Cancelled with Tana Mongeau & Brooke Schofield - 59: TANA AND BROOKE ARE FIGHTING OVER THE SAME GUY - Ep. 59

Episode Date: November 3, 2023

On this episode of Cancelled the girls recap halloween week and Tana's party. They touch up on mental health and being over the influencer / LA scene. They end the episode off covering current events in the media. Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @lumedeodorant and get $5 off off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code CANCELLED at https://lumepodcast.com! #lumepod Tana Mongeau Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tanamongeau/ Tana Mongeau Twitter: https://twitter.com/tanamongeau Tana Mongeau TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@tanamongeaulol Brooke Schofield Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brookeschofield/ Brooke Schofield Twitter: https://twitter.com/BroookeAmber Brooke Schofield TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@brookeschofield1 Brooke Schofield YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzCVovj7tfqnV2lIkaVk35A To listen to the podcast on YouTube: https://bit.ly/CancelledYouTube Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: https://bit.ly/CancelledWithTanaMongeau If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: https://bit.ly/CancelledWithTanaMongeau Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Everyone's got a pro. Need tires? I've got a pro. Car making a weird sound? I've got a pro. So who's that pro? The pros at Tread Experts. From tires to auto repair, Tread Experts is always there, helping you with Toyo tires you can trust. Until May 31st, save up to $100 in rebates on select Toyo tires, like Toyo's open country family of tires. Find your pro at your local Tread Experts. From tires to auto repair, we're always there. TreadExperts.ca Discover the exciting action of BetMGM Casino. Check out a wide variety

of table games with a live dealer or enjoy over 3,000 games to choose from like Cash Eruption, UFC Gold Blitz, make instant deposits or same-day withdrawals. Download the BetMGM Ontario app today. Visit BetMGM.com for terms and conditions. 19 plus to wager Ontario only. Please gamble responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge.

BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Hello and welcome back to the Canceled. No way! Was that our intro? That was our intro. It was gonna be until you've ruined it. I'm sorry if my energy is low right now. Whenever we shoot at 5.30pm, which is always, because that's my breakfast time. It's November 1st today and it is 86 degrees today.

I could go out there and tan right now. I really... The sun is beating on us And it's exhausting me Global warming Is that So that's what that is I don't really understand Like why is it this hot in November

Every year Or at least for the past few years It's been like one day All of a sudden it's frigid And what's up with that Like the sun is just like See y'all next year I guess

She's really showing up And showing out For her last days So Brooke i haven't seen you at all in like 14 days maybe so two weeks that's two weeks yeah well actually i haven't seen you since we filmed the last episode yeah so it's been like a second there a second second there i know i meant to see you that next day you had your halloween party that next day we You had your Halloween party that next day. We talked all about it on the last episode. I was like so excited.

Yeah, I talked about how I had no idea how I was going to throw a party sober. Breaking news. I couldn't. I didn't. I mean, what do we get into first? You not attending or me attending, but as Tina, the drunk woman. I guess I think you just tell us about your experience and then i'll explain why i didn't go i used to like thoroughly enjoy throwing parties

and this was also just a very different situation where i was like throwing it for this rich guy trying to make him happy in his house where normally it's like my house or my venue i rented out or like whatever but the pressure of hosting like almost damn near killed me. Like it was just a lot. It is a lot. It's not for everybody. Because you invite 300 people and everyone needs something. And a lot of things just happened at this party that like people were naked in the pool

and like fighting at the door to get in. And like I kept having to go to the door and like fight people. And just be like, I don't know you leave Like it was just like So much was going on Just overwhelming Overwhelming And that's what eventually

Cracked me To have a shot or two Which I don't know If I'm mad at yet Because I feel like I would have had Zero fun sober And I had a lot of fun

No I'm not mad at it I just like You know me I love your little sober era Me too And I'm trying I'm not talking shit I got a beer in my hand And I'm not mad at it I just like You know me I love your little sober era Me too And I'm trying I'm not talking shit I got a beer in my hand

And I'm about to Like the thing is Is it's just like Fuck like I just did another 60 something days sober And like Again it was awesome

I worked so hard Like I was so present Whatever But like I didn't really have any fun I don't necessarily know If I was like That happy

Yeah but you were very productive during that time you got a lot done that you probably wouldn't have 100 you avoided like the problem is you don't know what you avoided because it didn't happen but like do you ever like something horrible happens and you're like oh my god had I not been drinking this would not have happened oh I get what you're saying you don't know how much during that 60 days like probably would have happened like oh yeah that you would have just and it is I Like notice that over the past like how the week That I was drinking which I'll get into like how

Much I do avoid when I am Sober you know because I am but But at the same time I feel like I'm living this Like mundane boring life of like A 35 year old when I'm sober I feel Like you just do need to find like a little bit of A happy medium for sure or just happiness Well I'll get Into my whole i'm in a weird place right now but i did have the best halloween and

we will get into that so i missed your halloween party i did it's so funny though because like you say it with like remorse and like i hope you know like well i've just i i've always been this way like sometimes people can't make things and that doesn't bother me I know but that does bother me So that's why it bothered me To miss it Because it's like I get on people so hard About like missing my things

Yeah However this particular situation It wasn't like It wasn't like your birthday party Or something It was like Yeah Everyone thought it was by the way

The whole night everyone Kept telling me happy birthday And I was like aw Well Tana Ween I guess that's true I knew you were like Throwing it for somebody else I knew that like I took a look at the list and it was like 90 people that I

don't know like it was everyone you knew like when it was actually there yeah you know this already but I'm not in like you're dolceed out I'm having a little bit of a mental hiccup where both are in different ways I am I'm just not like you know when you can identify a problem and you know what the causes are Like I know That it doesn't help Like my mental For me to be drinking

For me to be going out For me to be like Doing drugs whatever Yeah I know that that makes it worse Like a situation That's already bad It makes it worse

Yeah So I'm like If I can avoid it I need to for a second And the Halloween of it all Is so like stressful Like I need a costume I need to look amazing

I have to like see everyone And take all these photos and talk all night and like you said it's like You know people are running around naked people are struggling To get in the door it's not like i'm just hanging out with All my friends here and drinking it was like it was Just an overwhelming situation for me when i was already Like mentally like A little off i mean it's it's performance

Art literally it wasn't it wasn't just that too i I didn't go out once i did i Haven't yeah i'm literally going outside in probably two weeks i get that though sometimes you need to take a break for your mental health and i feel like you i had to you know i was like i was you guys was guns blazing to everyone no it was bad i was like really i think you cussed out every single person down i did and you know what's so horrible about i was just saying this like literally right before we started. It's like I didn't choose a target.

I decided that I was going to go 100% at every single person in the group at once. So that like there was nobody on my team. I was just horrible to everybody. You honestly, you didn't fire at me though. But I think you're always firing at me. No. So then you took all of that energy and just put it to everyone else so i was like well this everyone's like oh my god like when she cusses you out what do you do

like everyone's like coming to me and i was like oh man i'm just happy that i get a day off yeah okay wait to be clear it's not like i was just like out here cussing everyone out but i was just really i was really going like a little crazy yeah and that's and we all go crazy and i i identified it and i was like whoa what like i woke up basically there was like a situation where i just went so crazy on everybody in our group chat like so insane and it was completely unwarranted it was just out of nowhere i went insane i was i just had popcorn and the next day i was like i woke up in the morning and i was like oh no why did i do that i was drunk and that's not why i did that but it didn't help that i was drunk so i was like you know what i'm not gonna drink

for a second that was right before your party and then i just didn't i didn't drink or i didn't go out for understandable completely because it's like i almost feel like through partying i like i realized a lot of things and like maybe you had like saved yourself from doing that. Like going out again and realizing a bunch of shit that you maybe already knew or having different things manifest or whatever, you know? Yeah. I just have a hard enough time managing it without that. So it's like if I can eliminate one like major contributing factor, I'm gonna.

I love the idea of being there for your friends when you can. And then being, I have always said this But like being understandable Like being understanding When you can't You know what I mean I know but you See

This is where we're gonna Disagree Because now you have A get out of jail free pass Well I think there should be No jail Yeah but you can't miss Like birthdays or weddings

I think you I think you can I think it's like Hey like I know and I think you can't I know and think you can. I think it's like, hey, like. I know. And I think you can't. I know. And it's bad because I think it's like, oh, my God, send some flowers.

I couldn't make it like because I understand. Like literally, you could miss my wedding. And if you were like, I know, but that's what we always disagree on is because I don't like since I don't feel that way or like since you feel that way, I understand why you don't think it's a big deal. But like if it is a big deal, like I for me, when somebody like misses something that I know they know is important to me It makes me sad

I think if it's like Deliberate Or purposeful Or like But if it's something avoidable Like sleepy But just like If someone's going through it

Like in any fucking way Like I've just always been The type of person Where it's like I know everyone has Their own life And their own journey And their own shit

Like that But that's just how I am I don't know I know But now we're even Agree to disagree I missed your I missed your podcast Launched with Becca Mooreore and you hung me up honestly no that

was foreshadowing you knew before we knew right i missed that i almost got hung at the literal stake she told me she was gonna fuck my crush i was on a plane to miami i almost killed myself he was our crush i was literally crying to jeff on this way why did you do this not your crush he was our crush he was our crush i dm'd him first and then i handed him off to you when i realized how passionate you were about it now he's no one's he's literally no one's he's someone's got a boyfriend oh wait something something something for sure but um yeah i i love that i loved that role reversal honestly i live for it i knew i had like a little bit of um wiggle room i knew i could miss the party and you wouldn't be upset but we

did have like an imaginary feud online everyone's like oh yeah no all my comments were like oh my god and the way i was just like who gives like well what's funny i love brooke like i'll see her again like i just i can't i think today i mean of course this changes all the time but i like i can't even imagine myself going to like a party right now maybe like i love to go to events like events like brand events or like things that are like more structured less project x yeah i just i don't i'm trying not to go out and like with the intention of just getting blacked out yeah like i want to go to things that are like oh i'm going to this it's a work thing and then i'm also gonna drink yeah i'm in my working era i know i love it i do love to see it you know i want to go to things that are like oh i'm going to this it's a work thing and then i'm also gonna drink yeah i'm in my working era i know i love it i do love to see it you know i love to

see that i'm never like that yeah i've never i like i'm not money motivated at all usually and i'm like i get so upset i'm like come on i know but i feel so much better about it especially like these past few weeks i'm like oh my god like what can i do today like like and i love it i love to see you on your grind I have been the exact opposite You're the best about that But I took Halloween Off But that's good

Like it's still your job Like I never Your job is being an influence bitch I feel like people This is gonna be the most Out of touch sentence ever But like

I've always put my foot Into like Halloween And like Serving the looks I like put my foot Put my foot into that shit Like I serving the looks. I like put my foot. Put my foot into that shit. Like I'm just like I'm going to have eight costumes and I'm going to get full glam and I'm going to like dress up as all the things people request.

And like, you know what I mean? Like give the people the serve they deserve or at least try. And like I've always had so much fun with it. But last year, like we always talk about this page and i especially but like everyone is where it's like the worst month of the year is october because it's like my whole normal life and like job and then it's like every single day on top of that it's like i'm in a glam chair for five hours and then i'm shooting for fucking three and then i'm making content for another two and then i'm going out at to an event you should just start in march I really Fucking should And last October I was like

I swear to God November 1st And that's today Is the day where I can First like finally breathe again Like I'm like Okay I don't have I don't have a thousand things

To do today On top of the thousand things I have to do today And I never want to be like It's so hard But like I'm done Yeah you do gotta be careful These days

I see what they're doing At Charlie Online What? Oh like Just like Bitching about your job at all definitely not allowed to say being an influencer is hard but it is like you are doing a lot i just take on like way too much and then october is always like the height of that it's

the thing you can only do so much in a day exactly and it's like i try to have three days in a fucking day all of october and it's like november 1st is always the day where i'm like oh my god i made it through that well happy november sister thank god literally I swear to god my whole team served everyone was like happy Halloween like not excited about Halloween like happy it's done but you were so good your Christina look was everything next year I'm being like Dr. Phil one time I'm being like Adam Sandler one timeen Quen Quinlan Blackwell As Mr. Clean Her fucking All of her looks

Like she did Oh my god She was amazing She was amazing She Everyone That's the thing too Is I used to feel like

Not as many people did it Like there were the certain Influencers who like Took Halloween like Super seriously And I loved to like Be a part of that And now it's like

It's your whole timeline Every day of the month And the competition And the comparison in your head. And I fucked up. I didn't even do one costume. No, we were Ronald. Yeah.

And we were the shiny. But both of those situations were like, I showed up here and you were like, put this on. Absolutely. Forcing you. But next year, I swear to God, I'm being Adam Sandler one time. And hopefully I'm married with kids like I this was my last like Halloween in L.A. And I think that's why I was like, OK, I'm going to drink and I'm going to like have a lot of fun and I'm going to do this like I always was my last like Halloween in LA and I think that's why I was like okay I'm

gonna drink and I'm gonna like have a lot of fun and I'm gonna do this like I always get it out baby but it's the last time I think it can still be fun I think we're just you're growing up I don't think next year it's gonna be an influencer party for you and I was happy to like do it this year and no it was like my last hurrah well what was it like was it like besides the naked people and the people trying to get in was it fun it was really fun like because I think everyone comes outside and you see everyone you haven't seen and everyone's dressed up and just so much fun. You have all these nights with people that you haven't seen in a long time

and everyone's dressed up crazy. And like, I did have a lot of fun. I wrote down a lot of old L.A. party stories that I want to tell from like over the years today in my notes. Because like the other night at the end of it, Chris and I were talking about like, we missed this party fire roman was throwing a party they were like soldier boys performing it's y2k theme it's at a like hide rented out right and lila was like we've literally lived that exact night like 30 times and then

chris and i got into this whole deep talk of like i think that's why it's no longer exciting because you could literally get a randomizer like at random celebrity, random event, random. But like Justin Bieber is doing this at this place. Like I've done it. Yeah. Like and it's like we were just like talking about like every single night ever has possibly happened. And it's like maybe that is why it's more exciting for like these newer tick tockers because it's like it is that. I remember when I first got here, it was like, oh, my God, Tyga is going to be there.

Like I watched Tyiga perform six times dude i'm not kidding i saw taiga at the grocery store performing if i hear rack city live one more time i made it a whole series on my close friends like just every time i was at a party this week i would just be like there he is he's like mariah carey he is in his halloween bag every year and i respect it because they pay him so fat it's like why wouldn't you you know what i mean but but it is just like it's just not as exciting fat It's like why wouldn't you You know what I mean But it is just like If I personally It's just not as exciting anymore

It's still like I recognize that it's cool But I don't need it anymore I don't feel I have no fun I know his set list I remember I used to I don't even like him

Especially when I first got here I used to feel like Every time like I had an opportunity like that I was like oh my god I'm never gonna get to do this again And now I sleep sound at night Thinking like

I could do this next week That will happen next week I think what really Just threw me through a loop was amari's birthday is always like it's october 22nd oh yeah i skipped that and it's always yeah you were out here skipping shit well you did to be fair you didn't start in fucking side you started armageddon right before his birthday so i don't think you were like let me know but i already wasn't going before i did that i think that's why i felt so comfortable doing it right then you were like, let me go on a trip with all these people. No, but I already wasn't going before I did that. I think that's why I felt so comfortable doing it right then. You were like, I can cuss everyone out. I'm not going.

We went to Vegas for Amari's birthday in the middle of Halloween. Like normally for his birthday, he like wants a party or like is down to do a trip like earlier that month. Or like I've surprised him with like a Rolex or like just different shit. And this year he's like all i really want to do is go to vegas near my birthday just a little something and like our mom is was graduating college as well oh yeah congrats deb congrats debbie my mother she just graduated college um on the but on the 27th and she was like if you guys miss this you're fucking dead you know what I mean See you wouldn't sleep through that Because it's important to her Yeah

But I would have gotten like beat Well I guess it's the same thing With you really I am Debbie I was like We have to go there For her graduation anyway So if you want to go to Vegas

So bad Let's do a Vegas trip Yeah let's do it And let's do it all But throwing that In the middle of Halloween Like a Vegas trip Was pretty crazy

I've never had a Vegas trip Like this one we worked with um so actually your manager mr greg goodfried new manager y'all um he manages the domelios he's a great friend of mine he's who he set me up with my manager seth they're best friends and so i've known greg forever and i text greg and i was, like, I know this is a shot in the dark, but like, could I ever have like the D'Amelio contact, like the Kardashian contact at Resorts World? Like, can they like take care of us like that? And he was like, sure.

Like, here it is. Like, what do you want? That's so amazing. Good to know. I get right. I get on the phone with Resorts World and I'm like, yeah, like, it's my best friend's birthday. Like, if you guys just wanted to take care of us in exchange for some content, like, I would love to work out a deal with you.

Like, blah, blah, blah. I'm negotiating this deal. And I'm fully ready for them to be like, here's a one king room. You guys can have a free dinner. Like just anything would have helped, right? And they're like, perfect, Mrs. Mojo. They give us the biggest penthouse at resorts world. Butler service.

Oh, you got that DeMillo treatment. Like Rolls Royces and shit picking us up from the jet. It did look so amazing. Like I've never had a trip like that. Because I'm always the one, like it's just on my dime usually. Or like we work with like an off brand. And it from the jet. It did look so amazing. Like, I've never had a trip like that. Because I'm always the one, like, it's just on my dime usually. Or, like, we work with, like, an off-brand. And it was the most. They were treating Amari, I swear to God, like, Barack Obama landed there.

As they should. As they should. I've never seen. And it was so much fun. It looked a lot of fun. But, again, so overwhelming. The most overwhelming, absolutely, ever. And you were back to drinking

By this point Well yeah And that was just one of those things Again where I felt like I had no choice Because everyone was so There's always a choice But I get what you're saying

That's true That there is always a choice And I haven't learned That all this time But it really isn't Like when that many people Around you are drunk That was like my thing

Is like I know if I'm around it I'm gonna do it Like I'm throwing a party In the suite What I'm just supposed to sit there With my I don't know And I guess I could And I have You could And a lot of people do But I won't Yeah Like I'm throwing a party In the suite What I'm just supposed To sit there with my I don't know And I guess I could

And I have You could And a lot of people do But I Yeah Like I just said Fashion week sober I know I can

But for me this one Just felt like nope I'm just gonna send it You know what I mean Remember how on one Of the last episodes I told you that I was slowly putting

My feet in the water Of deciding to get back With my ex You did tell me that You know what's so funny I commented on your TikTok the other day Of him

I didn't even know That was him i thought that was a different one of your exes who did you think it was that josh guy oh really yeah he looked like him so i was like wait i didn't even know you dated him no it was kevin i was like kevin yeah you commented like i didn't even know you dated him and i was like bro i know i'm stupid but not that stupid some but so he flew out here and came to my Halloween party and then we went back to Vegas together. Are you dating him? No.

Are you dating any of your exes? No. But I missed him. And like I don't have faith in myself necessarily to go home for the holidays and not. I really. You know what? I get it.

I had a dream about one of my exes last night i oh i talked to flinky flake i've been seeing him be so famous he's being so famous he's being he's been all over my timeline being so famous what'd you guys say to each other um i ran into his mom so i was like there's nothing more and honestly it was like it was like healing because I don't know if you guys remember How flaky flake situation ended off But I was like you're a fucking weirdo See you later and I felt bad about it For a while because I really liked him And so I was like hey Ren and your mom and he was like

Oh my god so good to hear from you I hope I run into you soon And he said I can beat his date to his Premiere that's coming up which is Imaginary because there's a sag strike going on But I took it I was like thank you That's what's scary is imaginary Because there's a Strike going on But I took it I was like thank you That's what's scary Is the feeling

Of any type of feeling Of like The type of person You can pick up at all Where you left off at Like I love that like Yeah Like Chris and I

Could never pick up Where we left off at There's none of that You don't want to pick Anything Any of those pieces up Yeah At all

At all At all All that glass Like at all But I'm saying like Like with Kevin It's like There's no bad blood

Yeah there wasn't really any Like anything horrible That happened Where it's like Wait maybe Like we had our little Red rock sitch Jump back in

Yeah We got over it I felt like we were Both in the wrong And like the only thing That keeps us from being Together is long distance So when we're together

It's like We just act like we're dating And then we just go home And then we're like Wait You know That's the worst. I had to.

Or the best, depending on who's asking. I. Another thing I just have to vent about that's so insane. Oh, I'm scared. Is I made that TikTok about Jet Guy. And we've talked about Jet Guy on the podcast. Yeah, wait. So he, does he know how often we talk about him?

Like we had a whole. One thing that's weird is I attract two kinds of guys, right? Where, like, certain ones will, like, bring it up and be like, you talk about me on the podcast. Or, like, I, you know, I saw this clip of you talking about whatever on the podcast. And then other guys that I know because I hear through the grapevine that they watch the podcast. Or I've talked about them way too much and I just know the, like, effects of that. Like, they're getting messages or, like, i know they see it but they just act completely oblivious but he knows he knows i know he knows i'm friends with his sister i'm friends with his

friends i know he knows i think he loves it but we've never talked about the first time we ever talked about him he posted immediately yeah like he knows but i made that one tick talk about how he like booked me the jet and we were like supposed to go on the date and then after that i kind of got in my own head because i was like he's 21 i'm not and it ends there honestly that's literally that's a full sentence like i'm dolce'd out he's 21 the fuck out i don't need all that right but everyone thought for my tiktok that i was like dating him like oh yeah we fucked up though because we kept saying like she's dating this guy but it's like no she's just She's going on dates with this guy

The same way I'm going on dates with Exactly though And then like Yeah we haven't gone on a date since Like made out But like there was I don't know I'm dulcet out of that one

I think he is too I went to Vegas I brought his sister Oh no I wonder who he is Right He was supposed to go too And then bailed Like in the final like hour so thank

God how would you have had your ex well I was just gonna play a fun game of Juggling yeah what you know I love to do You're so versatile but yeah and then he Bailed so then I was like oh perfect like Bailed who does he think he is yeah he Bailed last minute on the Vegas trip and I was like wait here I am still booking

My own jets. Like, whatever. He's just 21. And I'm ending that and want to clarify that I'm not, you know. 21 is too young for you. 22 is too young for me. Absolutely. Speaking of juggling acts, I invited all of my boyfriends to my Halloween party.

Yeah, what was it like? Did any of them interact? All of them interacted. Oh, that's... Do you think they knew? Or do you think, like... Do you think like do you think they have a everyone knew like i could just tell there was like a mental consensus of these men knowing like i'm competing for her time i was matching with josh mcgregor like we had a matching costume so like you that is so like that was planned it wasn't like he showed up

that's like the funniest thing to do knowing damn well that you have eight other boyfriends coming is matching with a man that you are currently hooking up with. Talking to not, you know, we haven't hooked up in a while, but. BFFR. So we matched. Then Kevin flew out here and like we went together and like whatever. Chris came. You went with somebody you weren't matching and matched with somebody else.

You are already just. God, you are so far ahead of the game jail time but like so fun so then and then the homeowner was also matching me because i like was trying to like you know what i mean like make him feel like the belle of the ball and honestly chris came chris was just fucking with all of them what did chris go as didn't dress up once he didn't have to yeah exactly like just the the balenciaga full fits give the ski mask that he just wears to the grocery store every everywhere he goes it's insane and it's so funny because i think after everything every time as friends but still i just ended up like going to chris's and like leaving with chris and what

do we say about that audience i I had something happen to me. What happened to you when you went home with Chris? Does anything good ever happen when you go to go home with Chris? This all goes back to that one podcast episode. Well, you know, you guys wait. What? No, come on. Let me think. You can never be friends.

Well, that was at a time where I believe we can be friends, but it's like I can't. Expend my time to like watching someone else to like make sure they're being who I want them to be like type of shit, you know, and I just been hanging out with Chris a lot and I love to hang out with Chris still, but in certain settings, you know, certain settings are OK. Our friendship is great now like I and I think it always will be like from this point forward because we both have gotten to the point where it's like literally I was like making out with Kevin all night and he like we're not like jealous like I know what he does like we're friends and we're cool but when I start to spend like too much time and in the wee hours and at the at the very Chris style events with all the friends. And that's when it's like, OK, you can't do that.

And I had an experience. At like an event with a bunch of Chris's friends and shit and just a bunch of people I know in that like realm. And I'm not going to talk about this now. I'm not kidding. I might have to save it for like my book one day. Like, I think think it's that dark I don't think it's like a podcast topic at all it's like really dark and sad oh I had an experience there that was so it changed my whole life this was like five days ago it was was the night I was Christina. At least you looked amazing. But I looked gorgeous. And I had a great night and a fun night.

A major like perspective shifter. I think I saw a dark side that I haven't. Not of him or of a person. A dark side of. Yeah, that's honestly important. Yeah. Of L.A. and of just a bunch of shit. And I saw a part of myself that I feel like I hadn't seen since like 2019.

Like just a bunch of really accidental dark shit happened to me. Like accidentally some dark ass shit happened to me. It shifted my whole perspective. It made every dark thought I've been having for the last six months like come forward. Like I think I needed it. I, well. for the last six months like come forward like I think I needed it um I well I think that over the past six months I've been having all these thoughts of like reasons why I might necessarily not be the happiest when I'm sober like why am I so bored and miserable like I want to move to New York

like I want to move away like just all these like bullet pointed like small just intricacies of my brain that are dark that I'm kind of just navigating through life with normally, just with a normal brain and normal thoughts and normal everything. And I feel like they all came forward and I had this like ego death. I cried for 18 hours straight, like actually 18. I've never cried like that in my entire life. Like I'm like, you know, I have like for sure. Like where I was just like, I have to change. So many things.

OK, so maybe it was like a like a blessing in disguise, but still just like it was so scary that I wish it never happened, but I wouldn't change the effects of it happening. Like I have like it just and it just made me look at everything like I have the most fun Halloween week literally ever like and i i'm i had a great time but like i know this is no longer my life and so many of the things i do i feel like you just do you just like feel unfulfilled like nothing is just exciting in this lifestyle any longer because i've done it all and i've seen it all and even work-wise like i'm just doing so many things that I feel like I have to do to like be Tana to like it's a maintain an image trajectory of like a celebrity it's like it

literally always happens exactly like that it's all exciting and like you know glittery and gold and then you realize like it's nothing special and all of a sudden you start feeling like super and you realize like there are these certain five people or these certain five things that do fulfill me but like everything else is just like noise and like again like i've just been doing this for 10 years like there's just nothing i can't see or do that hasn't already happened and like i need to do more things that are new that fulfill and excite me maybe you're just in like a major rut i feel like that's how i feel like it doesn't even have you don't have to outsource so far as to like move cities i feel like you could just literally completely like from here shift your life into something different i

don't think i ever could and i think that's the problem here i think i would always see this like the same people i would always be like dragged into the same world there are like fucking like alternate realities like right where we are like Fucking like Alternate realities Like right where we are Right now Like people experience LA completely differently Like some people

Explain LA in a way That's like I do not live that I do not see that Those are not the people I'm around It's so strange And I agree with that

But I think that I am Too far deep As Tana In this world To And maybe I don't even necessarily Mean my own

Yeah it's not like You can all of a sudden Like pop out on the west side and like just be like a. Like, and I don't even necessarily mean like my, I mean other people's perception of me here as well. Like, it's just always going to be a certain way because of the life I've built here for 10 years. You know what I mean? And I just feel like I need like new stimuli like somewhere else. I need new things to stimulate me and motivate me and i and i've i said this in the last episode this a lot of this came forward

like i am i'm so motherfucking dolce'd out on like the drama the fact that we're just unironically saying that every five like we're in a completely serious conversation you're dolce'd out i'm dolce'd the fuck out um Of drama Like everyone's just drama And fighting And group chats And everyone's just always fighting No it's fine I can't help it

It's everyone else's That can be their journey Or like Even just I have friends call me Like you'll never believe What just happened at this And I'm like I want to shatter this phone

Yeah like I just like I want New conversations I want new I get that though I feel like that's kind of where some of my like frustration It's like not frustration but I feel like I've Been kind of resentful of that like You know when you get so exhausted

Of like the way your life is and stuff that you start blaming Everybody else for it I feel like that's part of the Reason I've been like lashing out on people so hard is Like when shit happens In the group chat and when like things happen in the friend group I'm like god I hate this Like yeah and I just freak out And I get so mad

I can't be mad at like It's my own fault I can't yeah I can't be mad at other people Because they still want to live a life I no longer want to live Yeah but you know That's what I think the problem is I get like so mad at myself

Because I'm like what am I doing And it's not like It's nothing against our friends or anything But I like I'm also older Than like the rest of the group So I feel? And it's not like, it's nothing against our friends or anything, but I like, I'm also older than like the rest of the group. So I feel like a certain sense of like, what the fuck am I doing? I also think it's like certain people possess more self-awareness than other people, more crippling self-awareness.

I don't even necessarily mean like, you're just more self-aware than other people. But some people crippling self-awareness is almost like, while it can be your superpower, it can also be your worst enemy. You know what I mean? Just being so aware of like how awful certain things are and certain situations are. Like, you know, like you might see like other people doing things.

Like, oh, yeah, this is so annoying. But you're like, what the fuck? You know? Yeah. I know that at one point in my life I'll be like married and have kids and there'll be battles there, you know, and drama there and hardships there and fighting and shit like that. But right now I'm just like, I don't have the capacity for any like negativity or drama.

Like and it's like I need like peace. I need to feel peace. And again, that's always how I feel at the end of October because it's the least peaceful month of my year. So I really get like that. But like, yeah, it's just a year in general to like you just lived fucking 10 months straight. I feel like it and not that it like resets at the new year, but it is just like. I also feel like I've never had a year like this year

where like every year I feel like for the, my whole life really. Like up until now, like yes, there's been hardships throughout the year, but it felt like a roller coaster. And I felt like there'd be certain moments where I'd have hardships and I'd learn. And then I'd just be coasting and like enjoying things and then like hardships. And I'd learn coasting and enjoying things like whatever.

And I feel like this year, like every single day, I've not stopped learning shit about like myself and the way I want to live. And like all these hard lessons, hard pills to swallow, like hard. Like, I just feel like I haven't had like a break from that feeling this whole year. Yeah, you're like got to take a second process. Like I don't know. I get like that where it's like, okay, that's enough. Like give me a second to think about it. And that's exactly how I felt at this like dark bad moment that I keep referencing

because I feel like all of those lessons and feelings I've felt and thoughts I've thought and things I've learned this year like all came to a head and I was like whoa like I'll kill myself if I don't you know change what do you do you have any idea like what the changes I know you said you might want to like go somewhere for a sec I think that right now like my move is sending myself out of LA for like two weeks and not working like turning like I feel like that's gonna be the sorry to cut you off but like the major thing is like you haven't had a second like because even when you like you know or just at home all day like i feel like you always feel like you have to be doing something

and i was talking about this at length with chris is that i live with such a crippling guilt of if i'm not doing enough like even if i sleep all day the second i'm awake i'm like okay i have a hundred unread texts i need to answer every single one and put all of this on the books. You know what I mean? Book all this stuff out. I need my whole month booked out. I need to feel like I'm doing enough in the press to maintain my career. I feel like I need to be, you know what I mean?

Making sure this podcast is doing absolutely everything it can on all realms, I guess. I need to put everything into everything I'm doing, and I put like. Everything into everything I'm doing. And I feel this no matter how good I'm doing. Like I can walk off a sold out tour. And I'm like that wasn't enough. Like why didn't. Why do you. Yeah but I feel like two weeks like.

Is not going to affect your momentum at all. Like two weeks. Like if anything it might help you. Because I feel like you'll have like a new energy. And be more. Yeah it's not momentum. It's like. And I think this comes from my like. Child energy and be more yeah it's not momentum it's like and i think this

comes from my like childhood and having no money like even just the beginning of my career in the beginning of all of this i like have always felt this like fire under me like i can't just like sit still and do nothing or like not make money or not work hard or like not be constantly trying to level up the shit i'm doing career wise because I always felt like you are so good about that. Like I had no money and like, I wonder if that is what it is though. Cause I feel like I, that it affected me exactly the opposite way.

I almost feel like no, like I place not enough value in money and I want, I'm working on being better about that money. It's like, I feel like a failure in every way. I feel, well, I feel like you probably also, you've been so successful that it's probably like a high that a failure in every way i feel well i feel like you

probably also you've been so successful that it's probably like a high that you get off of like every time you like accomplish something i think maybe i haven't like quite accomplished enough for me to start like getting high on that but although that's fair i am starting i feel like now to be like oh my god like i did this and it's so good it makes me want to keep doing it but that's awesome that's like i'm like i did this but I'm still like I'll always just like live with this like insane guilt that I'm not doing enough and it's not enough and that it's not like you know what. But it's only a battle I have with me and myself that I never like vocalize.

Like I haven't had five days off of like literally like actually off of my life and being Tana in as long as I can like. Yeah you need to do that. Like I need to turn my phone off. You need to disappear. I need to turn my phone off You need to not tell anyone You need to disappear I need to turn my phone off I don't want to hear about And that's the thing too

Is it's like I also just came to this realization Where it's like I take on everyone's problems And I know that I'm that type of person Well it's not that It's like You kind of like are the

I don't know You're like our person Like I feel like You're like our son That's really nice but like and I'm and I'm I've always been that friend my friends are my family like I'm I want to give everyone the best advice I want to be there for everyone I want to help everyone in every way I can but not even just my immediate circle it's like then there's like the second immediate circle

where everyone feels that way and it's like it's like I feel like when anyone is like oh my god like I'm going through so much I'm so depressed they come to me like it's draining though for your energy it's like like oh my god I'm going through this in my career how do I handle it I know you've been through it like it's just or it's or it's just the people where it's like I feel like I've done everything to get you to where you are like I've been every rung of your ladder to get you to the top of your career but you don't give a fuck if i'm having a bad day you expect me to be there and turn it on like everyone just like you know and it's not that i feel like used up i know people love me but it's like i'm i just am i'm dolchied out you're dolchied the fuck out dude

and that and i finally like this event made me really hit the catalyst of all these emotions and realize and learn that well i kind of i like it i like the idea of you just like literally going off the grid taking two weeks three weeks yeah just fuck around like go somewhere and don't say anything maybe bring like page or something so you don't die yeah and it's it's also like real like real companies because that's what it is like a real company takes like a holiday like i don't like i never had like and it's just like like they're like i'm out of office until january 1st like i want to be out of fucking office like well you yeah you don't want to negotiate like a real job like i wish what sucks too is like you can't not it doesn't suck it's a it's a privilege but like you can't just like clock in clock out it's not like at fucking

you know 5 p.m every day you're just done for the day it's like you're the way your job works it's just not like that and so much of it Is like random like I'll randomly get a text for like a huge opportunity And then it's like can you be there tomorrow can you do This can you do that you know like even just Now I'm trying but people do get burnout like That's the problem it's like you really do you don't

Realize because it's like it seems like one little bit At a time but like All of a sudden you're like okay I just took on 12 Little things and now all the sudden i lost and i've been burnt out before and this one just feels different like it feels like different emotions towards the burnout but like yeah and i don't know how to do it i think i'll still feel guilty when i take the time off just now i'm trying to book my two weeks away and i got offered two of the biggest magazine covers of my life and i'm like but like you know what i

was just saying with the fomo it's like those opportunities will come again like it's not it's not going to be like the last i feel you i think hollywood just conditions you to believe like especially as a woman like with your youth yeah you've got like a little bit of a shelf life going on but you're not you're not a model you're a personality thank god i hope they love me when i'm years leftats. You've got plenty of years left on you, so long as you don't do anything. I woke up the other day, not kidding you, to 40 people sending me reels, TikToks, texts, everything. The Panera-charged lemonade killed someone. Oh, my God. And I believe it.

The Panera-charged lemonade killed someone. That's one of those situations, like the Lime Scooter thing. Like, if I die that way, you better lie. Lie, lie, lie. So there's 400 milligrams of caffeine in a regular-sized Panera Charge Lemonade. The problem is nobody knows the, like, the... And they put it on the labels and shit. Yeah, measurement. Well, it's like if someone asked me what I am in centimeters.

Like, I don't fucking know how many centimeters I am. 100%. You can tell me how much caffeine is in something. I don't fucking know what that means. And just the you can tell me how much caffeine is in something I don't fucking know what that means and just the same thing is like you drink a can of Red Bull and you know exactly how much like that's gonna do to you whereas at Panera you're just filling up that cup and it tastes it doesn't taste like an energy drink whatever I was like addicted to these you know me you and BB had a day where we all went like thrift I remember that day so vividly and they did tell me when I Got it they were like just so you know like that's a lot of caffeine I'm like oh please and then I

Was cracked the fuck out I drink so much caffeine I remember all three of us were in the car we were Like are we gonna die right now like it's like like bb was like gonna throw up out the window Or it was you like we all thought we were literally gonna die and then the difference in the three of Us is y'all never drink them again I drink them every day for the next three months. Yeah. Although I am a caffeine fiend. I drink like three Celsius a day. Yeah.

Like, and it's, but it's honestly starting to make me sick. So like, I'll never forget this day. I had a Wyndham where I was drinking them, the charged lemonade. And I'd also taken my Adderall that day. And I drank like a giant charged lemonade. And I Google two of them, I think. And I Google the caffeine intake like that you can have for the day and it's like 400 milligrams and i'd have like 800 in an adderall and i was

like laying on the floor and i was like do i go to the hospital right now and then i stopped drinking the charged lemonades because i was like that is scary but it is it is crazy like people die like from less yes yes but like i think as much as I love the occasional Fuji apple charged lemonade, take them off the shelf, Panera. Yeah, that's the thing. Is it really worth, like, what came over them? People are probably so addicted. I have to get, yeah.

But it's like, I feel like they would still be good if they weren't, that they didn't have crack in them. Like, why'd they even have to put the crack in it? I've been sworn off Panera charged lemonade, and I think everyone should be, but I just can't believe they fucking killed someone. You know what? I hope they get their money. I hope. Oh my God. Not only do I want broccoli

cheddar soup in a bread bowl for life, I want billions. If you could, wait, did you see what's going on with the new McDonald's terms and conditions? No. Hilarious that you have seen that though. On the McDonald's app, it now like, they have you accept new terms and conditions no hilarious that you have seen that though um on the mcdonald's app it now like they have you accept new terms and conditions and if you accept okay why well because they keep

getting sued for what um various different reasons like i mean i'm sure it's happened like for a bunch of different i remember like the supersize me energy. No. Do you remember that documentary about that girl? Well, this is like so unrelated, but like that girl who had the coffee and they spilled it in her lap and she got third degree burns and she sued them for like millions. Remember the finger in the Wendy's chili? Yeah. Was that real? Like the thumb?

I don't know. My parents were so wildly afraid of that. I'll never forget. I was like, again, pay the electric bill. But anyway, if you accept the terms and conditions like most people don't read them no one fucking reads the terms and conditions you're signing a contract essentially yeah basically they are not liable for anything like anything you can't sue them essentially for anything and you can't like you you wave your right to a jury or like an actual trial and you have to just like there's like one person who can

decide yeah and so like why are we ordering mcdonald's through the app and signing the terms and conditions like why why don't we just go through the drive-thru so that just in case we need to hit that lawsuit because this is the this is that we're in a tech era that's true we are we are and we are in our but that is weird like why is any fast food chain making me accept terms and conditions for anything at all i mean but that's like burying me with a big mac you know do you like arby's it's actually funny because i just um after my mom graduated all she wanted was an arby's milkshake she apparently loves them and dad loves the beef and cheddar so i ordered them arby's i was like let me

get you a meal since you're always cooking me a meal and i thought about you it's so far and i you know what i don't know why i'm writing so hard for arby's i haven't had it in years Get you a meal Since you're always Cooking me a meal And I thought about you It's so far And I You know what I don't know why I'm writing so hard for Arby's I haven't had it in years I haven't had it Since I was in high school

Roast beef really does Just like Remind me of pussy Girl I eat pussy I'm just saying like Like do you know What I mean

Okay You can check out My sitch if you want I think it gives like I feel like Turkey Turkey You can check out my sitch if you want. I think it gives like turkey. Forest Payne ham. Fish fillet. Isabella was dating this like rich ass guy

who would like every day order a fish fillet and then order caviar and then put the caviar on the McDonald's fish fillet. filet yeah that's an egg for sure like super like just one or the other please okay we were just talking about how the times are changing you know we're in a tech era whatever right the tech era has nothing to do with i was just trying to segue but it wasn't working you suck can i tell you something that used to happen something that used to happen when i was in high school and there's a good chance this also your school used to do this and i'm praying they did so we can really like dive into it and i don't

remember the exact name of it but i saw a tiktok about it the other day and again like my entire childhood is suppressed so this was the first time i thought about it since it ever happened i was like oh my god that happened right my school used to do this thing and i don't remember the name of it it was called like jaws of life or like fight for life or like like i had something like that okay right and it was because drunk driving was like so Yes Did your school fucking do this? Yes but it wasn't Oh god what was it called? Can we

Are you talking about When they have the helicopter come in And someone has to be a fake Dead person Yes but can I Can we just tell the class Really quick for people Who don't know this

And you correct me Of what happened at your school Right? Mmhmm Okay So this program would come in To stop Their goal was to stop DUIs Or to at least instill kind of a

fear and awareness in the youth about driving drunk and they would come into the school and the first thing they would do is they would hand select like seven or eight students from the school and they would really ensure to pick people like like one popular kid one band kid One athlete One like cheerleader One nerdy girl One you know what I mean Fucking loser I'm just kidding It was so funny that you gave

Everybody like a sport or a thing And then one person was just a fucking loser I'm kidding I'm kidding My school was really bad about that Like really segregated like that Like super like Popular non-popular

And it sucked Really i i and i like i hated that i was always like friends with everyone but just they would pick seven or eight very different people and they would take their phones and then they would make them sign like a thing like saying like i will not communicate with anyone at all throughout any like nothing like not even the people in my house whatever the parents would have to come in and write an obituary for their kid like my son died on drunk driving like did it like it's essentially like my kid is dead and their parents would have to like sign away that like everyone's gonna have the idea that their kid is dead and then they would go put the like seven kids in like a hotel or like make sure they were just to where

no one could contact them like at all right and then they'd put their tombstones in the front of the school and everyone would have to leave flowers and write letters like they were dead and like you really felt like your friends were dead like it was like they made it like so real and they would like be warning taping off the school and like bringing in like close friends of the friends for interviews and like doing all these things that would lead up to this event where in front of the school one day in front of the tombstones they would and it was such a big budget like production like it was like could the school lunches be better i don't know why they spent so much money on this but like where they would simulate a fake car crash and they would bring in all the students and they would cover

them in prosthetics with gore and blood everywhere. Like, bad. And then they'd have helicopters in and fly them out in body bags. And then bring them back in caskets. And you'd have to have a funeral at the school for your friends. And everyone would be sobbing. It's crazy. It's a universal experience. And they've been doing it for years.

Because I was actually just watching a show where they did it. And the show came out like 15 years ago. Did this happen in your high school? No. I think it only happened happened did you go to a big high School mm-hmm I think it only happens at Like big high schools because whenever I Talk to people who like went to like a Smaller like this yeah they did not have

A budget for that at like anyone small School but like it was like a huge thing Out in the stadium like it was big I Loved it and not I didn't love it but it was like but it was cool it was like it's like a field trip i was like oh my god i never felt like it was cool oh it's pretty weird like i was like this is like and well ours wasn't as extreme like no one we didn't actually think that people were dead they just like brought us out there as if it was like um like a lockdown or something we all went out into the field and then They did the helicopters and the crash

And the blood and all that but like the Tombstones the obituaries I think they Were do it I think honestly someone at Your school Vegas like let's really Drag this one out and honestly you Probably had more although Vegas is a Big drunk driving place yeah I feel like It never stopped people at least the

People I knew and the people I went to School with like it was just this weird Big thing where your friends were dead And it traumatized everyone for like a Week and it was like super sad I don't know if they could have Gotten away with that at my school So many people died at my high school

That it was like really Really Really alarming Tana In my graduating class alone We had a kid who was Who died sledding Okay

Sledding Hit a tree Died My friend Ridge died He had leukemia And he was like fighting for so long And we were all like It was a huge thing Like a community wide thing with our school and everything he beat it dies

like six months later of a heart attack didn't even die of cancer another kid got struck by lightning i am not fucking kidding tana another kid a kid it was one of my biggest fears weirdly no this one's the craziest one a kid um one of them was in my grade i can't it was a boy and a girl i can't remember which one is in my grade one was a grade below us their dad was diagnosed with like a brain tumor and he like it was like this like a neuro whatever i don't know drove him crazy okay drove the dad crazy yes shot his wife shot shot both of his kids put them in the car drove out into the middle of the desert drank gasoline lit the whole car on fire

okay so so many oh and then day before the last day of school a kid brought a gun to school and shot himself with all of us there how does your school have a budget no it was just it was so many people died like our graduation was so eerie because it was like that we would do like moment of silences for everyone who in our class who died no one talked for an hour and it was like it was a huge thing you can look it up like as text it was like such a huge thing at my high school where it was like what the fuck is going on like everybody is on my literal face that's crazy it was so crazy like oh my god and we like

obviously couldn't go to school for a second after like this thing happened and we were on it was like a whole thing but yeah i don't think they would have gotten away with the whole tombstone thing because it was like we've we've seen enough yeah that's fair we didn't have a lot of deaths at my high school we had like one or two and then everyone just died after high school like that like so many that's what i think what sucks About Vegas Is like so many Drug overdoses And like Yeah

Arizona's like that A lot too More like I think Vegas Has to be the worst Yeah Sorry that was dark I have so many

More morbid topics I don't know What's going on I have a question for you And I honestly think I already know your answer Okay Because you

I feel like you don't really Care about this stuff as much But I have this like Thing that i'm trying to work through right now uh-huh which is my like delusional self-importance no you no well this is what makes me sad it's happened to me twice now it just happened like this past weekend i'm kidding you are important one of my no but, like I understand where I'm wrong in this situation, but I'm still like, I, it still hurts me. Like I have had now two of my like longest best friends get married and I'm not invited

to either. I wasn't invited to either of their weddings. And like, it makes perfect sense because I haven't seen these people, you know, in years and I don't talk to them and stuff. But in my head, I'm like, they were at my wedding you know what I mean so when I'm not right here what no I'm saying like they would be okay I was like well both of these people were like their families were so good to me that it was like I just loved their families so much and since I don't have like a big family I've always imagined my wedding being like

all my friends little families there yeah and so i like they've always been at like both of these families have always been at my wedding neither of them invited me one of them just got married this last weekend and i was like oh my god now another family bites the dust i have it's okay we'll find new ones we'll find you new ones but you know what i mean like and i i know weddings are so personal too and like i know it's hard for people like weddings no i get it i get it completely from their end know it's hard for people. Like weddings? No. I get it. I get it completely from their end because it's like, oh, I haven't even seen you or talked to you in years.

But I think because I'm, I place so much value in like the family of it all because I'm like, oh, these are my little families. So do I. I get it. I think a lot of that feeling comes from like having no family and placing so much of your family value into what isn't technically family. You know what i mean i have a few like friends families like that where they took so much care of me as kids and we've fallen out over time yeah but it's like well in my head i'm like oh well they're family

you don't have to talk to them every year but they got married and i'm like oh my god the wedding now i can't invite them to my wedding because that's embarrassing you cannot invite them to your family honestly fuck them honestly fuck them i know but it's like i know that i'm wrong in the situation because i know that if i were to get wrong or if i were to get married like well it's like if someone doesn't want you at their wedding they don't want you at their fucking wedding yeah but i don't think i don't like i completely validate the way you feel i think i would feel the same way but i was like and the worst part about it is we have a group chat like i it was like me and my three best friends like my three girl best friends in a group chat that we had all

Of high school and all of them were Invited except for me they're texting in the group chat Pictures of it I'm like y'all knew I wasn't invited what the fuck are you texting in the group Chat for you're there like why do you Even have to text when I go Home for the holidays I have a lot of friends that'll like do Shit like that and then I'm like I didn't invite you to the baby

Shower because like you're you're so famous Now I just like hometown people like will say Shit to you like do you think they'll be like I didn't invite you to the baby shower Because like you're you're so famous Now like just the way like hometown people like will say Shit to you like do you think it's something like maybe Something of that sort that they think your life is just so Like ostracized like far away from their Life yeah I get a lot of that Especially with randomly my college friends Like oh we didn't think you would want to come

It's like of course I would want to come Yeah that's like Upset me too like that just happens I feel like even just moving to LA It did like so much changed i left obviously a year before i was done so like that my senior year all my best like best best closest friends who i like was you know like i was so close with all my friends in college they had a whole year without me like yeah where i was just gone so they like like went on forgot about me so they would do stuff Like my roommate my college roommate my

Roommate the entire time I was in College she was it's still to this day She's like my favorite person alive she Got married and like I went to her Wedding and I was like does she even Fucking like me it's just people just Like I think the second you like set Foot moving here people just view you

Do even like Ari like it's Ari's not in like the scene like we talk about him a lot and he's like a part of like a character kind of our content but he doesn't make content he's not trying to be famous like he's just living in la you know what i mean and i feel like people from his previous life in vegas even treat him like that like they're like oh i didn't think you'd want to come like you're all famous now in la but i had to start begging people i was like listen i want to come like i'm the same way i'm going i'm like and i'm so careful about not like denying an invite now because i'm like i don't want them to stop inviting me because i want to always be like go back to my college friends things yeah i feel like all of the weddings i've been unless it's

like someone in this space well like, like Ashley Hunter's best friend. Like I remember she was like, are you sure you want to come? Miranda even, like are you sure you want? What do these people think we're doing? Everything. Ever. All at once. It upsets me because I'm like, I don't understand.

I really just don't understand. I feel like people just think I'm too busy for their weddings. And I'm like, I love love. I love a wedding. So it's like, you know. Yeah. Well, you, I understand. You know what I mean? a wedding so it's like you know yeah well you you like i understand you know what i mean but like we live like you know but even we're sitting on this couch like they probably like see it and they're like you know i get it oh i remember at

that wedding though my it was my best fucking friend okay she's my best friend i would literally do anything for her and i set her and her husband up okay tell me why i think i can't remember if i told this you told me this a little bit in life i told you how like pissed i was about i don't think i ever told the story on the podcast but you guys this was like such a major thing for me this dumb who i was so close with in college i looked up to her so much i actually do think maybe i haven't told the story but she made me i sat down at that wedding and she literally goes are you kidding I go what she goes don't you think it makes a little more sense for me to sit a little closer to her than you and I go you mean my roommate of fucking four years who's marrying a man I literally set her up with no it doesn't make any more fucking sense

you stupid fucking rat and wasn't she like so rude to you the rest of the trip no before prior to that she had said something i i was wearing like an outfit i was wearing like a 2b set and i was like oh like um like i was like i feel weird in this outfit because it was like kind of revealing and it was it was like nothing nothing wedding related but we were just all like there already yeah you know and i said something she was like she was like oh you feel weird in the outfit i go what's that supposed to mean she goes your literal job is to post your tits online i go wait that's actually not my job at all people tell me that every day but my job is really not that it's my job that this is my job like and so i got so and she said it in front of everybody and it was like just comment after comment that was just like that where I was like, wait, what?

And it pissed me off. You want me to hit her on? Let me know. It sucks, though, because like she was she was someone I've always like just looked up to so much because she's so fucking smart and like just good at everything. But it's just smart and good at everything and a horrible. Yeah, but it just it just like, oh, my God. And embarrassing me in front of everybody when I already like felt uncomfortable. Like I'm at my own fucking like longest best friend's wedding and you're making me feel out

of place like yeah it was the weirdest strangest situation and she apologized and stuff but i still think about it constantly and every single time we get to post anything for this podcast i think of her because she was so dismissive about my job like oh you just post your tits online yeah that i'm like yeah fuck you I think people just like Like she probably was like Wanted to be married Was jealous and sad to be there alone and single And then seeing you thriving

And then still coming and accepted by the friends Definitely was just threatened I can't imagine someone sitting down and being like Why would you sit there At a fucking wedding Like oh you can't see her Like she's my And it's not some stranger she

is my she's been my best friend for years this also just isn't like adele live in vegas like it's not like there's like i need row 1a like it's like as long as you're there you're there i didn't even fucking put my stuff down someone said oh sit next to me so it's like oh yeah i will i was like absolutely not i just started hysterically sobbing too and i had to leave i left the wedding because i was like i don't I don't want to make this day about me. But I was like hysterical. You say that. And that's like why I, I'm so cautious at weddings, especially of like ensuring there's

no drama. Even if I see other drama, I'm like, everyone, let's have a good time. It is so common for people to start like, cause everyone takes everything so personally. And I was like, and they make shit about themselves though And it's like dude this is the one damn day We're celebrating these two people in love Like just shut the fuck up and like show face Yeah but that's why I had to leave

Because I was making it about me Because I was like all of a sudden I was like wait what the fuck Well because someone was a cunt And was also making it about her own drama Yeah because I was you know I was it was a destination wedding I was already all the way fucking like across the world

For this stupid not not stupid wedding But I was across the world for this wedding i was included in nothing but the wedding so i was like already like oh like this is sad i i you know yeah i'm like not in this group anymore and then she was like yeah you can't sit there i was like you yeah and you're sitting there with the emotion of like i have a different life now and i'm not fully in this group so i already feel a little like sad and outsider and then she like what I already felt about myself yeah so I was like already insecure about those things completely reinforced all of it like to my face in front of everybody I was like I hate you just awful yep absolute off and you know what fuck you and do you remember the

LA sure do again this goes back to what I was saying earlier. Just I've seen absolutely everything in Los Angeles. And I made this whole list of a bunch of things like this that I eventually I could do a whole podcast about. But this one was so crazy to me, right? So we would always go to this mansion in LA. One of the biggest houses. So beautiful. Beautiful.

Best view in all of LA. Like biggest lot of house house like most stunning house like I know a crazy celebrity used to live there I can't remember which one but it was like crazy and then this company took over the house right and they would always throw parties there and let people throw parties there but on top of that they would run a whole business under the same name that we're bleeping out of this house where they were a podcast agency Amari and Tara's World and Badzak had a podcast under their agency a bunch of people I know did like and would go there to like shoot and work and whatever but there was always the owner of

the house right and we'll call him Bill and Bill was probably almost 60 maybe maybe like 50 actually and he would be at every single party this is where 24 karat golden's birthday was like the night i ruined my life the word that i hate people i love them night like the worst side of my life like and he would always be there at every party and he would be like he would make friends with all the like stars and different people that would come through and like everyone was like bill like but he was just like the weird old guy that was there and like owned the company and also lived in the house and whatever what happened and like you don't know this oh you don't do you not know this story like how the house ended so isn't he like stealing

money from people so much worse than that though so like this went on for probably two years like I probably attended hundreds of events and parties and work things there and knew this guy and he was always very weird like even in my like drug eras was always like do you want coke do you want this do you want that like even that like night of like the 24 karat golden night like a lot of the shit that i in took i think kind of directly came from bill and just like why are you 50 and he had kids but they would never be there and no one understood it was like why are you doing this like why are you giving drugs to all these young hollywood people always like name a celebrity they've been there they've done drugs

with bill like it was like that you know but then in the daytime people would just come and do their podcasts and their work out of there which was such a weird like combination of things i've never seen anything like that really in la like and then one day there was a party there one night and like helicopters and like swat show up and it's like they were just writing it off like oh they shut down a party like everyone go like the police are here like whatever helicopters and swat don't like yes what doesn't come to party swat doesn't shut down a house party absolutely literally ever you know what i mean and then i just started hearing all these rumors through the grapevine about bill and like the things he was doing and then it was like okay he embezzled all this money and stole all this money to create the podcast network that everyone was under and he did all these illegal things so why

would you embezzle money Just to make a podcast network That's so embarrassing Do so many other things Well Well Not me Not me embezzling Yeah horrible sentence

I've known other people Who have done that Anyways And so But then the rumors Just kept getting like Weirder It was like

Oh wait like I think he's like Getting caught up For some more shit Because now he's like getting caught up for some more shit because now he's like not there anymore and he lived there. And then like we'd go there and he'd just be nowhere to be found. He wouldn't be there. But like parties and shit would still be happening and like whatever, blah, blah, blah.

And then we hear a rumor one day that he got caught up with some like. Child shit, like some weird, really fucked up shit, right? When that happens. And I don't know what happened like a couple days go by and they're throwing a party there and people just kept going because they i don't think people were associating like a lot of people didn't know that like the house was his or like do you know what i mean like yeah whatever he built a bunker under the house he built a bunker under the house and eventually one day the SWAT came

and the police came and they like found him in the bunker under the house and he got charged with all this he's in jail for life like that was an era of our life like going to that house like knowing this man oh my god he puts a bunker to hide to hide Not a very good hiding place. Under your own house. Like, they, what do you mean? They found him. SWAT looks in the bunker. Like, what the fuck do you mean you built a bunker? And so many people went crazy there.

Like, I won't say his name, but, like, an artist I knew, like, they gave him, like, a bunch of, like, acid and, like, ayahuasca and weird shit there. Oh, I believe it. You know I'm talking about um not who's still fine not but i don't know either oh my god and he went insane and he went insane and he started like saying all these own balls on the internet and saying like fucked up shit online like we're like and was the nice like they drugged him there like all this weird like oh my god that was horrible it was just like such a like illuminati ass house and like chris and i were talking about that the other day like

that was just something everyone brushed over it's so crazy because we really like i've only been here like six years and so i've lived like seven lives during that time it really is so interesting i'm moving to w Wisconsin Like you said hide earlier And like literally Like I got like the shivers Because I'm like I can't imagine Stepping foot into hide now

But I lived there I loved it I think certain people Are meant to just be in LA forever And even Trisha came on our pod And was talking about like People moving out of LA Kind of canceling themselves

And making jokes At like Jeffrey moving away But like Suddenly I'm moving to Wyoming And getting yaks Like you chose peace No I was happy he had his yaks Until he started eating them I was like slay with the yaks and then he started fucking eating them

Damn you killed Ronald the yak and now he's jerky yeah how are you gonna like it's like if Tomorrow I was like hey you want a bite of my sandwich it's Merv Like that's horrible I want to get a second cat so bad But unfortunately I'm about to leave on a worldwide comedy tour I'm a comedian Okay like hours No

I'm gonna do stand up comedy what do you think I love do you know what's funny I went to a Trevor Wallace show the other night and I thought this you went to a Trevor Wallace show without telling me that is betrayal that is betrayal I just told you episode remember I told you I was like I think I don't know I'm rebranding my head. He's in Australia now. It's fine. He's gone, literally. No, I said that. You didn't say that. No, I said this. I said this.

Roll the clip. You said you had a dream about him, and I said I saw him on Giggly Squad, and I have a crush on him. No, I... You stole him back. No, no, no, no, no. On that episode, roll the clip.

I told you we'd been texting. You said, yeah. He was also mine first. He was never yours, and you gave him... If you wanted him, you would have kept him. I made out with him first. You gave him to me. I went on a date. Not a date. Made out with mine first. He was never yours and you gave him. If you wanted him, you would have kept him. I made out with him first. You gave him to me. I went on a date.

Not a date. Made out with him first. Made out with him first. We watched Pawn Stars. Yeah, and I went on a proper date. So maybe he respects you more, but he was still mine first. I can't believe we're fighting over Trevor Wallace right now. I'm like, I'm literally red.

No one's ending up with him Like what are we saying I'm not even kidding I really have had like I've been like sad about Trevor recently I feel like he's the one that got away It's so funny Cause I kind of like

Like he's just so funny Like I'm realizing I need a funny guy He is And I should have appreciated him But I left him at a show If it makes you feel any better And then like I can't believe you secretly that's how i know you knew you were doing something wrong is you didn't even tell me bible bible not at all like i was out drinking with

ari and then trevor was like oh like we were already texting and then he was like oh i have a show in 30 minutes and i was like oh i'll pull up but then i left before he got off stage and i think he like was like why would you do that or i don't know we get we get a joint custody we already have joint custody we've done the same we've done the same amount of hooking up with him no but once you hand him off to me it's like you can't take him back it's not fair that's like if tomorrow i was like i want the jet guy back You could have him back No but not even like Not even ask for him

It's like if all of a sudden I was like Oh yeah actually I just hung out with him last night And you were like Wait what the fuck See but we're just weird For sharing man

I should have never Let you go on the damn date With Trevor You're right This is not normal Behavior for people At all Trevor

Call one of us It's just Aaron He's like I'm done with this bitch That was never supposed to be a podcast topic but here we are i miss you trevor call me seriously i don't even have trevor's number so honestly you win no whatever i just dm him even when we went on the date he like dm he dm'd me here i'm like can you text me like be for real been there we have devin lee carlson and billy

eilish love that although I did just run into Devin and I was shrooming I was shrooming at SZA and I literally thought I saw an angel I walked out like I was like going to the bathroom by myself and I walked out and I saw Devin and I like I I struggle a lot with this um not being able to differentiate between like whether I'm a fan of somebody or they're my friend yeah because like sometimes i just like have i met you or am i just obsessed with you 100 same and so i just like i wasn't gonna say anything to her but then she's like oh my god you've been my whole for you page i was like and i was shrooming so hard that i was

like a literal angel just spoke to me yeah and then i i don't even know if i spoke back to her so the people probably know if you listen to canceled you know devon lee carlson owner of wildflower cases sister of sydney carlson fashion icon dated jesse rutherford um bandmate neighborhood of the neighborhood i don't know what is he the singer he's the lead singer of the neighborhood okay um super hot um they dated for like seven years eight years i think and then they broke up and then he immediately started dating billy eilish and then i don't know how immediate it was but he did yeah in my head it was two days but it was probably literally years um and they started dating and the internet was obviously kind of up in arms about that because

their age gap and like blah blah blah and billy was like oh this man we're together forever whatever billy ends up breaking up with mr neighborhood and no one has ever seen devin lee carlson and billy interact and the other night they were already friends really they were friends before billy started dating him so that's why i was like when when they started dating i was like oh no i believe that because devin's like such a cool girl like i feel like i could see her just being over it i'm such a devin vlog watcher and she'll be like on a plane and she'll be like listening to billy eilish i'm like slang but so the other night they went out to what i think was a halloween party why don't we get invited and i actually have a fun story about the one time i went to halloween party i saw someone do heroin but um okay and

that's why i'll never be invited Back for saying that right now um but The way you said his first like full Name yeah maybe Maybe you believe his name um They went to his Party and they were like seen leaving Holding hands Devin and Billy And that's so girl coded like there's just something I love

About it is I there's no Camaraderie like quite Like like you know when you you befriend somebody oh yeah you've dated the same guy sometimes i don't like it as much i've made a tiktok about this before but like have you ever had a girl come up to you and be like oh my god we both dated like so and so and they're weird about it yeah well but sometimes like it depends on how i feel about the situation like after me and dc or Mr. DC Ended I talked about on the podcast and I got Like probably 60 DMS of girls being like

Oh my god same and I wanted To die well the hey girly Of it all and like that it was at the same time Of it all is like what like that happened to me with Not like where mod was like Not even just the same time but if I still care About a situation like I don't want to hear about you Hooking up like I don't want to bond over that

But so long as I'm over it Like Alyssa Violet was my therapist for years Like that was like how our friendship like really came about Like there are certain people that like You know like that You can like build a bond with Like my last relationship I had to reach Out to his ex and just be like so what the fuck

Was that What happened I have a story from Halleek okay it's about a celebrity their brand online is very clean like you know what i mean they're just all their fans are like very young and what they do is like you know their whole brand is very modest very clean like very whatever like they probably wouldn't even love to like be seen in some shit with me right inside of hollywood like people who know this person know that they're like the exact opposite of their brand like that like a lot of drugs like a lot of like really dark shit like

i'll just always see them at like 9 a.m at an after party like doing crazy drugs and like what are you doing at the party at night probably following chris miles there if we're gonna really no but um valid um i've just seen them do some like really dark shit right but then like i'll see them sober and they're really nice like i i don't think they're like a bad i think they're a troubled dark person a lot of the time and i think that a lot of people know that but people still love them you know and it's Halloween week and we're playing it's like after a party and a bunch of people and I including this person are playing year they dress up as the same thing.

And not online. They're posting online dressed up as, you know what I mean, normal shit. And then every single year of Halloween week, I see them out dressed in the same costume as the same thing. Can I tell you what it is? What is it? Jeffrey Dahmer. I don't think anyone should dress as Jeffrey Dahmer more than once. Pushing it.

You really like Jeffrey Dahmer. Why? Three times. Are you paying an homage? Like, no one should dress as Jeffrey Dahmer more than one time. That's all I know to say. Yeah. No one should ever be. Like, imagine than one time That's all I know to say No one should ever be

Like imagine just every year Someone's Ted Bundy Imagine every year I was Charles Manson Like that's weird Just every year is weird Every year is so And to like stop Like you're not posting that

Like that's just the vibe you want to give off Low key be that You know And we're playing Never Have I Ever In a circle of like 15 people And this person was already saying like weird shit all night, like just very dark, weird shit, you know. And then everyone's playing this very innocent game of, you know,

never have I ever done Molly. Me, that's like the most innocent thing ever. Like never have I ever done Molly, never have I ever skydived, never have I ever whatever. And every time it would get around to this person dressed as Jeffrey Dahmer they would be like it's not funny but never have I ever had thoughts about killing the person that I was in love with oh and then like It'd go all around again And it'd be like Never have I ever Been cheated on

Never have I ever Done mushrooms Never have I ever Graduated college And then it would get Back around to him And he'd go Never have I ever

Killed an animal Jeffree Star's like Fuck them yaks And it just kept going And eventually the game ended Like they didn't physically get to like murder But they got like as close as you could possibly get to murder Ooh he's got a dark mind

I wonder what he's going through But who does that? Who lets that go through Never have I ever dressed as Jeffrey Dahmer Like who lets that out? I mean him apparently What the fuck? And just imagine sitting there

Like as like a bunny Do you think he has anxiety? Like if I said some shit like that I would be still thinking about it to this day never have i ever killed an animal what did anyone else put a finger down no me dressed as a bunny scared for my life my favorite halloween costume i'll tell you what it is it was that whole group that dressed up as you trisha james um is that it and jeffrey and jeffrey it was antonio garza and friends it was so good that it what i admired about it was like the thought and like effort they put into all the TikToks were crazy. Like the sounds like they had to have made those sounds.

Like Antonio as Jeffrey like driving off in the car, like perfect transition. I was like, Jesus Christ. They did make the sounds they had to. They had to have made the sounds. They've never heard the sounds of my life. Wait, can we find it? It's so good. The kid who dressed up as me did multiple looks. Like there was Hefner.

There was mugshot. It was so good. Like all of it. It was so. And the TikToks were getting like 15 million views. I was like, damn, like I'm me. Can I get something? Like, fuck.

It was so good. It was so good. I loved Ice Spice's Betty Boop. She was cute as Betty Boop. She was so cute and sexy as Betty Boop You know I sent her my party And she was like Should I come?

Where is it? Didn't come I was so excited I spent the whole night like Ice Like where are you? Can I call you Ice? I loved Northwest as Kanye

So good I wish like everyone sang They wish he Or we could see his reaction I really would love to see his reaction Yeah it like made me Just feel something I don't know Kim is such a good mom

And I know everyone says that But it is like Filming a TikTok Where your daughter dresses up As a person you're co-parenting with Like that's hard I was just like So in one of those families

Where it was like I fucking hate your dad I hope he dies You know But you know Kim's not like that Yeah Again that's crazy Imagine

Imagine your parents Never say a bad word About each other In front of you Yeah and just like Yeah no Can't Can't

I don't Imagine it In fact I went on Twitter And I asked For costumes We should review Let's see if there's anything

Trisha and I will say Trisha Won Halloween As the idol Was so good Did you see She just dressed up Yesterday as Addison Rae

Addison Rae reading that That's the thing is she loves like a niche meme One thing about me though I'm an Addison Rae super fan She was not reading that book You can't walk and read The same people that There was this girl who posted her

Like in the ocean reading I'm like That you can't do that So the paparazzi that shoots her Is my favorite paparazzi in the world. I always talk about this. Bobby. Because.

He is. He's one of the most talented paparazzis. Like. Some of the most iconic shots of all time. Are Bobby. And. But his personality. Like.

We became really good friends. And he is like. So funny. So honest. Like. He'd like. Come and shoot me. And he'd like.

Tell me like. Guess who just fucking called me. They're so fucking rude. Like. Look at this person's manager and what they're saying like just like an open book and post it all online like oh yeah i remember when bobby kendall the fuck up like he will literally be like he doesn't like hayley and kendall so he'll like get paid to like get called to shoot them and then be like nepo baby called me again like doesn't like doesn't give a fuck like calls out everyone he shoots addison and he only does set up shots like he like he'll occasionally be outside of a restaurant but it's like even he's not like waiting for somebody he's got he's got

every time i see him and he pops me now like i don't we don't work together in the sense that i call him anymore but like i'll see him out like i'll be leaving a restaurant and i'm like oh let me shoot you like i'm right here and then he'll tell me like so-and-so called me here tonight like it's like he only does called shots so that's so funny to do a bobby photo walking reading a book it's iconic i mean she's just i love her and her street style like everything about her is so camp her paparazzi shots are so young britney spears you can't walk and read. I've never walked. Well I've never read or walked actually so. Maybe she can.

Maybe she's an intellectual. Trisha Paytas and Moses S. Travis and Taylor. I regret that I didn't do that. I wish I made Jeff do that. It would have been funny. Almost instead of Barbie and Ken. It would have just been like a needle in a haystack of a million Taylor and Travis. Well we were the Halloween store Barbie and Ken

Good point Like at that point you know what I mean I want to do a couples costume Maybe next year Right cause that's what that was I ship you and Jeff so hard right now I told you this before we started But I don't know why I'm in this era

I truly believe you guys are in love And I can't be convinced otherwise I keep getting tagged Obviously always in the fan edits of Jeff and I. And I go to click on the comments. And every single time it's you as a top comment commenting ship. I'm like, you know, I was like, what do you do? One thing about me is when I'm online, I'm online. Like I am not I'm a fan. You know what I mean? I'm just with the people and you can let me'm online, I'm online. Like, I am not, I'm a fan.

You know what I mean? I'm just with the people. And you can let me just behave however I want to. I ship. And I, I was going to say I appreciate that, but I don't. Why? Well, we almost podcasted about this last time. And then I was like, no, cut that.

Because it's like, just such a like long annoying conversation to me but i think it's so mentally damaging to be severely shipped with someone yeah i think god somebody else talked about this one time but it's like almost like you start to like look at and it's like we are we looking at each other that way like it makes you like completely reassess your reality with someone and i that's how i feel about our relationship i read the comments and i'm like shit do i hate her but i mean that's that's what it is exactly is like comments can just change your perception but like the shipping shit like i think fucks with you more because it's like that's friendship you know like if they want to comment on our friendship we can i don't know like just after

like the jake wedding era it's made me so cautious of like when i noticed that the whole internet ships me with someone like to not let that affect my relationship with them you know okay fine no but then i see these edits and i'm like wait that is a beautiful couple not even that i'm just like it does it just makes you like reassess so many conversations and memories and it's like no but like the way They edit this shit though I'm like they could convince Me that I'm like head over heels in Love with like Ari yeah That's fair that is just like the laughs and

Like the looks at each other in the slow-mo With the songs I'm like wait And it's just it's just Yeah and then we'll like feed into It's just this whole thing to navigate I'm just saying it wouldn't be the worst I love Jeff more than life itself And there's so many like Characteristics of him that I do feel like

That like Like oh my god I love this about him so much You know But then there's so many differences in the two of us That I feel like it's like I don't know if it would ever work You know so I enjoy our friendship. That's fair.

Yeah. I'm never getting married. I'm still hanging out with Sailor Steve. You were on the boat last night. I wasn't on the boat. He was at my house. And he has, I have been to his house. Like, he has a house, and we've been going to the house.

Really? Yeah. Do you like him more? He's not homeless, which, no biggie. Do you like him more? I don't know. I really like. My ankles are out and it's making my feet look huge.

I can't tell how I feel about the situation because it's like. I don't not like him, but it's like I just don't. I can't see us ever dating. So it's just like, well, it's hard. But I like he's just so hot. So I'm like, I don't want to stop hanging out with him and like i want to fall in love so bad me too really bad but i like it needs to be someone like this guy's not someone i can picture like meant like merging into my life in any way like i can't picture him

like coming to one of our shows or like hanging out with like the friends i guess you did meet him but like yeah but i get what you're saying it's like it would have to be at these like weird little like Random instances It's not like our lives Could ever Yeah he doesn't like Easily fit into my life

And I don't think he would ever Have any interest in that Which I don't like That is actually such a big part Of being in love I think I've only ever Been in love with people Where I felt like our lives

Could Yeah well My last relationship He didn't want to be around Anybody I cared about Ever In fact If I would go to dinner with you

i would like literally get fucking stopped apart yeah yeah i've only literally ever ever like fallen in love with people where i feel like but you're so good at like just immediately being like okay yeah you're gonna come to this because it's like i feel like you're running the show but so many people just go with whatever they want to do but so many people come and i'd be like you suck here I don't love you Yeah You know like

It's like the people Who would get along With my friends And I would love their friends And I don't know I've been in love twice In my life That also sounds like

It's like fucking Like so much Maybe three times I don't know We're iffy on Monson But I'm at the point Where like I'm scared

I'm never gonna be in love Again the ways That I have Not the ways That I I'm scared I'm never gonna be in love again the ways that I have not the ways that I have been because I guess they were toxic but like you know like I like will I ever love as hard as I've been in love before yes of course and you like you always feel that way I I just was watching or reading something about this I think about like emotional permanence where like I think it's an ADHD thing actually, where you like can't imagine like feeling any differently than you do in the current moment.

So like when you're in love, you can't imagine not being in love. Oh, well I got that. Um, but like in the opposite, like for example, like when I'm like really sad,

I can't imagine being happy. And when I'm really happy, I can't imagine not being that happy. But that's like how I think you feel with love. No, with ADHD of anything, it's like your mind's everywhere. I don't know. I think that's I've also only been in love with people that I felt like as I'm everywhere, they're they're a constant.

I don't know. Chris also just fucked me up, dude. Like sometimes I just wish I never fell in love with Chris Miles. I don't know. I think it taught you a lot. I think if it weren't him, it was going to be somebody else. Like someone else that was so wrong for you, like to teach you the lessons you needed to learn. But not even.

I just think I'll never meet someone that understands me, knows me, gets me like he does. That's as funny as he is. You will. You will. Even to this day. Well, maybe not as funny as he is. You got to listen. Let's be realistic.

And just like the shit I can tell him Like the shit we can talk about He gives me the best advice Anyone's ever given me Which is crazy For a Balenciaga Fucking Soundcloud idiot I know

The public perception of Chris Is so different than Who Chris actually is And it's like I think I'll always wish Everyone I date Has his personality Yeah that's tough

That's honestly blessing though you're lucky you have somebody like that that you but it's not like what we're gonna go get married like i can't no but like god i look back and i'm like god i pray to god i never meet a man like that one ever again but it's so scary to be like i'm never gonna meet someone with a personality as much as i love yours but that's not reasonable that's like like you know it's just been like five four or five years of it now where i felt that way for four years so i'm just like fuck As much as I love yours But that's not reasonable That's like Like you know It's just been like Five Four or five years of it now Where I felt that way

For four years So I'm just like Fuck will I ever I don't know The other day I was like Saying how I don't I don't think I could Ever have kids

Because there's no way I could love them As much as my cat And I feel like that's like Like Chris is your cat And you're gonna end up Having a kid Do we end on that? Like you're gonna end up up loving like it's you just don't know yet

it's gonna be better the way we were supposed to be rating celebrity halloween costumes like why doesn't hasbulla dress up i don't think he has to halloween's is like an american thing oh it's halloween's only an american thing for the most part dixie has the queen of hearts was super hot dixie's super hot dixie's so hot i'm obsessed that's my sister i'm at domelio seriously seriously stassi baby and jayden ate eight eight boots okay whatever fuck it honestly we don't need to do all that it would only be funny with arian pictures on it honestly we don't need to do all that it would only be funny with arian pictures on the screen i'm too lazy to do all that yeah you know what i mean this has been a good episode yeah we got a long one yeah we got a long one in here

i'm trying to think i wanted to talk about sam and colby's conjuring series have you seen it i don't even know who sam and colby are what the fuck okay honestly should we be done with this episode yeah we have to do a whole nother one sister honestly that's so true thank you for tuning into this episode of the canceled podcast when you're done go watch sam and colby's conjuring series it changed everything for me i love them they're my dream guests right now they're the ones are they the ones who do escape the night no but they try to escape a night can we go can we go on escape the night it's coming back let me make a call we love you guys we love you guys bye cancer podcast