Cancelled with Tana Mongeau & Brooke Schofield - Episode 14: Jeff Wittek Only Kissed Me Because He's Blind

Episode Date: November 9, 2021

In this episode I am joined by Jeff Wittek. We discuss jail, why he's never dated in the spotlight, our hookup, the barbershop, and his accident. This episode is sponsored by Noom (http://www.noom.com/tana), Buffy (http://www.buffy.co promo code Tana), and Pill Club (http://www.thepillclub.com/cancelled). Room 13 x Tana Collection: https://room13.la/collections/tana-x-13 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Booster Juice, Canadian-born, blending since 1999. canceled don't remember doing this at all i can only hold myself accountable look how good my life is so what else canceled tanimotia is canceled hello and welcome back to another episode of the canceled podcast did you like my voice just completely changing? It's great. You sound sick. 365 days a year. Yeah, I know. It's probably from the copious amounts of things I smoke. Jeff just looked me dead in the face and said, are you going to fucking smoke that USB stick the entire podcast? Hey, it's your body. Do what you want with it.

He doesn't mean that. I'm saying for audio listeners, she is ripping a USB stick. He doesn't mean that. He's coming off humble, but he's definitely judging't mean that he's coming off humble but he's definitely judging me every fucking second i just want you to live as long as possible and get the most out of life it's like to like 35 maybe out of eight years to what i think that you're ripping that thing 35 would be you'd be lucky oh my god this man this man you've had a life though jeff wittick so hold on we're gonna get into that today i to get into that today. Yeah, I don't want to start off too dark.

You don't want to start off too dark? Well, guys. Let's get into my dark past. Welcome my guest today. He is the host of The Barbershop. He is partially blind, Jeff FM. Illegally blind. And he just dropped an amazing hair care line that I've totally fucking tried a lot.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. Thank you so much. I love it. You guys, I actually wanted to clarify that. It's the only reason I'm here on the show today is to promote my hair product line that i've totally fucking tried a lot oh yeah yeah thank you so much i love it guys i actually wanted to clarify that it's the only reason i'm here on the show today is to promote my hair product line um there was a lot of um confusion you guys were curious if it works for women it does it does perfect example right no i use it are allowed to buy it and if you if you're a woman you buy it you don't know what to do with it resell it sell it on ebay you get

depop anything i use it every single day. Every day. I use it as deodorant, pussy spray, air freshener, whole fucking thing. Hey, I don't care what you do with it as long as you're buying it because I'm all about this, baby. And having a good quality product line. Yeah, the last part didn't seem too good.

I'm all about making the world a better place. So this is the first episode that I'm doing without a co-host, but I thought it'd be better because I want to build up, you the awkward tension i decided to have you on my podcast after we made out okay we made out on camera it was yeah totally just on camera it was acting yeah but we had a little fun yeah and then i got sick mysteriously after completely faked covid complete It was not COVID. Are you calling me a super spreader?

It was. That's exactly what I'm doing. Yeah. Sorry. Do you want to cut that out? We cut to commercial if you want to cut out. No, I really want to. I think that I'm excited to have you as a guest today because you're really good at being extremely offensive.

And I live for that. So I'm excited to hear what comes out of your mouth. You know what? That means a lot to me. Yeah. I really appreciate that. And I'm happy to be here because you are actually really funny and i mean that jeff yeah you make me laugh a lot when you text me wild shit at night are you flirting with me um no i'm not convincing i'm

just uh i just want him to be you know what i mean you know you're really funny you photo what did you do the other day you photoshopped yourself on to charles manson and me on to sharon that was a fan edit that was a fan edit? You were the fan. Which is insinuating that you're going to kill me one of these days. No, I'm not trying to kill you. I'm actually trying to become your new podcast co-host. Oh, are you now? Yeah, so that means no sex, no murdering each other because we need this to live on. You're fucking fired. That's the meanest thing you've ever said to me. Oh, no sex yeah is

that what you thought you were doing today i was coming here to no not at all not at all completely not at all i'm moving on no i'm just kidding what would you do fuck me in the podcast they don't even blink an eye when you say things like that that's so funny your whole crew they're all just on their phone texting you're just like yeah bro you're here to fuck you on my podcast they know it's not true i mean i'm not i wouldn't allow you to rail me in the podcast studio okay at home though god damn i'm sweating already are you i know i'm kind of sweating too you make me a little nervous we need brooke we i honest to god really do need brooke here today to buffer this but i mean before i continue to relentlessly awkwardly flirt with you i have so many things to ask you

about today i've actually refrained from asking you a lot recently when we've been talking because there's so much I want to know about your life and I want to grill you on this podcast today. Okay, I'm an open book. I got nothing to hide. Have you ever killed someone? You know what's funny?

I played a game with my ex and... It was just Russian roulette. No, it was like you could ask, what's the game where it's like hot seat or something? You can ask me anything and I'll ask you anything. And I was like, could ask, what's the game where it's like hot seat or something? You can ask me anything and I'll ask you anything. And I was like, obviously, like, what's the longest relationship you've ever been in or something like that? Yeah. And she answered it.

And then I was like, OK, you go. And she was like, have you ever killed anybody? I was like, what? We've been dating for like six months, you know? Damn. I guess I have a lot in common with her. I need to stop. You've never killed someone?

Oh, shit. I forgot that I didn't answer that no i have not killed anybody intentionally and i haven't killed anybody let's clear that up i'm just messing around here i think your life before the internet is really a fucking interesting thing though because it's like most people are cookie cutter and you know what i mean they do whatever the fuck they do before social media but you lived lived a life. Yeah. You made an amazing documentary about it. Oh, thank you. Yeah.

It's so nice that you watch my videos. I really appreciate that. You make good videos. You kill it. You know, you're a good editor. That whole thing was a moment because you kind of took a break from the internet and then came back with that. Yeah.

I had to take some time off. I was mentally ill. I mean, I am mentally ill, but I was just extremely mentally ill and depressed at that time because I had suffered an accident that came out of nowhere yeah freak accident and then i had to recover and get my life back together so i didn't want to just stick a camera in my face but in that documentary it was really interesting to me because i feel like my life before the internet was definitely very wild i did a lot of shit you know what i mean like seeing you you sold drugs you did a lot of crazy shit you were like yeah you were wild yeah i saw

a little weed um did you only ever sell traditional uh like background as a normal social media or entertainer person whatever um yeah i came out here to initially it was always in the back of my mind that i wanted to do something in the entertainment business yeah gangster movies or acting or something like that yeah yeah you're like slanging dope fully like one day i'm gonna be an actor i mean i watch movies like blow and stuff like that and i'm like this i can relate to this a lot but also i kind of felt like i was living in a movie at these times yeah it's very weird um but yeah like obviously those are movies in my life what it was real. The consequences for what I did were real. And the transitioning process just took a little bit longer.

You just said consequences and I completely forgot that you spent a great amount of time in prison. No? No, no, no, no. Or jail. I did a few months in jail, a few different occasions. There was no prison. It's not prison, guys. This is my camera here.

There's no prison. There's no prison? You never went to prison? Isn't jail like super, it's like sweet compared to prison. No prisons nice prisons where you get like tight like you can have More freedom a little bit more freedom. Yes, you're there for so long We're with guys that are gonna be there for a long time in jail It's just a madhouse cuz it's all really fighting cases. Some people are fighting murder cases. Some people are in there for weed Yeah, so, uh, yeah, it's's nuts there's a lot of politics a lot of what was jail like did you ever get

a lot of violence did you ever get in any fights in jail uh yeah yeah what were they like you kind of have to if you're there for a long period of time but um it's very political here in la so you'd be fine you'd make friends with people. You think so? You'd be good. I feel like my plan for jail, just like the internet has always, my thought if I ever go to jail, not that I've thought about it a lot or anything, would be to just find the biggest bitch and start fucking her. You know what I mean? Fucking her?

Yeah, because I feel like it's like then you have your, I'm like her little bitch and she'd protect me. That would definitely be my game plan in jail. But as a guy, I can't imagine what you would do. Sounds like an episode of Orange is the New Black. I know. I've never seen that actually.

I should probably watch that. Everyone always tells me. You probably like it. Yeah. A lot of lesbian sex and jail vibes. I probably would like it, you know? Are you bisexual? Yeah.

Okay. Are you? No, no, no. Do you ever do any butt stuff in jail? No, no, no. No, no, no. Do you ever do any butt stuff in jail? No, no, no. No, no, no. Discover the exciting action of BetMGM Casino. Check out a wide variety of table games with a live dealer

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BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Did anyone ever try you? You're pretty. I never thought about that. Was it like some big dude? The second I got in, I shaved my head. So so I had no pretty hair I cut all my hair off and I was the barber in the dorm so I made a lot of friends that way really

and I was pretty much safe because of my talents you never had anyone trying to be your daddy in jail no no fortunately no

I didn't have to get into any of that stuff did you have a cellmate I was in a dorm so it was open population you'd be sleeping and you'd turn to the left

and you'd see some guy sleeping next to you snoring. And you'd turn to the other side and it's another guy. Damn. Did you ever, like, was there ever a moment in jail you feared for your life or stories that, like, stand out? There was one situation that'll always stay with me. You know when a fight happens? Yeah. It's so interesting, right?

Yeah. Like, we all watch this YouTuber boxing stuff. Everybody wants to see people fight. Because I'm sure the fights in jail are just like bryce hall yeah exactly exactly the same they um but in jail you get like you don't have much entertainment so yeah and then when a fight breaks out you want to look at it right away and that's like your entertainment you're like oh shit i get to watch a live fight yeah but if you get caught watching a fight then you get a strike and then you're getting beat up next but it just it sucks because that's like it's so hard to not look because you know the rules you know that you're not supposed to look at it but it's happening and you're like 10 seconds in and

the guy taps he's like yo you got caught like you get a strike from the guards no from the inmates from the gangs no yeah no no wait that's so crazy like you're like you're oh my god that's actually insane so you got a strike if you don't make your bed what you get a strike if you don't from the other inmates and your breath stinks you get a strike for that you'll get beat up for that so there's there's like a hierarchy in the sense that they're like inmates that kind of control what the rules are what do the guards do just like twiddle their thumbs they're not even in there the guards are outside and the dorm is just all the inmates and then the guards will come in once in a while so there's just some big dude that's nice because it's all guys that smell like shit

and then you get a woman to come in and they're just her perfume is like oh everyone nuts immediately yeah they go nuts damn that so you looked at a fight though i looked at a fight i got a strike for that but that was the only strike i got everything else is cool the other strike is like if you don't work out you get a strike and that I love I was all about working out I was like give me a strike I'll fucking do the extra push-ups damn do you feel like I think it's so dope that loving that I think it's so dope that you came from jail though and you just started like doing this shit because I come from jail it's like it's a there's a huge I come from jail I haven't been to jail in like eight years.

No. Everybody puts these jail stories, or maybe seven years, six years. I mean, that... 24 is my last arrest. That's a little bit of David's fault, right? For branding. Not fault, but I mean like for branding you slightly. Yeah, David wasn't around when I got arrested. But yeah, putting it out there publicly, I...

Like inmate Jeff, you know? Jail Jeff. Eventually it would have came out. Yeah. You know? Because mugshots are public and your records are public. But it became like a part of your brand in a way but I like it I think it's cool yeah and I was only arrested for weed by the way I know she started off with have you ever killed anybody it was no violent crime I never hurt anybody I was arrested for selling weed

I know your audience what would you say your demographic is I'd say probably like 14 to like 24 14 year olds listen to this and you started off all about fucking in jail and and all that well i warned them not to it's not i'm not their parents like yeah you know i started trying to do the whole role model shit and i quickly learned that would just be a slippery yeah just be you you know what i mean like that's that's on your parents for sure just keep it real and yeah i do owe a little credit to david for getting that out because i was like i'm not fucking put my mug shut out we rely on brand deals and sponsors to endorse us for a career to make a living in this field. But I think it made you more famous,

which like, you know what I mean? It made you more of a brand, more of like a household name and shit like that. It definitely allowed me to talk more freely and just be open, be myself on things because I wouldn't be able to do podcasts because that's usually what people go to. How was jail?

How was, you know, your background? And what would I talk about? I'd come on here and we'd talk about Squid Game or something. Yeah, like, so you're pretty. What How was, you know, your background? And what would I talk about? I come on here and we talk about Squid Game or something. Yeah, like, so you're pretty. What's the, you know what I mean? I think that's cool. You in comparison, like, obviously I love Toddy and he has so much going for him.

But in David's vlogs, you kind of came in as the new like hot one, but with a little, with a little pizzazz, with a little spunk, you know? Yeah. Was Todd ever jealous or mad? Todd told me one time he was jealous. He was jealous of me swinging on the crane too which was nuts that he said that he was like i saw you doing that and i was i was like i

wish that was me i'm like bro what are you saying i'm mad your eyes like hanging out of the socket in your face and he's like i wish that was me before i had the accident so he was like watching me do that because before i got on todd was wakeboarding around the thing and he was killing it this is like i'm talking about the stunt that went wrong guys if you don't know what i'm talking about right now i want to get into that there's a wakeboarding stunt where todd was swinging around and then when we took the wakeboard off to switch it there was like a loop in it and then we just decided to fuck around with that and yeah that's when todd was like i was actually jealous because it looks sick what you're doing well now he probably isn't so jealous you

know you're definitely all insane that's definitely true so i mean straight from the prison yard getting strikes to recording vines recording vines yeah i remember i was at the pool in 1600 vine i moved there for my um my little side business at the time oh you moved that's crazy Not from prison to 1600 Vine. Jail, jail. Sorry, jail. Yeah, I was in jail one time for a month when I had the apartment there. And I had my, I had a cameraman. It's so weird. Back then I was like selling weed and I was, I had a clothing line.

I was trying out different things, trying to see where my life was going to go. Yeah, kind of where you fit in in LA. Yeah, because I don't want to sell weed or grow weed forever because it's tough. It's a stressful job. And you have to worry about it 24 seven. Yeah. So I was always looking for an exit strategy. want to sell weed or grow weed forever because it's it's tough it's a stressful job and you know you have to worry about it 24 7 yeah so i was always looking for an exit strategy and i just

happened to bump into rudy mancuso at the pool and he was like you want to be in a vine damn that's really how that happened yeah that's that that is wild too you're like trapping drugs neighbors with like amanda cerny and like fucking rudy mancuso that's a funny match on the hoverboard yeah oh yeah full hoverboard moment. You must have thought in your head a little bit though, like this is lame kind of compared to your life. Did you, or were you like, I want to do this? No, I was like, this is great.

You can make money. How much are you getting paid from Verizon to do this six second video? Oh, I guess that's so true. Yeah. Vine was such a cool era. It was like ridiculous. And then how did that, so then like David,

how did like, he came out here and you guys is that like what happened basically no no so that came much later actually in the documentary i kind of blended it together quick because we were just trying to save time i don't want to lose people in the first episode um so when david when i met david that was much later i had already moved out of 1600 vine and i was already doing social media for a living kind of but not anywhere near um the level those guys were at we had the same manager which is like a little weird thing that tied us together yeah um no i actually um i started doing the barbershop and i did the taylor holder episode where i convinced him to call you and confess his love to you oh my god i'll never forget that i

forgot about that oh my god it's crazy that was before I knew you, I think, right? So I hadn't even known what the bar was shot. You were already fucking with my head before we met. I was literally so fucked up. I feel so bad for that. I should actually take this moment to apologize to Tana for fucking with your emotions back then. No, Taylor took that and ran with it.

I think it almost like, it helped us be closer. He was the first one to get clout off of you. You think he was the very first one? Probably, yeah. I think I instigated it a little bit. I mean, all those. Because I was kind of friends with Taylor and Bryce before their big blow up. So it was all like that era.

I just saw something so special in them. Yeah. They're good kids. I like Taylor and Bryce a lot. I love them to death, actually. And they've been great friends for a long time. That's funny, though. I didn't know that.

Were you barbershopping before, David? i was trying to figure out what to do with my youtube channel because i saw everybody trying to do skits and there was a while where they were making like uh key and peel type sketches yeah just random sketches every week i'm so glad i never did that yeah it just seemed like a lot for these people doing six second videos yeah it just got cringy because you don't have writers comedy central has a team of writers that are coming up with sketches for people and they have these random YouTube creators. Not even YouTubers yet. They've never directed a production ever.

You want to give them a deadline for a comedy sketch every week that millions of people are going to watch. And then it just became the relatability. It wasn't even comedy. It was just like, I made a movie. And then Leila Pons is getting roasted for her comedy sketches when she's 18 years old trying to write comedy sketches and produce them every week. It was tough. And the bitch was balling. I don't think she gave a fuck what anybody had to say i like that about lele she

doesn't in real life she doesn't really give a fuck no she doesn't care at all she's dope so i was like what do i have here i have i'm cutting people's hair people are asking me for uh hair cuts and i need to figure out a new style of videos to make every week yeah and i like fucking with people i enjoy it and i like cutting people's hair and they're always on edge when i give a person a haircut for the first time they they're always like, is he going to fuck my hair up? No, it's crazy that people sit down in your fucking chair and just give you their hair. I don't think I could ever.

I don't know why they do it. I don't know why anybody does it. You're a little too sadistic, I think, to allow you to like cut my hair. But I give good haircuts at the end of the day. Have you ever fucked up someone's hair without telling them, though, for a sketch? No, never. I would never do that. I would never actually fuck somebody's hair up on purpose.

If somebody wanted like a stupid haircut where they like shave the top and leave the sides I'll do it for a laugh yeah but you wouldn't actually do it no I would never intentionally so then somebody's hair when did the vlogs come in so that video that I did with Taylor um I think Alex Ernst found it and they have like a vlog squad group chat and they were like is this real or not yeah something I think Todd found it and he hit me up and he asked me about it and then we just started talking and i just started hanging out shooting videos with those guys it's interesting because they were friends all for a very long time and it was almost kind of portrayed even as you kind of came in that you were as well but like on the back end you were kind of entering a new group of

people but it was perfect because i had just gotten out of a relationship at the time. And I met all these guys that were kind of, they kind of had the same sense of humor as me. And we got along great. And they all just loved shooting together. There was no contracts. There was no Team 10 type deal. Where you have to sign your life away to shoot with them.

Yeah. Yeah. But it was nice. And, you know, it worked out great. And obviously as to how David vlogs, he kind of just like eases you into it but then eventually you know like obviously people there was a great response with you you brought the like different vibe your life was very different before you know the relatability the new hot guy all that type of shit yeah were there ever moments where you were like fuck this no because i just saw it

as an opportunity to get him back i was never upset about stuff like that i feel like people always wonder that because obviously during the whole like scandal and shit that that was like the big narrative you know like it's always been too far like he like you know whatever but i feel like he attracted a group of people that enjoy it you know what i mean yeah it's a fun environment yeah yeah everybody you know nobody's holding the gun to our head saying do this shit you know it's do you still want to have you filmed with David? Yeah. I mean, I obviously wouldn't swing around a crane and put my life in his hands again.

But I still film with him. I'm still friends with him. Yeah. How is that now? Are there people... People give me shit and they're like, what are you doing being friends with him? What do you want me to do? You know?

Like, hate him forever and plan revenge? I think it's like intent comes into play there you know what i mean like it's like you would hate him forever if his intention was to do that to you but like it wasn't and then yeah you know and you have an eye you're chilling like people don't realize that if david would have killed me he would have went to jail david doesn't want to go to jail he would have been deported yeah or whatever the fuck would happen you know and i'd be dead yeah so that would obviously be really bad did that ever go through your head doing bits like i could die doing this no because i was never really a stunt guy yeah i kind of just

laughed at everybody else and i was like this shit's dumb yeah maybe should have left that to the other i know i know but we're all in a weird place sometimes we all go a little nuts you know no 100 i'm just joking and i kind of loved having like a like a group of friends and like a team to shoot with yeah because we just were like a powerhouse and when david suggested like this big video back we were all so excited to do it because we all just loved working together and helping each other out like jason like fucking that guy will go bend over backwards yeah for your video if I asked him to come on the podcast and get completely naked and shave his head bald and his eyebrows, he would probably do it. That's a Wednesday for Jason, for sure.

Oh, another really interesting part of your career that intrigues me so much is reality television. Oh, my God. Bad Girls Club. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I should have known you were going to go here. Talk to me about that experience. Didn't you like spit on someone i got spit on first oh and to be honest i don't give a fuck about that show that's hot i'm jealous of her that's um how long did you do reality television for i moved to miami and i was barber on south beach and there was a bunch of reality shows being shot there at once yeah they were shooting the kardashian show next door dash

yeah oh yeah yeah and uh the jersey shore i was friends with all those guys and they were coming to me for haircuts wait that's really fun yeah it was it was fun so i was doing that show and then i met the producers of that uh the bad girls club and i was like yeah i'm like acting i want to play like a bad guy i want to play play a troublemaker and stuff. Douchebag. They're like, okay, just go in this house and just fucking raise hell. So I talked a bunch of shit to everybody. And eventually we got into it.

But I didn't realize at the time how editing could portray somebody, especially on a reality show. Felt that at MTV. So they just left in the parts of me being a complete asshole. Utterly horrible. They jack off to that shit. They love that shit. You know what I mean?

Yeah. It's insane when you put yourself in that position. Yeah. Yeah. I've been there. But you know what? Everything happens for a reason. And I kind of learned a lot from that.

And now I use that in my world. Oh, let's talk about Bryce Hall for a second while we're on that topic. Right. Did you see how he tweeted at Corinna or he tweeted back when she was like, why are mullets so hot all of a sudden? Yeah, definitely. I think, I think you did that. You think I personally did that? Don't you? When I saw her tweet, I thought about you because didn't you that day post some like long ass fucking mullet pic?

I did. Yeah, I keep up. I did. And I was going to put the eyes too, but Bryce got to it first. And then he ended up getting the shit into the stick there. But no, it was bad. She was saying or he was saying that she fucked him underage and then they had to come with receipts. Oh, she did that to me too, Karina.

She did the same thing. No, I'm kidding. That didn't even work out mathematically. I'm just trying to chase clout any way I can. No, I'm here for it. If you're going to do it anywhere, please fucking do it here. Have you ever fucked Karina. No, I'm here for it. If you're going to do it anywhere, please fucking do it here. Have you ever fucked Corinna? No, no.

I think we fooled around the night before the crane, but I was on a bunch of sleeping pills. I swear to God. So yeah, same shit as Bryce. We're both in the same boat. Yeah, a bunch of sleeping pills.

No, I don't want to put that out there. I was always, I'm big on bro code. So she dated Todd and I was like, you know what? I can't, finally we've got people

in the back looking up. I never messed around with Corinna. Okay? I'll tell you the real story off the record later. Yeah, I feel like you did. Finally, we've got people in the back looking up. I never messed around with Corinna, okay? I'll tell you the real story off the record later. Yeah, I feel like you did. I'm not going to lie. No.

I did. No, I would never step on Todd's toes. And I know that he's in a full-blown relationship with another person now. Yeah. Who he loves and he's loyal to. Trust me. I know. I've tested him.

Are you one of those friends like, come out with the boys tonight. Let's fuck bitches. No, not really. I wish I could take that credit, but no. I kind of think you are. I don't drink. I don't go out much. I met all your friends from wherever the fuck you're from.

New York, Staten Island. That's what you served me. Is that where you're from? Yeah. Oh, wow. I did that well. Your friends are wild, though. It makes so much sense as to why.

They kept trying to get us to kiss. It was actually really funny. They were like, fucking kiss. I know, I know. Fucking do it. How often do they come into town? This was the first time I hung out with them in like 10 years. Really?

Yeah, they were a lot. We used to get in a lot of trouble together. So I had to not really distance myself. But yeah, I guess I could say that. Yeah, I had to distance myself. But then now that I'm so far distance, I don't want to lose who I am. So I brought them back around. It's nice.

It seemed like you guys like like I would have never guessed you spent that much time away from each other. The vibes were like very. Yeah. But if we did hang out as much as we used to, we'd all be in a maximum security prison, probably on death row. All three of us. That's very fair. That's very fair. Speaking of you being in a new life and being so far away from it now go for it can you see you want

me to turn the lights down yeah whoa what the fuck my favorite thing to do to jeff off camera is like fake pity i can't see anything that's why you think i'm so attractive um i lost my train of thought oh you're saying that the reason we kissed is because i'm blind that's a pretty funny joke i jeff would it only kiss me because he's blind that is an amazing title i might have blind and brain damaged that makes so much sense no um but you're sober now that's what i was saying i love about you so you could be self-deprecating like that you're sober now though when we're talking about new life paths. Have you always been sober?

No. I mean, what is even sober, you know? Oh, is this a secret? No, I mean, I don't touch alcohol. Have you ever, though? Yeah, big time. Okay, like you used to drink back in the day. I didn't have a problem.

Like, I would, like, abuse my fucking, I don't have any kids, but, like um i didn't have a problem like that where i would do dumb shit yeah most of my arrests i was sober for really oh so you're just like no i just i just started like relying on it to like sleep and stuff like that and i started drinking every night and i didn't like having hangover so i just cut it out but i smoke weed that's what i replaced it with and weed you don't get a hangover for that's very true i just stopped smoking weed i think we're we're flipping them oh yeah, we switched. I know. It's really weird though. I miss marijuana a lot. More for me and more for you. More booze for you. Yeah, but I don't need any more. It's funny. You're inspiring. It's cool to see people be able to go sober and

like still do this. But then again, you stay inside a lot. I think so much of what I do is like party based. Yeah, but I don't care about not like not being drunk at a party you know yeah you kind of killed it the other day i get high off other people's energy yeah other than contracting fake covid you seem like you had a good time at my party yeah if i didn't immediately get sick the next day that sounds so bad but i swear you just like got sick there is covid flying around your house 365 days a year. You think so? If you go in there, wear a fucking hazmat suit. I think your old man immune system just got a little weak.

My immune system is great. Jeff just told me he's 31 and I'm really shocked about that. I never knew that until today. You have really like, you look young. Thank you. I drink a lot of water. I just don't feel like that does it. Have you ever gotten Botox?

Move your eyebrows. Never. Never in my life. Never. No, I'm kidding. I don't want to ask you to move your eyebrows, actually. I don't know all the mechanics. I do Botox every day.

Every single day? Yeah. You also weren't sleeping because you were editing your commercial. We were so funny and amazing, and then you put me in for 0.8 seconds, which was just really fucking annoying. Honestly, I don't want to. I don't want this to sound like a promo, but I did use the other stuff on a subscription based platform that I use.

Oh, you have a subscription based platform. Yeah. And it was more behind the scenes. Oh, wow. What did I say on your Patreon? What did you leave in? I don't know. I don't edit those videos.

I got to go back. Exposed. They put whatever in there. I don't know. I don't edit those videos. I gotta go back and watch. Ooh, exposed. They put whatever in there. One time we left my friend's penis in the video on Patreon. I believe it. I do like the same thing on OnlyFans, like subscription videos, and I leave it all fucking in there. It's ridiculous. Oh, that's dope.

Like comedy mixed with a little nudity? Well, yeah. I have two OnlyFans. One where I'm just a blatant whore, and then one where it's like a weekly video and it's all it's like a vlog of the crazy shit that happens in my life okay I might make you put your dick on it after this actually who knows okay who knows my mom watches all my videos now everything I do she does it up yeah that's honestly really cute that's precious how's your relationship with your family oh I don't have any of those um no i'm my best friend's

family these people seem like family to you though yeah they all they all care very much i'm really close with my best friend's family so that void is definitely filled they like took me in like a little street rat and it's beautiful you know thanksgiving at theirs my own family though tragic for sure it's like a britney spears situation oh my god like a conservator yeah i often wonder if i need a conservator maybe i'd be better off with one i kind of have like eight though if you think about it just people who like yeah totally completely you can be my conservator if i go too off the rails i'll keep all the money yeah i was just gonna say you're gonna take all my 99 percent yeah pull a jamie spears completely

i actually slept with a burrito in my bed last night i like to just like cuddle up to the food 99% of this shit. Yeah, pull a Jamie Spears completely. Duh. I actually slept with a burrito in my bed last night. I like to just cuddle up to the food. If you wake up in the middle of the night, take a bite. Ugh, kind of everything. That sounds so fucking disgusting, but it's kind of true. Yeah. We always just eat in my room as we fall asleep.

Do you ever wake up and look next to you and there's a burrito laying there? That literally happened last night. It's not a joke at all. I woke up today and the first thing I did was eat a bite of a half-eaten bean and cheese burrito that I had last night. Now what if you had a husband? Where would you put the burrito in between you two? I mean, hopefully I could attract

someone who vibes with it or I could meet someone who makes me better and I don't want to do that. Yeah. But also, I don't know. Yeah. Like, let's say I'm gonna have a guy over. I'm like, maybe I'll take the chalupa off the pillow. You know what I mean? At least for the first date. Yeah. Maybe bring the chalupa in. Second date though, if you don't. Yeah. 100%. It's like, you know, take me as I am. Find somebody that loves you for you. If you want to keep those burritos in your bed. Keep those burritos in my bed. But I mean But also, I'm down to grow out of that over time.

It's not a make or break. It's just something that I do occasionally. I know what you mean. I went through a relationship for like three years. I didn't fart once. I swear to God. Yeah, I held them all in. You just blew up.

Yeah, I ripped it for like a week straight. Yeah, as you broke up, you just farted all over. I think if you can't fart with someone or no leave it in i think if you can't fart all over someone like are you even close yeah i guess i don't know i'll find out i have to have that energy with someone like you we just have to be so insanely did you rip farts on your ex-boyfriend definitely yeah it was almost like fun it was like a fun vibe like shut up or i'm gonna fart on you was that a bad breakup you don't want to talk about it i love you always ask me that i'm an open book um no i really i mean no i feel like i've had worse breakups i don't know if that's a good way to classify it why'd you guys um it was just very

toxic i think i realized that i like. Definitely the fucking farts for sure. No, I think I need someone to like take away the toxic. Like two toxics don't make a non-toxic, you know. Like it just like it continued to escalate. I almost think that I need someone to kind of balance me out. Yeah. Who's like secure and, you know, like a good vibe. Yeah.

I think if you date me. What's your type? Face stats? I don't have a type at all like literally at all like i it could be like the mailman it could be like fucking i don't know i mean face stats definitely do it for me i'm not gonna lie like yeah like you definitely you'd look good with a face tat should you get a little i'm surprised you don't have like a teardrop or something i got a little scar here the scar does also yeah that that helps you know for You could put a tattoo around the scar, but I feel like your image is too pretty.

What should I put on there? Tana, for sure. Just Tana on my face? Absolutely. I mean, that's kind of the mantra of this year, seeing how many people I can get to tattoo my name. Maybe. Before the year's over.

Do you have tattoos? No, I mean, yeah, I mean, no. But yeah, I have this stupid one. I'm getting it lasered off. It's so dumb. I didn't mean to laugh at your tattoo. I I have this stupid one. I'm getting it lasered off. It's so dumb. I didn't mean to laugh at your tattoo. I literally... It's fine.

I got it half lasered off. I'm doing that too. I'm like half lasering off a tattoo. I have young as fuck on my ass. It sucks to make appointments and go get... It hurts. Yeah. It also really, really, really hurts like way more than a tattoo.

Yeah, it's just not something that's like on my priority list. Number one, like book laser tattoo removal next week week and there's like a lot of things you can't do with it like go in the sun and shit it's like a lot of work for sure yeah would you ever start an only fans jeff no are you sure can i sign you you want to are you signing people now oh my god yeah damn that's that's my new thing off camera just pressuring anyone off camera there's seven cameras well yeah you know i'm normally this is yeah you're the first person you're gonna be a star exactly exactly you would never do no booty pics no nothing no no no i did once i did like a like a risky photo on patreon but yeah then they labeled my account uh 18 plus and i was like all right i'm not even to fuck with this shit anymore.

What did the photo entail? It was just, I had, I was partnered with a brand at the time, which I won't speak of anymore because we had a terrible falling out. I love to speak of them after we have a falling out. No, I don't want to even get into it. I've been, I've been going off too much on them. I mean, whatever. It's fucking Old Spice.

And I put their deodorants, like a box of deodorants and i was fully naked and i just had that cover in my crotch were they a fan or not a fan no it was rejected that was my suggestion to um do my brand deal oh no i would have sold some old spice for sure you know yeah i mean the partnership was good for a while but we didn't use that post i put it on patreon as like a joke and and then it went into oh so you can't do like slutty shit on patreon no not for me i'll stick to only fans for sure yeah you got it going on you got it all figured out i really think that only fans is your next move though you're gonna be a star kid no i don't i don't think so i'm gonna keep trying to convince you for sure oh you were just talking about a relationship that you were in and the entire time

i've known you i've never seen you in a relationship. Yeah. You got at one of my friends once. Did I? Yeah. I think it was right after the accident, actually. You came to my house. I don't know if you remember.

I feel like you were like. I hit my head hard. Who is this? Her name is Maddie. Maddie Crum. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I DM'd her once.

Yeah. I said, hey, congrats. And she was like, she was like, for what? I don't even know what she said, but it was just such like a random fucking weird thing to DM somebody.

No, I like congrats. It's kind of a good way of hitting someone. It's such an asshole thing to do and then I had a crack right after. You think that's an, damn, man. My gauging of what's asshole

and what's not isn't very good because I would just think that's funny, I don't know. Well, you're an original. You are one of a kind, so. I don't know't know of course you would like that but i think the average girl getting a hey congrats yeah is probably not the best way to introduce yourself thank you so much like hi beautiful or something you know so corny it's boring i don't know okay i'll go back to the asshole me but so you haven't been in a relationship in the entire time you've been on social media. No. Do you think that makes you a sociopath?

Why? How do those two line up? I'm just like trying to psychoanalyze. Like I don't even know. Like I'm figuring out how they line up. Are you able to turn, like is it because you were like, I'm in grind mode, I'm turning my emotions off? That's kind of how I was in security.

Yeah, 100%. I'm emotionally unavailable because I'm so focused on my work and it wouldn't be fair for me to bring a girl into my life and not give her my full attention. Okay, that's fair. Actually, maybe it's not that sociopathic. Maybe it's like the right thing to do. Who knows? But doesn't, isn't that-

Because if I'm in it, I'm in it 100%. Isn't that sad? Aren't you lonely? No, no, no. I figure, let me figure myself out, bust my ass, build this empire. And then I'll find somebody that is know i mean you're at the starting a family age if you think about it okay well you want to go there that's what you brought me on for call me old would you ever start a family do you want kids yeah yeah i'll have kids i'll have

kids one day but like an older dad what the fuck i'm 31 if i have a kid in five years, when the kid is 20. Five years? I'll be 65. No, when the kid's 15, I'll be 50. And then I can play basketball with that kid. I'll fucking slam dunk on that kid when I'm 50 years old. Maybe I'll do that. But if you were going to have a kid in five years, don't you think that you should be in a relationship now?

I'm going to be like The Rock at 50, though. I'm going to be fucking, I'm going to get way taller and jacked. That is true. You're aging. And I'm going to be on stem cells HGH, adrenochrome, baby blood. We were just talking about that before the podcast.

I'll be sucking down baby blood. That's for sure. People already think I do it. But then again people also think I look 30 so I don't really know how they correlate.

You look like a mix between 15 and 35. Thank you. Have you ever drank baby baby blood yeah no did you ever watch an american horror story season where they like in order to get inspired and have talent you have to drink human's blood no i've never that you know what's funny is i've never been that interested in the show but for some reason that just did it for me maybe i'll start watching it i just watched it it was like people that have writer's block and stuff like that yeah it's a really good show honestly story well i'll have to get into it my ex-girlfriend was just on

it i should go see her look all sexy and kill it oh your ex-girlfriend was on american history yeah who's that is that public yeah this girl noah cyrus i just dressed as her sister hannah montana though so i'm kind of waiting for her to call me crazy for that. What do you think of Bryce's mullet? I like it. I like mullets right now. Do you like my mullet better than Bryce's? Show it off.

Take off the hat. Why are you balding? No, I'm not balding. It's killing it. I don't know. Bryce's is pretty good you guys well i gave bryce's and i gave myself mine and i gave him a not as good one on purpose because i can't have him rocking a better mullet than me you don't want that new generation to threaten you i'm gonna

fix it for him you're gonna no his looks really good honestly i know i'm just kidding back to your oh good question back to your relationship things. What's your type? My type, probably athletic, doesn't smoke jewels, brunette. Every agent says every single thing that I'm not. No, I'm the same. I don't really have a type. I'm kind of just the type of person that goes through a lot of phases. And I'm just, I don't know.

It could be whatever. I actually agree with that. Physical type, it could be whatever. I definitely, with that. Physical type, it could be whatever. I definitely, after I get out of a relationship with one type of person, I want like the exact opposite. Like I go through phases for sure. Yeah. You know, but I guess you're not, you're not as datey as me by far.

So we cannot relate there. Yeah. But no, I've had blonde haired girlfriends, Hispanic girlfriends, black girlfriends. I've dated everything in the book. The people's person. Not like I'm saying I get around that much. That's kind of crazy that you went from dating everything to like absolutely nothing though. Well.

A little sociopathic. I'm just kidding. Yeah, no, it's fine. Have you ever been to therapy? I'm sure there's something. Yeah, I have. How much therapy? Not much. I kind of just use podcasts and talking to millions of people as my therapy. And I'll just read the comments. That's terrible.

That's really bad. No, for sure. We're going to have a lot of issues. You think you have trauma other than, you know? Yeah, I think so. But I was a bad kid. Yeah. Tortured my parents.

I was 14. I stole their car. But don't you think that. My friend smoking cigarettes in the backseat. Like, I just did not care. You only really ever sold weed. I started selling weed when I was like 13. and then it quickly escalated to so much more so when people say they only ever sold weed i it perplexes me oh yeah yeah you sold drugs yes wow and he's like

i love her yeah all right i found my type no um i I was crazy. I was psycho. I talk about it a lot. Growing up in Vegas, I was nuts. Obviously, you know, selling drugs is bad. Vegas is a tough place to grow up, huh? A crazy place to grow up. I mean, so was Staten Island, obviously. You know, it's like big city vibes. Vegas is crazy because everyone's just like 21.

And everybody goes there for one thing. Which is horrible shit. Oh, yeah. You quickly learn how much money is in the dark side of the world. You know? Yeah. For sure. Yeah.

It's bad. Have you ever bought a hooker? No. What? Have you ever? What do you think? A Mike Malak? We got to learn his pronunciation of his name.

Is it Malak? Yeah. What do you think it is? I've been calling him Mike Magic. Not Magic Mike. Mike Magic. That's kind of better magella he's about to be a father yeah that's funny no it's i don't think it's his kid though right didn't they make that like public that it's definitely not see have you ever gotten

someone pregnant that wasn't on my list no never a pregnancy scare do you fuck a lot are you like a no i think definitely like guys that get prostitutes i think just jerk off you know i think that will solve your problem with well no not prostitutes but i mean like are you out here in la i i've never heard someone say like i fuck jeff but i'm all for support and local businesses so if you want to support small businesses then go for it i'm not i'm not judging anybody fair enough you know what i? Have you ever hooked up with a guy? No. You were nominated for a streaming.

Oh, yeah. Congratulations. Thank you. Yeah, I worked real hard on this one. I mean, I know a lot of people have a lot of corny things to say about it, but to be recognized for something you put your heart and soul into,

what are you nominated for? Best comeback? Documentary. Oh. Yeah, which is cool because it's pretty much like best comeback. Is that a category?

I don't even know. Best post-accident performance. I could have swore you were nominated for best comeback. Best video creator with brain damage. No, no, no, no. There's a lot of those. Come on. Best documentary.

Yeah, that's a cool one because it's like vlogs, but a little better, you know? And it's not just more professional than blog male heartthrob it's like no shots anybody that's a vlogger that's nominated for the vlogger category that's a probably a bigger one that comes later in the show no but i mean it's cool at the end of the day to put your heart and soul into that documentary and then be nominated for something for it is like the sickest feeling in the world who are you up against i don't even know that's good no dis actually full disrespect to all my competitors because i'm fucking competitive you know whatever it is what it is doesn't i think a board i smashed my head off a crane what did you do for your documentary i don't

i need to do my research because there might actually be like some mr beast in there that's saving the world and i'm like just hitting my head on the crane so no the worst the worst thing that ever happened to me was winning creator of the year over Mr. Beast. Oh, yeah. That it was. Yeah. But it was. Oh, and you beat David, too, right? That felt great.

But Mr. Beast out here just like planting thousands of trees. And I'm like, I shook my tits all year and won. Oh, my God. I walked off stage. I was like, shit, that's gonna. It's not gonna work too good. You know, he's got plenty of awards and accomplishments. You deserve that one. He won the next year and he was like,

finally, we didn't lose to Taylor. Did he say that in his speech? Damn, that's good. He's funny. He tweeted that. He is really funny. Mr. Beast is a fucking icon. He just did some creator squid games whole thing.

I don't even know. Lazy idea. I'm just jealous I didn't get invited. Honestly, same. I couldn't agree more not that i would you'd be invited before me by far you're more brand safe than me i don't know how i probably would have won did you have to kill the opponents they actually die is there actual murder yeah logan paul actually is dead oh yeah yeah damn then i take it back good job mr beast no not at logan paul i was just saying if he actually went as far as to kill off participants in his video, that'd be sick.

You know, like actually like went full on Hunger Games. Oh, yeah. Or I guess Squid Game. I would tune in. They die in that too. So talk to me about this barbershop hair brand. Cloud Play? Money Play?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I was genuinely a barber since I'm a kid, you know, like 15 years old. I started cutting hair full time in a barbershop. He did tell me it costs $30,000 for a haircut if it's off camera. That was just me fucking around and sarcastic. No, but I did love cutting hair. But obviously you get to a point where you can't really grow as a, you know, just a barber. What do you open a barbershop and then you have a whole bunch of new stresses in life.

The toilet overflows. You got to call a plumber. You got to worry about your barbers that work for you being on drugs or getting arrested and bailing them out of jail. So I was like, how can I? Well, that's not really the reason. Also, it's just how many haircuts can you do a day? You know, how many people can you actually have as your clients?

And I want to make people feel better about themselves by giving them better haircuts. Like, look at Bryce. He got so confident that he went after corinna publicly on twitter yeah he got too much confidence yeah i don't think that was the haircut he it was literally just the extreme yeah and then he was like oh yeah i just got a mullet from jeff i feel great about myself sometimes i give people too much confidence yeah and then it backfires on them but what you do with it is on you yeah that's why i want to make it. You're just a philanthropist. Just a humanitarian.

I'm all about Abraham Lincoln. Is that, what's the, Benjamin Franklin. Is that a $5 bill? You're all about making five bucks, baby. No, it wasn't for the money, but that's nice. Is this your first company,

first brand that you've started? Yeah, first company. I've done like merch and stuff like that which i try to take a little bit more serious than other creators merch i do that was a subtle dig no no no no no but it is shitty is it no it's not shitty i just need to do some new crazy shit damn i'm just joking sound off in the comments below maybe i'll maybe i'll screen grab us kissing and sell it on a shirt and give you $0. Yeah, that'd be cool. I'm down for that. Loving that.

No, but I just wanted to be able to spread my talents across the world. And it's so cool when you launch it, you see the products go into different places like Dubai and Australia. Crazy. Yes. And knowing that all over the world, people love it. I love how right now you're releasing a hair care line and i'm releasing an alcohol line very on brand for us yeah super on what kind of alcohol i'm like i just wanted to spread my talents across the world

yeah you are spreading a good time you know that's what you are selling to people uh what kind of alcohol can i ask is wine oh great yeah little canned wines i'll put you off the pr list maybe the no no i'll take it because maybe just pose with it you have been using me to promote a lot so i could at least get i owe you a lot yeah that's hot i love that so that's cool it's like milk boys kind of now let's move back to your own. Back to your accident. Okay. Whatever. You want to go there? I'm jumping around. I'm just kidding.

I haven't actually gotten into questions about it. Let's see. How many fingers are you holding up? Let's do that game. Yeah. Oh, did you have to do all the crazy eye tests? Yeah, yeah. I can do it.

You basically have eye tests over here. I can do eye tests on these things. I can read all these words. How long was that period of time? Like the period of time i'm still healing i'm still going through a bit of a healing process i think i have one more surgery that i have to do one or two maybe yeah but it's fine now it's like it's like the most terrifying thing in in the beginning yeah it was because it's like i didn't understand what i was doing like i would just go into the doctor and they'd say some stuff. Oh, we're going to cut into your eye.

I'm like, just do it. Just fucking pull me out and do it. Oh, my God. But now I know what they're doing and it's not that crazy. It is crazy. No, but you've normalized it's become a part of your life. Hell yeah. I want all the kids out there to go fucking smash their eye.

And it's going to be okay. Was it weird to kind of go from i mean obviously you have your little prison stick into a monster yeah is that what you're gonna say no but i mean like to go from just like hot normal jeff to like like did you like people giving you pity like stigma around it no oh yeah but just i don't fucking know the stigma around it like people treating you differently did you hate that nobody treats me different really no my friends are ruthless they'll all fucking hey uh can you see me with that fucking eye but in but in life like right after you don't feel like people were kind of like no that's a good thing actually yeah it was kind of nice i

don't want a bunch of yes men around me you know okay so that was just you kind of surrounding yourself yeah i even have friends that i like spar with and they're punching me in that eye you know that's the type of people you need to surround yourself that's love they come on they come by every morning 9 a.m we're just wailing on each other in my uh guest bedroom that i transitioned into a gym how come you haven't boxed um because the accident really yeah actually i was out for so long no i would have definitely done that social glove shit if I had been asked. Beat the shit out of like Vinny Hacker or something for a little clout. My trainer trains Vinny too, so I wouldn't want to say Vinny.

But yeah, I mean, I would have loved to. After the accident happened, I mean, or just everything happened, do you feel like it changed your friendships with any of the people around you? Yeah, for sure. And that's not even on anybody else. It's just how I dealt with it mentally. I definitely let it. It just made me not want to see anybody.

I was very distant for a while. And it didn't happen right off the bat. It kind of happened like six months in. I didn't think it was going to be like a lifelong souvenir, this accident. Damn. That gave me chills. What do you actually see out of your eye?

I've never really asked you that because I'm always clowning you in my bed. No, I could see you. When I look at you from here, I could see you. But like if you... What? My eyes are like... If you close your good eye... Let's do a test.

Let's do a test. Okay. Is this good eye or bad this oh you can't even tell no what it's not like it's a glass there's scars over the whole side sorry sorry sorry okay yeah no i could see it's fine yeah it's a little it's a little double vision sometimes damn that's wild is that the only way you feel like it affected you mentally or was there like a big battle that was there there were other struggles along the way but damn you got me i didn't know you're gonna get me all open like this today i was actually just thinking to myself the difference in this episode versus like you're impulsive like i thought you

were gonna come on here and just troll the shit out of me and you're actually like opening up so it's interesting well i have you vulnerable i might as well let me use my own platform to cry and complain about my eye all the time no i'm no i like it i'm so much better off than i was we got jeff wittig vulnerable today a year ago yeah yeah do you get something do you feel like you constantly have to maintain a tough guy do you do you struggle with that like it's being does being vulnerable or emotional make you uncomfortable no i'm actually working on dropping the whole tough guy persona you are i'm working hard at it and i'm trying to stop saying fuck as much because everything's fucking this fucking that and when my parents came out here and listened

to me do the podcast my dad didn't pressure me he's like you fucking this i'm gonna fucking have a fucking lacroix and it's right he's right I've added so many unnecessary fuckings. Okay. And I'm going to start working on cutting those out. Round of applause, guys. I'm going to stop saying fuck as much. I'm a big fan of an unnecessary fucking. I know. I know. I've heard.

I'm kidding. I love that for you. I can never stop swearing. So, I mean, I do love it. I'm going to try to cut back. You know, I don't think I can completely stop. You're sober. You're sober. You're sober. You're swearing so i mean i i do i'm gonna try to cut back you know you're gonna go to church you're sober you're stop swearing do you believe in god yes so you know i was raised catholic but i am i don't go to catholic church anymore yeah um that's not do you ever pray i did the Hail Marys the other day because I had a Ouija board at my house

because I ordered it for a Halloween episode that we were supposed to do together. If you brought a Ouija board into a fucking episode with me, I would have literally absolutely had, like, an aneurysm. Why are people so scared of Ouija boards? I'm scared of what they bring, and I believe in it. I've had so many, like, insane paranormal experiences, and I feel like I already attract that.

You know what I did? What? I threw the Ouija board on the floor and I spit on it because everybody was making a big deal about it. Can you get out of my studio? Is this bad? That's my trigger. I didn't realize that Ouija boards are so bad.

Are you really? Honest to God, they fucking, I tell everyone, like never bring one in my house. It was a fake one that we got on Amazon. That's not fake. When you, that's a completely real Ouija board. Okay. You're, like, letting demons into your shit.

I am messing with the demons. I need to stop. I would rather you do anything. Help me. I would rather you told me you murdered someone completely, entirely. Nope. Didn't murder someone. Just messed around with a Ouija board.

And I apologize to all of the Ouija board. The Ouija board community. Yeah. The Ouija board community. Didn't mean to offend the Ouija board community out there. No, but I didn't know anything. I never heard these stories about Ouija boards and I never got into them. And I, I disrespected one and I got sick the next day.

See, that's, that's the thing. You're out here trying to blame me. Like I'm the fucking devil, but you're out here calling the motherfucking devil. Is that what Ouija boards do? They bring bad omens and bad things into your life a lot of the times because you're kind of like opening a portal into, I mean, obviously, I guess it depends on

if you believe in that or if you don't, but I just, I don't know. Do I do an apology here today? I think you should apologize today. I would like to apologize to God God for summoning spirits and then bringing them around

this podcast studio. I did not mean to. It was a mistake. Are you saying you brought them here? That was your intention? They may or may not have followed me. I don't know. They're invisible. I really actually hate this entire conversation okay let's move on here god please protect jeff please bring him wellness please um send away any bad spirits um help him to make wiser decisions that are in your honor

yes we pray this prayer in jesus name amen Okay, I have a fun game for you. And I've really wanted to do this with a Vlog Squad member for a really long time. Oh, nice. Yeah, you said you were going to do it with Zane and Keith, but they backed out. Not Zane and Keith. Whatever. Let's do it with us. The brain damage is jumping out.

We'll make it better. Honestly, it's not even a game. It's just for my pure enjoyment. This is what happens when I create my own games. It's just sadistic shit that I want to see people do. Okay. And with that being said, I want you to rate the vlog squad members on this list right here. Okay.

From your least favorite to favorite. Okay. I also feel like Zayn and Heath are- Can you do that for- Matt King is number two. What did Matt King do to you? He's a rat. wait really do you actually know his name just rhymes with it and i break his balls a lot and he honestly plays along

so good at like our our dynamic you guys kind of have a similar sense of humor yeah him matt he's 11 actually i didn't know there was an 11 option down there yeah well i just had to include every member that i wanted to know about. Here, we'll put... No, I don't want to put Heath there. I'll put Heath in, like... Heath could go up there. Okay. I like Heath.

Jason's definitely up there. Can I do two for the same one? No. Oh, yeah, you're right. I want it to be me, and I want you to get Ruth. This one's, like, they're tied. These two are tied for number one. Okay.

I love these guys. Toddy and Jason. Yeah. Jonah. This is a tough one. What did Jonah do? Because he betrayed me. He betrayed you?

He betrayed me. What did he do? And we were best friends and we were business partners and he broke up with me. He broke up with you? He's going to go down. During the cancellations

he just left you in the dust? He left me in the dust. Swear to God. I can never tell if you're serious or not. Oh, I'm dead serious. That one seems serious. He's going to go down. During the cancellations, he just left you in the dust? He left me in the dust. Swear to God. I can never tell if you're serious or not. Oh, I'm dead serious. That one seems serious. There's proof on the internet. You can look it up.

Damn. He was a bad friend. He said, no more Jeff. I'm going to start a kebab business. Mm-hmm. Yeah. But I love his family dearly. And yes, I have had kebabs.

I support the business. I support him and, you know, whatever he wants to do with his life. But Matt King's still lower. Matt is still lower, yeah. Yeah, big time. David. He used to be up here and now after the crane,

we'll put him down here. He's at five. It's not bad, huh? I'm an easy guy, you know? I'm so happy I saved this. You hit me with a crane, you know? It's all good. You're number five in my book.

No, be Jonah and you're 10. Hit me with a fucking crane. Susie is so sweet. We got to put her at number two and a half, 2.5. I'm loving what you're doing with this numeric system. Corinna, we hate her, right? I love you. I'll do that to make you happy.

She's just above Jonah. She's just above Jonah. Shit, did she betray you or not? I hate her, right? I love you. I'll do that to make you happy. She's just above Jonah. She's just above Jonah. Shit, did she betray you or no? Natalie, I will put Natalie. Damn, Natalie is actually the boss of the vlog squad. So I'm gonna put her up here just in case she's watching. Yeah.

Look at that, look at that Natalie. Yeah. Okay? She's off camera with a fucking Glock 9. Damn, now all we got left is Scott and Zane um damn

this is tough it's not even like a good spot to fight for do you and Zane have beef no I love I love them both these two guys

yeah so it's it's fuck Jonah but Scott would probably be like put me lower because that's you know

that's his personality so Scott do me the favor thanks we'll give you the credit for that joke so Toddy Jason well Scott would probably be like, put me lower because that's, you know. That's his personality. So Scott, do me the favor. Thanks. We'll give you the credit for that joke. So Toddy, Jason. Well, Scott would actually want to be fucking down here, actually, because that's what Scott likes to do. Oh, so Matt King just moved to number eight?

No, I can't do that. Keeping Matt down here at 11 and a half. Yo, that's my fucking favorite thing I've ever done. I'm going to start making everyone rank their friends. That was fun. Wasn't that like a good exercise? Yeah. Todd, you took it home.

Todd. Well, Todd and Jason. They're even. I mean, David literally took a part of your eye and he's number five. He's above Zane. Yeah, for sure. He's right above Zane. Yeah, I think that's fair.

That was beautiful. I promise you this is my new favorite bit. Well, thank you for that. Well, it only kind of works for people that come from squads. Yeah, that's true. There's a lot of those now. A lot of those TikTokers are trying to emulate you guys. I guess they just need like a really public tragedy to really rank.

Yeah. Who's your favorite TikTokers? TikTok squad? TikTok squad. I mean, just like original Hype House. They're iconic for sure. Charlie, Lil Hoodie, all of those. Who's your favorite TikToker? Probably Charlie, Lil Hoodie. just like original hype house they're they're iconic for sure yeah charlie little hoodie all of those who's your favorite tiktoker uh probably charlie little hoodie i mean who's do you ever

watch tiktok yeah there's this one guy i want to give him a shout out right now he's called be a man and he does he's very funny original tiktoks he's like this old guy from boss not old he's maybe in his mid-40s that's not old to you at all. No, no. Maybe he's 50s actually. He could be 50s, but he just says something really aggressive. He'll be like, don't take swimming lessons. Just drown. Be a man or something. He just says like, I don't even know if that's one of them, but he just says ridiculous shit.

I love that. And his whole logic behind it is just be a man. I would love to see your For You page. I bet it's fucking brutal. It's bad. It's brutal. Yeah, I'll show a man. I would love to see her for you, Paige. I bet it's fucking brutal. It's brutal. Yeah, I'll show you after. I would love to see it. Well, tune into his next episode of The Barbershop that he planned absolutely nothing for because he decided that he wanted to do it today.

And it will be just as awkward and offensive as this episode. It'll be super awkward and Tana will be very uncomfortable and naked. Keep an eye out for it. Only one. Okay. Thank you for watching this week's episode of Cancelled with the legendary illegally blind Jeff Wittek. I love you, Jeff.

Thank you for having me. This was fun. Tana Mojia is cancelled.