Cancelled with Tana Mongeau & Brooke Schofield - 95: BROOKE IS BEING BLACKMAILED…

Episode Date: September 14, 2024

On this episode of the Cancelled Podcast Brooke gets blackmailed. Start your free online visit today at https://forhers.com/CANCELLED Hers Weight Loss is not available everywhere. Compounded products are not FDA-approved or verified for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required. Restrictions apply. Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at https://shopify.com/tana  Tana Mongeau Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tanamongeau/ Tana Mongeau Twitter: https://twitter.com/tanamongeau Tana Mongeau TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@tanamongeaulol Brooke Schofield Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brookeschofield/ Brooke Schofield Twitter: https://twitter.com/BroookeAmber Brooke Schofield TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@brookeschofield1 Brooke Schofield YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzCVovj7tfqnV2lIkaVk35A Produced by: https://instagram.com/oscaralva

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From tires to auto repair, we're always there, treadexperts.ca. Hello and welcome back to the Cancelled Podcast. Hello. Hello. Honestly, I need to get something off my chest. Like flamediately? No, I mean, if you want to start, you can. I can't stop with flamazing and flamediately.

I think you need to flastop. I literally need to flastop right now, but I literally flacant. No, you need to get something off your chest. What's up? Okay, so I have a lot of fears in life and one of them like one of my major ones i think this is like pretty common is that somebody's watching me back through my screen you know what i'm saying like like like they say that sometimes you can like hack and you oh my god i taped my laptop screen for like years yeah so that's something i'm like very aware of okay already so if you're like reading do you face your phone to the ceiling I taped my laptop screen for like years. Yeah. So that's something I'm like very aware of. Okay. Already.

So if you're like rating, do you face your phone to the ceiling? A hundred percent. Oh my God. Okay. I get it. Okay. Totally not from personal experience.

That's what I was getting at, but I didn't want to say those words like straight up. Um, I get an email the other day with, that's my apartment, not my current apartment, but my last apartment. Can you just read that oh my god wait i want to read it to the people or you should you read it to the people you don't want to read the whole thing but like get the gist what brooke it's so

weird like when i watch things like this happen to you because it's like yeah like a normal person would be like probably calling the police but no but also most people would not be like, oh my God, this happened to me. Like this is. Okay, go read this. So basically somebody sent me like it's literally a photo outside my apartment. Okay. And I don't live in my old apartment, but still, I mean, that was my building. So that's scary.

I suggest you read this message very carefully. Take a moment to chill, breathe and analyze it thoroughly because you're about to discuss a deal between you and me and I do not play games. You don't know anything about me, whereas I know you very well. And right now, you're wondering how, right? Well, you've been treading on thin ice with your browsing habits, scrolling through filthy videos and clicking on links,

stumbling onto some not-so-safe sites. I actually placed a spyware software called blah, blah, blah. Basically, they say, oh, what have I done? I've been keeping tabs on your pathetic little life for a long or a while now. It is simply your misfortune that I saw your bad deeds. I gave in more days than I probably should have looking at your data, extracted quite a few or quite a bit of juicy information out of your system. And I have seen it all.

Yep. I've got footage of you doing filthy things in your room. Nice setup, by the way. Is that not the fucking most eerie what do they mean nice setup like they're saying like they know what my room looks like like nice setup are you buying like weird viruses on the dark web that i should know about are you gonna kill me with a wild staph infection i just saw a netflix episode about that someone no i saw that too okay yes you're doing none of that. Bad roommates or whatever. Yes. Or like whatever.

Okay. Anyway, I have, hold on. I then developed videos and screenshots where one on, where on one side of the screen, there's videos you had been playing. And on the other part is you doing inappropriate things. Basically it's saying that they like recorded me master reading, which I know better than to think you could have done that

because I am preventative. I have been fearing this moment for a long time I have already thought this one through okay but basically the gist is no chat roulette no nothing weird no cam girls

nothing nothing but they did give me an amount that I could send them in bitcoin in order to have this wiped. Both of them for you to even for like for them to assume that you know, first of all, what am I fucking FaZe Banks? What the hell is Bitcoin? Anyway, I didn't send the money, obviously. So if you guys see any weird stuff circulating, it's AI. I can't believe you save this for the podcast. I'd be I'd be losing it because it's

things like that and people like that. But exactly what they want to get out of you is you to be paranoid for no reason. Just about like living your normal life. Yeah. And but I'm like I fall victim every time. Like then I'm like what did I do? But what's scary is that that was like really a photo of my building. Yeah.

They're like you were looking at these really weird dresses on Revolve. Like I just can't imagine you doing weird shit on a computer. But people also like but people don't strike me as that person yeah and i don't i'm like already paranoid like i don't do anything weird on the computer so you think it's just like a weird person with like one percent hacking skills who's like no it's like it's a thing i saw another scam that's been going on lately where like people do like that you know how you can make a like make people call each other like they're calling me all the time they're calling people like as the police department saying like you have warrants out for your arrest like blah blah and like getting people to spend money in order to like get things wiped and then it's like not a real thing basically like there's so many ways to scam people but i'm not getting

scammed today because i have better things to spend do you think that has something to do with your fame or do you think that this person is no i'm sure that that happens to like a bunch of people but because because it's like addresses are public information like or not public information but like you can find most of my previous addresses online that's like a thing yeah you have to start putting them in like a fake name a fake name i do now but didn't then. Yeah. So anyway. Okay. Cyber bully the movie. Like, isn't that kind of scary? Just wild.

That's so wild and creepy. Well, as long as you're not like doing weird shit on chat roulette, you're, you don't know that many Bitcoin. And honestly, I could use like, well,

no, it's going to say like Kim Kardashian slayed it with a sex tape. I feel like worst case scenario, you see what? Me walking around my house naked? Oh, no. Yeah. It's not the end of the world. I didn't get these tits for nothing.

See, we just don't relate in that realm there. I'm just. Oh, I was thinking about it today because, like, there's a building outside my window that's been out of construction for, like, six years. And I had one of my boyfriends there this morning and he was like they can just see right in here and i'm like yeah i give him a show every day but sometimes do you ever just have really ugly sex like i feel like no that's not the kind of show i'm talking about i'm talking about like me like making a scrambled egg with my titties

out okay yeah no i'm not like but are you never not just swinging swinging around in that way i just feel like sometimes i i put my hot girl pants on but sometimes i'm just doing fucking fugly shit naked or i'm having like every time you and mccall have sex like afterwards i'm like sometimes i'll be like that wasn't like if that was the sex tape like if that was a hidden camera like i'd be fucking livid like you know what i mean just starfish like yeah because if it looks good it's probably not good yeah it's yeah but also like they don't work at night and I also only work at night so wait who doesn't you know what I mean I'm not like just like getting rails in the middle of the day yeah yeah well I wish I were I don't like daytime sex though oh I do I love it do you prefer morning sex yes overnight sex see I just I don't want to see though oh i do i love it do you prefer morning sex yes overnight sex

see i just i don't want to see anything in broad daylight like i prefer the darkness no i'm what are you seeing i don't know like i'm not like a guy being like like while he's coming oh my god like in broad daylight you have to do that i don't know it's just who i am no but i'm just thinking like oh i just opened my eyes. And? Behind me. But have you ever had some morning sex where you were like, fuck, I wish it was dark out for this one? I mean, I'm sure. But that's just like when I'm in the mood.

You're the horniest in the morning? Yeah. See, and I'm not a morning person that says everything about us. Like in the morning, I'm like, ugh. Like the idea of even going like this. Like, oh my God, my wrist is tired. Well, I'm not saying like you don't, there's not a lot of work that's happening in the morning. You're just laying there.

Well, I'm just laying there. No matter. I don't care what the hour. I'm just laying there. Let that be known. Today, Bibi described her. She was like talking about like, you know, how a normal person would say like dead fish. Yeah.

And she was like, you know, I was just there like a sardine. I'm like, sardine. There's just 10 other people. No, but like, why did it have to be a specific dead fish that's fair no that's really made me laugh and i'm sure she would love that i shared that information i don't even want to say this on the podcast what is it well first of all i just want to say that today i thought i was doing an interview, which I do quite frequently, right? Whether it's a podcast, whether it's an interview for a publication, I dabble in my interviews now and again.

And I was told by my management that a magazine wanted to do a profile on me. And I was like, that's perfectly fine. Tell them to come over. And I've been doing what I do for a living now for 12 plus years. And I have never experienced what I experienced today. I told someone my life story from birth to now for like five and a half hours for an interview while they were like writing on a little book. Why did she have like a quill? Brooke. And I'm like, do you, are we not past this? Like technologically? I appreciate the media, right?

Like there is obviously in what we do negative and positive sides to the media, you know? And I understand that a journalist and an interviewer is going to be pushing for a little more or they're going to ask a little more but I have never felt pushed like this oh my god like this person was like begging Makoa in front of like begging Makoa to his face to interview him like for this profile yeah and it's hard when you're on the spot to be like and like he politely declines he politely declines. He politely declines again. They're asking me like it like just pushing for like, you know what I mean? Like like I we said no like 10 times. And it's like, don't say you want to do a profile on me and then come to my house and beg to interview Makoa.

That's, you know, and just begging for a house tour, asking for like the square footage of my house, exactly how much money we make on canceled, exactly how much money I make on tour, exactly my thoughts on. Yeah, it's like, how is that relevant story like like can I say can I ask how many bedrooms are in your house trying to get a tour and I'm like no I have stalkers I never want anyone to know the layout of my house could I give a rough estimate of how many bedrooms of are in your house no I have stalkers I really don't want to say how many bedrooms are in my house or how many floors it is okay do you think you could just ballpark me the square footage like just so I can kind of you

understand that people kind of want it no I'm really sorry I have a soccer like this is what it felt like for like five hours of just being pushed to like how painful it and you know me like things like that upset me because I give so much yeah like I'm standing on business about certain things and it just felt like a lot of pushing and pulling to create like leaving the house today taking photos of the kitchen photos of everything and I'm like this is not what I signed up for and now one of her questions was like I forget what it was and she was like why do you think you're so open to talk about sex online like you know and now I'm sitting here about to talk about sex online and I'm like fuck should I be like it just has me in my own head

because I was like talking about everything dude it was crazy she was asking me about like my childhood and like how abusive it was and like whatever and I said an anecdote on Trisha's podcast about how one time my dad threw a macbook brick at my head and she's sitting there being like can you tell me more about the macbook brick of your head and I'm like no um I'm gonna leave that for my I'm gonna leave that for my book and she's like okay but how did it feel when the macbook brick hit your head it's like did you just hear me like it was the most insane it's like what did it sound like like I know I'm not kidding she was like did your head go wong and start charging like it's like it was the weirdest shit where I was just like saying no to someone for five hours while being like grilled uncomfortably

on my life you get here she starts grilling you like it was just i know i felt your tension so i tried to take a load off yeah it just it was just so like you're so much better than me though i honestly commend you for standing on business because i could never i would have given her everything she wanted and then i would have like literally wanted to die after well she was like begging me to cook an egg for the story for an hour i think she was like it could have taken some of that like you know what i mean like i think that they just can't lie so she wanted to set a scene like i would have been like bitch if you don't tell them i'm cooking an egg right now that's that's the point like i'm not about to get up and scramble an egg for you like i might as well have symbols and start doing she was just hungry no like it was like an hour of her begging me to cook this egg.

And I was like, if that's what you need to make this story, then we shouldn't be doing this. Like it was just so strange. Do you think it's like an ad they have like in the middle of the podcast? For like Eggland's Best? Yes. Like I don't know. I just, and I talked for five hours straight about my life

and I just almost feel so uncomfortable about it. So now I'm like sitting here with everything I'm saying and I'm like. No, you're too. Second guessing right in your head about it so now i'm like sitting here with everything i'm saying and i'm like no you're too second guessing you're in your head about it but i think it's fine it is so weird though how invasive they can be like i had a i had my first like horrible experience with paparazzi then the other night not for me but for a friend i was with obviously we've been like paparazzi but like no one gives a fuck about an influencer she like i feel like she was she's super girl like in the um marvel or one of those you know i don't know i'm not sure but like obviously that like you know

all the superheroes are like the super people like that's huge to so many people so we walked out of the malibu chili cook-off and i've never seen so many flashes in my life i literally thought i was going to develop epilepsy okay i can't see anything i can't see one foot in front of me and they're like chasing her down the street and she's just so politely like she's just like she's the sweetest angel ever and when someone like you know how they ask you to sign and then they just sell them you know what i mean she was like no i'm so sorry and this guy goes crazy on her he goes berserk so crazy like christian bale was here last night he's a real fucking superhero you're a fucking loser like just being so horrible to her oh my god i almost lost my marbles it's like

people your marvels you almost lost your marbles that's why i don't think it's a marvel superhero people just give so much and then it's even like i just genuinely today i was like dude i'm baring my soul for you and this isn't enough like yeah it's never gonna be enough also that man's he's like you're nothing you're the scum of this earth I'm like you just chased her down the street so like also just the signature sellers are so funny like the blue ink you know immediately like if someone hands me a blue sharpie and a print out of me I know it's gonna be on eBay tomorrow I just joke with them I'll sign them and be like give me 10% well I will say like literally the day before when I was also at the chili cook-off, somebody had asked me to sign one of those and you taught me not to do that

because it's like they just sell them. So I was like, oh. It's like sign one. Yeah, I usually will. But like, so I was like. But they'll sit there and try to get you to sign 200. Yeah. And then it's like, where's my cut?

Yeah. And so I'm like, no, I'm sorry. Like I can't. And then here comes the owner of the restaurant that fired me. And all of a sudden I'm like, no, I'm sorry. Like I can't. And then here comes the owner of the restaurant that fired me. And all of a sudden I'm signing everything. You're like signing the guy's forehead. I'm like, you want me to hold your baby? I will.

I was like trying to flex on him so hard. It like was not even that serious. But I was like, I needed him to think like highly of me. Did you see the beginning of Adam Sandler's new special where like the little kid was asking for his signature but it was like the same thing like to sell it and he like went off on the little kid that's how he like starts his new special I like I only like what I watched it like on the background if it's a flat or a squeal a wobble or peel your dreads worn down or you need a new wheel wherever you go you can get it from my dread experts until May 30th purchase four new Michelin passenger or We'll be right back. From tires to auto repair, we're always there. TradeExpress.ca Checking off your to-do list?

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Terms apply. See pennzoil.ca slash offer for details. MasterCard is a trademark of MasterCard International Incorporated. If it's a flat or a squeal, a wobble or peel, your tread's worn down or you need a new wheel, wherever you go, you can get it from our tread experts. Until May 30th, purchase four new Michelin Passenger or Light Truck tires Speaking of Adam Sandler, I, I need to tell you all about my Vegas trip. I just got back from Vegas. Okay. And a lot happened in Vegas this past weekend. I think I'm buying a house there. It's a lot's going on. Okay. I love Las Vegas, dude. I swear to God, like I'll run for president over the mayor, mayor. I'll run for mayor over there. You know, the qualifications

can't be that high to be like the mayor of Las Vegas, right? No. And I, it might be me one day. I love that place. But one of the highlights of my Vegas trip this past weekend, well, first of all, I know that you and I are going on tour and this would be my last time in Vegas for a while. So I, I, I put my foot into it. I gave it my all and I had a night where it was my really good friend's birthday. So I was gambling all day. I went to my friend's birthday at a club. We went to another casino with him after his birthday to gamble. And then at 8 AM, I went back to where I was staying. And of course, you know me. If it's 8 a.m. and I just had a long night in Vegas, I'm keeping it going.

Yeah, really quickly. She texted me at 8 a.m. and she says, I'm up late. But I go up late is not 8 a.m. OK, I was cooking as a scrambled egg. It's just fucked naked naked it's for a publication it's just crazy because even the first night that me and ty got there we landed super late and we didn't like i had a beer or two and we were still somehow i swear to god up until like 7 a.m gambling like just it just it's dark you don't track of time don't see the light. They do that for a reason.

They don't show the sunlight in a casino so you can stay up and everyone else does too. So you're like with everyone and you like think it's just way earlier than it is. I don't know. So I stumble in on this other night after my long Vegas, big one, I've been out on the town gambling, clubbing for my friend's birthday for like 12 hours and I have some chips in my pocket and a dream and so I go to the high limit room gambling room at the casino that I'm staying at and I walk in and I see these big-ass bodyguards surrounding a person and I'm like how big do they really have to be for him I know and they were huge that's the gag so it really was like who's this person you know and so I peek my little head around and it's Kevin

Hart playing blackjack in Vegas at 9 a.m. and I'm like this is my dream scenario whatever and as I'm peeking around to look at him we make eye contact and i'm like this this is my moment when when else is this gonna happen you know and i walk up and the giant bodyguards which is just they're they were giant that's hilarious immediately try to stop me and then kevin's like i'm saying kevin like wait i just i'm so sorry i just had an image you know when your parents not our parents but like normal parents would be like walking down the street and they like swing you in between them that's what i just pictured kevin doing in between his like two bodyguards yeah our parents never did that at all um but um and so i start to walk over and the bodyguards immediately stop but then he like okays it he's like no come over right and i go to

introduce myself and i'm like hi i'm tana whatever and he's like I know like he knew right and you know me like my vision is a little blurry okay it's 9 a.m. and random short guy be honest no it was actually Kevin Hart and he ended up giving me imagine it really was just a random short guy like you would have to you would have to admit me somewhere anyways he was playing blackjack and then he was sitting next to a girl and then he was like asking her to, or like, I don't know what he was doing, but like motioning to her to like play the hands. So like, instead of sitting there and playing them, he was like, turned around talking to me and having her like play the hands. And he just gave me like the best, nicest advice ever. And it was essentially just like, be authentic, like be yourself, like continue to do that. Like you've been doing it for this long. You understand how like him even kind of being aware of anything of our existence was my,

and maybe he was just faking it, but he was faking it really well. And it was super nice. Everything that he said to me, I'm going to the grave saying that Kevin Hart is a huge fan of the canceled podcast. See, that's where I'm at. Um, so I don't know. And then imagine me, like I'm on my high horse. I start, I walk over, I start gambling like a motherfucker. Like I have it like that. Like I'm Jeff Bezos. I'm like, Kevin Hart's my friend. Like I'm so rich. I'm going to gamble fucking $20,000 right now. Didn't need to ridiculous. After meeting Kevin Hart, I realized this could mean something. What if I'm like, who says I couldn't have walked in and it wasn't Adam Sandler. Like I I'm not as far away as I might think.

Yeah. You're not as removed as you think you are. Like if I'm, we're close, we're actually closer to Adam Sandler than that. And you know that we're close with one of Adam Sandler's lifelong best friends. And here's,

it's just like, I feel like in Vegas, I know the type of people like I know that in the high limit rooms I'm gonna walk in and see like well I don't know I guess I was just there and saw like Lil Dicky you really can't just see random people I was gonna say like mainly like athletes and like rappers and like I can't picture Adam Sandler and like I can never picture Adam Sandler there but I also he's at IHOP I also could never have pictured Kevin Hart I could in the Aria high limit room at 9 a.m maybe I'm wrong I see Kevin

Hart over Adam Sandler Adam Sandler has no reason to gamble he's a billionaire and he's all he needs is basketball shorts Kevin Hart is definitely just as rich he's not just as rich Kevin Hart is not just as rich as Adam Sandler are we sure no I'm actually not sure I think Kevin Hart is not just as rich as Adam Sandler. Are we sure? No, I'm actually not sure. I think Kevin Hart and Adam Sandler might be like equal and are close to equal in money and success. Like Happy Madison Productions, he's a billionaire. But doesn't Kevin Hart have a production? I think he actually might. Kevin Hart, I don't know.

He's to me like probably the funniest person alive. So the other night I got high and I decided that I, well, I need to tell you for context really quickly. A couple of weeks ago, I had a nightmare that you and me and a bunch of our friends all went out somewhere and like got hammered shit faced. And then, and it was like somewhere in LA, like an award show almost. And we were like hammered. And in my dream, my nightmare, I met Adam Sandler, but I didn't know, likeed. And in my dream, my nightmare, I met Adam Sandler, but I didn't know, like I, like in my dream, I woke up the next day, hung over and I

was asking you guys like, Hey guys, what happened last night? And you all were telling me like, you met Adam Sandler. Here's the photo. But I was like hammered and I was like, Tina. And I was like, Hey, let me say, Hey people. I love them. And there was like TMZ Hollywood fix videos of me. Like I hate people. I love them being Adam Sandler. This was my nightmare. No, I woke up and cried Brooke. Like I genuinely would like, I didn't even know it was a fear of mine, like meeting Adam Sandler and either a not knowing what to say or being Tina. Right. Yeah. So I've written a script of what I would say to Adam Sandler. Why is it so long of what I would say to Adam Sandler. Why is it so long? Of what I would say to Adam Sandler if I ever met him.

And here's another option as well. I might be too stunned to speak if I ever meet Adam Sandler. So I could just hand him the phone. You're like Siri, read this. Yes. But a part of me thinks he might get a restraining order upon my first sentence as well. You are the epicenter of my world. I think.

Okay, wait. Can I make notes? Yes. Don't fucking say that. you are the epicenter of my world. I think, okay, wait, can I make notes? Yes. Don't fucking say that. Words cannot express how in my eyes you truly hung the moon. You've evoked every emotion a human can fathom feeling all inside of my household.

You changed the world. You are home for so many and rightfully so you are are America's father, brother, best friend and loving husband. I can never thank you enough for being a safe space. Please do that weird Walt Disney frozen shit because I wouldn't see much purpose in ever living in a world you don't. However, you will always live forever in souls worldwide. I love you. Ending line. Thank you for the greatest moment of my entire life. Because I'd be meeting him. Yes, of course. I think that's almost perfect with the exception of the first sentence. Only because I feel like I might have stumbled.

Like I know he's probably smarter than me, but I would be stumbling over epicenter. I'm like, what's epicenter? What what does that mean my world revolves around him and i could totally be using the wrong word you know no i think that's right that's definitely right but i feel like it's it might be too strong of a hook okay but other than that restraining order other than that no notes that was beautiful and honestly i hope he sees this clip because that would really probably mean a lot to him his daughters i'm obsessed with them first of all and they have that thing that i love when somebody has like a tiny forehead it's my favorite thing it's what josie conseco has yeah but like that's the central point of something yeah i think it makes sense

it says of a difficult situation but i guess my life is in my world. You know, I think that I don't know. I think that that could slay. You reminded me of something when you were just talking about having a bad dream. OK, last night I had a bad dream and it was like I felt like it was very, you know, I had that bad dream for a really long time that you made me like late to Disneyland. Late to Disney World. And then it actually came true. It did come true.

This was a tour dream. Okay. Like we were like at some, we were at a pool party. I don't know why. We ran into my ex. I don't know why. Doesn't matter. But we, for whatever reason, were late to bus call.

Okay. And by we, I mean you were late to bus call. Bus call is when like each night on tour, when the bus is going to leave to the next city, like after the show, it's like bus calls 2 a.m. Like you can do whatever you want. Just be on the bus by 2 a.m. before it leaves. And if you're not on it, it will leave without you.

Yeah. So basically our bus call was like a certain time. And like, yeah, the bus is going, whether you're going or not. So Tana's not getting on the bus, but I obviously am. And in my dream, they were like, this is totally fine. We're going or not so tana's not getting on the bus but i obviously am and in my dream they were like this is totally fine we're gonna fix this we're gonna get you guys a second bus okay so i'm like perfect so i go i get on the bus i open i crack open the doors and it looks

like something straight out of jurassic world in there okay it was like it was like an abandoned, like cobwebs everywhere. Like it was, they put me on like the nasty abandoned bus and I go, I don't get to get on the real bus. I'm the one who made it to bus call. And it was like a huge scandal. And I could see that really happening. I would do everything to make sure you at least have like some nice hardwood floors.

It was like so, I was like peeling, like there were like bugs crawling out of the walls. and i was like wow you guys gave me this like literally like it's so funny that like trap of a bus it's not funny so forgive me when i just said it's so funny that um but like that it's always about you being late yeah all of your nightmares like center around me being late i'm sorry it's okay but i woke up mad at you this morning well i'm happy we could work it out on the remix work it out on the room oh wait speaking of i want to tell you oh that i also had a nightmare about tour last night okay we were we almost talked about this downstairs like brooke was like i had a nightmare about tour last night and i was like me too and i was like

wait this is we should save this can i please tell you the nightmare that i had last night uh-huh so you and me are about to leave for the canceled podcast tour and we decide to bring Jake Shane with us. Okay. His publicist would never allow it ever one show maximum. Um, um, but in my dream, you, me and Jake Shane go on stage to do this show that we're doing the three of us together. Right. And then, you know, we're vibing with the crowd. We're doing an advice segment. Like it all feels very real. And all of a sudden the lights go down and it's clear that two people are crashing our show. Like they're grabbing mics from the sound guys to like run on stage and like crash our show. Right.

And you and me are freaking out. We're trying to get off stage with a crowd. And my dream is like centered or like we couldn't get off. Like it would have, we would have had to like crowd surf out of it and then the lights come back on and the two people our mics are cut off by the way you and I are like trying to talk into our mics and be like help like hello like what's going on Matt Rife and Jake Paul and then we have to sit there trapped on this stage while Matt Rife and Jake Paul do a set about us and then we would eat that up i know it'd be like a better show honestly i would pay so many dollars not that i think matt rife would

literally ever even talk about me but like i i would do anything to just hear him like talk shit about me to his friends like i want to know you know what i mean like i want to know what he's like saying in response to like all the shit that i pulled because like what was i doing like i was kind of getting crazy with it for a second there but like you know what i mean he'd be hilarious about it to be honest to be a fly on the wall in a room of a lot of people you know if you could hear anybody like what anybody has to say about you who would you choose besides i was gonna say pete davidson after all that moogadoo that's what you're gonna fucking say delete immediate apology no no tana no actually no oh my god um kylie jenner you think i don't know i'm sure i would want just someone like i have

like random people like who probably have never seen me before in their life. Like who I think like I've convinced myself hate me. I'm like Billie Eilish hates me. I can just tell. Kris Jenner hates me. I don't know why. Like she's never seen my face before, but I can tell she hates me. That actually happened to me at poker this weekend. Black China was playing a table over for me.

Oh, she's doing so well. She's like sober. I convinced myself that you and I like had a story about her on the canceled podcast. Well, you can never be too sure. Yeah. And then I didn't know whatever. So the whole time I was like, oh my God, like I hope she likes me. Like I want to rewrite history.

Like I love her. Like I want to be friends, whatever. And I like walk past her table and she like waves and says I look pretty. And I was like, wait, I literally made all that up oh but I that's why I like the thing with this podcast is just like the amount of stories told and things said like you just never know who was okay with it and who wasn't or who we've talked about actually literally at all yeah and sometimes you say something that you think is just like a casual story, but then it's like they're probably like, bitch. Mm hmm. Yeah.

Like Kevin Hart's going to send me a cease and desist. Mm hmm. Yeah. Please don't, Kevin. I had a really good time with you. I love you, Kev. I saw Bobby Lee the other night. He was with a girl who's like six foot two or something.

And I was like, wow, he's single or like he's like dating. He doesn't know. So no, he has a ex-wife, I think. Oh, right. Didn't he do that like Jubilee-ass button shit with her? I'm not sure. Love Bobby Lee. Mm-hmm.

If it's a flat or a squeal, a wobble or peel, your dread's worn down or you need a new wheel, wherever you go, you can get it from our dread experts. Until May 30th, purchase four new michelin passenger or light truck tires and receive up to 70 by prepaid mastercard conditions apply details at michelin.ca find a michelin tread experts dealer near you at treadexperts.ca locations who else was at the Malibu chili cook-off? you should have come. it's so funny

because you and I were both at something like I'm at a Vegas poker tournament with like everyone in my realm and you're at like a Malibu chili cook-off with everyone in your realm and it's like just we were both doing the most like on-brand shit for our weekend. the fact that I went to the chili cook-off not once but twice I've never been I would love to simply because i love chili i think chili is just so i am not kidding i didn't i don't even

think chili was in the room with us there was you didn't have any chili pictured it being like like euphoria where there was like a chili competition yeah what they go like they don't have chili at the malibu chili cook-off i didn't see i guess anyone going to an event in malibu isn't really eating. No, and like the little kids, I ran into my manager's kids like full head to toe chrome hearts. I'm like,

I'm too poor to be here. No chili inside, no cheese, no dogs, no sour cream, no onions. I did see a corn dog. Wow, that makes me feel better. I thought I was missing a lot of chili

and that's where I would have wanted to be. No. Except for the fact that I am now. I was like, I literally starved myself the whole day. I was like,

I'm going to have so much chili tonight. And everyone I was with was like, do you know where we're going? So no chili's cooked off. That's almost LA shit. Like the Malibu chili cook off being like something that people go to just to like see people and like be a big party. It's like a billion dollars to get into.

I'm like, and there's no fucking chili and no chili and then to go on the rides it's like 20 per ride or like per carnival game i'm like all i would have wanted is some good seasoned beans fuck um i saw jose canseco he gave me all of the lore on seeing my father. How was it? It was brutal. He, oh, I don't know. I'll save that one for the book. But we love you, Jose. So very much.

That's it. Rooting for Jose can go forever. Literally. You're the best. I would like to introduce a new segment that I've created. Okay. It's called All of the Things That I Like This Week That You Need to Like As Well. Oh my God, we could go back and forth.

I think we should because I think we need more positivity on the canceled podcast due to popular request. And I want to spread some positivity and tell you some things I really loved this week. Starting with the new docu-series Chimp Crazy on Netflix. Have you seen it? It's Tiger King, but chimps is joe exotic no it's the same guy who made tiger king but it's exact like same level of crazy like in these women and they are so fabulous like huge blonde hair like lips this big like they're just like us and it's crazy it's just fascinating because like you can

just but you where did the chimps come into play are they just like sharing a banana no they were chimp owners like like the same way joe exotic had big cats which i also have to get to because i currently have a big cat they had chimps and like it was crazy because like not even that long ago you could buy a chimp for like 30k a chimpanzee you know how long they live as long as a human being okay how fun well until they rip your face off into smithereens imagine she's just like oh how cute but look how big they get and they can't even go near them and they're so much stronger than humans there was a cop that said well i don't want to spoil it for anybody but a chimpanzee can pull the door off of a car in one swipe. Okay.

And he can also rip your face off, which apparently they do. But you have to watch it. It's so fascinating. But I would say wait until Sunday because that is when the next episode comes out. Are people getting their faces ripped off? You'll have to tune in on Sunday and see. You know me. I just be like, okay, now give me the Kylie Jenner back. pack but it's so fascinating like all the drama and like the the law breaking and

stuff it's just it's so good it's the same guy who made tiger king so it's the same i never watched tiger king you were literally carol baskin i know but i'm living so i watched tiger king and i was like this is my dream job obviously like you know, you watch like Steve Irwin and stuff wrestle a crocodile and you're like, I could do that. Maybe you might not want to do that, but I did. And I'm like, I'm going to be a big cat person. But you're just going to say, I'm going to be a big cat and you've like fully lost it. I was like, new meds, try again.

No, but my meds are working. I can't wait to tell you about it. I have a big cat in my house. And by that, I mean, I have a five pound Bengal who's going to be upwards of 20 pounds. I mean, he's probably not going to be because he's the run. But he he owns my apartment now. I don't live there. He is so ravenous and so rabid.

You showed me a video yesterday of him on some like devious shit trying to like swing from the ceiling and swipe your in and out. And I honestly was like, and he growls like so aggressively it's so crazy but they don't bite right oh they bite are you kidding have you seen my arms i'm sliced to smithereens i look like ceviche but he's playing does he just think you're also a cat no i was him that's what i think he doesn't know his strength and he doesn't know he's hurting me and i cut his nails like every day but he's literally jack jack from the incredibles like he's so powerful and like I'm not kidding I could cut his nail and it would just grow right back like in that moment

it's like it's actually terrifying and I knew like having a bangle was going to be like more responsibility than a regular cat but like I just didn't realize how powerful he was going to be but I've also never had a kitten I feel like that's what Makoa feels like having me. You think so? Like just destructive, awful. No, but you're pretty docile. It's true. You don't bite. I bite.

Oh. But I've never bit you. Have I ever bit you? You've bitten me. Yeah. And I had to get a tetanus shot. Okay. I want to go.

Okay. Inside out too. Oh, I have to see it. You haven't seen inside out too? No. Brooke, you're going to, well, you've seen inside out one. Yes. Yes. I am going to venture to, it's a Disney movie, correct? It's Pixar, right? But it's a Disney movie. It is my favorite Disney movie ever created. It's such a cute concept. It is. And it's so, the second one goes so much more introspective on all of the emotions. They add more emotions. The emotions have emotions like it's it's very crazy, but it is really why I wish you'd seen the second one so we could like really talk about this. But it's wild to me that it is

kind of marketed for kids like a slight spoiler alert. One of the new emotions is anxiety and watching anxiety like create a million horrible scenarios for like this. Like it just I was watching this video the other day with it was Bretman Rock and his little nephew. I think it's his nephew. And his nephew like saw something blue and was like, oh, it's blue like sadness. Like it's like but that made me like existentially weirdly sad because should kids know the complexity of emotions like that or is the point of innocence of childhood not knowing the complexity of emotions and not associating them with just like simply a color

as if they're something to be like animated and like do you know what i mean like well i honestly like you could look at it that way but you could also sorry i'm experiencing fear what color is that i don't know i don't think fear is an emotion maybe purple i also think it's a positive because i think a lot of kids like either can't talk about their emotions or don't talk about their emotions because they like can't understand them for example i had anxiety as a child and i didn't know the word like i didn't know what anxiety was so i i ran around saying i was guilty i feel so guilty i feel so guilty so you're saying that

would have maybe helped you to understand like if I knew that anxiety existed I would have been like settled at least in knowing that I'm not I didn't do something wrong because I always felt like I did something wrong and I didn't couldn't figure out what it was that's fair that is fair yeah I guess I was like sadness and anger as a child but I think I knew that I don't know what do you think your top two are your top two emotion I think I knew that. I don't know. What do you think your top two are? Your top two emotion? I think I literally, like out of inside out,

you mean? Yeah. I'm literally sadness. Like to the T. No, I don't think you're sadness. And if you are sadness and you need to get on antidepressants

because you always tell me you're not depressed. But like, not even that. Not to be a medication pusher, but. Like how she doesn't want to walk. She's like,

oh, I don't want to. No, is laziness in there? Sadness exemplifies a lot of lazy traits okay and then i think i'm like joy i think i'm joy too but i'm also like shame is there shame you're also angry anger i don't have i don't have anger anymore because my meds are working. Thank God. I'm serious. That's why I didn't hit that paparazzi.

Because I would have. He deserved it. Loser. If it's a flat or a squeal, a wobble or peel, your dread's worn down or you need a new wheel, wherever you go, you can get it from our dread experts. Until May 30th, purchase four new Michelin passenger or light truck tires and receive up to $70 by prepaid MasterCard. Conditions apply. Details at Michelin.ca. Find a Michelin Tread Experts dealer near you at TreadExperts.ca slash locations.

From tires to auto repair, we're always there. TreadExperts.ca. I can't believe you haven't said anything about my new blush routine. I was just going to say that about my bleaching tone. I did say something about it. You just weren't paying attention to me. I said it right when I walked in the door. Well, you didn't hear me respond back and say, God, I love your blush routine. I want everybody here to know that my new blush routine, also on my

It's of the Week, is the Sabrina Carpenter Full Shiny Blush full shiny blush it's back okay it was never out for her but it was out for me and now it's my favorite and i know i'm gonna get comments that are like brooke was like a fucking clown but i love shine it's i've been loving shiny when i need more things that you love i love loving our new segment smoking weed oh like no but like can i tell you something i didn't even think about this till right now but it is on my new list of loves first of all when i was in europe i didn't bring i know a lot of people who when they travel like overseas they will like smuggle drugs through their butthole or smuggle wax pens and weed pens and stuff like that but i just don't want to play i don't like that's when i become anxiety from inside out. Okay. Like I can't have

a weed pen in my shit and go through customs. I will lose it. Okay. And so I didn't bring any marijuana to Europe. And so I had like a complete break from marijuana for like the longest time in a while. First of all, I come home and unpack my suitcase and I put on a pair of sweats from my suitcase, bed bugs and all that i didn't wear at all in europe and i put my hand in the pocket and there was a weed pen in it the entire time so all of that for literally nothing i did smuggle it and didn't know but but you're probably settled knowing that um wait don't kill me it's to just wipe your arm like that just there are so i wish everyone can see it we literally look like

we're like a light post outside of the county fair right now there's so many bugs flying around and that's how i hope you know i love you and you canceled listeners that i love you guys because in any other realm i would be gone i was gonna say gone like Donkey Kong but that's literally not the phrase anyways so the wax pens that I do smoke they were in wait there was one in my pants so I could have been smoking it the entire time I just didn't know until I got home I get home I'm smoking my wax pen again I try to order another one it is not on delivery apps anywhere Natalie and I order through the same delivery service and she told me that the wax pens I've been smoking for the last year. And mind you, this is like a public company that sells wax pens. Like it's like a brand that sells wax pens. All of the weed pens were recalled for pesticides in

them. I ironically with our bug lore right now, I've been smoking fucking pesticides. We probably have so many pesticides in a day. Think about that. But like into my lungs, into my, we consume them, right? They're all in like

vegetables and shit. Oh, I guess that's true. But like weed X-rayed, like I don't necessarily. Yeah, you don't want it in your windpipe. So I've been loving smoking. I smoked a backwood last night.

I've been loving smoking the actual plant again instead of, because I always say that on these wax pens i feel like i'm smoking a tetris piece like like you know the game tetris i feel like i'm like hitting one a tetromino like the high is so robotic and weird and now i think it's i know that because i've been smoking pesticides which i might actually need okay enough i'm huffing what else is going on in your life well i'm more so there's some interesting shit happening in pop culture oh okay i think we just have to start with my favorite of the day i saw you posted on your story so I know you're ready to talk about this one.

Oh, hell yeah. Anna Delvey on Dancing with the Stars. First of all, so jealous. Everybody knows how badly I want that. Second of all, them just leaving in her fucking ankle monitor is like the funniest thing of all time. So like she's dancing with the stars with an ankle monitor. How do you get that approved by your like parole officer? You're like, wait, can I do this funny thing?

It's just a telltale story of time. Like the P.O. Like. According to most people, she is the villain in her story. I mean, like some would call her a master manipulator thief criminal I wouldn't but some would so for her to be on I'm just I feel like five years ago or even for example eight years ago Dancing with the Stars would have never had Lindsay Lohan with her ankle monitor on like do you think the times are just changing and these major traditional public things

are having to move with the times? That's what I'm, but I'm saying at the time, Lindsay Lohan with her ankle monitor would have been views, but like it just, it wasn't the time. Just like we started like kind of,

what do you, what's the word? Like sensationalize? No. Yes. We're laughing. We're laughing that Anna Delvey has a fucking ankle monitor and i'm tuning

in because of it so it's like whatever reason i'm watching doesn't matter so long as i'm watching that's true and i don't think it's i think a lot of it's a streaming service now so that's different there's different rules on a streaming service than there are on traditional television oh you're that's like has to 100 be it because even right now couldn't you see gypsy rose being on dancing with the stars whereas like five years ago that was never happening i was shocked to find out that she's not on it her and ken and ryan are in like a three-way salsa with the baby do you think she i was gonna say slay i've had a really big problem with saying gypsy rose slays so um i'm no stranger to that i told her to face. She was slaying away from it.

Yeah. Okay. You're killing it. Yes. Mother work. This is teetering the line. When are we anyway? Who else?

I'm trying to think of who else is on it. Joey from The Bachelor. I am tuning in for Anna motherfucking Delvey. That's all. I want to be on it so bad. I think that I've been dancing again just in case they ever ask me. So I just want everyone to know that. I would do anything in the world for you to be on it. I will be in your Brooks friend seat.

I need that. Like this. That's it. I need to flex on some people at home. My grandma. That's why. Yeah. Like that is why.

Like it's so. The older generation loves dancing with the stars literally live for it it's my biggest fear what else is going on um sabrina carpenter's album came out we talked about a little on the patreon last week about right the sabrina camila lore you know you know my sabrina and camila of the week are redhead and hallie no oh we talked about that i know but i was thinking we should probably touch again now that everybody's moved to sofia's side it's the telltale story of like the villain villains it out and villains it out enough until people side with them same thing with like literally but what happened with sofia

is she held on to the actual receipts for so long which could never be me i would have jumped on that like first opportunity but she literally sat on those that for a year she sat on the fact that he asked her on the date before she ever even attended the event she sat on that and he knew and he let his girlfriend go on that whole tangent he's the villain here, by the way. But he was letting Halle go online and say all this shit, knowing damn well that he had already asked the redhead on a date before they ever even ran into each other.

Oh, and she never said that? And letting her embarrass herself. Instead, she just said, sorry, he wasn't wearing a collar. I don't know why I always make a British dude. No, but her delivery is questionable. I think she's like definitely probably still a mean girl but like i get like she's likable do you know that i i dm'd her obviously asking her to be on cancel for sure i dm'd her asking her to be on canceled because i'm like shit she's saying all this shit online like you know like and you she's theoretically canceled so come on canceled why not and

what's her name soph LaCourte I was literally typing in a completely different name um sounds like you're really I said okay I'm gonna ask canceled pod only if you want to but obviously kind of hilarious she said oh my goodness you totally don't remember but I've met you a bunch of times you were so nice to me I think you're amazing I met your bodyguard at Coachella yadaada, yada, yada. I adore you. Appreciate you guys reaching out, but I have New York fashion week. Essentially she,

and she ends it with, and by the time I'd fly to LA, someone else will get canceled and everyone will be bored. The whole thing is silly anyways. Like she said, no, by the time I'd be on the couch, someone else will be canceled. That's respectable because it's like,

she's not just trying to milk it dry. She's like, get over it. I'm not sure. I wasn't expecting not sure i wasn't expecting that i wasn't expecting that response i was like okay yeah because i think a lot of people are kind of accusing her of being like a drama whore but like bethany frankel made a good like she made a good little think piece where she was like listen if you're the one to bring

something online then you can't control how it pans out and right now she's not the villain anymore i said this on the patreon so i will keep it to like fucking literal two sentences. But like, it's just so wild to me how the guy is not clearly the villain. No, he is the villain. I just want all of us to come to that consensus. And I don't know how we have it.

Where are the million TikToks with multi millions of views that aren't just pitting these women together? What about, Hey, he's a douche bag. What a fucking loser that guy is but i'm listening like the smell no shade to hallie because i have gotten back with exes who have done me way worse oh 100 duh um and she's and she's saying she bought a house in the hamptons

like are you kidding she made a tiktok the other day where she was donating all of her creator fun to teachers and Is she? Yeah. And she's definitely handling this with so much class. But it is a story as old as time where people end up loving the villain. So we'll see how that goes. And I think more people should definitely hold that man accountable. My redhead and blonde situation of the week is Alex Warren and Thomas Petru.

Okay. Lay it on me. I don't know anything about this lore. Well, so Thomas Petru started the Hype House. Of course. I have known him forever. He used to film videos and edit for Jake Paul. And I think that he kind of probably spent a lot of time in that Team 10 world. And that was kind of what incited him to start his own content house, in my opinion.

The Hype House is ending was very messy. I feel like it wasn't one big. And this is just my opinion the hype house is ending was very messy I feel like it wasn't one big and this is just my opinion but it wasn't one big group separation at once it was like Daisy Keach left then like Lil Huddy left then the D'Amelio's left then Addison left then and then it ended up just being like him and Alex Warren and his girlfriend Mia but then they were taking on new people like Vinnie Hacker and Jack Wright but then they left and then new people then everyone was kind of like dude we like this I can't believe that was like a real thing that happened it's so crazy to think about all of the OG people in one house now you know like Daisy Heach, Charlie D'Amelio, Addison Rae, Dixie, Taylor Holder, Bryce Hall and whoever else all under one roof like renegading right

but that was the time and then eventually i think he tried for like a third round of it but it everyone was like we liked this for the og people like like lay lay it lay it to rest yeah take it out back and shoot it right um alex warren made a fucking song about hype house yeah but it sounds like it's honestly he did a really job of making it like really universally yeah like like the house was burning down i had to get out it could be about a friendship or a relationship a metaphor but like really like the house the hype house was burning i'm really excited for it and i want to have alex on honestly to like tell us everything we should because we have him sing us a little song i know because he is like and obviously we've talked so

much about how much we love alex warren because he went through a lot of the actual hardships that other singers may or may not have faked. And he is a very strong person. Him and Covers lore is beautiful. They're a beautiful couple. Oh, my God. We could ask them so much shit. We could.

And it would just be interesting. And he like got shot and like the appreciate the bullets still in his body or something. Uh huh. We should have him on like before we leave. That would just be a good episode to have like in the bank and I know you do it I love Alex if it's a flat or a squeal

a wobble or peel your dreads worn down or you need a new wheel wherever you go you can get it from our tread experts until May 30th purchase four new Michelin passenger or light truck tires and receive up to $70 by prepaid MasterCard conditions apply details new Michelin passenger or light truck tires and receive up to $70 by prepaid MasterCard.

Conditions apply. Details at Michelin.ca. Find a Michelin Tread Experts dealer near you at TreadExperts.ca slash locations. From tires to auto repair, we're always there. TreadExperts.ca. I like when you do a little like a grin before you say something. No, because I don't think I can say this out loud. Oh, this was in the very beginning of the episode.

I was telling you like about that interview or asking like how I feel talking about sex. And it's because I was about to say something like wildly sexual. And I just I don't know. Ty was I don't know how this came up. Ty and I were talking about like, can I ask you a question? You answer it first. Well, I mean, it would depend on the question as it usually dies can you tell me like a phrase that you would say to a guy during sex no please i can't please no no i would like literally no well then i can't say

anything well i don't know i'm not like a big like i'm not using a lot of like catch phrases to be honest what if these are all of my bed bugs they're not okay okay sorry um yeah I'm not like big on catchphrases it's more just like good job but there's no way you're like great work kiddo no I do sometimes I high-five them so do you take your like funny quirkiness like you don't get like no i try not to be i try not to be funny in in sexual relations at all because that just really kills the vibes like i wouldn't want someone joking you say you say you know what you say i know what to say you know what i say probably but i'm not i'm not there this is i'm i'm learning a lot about digital footprint okay then i you know and i don't, I can't even actually have any of this out there.

Say it, say it, say it. And then I'll say, give you one. You tell me and then I'll give you one. No, I told Ty a phrase that I may sometimes say in bed and I'm not even going to say the phrase on the podcast. Spit on me and choke me and kill me. Like, yes. Yeah.

But like, honestly, just, I'm not saying saying like i will bleep it before i leave this on the internet but ty was like really saying that that's abnormal but i was telling him like obviously over the years i feel like i found out that it like works but i don't like it but it's tough like okay wait i'm like afraid because of like what's going on you just tell me like this don't say it don't say it yeah you can't say it on the box i'm not kink shaming you it's not even my kink yeah like fuck you're i don't know like i couldn't i couldn't get there to say what i would say wait i don't know if i know what you said right can you say it again

are you saying they're honestly interchangeable i'm not kink shaming you it's not my kink though you know i'm just saying like it works there's a bug on your shoulder your rough shoulder that was so calm and graceful um yeah i mean you know whatever gets the job done but you know how you like do you ever but i just want to know like what a good brooks scofield in red phrase is and i told you well you're gonna have to find out when um this hacker drops my tape because yeah i'm not like i don't know like it depends on the guy but have you ever like used something on a guy that like you might have used in the past and it like just didn't hit the same he's like wait what the fuck he like hit me yeah that's

kind of a good example of that some guys are just like more chill and like you can't really pull out all the big stops i think i've learned over time that a lot of the big stops i may have pulled at a younger age definitely like get you build up to that so you i think that but i've like built down almost like i'm like yeah well you have to because like you can't just pick up where you left off with some new guy because he's like wait why are you you know from all fours yeah why are you calling me ronald reagan like you know i was gonna make a chimp crazy joke but it would just felt wrong okay but do you ever this is a good question i like to ask people and by that i mean it's like the stupidest question ever

do you ever wake up and you feel so grateful that you were born a human and not one of those little gnats no anything sometimes i'm like oh my god a gnat has never had to like buy more likes on hinge you know okay um like yeah but what are their like a nut has never like signed up for like well those better help at 8 a.m coming down off of molly okay i mean yeah like i see your point for sure not has never done anal without lube are you doing anal without lube i know but i have why this just because it was like in the moment. Like, okay. I'm so sorry.

Anal any day now. Brooke, today we were writing our show for tour and she's like, well, what if I told my first time doing anal story? And I'm like, what? You did anal? Like, perfect. What is it? And she goes, no, I can do anal tonight. Like willing to do anal for the show. like well what if i told my first time doing anal story and i'm like what you did anal like perfect what is it and she goes no i can do anal tonight like willing to do anal for the show is so fucking ridiculous i don't even keep promising the people and it's just you know what you're gonna do anal yeah what are you so afraid of what are you waiting for i think i'm waiting for i'm waiting

for a micro to come along oh that makes perfect sense it's just like shitting backwards but like you somehow yeah I've never shit anything the size of a penis really are you that's what your shits look like sometimes what's your biggest shit you think definitely much bigger than some dicks. Really? Oh my God. Have you seen that person who took a photo of their turd? Like they had a really big turd and so they took a photo of it.

And then they like sent it in their work group chat and they were like, who's turd of it? Wait, I'm butchering this story. Nevermind. I feel like you're also just talking about something that's happened in our group chat and arguably maybe from me. No, one thing I will never do, I can honest to God say, like since 1998,

I've never one time, even for myself, taken one singular photo of my shit. I think that is so fucking weird. I think it's so weird that guys do that. You've definitely done that. I know you have, Erin. You don't even have to answer me.

I think, have you? No. oh no i don't think so i don't imagine i had much use for any of them and maybe i just like attract really peculiar friends and people in my life but i feel like i'm always having a friend take and or show me a photo of their shit i and i'm really against that that should be a way to weed someone out of your life that should be an immediate I we are not friends anymore you just showed me your turds but it's like a lot of people we know and love like your friends I don't know and love those people that's so crazy you say that because there was someone in my high school called the poop traitor and they were going in and smearing their poop on the walls it was middle school actually but still to this day the poop traitor has not come forward no notes i have no notes on that i tried to get there too i was like think of shit smearing

thought of like yeah no i shit my pants recently really and so did my friend did you just add and so did my friend so that it was no but she told me and i was like that's so crazy you said that because i shit my pants recently too and honestly it was your fault so i'm saying that it's my fault that you shit your pants is the most it was ever literally the most you shit ever it was your fault that i shit myself why because you made it so that I couldn't be in your restroom. Our photo shoot was in the middle of nowhere. Brooke was having a bit of a tummy trouble. Somehow it is my fault that she shit her pants.

And, you know, I can spend some time doing the math on that later. I'll get back to you on that. It happens to the best of us and we are not saying anymore because I have a crush. You know what I was thinking about the other day what homophobia i just got high as fuck and for some reason i was thinking about homophobia like think about like arachnophobia like what do you mean gay people scare you like like are you scared of a good outfit like the fact that there are like real fucking people out there that like are like oh gay people no that is it is really scary and maybe this is just a dumb topic i can stop talking i know it's not a dumb topic but it's like yeah it's definitely not i don't

think you could classify it as a phobia it's a distaste people have a distaste for gay people which if you are one of those people well you know what i want to say yeah you should die i guess yeah i'm making jokes right now but i just it's just like really blows my mind like there are people out there like it was just yeah i was just watching for some reason a clip of ellen degeneres on howard stern talking about train or uh caitlyn jenner you know caitlyn jenner doesn't believe in gay marriage i'm like wait even just not believing in gay man like why where the fuck does it concern you just like accept me as i am but i do not accept you as you are like in what world that is so interesting yeah i don't fuck with her if it's a flat or a squeal a wobbler peel your dreads worn down or

you need a new wheel wherever you go you can get it from our tread experts. Until May 30th, purchase four new Michelin passenger or light truck tires and receive up to $70 by prepaid MasterCard. Conditions apply. Details at Michelin.ca. Find a Michelin tread experts dealer near you at treadexperts.ca slash locations. From tires to auto repair, we're always there at treadexperts.ca. I got asked a couple months ago to promote this like crypto coin. And obviously that is just for 2019. Like in 2020, maybe, you know, tit coin, all of it. Bitcoin, if you will. I was like, no.

And they were like, no, you have to like, this is the coin of the year. Like, we'll pay you whatever you want. Like, we'll give for a tweet. Like, just say you love this coin, whatever. And I'm like ghosting the people. And then do you know what they sent me trying to pitch me to like be able to do like promote this coin and accept the money? What? Was Caitlyn Jenner doing like Instagram videos for them.

Like, I love Boeing coin. And I this. And they were like, Caitlyn, why doing like Instagram videos for them like I love boing coin and I this and they were like Caitlyn why don't you like that was just yeah it was very strange because they weren't released yet it's not like it was like Caitlyn story screen recorded it was like they were about to go out in like a week and the brand is sending me this like exclusive content of Caitlyn Jenner backing like boing coin that is like, this is why you should do it too. And I was like, I just don't, I can't. Yeah. Do you know right now, what if in a hypothetical world, something really hypothetical just happened to me? Okay. I'm following. I hypothetically was just offered a lot of money to endorse a political party, like millions. Like I was just offered

to endorse a political party. Is it the one you identify with? No. And then I was being allegedly told an alleged list of other influencers that have already hypothetically accepted money to do those hypothetical things that were hypothetically offered to me to hypothetically do. I think we can hypothetically assume who those people are. But it's not one or two. Well, yeah, it's 12. No, it's like, it's like hundreds. It's allegedly like both political parties.

That's the thing. No, I think that Charlie XCX got behind Kamala on purpose. And then everybody just decided it was Brat Summer. I fear we're having two different conversations. I'm going to agree with all of that. I think Charlie XCX just did that. And I think that we are all agreeing that that's Brad Summer. Yeah.

One of my best friends went on a hinge date a couple nights ago, right? A girl. And she was texting me while she was on the date. And this was a first hinge date, right? And they had been talking on FaceTime. And he was a very like holistic health guy and he lives here in la and he runs like uh this is all alleged this is just what he was telling her like they were probably facetiming for a week and then they went on a date right

and he was telling her like i'm a holistic health guy i run this holistic health company here in Los Angeles where I give people and I quote blue scorpion venom. Okay. I didn't know blue. I don't, I, that sounds like an inside out character. Yeah. I don't even know if like, are there, I don't know if there are blue scorpions, right. But apparently it can like cure cancer and it has all these anti-aging benefits according to this man and then i did google it today and like just see like are there benefits to ingesting scorpion venom and apparently there are like cancer like i don't know and so she goes on a date with this guy and he's telling her all about his scorpion venom and everything

and how he takes it and whatever and they go back to his place in north hollywood by the way and i just feel like anyone who was curing cancer with scorpion venom might live in not north hollywood watch it i was there today what i said you better watch out i was there today i like north hollywood it just doesn't give me cancer curing suburb maybe i mean brantwood i don't know and so they're back at his house and they probably each had like three or four drinks and he was like essentially like you have to try the scorpion venom and she was like are you sure about to get refeed blah blah blah right and so he gives her a dropper of this alleged scorpion venom and then i don't know she she went to sleep there like almost immediately and then woke up and went to her house and was like projectile vomiting all day

so i'm like this man in my opinion i formed the opinion that this was a really really creative way like creative writing prompt like get to 500 characters to roofie someone yeah like to roofie you like with consent that's what I think right I mean yeah but like but then she was kind of saying like I don't know like I didn't really feel roofied but then I projectile the next day I've had that where I'm like fine but thenied but then i projectile the next day i've had that where i'm like fine but then i well i always projectile the next day that's true i'm a puker but i just yeah i don't know maybe don't go i don't know i can't judge i go home with people all the time well no i don't but it's not safe to go home with the first date if you met him on the internet i agree

with that and i just don't think i would take anything out of anyone's dropper no it's yeah no no i don't like that at all and i've been watching every true crime documentary wait go ahead sorry i've no i'm just saying like all i've been watching is like all the true crime like serial killer documentaries and i'm like i don't i didn't realize like so many people are doing that isn't it like you pass like one in every eight people you pass a serial killer? I feel like I've probably opened some into my life. I was on a date last night

and he had a hinge notification pop up. No. Yeah. He offers you scorpion venom. It's all full circle. I was just talking about you the entire time. Imagine. Did you say anything?

No, because it kind of made me like him more. I know. Brooke. I know. Brooke. I know. Mind you, was this not the same man that you were saying? Like he, like you want to end things with him because you think he's too nice.

So now I don't want to end things with him. I was just telling you, like, I would like some excitement. Like I would like him to be, you would like a hinge notification to pop up. Yes. But you're sick.

That's sick. No. What I'm learning about attachment styles is that I'm an anxious avoidant. I think that's what you call it. And it's like, I mean, historically true. Every time like somebody like comes along that like, like I know it's just a natural progression, like would naturally progress to a relationship. I have to like literally fight tooth and nail to like keep myself in it because I'm like,

it just freaks me out. But somebody comes along who I know literally doesn't care if I live or die. Ding, ding, ding, ding. Love you. Can you, I know a decent amount about anxious avoidant when it comes to guys. And I obviously it's the same thing, I guess, when it comes to girls. I just feel like you always hear the classic case of the guy like giving so much at the beginning and then getting anxious about it being too serious so then he becomes avoidant like what is it being anxious avoidant look like for you well I just think that's what it is it's like I like really like him and I wanted I still do really like him and we're like hanging out all the time but I'm like at the rate that it's going right now we'd be dating like tomorrow and that like freaks me out but I feel like you're like oh i want a boyfriend i know but like now that it you know i don't know what it is

it's the weirdest thing because it's like there's not like i really like him there's nothing wrong with him and you feel like but it just literally over until he was no it just felt like it just like i was like oh fuck that's really quick love bomb quick no not love bombing at all but I noticed something with me like at least growing up with my parents at a young age I always felt like I really had to fight for their love and fight for their attention so I noticed myself carrying that into relationships like I would only be yeah I only felt like a relationship was fulfilling or love was true if I had to fight for it and And do you like, could you see yourself in that sentiment? Yeah, of course. I mean, if you look at my track record, it's always that

it's always like, like the need for like love from somebody who is not giving it to me. And so how do we break that cycle? I don't know. I think that's where better help comes in. I do know. Cause seriously, cause it like, I told you the other day i was like this is like it like actually bothers me because i'm like there's nothing wrong at all i love hanging out with him i really like it like there's nothing wrong but like why is it terrifying to me like if he were to ask me to be his girlfriend tomorrow i'd like freak out because it's real like it's the it's giving you the potential for like real love and that's scarier than like fake love essentially right yeah i guess it just feels like i don't know i don't like i feel afraid when it's like it feels like it's a lot of it's up to. People who I'm usually involved with are people that I'm always afraid that

they're going to cut it off any second. And this is like someone who I would like feel so bad if I hurt him. Yeah. So you like, it's almost like a mechanism where you're, you feel like you have to protect them from you. Yeah, I think so.

Cause I'm like, but that's interesting to unpack. Well, I think cause you deserve like all the love in the world where they love you all for you. I don't think so, but it's interesting to unpack well i think because you deserve like all the love in the world where but like it's not that i all for you don't think so but it's just i don't know but maybe it's more deep-rooted than just your like immediate thoughts i'm interested by this what if you communicated all of this to him almost how you are to me i know that's what i'm thinking i'm gonna have to do because i really like him. Like I'm like, yeah, before it like gets to a sabotage area.

I also think I just need to explain this as like, like this is how it always goes. And so I'm trying to avoid this in particular situation. I'm trying to break this cycle, this pattern that I find myself in. And yeah, so I think it is just like telling him like literally the actual truth because I don't like I would feel so bad if. Because what normally would happen in this scenario is I would just fucking freak out and then disappear. Well, I guess the good thing is I feel like normally you have been more attached to or attracted to guys

where you wouldn't be in this scenario. And you've done a lot of mental work since you've had the opportunity to be in this scenario with like what seemingly, other than the hinge notification. So then I don't even fucking know. No, but like we've been, I mean, we've only known each other for like- A weeks type shit and i'm getting like ryan notification after ryan i'm not dating these people but i'm getting the notifications yeah i feel like this

is such a like this is new territory for you and the right thing to do would be to just tell them how you operate naturally healthy oh my god but that's what i felt like i had to do with like macaulay almost in the beginning at least was like's what i felt like i had to do with like macawa almost in the beginning at least was like over communicate the ways that i used to be toxic and the ways that i want to be with him do you know what i mean yeah like at the beginning i would be like okay right now normally you know this would freak me out but i'm going to approach it as a new person like i had to like verbally break those patterns with him, you know, like, Hey, I'm, I would normally communicate like this. I want to communicate like this. I definitely, I agree that it's like, I think it's something that has to be communicated

because it's going to drive me crazy. Cause I'm like every time, you know what I mean? I just need him to know that I'm usually that way. I think it's like when all of your other relationships have been toxic, that, that really is like the best way I've found for like myself, at least breaking the patterns is just over communication, which is like fucking annoying. But like if you find the right person who's down to over communicate and work through things with you with that method, like there is a there's another side. side okay I feel like it's it's just like the tale as old as time that we always talk about where it's like I always say like growing up I my life was a roller coaster and all of my relationships were a roller coaster so I learned to find more peace on a roller coaster than like if it stopped I'd be like wait why did it stop like if it's peaceful that almost would freak me out more I had to like retrain my brain, I guess, to like, like the piece. Well, cause I like,

I want like the pressure to be on somebody else to fuck up. But like, I feel like when he's so good and he's so perfect, I'm like, it feels like I'm going to fuck it up. But he's not perfect. He's a human being. And so are you. And I think it's like, you have to recognize like,

hey, we both could fuck up, but what if we both don't? And what if we both just communicate? You're right. Everything. Honestly, I'm going gonna send him this clip that's such a funny fucking thing to do be like yo i really don't want to say this again just like two times speed it and like and then give me a call no it's like it's just a conversation that literally has to be had because i'm like i do want to break old patterns

like it's it's so childish because it's like hello, hello, I'm 28 years old. What do you mean? Like, I'm, I need somebody who's like playing game. Like why am I wanting somebody? Cause you don't see, I don't. It's just a protection method that you've used thus far that like in your realm, usually those guys, because then I don't really have to worry about it, like working out or something. And you're protecting yourself from ideally what you think your biggest pain is, which is abandonment or especially getting abandoned for who you are. When in reality, there's so many people who would like love you, including me, everyone like for who you fucking are, you know? But I think it's just like, yeah, honestly, for all the crazy bitches out there, if you want to break that shit, just start over communicating, being like, hey, look, I'm that shit. And if you want to help that shit, just start over communicating, being like, hey, look, I'm that shit. And if you want to help

with this, here's how. The good news is we have a lot of mutual friends, so he's kind of already getting like some insider information. Like mostly don't fucking date this girl, but. But you are so dateable and lovable. And I think that. Well, thank you. But you know what I mean? Like I'm not I'm not trying

to say that I'm not. It's just like I am toxic in relationships because I've only ever been in toxic relationships. So I expect like, I expect that from the jump. And when it's not that way, I'm like, and it's like, you become like literally physically and mentally used to that. Yeah. It's a literal addiction. And it's like a neurochemical, like fucking makeup. Like you, like breaking those molds isn't as easy as just saying, I don't want to be like this anymore. It's like going through pain and resistance against everything that you would innately

know and do. But you're not going to marry somebody that you have like all this anxious, like energy toward all the time, which is like every guy I've ever been with ever. I'm always like, what's he going to do today? Yeah. And that's what I'm saying. So like, but again, you might be chemically more comfortable in the, what's he going to do today? Yeah. And that's what I'm saying. So like, I get, but again, you might be chemically more comfortable in the, what's he going to do again thing than going through all that pain and

resistance with like the looking in the mirror and the telling, bearing your soul and the ability to get hurt in that way. But in my opinion, it's better to be hurt that way than to get cheated on because it's easier to stay in. You know what I mean? Yeah, I agree.

I don't know. I don't know how to fix it. I think you just have to really over-communicate with this man. And I think it could be really good for you. I think I'm going to do it right after this. I'm serious. Just, Erin says snaps.

I think just, you've done so much work on recognizing your patterns and how you want to change them. So don't like regress when given the opportunity to progress thank you this i honestly like i appreciate you being so insightful about it because i'm talking about it like it's like but it's like an actual real problem because i feel like you and i have a lot of conversations where you're like oh my god like i want to fucking find a husband and i'm just 28 years old i gotta stop dating guys who are just fucking

losers and you're aware of that so it's like when something good comes like even if this guy and find a husband. Well, I'm just 28 years old. I got to stop dating guys who are just fucking losers. And you're aware of that. So it's like when something good comes, like even if this guy isn't the one, like good for you at least. But like I gotta break the cycle at least. Yeah, like date a fucking guy who actually likes you.

Yeah, and rip the bandaid off of over communicating and baring your soul and potentially facing that pain because it's better than facing the same pain that you've subjected yourself to 10 times. Yeah. Even if he's not the one. And then if he's not the one, it's like still he was a stepping stone to getting to the one. You're right. You know,

I don't know. You're right. I'm going to do it tonight. I'll tell you guys how it goes. You just slam a bottle of wine. You're like me, Tina style. You're like, listen, I'm fucking nuts. No. Well, I'm kind of I've kind of of been like trying, you know, like dropping little Easter eggs. Do elaborate. Guys just like kind of like tried to like drop in like little things here and there just to show like, or I'll like tell him like what I've done in past relationships or like, oh yeah.

And like. Then I keyed his car. Yeah. Okay. So that he like gets that vibe and then he also obviously knows about like like my past relationships and stuff so like and he's still actively like pursuing you for the you that he sees in front of him so that within itself is a green flag that you should not run away from that's awesome i know i'm not running away i'm just letting you

know that i definitely want him to well i was gonna say i want him to delete hinging you to delete raya but it's also so soon it is it is very soon i'm getting like really ahead of myself but it's because it feels like it's progressing so fast because of the way he's talking and like i'm like oh shit like well obviously make sure he isn't just like a really kind love bomber it's not love bombing. Elaborate. Like, why do you, why do you think so? Why are you so sure?

Because I've been love bombed 25,000 times. This is like. Just like kind honesty. Yeah. That's good. I think. I don't know. I guess that's true.

How do we ever really know if we're being love bombed or not? I guess if I was good at identifying love bombing, I probably wouldn't have had it happen so many times. No, but it comes in all all it all shapes and sizes like it really does like i feel like you know what i mean like the first time i ever got love bombed i was like this is never gonna happen again and then like it happened differently and then yeah yeah i guess you really always it sucks because getting love bombed like scars you so much that like well then anything after that feels like like oh is this love bombing no or the opposite it's like after you've been love bombed it's like it feels like every guy who's treating a relationship like a

normal person should doesn't like you that's true i guess there can be like adverse reactions to love bombing like it more so made me just want to take things really slow and know they were telling the truth, but also like if someone's just being kind and loving to you, like eventually you have to take the chance on them and that still could be love bombing and you won't ever find out really until it's too late. Well, good news is we're about to leave on tour in like a week.

So I have like all that time to figure it out. I also think like I could just see you so being the type of person where you're like i ended it with him because um we're going on tour and i just don't want to string him along but in reality i'm not so lonely like what if what if you guys talked every day and he proved his loyalty you know i love for you i don't want to end things like that is not what i'm saying but i remember last time we had mr big in the picture when i was on tour and that's all i thought about all the time and i came on here on canceled and i was like i cannot have a guy when i'm on tour because and then i'm always thinking about like where are they what are they doing but this guy i don't think i would be thinking what is he doing because i know what he's doing yeah that's the

difference is that like when someone like he could potentially provide security for you yeah you were thinking about mr big the whole time because it was like literally he was laid up under some whore right exactly sorry honestly that one was warranted you ate with that one loser i don't know i'm just really proud of you I think like you have recognized so many patterns that you would normally partake in and now is the time where you're facing those split roads and you can I know but it's like a conscious like I have to like literally make the conscious decision where whereas like usually I'd just be like uh-huh uh-huh that's like I meant that with McCall like that was the hardest thing ever for me I was having to constantly make these conscious decisions that felt almost against to just be normal yes against what I would

naturally do because of me only ever knowing so much toxic love to be in a healthy happy situation and I still will find myself fucking like you know what I mean thinking like a crazy ass bitch and then I'm like wait he loves you you love him yeah like consciously act you're right it's not I mean it's not an overnight process it's not an easy feat and like or an overnight process I think that you and I have obviously like we talk about how we're raised so much, you know, and like how much we want to break those generational curses and like loving non toxically is one of them. And I don't know. It's an active decision. So, too, I'm working on it.

I'll keep you posted. You just go like smash his windows in tonight. No, he'd be like, why'd you do that? See, and that's what you need. You don't need an equal window smasher. You don't need him to go fuck your friend because you smashed his window. You need a why'd you do that ass man. Hard to come by.

He's not like a nice guy either. Like not like a too nice of a guy. That's how I feel about Makoa though. Like if I smashed in his windows, he'd be like, you really kind of handled that differently. You know, like he wouldn't give me the reaction that like you probably wanted so it like made me change in that way you know yeah like there's no point in being nuts to someone who isn't gonna like that used to fucking infuriate me though like joe would never fight and i was like, hello. You got this, Brooke. I'm trying.

You got this. Well, I mean, dude, we leave on tour in 10 days. Less, nine days, I think. Eight days now, really? Fuck. I'm supposed to go to New York Fashion Week tomorrow night, which might be a horrible idea before tour, but also might create for some great lore for the shows.

Please don't go. Should I really not? I know know wait we're gonna finish this might be our last episode on the couch before we leave maybe we'll do one more maybe we'll have alex moran on and get the tea yeah but we've got a lot of preparing to do for this final leg of the canceled cross-country tour And we are so fucking excited to see you guys. And now we got to go over to the Patreon and talk some fucking shit as we do. I love you guys so much. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. I really sat down with a sparkle in my eye and these bugs.

If I just have one more fucking altercation with 80,000 bugs, like some, something I'm going to go into cardiac arrest. So, um, I hope we still delivered a beautiful episode for you guys. Cause we love you so very much. And we will talk to you in the next episode of the canceled podcast. Bye. you