Cancelled with Tana Mongeau & Brooke Schofield - 22: Episode 22: The Roast of Bryce Hall Got Us in Trouble

Episode Date: March 14, 2022

In this episode Tana and Brooke discuss the Roast of Bryce Hall, Brooke's run in with Brody Jenner, and they play Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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If you have questions or concerns about gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Canceled. Don't remember doing this at all. I can only hold myself accountable. Canceled.

I am Jack! Look how good my life is. So what else? Canceled. Tanamoja is cancelled. canceled look how good my life is so what else canceled tan emoji is canceled guess who's back back back again hey guys we oh i was about to apply at the burger king i was like i'm not even kidding i thought i was out of job for good i was scared i was very sad i had a few mental breakdowns and we are definitely very very happy to be here today today we were so geeked we have lists of things to talk about and we're ready to just dive into everything you missed which is just a bunch of mess and we did we did

the best thing that we try to do as often as we can where we just completely avoid each other so that we don't tell each other the good last night we were both at justin bieber and didn't see each other at all but yeah there was there were i mean, like, like, like 50,000 people there. Yeah. You were also in rich ass box seats. And I swear to God, he looked like an aunt from where I was. No, no, he looked like an aunt from where I swear to God, I don't remember seeing him. Listen, were you belligerent?

Oh, I was belligerent. And I was having the best time in my little box. But I saw my story and I'm like, holy shit. He was like really on stage performing. You really saw that. I also got home incredibly belligerent. I want to he's performing again tonight. And I almost to go like sober to take it in love to go again tonight my friend sienna who's the one who brought me she is going to see him again i was spending the day

like thinking about who we could like get to buy like finesse like get us to buy buy us just dude alexis is going wild with the bieber she's been front row at bieber like seven times in a row grand last night my makeup artist is the biggest believer ever like i was broken to spend like 500 on tickets last night she spent four grand she was she was like crying about it today she was like but so worth it wow she could like see in his pores it was so iconic i just like oh god i love him so much more than really like physically pains me 100% like I love him more than I didn't think you know that I always like very pick me of me but I'm like I'm always like

I don't even really like Justin Bieber that I don't care for him that much but I went I'm like I love you I was sobbing like a little hot um do you ever think about like imagine just being Hailey Bieber and like going and seeing that many people who are like genuinely in love with your husband and just knowing that he sleeps next to you every night. I'm mad. I would like secure and awesome that feels because, you know, there's no way it feels secure and awesome, though, because the people will not let that girl win. It's really just like she like goes to bed, like, yeah, that's true. She wakes up in the middle of the night and she says he's still there. Yeah, that's all that really matters.

That's fucking. You know what I was noticing? Imagine a man loving you that much even i know i can't sorry um i was thinking about this though okay so this whole julia fox and kanye situation okay and how quick everybody was to jump on and love julia fox at almost immediately the response was like we love her she's so funny like she we stand julia fox yeah the comments were all like she's hysterical yeah people like made fun of her poked fun at her and like her uncut gems like situation but for the most part people were very like pro julia and i'm like that is so crazy the difference between that and like like hayley what i was saying that today

that like justin we were like literally like is the most famous person on this planet. Like exactly for Hailey. Like they loved him and Selena so much. She got like so much. It's because like. Yeah, that's the problem is I guess the attachment. But you would think that Kim Kardashian fans are like. Yeah.

Well, I guess they know that she doesn't want him anymore. Yeah, I guess that's true. I don't know. She is doing just fine with our boy Pete. I was really honestly at first kind of not on the fence about Julia Fox, but I was just like definitely like cringing a little and like love the jokes and like whatever not that I have any room to cringe roll team Bryce on God but um you know um I was definitely like laughing about it but like now she's in her bag like she's straight like she is in her bag and honestly it's just so inspirational what she's done here walked around with Kanye put on her little Kim

fit for a couple weeks did the eye got a birkin for the squad and dipped like why the fuck would i know a lot of person in the world who doesn't know who julia fox is and she's what she's i mean she had nothing to lose she's literally killing it i'm not gonna lie like i'm a fan we should have julia fox on the pot i dm her oh you did seen she's seen you jul Scene. Julia. Julia Fox left me unseen. Honestly, I've been really bawling out on, like, who I think will be a guest. Like, I'm just DMing the craziest people. I'm trying to get Anna Delvey so hard for me and Tiana.

I need to watch it. I tried to watch it, but I had such a hard time with the actress's accent that I couldn't even, like, it was insufferable. Because it was like they were trying to, like, pay homage to the fact that she was, like, faking it and mixing accents, right? Or no? I saw something, I saw her in an interview, like, talking about how, like, she had to, like, combine accents.

Yeah. It was very confusing to me. It sounded to me, she sounded like Pee Wee Herman or something. It's so, like, I want to have her. I don't even have an accent. I don't even know what that is. I don't know, I'm tired.

I really want to have her on, but I'm also scared because it's like obviously what she did was wrong. But like, you know how I'm going to talk to her. I'm going to be like, you're an ass queen. I feel very passionately that certain crimes, like if you get away with things to a certain extent, it's almost like people should just be like, okay, like. You're like murder.

No, no. But like the swindler, like the Tinder swindler. I'm like, wow. The fact that he was able to get away with, I mean, he didn't get away with it, I guess. I know so many people in LA who are like, they are Tinder swindlers. Yeah. Like, hella people do that. I can see myself getting swindled, although I don't even think I'm eligible to take out a loan of that size.

I was talking about that with Natalie. Like, you're either the swindler or the swindley in life. You know what I mean? My Instagram got deleted while we were gone was it the nudity or the i'm so serious i know like i knew this day was gonna come like you know what i mean where it was like finally gonna happen like all especially back in the day i would just wild out with only fans promo and now all my tag photos are like really weird porn it what's crazy is that they don't it's not like you get like a two month like what happens

when you like post something that's against the community guidelines for those of you who don't usually do it like we do um it'll like immediately delete your story and then it'll give you a warning but those never go away so it's like if you've had your insta i mean i've had my instagram since like exactly for years and so like like I'm sorry like I said something a little out of like one time I posted a close friend story with a friend and she was with the guy that I liked and as a joke I said I'm gonna fucking skin her alive which I mean like no I mean I get I get it but like said I was gonna gut her like a fish completely joking I was kidding and they deleted it immediately and now they think I'm like her like harassing

people yeah no I don't I mean like I obviously definitely just like expected it it was just crazy that well you probably have like what do you have like one more strike before your shit's gone for good and it was like gone the other night again like I definitely think it could be like a let Riley live Riley read vibe like I might definitely just have oh you're gonna get like what what Lila has to do Lila starts a new Instagram like as often as she has to change her outfit and no one could help me. I had to go to Charlie D'Amelio's manager and literally like offer him

one of my fingers cut off to get it back and he got it back by like the hair on his head. Like it was just half a year on his head. He's literally bald. Shout out Greg Goodfrey.

I love you. I love you, Greg. Speaking of applying at Burger King, I was really, I was like sobbing and everyone was like, you're being so dramatic, especially on TikTok. All the comments were like, are you fucking kidding me?

This was your like worst day ever. But it's like, that's like how I run my business. Like, you know what I mean? That is true. That is, it's really scary. Like that, that, I mean, your career is heavily, I mean, it's actually completely dependent on you having a social media. And it was just like all these contracts I've signed to obviously do so many things on instagram and i was like i'm gonna fraud them all like you were

gonna do that anyway you're out there like bitch you're not filming that brand deal anyway speaking of being awful at my business i keep drinking drinks that aren't dizzy yeah like we have a happy dad i'm drinking a happy dad to try to stick to the brit like i'm wearing kind of like a dad outfit right now with my little new balance sneakers i really need to stop actually promoting other alcohol but i mean i i know that this wine gets me too fucked up like i i would i'd be on here like speaking in tongues no if i had one dizzy right now i'd be like slurring yeah the other night i thought i could this is so embarrassing i actually don't even want to relive

it and i hope no one finds it because it's like so so embarrassing they're gonna find it whatever i guess it's fine i need to learn I need to hold myself accountable on this one seriously Brooke I don't even know if you know this what did you do so I went out it was the night that you're about to talk about you did some fun things um it was our good friend's name it was our good friend's birthday and we went to his birthday and we were all there and I had to work the next day so I was was like, oh, my God, I'm so proud of myself. I'm going home early. Like I was sober like the whole night, like whatever.

And then I get home and it's early and everyone's still out. And I'm like, but this just sounds like a problem. Like, seriously, like, why did I do this? Like I was like, but I could have a dizzy. I have five disease, which, as you know, for. Well, no, I was like with people. I was with people who were like drinking and they wanted to like go back out and stuff.

But it was like, I was just like, I did, I did my skincare, like whatever. And it's like, they're just so little. And it's like,

you just throw it back. Yeah. It's like a little shot of wine. Like you can't, that is a bottle of wine. Four of them is a bottle of wine. So I went live on Instagram. Oh God.

What'd you do? I don't't know i have no idea what i said i was like i was like black tie what can i remember see at that point you should have wished you did have your instagram deleted sincerely like take it away they were trying to do you a favor i've never done that and you know i've been like belligerent like a lot obviously in this life but that but that's like like imagine you like going live the night at the like 24 karat golden that's what i'm saying you, like, going live the night of the, like, 24-karat Golden Day Party. That's what I'm saying. It's like when Lindsay Lohan,

do you remember? I just wanted to drink my microphone. I'm going crazy, you guys. We just forgot a podcast completely. Do you remember when Lindsay Lohan, I don't even know if I should laugh at this at all, because it's, like,

it's, like, kind of fucked up. I don't even think she was fucked up at this at all because it's like it's like kind of fucked up. And I don't even think she was fucked up. But like she was in Dubai and she was trying to take someone's kid. And she went live and she was like talking in an accent like from that part of the world and was like, no, no, you will come with me. And was like trying to steal someone's kid. And saying they were like kidnapping their kid. And she like went live. No, yeah, I don't remember that one. That's what I just kind of feel like I was given.

Are you sure you didn't dream about that? I'm very, very, very sure. She was living in Dubai for a while because paparazzi is illegal in Dubai. Is it really? Yeah, you would hate it there. I really would. So the Bryce roast, the Bryce Hall roast finally came out. People liked it for the most part part I think that we killed it Brooke and I kind of me Brooke and Jason collaborated on the jokes and it

was fun but um it's funny because before I was having so much anxiety to you I was like I'm gonna get canceled freaking out I wasn't worried about you getting canceled at all I was worried about your delivery yeah I couldn't deliver anything like well at all like you should have seen me the whole time I was like Bryce is if they saw where you started to where you ended up they would be a lot more impressed to be honest with you that's yeah like I'm satisfied with it

because it's not something that I like do or have done a lot so I'm like you know what I mean like I'm satisfied with the way it turned out not like me at the comedy store we'll talk about the all the joke cutting everyone wants me to talk about that and jeff in a second but i was i was having a full-blown panic attack to you about being canceled that's not what you were worried about you were like bitch you need to figure out how to be funny like and say this shit right but i was like no but i'm gonna get canceled i'm freaking out i'm freaking out i said a lot of

fucked up shit that they cut out i'm not gonna lie um but the thing that i'm getting the most backlash for i'm so frustrated about too brooke because here's the thing t I'm getting the most backlash for, I'm so frustrated about too, Brooke, because here's the thing. Tana had to go and do what Tana does. Whole set is fully written, right? Whole set's fully written. Every single thing I said is something that we wrote down and we rehearsed. But before me was Josh Richards, right?

And they cut like three fourths of his set. But I just want to let you guys know. And I, I love josh so like this is this is all in good fun again this is like it's a roast that's what you're supposed to do is like roast the fuck out of each other but josh's everyone's set was like 10 minutes josh's was like 25 like literally 30 minutes long and like 15 minutes of josh's set was just cooking me like just but like the same type of joke over, like, you're a whore, you're a whore, you're a whore,

you're a whore, you're a whore. Like, but in 30 different ways. You get what I'm saying? And obviously, I get it. That's the point of a roast. He clearly, he overprepared. He, but he was coming at my neck. They cut, they cut what couldn't, like, be left in. And I didn't really write that many jokes about Josh. I kind of, like, we wrote about pretty much everyone

else, and I had, like, one or two Josh jokes. he's hard to joke about yeah because there's not like yeah there's not a lot that's like that make fun of a bull like oh your girlfriend left you yeah like and and like Josh is like super sweet and like successful and like wait I have a story about Josh after this you have to I have to tell you I'm excited for that I want to know what the tea is but anyways I walk up and I say Josh you violated me just like you violated nessa when you cheated on her with like all those girls or whatever like i just off tops because i was like fuck you i did notice emma a little improv yeah like i had to i had to get spunky and bold and ad lib for no fucking reason like should have known they were just gonna cut him violating

the fuck out of me and just like done my fucking set. I just make you look like a fucking narc. So then they. Did he cheat? Is he a cheater? They. So then they leave it in. Oh. I don't like.

Who. Careful. They leave it in and the whole internet is now being like Tana said it. Like I guess no one. I guess maybe Lil Huddy had like alluded to it or. Very credible. Someone else. Tana Mongeau. I mean no one, I guess maybe Lil Huddy had like alluded to it or. Very credible. Someone else. Tanimojo. I mean, everyone knows I, I love Nessa and I have her back to the day I die.

And I've said it for a million times. There's so much that happened. Like I wasn't here to try to break some big scandal. It was obviously still just more of a joke of like what people joke about in Hollywood. Like that's, that's a common joke. You cheated. So. of like what people joke about in Hollywood. Yeah. Like that's a common joke. Ha ha, you cheated. So I just made this unwarranted joke.

And of course, that's what I'm getting canceled for is just being like a fucking idiot, dumb bitch who can't keep her mouth shut and sticks her nose in everything. But at the same time, you know. You? Never. Josh, like, come on, you know. Sorry, Josh. Anyway, so I ran into Josh at the club. Okay. And he was there

with brianna chicken fry who i fucking i'm her biggest fan i think that she's the biggest contributor to the bffs podcast i think she's so funny she's so funny i just love them anyway i was at their table and i said by the way josh has like he used to like come over when you all the time like i feel like we'd be like around him i've met him probably a dozen times okay and i'm your co-host on the podcast and they've mentioned on the podcast like here and there like they reviewed our halloween costumes they reviewed our halloween costumes they did smash mary kill and they put me in it like i know like i just i have to preface with that because it's like in my head I'm like I could say hey like hey to him so I went up to him at the club and I'm talking to him and I'm like I'm the biggest BFFs fan ever like whatever blah blah my friend is with me and she's like yeah she has

a podcast too like with Tana and he literally I swear to god looks by the way I wasn't I was saying like I'm the biggest BFFs fan I wasn't like expecting that he was gonna know who I am at all that's not like the vibes but he looks at me dead in the eyes and he goes not gonna lie I have no fucking idea who you are Josh Josh Richard said that to you to your face where to go and I was like maybe he was like drunk or something but I was like I was like damn I'm just telling you I'm i didn't even say shit about my podcast like it's like my friend did but i'm like i was not expecting like him to know me at all but i the nerve i was like damn like fucking richards damn i don't even know what to say back to that i'm not i'm not even i i can't wait for them and i couldn't even believe it and i taught like after because i wasn't the only one who heard it either so like after i'm talking to my friend and

i'm like, am I wrong to be so offended by that? Because it's like, I wouldn't say that to any, like that's like if someone came up to me and was like, Hey, I love the podcast. And I'm like, yeah,

well I don't fucking know you. So like, damn Josh, like damn, damn. I love, I love when something happens like this in LA, like the mic thing or something.

It sucks too because I'm always on the podcast. I'm like, Josh Richards is so hot. He looks so good that one night. I'm like, I always like, like talking him up. And I like, in LA like the mic thing or something because I'm always on the podcast I'm like Josh Richards is so hot he looks so good that one night I'm like always like like talking him up and I like I was like shot to my ego damn I'm like I better be funnier on the podcast people don't fucking know who I am no that they definitely do but also like that's just that's that's it was just such a weird thing to say like I didn't even I didn't even expect him to know who I was but but now that you're saying it I'm like you really have meant like

there's no like that's super I'm excited to see because you know BFFs always like they're gonna talk about this on BFFs I'm excited to see what Josh has to say I don't know and I mean I'll get like he was drunk like it was like no but like Josh what I'm excited to see what you have to say about that

what's your take on this Josh because what I was so offended I was like literally Like, Josh, what? I'm excited to see what you have to say about that. What's your take on this, Josh? Because what? I was so offended. I was like, literally, I've had so much built up emotion towards Josh Richards since then. No, seriously. Yeah. But I mean.

And you're not. I'm like, you know what? I take back what I said about you being hard. I tweeted that. Right after it happened, I tweeted, I take back what I said. Because the episode that we had filmed the day before that, I said, Josh Richards is so hot.

You have bad luck with that. I know. And I tweeted and I said, I take back what I I said Josh Richards is so hot you have bad luck with that I know and I tweeted and I said I take back what I said about Josh Richards in the morning I was so badly I could tell a few stories of things you've said on the podcast and then things that have happened in your life after but I can't you guys can I talk I just have recently had my first instance of like something something I said on the podcast coming back to bite me in the ass and let me tell you about it so if you guys recall a few episodes ago i told a story about how i had received a dm from brody jenner no i got an accept message request from brody jenner and he had unsent the message so i dm'd him and i was like hi like

whatever and he just responded like what's good and i never responded to that message because i'm terrified he's like unsettlingly good looking and he just like honestly, what's good? And I never responded to that message because I'm terrified. He's like unsettlingly good looking. And he just like honestly terrifies me. She's been withholding the story from me all week. I'm on the edge of my seat. Like because we save shit for the podcast. So I'm like, so I told that story. And I hated the way that I delivered the story too,

because like it got clipped on TikTok and it made it seem like I was like, I didn't respond to Brody Jenner. But like, I really just like, what do you say to Brody Jenner? He's the best looking man on the planet, I think. And so- We should have him as a guest. That's where I'm going with this, kind of. So the other night,

I'm at dinner with some basketball players, which was so random, but- wow i we're at delilah and there's literally nobody there there's like five people there like total okay and brody jenner's there and i'm with my friend sienna and sienna knows brody so we go up to him we're talking to him and i'm like shaking in my boots y'all i'm like oh my god he's gonna like i hope he doesn't recognize me yeah and we're good to go okay he's he's like hi i'm brody nice to meet you he's buying us shots like whatever there's no one at this bar so we're just like chatting with him whatever and he starts talking about how he's thinking about starting like a podcast with uh audrina

and frankie delgado from the hills like to expose like kind of the behind the scenes have you been seeing spencer pratt do his yes so great he's he's brilliant for that but seriously but he so he's like yeah we want to like talk about like the behind the scenes like stuff like that and my friend sienna goes oh my god my friend brooke has a podcast i go oh yeah like no no i know and she's like no no no like it's it's really big like she does she has a podcast she's so good at it don't sell yourself short like no no and i'm like i'm looking at her heart too because like i know she was so cute trying to like hype me up and make me look good like whatever but but i'm like like shut up she's like no it's really good and now

he's like oh my god what's it called like and i'm like no like you wouldn't you wouldn't know of it she's like it's been in the top 10 since it like she's like it's huge like and so finally i'm like uh like you know like tana mojo you know like tana mojo like i have a podcast with tana mojo and he goes oh he goes i dm'd you and i go yeah i was like i'm so sorry like I don't know why I said that like and I just start like word vomiting and I'm like we have to I have like in Vegas I talked to him about the podcast yeah well I was like this is so embarrassing and he's but he was so like such a sweetheart about it he was like he was like no I just met Tana I love Tana so much he's like you're totally fine like I did like he's like it's. Like I did. Like he's like, it's fine. Like, I mean, that really happened. Whatever. Like, but I guess he had a girlfriend at the time.

Not not at the time that he DM me, but he had a girlfriend at the time that I had the podcast podcast. And little did I know I went to college with her. Like, I literally know her and went to college with her. So I just look like the biggest, most disrespectful asshole on the entire planet. I didn't know, of of course that they were dating but like now that i do i'm like bro like shut the fuck up oh my god you really say too much i said too much and thankfully he was so sweet about it and he was like and he told me too he was like now that i've met you and like i know tana and like i he was like maybe i maybe i'd want to come on the podcast like i guess i I guess David your manager has been trying to get him to come on for a while and he was

apprehensive I get it but he was like he was like I'm down to come on it and he said that but then as the night went on I kept like saying like we have to have you on the podcast and then all of a sudden he was like oh like I don't know like he's like I just am like he's like I just don't really do like the pot like I've never been on a podcast as he's like trying to start one like he definitely does that just not he was the one who said he's the one who started he's like i would i would love to come on come on the podcast and then i brought it up later and he was like no that's a big thing i will say that as well is it's like i always thought that getting guests would be very easy because it's like we know most of the people in this space that's kind of like my shtick like

how does she know this person like whatever yeah and i could like ask anyone like and i'm this sounds so picky i don't mean like that but I mean like a celebrity for a favor or to like come to a party or like anything like that or like you know like my celebrity friends will hit me up to do shit like yeah but the second that I'm like like oh my god like if they bring up the podcast like oh it's doing so good I'm like you should come on they're like I mean are you gonna cancel me like people are like actually afraid to come on our podcast but I told him I was like. But I told him, I was like, you can have like, I mean, you have control. No one believes you. No one believes you.

I know, I told him, I was like, you can cut whatever you want. If you come on and you hate it and it's like, whatever. But like, I really don't. And he was like, oh, think about it. People are scared. I feel like, like, honestly, that's why our guests are always controversial. But I would love to have him on. And I feel like he's just like, I feel like he has so much insight, especially like with

you having done a reality show and him obviously being so- Yeah. That'd be fire. You guys- I feel like it would be really, really interesting. Brody, get on our podcast. You said it first. What she said, I think, but also please leave comments of who we should try to get on our

podcast or tag people because I think everyone's afraid of us at this point. I'm not going to lie. I almost died. Okay, when? Oh, with your neck hole? I'm kidding. I do have a wild hole in my neck. That was also it is like unsettling to look i really don't like how it looks but so i go i'm like on my knees on the ground in front of this table and i go to like lay my head like on something on the

table and on the table chris miles had just dropped like over like in the other room a glass and shattered it picked up the glass and just put it on the table that's such a chris miles thing to do glass goes through my neck and then i don't even notice that like which is so alarming i'm not joking i don't notice literally at all i know but that to that in itself is just a little bit concerning so concerning i don't notice at all and then i'm sitting there with ty amari's boyfriend and ty is very like pranky i love ty but he's he'll be yeah he'll always be like oh my god what's on your face yeah he's just very like that you know what i mean and so he goes oh my god you're bleeding everywhere and i'm like ah ty good one you got me and i keep going back and forth with him too i'm like no i'm not and he's like yes you are like go look like are you okay

and i'm like ty cut the bit like it not funny. I go look in the fucking mirror. Blood everywhere. Everywhere. Then, like, Rusty's there. He starts freaking out. Like, everyone's like, and I hate that feeling. Because then it's like you start to worry when everyone's like, oh, my God. Like, are you good?

Yeah. Paige, on the other hand, is just spreading, like, peanut butter on a Ritz cracker at the fucking counter. Like, bitch, get over it. Blood everywhere. I'm bleeding, soaking through paper towels, whatever. We finally get it to, like, chill for a sec sec and we shine a light on it and the flashlight's like hitting it and there's just glass in my neck. Ew, I don't like that.

But of course I won't go to the emergency room because I'm a pussy and a baby back bitch and I just didn't want to. Yeah, we were crying when Amari sent your tweet and it was like, I need stitches. I really thought I needed stitches. Then everyone's coming for me being like, you fucking dramatic lying's literally like it's a paper cut upon further investigation i did learn that it's like a it looked pretty bad it was pretty gnarly but it was funny because it's like that's such a you thing to say like gushing i need stitches it literally i could see into my fucking art like yeah carotid like didn't 100 normally i'm being so dramatic the problem with this too

is it's a very small cut so it's like i was bleeding for like three days which also is just so concerning like go that is concerning but i i was assuming you had some like some blood thinning like yeah or like alcohol whatever i mean yes but also like bleeding a lot but like it just looks small so everyone's like you're being dramatic whatever whatever whatever but then finally an at-home doctor comes they're like it is such a deep cut like blah blah blah but then they still tell me that they don't think there's glass in it right but i'm like moving my head around and i feel fucking glass in my neck yesterday i could have never been a nurse i come to like i look in the mirror at it in the front of my scabber like the day before yesterday and the glass was on the outside and came out my body expunged it that's so nice i don't think my body was capable of expunging things of course what

sounds what's what is expunging even mean does it push it out can we get a fact check on that even being a word expunging it sounds right to expunge no no i could be completely wrong i'm definitely the definition of those girls on TikTok who like use big words wrong. No, I love when you do that, though. It really cracks me. Like I'm always just swinging. Not all of them are like a hit. You know what I mean?

I'm like, I can't even think of like a. The definition is to erase or remove completely. I just got word in my headphones. That's why you should wear your headphones. The more you know. Seriously, but I just can't mess up my weave like that. I love your little banging. You look like Hannah Montana. Oh more you know. Seriously, but I just can't mess up my weave like that. I love your little banging. You look like Hannah Montana.

Oh, my God. The banging. I seriously, I have bangs now, guys. Kinda. They're definitely from bleach. It's so funny because someone commented on my TikTok. They were like, love the bangs, even though it's definitely a chemical cut. And one of my hair girls, Ashley, she's so funny.

Bless her heart. She responds and she's like, no, we cut it on purpose. Full chemical cut. She's just trying to like help my back. Like obviously I think like to make them look better too. I think they're cute. It's trendy. I'm just feeling it.

I need to like actually cut them properly because like some are like way longer than others from bleach. Yeah. I'm noticing like the tiny little bits that I just know you can see. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like I like I'm looking at you right now through like a banging. Yeah. I always think about that.

I make fun of my roommate all the time because she gets like the most insane eyelash extensions and i'm like is it like you're just wearing like a big hat at all times because i know she can see them you know what i mean like i know they're in her vision can i give a controversial opinion yeah we've seen everyone talk about different crypto coins whether it's a labradoodle coin a tit coin some random new nft that someone's DMing you about. Maybe ignore that one. Trust me. But seriously, if you listen to the news or talk to your friends or read your DMs,

it's like everyone's got some exciting new thing they're investing in or buying. But all of that doesn't mean you should throw your money at every crazy thing you see online when there are alternatives out there with pretty impressive track records. I'm talking about contemporary art. No, I'm serious. You don't need to be rich rich to do it. Masterworks can make it a reality. Masterworks is a really cool startup based in New York City that lets you purchase shares that represent an investment in famous artworks from really sick artists like Banksy and Picasso. It may be good for your

financial future, but it's even cooler to imagine going out to brunch with the squad and dropping that you're an art collector. Masterworks is blowing they already have over 300 000 members but you can get priority access by going to masterworks.art slash tana that's masterworks.art slash tana see important regulation a disclosures and the offering circular at masterworks.io slash about slash disclosure shout out masterworks go buy a picasso not that i have any right to say what looks good or bad on people when i do things like have my tracks out and like lashes falling off and shit so it's like again like take this with a grain of salt but i think intense lash extensions it makes it's so everyone's gonna regret it so much i just really

truly believe that because it's like you, like, nobody thinks those are your lashes, first of all. And you can't see someone's eyes. That's what bothers me about it is you can't see someone's eyes. But just the way they look, I've never seen someone look better with them. Like, I don't, I don't get it. I don't understand why any, like, I get the last thing, I have no lashes. Actually, a good example is Abby, our friend Abby.

She has eyelash extensions, and hers are just long and nice. And when we're on the beach, and she just has a tan face, no makeup and lashes, she looks beautiful. Yeah, she's great. No, I'm talking about the thick black, inner to outer. Why is that a thing? I don't like it either. And of course, you can like what you like,

but that is just not my vibe. No, it actually terrifies me. Because I feel like you could be the most beautiful girl in the world and you get that and you look that's what's so shitty about it it's like i feel like it's just one of those things everyone's gonna look back and be like oh why did i do that like when we were all wearing like like skin colored lipstick why do we do that i put concealer on my lips for like years yeah i believe you in high school and i actually just had eyelash extensions last week but I I can't

I touch my eyes too much I had to oh yeah I sleep so like face down me too and I lost every single lash on one eye and then had a full eye

on the other one I was like oh shit I also I was looking funny oh my gosh I have to show you the videos I took of myself

I took mushrooms again the other night I don't know why after what I told you guys about what happened to me the last time I took mushrooms like Brooke why'd you take mushrooms again that's because

i'm stupid so but i honestly had the best time but i took when i got home you should do a podcast on mushrooms when i got home i was looking at myself in the mirror and i was lifting one eyebrow and i'm like no fucking way i've never been able to do this like no shot so i take all these videos on my phone i'm like this is so crazy i can't believe like i just learned able to do this, like no shot. So I take all these videos on my phone. I'm like, this is so crazy. I can't believe like, I just learned how to do that on here. And I took all these videos on my phone and there is nothing about one of my eyebrows that is raising, but I was convinced.

No, I need to see the video of you just. You kind of are. I was so happy to, I'm like cracking up and I'm alone. I can just imagine you dead alone doing that. There's four videos and they're all a minute long. Can we do something fun right now? Oh, yes, yes, yes. Okay, so before I got here,

I received a text from Paige, Tana's assistant, that said, just in case you want to test if Tana is smarter than a fifth grader. And I think she's brilliant. We've been playing Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader a lot at home. And it got concerning the other night when I didn't know the seven continents. I don't know the seven continents. And I literally went to university.

That makes me feel so much better because I was being brutally shamed. I knew like five. Maybe I know them. Three. What is it? South America, North America. Asia. makes me feel so much better because i was being brutally shamed i i knew like five maybe i know them three what is it south america north america asia asia your europe africa australia is antarctica wait are those country wait what am i talking see like i just lose all concept of that like the whole like country city continent thing it's like so much for me to handle so i thought it'd be fun we went back and forth and asked each other are you smarter than a fifth grader okay but i but unfortunately i have all the questions

on my so i don't want to know the answers like pass the phone yeah but we you can just see the next answer oh okay so do you just want to quiz me then yeah okay so brooke because i feel like you're smarter than a fifth grader i don't know i don't feel that way okay i know sometimes i'd be hanging out with like well this question what is Rosa Parks famous for okay hold on hold on y'all I see what you're trying to do Paige you want a job we gonna be broke okay um let me see what is the capital of New York albany how'd you know that the process by which plants eat and make energy is called photosynthesis god she's a genius uh the interior angles of a triangle always add up to three what one two three what the

fuck is wrong with her 180 degrees see the whole degrees thing like why would they put the word degrees with temperature and shapes what is responsible for the ocean tides tectonic plates moving the moon oh fuck oh fucking heck but that almost honestly you honestly you almost had me the hardest naturally occurring mineral is what the hardest natural occurring mineral like hardest like yeah and it's like the hardest uh-huh you got this think Amari's birthday gold babe you bought him a nice doll Rolex it's the closest planet to the Sun gun

to my head I have no idea. Mercury. Genius. Oh my God. You guys, we are not giving this girl enough credit. No, no, no. But you also don't understand like I'm developing an eye twitch right now and I actually like want to start crying. What is the freezing point of water? You have to know this. Fahrenheit and Celsius.

Zero. Okay. Zero degrees what? I feel like it's Celsius and then I feel like the Fahrenheit's like a spunky number like 21 or 33 or 54. 32. Okay. 33. When writing out a fraction, the numbers above and below the verniculum.

What the fuck is verniculum? Are called the. Oh, you know this. I feel like the verniculum sounds like something that would be like in a man's balls. Can you say it one more time? When writing out a fraction, the numbers on the top and the bottom are called? Exponents. What the fuck?

Numerator and denominator. Go easy on me. Okay, I only have two more. The hexagon has how many sides? Hex. Hex. Hex. I'm going to say you're onto something with that. Hexagon.

What does hexagon even look like? That one's a trapezoid. I just feel like it's five. Something's telling me five. No, five is pentagon, right? What's a hexagon? Six. You kept saying hex.

I'm like, yeah, yes. What is it? The thinnest layer of the earth is called. A stop sign is a hexagon. Probably. Cha-ching, bazinga. Girl, I watched a girl run over a stop sign the other day and just drive away. That's really why I can't drive.

Thinnest layer of the earth is called. It's what's on your bedside table. Dirt. Crust. Fuck. Fuck. I ran out of questions. All right, guys.

Are you smarter than a fifth grader? Grab a pencil and a piece of paper. You remember that song? The way I know the theme song to that, and I don't even know my cousin's names. That is really impressive. My cousin's pregnant. My favorite cousin. She's pregnant.

What else can we do? I wish I was pregnant. Speaking of wishing we were pregnant and the thing, I have such a bad bleeding problem. Bro, if you knew what was happening to my uterus. Oh, I bled all over. I bled all over the place last night. A dick? I'm so sorry that I know a bed that wasn't mine.

Whose bed were you in that wasn't yours? Don't be rude. You know exactly whose bed I was in that wasn't mine. Whose bed were you in that wasn't yours? Don't be rude. You know exactly whose bed I was in that wasn't mine. But I didn't hook up with him. I just was sleeping over. Imagine being a guy and a bitch just comes over, doesn't hook up with you, bleeds all over your bed. He deserved it.

He left me on the couch. That's fair. That is completely, completely true. He's like, bitch, now you're never coming in my bed again. A couch it is. No, the other night, I was really high and it was really late at night and I like I go into the bathroom and I guess I was bleeding and I got blood all over the toilet seat and I didn't see it because it was in the dark and I just didn't turn the

light on I was like oh I'm good and then like I flushed it but like blood all over the toilet seat and then i bled this i bled through my underwear and then i walked out of the room and i put them on top of a pile of clothes i was going to take upstairs when i went upstairs and then i went to the kitchen and then i went to the kitchen and then i made food and then i forgot and then today i heard hunter screaming bloody murder and it's because he saw hunter always has to deal with your bloody issues as well i know i i know i almost feel like just coincidentally it's always with him and then he saw my bloody underwear in the living room and that is that is really dehumanizing like seriously no one chris will always say to me when i do shit like that he's like and they pay you to live here

like like i should be paying him to live there it sucks because like it's I get it's natural and stuff and now I'm like just so desensitized I'm like telling all these bloody stories on the podcast all the time but I'm like that's like we shouldn't be saying that's really gross I can't stop bleeding I'm serious I can't either a serious serious problem but it's it's you know that I've never never one time in my entire 25 years of life bled in my own bed i've never like woken up and been like oh i bled in my bed really but i've bled in several men's beds i i bleed my bed like once a month i believe that about you no but just in my sleep i don't know my periods very like

it just comes i don't have a heavy period at all so it's almost like somebody's like out to get me up there upstairs they're like watch this and they just like it's all of a sudden i'm just fucking fire hose everywhere if a month that's how i feel every month fire hose so much blood if a month goes by and i don't see like a little leg in there like like some leg you have to stop with the limbs i can't i'm so so sorry no i i actually it's just because my period's irregular i i have no idea why i'm so good to my body seriously um super regular so just come to my sleep and then i just like ruin the whole bed thank you for coming to this week's episode of canceled practice safe sex wear a late text because you don't want to get that i'm late text i think i'm late i don't okay unless he's

really rich then keep it Tanimoja is cancelled. A DWE Talent Production.