Cancelled with Tana Mongeau & Brooke Schofield - 124: A Conversation with Kayla Malec on Life After Speaking Out About an Abusive Relationship

Episode Date: June 20, 2025

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Hello and welcome back to the canceled podcast We have Kayla Malik in the building and I'm so oh my god, I'm so happy you're here I'm like still trying to process this. It's like the second we started recording. I'm like in a shell right now. Wait, okay Wait, I'm no and you're fine. We're so excited. I'm so fucking excited I'm so excited to have you and this is long overdue She told us right before we started filming that you had this on your vision board. And I was like, dude.

No, this is the one podcast I watched, this, and then not love, fuck. Yeah. Don't look funny as fuck. I love you. First of all, I love you for that. And it's crazy because we were talking a while ago, and I wanted to have you on Canceled forever ago.

And we were going to do it when you were doing the makeup, like people doing your makeup. Thank god we waited. Yeah. I know. have you on Canceled like forever ago. And we were gonna do it when you were doing the makeup, like people doing your makeup. Thank God we waited. Yeah, I know and it's crazy how much ends up happening. And I still wanna do something like that, like something light and fun, but I was just like, oh my God.

Cause even like, and I don't even know where I wanna begin here because there's so much to unpack. But I mean, I first of all just wanna say, and we talked about this on Canceled already, so forgive me for just harping on this, like I am so proud of you. Thank you. Like Truly, I just I always have thought that you are so authentically yourself and that is such a beautiful thing and I know how hard it is to like sometimes really talk about something that is

So close to your heart and like share it to the world and And we were talking about it a little bit in the beginning, but even since you and I had that conversation in the beginning, so much has unfolded. And it's like, it's just so special to me that you, and you've always been like a marketing genius, first of all, and not that this is just marketing, but I'm saying that you were able to turn something so unfortunate, somebody else's actions

that were so horrible into such a beautiful movement. And like, I don't know, just the amount of women who I feel like I've seen in your comments who are like, you've encouraged me to leave, you've done this, like, I hope you feel so fucking proud of yourself. It's like scary, because I get emails even now and that video was posted almost two months ago,

people like sharing their story. And like, it's, I don't even know how to put it into words, but it feels like a weight, but in a good way. It's like, I'm so honored that people feel comfortable to share it with me, but then it's like, I don't ever know how to respond to it, because it's like, I don't even know how I'm dealing with it yet.

But it's like, I don't know, it was scary. It was so scary. And it was like, the world was working against me when I was posting He Doesn't Love You, because I spent, oh my God, I filmed that video for six hours, and there was a the world was working against me when I was posting he doesn't love you because I spent like oh my god I filmed that video for six hours and there was a part one part two it's supposed to be just like one whole video iMovie crashed lost all the files had to refilm part two and then YouTube uploaded the wrong one it was like actually like a shit show like it was a

shit show and I was like that is the worst first of all let me tell you something I'm crashing out about Final Cut Pro or YouTube. No, fuck that. Once a week, once a day, it is just, something is always going wrong, so I feel you on that. No, fuck that. But it's like, it's very cool that you prevailed,

and even just like through that, like got it all out there. And I even just like, I feel like people don't often take into account the fact that you then had to sit and rewatch that in the edit, and. That is what sucked, cause like even at the end, with like all the videos included of like the actual abuse happening, I had never rewatch that in the edit and. That is what sucked, cause like even at the end with like all the videos included

of like the actual abuse happening, I had never rewatched those videos and then I had to just sit and put it into the video. So I'm sitting there like, rewatching those videos, putting it in and then having to look back at exact dates and times and then like once it's posted, it's like to have to relive it again because it's getting clipped

and people are commenting about it and I'm like so happy cause I'm so happy that it did what it was meant to do. Because I was like, if I post this and nobody sees it, I feel like it didn't do what it meant to do, like to help other people and to bring awareness. But then even when it like did what it did, it was just stressful, because it's like, holy shit.

Yeah, it's heavy. It's so heavy. And like, yeah, it was a lot. Especially because like for the past nine months, I had been posting this dude every fucking day, and it seemed so perfect. And that's something people brought up, and I get tagged in my old videos,

it was like, but you look so happy in this, and I was like, holy shit, what I did. And that's what spiraled me, seeing how good I faked it. Yeah, and it's so easy to, sometimes in that situation, that's a coping mechanism to try to keep the peace. And it sucks that even societally, like you are having to deal with people

like trying to rebuttal you, or even the fact that you felt like you had to include these videos because like, what if people didn't believe just my word? Like, you know what I mean? And that's what actually like makes me wanna cry is the fact that I know for a fucking fact, if I did not have video proof or picture proof,

nobody would have believed it. And that's so sad, dude. I feel, because- You see it happen to so many people. fact if I did not have video proof or picture proof nobody would have believed it and I know I know I know I feel it because you see it happen to so many people and that's what sucks and especially since like y'all talked about this on like a few episodes ago where it's like she's annoying but I feel bad for her I feel like if I didn't have the videos it would have been like oh but she's like annoying on social media so like is she just doing this for clout? 100 percent. And that's like so insane to me. It's so insane to me that like people sharing their trauma, people being vulnerable.

What you did was so fucking noble, so fucking hard, like so hard to do. And then it invites all these people to like fucking think that they can then just critique your personality and have anything negative to say in a scenario like that when they know, especially just like what you've been through. It's like how? Yeah, it's like how? Yeah, it's like how the fuck do you watch a video of somebody like, and the videos that I posted genuinely had like one or two edits

and then the second part of like, he doesn't love you part two, no edits. Like I sat there. It was so clearly authentic. So authentic, so vulnerable and I've like, it was the hardest thing I've ever posted and then for people to have the audacity to be like Well, you were annoying in the past like what who are you to comment that like that's so victim

Yeah, I just cuz now it's like oh, she's dragging it. It's like all about hold on to my off. Sorry No, you're fine girl. You're booked as you should be as you deserve Okay, I so don't like scri subscribe to that concept of like dragging it on or like oh she's still talking about let it go. It's like if something that horrible and that like life changing happens to you, you should be allowed to talk about it for however long you need.

That's what I'm saying. And I responded to people, I was like, oh I was crashing the fuck out. I had a bottle of wine and I was on my phone and this stupid fucking bitch Jennifer, I think her name was, she was like, yes, name her. Yes, bro, she was on some shit like, oh you're dragging this was. She was like, yeah, I'm her.

She was all some shit like, oh, you're dragging this on. I was like, fuck you. Your boyfriend cheated on you in sixth grade, and you're still going on about it. Like, fuck you. That's the thing because I find Jennifer's family. I'll send it to them all. Oh, they're doxed. Yeah.

No, it is. Because it's fucking nuts. That is the thing. Are your daughters doing this? Yeah. She has an elf bar under her pillow, babe. Go check. Yeah. Fucking pillow, babe. Go check. Yeah, like fucking exactly though.

It is so crazy and it's like, if these people had the horrible things in their life, these to like aired out to the world, you know what I mean? Like they probably wouldn't be able to handle it. Like you are handling this with just like, even now, like it's not like, a lot of people would probably also maybe drop this

and like fall off the face of the earth. And I think it's so dope that you're like, no, I'm gonna fucking keep podcasting, and I am quote unquote drag, as you should drag it. Drag it the fuck on. Yeah. It's so, because I was like, okay, what do y'all want me to do?

Okay, I got my shit rocked for nine months. Let me just do the Renegade tomorrow. Are you actually serious? And it's like, I have, since I started social media, as annoying as it was, because also I grew up online in a like, I have, since I started social media, as annoying as it was, because also, like, I grew up online in a way, because I started when I was 15. So it's like, I've always documented everything.

So what do I look like dropping this heavy information and then healing offline and then going online? Like, get ready with me, like, that's dumb. Also, just how many people you are helping by documenting your healing process as well. Like, again, Again, no matter how you handle it, I think it's beautiful. If you did want to just get ready with me, I would still be like, yes, bitch, work, put that blush on, right? You know what I mean?

It's just like the fact that you are saying, look, this is still affecting me. And this is so I just had to go to court. And now I'm worried about these things. And I'm whatever. You are being so real. But also inspiring people that you can be multifaceted and life can heal because there might be these moments of weakness but there's also these moments where you and Jacob are like sitting on a couch and laughing and making jokes and that's exactly that and that's the thing it's like I just want to be able to like and I'm trying to focus on the people like oh this is helping me instead of the oh she's dragging it it's

just like it's so hard to be the perfect victim and I'm trying to focus on the people like, oh, this is helping me instead of the, oh, she's dragging it. It's just like, it's so hard to be the perfect victim. And I'm pretty sure Brianna Chickenfry talked about that. I was just thinking about it when you said that. She's like, oh, you can't be the perfect victim because it's like, and then even if I did move on from it right away, they'd be like, oh, so how are you just not caring? Yeah, it's a lose-lose.

That's not what affected you that much. I just think like people sometimes forget that they have the ability to scroll. And it's like, if you don't want to see it people sometimes forget that they have the ability to scroll. And it's like if you don't wanna see it anymore, you don't have to see it anymore, but there are a lot of people who need to see it. You know what I mean?

Because it doesn't just go away. It's not like one day you're like, that happened, it's over. Literally, and that's the thing. It's like, I know for a lot of people, it's probably heavy to keep seeing this shit on your free page, which I've talked about. I know it sucks, you go on my account,

and it's like deep, like kind of sometimes depressing things, but it's like, that's what I'm going through. And you're also helping somebody. Exactly. Like somebody needs to see that. Somebody's going through the same thing. And then like this one, like volleyball coach made a video and she was like, I coached these 13 year old girls at this middle school and they watched your video. And she was like, it really brought me to tears because now they're 13, knowing what DV is

and what to look out for. And I'm like, that's exactly why I'm doing it because truly, and I've said this a million fucking times, if I saw that video, if somebody else had made that video, posted it, and I saw that five months ago, I would have left. Because I would have known it wasn't normal. But I felt so alone, so embarrassed,

so like, is this real, is this normal? Because when somebody can make you feel so low, but the next day, because I remember the day after he had rocked my shit and whore. I love your use of it, honestly. I love your use of rock my shit. It shocks me every time. I know, I feel so bad.

No, but you're me, like, whatever you want to say. You're me, I'm that bitch where I'm coping with it, you know what I feel so bad because of you. No, no, no, but you're me. Like, whatever you wanna say. You're me, I'm like, I'm that bitch where I'm coping with it, you know what I mean? Yeah, it's like, yeah, after he like rocked my shit in Hawaii. I'm not lying. I double down. No, please laugh. I just love you.

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in the DraftKings game library. Check back daily to claim the hottest offers and promos on DraftKings casino. The crown is yours. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. In Connecticut help is available for problem gambling call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org. Please play responsibly 21 plus physically present in Michigan, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, West Virginia only. Void in Connecticut and Ontario. Eligibility restrictions apply new customers only. Non-withdrawable casino spins valid for featured game only and Virginia only void in Connecticut and Ontario eligibility restrictions apply new customers

only non-withdrawable casino spins valid for featured game only and expire in 168 hours. See terms at casino.draftkings.com slash promos ends June 22nd 2025 at 1159 p.m. Eastern Time. Thank you DraftKings casino for sponsoring today's episode of the canceled podcast. We like went on the beach and we were talking and he like dead ass like imagine this man's doing all that the next day we wake up and he grabs my ring finger and he's like I'm gonna put a ring on this that white picket fence house like I'm gonna marry you like you're gonna be Kayla Johnson so it's like okay I. It's like you get you you are so like I don't know the negative feelings are so strong that almost like when you come back together it feel you feel closer because you just like want to feel that so badly you attach yourself to that feeling. Oh it is a drug it literally is a drug and that's how so many people get caught up in abusive relationships for for years and years. Yeah because it also on day one it never starts like that and it snowballs

and it is we always talk about this But a toxic relationship is arguably sometimes a harder addiction to break than like a drug addiction Because it's those lows of no dopamine and then the serotonin and dopamine when you seek the approval and the whatever and obviously also like we're all just girls who want someone to love us and you know what I mean, then you would develop this attachment to like You know what? I mean just this person. And it is, it's that dopamine and that roller coaster addiction. Like I found myself in so many toxic situations for that reason for so long.

And it's, it is just wild. And it's unfortunate that people like him also prey on that, you know? And like know, like know what they're doing. Yeah, he knew what he was doing the second I met him. And it makes me so sick. And I can't blame myself for not realizing, but like from the day I met him, he makes me so sick and I can't blame myself for not realizing but like

From the day I met him. He knew what he was doing and then he We were he went to jail like so when we met I met him in Tennessee And then I flew back down to see him again and he had a court hearing for probation violation He's a fucking dumbass like What the fuck are you doing? Put the fucking bottle down? Yeah driving driving, you idiot. And so he gets sentenced to jail for 22 days. We're calling on the jail phone every day for 22 days. And since the day he got out of jail of us knowing each other for maybe a month, we were together every single day until we broke up.

Probably also just latching onto your light, latching onto your success. And that's one thing. Latching onto. Brennan, one of my really good friends, he brought this up to me and it's when I started to realize, oh, this needs to end, he looked at me and he was like, Kayla, he fucking hates you.

Everything you love about yourself, how you could talk to people, how you're just like, you're a talkative, optimistic person, he fucking hates and I realized that. He hates everything I love about myself. And that's when I was like, holy shit, this dude like that I'll suck the life out of you 100% did there was like in December

Right before things ended and we went to Hawaii where we finally broke up I did not leave my bed for a month. Like it was the most always just horrible. It was horrible Like he sucked everything I loved about myself out of me to where I was like a shell and I remember and I'd go to film At tik-tok I'd like a shell. And I remember and I'd go to film at TikTok. I'd like have to like be like, okay, I'd literally sit there and watch my old videos to see how I would act. And I would be like, okay, so I'd say there.

Yeah, I would have to like remind myself of who I used to be. You got me bitch. Oh no, no, you really did. Cause that's like so real. You know what I mean? Like, oh, I just love you. That's so sad though.

Like someone really will fuck Suck the life out of you so fucking hard that you like don't even remember who you want You literally did not know who I was and that was the hardest part is like and I went back home in December for my birthday And I remember like my sister my dad were like you're so different and I was like what but I was like I it's like I literally was the shell of who I was and I was becoming who he wanted me to be which was like this like Fucking like submissive submissive ass bitch. Yeah, and you are the exact opposite of that You've always like done what the fuck you want to do

I remember even just stupid shit like when just like silly shit when you were like releasing piercings at Spencer's I was like, I know there's probably someone in a suit telling her to release something like, you know what I mean? Like you do exactly what's authentically to you and what's loud and what's on brand for you and that's always who you've been. And I feel like that happens a lot sometimes too

to like the loud outspoken women, like this guy, guys will be so obsessed with that. And then they have it and then they're like, I can't handle this and she outshines me and I feel inferior. So I'm gonna dull her down. Yes and I remember I brought him with me to one of my Spencer's photo shoots and he was sitting there my mom told me she was like are you sure you want to bring him because my parents honestly were always spectacle of him and I was like no he's

great whatever and my mom was like do not let him give any notes or control like the directive and he was sitting there dead-ass being like no maybe you should do this maybe you should release this. And it's like what the fuck do you know? You're not successful. Thank you, thank you. Like you are dead ass. You built this brand.

He was financially responsible on me the entire duration of our relationship until I got him on the Snapchat payment program in December. Like you were paying for him. Everything, he could not afford water if I didn't buy it for him. So like it's so insane and that's what would would fuck with me it's like how do you feel you should have been controlling him thank you I like bark bitch I spent a slap in

him like yeah 100% that was just crazy like how the fuck are you gonna put hands on me and then know that you rely on me to drink water yeah like literally that's actually so crazy when you put it that way but yeah I I guess in my opinion like psychologically what I think it is Is it's like he feels so inferior that that's the only way he can like cope with it, which is pathetic Yeah, fuck like and there are so many men like that I found out after that he had been violent with his girlfriend before me and that They might get mad at me for this

Sorry y'all that his fucking brother has been violent with women too. Like, it runs in the family, which is insane to me. And then you wonder just like the childhood, like what happened in the childhood, what was his father like? He was adopted. So he was adopted but at a very young age,

and right now I'll even sit here and say his adoptive parents are the nicest people ever, they make great money. They've always done everything for him. If he wanted anything, if he was short on money, hey mom, can you help me with this? Of course, sweetie, like great parents, so it does not make sense why he ended up the way he did.

I know. Sometimes I always wonder if it's like the adverse that like, I don't know, I've dated a lot of guys with like yes mommies that tell them they're perfect and then it like spirals their, you know what I mean into like their narcissism, you know I'm not actually this is a fucking narcissist and he's yeah I'm gonna admit it to me like he only cared about and loved himself like yeah 100% and just like that's so sad just to like prey on you in that sense and in every sense and just like

And it is just crazy to like the fact that you just saying you were watching your old videos Really? I just can't get over that because it is so crazy to get someone to a point that like, you know And it is it's also just so wild on the flip side of the coin We were talking about this how like we would go to your page when all of this is happening and you Look perfectly happy and it's like how just it's you don't you never know what someone's going through. That's the thing It's like so insane. Cause even I watched them back and I'm like, oh wait, he did like, cause when I went to Hawaii,

like oh my god, the thing that went so viral, it was like, is he gonna propose to me this and that? Like literally that trip, he was rocking my shit. So it's like so insane to watch that shit back and like know what was going on. And then I was on the phone with my stepsister earlier and she was like, oh, you never called me on my birthday. And I was like, oh yeah, he beat the fuck out of me that day.

Like, sorry. And she was like, and then when, cause I've never honestly told my dad to him about what happened. He's just seen videos and shit so he knows. But it's like, even him, he was like, I had no idea. Nobody knew, Emma didn't know the extent of it until she'd walk into it and I'd sit there

and be like, you don't know what you saw. Cause it's just like nobody knew. Well and it's the isolation. Oh my God. You know being with someone like that, they will condition you to be afraid to say anything and then it's like, you know what I mean? It just feels like this big secret

that you're like harboring and then it's like the shame you can start to get in your own head about that and it's so wild. I feel like that's a major measure. Like when I in the past have stopped telling my friends things or felt like ashamed to tell my friends things, I feel like that's a major measure. Like when I, in the past, have stopped telling my friends things or felt like ashamed to tell my friends things, I feel like that's when you should always know that something is wrong because you shouldn't be ashamed

to tell your friends or your family or whatever. And I just can't even express to you once again just how fucking iconic and amazing it is that you went from a point in your life where your best friends and family didn't even know about this, to exporting and uploading that shit to the world. Like talk about a fucking turnaround.

Talk about like. Oh my God, one thing that feels so fucking good is I remember when we were breaking up and I woke up and I was so pissed because in Hawaii I ended up breaking it off with him because he put hands on me in front of too many people to hide it up and then I told myself right before that trip. That's crazy too,

because when they start getting comfortable doing it in public. And in Hawaii, what the fuck are you mad about in Hawaii? Yeah. Like what the fuck? Right. Yeah. What a beach.

That's what I'm, we're cliff-tied. But I dated people like that so goddamn miserable with themselves that you could literally be looking at the most beautiful sunset on the most beautiful vacation that you didn't pay for, mind you. And, like, what are you fucking mad about? And so he did it, and then I told myself, I was like, the day that I tell my mom

is the day that it will end. And so I ran down the road into the cul-de-sac, and I called my mom, and I was like, he's been physical with me, da-da-da-da. And I was like, okay, it's over. And then we ended up ending, and I looked at him, and I was like, he's been physical with me, da da da da. And I was like, okay, it's over. And then we ended up ending and I looked at him and I was like, I'm going to ruin your fucking life. I was like, I will ruin your father.

Because you ruined mine, you know? And I fucking did, his name is trending and he's always wanted his name to trend and now the fuck it is, your name is trending for being a woman beater. Fuck you, you look his name up on Google, it's Evan Johnson arrested. And thank God. Thank God. And hopefully he won't be able to do it to anybody else as a result.

Yeah, and that's also just another like beautiful side of it. Yeah, like he was stopping this person because imagine you guys just broke up and then he went and prayed on another influencer. You want to hear something that's actually fucking insane? I haven't talked about this. So when we broke up before I went public with everything, he started talking to this new girl and They had been seeing each other and she didn't have tick-tock or anything

So I released the YouTube video and Evan was hanging out with her every day Like they were about to date and she Texts one of our friends and is like hey my friend just sent me the YouTube video. I don't have social media I had no idea this was going on But we've been together for the past month, and I just realized I blocked him, and she was like, he was starting to get like, low-key physical with me,

he would grab me really hard on Broadway, and then she found out that she was pregnant, with his kid, right before he went to jail. Oh no. Like how fucking insane is that? You saved that girl's life. Insane though, and this, oh fuck, this is like the huge part, fuck sorry.

You're fine girl. She, the reason that they connected is cause she was crying to him being like, I was in a really abusive relationship. Like this guy put me in the hospital, and Evan looks at her and goes, yeah no I get you. Like my ex-girlfriend abused me really bad, she cheated on me, like she'd beat the fuck out of me.

And then she found. Their favorite move, reverse. And then she found out he lied about everything and that he was beating me. Stolen story. Stolen story. Stolen valor. Stolen valor, like bitch bye. And so, and like think about how fucking sadistic.

Insane, insane. How much of a monster you have to be to either, first of all, just already be on to the next. Like the fact that even in that time span, he's already grabbing some other girl's arm and doing that, and to flip the fuck, oh my god. Like imagine sitting there, this girl's sitting there crying about this guy put me in a hospital.

And he's thinking perfect victim. He's like, oh my god, me too, like my ex was really abusive. Bitch, the one thing I ever did is I slapped you in the face for calling me a slut, and then you shoved me down a subway, so it's like, you made that even. You should have slapped him harder. I wish to god I did, I wish to god I did. You also become a product of that environment

Like I think about the person that I was in like my most toxic relationships like fucking you know I'm not that person like you know that my nervous system is calm And I'm with someone like healthy like I would never fucking throw a lamp across the room like I like you get so lost in this world that like you're matching the energy and not if anything as well like It's like you're protecting yourself. Yeah, you know what I mean? It becomes like your defense mechanism against this right? He made me somebody I did not know I was like and I'm still dealing with this now because I've I'm talking to some New guy whatever and like I've noticed that Evan has made me such a toxic ass bitch

Like in ways that I never was I was like that Evan has made me such a toxic ass bitch, like in ways that I never was. I was like that in a new relationship too, cause it's like, you're so used to this, like being afraid to say things and stuff. So I was acting so differently than I normally would. And you have to like really take a second sometimes to like recalibrate. Violates your trust like that.

You know what I mean? It violates all of these things. You're now doing all these things just innately to protect yourself. I am so excited to see the canceled podcast live in Australia, which is why I want to give the sponsor of today's video, SeatGeek, a huge shout out. With over 28 million downloads, SeatGeek

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That's 10% off any tickets with promo code cancelled 2025. Make sure you click the link in the description to download the app and have the code automatically added to your account so you can use it later. Thank you SeatGeek for sponsoring today's episode of the cancelled podcast. What patterns are you noticing now? Like what are you? God like it's so annoying like so I'm talking to this new guy and I noticed that I get so defensive immediately cuz I'm so used to that so like if there's an issue, I'm immediately defensive and I Cuss him out and I say the rudest fucking shit like I'm such a bitch like I'll sit here and be like fuck you You're dumb as fuck. You're a bitch or and it's like I didn't mean that like I didn't mean to fucking call you those names

Like why did I do that? Yeah, simple conversation and then one thing I hate is I can't like play wrestle anymore. You know how like y'all are wrestling? Can't do that anymore, which pisses me off. Yeah, but like at the same time, that's don't blame yourself for that. Don't say I can't do that. Like someone fucking made me unable to. Yeah, like that's not your fault at all.

And it is. Yeah, it's wild. Like, you know what I mean? Because you're doing it just in defense. And I will say though, it's like so noble and incredible that you're already like recognizing that and I think that you are just so smart like you will be so willing to work through that and it takes years to undo And that's what's so annoying. It's like why it's like and it's something I can't heart-bonged It's like there's nothing I could do but it's so annoying that this one guy has made it such a like has actually

affected my life where it will go on for years and years and years and like I'll tell my kids about this and like I can never trust a dude in the same way and that's one thing, it's like I could look at it in a positive or a negative. Like it sucks that I'll never be the same but thank God I'm not because I won't be as naive.

I know what to look out for but it sucks because I was the most trusting girl ever. Like I was so trusting and I would give everybody my full heart, and that's what a lot of people deserve, because I'm sure this new guy I'm talking to, he wouldn't fuck me over, so it's like, why am I being a dick to him

out of what I've been through, but I can't blame myself for that, and it's just like this constant circle of like, you know. But you will continue to grow and continue to heal from so many of these things. I feel like you'll heal from these things in ways that you never think right now that you're even capable of.

And I think that like the new normal is so important too. Like, you know, cause it's so easy to be like, fuck, I wish I could just be that girl that I was before this. And it's a hard thing to kind of almost mourn like who you once were, you know what I mean? But you will find a new normal. And I just, I hope you do just at night, you go to I mean? But you will find a new normal and I just,

I hope you do, just at night you go to bed and you focus on all of the good that you've done. You put that in such good words to mourn the person I used to be. That is 100% what it is. But you know. But you're also now, you have to think of all of the new amazing things that you are.

Like you are so well spoken and so strong and so smart, and like, you have your own back in a way that you've never had your own back before, like you know what I mean? And no one's ever gonna take advantage of you in the way that you've been taken advantage of. Thank God. I also feel like you're gonna find somebody who like meets you halfway and is like very patient

with you, cause like obviously there are like little things about you now that maybe. That, you know, that you wanna work on? No, but like, any like guy worth dating is gonna understand like first of all what you've that maybe. You know, that you wanna work on? But any guy worth dating is gonna understand, first of all, what you've been through, and adapt accordingly, you know what I mean? Right, and that's what I'm hoping for, and it's more the annoying part that I hate being single,

but I know I have to be, cause you gotta heal. Nobody likes being single. Nobody likes being single, but yeah. It's a major part in life, which is like. I will just say even with like, Trisha and I always talk about how Moses and Makoah both like definitely sat by us while we still weren't fully fucking healed up here and were patient and dealt with our

shit that we were carrying from these past things. And that is like, you are absolutely, cause you are so like lovable and funny. You're going to find the perfect person. You're lovable, you're funny, you're smart. You're fucking beautiful. Like, and so like it's crazy how beautiful you are so lovable and funny. You're going to find the perfect person. You're lovable, you're funny, you're smart, you're fucking beautiful. And so, it's crazy how beautiful you are in person too. It's wild.

Three hours on the makeup chair, babe. No, but just like, your bone structure, bitch. I'm talking about your bones. You are so beautiful. Oh, stop. And I get you wanting to date and whatever, but being single is also just a beautiful thing. I do like being single.

I enjoy the freedom of it, but it's also like, I love a FaceTime. Oh my fucking God, wait, I just remembered something. What happened on the way here? It has to do with the whole situation. I got a call from Evans Jail. What? All the way here.

Saying what? So I have the jail phone saved, the number saved in my phone, the Sumner County Jail, and I get a call saying, this is the Sumner County Jail, you have a collect call from, and it in my phone, the Sumner County Jail, and I get a call saying, this is the Sumner County Jail, you have a collect call from, and it was this guy named Chase, and it's Evan's friend in jail was just trying to call me.

I literally just fucking remember this. Did you not pick us? No, I did not pick up. I was like, what the fuck is going on? Oh my god, hold on. I wouldn't have been able to help myself. Yeah. Why are you calling me?

I have it saved in my phone as Jaileroonie. I love Jaileroonie. Jaileroonie, like they said it. That's just in my phone as Jailoroonie. You have a collect call from- I love Jailoroonie. Jailoroonie like they said it. That's just the context is Jailoroonie. Jailoroonie. It's like collect call from like Chase. I'm like what the fuck? Yeah, cause they have to say their own name in

so they have a collect call from phone. Yeah, and you know what? And the only way they would have my number is if Evan gave it to them. Well, and that's it. Here's what I'm gonna say though. You are now vibrating on just a completely different frequency than you once were, you know what I mean?

Like you are just elevating every single day. You know what I mean? Like you are coming out of this, you are healing other people. And when you start vibrating on that high ass frequency, the amount of people from the fucking trenches that are gonna be grabbing up at you like this. In summer county jail.

Yes, yes. Like they are trying, of course they are because it's all they have. It's, and they want that free ride up to that frequency with you, you know. And I do wish I answered. I wanna know like what do you have to say but like we have a no contact order so.

Yeah, I think it's. It's hard not to answer. Trust me, obviously I'm so curiosity kills the cat but I think it's... It's hard not to answer. Trust me, obviously, I'm so curiosity kills the cat, but I think it's so good that, like just no contact is so good for you and your mental. Because it's like every time you have any of those conversations, yeah, you might be curious, but you also might just get so mentally dragged back

to that place, which you don't deserve. And you've done so much work to not be, you know what I mean? Like even going to court, like, first of all, the way you did all of that was so iconic and incredible so good about it like I did not take my eyes off that motherfucker he could not look at me he was fucking stuttering and then my dad was clapping when he got locked up as fucking it. I just got chills like he was sitting there alone too like your family couldn't even fucking show up no friends nothing he was sitting oh that's good

honestly I would be so ashamed if like his family did show up. No friends, nothing. He was sitting, oh. That's good, honestly I would be so ashamed if his family did show up and wanted to support him through that. Right. Any good parents, sit that one out. 100%. That one out is so real. 100 fucking percent.

Sit that shit out, babe. Somebody in his family though is posting on a Snapchat for him, which I think is so. You're kidding. For money? Oh yeah. Like the rewards program? Yeah.

Oh, have you no shame? Yeah. They're posting like he just went to Miami. It's like actually the funniest thing. He's in jail and everyone knows it. That's just sad too, like someone being so money hungry. Right, I'm like probably paying off the lawyer fees. Because his parents bailed him out.

And maybe don't monetize off of this image. Like when something so horrible happens to someone else. It's fucked. People are fucked. I'm so curious to see what will happen when he gets out. So when? How long is he in jail for? A year and a half. when something so horrible happened to someone else. It's fucked, people are fucked. I'm so curious to see what'll happen when he gets out. So when, how long is he in jail for? A year and a half. So I'll be turning 23 by the time he gets out.

Oh, you're a baby, I didn't even know you were only 22. Wait, you're 21. 20. Oh, oh. You're a baby. No, and I hate it, and I hate it, and I hate it. You shouldn't hate it, but I felt the same way. I hated feeling like a baby too,

because I was like, bitch, I've been through enough trauma that I feel 80, you know what I mean? Right, and it's like, oh, it's just annoying to not even be 21 yet though, because it's like, oh my god, there's so much shit I just want to fill myself doing, of having fun and going out, but it's like, ugh, I can't yet. But also, look at all that you've accomplished

and learned before you are literally allowed to get a mimosa at brunch. It's so funny. Look at all that you've, you're a baby. That is like, and I know that in so many ways you probably don't feel like one. First of all, you're running a whole business empire. You know what I mean?

You are like, but that is so impressive. And you are so, so far ahead of your years, which I know is a double edged sword, you know, but it's so cool to see like how smart and eloquent and all of these things that you are. And oh my God, that makes me feel so much better almost in so many ways. Yeah, the worst if it is over and it's all like,

it's over at 20, you think, aw babe, like fuck that shit. And you're going to be be 25 frontal lobe developed and you're gonna be like I ate down. I'm so wait How is it like when your frontal lobe just like oh bitch? I don't think mine's there yet to be honest 28 I'm like any day now or not 28 no, I am it is what no you're not. Am I I know she looks 19 It's so well, maybe 29 in like three months and I look at you. I am. It is? No you're not. Am I? I know she looks 19, it's so wild. Maybe 29 in like three months.

And I look 80 so there's not. Wait, right? I don't know my own age anymore. That's actually insane. Wait, what the fuck? I'm like actually praying I have your genes. That makes no sense. Just got my eyelids done.

I love just got my eyelids done. No, but I will say the frontal lobe thing was very crazy for me, but one of my biggest takeaways that I wish I could have told myself in my early 20s was give yourself the most amount of grace like that you could ever give yourself because it's like, I look back at me and you're so far ahead of me,

but like me at 20, like I was a fucking imbecile idiot moron with no brain cells, just like Tasmanian deviling through life, but also- No, not even her, I'm like,ian deviling through life. But also- No, not even her. I'm saying for me. Both, all of it. But also at the same time, I was beating myself up for everything.

What I was wearing, what I was doing, what I was saying, who I was dating, all of those things. And in reality, it's like you're not supposed to have anything figured out. And just like give yourself grace in that. But you are such an inspiration. I think you should also give yourself so much credit. And I know you do, and I really hope you do. Because at 20, you had Tana turn 21.

You had a fucking MTV show. That's a fucking flag. Like, the fuck? It was a different time, you know? And yeah, even then, even at that time, I was so critical on myself. And it's like, you're doing the best with the cards that you were dealt.

And now look where you're at. You are both of y'all successful ass podcast. I love you. Great ass boyfriends. Like y'all are up. It is and all of those things I did and all the times I fell and got up in my early 20s brought me to this beautiful era of my life.

So it's like, I just hope you know that. Like you are in an era where like fuck up all you want, give yourself all the grace and everything will work out for you. You know, it just, it really fucking will. And it's just nuts the way you're really dealing with all of the way so many people are trying you, you know? Like...

Yeah, that's the whole thing, like the online of it all. And then like it, which I get people being like, I feel bad it turned into a drama, but I'm like, I feel like the second you take shit online, that's what's going to happen. You could sit here and be like, say the most traumatic shit and it turned into a drama but I'm like I feel like the second you take shit online that's what's gonna happen you could sit here and be like say the most traumatic shit and it will become a drama mmm but then I mean like obviously James didn't help that yeah at all dude at all that whole situation is crazy like like just so crazy and I don't know how much you want to talk about it so I don't like you I could say it's just like I don't wanna like... Oh, I could say everything. I don't give a fuck. You're me. It's just like, I don't know, like you guys were collabing,

he's doing your makeup, like I don't know if you ever looked up to him or watched his videos or anything like that. That's what's fucking insane is when I was like 12, 13, he came out with the Morphe palette. My grandma fucking waited in the little Morphe line, fucking bought me his palette, his makeup brushes. I met him at Playlist Live back in like 2019.

I was freaking the fuck out. And I'll give him credit for this. He is the reason I am where I'm at. He was the first person to reach out to me to be like, let's collab and started. No, you're at where you're at because you're you. Yeah, that was nobody else's thing. I feel like I have to give him credit in a way.

I understand. I mean, I get what you're saying. I understand exposure, but exposure with somebody who doesn't have it doesn't stick, so I understand. I mean, but no, thank you. I understand exposure, but the exposure with somebody who doesn't have it doesn't stick. So I, I agree. Hey, hey, hey, with that one. Like, and I mean that I do mean that. But that's, that's just wild to not only feel fucked over

by somebody that you consider a friend. I know he was on his acquaintance tangent, but. Like I'll agree. We were definitely acquaintances, but I don't. But you also idolized this person for so long. So then that is like heartbreak my acquaintances was fucking like 300 people like I meet people at a party once and I followed Them on Instagram. We never talk again, and I wouldn't yeah do that also This is our first time hanging out like in depth, and I wouldn't go fuck your fucking I would not do what the fuck yeah after like like he knew like all I'm gonna say is like he like

He knew I literally texted him. It was abusive. It was this it was that and then you fly him out And you DM him and then though what pissed me off was the screenshots Did y'all see the screenshots that he posted on his story trying to like clear it up It's so when we were in Hawaii like right before we broke up, James and Evan were DMing, and he had sent, they were like doing like a snap thing where you go like that. And like that's just weird. Strange. Right, strange as fuck, and so I talked about it,

and then James was like, well I'll post all the receipts, and posted all the text messages up until me and him broke up, and it's like, so y'all just didn't talk about flying him out to LA, like was everything else on vanish mode, like where did all the other messages go? 100%. It was so weird.

I've had so many of like my gay friends, even just like I'll overhear them talking about this. And they're like, I'm not flying somebody out to emotionally support them. That's just the takeaway that I've received. I don't know if I understand that. I don't understand any of it, because it's like you're not doing that

as a multimillionaire with a core friend group. You're not like, let me outsource this. Especially someone you don't know. It'd be one thing if it was somebody you knew like close with and they were really going through it. Right, and it's like, but then the whole thing that he said of being like, oh, well, I didn't understand that Kayla was actually going through it,

even though he knew me more than Evan. Well, what did you have to do? Send pictures? I don't really get that. And it's also like, you don't understand that Kayla was actually going through it even though he knew me more than Evan. Well what did you have to do, send pictures? I don't get that. That's what I'm saying, and it's also like, you don't get that but then Evan texts you, I'm depressed so you fly him out and you're there for him and you believe everything he's saying.

It's just like so many holes in that story and it's also like you guys formed an entire friendship off of the basis of you thinking he saw it. You're very emotionally intelligent and it's one thing if your friend is saying, like, oh, like, you know, I'm really happier with, like, a good-looking guy. But, like, I've always hated that, even with the gays. It's not that I think that, like, you know what I mean?

Like, if I'm friends with, like, a gay guy in Los Angeles, if he's responding to my story, I'm gonna be like, god, I want to fuck your boyfriend so bad, or he's so hot, he's so hot, he's so hot. I'm like, OK? What are you going to fucking say? And that's the only thing he would ever text me is he's so fucking hot.

He's so fucking hot, he's so hot. At least he's consistent. Right, at least he stood real. He stood real with this. He committed to the bit, dead ass. That also just makes me think that then it's like, I don't know if I was responding to someone's story, constantly being like, they're so hot, they're so hot,

they're so hot, and then they break up and then I'm flying them out like I have my intent my intended to then just be friends Like thank you That's my whole fucking thing and then it's like if you really weren't doing anything wrong and you didn't think you were doing anything Wrong, you wouldn't have lied to me when I asked if he was at your house. Did he lie? Oh, I texted him so basically James flew him down, and this is before we were on, no, we were on no contact,

so I didn't know why Evan was going to LA or anything. We'd been broken up for a month. James knew we broke up, and then Evan posted a picture in a backyard, and it said Encino, California, which is, He put the location, and it is James Charles' backyard. So I fucking text James, and I'm like,

weird question, is Evan at your house? He's like, your ex, James, why would he be here? No. He fucking was. And he dead ass was. That's like, yeah. No, that, what the fuck was. Also as if there's a thousand backyards

that look like that. Right, like I recognize the trees. And then I, this is so bad, but then me and Emma were like so crashed out we got in her car and we would just keep driving past his house and we were like trying to make sure and then um I honestly at 20 years old that's pretty noble then I made a fake number and I texted Evan off of it I was like my name's like Greg we met a while ago like meet me at no I voice. I was like my name's like Greg. We met a while ago. Da da da like meet me at No, I love it. I was like my name's Greg me and young gravy are going out for some drinks

high angel So he ends up spending like $90 on an uber to tie angel to meet you're so real baby You're so real there and he's calling the number and we're like no no no we went to a different spot down the street He starts oobering from place to place in LA trying to thank God though and sometimes in the guy who is not Younger Because I feel like young gravy would have been in on this No, that's just real as fuck like on it valid I catfished like a guy one time, my ex, honestly, for like six months after we broke up. I'm not kidding.

That's why I got picked up from Tinder. I was catfishing people and I was like, maybe I shouldn't say that. No, I know, you did. I did. She had a whole separate phone for it, honestly. I had a new phone for it, like, I have a catfish phone, yes. And it's real as fuck.

Like it's- He deserved it bad. Yeah. No, yeah, some people deserve that shit. Like, oh wait, I love a catfish. That's what I do on Tinder. They ban me though. You know, Maggie Linderman, Yeah, some people deserve that shit like oh wait. I love a catfish Maggie Linderman that one like badass Picture I'm sorry Maggie I'm so sorry

But like I was fucking catfish and and this one guy had a picture of a dead deer and I was like are you gonna kill Me like you killed that deer band. No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you know, you don't need tinder You're gonna meet the love of your life. I will never download a dating app You might meet the love of your life on your podcast set like I'm kind of thinking that like I love you and Jacob Sartorius together I love us too. I love that. I just made you choke. I'm so sorry cuz I love us too. Oh my god I do you guys just have like a really great dynamic regardless of what happens like the thing It's like and I know he's gonna see this, but I truly love Jacob with my whole heart,

and he's changed my life in a lot of ways. And it, oh, like I wouldn't ever wanna ruin what we have though. Yeah. But it's like, that is somebody genuinely that I love so much, and like, who knows what would happen in two years. 100%, and that's real.

Little Jim and Pam. Yes, that is 100% real. I feel like I felt like that about Jeff when we were like podcasting and working together all the time, it was like oh my God, I love this friendship and even if people ship it and like whatever, we're both in nut cases and like whatever, you know?

And then what's meant to be will be, like if you guys are meant to be like. I will say I've never met a guy that respects me the way that he does. Which is so sweet because regardless of whatever ends up even happening, you will always be so grateful for him in this period of your life for healing you

like in that way or like being a part of your healing journey in that way. Right, like no matter what he's helped me through so much, he's changed my life and I've always wanted to start a podcast so starting it with him was just like, that was so fun and he's helped so much. And I'm like the type of bitch that I will not respond to an email or a text, so he'll do that shit for me.

It's real as fuck. Thank God. It's important for you to just have men in your life, especially that you can trust right now. And just something like, to put your energy into. Like something that you're excited about that isn't like your dating life. Yeah.

Literally. And you're killing it. Like you really just fucking are. And I just like, I can't even believe it. I can't believe that he, a year and a half is like, the judicial system is so interesting. Cause what do you mean a year and a half? Right, no, it's so hard.

A lot of people get off with even less. You know what I mean? There's so many people who have to live in fear all the time. Right, and that's what's fucking crazy is the max that he could get for the domestic violence, it's a misdemeanor A, so the max he could get was a year. That was it.

But then he had two other charges, a DUI and a probation violation, and he was gonna face up to five years if it was taken to trial, but that would have been months on months on months, and I was like, fuck that shit, give him a year and a half, because that's him in my eyes serving the year that you lost to him. He took from you. Right, and then plus six months of his bullshit, so I was half, because that's him in my eyes serving the year that you lost to him.

Right, and then plus six months of his bullshit, so I was like, give it to him. Damn, I have chills, and I respect you for that. Like, I feel like it's so fucking easy for people to say, oh, go to trial. Like, I've done that so many times in my life where I felt like someone was wrong, and I didn't want to go to trial

because I didn't want to have to relive shit for that amount of time. You know what I mean? Right, I was not trying to go to trial, and it's like I'd have to sit there and have his lawyers be like, well, why'd you stay then? And it's like, I cannot sit there in front of all these people being like, I stayed because I was scared,

I stayed because I was embarrassed, like I was not gonna do that, especially, it wasn't worth it to me. And then I know his life is ruined regardless when he gets out of jail. Yes. He'll continue doing time. Right.

He's going to be on probation after this. So he's on his probation. Like thing is he's not even allowed to operate a social media account under his name for two years. Once he's out. Then what about the bitch running his Snapchat? Thank you. That is literally well, I wonder though, like if we could like, you know what I mean? Like I love we, I'm in on this. I'm like, listen, let's take him down. Yeah. Because that's kind of insane that,

yeah, the person running the Snapchat with his name right now. Yeah, that's not supposed to be happening. Have you talked to, like, lawyers about that? I need to talk to the DA. I've just been, like, so, like, because I'm also trying to press two felony charges in the state of California.

So I've been, like, focused on that a little bit, and that's scary because what's annoying is, look, about that judicial system shit, they can't even, even like transfer those charges to Tennessee so it's like he would only get arrested for the two felonies if he came to California and got pulled over yeah oh my god get him over here saying yes tell him young gravy I'm like James let's work it out on the remix get him back out here James Charles fucking working anything out,

you were talking about bots and comments, and I'm so intrigued by this. And I just, I wanna hear like, are you okay talking about this? Oh yeah, yeah. You sure? Okay, oh, yeah. Okay. So.

Just give me the tea, give me the lore. I need to like understand what, if I heard this correctly when I just heard this. Oh no, you did. Okay. So me and James did our research because when James posted his apology video there was a lot of the same comments like Exact same comments over and over again with like 30,000 likes But their account was like a bot and we're like what the fuck So we talked about it on an episode and then somebody reached out to us who's like in the social media world and sent us

a screen recording of this app that you can use to buy comments to shift the narrative of what people think about you. I'm like no what's it called? Shut up. Prove it. Tomorrowbook has like 20,000 comments that are like a best eye-lister. I'm gonna be a hero tomorrow. No. But that's, so it's an app. It's like a website and you can deadass like buy like comments basically to shift the narrative and buy these comments likes. And what I think is interesting is Micaela Testa made a TikTok being like, our accounts are getting bought and I was like,

sorry love you Micaela, I just love an Australian. Me too so much, I love you Michaela. I just love an Australian. Thank you so much. I love it. I'll show you that you're actually me And I was like what the fuck does that mean? But I think she was talking about like the comments because all of a sudden after his shit started to get bought it I made three videos in one day It was just part one part two point three about the James situation the next day. I posted one more and I'm getting Thousands of comments being like she's dragging it over and over again, and the accounts weren't real people,

and I'm like, what the fuck? So my account started to get bodied, Michaela started to get bodied, and then James was also getting bodied with the same comments, but his are positive and ours are negative. Do you think, do you know how on Instagram, when someone likes bots on Instagram, it hurts your account, you know what I mean?

Like if you buy followers or whatever, it like, it hinders your account. Do you think TikTok is like that or no? I honestly don't think so. There's- Yeah, I was just gonna say like, clearly not if he's like getting numbers like that. That is like-

Yeah, but sometimes like when you do that, then it has to be bots from that point forward because you get like shadowbant, or like- Whoa. It doesn't make sense. I'd get a comment being like, she's dragging it, posted three minutes ago, 10,000 likes. What does that even mean?

What does that even fucking mean? It's not physically possible. It's not physically possible and it's the same fucking comment. I go on their account and it's not a real account. And then I just get sent this website where you can literally do that and it's more effective to do that

than to censor words and censor this because your account doesn't get shadow banned, apparently. Shit. So that's like botting an account, like it's a real fucking thing. No, I believe it 100% and we see bot comments all the time like weird strange ones. Yes, you can bot.

But I did like botting someone else's account. And that's what my K-love meant. I finally get you now, girl. Like that is what botting an account means. That is so so so that's like some crazy Intel into like just this world and like even I don't know just even like People being able to pay to shift public opinion at a whole new I've been doing it You know yeah, but that is like final boss like yeah, it's just something new comes every year, you know

Right and it's like smart as fuck honestly like like that is smart It's just like I know but like the society that we're living in I was telling you that's how everybody should know that you Are being fed you know what I mean like you're being fed the information that you're consuming like the narrative against everybody You do not know these people or what's going on. Like, body, she's dragging it. I was telling you this, but you have to put she's dragging it on a shirt. No, I have to, like that's the best thing I've ever heard in my life.

I need it on a baby tee, I'm wearing it every day, you're gonna make six figures off of it. And it's like, and honestly, good on you, like a lot of people probably would've never like figured that out. Oh yeah, me and Jacob are sitting there and like, we crack the fucking code. Cause it just doesn't make sense.

That is just like, I'm imagining if like that was around just like for always and forever like all the people who would have used It oh everybody you know my god I would have fun honestly if I was James I'd be doing the same thing me No, I wouldn't it's crazy, and it makes me out when people are like oh well y'all just forgive him for everything But then it's like okay, but then y'all get mad when I still talk about it Like you know what I mean? Yeah, you know you'll never win right literally I just feel like I'll never win with it So that's why I've just like given up on it And I'm like I'll just you have to for your own peace and your own freedom because it really is true you could do or say

Anything like how you were saying earlier if you just came online not talking about it It'd be people those I always think like the people who just are leaving that senseless, you can't win type of hate, it's like, you can't win with those people anyhow. Like if you came online tomorrow, never spoke about it again, it would be she's unfazed, she moved on too fast, so this never happened, blah, blah, blah, the way she says, and if you keep talking about it, she's dragging it, bought comment or not,

and it's like, you just have to live for you and do what feels right, you what you are. To stop caring about what those, you will never win with them, so it's like, what the fuck's for you and do what feels right, do what you are. To stop caring about what those, you will never win with them so it's like what the fuck's the point and they're probably at home like it's like the stupid fucking Reddit posters like I don't give a fuck, like I literally don't give a fuck. What's Reddit?

I don't even know. You know Emma, she has a really bad Reddit addiction. Oh we've been, I already talked her off the ledge. We'll heal you, we'll heal you. I've already been telling her, she showed me it's in her frequently visited. No I've never checked running the lock the web I refuse I refuse I will not fucking go out there and read

I think even just reading comments It can be very scary when you're in like a fragile mental space to like be in taking so many opinions about yourself You know what I mean? Like it's just because then they start to form your actual idea of who yourself is and like just all of those things You know, it makes you question who you are. Like yeah, it of those things. It makes you question who you are. It's so, and change, it makes you change who you are. Yes, and that's the worst thing. It's like, okay, I'm gonna start acting like this

and not acting like this, and it's like, and then I never wanna be the type of person where it's like I'm different on camera than off camera. It's like obviously, I'm filming a 60 second TikTok, I'll be a little bit more energetic, but I don't wanna change my whole personality. 100%. Which is bullshit bullshit and it's very hard Sometimes notice that you're doing it like I catch myself where I'm like, I wouldn't have normally said that but I'm pandering to like

What I think people want to hear or like yeah trying not to say things that I know will like upset people It's just like it's crazy. Yeah, if anything I think it I don't know I guess for me like just doing this for so long I think about all the times where it probably would have been easier for me to just act a certain way. And you know what I mean, act a different way. It would have just been less resistance, you know what I mean, giving the people what they want

or giving the brands what they want or doing whatever. But it's like, I'm so happy I didn't because it's so much harder to A, do this for a living, B, sleep at night, Like when you're like, I am this whole fucking different person. Like you're trying to put on a character, you know what I mean? And that's what I feel like I want.

And you're not a character. You're so full of life. 100%. I feel like I wouldn't be able to go to sleep if I was like, I know I'm, if somebody were to come out to me in person right now and I'd be different, like I would literally not be able to sleep.

But that's how you've also built this like beautiful empire is by just being so fucking authentic to you. And even just hearing we were talking, I think this was off camera before, but you're so smart with your money and you're like, I'm so happy that you're reaping the benefits, you know? Yeah, no, I'm too scared to,

the only designer thing I've ever bought was two months ago and it was my fucking diesel bag. Like, I'm too scared. Be careful, it's a slippery slope. No, but it's good to treat yourself, but she's so right. I was like, I didn't even believe in it. Like literally six months ago,

I was like, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Like why would you ever spend money on that? And then something along the, I don't know what, that might've been my influence, honestly, and I'm sorry. I know looking at the jewelry, I'm feeling influenced. Dude, no, because- She looks like fucking Flava Flav or something. She's got nothing but diamonds.

No, it's fucking ridiculous, but I'm gonna tell you something. Half of these are DHgate dupes I have. Mine aren't, but I'm saying they're, but I wish they were. Because they're duped so well. Like, that it's like, like this bracelet is like the love of my life.

I bought this bracelet, and I spent $7,000 on this bracelet. And one of my roommates ordered the DHgate version to see the difference. And I am not fucking kidding you. I have a friend who works at Van Cleef and he was sending me links to ones that they, as the workers, wear in the store

because they are that indetectable, like the weight and all. It's like, why the fuck? I just lost Hermes slides. Give me the link. No. And I'm like, I'm buying them off the gate. You lost the original Hermes ones, Sienna.

You were an idiot for ever buying those. How do you lose a shoe? It was on your foot when you left the house. You're literally an idiot. I lost a pair of shoes. I left with them on my feet and then came home with them off my feet. You don't deserve, you buy them off the gate, bitch.

Wait, oh, that literally happened to Emma once. She fucking went out to the club, came back sho it's you know I know I feel you we need to be a community that's the whole reason I will not buy expensive shit I just know like I'm saying I'll destroy it I'll fucking destroy that shit we always talk about that too and just like trendiness too I still fall victim all the time like I try to buy like I won't spend a lot of money unless something is like I know she's made me better in that way because Why was I buying neon ass those traps? No, we'll never know black or brown

Well, they're like, you know, it has to be like an everyday. Yeah, no even then though I get so anxious about it. Like I don't know like I get guilt. Do you get guilt from spending? Oh my god I'll go home and cry like I'm actually go home and crime like what the fuck I do that I have like a scarcity complex with money I feel like we're just scared that like one day you'll wake up and everything will just be like empty and then it's like oh Yes, this fucking bag could have just paid my rent. We actually it's funny before you got here We were talking about that on that episode that we were just filming like we were the scarcity like it's like what's on her wrist Could pay her bills. That's why I jewelry like makes me happy now or like that's like an hour

I like appreciating asset like a a bag, not so much. Unless it's a jumbo flap. But other, like the Chanel ones. Like that cost more than my car. But. We also bought Benway. That's the thing, it needs to be appreciating things to at least sleep at night a little better.

But like, also just the gate. Like I'm not kidding, I'm buying those Airmaslides in every color. Yeah. Yeah, it's just dumb. It is, it's like, I have no excuse. I'm just an idiot. I'm not kidding, I'm buying those Air Mess lights in every color. Yeah. Yeah, it's just dumb. It is, it's like, I have no excuse. I'm just an idiot, I'm a sheep. I just, I get serotonin for my stupid new product bag.

See, and that's the thing, I'll stay here and be like, I wish I was that way. Like I wanna like. No, you don't. You look phenomenal. I'm picking up cigarettes with the intent to start smoking. Like it's not broke, like do not do anything. Yeah, 100%.

They just look good, they just always look good. And being in LA, like. But you look bomb as fuck right now. to start smoking, it's not broke, do not do anything. 100%. They just look good, they just always look good. And being in LA, like- But you look bomb as fuck right now. Oh, but you know you go to Barneys and you see the bitches with the fucking everything. I know. I'm gonna be you so bad, you know, it's like-

And we are in that way. You know what they won't be? We'll see when they're older. Damn. Which you will be if you keep saving. Look at Lachlan. She's real. And just the consumerism of fucking everything like we all are always in comparison

It's like I need I need those fucking suede brown micro shorts. No, you don't I just like somebody buy a $300 hairbrush cuz it's supposed to make your hair soft shit. I'm not even kidding. It's in my bag. No Wait, bro. Are you actually soon? You bought it. We broke did you actually? No way like the $300 hairbrush? I don't have it with me. It's the one that I, the one I left at your house and then I had to buy a new one. So I bought it twice. She left it at my house and she was actually like, cause I'm like, why the fuck do you care so much if you left a hairbrush at my house? I'll get it back to you. And then I found out and I was like, oh yeah, you should probably get that. Wait, three times.

So it makes your hair so shiny. So it's real. Does it work? Yeah, it's a thing. My first one got sent to me, the second one I bought. There's no hope for me, my bald blonde ass. Nothing's going on. I see it all fake as fuck. We love it.

We bought it though, it's ours. Amen. You know what I mean? I have a wet brush in my bag. The one, but you know the one. Now I have the one with the little blue bath. Oh my God. I mean, I would try it if my hair was real

or could ever be soft. I'm growing it out, I'm trying. But you're making me miss my bleach and tone, bitch oh, I bleached it this morning with like the fucking box I was like I did my own too when I had a bleach and tone. It's so fun I'm so envious of a bitch who can go I would fructis box and go blonde No I would buy the powder and the developer and I would literally like sit and fucking do a whole bleach and tone same once I did that and I burnt my hair off though my hair was like steaming and then I had to get a mullet. You know what you have to do,

or I did this really bad. Bottom half first, washed it and then the top half. If you try to do it all at once, you'll go bald. That was my problem. I mixed like 50 milligram developer and my hair was like steaming and I was like, what the fuck is going on? And then I had to like get a mullet.

It was green and black. I looked so scary. Like I actually like bit. Kind of iconic though. You would think. Where's Brad Bondo? You know about my bleach and tone video. He was like, what the hell is wrong with this girl? What do you, why? Your hair was so kind of iconic though. You would think Brad Bondo about my bleach and tone video He's like what the hell is wrong with this girl. What do you why your hair was so long and healthy though?

Safe to do I know. Oh, it's just not I got lucky I can't get my hair to like lift though on my own. That's the thing you have a naturally I think you have black hair at this will not but your your Like hair textures like you have the thicker hair very coarse what you'd think I wouldn't be bald But I want a coarse hair. I have thin fucking little bitch hair. I have baby hair, like fine, very fine hair. Yeah, my fit dogs.

I know, but like look at y'all eating me up, mogging me. What do you mean? Like, ugh. Your hair's fabulous right now. I'm so happy that you're in your like, now you're in your fit dogs. I'm in my, look at this root.

I love a root. You have dark hair. You would have dark hair. I would love to see what your hair color actually is. Yeah, would you ever open that? It's a lot darker, like it's darker than this. Yeah, would you ever want that? It's a lot darker. Like, it's darker than this. Yeah, it's dark. It's like very, very dark. But I wonder if that's lack of sunlight sometimes.

Like, if I was out in the sun for a little bit, like, I think I'd gain a few shades. You know, I got a comment on my video yesterday being like, the hair color is a choice. I'm like, it's literally not a choice. It's my natural hair color. Wait, what the fuck? The hair color is definitely a choice, It said I commented back like fuck you Jessica As if you chose like chartreuse like it's brown. No like what the fuck? Yeah, that's crazy. Would you ever go brunette? Um, I would never say never and I am growing it out and it's getting darker as we go and I'm continuing to do that for sure I'm still I'm learning I get less emotionally attached to the blonde, and I'm continuing to do that for sure. I'm still I'm learning to

get less emotionally attached to the blonde but I'm so emotionally attached. I feel you so much on that like I want to be it. I love you. Everyone crawling under the camera. So sweet. I think it would eat so hard. I think it would turn the world upside down if you popped out Brunette and I think you would look so amazing. Like I always trust it like if something's growing out of your head It's gonna look good on you like you you wouldn't look like shit with your maybe in my full piece era like maybe after like just Next year like I had a ball like imagine we come back to canceled in two years And I have a fucking Bob in Europe brunette, and I'm knowing I'm black hair. It's funny. Oh my god

I was like wedding rings. Oh, I better have a wedding ring before canceled gone, and you're our flower girl Only when Jacob are married. Oh my god That would be really fucking so speaking of I guess you two even just like doing your podcast Well, is there anything else you want to do where you're working on? It's crazy that you immediately popped out and just like with a conglomerate with Spencer's like already you were doing that That was so like a fever dream because I did ask DM them on Instagram And I was like I really have a good idea and they just like responded to me and I was like, thank god That's so sickening though. Like I I do not get brand deals

I don't get part I haven't had a brand deal in like the past two years or something. That's like so wild So yeah, the fact that they answered I was like, thank god. I will get you brand deals bitch Damn, but that just shows you are we supposed to be outreaching? Yeah, that yeah. No, it's important. A lot of the best things do come from like Really like three you reaching out. I guess you're shot I feel like um Trisha always says that the worst they could say is no that is so true It's so true, but yeah just with this new podcast and everything Do you have anything else that you want to do any dreams any goals anything that you I really okay?

This might sound so fucking weird when it comes out of my mouth but like okay wait hear me out like you know no I love it I love it okay you know how like baby baby reindeer like the okay like the guy who went through all that shit like acted in it later yes I would love to do like a short film or something So that's beautiful act out what I went through to like Portray what it was and like to kind of like symbolic or whatever the word is yeah and blah symbolize there we go I don't know. I was like yes symbolic symbolic was crazy I'll be saying that next week. Symbolic.

Yeah. And yeah, that's like my goal, honestly. You should go on Worst Ex Ever. I thought about doing that. Oh, is it that Netflix show? I've never thought about that. It's a series, but it's like episodic, where every episode is like a story of like a horrible relationship and like the crazy things that they've done.

And I'm like, I got a fake Australian who killed his family. You guys could go on together. Oh my God, yeah. I would love to do like a reality dating show even that would be so fun to like a dating what not to do Yeah, there's so much there You don't have your phone for like two months and I'd like I need a post on snapchat Look, I would know you could find someone to do it for you. We know that now. We oh Yeah, the Johnsons please. Yeah right, like they just started a whole business.

I got my shit too. Is Snapchat like super fruitful? What does that mean? Like, like, um. Profitable. Profitable, like do you make a lot of money on Snapchat? That's like my number one income. I love Snapchat.

It's so funny, it's fun too because it falls in the same like bucket. I always tell her this, I tell her to start it every day. Please. Because it's so cool, because it's so authentic. Like you don too because it falls in the same like bucket I always tell her this I tell her to start it every day please because it's so cool because it's so authentic like you don't You can literally just post your life, and it's so authentic. It's so fun. I don't know I'm like I don't want to share more in fact. I want to share I can't know but it could be that you cooking something or like literally anything I just got to start doing it and it's like once you start you won't turn back I got Emma to do it. I'm trying to get everybody to do it.

Like that is like, I just don't get it. Honestly I need someone to sit down with me and watch. Me, I would, I absolutely would. I think it's so fun. It is wild when Snapchat money came out. There's always just certain things as an influencer where I'm like this feels so, like yeah, like this is crazy that like,

I mean granted they're running ads through it and people get to enjoy your content for free So it's not like scammy. It's just like what do you like just influence or paychecks or wild like I'm just like posting selfies right now No, but it's so fun Like I love snapchat cuz I left the fucking tick tock creator program like two years ago really yeah I hated that it like shadow bands you really yeah, I love it. You're on it. Oh yeah. It doesn't shadow. I've made maybe 37 cents. That's what I'm saying like I fucking hate it. Yeah I can't. They just started doing like if they feel like your quality is like high or

If you feel like your content is high quality they give you a bonus so like What the fuck? Sometimes they'll do like times two like multiply your money if they think like oh well made. Yeah I Well, I mean I could work my whole life to try to get that times two and I would die without it. No, I'm literally not. Shit's filmed on a toaster.

And I've got a hair sticking straight up. Like, oh my God, but that's insane. I just hate doing like a minute longer videos too. Like, oh, I love it. I'm like, let me chop. No, I really will be making like 10 minute TikToks and then I just make like three and a half cents. I should figure it out, but whatever.

I'll be fine. I miss when it was like the days where you could make like a 15 second audio sync video and you'd get paid like 15 bands from it or whatever. That was a thing. Oh my God, that's when I first started. It was like, you could get paid off of videos that were like a second long.

And I was making so much fucking money. And then they changed it. That's like YouTube, like YouTube used to be so much more profitable than it is now. Oh my God, I just had a copyright. money and then they changed it. YouTube used to be so much more profitable than it is now. Oh my god, I just had a copyright. She got to live through it. Yeah, I did get to, I loved that era. So did you.

If you've been... I've never been that consistent on YouTube ever. Me neither. It's so hard. It is hard. It is like, so hard. Shout out J-Ron. And starting off as a fucking TikToker, it's hard to go from short form to long form.

So it's like, and I hate editing. Like, you edit your own videos, right? I edit, now I edit like 50% of them. Like literally 50-50. I'll do a video, J-Ron will do a video, I'll do a video just to make it like, and you can tell the ones he does. Like it is nuts.

I'm smashing my palm on the fucking keyboard. I just know you're good. I don't have the fucking like which the Patience to sit there and fucking like rewatch what I just said like same I get it. It's hard Sometimes I'll return to it like months later, and then I'll feel like oh, I can't post this now. It's too late Mm-hmm me as I love posting late shit though now because it's like whatever. It's still it's a time capsule That's how I look at it. You know what I mean, and it's camp exactly Yeah, like you know like yeah, Katy Perry just, it's a time capsule. That's how I look at it, you know what I mean? And it's camp, exactly. You know what I mean? Yeah, like the podcasts were like,

yeah, Katy Perry just went to the moon. No, I know. That's the worst thing about touring is, even like this one in our next episode being like, they're gonna be like a week later or something, and I'm just like, ugh. But yeah, when do you guys go back on tour? We go back in July.

You would kill touring too. I didn't even think about that. I wanna do that with Jacob so bad. You guys will. You 100% will. And you could do like a whole ass variety show with him. He makes great music on a side note. He's so talented.

I like collab on sweatshirt with him. Why wouldn't you feature on, oh my God, I'm like, okay, we need, she's dragging at merch, we need you featuring on sweatshirt. Please, that's like a sweatshirt remake. Yes. A sweatshirt with. And you could be like, I don't want your sweatshirt. You know who just like a sweatshirt remake. Yes. A sweatshirt with. And you could be like, I don't want your sweatshirt.

You know who just sent me to make her a diss track? Who? Mabu. No way. I'm rocking down though. Do it. You know Lil Mabu. I don't know.

I don't know actually. Yo bitch, take her on a trip, fly her to New York, sign my nails on her tits. And then who did he have in the music video? Who did he have in the music? There Who did he have in the music video? Chris John Rock. Oh yeah, like during all the- Baby, baby, baby, what's his name?

Blueface. After Blueface and Chris John broke up, he made this song and he had Chris John in the video and it like broke the internet. You should 1000% do that. I love a diss track, okay. I wanna do a diss track so bad. It's cathartic.

Yeah, it really is. Oh my God, I feel like I could really cook. I feel like I would really cook, especially for you. And just try all the things. I feel like you're in this era of just freedom, and you are so creative. And once again, I feel like, I mean, at least I'm thinking about me just as your biggest supporter

and fan of everything you do. So many people are going to love whatever you want to do, so I'm just so excited to see you try all those things. And I just, ugh, I love you, and I wanna have you back on even to Kiki. It's so crazy that you are 20 years old and you are this well-spoken. Thank you.

I'm honored to be on here. This is dead-ass the one podcast that I will consistently keep up with. I'm so sorry. I'll recommend some better ones. It's so good. It's so fucking good. I love this shit. I love you, and we love you's so good. It's so fucking good. Like I love this shit.

I love you and we love you. And you, like, I was just saying this to Camilla and I don't want people to start saying, like, Tana says this to everyone. They're gonna anyways. But I don't say this to fucking everyone because it takes a special breed of human for me to see any part of myself in them.

And like, just from the beginning when we were first messaging, I'm always like, oh my God, like, so many of little things that you'll do just randomly. I'm like, that reminds me of baby me in a lot of ways. And messaging, I'm always like, oh my god, so many of little things that you'll do just randomly. I'm like, that reminds me of baby me in a lot of ways. And like, I don't know, just even you being blonde and having all your necklaces, it's like making me think of just,

and I just like, I want nothing but the best for you. And like, I always have. And like, you know I'm always there for you. And just all of those kind of things. And I just fucking love you. I love you guys. And I just, I'm really like, it's an honor. Like, you could have done any podcast in the world

to talk about all of this. And it's, I was with Trisha the other day and Trisha was talking about how much she loves you. And then we were looking back at the first few episodes of Just Trish and you were one of them. And the title was like, Kayla Malik loves Tana Mongeau. And I was like, oh my God, that's just so sweet. And I'm like, just so happy to like form

a beautiful friendship and just like be there You guys really are an inspiration more than you know and like as a viewer of the podcast like the way that y'all go about shit in a way of like I'm saying this because I want to say it and not giving a Fuck and just like the friendship of it all like show like Jortsgate like shit like that like the fucking fights of it all like it's real as fuck and I just I love you guys Like that like the fucking fights of it all like it's real as fuck and I just I love you guys You are one of the girlies you know what I mean like you are when we talk about the girls who get it and like Whatever like that is so you and I appreciate that messy unapologetically yourself and just like even when maybe people might want you to shut the fuck up doubling down and like just continuing to speak your fucking truth how you want like this is your life and

Yes, fuck those haters in those bots and I just love you. Yeah, I love you guys man, this is so fun. Yay! Aw, thank you. Thank you. We did it.