Cancelled with Tana Mongeau & Brooke Schofield - 104: Tana and Makoa have a new weird bedroom habit…

Episode Date: December 2, 2024

Buckle up, this episode is pure chaos. We’re talking Jake Paul vs. Mike Tyson, the ridiculousness of celeb culture, and Tyson’s iconic wardrobe malfunction. Oh, and of course, I overshare about my wildest drunk moments, awkward intimacy fails, and why living with a partner is honestly a nightmare DraftKings is offering a warm welcome to new players with $100 INSTANTLY IN CASINO CREDITS with just a $10 wager. Plus, EVERYONE can get in on the action with a holiday reward every week! So, sign up with code CANCELLED because the holiday cheer is here! Only on DraftKings Casino. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling: Call 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org. Please play responsibly. 21+. Physically present in Connecticut, Michigan, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, West Virginia only. Void in Ontario. Eligibility restrictions apply. New customers only. Opt-in required. Casino Credits are non-withdrawable and expire in 168 hours. Terms: casino.draftkings.com/promos.

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If you have questions or concerns about gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Hello and welcome back to the Cancel Podcast. That was a good one. I love this. I love this. We say this every episode.

I know, but I just really like, I just really am appreciating you even more than normally. I happen to, I forget what I was doing yesterday where I was like, God, I love her. Maybe sometimes I like stumble upon your old videos or like like i did see that video of you in the in the black latex outfit and the red lip yesterday it's like god i just love her and i you've lived so many lives and also like getting to explain you to another person like seeing you from third person does that make sense i guess i always see you from third person anyway like it's funny because it's like i get to be like, no. And then she did this and then she did this and then she married Jake Paul. It was so weird yesterday.

Like it's always weird when he fights, but especially like Mike Tyson. I just couldn't believe like the amount of like I just the theatrics and just the spectacle that it was. I'm like, I cannot believe that this is Jake Paul. Like I remember when he first like first decided he was gonna box and he like went to Vegas and he was just like in that little house and he's like yeah I'm gonna box I'm taking it really seriously and I'm thinking like now he's fighting Mike Tyson which was easily like maybe the worst most horrible thing I've ever seen why it was so sad oh I have been seeing a lot of that you didn't think it was sad okay here's what I want to say

I want to like be careful with my words because I see I see it from multiple angles I guess how do I put this into words I guess the emotion that I feel where I'm like so fucking proud of Jake is there as well like it's like so iconic to me like genuinely think about like this Ohio vlogging kid like manifesting all of his dreams and like literally like Logan fighting Floyd and him fighting Mike Tyson like that's crazy to hit the ceiling on your dreams like you know what I mean like imagine like tomorrow I was like I want to be a singer and then I was like singing with like Celine Dion like I don't even there's not I don't I can't think of the right analogy but it's that is so cool to me but Mike Tyson you don't show a little old guy I know he's like not a little old guy but it just like I think it just upset me I see what you're saying

like from a business perspective like just like how amazing that is it's such a huge accomplishment and it is so amazing but I just like I think like it's crazy because all of us knew it was happening you know what i mean like everyone knew this was happening it's on every billboard in town it's everywhere you go and everyone was like so excited to watch it and then the second they started fighting everyone was like what is this i can't believe this is happening how are we allowing this it's very 2024 like what the fuck do you mean mike tyson is fighting jake paul but i guess yeah and it was I guess because he just was so confident that we were like okay like if you if you can slay yeah like do your thing Mikey I can I just say that my favorite part of the entire fucking fight was the fact that they aired Mike Tyson's ass it was so it was a it was like a bit right because people

are saying like someone at Netflix is getting fired but I'm like I think it was for sure intentional it was like an all like a clip from The Office. But I just feel like Mike Tyson. Yeah. Like me being so parasocial. I do not know Mike Tyson. Allow me to go on the record. Jose Canseco is my best friend.

Yeah. Same energy. Exactly. But I just, I don't, I'm like Mikey boy, the homie. I love him. Like, I feel like he would never agree to that. I think he would. I think he, the homie. I love him. Like, I feel like he would never agree to that. I think he would. I think he's got a sense of humor on him.

There's no way he would. Bareback said he was thrilled and he discussed his biting fixation. Wait, that was hilarious. Did you see that? He's always done that though. Like bite his gloves, right? I know, but did you see when they asked him about it and he go, like, they were like, what was the deal?

Like, were you fixing your mouth guard? And he goes, I have a biting fixation. And the guy goes, I've heard that about you. Cause he like bit a guy's ear off oh shit that's the thing too i think like with everyone being like really sad because like this is elder abuse and all the things people are saying and stuff but it's like if however long ago he was that insane like biting someone's ear off it's almost like he's like dwindled down to the perfect amount of sanity to like fight a Paul brother. Right. Yeah. But I, I just, I don't know. I've been fired up. I see how the whole biting the ear off thing could happen. The fight before that was Amanda Serrano.

I was sick. And I, this goes back to something that I've said on cancel before. I cannot believe that fighting UFC, all of that is legal because it's like how like what do you mean like we're literally gathering around like tens of millions of people are literally paying money to watch people beat the shit and like Charlize Theron and like Joe Jonas yeah even wholesome people like it yeah and and her fucking literal skull is coming out of her eyebrow. And we're all like, weehoo. It's so real. I didn't even know you could hit someone hard enough that their eyebrow could be falling off like prosciutto. I did because that's why every hot guy has a scar on his eyebrow.

Because it like protrudes out further than the rest of your face. So it's the first thing to hit if something hits your face. But I just didn't know skin could get loose like that. No, well, it just breaks so easy. And then it just fl though so easy and then it just flops and you're right it was prosciutto I couldn't even watch it but what I was getting at is like I I literally pray to God every single night I go to bed and I say please God if you give me children do not let them be raised into adulthood and then decide that they want to be a professional boxer yeah and like football CTE all that stuff is like really really scary choose pottery yeah please choose like cello but i feel like a lot of people go into boxing too

are also raised by people who are like like jake and logan's parents like greg paul is so like ah you know like it just is so scary like like what is the end goal like literally like someone just has to be so beat up that it's over that's horrible like it is like insane and i love it has to be so hurt that they are like like that's the whole concept behind it what do you mean i was they were tori kelly was singing the star spangled banner before it she was so good but i was just thinking like america's so funny like you know what i mean just like we sing the star spangled banner with our hands over our hearts before these two grown men beat the fuck out of each other like yeah i

saw you say that and what is a rampart yeah like the rockets red glare and like we all have to do it yeah i feel like we should rewrite i feel like we should make a updated national anthem right like it just feels so dystopian to me now i have to stop using dystopian i don't like don't even know what it means i have a confession to make i've never fucking known what that means i just like a different world i think is what it means like really quickly too we have to talk about the like the way that jake came out was so i could the birds in the cage in the back of the car no that was hilarious to me but like i think like i was trying to explain like we were trying to differentiate like between whether he was trolling or actually he's just like that and it's like

either he's the greatest best troll of all time or he is the corniest motherfucker alive in the best way i think he knows what he's doing 100 like he's like let me do as many things to get the most eyes on me he He's brilliant. Dave Portnoy said like they are the best marketers of all time. 100% I have to stop quoting. Everyone's like, why do you worship Dave Portnoy? And I'm like, honestly, I don't know why. Well, Dave Portnoy has just been saying so much lately too that it's like.

Yeah, I think I just like, I love a man who's passionate. In my upcoming vlog, I just edited how is he pulling that into my vlog. And like that is the greatest clip of all time. He died. I know. Rest in peace. Fly high edited how is he pulling that into my vlog and like that is the greatest clip of all time he died i know rest in peace fly high how is he pulling that guy i met him once you did miami or i'm making that up completely no i think he's pretty memorable actually yeah but it's like it feels like a fever dream but i guess all of miami does for me so i don't fucking know but yeah the fight was that was crazy to watch just really crazy it was sad but I'm I'm sleeping fine at night knowing that Mike Tyson is 25 million dollars richer that's the thing is that's kind of like the marketing thing of this right like getting these legends who now need like a bag and it was except for Tommy Fury beneficial like

well because obviously Mike Tyson he's his his legacy is never going to be tarnished like he is a legend like everybody knows it but now Jake has this like Mike Tyson, his legacy is never going to be tarnished. He is a legend. Everybody knows it. But now, Jake has this Mike Tyson endorsement, which is the best, the highest honor you can possibly have. He straight up said, this guy's a great fighter. That's crazy. That is amazing. It's so crazy.

And it's cool as well of Mike Tyson, I guess. I always think it's cool when people from the other generations are supportive and welcoming to whatever the new generation is doing and obviously boxing has probably changed I can't even imagine how much since Mike Tyson started fighting yeah I also think that Jake was so I'm so happy I was fucking literally on the edge of my seat like fearing for him to get up there and be like i fucking told you or something and he was so graceful yeah which i think was really small like i loved that because there's everyone it was just like overwhelming disappointment everybody was disappointed when he won and like that's sad because obviously he wants to be like celebrating and stuff but like

nobody wants to see an old man get beat up especially like mike tite like america's sweetheart calling mike tice in america America's sweetheart we have learned so much about him though like today like I found out that he has like all these pet pigeons you didn't know the pigeon law I had no idea about all the pigeons and I also didn't know that he had lost his daughter I did not know that that's yeah she's two and she I think two or four those are two different ages but yeah he lost it I think she was four that's they asked him like what was what's like the hardest thing you've ever had to face or like something like worse or like um the craziest fight you've ever dealt and he was like just like the fear or like losing my

daughter it was so sad that just gave me chills that's fucking insane yeah and it was like a horrible way too it was like just ugh anyway i love him i'm happy he's he loves pigeons pigeons are so brilliant it's so interesting that like they're so looked down upon i am like so fucking convinced that pigeons aren't real like that's a robot i can't with you and you're you're teetering like the line of like my mother with these conspiracies like beyonce did nothing well beyond i don't know you know what i mean like i'm i don't want to say that because like what if i'm wrong here's what i'm like we landed on the moon i want to say that really quick i was actually just talking about i don't know if i think we did

still well you go there you know what i mean like imagine that this is what pisses me off about it imagine like you're the fucking person who went to the moon and then there's fucking two idiots on a couch with a big fucking podcast they're like no make podcast equipment more expensive you know what i mean like like no you fucking didn't you're honestly so right but here's the thing so page was telling me this in the car today again it's all telephone i don't know if this is real information or not okay but apparently from what i hear we went to the moon because russia was like we're gonna go yeah it was a race it was yeah and then yeah what do you mean what do you mean we were like no we just have to first man yes of course it's like a big huge accomplishment you don't want fucking russia

to get there before we do but think about how america is right like just overall like if we went to the moon once there would be cyber trucks on the moon by now like what do you mean we've just never gone back because it was so fucking expensive and we like exhausted all of our money and resources to go to the moon literally for him to stick a little stick in the just to say like to russia yes like yes it was like a big dick competition and then wasn't there wind blowing in the U.S. flag on the moon? And apparently there's no atmosphere for there to be wind on the moon. It wasn't wind.

I think it's lack of gravity. It was like, you know. Yeah, you're right. Like, what was it going to do? Just be pulled to the ground? The humans aren't even pulled to the ground. How many people went to the moon? Was it just Buzz?

Lightyear? Yeah. I think it was just him. I don't know. It was like three of them or something. Lance Armstrong? We should try to get a moon adjacent on. Like I want the cousin of someone who went to the moon on canceled.

And like I need some lore. It's got to be someone's grandpa. Right? Like that's what I'm saying. Is it Lance or Neil? Because I'm fucking really sounding stupid. I thought those were the people who flew the plane. No, those are the Wright brothers.

It was Neil. And they invented the airplane. They didn't fly. Well, they didn't fly. They didn't go to the moon at all. It was Neil? Yeah. I knew it.

Lance has one testicle. He had testicular cancer and he was the yellow bracelets. Remember when we were all wearing the yellow bracelets? Never mind. Right? Yeah, Lance, I'm sure. And then they go to the pink like the yellow bracelets were for like testicular cancer and then pink bracelets were for breast cancer oh that's remember the little rubber bracelet and then we all of a sudden added i heart boobies that's what that's

what i like remember i remember the pink ones i kind of remember the yellow i don't know that is crazy maybe you were like it was when i remember it because i was in my accelerated reading class i wore it and you had to read about testicular cancer no i just remember wearing it in that particular classroom and so it that's how i know that you were probably a little bit too young for it oh that's because i was in like maybe first grade oh i wonder that is i don't know um circling back to mike tyson's ass i think there's no fucking way in hell that he would ever let that happen. I think that it was 100% a mistake. Netflix was being kind of glitchy anyways.

No, but why wasn't he wearing anything but that little chap? And wasn't there like a Nike or a Gatorade sign behind him? So then now I'm defending that it was staged. I don't know what I'm saying. Yeah, whose team are you on here? But there's no way mike tyson agreed to be double cheeked up on a thursday on netflix i think he was like oh you know what go all in what shame

does he have he's fucking everyone loves him i didn't know that boxers looked like that before they performed like just like crack out like what do you mean well everybody's naked before they put clothes on but like you'd think you'd think that they put on their clothes at home and then came clothed i don't know jake came in like the the funkiest outfit i've ever seen what was it it was like so jake paul it was like a it was crazy that big silver expensive shorts they were like a million dollars oh yeah and alec monopoly alec monopoly's so fucking rich and it's so crazy like you're like alec monopoly's talented as fuck he's done a lot of iconic stuff and i'm not actually he's just alec now right monopoly sued him that's hilarious i didn't but you're telling me if i just go start painting peppa on walls i can all of a sudden be like that's a million bucks i've never understood that about

art in general really me neither i think it's a million bucks. I've never understood that about art in general, really. Me neither. I think it's a confidence thing. Kind of sick. You know who's a really amazing artist that we don't think about is Jim Carrey. He is like an insane. I think his brain is just like it operates in a way that nobody else's does. But it's because I'm obsessed with that show Comedians in Cars getting coffee.

It is so good. You should have a little segment on your YouTube channel like that or something. It's like literally my dream. But then I think about it and Tara has her show in the car. James Corden did Carpool Karaoke. Like it's like people do it. There's somewhere in between James Corden and Tara Yummy that you could find. You think so?

Yeah. You think that's my medium? I honestly really fucking do. And I mean that. I got teabagged. Intentional or accidental? I've been begging McCoy to teabag me. Yeah.

And he finally did it. Oh, that's nice. But I had to really beg him. I just like wanted to. Beg? You had to beg him? That seems like a really like basic relationship task. Well, he was just telling me that it didn't feel right.

You know, that like teabagging comes from a disrespectful nature. Well, that's nice because it is like. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. But it was really cool. Like, have you ever felt balls on your forehead? Of course I did this morning.

But sometimes No but really like set there like I was laying in my sweats and then he like came over me. Was he like legs over you?

Because sometimes if I'm feeling crazy I'll like like a pillow I'll just put it over my head like a little blanket. I love balls.

Me too. Like so much. They're so fucking cool. Like i wish i had balls so bad what would you do with them everything i feel like i'd get them caught in my zipper me too but just like the texture of balls is so fucking cool what do you mean what can you even compare this like orifice is hanging from your body and it's they're like orbeez they're like your own they are and i like i like when you like push them in it like it like shoots the other way and i guess we kind of yes i guess we kind of have that with boobs but it's not the same like

they're in this little sack i think they're so cool they are i like really mean that i'm always trying to play with them they are and just like the fact that a penis can just like go from like little to huge like with just a thought yeah that's like magic yeah like what the fuck do you actually mean it's so cool it is so cool i wish i did it so bad they're so cool me too but then i sometimes like i feel like i'd sit on it i don't think i would have a good time with that honestly why am i so offended i got tagged i got tagged like a thousand times in this in this tiktok of this girl saying that she was born with an 18 inch labia and i'm like oh because you're like the labia community i'm the labia community apparently but i can't even imagine that that's kind of fun too though it's like oh i'm cold

you have a little blanket like that's sick it's sick as fuck i just think like just comfort comfortability like i feel like that's like a medical like i feel like insurance would cover that that's probably true i don't know do you know what i just found out i've been shooting this show with trisha which i keep meaning to promote on the canceled podcast trisha trisha and i have a show coming out called not love line and i have not talked about it at all and i'm really excited i am so. We were just trying to find something obviously that was very different than canceled and just Trish. Cause that was like everyone's biggest fear taking the fucking. It was my biggest fear. I was like, Oh no, I'm almost out of job. No. Taking the topics from those shows would be,

so we're doing an advice show where people call in. That's like Loveline from the nineties. And this girl called in and she was like, Hey hey like what can I eat to make my puss taste and smell better not Dr. Pepper yeah okay so I didn't know that I knew with guys that it's like oh pineapple right I didn't know with girls that was a thing like sweet fruits make your puss taste different yeah well it's really just like what you consume I'm pretty sure like if you have enough coffee you can make it like that happen i definitely have that's really like amazing but i think i don't know i'm not a medical professional but like yeah i mean people have like sweet like a lot of fruit and stuff i just didn't know that that worked with the puss too like i knew that

that happened for men but i'm like thinking about weeks where oh wait you didn't know what do you mean or it happened they encourage girls to do it all the time. Like they'll tell girls to eat like a bunch of pineapple or like if, I feel like that was a thing in my high school. It's like, if you knew you were going to hook up with a guy, you would literally consume like seven pineapples a day for like a week. I knew that there are certain things that like

can stop your period and help you, but I did not know that it could change. Like I'm thinking about weeks where my hyper fixation food was like corn dogs. Like did I have corn dog-lessy? Probably. seat probably what the hell you probably had corn dog a seat and that's what we were just talking about before we started this people were telling me that you can't have dr pepper because apparently makes your yeah we have two dr peppers on the way plug your nose mikoa and miles no i'm so sorry i have fact checked that one like i'm not kidding because

that i wasn't gonna let it go down that way you don't want no doctor pussy no i didn't know why did i say no please please stop no i think it's a myth like to some extent i'm sure it's true like if all you eat is like fucking like indian fry bread all day long or like you know what i mean like deep fried oreos like things that are like really really like greasy and horrible maybe just all I wanted to say was Oreo see please no Oreo see like damn that's just I'm really now thinking about some weeks where I know I've had like fried piccolosi you know like that it's just you probably have some acidic please don't ask i like i know i like there's some things i would just rather not know that's so true i don't think he'd tell

me anyways i would hope that well i don't know because i don't think i would ever recover if someone told me that yeah like that's a crazy thing i've heard about other people like that's my least favorite thing about guys or like guy friends is when they like talk about shit like that yeah because if you're saying this about this girl then you guys would say this about me if i were not in the room yeah and it's just like yeah i agree with that like it just gives me the egg should we get our doctor pussies oh my god i don't care if my pussy tastes like clorox bleach after this you might have to bleach it okay next next topic something that's been weighing heavy on me katherine pies pays pies posted her new boyfriend ex mcbroom she was katherine katherine that's why that's what i'm trying to i'm trying to bring her old name back yeah that's awesome mcbroom guy

but did you see austin's like making videos trying to say like katherine cheated he's so delusional and i just want to go on record right now and i know i involve myself and wedge myself into all the drama and i really shouldn't but let me just say quickly i have personally with my own two eyes seen austin mcbroom cheat on katherine dozens of times same maybe i'm lying when I'm saying same, but like, I'm pretty sure it's kind of like the me meeting the, how is he pulling that guy?

Like, I think I'm sure I just like, but it's so crazy for like her to finally be happy and him just to like come out of the woodworks and be like, she's cheated. And it's just, I actually didn't see the video, but I just saw like text about it.

It's so crazy how some people just don't live with any embarrassment. Like how does he not feel like when he like stops making the video and like the phone goes doo-doo and he's like sitting there alone in the room how do you not feel like i think it might be like what we were saying with jake where he's like it's intentional trolling like he knows it's obnoxious and he's doing it anyway yeah but i feel like even jake paul would make fun of aust McBride. Well, I know that to be true, but I think that there's levels to this shit. Yeah, I guess that's true. Yeah, I'm so happy she's happy the new guy looks great. Like, that's just awesome.

I know, I feel like she's got, like, a Makoa on her hands. Like, just a manly, like, outdoorsy man. I'm pretty sure he's an artist. Yeah, like, that's so hot, and, like, she just deserves that so much. I'm so, like, I posted it on my own story. Like I know these people. Like I am, it's awesome to see. I don't even want to talk about it because I almost like, I don't, and maybe I'm making this up,

but somewhere down the line of me talking so much about Austin McBroom and how I thought he was awful, I feel like she almost started to feel like Tana stopped talking about me, right? Oh, sorry. I brought it up. No, but I might be making that up. I'm be making that up maybe she didn't care at all but um god I'm doing that a lot today I just don't have my head screwed on straight just saying things yeah like I don't know what the fuck I'm saying um I'm so fucking tired but I that's okay this week has just been crazy Brooke like you've been doing I shot the Jeff's barbershop dry shampoo

campaign shot an episode of jeff fm i shot the cover of paper magazine with all these characters like it was so fun i didn't even why would you not tell me that you were doing that it like got sprung on me so fast and then i just went and did it and you don't need to like i never believe anything until i'm there i'm like i'm sure it's paper magazine and then I show up and it's like downtown and it's like paper but it's like P-A-Y-P-E-R like I don't like oh my god yeah and that was fun it was with my cover was with Heidi Montag and Carter B it's so weird too because I was just saying how I want to pull a Heidi Montag like go get 26 plastic surgeries with her I love her so much Spencer yeah and then the next day she was there it's. She told me I'd never met her before and I've always wanted to meet her.

I was gagged. She told me that my old manager hit her up and presented her with an offer during the boxing era for me to box her. But in the contract put that she had to lose. I don't know what you're saying like this is a surprise because I remember when that was in negotiations. Do you? I was standing in your closet at Weed Lake and you we like I was gagged because I'm like oh my god you're gonna fight

Heidi Montag like this is huge god I don't remember my own life like when she told me that I was like news to me I knew that um the queen of Melrose was there um so my father got a job at the palms restaurant sounds like i would love her but i'm i gotta be careful with this i don't know i don't know that person right thing because like who am i obsessed and page and i love the queen of melrose and we almost had a whole moment like we went up to say like we love you and she like low-key dissed us like just walked away and then it was so awkward it was so embarrassing it was like me page and carter b and we were it was just like we were dying laughing we're like oh my god and page and i was like this is the perfect story for cancel like just how funny like all day we're working up the courage to meet her

we were literally like i love you so much like you're like our kim kardashian she just looked at us stood there staring and was just like, and then walked away. But then like 30 minutes later, she came back and she was like, be in my music video, sit on my lap, like all this shit. And it like,

it like worked itself out. Maybe she was just like confused. Yeah, literally. That's, I think Paige and I running up to you and being like, ah,

is like scary. Like I think we scared the Queen of Moros, but then it all worked out and it was cute. But I love Carter B. We should try to have him on cancer. I actually think he would come on cancer. I love him so much.

Like shooting, there were so many other people there and it was like Lisa Rinna and like all these other like. I love, how did you not lead with Lisa? I know it's kind of, there were so many people

I'm like trying to remember but it was a set of all these covers and mine just happened to be with Carter and they wanted Carter to be like chugging a bottle. I don't know if I can actually

say all of this. They have me vaping. I'm in a gown hitting this vape on the cover of a magazine and I just thought it was so cool because like that is fast.

Normally I'm not allowed to hit my vape but it was fun to do with Carter. I don't know. And then Trisha and I have shot four episodes of Loveline. I've been back and forth

at my house. I just haven't slept. I'm like losing my mind. That'll be convenient when you live a little closer to her. I know that is nice. I am excited about that. What the fuck was I just going to tell you?

Oh, the queen of Melrose reminded me of this story that I've been being to tell on canceled. So the other night my friend texted me and she was like, Tana, you'll never believe who's at Barney's beanery right now. Right. And I'm like,

Jake Weber. Like, I, you know, just like I, who was at Barney's beanery? I don't know. Like, and I'm like Jake Webber like I you know just like I who was at Barney's Beanery I don't know like and she was like Lewis Capaldi is at Barney's Beanery right now and you know I love Lewis Capaldi so much have I ever told this story on the cancel podcast I don't think so got

how I scared the shit out of Lewis Capaldi so anyways this friend of mine she's a little really crazy so then she sends back a video of her like selfie style with Lewis and like he looks a little scared when I met Lewis Capaldi I scared the shit out of him like Zedd was having this party in Vegas and we were all at this after party and there's like 30 people and it's very much like like I literally think like Selena Gomez was there like there wasn't a lot of people and it was all very like important people so me even being there I was like on my best behavior you know and I sneak over to Zed and I'm like, Hey, like I know Lewis Capaldi's here. Like if you get a minute, like, can I just like walk over there? Like with you, like whatever, like if you want. And he's like, of course,

like I'll introduce you. He's the best. And so Zed walks me over to Lewis Capaldi. I'm so excited. I'm freaking the fuck out. And I look at Lewis. And for some reason, this is the only thing I can come out of my mouth, but I'm like crazy eyes. and I just like look at him and I'm like I love your work I I see nothing wrong with what you said he said nothing back to me looked at me with the most horrified eyes of my entire life and then imagine me saying that dead silence and I just like had to walk away honestly I don't think you should regret that at all that was honestly it was just honesty but imagine being louis capaldi and like tana mojo's in your face like you know like it's just what what about you being tana mojo like you know what i mean i'm scared of his work you love his

work and he should have been appreciative but i do love your work louis capaldi yeah so then now i was just imagining my friend at barney's wiener he's scaring the fuck out of him like it's just what was he doing at barney's Beanery it's funny the characters that old like Taylor Swift I was just gonna say that like what was Taylor Swift doing at Barney's Beanery yeah I like hate sounding it sounds so LA and like hipster

but I just like hate that the second places get found out by like the really young like TikTok crowd it like destroys it it's the same thing as saddle ranch like saddle ranch is like they go to saddle ranch and sex in the city like 20 years ago you know what you mean like no way yeah and she could they go of all places in los angeles and we're at the saddle ranch chop house i do remember that actually oh that is kind of crazy i guess it all does go

inside but it's like yeah it just it goes in and out but if it's like like that's a place that's just going to be there forever, Barney's. It doesn't matter who's buying the drinks. Yeah, that's true. I mean, first things first, do I give away this couch? Yes.

To me. I have this whole elaborate plan, but it's one of those things where like Tana has an idea and then Tana doesn't think it out at all. And then it's just, you know, it's actually

really hard to ship a couch. I, Paige said it was like a couple thousand dollars if it's within the US. Like, I'm not, I'm so sorry to the fans outside of the US. Wait, so you're going to pay someone to take your couch? No, like I would pay the movers to ship it to whoever wins the giveaway. Like, I don't think that's so fun. Like our patrons on Patreon. I'm like, like yeah one lucky patron gets the canceled couch i haven't thought about any of the fucking logistics literally at all like how do i give away a couch can you guys

let me know in the comments below if i were to do a couch giveaway how should i do it like should it be a contest maybe los angeles locals pickup only is kind of smart because like how do you transport a couch and do i just want to keep it i'm also missing a piece i lost a piece of this couch not kidding you guys a second ago we were literally like wait where's the rest of the couch and it's like how does the couch go missing it's like losing your arm you know i just found out i have a whole storage unit of like couches from like five houses ago yes and i need to know where that deep gray one is that one that was in your room at al-amal yeah like how do i keep losing couches well i think you just put them in a storage unit and you never think about them again yeah but where is the other piece of this couch and i

really can't find that i don't know But I want to give away this couch. But do you think it should be a contest? Like best interpretive dance wins the couch. Like should it be fun? So you want them to publicly humiliate the couch? No, no, no. Mind you, this is coming from the girl who was just willingly on Paige's TikTok with a harmonica and tap shoes, you know? Oh, and you're such a good tapper.

I really would like to tap together. We should tap together. It's so fun. I really do like that. Maybe we should have such a good tapper. I really would like to tap together. We should tap together. It's so fun. I really do like that. Maybe we should have them do good for Thanksgiving. And the person who does the most good gets the couch. No? Yeah, tap dancing it is.

No, it's just, like, funny. It's just, like, I don't know why that's funny to me. Like, I feel like I was thinking about, like, the ways that, like, our fans would do good would just be funny. Like, our fans are like funny. It's just like, I don't know why that's funny to me. Like, I feel like I was thinking about like the ways that like our fans would do good would just be funny. Like our fans are just funny. Um, yeah, I don't know.

I want to give away this couch, but I like, I think it's a good idea. I think we just have to iron out the details. Yeah. So it's just like down below if you have any good ideas. Yeah. And I think it should be as is like,

we really should like stuff a little something in there for the people. Like I want like a backwood in the back of this yeah I'm like you know I get like it's just it feels intimate I feel like this couch is us Trisha was saying that today Trisha because essentially the reason why I want to is because I'm moving and I want to build us a set in my new house and I'm really excited to have a set but Trisha was like no like that couch is you guys so then a part of me is like fuck like you know yeah i get it but you you also have another one you have two of them yeah i literally have another one so i don't know why i'm being drama when we when you lived at alamar were these all together no i bought a second one when i moved into wyndham because

the living room was so big that I just wanted like extendo couch what house was that your last one like Marianne I don't know why I always like reference that but yeah it's having a set to not us I think having a set no we need a set again come on we gotta step this game up yeah I agree I think we need a set. I have really cute ideas. That's going to be fun. You know what I want to talk about? I don't, but I would like to. This photograph. I love, favorite picture ever.

This is lately just- I have so many variations of that photo too. I think you might only have one. Did you take this photo? I took that photo. Okay, so this is perfect. Would you like to see the rest? Yes, I would. This photo's been really helpful to me lately

because I think that whenever I want to drink again, just remember that this photo of me exists right like no matter what like if you want to drink again this photo of you exists right like that is just I'm about to have so much fun and essentially essentially I really want to, I want to unpack the lore of the photo. Cause I posted a tick talk about it and I was just like, I feel like we need a breakdown. There's a lot of moving parts in this photo series. Do you have the photos of me in the dress with the pepper? Yes,

of course I have all of it. I'm just, there was so many days of this trip. I'm like, Jesus, or have we talked about this on the cancelled podcast no take a screenshot of that like I want to insert that into the this one's a good one we we sleep on this one let me see let me see wait I'm just

making sure there's no oh you're butt naked too there's happy ones so that's the thing about this photo i wish they were live i would do anything for a live photo but don't worry i have videos as well and by the way this was like um not to blackmail my friend this was like all in good fun brooke no like you didn't this is my favorite like we can't even insert this because it's like why would why were we even letting you in water no because here's what i want to i want to say about this am i naked i can't look it's a real painting i can't I'm saying I killed. Why am I naked?

We don't know either, dude. Well, can I tell you something? You could not. Like, we could not get you to put your clothes on. Oh, that was great. Brooke! Okay, can I just tell you I need to put these in a hidden folder I didn't even realize these are just floating around my camera roll yeah it's a little crazy these are also some personal favorites so have we unpacked these photos on canceled because I don't want to be redundant no I think we did it on um tour we did like a Turks and Caicos section so essentially you guys might have known the story but here's what I want to say so everyone obviously you remember seeing me like

this right but I've never and like everyone remembers seeing me like this and they all have different angles and variations and photos but we've never talked about what I remember give it to me I need to know I need to see this night through your eyes so obviously this whole plan was just so stupid like we spent the day at noah's ark which is this bar in the middle of the ocean you have to take a jet ski or a boat to get there in turks and cacos and it is famously known for the blackout like you drive out to the middle of the ocean on this bar that somehow it's dangerous if you think about it. It really is. Cause then it's like everyone, people just jet ski back.

It's crazy. And it's like just this floating bar and you get shit face. Like the whole, it's people with whistles, like very Cabo energy. Like it's, you know, like they're trying to get you fucked up. Amari threw up all over. People are upside down. Yeah. Like, it's just, it's this whole thing.

And then I decided, I was like, my birthday dinner should be after we come back from that, which is just insane. Okay. Like it's go to, you need bedtime after that. Right. Not to like continue the night. And so we all go have this birthday dinner on the beach. And that was obviously the birthday dinner where I thought my chair was broken and I kept tipping and seeing the moon. And then I moved chairs. I realized it was me, whatever. But so Justine, my stylist had styled me in this dress by Jacques Mousse, Jacques Mou. I don't, I don't know. Bibi's in Paris, not me. Jacques Mou. And I looked cute there. No, these are honestly, I love these. You're so happy. I really was. But so listen to me. So I'm in this dress and I don't know the exact rarity of it, but all I know is that Kylie Jenner had just worn it. I'm pretty sure it was not for sale. Like, I don't think there was a lot of this dress. It was really like, like even when she brought it over

and was like, I pulled this for you. Like we were like screaming and jumping up and down. Like it's insane that the pull ended up happening. Right. And so I bring it and I'm like, I'm going to wear this on my birthday. I'm going to take those photos. Kylie just wore it. Like this is so, so good.

Right. And then obviously we know that the only photos I got in it were me thinking that the paparazzi was there with Peppa ears on whatever. But then, and I'm wearing my watch and you can't take watches underwater unless they're like submariner watches. Like, so like, it's a very nice watch. It's a very expensive watch. And I just remember running from the beach and all of you knew that I was about to jump

in this pool. You know what I mean? And filling the watch with water like that was a twenty thousand dollar mistake of mine like it's just like that's I'll have to live with that forever right and I will never forget all of you are walking from the beach and it's like I'm running and everyone's behind me being like Tana don't do it like I know you're gonna jump in the pool everyone I remember Isabella's like no don't you're like especially Isabella she's like absolutely not yeah like in this dress whatever and then just the only flesh I have is being mid-air over the pool and all of you

are standing around the pool going oh I think I have it on video that's why i'm naked i think because like isabella and everyone was like take it off like you can't you can't be wearing this dress i have the whole process who's taking it off me um it appears that natalie's taking it off of you. Your arms are just. Yeah, and then I woke up the next day and my entire Audemars Piguet watch, the face of it was filled with water. But this is like, these are some of my favorite memories. Like, I'm going to cherish these images forever. I know that's the thing is it's like, I love being sober, but like, I'm happy that happened. I think. This is just so good.

Like, the whole process of it all you should like do it i have the next morning like your hair is on like every crevice of the patio like it's everywhere send that photo and we have to edit that and that's insane but there was something lethal in that pool. Okay. It was turning everyone's jewelry like. It also had just been shocked. So we're like. Swimming. Our hair could have melted off. My hair did melt off, babe.

Okay. What a trip that was. God, I never ever thought about that. I just like really like, really like, I know for a fact, Brooke, you do not have a photo of you this bad. Like this, like it's one of those things where. Because I, it's not like, I don't want to call it a blessing. It's the wrong word.

But like, I cannot do that because I throw up after like four shots. Yeah. I'll throw up and pass. I think it's antidepressants. I'm so serious. I like, so I would, I don't think I would have ever stopped drinking if that, like if it, if my body cut me off, you know? Yeah.

It's, well, it's kind of scary. Cause then, yeah, it is like, you're like drunk driving your body and I can't do that. It's like literally it sedates me. Like immediately all of a sudden I just go like, I become my, but I get so sick. That's like the reason I haven't been drinking as much recently. Obviously,

like I don't even want to go sober, but it's like, I can't drink without getting so sick. I was about to say, but I'm getting so much hate for my, um, no, you know what i'm in trouble for honestly so valid why was i blinking so hard in the last episode i was literally like this i was really thinking about like why i do that because now i'm like hyper aware of it and i do it a lot off camera like if someone's telling me a long story

to show you're listening yeah and i think it comes from my camera like if someone's telling me a long story to show you're listening yeah and I think it comes from my childhood like I think just like not being like I always want people to know that they're heard mm-hmm mm-hmm slay yeah I don't know and I just like no I agree with that I don't think that's weird I think that sometimes it's just like I was trying I was filming with Trisha today and I became like so hyper aware of my that i was then like i have all these ticks i have like a mouth um fixation on like doing this it's just so crazy that like i'm licking my lips it's like i is like a it's a medication thing but i think that might be the blinking too but just know that like it's better this than what would be happening if i weren't on it so let's just let me blink my fucking day away right let

me fly away with these lashes and I just do have to recognize that like the ADHD way that like we talk interrupting each other every second is not for everyone and when you hit that like new market like our fans are more like okay with that and aware of that, you know? But like, yeah. I mean, they still don't like it. Nobody likes it, but sometimes I'm like, what,

when is she going to finish? I don't know if you're ever going to finish. That's the thing. Like, just forget my thought. Oh, see, sorry.

I don't know. I couldn't agree more. I just, I just get so scary. Like it's so scary getting in the hyper aware waters. Cause like, like I said today I was filming with Tricia and I became so fucking weird cause I couldn't stop.

I've lived my past two years of my life that way. I'm having dexterity issues. Are you? Yeah. Like major today. Well, I don't know if this isn't a dexterity thing, but I'm having a hard time keeping things in my mouth.

Yeah. Like when I'm chewing, things will just fall out and I'm spilling things all keeping things in my mouth. Yeah, like when I'm chewing, things will just fall out. And I'm spilling things all over myself. And like my hands just don't work how they used to. Does that make sense? Like even typing, I'm like, I feel like I can't type as fast. Like my brain is working faster, but like I physically can't do it.

It's almost like I'm drunk. That's scary. That's kind of crazy. Yeah, I was like worried for a second that maybe I had like some sort of like MS or something. But I think I'm just stupid. It's so weird as we age and shit like how our bodies change like lately i've been having to crack my hips every two minutes and i'm like okay grandma like what do you mean my hips are out of place i'm 26 also does bad baby have cancer yeah and is it from vaping probably i don't know i can't confirm or deny that it's just so sad i want to talk about peggy peggy i thought you're gonna say pegging this made me sob today and i

just need you to see it because we're talking about growing old and like this literally just like makes like lights my soul on fire click the one that's like very clearly Peggy in the middle. Do you know Peggy? I'm just not emotionally stable enough for shit like this. I know. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Peggy she's a hundred and she's at the game still

and they the whole stadium sing her happy birthday isn't it so crazy that like when you see older people you just think like that's an older person like that she's still just a girl yeah makes me really sad it's like obviously growing old is like such a privilege and it's so beautiful but it just like oh it just like is so sad to me do you know that i posted a youtube video filmed and posted to youtube when i was like 19 years old where i imagine right now i like invited my friends over I invited you over and I said we're gonna film a YouTube video right and obviously I told them everyone the concept before but then we all just sat there and the camera was on us and we watched Lena the plug and Adam 22 have live sex in front of us and reacted and I posted it to the internet and it was monetized and no one said

anything times have really changed like what do you mean but what like where'd you get that concept i think that i was just like even just with my titles with everything like i was like what has no one ever done in my realm how shocking can i go like how insane can i you got a brain like that that is so impressive to me like but that's like but like i mean yeah that's fucking wild like that's porn hub like what do you mean like that that i can't believe that was on youtube like the and they're the all the noises and like we watched them like it was me yaya and maya ashley isabella i think maybe amari and we all just sat there fully clothed like it was like i just think like there's something like um a little strange about like low

key getting horny with your friends but i like no one was horny no so well i think yeah i am well let's think statistically speaking there's eight people in that room at least six were horny i guess like you just i could you could watch like fucking but it wasn't horny it was like we were like at the box like it was like we just like we're watching like very easy but it was a really small room at the same time like it was like the size of that room over there like a really small room like they were like like as probably as far from me as you are and like just a camera on me and i posted that to youtube i said i watched lena and adam have sex published wait and I was were you watching them on video Brooke no what Brooke no like I'm here camera here and there I thought you were talking about like reacting to a video no we went to their house and like she's in doggy this far from me getting pounded and i posted that to i filmed that i edited that and i

uploaded that oh yeah and it was monetized that's that's not the takeaway by the way the monetization like hold on i'm just i guess i'm just puzzled it's because that the the approval pause like you know what i mean like a lot of people had to agree to that for it to have taken place. Not really, though. At that time, I was just so unhinged. They did. The friends did. You did.

You did the thing that you were talking about, the Austin McBroom. You literally sat with it, pressed upload. I know. I wish it was still alive. Do you think it exists somewhere? You know, they say the internet is forever. I honestly do. Should I try to wish it was still a light do you think it exists somewhere you know they say the internet is forever I honestly do should I try to find it it's and it's so crazy the way my brain works like I was literally about to fall asleep last night and just all for some reason that just popped in my brain for no reason okay I have a question for you but like let me see if I can find it yes I want what's your question well you show me first my God, this is someone reacting to it.

Hi. Listen, that's me in the video. I'm tipsy right now. Well, how about that? So am I. Top comment is the internet is a special place. Yeah. Someone said, I thought she was going to watch their their tape not sit in the splash zone while they

played pelvic patty cake irl this website is a circus but the best thing about the internet is people's comments like that's and then the next one is that i worry that tana's eyes nose and mouth are slowly migrating away from her face so yay people on the internet are so funny you know today the auto zone was on fire on fucking highland literally did you see it it was the craziest thing i've ever seen in la like it was actually it was a completely engulfed in flames the whole auto zone okay and i'm on citizen like watching the town burned to the ground. And all the comments are like, fuck, I just ordered fat sals. Because, dude, Citizen app is so funny. Do you know that you can go live personally on the Citizen app, by the way?

Like, you can go live and then people can come in. And I used to do that all the time with, like, Josie and Ari and shit. Like, it's insane. Well, I was watching everybody go live. But I need you to, i wish i could show you the videos of it it was so crazy like i can't believe you didn't see it have you been speaking of just things around la that are just funny and insane have you been seeing the ozempic cyber trucks what people are wrapping all around los ang. People are wrapping Cybertrucks in like, get skinny now.

Oh, I did see that because someone was like, imagine explaining this to a Victorian. Oh, Zempic Cybertrucks. I'm like, no, I haven't seen it, but where is it? Where is it at? But I can't. I hate Cybertrucks so much and it sucks because in theory, they're so cool.

They're so fucking ugly. I just think they're just like, it looks like they're going to get hit by something. They're so big ugly i just think they're just like it looks like they're gonna get hit by something they're so big and so sharp i love how they look but the i want to see a crashed cyber truck yeah you're so like what does it look like when it crashes yeah it's so true i just think that the cyber truck community is what makes you mad and why did everybody like just leave it silver why did everybody universally decide that because Well, because it's ugly. It gets so dirty. It's like it's like, you know, when you have like a copper tabletop or something and then

it just every single watermark leaves a permanent stain. That's how it is. It just looks disgusting. So they have to wrap it. I saw a camo one the other day. How do you masturbate when you live with your boyfriend? I already told you. On the toilet.

But like, is that the only way? I tried it or like when he's there like but like why do you need to masturbate if your boyfriend's there okay can you hear me out here's the thing right like we're together all the time and obviously sex is like a whole thing yeah you know and sometimes you just want to get your nut out and keep it pushing see i want to get behind you but sometimes you put me in these positions i know i'm and i'm sorry i am but like obviously sorry it's just like i don't my back doesn't have the arch in it you know like i don't like it i want this to be one real task yeah you know what i mean but then it's like and obviously yes you can go in the bathroom and you can go in the shower, but that's not ideal.

I tried your whole toilet shtick. I don't like, I, it's. You didn't try it. I swear to God on the Bible, I tried it. I almost texted you right after. Do you think it's like a personal thing? Like, do you think like for some reason that's just like, like how I was built? Like I need to be upright?

Yeah. Because it's not specific to the toilet, by the way. Like I could be sitting on a couch or on a bed, but like I shouldn't be laying down cause it's not the same. That's yeah. Then that's definitely a personal thing because I'm going to try standing up when I get home.

I've tried that. Have you? It's kind of embarrassing. It feels like your knees are like buckling. It's really embarrassing. You look like Demi Lovato in camp rock like it very disney me coded but and i'm already disney me coded so but i think you just yeah so i tried your whole toilet stick and honestly all i just felt was like shame like walking out of there i was like that's

embarrassing like you know what i mean but then it's like well yeah it is embarrassing and like i almost like don't want people to know that about me. But like in case I help even one person experience what I had experienced. That's fair. No, it's fair. And I haven't tried it with a vibrator though. I was acoustic. Bitch, you can't. Like that doesn't even count.

That doesn't even count. No, acoustic isn't real. Acoustic is real. Acoustic's so real. Acoustic is real. Acoustic's so real. Acoustic, I'm not even kidding. Like maybe one time in my 28 years of life have I successfully acoustic, acoustic. That's weird.

And it was only because I was really, really in a bind. I'll go for the Theragun quicker than I'll go acoustic. Brooke Amber, Brooke Amber. No, you did not just say that first of all i've already told you that don't act like you don't know they even know but i just the only thing is you need at least like four layers of protective um like there needs to be like a like a hoodie a pant a choney and. Like, you need to have a spot. But it's like, in my dream world, you know, I'd love to just... What about wank it in my bed?

What about parallel play? Yeah, but then that's a whole thing. Why? Because then it's like, okay, you then it's like okay you don't watch me i don't watch you you just fucking that's weird as fuck i don't think it's weird we're just gonna masturbate next to each other and never bring it up and like never like we'd have i'd have to be like looking and like like it's just more yes no but then still that just feels to me like that's still one step up from just a daily wank.

Like a casual wank. Well, fuck. You have a mansion. Like go to another room. Yeah. No, you're right. Like you should be worried about people like me. I get what you're saying.

I just. Yeah. Just say, hey, I've got to wank itank it please can i just wank it really quick is that what you say can i please just jack off i wouldn't say that to him that's what you say but that's that's what i'm saying like i only say that to like you because the other like terms feel like sexy what are your other terms no come on come're done come on come on come on I don't weird I'm not leave me alone don't be weird I'm done I just I really like I'm see this I'm almost like I am asking Brooke but I'm also just asking people out there you live with your partner I think this

would be a good question for sex with Emily you guys I've been talking to Tana about having this sex therapist that I met on the podcast we really should and like she has so she's just like everything to her like nothing is off limits everything's so comfortable and stuff and I'm like I'm just not there yet you don't even know I was a late bloomer like I didn't have sex until I was like 40 and then even then i was like really only like base model like doing like very you know yeah i feel like i know what the sex therapist would say you know like incorporate whatever but i'm saying she would say like have an open and clear communication line with your partner and i totally could do that you know but i'm just saying like how do people who like

essentially live with their partner hit the private link like and i'm just also imagining him gaming and then all of a sudden it's like he just looks at me like that's so weird like what's crazy is that was like such an accurate depiction of like what happens yeah like it's just like well imagine like imagine you walk in on me in the toilet and my legs are like that's what i'm saying like how i just there's gotta be something do it on the toilet all the time by the way this is like a real like accidental discovery no because you had to carry your vibrator into the toilet it was a like there was nowhere else to go and the thing is that that shower at that venue had a leak it had leak. And so I couldn't just be in there forever because it would have filled the entire fucking place with water.

So I had to separate the two. I can't believe you discovered masturbating on the toilet at a venue before you went on stage. We should say masturbating sitting up. It doesn't have to be on the toilet. Yeah, you're right. You're right. And that's better.

I wouldn't want to say that too. But like if you're hanging off the edge, like you never know you know what else do we have i feel like we can't just that was way too long of a masturbation conversation i know but i like i really want answers and i don't have them yet like i'm trying to figure out that should have been on patreon how to bring on a casual wink that's so fair euphoria is never coming back wait how do you know the people and maybe this is just like a tiktok lie i keep falling for tiktok lies like i thought me too the other day i saw this tiktok and it was

like it said that lana del rey commented on lizzo's post telling her to get on the treadmill and all the comments were like acting as if it was valid and i scrolled down to the very bottom and there was like one person saying this was fake and i was like that is fucked up like yeah it's really crazy but but i saw on tiktok that euphoria is allegedly never coming back and if that is the case and i understand why like i think it's been too long they all became too successful honestly and like i think angus cloud was such yeah a vital part of euphoria and like i understand if it never came back but then it's like can the fucking creator sit down and tell us what the fuck happened to rue's suitcase like how like i just want the end of the story like we need one long episode they left us on such a cliffhanger that it's like what do you mean it's just never i don't like when a show has it's been so long since the show is like i didn't even remember what you were talking about when you just

said the suitcase really but euphoria was a little bit dark to me and honestly i did like i hate to be like a karen but like i definitely don't think it's what our youth should be consuming wow you know what i mean it was like really it was heavy ever All Sam Levinson shows are very heavy. I know. I guess you could argue though that it's like good education. And it's just artistic. Like it's a very like, it's just, it's cool. But it's like. It's one of the more accurate depictions of mental health in today's society. I feel like that I've seen.

Yeah. But like high schoolers, like. Yeah. I don't know. My high school was not like that. My high school was just like that. I think that's why. Like my high school experience was very similar to euphoria i had one friend who did drugs and she was just like crazy that's crazy no like i was rude to a t i am rude to a t

yeah no yeah and like yeah i don't know you I'm definitely Rue. I think I would want to be like Maude or what's her name in the movie or in the show? I don't remember. Lexi. Is this fucking play about us? That's Cassie. No, no, no. I know what I'm saying. She wrote the play, right? Yeah. God, I love Sidney Sweeney. Who would you want to play you in a in a movie about yourself because that's my answer Sidney Sweeney for you I didn't say it has to be accurate Jennifer Coolidge the queen of Melrose have you ever seen the movie Wanderlust you have it's easily the funniest movie I've ever seen I just watched it for the first time it's with jennifer aniston and paul i want to say paul rudd funniest fucking movie i've ever seen you will literally die i watched it tonight honestly it was so i just finished bojack horseman and

i need a support group here's what i'm gonna go on the record and say what's bojack horseman about brooke i'm i i have to say right now Dexter has always been since the dawn of time my favorite show of all time and I Bojack Horseman might be my favorite show I've ever watched in my entire life like it changed my life really Erin's saying the same thing it is the most i just don't like animated things i know i know i know i know i can i do but i'm i'm genuinely saying if these were people like i almost feel like it doesn't get the credit that it deserves because it's not people but it is the most accurate deep dark depiction of mental health i've ever fucking seen see yeah i don't i don't want that i want to feel happy oh then yeah definitely don't fucking watch it want that i want to feel happy oh then yeah definitely

don't fucking watch it but it's the greatest show i've ever seen let me just tell you essentially and it's also based in hollywood which is really cool so like it's all cartoon and it's like all places we've gone in stories and whatever and bojack horseman is based on some people argue he's not but like i'm just gonna explain it to you as if he is on bob saget like on like he had a show like full house he played the happy dad he ends up like growing up and kind of becoming this like dark person and he's a raging alcoholic and he just fucks up his own life over and over again but you love love him and it's, oh my God, it's the greatest show I've ever seen. Maybe I do have to watch it.

But again, I get so, like, I truly, like, get really affected by things. Like, I'll carry, like, a movie with me, like, for days at a time. Yeah, I've never felt, I finished it last night. I watched the finale and I've never felt pain. Like, it leaves you with this, I don't think i've never felt pain like it leaves you with this i don't think i've ever watched a show that leaves you with the same feeling the character feels so deep inside of you like i genuinely felt like empty and like i don't want to feel empty but it's so good it's just so good and it's really funny too how many because it's still funny it's

just dark humor and a lot of the things that are funny are like fucked up and sad like the things that he's doing but like so many of the scenes like every person is a person you know like every part like one of the characters is literally identically natalie bowling like it's just like it's very because it's like all these people that you know in hollywood princess carolyn is nat Bowling to a fucking T it's so funny um but like like you I think you would think I'm BoJack and it might make you hate me more but it's more hate me more is crazy I'm sorry the people already think it I'm sorry I hate me more I didn't mean to project that onto you um you need to watch it it's just I can't even i will if i ever want to feel empty if you ever just and i don't think i don't think any show like when whenever people say like hollywood is so dark

right and like hollywood is so cutthroat people are so evil it's so different here than anywhere else i've never seen a show so accurately depict what people are really fucking like here like and i'm almost thinking that people in other places watch this and they're like oh this must be exaggerated and like it's not and like it's just nuts and it's like a cartoon horse like it's crazy if it were people it would he's a cartoon horse yeah because that makes sense bojack horseman yeah and he lives in a house in hollywood hills and he has just like crazy life and it's it's nuts maybe one day I like to feel really happy and um I I like to be distracted from my empty sad um feelings don't watch that yeah you really shouldn't I have not a show make me as sad as

the show has made me ever in my entire life honestly but now I love it I love shit that fucks me up I don't know sometimes it's nice like a good sad song but like but seven seasons of a show that's like no too much greatest show I've ever seen though trying to think of like something else you should watch now like what are all my favorite shows I'm trying to think I've watched everything I need to watch the Martha Stewart documentary too still immediately that's my very next thing you need to watch speaking of very next can we talk about the next top model that was such a stupid segue i loved it but wait what's going on well i was i was gonna talk about martha stewart how i keep seeing her be like such a whore on my timeline i love i love it yeah who is she just saying she's like yeah he came on my show

he's pretty good at what he does watch out wife yeah that's what i was talking about like she was saying watch out wife about somebody's husband and then he came to her house i was like martha and she's like 80 i just feel like you never see so shameless you never see people be like 75 and like that like really i feel like every grandparent i've ever known has been like that just ruthless shameless yeah i guess i just mean in the spotlight. Oh, yeah. But did you grow up watching America's Next Top Model? Yes.

I watched it religiously. It's one of my favorite shows of all time. I think it is fucking amazing reality television. And I feel like a lot of shows now, like now when we think about reality television and look back on it like a Jersey Shore, just any shows, you're like, that wouldn't fly today, right and you're like that was that's a little fucked up in today's standards right but i remember watching america's next top model at the time and thinking like this is so fucked up like it's like tyra banks just hazing these bitches like making them remember

when they shaved a gap in her teeth that's literally what i was just gonna say making the bitches shave gaps in their teeth and shave their head and they're sobbing and then she just sends them home like imagine you shave your head bald and a gap in your teeth entire banks is like you suck at this shit that's like literally every time i've ever dated a man i like completely adapt my personality and then get kicked to the curb and then you're just standing there toothless i'm just sitting there on my fucking horse like what what now exactly and she would just always do that like there was an episode remember where she made girls like cosplay different races and shoot is that like the craziest shit and just like would like one girl couldn't read like had dyslexia makes her read in front of everyone then like tells her she's a horrible model, boots her off the show.

Like just genuine hazing. And like if you really think about it as well, it's very sad the amount of these girls' dreams that were crushed when in reality they're all beautiful. Yeah, I remember seeing one girl like she was like, sorry, you're a fatty. And she's like a size four. Yeah, like just like and these are just like five there are hundreds of examples the show went on for so long like you know what I mean and it's finally now on vice there is a documentary exposing the horrors of america's next top model and I haven't watched it yet but it's new I gotta watch what's vice is that like online I know what it is but

like where do you get that? Like you have to be on the internet? I don't know actually, but I don't care. I'm locked in. I have to watch it. You know Tyra Banks is one of the only, I always say this, is one of the only celebrities I've ever had like a bad experience with personally. Yeah, BeautyCon.

I can never forget that story. Thank you. That's so sweet. You're welcome. I don't hate you. I don't think you hate me. I didn't. I really, I'm not kidding.

Like I love you more than ever and I know you love me my love for you is growing every day I'm really excited for your birthday too I've been doing but you made me a little nervous that text you sent me I've been the birthday fairy like I've just been doing digging trying to find things out nothing crazy it's just like really fun I've been having a lot of fun with your birthday all month okay that makes me happy. Do you use chat GPT? No, but I want to start because everybody's like so good at it.

If I had that in college, I would be a nurse right now. Yeah. By the way, I would have passed. I've been using it so much lately because I've been crying like every day. I don't want to go into the whole house lore of it all. It is such a champagne problem. It's such a blessing. But this is exactly why I like was so scared to do it

because it is in taking so much information about things that I just do not understand. Yeah, and then you don't want to lock yourself into something that you like weren't completely aware of because it was just too much at once. And I'm coming to the conclusion that like that's what's going to happen no matter how much research I do there are so many things that I just won't and can't and don't understand and it's not like these are easy things like it's I think it's hard to not having somebody who can advise you like

on a personal level like everybody who's advising you right now is like your business manager the real estate agent like all people who like you know what I mean like it needs to be like a parent or something and I'm so grateful to God for my real estate agent Sasha she's actually a great friend of mine I was friends with her sister I've known her forever and she her and I are way more similar in age so she has been really helping me with like explanations so obviously all and I've always had this problem, like even just with my lawyers, like whenever I'm in a lawsuit and they're trying to explain the law to me, like the way that people two generations above us

explain to our brain rot generation, like even if I am on the full dose of my medicine, my attention span cannot handle these like insane wraparound explanations with eight analogies about things like I need just direct answers. Like, and I feel like I've been in all these meetings where I'm asking like the most simple question and it's like, it's like, what is escrow? And then it's like a 30 minute explanation with 90 analogies. And then I still don't know. Right. Yeah. And I was at a football game with Mario Selman recently and Mario Selman, he didn't understand the football game.

And so he asked ChatGPT, can you explain football to me in short gay terms, right? And then ChatGPT writes back and is like essentially giving this whole analogy about how football is like an episode of RuPaul's drag race and like why and I was reading it and I was like oh my god like I literally completely understand football now this is amazing the amount of times I've had someone try to explain this to me like it doesn't make sense it's scary because it's like that's amazing but also like oh no

but it's listen to this like I can't read the one. Wait, can you can you explain? Like, OK, I said, can you explain to me in short gay terms the negative downsides of buying a home when the previous seller has a lien on the property? Right. And mind you, I was on an hour call with five people trying to explain this to me for an hour. I hung up. I cried.

I asked chat this and they go buying a house with the lean is like inheriting someone else's messy ex aka you're stuck with their baggage until the lean is cleared you can't fully own the house and honey that's a whole drama it's giving red flag vibes for your finances so check the receipts first like i'm i've learned so much that is amazing it's inside like there was there's another one i'm trying to find like can you i was saying like can you explain to me in short gay terms the negative downsides of like having other people be a trustee on your property with you and like what the fuck does that mean right same thing our call five people trying to explain it to me chat gpt is like the

downside if your blind trustee isn't serving trustworthy vibes, they can mess up your whole fantasy, mismanage funds or make bad calls. Plus you lose some control. So if they fumble, it's your coin on the line. Choose wisely diva. And then I just call back and I'm like, okay, now I completely understand. Like it's, that's so funny and so amazing.

Almost like how is there not a real human being on the other line of that? Isn't that so insane? Like I've been using it to explain, even just the other day, other day like bees i was like why do people say save the bees and then they explained it all to me in short gay terms and now i'm like no it's save the bees i don't think i'm even supposed to be alive at this time like it doesn't make any sense because i'm still trying to understand how a fucking camera takes a picture wait for it can you explain in short gay terms how a camera takes a picture light hits the lens slays through to the sensor and leaves its impression like a flawless red carpet photo

the shutters the gatekeeper deciding how much light gets in snap it captures the moment giving you a pixel perfect memory to serve like like yes but like you cannot like there's i don't think there's anything in the world that can make like people are watching us right now as it really happened in like you know what i mean like because of these things but how and the fact that these were invented like before a suitcase had wheels on it like you're lying a suitcase had wheels on it like 30 years ago like before that they were just carrying them around that's why in all the videos they're just carrying like the trunks like are canceled like my grandpa was telling me about how he would like

run through the airport and he didn't have wheels on his suitcase and now i'm pissed that i didn't think of that and like not that i was alive but it is crazy it's like nothing left to invent you know that i know there are you'll hear about it tomorrow and you It's like nothing left to invent. You know that I feel there are, you'll hear about it tomorrow and you'll be like, why the fuck was that not me? I know. That's my parents.

That was their whole shtick. They were always trying to think of a new invention to like get us out of poverty and I was like, mom, just get a job. My mom thinks she's done it like twice a day. Yeah, it's not. What is that?

I don't know. Do you know chat GPT apparently uses water? Like the machines? And so then that can be like a serious problem for our future like how much water chat gpt uses why do they need water but like i also don't that that makes me sound really stupid but it's like isn't there always more water like why can't we find water and now i want to ask chat gpt and i get it like we're like sometimes we're in a drought but it's like why can't we get it doesn't want to come from the ground can't we just get more but like it's like at the rate of consumption oh so we're consuming it faster than okay then that makes sense but like

i know that sounds stupid but just like i'm trying to learn you let me know i need it is it an app yes just the chat gpt app i'm not kidding it's really been saving my life is it free i pay for the whole thing though because it's like actually saving my life as of late i don't know why you know people are using chat wait first of all hawk to a girl started an app she started an app. She started an app. I'm obsessed with her grind. Like she's giving me Jake Paul energy. She's signed by him.

See, like you do think he is behind this? Like she started an app that's essentially like AI dating advice. From her? No, from it's like artificial intelligence. I don't think it has anything to do with her. I think she just like, she started it. She is slaying so hard.

I know, I'm obsessed with her. I know. But like, you know, like, I don't know. I'm just, I'm into it. Damn, I like want to know. I want to know who's like ideating these things. I've been, I think I'm just going to send Jake like seven questions. I'm like, how much did Mike Tyson make?

Like, I need to know. He said he threw him an extra five million for the lasting or he said he would so i'm assuming he did it's crazy pookie and jatt had their baby they uh the baby wore home a 1500 outfit did you see her doing her glam too yes and i'm obsessed with that somebody posted a tiktok about how it was like weird but i'm like that's been happening that's like a tale as old as time like my mom had a full face of makeup when she had me really yeah like i think that's so iconic and it's also like people don't talk about enough how like and this is this says everything about like the womanhood trope but like doing your makeup is so soothing like if i was like in a lot of pain freaking out

about how i'm about to give birth like contouring would like I yeah or I just feel like if I felt pretty I'd be like pushing like it's so true though it's so fair like I couldn't agree more do you someone from you guys when you give birth are you gonna let like your husband just like look right into um your like uterus I'm pshy but like you know how like my biggest fear is like in that, like not even having like control over the room when that happens. You know what I mean? Like, like I'm laying there,

I'm pushing, like I'm in so much pain. Like if he wanted to walk over here, what am I going to do? Get up and scream. I, I don't know. I don't think I can have anybody see that.

Yeah. I need someone to see me from like my, from my shoulder. You know what I mean? Like, yes, but I that. Yeah, I need someone to see me from like my from my shoulder. You know what I mean? Like, yes, but I'm not like I want them to see the same thing I do, which is just legs. Yes, I agree. One hundred percent. You're giving birth.

Don't I know that you think you don't want to have a baby, but you do. I want babies. But how I get them is not me. I don't have it. Brooke, I had a fucking panic attack at Trisha Paytas. So embarrassing in front of her too. Imagine this. We're like about to start a show and I think I hear ringing in the room.

There's no ringing like in the room at all. And I start having a literal panic attack because I'm convincing myself that I have tinnitus and I'm about to have a stroke and I'm going to die. There's, imagine her. She's like, I'm getting into business with this. Like, so I just, I don't think I have it in me. Like I don't, I don't, I really don't. I think you're going to loosen up.

Maybe I will, but I'm just such a paranoid person. It's crazy. I'm like really in a phase where I'm like, if I got pregnant right now, I don't think I'd be like so upset. Just because I'm 30. Well, I'm 28. Or I'm not going to be 28. You have, to me, just, I just want to let you guys know in the past 24 hours brooke

to me has said i'm 30 like 30 times you're not 30 i'm about to be 28 yeah but like think about two years that's a long time like think about two years ago you know you're still in your 20s i just don't want to be like a super old parent. Well, I don't mind being an old parent, but like what if my kid wants to like run around and I can't run around anymore? I have a question. Would I be a bad parent? We're talking about things that kids want to do. I was waking up today at like 1030 and to me that is truly 630. I just mean that I've been watching a lot of podcasts on like sleep studies and stuff. And I'm learning more that some people are just like, genetically or like in their formative years, like when they're born and shit, like can actually genetically become like night owls. You know what I mean? I'm like, I know that's me like to me 10 30 is 6 30 a.m and obviously now and again I can get up

early but then I just feel awful I feel like until noon I'm not present at all like I'm not and no matter what I'm always gonna go to bed late so it's just like the earlier it is the less sleep I get no matter what and I was like am I a bad parent one day if like I never once really take my kids to school? Like if I like had like if Makoa did that every day and then I picked them up every day. Or like if I was present in their lives in every single way. Like I'll make their lunches the night before. I'll do everything. But like I can't.

That's why that's the only reason I dropped out of school. And like by the time I was in like fifth grade I would cry every single day about having to get up like I even I was like miserable getting up for school but everyone else did it I don't think that makes you a bad parent I just think like what if you want to like put her little hair in like little pigtails like we're gonna have to do the overnight curls or something like I think so it's like i'm serious like i remember as a young kid thinking like i hate myself why am i not like the other kids because it wasn't just like an oh i'm tired like everyone's tired it was like this different level

of like like really bad like i think most parents would like have done something about that obviously mine didn't but like I would scream and cry every single day every day all the way up until I dropped out because it was too early for me like and it's like so it is really strange I don't really like I don't think I can get up at 7 a.m every single day I don't think that makes you a bad parent to answer your question. But. Like I would be the best parent in every single way. But like I know for a fact I cannot take them to school at like 7 a.m. every day. Well, hopefully you have a bus route.

That's true. I rode the bus. It's formative. I never rode the bus. I rode the bus in the love of my life. Juan was on my bus. And he was a year older than me and he didn't speak English but we had a special connection every time in your life that you've told someone I love you like was that hard for you do you remember that like the first time you told anyone I love you no like I have this realization today that that like I always

have done it in very like even with Makoa I like got him blacked out I got blacked out and then I was like I love you like I couldn't say it like before I don't feel that way about I love you but I feel that way about like you've probably experienced this I find it's like really hard for me to like even if I feel like I love someone so much and I like I think they're the world of them. It's really hard for me to like. Put it into words. Yeah. Like say it like makes me like feel so strange. I was just thinking about the first time I ever said I love you to someone.

It was Victor Aguero in seventh grade. And I said. Did you love him? I thought I was so in love with him. I've always felt so deeply like in seventh grade. I was like, I'm madly in love with this person. And then I said i i l w y like i like i like wrote it out and like made him figure out what that meant and i was saying like i'm in love with you and then he didn't love me back no yeah how do you know he told you yeah

but then he ended up being my first kiss after he didn't love you see that's where it all began and then i fucked his best friend while he was in jail there you go and then while he was in jail yeah and now he's in jail for life still for life well he at that time he got out but you know me I was I was and listen to how diabolical this is even at this age I was so upset it was for like graffiti right he was doing graffiti and he went and I thought it was the end of the world right and i'm like i was heartbroken that this man went to jail right and i'm like oh my god he's never gonna get out like what's gonna happen i'm crying every day and so then i start crying to his best friend about it

and bonding with his best friend and then we hooked up it's trauma bond but then i get how that could happen it's like I shouldn't make that comparison. Yeah. But we've talked about that before. It's I completely I guess I understand how that could happen. But if my friend if I died and BB was trying to like. You know, grieve with somebody who was also grieving me and then she ended up like fucking my guy, I would myself and then her or wait i would kill her i would come back and kill her i'm trying to think if i really would like if i died and then like yep everyone's dead everybody

mm-hmm yeah if i ever die in someone i know it starts like fucking mikoa y'all better handle that you would have so much fun haunting somebody though oh my god you'd be so good at it well i think it's time we go on over to the patreon guess what i just got what an email from hawk to his team bro i'm done all right guys we'll see you over on the patreon we had a bunch of you over there send us voice memos and we're going to give you some toxic tips and advice. We love you.