Cancelled with Tana Mongeau & Brooke Schofield - 64: HOW TANA LOST HER TOOTH IN HAWAII - Ep. 64

Episode Date: December 8, 2023

On this episode of Cancelled Tana loses a tooth and Brooke goes off on Matt Rife. Use code TANA for $20 off your first SeatGeek order. https://seatgeek.onelink.me/RrnK/TANA Tana Mongeau Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tanamongeau/ Tana Mongeau Twitter: https://twitter.com/tanamongeau Tana Mongeau TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@tanamongeaulol Brooke Schofield Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brookeschofield/ Brooke Schofield Twitter: https://twitter.com/BroookeAmber Brooke Schofield TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@brookeschofield1 Brooke Schofield YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzCVovj7tfqnV2lIkaVk35A To listen to the podcast on YouTube: https://bit.ly/CancelledYouTube Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: https://bit.ly/CancelledWithTanaMongeau If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: https://bit.ly/CancelledWithTanaMongeau Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If it's a flat or a squeal, a wobble or peel, your tread's worn down or you need a new wheel, wherever you go, you can get it from Tread Experts. Conquer rugged terrain with on-road comfort. Until June 15th, receive up to $60 on a prepaid MasterCard when you purchase Kumo RoadVenture AT52 tires. Find a Kumo Tread Experts dealer near you at treadexperts.ca slash locations. From tires to auto repair, we're always there at treadexperts.ca locations. Hello and welcome back to the canceled podcast. Holy freaking crap because I can't cuss in the first few seconds. Oh my god.

Oh my gosh. I fear that this is going to be one of the most important episodes Of Cancelled Podcast we ever filmed You got some stuff I got some stuff We got some stuff We're definitely going to be on this couch For three hours today And honest to God

Thank God I need it I love those episodes But can I just get my main point Out of the way really quickly I got a lip flip After all the grief I gave Tana For getting a lip flip And honestly I just wanted to try it one time Because I was like What if that's what I I gave Tana for getting a lip flip.

And honestly, I just wanted to try it one time because I was like, what if that's what I'm supposed to be doing instead of lip filler? You know what I mean? It is. It is. But I will never love it. I will never forget being at the highlight room pool rooftop deck with you and you look at me and you say your lip flip is so stupid.

OK, first of all, you were bullying me for something else. I had to just throw something at you that I knew would hurt. But I really have loved it over the past couple days, but I think today's the first day that I'm, like, really starting to feel, like, a little bit, like, paralyzed by it. So paralyzed. You know what I mean? And so I'm looking at myself in the viewfinder, and I'm like, oh, no.

I keep making these, like, really strange faces. So please, for the love of God, just, skip the comments do you have like a toxic relationship with it already though where you like love it but you hate it no i do i do love it like when i smile when i talk and stuff but i think something about like like just a little i keep trying to rub my lips together and i can't do it there's like one dry spot on my lip and i'm like i will never forget the first time i got a lip flip i go to like rinse my mouth with mouthwash i'm fully dressed like ready to go out i'm wearing white blue listerine all over all over my entire outfit i start sobbing because it's like you don't realize how many things you really need to do until it's too late yeah it's it's a very paralyzing one but i'm so addicted and i hate it

half the time i love it like i need one i already realized like recently that i have like a little bit of a licking my lips tick and i get a lot of it's not funny are you laughing at ticks um i get a lot of comments about it i don't actually crazy the amount of people who comment just to tell me how much i lick my lips i'm like get a fucking job well not oh my god touch grass touch grass just say touch grass it's never gonna a job it's always touch it's never gonna i don't have a job nobody needs a job well okay i'm i've already done i've already done too much oh god the most important podcast days are always days where i like put myself through hell like the night before. That's called market research. Not kidding at all.

And I have crippling anxiety, but I do think I'm funnier in peril. So it's okay. But it's like, I can never just shoot on a day where I wake up and like have celery juice. And like, I'm happy. Like I shoot on the days where I have existential crisis.

Nobody wants to hear about that. I don't. Um, I, I did a number on myself last night.'d you do tana marie here's the thing dude like i love drinking everywhere that is not la miami and new york like in cities where i see people and cities where i do things you know no? No. Yeah. Elaborate. Like, what does that mean? So I'm in Hawaii and Trevi Moran texts me.

And she's like, I have the best Christmas present for you ever. I have the best gift for you ever. You're going to die. And I'm like, what is it? She sends me an invite to my idol, Seth MacFarlane's Christmas party. That's huge. And his Christmas parties are very notorious and talked about in LA because it's like Bella Hadid goes the weekend goes like the Kardashians go like it's like I should never be allowed to set foot in that part you know what I mean and I was

like oh my god thank you I changed my flight I'm like I'm coming home let's do it and I'm terrified I'm like so nervous because he's literally my idol family I saved my life I can't express it enough and I don't care how stupid that sentence that's family I saved my it doesn't sound stupid a little but a little I love him you know what I mean and so I get there and you know I'm like pacing myself just like getting drunk, like having fun, whatever. And then I see Miss Bella Thorne. I already love this story. She's been looking good. I should be so beyond banned. Like I should just say actually take the time to go to the courthouse

and file a restraining order on every single one of my exes. I think that when I see someone that i've like loved like it's just like my actions become horrible just spiral central i love her i love this year we're great she's with her fiance i love him like but it's just like something happens to me something comes over me it's not tana anymore it's tina it's common though i feel like a lot of people feel that way I meet another one of my idols and I'm standing there with Bella and a couple other people and I love this person so I'm I'm fangirling I'm freaking out that he's talking to me he knows my name he talks about the podcast like this person even knowing about the podcast is batshit to me I'm like I was just gagged and let's just say that this person this idol of mine offers me a molly

and i couldn't turn it down of my life you could never turn that down ever i could have offered you fucking heroin and i would have been like you have to do that i would have shot up i'm not i'm not doing so good this episode honestly i'm gonna get canceled well no that's the name um should i take the molly i take the molly of course i do how long has it been since you've taken a molly a really long time actually like coachella i think coachella was the last time we took a molly wow not a big molly girl i i hate the anxiety of like the come up and like i the next day the way you feel like the way i feel right now it's it's so beyond borrowed happiness wow i have chills that was poetic because people say that about alcohol too you're borrowing

happiness happiness from the day after stop it i don't i don't have like the sanity to handle that level of profound verbiage um the second i take the mulling i like leave my own body and i'm like looking at myself and i'm like why would you do this to us why would you do this to us you stupid fucking bitch I make a random stranger walk me to the car like immediately I left immediately I was like I can't because I've been taking shots and like it's just it was such an irresponsible decision I know what's gonna happen it was such an irresponsible decision but like it was my idol and i made a dumb fucking decision i feel like in those situations sometimes you can pretend i've done that i've

pretended before i absolutely should have shameful like just say no kids like what the fuck am i talking about i just took my vape out of a mcdonald's fry box like i and then i just send myself to like a million after parties one of them being at Chris Miles's house and I love him he's my best friend like but just don't go there because you know how you're gonna feel the next day and I love all those people and I think it's like they make me feel really safe like they all like protect me and like are there for me so when I like do something stupid like that I like want to see them but it's like you don't need to be there I will say I've only taken Molly a couple times and my need for just familiarity

in that moment oh my god remember i the new year's and i was just calling you calling you calling you i was like i'm gonna die absolutely that's and that's exactly what i felt and i just like needed to see like my best friends but it's like don't go there they They changed Ashley and Isabella and all of them, the location of Chris's house on Life 360 to rock bottom. So the Life 360 notification will be like, Tana is at rock bottom. That's hysterical. Amari saw that Tana arrived at rock bottom, came and plucked me and took me out by the weave.

I love that. I looked at him today. I said, don't even get me a Christmas gift because that's the best thing You could have ever done It really is So today My serotonin Was left with my idol last night

Yeah you left it On the dance floor Uh huh Absolutely But hello Brooke Scofield Well you know what Sometimes you just have those nights I told you last night

I threw up on Hollywood Boulevard I thought you were kidding No I was not kidding at all You got puked on Marilyn's star or what? I puked on somebody Boulevard I thought you were kidding No I was not kidding at all You got puked on Marilyn's star or what? I puked on somebody's star I What?

I was out all day yesterday With like my guy friends And I'm in the middle Like I'm just fucking I'm on the west side Okay I don't go to the west side

I'm in fucking Santa Monica In somebody's basement dude No it's a club called The Basement seriously And I'm like i'm just drinking drinking drinking and i write i realize i'm supposed to be at my fucking friend's birthday party and i'm just an idiot because i've been drinking all day long i just like it slipped my mind and i go oh my god i have to get there now so i pulled ari by his hair put him in an uber and i showed up at her

birthday party okay jersey shore themed all right i walk in and i'm you're like trying to put your hair in a snooki poop in the car what sucks is like i was already like like i had had way too many drinks by this point already okay so i but but she's a good friend she would never miss my birthday i'm going her fucking birthday so i'm fucking in the uber ari's like literally are you okay i was like like the whole way seeing the hat man and i walk into her fucking birthday party she's nowhere to be found okay i'm going where the fuck is brooke martinez everyone's going i don't know but they're all in jersey shore outfits so i know this is her birthday party you see some leopard print you like take a breath yeah I'm like where the fuck is she and they're like like no one would even

answer me so I was like I have to step outside immediately just throw up and then I went home but Brooke I tried to come I tried to come there's something beautiful within girlhood about shared peril. And I'm happy that we can share this right now. It really is special. It's the only thing saving my life right now. I'm not kidding. Our bad nights, our bad lip flips. I literally look at it.

Speaking of mouth peril. Oh, no. Oh, no. Brooke Schofieldofield what happened my tooth is super glued in right now i just took a fat ass chunk of super glue out of my mouth in order to talk to you on this podcast how did we get should i have gone to the dentist today absolutely did i do molly with my idol and not go absolutely have i been eating super glue for five days now absolutely that's got to be worse than the molly honestly and i've always said that books go feel and dr gabe click out okay click out right now for your own well- wellbeing click out. I've lost many a veneer.

I can blame a lot of veneer loss on my own stupidity. And I can respect and understand that. And I built a beautiful relationship with that. I don't eat hard ciabatta bread now. You know, no, no head on apples for you. No,

I haven't had a head on apple since since I came out the goddamn womb I know don't raw dog that apple you know I know what you can and can't do suck on the nerds don't don't bite into a nerd's rope you know at all I have developed a system in relationship with my unfortunate tooth troubles and I also will give my dentist a little bit of grace I'm allergic to porcelain you only find that out one way by putting porcelain in your mouth so you do you have veneers that are like a porcelain alternative no oh so i get that mine are going to be a little looser than others i know that my childhood created a lot of dental trouble i don't have the best set to work with. And I get that, you know? And it's like, I bit that strip club

and a dollar bill in Miami and Cole Bennett lyrical lemonade super glued my tooth in for a week. Like I, sorry. I'm aware of that, you know? I land in Hawaii eight days ago and I'm so excited to be there, see my man, be underwater.

That's where my peace is at. That's where I don't do Molly with my idols. That's where I just live my sweet little life and have fun, you know? And we land, Ty, Makoa, and I, and we're in the car on the way to the North Shore. It's 10 p.m. We're so excited, you know what I mean? And I'm simply talking. Talking!

Sorry. I'm talking to Ty Collins about how happy I am to be in Hawaii and my front tooth falls out like a tic-tac into my hand oh my god aren't you glad it was into your hand though have you ever lost like an earring back that you can't account for oh just you wait so I put it back in and I'm holding it and I'm freaking out and everyone's like are you sure like are you sure because like Ty was facing forward he didn't like see it everyone's like are you sure and I'm like oh no? Cause like Ty was facing forward. He didn't like see it. Everyone's like, are you sure? And I'm like, Oh no, I know. Like, yeah,

I know. I feel a breeze. And the North shore, Hawaii, like the top is the North shore on Oahu and the bottom is the city. So there's not a CVS for an hour and a half drive. Oh, I know.

Do you remember my, I had a crisis just like that. I'd drive three hours to the emergency room yeah yeah I know there's gonna be no dentech or super glue in my realm at all and you're like dark tone I lash glue I swear to god I was thinking of every possible way to keep this tooth in my head I was like someone give me a piece of every possible way to keep this tooth in my head. I was like, someone give me a piece of gum. I'll just replace it.

Anyone got a Tic Tac? What do I do? I would just put a chin strap on. Yeah. And I just start immediately scream crying because I'm like, I have to go home. Like, I have to go back to LA now. What can you even do? Nothing.

And I'm scream sobbing. And I get to the hotel and all my Hawaiian friends are like waiting for me they're like yay like we got you a drink like we're all here let's party whatever I get out of the car I start scream sobbing to Makoa Ho and he's like toothless at Turtle Bay toothless at Turtle fucking Bay thank god Makoa Ho is the president of Hawaii and he immediately goes and finds me like super glue but as I'm standing in the Turtle Bay Valet, I'm talking to Ty about how my tooth is for sure. And Ty's still like, are you sure?

Like, whatever. My tooth, I like say a word, and my tooth goes flying under a moving car. Oh, no. Under a moving car. My tooth, my front tooth. And here's the gig and the fucking gag of it all as well like if it's a back tooth like i would have put it around my neck on a necklace

like a puka shell and moved on it was her fucking front tooth i look like krishan rock i was tishan rock i'm not kidding ty dives under this moving vehicle i super glue my tooth back in what does christian rock look like i don't know the context of that joke and i'm afraid to be a part of it i've seen what they did to matt rife oh and we'll get into that christian rock looks like this okay okay well then all right and she snaps it in and out and it's kind of a look and honestly like i was debating and i debating, and I was like, do I just raw dog this? You could have just committed to the bit, but I did see the photo, and I don't know if that was your journey. I would like to share this photo with the canceled podcast viewers.

Are you going to? Yes. I love that. And there's a video I'm willing to play as long as, so long as there's no sound, because the things coming out of my mouth are just threats. I'm going to really embarrass myself on this episode. We might as well just go balls to the walls. I think, yeah, I'm down. I'm going to really embarrass myself on this episode. We might as well just go balls to the walls. I think, yeah, I'm down. I'm with that. Um, speaking of, please enjoy this photograph. At least you look happy. Oh, I wasn't. I was sobbing and Ty Collin said, smile. You'll want this for the podcast and i said okay and then resume so and look at

the tooth underneath like why is it just that small well i understand how it could fall off of that are you kidding it's hanging on by a little fucking tiny little baby thread tooth it's like 1 a.m in la i called my dentist he doesn't answer i call him 33 more times i'm like i'm talking to this man tonight but i have a list more times i'm like i'm talking to this man tonight but i have a list with it i'm sorry i'm talking to this man tonight and he gave me a list too low key he finally picks up the phone and he goes hello like and you could tell he like just woke up i don't say hi i don't say anything i say I'm going to move this mic for everyone's sake. Erin, you might want to cover your ears.

All I say is, Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why are my fucking teeth falling out? And he tells me to superglue it back in.

You're like, I wish I fucking thought of that, you fucking idiot. That's not medical advice. It's definitely not. It's also a Sunday. I'm having heart palpitations. I'm so sorry. It's also a Sunday in Hawaii. Every dentist office in the world is closed.

And they're all two hours away because I'm on the north shore again thank god Makoa Ho is the president of Hawaii he gets a dentist on the phone at 1 a.m and tells them they have to come in the office like tomorrow to fix my tooth and they're like fine honestly so lucky it's I'm so lucky to know him like just I I love you Makoa even though it pains me to say it because that's not our friendship but um then I super glue in my tooth so hard that it like won't come out and I can't like if I go to the dentist I'm running the risk of them like sawing it off and not knowing me and my teeth and shit and not being able to put it back on yeah so my dentist tells me to cancel the dentist appointment

he also tells me to say i use dentec and not super glue but that's another journey you're gonna get sued dr gabe i love you but why you know like why um and then he proceeds to tell me that he cemented on my two front teeth a little less hard because i'm allergic to porcelain why did i find that out in that moment yeah perhaps you might have been a little bit more careful although if you if you were just talking i was how could you have even been more careful i was talking say less bitch when i bit that dollar bill in the strip club like that was your fault yeah or the time lila just dropped her phone off on her face and she's she's like this is your fault to the dentist i'm like baby no it's not yeah Like, I raw dog those nerds ropes and ciabatta bread.

Like, every other time, like, I have grease for. I was talking. Not this time. And my tooth is still super gluten right now, and I feel it. It's, like, loose. I actually shouldn't be saying the letter S. Like, I would be intelligent if I were to not utter the letter after R. Okay. But anyways, let's the letter after R. Okay.

But anyways, let's unpack some other shit. Perfect. Well, I'm glad you're okay. I'm glad you're, it could have been worse. You could have literally never seen that tooth again. And I really just appreciate my man a lot. Like I was just scream sobbing for hours and he was just like talking me off a ledge and like helped me glue it in a million times and like got me Dentek.

He's like, wow. And it's like we met when I broke my my toe i was gushing blood also crying and i was like yeah but that's your guys's whole dynamic that's kind of cute you're like a damsel in distress he's there to save you that's true i just like i i kept saying babe i promise you i'm not always losing a tooth or a toe and like i really hope you stay with me to see that you know that's good news if it's a flat or a squeal, a wobble or peel, your tread's worn down or you need a new wheel, wherever you go, you can get it from our tread experts. Conquer rugged terrain with on-road comfort.

Until June 15th, receive up to $60 on a prepaid MasterCard when you purchase Kumo RoadVenture AT52 tires. Find a Kumo tread experts dealer near you at treadexper Venture AT52 tires. Find a Kumo Tread Experts dealer near you at treadexperts.ca slash locations. From tires to auto repair, we're always there. Treadexperts.ca Wait, so let's talk about that for a second. You, I think we kind of made it seem this way already on the podcast,

like he was your boyfriend, but you now have a real, like he is your boyfriend, boyfriend. And I value him so much that I like want to protect him like he was your boyfriend but you now have a real like he is your boyfriend boyfriend and I value him so much that I like want to protect him from all of the oh okay don't go stalk him the peril that the internet life brings and yes I'm like posting but it's like because I want to post the cute moments that like have made me the happiest I've ever been but I like would hate for him to see any of the negative sides of that you know and I'm trying to choose what I say wisely and protect his privacy because he is truly the best person

I've ever met and I'm trying to just yeah and take our word for it for real he's the best person I've ever met I feel like I love obviously everybody who listens but sometimes there's some opinions that are formed that I'm like wait wait, how do you know that? Or why do you think that? I mean, I know you really like him, but I'm excited for you to really get to know him. Because a lot of my time. I do really like him. I just, yeah, I don't think I've gotten really to spend enough time with him to really like

understand his personality. Yeah. And he is like a more shy, private person. Like, I feel like he takes a second to like open up to people. But I appreciate that. I like that. He's not walking in a room for like attention. Like he's just himself. And when you get to know know him like Ty and I've spent so much time with him

and Ty literally every day is like if you fuck this up you're dead to me he's the best person I've ever met I wish he was my boyfriend like type shit you know and yeah how cute I adore him I'm so happy for you I ship ship you guys. Everyone always asks. I was on live the other day and they're like, who do you ship Tana with? I said, I ship Tana with whoever Tana ships Tana with. God bless you. The Jeff shit is absolutely killing me. I stopped doing it.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I don't mean you. I mean, every single thing I. There's that one account. It cracks me, to be honest. Oh, yes. Every single time I post someone that i'm like really happy with every single comment is shipping me with someone who i'm not with who doesn't want to be with me

i don't want to be with him like you know what i mean it's like you're getting that that hayley bieber special dead fucking ass i've never thought about it like that but at least all those people dated like this is just my friend i texted jeff this screenshot the other day i posted a photo with my man and top comments what about jeff that's not jeff crying emoji wait what about jeff jeff is gonna be so pissed take this down now no jeff please jeff you should block the name jeff i like engagement and money more but you're so right you're brilliant i mean i literally just texted jeff a screenshot he said i hate you like and then we're like you're ruining it he and jeff

likes makoa and everything's like really great and i just yeah obviously i don't know what the future holds for all you shippers no i know what the future i I'm not going to fucking be there. Stop. For the love of fucking God, you know? But. Oh, man. Just kidding. Cheers. Last time we shot this podcast on this couch, I told you my whole Bryce Hall debacle and how I saw him and like whatever.

And I told you I was debating on going to play in a poker tournament with him like that evening. Yeah. I ended up going okay and I just thought it was a way bigger poker tournament than it was like I show up and it's two tables and it's probably like 20 people like 15 at one and five on the other and they were playing different games so it wasn't like I could sit at the table Bryce wasn't out I like wanted to play the game Bryce was playing you know and I sit down and immediately Stiney's there from the Nelk Boys and he starts moving all the chairs around and like moves Bryce and I as far from possible from each other he's like I have to keep you guys so far from each other like

whatever so now Bryce and I are sitting at a table of 15 people across from each other like five feet max across staring each other in the eyes playing this game of poker. And I'm a little tipsy and we just start talking shit. Like it's like he'd like, like I'd like raise a hand and he'd be like, well, I was going to fold, but now that Tana's in, I have to fucking play this one. You know what I mean? Like, or like if he was like, like, what do you have Tana? Pocket aces or nothing are you bluffing like he's just talking so i'm talking shit back to him i'm like what the fuck are you doing like major poker tension weird call bryce like i'm just being like a bitch and everyone at the table is like low-key uncomfortable like uncomfortably laughing

uncomfortable about it like it's uncomfortable and like josie's there and she's just like what the fuck is going on you know what i mean and we keep talking shit the entire game but like slowly the talking shit was funny and it reminded me of our mutual ship and um eventually I lose because I think I was just like so fucking like like it's so hard to strategically play a game across from someone that you like feel so much of some type of way about you know what i mean so i'm just doing dumb shit that i wouldn't do i'm calling hands i shouldn't call like i'm just being an idiot i lose two thousand dollars i lost two thousand dollars because of rice hall oops but eventually after we're both out i look at him and i'm like listen like'm not just going to do this and leave. Like, that's weird as fuck.

Do you want to talk? And we go sit on a balcony and we talk for a while. And I don't think, and I, again, I hate even uttering the word friendship after everything that's happened, but I don't think we will ever have the friendship we used to have. But he did look at me and he said, like don't remember his exact words but it was essentially it was like you just pissed me off and I let my ego do things and like we were friends and I'm really sorry and I didn't even think he possessed the capability to say I'm sorry without the word but after it you know yeah like I didn't think he possessed and he didn't say but no but like he he apologized and like that i appreciate that i cried i was like i really appreciate this you really fucking hurt my feelings i've never had

anyone make me feel the way you made me feel in that situation and then i left two thousand dollars poor but oh well i think to really make it right he should pay you back those two thousand dollars what do you think sound off in the comments i think he never will and again yeah like you know i might post a funny tiktok one day if i ever run into him and just stir the pot or whatever but we will never know be careful doing that be careful forcing him to make tiktoks out in public could be could be dangerous so give him some ammo so true but um i respect the apology and it feels good to put a lot of feelings at rest you know i like that too i like appreciate that he was like he just owned up to it and was like listen i was wrong yeah and i'm sure i did some shit to piss him off like whatever i'm not like

sitting here playing like victim like woe is me like thank god he apologized i'm just happy to like put the feelings i had towards all of that like finally to rest even if I am two thousand dollars poorer well so that happened y'all make it back Post Malone keeps performing with a guitar with your name on it oh that's hilarious I did see that I haven't seen it in so many years so I saw him play with it the other day and I was like oh how cute it does they wrote on his guitar i wrote go cowboys heart like or like love brook s and he's just on the front of his guitar i love it and he still plays with it all the time the people know that's how you lost your job right um i think so i think i talked about it on trisha yeah so essentially i just you were i pretended i pretended i was sick i lied i went to post

malone's birthday party and that was like why I got fired and I got caught and yeah because your name's on the front of his guitar and I got fired for lying yeah but like but it was funny well because I I he asked us all to write on it so I like wrote that or whatever and he was like he's a Cowboys fan yeah so I wrote like go Cowboys or whatever but I never thought he was like like two weeks later he like really like posted it and like it's just a photo and you can see it so clear and i'm like oh should we put the photo on the podcast i feel like it's so iconic yeah we can i'll have her just like i'll just i'll send it to you but it's just a cute like it's really cute and i just every time i see it i laughed myself because it's like it's funny like it weirdly symbolizes like the start of a new like life chapter honestly i owe

everything i owe every dollar i have to literally post Malone not kidding because otherwise I would still be at somebody's restaurant working somewhere honestly I really owe it all to being a liar but that's a bigger story that's this podcast welcome I've been doing this thing where I get high as fuck forever I've actually been doing that since I came out of the womb I came out of the womb with a backwood in my hand but I used to never write my high thoughts as podcast topics because i was like just stop like no one needs them but i've been doing it okay what do we got i want to talk about lazy eyes wait is this like offensive though like i don't want to make anyone like shave anybody with the

lazy eye but we're actually no no no i'm not shaming anyone i have genuine questions like i'm just i need i need answers and i'm maybe aaron can help with this why'd you say that no i just he's just smarter than us combined um i just have a little bit of confusion i guess about the mechanics of it this feels messy this feels like something we should talk about i'm i'm being so dead ass like there's not a part of me with any amount of like shaming anything like okay i just want to know when someone has sorry it's just i'm stupid and that's why it's funny but like fuck when someone has a lazy eye like if i was looking at you right now and i had a lazy eye would i be watching life on a 0.5 lens no i think we were talking about this i feel like it might be more similar to like a panorama

this eye is over here but like this eye's still over here you know what i mean so i might see aaron and my right eye and if i look quickly to the left i might still see him for a second before i so now it does change vision um no i think it does but it doesn't like just because it's looking at direction i think they're still looking at you but it's just a little weaker like you might be a more blurred okay or something like that i don't think you remember when justin bieber said anne frank would be a more blurred or something like that. I don't think you're like actually standoffish. Do you remember when Justin Bieber said Anne Frank would be a Belieber? Yes. And I forget what recently reminded me of that.

But it like, I was recently reminded of that because of something that somebody else said that was similar. And like they didn't get in trouble for it. Sabrina Carpenter said. Yes. She said, she said Jesus was a carpenter. Yeah. And I get that Jesus and and frank are like different characters

are you actually taking those um oh my gosh you guys i talked about ah this makes me shy i talked about how i was like um obsessed with that like sweet lady who does the broadway training or whatever on um t um TikTok and she sent an email to my manager and she was like oh my god I would love to like do a lesson with Brooke and like Greg of course he's like oh yeah I'm gonna set it up but I was like like don't I think I have to go with you and I think that we really have to like it really makes me so scared I don't know the problem is like and I've really struggled with this my whole life and it's it's the reason that i never got talented in anything is i like embarrassment i never take stuff like that seriously because i get like embarrassed and then i like make a joke out

of it yeah and like like i was a dancer growing up and stuff but like i was so very talented comedian but well you're you know what that's the thing i was just working on my jokes the whole time but i like would never really get better at things because i wasn't really actually practicing because i like was i had my ego was like i was just too prideful like i didn't want to be embarrassed i think it would be the most fun series ever to like do that and film it to do things and i would love to just do things and like really try them and like really take them seriously and not be stupid about it i would love to do that with you do you know what i texted trisha paytas and she said yes to what i've been texting trisha a lot lately i just love her so much i'm so happy for her obviously and like she's very much so happy for me and like my new relationship and the idea of finding my moses and stuff so we

go back and forth texting. Did you see that podcast clip, by the way, of her being like Tana and Brooke could be so wrong and I'm going to defend them. Yes. Every time she talks about me fucking in any regard ever, I literally like,

it makes me like, Oh, I think my tooth might fall out. I almost feel like I like forced her to say it. Oh, my tooth might fall out. I feel the same way, but my tooth might fall out.

Okay. No more chicken nuggets. Clickbait. Um,, God. I know, but it would be a good title. I had the idea the other day that, and I know Paris and Nicole have been working on something. I think they, I could, from what they've been teasing and posting,

I could see them doing a Simple Life reboot, honestly. But I feel like there is no new generation simple life and i texted trisha and i was like you me and brooke should do some simple life shit then let's film it let's fund it let's do it whatever shot i've got a ranch come exactly and i want to be like mechanics i want to see trisha paytas like rolling out from underneath the car like absolutely are you kidding have you not seen her in the just lose it video yes exactly i want that trisha back i um i'm happy with any i texted her with like just shot in the dark and i was like would you ever want to do this fund it film it and give the people something they would never forget oh my god

and she said fully yes fully yes too and then we have an episode babysitting her kids abso-fucking-lutely are you like you remember when like they made kendall jenner do it and she was like what the fuck is happening i feel like that would be us although i've been with this one baby recently like so much and it's like no it's ivy's baby and she just no but just the sentence i've been with this one baby so much it's such a funny set of words i'm like i need one of these i got my period the other day and for the first time in my entire life i was like a little sad bitch bffr i want to let's take it one step at a time i know i know your tooth back on no you like needed the period like thank god

but i'm saying i don't think i've ever like adored someone so much that i would like want that and be sad you know yeah i get that so that's really awesome but also get the tooth back on if it's a flat or a squeal a wobbler peel your dreads worn down or you need a new wheel wherever you go you can get a pro tread experts conquer rugged terrain with on-road comfort until june 15th receive up to 60 on a prepaid master card when you purchase kumo road venture at 52 tires find a kumo tread experts dealer near you at treadexperts.ca locations from tires to auto repair we're always there is this dress why is this in my podcast office i'm seeing blue and black right now i'm seeing white and gold right now we don't need to do that at all

looks like we're tired like this was this was a high podcast okay well we were just talking about trisha and i i've been watching all her recent episodes trisha has been going in on matt rife i think harder than maybe anybody oh you're ready and it's hilarious not hilarious but oh you're ready i was thinking about it because i'm like i know she's probably gonna watch last week's episode and be like you oh you're ready okay relax i can't i can. It's not that crazy. I just, like, I'm thinking to myself, I'm like, God, I wonder if she sees that and she's, like, disappointed in me

because I'm like, she's probably like, why the fuck are you? As I have been forever. Okay. No, I'm not disappointed in you. I just hate holding shit in. Obviously, you know, like, I'm always like, leave this in, put it in, like, whatever.

And if you go back and watch the Matt Rife episode you can just feel my disdain there's a difference definitely a difference between your energy toward him and my energy toward him because I like I thought the world of him I'm getting a little bit of backlash okay we both kind of are honestly for being like a little bit of like Matt Rife apologists on the last episode and i never want to be that i can't stress this enough but at the end of the day you're my best friend and if you want to protect something yeah i'm not gonna i'm like me saying how i truly feel about him in this situation would go against what you wanted yeah and i appreciate that so honestly thanks for you thanks for backing me up on that but i like because i have never been an apologist of him i just i'm gonna ride for my girl yeah but

i have truthfully i have because and even like that episode i came in here and i was like i was ready to i knew i was gonna get hate for it because obviously like everybody's on one team yeah and it's like we hate matt rife and i i truly was like i have to say something because i would hope that like anybody who knew me like i have to say something because i would hope that like anybody who knew me like i would hope if something like that crazy were happening to me publicly i would hope they would speak out and be like wait no that is not how she is obviously before i knew matt i like knew his like his persona it's like a fuck boy that's his whole thing that's his stage thing like and so that's what i expected of him so like obviously like when i got to know him and

stuff i was like okay wait that's not him at all yeah and like and at the time he was just blowing up and hot and funny like there wasn't as many bad things like I completely see why you would do it I would do it yeah and so well for context Mr. DC is Matt Rife Mr. DC yeah I had my ideas of him and then when I got to know him I like really decided like that is not who he is at all he's like a way like way better person than I would have thought you know what I mean Matt I wouldn't say he was like my ex or anything because it wasn't like this serious relationship but like it was more like I wasn't just hooking up with him you know what I mean it was like it was very you liked him yeah I really liked him and he like even more like more so from his end he was the one who was initiating the

conversations that were like yeah you know like you know i haven't felt this way about anybody in so long and like so just like i mean to anyone with like common sense it's it's love bombing but i had at that point lost all my marbles seriously so and we love a love bomb so i was like this guy's the fucking nicest guy ever and like i had just come off this like terrible relationship with like the world's most psychotic person you guys know that yeah and so i was like what the fuck like this guy's so hot he's so nice he's so attentive like i was obsessed with this guy okay and we were all on board for it yeah well even like here's the thing we um ended like he was here in LA when like I started getting like a little frustrated because like I remember you had come with me to his show at the laugh factory and like I had just you know flown across the country to go spend time with him and see all his shows and

whatever and then he comes to LA and like just literally was like not blowing me off but just didn't really like yeah like even when you guys are next door neighbors yeah he lived so it was like very like it's like your home and i could throw a rock through your window you know yeah so imagine my frustration i'm like how embarrassing that i just went like and did all of this and then you come back and you can't even hardly spend time with me it happened a couple times he'd come to la a couple times where it was like i would only you would go to dinner like once or something and I'm like wait what like just strange so we went to the show at the laugh factory that night you saw him when he came said hi whatever and he's like okay babe like I'll see

you after the show I'm so happy you're doing this I can't express to you listen I'm you know what whatever I'm so proud of you he tells me okay, like I'll see you after the show. I'll be over as soon as I'm done. Whatever. I stay up all night. The man never comes. Okay. So I'm like, I'm just frustrated with the situation.

I feel dumb kind of because I'm like, you're saying all of this. You're telling me the whole time. Like we're separated. It's like, I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to be with you. Like you're all I think about whatever. And then you're fucking literally outside my window and you can't go down to the mailbox like it was just like frustrating so i i told him that and i was proud of myself because i like stood up for myself and i was like listen like that's not gonna work for me okay like sorry and that was

when like the conversation happened where he was just like i'm just like i'm so sorry but i don't i do not have time like i don't have a relationship no i don't have time for the relationship like i just don't and he's like i he told me he says i haven't felt this way about anybody in so long like i've and i've been dreading telling you because he's like i just wanted to keep like doing it as long as i could but like i just i can't put energy into this like whatever and I was like like so respectful honestly like appreciate you telling me wish you the best and I was like hopefully down the line like you can work it out and you can figure it out and you know all of a sudden you will have time for a girlfriend I'm at I will admit I was um assuming it would be like honestly me you can't

say all that and get a girlfriend and gain my respect yeah well okay doesn't matter but the point is the conversation was so respectful and i i really do like gauge like how much how i feel about a man based on like how he handled handles like something like that and he was so sweet to me and nice to me and he like he hit all the points and he like made me feel like good about it so i was like i just respect him a lot go on kill it and i've had that same like feeling about him all of this time because i'm just like you know what i like i'm a silent supporter i've watched him from afar i like love to see like him be successful and like i was with him when his last special came out so to see him get a netflix special was like

huge yeah okay so imagine my like how i felt when i'm seeing like oh my god like this guy got like the one thing in the world that he wanted and everybody fucking hates it like yeah hates it okay yeah and i'm like oh my god i just felt so bad for him because i'm like yeah it's still your empathy comes in way too hard because it's like the stiff socks of it all. No, yeah. So I'm going to get there. But I get it. You still wanted to protect.

Yeah. So in my head, I'm just like, this sucks because like I really did. Like I got to see like how much he really does care about the job and stuff. And like whether he's funny or not is up in the air. But like he tries really hard and he works really hard and i actually did just feel so bad to see like his one thing that he got like just completely go that like as badly as it could go you know what i mean yeah so that's why so i didn't feel bad coming in here and defending him and honestly like you guys don't even know how bad it was because i cut some of it i was like this is i'm gonna get cooked but i was on here like i'm like

i love matt he he respects women like which is crazy i was like i could because i really like i'm like i feel that i have always felt that way about him i really felt like he respected me like i did and women in general tell me why but silent and disrespect is just as loud as vocal disrespect i know but that's not the point i am on tiktok the other day and i get tagged in a video of this girl and it's her and matt's all these photos of her and matt like a little slideshow if you will okay i'm like hmm that's interesting i go to the comments and she had commented back to somebody and she was like relax you guys this was at the beginning of this year I go hmm huh I'm like what when like when was it exactly because

I was seeing him at the beginning of this year and like I'm like when was it so I DM her today I DM her and I'm I'm like hey like just wondering honestly like what was the timeline exactly just because like I'm curious because I mean his current girlfriend was not long after me either so I'm like it had to have been around the same time immediately she puts me into a group chat you never want to be in a group chat with beautiful strange women okay when I tell you Tana you want to talk about women in stem we were fucking there were timelines there were venn diagrams there was we were comparing notes it was so i see why you waited to tell me this yeah absolutely i'm telling you tana for a man who doesn't have time this man had the most time you know i get i get when i'm really mad i just start laughing

i just start laughing you're fucking kidding brooke scofield tana i'm like and i'm i'm like oh my fucking god like oh my god because i'm not kidding all of this time i would see his billboard on sunset i'd be like i was literally like his biggest supporter and i've i've been waving a fucking matt rife apologist flag for like all this time like thinking like oh he was so good to me like what the fuck and he never was he got a girlfriend right after he lied a lot anyway like let me sorry sorry sorry i'm mad now and i'm if that gets cut i swear to god i'll kill myself so i am talking to these girls whatever i um and i'm thinking about my immediate reaction just because i'm me and i'm fucking stupid i start gaslighting myself i'm literally like okay well you know what

like maybe it wasn't as serious as i thought it was like maybe i just maybe i thought it was like this huge serious thing and he didn't okay took took only a couple scrolls tana for me to get back to where he's telling me like fucking like just i don't want you seeing i just i don't want you to even look at another guy i don't want anybody else touching you i don't want you he didn't want me hanging out with like my guy friends like it was so specific in that like he was like you're the only girl i want we're talking about when we're gonna move to d D.C. and run away. Like, I was not, I don't think I was delusional. Like, I really don't.

You weren't. I was not. But this is the cherry on top. This is the straw that broke the camel's back. Yeah, so I'm like, I really wasn't like. Because you've been so great. You've had so much grace that you didn't ever need to have as is. Just fucking last week.

I'm like apologizing for him knowing that I'm going to get hate for and like i'm just like how crazy is that like the meanwhile he's fucking like first of all if you're telling me that i cannot hang out with guy friends you don't want me talking hooking up with anybody else then nobody in fucking central america should be receiving a dick pic from you i just and that's just my thoughts okay a face turned one at that and i'm like i didn't say it i start looking at the whole situation different because i'm like okay so he's not this really nice guy that i thought and like i have bad judgment but like sometimes i like really miss like i don't understand how bad it actually is and i'm thinking like there were things like there were things that happened during that time that i just like wrote off as like not a big deal that i'm like wait what the

fuck was wrong with me talk about it before i fucking shit myself on canceled matt rife went on the stiff socks podcast with our baby trevor wallace and i just want to say this is when i knew this is when i knew but i i want my girl to have the floor i was still actively seeing him at the time in fact we'd gone to dinner the night before he was telling me all about how he was going on a podcast i said oh i have a podcast he's like oh my god really he left your he left your house to go to camp to go to stiff socks no i was with him the night before it doesn't matter but the point is i'm like like i'm excited to watch it i'm like oh god i watch my man on a podcast i don't know if you guys recall um that was like the most he's since had it wiped wiped from the

internet i wish i could wipe it from my memory i'm livid like i'm actually like i have to drink this because i'm livid he went on the stiff socks podcast first of all first offense was trevor asking what his type was his answer was blondes with fake tits okay for the audio listeners i am a brunette with fucking real tits they're huge but they're real i'm like huge by the way but they're real. I'm like huge, by the way, but they're real. So that was like a little bit like offensive. Again, when I knew. But I justified it a little because I'm like, you know what?

If someone asked me my type, I'd just say ugly guys. So like that's not the worst thing in the world to say. But he goes on to say that he is disgusted by outie vag vaginas like girls who have outie vaginas because it looks like god left the tag on them now i'm gonna give you guys the canceled exclusive here but i brooke scofield have an outie vagina okay seen it it's great i have a fucking and so does fucking two-thirds of america you fucking weirdos imagine me sitting there my fucking jaw on the floor my fucking pussy doing the fucking line dance on the couch just like what the fuck did you like i hope you just what i hope every single listener knows that

when that podcast aired i tried to swing you guys thought that was disgusting the the public was like oh my god how horrible imagine how i felt he literally just went on a podcast and was like yeah i'm fucking repulsed by this bitch like when you had sex with him did you ever come okay don't talk about that i know you didn't enough said what i'm thinking though now i'm like god that description had to match somebody and I'm like thinking back to I'm like okay how crazy that he could spend no time with me in LA but it's like oh he only gets so many LA days a year I'm like he must have had to hit all his stops I'm holding my breath he went to someone's after that show for sure what the fuck was this all makes me so remapped like I was livid when

it all first happened and you know but I understood that you wanted to protect him, but it's like it'll never not make me furious. And I'm just so happy that we are finally doing this because I wanted to do it on the episode with him. Well, I was a little... Oh! If it's a flat or a squeal, a wobble or peel, your dread's worn down or you need a new wheel,

wherever you go, you can get it from Tread Experts. Conquer rugged terrain with on-road comfort. Until June 15th, receive up to $60 on a prepaid MasterCard when you purchase Kumo RoadVenture AT52 tires. Find a Kumo Tread Experts dealer near you at treadexperts.ca slash locations. From tires to auto repair, we're always there, treadexperts.ca locations. Let's talk about that for a second. All of you guys who bullied me for my behavior on the Matt Rife episode, I had not seen him since he told me he would be at my house in an hour, babe. Okay. That was my first time ever coming face to face

with him after like like he literally was just like okay good night babe see you in a sec like of course i was like i didn't know i didn't know he was gonna come in and act like he didn't fucking know me from adam i thought it was gonna be like oh like yeah we know each other like it was just such i was so living after that episode i remember he left and i was shaking i was like nervous i just felt weird because i was like why are you pretending you don't know it was just the weirdest like feeling and i was like wait what like i don't know like i was hesitant to even on the way here i was like do i want to talk about this because like yes well he has a girlfriend now and i don't want to like that's like she's probably going

through enough as far as public embarrassment is concerned okay like i don't know i just i don't want to be that bitch who's like coming on and like exposing somebody on a podcast but what the fuck like you're a fucking loser and you embarrass me honest to god that's what it is i hate fucking being embarrassed by guys i hate that like my reputation is coming online to fucking like apologize for all these fucking losers who treat me so badly like yeah you give people so much grace and i love you so much you give me so much grace you're my best friend but it's like i've wanted you to do this for fucking six months like fuck him and like well yeah so i'm like so sorry i'm late to the party and i also don't want it to seem like i'm like okay well you know like now that i know he doesn't like me now i'm on the

train but it's like i in my head you did everything you could to try to protect someone that you got to know and I can understand that and respect that completely because internet hate is horrible yeah I just thought like I was like he is genuinely the nicest guy I was like I've never had a bad experience with him to this day I've never had like he's never been me like I just I think that you have a discrepancy with disrespect behind your back versus disrespect to your face like if someone has a hard time villainizing people in general i think it's like a bpd thing i really i literally cannot like yeah i can't like see the bad in people literally like as easily as i want to yeah and i love that about you it's like sometimes your biggest weakness is also your biggest like power and strength like you are the most loving forgiving person and I will I always try

to like be with you on that train like when you wanted to give Clinton grace I was like okay I'll pretend that I don't hope he dies and I'll podcast with you about it and I'll whatever public because the public is a scary thing the public narrative is a scary thing so I have your back tenfold but like I hate to see you give grace to Matt well yeah so that's the thing like that the Clinton thing like didn't help either because it's like I have this like history now fucking I have we have millions of girls who watch the podcast and I'm like literally just this little pathetic fucking bitch who's like defending these horrible got not that like you were so beyond that's like so horrible but it's like why am i making excuses for like fucking losers don't say that about don't say that about yourself

i just started crying no it's not no because you're not pathetic you have the best heart no i don't like i don't think that i'm just like don't fucking embarrass me because guess what i'm like i have to set an example at some point i don't want every single guy to think that he can come through and do exactly the same thing and I'm not gonna fucking rip him to shreds on the podcast because I feel bad for them stop stop don't say that about my best friend I won't I don't I don't think I'm pathetic I definitely don't think I'm not the point is like you give people so much grace and forgiveness and you look past so much shit and you try to see the fucking good and sometimes it can be your downfall but like at the end of the day like you're not wrong and at the end of

the day it's your story and your narrative and when you want to fucking say it you want to say it and today's the day you're saying it and i'm proud of you know what it's i like i've seen it before i think it's like it can it's tacky to like go on a podcast and just like trash talk somebody that you like hooked up with or whatever but like i oh like that just fucking pissed me off so bad because i'm like like well i what did i do like i didn't fucking deserve that just tell me you don't fucking like me and move on like don't yeah ew ew like so much ew and then stab me in the front tana is there more i go brooke i actually hold on hold on hold on in through the nose out through the mouth one time because I don't know how much more I can handle before I start being cruel.

No, this part's just honestly hilarious. I go to send him a little message. Okay? Because I'm like, you know what? Before, I want to get my facts straight. Okay? As if my fucking facts aren't straight enough with my fucking Venn diagram group chat. Okay? But that you almost want the closure of that and i wasn't even rude i just

sent him a text and i was like how embarrassing is it that i'm literally currently getting dragged for defending you while also in a group chat with like seven other girlfriends you had like what the fuck and he blocked my fucking number i was just gonna say tell me the message is green and i'm blowing this house up he blocked my fucking number as in my number was blocked last week when i was fucking waving a like matt rife is like fucking so nice and respectful flag i publicly was defending him after he had already blocked my number like how fucking embarrassing and what the fuck are you blocking my number for you fucking loser i'm hoping to god that it's just like a like i respect my

girlfriend i'm gonna block everybody who i've ever talked to but if that's the case finish the job matt unfollow the fucking 2 000 porn stars you follow still to this day okay because i'm sure she doesn't like that either oh i didn't fucking weirdo sorry do you see i just keep getting goosebumps i like actually can't believe i'm so proud of you that's all i know to say i'm so proud of you like this is exactly what you should be doing and i've wanted you to do for a long time i'm beyond proud of you and i've said it a thousand times on this podcast but we cut it every time And this time it's staying in baby Fuck Matt Rife And thank god I have a tooth So that when it's clipped

I don't look like Krishan Rock I don't know It's shitty too Cause like I know that You know this will come out In however many days And I'll have all that time To have so much anxiety about it

And feel guilty or whatever You shouldn't Take a gabapentin And let's go to the Grove. Yeah. I take a gab of penton and let's go get an aloe yoga set. And I swear to God, Greg Goodfrey, if you don't get her an aloe yoga sponsorship,

you're dead. If aloe doesn't fucking sponsor me, I'm going to kill myself. I swear to God. They're never going to sponsor me. They think I'm problematic. I'm like, look,

my outfit is full aloe. Like you and I are going to have a smoothie and a joint bitch just like blocking me is so fucking crazy like what was i gonna can i text i'm not gonna fucking threaten your girl i i love in fact i want to fuck your girlfriend like and you're gonna that's what i did with that's what i did with ladi moss that's what i did with gonna fuck your girlfriend i have a three-step plan he okay do it do it say it no do a baby singing baby moving baby licking baby say it no it's okay it'll be another episode um anyway tana and i are going on our own theater tour which did not take us fucking 15 years of jokes to accomplish and i actually couldn't write a better tour announcement i just love i love that about me

because you know what he made me go stupid fuck so fucking stupid for my social media job as if it was like the most unserious job in the world one time one time sorry no don't i'm sitting at a fucking table of all his friends one of his friends says like what do you do for a living and i go like i have a podcast i swear to god matt says wait really like wait what like as if he he just didn't fucking know i'm like how the fuck did i just sit through seven of your fucking shows and you do not even know what i do for a living anyway the podcast is doing really well we just sold out a tour and now we're about to go on another one we we weren't even doing live shows but i was like watch this and you know what's funny is every single time brooke

and i walked off of a crowd of over a thousand people we would like what we would say we would say fuck matt rife to each other um i wasn't saying that she wasn't saying that but i hope we all learned a lesson here let's stop giving fucking people all the attention all the flowers just because they are good looking okay there's much funnier people in fact his opener alex way funnier and that's the only reason i could sit through the show so many times i hope you cut not one second of this i don't know i'm probably i'm feeling good i'm gonna drug you i swear to god i'm gonna give you a gab of pen and upload this tricia and oscar just said on an episode and they were like listen like i or well they were talking about me and they were like she's so unproblematic like i don't

think that she like really wants to like speak out against people or whatever it like kind of like made me sad because that sucks like people have fucked on me so hard and i really don't think that she like really wants to like speak out against people or whatever. And it like kind of like made me sad because that sucks. Like people have fucked on me so hard and I really don't ever. What I say versus like what actually happens is like so crazy. You know what I mean? Like I there's so much I leave out just to protect people and like to make people look better. And like that's one of our. And I feel like the beauty in our friendship is we are different in a lot of ways.

And we both help each other grow in the ways that, you know what I mean? Like, you're going to help me grow in all the ways that I need to grow and the things that are different that you possess, you're going to help me, you know? Yeah. And that if I could just do one thing, it's that. Like, because I guess I've always been that way. I don't know. I'm like, fuck the people who

fuck on me yeah and i have i don't know what it is i really like i maybe something i need to talk to a therapist about or something but like i just i literally think the world of all these like fucking shitty people yeah and i've always been like always say, you know, if you don't want me to write bad songs about you, don't do bad shit. But then I never really come on here and fucking read a guy at all. Like said anything like actually bad about people who do fucking horrible things to me. And not even that, like talk to however many people you want. Like, you know what I mean? Just be honest. Be honest.

Don't fucking make me think like, like it's just you're just weird. And just again, a thousand times over stab me in the front and don't make me look stupid. That's the I think that's the reason I'm so it's not I'm not so hurt that he was like seeing all these other people because it's like, whatever. I didn't fucking like you that much. I'm hurt that are annoyed or frustrated that I'm so embarrassing that I'm fucking embarrassing myself. I have literally a digital footprint a year long

of me publicly stating that matt rife is like such a fucking sweetie nice sweetheart i'm so proud of him fuck you you have have have to live by like if they wouldn't do this for me i'm not gonna do this for them if it's a word when we sold out a tour fuck you he would just clown you like and i don't mean that in like a mean way i mean that that shows his character yeah i'm like god literally left the tag on me seriously i'm gonna make god left the tag on me merch and then i'm gonna donate all the proceeds to domestic violence victims i think you have a perfect puss i absolutely do first of all i know no one's ever in history made me even like i've never even thought about that in life because that's like such a fucking like everybody has

that 90 of my friends have that like no i've never thought about that i watched that episode all of a sudden i was like first of all need a boob job second of all yeah it was so weird like ever make you feel that way yeah i'll never forget my i have like a mole like right here wait i i can show you i probably shouldn't but it's like right here and it's like a little tiny doll it looks like black eyeliner and it's like on my stomach it's not even on my puss and i remember i was getting eaten out by my first boyfriend ever and he goes oh you're like marilyn monroe and i go though no it wasn't cute it was so condescending and horrible and i was like what are you something you should just never fucking comment on you know what i've had dicks throw up gang signs at me and i don't give

a fuck if it works it works genitals are just weird as is and if you like like a vagina is the weirdest thing ever if you really think about it you know my tooth is coming out i don't know maybe he's insecure clearly because he's in in their fucking refined smooth what's a gang sign dick what does that mean yeah really i've seen him do that ymca i've seen him she's saying it's like giving it's giving a graph it's giving ear ear if it's a flat or a squeal a wobbler peel your dreads worn down or you need a new wheel wherever you go you can get it from our tread experts conquer rugged terrain with on-road comfort until june 15th receive up to 60 on a prepaid mastercard when you purchase kumo road venture at 52 tires find a kumoperts dealer near you at treadexperts.ca slash locations.

From tires to auto repair, we're always there. TreadExperts.ca That still made no sense. I don't know. Anyway. I just, yeah, I think at the end of the day, you should never, like, talk on anything someone can't control. And, like, you want to be with someone who just like makes you feel loved and sexy and hot.

My thing is like even if that weren't the case, I would never want to be with somebody who I knew thought that way. It's like what the same thing is like we were talking about last week, like someone who wouldn't fuck you on your period. It's like, OK, fucking loser. Like, yeah. Also, make me come. Yeah. loser like yeah also make me come yeah um take away he does in fact hate women especially me the sirens are real they're coming for him i like i said i really couldn't write a better tour promotion and I'm so proud of you

just both all of it don't paint it like that we did not need you to promote our tour real as fuck real as fuck that's what that's how it's been like everybody's grabbing for clout like oh my god it's so sad that people are like that it's so sad that people are like that i can't even express it enough but i'm so proud of us like that video of us that we both posted it on our grid where we walked out onto the stage that's where mcdonald's gate happened check i'm still eating the nuggets but um we walked out onto that theater stage and we were like how did we do this you know and now knowing that next spring we're gonna do that every day it's really crazy is so fucking insane like i'm so excited to tour the entire u.s with you and i just like we have such great ideas for the show

especially the dc one if you're if you're uh prepared imagine i just well never mind we'll have some special guests at the dc show let's just say that much i'm like my favorite city that's what's so funny too in the text you know that was like i was like that's our city that's where we're gonna run away i'm not kidding it was like he was copying and pasting i'm like we were all running away to dc everyone's going to dc it's so fucking sad that and i i can relate to you on a certain aspect because when we sat down for the turks episode the mod sun episode i had crippling anxiety to do that you know especially after my text to him and like everything and just the way it ended and whatever

i wanted to give someone that i loved so much grace you know but it was like you were horrible to me and that's my life and this is my life and you're gonna go write a horrible album about me like i'm the villain when in reality you're the villain. And I think taking your narrative back is a good thing. Yeah. I just figured, listen, and it does take a,

Hey, girly DM does fucking send you to the moon. It does crazy. Like it absolutely does. I don't know. I like, in my, in my head,

like I do, like, like I said, on the way here, I was like, Oh, I just like, I hope he doesn't like hate me or something. But then I'm thinking about it.. I like, in my head, like I do, like, like I said, on the way here, I was like, oh, I just like, I hope he doesn't like hate me or something. But then I'm thinking about it. I'm like, he never fucking liked you. He hated you already. That was exactly what it was with Maude for me. I was like, he's going to hate me after this podcast.

But I was like, you hated me the entire time you were able to treat me in such a way. And that's terrifying I will say I'm all of this the white clothes is insane all of this teaches you a very valuable lesson in what you want and don't want and I had a moment with my little man on the beach this week where we were just talking about essentially I was like I finally in my life feel so happy because everything horrible that happened to me led me to you and I cried like we were sobbing I was sobbing I was like I wouldn't take back any of the pain I endured because now I have you and I know what I know.

And maybe he'll fuck me over and that'll be another fucking journey, but I don't think he will. But whatever, whatever. It's just like point blank being like this is a great lesson for you and one day you're going to be so happy that you lived it to lead you to everything. Yeah, I agree. And listen, I know everything I'm not looking for, okay? Simple enough. Exactly.

And I think that's what does become strategic about finding love is you start to just learn everything you're not looking for. And so much of a checklist is not even like what you are. It's what you're not. Like I like my checklist is like non-negotiables, like things I not tolerate in a relationship yeah and i think that other people other people also in the relationship that's a big one yes super huge not kidding do you know today we have this conversation downstairs in the bathroom about what like everyone's last words would be and everyone said my last words would definitely be like like someone's holding you at gunpoint like what what are my last words would definitely be like, like someone's holding you at gunpoint. Like what, what are your last words?

Like Amari would be like, I feel fine. Lila would be like, man. Yeah. Oh man. Like they said, mine would be super.

Super. I can't. Um, do you remember that Christmas song? I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus. Yeah. Are you, did you see that TikTok where someone was like that was adultery I always grew up and maybe this was just my household doing that I remember the first time my dad told me as a 13 year old that he cheated on my mom and I was like I just want

a meal um but I always thought the song was like mommy was cheating on daddy. Like I saw mommy cheating on daddy with Santa Claus. It kind of is. But I think the way the record was written was like dad is Santa. Well, yeah. Yeah, but like it was like the, it's just like any Christmas thing. Like the kids are supposed to have a different understanding of it than the adults. But why as a child did I think mommy was cheating in that song i don't

know yeah who thought of that like when you heard it as a kid did you think like i saw mom kissing i think i've seen mom kiss way worse i can't remember if i even gave this person like a character on this he was such a blip he was so unimportant to my love life to be honest um story of our lives he was the kid who i was like seeing honestly like i was like i'm really like i think i'm gonna date this guy who worked next door to our office remember and then he was like i'm over my eggs and he got back with his ex like clockwork i'm so sorry for everything i'm like y'all broke up you have to have broken up he texted texted i'm so sorry for everything i'm like yeah looking weird what did he do that was like horrible though um left my

house one morning never talked to me again and then just no no no no no accuse you of mike malak that's what he did where he was my final shot oh yeah he did he was like well i'm sure you were fucking all these oh yeah he like was straight up calling me a whore i did tell the story on the podcast but yeah no i think he was just trying to establish how casual it actually was so that he could dip his toes in the water and finally decide to tell me that he wasn't back gonna just get back with his ex but anyway I'm sorry it didn't work out. Isn't that crazy? That's just every man's go-to. That's what a church boy did to me.

And I was so scared for the rest of my life that I would never find sex as good as him, which is why I dealt with so much shit. I'm having a good situation right now too, and I almost just don't even want to jinx it. I just never thought I would find someone who would digmatize me as much as him and I am equally it's a beautiful place to be absolutely what is your situation right now you know okay same old same old I just have been um a little more private on the podcast about it okay I'll ask you after um do you know who's in trouble speaking of the podcast who Oscar what do you do I feel like Jeff Wittig uh Oscar Oscar keeps commenting off on TikToks off of the cancelled

podcast account oh do you know the other day I posted TikTok with my man and i look at the top comment it's from the cancelled podcast account and it goes like it was like team jeff and tana i love when oscar does like goofy funny things that one like i get where you'd be upset but like oscar always does like little silly funny things on tiktok i just want to put it out there to the world oh no no it's like really gonna fall out i promise i'll put a dollar under your pillow and i'm like my little man kept calling me that when i was toothless he kept calling me the tooth fairy let him do it let him let him heal your inner child let someone um tooth fairy it up absolutely i was like i'll give you better head anyways

you should have seen me trying to give a blowjob with my tooth super glued in actually i like i like i remember i was worse than me with fucking second dick with my invisalign and i was like not kidding so you know how when you give a blowjob you have to get to like the good spit uh-huh so sometimes you have to like well i want that aloe sponsorship I've never given a blowjob. If it's a flat or a squeal, a wobble or peel, your tread's worn down or you need a new wheel, wherever you go, you can get it from our tread experts. Conquer rugged terrain with on-road comfort.

Until June 15th, receive up to $60 on a prepaid MasterCard when you purchase Kumo RoadVenture AT52 tires. Find a Kumo TreadExperts dealer near you at TreadExperts.ca slash locations. From tires to auto repair, we're always there. TreadExperts.ca. And you know how you get to the good spit, you know? Yeah, you got to put in the good work. Yep. But you can't get to the good spit when you can't hit the sucking motion you know like and I can't hit that motion so I'm like he's like standing and

I'm like god this is horrible this is so horrible like in like doggy but like you know going in I'm trying to make it as good as I possibly can he's standing up and I'm a rotisserie chicken. Right, right, right. On the bed. Right. That's my favorite position. Bonus points if it's rotating. And I keep having to like duck down under his dick. Thank God it's giant.

And I'm ducked down under it, shoving my fingers down my throat, gagging myself to like get the spit because i can't get it like the proper way oh my god i've been there sometimes you know when you're going too long too sometimes and all of a sudden you're literally just like you're lucky if like you could even lick your lips like it's just so yeah okay i leave my own mind and start planning outfits i always do that like if i'm just like sucking dick for too long i'm like thinking about like what jeans to wear With my favorite corset next week

Like I plan outfits I can't do that because I'll just Oh I want to give up You know I'm not We're not giving up We're just choosing which belt would look better You know Huh

You should try it it's good I'm sorry if my dad sees this Not to circle back fully To the beginning of this podcast. Like, I probably should have told this story in the beginning. But do you know that last night at this party, there was someone dressed up as Ozempic Santa

handing out shots in syringes with Ozempic in them. Wait, that cannot even be done? Is there, like, liquid Ozempic? Tab form. And if there is, where'd they get it i'm like where can i buy and i'm just kidding i'm gonna be real with you i'm already getting canceled for eight things i said in this episode i took one oh slay how you feeling i don't know

yeah but i exactly i woke up hungry oh man so i don't think so But everyone was Under the impression That there was A Zempik in these shots And like every celebrity Was just like Are you sure I don't think That they can do that

Because if it was just liquid Why would people Be shooting themselves up There's tap form Hmm How I know That's out of Stop

You're like I think Everyone's on it In LA Let's be fucking for real we should just do it on the podcast one time and just get canceled are people still wait are people still getting in trouble for that i don't think they're like on uh i don't think they're like lacking anymore yeah i don't know it used to be because it was like there was like a shortage but i don't think

there's a shortage there can't be a shortage still it's like what are you doing in the lab on it yeah i mean i don't know i just get like so hypochondriac scared you know like i wouldn't i'd be like scared not me shoot me up just joking but maybe they might accept me at aloe if i were a little bit in better shape whoa i just snotted i just shot my thought into the microphone here. I'm so sorry. Because I'm fat. Relax. What would you have to be offered to be in the Illuminati?

Not much. I feel like I just want to be a part of something. I love being a part of something i love being a part of a part of anything exclusive we had this conversation the other day i forget what it was but it was like what would it take for you to actually sell your soul and be in the illuminati so what's the downside i don't even maybe i don't know enough about it but like why would you not want to be in the illuminati it's so real why would you not want to be in the illuminati do you george janko piss me the fuck off and i did something very funny where'd you see him church exactly um george

janko had andrew tate on his podcast loser and not george and i was, yowza. But also, you know exactly where my head goes whenever anything like that happens. I'm like, how? How? How did you have Andrew? I want Andrew Tate on Canceled. I would love that. I'm not an Andrew Tate stan.

I would just love the conversation. Like, it's called Canceled for a reason. I would love to have Andrew Tate on, you know? And I've been trying for a while. And like, Mike will be like, yeah, if you come to Dubai with me and meet with him, then you can ask him. And it's like, I'm not going all the way to Dubai to do that. Like, you know and I've been trying for a while and like Mike will be like yeah if you come to Dubai with me and meet with him then you can ask him and it's like I'm not going all the way to Dubai to do that like you know what I mean like I've never like it just is there an email I can't think of someone that I might have more disdain for than Andrew Tate yeah but would you

not want to have him on this couch I don't think so I think I love like I wish we did that more on this podcast like had people who are truly truly fucking canceled on and like grilled them like i think it like you know and people hate guests anyway so we might as well someone someone hates and be funny and osama bin laden them you know yeah but not what osama bin laden did but you know what i mean um so i text georgenko and i go how'd you get andrew on he goes how did you get Andrew on? He goes, how did you get him on? Like, make it like I think it's like that's a joke. I don't know.

Or like, was he saying, like, how did you get him on? Yeah, like, I don't doesn't matter either way. Neither way makes sense. And I just said, what? And he said, I can't say the Illuminati won't let me. And I respond to George Janko, who is indubitably religious. And I said, I thought God was against the Illuminati.ati isn't that evil i thought we gave to our brothers and sisters and he said who's my brothers and sisters that's the question i go idk that's some bible shit am i not your sister

according to christianity because according to christianity that he preaches so heavily i am his sister he doesn't respond to me i'm in the middle of the airport i take the time to get on google and i send him this text john 519 that wicked one is satan and the devil which explains the existence of the evil illuminati and corrupt governments hebrews 10 19 wait and now we are brothers and sisters in god's family because of the blood of jesus and he welcomes us to come into the most holy sanctuary and heavenly realm boldly without hesitation i'm sorry they knew about the illuminate when was the bible written i don't know who is the snitch this

was just google and george janko responds to me this morning and just says anything i can do to get you to read the bible he's low-key funny for that but like honestly hilarious how'd you get it god how long how long has the illuminati been around anybody i won't snitch i want to know bad baby's pregnant yay i'm so excited i kind of love that for you i think too, for sure. Bad baby. Bad baby. Bad baby. I feel like we've talked about this a lot. Like, I will dedicate my entire life to being a good parent because of the way I was raised. Oh, for sure. And I almost feel like she's going to slay that.

Yeah, her mom sucks. Yeah, like she's going to. And I feel like she's going to slay, I guess. I don't really have any thoughts on that. I think so, too. A lot of like the best people I know have the worst parents. Netflix owes Mr. Beast a check. check why have you seen the new squid games on netflix so they did you watch it i know what you're talking about it's the best thing i've

ever watched you have to watch it but they essentially made the squid games real life with a five million dollar prize oh shit and they have like 500 people go play all the games that they like played in the squid games not compete for this money i couldn't watch original squid games because i can't with the dubbed i can't watch dubbed anything because i'm so deaf i have to like read well i i just my attention span is like already bad enough like you can't count on me like keeping my eyes on the screen at all it took me 30 times to watch the movie parasite like i just like can't such a sly though can't deal with the dub shit but it's no it's all these people competing for five million dollars and it's it's like half social half luck half skill like and

it's all these people from different walks of life what'd you say nothing what did you say nothing what did you say no i'm already did you say? No, I'm already embarrassed enough. We can cut it, but I just want to know. You know that song that's like 20% look, 15% skip. 5% pleasure, 50% pain. And 100% reason to remember the name. There you go. Slam.

I knew you would get me. So they all just compete for like five million dollars whatever but mr beast literally made a youtube video like doing that like a real life squid games yeah but but he was copying squid games that's like if i were to cover i will always love you and then someone else were to cover it and you were like they oh broke a check topic over you're so right topic over my tooth is gonna fall out any second so I feel like as much as I would actually love to have that happen on the podcast so I at least feel some type of uh joy about it sometimes there's content or something I should probably get off the mic yeah I kind of I feel like I've definitely said enough I'm so beyond proud of you

this is one of my favorite episodes we've ever shot and I'm telling you I'm working on the pygmy stuff this is an active step this is such an active step and I love you so much I'm so beyond proud of you we also in unintentionally matched today and we look very cute and an ugg sponsorship or ugg sponsorship with slay too yeah i'm like i love my uggs and my aloe outfit both things i'm never getting so i'll just shut up i'll wear my boys lie maybe they'll give me a deal but boys lie i love everyone boys do lie boys lie and cheat and steal and rob you of your joy i'm serious and if this one fucks me over you you better check on me in that straight jacket love you guys i'm going to colorado you're gonna come with me when two days bitch can you just be

home for a sec no i hate it here perfect i do molly with my idols in the spiral well I'm glad I'm gonna have to face the repercussions of this episode alone no you're going with me and we're gonna make snow angels and I love you so much thank you guys for tuning in to a very special episode of the canceled podcast fuck Matt right okay relax amazing