Cancelled with Tana Mongeau & Brooke Schofield - 61: Tana Found Love in Hawaii - Ep. 61

Episode Date: November 17, 2023

On this episode of the Cancelled podcast Tana recaps her trip to Hawaii, where she finds the love of her life. Brook tells us her blackout experience with Brianna Chickenfry. Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @lumedeodorant and get $5 off off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code CANCELLED at https://www.lumedeodorant.com! #lumepod USE MY CODE TANA FOR $20 OFF TICKETS AT SEATGEEK. THAT’S $20 OFF YOUR FIRST PURCHASE WITH PROMO CODE TANA. MAKE SURE TO CLICK THIS LINK TO DOWNLOAD THE APP: https://seatgeek.onelink.me/RrnK/TANA Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Everyone's got a pro. Need tires? I've got a pro. Car making a weird sound? I've got a pro. So who's that pro? The pros at Tread Experts. From tires to auto repair, Tread Experts is always there, helping you with Michelin tires you can trust. Until May 30th, receive up to $70 by prepaid MasterCard with purchase of four new Michelin passenger or light truck tires. Find your pro at your local Tread Experts. From tires to auto repair, we're always there. TreadExperts.ca If it's a flat or a squeal, a wobble or peel, your tread's worn down or you need a new wheel, wherever you go, you can get a pro at Tread Experts. Until May 30th, purchase four new Michelin passenger or light truck tires and receive up to $70 by prepaid MasterCard. Conditions apply. Details at Michelin.ca.

Find a Michelin TreadExperts dealer near you at TreadExperts.ca slash locations. From tires to auto repair, we're always there. TreadExperts.ca. Hello and welcome back to the cancelled podcast. I always sound like a man, but like the rasp level of my voice right now is actually scary. You know, I used to like literally try to hurt myself. I used to try to scratch my throat with things so that I really am dead serious so that I would have a raspy voice because I love them so much. That is the most Brooke coded sentiment I've ever heard. Because Brooke Davis on One Tree Hill has a raspy voice and I wanted to be her so bad I also used to stick a pen in my cheek to try to get a dimple there's absolutely no and there's evidence to support it

working I just personally it didn't work for me there's evidence no don't take my word for that do not stick a pen in your cheek but I also I was just an idiot you know i used to lay this is a true story i used to lay on my bed under my light bulb just naked thinking i was gonna get a tan stop do you remember back in the day on the canceled podcast when you said that you used a magic eraser to take off your spray tans yeah and then lauren gray did it and got a chemical burns yeah that's why we never ever ever refer to the canceled podcast for any sort of actual advice at all seriously it's actually terrifying let it be known i'm like disclaimer right now nothing we say is to

be taken seriously at all oh my god hi hello how are you i am better than ever, Tana Marie. How are you? Weirdly also better than ever, but we can unpack that. We can unpack. I know I don't look it. I'm not giving it. You look amazing. Definitely not giving it. Reddit thinks I'm on meth, the whole thing. I heard about that through the grapevine because you know I've banned myself from Reddit. Lila. You should read up on it. he comes into my room and goes, Reddit thinks you're on meth. I go, good morning.

Your TikToks were kind of giving meth. Yeah, they were. I was just drunk as hell at Friendsgiving. But every Friendsgiving is so drunk and like, not wholesome.

Like, think about the Bryce year. Oh, yeah. Like, everyone just. I was involved in a physical altercation. We always say friendsgiving

but we should really just say like purgatory with with some stuffing like yeah i've never once eaten at friendsgiving like i'm always way too drunk by the time well your green bean casserole looked delicious dropped it on the floor started sobbing had to remake it didn't eat it no one ate it oh well it looks good well actually people ate it but i didn't so it you know uh-huh absolutely well just landing from a flight too and then like landing from a flight and then making a casserole is just like the weirdest set of two actions those are two like really normal things to do I guess it just didn't feel that way anyway you came back from Hawaii what was what was the deal there you said you were going to Hawaii I know there's a there's differing opinions on why you went to Hawaii one of them is correct and one of them is your version wow it's like Taylor's version

Hawaii what Tana's version yeah tell me about hawaii tana's version i feel like i went there for some answers some you know to questions that just stay up here in my little walnut brain and i got i got some answers and i had an amazing time i met the love of my life i'm actually not kidding i think i met my husband he downstairs. I don't want to sound corny, but like when you know, you know, is that weird? Yeah.

No, it's not. It's not. But in my entire life, I felt this way meeting someone about like two people ever. Actually, it's not Santana shit. I will not say who they were,

but you know who they are. I wonder, I can try to think if I've ever had a moment like that. I don't think I have where I meet someone and I'm like, Oh, this is my guy. Because never, I have this list of like what I want in someone's personality, you know? Give it to me.

Funny. Smart. Like smart enough to be funny in a smart way. Do you know what I mean? You really can't be that funny if you're not smart or I'm laughing at you. Exactly. And that's just the worst thing in the world. Like passion for life, passion for something.

Like, you know what I mean? Happy. Honest to God. Like, someone who's just happy and treats me happily. I woke up the other day to him being like, good morning, princess. Like, how did you sleep? Like, what can I get you? Do you need any water?

Do you need anything? And I was actually, like, transcending to parts of my life where I'd wake up and Chris would be like, my Uber's already outside. I want to leave. Like, you know. Oh, poor Chris. He just gets it every time. I know. Because it's such a catalyst of so many things in my head and someone tweeted me that the other day they were like I wish Tana understood that like no one knows anything about Chris Miles and I'm like yes but like he's a character he's such a major

character in our lives yeah exactly like I'm not yeah whatever um So I go to Hawaii and I feel like I really wanted to see if I feel like there's more out there away from L.A. Well, I feel like, yes, in Hawaii, there's definitely more out there in Hawaii. Yes. But like actually feeling that, you know what I mean? Like not like could I live a different life somewhere else as a different person and like would I be happy and is that what I need you know and yes it is definitely learned that okay do you think LA is the problem I think what LA has done to me is the problem what about what you've done

to LA if it's a flat or a squeal a wobble peel, your tread's worn down or you need a new wheel, wherever you go, you can get it from our tread experts. Until May 30th, purchase four new Michelin passenger or light truck tires and receive up to $70 by prepaid MasterCard. Conditions apply. Details at Michelin.ca. Find a Michelin tread experts dealer near you at treadexperts.ca. Everyone's got a pro.

Need tires? I've got a pro. Car making a weird sound? I've got a pro. So who's that pro? The pros at Tread Experts. From tires to auto repair, Tread Experts is always there, helping you with Michelin tires you can trust. Until May 30 receive up to 70 by prepaid mastercard with purchase of four

new michelin passenger or light truck tires find your pro at your local tread experts so real so real like we've it's like a like shit like i'm having a healthy breakup with la like we we are better apart no i get what you're saying though you know when you like even if i go to like arizona for a while i i a lot of times i go home and i'm like i want to stay yeah because it's just people are i love that we talked about this so much on the i know they're over us saying it like oh la sucks yeah like it doesn't suck it's an amazing place to live it's yeah it's just the realm of people that we are surrounded that we are choosing to surround yeah exactly exactly yes but knowing that there are normal people out there who have normal ideations of

everything is awesome you know not that i'm necessarily normal but it's nice to be refreshed it sucks kind of too because not that you don't have like normal friends from home but vegas is so similar to la and that it's like you know just yeah i'm terrified a million miles an hour like yeah you can't go there and just like separate like i i can go home and it's very like slow paced. It's fun. Yeah. Like no.

In like a wholesome way. It's the same city just in a desert. You know, that's. Arguably worse in my opinion. Arguably worse. Like 100%. It was just being around all the Hawaiians was so interesting because everyone just wakes up every day in Hawaii and they just think

to themselves what do I want to do that's going to make me happy like yeah that's it like well that's easy to do in Hawaii you can wake up and be like yeah I could go to the beach I could eat a coconut just living a lifestyle where it's like I'm gonna be happy all day and I'm gonna fit what I like have to do into that you know whereas I feel like here it's like I'm gonna do what I have to do and I'm gonna try to fit happiness into that you know what confuses me a little you always say that you're you're not depressed and you've never been depressed but you kind of sound depressed I'm so fucking depressed yeah well because because I have always felt that way until like now I'm medicated so now i like i really am happy all day yeah mostly i know it doesn't seem that way but but i am like you know what i mean i feel like

that could be something to exploit not diagnosing you or anything no no no no i realized like you're depressed when i said that to you like on the last episode like i i came to that realization probably like a month ago i was like damn i'm I'm depressed and I know why now you know like I feel like I've been depressed before but it's like I didn't know why I wasn't acknowledging that there's not even always a reason yeah the time but 100% I know what's like depressing me and like what I like I made a list I really I wrote out every single thing in Hawaii of like what I have to do to become happy and whole again. And well, that's good. I know that's your first step.

And that's good. My first step, spend a little less time here. OK, you know, well, that's realistic. Yeah, I know. I get what you're saying, though. Like I was literally just in Cleveland, which is like the most random place to be. But like walking around and seeing just everyone like regular, normal people going to jobs and like it's cool. Even in New I had this like weird out-of-body realization when I was there

I was just like sitting people watching like at a restaurant and I was like every single person who's like walking by me is like so different like dressed so different like doing whatever the fuck they are doing for themselves walking to work like biking walk whatever just like and everyone here is like constantly putting on a show like you sit down at a cafe and it's exactly like and that's the worst thing about it it feels like everyone's performing i just saw a tiktok of somebody who like is just making an absolute scene in the street and you notice just everybody no one even looks at you in new york because everybody's just minding their own business everybody's so like living their life on what

they're doing yeah yeah and it's like it's cool you and i could go to a cafe right now and we would just see a hundred people who look exactly the same well you have to think about like when i go out here if i go shopping or if i go to eat or anything i always just expect that i'm gonna either see someone i know or somebody who knows me like not not that like yeah no i get what you're saying i you know it's like i have to like dress a certain way and stuff just to feel like safe exactly and then in every other city you just see normal fucking people being fucking yeah i was just dicking around in the park the whole fucking time in cleveland like that's awesome much fun that's awesome and you're not thinking about how do i look dicking around in the park how am i being

perceived dicking around in the park don't care i was line scootering by myself again please don't die on the line scooter i can't lose you like that listen i wanted to go fast oh my god well i'm happy you got a little bit of what you were looking for looked like you had a lot of fun you came back with a boyfriend he's here listen to this story actually like it's actually the cutest story in the world well it's not but it's tana coded cute okay um boyfriend's name is mikoa there's other mikoa straight up oh no i'm never gonna disrespect him i have no i have no worry which is huge for me that's that's how you know um other miko, Makoa Ho, who we've known forever. He kind of got brought into the friend group by Trevi and had a little situation with Amari

and lived in Sherman Oaks with us essentially for two years. And he moved back to Hawaii. Such a fun time. Such a fucking fun time. And he's like Hawaii royalty. Yeah, so his dad is a famous sur the king of pipeline Derek Ho and so he's the president of Hawaii it was I need to actually tell you some hilarious the president of Hawaii thought he was no no Makoa was the president of Hawaii because I was like I thought he was just

a really amazing surfer no it's just the way that everyone on that island like respects and idolizes his dad like has created this life for him where he's like famous as fuck there essentially you know I have to tell you some hilarious anecdotes actually about Makoa Ho in Hawaii like it was unlike anything I've ever seen in my life um but I get to Hawaii and every time I get there I always text Makoa and Amber because they're you know kind of my piece of LA friends who live there and right they show you the island and you get to do things the local way and that's like awesome and amazing and i'm like beyond grateful for them anyways we sit down at dinner it's my first night in hawaii um makawaha was there he's drunk as hell i'm sitting in a wooden chair right and it's like all of us amber's boyfriend is besties with my husband so

so they're there yeah it was so cute we were like double dating all around the island like being so adorable the entire time i can't so i'm just meeting them like you know what i mean i was like hi hi guys like we smoke a joint and then we go to dinner so i'm just meeting the boys but so makoa ho's at dinner and he's drunk as fuck and i'm sitting in this wooden chair and he decides he wants to make it a rocking chair it's not a rocking chair it's a stable chair on diy you know yep comes and gets in the chair like behind me and is trying to like rock us back and forth and i'm i'm yelling at him i'm screaming like stop stop makoa this is gonna end horribly like get the fuck off me you know what i mean i'm yelling at him i'm screaming like stop stop mccoy this is gonna end horribly like

get the fuck off me you know what i mean i put my foot down on the ground the leg stabs through my big toe blood everywhere i'm looking at the beautiful waikiki beach i'm gushing blood i start immediately sobbing it's the worst type of pain. Like scream crying. You get used to it though, trust me. Yeah, apparently this is a whole thing that I didn't like. It is and it's very common. And I think I've spoken about this on the podcast before, but I do not have either of my big toenails. My nail girl was giving me a pedicure covering.

I don't. My toe is completely blue. My toe is cerulean. That's the beginning. It's going to fall off. She looks me dead in the face and she goes, for sure your toenail is going to fall off. And you just don't understand how hard it is to grow a new toenail oh my god i've never had anything it's happened to me same same situation blunt force trauma okay

two separate frat parties all right notice i said frat parties i haven't been in college in fucking eight years please don't look me in the face right now and tell me you still have issues with the toenails that they it to glue, it doesn't grow, like my toenails won't grow like longer than the tiniest little bit so I have to glue like a fake toenail onto them. That's what Shirley told me.

To make it a normal sized toenail. That I'm gonna need like an acrylic nail tip. Well, your sweet assistant has the same situation going on right now. It's very common. I never knew this would be a part of my journey. No toenails, no problem. I never knew this would be a part of my journey.

I did. I saw it coming from you. Seriously. Wow. That's actually the most hurtful thing anyone's ever said to me. It's so crazy though. Honestly, because, because it happened to me two separate times and it's like, I realized it's so easy and it amazes me that anybody has a real toenail.

It's so easy for it to happen. I'm holding my breath, but weirdly that did make me feel a little better. No, it's, I don't, I don't understand it. And it's like, it's just, they grow in a certain way. like doesn't attach anymore like really please stop okay okay enough i'm gonna have to actually just like like i have to take it day by day but if you are a podiatrist literally give me a call no podiatrist probably watch canceled i was just gonna say you know there's one podiatrist i just want to know my next steps because i can't live that way forever. What if I'm ever stranded on a desert island and I can't find kiss press on toe nails? Please, please, please.

Please fucking stop it. This is why no one will date me. Toenails gushing blood. I'm screaming sobbing. I meet this man. I've known him for 15 minutes. He goes and gets a cup of ice water and he's shoving my toe into the ice. Goes and gets me Tylenol.

Is sitting there talking to me being like, I've never met a cuter girl with a broken tail. Broken tail. Broken toenail. Here's what I have to say. I know I wasn't cute. You know what I mean? Like I was actually a literal mess. And to like meet that way and like have someone like take spends the next two days carrying me around

i couldn't walk like just carrying me all around the island being like where do you want to go where can i carry you to like happy to do it and i was like yeah no one's carrying me anywhere if you like me with no toenail you're gonna be pleasantly surprised when i not only have a blow out but i'm not sobbing yeah like it was just great to like meet someone at like objectively my worst look and then like yeah it's only up from here you know yeah like my hair is fucking disgusting i'm pale as hell i'm covered in bruises now from toe gate what was this the night that you had your slicked back bun no and you know what's funny is i looked better with that slick back bun no it really i did i think slick back bun really got me no but

like how that's what i imagine how ugly i was i looked better with the bun that you're talking about than i did well you looked amazing i'm not i'm not but i don't slick back my hair like it's tape ends and i just put conditioner until something. I remember I have a video of you doing it on a jet one time and I was like, oh, you asked me for if I had any product to use and you used body lotion. Just lick it back. When my hair gets to that weird point, I swear to God, it's like, give me ranch. Like I'll use ranch as most like it just gets to a point where it's like I just don't give a shit and there's no fixing it you know yeah i get that it looks great right now i need to read you a real text from this man would live through toe and roach gate again any day baby bed felt

empty last night less laughs and less loving on you hope you're basking in the sunshine and taking care of yourself today we'll be daydreaming about choking you sorry for the last part however i couldn't write a better text yeah that's a very tanner coded that's like using togate like using my lingo yeah it was all around a really great text question and i'm not being negative is this love bombing can he hear me i'm i i just have to be careful these days because i'm a victim i know and so do i and we actually had like several conversations about that so that's but i also like i always say this i just sometimes you really just do feel that way and And even if he is love bombing me, I can't take away like my connection to him.

I've never had like better, deeper conversations. Like I've never like. Oh, you also didn't meet in a situation where it's like, oh, you can go on one date. Wait a week and go on another date. It's kind of like you just were there and then you had to obviously bring him home. Absolutely. We spent five days together. He doesn't live on that island, first of all.

Oh. So he flies home to Maui where he lives and I'm like I miss you like please come back like I can't actually live another day of my life without you flies back from Maui like surprises me like flies back goes home does work comes back I get here same thing I'm like I can't I can't live without you I don't know what to do we'll see what happens well you know what i have high hopes for this situation i love to see you with any man who you know has promise and he has promised for sure very tall very good looking i'm so in love it's actually terrifying me yay we in love no not literally oh but like i want to say it you know you know when that is like when you like someone so much. Yeah.

I always feel that way though and it always puts me in trouble. I think the problem is I never feel that way. Oh. Do you know what I mean? Hmm. No. I usually hate whoever I'm talking to. Oh.

And I'm usually like. Sorry. Aaron knows that. I'm always telling Aaron how much I hate whatever man I'm with. And I'm always putting out like a bullet point list of like why this person would be good for me but i don't feel like i'm trying to make myself feel i just usually like won't even keep them around if i feel that way like any guy who i am keeping around i like really like probably that's not true you just lied i know yeah no sometimes i just say things about myself that aren't true i don't know though, though, because, like, I, well, if you think about it, all the guys you can

think of, I probably really liked them. Is, like, is love bombing deliberate? Yeah. Usually. Like, sometimes it can just, like, happen, but usually it's, like, a narcissist's, like, strategy to reel you in before they start just being horrible. Okay. So there's a difference between really liking someone.

Yeah, sometimes you really don't just like somebody that much. Specifically, like, doing things to almost manipulate someone into thinking, you know. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I had one of those. They like you. As I'm staring at a monson piano. It's like, you cussed me out that night.

You bought me out. Oh, okay. People. I understand now. You know. Okay. Yeah. Anytime I've ever been, like, horribly love-bombed, like, it bomb like it affected me you know what i mean but there's a little bit love bomb though like

there's just nothing like it and i hate it just is like such a shitty feeling after you have been love bombed to all of a sudden not be love bomb because you're like oh this man hates me like oh you can go a week without seeing me you hate me it actually it does fuck you up for life i agree with that completely like getting love bombed heavily and then experiencing also so many times in a row i feel like i've had so many like but it's because i always attract like low-key like a narcissist or like or narcissist adjacent but i'm not a narcissist you always call me that narcissist i'm not I am not a narcissist I'm not

Anyway Let's talk about me for a second If it's a flat or a squeal A wobble or peel Your dread's worn down Or you need a new wheel Wherever you go You can get it from

Our Dread Experts Until May 30th Purchase four new Michelin passenger or light truck tires and receive up to $70 by prepaid MasterCard. Conditions apply. Details at Michelin.ca. Find a Michelin Tread Experts dealer near you at TreadExperts.ca slash locations. From tires to auto repair, we're always there at TreadExperts.ca. Everyone's got a pro. Need tires? I've got a pro. Car making a weird sound? We're always there. TreadExperts.ca 15th, receive up to $60 on a prepaid MasterCard when you purchase Kumo RoadVenture AT52 tires. Find your pro at your local TreadExperts.

From tires to auto repair, we're always there. TreadExperts.ca For those of you who don't remember, Flaky Flake was the younger guy that I was seeing for a second. Then he ended things with me or something. Because he could never commit to any plan ever like that's why he would call him flaky flake okay we were talking probably like six months ago or so maybe more during that time he had invited me to something okay he like invited me to this thing and I was like it's in November like there's no way you and I are still going to

be talking by November and he said even if we're not I don't know why I said that by the way I like willed it into an existence but he said no matter what I will not revoke your invite okay but this is flaky flake he flaked on things that he made you know a day ago so I'm like why would he ever keep up with that sends me a text a couple days ago and he goes hello tonight is the night he goes i got you a ticket why do i have chills like it's beautiful well it is a beautiful story because i've had this bad taste in my mouth about him for all that time because i just did not like how he handled that situation so it's so refreshing i was like oh my god look at him committing to his word i find it it's like so weirdly cute i think like anything is cute if

it's like after all this time you still thought about it you know yeah well like low-key like i mean i did pressure him into it but like it's still you know what leave that out drafts i don't like i would never talk to him again but i do want to be his friend like i love him yeah so it's like now i just feel better about it and i'm like okay you're not flaky flake no if i actually had to guess in a month from now you guys will be like semi-dating again no but we were never dating to begin with it was just like i was getting a lot of bumps seriously no real did you go yeah i went how was it interacting i honestly like i don't want to like say because i don't want to like just emotionally how was it interacting? I honestly like I don't want to like say because I don't want to like just emotionally. How was it interacting?

No, it was good. It was great to see him. Gave him a hug. We didn't speak that much, but it was just like it was just the thought of it. Like the just the idea, like the full circle. It always like, OK, good job. You kept your word. I will stop talking shit about you on the podcast.

And now that brings me to my next question. No, but we can't. I actually haven't seen you in like a minute now. So I have so many like real life questions and updates that I need. But it's like a lot of them can't be podcast topics. I've been getting in trouble for talking about people on the podcast. Which is just so sad. You know what they say.

We say it all the time. If you don't want me to write bad songs about you don't do bad things i haven't even said bad things about anybody on this podcast in a really long time but apparently some people just don't even want to be on here which is crazy because there's lots of people who do it's such it's such a real thing though like that i never knew when we started this podcast that like people would start treating you really differently because they're like afraid of being on the podcast or they want to be on the podcast i wish that were the case i wish that everyone were treating me really well for fear of being spoken about right but people just keep treating us like shit and then they're mad when it's on the fucking podcast and as much much as I want to say, like, listen, I respect your privacy.

I'm not going to talk about you on the podcast. That's there's not any longevity there because this is my job. Weirdest job ever. And I love my audience. Absolutely. And I want to share with them everything that I can. Absolutely. I couldn't agree more.

It actually like I wish that the audience knew the like painstaking feeling that we'll have when like we want to podcast about something but can't. Like we actually like want to tell y'all every single thing. Well, it's because they get a little dangerous over there. They're like a little too good at what they do. And we're a little too not good at what we do. So real. Realest thing I've ever heard you can

podcast however about going to brie and grace's show i did go to brie and grace's show i went to cleveland back to the house of blues y'all how for those who don't remember the house of blues was the vessel in which Jortsgate occurred. I haven't been back obviously since Jortsgate because I actually don't get invited to the House of Blues very often. It's actually such a weird coincidence. You getting invited to their show

and it being specifically there. I also didn't realize that it was at the House of Blues when they'd invited me. I'm like honestly so iconic. So you were back in the george back in the george gate yep i had to do some apologizing because i'm just thinking like that fight you guys don't understand how loud and like extreme that fight was everyone in that venue heard us you call me and you just say one sentence you go tana brooke you go there's a third green room and the way that that sentence means nothing to anyone else but we were using this house of blues as a literal vessel for our

rat race argument where we were running into other rooms chasing each other down hallways screaming crying throwing up and it was funny because we really were like bouncing from green room to green room like one of us it was so nice because if i needed to make like a really dramatic point i could just get up and storm to my green room like we're like the city girls or something they're just so crazy like i was having separate green rooms yeah there was a third and it was the biggest one so i don't know why they were withholding that from us when we were there i think i know why oh yeah we would have probably turned it into a boxing ring yeah but it was so nice to be back it really like now i have only positive memories at the house of blues

all memories there i think like it's the whole story it's just it's a beautiful fucking story it is i will say i won't i don't really have that many memories in general from the planned briefing because they are drinkers okay and I thought I could hang I could not hang I just drinking with them is weirdly like getting hazed yeah well it's like if the thing is it wasn't like they were encouraging it it was like I had this like imaginary pressure on me yeah exactly exactly it's like a mental thing because you're like I have to keep up yeah and like they can do it so why can't i yeah i know why yeah because you can't speak english anymore real it was really bad i was apparently taking um you know southern comfort shots chasing them with pirate water i probably had five pirate waters which is like enough to kill somebody. A pirate water equates to like a four loco.

Alcohol percentage. You know, it's bad because Brie texted me and she was like, yeah, you were fucking blacked out. I actually could not fathom the palpable anxiety I would have if I woke up to Brianna chicken fry being like you were blacked out last night. You're telling me. That's actually literally happened to me.

When I tell you, I started getting tagged in videos of us at a bar. I didn't even know we went to. I'm on the bar. I'm on the bar doing this. And the song is like. No, a country song. And I'm like, it was just it was all bad news. And Turks.

She actually made me feel like I'd never drink a day in my life. Like, you know, I'm good at it. Yeah. Like she's not hung over. Always funny. always funny like i know and they can hang embarrassing it's hilarious i don't know i had a full-sized ketchup bottle in my pocket when i woke up what what oh wait you had did you you don't watch my tiktoks do you you're a fake friend i watch every single one of your tiktoks i have not seen that i'm not kidding i woke up full-sized apparently where the fuck did you get it from well let me go ahead and tell you i was wearing

a puffer vest i was wearing my aloe puffer vest you're on fire today and uh grace took it upon herself to play a little pranky on me and put a full-size ketchup bottle in my hood and i was so blacked out it made it all the way home before i noticed in my hood was I not being like pulled backward like like I'm just imagining you like in the uber yeah like Zach Bryan's like why is there a ketchup in her hood I was humiliated and then that adds to the anxiety too because it's like I didn't even want to be anywhere near that man yeah tell me about Zach Bryanryan i didn't know he was coming when i saw i didn't either i was gagged i didn't either and i'm like supporting her as the yeah he's amazing he's like i mean he's so sweet to her and like it was nice to meet him and stuff but sometimes you know how i am about that like sometimes i

don't want to meet people i really love and he was it's not that i'm disappointed by it or anything but i'd love to keep the magic alive. I'd love still feeling like there are celebrities that I don't know and they're out of my reach. I want to be such a fan from you from afar, just watching you sing something in the orange and knowing, living with peace, knowing that you don't know anything about me. I went ahead and told him that you made me miss

the first half of his concert. First half is crazy. We missed the first half and I told him and he says that it wasn't even that good. I'm just kidding. Do you know that that was one of my favorite nights of my whole life ever like with you and imagine how fun it would have been had we been to the whole show right right i'm just double the fun i'm just so happy his revival thing is at the end like if we miss that i'd kill myself he's amazing

but it was cool because he like he was like hyping brie up he's like oh my god you're doing the house of blues like this is so amazing i'm so jealous i'm like you're doing stadiums you just played the forum um he played so far like they do like could he keep up oh wait not so far um i don't know because again i wasn't there betty could so So fucking funny. It's actually like, it's incredible. I was not there. I like, I wanted to be there so bad.

I know. I wish you'd come, but it was kind of fun. Like, like I was just underwater. I just loved, like I was having so much fun just walking around Cleveland by myself. And like, I went to like a random bar bar had sat for four hours with a random old lady and we just drank the little night away okay and i i just i didn't want to drink anymore but she was so nice and stuff so i was like i kept drinking then i go to pay the guy next to us had paid for me and her and he paid two rounds in advance so her and i both had to have two more

drinks blacked out with her and she was so fun how old was she she's probably like it took a picture with her she's probably like like 60 something she wasn't that old but like but you and i both get really weird about old people yeah i also was sitting there like actually sobbing because i started looking at all these pictures of me and my cousin and i was like sobbing she was like are you okay that's probably why that guy paid for my drinks oh you can't even see her but you can see her like little hand was she wearing a beret yeah how kind i don't know i love her what the fuck no it was fun and i love doing things by myself like i felt like i was just having fun doing yeah myself i never get to do that here for fear of like running i don't know yeah no and it just feels so main character

like you're just at a random bar in cleveland it was cold so i got to wear my little like hat stop and you love to wear a hat i fucking love it scofield is happiest when she gets to wear a hat yeah or i'm wearing a hat because i need more happiness i almost died where me on the last podcast i almost died different story fuck i'm actually not kidding this is like up there with how like like dumb ways to die of like things i've done where it's like what you know my fear of bugs you You know how bad. I do. I heard you killed a cockroach. Oh, I'll get there. I'll get there. But, and I'm saying this with like my whole chest, okay? I would rather play a round of Russian roulette

than allow bugs to crawl all over me. Like if it was like Fear Factor and cockroaches all over you or play a round of Russian roulette. I'm picking the roulette every time. and that's just my truth like my fear of bugs is so terrible a little phobia situation you know there could be a fly and i like scream and i freak the fuck out and i like i feel this feeling that nothing else makes me feel like where it's like i have to die right now or get this bug away from me like it's insane right I'm walking through the grass in Hawaii with Ty Collins and Makoa and Paige and I can't even I look down at the grass and I look at Ty Collins foot there are like 17 cockroaches just all around his feet,

up on his legs, on his feet, and they're huge. Like they're Hawaiian cockroaches. Like there's something in their protein powder. Like they're huge. They're the size of fucking, like a Chihuahua. Not kidding. And I look down at my foot. Uh-oh.

And I see. A cockroach. 37 of them. Oh, no. Crawling on my foot. Oh, my. Look at. Do you see my goosebumps right now? Like, actually, just think about it.

The hair on my arm standing up. Oh, no. I don't really love cockroaches either. I don't think anyone likes cockroaches. I just don't understand why they have to exist. But then I realized I am a literal cockroach no i have a question though do you will you do like lady bugs i used to as a kid see because i always i just now no i always think about this like how sad it is that like i would immediately pick up like a lady bug but if that same bug just didn't

have spots i'd be like ew i also like i always think about how as a kid I'd pick up a ladybug and now I would never And I like get all existential and weirdly sad About that I've been watching oh god You have to watch This it's um no I need To finish this oh I'm sorry I'm so sorry I have to tell you sorry I have ADD no there's

Oncoming traffic Across directly From this grass patch that's one way to get rid of a cockroach is to get hit by a car i run into oncoming traffic i just start sprinting and screaming i run into oncoming traffic like like not and like fast oncoming traffic but see another thing speaking of oncoming traffic yeah how do you explain like yeah i got hit by a car running from a bug 100 miles a fucking hour like slams on the brakes and stops page and ty and mikoa are screaming you're horrible you could have caused a pilot like screaming like i died and then i'm just standing in front of this

car looking the driver dead in their eyes like i'm so sorry you're so lucky but you could have really hurt somebody yeah i'm glad you're okay horrible scenario like i i just hate that my immediate reaction when there's a bug is like get out so it was like right i know i kind of get that i'm not like a bug girl i don't really like bugs but then i like i just saw oh this video that made me like literally sick to my stomach it was like this little baby girl she's probably like four and it's like all these videos of her outside like picking up bugs and snakes and she's just like so innocent and she just has no concept of like what's gross and stuff and it's so sweet and that's what i was going to tell you is i've been watching there's i don't even know

if you knew about this because i didn't and it's been going on for a long time as pamela anderson has a show watch the whole thing pamela's garden of eden soulmate oh my god i had no idea it even existed and i've been obsessed with it like watching her out like tending to all her like vegetables and stuff i'm like you know she's not getting mad if there's a bug on her foot and she's like just such a beautiful perfect angel you know i like keep up with everything she does like i knew the second that show dropped i went to my room i had no idea i watched like so many of it on the plane yesterday it actually like was one of the like weird catalysts of like me understanding that there's more joy like out

there yeah because she could have the most glamorous like amazing life ever that she wants here and instead she chooses to live in vancouver island on a beach she she wrote this instagram caption yesterday not kidding made me cry she's so pure i can't believe we both were watching that because it's like every time i've told anyone about the show everyone's like what are you talking about or doesn't care and it like disheartens me so much and i just love watching her make her like little tomato sauce she's like i'm putting roses in it her mom's like why how cute it is that she just like married her contractor that like was helping her build the house and then she'll put on like

her glitter playboy shoes and he'll be like how can like living with all the memories imagine that guy telling his family like yeah i'm marrying pamela anderson they're like sure she wrote yesterday i am most at home with my animals on the ocean with a light softness thrown about reading writing and dreaming see but that just shows you know people go so far out of their way like everybody in the world who isn't here well at least like in my experience like how i was before i moved here i thought like fame and fortune in hollywood and all that was like the all anybody could ever want and she is a perfect example like you you can have all that and it's not and it's so inspiring and motivating to me like seeing someone like actually just be like fuck this it's sucking the

life out of me but i can i can memorialize it and know, romanticize it and have love for that era. But that's not who I want to be anymore. She still has, you know, every designer, everything like. Yeah. But I love that, like the things that make her happy, like she's pulling weeds and she's she's fucking Pamela Anderson. It's absolutely the goal. And like, I am so inspired by it.

And that's funny that you've been watching that because same. I think maybe one day you could be pulling weeds. I want to be. I'm not kidding. My little Hawaiian boyfriend lives on an actual farm. Like chickens and goats in Maui. Like Bretman? Yeah, exactly.

And just wakes up, feeds his chickens, smokes a joint, does whatever little work things he has to do in the day goes and surfs all day make sure that wherever he is he's watching the sunset and repeats that's a real life that someone has that's my week that's my weekend life right now i've been at that ranch every weekend riding horses i wish we could talk about that but i won't even open my mouth that's just another podcast topic that i so badly wish we could have. I know, but it's so fun. Yeah, and you have to keep going.

And if we podcast about it, you're not going back to that ranch. Right? No. I've been horseback riding. I've been playing with the goats. It's so fun. I brought Ari. Ari can rip it on a horse.

Ari's fast. No, he's not. Yes, he is. I have so many videos. He's so good he's the only one like if a horse needed to be galloped they would put ari on it because now i'm not i'm not galloping yet as you could probably imagine do you know i was in actual literal tears at ari on that horse in chrome hearts and converse it was so funny he was

amazing ari was the funniest person i've ever met in hawaii like ever like ari was like please bring me and i'm like all right i'm just trying to express to you like this isn't gonna be a trip this is gonna be a tennis trip you know and those are two very different things you know and he's like no please i want to go i want to be peaceful i want to whatever like and i'm like ari i know you like the back of my hand you're gonna get there and all i'm gonna want to be peaceful. I want to whatever. Like, and I'm like, Ari, I know you like the back of my hand. You're going to get there. And all I'm going to want to do is be underwater. And you're going to be miserable. Like, without, you know, Ari's bougie. And that's fine.

I love that about him. But I was just like, you know, he's like, no, please bring me. Please bring me. I'm like, fine. Come to Hawaii, right? We get there. And the first day that I'm just underwater floating flopping you know me and the way i run into a pool it is like that's such an interesting thing about you sorry to cut you

off but like you really will just fucking live underwater it's my in the ocean too which is crazy because it's like you're afraid of bugs but like not not sharks i was swimming actually was passing by me like at like midnight in hawaii to like i believe it i've seen you like just out as far as you can be in the middle of the night i'm like like okay i'm i'm so unafraid of the ocean i think it's weirdly i do think it's a zodiac thing and i'm not a zodiac person but i'm a cancer and i'm a triple cancer like all like my rising my whatever yeah so i'm a triple water sign so i think that's why water brings me so much peace maybe i don't know if it's a flat or a squeal a wobbler peel your

dreads worn down or you need a new wheel wherever you go you can get it from our tread experts until may 30th purchase four new michelin passenger or light truck tires and receive up to 70 by prepaid mastercard conditions apply details at michelin.ca find a michelin tread experts dealer near you at treadexperts.ca locations from tires to auto repair we're always there um so i'm flopping in the ocean and ari looks me and he goes, I'm going to go get some merch. He goes to get some Hawaii merch, right? Comes back with a Chrome Hearts bag. Like couldn't flop in the ocean at all.

Had to go to Chrome Hearts. That's hilarious. He buys a Chrome Hearts trip that says Honolulu and he goes, I got some merch. And then 24 hours later, he Irish exits Hawaii that's so iconic it's so Irish exited though because everybody was blacked out he was just unhappy to like I don't know I saw pageantize tiktoks but you know Ari that's not like he doesn't want to like rot on a beach all day while people surf like it's not his like you know who does journey me

you know absolutely let's go now um but tells everyone in the room i have to go to the bathroom gets on hinge makes a random stranger on hinge that's dangerous pick him up from the ritz carlton and drive him to the airport. First of all, imagine your first date is just an airport drive. Make that one make sense. Like, imagine the awkward small talk. Like, Uber. I kind of love that.

Why? Kids on an immediate flight home. That's really dangerous. Do not try this at home. Although I trust people in Hawaii. Weirdly, yeah. Like, everyone just has that, like, comfort. I feel like it's too small a community for anybody to be really crazy yeah and people out there just actually like love extending

yeah everything's very like here let me do you a favor yeah yeah but just how fucking funny do you know the only person he said goodbye to was my man i got his instagram i was like are you well yeah he's got that personality on him. I need a new man. No, I don't. Yeah, what's going on? Nothing much. We just can't podcast about it. No, like really, like nothing.

Why do you have a cheeseburger in your purse? What the fuck? Did she just pull that out of her purse? Yes, she fucking did. The ketchup in the hood, the cheeseburger in the bag. Can I have a bite? Yeah. What the hell else do we have to talk about?

Let me see. Oh, I had another like synchronicity, weird, like coincidence situation happened to me. I haven't told you about yet. I went to this concert. I to the zach bryan or wait no zach brown band concert um and his opener was this guy marcus king okay and he's so fucking amazing like i've had a few artists like ever that i see live and i'm like, Oh my God. Like this is my new hyper fix. Like this is my favorite person ever.

He's so talented. And I was obsessed. I go home. I send my dad every video. Cause I'm like, you're going to think this guy's so amazing, whatever. And I make a tick talk about him.

I was like talking about him and I like went on this huge, like deep dive. He's married. He has like the cutest little wife. They're like the most fabulous. Stop. no i'm scared like you know how sometimes you eat mcdonald's and you like eat a bite and you're like someone's toes in that no my toenails um that was that bite like i feel like i got some like gillet anyway pipe it um they're like this like super fabulous like southern couple I'm obsessed them so I make a tiktok about them and I'm like talking about them

and I'm saying like all of this and I draft it I don't post it because I'm like this is creepy I'm being creepy I've never obviously like I didn't see them talk to them or anything I just like watch them from afar all of a sudden i start getting like tagged over and over and over again in this girl's tiktok and they're like oh my god you look exactly like brooke scofield i go to her profile and it's her it's his wife i was like how weird is that she comments back and she goes oh my god i think i saw that girl at my husband's show the other day i have chills yeah and i was like what the fuck and i commented back i was like yes i was there and i'm and so i screen recorded the tiktok that i made about them

yeah you could see the date i had made it days ago and i was like i'm obsessed with his wife and blah blah and i was just like what are the odds like no one's ever ever like tagged me in one of her things but now all of a sudden thousands of people are like telling me i look like her and i've never seen her before and i I just love them so much. But then, then I tell her, I go, I, it's been so long since I've had an artist that I like love that much.

It's like the last person was Chris Stapleton. I was like, I loved Chris Stapleton, like the same way. Remember you were trying to get me to stay in some city, right? Yes. Because I wanted to see him so bad.

So then I'm like, I tell her that whatever we're talking a couple days later, Chris Stapleton announces his tour. Opening for him is Marcus King. You're actually going to levitate at that show. I think she probably thought that I knew that when I was telling her that. She probably like assumed that I knew, but I had no idea. I didn't even like connect those two in any way.

It's actually crazy. So anyway, we have to go see that. Yes, we do. And if you have not. Oh, my God, you would love this guy. He is the most talented person I've ever seen in my entire life, Marcus King. Oh, no. Do you know what made me the happiest girl in the world, by the way,

that I just have to give flowers to really quick on this podcast? Noah Kahan and Jelly Roll being nominated for Grammy. Yeah, really amazing. Well-deserved. And Jelly Roll being nominated for Grammy. Yeah, really amazing. Well deserved. Did you see Jelly Roll's acceptance speech at the CMAs? Yes. So amazing. They're the cutest fucking couple in the world, Bunny and Jelly Roll.

I know. You know that that's like my actual goals. I know, me too. Did you see Trisha said that she wants to be the third host on on canceled no she fucking didn't yes she did she said i wish i could just be the third host on canceled i said trisha we're begging we should actually have a moment with trisha where we do like five episodes in a row i think such or we should at least like try to have her at least once a month or something like people love her so much and i love to talk to her she's my favorite person to talk to actually literally on this planet that's crazy we should have had her today literally she went out of her way her

and oscar to get the sandy gecko sweat what's so funny is i wore so i ordered a pink onesie to wear on trisha's podcast and when it came in it was not up to trisha standard okay it was like too nude it wasn't even hardly pink so i was like oh gotta scrap it yeah and i'm like i felt like katie heron meaning in mean girls i did not have one pink thing except for this one random tourist shop great analogy by the way yeah and so that was the only thing i had but it's so funny you're just aria guire it's chrome hearts no but like patricia loves it so much and she had somebody in san diego go to that gift shop and get them for her an Oscar. Yes.

So that they can cosplay. They got the mini of her with the bottega earrings and the slick tear. But it just first of all, it feels like literally a make a wish. Like, I can't believe I can't believe it. That's exactly how I feel every time I'm like around her. Like, it feels so make a wish coded. I'm like, why are you doing that? I love that it's a sweatshirt that I like accidentally had to wear. she's like I love it I love it too it's my favorite she's the cutest human being alive do you want to know actually one of my dream canceled guests who Holly Madison

oh me too so much and she comments on all her stuff she's like I know she would come on I just haven't like gotten around to doing it right and you were just talking about weird coincidences actually and it's so random but we're having Meghan Trainor on tomorrow yeah yeah and I'm so fucking excited her kid I love her so fucking much she's like the funniest person alive I never thought that Meghan Trainor would have like the dark sense of humor she does and that she texts me like hilarious shit like obviously she's so intelligent in order to have the crew she has but like i didn't sometimes that doesn't always translate into darkness like dark humor and like i i love her i love that i love that she's coming on but i originally was trying to have holly madison on tomorrow and i was like i meant to reach out and then i just the megan stuff happened so i was like perfect like i'll reach out to holly

eventually right and i'm having a conversation about this with Paige in Hawaii right and this woman randomly comes up to me her son's girlfriend was like a fan of the podcast so she's like I don't know what the fuck you do but my kid won't like shut the hell up about like whatever it is so do I so much I don't even fucking know you but my kid does yeah and so i like meet her daughter and like whatever but then i start bonding with her like so heavily and she's so like just lives the dream life that we were just talking about so bunny jelly roll coated like she's just like this like she's probably in her 40s but like hair extensions on 10 like just showed up to this resort in hawaii like staying with her kids like sexy girl tattoos like you know like so 2000s coated tattoos like so you

know what i mean big ass titties like i just i bond more with like a fucking like blonde milf than like most people ever because it's like you're doing exactly what i want to be doing you know and her husband's like low-key beat and she's like well what do you do he's swiping you know and i just start talking to her and bonding with her i'm sure she loves him she does she was telling me she looks at me in the eyes and she goes this morning i was shaving his chest with a razor and it dies that's gonna going to be you at 40. You want to see, look, you're looking into your future right now. And, but anyways, I'm like talking to her for like,

like 15 minutes right after I have this Holly conversation. And I go, you're so playboy coded. Like, and that's my favorite type of person. Like someone that you can just tell has been to the playboy mansion, whatever. And I was just saying that,

like, I had no idea where she was from. We're in the middle of Hawaii, whatever. She goes i live in santa clarita now i used to live in los angeles i was a playboy bunny look at this photo of me and holly madison after i had this whole conversation about fucking holly madison oh my god how funny she was just telling me all these fucking bat shit stories about the playboy mansion and you know i've like i know every like i've never been to that house and i could like paint the floor plan like it just makes me so sad that we'll never get to go there i know like it wasn't it's not like this glamorous place we probably

wouldn't wanted to go there but yeah it just looked so like it was definitely horrible in all the ways that la is still horrible just in that time you know yeah is there like a oh well no i almost said like dan bilzerian is like like those are the same people who would have probably gone to yes anyone who goes through a dan bilzerian party would have gone to a playboy party back in the day for sure but you're talking about the playboy mansion yeah yes that was like the first time i ever saw like a like a woman's tits like my mom would like watch i'm always like i, I don't like that. No. But that's why also your, our mother is my best friend.

Like she'd, her watching the girls next door. She loved it. I've unpacked like the playboy theories with her for like, not kidding. Like I was like raised on like the playboy, like yeah, the girls next door and like sex in the city.

And that's why you ended up liking me. You've never seen sex in the city. No, I haven i haven't oh i don't even want you to watch because you will move to new york she's never seen sex in the city i that is like that'll cure everything everything i know about life and love and friendship and relationships is i love that'll cure everything it's like you're depressed little fix it you're like watch they do no seriously it's like i need to i'm not kidding same thing with gray's anatomy like i almost feel like those like i learned so much from the relationships and those shows that i almost feel like i lived them and like gossip girl gossip girl for sure yeah but but sex in the city is like grown-up gossip yes yes it's so funny like i'm like dexter changed my life

no no no my favorite show in the no but you will love you're like, that's my favorite show in the entire world. No, but you will love, you will live for that show. You will love Samantha. Oh my God, so much. You will hate Charlotte because she's just like me. I don't hate you, so I don't hate Charlotte. Well, no, but you know what I mean.

Just a random, hilarious anecdote that I have to share with you. Yeah. Amari was just talking about, you know, growing up with his mom watching Playboy

and I was like, that's why you like me, right? Do you know that the first time I ever realized i was a whore was in a real conversation with amari stewart oh my god i was talking about this like two days ago actually that's so funny were you yeah like i was like with isabella i believe yeah we were talking about how i was like do you remember like in high school like when tan just like straight up just tell the story

So essentially One day Like I'm spending Every day in Amari's house Like I do You know And We would just spend hours

Like rotting in his room Talking shit Nothing's really changed We're in high school And I'm talking about Like one of the guys That I'm hooking up with At the time

Keep in mind In the past week I had just gotten Eaten out by someone On your track team in your closet in my closet while i'm in the room but luckily that honestly was a great closet to do it in it was it was like a walk-in closet but like imagine me just sitting in my bed just being so annoyed i just telling me that story her being like and i'm like trying to turn on my tv but obviously i don't have the most luxurious fucking tv it won't go loud enough horrible horrible story we should not be doing that at 15

vegas vegas i think it was like the first time i saw a condom too because i'm using a condom and i was like what the fuck i'd never actually seen those anyways and i'm just sitting in Amari's bed And I'm talking shit And I look at him And I go Do you think I'm a whore? He looks at me deadpan

And goes Yeah And I never ever like Had the thought Like I never realized And I was just screaming Like so offended I was like

You know what I mean? And it was just Beyond offended I'm not kidding you know what I mean? And it was just... She was beyond offended. I'm not kidding. Because I'd never known. I thought the second story of my house was going to collapse. Like, it was going to become a one story.

She was so offended, but I was like, I don't care. Well, you had to have an inkling or you wouldn't have asked. I was like, it doesn't affect me at all. I don't give a fuck. I love you regardless. Yes, you're a whore. And mind you, mind you, she's also getting Picked up by boys

Like At like fucking Midnight Like I think she would Sleep at mine sometimes Just so she could get dick And like she'd get picked up In these cars

And just like Go fuck them Like down the street In the neighborhood There was one time There was one time Whoa whoa There was one time

Scaring the shit out of me But okay She had this guy Come Pick her up So she could fuck him In his Range Rover Oh Lost My Virginity

He's amazing We love you Logan Anyway He comes and picks her up so she could fuck him in his Range Rover. Oh, lost my virginity to him. He's amazing. We love you, Logan. He comes and picks her up. His friend is with him. His friend is walking around my neighborhood just doing laps. And I was like, do you want to just come inside? He came inside and just chilled with me. Like, well, like it was just us just on the sidelines while they're just doing the deed somewhere down like at the neighborhood park.

Oh my God, it was that like transactional? You were 15. I might have been like i don't know whatever it's 15 16 17 i didn't have sex until well actually no i did i know i know we've walked very different paths well no it just like i can't believe that that like none of my friends i get everyone was having sex everyone i like lost my virginity late in my friend group i just feel like mine was like everyone had had sex with like one person vegas horrible place i've only had sex with two guys do you know what i used to me too me three um do you know what i used to do when i would get picked up by guys in high school to like hook up with them like and they'd be with

their friends and they'd be like oh my god bring a friend like do you know what i mean like like you know like like a guy's with his guy friend he's like yeah like bring a friend whatever i would tell guys that i was with my girlfriend amari i'd be like yeah me and amari like she's just upstairs by ari anywhere i'm like ari's coming and they would be so excited like damn she sounds foreign she sounds exotic amari like sounds like a bad bitch i'd get into the car braces looking like a fucking peanut and they're like what i'm like hi guys scam men into thinking amari was like my girlfriend that we would all like double date with well you were pissed we just wanted to ride not kidding it's so crazy that we lived a life without uber like think about how i

am as a person and how poor i was right think about the shit i would do for a ride you remember there was one time i'm sitting outside of my house i get home from school there was this guy that like we were we just knew we could get him to take us anywhere not getting but in that area, I lied my balls off to this guy. I'm like, I'm locked outside of my house. I just got home from school. Like,

will you take me to Tana's? We made the most elaborate stories up about like why we needed a ride. Like we were like, he's locked out. He doesn't know what to do. His parents are not coming home. Literally at all. I made him already sit outside on his lawn.

Mind you, I can't even get him. So he actually thought he was mind you my mother's been working from home since i was like seven like she was inside like there was no i could get in like easily opens the door you're like you're ruining the bit bitch what are you gonna do take me older guy like i always like wanted to hang out with like guys who are way older now i look back on it and i'm like why the fuck were they like daddy you're

hanging out with freshmen and they were always like the biggest losers and you thought they were cool because they were seniors now you look back on it and you're like oh wow every man i just like smoking in the back of some random dusty dude's car do you know that was like her favorite pastime like mine too i had like i was such a stoner around like in the back of the car like why are you ripping a six foot bong in the back dude we had a place well we had a place called hangar police everywhere and we would just fucking smoke everything bad that's ever happened to me happened in hangar park in tempe arizona so just so you know don't go there the smoke i can actually do a whole podcast about like the smoking

when i was young story it's me too that's why i don't smoke now because i'm like same no but the way i was like yeah numb thank god um do you want to know something horrible i actually did do i um while we're on the topic of rides and gas money i want to formally apologize to a girl named sierra hall you like still owe her like 15 bucks to this day and she will never let it go i would always tell people like can you please pick me up from my house and drive me here i'll give you gas money and then they pick me up and they drive me me somewhere. And then I'd say, I don't have my wallet. I owe you. Oh. How horrible.

Horrible. But I had to get, like, I'd have to get to, like, work. And my parents weren't going to take me. And I, like, you know. Yeah. Like, or just different. School, even. And.

Although, you know, for one ride, what's that in gas? Like, $3? But at the time, like, $3. Not even. Everything. And I feel like when you're just, like, new to, like, driving and, like, you're, like, what's that in gas like three dollars but at the time like three dollars not even everything and i feel like when you're just like new to like driving and like you're like a high schooler and stuff like any amount of gas money is just amazing unless you have like rich ass parents that just don't

give a fuck like you know like i feel like oh my yeah like we'd be scrounging for like a dime to literally put i'm not kidding like i remember with monique we would just like actually put 75 cents on the tank oh yeah, yeah. I know you remember being on dashes. Always on dashes. She was here. Gas tank was never actually full one time. And we do the most fucked up shit for gas money. Hitting bottle runs on dashes.

Can we even dash away? What's a dash? Basically like the car. Your gas tank gets to the little dashes. Oh, well, that was. It's like your reserve gas tank. Like there's no gas in your car. Like I can't even read how many miles.

You know that still to this day, no matter what, I never ever. This is like the like low key pour in me. I will never fill up my tank. It's actually ever. I will never put in more than like $20 at a time. And it just makes it so much more difficult. And it's like I have to spend the money regardless in fact it's making it way harder like it's so much easier to just do it but i'm always like no i'll just put a little in i remember the day that i found out

my parents smoke weed like i didn't know for like a long time well looking back duh um but like i found it like in a kitchen cabinet and i was, I have hit the jackpot on these fucking idiots. Are you kidding me? Imagine if I did that. I was like. We would rob them. Rob them. And be like blasted.

No, so I would take their weed and I would sell it. Because it's like what? I shouldn't know you smoke weed. Like at the time I was like. Yeah, what are they going to come to you and say, where's my weed? Yeah, not at all. So I knew I hit the jackpot. and then i would specifically hit up the rich kids and tell them like i have the best weed ever like sell someone oregano once yes yes not once

multiple times oh my god the drug dealer the fact that i was like actually like horrible um but i would hit up the rich kids and and I would tell them, like, I have the most gas weed ever, whatever. Weed at the time was normally, like, $10 a gram, right? And I would sell it to these rich, like, dumb kids who just wanted to get high for, like, $40 a gram, and it'd be my parents' weed. And then I would, like, hit the jackpot on gas money. That's honestly so smart.

Gas money at McDonald's. No, it was always Del Taco, because, you because you know del taco it used to be i don't know if it is like was like historically the cheapest yes and it's still so good like two tacos like i lived at taco bell i would walk we would walk to talk about it's so crazy we walked everywhere in arizona and it's like vegas it's fucking 130 degrees outside walked everywhere and all of it's like track homes it's just it's literally exactly the same as vegas you would just be walking all would you walk barefoot and like like callous the whole bottom of your foot because of how hot it was or is that i think it was just like a natural progression of any person who lives there your feet are fucking i think i have a forever like

people who bring their little dogs out and i had one of you know those piggy banks that like count the money like as the coins go in it can like read how much like the coin is or whatever i had one of those and like we would bust it open all the time we'd bust open my fucking little piggy bank because we'd see how much was like it would digitally read you how much money's in it or whatever and we'd just like take all the coins and walk to mcdonald's because it was like you just like had to walk to this little park in my neighborhood and like it was just so funny because like back in the day like hot and spicy was like $1.08. I know.

What happened to that? Does McDonald's still have a dollar menu? They're like three something now, which is crazy. So crazy. And it's crazy the way that you'd actually feel like you came up if you found a quarter. I'd put pennies together for my food every day. If you found a quarter, you were like, I'm fucking loaded. And we would show up with just coins to this mcdonald's we got banned from there

i paid for everything in coins for like three years of my life mcdonald's on value per day oh my god i miss it i mean what if i wish we could all go back and like make each other like live each other's lives for like i always think about that honestly or like if we just all were friends like if all of us because we have a big friend group now like if we were all

friends in high school like what would it have been like I know I would have hated you guys in high school and vice versa like imagine like it's like oh Brooke's nudes leaked

like that's the point though that like I would have been fucking like it just wouldn't have happened I didn't take a nude

until like last year the concept of like all of us are like an assembly together do you know what's like no but like i think even in college like i i like i feel like we wouldn't have been friends i feel like i wouldn't have liked you guys but just like so different that like we would have danced together you lived somewhere where there was like like socially there were goodie kids and bad kids, right? Like, in Las Vegas, that doesn't happen.

Everyone's just a bad kid. Do you know what I mean? No, I just don't really think we had that many. Like, we were the bad kids, and we weren't even bad. But everyone's actually horrible in Vegas. Like, I was in the rebellious group, and we weren't really doing anything that bad except for drinking. Like, did you guys ever hit, like, bottle runs?

No, we weren't stealing. Oh. At all? Someone was. It just wasn't me. Uh-huh. But that's what I mean. There's social hierarchies in the regard

that you would judge someone that would steal. Yeah, it was the random seniors who were hanging out with the freshmen. Those were the people who were going to steal. Yeah. Everyone was stealing. Did you guys have fake IDs in high school? Absolutely not.

I didn't have a fake ID until... I never had a fake ID. My first fake ID, I had braces in the picture. I tried tried to and i lost it i had such a good fake id i lost it the first day so i was like fuck this my first boyfriend ever somewhere that's what he did like to for his side hustle he would make fake ids and i'd just be like posing against a wall my first fake was new york i remember the first time i used it the guy goes he looks he just knows it's fake because first of all it's like fucking it was actually bad he just talked about bottle runs do you actually know what that consists of don't you like go in stick it in your pants

ymca yes but like our friend group and i'm still friends with all these people to this day. That's what's like actually horrifying. There were bottle runs and there were cart runs. No, okay. I actually have to tell you about bottle runs and cart runs really quickly. So bottle runs, there's a bunch of different ways to do a bottle run.

Like essentially like you could walk in and like discreetly steal it in your pants and then like leave, whatever. But our friend group got to a point where everyone would just get out of the car. Someone would be driving, waiting like a fucking hit and run. Like waiting to like pick you back up.

Like waiting right in the driveway of the store. And like 10 of us piled into one car would all charge in the store. I've done it. Running at full speed. And everyone in the store Knew you were stealing But there's a policy Called the no chase

Oh where they can't chase you Yeah there's a no chase policy Don't they have that at Sephora Yes Don't try it Horrible Also doesn't have it Oh shit

Everyone would just run in And everyone would know Knocking shit over in the store Like causing distractions Shoving bottles Shoving bottles And then you just run back To the would know knocking shit over in the store, causing distractions, shoving bottles, shoving bottles, and then you just run back to the car. All the workers would know. That's so crazy.

What about the next time you went in for a rotisserie? No, you wouldn't go. That would happen to me because I used to hit these bottles. You wouldn't go to that grocery store for two weeks. I used to hit these bottle runs and I would always get sent in because I looked the most innocent. I remember I would always wear my my big pants my rock revivals the rock revivals slayed for bottle runs because they were too big for me and like i would always wear like a big t-shirt and it's like i my like go-to was always a handle

of smirnoff and a bottle of bacardi dragonberry didn't you shatter a bottle one time was that you yes and it slid down my leg like it leg because the pants were a little too big. Yeah. It slid down, and then I'm like, oh, it was so bad. But I remember the very first time I ever hit one like that,

which she was talking about where you just charge in. Because I thought that I was just going to go in, be innocent, whatever, but I'm with a bunch of boys. We left this bonfire. We needed more alcohol. And I'm like, okay,

we're all just going to go and do it discreetly. And I'm walking in. No, they come charging past me. I was like, oh, we're doing this. Oh, we're doing this. to go and do it discreetly. And I'm like walking in. No, they come charging past me. I was like, oh, we're doing this. Oh, we're like doing this. Like we're robbing the store. And we robbed this fucking store. Bonfire went amazing.

But then like there was a period of time after, like I would go to the Smiths a lot, like with my mom. Oh no. In the daytime. The whole time you're like. Normal. No, exactly.

And like this man, there was this one specific worker that remembered me. So like he would look at me and just stare me down with the dirtiest fucking awful look and it's like deborah's like buying like chicken and like fucking cream of mushroom soup and like just like you know oh my god i would have never stepped in there again and i'm standing there and it's like what are you gonna do now like i'm not doing anything wrong i'm here with my mom like i'm surprised you had the cool i feel like we had

the reason we didn't even have to do any of that shit is because we had certain moms in high school that would just supply our alcohol. Oh, but Debra had no idea for the longest time. Ours would, like, fully, like, we had moms who would make, like, special, like, mixed drinks and stuff for us. All the parties were always at, like, that one particular house. Ari lived a life like that. Like, there was a rich side of Vegas that did that, but, like, we were all, like, fucking poor. Debra's parents were buying alcohol for us.

There wasn't anything rich about it. It was just, like,, like having the money. People would pay. Having the money to like, oh. Deborah's fun now, but she used to be so fucking strict. Like, it was like scary. Like, I don't even know how she would like,

like she would sneak out and like, it would be like fine because she's like, whatever. Yeah, that's not my kid. But it's like, Amari, you are not walking out that goddamn door with her. My grandparents, like,

and then you'd walk out the goddamn door. No, I'd, like, sneak out. My grandparents had both. Like, it was my uncle and my dad, obviously, like, growing up and stuff. So they didn't, like, know how to be, like, authoritative at all. They were just like, whatever, like, do whatever you want. So I did. I remember vividly, honestly, the scariest. And also, this bitch right here was so fucking awful for this one.

It was one of the times where we were like, oh, Amari for an exotic bitch. Like, whatever. We sneak out and then we get to like this guy's house. Debra's calling me nonstop. And I'm like, guys, panicking. Like, I'm like, I don't know what to do. This is like my second time sneaking out. Like, she's going to like actually like lynch me.

Like, I'm really fucking scared. I don't remember the story and I'm scared. We have to like turn around. They have to take me home because she's like, get the fuck home now. And Tana and Monique are sleeping over and we get back to my house and Debra's just standing outside on the porch

ready to whoop my ass. And I'm looking at them and I'm like, guys, you're sleeping over. Come with me. And I'm scared. Tana's like, no, see ya. I'm i'm scared like like i'm gonna get in less trouble and they're like we're afraid of her no like we're like have fun i'm like guys no please come and they're like no we're going to get dick i have to tell you that dick is crazy you were literally a child begging i have to tell you about cart runs really quick

so we were just talking about the you know familiar to us the no chase policy certain stores have no chase policies target has a chase policy never steal from target anyways um also caught the fuck up there they did it the wind to you where they like wait until they have enough to really charge yes yeah and they ban you from target for life and like yeah you just can't be banned and they have like a whole actual security room like yeah target and walmart don't steal from they got me i would do a full heidi montag style surgery transformation target's the only place i've ever gotten like caught up stealing at like it was bad um so you'd find the grocery store with a no chase policy right ours was food for less on valley verde in las vegas love it and it's so funny too you're robbing food for

still couldn't afford the last it's like when lila used to go in and like fucking sweep goodwill not kidding you i could tell you to this day where the alcohol is in that store so you walk in with a cart and you fill the cart like you're grocery shopping. Like you take your fucking time. Oh, Fawn does that. Yeah. And then you just run out of the store

with the entire cart. She's the OG cart runner. Yeah, Fawn started that. Seriously. It's real. We did that. Because the second you get through those golden gates,

the doors, you're fine. And you just leave with your entire cart of food. It was always like the best. The thing is though, you know what i i've had times where i'm like at the grocery store and i'll see someone like stuffing their backpack but it's like if you're stealing food you need it like yeah you know what i mean like you can't really get on someone for stealing and it's like these are billion dollar corporations like fuck you you can spare some fucking exactly i've always said

never steal from a small business even though i definitely did when i was horrible back in the day but like now like i understand that's immoral yeah but like i would rob a store if i would like if i didn't have the money cart runs were like the best like for like spring break prep it was like oh okay we're going we're going to newport baby we're coming with like fucking 13 handles of smirnoff and no one's paying me getting caught stealing from pack son i think so on this podcast i. Didn't you work there? I ended up getting hired by the person who called me stealing. We worked there at the same time.

How Vegas coded is that? And did she know or no? Yeah. Fully knew. Oh. Well, she probably really like trusted you after that. We worked there at the same time. We did a lot together.

And never were allowed to like work together. Like we never had a shift together because obviously. I've had so many friends like that because I just can't behave myself. Good. And she would get fired every year on black friday and i picked it like you know it's black friday and honestly i was like excited because i was like oh my god black friday we're gonna finally get to work together well because they would tell me i have to work a black friday shift and i would be like no i'm going out stealing mama's busy

like you know and they'd fire me and then just rehire me i'd be working and like they're like where's tana like we know it's your best, and they're like, where's Tana? We know that's your bestie. And I was like, I don't know. I was literally at her house earlier in the day. I just know she's not coming to work. And then also, I'm outside greeting people as they enter the store, and I see her ducking and dodging, running store to store, bags. And I would hook up with my shift manager so that I could pick my shifts.

She sure did. I'm not kidding. I think he was 25, and I was 16. Not genius. Shout out, Ray. Genius or resourceful. Not at all. was i'm not kidding i think he was 25 and i was 16 not horrible shout out resourceful not at all but i i'm not kidding i he would put me up on the counter by the cash register okay sorry oh it's so funny because she would tell me the stories about this and i'm like this was happening like in our store like we got you're like leaned up against that counter i'm like folding t-shirts and fuck like i'm at work folding t-shirts you're at work getting fucked what are we working in the same store he was

honestly so hot miss him kidding but that has been this has been so fun yep um this has been an episode brooke you have been on fire the entire time. You're the funniest person I've ever met. Thank you. And I love you so, so, so dearly. And I'm happy to be back on this couch unpacking trauma in life. Love you so much. Amari, thank you for joining us. That was so random. That was so random. I just randomly joined.

But I love you guys. We love you. Goodbye.