way of her partner's semen. So they are not... That's unprotected sex. Can't brush semen. Yeah, you can't. Well, you can. I just never have. But I'm sure you can brush semen. Yeah, you can't. Well, you can. I just never have. But I'm sure you can brush semen.

Yeah, you have to come through like a filter. A coffee filter. Just come through a calendar or a colander. It's February! Happy Valentine's Day! Right on Martin Luther

King Jr. Day. Where's that new calendar your mom sent? I'm going to come through it. Dogs and fucking... Nobody has a calendar. You're like... Yeah. Just strain your Brazil nut cum.

What a nightmare. You guys shouldn't be together. I know. This is bad news all around. If what you eat can cause that severe like that's a crazy nut allergy yeah i've never met i don't think in my life i mean maybe because it didn't come up in top but i'm not friends or close with anyone that has that crazy of a nut allergy like your throat could swell up like i have i have one of those in my life. But I don't have someone that just some semen could fuck your day up.

Yeah, you think you got all the nut out. Yeah. But I guess there's just no escaping it. That conversation on the way to the hospital. Did you even brush your balls? Did you come through the calendar? Did you brush or scrub them? Babe, the same thing I always do.

I use the right lotions. I use nut-free shampoo. You didn't get the nut out of your nut. I wasn't even thinking about nuts. I was being safe. You were thinking about nuts, weren't you? No. Pistachios, peanuts, none of them.

All the nuts. All the nuts. I wasn't even thinking about them. The only nut I was thinking about was the one I was going to put inside you. I love you. I'm sorry about your swollen vagina. Aw. Take a nuts. All the nuts. I was even thinking about them. The only nut I was thinking about was the one I was going to put inside you. I love you. I'm sorry about your swollen vagina. Aw. Take a left up here, Uber.

He's like, maybe he was trying to tighten up her vagina. That could have been it. All right. So is that the, where do we go? Let's see. They conducted skin prick tests. Hey, what do you call them? Hey.

What do you call me? Hey, what do you call me? On the patient after using different semen samples from her partner. Then involved exposing small regions of skin to each sample. Imagine sitting in that room. All right, jizz in that real quick. He's like, all right. And they're like taking it out. Should I drop it?

Can you come more? You're just standing there with your dick out. Your wife's on a hospital bed, like, broken out in hives. And the doctor's like, come on. Come on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I dropped it. Come. Come again.

That one's contaminated. And you're just like, God. Oh, sorry. I made a mistake. Oh, we all make mistakes. You never made a mistake. Spoiler. Doctors drop stuff, too. Now come.

And he's like, God damn it. All right, that'll work. And then just dabbing it on her skin. All right, put your arm out. Spoiler Doctors drop stuff too Now cum I'm just like God damn it Alright that'll work And then just dabbing it On her skin Alright put your arm out Let me see your elbow Yep it's the cum

Yeah we know I know Just wanted to see him I just wanted to put some Dabs of cum on your skin Alright see you guys later For one test The doctors used

A sample taken When the man Had not recently Eaten nuts The other God How long did this Fucking take The other test For one test, the doctors used a sample taken when the man had not recently eaten nuts. The other... How long did this fucking take? The other test used a sample collected about two and a half hours after he ate the Brazil nuts. In the latter test, 0.28 inch long...

P.S. Just kidding. Well, appeared on the woman's skin. That suggested that Brazil nut allergens were behind... They were the culprit. A severe post-coital alert enough with the science words enough with the words enough with the fucking just say they were fucking i don't need post coital get out of here god i realize it's science science fucking just say the awkward part yeah don't have to say post-coital. We're all in it. The treatment.

Within 45 minutes after she took the cetrazine, the woman's symptoms began to improve. She felt tired the next day but did not have any hives or feel dizzy. Nor did she have trouble breathing. The doctors instructed her to keep antihistamines and the adrenaline pen, otherwise

known as an EpiPen, close by and suggested that in the future she should abstain from sexual intimacy with her partner if he had recently eaten brazil nuts had to go to the hospital for that huh yeah i'm still on the i'm still saying just it's that is he has to stop eating nuts altogether if that relationship is going to work but you can't just be sneaking off eating Brazil nuts and then just fucking come. God. Dude, that's like having HIV and then not telling her.

Yeah. Did you have any AIDS in the kitchen? Were you eating AIDS today? No. No. I fucking don't even like AIDS. Why would I do that? Why would I do that?

Because it's weird. I know how much you love AIDS. I do love AIDS, but not this time. Not this time, I promise. AIDS. All right. But the situation of her being super allergic to it and then cum, and it also said they've been in a relationship for a long time.

So how has this not happened? Maybe he just recently took- He got into Brazil. Oh, he got some like in a gift basket from work? Yeah. Christmas. Yeah. He's got a little Christmas gift basket.

And he's like, what's the worst that could happen? He's going to eat these nuts. Because they're from Brazil. Everything's better over there. Down there. All right. Well, glad that wasn't us. Whatever.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's why I don't date people with severe nut allergies. or whatever. Yeah. That's why I don't date people with severe nut allergies. We have a picky eater at home and his kindergarten class you couldn't make anything of nuts. One of the few things that he would eat was peanut butter

and jelly sandwiches. Obviously we had to work around but I remember just that defeated feeling when we found that out. We're like, fuck. Nothing. Or like peanut butter, Ritz peanut butter crackers, just only one of like five things he would eat. And it was like, that takes two of them out.

Two of the food groups. Two of the fucking things out that he'll eat. What are we supposed to do? So we ended up getting some honey. So he's dead. Honey butter. I think it was like honey butter. Almond butter.

Honey butter or something like that. Yeah, it's still pretty good. But he knew the difference. Yeah. So he's like, no. Thrown it out. He's like, fuck this. Okay, well, let's move off to some petty beef.

I'm curious what we're beefing about this week. What are we beefing? Yeah, Zaki Po. Silence in the court. You are now entering the petty beef courtroom where all sides of some bullshit will be heard and evaluated the people are real the cases are real the rulings are final ish this is petty beef so this is petty as hell perfect but it i think we can all relate to it If you've ever had roommates Not like a

Not like a spousal roommate Or it's like just a roommate Or if you've ever been a third wheel In a relationship Or in a house Threesome sex This is from our third wheel son Caleb Hi Caleb let's hear it

Hi daddies and best uncle in the world Usually you leave these anonymous But they never never listen, so dealer's choice. Wait, what? The people that he lives with don't listen, so fuck them. Got it. Guess I could have left it anonymous. Eh, whatever. We don't usually leave petty beef anonymous.

Right. Fuck them. Fuck them. That's confessions. They're annoying anyway, sounds like. Here we go. I live with a couple who are some of my closest friends. I spend of the year traveling for work so i'm not home the last couple of trips i've been home and have a little uh and have been a little tense okay the woman in the couple let's

call her lily so i'm guessing that's her name just kidding yeah right has started giving me the cold shoulder on occasion because i do I don't do household chores. Yeah. Now I pay a monthly rent, and most months I'm not even home. When I come home for a weekend or maybe a full week. Okay. This is basically my vacation time, and I don't feel like I should have a honey-do list of chores as a grown man not part of the relationship. What do you think?

All right. I mean, I definitely see it also uh to to caleb's side being gone and like you get back home and the the trash just stacked up and you've been gone for two months like that's your job like i haven't fucking been here okay so i gotta stop doing that sounds like the fucking bird phone booth. So I get that. That was my first thought. That's weird to have chores if you're not there. Be like, you have kids and they finally went off to college.

They come home for Christmas. And you're like, oh shit, all our laundries. You usually do the laundry. So, I mean, you haven't been here for six months. So now you gotta go do the laundry. You're not there. So you're not part of the household chore thing. But when you are home.

Clean up your mess. Yeah. Clean up your shit. Do your stuff. I am curious. He did not include it in this email of what exactly he's being asked to do. Yeah. I was kind of hoping that too.

If it is super like basic shit, like just clean up your shit. Don't leave stuff all over the place. Put some clothes on if you're sitting on the couch in the living room. He's like, it's my vacation. I'm getting my dick out when I watch sports. Okay. I pay rent. I should be able to get my dick out wherever I want.

Caleb, when you come home for your vacation, please keep your dick and balls. Don't put your dick out. Just don't put your dick and balls in the coffee. That's really all we ask. I mean, that's the thing. Maybe I'm sick of finding pubes in the Keurig. I would like more information because I'd like to know

that too. Because if he's coming home and he says it's kind of like my vacation. If he's coming home and he's just leaving his shit everywhere and the people that are living there every single day are like, don't come home and leave your shit all over the people that are living there every single day are like don't come home and leave your shit all over the place that seems reasonable for them to say that because um it's

it's maybe it's your vacation but we live here yeah or before he left he just left a complete fucking disaster and so they just left it and they're like dude you can't do all your do your laundry clean your sinks clean up your room get your shit off the coffee table before you take off for a month please like if that's the honey do list then yeah caleb you gotta fucking clean up and then that's a that's a you need to do list of your own shit yeah but if you come if you come home and you're like okay the lights the bulbs are out you know like all these things are like projects or stuff like that. When I think honeydew list, that's the thing I think about is like.

You get home from a work trip, put your stuff down. There's a note on the fridge that says, go paint the garage. There's a roller. There's like all this stuff. It's like Danny LaRusso and Karate Kid. And he shows up. And the fence. Yeah.

All the shit's there. Like what? I got to paint the fucking fence. Then that's, that's a bit much yeah but it's funny how people can get where build a deck dude i have an office job what do you i've never built anything in my life no figure it out it's on your list build a deck paint the garage uh if you um i feel it's weird like especially if they're young like if you're a if there's two people in a relationship and then there's the the friend i feel like the people in the relationship they're in their own little lives they're in their own worlds and all of a sudden

you're intruding on their life even though you've all agreed to live together so it can get weird where he's thinking oh they want me to do all this shit. And they're like, he does all this shit. And I feel like you're not getting the full spectrum that's going on here. So I think if it's a mess that he's making, he needs to clean it up.

Because that's just reasonable. Like, yeah, you pay the rent, but you're also making the mess while you're there. If you come home, you're clean, you clean up your shit and then you leave and then you left it how you found it yeah type of thing they're just asking you to do shit yeah like making a like a list while you're gone of things they biggest want you to do when you get home that's weird yeah so have you guys ever been in a roommate situation where you lived with a couple i was part of a couple well you were a couple and then had a friend it didn't start out like that we were all uh we were all friends together but

there was always kind of something between me and her and then uh we got together and the friend was the odd person out and i think he was he like oh he got it got kind of weird for him because he was like wait we're all friends and if you guys are doing that what if you break up and then we're not friends anymore i think he was kind of worried about that kind of stuff in the morning he's like yeah it's just crazy i think we have ghosts or someone's knocking on the walls yeah yeah and it turns out you guys are just fucking all the time because i didn't think you even had a door to the outside in your bedroom what's going on in there he's like super innocent yeah oh um that's weird i just took the door out i put

it in every night and then take it out in the morning oh that explains the knocking yeah do you want some toast it's like a guy that grew up when going to like a christian high school and got out for the first time and is living with people wow how about this zach you ever had been in that yeah i lived with actually two couples. Really? I was in a couple and there was another couple. It was like team versus team. It was blue versus red a lot of the time.

Doubled air. Yeah. Taking the physical challenge. Who's taking the cat box out? Not us. Mm-hmm. How stinky can it get? Roommates, man, like I, oof.

You know, you get married or you're in a relationship like you have that's you're still roommates even though you love each other and you agreed to live with each other and you're you have children or whatever the situation is like you're still roommates and when it comes down to it you're still living in their space they're living in your space sharing space yeah yeah doing each other a favor by saving each other money. Right. So yeah, Caleb, if you're gone and you're coming back and they're just asking you to do weird shit

because maybe they feel like you're getting just the maybe that's the angle. They feel like you're just getting a paradise. They have to do all this shit, take care of all this stuff, and you're just gone. Then you just show up and do nothing because that's your vacation from work. I can see where the hostility builds, like you just show up and expect you to have all this time off. So you don't do anything,

which it kind of sounds like he's like, I'm not doing household chores. This is my vacation time. If that's the case, Caleb, you're wrong. When you get home, now you're part of the machine. You've got to do stuff. You got to clean up. You got to help when you're, of the the the machine you've got to do stuff you got to clean up you got to help when you're if they're just making a list and then you just you show up and immediately just asking you to do things they could have done when you were gone then that is a little fucked up but you can't just show up and do nothing just because you were working a bunch but what if what do you mean by nothing what if he comes home like doesn't do dishes doesn't take the trash out doesn't yeah you know doesn't clean up after himself doesn't i don't know dust but so here's another here's another thought roommates do here's another

thought that i have so let's let's say that they they live there 365 days a year they they work in that town they live in that house when he comes home let's say let's say for this thing he cleans up after himself but it's his vacation so he's just laying on the couch and he's to them that he looks like a lazy guy laying around he just but that's his time off so like shouldn't he be able to enjoy his time off but it's household chores and you're living with people so you have to but not if they're as i'm saying like what if he's cleaning up after himself but he just lays around all the time. Well, he says he doesn't do household chores.

So he doesn't vacuum. He doesn't take the trash out, I'm guessing. Oh, right. So he's just like, no, this is my spot. I'm gone. And I give them rent so they can do it all. It's like, I don't think that's. If he's contributing to the trash and contributing to the mess, then yeah.

Caleb, what's it going to hurt you to take the trash out? Or vacuum. the mess then yeah what caleb what's it gonna hurt you to take the trash out but if they're vacuum yeah but if they're like giving you list of things to do that don't involve your immediate mess or whatever then yeah that's a little what if he paid him like 100 bucks to not do any chores an extra 100 bucks 100 bucks they just don't talk to me yeah and i won't not re-shingle in the fucking roof yeah you get home yeah build a deck paint the garage re-shingle the roof i'm hoping caleb hears this and he can fill us in more about what he means by that maybe we can revisit a little a little uh clarification yeah yeah all right let's take a look at some good news post malone did something? He fucking made me so jealous with his move. Do it, Zach!

So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray. We aren't doomed. Yeah! So we've mentioned many times on the Can You Don't podcast, which you can listen to anywhere. Worldwide. Worldwide. Worldwide web.

W-W-W. Joe. That. World Wide Web WWW Joe that if we had a bunch of money like the number one thing that I would love just be able to give massive tips to people I mean I've done it we've talked about the amounts of money

nothing like this but just for Post Malone to do this god damn good job buddy so Post Malone to do this. Goddamn good job, buddy. So Post Malone gives $20,000 tip to single mom working at a Houston bar. And I love the little quote right below there. It says, he changed my life on Christmas fucking Eve. I will forever be grateful. The bartender named Rainy Brown shared.

Probably Renee. This isn't scientific american writing this article apparently oh yes you can say fuck yeah you sure can uh so he's from the state of texas that's where that's he's back home uh 29 year old grapevine texas native real name austin post went to the rail yard bar in houston on christmas eve where he surprised a bartender with a $20,000 tip. Bartender, 36-year-old singer mom, single mom, singer mom, hello, post my loan!

She just wanted to get her career. Welcome to the rail yard! Sorry. He's like, I'm tired, I just want to eat. Renee Brown told the publication that she was struggling with the fact that she had to work and was away from her nine-year-old daughter on the holiday, not knowing that an unexpected Christmas miracle was on the way. So she was struggling with the fact that she had to work and was away from her nine-year-old daughter on the holiday, not knowing that an unexpected Christmas miracle was on the way.

So she was schmoozing him, it sounds like. Going into work Christmas Eve, I was so sad I had to leave my baby girl to go to work. Obviously, that God would send me a Christmas miracle, she told the publication. This is hands down the most humble, personable celebrity I've had the pleasure of meeting. He changed my life on Christmas fucking Eve, and I will forever be grateful. Thank you so much, Austin. I see a lot of stories about him doing stuff like that. Or taking the time to stop and just chat with a fan for however long.

Not like when you're trying to get away. Like, oh, yeah. He's genuinely in the conversation. And like, yeah, man. Yeah. That mean let's play Pokemon together. Yeah. She also added this put me in a position to at least be able to get away back and forth to work and pay up on rent and save a bit.

I'm trying to save up and start a business so I don't have to continue working two jobs and be able to spend more time with my daughter. Things have been extremely difficult. And this was a truly a blessing that I can't fully put into words. The visit alone was absolutely amazing and something I could talk about and remember for the rest of my life. Somebody should tell her that starting a business doesn't give you more time. No, it takes more, but you're working for yourself. Yes. Just start an OnlyFans. Say who you are, show a picture of yourself, and start an OnlyFans, and I are Show a picture of yourself And start an OnlyFans

And I guarantee you You'll start making money Guarantee you Post Malone will sign up Good job Post Mr. Austin Posty I know it made me a little jealous I hope to get to a position sometime in life

Where you just leave a Thousand Five thousand Ten thousand Twenty thousand dollar tip Twenty nine Change someone's life That's awesome

He's 29 years old And he can drop tips like that. Good job. Deserves it. He's a hell of an artist. All right. Let's move off to the next thing. Zach! The internet is pretty wild.

Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool or go to prison. Crazy, right? Let's check it out together as a couple. Hey, look what I found. Yes! That's awesome! On our studio desk here, I just want to point out,

look how drunk Sergeant Slaughter looks. Yeah, he's hammered. Looks hammered. He's having a siesta. Yeah, he's wearing a giant, well, giant to him. Yeah. Big to you. Yeah, teeny tiny.

Sombrero, yeah. Covering his whole head, and he's having a hard time sitting up. But he's pulling it Yeah. Big to you. Yeah, teeny tiny. Sombrero. Yeah. Covering his whole head and he's having a hard time sitting up. But he's pulling it off. Good for you. Okay, what do you have? Okay, this was sent in by our son, Chad. Hi, Chad. He said this is Joe's next balloon ride.

Okay. This thing is fucking intense, dude. All right. Let's cut that music. Ready? Yep. Here we go. I'm ready. so this is a

a hot air balloon like looks like a little like a decent size crick yeah rolling through the weeds there and so what the fuck is happening what i mean if you thought hot air balloons were dangerous oh check this out he's just getting this is just the runway so is it powered by a propeller? Yeah, it must be like a... Dude, listen to that thing. Oh, it's just... Yeah, it's a little pond.

What? The sound that that thing made... It sounded like a fucking top fuel race drag strip just fucking ripping through there that's like some that's like one way that willie wonka would show up yeah dude so he i what i love about it is he goes down to one end of the pond flips around very smoothly oh yeah and then without popping the balloon and then just you can hear it rev up the jet engine this guy is re pure chaos well he's like in a metal it's like a looks like it's like the size of a barrel yeah it's not safe looking like a metal barrel which has which has strings going up to like a pallet of

wood yeah which then go into a hot air balloon and he has like a fan behind him that's powering his direction and then somehow creates lift i'm guessing by pulling more wily coyote they look like drone propellers on the corners there i've never been up close to a hot air balloon. But I imagine, I mean, it's probably pretty loud, right? The flame? Yeah, they're super loud. Remember I was talking about that. He would ask you a question and then pull the... That's right. You guys having a good time?

You guys come around here, Robbie? Like at the dentist? And you're like, yeah, no, it's a pretty... And then he turns it off, so now you're just yelling like an asshole. Oh, no, it's really good. Oh, yeah it's your first hot air balloon ride yeah i mean sorry guys gotta get some altitude sorry we're gonna hit this telephone pole i should probably stop talking i just thought it's how do people find that because it's it's really hard to explain uh let's see what do you search for because it's it is fucking wild you have to see this thing what's is there a title it's it's the worst yeah that's dumb like there's no nothing is there a tiktok shop link

this guy who wrote um i don't know just jet powered uh jet powered hot air balloon let's see jet powered i just like i'm trying to see if that does it sounds like it's fucking jet powered i don't know look it up on tiktok i don't know does it seem like it's harder to find things on the internet nowadays yes they don't give it the proper keywords yeah yeah you can see it one time and fucking it's gone forever i've researched my whole life in the last few years it's just been like you guys ever get on like like say tiktok or something and you see a video like oh that's great and you bump past or like you refresh the page and like it's gone oh yeah oh share that with somebody like it's like it's like your phone falling in between the car seat it's just gone yeah gone forever that's it

black hernandez um okay well let's move off and hear from some of the kids i I think it's time. We'll do it as soon as Zach pushes the thing. Do it. All right, let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow, that's cool. I'll take this one because she wants me to. Ooh, taking the lead. Yeah, this is from Molly. Okay. Maybe I should be on Molly. Not on

daughter Molly. Just on the drug. The drug Molly. That'd really improve your should be on Molly. Not on daughter Molly. Just on the drug. The drug Molly. That'd really improve your reading, I bet. Hey, sexy daddies. I'm going to actually blow this up because it's really small. Yeah, blow it up. Hey, sexy daddies and sexy uncle Zach.

First of all, if somehow you end up reading this on the show, I would like Bwine to take this one. He may fuck it up a lot, but I still love listening to him try to read. Bitch. I have a story I thought you guys might appreciate. All right. Just kidding, Molly. I'll keep this as short as possible, which usually means it's going to be long.

I used to take in the freight at a retail store, and I had this one driver who delivered every Friday. We got to know each other pretty well over one and a half years, but we were also both in relationships and not great ones. Okay. Turns out he was from a lot of the same places where I grew up only 20 years earlier. Both of our relationships ended around the same time. So needless to say, we started hanging out. Quickly, before you continue, I guess picture this situation like getting freight. Like, I don't know, dropping off some toilet paper.

Like, all right, thanks, Hank. Your wife's still a bitch. Yeah. Yeah. Your husband's still a fucking cunt. Yeah, of course. All right, see you next Friday. Beep, beep. And then one day.

All right, see you. Beep, beep. And then one Friday Hey wife's still a bitch Actually Actually I left her Your husband's still a cunt I'll leave him

Yeah Okay See you next Friday Wanna hang out next Friday Yeah Now I'm getting Forklift certified Check out this cool trick

Alright It's really cool Molly See you next Friday Alright go ahead All right. It's really cool, Molly. See you next Friday. All right, go ahead. Turns out, the first time I went to his house, I showed up with a 12-pack of Pabst. Yeah. He had some whiskey, so we had some shots and beers.

Most of the night was a blur, but I remember this much. We ended up making it out for a bit making out for a bit yeah then guess what she did well i'm looking at it oh okay then i sucked his dick in the middle of the living room him standing and me on my knees just so you get the picture horn i don't know why i i just visualized like, you're just sitting there on the couch. Because when I picture, like, maybe you're on the couch, you start making out, and, like, maybe she kind of, like, he's like, whoa. And she, like, leans down. But it goes from that to him just like, hello.

Looney Tunes playing in the background. Him just standing with his hands on his hips. Animaniacs. Guck, guck, guck, guck. Can you turn that down? The light of the Animaniacs is flashing on the thing. Totally gantany. After that, we proceeded to shower together

while he drank whiskey off my tits. Zach? The night ended in bed. Me passed out, and him surely bummed the night didn't end how we anticipated. Hmm. I woke up the next morning feeling like complete shit and realizing I missed my alarm for work. Then the worst part set in.

I had pissed in his bed. I had no time to react or explain. Luckily he was still asleep. So I got dressed and left. On my way to work, I just realized she said this was okay to read with her name and everything, right? Not anonymous?

Not anonymous. Okay. There's a lot of mollies out there. Right. Luckily, he was still asleep, so I got dressed and left. On my way to work, driving a little too fast, I had to slam on my brakes and my phone, a small flip phone, flew on the floor and underneath the center console. What? Just like as Joe was explaining a little bit.

In the abyss, it's gone. Gone. I'll find it later. I could not find it for the life of me. I had no idea where it went. You know it's there, but it-, it's gone. Gone, I'll find it later. I could not find it for the life of me. I had no idea where it went. You know it's there, but it's gone. Over the next few hours, after calling out from work, I just laid there basking in my misery and feeling like the biggest idiot ever. He must have wanted absolutely nothing to do with me after that, and I had no way at the time to get a hold of him to apologize.

Turns out he thought the same way about me. Turns out he thought he pissed the bed. I mean, it's just piss. You don't know who did it. He had been trying to call me all morning, but I hadn't found my phone. Long story short, I moved in with him about two weeks later and never left. Wow. Here we are almost 14 years later and still together

i believe everything happens for a reason and even though i pissed in his bed he must have found something in me that he loved he's a p guy yeah yeah he's into that love you guys you crack me up with every episode i always look forward to the next one thanks for reading my story keep the episodes coming can i get a sexy please your innocent daughter molly oh boy yeah nothing like piss in the bed with someone else in it what an experience i uh so the other night i you know how i just don't really drink anymore i usually just like fucking uh don't whatever edibles are like smoky or whatever like smoke or whatever we had i had some r&r and didn't drink a ton but the rv park yeah

no but like r&r like canadian whiskey and had a few of those when we were watching a movie and i just remember woke up the next day like this is why it wasn't even that much yeah and so i like i know those mornings when you wake up and you're just like that that like panic sets in like what the fuck did i do yeah they're like and you just like i don't know if everyone feels but it's like that like what did i do in the guilt and you start remembering things like oh fuck that's right oh my god i did that and you forget about and you're like things like, oh, fuck, that's right. Oh, my God. I did that. And you forget about it and you're like, shit, somehow I feel even worse. I pissed on my own tits in front of the kids.

That's why I don't drink whiskey. I promised I'd never do that trick again. Yeah. Your wife's gone. There's a note on the, you promised you'd never piss on your own tits in front do that trick again. Yeah. Your wife's gone. There's a note on the... You promised you'd never piss on your own tits in front of the kids again. I'm going to my mom's. You're like, God, whiskey. You promised you wouldn't piss on your own tits again.

All right. So our second email coming in from Brent says, Hey guys, I thought you'd appreciate this. My job deals with training people to detect drones in a military environment. So he rigged up the attached inert training device, writing not a bomb on it. And it made me laugh way harder than it should have. Yes. What?

I mean, that's so funny. So if you're not seeing the pictures, there's like some painter tape on it, some duct tape around it just says, not a bomb. It looks like he's, what did they tape together? It looks like sticks of dynamite that you would like, we're going to blow up with a detonator. Yeah, those wires all over it. But then right across the top, it just says, not a bomb. Help! Not a bomb!

Not a bomb! I love it. They do this shit it's for serious it's for drones in the military yeah like this is a serious job they're training for who knows what operation right and can you don't was a part of their training yeah we have some badass listeners that's for sure so wild fucking awesome all right well that's episode 136 if you want more content, endless hours of bonus shit at this point,

go support us on Patreon. Please do. Patreon.com slash CanYouDon'tPodcast. I got Instagram and Facebook. The video version of the show on YouTube and the email to send things in is heyguys at CanYouDon'tPodcast.com Rate and review us. Check out what Uncle Zach is doing over at Scatcast.

It's very easy. A. Rate and review us. Check out what Uncle Zach is doing over at Scatcast. Give me a lot. It's very easy. A couple strokes of the key. Scatcast.com. That's scat with a K. Give me a lot. You'll be doing a lot more strokes if you go to the other Scatcast. It's actually really gross. Yeah, it is really gross.

I'm not into that. Thanks to the babysitters that moderate the Can You Don't Playground on Facebook for all the 20,000, 30,000 people that are in there posting obscene shit every single day. I'm not sure how we're not shut down. All right, let's wrap it up. We keep getting the warnings. I know. Good God.

Wrap it up already, huh? Joke. What's that? I said you changed the joke. I did. I texted you about it. I didn't see it. What's the difference between jelly and jam?

I don't know. I can't see it. What's the difference between jelly and jam? I don't know. I can't jelly my dick in your ass. Did you make that up? No. It's a classic. I was hoping you've never heard it. I haven't. Cass and I have both agreed that's probably our favorite.

Just one liner. I like those kind of jokes. It's just like, yeah. I can't jelly my dick in your ass. But then I go a little further here. So here's the main difference between jam and jelly. It's just like, yeah. You can't jelly my dick in your ass. But then I go a little further here. So here's the main difference between jam and jelly. It's in how they're made. Jam is made from crushed fruit, while jelly is made from fruit juice. Okay.

Oh, that makes sense. There you go. I know. Because ones have like, they're more chunky, like not pulpy, but like chunky, like fruit chunky. Right. That'd be jam. And then jelly is from the, they smushed it beforehand and then put things in it to make the jelly.

Jelly always seemed like it wasn't a natural thing. Jam seems like it's, it seems real. It's a real deal right here. So there you go. You got a joke and a fact. What the fuck else do you want, everybody? Going the extra mile for you today. That dick you, Jesus.

That joke you had reminds me of a joke i heard one time it's something like uh uh how do you i like my coffee like i like my women black okay and without some other dude's dick in it yeah without your without your dick in it it's like what the first part is like oh it's gonna and then it's like all right and then just find my coffee I like my women without a dick in it. All right, thanks, Dad.

So dumb, but it made me crack up the first time I heard it. Thanks, Dad, I'm always... Busy at next... Thursday. Let's get you back home.

Let's get you in bed. Let's get you in bed. Come on now. Can't remember my name? You can remember that joke. All right, let's get you to bed. Let's take those tux out.

Warm up those toesy-wosies. All right, off to the bonus stuff. You know what to joke. All right, let's get you to bed. Let's take those tux out. Warm up those toesy-wosies. All right, off to the bonus stuff. You know what to do. Bye! Bye! Bye!