Cancelled with Tana Mongeau & Brooke Schofield - 77: A PSYCHO FAN ATTACKED US ON STAGE…- Ep. 77

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Starting point is 00:00:41 Download the BetMGM Ontario app today. Visit BetMGM.com for terms and conditions. 19 plus to wager Ontario only. Please gamble responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Hello and welcome back to the cancelled podcast. Oh my gosh. It feels so good. The amount of times we've said that, but I mean it the most this time. Yeah, I mean, obviously we've been saying it on stage every night, but being at home, like, are you so happy? It felt like I was never going

Starting point is 00:01:17 to come back here in life. I walked up here for the first time and like just saw the couch and I was like, oh. It's so crazy because we weren't actually gone for that long but it feels like I came back to like a whole new life life I completely agree I think that in some ways tour felt like one minute this leg obviously we're going back out but we're home for three weeks right now and it felt like one minute but it also felt like one year yeah I was noticing that when we were there because like I'd look back on like certain shows that felt like a lifetime ago because it was like there'd been so many since then but then I would they think about like being back at home and it felt like yesterday yeah it's so crazy um how have you been enjoying your time at home oh I've been having such a good time although I've been ignoring all my response but like everybody thinks I'm dead and just been

Starting point is 00:01:58 telling that's so good though I love that I came home and I like I hit the ground running dude like I know I can't believe you did that I I told everybody around me. I said, listen to me. You do not ask me to work for at least three days. Yeah. Which I thought that that's how I would be. Like Seth called me, my manager was just like, they take the week off. Like and I was like, no, give me like I think that my excitement to be home in L.A. is superseding my exhaustion. Yeah. Well, I'm a little bit concerned and a lot of people who like tour and stuff have told me like that you get depressed when you come back. And I did kind of like have it a little bit after our last tour, like just where it feels like there's

Starting point is 00:02:35 so much happening and it's so exciting and so much adrenaline. And then you just are sitting on your couch and you're like, well, what now? Absolutely. So I've been trying to stay busy, but like busy doing things I want to do not work we both have been on our like health too which is really good we've both been like we're both sore from a workout right now i feel like a year ago we both would have been like hungover right now which i think is growth i know it is i haven't drank since i've been back but i i've been going to aloe i've been working out yeah so tell me about your aloe i've only been we've only been home for three days and I've gone two days. First time I, I've been like, they've been saying like, you have to work out with this new trainer we got.

Starting point is 00:03:12 Like he's so hot. Like he's the hot trainer. I'm thinking in my head, like me and like two other girls, like it usually is there one other girl completely by myself. So I saw your TikTok, but like, give me a little more lore apparently he's like famous yeah because he's harry styles trainer okay and what's funny is we're talking and he's like i'm like yeah i was on tour and he's like oh i was on tour and he was like yeah i went to like all these countries he's talking about it and he's like yeah asking me about coachella and he's like yeah my my best friend headlined a couple years ago i'm like oh cool like not thinking at all and then finally at the end of the class he's like yeah you know like harry styles i go i sure do know

Starting point is 00:03:47 harry styles actually what the fuck is he hot like hot like you actually want to like he's hot i know he's not like my type but he's he's hot anyway and like you don't want a hot personal trainer that's just like the last quality you want in a personal trainer but it's such a sick different level of motivation um yeah yeah until you're working harder than you should be and you have to ask him to please stop because i'm gonna throw up i literally i'm not kidding my whole face went white he was like uh like what do you need he's like running around getting me water like i was gonna pass out i don't know if i'm necessarily very brand friendly so i haven't tried to go to aloe no one's ever said to me that you're not i just someone told me before i ever

Starting point is 00:04:23 got invited that i was not so i'm like well well then obviously i fucking wouldn't to me that you're not. I just someone told me before I ever got invited that I was not. So I'm like, well, well, then obviously I fucking want to be. But now you're going and I've been seeing you go and it looks so fun and like everyone going and I'm trying to get into my workout shit. So I fucking asked Jeff to go with him because Jeff goes sometimes and Jeff's not brand friendly. So I'm like, you know, I guess that's true. And Harry Jowsey goes. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:04:41 And so I texted Jeff. But then I was like, wait, I don't want to fucking go with Jeff no you have to come oh my god it's so fun I was supposed to go with Jake Shane this morning that okay so that's what happened this morning I'm like supposed to go with Jake I'm all excited I get there at 9 a.m okay but it's like 8 45 I'm almost there and he texts me and he's like oh my god I'm so sorry like my meeting got moved I'm not gonna make it and I'm like I changed my class to come to be with you. 9 a.m. is crazy too.

Starting point is 00:05:06 Because that's like an up at 745 situation. Yeah. No, I was up at 715 because I had to leave my house at eight. It was a whole thing. But I'm so I'm already there. So I'm like, whatever, I'm going to do the class. And it's with another trainer that I've never worked with. She's so much so hard.

Starting point is 00:05:21 Like her classes are so hard. I would cry. And that's why I was shaking like Jake today. I was like, I completely understand how this keeps happening to him because it was so hard like her classes are so hard cry and that's why i was shaking like jake today i was like i completely understand how this keeps happening to him because like it was so hard but she's sitting there and she's like oh it's fine like they canceled we're just gonna have um this girl named madeline argi come i was like like oh my god i'm her biggest fan i've talked about it on canceled a million times like i'm obsessed with madeline argi so fucking obsessed with her and i'm sick i'm like she just recently followed me on tiktok so i was like okay like it's not like that weird

Starting point is 00:05:49 like like she knows who i am so i can like say hi and stuff but i was like all nervous i'm like oh no she comes in she's like really quiet and like reserved and we're like working out it's the fucking hardest workout i've ever done in my life I was literally shaking sweating like crying it was horrible and this trainer the whole time is asking me questions she's like asking me all these questions about my life and bless her heart but I'm like I can't fucking talk I can barely move and so I was just word vomit word vomit word vomit and the whole way home I thought to myself like I cannot believe I just said all of that information in front of my favorite influencer of all time like literally and then she made a TikTok about me and she said I thought that was so cool I saw that on my timeline too and I was like no way like I just love that she loves you

Starting point is 00:06:34 I know but it was funny because like she made it sound like like she was like oh my god and the Brooke Scofield was there I'm like please be so for real she like fell into the reformer but because our workout was the hardest fucking workout ever. So I didn't even think anything of it, but she's like, I'm so embarrassed. That's actually so cute. I feel like you guys are going to like become great friends. I love her so much. I told her I DM'd her and I was like, check this one out. I'm going to force you into a friendship because if I knew she liked me, oh my God, I would have been, my head would have been this big. Yeah. I love her, but it was so fun. And now I'm here.

Starting point is 00:07:07 Should we talk about tour? Yeah, for sure. So obviously we should fucking talk about tour, but like, it's so hard because I don't want to sit here and like do the show that we did for the people, but our show ended up consisting of all the fucking crazy shit that happened on tour. And I feel like the people at home also want to know what happened. Yeah. Maybe we give a nice little spark notes version.

Starting point is 00:07:26 Yeah. I like that. We had some crazy storm the stage situation. Dude, I was talking about this with Jeff yesterday and it's like, I know our fans are fucking crazy just like us. Like, obviously. And sometimes like we reward that behavior. It does just create this murky area, this line of like, what is okay and what is not and I loved so much of the

Starting point is 00:07:49 crazy antics like you know what I mean like the girls wearing all the crazy shirts that said the craziest shit like I have a thousand photos in my camera roll of fmr shirts and um the dc show was fucking crazy oh yeah that was do i talk about that well it's so funny because you were so the type of bitch like you did that i know obviously if you didn't see i brought all the girls from the matt rife group chat on stage at the dc show okay and you have to understand there was thought behind this all right it wasn't like me just being malicious and trying to make this like point to matt rife i don't give a fuck if matt rife ever sees me ever again i have been talking to these girls forever we got to know each other and we like honestly became so close all of

Starting point is 00:08:35 us talk all the time about all our new guys now like who's hooking up with who like what's going on the dates that we go on and stuff and we talk constantly so i'm like i i want to be around these girls but like it how we have to make it funny if we're gonna do it he's like hello like he dragged you to dc held you at gunpoint at the holocaust museum on valentine's day just to be dating all these other girls at the same exact time like why are you not gonna bring them out on stage and i think the point of the live show is to be crazier than the actual podcast we did that i did that for the canceled fans okay i did I did not do that for revenge on Matt Rife or anything like that.

Starting point is 00:09:08 I did that as like a little funny thing for the canceled fans, but. And they ate it up. It was so fucking funny. But it was so fun and they were all so amazing. I like went to lunch with them obviously before and it's just crazy. Like all of us are so,

Starting point is 00:09:19 well, I say that we're so different, but then I said that to all our friends and then you guys met them and we were like. Same bitch, different font, but very different walks of life and I think it was very funny because you all are from all corners of the United States like it's it almost to me seemed like he was on a cross-country tour exactly like and and doing it on purpose like if I date this girl that lives in Milwaukee and this girl that lives in LA at the same time they'll never find each other so it's funny, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:09:46 I said this before, but like when I was in high school, like a guy was talking to me and another girl at the same time. So I like purposefully posted on my Snapchat, like me and her, that was like, like what I felt like I was doing, but it was also like, when else in life are we all going to even be in the same state, let alone like, so I had to make it DC obviously. Cause hilarious he was mr dc it's a dc show was at lincoln theater it was like a whole thing not to go too deep into the actual like emotions behind things but i think that he did a lot to really make you feel like this podcast was so small in comparison to his comedy career yeah and i don't know he i don't think he did that i'll give him that i don't

Starting point is 00:10:24 think he did that you could never sell out rooms like i sell out rooms so then to sell out well he didn't say that no but he never said that but but that was his he kind of like he just was kind of condescending about the podcast like in social media in general like as if it was kind of like it was not a real career compared as compared to like yeah comedy so i was like okay check this one out yeah we could do this too i'm like if a man can do it duh fucking duh so that show was fucking amazing but i mean anyways back to the the craziness i really i really wasn't trying to segue into the fmr of it all i was just thinking about crazy shirts and um like a lot of the craziness was so funny you know what i mean girls just being

Starting point is 00:11:01 so drunk and the shit that they were wearing and people you know what i mean like the girls who printed out our heads all big and it was you crying and me toothless like in the crowd like people just did a lot of funny shit but there is a line where a lot of people did a lot of shit that I definitely personally could have gone without and I'm sure that will continue happening as we tour like it's not gonna change um we have that girl rushed the stage in New Jersey that was the most scared I was on tour. That situation was a little unique too because that girl wasn't drunk. So Brooke and I are on stage. We're talking our shit.

Starting point is 00:11:34 And I mean, I never really express this to you because I don't want to project my anxiety onto you before we go out onto stage, obviously. But I, even just the entire time that I'm doing the show, like I'll disassociate for a second and I get really scared. Like I just get paranoid of people and stalkers and scary situations that have happened, whatever. And we're on stage in New Jersey and we're talking our shit. And this girl, she walks up onto stage. Like I don't, it wasn't even like a, cause we've had a couple other stage rushers that we'll get into in a second, but it was like, I think security just thought she was going back to her seat. I thought she worked for the venue. So like, I'm obviously-

Starting point is 00:12:10 She's in black, like- Yeah, she's in black. She had a water bottle in her hand. I thought she was like either bringing us a water bottle. I don't know what I thought, but I'm like staring at her and it took me a second to process. So I was like, just still as can be.

Starting point is 00:12:20 But my girl over here was Usain Bolt. You were out of there and you left me there for dead. Well, here, I think that it's funny because i saw weirdly i saw a lot of tiktoks about the psyche behind it like how certain people are like yeah exactly like i am so flight it is like i couldn't even think like i just you know what i mean but it's because you've had so many things like actually happening i haven't had like a lot of scary situations like that that would make me paranoid. Yeah, that's true. Checking off your to-do list? Here's an easy one from Pennzoil. Get up to a $30 MasterCard prepaid virtual card with the purchase of 10 liters of Pennzoil Ultra Platinum at Canadian Tire. Maximizing engine protection

Starting point is 00:13:00 and getting a reward for it? That's two checks on your list. Pennzoil. Long may we drive. Offer ends 831.25. Valid at participating locations only. Valid email address required. Terms apply. See pennzoil.ca slash offer for details. MasterCard is a trademark of MasterCard International Incorporated. And I think you also just innately are a more benefit of the doubt person than me. Like I am worst case scenario. Yeah, I have blind trust in everybody.

Starting point is 00:13:22 Like that girl was 100%. What was she going to do when she got to me? Because she was literally in am worse. Yeah. I have blind trust in everybody. Like that girl would was 100 percent. What was she going to do when she got to me? She was literally in my lap. Yeah. Like and she wasn't going to stop. I'm like, was she going to hit me, throw water on me, like sit in my lap? I don't know what was going to happen. But and also just that night, I have to just say this right now. Like so we get off stage. So I do run off stage and I'm like backstage like I fall to the floor, like my heart's beating out of my chest. I wanted to cry. Obviously, I have to go back out there. So walk back out I spend the rest of the show like horrified but doing my best and I think it still was a really good we were able to get

Starting point is 00:13:53 back into the rhythm and crack jokes about it and I feel like almost the crowd enjoyed that show more than it not happening because it was so crazy and we were able to be funny about it you know what I mean but after we leave we walk off stage and I'm having the panic attack of a fucking century. Like in that moment, my mind immediately just goes to like, is this even worth it? Like, you know what I mean? Which sucks. Cause I love touring, but like, yeah, like I just, that's how much of a panic attack I'm having, you know? And we get in the fucking car and we're leaving the fucking venue and we're driving out random uber like random fucking uber that we get into and a fan throws herself at the moving vehicle i'm talking like rolls over the car

Starting point is 00:14:34 it's on video there's a tiktok of it i saw i saw the tiktok too it's so different watching that happen and being in the car yeah that's the thing in the photo or in the video it almost looks like like barely anything happened but for us it was like oh my god we just hit someone with our car like yeah she threw herself at the moving fucking vehicle and it was just and the uber driver was so funny about it too he was like man i just got my car washed like and i was trying to like laugh but it just i'm sorry shit like that i you're sorry for coughing you are so fine sister mccall walks in the room. Jay's like, is that my little coffee girl? I was like, God damn it. Like I was just hacking.

Starting point is 00:15:08 Oh, I thought you meant like coffee. Nope. Okay. I was coughing. But shit like that is so fucking nuts to me. I do not condone it at all. I do not like those people. I'm sorry to say it.

Starting point is 00:15:18 Yeah, I think a lot of people like think it's like fun and it's just like how to get your attention. But like, don't please. Like, that's scary. And it's a fun and it's just like how to get your attention but like don't please like that's scary and it's a lot of that and it's it's hard because i really i'm always the type of person to try to put myself into the mindset of that person even the girl who walked on stage i was like maybe she's drunk but then we got dms from her friends after and she was in like a manic episode and that shit it makes it so much scarier too you know also i'm just like confused like i mean about that situation all together but like did the people like where were they

Starting point is 00:15:50 did they let her go that's so true because like if i tried to do some shit like that you're yeah oh i'm you're by your truck yeah like it's just i i don't know and again it we have such a wild fan base that i think a lot of shit is i don't know i think people just think anything goes truly anything else so really about how like how many thousands of people came out and how few real like instances we had it's not like yeah exactly it is like it is the one percent but even just like the people that were doing shit to our bus. It was our first week of tour. It was so crazy. Like I, I felt like fucking Beyonce. Like it was just.

Starting point is 00:16:30 Yeah. I like, I understand the bus thing a little bit more, to be honest, because I feel like that's something I would have done. Like maybe as a teenager, probably not now. That's what I was trying to get into that I try to have the empathy of like, I'm imagining myself as a teenager.

Starting point is 00:16:41 I'm a super fan for someone like, but like, I think it's harder because these girls are like 25 and it's like, so we'd get off the show and we'd get to our bus and there would be a couple hundred people around the bus, like grabbing at everyone, grabbing at the tour managers, screaming mad at us for not, cause I'm not, I don't endorse that behavior. I think it's like, I'm going to get on the bus and it's like I'm not going to do a separate. Maybe a couple of years ago, I would have sat out there and done the second meet and greet outside of the bus and all. But I think that that says, hey, come do this.

Starting point is 00:17:18 And all of our merch girl and our tour manager and all of the people who want nothing to do with that. You know what I mean? It's the same energy showing up at someone's house like we live there yeah and they were like done with our night and we just like you know we're there for all these hours on the windows throwing shit at the windows of the fucking bus waiting there and chanting screaming chanting screaming at our other people again like i think that we sit on this couch every week we choose this so it's like and don't get me wrong these people also chose the job to go on tour with people so I you know but still just seeing like Brie and Ellie and all of them get like screamed at and fucking chased down by these people who are waiting

Starting point is 00:17:54 outside this bus for hours it's just so wild but we eventually all of these things taught us all of the protocols that need to be taken that we never thought would need to be taken and yeah this tour like versus the last one i was literally like holy fuck like what is this yeah it was definitely just a different beast because we our first run was like little comedy rooms and yeah and you know but it just i don't understand what what changed between then and now because it's not like i feel like cancel got like so much bigger or anything but like this situation it felt like unlike anything it was crazy and amazing and so fucking cool. So yeah, we're,

Starting point is 00:18:28 we're honing in on the negative shit. Like I, well, that's just cause it's crazy, crazier to talk about all of the positive shit was like fucking amazing. Like everyone we met when their stories and you know, like it was so fucking fun, like was so fucking awesome.

Starting point is 00:18:44 And the shit that we get to say on that stage even I like I've said this before but when we sit back down on the couch I have to really dial it back because I'm used to just putting it all out there dude it's crazy for the first I mean we had like kind of um a couple shows that we like you know experimented with like in one of the shows I was telling like honestly a horrible story about this guy that I was like kind of talking to like a horrible story was horrible like making him sound horrible he was horrible and I told that story you know 20 times like whatever it is in front of thousands of people each time and that man asked me to dinner last night and so I'm like the canceled fans like especially at the live shows I'm like thank you so much for your loyalty yes I can't God I can't

Starting point is 00:19:23 express that enough I told so many stories that would put me in prison. But really, truly like because I got so much anxiety, like halfway through the tour where I was like, I can't do that anymore. Yeah, it just made me feel guilty. But like it is so crazy that he does not know at all. It's amazing. Like first and last name. Like, I love you guys.

Starting point is 00:19:40 Thank you. I wish so horribly she would just tell the story on the actual cancel podcast because the story is fucking nuts and the man is fucking awful. But I get it. I get it. I will say one thing that I really love. I was saying this yesterday to Jeff and I've been thinking about this a lot is. All of the positive reviews like also mean so much to me, like knowing that people left and are going online and they were like, that was the best night ever is awesome. And I think that every single time we walked off that stage i felt like we gave people a fucking amazing show and i've never been the type of person to gas myself in that way but like

Starting point is 00:20:13 i think the show was fucking incredible worth every penny and like i can't wait to keep doing it and i think that's a really awesome feeling because you never want to leave a tour and feel like did i fucking rob these people like you know what i mean and i agree i feel like yeah the last time even I felt like it was a little bit like cheaper I feel like we tried harder on this one yeah and I think that they still enjoyed it the last time but we were like we were playing Jenga and just exposing influence still yeah still awesome to watch like for the canceled listeners because it was but this was like a great show and I feel like we got so good at it and I'm just I think we're gonna be touring a lot more than we thought we were which is gonna say I do also like now that I know what it is and I know what to expect going out there I

Starting point is 00:20:48 feel like I'm living life now with the show in mind like oh I've been this is gonna be something that I can bring yes it's something I can bring or I'm doing this for the show kind of thing because now I it is more way more serious and And I want to have really, really good stories. Yeah. I'm this fall. I think we're going to be back on the road and just what is coming is sorry. Nuts. Yeah. I got lots of new added dates yesterday. Are we allowed to say that? I mean, not what potential added dates, but yeah.

Starting point is 00:21:18 Okay. Yeah. I can't miss you. No, we didn't. Yeah. If we missed, you know, we fucking didn't. Did anything exciting happen? Like not having to do with the shows.

Starting point is 00:21:30 We did a lot of like family time. We had an amazing team. We had the best tour manager ever. Yeah. You guys will meet her in an episode. We recorded maybe if that ever comes out, but we did just have the best all girls team. And I can't accredit that enough to how

Starting point is 00:21:46 we are as well like I think that we talked about this before we had like we just went and spent every fucking day together and it's it's a lot of work and I wanted before I fucking say that I just want to clarify on the last episode of the canceled podcast we or not the one we shot in Nashville yes the one we shot in Nashville we were talking about how it's a lot of work and everyone was like oh my god so many people have nine to fives how could you say this that is not at all what we were saying that the hours are a lot of work or anything I was saying that emotionally it is unlike anything I've ever done yeah emotionally I think the mental aspect of it is the thing that I think is hard I would like to see all of these people in those comments hating go be perceived

Starting point is 00:22:31 on I mean that's how that's the hard part for me is being perceived and like it doesn't tired sick whatever I want to give every single person that I talk to 100% of the me that they love and expect online. So it is, it's so much emotional. You know what I mean? Like, you know what? It is comparable to me. Like, this is what I, like how I would describe it is like having your own, like having a wedding every night.

Starting point is 00:22:55 You know how like weddings are actually just so stressful because you have to entertain every, every person's there for you and you have to entertain them and make sure they're having a good time. Like, that's how it feels. Like every person you meet, you have to like put on and socially it's like it is hard it's like it's like i have social anxiety as it is and like going to a party i get nervous

Starting point is 00:23:12 about like my interactions and stuff and imagine having to do that like thousands of times it's just like it's hard mentally because after i'm hyper analyzing every single thing like you can't go out on that stage and be fucking chill and like like if your social battery is 100, you have to give it 300 every day, even if you woke up on zero. And that can be a lot mentally. But what I was getting at was we were nervous as to how this would affect our relationship. Like being together every day, like draining our battery like that, working so hard. And I was certain that we were going to come back hating each other. But because I mean, valid, because we literally did not get along at all on the last tour at all and I don't think

Starting point is 00:23:48 we really talked about that that much like we really fought the whole time oh yeah jorts gay and just everything but it's it's funny because we soon realized that 80 of the reason that we were fighting on the last tour was because we did not have the correct team and this team was so amazing like we were having to do the jobs of so many other people and so many other people's stress and and just poor work was being put on to us and our views on that and shit was just they were making us fucking fight and resent each other and like oh my god so many every single little aspect i felt like it was just all bad. But this one, like, first of all, you were never late,

Starting point is 00:24:27 which is my number one trigger. Like my just being late or like feeling like I'm going to get in trouble for something or I'm doing something wrong. And so that was like the main thing. And that just never happened. But even just like all we had to do was our jobs and this team was so amazing.

Starting point is 00:24:41 And with that, it made us, I think we are the closest we've ever met I literally told Hunter that the other night I was like I love her and I've always loved you but I like yeah you know I get mad well and I've always loved you too like please don't ever get that twisted like the way Hunter explained it to me he was like he he's like yeah Tana called me and told me like if Brooke was like this all the time like I, I'm like, damn. No, it's not. That is not how I said that. I hate him.

Starting point is 00:25:09 I wasn't like, I'm normally like pretty high strung. Like that's my personality. And I wasn't this time because I felt like everything was taken care of. And I didn't have like a lot of pressure on me on the back end. Yeah. I think we both were exactly why we love each other. Like the good parts, like we're able to just be who we were fully. And like, I'm not kidding. I'm fucking obsessed with you.

Starting point is 00:25:29 I can't wait to go back on the road. You guys, we'd be on the, in our hotels, like, hello, like I haven't seen you in 12 hours. Like I miss you. I was, I missed you more than ever. Like when I was apart from you, like I feel closer to you than ever. And it's, it was just so awesome

Starting point is 00:25:42 to be in an environment that truly let why we ever became friends in the first place shine. And it's, it was just so awesome to be in an environment that truly let why we ever became friends in the first place shine. And like, I agree. And it was just such a special like experience too. So that's like, it was kind of like, I don't know, it was just so cool to get to do together too. It's like, I thought about that, like, cause comedians and stuff like, like, I guess you, I mean, you still have your friends and stuff on the road, but I think it's so cool that we like literally get to do it together. Cause no one else gets to do that. Yeah. Getting to be a fucking fucking duo it's awesome because we get

Starting point is 00:26:08 to carry each other on a day where one if one of us is on it's like a marriage you know I would have moments like that too where I was like Tana I can't I cannot talk and she's like okay and same like same and we we got to carry each other so much and I don't I'm not I don't want to call it a trauma bond because it wasn't traumatic but whatever you could call that in the opposite. Yeah. Like the, the, whatever that would be in a good way is exactly like we bonded.

Starting point is 00:26:30 I don't know. It's just bonding. Like it was just so like, I would leave my body and look at you on stage and you're talking and I would just be like, God, she's so good. She's so proud.

Starting point is 00:26:40 I am so proud of her. Like, and I know I'm, I'm sure you felt the same way. Like, that's what it was too. I said that literally i'm not kidding i just had this conversation with somebody else but it was like it was i just admired you so much in it because i felt like you were so good at it and like the fact it would i would get stressed out because i would wake up

Starting point is 00:26:55 and i'd have the whole day to think about oh we have this show tonight like what are we going to do or what are we going to say like and you'd wake up at fucking 4 p.m meet and greet is five we haven't even had a conversation and you get up in there up there and you like know everything you're going to say. I'm like, how does she do that? You are so sweet. I admire you so much, too. It's like it is fine to her. Fucked my sleeping schedule, though.

Starting point is 00:27:14 That is one thing. It's great now. I'm back in L.A. I've been up early every day, but probably because we were East Coast, too. So it was like earlier here. Technically, you're like, like yeah i was going to bed at like 6 a.m and waking up at like fucking three yeah so now it's three yeah so which is awesome but for being home but i mean yeah and my insomnia like just me personally on that bus

Starting point is 00:27:36 like i'm not going to bedtime at all like on a moving bus yeah like early so i did that definitely like fucked me a little but i also thrive on that sleep schedule. You also slayed being sober. Thank you so much, Brooke. I, it was, I'm so proud of you. That's like really fucking cool. It was so hard. It was so hard for me.

Starting point is 00:27:57 I will say it made it harder for me that I was drinking, but I like, I don't think I could have done it without it. That's something I want to work on in the future. Cause I don't like, that's not a sustainable sustainable life like I cannot drink every single night yeah but I had to this time I was so scared I mean if I could drink the way that you drink I would have been there drinking with you yeah I wasn't like drunk every night but I every night before I'm going on stage I'm taking three shots at least yeah I mean and again yeah if I could I'd fucking what you know what I mean? I'm like, yeah, the sobriety of it all. This is the, I think this is the longest I've been sober ever. Well, I'm loving it. I think you should keep it up. And I am, I plan on it. I just,

Starting point is 00:28:35 oh man, I don't have fun. Like I used to. And I'm hoping that, and don't get me wrong. Like, I don't, I feel like when I say that it's like, like I do, I get to do other hobbies and in work, I'm the best I've ever been. You know what I mean? In every way, I'm hardworking as fuck and that's fun within itself. But like anything fun, like a fun thing with friends, I just have so much less fun. And it's not that I'm even surrounding myself with like drinkers. It's just like things where people have a drink out.

Starting point is 00:29:04 Like, I get what you mean, but I get just, I don't know. Fun. And it's not that I'm even surrounding myself with like drinkers. It's just like things where people have a drink out. Like. I get what you mean, but. I get just. I don't know. I'm still an active drinker and I'm not having any fun. I also think it's like, dude, I. How old I really fucking feel hits me now. Like how like my body fucking hurts.

Starting point is 00:29:23 Like, no, you're aware of what's real. Yes, exactly. Like walking on Disney. I'm like, oh, my God. Like, i just wish that i could be drinking around the world with all of them at epcot like they're having so much fun and i'm like oh my body hurts like oh like yeah i just you know what i mean like yeah i just don't have as much fun and i would love to figure out how to um coachella is. I'm horrified to do Coachella sober. I fear I'm going to hate it so much.

Starting point is 00:29:53 Well, Mike and Jeff are both sober, right? Mike's not. Jeff is. But Jeff doesn't have that much fun. Like at Coachella. And then I know that that argues the line of like, then is it really fun if you're not having fun sober? But like, yes, it is. Like, yeah.

Starting point is 00:30:08 Walks like a duck. Talks like a duck. I get what you're saying. Like, like a couple shots would just make me enjoy the 14000 steps. That is Coachella. A couple shots would make me enjoy. I wish there was like a socializing that wasn't alcohol that was alcohol. I fully agree.

Starting point is 00:30:24 Socializing with like drunk people and like all of that, like a couple shots would just make that loose and fun and it just won't be. So I'm, I don't know what I'm going to do. I think we'll still have fun. There is a part of me that wants to just drink and I may. I mean, really try to test my moderation.

Starting point is 00:30:42 I think you're not going really with any like extreme drinkers, but like, I know you say it's like kind of just a you thing, but like, I don't know. I don't drink a lot. I drink, but I don't drink a lot and I have a good time.

Starting point is 00:30:53 That's like, that is my biggest goal, dude. Like if I could just fucking figure out moderation, I'm golden. I know, but like, it's like,

Starting point is 00:31:01 that's whatever. Yeah, but we'll see. And we will. It's not like the worst thing in the world. It's not like you're a fucking crackhead. Like if you drink, it's not like a horrible thing, but I really am. I think it's like cool. The streak you have. And it almost like, yeah, the cool, the longer you can go, the cooler, the good of it is like the best thing in the world. And that's why I do love it. And I'm loving life. I'm like the happiest I've ever, ever been. So it's. Yeah. You are so happy.

Starting point is 00:31:25 Everyone says that on like TikToks and stuff. They're like, she's glowing. Hope to have your boyfriend on tour too. Cause it was like, you're just like. It did. I mean, all of it. Like I just, I have no, for the first time ever in my life, I have like no issues in life.

Starting point is 00:31:38 Like, like I'm starting to unpack like old issues that I've like bottled up and shit, but like, like life is just so good and I'm so aware of it and like so grateful. And I don't think I've like bottled up and shit but like like life is just so good and I'm so aware of it and like so grateful and I don't think I've ever felt that way so that's like cool for sure that is very cool that is I'm definitely grateful for that so I signed with um an agency for the first time in my career yay which is so interesting because I just was never the agency type. They didn't want me. I didn't want them. That's so crazy.

Starting point is 00:32:06 Like they should have wanted you all along. I mean. It doesn't make sense though because like hello money. Like that's so much money. And they did. There were agencies that wanted me but the deals were just bad. Like they're like we'll take you and we'll bring you brand deals. But there was no point.

Starting point is 00:32:20 I didn't need agents and agents didn't need me. You know. But I finally just did. And that means that like I have a bunch of meetings coming finally about a book deal yay it's so funny because all these years I was like oh my god I want to release a book like you know what I mean like I'm ready like I have all these stories but I'm so glad I didn't because the mindset that I was in even writing what I have written is so like I'm I'm so excited to really get into writing while I'm this happy and like, I'm, I'm so excited to really get into writing

Starting point is 00:32:45 while I'm this happy and able to reflect with such a clear mind. You know what I mean? Yeah. Versus before. Yeah. I think it'd be so good. I would be so excited. It's so interesting, Brooke. Tell me like, really, I want to know your thoughts on this. So many people did so many bad things to me, Right. And I'm going to write about them. And they are true. Yeah. Are you going to say their names or no? Even if I don't, I think it'll be a situation where people will know exactly who I'm talking

Starting point is 00:33:13 about for the most part. Why do I feel guilty? Like, you know what I mean? Why? It's like, I mean, trust me, you know, I know all about that. They're feeling guilty for no fucking reason. But and so many of these people, too, i'm still like cordial with because i've never spoken out about who what they did to me yeah but listen like so long as you're honest and you're telling it from your actual like perspective you like no one can

Starting point is 00:33:36 really get mad at you for telling a story from how so yeah i know i know i guess i'm i'm severing all these relationships i think by doing that but But what it is just a psychological thing. Why do I care? Not everyone you lose is a loss. One hundred percent. I guess it's just all these weird attachments I have to fucked up people. And I get that. And you want to protect people like because whether you love them now, like if you loved

Starting point is 00:33:57 them ever, I feel that way. Like sometimes they aren't all the bad things. They aren't all. Yeah. And sometimes good people do shitty things. Yeah. And that's it's so interesting. But I have I've been reading a lot of books like i just read jeanette mccurdy's book and even like that must have been so hard for her i guess her mom died so that was

Starting point is 00:34:13 like a cool thing that she was able to like it probably would have been a completely different book had her mom been alive and i think i'm right that's why i don't talk about any family stuff yeah i'm like everyone's still alive yeah i think that's hard i'm writing about a lot of fucking alive people but i don't know it's it's gonna be interesting but that has been bringing up so much trauma and it's kind of hard with the the particular audience you have too because they do just go attack people like crazy and when these people find out shit that was happening to me all these years like i think they're gonna be be like, holy fuck. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's nutty for sure. But I'm excited. I hope you write it soon. Well, yeah, I'm writing it already. Yeah. I'm just I'm I'm getting to real work on that. It's

Starting point is 00:34:53 a goal of mine. But I want to get back to tour. I really like do we tell when we go back out on the second leg, we're not going to tell the stories we told on stage. Yeah. But I think I just I unfortunately accidentally bored myself to death of those stories i know but i'm just trying to feel for the viewer at home well they know they know about the pepper air tag peppa yeah i mean and i don't i don't really want to get into that whole story because i fear that i will go miss wine tour i don't want these people to find these girls in Texas, kidding, who may or may not have put an air tag into a Peppa pig, which is just nutty. I mean, the air tag of it all is a little nutty because it's like our tour schedules online. I don't understand. That's why I think that's why I don't think it's that nutty is because it like

Starting point is 00:35:40 they didn't accomplish anything by doing it. But if they were to do that and like in just regular life, like murderers. Yeah, for sure. a girl putting a tracker on your car or something a girl brought bear spray a giant can of bear spray to our show in new orleans and she was i don't know what her intentions were with bear mace in her pants hard to say because it's like you are in new orleans like one of the most dangerous cities in the world but also like a fire hydrant size can of bear spray is pretty crazy in your pants i new orleans was just nutty as is because it was our first show and i've said it a million times you know how my how i feel about fucking new orleans nothing good ever fucking happens to me there it's so funny because we this is our show i'm like well we talked about this literally on stage but um yeah we got there and this was we we were doing meet and greets originally

Starting point is 00:36:31 after the shows and one show in New Orleans was enough for me to realize that we were never doing that again at all because girls get so drunk and as I love meeting everyone so much we're doing a meet and greet of meeting like hundreds of hammer. Nobody benefits from that because I'm like, they don't want to meet you drunk anyway. They don't remember it. Yeah, I agree. And the second these girls take shots, I think that they're like, how can I sexually assault Tana?

Starting point is 00:36:55 For sure. Like I just said, which is wild. You know what I mean? But after that show, our security was playing Call of Duty on an iPad. We found out we caught him fully. But we found out Mardi Gras had just ended. So like everybody was like done. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:37:10 Like they were checked the fuck out for sure. So that yeah, all of that was just nutty. What was your favorite city? Do you have one or your favorite favorite city? And then also favorite crowd. It is so this is so fucking fucked to say, but I slept all day in 90% of the cities. I did not see them. I didn't see sunlight at all.

Starting point is 00:37:31 Like at all. I like the other day I was laying on the balcony. I was like, God, this feels amazing. Just getting vitamin D. Cause I would sleep, wake up, walk into the venue and walk on. By the way, when I said on that episode that I had 500 steps, I was not,

Starting point is 00:37:44 I was saying that was a small amount. I know, but you even said, you said like, I said, that episode that i had 500 steps i was not i was saying that was a small amount i know but you even said you said like i said did you get a lot of steps and you go no but everyone just missed that bar yeah it got clipped on tiktok and everyone thought i was flexing my 500 steps like that was a lot of steps no not at all i've been trying to get fucking 10 000 since i'm home jesus yeah so i didn't i based my favorite cities on good crowds and i fucking i loved new jersey new jersey is my favorite crowd. Springfield. Wait, Atlanta.

Starting point is 00:38:08 Atlanta. New Jersey was my favorite crowd until we got to Atlanta, unfortunately. Yeah. Atlanta was just San Antonio, Springfield, Atlanta and New Jersey were my favorite crowds by far because they were just so fun and funny and loud. And like they that show in Springfield is great because people were saying shit from the crowd and they were funny. Fayetteville was fun too.

Starting point is 00:38:28 That was the one where they were like, Oh yeah. That was crazy. Favorite city. Why I loved our day in New York. I saw no cities. You didn't really miss much. Like all we would do,

Starting point is 00:38:38 like I would wake up probably like 10. We would go Allison and I, or Paige and I, or whatever, like to get lunch and then I would just sit on the bus until we went to the venue so it wasn't like much I had fun in Florida but I went to like one of the roller

Starting point is 00:38:52 coasters and stuff because our venue was like inside of Universal Studios so we were like which was a huge dream of mine to play that venue I never thought we'd be able to so crazy Hard Rock Live it felt so cool and so kind inside of Universal Studios and every time I'd always gone there I'd be like that must feel so crazy to like play that venue. I never thought we'd be able to. So crazy. Hard Rock Live. It felt so cool and so kind. It's inside of Universal Studios and every time I'd always gone there,

Starting point is 00:39:07 I'd be like, that must feel so crazy to like play that. And I was gagged. And inside that venue, they had all the people who played it like Kanye and like Taylor Swift

Starting point is 00:39:14 and I don't know, a bunch of bands I like, like All American Rejects and The Fray. It was so fun. Stuff like that. It was so cool. I rode a roller coaster at Disney.

Starting point is 00:39:24 You did? No. Well, I didn't. No, you didn't. I rode a roller coaster at Disney. You did? No. Well, I didn't. No, you didn't. I went on Soarin'. She went on Soarin' over California. It was amazing. You would have died

Starting point is 00:39:30 if I went on the Hulk or whatever. Universal was so scary and so crazy. I went on it like seven times. So when we were about to get on Soarin', I was so scared. Mind you guys, if you don't know what that ride is, you literally sit in a seat

Starting point is 00:39:43 and it lifts you up like maybe 10 feet but it looks vr like you're like over the ocean and it was just even that was too much for me i was horrified i was nauseous for hours after like i hate it's so crazy fucking i just hate roller coasters but before we got on everyone everyone was so fed up with me too because you know how i am i'm like is this scary guys i'm asking everyone a million times and all of you were like no Tana like it's fucking fine there's babies on this yes and so I'm I stopped asking everyone obviously to stop being annoying so I I looked it up on TikTok to like actually make sure it wasn't scary for me and now my whole for you page is like roller coasters and it's like making me want to try to face this fear oh i want you to like them so bad it's so fun but it's also just not fear it's what it physically does to me like it

Starting point is 00:40:30 makes me so nauseous it makes my body hurt some of them do like yeah for sure depending on what it is dude i just my bones it hurt all the time i just my mom like when we would go to like fairs and stuff when i was little she wouldn't even give us the option to not go on a ride she'd be like okay pussy like oh okay so now i just go on everything because it's so fun yeah i want to try i'm trying to fix that but i don't fucking know if i will something happened to me wait let me put on putting on lip gloss before you tell a story that you know is gonna get clipped is so i dissolved my lip filler yesterday so so my lip is like peeling off. Yeah, I saw your TikTok. I'm your biggest fan.

Starting point is 00:41:11 It hurt you really bad dissolving it, yeah? It was so painful. Well, last time when you were like, it wasn't painful at all. It wasn't. Everyone always says it's so painful. This was the only time, well, this time it felt like someone

Starting point is 00:41:22 fucking burned my lips on a frying pan. Goddamn. but now i'm Filler free so you guys can Stop bullying me, please had something happen to me during sex Okay, and I have to share it with you because it was traumatic This has never happened to me before. Oh, I thought it had no this was the first time that's why I was so traumatized but One time I had Bell's palsy. Okay.

Starting point is 00:41:47 Bell's palsy. If you don't know, it is similar to whatever palsy Justin Bieber had where your face just like stops working in some ways. Bell's palsy is usually one half of your face. So that happened to me one time. My half my face just stopped working and I was sitting at dinner table and my grandma was like, did you have a fucking stroke? And she freaked out and she had a stroke because she thought I was having a stroke the way you bred

Starting point is 00:42:08 grandma's I'm like no no she didn't really she didn't really have a stroke she had one later but not this time um anyway I had Bell's palsy it's not contagious but she and I had it in the same month which is just like the craziest thing ever because no one ever gets Bell's palsy anyway I fucking had to wear an eye patch because my eye wouldn't close forever and my mouth was like this and it just like it was horrible. That's the only time I've ever experienced something like this where I just literally my face was paralyzed. I am having sex a couple weeks, a week ago, whatever it was.

Starting point is 00:42:35 And can you can you really? OK, I know. I know you hate the details. I don't like what position were you in? I was in the getting eaten out position. OK, OK. I noticed I could not fucking feel my face and I couldn't it was like not like my whole face was numb and I was like I started trying to move my face and I couldn't and I immediately just like went completely panicked and I freaked out and I screamed and I jumped and I went into the bathroom and I tried to smile and I couldn't smile and i'm not kidding this is the face i was making

Starting point is 00:43:06 i swear to fucking god that's the only face i can make goes were you like about to come probably i don't know i was going and i'm trying so hard to start i'm freaking out i'm like and i'm screaming at him i'm like oh my god my face i can't move my face i can't move my face and he's like yes you can like yes you can and i'm like at him I'm like oh my god my face I can't move my face I can't move my face and he's like yes you can like yes you can and I'm like I don't want him to see it so I'm like oh my god it was so traumatic I didn't know what to do I and I'm thinking like I have to cancel the show like what if we have to cancel a show because I can't fucking move my face and I didn't know it was like sexual or anything I thought it was just like something that was happening like another palsy it lasted probably six minutes

Starting point is 00:43:46 but i tried i told all my friends about it after and they were like what the fuck and i googled it i did google it and it says it does happen to people but why i don't know sometimes it'll happen like people can't open or close their hands like during sex. It's like a thing. Brooke Baldwin told me the same exact thing happened to her. And before I even made the face at her, she goes, yeah, my face is doing this. And I was like, she gets me because like, what the fuck? And could you imagine if like he'd been looking at me or something? And all of a sudden I'm like, his dick would have done this.

Starting point is 00:44:28 I don't even know what like a part of me thinks, like, I couldn't even get up and scream. I think I'd put a pillow over and just hope. You think your face is paralyzed and you're going to finish the job? Well, I get really bad Charlie horses like all the time. Okay. Okay. So this happens to me like kind of a lot like we're like my foot dude i don't even know you need potassium i don't i i don't know though i love a good banana you really slay the banana game i love bananas um like because you know how when during sex sometimes

Starting point is 00:45:01 you like curl your toes yeah Yeah. But like you. No, I had to try it. And then I remembered. Like, I just feel like sometimes I'll be curling my toe during sex. And then all of a sudden my foot will cramp up. But it hurts so bad. It hurts so bad. Like on a scale of one to ten, it's like it's like an eight and a half. Like it really fucking hurts.

Starting point is 00:45:21 Right. But every time that happens, like and it hurts so bad. I can't express my feelings. Yeah, like I don't stop. Like I just. I had to stop. But every time that happens, like, and it hurts so bad. I can't express that. Yeah. Like I don't stop. Like I just, I had to stop, but this is someone I'm comfortable with.

Starting point is 00:45:29 So I was like, ah, my face is, doesn't work. If it was like, maybe like a stranger, I probably would have just, I also think foot versus face is like a crazy,

Starting point is 00:45:37 like, you know what I mean? Face was crazy. Yeah. And I was afraid it was permanent. What are you even doing? Cause last time it lasted for a month or two. Really?

Starting point is 00:45:47 Yes. You just had a little eye patch? Some people don't go back to normal after Bell's Palsy. Oh, my God. Captain Hook with your eye patch. Oh, yeah. I can't even. Well, it was just like it droops.

Starting point is 00:45:58 Like your face like droops. Brooke, well, I'm really fucking happy your face went back to normal. Me too. Imagine I was like that. I don't know why i keep giving you guys the example no i someone please don't scream i needed that visual i can't even fucking believe did you go back to sex after no i get that just i'd be so scared that it was gonna happen again has it ever happened when you were jacking off whacking it we talk about whacking it a lot no No, I know. It's never. I mean, this was my first time, my first time getting paralyzed during sex. Comment down below if that's ever happened to you. I can't even actually fucking believe you also got by a ghost. Sorry. One second. You also got.

Starting point is 00:46:39 No, that was a ghost. We stayed in a haunted hotel. Well, you know that I've by a ghost we stayed in a haunted hotel well you know that i've by a lot of ghosts and i thought it would be really cool if we could bond on that oh i'm sorry i had that really weird phase where i was having sleep paralysis and the demons would like do their big one but then i would come in my sleep you know i told you about this she could i know i swear to god i swear to god all the time i've made a youtube videos about it kind of, but I had really bad sleep paralysis for a really long time. But it really felt demonic. And it really felt like something was following me from house to house and people who would sleep in the same bed as me. It would happen to them too. Like I remember this guy I was hooking up with,

Starting point is 00:47:17 like it would happen to me next to him a bunch. And he was like, what the fuck are you talking about? Like, you know what I mean? And then it happened to him. And then he was like, we had the same dream at the same time. It started happening to Ashley, like when she moved in with me, but never before that. It would always be like I would have dreams and it would be people that I know would morph into these demons. But then the demons would do their big one. They'd be like fucking me. But then it'd be so weird or like eating me out or like whatever.

Starting point is 00:47:41 But like we like slay, I guess. But and it was so weird because it was like, I wanted it to stop, but I also like didn't kind of, cause it like felt good, if that makes sense. And then I would wake up all the time to having literal orgasms. That's special. I don't know what to say about that

Starting point is 00:47:56 cause it sounds like weirdly like- But it was scary. Traumatic? I would always wake up really scared and like heart beating out of my chest. And I noticed, I'm so fucking, I'm being so fucking for real right now. I noticed that if I went a long time without coming, it would happen to me more frequently. Do you know what I mean? Oh, so they were looking out for you. So then I would have to make sure that I was on like a good

Starting point is 00:48:22 regimen because I didn't want it to happen. Oh, that's good. So you were just whacking it every day. Not even just enough to keep them away. And it hasn't happened in a long time. A flick of day keeps the demons away. You know that my grandma... My grandma, like, before she, like, really, like really like disappeared she um she like had um like a sixth sense or like she just always had had like a little bit of a like situation going on and she'd seen this guy at the end of her bed like for her entire childhood into adulthood she'd

Starting point is 00:49:01 seen this guy like every night at the end of her bed and she would have like random like little instances where we were like thought she was like a little bit like of a clear clairvoyant situation but when she started having like dementia and like being a little wacko she one time i could hear her from upstairs and she was talking i thought on the phone she's talking talking talking i came downstairs and i asked her who she was talking to and she said she was talking to her dad and her dad was dead so I was like hmm and this was like she was already kind of saying like some weird stuff all the time so I was like what did he say like and she's telling me about what he said and she I forget this lady's name but he was like saying how this lady died she was like in his neighborhood or whatever and i was like how weird and i told my grandpa about it and he was like that's interesting like whatever the lady had died she was exactly

Starting point is 00:49:51 right about the lady dying and when but we don't know why because her dad told her that and her dad was dead that's so crazy brooke that's actually so crazy i know i really believe in clairvoyant people and psychics like Like I just to the fullest extent, cause I've had a lot of weird psychic experiences. Do you want to know something crazy? You sent this TikTok to the group chat the other day, right? Of a lady who had a message for me. Oh, who said you're going to have a baby with a man who looks like he can throw a tree. She also was giving me this message from my grandma, essentially like, I don't need to put the TikTok like in the podcast,

Starting point is 00:50:25 but, like, she's a tarot card reader, and she talks about all of her clairvoyance all the time, and I guess her daughter watches me, so it made her have a message come through to me from my grandma, right? And I've told you the story before about how my grandma came through to me at Jojo Siwa's house. Oh, yeah. Right? Okay.

Starting point is 00:50:44 Is her name, like like Marge or something? Not at all. Is she right? I don't understand that. But here, just quickly of the grandma story, I'd been having all these dreams about my childhood and about my grandma's always in my dreams and all this stuff. And she had died and whatever.

Starting point is 00:50:58 And I was at Jojo Siwa's house. This psychic comes up to me. She tells me that my grandma and my grandpa are there and they're giving me a message. And she starts imitating their voices like completely. And they were like, my grandma was Southern, had a really high pitched Southern voice. My grandpa was Southern. He had a very like low raspy. And she's imitating them perfectly. And I'm like, this is so weird. Like how would you know that? Right. And so my grandma always had a hummingbird feeder in her yard and she would just sit there in the living room in Texas and watch the

Starting point is 00:51:25 hummingbirds come to the feeder like all day every day oh that's my grandma does that too she loves birds still now she loves birds she just watches I love that and so that was like a big memory of mine being really little and watching the hummingbirds with her and my grandpa I think he knew he was gonna die I don't know why, but he always told me and my mom, like if I die and you ever see a white or a yellow butterfly, it's me. Right. And at his funeral, a bunch of butterflies sat on his casket,

Starting point is 00:51:52 the entire funeral. And until the service was over, all these white butterflies. And until the service was over, they flew away when the service was over. And it was just like very beautiful and like interesting and like whatever. And even just like now, if I think about him,

Starting point is 00:52:04 like the next day I'll see a white butterfly, like always, whatever, you know, and the psychic comes up to me and she's like, they're painting me a picture of hummingbirds and butterflies. And I was like, that is so weird because I've never talked about this on the internet. Absolutely ever. And then she told me my last memory with my grandpa, the last time I ever saw him, we were at a beach in Galveston, Texas, and I was wearing a purple swimsuit. And like, I remember it, whatever. And she told me about that. She was like, he, he keeps replaying me this image of him holding you on a beach and you're in a whatever and blah blah so I was like crying and it was just it was really crazy right so ever since then I like I believed in that and I also knew that like my grandma I don't know she's coming

Starting point is 00:52:37 forward she's doing her big one right and so I obviously I didn't tell you this, but a couple before our last show, I just was having all these interesting dreams about my grandparents and my parents. And, you know, I get sad sometimes like it is just sad. Like I see I'm doing this whole big fucking world tour and I don't have I wish my parents could have been a part of my life and see their daughter do these things. And I wish they were good people. And all that stuff just makes me sad sometimes. That's how I ended up sobbing over my egg salad sandwich.

Starting point is 00:53:10 Yeah. It's like whenever really big, good things happen and you want to share it with someone you can't. It's like the shittiest feeling. Yeah, it really just is. And obviously just the deep sadness of just wishing I had parents who were good people will always be with me. And I ended up really crying to Makoa about it.

Starting point is 00:53:24 Like just on the last night of tour, like I just for some reason I was really sad about it. And he you know, he was really there for me and amazing and whatever, blah, blah, blah. And I went to bed that night and I had all the same dreams like my grandma and whatever. And then you send this tick tock of this psychic woman saying that my grandma came to her to tell her, like, I'm going to be a good mother one day and like oh how interesting like you know what i mean like be able to like rewrite that and like in her captions she put like you've clearly been through a lot that'll make me cry isn't that kind of crazy and interesting i know i didn't cry on tour until the last day same i don't know and i think that's

Starting point is 00:54:03 also just the rush of emotions. Like at the end of that, I felt the same way. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, yeah, it's I'll cry, too, if I really get into it. But it was just kind of back to being emo. That is crazy. You are going to be a good mom.

Starting point is 00:54:17 But is that I definitely think so, too. But I just think it's so weird that like, what are the odds of that? Like out of the day after? Like I showed it to McCall and I was like, how weird is weird is the like timing of this psychic when we were just having this conversation last night my grandma really just has her big one coming through to the psychic damn oh my god we're talking just like it yeah that's a little nutty or anyone um yeah but you didn't cry on tour and i didn't i was really like mentally better i think on tour i think you really i had less time to like sit in my my own head yeah and i'm proud i was proud of you for also being on your regimen because you know the like i think

Starting point is 00:54:53 that gabba penton really helps you did oh my god i would have died if i hadn't had that dude like thank thank fucking god for ssris and shit. I don't know what Wellbutrin is. It's not an SSRI though. I don't have good experience with SSRIs. Gabapentin, I don't also know what that's for. I'm pretty sure it's like for nerves or like your actual like nerve damage. Oh really?

Starting point is 00:55:15 Oh yeah, that's what they made it for. But it helps me just not. I think you were just so anxious. Like your emotions were just so regulated. I was so happy for you. Cause I was like, oh my, this is awesome. I was very preventative about it. If I felt like I even had one thing that was like slightly triggering, I would just take something because. But obviously, like no one wants the negative parts of their fucking mental shit to like come forward. But I was I felt so happy for

Starting point is 00:55:40 you like the entire time. I was like, I was very happy to like it awesome but yeah I feel you about the rush of emotions after though it's nutty yeah it was a lot yeah and I just like I think also I like wasn't there's like probably a lot of things that I would have normally been like working through and thinking about that I wasn't so then like as soon as I my responsibilities were done with I was like oh fuck I feel the exact same way yeah that's yeah because exactly like all anything you're going through you got to put on the motherfucking back burner during that shit yeah you know or anything you feel god i really feel for people like who just tour always like i don't know i i just didn't really understand what it was like and i remember watching like not the tour like

Starting point is 00:56:22 nothing it's not like this negative thing, but like it is really fucking like draining. I remember like watching like Billie Eilish's documentary and I'm like, God, if I could do that, it would be the best thing in the world. But it's like everyone else's lives are going on alone and you're living the same day over and over and over again. And it like is kind of like. I hated how much people misconstrued what you're saying. Yeah, I don't want it to sound like ungrateful or like out of touch, but it is just like it's just it is mentally hard. Every single person would find it mentally hard of touch but it is just like it's just it is mentally hard every single person would find it mentally hard i think it is like even just that living the exact exact same

Starting point is 00:56:51 day over and over again and i don't mean that i know that people who go to their job live the same day over and over again but that is not what i mean like but they're still able to socially interact with people differently and have just, just different things go through their brain. Yeah. I compare it almost to like watching the same movie over and over and over again with your hands tied behind your back. Like, and just having,

Starting point is 00:57:16 you know what I mean? Like you can't. And the good parts are awesome, but yeah, just mentally it's, no, it's amazing. It's a great movie,

Starting point is 00:57:21 but that is why it's an amazing movie. That's why all artists who usually artists who tour for the most part unless you're fucking taylor swift but i like artists who tour a lot go crazy like it it makes perfect fucking sense to me why like just i don't know i also get the ass the the side of it where it's like no one wants to hear anyone in our position complain about and i'm i loved it so much more than any negative side of it where it's like no one wants to hear anyone in our position complain about that. And I loved it so much more than any negative side of it. Like, I can't wait to fucking do it forever. Well, that's the thing now.

Starting point is 00:57:51 It's like at the time I was like, oh, my God, I'm so tired. Like, I can't wait to be home. But now I'm like, oh, that was fun. Let's go. And I think that the live shows like just with Coachella in these next few weeks and like you said, living with shit in mind is these next live shows are going to be fucking insane for sure. like you said, living with shit in mind is these next live shows are going to be fucking insane for sure. I think it's also I just I really like got in my head about the gratitude of how cool it

Starting point is 00:58:10 is to sit down, start with gratitude to 6000 people, really, let's say we play two 3000 shows, right? And have inside jokes with all of them. It was like that was the coolest takeaway is like, how cool is it that we get to go out here and like have inside jokes with all these fucking yeah like funny girls like that was just the coolest thing in the world to me and just that it's almost all girl like that's the most thing ever like it was all girls and gays and boyfriends who got dragged we had an entire bit where we would like talk to the four men in the crowd who got straight men who got dragged by their girlfriends and about how like it's all downhill from here for them because like it's it's for the girls and the gays for the

Starting point is 00:58:48 most part you know but yeah oh my god i'm just excited to go back out i really fucking am me too and i promise it's just gonna keep getting better and better so you go ahead and buy those tickets i think they're sold out nope no i don't know anymore can we talk about p diddy for a second sure the police went and they raided his house but it's it's so clear that it is not a silly little raid okay they're not looking for guns they're not looking for you know what i mean like they're raiding all of his houses now like wherever they all are and he's fleeing and meeting with sketchy people and hopping on planes and all this fucking shit, right?

Starting point is 00:59:25 Shit like that just interests me so much. Like I go down the rabbit hole, right? And last night I'm on Makoa's phone and his For You page is all that shit. Because his For You page pretty much is just a guy's For You page as is. So it's like already rap shit and whatever. So all he has to do is watch two P Diddy videos for that to be his whole. So I took his phone. I was looking at his For You page page watching all these videos on it and it is just so the fucking definition of that shit being right

Starting point is 00:59:51 under our nose the entire time the amount of celebrities like Kat Williams and just so many people who have been saying for years like P Diddy is trafficking these children and people and nobody did anything about it it is so fucking nuts to me yeah i i don't know i've never heard about it but i also don't fucking hear about p diddy in my day like in my life look at this tiktok that i need to i did go to his house what with isabella i think wait yeah i went with isabella to p diddy's house yeah in miami any more lore? No.

Starting point is 01:00:26 Like just a party and it just happened to be his house? It was only a few of us, but. How did you get invited? I don't remember. I know it was in Miami and I've only been to Miami two times. Once with you

Starting point is 01:00:38 and once with someone else or with my other friends. Oh, wait, maybe it was with my other friends. I don't know. We all went to his house. It's like this Asian,ian um like japanese style like beautiful house how like i'm one of your girlfriends just happened to get invited and you went yeah or it was like so like someone we were with was like let's go to diddy's house and i was like you slay let's go

Starting point is 01:00:56 to diddy's house and he was there but nothing happened i well i'm really happy nothing happened that's fucking nuts, Brooke. Okay, like, look at this. Hey, did y'all ever see this whenever Diddy went live with this girl right here? My name's Ava. I'm a Scorpio. No, no, no. What's your last name?

Starting point is 01:01:14 Ava Cone. What's your other last name? Like, her even just starting off, my name's Ava, I'm a Scorpio. Like, that's weird. Yes, it's breaking news. Diddy adopted a white child. I want you to tell them the story about how I adopted you.

Starting point is 01:01:30 But you still have to. And it's, she just, you watched the whole video. Her eyes look so scared. She's like, Diddy took me off the streets. And like all these men are behind her like laughing. Like, and it's just, it's fucking weird. And then all the comments are saying that she's this girl ava grace baldwin who went missing when she was six years old oh and like that that's what and then like orlando bloom like from disney

Starting point is 01:01:54 channel remember orlando bloom of course he did an interview like a year ago saying like all these kids go missing and like then they're showing up in like commercials and they're at Diddy's house and they look just like the missing child that's still missing and obviously like something is really serious about it but like I'm in the way my brain works I'm like there's just no way like people really do that the way we analyze shit is just so different because I'm like no I know it's real of course like it's so real and it's so serious but like it just blows my mind because i'm like i can't it's kind of the same way i feel about like like i remember watching like the turpin documentary and thinking like how did those two people find each other like yeah how do you find out that like

Starting point is 01:02:39 your um spouse or whatever it is is also interested in doing this like crazy fucking like horrible, abusive shit. I think it's so much of things like that have to do with grooming. Yeah. Because even like I was just saying earlier in my book shit, I think about so many things that essentially I was groomed into situations of like doing, you know what I mean? And it like you trust people and they make you think it's normal. And they make you. Yeah, that's I guess what I'm saying is like, I just can't imagine like, who's the first person to say like, oh, yeah, by the way. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:03:12 You into sex trafficking? I know. And you know what I mean? But it definitely just is never set like that. Like, it's probably just slowly. I mean, it's become like more and more normal until it's like really far from anything. Like, I think I really i like i'm and i've been going down the rabbit hole like i just want to know why like why was diddy allegedly

Starting point is 01:03:32 doing these things like why there's no amount of money that could make that yeah it can't be money but is it some illuminati shit where he's he was blackmailed into this shit and well i also saw something like where people were saying he's the fall guy like that like they're gonna use him or the government i don't i don't like i don't not a conspiracy theorist or anything but like i think everything like that that's not so out there for me to think about like same with like epstein that is it's so true like one person just becomes the face of it when in reality it's hundreds of sick people. Yeah, so that a lot of people can get away with it and keep doing it. I mean, I'm lucky to be able to just like, but it makes me just, I can't think about the fact that that really happens in life. I know. That's also how I felt watching this Quiet on Set documentary.

Starting point is 01:04:17 I was debating on if I even had anything to add to it and maybe I don't. But did you watch it? I haven't watched it yet. It's so fucked up and so interesting. I really I loved Drake Bell so much growing up. He's one of my first concerts and I really loved him. And what happened to him is insane and so fucked up. People are listening because it's Drake Bell.

Starting point is 01:04:38 But I can imagine obviously that's what the whole documentary is about is how many other child stars this shit happened to. And I'm sure I guess you and I also did have very different experience. We've had very different life experiences. And you are very lucky to have kind of come into this as an adult. And Trevi and I talk about this a lot, like about how we were kind of the first round of child stars in the internet, in the social realm. I, like I said, I ended up reading Jeanette McCarty's book and all that. And like Dan Schneider definitely was just the fall guy. Like there, there are so many other guys who are just like him. And it really had me thinking

Starting point is 01:05:15 about so much shit I saw at like 15 and how sexualized I was. And like, yeah. And you think it's normal when it's happening, but like, it's not until you really like, and you think it's normal when it's happening but like it's not until you really like and reading Jeanette's book was so interesting to read from a child's perspective who had a parent who forced them to do it all my parents just weren't smart enough had they known they could have fucking sold me the fucking Joe Schmo like they would have like you know what I mean and it's like I'm grateful that I, it was your own choice, my own choice. So everything was my own choice, but I can't imagine had things like, I still got roped into so much shit where I was made. Like, I can't even imagine the other way fucking around. And it's like, I don't even know. It makes me like, I hate Hollywood so much. And it's so sad

Starting point is 01:06:02 that all of this, all child stars, it stems from children's joy. Like, and yes, there are the cases like Jeanette who didn't want to do it, but like Drake Bell, he wanted to be an actor. He wanted to be. Yeah, more often than not,

Starting point is 01:06:11 it was my fucking dream. I would have died. Like I used to look at like Hannah Montana and shit and I'm like, oh my God, I would do, I would beg my grandma

Starting point is 01:06:18 to take me to auditions and stuff. And like Amanda Bynes, like all of that, like how they just wanted to do of that like how they just wanted to do that yeah they just wanted to go do something and have fun and like it ended up

Starting point is 01:06:27 just being like such a traumatic horrible experience yeah and like it's just the robbing of childhood yeah is so crazy I feel like I experienced

Starting point is 01:06:37 a taste of that but I can't even imagine all these children who just fully had their fucking entire childhood robbed it's so nutty to me yeah just all diddy everything just fully have their fucking entire childhood robbed. It's so nutty to me. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:06:46 Just all, diddy, everything. Just like, it really is just, Hollywood can be such a sick, sick place. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:06:54 I'm just glad it's becoming, or it's like, it's not going to be normal, you know, like in 10, 20 years. Like nobody, it's not going to happen the way that it has like historically,

Starting point is 01:07:08 because it's like people were getting away with it. So they were, they kept doing it's getting away with it starting now you know what i mean like yeah which is great good and they should be afraid but like i'm even very happy to see how much these mommy vloggers and shit are now getting called out for their fucking behavior as well because that as they should ren's mom fuck you fuck that bitch and it's so funny because i follow ren i that like her videos were my favorite thing in the world i know it's hard to she was my dream and i have an innocent mind so i'm watching it and i'm like oh my god she's so sweet she's the sweetest cutest little girl in the world it's like my dream fucking you know what i mean like like oh my god she's just a dream having her as a dream but to think that all of that was just to like exploit her is so crazy and i've always felt some type of way about

Starting point is 01:07:54 family channels and all that and then the line of that is so nuts and that mom did you see that the mom who had her kids like chained up and tied up and she was a fucking blogger and she was so had so much money like it oh my god it makes me fucking sick and did you you know she journaled i don't know her name and they have like the most beautiful home you've ever seen and like it's just like it's like a six million dollar house and lucky for those kids in a way that she journaled it she you know she journaled all of it. Like, and she was writing like, they are the devil.

Starting point is 01:08:26 So I have to, I'm not going to feed them so that the debt, like she, she's clearly off her fucking rocker. And it's, I'm so happy she got caught, but isn't it fucking crazy too, that she only got up to 30 years for what she did to those kids.

Starting point is 01:08:41 So, so stupid. What? Yes. Ruby Frank. Why did I think Amanda? It's like the Turpins. It's literally like

Starting point is 01:08:49 the Turpin family. It just doesn't make sense. Like, I can't imagine two people coming together and both being okay with that. Like, I couldn't agree more, dude. I really couldn't. But yeah,

Starting point is 01:08:57 I think the dad got nothing. She got up to 30 years and you know she's gonna get like five with parole. I actually don't know enough about this to like, I really have only seen like little things, but I saw the pictures of their like duct taped hands and feet.

Starting point is 01:09:13 Yeah, and they were down there for like days and he escaped. And it's so crazy because in all the vlogs then, people went back and put all the pieces and she's like, her oldest son, it's like he didn't, he wasn't grateful to go somewhere with us. So we took his room away. He'd been sleeping on like a mat and like you're loaded and you're just all of the all the psychological torture that that was like nothing in comparison. But I just saw that clip and it's like the judicial system blows my fucking mind.

Starting point is 01:09:36 Like people are in jail for the rest of their lives for marijuana. And this woman is going to walk free one day. And it is so crazy, too, because on the opposite opposite end of it too, there's a lot of people who literally lose their children over like things, like actual good parents who lose their kids to like CPS and stuff like that.

Starting point is 01:09:53 Like it is, it's just everything is so fucking wonky and horrible. Yeah, it's so fucked up. She burns in fucking hell. I'm so for real. And even just that, it's like now do they go into foster care?

Starting point is 01:10:04 Like the turpin situation is so sad how all those kids got separated and had a way more fucked life yeah and are abused in foster care it's fucking horrible i would love to be a foster parent one day it's really cool like i just we had a foster mom carrie who like took she was like our family yeah because she would like you know my sister would live with her time to time like my cousins always lived with her and stuff and she was um Lila and uh Natalie and everyone met her and all like the whole family because she's still like a part of our family so much but it is cool but it's I don't know if I could um like emotionally handle it because like you get so attached to the kids and then you know Ari and all his best friends are 50 years old. Ari's best friend T is,

Starting point is 01:10:47 she's like a second mom to him, but she fosters kids. And every single time she takes one into foster, she just ends up keeping them. And now she has like nine kids. Carrie has like 11 kids. Yeah. Like that may,

Starting point is 01:10:56 I think they're all her kids now. I like, I, you know, I never want to give birth. Like I could see myself really living that life. Like I think it's so fucking cool. I don't know.

Starting point is 01:11:04 That's how I, that's why I can't foster kittens because I'll end up with more. I'm getting myself a second cat. I wanted to do it. Honestly, I would would have done it now. But yeah, we're going to go back out. So I'm going to wait till we get home home. I want a pet so bad.

Starting point is 01:11:20 But I can't have one yet. Yeah, you can't. Yeah. But you could pet Murph. I can pet Murph and Makoa is like my sexy pet. So that's fine. I'm kidding. So I'm holding him hostage. He's finally

Starting point is 01:11:34 leaving tomorrow. And I'm so fucking sad. I hate long distance. You'll have to hang out with me. Boyfriendless. I am very excited. Just kidding. I have 10 boyfriends. I am going to vegas tomorrow um i'm going home for easter but i'm also just going to fucking vegas hunter's there and a bunch of people are there right now and i'm gonna go gamble and i'm so fucking excited to go fucking

Starting point is 01:11:56 i heard this rumor that bruno mars um is 50 million dollars in gambling debt yes i i think i debunked it yeah it's actually it's not true but i believed it was true for like a week and i was like oh it's just so because like in my head i'm just like oh it's so light and fun but it's like people really fucking go under people kill them it's like their number one reason people kill themselves i know i i really i i do it in moderation the way that like i how much i gamble is honestly perfectly fine which is good but it is getting so interesting like tomorrow the hotel i always gamble at they booked me a big that suite for much I gamble is honestly perfectly fine, which is good, but it is getting so interesting. Like tomorrow, the hotel I always gamble at, they booked me a big, that sweet for free. They're

Starting point is 01:12:29 sending me, you're in that you're at that level. They're sending me a Rolls Royce to pick me up for my flight tomorrow. Like, yeah, you're gambling too much money. It sounds, I am. I think I'm in, but I've been winning. Like I really, how much I've spent is like, cause the poker keeps me good because I play these tournaments for hours and I win like five ten grand so then in my head it's like okay I've won this amount of money so then if I go to Vegas right now and I gamble like two thousand dollars do you know what I mean yeah but you don't ever gamble two thousand dollars you always gamble more than two thousand dollars that was a I just bold baseline uh-huh yeah no you're right probably the whole 10 but this is just like the drinking

Starting point is 01:13:09 there's no such thing as moderation there's i i think i still really really genuinely if i if i went to my life's total like i'm not down crazy like i i think that yeah i'm good like i really fucking am but not good at gambling i mean mean, like I'm chilling. Like I haven't done too. Yeah. I haven't done too much yet in this life. I'm just scares me. I'm not at a level yet where I feel like I can just bleed money and I re I'm not bleeding it. I swear. I swear, swear, swear, swear, swear, swear, swear. It's like, I know, but even like, I don't think I've had enough fun gambling for it to be like, like a fun thing to do. I think it really it just feels like I'm just like putting money in the trash. And I unfortunately, my childhood has so much. It feels like home to me. It feels like my childhood, like I like that. So I mean, I love going to Vegas and I love

Starting point is 01:13:59 gambling, but I mean, I don't fucking know. I'm trying so hard, you guys, to I'm playing in another poker tournament on the 19th. This is a small tournament and I'm so excited. And again, they're flying me out. They're paying for me to enter the tournament. Everything is free. So I'm so stoked. But the company is begging me to have Brooke join me. Here's why I think here's why I want you to hear me out okay you get flown out for free your hotel room is free and you are playing in this tournament and the winner wins 15 grand second place is 10 grand third place is five grand right so you are going for free with a potential to walk away having won money but i don't know how to play poker but i want to teach you so bad and i don't

Starting point is 01:14:44 learn to play poker and then play in a celebrity poker tournament and the same fucking 24 hours. So many people that played in that last tournament that made it to the final table had never played in their entire life. It is not rocket science. It is not rocket science. And do you know why that I have to have this conversation with her on the podcast?

Starting point is 01:15:01 Because every time I've tried to have it in real life, she's like, fuck no, fuck you. Shut up, bitch. Like, this is the only place i can get you to even like humor the conversation because i just i want to like that it's a life skill like i want to know how to play poker but like not yet please please and they're begging for you to play in this

Starting point is 01:15:18 tournament it's the 19th i think we could really go 19th of April. Oh, wait, I have something. Let's go look. And I think you'd actually be good at it. And Brooke, I feel like it's also like you love. You can't even go the April 19th. We're like literally. We're leaving the 24th. Oh.

Starting point is 01:15:38 And I'm hopefully coming home with some money bags, sister. Here's the thing, Brooke. You also love anything that like. I'm in Arizona. No, you're not. You have a bridesmaid's lunch on the 21st. They're right next to each other. It's one day.

Starting point is 01:15:55 I think you love anything that like you can beat a man at. And I think you love anything too that like. I've never beat a man at anything. You know what I mean though anything you know what i mean though you know what i mean and poker is like kind of like like it's in line with my pick me more like my pick me tendencies and hear me out brooke in the last year i have never had more straight men stop me to praise me about my poker skills since i've started doing it publicly today my gardener my gardener was like i was on facebook and i saw you playing poker and you're actually really good and we started

Starting point is 01:16:32 talking about poker i swear to god today like and i if we could do it together and maybe it maybe i won't say no imagine beating me too i'm not gonna feel so what if i what if i'm hustling you so hard what if i'm like literally a poker champion you would be i just i'm begging you to play in this tournament and i have to get you to commit in the next couple days in order to do it and i'm i'm not stopping i'm not and any hobby you want all you can you can swindle me roller coasters deal i will i will go on a full roller coaster day with you if you go to this poker tournament with me y'all heard that six flags but i'm gonna take six bars kidding but um maybe we'll see she's not gonna do it comment down below if you think i should play in the poker tournament i just think i and i i really it's not like I'm not trying to stage mom you.

Starting point is 01:17:25 Like, I think you would have fun. I think you would enjoy it. And you'd be like, fuck yeah. Maybe. We'll see. We will see. Well, yeah, Mako's apparently leaving within the hour. So I'm going to go try to convince him not to.

Starting point is 01:17:36 OK. I have to take a picture. But I love you. And I had so much fucking fun on tour. I love you. And I'm happy to be home. And these next few weeks, I i fear are going to bring us a lot of podcast content and we just love you guys again i i know i said it in the last solo

Starting point is 01:17:50 episode but thank you for all the opportunities that you've brought us you are our family and our best friends and we can't wait to go hug you again yeah and we love you if you came to the shows and if you didn't but mostly if you did and yeah let us know in the comments below anything you want to see on the canceled podcast. Cause we, I fear that a couple of those stacked episodes were not to the caliber up to, up to par. They weren't,

Starting point is 01:18:12 please let us know anything you would want to see or hear anytime soon. Goodbye. Love you.

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Cancelled with Tana Mongeau & Brooke Schofield - 77: A PSYCHO FAN ATTACKED US ON STAGE…- Ep. 77

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