Cancelled with Tana Mongeau & Brooke Schofield - 76: HOW JEFF WITTEK RUINED BROOKE’S HOOKUP…… - Ep. 76

Episode Date: March 18, 2024

On this episode we are joined by Jeff Wittek. We discover our ratings on wiki feet, we discuss stalkers, Nerf, and how accidentaly ruins Brooke’s hookup. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast so be sure to use this code TANA to get your discount, 50% off almost any item + Free Shipping and get it fast with Rush Processing at https://www.adamandeve.com - Code TANA! Head to https://www.squarespace.com/CANCELLED to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code CANCELLED You can get free shipping of Liquid Death's Mountain Water, Flavored Sparkling, and Iced Tea 8-packs with Amazon Prime or grab a can or a case at your local 7-Eleven, Target, Walmart, Whole Foods or on Instacart. Go to https://liquiddeath.com/CANCELLED to check out all their healthy, infinitely recyclable beverages and find your closest retailer. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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So aren't we like literally the number one podcast in the world? Yeah. I love that takeaway. I love that takeaway. Yeah. Logan pulled a me on me yesterday. We were supposed to go on impulsive and then he bailed because he was tired. And honestly, I respect it.

I have like a weird kink for getting bailed on though okay said no one ever but i have a i have a thing where i have a weird kink for doing anything that like i know that my guy friends when i was younger would have liked like they would have loved to see me go on impulsive or they would have hated to see it and i would have loved it yeah that's fair yeah they would have hated to see it but it was i guess it's fun check it off the list but i'm honored to be here on the number one women's podcast in the world. Something women. I'm trying to bring on the fucking hate. Listen, I love these two girls so much.

I'm so proud of you two. Thank you. Let me address you both, but in the eyes. You really did get so much fucking hate that episode for like not. Did he not look at you once though every single guest it happens to every single guest but it's because of our seating arrangement it's not your you want to switch no it's okay well we've changed it now but last time we had you in the middle of us so like in order to speak i see one of you here and one of you here when i look at you like that lucky you there's she's funny

i'm in a scandal not a scandal but I like went on these two guys podcasts the other day and I thought they were the funniest guys ever and they're getting

cooked so bad online they're like for being like condescending or like patronizing to me I loved it so I saw a TikTok

of some girl like psychologically breaking that shit down today it's like a real like little scandal like people are actually fucking pissed

I know she had to message me today and be like I'm really sorry but like it's cause every time I said something And it's like a real like little scandal. Like there are people are actually fucking pissed. I had to message me today and be like, I'm really sorry. But like, it's because every time I said something, they'd be like,

God, that's actually funny. And I like, I took it as a compliment, but it's not a compliment. I saw a clip of it. You were funny in it. You see, it's that men always want to hit

like a you're actually, you're actually funny. Like number one women's podcast is kind of adjacent. Have I ever said that to you? Of course, a thousand times. But that's just like, adds to them. Yo, Tana's actually funny have i ever said that to you of course a thousand times but that's just like yeah tana's actually funny i might say that to guys because like they don't

see it and they're like well maybe just the fucking irish guy i hang out with that you know we won't say his name but i already like really oh did you talk about it really slandered him on this that's fine he's from another planet yeah i think he hates me i think i hate him and that's okay well i stick up for you and i'm like, no, you don't get it. You just don't get it, you know? Yeah, he doesn't. I can't like force people to understand you. It's either they get you or they don't.

And the same with me. Like a lot of people don't get me. Like I just did the fucking H3 Bachelor and they are asking me to judge these women. You know, it's like I have to pick women and I have to critique them and say why I'm not. So it's a Tuesday for you. No, absolutely not. I never do stuff like that. I'm getting it.

It's literally like that's what the show is. And I'm getting called a misogynist because I'm like saying why I don't want to date that woman. I have to eliminate them. And they're like, oh, this girl's a pick me. Yeah, it's literally the thing. I have to eliminate them. And they're like, oh, this girl's a pick me. Yeah. It's literally the thing. You have to pick them.

You know, like, you know how Brooke says she's a pick me or whatever. I'm being a pick me right now because my glasses are fake. They're fake. Like they don't make me see. I had the same glasses on and then I was like, I got to take these off. Because if anyone were to ask me if my glasses were real, I couldn't say yes. But I just love a glass like this because I think it takes my body count down

by 50%. It does. You look incredible. Also, it's blue light. That's helpful for something. I'm going to start saying I absolutely just need them for blue light. They are blue light glasses, right? I bet you haven't had a migraine in forever. Literally just had a migraine. I have a migraine

right now. You have a migraine right now? Yeah, I have them all the time. I don't want to come on here negative and talk about myself. I just cried over a fucking sweatshirt before I got here. Like literally cried over a sweatshirt, sat down to cry about it. How does it even happen? Because somebody took my favorite sweatshirt.

It doesn't matter how many I have. What kind of sweatshirt? It's just a gray sweatshirt. You shed a real tear. You know when you're like so over time? Fuck you. I have. What kind of sweatshirt? It's just a gray sweatshirt. It's like someone. You shed a real tear. I, I, you know, when you're like,

so over time, fuck you. When you're like, so overtired and frustrated and like, just yes, something feels like the end of the world. And like the one thing I want to wear always, it's the one thing I always pick.

And you let some, it's like your favorite pair of jeans. Yeah. Yeah. No, I get it. Even like this thing I've had for like five years. And when I pulled up, you guys were all roasting me.

Since the Disney Channel games. Yeah. Brooke has been saying Jeff looks like he's dressed for the Disney Channel games. I feel like a Russian hitman. Did you ever watch Disney Channel? Podcast, bro. Huh? Did you ever watch Disney Channel?

No, bro. Ever? I was in jail. I was in jail like you would have been, Dad. No, I didn't. It wasn't around. Yes, it was. So what did you watch when you grew up in the 1800s

black and white charlie chaplin no what did i watch i was trying to think of his name all day charlie chaplin why are we trying to think he's the one who looks like hitler yeah yeah okay honestly those mustaches were in were they like hello people i was like hitler's thing like hitler was like yo this is my shit he was not i not he was not like a leader well kind of like how amanda binds is the only person on the planet to have that haircut right now yeah what's the haircut she like buzzed her whole head but then kept the bottom long so the bottom is like a reverse oh wait no that's a real mullet she's got an extreme mullet but it's extremely different then well she had to did you see what what happened? What happened? She was a blonde, like a bleached blonde.

And she was like, I'm going to dye my hair black, obviously. Goes to the store, gets black hair dye. Box dye, dyeing your hair black. Well, you know, you're a hair guy. And then she decided immediately after that she wanted to be blonde again. So she bleached it herself. No, that's terrible for your hair. Yeah.

A pixie cut could have slayed, I think. This is one of those episodes of the canceled podcast where we have just abso-fucking-lutely nothing to talk about and i just you know i wanted jeff here for the vibes and the thumbnail i'm sorry we always do that to you we bring him in here for like i don't care dance monkey i never think further than the thumbnail like i'm like oh my god the thumbnail's gonna have jeff and that's gonna be a great episode what's the topic do you want to interview me on dating 20 women in one day in front of 40 000 people yeah actually is it over are you still choosing no it's like a it's like a weekly episodic thing because we have to keep

going back yeah which is cool it's it's fun honestly and i'm not like i'm playing by the rules because some of the girls live in la and like i could easily like just dm them and sabotage the whole thing like just fucking but I'm not doing. Will you get to meet the winner in person? Yeah, yeah. And some of them are in like different countries and Ethan was like, no, and we fly them out. So it's like, you'll be face-to-face dating them, you know?

What? But then what happens when they have to go back to their real country? Then we decide if it's, you know, I'm going, I might be moving with them. I would love to see you in a long distance relationship. I think that that could be a good chapter for you. I'm down to try it.

Look, I'm changing my life this year. I'm going to be a new version of Jeff. What are some things you want to change? Can we start with socks that come up to like a little above your ankle? No, you know what it was? I accidentally have Nike socks on and I don't feel like getting fucking destroyed by your commenters. So I've tucked them down what's wrong with nike because if you wear nike socks with adidas shoes everybody that is like a hype beast will comment like oh you can't do that i would much rather

how you have on nike socks but your ankles be covered well i'm not trying to please you so i'm trying to not get hated on on this podcast again for the second time wow he kind of ate and now i'm so focused on the ankles you have a good ankle at least i've got a little bit of a cankle stitch dude so i found out that my feet how they keep growing did you see what i sent you what'd you send me toe shortening surgery they have toes no but then i can't be hobbling around i need that all right my fucking toes are long are they like yeah, they're bad. I don't want to even take them out. You've gotten me to take my feet out on too many podcasts. Which is just so strange. Do you want to know?

I don't mean this to be backhanded, but do you know that you have a higher rating than me on wiki feet? Do I? A whole star better than me. No way. She's rated beautiful feet. Well, I'm a 10 out of 10 on Feet Finder, first of all. But I will say

why are there multiple and why do i know that well let's see your foot that they have on there yeah that's the thing i think they might have had like they might have been like ill and i think they're not allocating for the frequent dirt yeah maybe they're talking like shape and shape and yeah like when it comes to cleanliness and grooming of the feet, I think you have me covered. Grooming is crazy. I'm a human. Is this it? Selfie pics?

Or no? No. Is that in your recent history? Feet finder? No. I'm trying to find a website. No, wiki feet. Oh, wiki feet.

I want to see if I'm on it. I often search girls I don't like to see if. That's actually like a really smart thing to do. Erin, can you look me up? Like, I'm going to start like, like fucking with their foot rating. That's actually like really, like if a guy leaves you for a girl,

being able to look her up on feet binder and make yourself feel a little better. That's like an issue. She's a five of five. Are you saying you're going to use the power of your audience to attack ex-boyfriend's feet ratings? I mean, not at all, but I, because I mentioned this to you before.

I started a sort of cyber cult when there was a video going around of me that I didn't want out on the internet, but you can't, you know, once something's out. It was a video that's very popular. I'm sure you've seen before of me. That's embarrassing. Where you like swing from a good cream. Yes, yeah. So initially, before it was leaked out, I want to get it taken down.

You can't take shit down off the internet. Even, I'm sure you have people for like your exclusive content pages that they just like copyright it. That wasn't copyrighted or anything, but I would just have, I'd call them the cyber cult and they attacked them.

They would report it for like gruesome fucking gore and shit. And they got them all taken down. And I love that cyber cult. I'll never forget that time. That's honestly very beautiful. I feel like I'm a hacker for that, but I try not to use him often. So we made like a weapon there of mass destruction basically

now you guys can use that to attack these ex-boyfriends that have wronged you and then just wreck you're kind of onto something there just fucking we could really get a cult going i want to see we live for oh my god this many of my feet? Yeah, you don't understand. A lot goes into it. Wait, what's that one with your feet turned out? Is that you? Which one? Scroll. Right there.

You're standing in that cool second position. Yeah, that's me. How do you know this exists? Oh, no. Oh, they're disgusting. Keep those things covered. No, you're a four out of five. I think that's a really good rating.

Is that one I made you take your foot out on? Four and a half. That rating don't mean shit. Four and a half half out of five but notice that there's almost five thousand five thousand people have taken the time to go online that's not there's no way that's real wikifee is like a legitimate source it's on pubmed well there you go cancel the audience go go leave some five out of five stars on them that's actually kind of like i think i have like a four out of five which is like it's like kind of low my rating is higher than your i think so i mean but you probably just have um more votes obviously no my feet do not deserve that look at you just

ankles out on the podcast i got good ankles i got good like i have like a woman's leg if i show you guys if i shave my woman's leg yeah if i shave my leg and like actually like wow it's almost like hairless already you know wow there's a bad angle here i'll kick brooke in the face what the fuck is this show jeff fm with no sound bites honestly that's crazy that's a crazy take i think that's what when i started believing in autism again when i went on there and it's so loud in your ears yeah you love the sound bites but it like it sends me into it pulls you completely out of whatever conversation that you're having i need chaos in my brain that makes sense i need distractions like just you know it's almost i feel like when you come on here it's like too quiet like you hate that

no i love it because you have to carry, you two have to carry the conversation and I could just chill and be interviewed. What if we just stop? Did you guys see that Jojo Siwa said that she is ready to start having kids? It really does make me feel horrible and it feels like my biological clock is.

No, I feel like her biological clock is, she's ready to have kids. Jojo Siwa. Well... She wants to have kids. No way. She goes online and she says, anyone I date, I'm looking for someone who's ready to have kids in the next one to two years.

She said three to four years. Yeah, I made up one to two, but I thought it sounded better. Well, you're lying. You know, I'm not educated enough on the subject to give my opinion on it. Oh, Kanye. I actually am not. I don't know anything about Jojo Siwa,

but I love the Jojo Siwa segment. You know, I wish I could add to it. She is old enough to have kids. And like, well, maybe not old enough, but she's rich. And all you really have to be is rich. And I guess like her house is so fun. Like she's so fun. Yeah.

No, but I just, it just doesn't feel right to me. I don't care. I don't give a fuck. Jojo Siwa should not have a kid tomorrow No I don't know she's probably more qualified than you and I I think You're just forced to change

When that baby pops out Whether you're ready or not So she will have to be ready I guess so Who had their period last That is actually what every straight man thinks this podcast is absolute guaranteed um i didn't get mine or i'm knocked up shit do you not get periods because birth control i don't take birth control so you're just rolling the

dice on the edge did you know that birth control makes you attracted to different types of men so if you like people can be in a relationship for like 10 years and then go off birth control and suddenly they're repulsed by their husband. No way. Is this scientifically proven? Yes. Because you're like attracted to certain like pheromones and your body completely you are convinced you're pregnant.

Like birth control makes you think that your body think it's pregnant. Wow. So it's dangerous to be on birth control because you could be with somebody. I feel like I needed that for years of my life. to take it and like be attracted unless you're going to commit for the rest of your life it's not worth it guys don't use birth control actually whoa whoa whoa I'm kidding I just feel like I always hear horror stories about birth control like it makes you fat it makes you get acne it makes your like I never hear I guess people just don't talk about it if they're

having a positive experience yeah like that little thing in your fucking arm like like you're a tesla with a chip that is crazy it's just not my journey oh they implant something that's yeah have you and i thought you take a pill every day you can that's a type there's like a bunch of times there's one it's like a bar they put in your arm i already take take like pills every day. So I just added to my routine. Throw the birth control in there. Is there men's birth control? There isn't male birth control. How crazy is that?

Don't you feel like that would be easier? But also, well, you could get a reversible vasectomy. I'm not I'm not sniffing my nuts yet. I want to put like a fucking rod iron. Oh, for an IUD. Yeah. That's when there's like a metal thing inside your vaginas why'd you stumble over vaginas i need you to say it with more confidence i don't know it's just

it's weird it's weird this is gonna get silly this episode that's exactly what i want like i just i someone commented on the last podcast and they said um i love it when you guys have no topics it feels like i'm just hanging out with you yada yada and it like became one of the top comments and i was like i'm gonna run this home yeah sometimes you should be careful what you say yeah because now i'm like let's talk vaginas i would love that because we've never talked about that on jeff fm you talked about my nuts last episode you said did they hang and you were asking me all these questions yeah i really i just wanted to know if you have like, well, you know how guys have like, some guys have one hard ball, but it's like their balls.

One usually hangs on lower on one side. You know, the type of balls I'm talking about where it's just really like firm and like tight versus like a hang low. Um, actually I do think I had my first like hang low situation recently where i was like wow how old was the guy gravity older than you my usual older than me no probably not well what the fuck my nuts ain't hanging like that i don't know what's going on is it grab is it like us with our boobs like it just year after year they just get lower but i think it's kind of like a genetic thing like some people it's just like i feel like there's more room in the sack like the actual ball i wear briefs i wear i wear briefs so they're like you know hugged they're not like just flopping well

i don't mean that i just more so mean like the genetic makeup of your ball my father yeah he said that to me he goes you think that shit's not gonna happen to you you're not gonna be hanging down your ankles eventually for sure and i was like no way that really happens and he goes yeah what the fuck do you think it's caught in your little shoelace i have the best story to tell you jeff i texted you about this and i was gonna wait for the live shows but honestly we didn't write it into the show when i left your podcast recently yeah yeah you had given me a jeff fm candle okay you know what story i love this story this is actually fucking so i would never ever ever recover see who needs topics when you got juicy stuff like this listen to the story you had given me a jeff fm candle

yeah a couple weeks later i lit the candle okay i had it burning uh-huh i had a guy over that i'd been seeing or whatever i had the candle lit and i i got up like after we'd hooked up okay and i'm like why doesn't this candle really smell like anything? He's like, oh, I can smell it. I'm walking in the bathroom, and I hear like- You're both naked. Yeah, of course. The most commotion I've ever heard. He had like tried to look at the ingredients of your candle on the bottom of the candle

and poured the whole hot wax all over his butt naked body, like balls and all. Just scalding wax. some like dominatrix jumping around well it was just like the like ah and me turning around and being like what i think it's key information like you texting me about this how's it happen that like brooke was already in a stage with this man where it was like what's i didn't know if he was like giving you the ick or not like you know what i mean and like it's something like that was like a tipping point you know it's like relax all over his naked body and screaming well just and you can't do anything about it because what are you gonna do wipe it away you have to wait for it to harden yeah yeah oh man damn so we both just stood there like what do we do

and it made it so much funnier that it was like a jeff or jeff's barbershop candle yeah yeah it's like i was there i was that wax which is like it could have been any candle in the world and i'm like god i can't wait to tell this story but could you laugh at him or was he like you had to console him we were laughing but i like it literally hurt it hurt like emotionally that he got burned can never unsee this i don't care if it burned yeah it burned it was burned in here so it was an it just was a major ick that was like a deal-breaking ick imagine if you fucked a girl you just fucked her post nut clarity you've been seeing her you're kind of like in the stage where like she's kind of giving me the ick i don't know if i want to keep talking

to her yada yada and she poured hot wax all over her pussy i would think that was hilarious it was it was so funny but i just it is just different because girl like with a girl like that's like cute like oh no she's filled yeah with a guy it's like and then like you probably had to take it he's probably hairy probably to wax his chest after. That's my dream. I have, Natalie showed me, there's candles that you buy specifically for that and you pour them on each other. I have some.

But I've never done it. I never do it. I guess so do I. JeffBarbershop.com. Yours are not approved for that use at all. Do they have burn marks? No, no. I wasn't like... Burn marks would be such a slay though. Like have fun with your other fucking whores.

Well, that's what I was saying. I kind of wish he did because then it's like, okay, what do you know how you're going to explain this one? I don't think that was so cute if that happened. And then we would have stuff to joke around about and it would just be, you know, I don't think it's that serious. I think you give the guy another shot, you know? I will. For sure it's that serious i think you give the guy another shot you know

hey well for sure let's get back to the vagina talk what else can we get into where do you pee out of and where do you put a tampon um how many holes how many holes how many holes oh this is good this is good don't make me so sad obviously the tampon goes up the part that you don't pee out of. Because when you pee, it would get all filled up. You know? So, obviously, that goes in a different section. This section is crazy. Like, it's a concert arena. And then you pee out of the...

What's the proper... I don't know. Your urethra. Okay, urethra. Yeah. And you want me to demonstrate where that is? Honestly, yes. Do you have a model here because i this is the vagina okay it's towards the middle top area do you have to take out a tampon when you pee huh do oh no not to you oh i thought you were asking me no i'm the guest on the show that i'm being

interviewed right now no i do not have to take out a tampon when i pee or nor do women because it comes out of a different hole okay good job can you have sex with the tampon in still nope or if you want to get that shit jammed up and have to go to the hospital after you're pulled out have you ever had any like mishap pulled out. Have you ever had any like mishaps? That was good. Have you ever had any mishaps with a girl in like her period? You know I don't like talking about this stuff publicly. It didn't have to be

like sexually. It could have been like I bleed people's beds. That's happened to me. Really? Yeah. That shit would fucking. What? Not bother you at all make my day that shit would make my day

honestly when I'm with a girl in a relationship don't bother me at all but you have to be in a relationship so she can't have a period if you're not dating we just sit here and corner him the whole fucking episode well listen if it was Tana and she fucking bled all of my bed, I'd be pissed off.

But if it was like a girl I want to date with and she I don't care if she poured wax on herself and bled in the bed. I would be like, it's all good. You're right. It's a double. I got money. I got a housekeeper coming tomorrow. Don't worry about this shit. I'll rip the sheets off, throw another fucking.

I don't even know how to do a fitted sheet on the bed. So I would just throw like another fucking. what if a girl shit herself next to you deal breaker done that one is tough for me too i think what if she had food poisoning that's fine there was an issue that she couldn't control so it's purposeful shitting that we're against yeah it matters the intent if she ate a bunch of Taco Bell and just let it rip, then that's an issue. I'm targeting you right now, so you're getting hit with strays left and right.

Do you ever eat Taco Bell? No, he doesn't. You don't eat. Yeah, I had Taco Bell last week with Tana. I like how you say Tana. Tana. Very Long Island of you. Can you do a good Bruce Buffer voice? We need you.

We need your help. We're kind of thinking that our intro to our show should be like Brooke Schofield weighing in at 80 pounds. Well, that would be hilarious if you guys did that because it's like a really fucked up thing to do to me.

Because like this show was birthed from the Bruce Buffer. This is every conversation we've ever had. This show was birthed from the death of Bruce Buffer, from the loss of Bruce Buffer. He's still alive. You think the canceled podcast was birthed? It was rebirthed because at that time I had lost everything. Bruce Buffer, once we lost him him the Jeff FM ended and then look at everybody came over here I thought you told me he was alive he is alive but when we lost

the episode the footage of him it caused Jeff's employees were on ice so I took it as a time to kind of swoop in you know you poached his employees yeah so that's why it would be so funny if you made a Bruce Buffer intro and then you had like Bruce Buffer on I would lose my fucking mind.

I would love. We should have some like athletes on and then just ask them nothing to do with their sport. I keep getting invited to do like very masculine. Who's that one guy? The Bradley Martin guy? Yeah. He asked me to come on. I'm like, I don't know if we'd have anything in common.

He's actually really sweet though. Honestly. I know, but I'm scared. I'm just scared. He's easy to talk to. I'm not scared of him. I'm afraid of a male audience. No, you came on my show and they loved you. Really? Yeah. just scared he's easy to talk to i'm not scared of him i'm afraid of a male audience no they were

you came on my show and they loved you really yeah everybody shipped us over town and they were like this is the new ship i did see that yeah i ship it yeah everyone like i just went on like a tangent on his like joking and people took i don't know you seemed pretty serious you seemed pretty passionate about it you know what we were just talking about in the other room that that got awkward because yeah because jeff's downstairs in my bathroom being like does your boyfriend fucking care that i'm fucking in here yada yada mccullough walks and i'm like i didn't do it like that i didn't yes you i don't i don't even know i was like that fucking clip and you commented on it too and i commented well shit so you did the orange peel test whatever i didn't

know it was a thing and you did it already with your current boyfriend mikoa who's you had a great response you know he said the right thing he would get the orange and peel yeah babe i'll do it but when you ask me british continue when you ask me i fucking killed that shit i was like i'll get you fucking ketamine i don't know what i said i forget but i that clip you commented on it you were like end game that's not what i said at all i said shit i said well shit the shippers came back around you did your response was amazing and if i felt like it was true maybe you know things would be different i felt like you were lying for the viewers and if i asked you to get me an orange

you wouldn't get me the orange and i would get you the kilo of ketamine but i would not stop the show i feel like you'd have more access to ketamine than oranges i don't even like ketamine like that have you ever tried ketamine only by accident at the hands of one of your ex-boyfriends. Thank you very much. That's why I test your drugs. Get the fentanyl strips. That was during a bad phase of my life. Yeah.

Ketamine is such an awful, horrible drug. So yeah, I fucking murdered that answer. And I won the orange peel contest. Do you think you guys will ever just fight it out? Me and Makoa? No, I respect him a lot. Actually, I do. And it takes a lot to put up with your shit no offense um and he's the perfect guy for it because he's just got that hawaiian

just chilled out don't give a fuck like i if i were him i would be pissed off at some of the things that i say you know i'd be like yo enough cool it we're fucking together now no more of that fucking talking about your orange peel theory thing was better than mine that's you know i would i would if i were him i would press me on that really i'd be like cut that shit actually i'm gonna stop that now no more you and i are done no more flirting jokes because of my respect for mccoy has nothing to do with you and the ship is sailing you're allergic to oranges. Fun fact. You're allergic to oranges?

What happens to you? I get eczema. You get eczema from an orange? Yeah. Even if you have orange juice? No, it's especially orange juice, but it's my favorite juice. Orange juice is so good. I'm sorry.

I thought you were just rejecting it. I'm allergic to codeine, but I still did it a couple of times. I just wanted to feel cool. I really like Lil Wayne, and he was always drinking lean. I was like, damn, I want to be drinking lean. Who says Ozak and Codeine? It's a Post Malone song. It is. Have you ever tried lean?

I went to a Waka Flocka music video shoot once. This was back in my old barber days when I lived in New York. And they gave out these slushies, and they were fucking delicious. But I didn't know that they were half lean. And you don't even taste it because it tastes sweet and it tastes good. So I drank the whole thing because I love sweets. And I was fucking I fell asleep. I woke up like in a whole different borough. And I was like, holy shit, what what happened to me?

I have no idea what happened for like eight hours. That's actually horrifying. Tell me it was delicious. I once had pertussis as an adult i think that's for babies right it is like whooping cough it's like i think i have whooping cough the cough that kills babies no it was like oh god you can't imagine something worse but i was like i had to abuse it or i thought i was gonna die i think i'm gonna now. You do. This person that I'm really scared of, I think, threatened my life like a day ago. Well, so, of course, the smartest thing to do about it would be to talk about it on the canceled podcast. Yeah.

Let them know. Let them know. When something happens to her, it'll be public. Brooke made an analogy yesterday where she said, what did you say about the ham sandwich? There's no such thing as a free ham sandwich. And that's kind of the mantra towards this situation i think that someone gave me a lot of money and for nothing yeah and i thought they just wanted they they wanted you to cloud them up i hate saying words like this but you make me do shit like that this dude wanted you to cloud them up so he gave you money and what did i just tell

you downstairs i said you could lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink you can't make loving all the analogies what the fuck is this podcast are you coming we're like philosophers now i know honestly that was both were very woke and i yeah i don't i don't know what's gonna happen but this person texted me and said um do you believe in karma don't don't you feel like if someone texts you do you believe in karma that like that's kind of a threat yeah 100 yeah that's a nice way to do it you know subliminal threat how would you send him back you can lead a horse to water but you can't force him to drink learn to drink pal that's what I would say put Put us in a group chat. Yeah, honestly, I think I might just need you to handle it. He's actually been becoming really good friends with one of your enemies, too, so it could...

Even better. Perfect. Send him my way. Say, look, Jeff has the money now. I gave it to him. Meet up with him for it. Do it. I swear, do it.

Please. I might have to. Yeah, it'd be like, hey hey i gave your money back to this guy go get it it's a crazy thing to podcast about and then actually do he has it for you i'm scared i'll get him i've been trying to fucking have a beef you know like even uh adam 22 went at um sean evans from hot ones yesterday i saw that this that's a good topic you see me go at him no because i don't think sean saw but whatever i'm not i didn't do it for that i did it to stick up for my boy who i know is a good person sean evans sean yeah he so he broke up with his

girlfriend i guess allegedly on valentine's day and she was a she did she happened to be a corn star sean evans girlfriend was a corn star yeah crazy right only for they were dating for like five minutes people found out and then adam 22 quoted a toy like tmz tweeted like sean evans is now dating yada yada whoever the girl is and apparently adam 22 had his rounds with her on the casting couch so then adam 22 quoted it and was like congrats man she has fire pussy um doesn't he have a wife no he made a whole he made a whole video calling out sean saying yo you don't want to smoke with me like that's fucked up what you did and i want to straighten you out and all this shit so i just wait what did he do though break up with her yeah just because he like broke up with her on valentine's day or whatever look i hung out with sean one night we went out super bowl night and we both randomly

bumped into our ex-girlfriends that we haven't seen in years and we were both so respectful to them that night like i saw him in action i saw how he acts with women and his exes and stuff like that and i know i don't imagine sean evans to be out here like super player he's the same as he is on hot ones respectful how he talks to the guests he's the same in person he's such a nice genuine dude which is rare in this business and that's why i felt the need to be like yo you're not fucking checking anyone i forget what he said exactly but he was like you don't want to smoke or something so i was like sean's a gentleman and a professional he doesn't owe you anything and trust me you don't want the smoke with a hot wings guy or the haircut guy because that's what they call us when we go out together

like oh you're the hot wings guy oh you're the haircut guy yeah they don't know us what do they call us the horse the girls get their periods i don't know i'm sorry i'm off today i don't know i think i'd be sad if someone broke up with me on Valentine's Day. But I think I'd be sadder if my husband was publicly defending some other girl that he's had sex with like that. I agree. One hundred percent. Like, it's just. Well, Adam and Lena's situation to me is like one of a kind.

And I think that's their thing, you know. But I just think Adam has been like he's stirring the pot. Like that's his vibes. Right. As of late. Yeah. I guess he been like he's stirring the pot like that's his vibes right as of late yeah I guess he was just trying to stir the pot but don't go after good people yeah I feel like Sean Evans doesn't deserve the smoke Sean Evans dating a porn star

too is like shocking literally a hot one he's like complex mainstream you know he gets like his like sponsors are like Lay's potato chips and stuff like I do kind of like like the surprise i'm selling dick pills on my shit you know yeah it makes more sense do they work have you ever tried them um i mean yeah i have tried them but not i mean i have to

legally say that yeah oh i've tried them i take them every day yeah that's my wife you know my friends my friends used to take viagra for fun, like my girlfriend. Bodybuilders take it because it's good to grow. It's like a vasodilator. It helps with blood flow. So it helps you. It makes you more fit. I don't want to fuck this shit.

No, I was interested. I don't want to turn a shit into a Joe Rogan guy. You can do that one again. You know, like I liked that. Like a little sprinkle. Yeah. That was good. That's what I I liked that, like a little sprinkle. Yeah, that was good. That's what I imagine the Bradley Martin podcast to be like. I feel like we should take Viagra.

We should try it for sure. I want to work out. What if we started doing these podcasts like one week? It was like we did it on a high dose of Ozempic. The next week we did it on Viagra. The next week we took mushrooms. You don't get high on Ozempic, I don't think. I'm like, just who knows? Ketamine the next week. Like what You don't get high on ozempic I don't think I'm like just who knows

Ketamine the next week like what if That was just like you know For research purposes Didn't we just talk about this yesterday That's how bad we are at topics like We sat on this couch last night and said this exact Same thing I was adding Viagra and ketamine

Trying to make it a new topic you feel me Different ways Do they make girl Viagra yeah it's called like pink kitty or something i don't think i don't think it's real i don't think it's real but i don't think if you take the guy one it has the same effect on no it's supposed to have like ecstasy vibes really ecstasy vibes how i don't know i haven't done it asking for a friend no i don't think that's true i I don't know. I haven't done it. Asking for a friend. No, I don't think that's true. I don't know. I've never heard that theory before, bro. I don't know.

I had a bunch of friends who were doing it. I think I have heard that theory. I'm going to back you up on that. Maybe your friend's got like a bunch of like actual ecstasy pills. Yeah, that could be as well. Because I've never heard that before. I've taken it like they used to sell it in the bathroom in Miami. And like I'd be partying all

night and the guys are like I gotta see how that's $20 I'm like fucking uh whatever I'll just grab one because if you had coke dick which you probably did at that time I was never a big fan of coke but I probably did have coke you weren't a big fan of cocaine I never liked coke no why I was never really big into hard drugs it was just the alcohol i had a problem with really how would you act drunk that really made you like wild you would have loved me in my heyday you would have that sounded bad i take that back cut that out what um just because i was a maniac i was like look at how i am sober you know but like what like give me an example tell me a story like for trouble i would go out looking for trouble i mean i guess i still kind of do all the time every day like the other night

i was walking out of a 7-eleven i go to 7-eleven every night to buy candy and i got a gatorade i walked out and i i opened the gatorade and i was like holding shit so i had like the cap like this well i took the sip of the drink and some fucking meth head because i'm in hollywood so it's all just fucking just people and crazy drugs all around and this guy was like what you're trying to tell me what you're trying to tell me with that you start doing a sign or some shit with the with the cat i thought you were yeah and he tried to fight me over it and i'm like all right like i back up and i'm like getting ready and if he does try to attack me and he's like what are you scared and then i was like that shit got me that he said i

was scared of him and like that shit was eating me up inside so then i followed him down the street and i was like this i was like this i was like see i'm gonna get you with the orange gatorade cap and then the guy fucking took off he i, I out crazy to psycho fucking meth. That's the most brilliant thing. Have you seen the TikToks where girls are trying not to get abducted? So they'll walk down the street like. Oh shit. Like as weird as possible trying to look like they don't want you.

I think as a girl, you often think about what you would do if you got kidnapped or like, you know what I mean? Or God forbid, like sexually assaulted or anything like that and i have thought about that like i think my approach would be like i love this shit like you know what i mean i think you would love that shit like no question but no seriously circumstantially seriously though you should carry around like a pepper spray or some shit because that that will completely take somebody out if you just spray them they're fucking done they can't move you can't see because your sinuses and everything it's so bad because i really think at the moment if i had a pepper spray i would like tense up forget about the pepper spray and i would start like talking shit or yeah i like think it's

setting spray it's wearing my own face. No, you train with it. Like we'll train you. We'll put you in situations. Yeah, they have practice ones too. Yeah, yeah. So I'll like sneak up on you and attack you and you like get the water one out and like practice spray me with the water one.

What would you do if I just- Or have Makoa do it because it seems like role playing and it seems sexual when I just said that. Kind of. So do it. It's safety practices. Just have random people come attack you. I'm out.

My security gave me a pepper bullet gun and taught me how to shoot it. It's here somewhere. It doesn't help if you don't know where it is. You need to know right away. In my room, I have a panic button. I actually don't talk about my panic button enough. Don't see where it is. Oh, like if the stalker gets in the house, you go

and it really is like for Paige to get her a water bottle. I'm not. Oh, like if the stalker gets in the house, you go. Yeah. And yeah, I'm like, it's like for Paige to get her a water bottle. But I don't want to get too deep into this stuff, like with L.A. and cops and stuff, but they just won't even show up. The head of my security has always told me like they're not going to care until they have a body like type shit when it comes to my stalker. And it's real. It's definitely LAPD doesn't give a flying fuck. I want to do a tour segment about my stalker really bad,

but I can't tell. Tell me if this is a bad idea. It is. It's probably is a bad idea, but like the whole canceled live show, like the premise of it is kind of like stuff we can't talk about on the podcast or stuff we'd have to cut an honor system situation. But it's also an arranged situation

where everyone knows exactly where we're going to be for four months straight but like the last thing you should be doing is publicly talking about a stalker i guess that's probably true like i know exactly where we're going next but it could maybe help me if i spread awareness i want to put a big selfie of him up behind us yeah that let's call him out weirdo remember that stalker i had that fucking yeah whatever happened to her she's gone now i don't know she gave up uh she had like really isn't it kind of a sad feeling low-key when you're a stalker gives up on you that's how i feel when a guy like tries hard for a while and then all of a sudden he doesn't care anymore no this one this one this one jumped in my car oh i was pulling out of my my garage like it was some freaky shit like i would look off my balcony and she'd be like just looking up like that waiting for me it was me i was your neighbor yeah you did live very close to

me at the time but no she didn't look like you uh but she uh did some crazy shit i pulled out of my driveway like out of the gate and i'm in my old pickup and the fucking door swings open and the girl was just like like she was like having like a breathing like a like a panic attack or something and then she tried to jump in the car and i i had to like obviously i'm a little spooked you know because it's like just like um i wasn't prepared for it so i was like oh shit i drove off and when i drove off she fell out of the car i mean as you should yeah yeah as you should but of course me being a fucking a dumbass but also like a good good guy i go back to check on her right what does she do the same fucking shit she on the door i thought i locked it it was still open because

the old truck it's a 1980 she just had a second shot she got right back in and the same i peeled off again she fucking fell again that's what happens when you try to be nice but it was going on for weeks she was sending emails to my mom like sending emails to my whole family saying that my mother like my mother raped me oh my mother raped me when i was a kid which is made up completely that never happened but she was sending these things out to like everybody like you're actually like fucking causing some damage and didn't she like hop your balcony at one point? No, she didn't hop the balcony.

No, like the upper one, like in your room, like she was out there on that deck. That was a different situation. That was another one that this girl sent her mom to my like, it was weird. What? She sent her mom where? To look into my bedroom. She was trying to hook me up with her daughter. And she like, like I caught her looking in through my balcony because i have like privacy bushes yeah i caught her peeking through

them and i walked out i was like yo what the fuck are you doing and she was like oh i was just walking up here i was like this is the roof you know because obviously you know i live on the top floor you know penthouse you know obviously and i walk outside and there's some fucking psychotic woman trying to i think it's so weird when people get their parents in on shit it's so common with i feel like with influencers like how do they think that's normal like driving kids to like influencers houses and stuff oh my god that shit was so weird when i lived in like the hype house essentially yeah like the buses would come by and all the kids would come by outside and i didn't even know what to do i would just wave at us through the i would take the pictures in my street like there were just so many it's like

what do you even do yeah it was really strange who was your first kiss just some fucking girl was like a fucking thought it was basically it was a teen night you know when they used to have those teen night like teen nights in tucson no what's teen night it's like where they have like parties with like a dj and there's like maybe like a basketball hoop and you're in like a gymnasium or something so i we just went and just made out under the stairs and we were like all right cool we cool. We got it done. Like we both just wanted to do it just to check it off the list. What was her name? I don't,

I don't want to put it out there. What if, what was your first kiss's name? What if she, what if it causes a divorce? Imagine, imagine she's happily married with a family now. And I caught like just me saying it on this show,

I cause a divorce and the whole family gets, yeah, Tyler, maybe you're still thinking about her. Maybe I would love to see my first kiss again. I had some major feelings for my first kiss and then he went to jail and i started hooking up with his best friend because i was bored it started we were like in solidarity because we were like we miss him so much he's in jail and then eventually that is a special kind of i was like 13 what the fuck it happens all the time have you seen god what was

it a movie or did i was this a real thing where like somebody died and then the brother and the um oh naya should i not say that tell me now i want to know naya rivera or whatever yeah she passed away and it was like her husband and her sister right we're like together oh they're together now her husband and her sister if i ever fucking die and the person I'm with thinks that they should be with one of my besties to get close to me, I'm resurrecting to kill them. And then myself again, no questions asked.

That shit is just fucking crazy. You just said you did that. Well, not die, but like you just said you did that to your, your boyfriend in You just said you did that to your boyfriend in jail. He was just my first kiss. What did he go to jail for? At the time, I think he went to jail for like graffiti.

But then later he went to jail for a drug. I think he's still in jail. He called me from jail a couple of years ago. Wow. You remember your phone number? This was EDC. Memorize that shit. It was before I have this.

That's when you know it's real. It's like a couple years ago. Cody's got my number memorized every time he gets locked up. I have Amari's number memorized. I only have Tana's number memorized and it's the worst thing. I was once in like actual major trouble and the only number I could call was hers. And I was like, this is the worst case scenario. That's a good one.

She'll get it done or she'll call someone to get it done. That's the problem is that my phones are like do not disturb. So I miss calls frequently. Like like you gotta shoot a text if you're ever in trouble and all you remember is my number shoot a text after the call if i don't answer it was like a whole nightmare but we said graffiti what are your thoughts on the skyscraper i knew that's where you're going when when you i was gonna call you back to this if we move past the topic with the graffiti yeah i think it looks sick the la graffiti building oscar actually showed it to me put a clip in so

they could see we were just in the sprinter in vegas it's me and jeff and this is a fella and like i don't even know how i can tell the story because it's so offensive and some people that we like don't know and jeff went on like a whole conspiracy theory tangent about how you think. I don't know. I think I was just making everything up. So go for it. You were on a tangent about how you thought the Chinese did that building. And then people in the Sprinter did not understand his sense of humor.

Wait, how did I tie those two together? I don't know. Oh, oh, oh, oh. I know why. Because those buildings were in construction because of big investments from China. And this was during the pandemic. When the pandemic hit, production on those buildings stopped and all that money dried up. There was a bunch of money coming from Chinese. So no one occupies those buildings?

No, no, because the money's dried up and they're already half built, but they're not finished. So they've like even given up on security there, like blocking it up, blocking people from going in there to do graffiti. So everybody just hit it up and now it looks sick. It looks like this crazy. Like they did it all in one night. Yeah. That's actually so cool. Imagine being a part of that.

How did they get up high? I want to know, like, was there a group chat? Like, how did they coordinate it? I didn't blame the Chinese. that's not what i was doing i was saying maybe maybe slightly because it was the chinese money that dried up that it was was they were pumping into it to build those luxury apartments i didn't know what you were saying i was on mushrooms you were just scaring me i think that um just the people in this winner were not you know rocking with the theory rocking with the a it is what it is it was great if you know it was great

how do they get up high i don't know i saw one video of someone like scaling it i assumed that they'd gone like that there were like stairs to use so oh there is there is probably stairs but also graffiti artists are fearless when it comes to like hitting shit like up high like they will risk their lives like those videos like the russians when they're jumping across buildings and like walking on like little things in between like extremely high up like some people just don't fear heights that is so crazy i i fear heights like really fucking badly and i'm a licensed skydiver and i get so scared every time and i'm like this why am i doing this shit why am i doing this shit do you still like to skydive no why um i did my last send off for nerf and that was it oh yeah

his dog died and he went skydiving with that. Why are you laughing about it? Jesus. Nerf, strike her down the hill right now if you're watching this. Nerf, send some piss down. I want you to know that if you ever so much as pick me up. No, it's not funny that Nerf died although he had to get out of here. Yeah, he was 17. He was pissing everywhere. His bladder was uncontrollable. His kidneys were shutting down. It was time for him he was no he was letting me know that it was time

i don't think it's funny that nerf died i think it's funny that your immediate reaction upon the first 48 hours of his dog dying was like i have to go skydiving with the ashes no that's not how it went it was really like no because you they took like i'm sorry no so he passed away and then i think the best thing to do whenever you lose a loved one whether it's a dog or a family or like a like it could nerf was like my son it was just us through everything i've i've had friends that i've stopped hanging out with nerf been there since day one i've been arrested for months came out nerf was still there. Still remembered me. You know, like that was my boy.

So when he passed away, I think the best thing to do is just like travel. Get out of the house. Like don't be in the same place. If you can afford to do that, go somewhere. Get the fuck out. Just whatever it is. Go do something with other people. Take your mind off of it.

So they cremated him. And it's fine. It's fine. I know you don't mean i know you don't mean any disrespect by it it's okay nerf's gonna send a little piss down onto you he's gonna fucking pee on you next time you feel a little drizzle in hawaii and when you're on the beach with makoa and they're gonna send a little piss down so they send the ashes and i get a phone call and it was this woman all like positive and happy she's like hey nerf's on his way home to you and i get a phone call and it was this woman all like positive and happy she's like hey nerfs on his way home to you and i was like it just gave me that same gut feeling of like

fuck he's dead like he's like i lost this you know it was just like a reminder of it like now the ashes are coming and what am i going to do with these ashes am i going to put it in on the jeff fm set in the background like no this guy needs to go live free in the air he would love to be spread through you know riverside california but but he did come up in that hot air balloon one time yeah and that was like towards the end of his life and i have like a really nice picture with us going up in the balloon so it was sunrise and we spread the ashes and it just looked it went into a beam like from the sun and it just looked, it went into a beam like from the sun and it just looked like he went right into heaven.

It was actually a very, very sweet story. And I swear I just had unprovoked delirious giggles and I. No, but it's me and Cody up there on a plank on a hot air balloon hanging off of it and we're crying, but we're like, no, like it's like so many mixes of emotions like happy terrified for your life nervous if you die do you want me to do that with your ashes yeah it's called the skydiver's funeral that's what they do if you're a fallen skydiver like say you get your shoe doesn't open you die or whatever however they do that for skydivers so we gave nerf a skydiver they make you you do it again? No, you're dead.

You know what I mean? Like you just died like that and they make you go back up. That is actually kind of crazy. That they do that, right? That is really strange. Maybe just put me in the ocean or something. Can I ask a selfish question? Sure.

If I died and you guys had to plan my funeral, what would you do? I simply wouldn't. That would be like a... Halloween party. She loves Halloween. had to plan my funeral what would you do i simply wouldn't that would be like a halloween party she loves halloween and we could have like tana as like a fucking tana tanaween and she's just she's just open casket yeah honestly i would love that that's like i'm into that i would be really afraid to have you embalmed that's what i was thinking about kind of with the nerf thing i you know when people like um what's it called when you when you restuff your animals when you what when you restuff the animals what is that called taxidermy taxidermy what if i had

like a little taxidermy murph oh my god don't even say that we're just gonna long life ahead of her but you would do that shit you're so like that oh my god i can see you when you're like i like understand and you know how some people like like sit with their family members dead bodies for like days at a time i feel like if she died i would like literally just be like i could never leave her it's tough that is really it's really it's it was probably one of the hardest things i've ever had to do in my life i'm even getting emotional right now talking about it i could cry right now every time it's emotional that's what i could cry right now what would you do for my funeral well what i was actually just thinking i feel like i would take you you were just thinking

about it like just now yeah oh no no no not like in life like just right now i would take you to like a ranch oh like somewhere with like cute horsies and animals, I think. I would love that. I would like to be snorted by a cowboy. I'm trying to hold back tears. You want to cry? I got emotional now. I think it's good.

I'm not crying on your podcast. I actually was just thinking we haven't cried on this couch in a minute. Don't say that. I've been. You could get me to cry right now. If you bring back that moment when I was like. That is whenever you need to fake cry for something else. I you think about nerf yeah i remember him because he got put down in front of me i had to have my hand on his paw okay i can't i'm crying right now i have tears coming

out of my eyes you're laughing at my face this is staying in the fucking edit this is the real her this is the number one woman podcaster this is how you treat your guests i'm fucking crying i'm crying with you fuck this show i'm taking it down to hell i'm taking it down to fucking hell she doesn't know what it's like to love something i started it i'll end it yeah that's right you know what i'm not giving you this i'll do it on my own show. No, honestly. Sean Strickland cried on Theo Vaughn's podcast and he got cancelled for it. Well, I watched a little bit of that episode.

He was going hard, Sean Strickland. I forget what he was saying. I just remember being like, whoa, we're going there. But I don't remember what it was. It must have been profound. He was talking about childhood trauma. No, but he was offensive. He said something that was like, I don't remember what it was.

Well, he was abused when he was a kid. So that stuff came up with Theo and they got emotional. And I think Theo handled it really well. He actually gets like really deep on his podcast randomly, especially his solo episodes. I'm like, wow. I know he really will just like go on little deep tantrums. He's like, I don't know.

I feel like he's deeper than we think. He's at AA every week. I want to start going to AA. He's battling some stuff too. Just like all of us. But, you know, he's got some stuff he's dealing with. No offense. I think something's really wrong.

I took mushrooms today. You're getting fucking canceled for this episode. You're going down for this shit. And out of all people for you to like. With a Persian podcast with the most besides Brooke. I think that I took. Well, I took mushrooms today. Did you?

Because I'm not like since you've seen me, I've not been like mushroomy. But let me just. I know I don't have a mushroom problem. What are you fucking Joe Rogan doing podcasts on mushrooms it was the microdose gummies it wasn't anything serious well here's the thing today was mokoa's birthday yeah and so we did some stuff for his birthday and one of the things he wanted to do was go to a museum and i hate myself so much because it's like i should be like yes museums but, museums. But in my head, I was like, fuck, like, it's just, that's, I'm not. And I thought it was going to be, cause last night he was like

talking about different museums. And he was like, we go to a history museum. We go to a space museum. We could go to like an art museum, yada, yada, yada. And I was like, whatever you want, babe, whatever museum you want, I will be there. That's how, you know, I love this man. Cause I'm like, I will be in this museum. I took mushrooms a little bit to kind of make myself a little more fun and spunky. Which one did you guys choose? I thought you meant which mushrooms I choose. We went to an art museum. It was actually really cool.

It was it's you know, when you're driving down Rodeo and you see the big Gumby. That's what you guys chose. We're in like one of the cities with like the most culture literally yeah no it wasn't giving culture it was just giving kind of fun art so then i didn't need the mushrooms because it would it was just something that my pea brain could get behind but it was too late i took them you know and i think all day i've had like weird giggles so that explains it rest in peace now when is this thank you when does this episode come? When would you like it to come out? Is it going to be like

one of the first ones before you go on tour? Because if we talk about like you guys going on tour right now, I don't want it to be like six weeks from now. It is going to be that. It's going to be a little later,

probably like three weeks from now. Okay, so now we're deep into the tour when this has come out. One of us has probably gotten beat up by now. So, yeah, how are you guys feeling? Are you guys getting along good? I've been working out for when it happens oh you're gonna you're gonna be what if that's what i've been training for all this time well yeah we could do like a

little side boxing hustle honestly that you know who would you bet on in that situation if you two fought each other oh man that's a good fight that's a good we should like mud wrestle we should fuck around i own that ip if that happens i'm taking that into jbfc that's just barbershop fight club content i want to oil met oil wrestling match for the hair oil promotion i get a let me get a little action i need to make some money to it right i don't have that blood money coming in like you do you know oil wrestling match to promote the hair oil and you two have a fight and i'll fight anybody that you pick for me mccullough would we pick for him mccullough no don't no no i don't want to see you fight like

mike and mike would never agree to it ever maybe now i don't know if i want to see my free time like that what are you getting at by that we touched on it in the beginning of this podcast i don't know i think mike going to go on his own journey. And it's going to be a fight. I want to organize a fight club scenario where it's like down in the basement of like a bar or something. And I come in and I'm like, gentlemen, welcome to fight club. And I give the whole speech, you know, but it's oil wrestling.

It's not fighting. It's like. Sounds slippery. Yeah. I feel like if we had something, it would have to be like peanut butter. It has to be something funny. No, no, no, no. You know, it's oil wrestling. It's not fighting. It's like. Sounds slippery. Yeah. I feel like if we had something, it would have to be like peanut butter. It has to be something funny. No, no, no, no. You know, it's the oil and you wear white t-shirts and it's like us, like, you know,

like it'll be sick. Yes, Jeff. Yeah. And then you can make your own exclusive content there. But she doesn't do slutty stuff. I know Brooke doesn't, but I'm just saying we could. But I have to be in the fight. You don't have to be in the white shirt.

We'll just put Tana in it. He's just pimping me out. I'll be in a full white. You can be in a hazmat suit if you want. It's fine. I would be respectful to you, Brooke. But no, we want those nips showing kind of a little. That's what I would do in a fight.

I would just twist your little ring. I'm not even kidding. I'm not even kidding i'm not even kidding wild fear unlock that is immediately if we fought like if i can't do i could pull your hair or anything like that really you know my hair comes out exactly right right that's why so it's kind of like and then i'm just good i'm bald and free it's like it's like that thing on the treadmill that like if if you fall. Oh yeah, the safety, the safety thing. They have that on the jet skis too. Like if you fall off the jet ski, it falls out.

I know, but one time. That's Tana's hair. I like tied it around my wrist one time. You tied it what? I don't remember. I can't remember how I attached it to myself to where it like literally couldn't come off. But I just kept hitting it and hitting it and hitting it when I fell off. And then I cracked my little tailbone. I'm never getting on a jet ski again in my life it's actually so dangerous

and it gets played out after a while like after the first five minutes you're like all right i think they're really fun but i've had really bad luck with jet skis anybody that buys a jet ski is fucking lame really that's like my dream why like owning your own jet ski this is kind of a hot take i want you to back it up like you have a jet ski but you don't have the house for it like if you live on a bay and you have an apartment in your backyard yeah that is true but if you live in an apartment and like you keep it at the like storage place like the dock or whatever like you dock your jet ski there and you own your own like so you think it's kind of like a priorities thing yeah like you can't like that's understandable like when people have a studio apartment but they lease like a g-wagon that's my whole entire apartment complex is like lambo trucks i'm like

you guys have an apartment it's a nice apartment but it's still an apartment yeah yeah and i kind of and people can't own those so it's kind of like you're renting i think this stems from i used to be a big fan. Well, I still am a big fan of Kenny Powers, Eastbound and Down, Danny McBride. He did a show where he's a baseball player and he's like a washed up baseball player because he was addicted to cocaine and was like a maniac.

So he got cut from the MLB, but he wanted to get back to the majors. So this was like about his comeback and he put all his money into a jet ski and he didn't even have enough money to store it somewhere so he just left it at like some lake like tucked behind some bushes he's living with his brother in this show and he has to like get back on his feet because you don't have enough money to have a house and they're like why don't you just sell the jet ski and he like would not give up the fucking jet ski he loved it I guess it's therapeutic to some people i don't see it but like after i'm five minutes i see it i'm over it if that was like

the one thing that made me happy and i bought it all coked up and it's just like all i had left i think i'd have to die on that i probably had like a little attachment to the jet ski i have like certain items that like i have no use for them but i will never get rid of them i guess maybe i'll stop taking my antidepressants and i'll just buy a jet ski i accidentally did stop and when i'm having a rough day i'm trying to get back on track what do you realize like i haven't taken anything in like a few days and i was like he cried over a hoodie this is where it all starts it was a crew neck what were you taking well yeah that's what i think i think we talked about it how much how much do you take i take 300 i take 300 too honestly maybe i need to start like oh it's the best have you felt a

thing in here i don't feel a thing like i don't feel a change in it but i took it i honestly don't even know why i take it but i think you'll know why if you stop yeah i was having really really dark times there tana like you don't know how much like before you and mike really started pulling me out of that dungeon like i was ready to quit everything and like not i don't want to see people i got really really depressed and like i think the brain my fucking brain trauma made me more angry and snappy yeah you know so i had to really like reevaluate how i act with employees and stuff. I don't know if you notice, I don't complain to people.

I just leave. I just walk out and go be alone by myself. Do you think Wild Butrin helped you? Is this your first time in life on antidepressants? Because I feel like you were probably raised in a way that was like, like fuck that like yeah we get beat are you sad now now you're fucking hurt now you're in pain really so my dad was not like that i need something that's what my parents kind of were yeah but i just mean like the the the people like the neighborhood the upbringing that's what i meant yeah like the barber shop i worked out if i told those guys i was just sad yeah like mental health I feel like was not a thing.

And for something you were kind of aware of or thinking of or taking seriously, probably till LA. But now that's why I want to let people know, you know, even if you're a badass, cool ass motherfucker like me. And me. And Brooke. Yeah, look at us. We look like we got it all together. We don't. We take pills to make us happy. We do. And it works. And me. And Brooke. Yeah. Look at us. We look like we got it all together. We don't. We take pills to make us happy.

We do. And it works. And function in life. Honestly. And honestly, I was scared about being dependent on things in life. Say I end up on a deserted island or something one day, you know, like stranded. What am I going to do? I don't have my pills, you know.

But if we have access to these things use them for sure there is science we should get a cerebral ad like right after this i know i'm thinking better help because i really need i i think i need to outsource better help dropped me a long time ago and i'll never get over it i made a whole youtube video about it like i was chanting better help drop me didn't they drop you again over or who dropped you because of the wine lady? The babble, the, the culture. Yeah. That makes sense.

Yeah. It does make sense. Yeah. Better help. Just didn't like my content. They were sponsored by me or I was sponsored by them. And then I just put out like a video where I was talking about sex or something and they dropped me and I was like, whoa, that's crazy.

You would think they would want to help you through it. Better help. Did you ever do better help? I tried it, but I just, I had bad luck. I had a hangover so bad in Vegas. One time I signed up for better help. Oh yeah. I had such bad anxiety. I signed up for better help and now I still pay for it and I still get the notifications and it just reminds me of that moment. Get rocket money. Is that what that is? Oh, rocket money. money yeah it tells you cancels unwanted subscriptions i really i it's saved me because i'm not kidding you don't know the amount of money i spend i was spending so much money on fucking like lux club yeah oh my god i was that

eager to date a jew i did the same thing i downloaded lux club i paid 30 a month because but it's like it's oh 30 a month until you've been paying for it for six years and you've never one time opened it and you're like wait better help was getting expensive too I was doing it twice a week for like a year I need like a face-to-face I need like to me better I'm not getting there like but unless I have better help you're not getting me to show up yeah I had a guy that I was talking to for six months and he was like i thought he was the one for me you know he's an italian guy from story of my life i'm like i'm trusting this guy with everything i'm even reiterating his stuff on the podcast and teaching it to my audience things that helped me and then one day he turned his head and he had a fucking rat tail ponytail and i was like what the fuck and suddenly you knew nothing about him that was there the

whole time all these all this time you had a fucking rat tail ponytail what did it change you didn't tell me i canceled right away i never went back to another session because you fucking obviously have mental problems yourself if you got that tail growing he was like a 60 year old italian like straight out of sopranos what the fuck is it was braided it was a braided rat tail ponytail and i was like that's it i'm not having i'm not taking advice from this guy on on my mental health i kind of understand my old therapist she had some really crazy outfit choices and i was like fuck she was she doing a fit check for you at the start of your session how the fuck did you know what she was wearing?

No, I would go in. Oh. But that's funny as fuck. Oh, TD. She's like flipping the... We grew up in virtual... Well, you guys did, I guess. We might get a couples counselor, we decided, for tour.

You guys are going to be at each other's throats by now. I can't decide if... By this time, three weeks from now? Couples counselor, we decided for tour. You guys are going to be at each other's throats by now. By this time, three weeks from now. I feel like we keep saying that, but I almost think we might like each other more. I think it's going to like weird. No, because I think it is. It's like when you go to a deserted island with someone. That's not what happens. It's all you have.

It's all you have. Like it's your connection. I truly notice about you the more I hang out with you the more I like you same your feet are not a 5 out of 5 what do you think they are rate my foot Brooke

they're a 4 at best those things are growing I know Jeff first of all ouch so look I bought a pair of shoes Those things are growing. I know, Jeff. I know. I'm first of all, with every lie she tells. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

So look, I bought a pair of shoes and they're fucking sick. You'll like them. They're too big for me, Danny. No, look, look, look. You see? Oh, wow. You should have worn them

with your jacket. Yeah, that was the plan. That's why I'm in these Adidas. That's how you dress this earlier. My socks situation. That's why you had the nice socks. Look at how sick those are. I do like your new shoes. So I ordered them on

Goat and I'm an 11 and a half and I got them in Women's 11 and a half. I'm getting there. I'm literally gonna, I swear to God, not like yet, but like in three years. Please put that fucking thing down. Look at camera one right now. But I could just give

you, I could just give it. You want these? I could just give them to you then. it you want these or i could just give them to you then i'm not an 11 and a half yet you're getting close i hate to break it to you but that fucking i'm telling you toe shortening surgery you think my toes are too long just really do about it you know how in asia they do like the foot binding you think i should bind my foot yeah maybe i think about doing it for my neck like how they do in some i think you're beautiful just the way you are bro thank you but i do got that thick neck on me look at this you want to see your foot is so clean on the bottom like i feel like my feet always have a thin layer

put that on that fucking wiki feet this is gonna be on your wiki feet i'm gonna get the ratings up right there yeah this is where we're at like with like thumbnail right there can i see your hand what your hand looks like i've got fine fine hands. I like nails like that. You should do nails like that. What the fuck? I just spit. That's like a perfect hand. It really is.

Those nails are c**t. I feel like you've gotten so many compliments on them too. You can't say that word. You get your whole shit demonetized, fucking taken down off YouTube. I'm authentic. Get it out of your vocabulary. I'm authentic. If that means that I don't get money because I'm being myself, being myself then that i think that's another one of those things that we both

have to agree on together yeah yeah i'm kidding we can believe but we have no you don't get money if you say in the first like five minutes no you've age restricted i've lost so much money from you saying that on chef with them i've lost 20 that sounds like a you like fucking uh it still comes up because oscar will censor it like or whatever fucking that's a hell of funny too because i'm always just like buy me a birkin why don't you pay me you're like see this you're fucking every video is yellow dollar sign with panna every single one no but my i got told a while ago that my name became one of the demonetization because oscar looked into it and he would call the guy and he's like

yeah it's you cannot that's one word that you can definitely not say and now i said it so fucking there you go hey serial medicine i'm putting my sock back on and i was just noticing how you just only had one shoe on for quite some time there. Why don't you reconsider showing me that foot, Brooke? I really want to see it. I honestly seem so bad. One day. One day I'm going to do a major foot reveal.

What if I just didn't? What if I only had half a foot or something? Dude, if you kept this shit up for six months and then you made an OF just to reveal your feet, you would make so much money. Yeah, that's what I'm doing. I'd sign up for that. And I've made an OF just to reveal your feet. You would make so much money. Yeah, that's what I'm doing. I'd sign up. I'd sign up for that. And I've never signed up to a single one.

Never? An OF? No. I wish that it was a little less. I have a really big obsession as of late with deep diving influencers OFs. Because I just want to know. I like that account where you can just search. Yeah.

I went on a major. What are you doing on there? You can look up anybody's content. It's like all on there. It's called. Should we even say that? Probably not. Wait, it's like content. Yeah. It's not all of what they post. But half of the lore to

me as well as the captions, like seeing. That's what. Oh, my gosh. I've seen some of them. I'm like, who wrote this? My team often writes my captions to optimize as much like money as possible. But it's like they'll be so crazy. Like, oh, all right.

It's Thursday for five ninety nine. You can get Tana like and it's Thursday for $5.99. You can get Tana. That's definitely demonetized. Yeah. Oscar, just do your big one in the edit. Maybe give it like a little rubber ducky noise or something. He's been getting funky with the edits of us recently. He'll do like zoom-ins and stuff.

It's kind of fun. Yeah? Mm-hmm. Last week, he edited me onto a whale trainer's face that's good as long as you guys don't start doing fucking uh weather segments here then we're good yeah i almost poached ryan but i decided you could have that oh my god when i found out how funny he was i'm like i saw ryan when he had a video that r Ryan got canceled for a video on Twitter. Ryan, this is how I found him.

He got canceled for a video making fun of Twitter girls, making fun of women. It was like a really fucking misogynistic thing. But people didn't know that it was a joke. If you didn't know he was joking, he looked like a bad guy. That's what I love about Ryan's stuff. Like he fucking commits. I don't think he's afraid of it at all. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He makes his content't think he's afraid of it at all yeah yeah

yeah he makes his content lately where he's like in the mirror rehearsing have you seen that it'll be like i just saw one recently like a random one that like was viral and i was like wow yeah very how free he must feel yeah he's he's uh he's probably the most talented in our squad i agree i thought you're gonna be like no you are jeff you're the best you're the leader i thought you meant well ryan's the leader i'm just kidding um i thought you just meant of your friends i was just saying of your friends all right that is do you think you're the funniest friend in your group uh yeah obviously you have to have a delusional ego to be in the position we're in you know i'm the humblest guy on the fucking internet we all know that but when when i should be way less humble for you know

it doesn't help your case when you say that though i i mean i'm kidding i'm joking this is the way i'm this is where the the women don't understand that i'm completely joking and that's why they're like jeff's such an asshole jeff's such an asshole i don't even know what i was talking about now what was i saying what do you think of influencers complaining that their job is hard i'm so fucking humble you guys don't understand how hard it is to get a podcast out once a week you know how fucking hard we have to work sometimes my tongue hurts and i still gotta get out here and fucking do this is that your message to influencers saying their job is hard yeah it they're all fucking go out there and get a real job.

I agree. To all those influencers. We struggle. He struggled to match his socks to his shoes. I still work real jobs. I just was given haircuts, you know? Were you? Yeah.

Do people pay you? I'm a blue collar worker. I am one of the people. Front line. I am one of you guys. No, actually, you guys are all What do you call them feral Feral rats

I do just want to clarify that I more so Cater that to like I've always said that about my fans before I do recognize that there are cancelled Podcast fans that have fathers And people I like to think I have like some fathered People in there

You definitely do you carry the fathered side i brought the dads around yeah damn where were you when i was 13 yeah well no basically that's that's what i was just trying to trying to say you know yeah you have to be a bit delusional um to be in this position I think all influencers possess a little bit of narcissism because I mean yes some people accidentally blow up so it's different now with like TikTok and shit

but like especially with YouTube back in the day like thinking what you have to say is important enough to like push out to the masses like someone who starts from the ground up and just does it on their own. Like you, me,

100%. Like it's, you know, to be like, I have such a good story. I want to tell that the people were right. But like, what if you weren't stripper for sure?

For sure. Sometimes I really think about that. I wish that I, I don't have the rhythm. I understand that there's a lot of trials and tribulations and hardships to being a stripper but I think that the fun parts of

being a stripper would be so fun yeah there is a lot of fun parts of it I bet I don't know that many people who are happy in the profession and I don't know a lot of people that are happy being drug dealers I don't know any old drug dealers because they all either get arrested or killed they don't walk off into the sunset when they're 90 with bags of money and be like that was a fucking fun ride i watched that griselda blanco show griselda on

netflix have you seen it i haven't seen it but i've heard amazing things it was so amazing but it literally made me want to be a fucking female kingpin so bad yeah see sometimes we can just we can just watch a show and not have to commit that hard and i know that but i just don't know what it is it just and i have the resources like on the side i could just get like a little stash house like well you are kind of running your own operation here you know like just your cocaine is your pictures of your feet you know it's just i don't know your boss you got people running around your house here you know? Just, I don't know. You're a boss. You got people running around your house here.

You know, you too, Brooke. Sorry to leave you out on the road. I'm the one running around her house. No, you're not. Brooke got an assistant. You fucking boss this kid around. Brooke got her first assistant. And then Tana took her.

Of course she did. She just sucks him up. It was my first one. And Tana was like, actually, can she be both of ours? And now she is. Yeah. I mean, I did. And it's less pressure, too, because, you know, to take on an employee and give them

work to do every single day. Yeah. It's a lot. Like, you need an assistant that's actually qualified and is going to know what to do without having to tell them what to do. Yeah. I had a tour assistant, which is different. And I just felt like two of them on the bus would have been like.

That's too many. I agree with that. Like we're Sonny and Cher. And mine was just Sly, so I wasn't going to give mine up. Yeah, she's so Sly. I just felt like if it was two of the same bitches going to get her like dumbass Starbucks order, it was just like, it could be one maybe. Godmother.

The godmother, Tana. That was Griselda Blanco's nickname, Brooke. You have to watch it. I think that you'll understand where I'm coming from if you watch the show and then before you know it you and I are running a full blown sting operation and we're fucking we have men counting cash and we just have Glock nines in our pockets

getting killed after that's what she does it's just like okay but I'm glamorizing it I understand whatever wasn't it like a real story yeah it was a real story crazy it's like Griselda it is tricky like these things that glorify like these series whatever didn't wasn't it like a real story yeah it was a real story crazy it's like risalda it's it is tricky like these things that glory like these series that glorify anti-heroes like sopranos obviously tony's a fucking wild murderer but everybody loves him breaking bad you know but

it's fine to do that you could like that you know it's even if you go to columbia i went to griselda blanco's grave and pablo escob's grave. And there's a split there. Like half the people hate that they're even associated with Pablo. And there's like half the people that praise him. There's like murals in different neighborhoods. Well, I mean, he was like, obviously, again, I know these people kill people and did bad shit. I'm just I'm talking about the glamorization. But like he did some crazy shit.

He made bullshit. He was making like Apple money, like billions of dollars from cocaine. And didn't he go to jail and then he broke out? Yeah, he made his own prison because he was he was taking out politicians.

He blew up a plane, allegedly. He wanted to take out a politician that he knew was on that flight. So he had somebody blow up that plane while it was in the sky. Pablo had that commitment. And then how did he get out of the jail? All those other innocent people on that flight so he had somebody blow up that plane while it was in the sky pablo that was commitment and then how did he get out of the jail those other innocent people yeah that's horrible so that's where you're like all right it's you hear rap music and you're like oh it's cool fucking pablo escobar but also the guy murdered a bunch of innocent women and children

you know so that's why i just thought i thought he like dug a little like tunnel out of the jail. He did. He did that. But that was, I went to that prison. I visited it. There's a helicopter pad on it. It's a museum. Yeah. You could take a tour there. Visiting like, like cool prisons is just crazy.

I don't know. I went to that art museum with the thing outside. It's true. Gumby or a cool prison. Like, you know. It was my first vlog. One of my first vlogs. I've always wanted to go

to Rikers Island, not like get arrested, but just go see it because Lil Wayne was there. No, you do not. That place is disgusting. Really? Yeah, it's hard.

It's the most miserable place in the world. It's really, it just sucks. But I guess, I mean. What was the one that was like cool,

but now it's not a jail anymore? Alcatraz? That one, we went to, that's like just a straight up museum now. You know, it's not an active prison. Cody swam from there. He swam through that shark infested 43 degree water for a triathlon.

I can't believe people do those things willingly. Yeah. I don't know. I'm going to get you to be. Yeah. These people right here. You got gotta get us in shape though

for our fight seriously I have to film a video Brooke where I have to live a day in Jeff's life soon oh and that means like cold plunging and like hiking

yeah we run Runyon every morning I love your new athletic journey as you should I do I've been working really hard it's a true story

actually yeah well I don't run Runyon but I work out you wanna know an embarrassing thing right now so on strava the app that i use for running like log on my runs everybody that has like that runs they have like garmin watch they log their runs i've done runyon more times than anyone in the past 90 days you do it every day yeah yeah and i was doing it in the rain when we had that like week of rain that never happens in la so i passed everyone and i have the number one

spot out of 20 000 people now you have to commit you have to come in i feel like that's where you're actually gonna like run into your wife no pun intended no i think i'm out i think i cemented my legacy here in los angeles now that i've taken that top spot and I'm ready to go to New York, move, and we can get out of here. Where are you going to hike in New York? I'll just run over the bridge. I'll just run around West Side Highway and stuff along. That's so crazy.

But I'm the top dog over there. You believe that? While doing podcasts, while running multiple businesses, making new hair products, Tana and I got something in the works. Try being an influencer for a day. You don't know how hard it is no i i forgot about our product that we're making how did i forget sounds like you really believe in it because i'm the one fucking dealing with it every day that is true you know what do you mean i just want it to be pink we have have to bleep this, but we're making a. Perfect. Tana X.

Perfect. Because it's like. It is on brand, right? It is. It's cute. Because it's like girl that fucking stays out all night, doesn't shower, fucking just.

I got to get to a podcast. You say you don't like to shower a couple of times and it just. I personally would have a lot of use with that. I think it's a really good product. I'm excited for it. And it's going to be fun to shoot the campaigns and stuff and stuff jeff actually thank you so much for coming on the canceled podcast thank you for having me before going off for tour we appreciate you coming and sending us off and you know we're we've been doing a lot of episodes in preparation and stacking episodes it's

so much easier when it's just us or like with a friend and we appreciate you coming on to talk about whenever you need me kingpins whatever whenever you're doing an orange at the drop of a dime i will be there with that fucking orange peeled you're good brooke you did great today you carried the fucking show that's so kind it was so nice to sit next to you and i wish i would have saw your foot but you know what i'll wait for that i'll send you a pic later really no