Castle Super Beast - SBFC 024: Steve Buscemi is a Zora

Episode Date: January 21, 2014

ARMCHAIR CEO is back, and this time it's all about Nintendo.There's also some bits in there about cool Kickstarters and our favorite anime openings. But then we go right back into Nintendo. Got a question for us? Send it to: [e-mail]

It really is a fish man. It is. It's a huge fish man. I've always had that image of him. Steve Buscemi is a Zora. I don't care. Totally. He's a goddamn Zora.

No, he's not. He's the king of the Zoras. The Zoras. He is totally. He is totally a fish person and he is awesome. Did you know that King of the Zoras starred in Boardwalk Empire for five seasons? Right. Nucky Zora.

Man, everybody, I want to welcome you to the newest episode of the podcast. What episode is that? I stopped counting. Is it 24? 32. It doesn't even matter. 32. It doesn't even matter.

32. Welcome to the episode that I'm following the left. Mystery number. Yes. I'm titling it. We forgot Rosalina. The episode. It's true.

We didn't. We fucking forgot Rosalina. We complained that they weren't announcing characters. Not only do we forget about Rosalina. When Rosy was announced, we were hyped, so it wasn't like it was a character that we didn't care about. No. Fucking Rosalina.

You know why? We're idiots. It's because she's such a Nintendo. She's just Rosalina. Like, anyway. Our brain. She's in there. Like, our brain auto-completed that into, she was in the original announcement.

Yeah. No. She was in Brawl. Yeah. Brawl thinks she was in Brawl. Yeah. Totally. And they also announced the same day that she was in Brawl that she was in Mario Kart

8 as well. So it kind of melted the gap. Of course. Rosalina's the best thing to happen to Mario. Year of Rosalina. Finally. Continues. Like, just going back through history, she's been there from day one.

She was actually in Super Princess Peach all along. Really? Don't call it a comeback. Yeah, she was in. She sure was in Super Princess Peach. Yeah, she sure was. Yeah. They should make that game again, but make it good.

Yeah. They should just make a second one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, for real? They should make a second one. Yeah. Oh, I see you got your little energy drink there. So folks who didn't watch the Mailbag video that we put up, a nice fan decided to send

us in some energy drinks. Yeah. Yes. I've got Ken's Dragon Punch. Street Fighter Dragon Punch with Ken. This is made by Boston America Corp and has a big fat label on it that says, product not intended for children. Yeah.

Oh, good. And I've got a little churrated from Mario Bros. power up energy drink by the same Boston. Okay, Boston America. Yeah, yeah. So these are the guys that make the Mega Man energy drinks. They made all the game for you. Is that one called E-Tank? E-Tank.

Yeah, yeah. So as we said last week on the week, I'll tell you right now, it's better than Sonic Boom. It's prop. It's fruity punch. It has a good scent. It smells fruity. It smells good.

Smash that drink. Because it's Dragon Punch. It's blue. It's good. Okay, Dragon Punch is blue and it doesn't taste too medicine-y. It tastes very fruity. Yeah, mine is red, appearing fruity. Yeah.

What color is it? What color is it? It's red? It appears to be red. It's always hard to tell. You think kids would be red? Yeah. You look at the lip.

You get a little bit on the lip. But the lip fit is transparent. But in the can it's red. It's very mysterious, but it's good. I feel like there needs to be some sort of wine tasting show, but with energy drinks. It's less punchy than Red Bull, which is ironic considering its name of Dragon Punch. It's fruitier. It's got a more distinct like berry fruit taste.

A bouquet, you might say. To me, it tastes like- Does it have legs? Does that have legs? No, it doesn't. It doesn't have legs. The aftertaste leaves you very, very quickly. To me, it tastes like a less intense amp.

Actually, in wine tasting, legs are when you hold up the glass. You swirl it and you see how it comes down. Oh, wow. Those are the facts. I thought you meant in terms of aftertaste. No. You always shake this all over. You pretentious foot.

Yeah. I've seen sideways. Once Dragon Punch passes the palette, it's gone. You know, after Big Govel Red Bull, you got that Red Bull mouth. This lasts barely ever. That the girls love. This is quick. This feels like it would be great, not advised, as it is you should not mix alcohol with energy drinks.

This feels like it would be great to mix into drink. And you could make like a Street Fighter drink with this. Don't do that. What's the sugar count on the back side? What is the sugar count? It is. Well, he can't drink sugar. I try to, just sugar is 27 grams.

That's fine. That's not as much as you would think. Power up? Same thing. Okay. I find really interesting about these energy drinks is that they made the Resident Evil One, which you'd think would just be called the T-Virus. But marketing boys were like, no, who would drink that?

So it's called the T-Virus antidote. That's great. They just call it T-Virus. You super nailed the reasoning behind that. Who would drink a thing that makes you into a rad monster with an eyeball in your shoulder? This is really good. This is really good. All right.

Well, while they scarf that down, Matt, how was your week? Busy week. First of all, yes, I have transferred my apartment to some other guy. He has your apartment now. He's living here right now under the couch. I'm Jimmy. It's Billy. Please let me out.

No, we know it's not Billy. No, it's not. Definitely not. So I'm going to be moving out at the end of February, so that's all taken care of. You'll be moving back to the States. Yeah, I'll be moving back to the States to my home planet, the States. Should we expect a long hiatus in videos? No, regular.

No. Okay, we need to stop right now because everyone's going to think you're super serious. But that's why I'm getting it out of the way. Matt, you're moving too. Matt's moving. You're moving. We expect a hiatus. Matt, you're moving three blocks down the fucking street.

Sarcasm, even that doesn't work so many times. But yes, the entire channel grinds to a halt. Yeah, for about four hours. So considering sometimes you forget to upload, you won't notice. Exactly. So yeah, other than that, played a bunch more games. I played more Killer Instinct. Really waiting on Spinal, kind of wondering what the fuck is going on because they got

one more week left. They're making him. They're making him. They got one more week left before he... Yeah, but he's missing his collar bone. I'm waiting for the theme. I want to hear the oh-ee-yaw. And it's going to be something like that.

You know for sure it will. And I guess the only other thing is that I went to a flea market and they had, we all need to go. Yeah. Because they had copies of Neo-Contra. Nothing was priced over 30 bucks. Breath of Fires that are out of print were $10. Which is an amazing price, if they're real.

They had old X-Force comics. They had old X-Men action figures, the ones me and Wally specifically had. I used to live near this flea market. It's kind of nuts. Yeah. It's super good. I bought a couple of weird things there. It's all mom and pop stores that don't know what they have or the value of it.

There are some rare stuff. Or they just need to make money. Sure. What is this? They're not a business business business. But they're not looking into the trade value. What is this? Sui code?

Damn. Two. Yeah. Ten bucks. What? Ness World Championships? Why does this game come with a plastic sill? With a plastic silver briefcase.

I was about to say, elemental year? What's that? Get rid of that shit. I'll pay you to take it. So yeah, other than that, just... You brought home a big haul? What? Got a big haul?

I spent my money wisely, not on quantity, on quality. Yeah, okay. All right. Liam, how'd your week go? It went well. I didn't do much besides just watching anime and playing video games, which is what I do. What anime and video games, guys? That sounds like a week going on.

That sounds like a week you would expect one of us to have. Of course. I would love it if you said, I just watched All of Monster. Damn it! Don't steal my lines. Like an out of con... Are you watching Monster? I've seen it.

Oh, okay. No. Sorry, I was like, oh, damn, that's awesome. It'd be cool if you just said an out of... That dragon punch is good. So, like, there's still new shows coming out. I stopped and watched them all because I'm a lazy ass. She's got to put the work in, nerd.

I know. I know. I'm not nerd enough. I watched this one called Engaged to the Unidentified, which is a really funny, like, slice of life kind of. Engaged? And if you hate slice of life, you'll hate it. Engaged. That sounds like a...

As if you'd be engaged. Whoa, whoa! On our Miiverse... Yeah, but it's yours. Oh, okay. So, Matt just saw, because we use on, on Miiverse, a post that said, Matt and Pat from Two Best Friends Playful, and Matt was freaking out, but it was a post from him that he wrote.

It was a message we awakened. It was a message in a bottle. Well done. Moving on. Good job, idiot. I'm working an advertising brand. So, it's a slice of life shenanigans? It's a slice of life shenanigans.

You know what you're going to get. Why is it asked a weird title? What's the gimmick? It's from Japan. She's betrothed to this guy, and she's like, what the fuck? Oh, okay. That makes sense.

And that's the stupid gimmick. They move in. Is he a robot? No, he's just quiet. Are you sure he's not a robot? You know what? It's only been two episodes, so I'm not sure. He's a robot.

Episode three, he's a robot. Yeah, that's what I'm calling... He's a defeated. It's a little, like, gory, like, Lovecraftian thing, but all the episodes are two minutes long, so you're not getting enough content. What's this new one? Pupa.

Pupa. That's an insect? Yeah. That makes me nervous. That could be a scary movie. It's Lovecraftian. I don't know if I like where it's going, but it's kind of fun considering it's two minutes a week

of, you know, nothing. When you say Lovecraftian anime, this girl turns into this horrifying creature. How many tentacles? None. Oh. Wow. And she gores this guy and starts eating him,

but she still has her, like, she's still thinking, like, herself. That doesn't sound... But she's like, I have to get this. That doesn't sound Lovecraftian. That sounds Kafka. Yeah. A bit more.

No, you're right. Lovecraftian is the one you jump to? No. That sounds like Kafka. The metamorphosis. The layman. That's a way better comparison. You're right.

That's a way better comparison. Yeah, that does make more sense. Like, pre-Kafka, because it's Pupa. Yeah. I'm watching this other one as something-something-secret-as-ves-de-plot. I can't remember the full name. Nice. It must be a crawling.

It's funny. It's otherwise known as Lolli Conquest by a lot of people. Okay, we're done. We're done. I'm not even going to talk about it. We're all going to jail. But it's funny. Cops are at the door.

Hello, officer. Oh, no. I haven't talked about it, even though it's played for 13 weeks in a row. But there's this one show called Samurai Flamenco that I recommended to Wooly on probably seven of the 13 weeks. Yeah.

It's a great, like, Sentai anime. Really? It starts out as Kickass, where the guy is like, oh, I'm Kickass. Okay. But then suddenly they throw a curveball, and it's a great curveball. And it becomes Sentai.

Maybe it does. Maybe it does. And then suddenly they throw another curveball after 12 episodes. Yeah. And it's looking like there's another one on the horizon. And it's really well animated, and it's really good.

Samurai Flamenco. Samurai Flamenco. Really good opening. I have to say, I saw some Facebook messages saying, fuck you, Liam. Now I'm hooked on this fucking coffee show. Yeah. I saw us couple of weeks ago.

It was a greece. Too bad. It says where we're in there now. The confusing messaging about that ended up getting out wider than it would have other ones. Somehow. And yeah, second episode of That Came Out,

Wooly, you should probably drop it. Okay. Absolutely. That was good. Wow. So soon. Oh, yeah. If your tolerance for cute is low,

it's a bit worse than the first episode in that regard. It's not that my tolerance for cute is low, so much as cute, but nothing else. Right. Okay. Because I love Azumanga Diome. But it's funny.

There's a scene in the second episode, and it's a sick mech fight. Okay. And it's sick. It's really cool. And there's no fan service in the second episode, unlike the first one, which had that one spot. Sure.

And it's just a bit more girls talking. Okay. But they finished the case. So it's a real mixed bag, just like the first episode. Okay. But I think too. After I saw some other people chiming in

on what they thought after we spoke about it, they too, on the Facebook and the Tumblr, they were all like, yeah, no, can't stand that main character. What I will say is I'm happy these guys are making this show. Because previously they made stuff like Queen's Blade,

which you might not know, and I know Queen's Blade. I know Queen's Blade. I'm sure you do. Oh, fuck Ikitose. These guys made these in the box. Fuck that shit. So these guys,

oh my god. Queen's Blade makes Ikitosen look like fucking Grave of the Fire movie. Oh. That's true. Dude. But Ikitosen was actually, actually like,

that was the manga that got caught tracing Tenjo Tengen. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Actual full panels. But they did the anime, not the manga. Okay.

Okay. So they only adapted it. But still. They were touching it. But I'm glad that these guys came from a place. Battle Vixens. That was a great name.

Yeah. Which is a great name. I'm glad they came from a place where they were making borderline porn, and they said, man, fuck, anime sucks. Let's make a stick out of it. There's only two places to go from there. You can go from borderline porn

to real art. Or real porn. Real porn. Well, they did real porn, too. Okay. So they actually also did that, and then came back and said, let's just make a stick out of it.

They were like, they're like, porn game is too much. So they're like, type moon. Pulling out of the porn game. Basically. Yeah. Yeah, I guess. Yeah.

I mean, yeah. Sure. But good, good animes. And the question in the porn game is too tough. Soul sacrifice. It's too tight. Okay.

And for anyone who's got a Vita, since it's Tuesday today, the Tokiden demo comes out. Yeah, I will get that. You and I will talk about that next week. It's... It's an unashamed Monster Hunter clone. It's Monster Hunter in old Japan.

Made by the Dynasty Warriors, guys. It's really good. Omega Force made it. Yeah. Specifically the guys who do the cool things. The good Dynasty Warriors. Yeah, exactly. Which are what?

Like Strike Force. Yeah. What is the difference? In a fucking... That big... Like, I hate Musso, but even I will admit, there are obviously two tiers of Musso. There's the games they try,

and the games they shit out on licenses. Strike Force is like you're like Dragon Ball Z, so you've got your double jumps and air dashes, and you power up, and there's a bunch of co-op, and you fight tigers. You have to imagine that Dynasty Warriors Strike Force is the most confusing...

It is, it is. But it's good. Yeah. So Tokiden... Let's hope they're the ones making Hyrule Warriors. They're not. Yeah. I actually spent my week checking out anime as well.

Nerds! Which one? Which one did you watch? Well, I think it's kind of old, but I sat down and watched Plastic Naysign. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I've seen one thing of that ever.

Okay. What is it? It's really short. It means Plastic Sister. Yeah, I know. I'm familiar enough with the language, but I know it means Plastic Sister. But you didn't state that one.

But I mean, what show is that? Like, is it... It's a robot. It's my life. Super short little comedy skits. Okay. About these girls that are in a plastic model club. Okay.

Okay, this makes a lot more sense in this movie. Yeah, and they all like little plastic models, and they like making them and stuff, and it's just shenanigans. And it's pretty fucking funny. Sounds a little like one part of Genshiken. Almost, but like way more wacky in terms of like the way things unfold and facial expressions

and things blowing up and shit like that. Really weird cast of characters. And again, super shark. I'd recommend it. It's funny. Yeah. Before I forget, just one last thing. I watched this other one called Tonari-kun,

Master of Killing Time, and it's an 11-minutes episode. And it's about this girl and this boy in the back of a classroom. And the boy, Tonari-kun, he just wastes time like a fucking champ. So he has like 80 erasers in his bag and he stacks them up

and he makes a big domino chain. And the girl's looking like, what the fuck are you doing? And like there's a bunch of shenanigans. I reckon. The girl always gets in trouble because she's the one who's like, what are you doing?

Yeah. And then she gets quiet and stealthy. And he's the one that gets it all fast. And he's a dick about it. He glares at her and shit. That's a pretty good premise for me. It's a good premise. I like that.

Not bad. Oh wait, actually before we go. Yeah. What did I do this week? What did you do? Well, I did almost nothing. I played a bunch of Monster Hunter. I had a point playing Monster Hunter

where I realized I was sick. Like I have a problem. You said you got up in the morning and you just started playing Monster Hunter and didn't eat. Yeah. The other day when I came over here I got to maths and said,

he's like, okay, I'm like, no, I need to eat something. He's like, why? It's like five. He said, well, instead of eating, I got up and played Monster Hunter.

And that day after I went home I was going through like fan made applications that look at item drops to determine what charm table you're on. Okay. So like, We're heading for the dark place. It's where I go to with when I play MMOs.

Right. And why I don't play MMOs anymore. So that being said, I did play something else and it's something that everyone should check out and it's the banner saga that recently came out on Steam and it's one of the larger Kickstarter games

that came around alongside, I want to say Wastelands. Yes. But I didn't get Wastelands funding. Dude, this game is awesome. I actually have it. And I'm excited to try it. Do you like Final Fantasy Tactics?

Sounds good. Do you like Oregon Trail? Sure. Guess what? It's that. Together. With hand drawn 80s style Disney animation. And they're Viking.

Oh, I know this. And a flaking setting. I saw a screen shot of this. It's really cool actually. It is amazing. And there are all these little details that really make a big difference. I'm assuming it's like funny?

No. No? It's super serious. Oh, wow. Okay. It is the fantastic. And it is the kind of thing of Oregon Trail style of

you are marching along the frozen tundra and will be presented with choices. Now a choice that happens early on is that a dude in your party, and by party I mean your village, that's probably a couple thousand people. He gets drunk a lot. And he causes fist fights.

And you have the choice to discipline him, banish him, or cut him off from booze. Now, I cut him off from booze. But two weeks later, he's drunk again. And he accidentally sets fire to some of my equipment. And so I beat him in the street. Say, fucking stop that.

But I don't kill him. And morale stays relatively fine because I don't murder him. Right. And then next week he says, there's fucking monsters all over. They're chasing us. They're in the trees.

And not wanting to get blindsided and lose half my people to a surprise attack, I stop for an entire day. I set up for a fight that doesn't happen. What a trouble. And then I'm like, fuck. All these resources, all this wasted time because time is also supplies.

And then I get a little mention that he disappeared later that week. And no one seemed to care. So it's basically organ trail and then you run into a battle. And the battle plays like Final Fantasy Tactics. Slightly less in-depth, but it uses a bunch of interesting systems.

What's really, really interesting is that you cannot lose a fight. If all your characters die, they'll become injured and have less health the next time they go in. So characters will not die due to, most of the time, due to falling in a fight.

What they will die to is your bad decision. Okay. So is there more game in the traveling or in the battle? It's split 50-50. It's split 50-50. So like say, Guy tries to save some of your supplies

from going off a cliff. And your options are, let go of the fucking supplies or trying to help him. Well, I tried to help him and he went off the cliff and there's my party member dead. Like gone.

Even though he died in fights. Yeah, permadeath. Yeah. I heard that the way the combat works is a bit like advanced wars where the more damage someone takes, the less they do. Yeah, your hit point is your strength step.

Yeah. So at the start of a fight, you have guys that have low defense but have like 20 hit points. They do huge amounts of damage. But they take one hit and their damage is gone. Abismen.

Okay. And you have an armor value that kind of racks that and you have special skills. It's really, really, really amazing. Yeah, I'm really important to playing that. It is another banner saga. Okay.

It is a total success. It is fantastic. It's also super like harrowing because it paints. There's no manual save. It saves after you leave camp or after the end of a fight. So if you make the wrong decision

by the time it catches up to you, it's too late to go back and reload your game. Right. It's like an hour ago you made that decision. Right. Was this an early access?

No, it's out. It's fucking out. Well, they put out like a multiplayer beta that was like an open thing for a lot of people and a lot of people played it and said, yeah, that's good. And that was just the fighting thing months ago.

Yeah. No, it's fucking awesome. And one of my favorite things about it is that they video captured all the combat and animations and then traced over. Yeah, they do it in the old Disney style. With their fancy Disney look.

Nice. It's a rotoscope. Rotoscope. You go look at it and it's the reason why there aren't that many like sprites. Like there's a lot of recolored sprite use. There's like a big guy.

There's a giant. There's a spear guy. There's an archer. But we're talking like 30, 40 key frames for every single. And it looks so good. And it backs it up with good music. Good story.

I'm not done. So it might shit the bed. I don't think it will. But it's so awesome. That sounds great so far. My mom died. Kickstarter games. Kickstarter games are awesome.

You play Broken Age? No. It's not out yet. I've got it. Yeah. That was weird. I was expecting you to play something. It's not out yet.

I was expecting you to mention it this week. It totally went under and over my head. But I played it. Okay. It was great. The only thing I'll say is it was a bit shorter than I expected and it was easier than I expected. Yeah.

But considering we know this is the first half of the game. Yeah. It's twice as long. And he already said that the harder bit is the second half. And obviously considering it was the first half, a lot of their resources went into building the engine and such, whereas the second one is going to be totally content creation. How's the writing?

It's good. It's great. How's the voice acting? It's funny and smart. And the voice acting is great as you'd expect. The one thing I did. The one thing I did catch from Broken Age is somebody on our Facebook page sent it to us was,

check it out guys, they managed to get the character underneath the covers without actually showing them underneath the covers. So your main character, I believe he starts the game in the future. In a virtual cover thing. Under a virtual blanket. It's just point to point like vertices.

Yeah. Interesting. Brilliant. It's really great. Get around this huge problem that's been plaguing the industry. With techno blankets. Yeah. It's really good.

I just, I hope the second half isn't as like streamlined. Okay. Because it's a lot easier than older. Well, the first part is also supposed to raise money to help finish the second part. So it makes sense that the first part will be a little streamlined. I don't think they're making compromises in that regard. I don't think they are. I think it's just like they reevaluated adventure games

and they didn't want the first part to be like, oh you died 20 times. They don't want to be Kingsfield 4. No. Kings Quest. Yeah. But Kingsfield 4 would also work as a analogy. And everything's pointing towards there being a third act at the log.

So. Is there? I would assume. Is there not? No. Really? No. You just made that up.

Not really. No. Are they not going to have a sort of like... All the control over the characters all the time. No. Because what I, well, when we were talking about this earlier, like what I was asking was does it seem like it'll go that way. Oh, I expect them to meet up at some point.

And have some sort of interaction going on. Are there things that you do in one effect the other? I expect them. And I kind of, I guess I misread that conversation. I expect them to meet up at some point is what I said. Okay. But you can switch between them anytime. Okay.

That they're in your inventory is the other person. That reminds me something else. The beta for Wasteland 2 has been out for a good long time. For a while, yeah. I have not touched it almost at all. Are you entitled to it? I am super entitled. But I'm not.

It's one of those betas that's like really like this shit is half in. It's all fucked up. That's not a beta. But one of the things that, well, I don't know what betas mean anymore. Nobody, they don't mean that. Nobody knows what the fuck betas mean anymore. But one thing that I would note, and I know it doesn't apply to almost anybody but me, I play PC games on a television, which means sometimes the UI is all fucked up and impossible to read.

So Civ 5, for example, I can't read it. It's unreadable. Wasteland 2, at least, this is a problem a lot of people talk about in the forums, is that they have alternate settings for how big you want your text to be. And also, you can just slide a bar that changes your 1080p sized HUD to the 720p sized HUD if you'd prefer. So it's just this nice little detail. And it goes into all this Kickstarter stuff. The huge Kickstarter failure that should have killed Kickstarter should have happened by now, right?

Yeah, yeah. It's overdue. Like, Wasteland is the next one, and that's shaping up to be great if they're getting nitty-gritty details that only 10 people like me bitched about on the forum. It's clear that there's a lot of thought put in this, because guess what? These projects are made with love. Well, I would assume that the failures, as it were, just didn't make their goal. Exactly.

It's a very truthful thing, like Mr. Dyax Project. And that one board game with the girl who went crazy? Yeah, that one. And the son telling her she couldn't do... Oh, I remember I can't finish this game, because the son told me not to. Excuse me? Because the son... I forget this guy told her not to.

I forget the name. I don't even know what this game is. I forget the board game. I forget the name of the Kickstarter, but it was a board game, and she reached the funding, and she got, I think, like six months in with regular updates, like it was actually happening, and then went completely insane. Oh, I remember that. And the project just evaporated, because the son told her not to finish the project.

Was there refunds? I don't know. Wow. One, they don't have to give refunds. No, I know, but I'm asking if there weren't. No, because the son didn't... No, no, because she actually spent most of the money to making it, and then, like, the son didn't want her to finish it.

Okay. And the son didn't want to refund back the money. What the fuck, son? I know, eh? What an asshole. This is a Mario Kart 3. Mario Kart 3, yeah. She was coming to get her.

She's teaming up with the Majora's Mask Moon. Kickstarter is going to be so awesome, because Double Fine Adventure is the one game that I thought could really damage Kickstarter's visibility, I guess, in the gaming industry. If Double Fine Adventure came out and shaved for fucked up... It's the flagship. It would be... The flagship were the really big ones, anyway. It would damage the chance of, like, you know, multi-million dollar ones.

But from what Liam says, and from everything else I've heard... It's great. Double Fine Adventure is great! Yeah. And they made a fucking kick-ass documentary that goes with it. Yeah, and all the big ones seemed that they're going to come out great. So what that means is that Hyper Light Drifter is going to be Game of the Year 15. Oh, my God.

Game of the Year all year. Game of the Year. Project Phoenix. Mighty No. 9. Shovelight. Shovelight. Shantae. What are we going to get out of here?

Shovelight's Alpha now. Oh, that's not what I was going to say. What? I was going to say, what are we going to get our badass Kickstarter fighter? Never. Kickfighter. The fucking genre that's the most impossible to do via Kickstarter. You already got that.

Who would do it? No. You got a character that's called... You got Gatagarasu, that's another Raven. Which was already a thing. Yeah, it was already a thing. Here's what happens. Pocket Rumble.

Capcom has to go bankrupt. Pocket Rumble was the one. Pocket Rumble was the one. Capcom has to go bankrupt and the entire old Marvel team has to be desperate for indie winning. Yeah. And make Marvel 4 with slightly off-brand Capcom and Marvel characters. You mentioned kickass documentaries.

We watched that Isobaneta documentary where Kamiya drops a hilarious thing every two minutes. Well, we were supposed to get work done and we just sat here and we popped it on. Isobaneta was like, oh, it's going to be 10 minutes, 15 minutes. And then we just realized no one's going to turn this off and no one's going to get up and stop it. Yeah. There's a scene there. I'm going to watch this.

I'm pissed off at it. Oh my god. There's a scene where it shows not even the alpha. It just shows Beyo doing one-frame animation throws and they're just basic non-jacket throw throws. Nice. Like the early alpha. Like a grappler throw.

So there's a chapter called The Glasses Saga, basically. Oh, that's fun. When they decided at the end, Kamiya was like, fuck it, put glasses on her. And his word was like, god, that was too bad. And everyone was like, okay, fine, and they got used to it. And then word came down from on high. Oh no. Right?

From on high, get rid of those glasses. The glasses don't sell. The glasses don't sell. They don't sell. Don't do it. The words were, can she take them off sometimes? No. And Kamiya absolutely refused.

Like this game will not come out. But then, right? Well, hold on. I was going to say, give him the anecdote about... Oh, give him the anecdote? So the one guy, I think I showed you this before, actually. He says Bayonetta's glasses are like her panties. Without them, she'd be a different person.

And Kamiya closes his eyes and he sighs. You can never take them off. Yeah, you can never take them off. He closes his eyes and he looks down and he sighs. And he says, at that point, I knew he knew Bayonetta even better than I did. Oh no. This is the action scene choreographer. Yeah.

Yeah, the guy that did all the DMC. Oh, Shimamura. Shimamura. Yes. Yes. And filming, like, he dresses people up. He hired people to paint them. He hired people to dress them up to do the scenes of, like, the...

To act the animatic players. Without spending, like, just because he wanted to. Shimamura gets character action. Yes. Oh, incredibly so. She invented. He helped invent it. Yeah.

And of course he gets it. They showed the dancer? Oh, Bayonetta. Oh, Bayonetta. Bayonetta. That's Bayonetta. Amazing, yeah. And so, after, he absolutely refused to remove the glasses.

He kept battling. And it took, it was months. They came back and said, just come on. Over this trivial design change. And in the end, they finally just gave up because he just refused. They're like, no, he's never gonna... There's no discussion here. We say, do it.

And he says, no. And then... He proceeded to put glasses on every character in the game. It's true. Luka has them on his head. A boulder has a monocle. And so, everyone... Sereza has them.

Sereza has them. Rode? Rode and my sunglasses. And so, everyone has them. Every character has the best... Jowar's glasses on his head. Yeah, exactly. The biggest fuck you.

You don't tell me what to do. The best. The best. Also, by the way, Pat and the... The Eye's the Bayonetta art book, which I recommend everyone pick up. It gets to the section on body pillows. And Kimia would say, in the little subtext, says, I dropped all work to focus on the body pillows to make sure it was right.

There was this one amazing line where he was looking up poses for Bayonetta. Yes, yes. And he looked up like a pole dance. He looked at some pose for Bayonetta. And he said, when I googled it... Sexy poses. I got a... Yeah, you googled sexy poses.

That's it. Sexy lips. Oh, no, it was sexy lips. Yeah, he googled it and he said he found a bunch of pornographic images, which was too much for a cherry boy like me. Awesome. Yeah. Amazing.

Yeah. Kimia, you're the best. Do it, do it, do it. I hope Kimia listens to us. I'm sure he does. I'm sure he does every week. Yeah, 101 fans. So, something that we were talking about a bit earlier this week, Lume, that I kind

of wanted to bring up was, I was listening to some, just whatever, random music at work. And I was listening to some anime OPs, you know? And I'm like, okay, cool. I'm playing Sonochino's anime. I'm playing Bloody Stream and the Attack on Titan stuff. You know, just whatever. Good anime music. And I was like, just kind of thinking, like, man, there's some really good intros out there

compared to like Bubbly J-Pop. Yeah. Yes. And then I remembered shit like Boogie Pop Phantom and Xan. Then I was like, fuck Bubbly J-Pop anime intros. That shit's garbage. You're right. It's 55% of the time.

They're totally correct. And it's just like, it's such a crop out. It's like this one stain on Kill the Kill. Yeah. So, I mean, even in Gurren's case, I'd rather it had been something else. So, like, I'm just thinking, like, what are some of your favorite anime OPs? I like the Gurren one. You like the Gurren one?

I like Sawyer O'Day's. Yeah. Okay. It's not the greatest piece of music I've ever heard. Nothing's ever going to be Tank. No. Okay. Tank is like legendary.

You look at my screen and I wrote down excluding Tank because there's no way Tank is not like the best. But beyond that, like, what are some of your favorites? Because it's like, there's stuff out there that you're like, okay, you automatically get points for trying something different, going with a different genre. Gantz has... Hip-hop? I love the opening to Tenjo Tenge.

Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yes. That one's rad. Well, clearly, the Berserk opening to me by the penthouse, the worst part of the show. It's literally the worst part of the show. I forget what it was called, but the opening to Black Lagoon is super awesome.

Yeah. I'm not sure you know what it's like. I know it, but I don't know. It sounds really awesome. Very notable, Ghost in the Shell, Stand Alone Complex, Inter Universe, and Rise are fucking amazing. Yoko Kano, what are you going to do? Would you consider Cruel Angel Thesis, Bubbly J-Pop?

No. No. Because... No. That to me, I feel it's like classic, but it feels way older than mid-90s. But the thing is, there is stuff that does skirt that edge. That's okay sometimes, if the song's really good. Can we say every song in Fooley Fooley?

The intro to Hacksign. Yeah. Hacksign's intro. All of Hacksign's music is brand new. The intro to Hacksign is like you're skirting the edge, but it's fine. The one that I sent you that I think is like the edge is that one from, I don't know if you remember, Hanasaku Iroha, where it was the girl with that really unique, like, kensai sound voice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was almost J-Pop. It was so passable. It was getting a bit squeaky, but like, no, it definitely skirts the edge. The other one, Stelvia of the Universe, had that kind of catchy sort of thing to it. So it's like, it doesn't have to be awful just because it goes there, but if you go for something like Jazzy, or like just fucking different, you get so much more kudos. No, do the same.

Yeah. Yeah. Do the same every time. Yeah, never. Do it shot for shot the same. Take the long, steady cam shot of the Cliff Vista with the character looking at the scot. Oh my god. And the birds flogging.

Oh yeah. Let's do that one. And the tear drops into the business. Oh yeah. And the naked girl that's sitting in the nicks, sitting in the vortex. I'm fond of the one in the field that goes through the field of the grass and up into the sky with the title. And the two rivals and or lovers who go past each other and end up close opposite sides.

It's like that picture of the main hero kind of sad, and his portrait slides to the left and someone else slides to the right, and they're both giant primary colors. And the one character walking off-center, kind of in the distance. Okay, but there's one thing I'm a sucker for is when they do any of those things, but with a shaky cam. Yeah. Oh my god. Now it looks good.

Full metal alchemist. Oh yeah. That's what I was thinking. Right? It has a couple of those. That was a bad call. God, we're two nerds. Oh my god.

Oh my god. Oh god, David. Thanks for exposing that word nerd. Sure. No, but like I was going to say besides tank, Boogie Pop Phantom is my favorite. Definitely. Totally not disagreeing with you on that one. I thought you were getting that.

It would be cool if they made like a guitar hero game, but it was all, no, no. I was just playing through old intros I used to listen to and new shit, and I was just like, I fuck it. Anytime a show comes out and it becomes a bubbly J-pop, it just, you don't think about it anymore. It's, it'd be, it, how do I put this? It puts you into a place where you assume certain things about what you're going to watch, because it's being, like the, if the intro is being pandered towards lowest common

denominator, you're going to assume that the show is going to. We can see ignoctions. It's like, like, it's when you, you're making a game and you, if you don't pay attention, you might accidentally end up with But Rock. Yeah. Cause that's just default. It's like, it's like, I ignored Attack on Titan for a good long while. People were saying, watch Attack on Titan, it was like, yeah, whatever.

And somebody finally sent me the intro and the intro goes straight into fucking speed metal in like one second, like, okay, okay, but I'll take a, I'll take good look at this and you know, catchiest fucking, presentation, sell yourself. Yes. As lazy as Trigun's intro is. Oh my God. Visually? No.

It's a good song. Oh, like, like. That track is beautiful. I love that track. HT. Yeah. Absolutely. I don't want to sound like a heathen because I don't know if I remember the name of the

song. Whatever you're going to say. Guess what? You're a heathen. Is this song called You a Shock or did it have a proper name? Uh, it has a proper name. It has a proper name. It has a proper name.

It has a proper name. It does. I can't remember what it is though. I've talked about this before. You a Shock. One of the greatest songs of all time. One of the best. The follow-up song for Fist of the North Star season two.

Dirty Boy. Dirty Boy. One of the worst songs I've ever heard in my life. Wait, but if it had been first and You a Shock was after. No, I mean in general. Like, not even in comparison. It is a terrible song. But you can't detach your memory from it being the follow-up.

But You a Shock is perfect. Yeah. You a Shock is like a 60's, like Enka, like singer, belting it out in the mouth. I think we've used that song in my whole life. I don't know what to say. Yeah, that's the one. Yeah. Gundam 8th of Mass and Gundam double 83 have some really good ones too.

Yeah, oh man. It's going back to your 80's man, let's get started. For sure. What do you think of those lyrics and Suck Your Blood? I don't know. I haven't listened to that. I always, whenever I listen to the Kill a Kill soundtrack, I stop when I get to track five.

Because it's Blumengrams. Because it's Blumengrams. Yeah. So why would I not just hit that repeat always? But Kill a Kill, do you not just skip over the intro every week? Yeah, absolutely. I usually use that to get food. Yeah, well sure.

You're back. Same as skipping, really. I click once in the middle to, like, is it, just say it was last week? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I just skip past. Absolutely. Hazumi Nippo has like some of the most eh, whatever intros, but then there's ones that visually, with the music, where he's in blackness and he's dodging through flames coming

out of nothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fucking bad. The hypers. We gotta, we gotta, stop talking about animal music. We gotta get on to some real ones. Do us. Stop.

Fine. Do we have real news this week? Hey, can I bring up a topic real quick? Yeah. It's totally not on the docket. So Titanfall Alpha's out. Yeah. What do you guys feel about that being called an alpha when it comes out in two months?

I feel worried. Also, that's, well, I like to think that was working on the beta, wasn't that right now? That was leaked, wasn't that? No, it's out. Okay, so here's what happened. No, no. There's an official alpha. You have to sign a really strict NDA to get into the alpha.

You're not supposed to record footage. Footage leaked. Was recorded. Now, the reason why footage leaked is because in order to accommodate download sizes to get the alpha out, the textures are one quarter of their size. So the game looks like rotten shit. Except that the gameplay looks amazing. Yeah.

But that's why they wanted to keep the footage, because it looks like complete garbage. That being said, looks real good. Alpha, two months from release. Very worrying. Well, no. What I think, my opinion on it's actually totally backwards, and it's, what is this bullshit PR spin of calling stuff alpha right before it comes out? I think it's like, whenever you see a trailer that says pre-alpha footage, and we look at

them, and the gameplay is perfect, everything's in. Unless you're looking at a vertical slice, it's like, yeah. It used to be back in my day that beta and alpha and pre-alpha meant things. Pre-alpha meant there's a stick man that jumps, and maybe it doesn't fucking crash. Alpha is the Bayonetta version that you guys were just talking about. Oh, that was pre-alpha. Yeah, that was pre-alpha. Yeah, that was pre-alpha.

Beta is content log. I was about to say, there's a word, okay? Alpha is code complete. Code complete. Beta is content complete, and then Goldmaster released Canada. It's done. Alpha, you cannot complete it. Beta, you have to be able to complete it.

Like, ideally. Yeah. Yeah. Again, like, your code is set. Yeah. Well, I mean, nobody would release a game you can't complete. Yeah. Nobody would release a game you can't complete.

Okay. I'm saying you can't complete it. I'm saying you can do it. I missed that. Take the fag. I got it. It wasn't me. It wasn't me.

I wasn't paying attention. Man, fuck Square Enix. No comment. They released FF6 on Android, and it fucking breaks when you get to General Leo. It just breaks. At least he doesn't die. You can't. Yeah.

Yeah, at least General Leo doesn't die. I see you said General Leo, I knew someone was going to say at least that. But it appears that for FF6 on Android, the sprite ruined piece of shit that has horrible translation errors for no reason. Once you get to the part where Kafka says the General Act, he tells General Leo that Gestalt was an illusion. The game crashes or hangs. It's not clear which.

Right in the middle of an illusion. For 100% of users. Shame about the way mobile games are on the industry. Yeah. Sometimes. For years to be 100% of users cannot bypass this, and in researching this, I also found out that Chrono Trigger on Android is unable to start if you have an Android version above 4.2.

Above. Above. So my phone, if I were to buy Chrono Trigger on Android, can't play. So one of the things I got to say, I have no problem with apps being priced at $20. Game apps at $20? I think that's it. I have no problem. Nuts, but I'm not going to yell about it because you can price it whatever you want.

When you price it that high, when you price a premium app that high, please ensure that it works. If they price... Games should be complete. Well, yes for sure, but if you're going to price a game at $20 and you're basing that on the high quality, it should be a premium product because you're paying 20 times the amount you normally would pay. If this version of Final Fantasy 6 came out sprite perfect and it looked great and it

controlled well and it had remastered music or improved music and there was some effort put into it and they said, I think it's $16 in this case. I would say that's overpriced, but sure. I can't argue with FF6. But this is a bug that could not have not been found if anyone was actually set to work on it. Well, they were probably testing it on one type of device. But it's breaking on Galaxy Notes and Galaxy S3s and Galaxy S4s.

One of the most popular Android devices. If anyone was put on to actually test this game from start to finish as you were supposed to do, this would have been found. Maybe they were testing on a PC. Can you talk about a resolution? Resolution? About... Oh, your resolution just went to the problem.

No, no. Square Enix has not responded. They've never responded about Chrono Trigger. It's almost as if publishers just treat long ports as quick cash cards because their shareholders want them to do it. I believe the term is pump and dump. Yeah. It's a shame because there's some that come out and you're like, there's effort.

The world ends with you. Yeah. Dragon Quest VIII. Yep. Those are great ports. Speak of the content as you will, but they're great ports. You know... They treated Final Fantasy VI the best Final Fantasy ever made.

I hear that's a game that people want to play. It's true. I want to play it. I would have loved to play it on my phone. I was thinking about buying this version of the game. Even after all the bravest, even after all these shit, I was thinking about it. And now I'm not. Ball drop.

But you know who else should put their games out on smartphones? Alright, gentlemen, Armchair CEO is back. Oh, yeah. But this time we're doing it collectively to move the ball along. All four of us are the four generals of Nintendo. And we are all sitting in the chair, so let's back up. I'm going to just give a quick recap of the week's events of Nintendo's financials. Armchair CEO, Nintendo.

Nintendo? Let's start by backing up a year first. Well, I'll just talk about their projections. There once was a man named Yemochi, and he ran shit hard. He wore shades. I don't know why. Basically, Nintendo came out with their financial results, and their projected results for 2013 fiscal was going to be a US$525 million profit.

And that has been downscaled. Based on what assumption, Pat? Based on, I believe, 19 million 3DSs. We sold to date, I believe, and 9 million we used sold to date. Now, we used only sold 2.8 million, and almost all of those were around launch, so... We used sold like 5. 5? Because it's still ahead of the PS4.

They sold 2.8 million since the last fiscal. And 3DSs only sold 13.2, and their projections for their shareholders has been downsized from a US$525 million profit to a US$240 million operating loss. Which is enormous. That is in the red. There is a story, Woolly, that you've told a bunch, is that a couple of years ago after the Wii, and when the Wii was starting to percolate, is that they said that we could sustain losses for 50 years, and we have that much money in the secret coffers.

The Wii was really, really lucrative. Well, and Yamauchi back then, those guys were really obsessive with putting money in the bank. Yeah, so for any day, well the money printers were running all the time. And they didn't want to spend a lot. A term that's always associated with Nintendo's money is war chat. Yeah, the war box. So, Yamauchi war box.

They came out and said that they could last for 50 years, assuming a 20 billion yen loss a year, and that translates roughly to 20 million dollars a year. So in effect, of their 50 year war chest in the last year Nintendo has burned through 12 years. Meaning that a hundred and twenty, yeah. That's fine. Don't worry about it. A bunch of years.

Okay. I'm not going to question the math because it's not required. All right. Yeah. A lot. It's 20 million dollars. They lost 240 million dollars, and that's not even counting the lost product. The profit's angle also, which means out of 50 times 20, it's 12 years.

They have 38 years left of their war chest to go. Four more of these, and they'll be broke. Now the last time... The Wii U is a hole. It's a money hole. So, before we address the console itself, the last time we did this armchair CEO thing, or maybe the second time, one of the first things to come up was find those fuckers that are making those projections.

And fire them! Okay. Now here's the thing though. The reason why a lot of those projections exist is because as a company, you project these numbers because it has to. You know what I mean? Not because you think so, but because we have to hit these numbers. We talked about the Tomb Raider sales, you know, and it's like, what was with that projection?

It had to do that well in order to make what they needed. Which it didn't, man. But it's not like the 10 years. It's now as of this year turning into the black. And this 2013, yeah. That situation is the best example of that because the instant Iwata said, we're going to sell 9 million Wii U's, everyone on the planet said you're fucking crazy. There's no way you're not even going to get it halfway there.

There's no fucking way. And now... Don't forget a billion Xbox Ones. Don't forget. But moving on. Sorry, what? Yeah, Microsoft probably said a billion Xbox Ones eventually. They said they believe they can have a billion Xbox Ones by the end of the generation.

Can you count to a billion? Wait, no. Why aren't we talking about that? That came out. That's the most insane thing ever. That was like three months ago. I don't believe you. That's a thing that happens.

That's crazy. To set this stage. To divide up the planet. To set this stage for Armchair CEO, regardless of your opinion, the 3DS is profitable. 3DS is very profitable. It's not a DS, but it's still making the money. Incredibly profitable. Yeah.

And after an incredibly rocky start, they managed to double down on the 3DS and bring it back. They totally saved it, and it's doing good. The Wii U, regardless of whether you like it or not, whether you think we hate or love Nintendo is a money hole. They lost a... If you ballpark how much money they should have made on the 3DS and compare that to what they got in the end, and the fact that UK gave them negative numbers for some months

on Wii U, the Wii U probably lost them like a billion dollars. So why don't one-up initially made these announcements and projections? Sorry. Just one last thing, setting the stage, because a lot of people are going to point out that all but the... Well, people aren't... I like the Wii U, but it's bad for Nintendo. People aren't buying games on it, either.

The Attach rate is something like 2.0 something, I believe. It's awful. It's awful for Nintendo games. But worse than that is because they're looking for games and not finding them. But worse than that is people aren't buying third-party software. So of this two... Of the third-party software. That doesn't come out.

They're pulling up binoculars and looking. When a company does put something out, there's no reason to. He means that even a starved populace that has no games are still not buying games that come out. Right. That's really, really bad. See, Monster Hunter did a couple hundred thousand, right? There are millions of people who only use, and Monster Hunter came out alone in a four-month

block. Every game of note to come out, and people still didn't buy it. That's bad. That's really fucking bad. Well, that's the most successful Monster Hunter ever released in North America. Yeah. It's retarded. An apt comparison is like the Wii U, unfortunately, is not recovering right now.

No. The Vita has an Attach rate of 10. Which is nuts. 10 games per unit. That's super nuts. It's super nuts because there's nothing to play. I play stuff all the time. What do you play on it?

Persona. Really? Yeah. The one game that came out for it? I'm also still playing VLR. Every now and then I play God Eater Burst. Please. Because guys, let's put this in perspective.

You said this before you go, Vita is life, which is very cute. No. Vita means life. Vita means life. It's very cute. And I agree all this stuff about the Wii U, and you say, oh my god, Vita's so great. I'm not saying that. There's absolutely nothing coming out on it.

That's not true. The Tokidans coming out in a bunch of Tokidans and Dick and Rafa. These are games that no one will buy. Final Fantasy. Final Fantasy. Huge failures. No, but software ones. Final Fantasy.

That's the deal. On the Wii U, there's no, like you have a, say they're both doing badly in sales. People who own Vitas buy a weirdly disproportionately high amount of games, so the games totally are profitable. My point was- The Wii U people buy a hugely disproportionate amount of zero games. Just to be clear, I wasn't trying to derail that. Yeah, we're not trying to debunk the Wii U.

I wasn't trying to promote the Vita. I was trying to say that when you look at failing consoles, the failure is that the software is not moving. There are failing consoles where the software is moving, and I'm just making that comparison. I think the thing- Where the Wii U is in a deeper hole than a lot of people out there expect. Like, Matt, the Vita is a failure in the sense that it's not going to be even the PSP, right? Is this GBA versus PS3 Part 2?

Yeah, it totally is. But the Vita isn't going to go away because it's turning a profit. It is. It totally is. I did not know that. Because of the disproportionate amount of sales. The reason I'm bringing this up is because not everyone obsessively reads NeoGaff like we do.

That's correct. And a lot of people out there have the illusion that the Wii U is- A lot of people who are into games, and they love Zelda, and they have the illusion that the Wii U is- You know, might get better- It's gonna- Okay, but enough preface. Because a lot of got up there.

He told everybody- He knew this was gonna happen. You called this super- Right? He told- He's owned up to it. He said- I fucked up.

He said I read the industry wrong. Awesome. And in the past, he's done the thing where he's like, instead of firing anybody, I'm gonna take a personal pay cut. Which is awesome. Right? Which is- that's a very noble thing to do. It's not the most profitable decision for like, businessmen in America would lose their

- That's in their minds. T.H. quality. Right? But hey, it's an honest thing to do. And on the Monday, Sharers went down 17%. They bounced back up to a loss of 6%. A loss of 6.

They closed at 6. It's still a huge beating. Because I bought a million stocks now. It looks- it's a- even a 6% loss is an enormous loss of capital starting at 17. Starting at 6. Like millions and hundreds of millions of dollars. For people who don't know what that means is they withdrew money from Nintendo. Yes.

They literally- Sell, sell, sell. Exactly. Nintendo gives the money equivalent to their- Nintendo, I don't want you anymore. People on the phone- Getting my money back. Panicking.

You know, Wall Street. You know how to cap your running this shit. So, uh, what- So, the Wii U's a money hole. What the 3DS is not. Where does Nintendo go from here? Yeah. Okay.

The Wii U already- One of the big flaws is the fact that it is in its own weird generation that is apart from- It's a Dreamcast. Yes. It is on the side and whenever someone wants to make a big name game or wants to go for like any next huge entry, it's not the third checkbox. It has-

It's not really possible. So, like- Totally. So, when you- The original Wii wasn't even a Dreamcast. It was like a whole different sort of- It was- It was like a Saturn.

So, it came in just- It was a Saturn. So, it came in with the right- With not the right timing, but it came in with the timing that allowed them to go, Oh, yeah, we can get Assassin's Creed, but you're not gonna get Grand Theft Auto. Yeah. You're never gonna be that third checkbox. Mm-hmm.

Right off the bat, I say stop making your system the weird guy. Yeah. And you can innovate and do a lot, but at least be able to take the big names that want to port to your system. Well, they did. In all fairness, this was- Without going through the trouble of making it a weird third version. Mm-hmm.

In all fairness, this isn't a trend for Nintendo. This is the second- Yeah, absolutely. This is second time running. This is the second time running. This is the second time running. It's not a trend. Oh, no.

They made a mistake. They are one for two on this gamble. But the first time around, it was because lightning in a bottle, the fucking Wii controller, was like, holy shit. Yeah. Right? Exactly. 100 million units.

Go. They didn't recapture that lightning. And let's break even that down a bit. That was a gimmick that, as you said rightfully- What I said yesterday- That everyone understood. And wanted. And everyone fell for it.

It was the best gimmick. And what did you say after that? And I said, the gamepad is an average gimmick. The Wii- It's not a good enough gimmick to capture everyone in that way, where we looked at the Wii and we all said we have to play that. The Wii U gamepad is not the Wii remote. No.

And it was never going to be. But they went with a gamepad because they thought that tablets were the next big thing. And I feel that's a very cynical place to come with your big new invention. Well, do you remember the confusion between people looking at it going, so is this an add-on to my Wii that I bought? Yeah. We don't even need to get into that, but we can all agree that the name and marketing is like the worst ever of any console to ever come out.

No. Not actually. I can't think of any other big console that's ever come out that people have literally no idea what the fuck it is. No, I agree. And I don't mean you point at it and you go, what is that? I mean you point at it and you think it's a different thing than what it actually is. The one other example would be the DSi.

Yes. Yes. Is that the same thing? No. You could have called it like the only, no. But yes. No, but yes. It's the exact same comparison.

The only worst name being Wii Plus. No. Like Wii asterisk. Wii period. Wii dash. Wii dash. All that actually sounds like a hype though. Wii dash.

Anyway, no megamax. Sounds like a game. Sounds like a game. So maybe we need some sort of structure to this. What would each of us do? What do you do? What's the way out? Sega?

We said what would you do? Yeah. And I think again, let's just throw them out here because we've already been over some of these ideas. One of them is bound to work if not all of them. I'm afraid they're going to do none of them. So I want to start them. I do all of them.

I want to start with Liam's, right? Yours was based on a time frame thing. So mine was two things. The first thing is, it was clear that they shipped the Wii U earlier than they wanted to relative to the software. Totally. So Pikmin, 1.4.1.1, Game & Wario, and I think I'm forgetting one, were all slated to be launched with though.

Winmaker? No. Winmaker. Winmaker was announced October. And only took like five months to make. Either way, they weren't ready. They were slated to be launch titles and they were staggered by more than half a year. And more than that, the system firmware wasn't ready.

Oh my god. That whole thing. The system, I know. The fact that the box didn't come with half of its own operating system. Yeah. I feel like it was not ready to ship. And they had to ship because they felt like they couldn't take on the Xbox One and the PS4.

They wanted to go a year early. And get a year head start. Which is a fair enough plan. But a year head start without their big heavy hitters turns out to be... Well, we saw that with the 3DS. Totally. Where a year head start didn't do shit and it took good games to kickstart it later on. Yeah.

We were talking about like, what's with this giant day one update? What's with the no account system? What's with the inability to transmit things like, why is this so bare bones? It was rushed. It was the fastest they could get it out. And that's either because they actually flipped it out quick and said, oh shit, we didn't realize the time's coming up, which I don't believe for a minute. Or it was because...

They had a time and they said, cut a year off that shit. Because I remember when all this came up, it was like, Nintendo shareholders was like, release it now. Release it now. Release it now. What? It didn't make projections, fuck you. Yeah.

So how do you get out? What would fix that? I feel like the main issue was... Wait, what would fix it or what you should have done? And I don't think we're asking, how do you fix or save the Wii U? I'm saying, how do you save Nintendo from the Wii U? I do have a should have done as well. That's why I said, let's start with Liam because yours is based in the past.

So my should have done was back in like 2010, the years of yonder. Well they stopped making Wii games. They should have been, other than Pikmin 3, which we know has been in the dark since 2009. Put on your rose-colored five-side glasses, everybody. They should have been way into getting how HD development works and making their fucking games like then. Because damn it, those games getting staggered so hard, like Platinum's game, who knows what the circumstances were.

Pikmin, that should have been at launch. Absolutely. Pikmin was the weirdest one because it was portrayed as being at launch. Then it was being portrayed at launch window. Then it was being portrayed eight months after the fucking console came out. 3D World would have come out somewhere in the summer, a few months after. You know, it would have been an exciting lineup. It would have been a Nintendo console that had Nintendo games.

More importantly, you would have had Mario Kart for winter, for Christmas time. You know, you would have had Smash for like... Donkey Kong. In fact, Smash might have been... Donkey Kong Tropical Freeze was supposed to be this winter. Donkey Kong was supposed to be this winter. So basically you shift that entire schedule of heavy hitters up. Had they started earlier?

And that's a big thing to say because we don't know what was going on in Nintendo. The 3DS is probably what caused that to happen. Yeah, because remember... Who knows? Well, would you say that they were too busy saving the 3DS and as a Japanese company, you probably want to prioritize your game. Regardless of what they were doing, I think that's what they should have done. Okay, would waiting longer have had the same effect?

Now, the question of course is had they launched this Christmas with the PS4 and the X4? I don't know. If that would have been a smart idea. On the other hand, they would have been launching fresh with a... You know, there wouldn't be some crazy bias because it's the Wii U. It wouldn't be any... It would have been worse of a decision than what they actually... Totally!

It could not have been worse. It could have been all the worse or it could have been... It would have been clearly weaker. It would have had, like at launch, Monster Hunter, Mario, Pikmin, Wonderful 101, Game & War. But even if it had those, they wouldn't have released that all at launch. They would have staggered it over six months. But you would have had a much better... You would have a lineup for one year that would be respectable that Nintendo wouldn't have to rely on third parties entirely.

And that would might bring third parties over. And the other thing that you could have done in the past is with that, making it so that, again, you're not excluded from that discussion. You're entering it at the same time as the others. You're putting it out. You have three launches for all the news sites to talk about rather than just two and forget about that other guy. They wouldn't have said exactly the Wii U didn't work. Thus, we'll just focus on the two new kids. The Wii U would have still been like, we have to try.

Part of the Xbox One and PlayStation 4 lifecycle was the Wii U's fucking dead. Who gives a shit about that fucking thing? Okay. How do you save it? Well, that's the past. I try to make my premise for the reason of that past is because for seven months after launch, everyone said, why would I buy a Wii U? There's no games. And my premise is by having ten amazing games...

You would have gotten that install based on double, triple, massive. It's infectious at that point. What I think they should do for the future is exactly what the past can do. Well, wait. Absolutely. Now, before we even get to the future, in the present... In the present. In the present.

We're fucking back to the future shit now. All right. Wherever these are scrooging Nintendo. I'm playing Nintendo. Playing cards out. Let me do this. That was the past. Now, in the present, Iwata says, we...

I like how you're doing this. Well, yeah. Basically, in the present, Iwata says, so yeah, we read the industry wrong and yeah, we've got to make a lot of changes to our business structure. That doesn't mean we should start putting Mario on smartphones. I think it makes total sense for everyone in the business community to say, just put Mario on fucking smartphones. Because that's a huge cash windfall right fuck now. But everyone... We have the numbers that tell us that that's free.

We won't make billions. We're holding the folders right away. But why is that a bad idea? Because no one... Because Nintendo... You get Final Fantasy 6 on edge, right? Because Final Fantasy is a hardware company. Because Nintendo as a hardware company is finished once Nintendo games stop being exclusive to Nintendo platform.

You will not trust the next console release. You will wait for it to die. Matt, what did you say just before this? About Nintendo games on smartphones? Oh yeah, that was so good! I would hate... I would love the idea that children will grow up thinking this is how you control Mario. Yeah, you're the fucking touchpad.

Right? Or Link. Or doing dungeons. You're gonna have to dumb down your game. The only one that would work just fine is Dr. Mario. Your first time experiencing Mario platforming is with a touch screen and no tactile. Your Metroid is gonna be a runner. Don't give him ideas!

You get the shine spark. There's a shine spark button. So Iwata, rightfully standing his ground on that... Puts his foot down. No! That's not gonna happen, guys. If there's anything I like hearing is the no to that. If there's no to all the other stuff, like no there's no problem, no whatever.

I'll be like, oh fuck off. No one wants that. And you're not watching the problems. Yeah, no one wants that. And he wants Nintendo games on PlayStation. Yeah, he said that as well, but he also wanted them on PlayStation. He's a stock guy. And a bunch of those people that went, well fuck you then, just picked up their shit and left.

They're part of that 6%. The people who think like that and they want, I want my dividend next year to be fucking huge. Because I'm an investor or I'm a stockbroker that wants to make my investors money. They hear that and say, well fuck this, I'm not in it for the long haul. I'm out. Sell that shit. Just to refresh my memory, didn't Nintendo like yesterday or whatever put out like a big dividend for all their like stockholders? No, they didn't.

I don't. Did they not? I believe they talked about why this year you don't get a dividend. I thought they just put one out, but maybe I was mistaken. Maybe. I'm not a stockbroker. You can imagine something. I remember hearing talk about why they didn't put one out.

You can imagine some of these guys being like, just sell the Mario IP. Just sell that shit. How much does that work? Yeah. It's worth a fucking lot. Just share the amount of bills. Just sell it to Nordic Games. I want my goddamn dividends.

Exactly. And now the future. What do you do? You're already in this hole. You're standing there. Pat put it really well. It all goes. Pat said an idea.

Sorry. Pat said an idea and I thought about it and I'm like, yeah, maybe have the Wii U. Maybe another action. You're more than you think. Can I say? Yeah, hold on. Because you said it incredibly eloquently. I know.

And it's not going to be as eloquent this time. Sure. But I just wanted to say like, Iwata gets up there. He says what he says about the way things went. He says what he says about what's going to happen or at the very least what should go on. And now we take over. If I'm Nintendo, say I'm Iwata, the first thing is you can't cut and run on the Wii U. You cannot tomorrow say we're the Dreamcast.

We're done. We're going all to 3DS. People will never buy another console from you ever again. PR disaster of a lifetime. Dreamcast, like if Sega came out with a Dreamcast 2 now, even now, people would be wary because Sega just gave up. They just left. And there'll be a whole generation of kids that didn't even know that Sega was a hardware.

Exactly. And it's super fucked up because Smash Brothers is still coming out. That's what he's doing. What I would say is that for games that are far enough long in development that to cancel them would be infeasible or ridiculous, finish those games. Finish Smash, finish Beo, maybe finish Dynastu, Iron Wars, X, X. Stuff like that. Finish those.

Put those out because you sold the console to the people on them based on these promises. And they'll be real mad with you. And these are your crazies. Plus, people that bought a Nintendo and we didn't give a shit if anything came out of this fucking thing other than Beo or Smash or whatever. We bought it on the premise of Nintendo. Totally. So put those out, but be aware that the Wii U is never going to make any money.

Ever. It's done. So try and get rid of it as soon as possible. Maybe a four-year life cycle. Maybe a five-year life cycle. Xbox proved that you can cut your life cycle right the fuck short. Xbox. And as long as the original Xbox.

Right. Only lasted four years. And the 360 came out and the 360 was good. And dominant. And so people got it. So step one, the Wii U cannot turn a profit. Step one, admit that the Wii U is a fucking hole. Mitigate that hole as much as possible without destroying the Nintendo brand.

Number two, in addition to that, double down harder on 3D. Yes, as hard as you can. Crush the Vita. Kill the Vita. Make your money on your handheld division. Then for your next console slash handheld, which I could imagine coming out in three years, four years, make it a combination console handheld. Make it a handheld that has a 720p resolution.

Give it a goddamn second analog stick for fuck's sake. And have it have either a streaming box solution or an HDMI out solution so that it can act as a console in the home space. So the doubling down on the 3DS is always a good idea. That's always tons and tons of money. Now what you're basically proposing is turn your entire business model into what you're doing best, which is the handheld. Their strength has always been the handheld market.

And their handheld market has always been, to my knowledge, much more successful after the Super Nintendo than their home console market. They would never settle though for doing that without innovating something insane. Sure, but that would be an innovation. To gamers, not to everybody. The idea of a portable device that plays games, that is also your home console device, that there is value to gamers, but not to everybody. That's not enough for Nintendo.

I feel like that's part of the problem because they had the blue ocean strategy, which is let's get those casual people that are afraid of Halo, basically. And it fucking works. That fucking works super hard. And they bought the Wii in droves, like crazy. Two generations, ten years of going we're going to go casual or we're going to lighten up, we're not going to go hardcore. They eventually paid off.

People like my dad who played Genesis games, but the fucking Xbox is a fucking horrible, scary thing. They bought the Wii in droves, but like me, like you said yesterday, that ocean turned red a lot fucking faster than anyone could have possibly predicted. And those people now are on the mobile market because everyone has a phone in their pocket. And it's not because they like mobile just to be clear, it's because they have mobile. It's because they already have, it is very difficult to compete for an audience in which their primary goal is convenience. And you are competing with devices that these people already own by default.

So when Nintendo announced the Wii U said there's a new Wii coming out, hey people that bought the Wii. So like these people went, wait, I gotta buy a new thing? Why would I have to buy a new one? I don't think it was so much that these people said only. Not only. But I don't think even 80% of them had the idea of, oh, I have to buy another one. Because like let's recall that I think 90, no.

I disagree because remember like 90% of the Wii's sales are focused in 2008 and prior. Right. After that it became a No Man's Land, like a literal No Man's Land. So these people weren't even around when the Wii U was announced. I would imagine that like a huge proportion of Wii U's software sales were Nintendo Land. Basically people buying the system for, not Nintendo Land. Jesus fucking Christ. Wii Sports.

Wii Sports. Buying the thing for Wii Sports. Going, Wii Sports is fucking awesome. Playing a shit ton of Wii Sports. Playing a shit ton of Wii Sports. Maybe buying two or three other games. Then saying ah, video games and they become distracted by Candy Crush. Or Infinity Blade.

Or Cut the Rope. Or any of the other super popular thank you birds obviously. Try not to fart. Shit. You silver dollar. All of you stupid motherfuckers. I'm gonna, this is nothing to do with Nintendo. When you were on Retsu Talk, by the way, you did fantastic.

You represented us fantastically well on Retsu Talk. Now I'm going to shit on something they said. You and Slow Beef not being able to remember the name of don't shit your pants. Don't shit your pants. And you not being able to remember the name of your pants. No, I'm talking about the actual game Don't Try to Fart. Oh, that's a different one. We're refreshing the game.

Oh, okay. You're like impressing a girl or something. My game is called Don't Shit Your Pants. Shit your pants. And my brain went to try not to shit. Right? Which is basically the... That's way.

Anyway. Nintendo shit. The problem is trying not to shit their pants. They really should. But the problem with going with the 720p handheld in between our favorite thing is that you're admitting defeat. You're backing out. You're going, we give up on the consoles.

Well, they, see, I think that's nuts because they admitted defeat in the console race like eleven years ago when they announced the Wii saying, we don't want to compete in the console race. We can't win the console race. That's more of a thing that they said rather than... That was because they stumbled upon to a fucking golden oil field. Well, and they said we want to create our own path. You're right.

But this is completely not... Dude, you're totally right. That would be admitting defeat. I think after the Wii U, they should fucking admit defeat. Oh, they... They fall off the sword? Yes. There's a bit of this, but American companies tend to do that.

Japanese companies rarely do that. They admit defeat. We're probably wrong, but you definitely get the feeling that a Japanese company is more willing to run itself into the fucking ground on principle. It's the honor of the samurai. Okay, now that's kind of ridiculous. They can't do it. But, dude, with the Wii...

I don't know if you guys know this, but I'm an expert on Japanese culture. Yeah. What does Katana mean? Nice. What the way... Yes, fuck everything. What the way the smartphone market is actually going, which is just these things are getting more powerful and more complex...

It's going nowhere. It's a bubble. Sure. But regardless, as time goes on, the devices in your pocket can do more. Yeah. Right? Is it worth the risk of going up against the worry there? The worry there is that the handheld market has shrunk because of mobile, and the worry

is that if they were to put all their eggs in a handheld hybrid, but handheld thing, that the handheld market would crash, and then they're fucking fucked for only possible. Because is your competitor at that point mobile, or is it whatever follows up the Vita? It remains to be seen in the larger context how much of the gaming audience are people that would just play a phone game instead. Maybe it's an iPad. Basically, your question is how many people exist that want a dedicated gaming console and or a dedicated gaming handheld?

And the answer that everyone has reached is fuck if I know. Liam. So the issue... Okay, three things. So never in goddamn hell is Nintendo going to have a 720p screen on their next handheld. The fucking 3DS has a lower resolution than the PSP. Yeah. So that's pretty sad.

I know. And the touch screen is... But it needs to be 720p at least to go on television. I don't think they're going to do that because I don't think they want to sacrifice the mind. Oh no, I agree with you. I don't think this is what they're going to do. I think this is what I want them to do. I don't think they want to sacrifice the mindshare of Nintendo is the thing plugged into the TV.

That concept of what Nintendo... This is the third time. He uses mindshare for all the time. Mindshare is a good term. To be aware, I used the term like brand damage earlier. That's really bad. Why is mindshare a good term? No, it's just a running joke.

It's a business man term. I know. And it started out in the GameSpot podcast slash Giant Bomb cast. It's a running gag. So what? It's a fucking game. It's a digital lockers time share. So the other thing is like, I feel like Nintendo has to just double down on kids.

On kids? Yes. On the new generation of Nintendo crazies. Because the problem right now is you have millions of kids going up on Minecraft and you don't want that. Why are we playing Nintendo? Because we remember it so fondly. I don't have the problem with that. Core age group has grown.

That's the problem. What he means is that Nintendo games are supposed to give you a new generation of... They're supposed to grab a new generation of kids every time. Continue, continue. Like Pokemon is the big example where the average age of Pokemon buyers has been staggering upwards. Even though it's always supposed to get kids. Notice the Pokemon company made an iPhone app by the way. On their own.

I know. Two of them. Two of them. Anyway. Remember there's that chart that says Call of Duty projected audience dudes. An 18 to 25 dude. Actual audience 13 year olds and then the reverse for Pokemon. Exactly. So Pokemon staggered upwards so people in their mid 20s are buying Pokemon more than anyone else in Japan.

Us. Us. Exactly. In Japan that's the stat I don't know about America. The us in Japan. They're so far best friends. But I feel like the main problem is Nintendo's just losing that younger audience. They're losing a younger audience that they're constantly trying to target. And the frustration of me.

Yeah. That's point one. It's unfortunate because their reliance on that has always been big. Christmas. In Japan Nintendo still has a very favorable Christmas because handheld games are still so strong. Even the Wii U performed better than normally in Japan this holiday. But it's eroding quicker than fucking anything because kids just are less and less interested in Nintendo at all. And I think that's something they need to target more than anything else.

But that comes back to kids have smartphones. Exactly. And it's incredible. I don't know what they're going to do. And the only thing Nintendo can do is whip up another batch of Nintendo magic. What's your second thing? Oh he got it. He said three things.

Oh my god damn hell they're going to have a 720B screen. Yes. What's the second one? They're not going to sacrifice the mind share of the console. No no they're not going to sacrifice the console. And they need more kids. I don't know how the fuck you compete with that. Because kids have smartphones.

And it sucks. So what do you think is a hybrid idea? Of what? You didn't like it. I don't like it. I think what Nintendo should do. Because they've merged their hardware development units now. Which is great.

Because the 3DS and the Wii U is like putting a square block of the triangle. The design. The architecture. Like architecture wise, mess. But like from a design perspective, they're both dual screen devices. They should be way closer to get. Yeah. So in my mind what they should do is, as Pat said yesterday, drag the Wii U as far as

financially responsible. Yeah. And then put out, because the Xbox One and the PS4 are still going to be kicking. They're still going to have years of time. Those are going to be around for a long fucking time I bet. Decade long generations. Yeah. But four years was a generation in the past.

It still can be if you want it to be. Yeah. Put out a handheld and a console. New console. With as close an architecture as you can get to each other. And also the Xbox One and the PS4. Okay. A weaker one.

So you know they can, I know it's not this easy, but they can drag down the graphics sliders and still have compatibility. They make it the PS2 of the PS2 GameCube Xbox. But for PlayStation and Xbox One. It has to be cheaper, it has to be some measure cheaper to develop games for than others. It would have to innovate something. Of course. They would never not do that.

One of their fancy things could simply be, you know, hey, you buy a game and guess what? We developed one game and one of them has great graphics. One of them has bad graphics. And one of them has different content from the other. But they're super compatible and you get both of them at the same time. You're talking like handheld and... Because if they're on the same architecture. It's funny that me and him have the same idea for completely different hardware options.

But that's still innovating to gamers and not everybody. Sure. And they're going to have their Nintendo gimmick, which would be cool. Granted, they've only been doing that for two generations as well, if you recall. And it's the new thing. Exactly. They're going to have that. But I think that's what they should do, is have, build, you know, you'll be able to...

So we have the same idea. We just want to achieve them through total opposite means. You'll be able to build a single game on the same architecture, same engine. And then you just need to scale the graphics. I know scaling the graphics is a lot harder than I make it sound. You know exactly what I'm saying and it makes perfect sense. As soon as you say this, Liam, as you want a game that's similar, all I think of is Smash Brothers. Smash Brothers.

That's kind of... Has Smash Brothers been the dream game of all future games? All their games. All their games should be like that. That's what it's called. Smash Brothers, 3DS, Smash Brothers Wii U. Is it Smash Bros? Both.

Now, Willie, I agree. I tell you how they take back the industry. Two words, my friends. What's that? 3D printer. But Willie, the thing that you keep bringing up about the gimmick for gamers and not for the general populace in terms of the casual market, I think that those people, those casuals that left Nintendo aren't coming back.

I think they're gone. I think those people are gone. No, they're not gone forever, but you need to back it off for a longer time. The people whose eyes glazed over looking and playing Wii Sports, they're gone now. That's what I mean. I mean those people. Sure. But I think that making a gimmick that is the Wii...

But if it's strong enough, it'll work again. No, but I'm talking the Wii Remote gimmick to casuals, and you say that the handheld hybridization... Yeah, they're both handheld hybrid. Yes, yeah, they are. That's a gimmick for gamers. One's hybriding the games, one's hybriding the hardware. I think that that gimmick may be strong enough to be that level of gimmick for the general involved games.

That's possible. It's more than something like Kinect. The premise to the two console games is, say, a kid in Japan gets his 5DS, right? That's terrible. If I buy this console, I have my games all on this console, but they're a bit different, and they're pretty looking, and it's the opposite in America where this guy gets his console because you buy consoles in America. And now from every third-party developer's point of view, they've got to make two games.

No, they don't. I told you it's on the same architecture. They just have to scale. But you said different content. That's optional. That's obviously optional. Make up. Make up.

That's obviously Nintendo. So not massively different. No, no. Like Smash Bros. Make a different stage. Hold on, hold on. I got this. It's in my head.

Make a system in which either the processing power or the GPU power is such that when you go from handheld to console, all you're doing is downscaling your resolution and requiring less processing power to account for your handheld. And for those who are saying that's not possible, Capcom got fucking Lost Planet 2 running the demo thing on the Vita in like a week, and the Yakuza 4 demo on the Vita in like two weeks. It's possible. The scaling is totally possible. Basically, have Nintendo do all the hard work instead of third parties.

And say to third parties, hey, put a game out on the, let's say, Super Wii, you get a free handheld game alongside it. It's in the super lucrative Nintendo handheld market. You just have to make a second graphic option for it. I like both. I like your idea. I like mine better, but I still like it. I want to take it over to Matt and just go, hey, Matt, how would you save Nintendo?

And you just go, bring back Bumshare. I was going to say that. No, I like Liam's idea the best. The only thing I would... I think I like Liam's idea the best. No, I like it more than you do. What I was going to say is the only thing that maybe you both assume or think, but the only thing I would add is that with that Nintendo word chest, along with the changes you've

both proposed, reach out to more third parties as well. Maybe not third parties, but get another next level games, get another monster games, get another retro, get at least two other retro. Pick up armature? Pick up armature, sure. If you can't get third party relations better, buy them. I can sum up both of those by just saying one, admit that we use dead, and then two, admit it, find a way to piggyback off of the 3D and 3DS's success.

Into the future. Into the new concept. Find a way. But I think there was a press release that Nintendo said months ago, maybe a year ago, they're re-structuring, they're opening up a new office, whatever. These are obviously signs that they want to expand and have more games being made because they know that they need to make more games themselves. Do more stuff like that.

In combination with what you said, I really think that, well, Pat's idea is interesting, but they'll never do it, so the more realistic thing is to make a new console. But also what Iwata said, look at the American trends. If you don't know how to make a big online infrastructure, give it to someone who will. You know who can save Nintendo? But he won't. Mark Cerny. Mark Cerny.

Cliffy B could save him. But they need somebody to come in and modernize their development environment and get their fucking head out of their ass and say, look, making the box small and quiet is nice for Japan, I guess. It's not quiet. No one in the rest of the world gives a fuck. Make it a beast. Make it a beast.

Throw that gamepad shit away. Put it into the juice. But in Japan, it doesn't matter. Your console's still not going to sell that much anyway. That's the way Japan is. No, no, no. You know what would have saved them? Allowing Platinum to make me's in wonderful 101 sequel.

Oh, geez. It's true. We've been on Armature CEO for a while. Let's move. I just have one more final point. From Kamiya to CEO to Kamiya the CEO. Oh, make Kamiya the CEO of Nintendo. Too far, too far.

I have to back down from this. There's all these fucking games about Windex. This goddamn circle jerk has gone on long enough. Wait, wait. There are semen everywhere. I had one final point about what they might have should have done, which I only mentioned because when I mentioned to you guys the other day, you were like, ooh, we probably should have done that.

Is make a better Wii. They should have just made a better Wii with better motion controls. If you want them to go gimmick and Blue Ocean again, they should have made the best goddamn version of the Wii ever with the best Wii remote ever. Call it Wii 2. Call it Super Wii. Call it Ultra Wii. Super Wii.

I have a Super Wii. And make it a notch or two below the X-Bone. That's all. It doesn't need to be even close. The new Connect and the new PlayStation Move stuff are really just doing that. Except Connect sucks. Even through all of this, I think the Wii remote is still the best motion control technology that exists.

And developers would have been familiar with it rather than have to wrap their head around the Wii tablets. Absolutely. So the sequel to Wonderful 101 is coming out next week. It has not been announced yet, but Kamiya has already said. I don't want to talk about it. I think for someone that doesn't exist. He called it Wonderful 102.

I thought it was going to be two-clare co-op. I would have thought that the sequel would have been Wonderful 1001. 1001. I thought that could be only on a new thing. Zoom the camera out, like Mario 128. You guys played the game. Zoom that camera out. But yes, the idea of being your Wii becomes a playable...

Optionally. Yeah. Which is a fun idea. And you just put a mask on your little guy and you have fun. It's the gimmickiest bullshit ever. Oh, totally. Because it's on the tier of Blood Mask. Sure.

But when you look at the proportions of those characters, it could totally see it. You could totally see it. Yeah, I think they should have had a Wonder Me. That would have been really fun. Or no further than that. A theoretical Wonderful 101. God, sometimes I fuck it up. Wonderful 101 sequel is due to the thing it was actually supposed to be at the start.

Oh. To get it to sell. Nintendo IP. Nintendo guys. Yeah. That sell. Maybe. There's no way.

No way. Wait, no. It's on the Wii U. Make it a companion. No. Have Wonderful 102 be the launch title, the big Nintendo launch title for the Wii 2. Nintendo World. It's a bummer.

Like, as much as I want Wonderful 102, I think I want Wonder Blue the game more. Yeah. Which is another game. Just because it's different. It is. I just want them to go all over the game. Yeah, it is. You know what Wonder Blue the game is?

Devil May Cry 5. It's Devil May Cry 5. It would be. I want. No. I want 102 more. No, you know what it is? It's Alternate Reality Devil May Cry 2.

That's what it is. Yeah. Because, give me a hand on the do. If you promised me missions in the past with the zone versus the older brother, then I'm all on board. You'd obviously get that. Yeah. The opening cutscene is Wonder Blue reading about his brother and crunching up like a newspaper

article. I want a flashback, because obviously this would take place after Wonderful 101 as well. I want a flashback where you get to fight Wonder Red, but in a realistic style. Yeah. Like a rival fight. Reimagining the fight. Oh man, Wonder Red in that style would be so sick. That would be pretty good.

That would be pretty good. And your sword would be so big. Big, big sword guy. So, get this. Be careful if you're going into the video games industry and you're planning to use the word candy. Because the word candy in the context of video games and clothing has now been completely copyrighted by Candy Crush Sider.

Lems on to haunt us. Edge candy. You want to just repeat that, because I think it got overshadowed. Yes. Candy Crush Saga has trademarked the word candy. The developers. In the use of video games in terms of mobile development and clothing. Clothing.

My clothing. I don't, because they could get it and they got it. They could get it. King.com. Yeah, exactly. So this is total slime on every account that Candy Crush Saga guys trademark the word candy. Willie, can you please, for video games, there's a little, in this article, there is the funniest god damn interview.

It is a serious little question with this guy who's been affected by the trademark of candy because his game has the word candy in it. It does have the word candy in it. Now please, Willie, try not to laugh because it's so god damn funny and read this little conversation. Shut up. Stop building it. Lots of devs are frustrated because it seems so ridiculous, says Benny Sue, maker of all

candy casino slots, Jewel Craves Connect, Big Blast Mania Land. That is one game title. I love that this is the person that they got for the interview because he actually used the name in the exact reason that this trademark is legitimate. Yeah. That dude used their name in order to pump his game up just like all those other, every other word in the title of his game. Those are all commonly search terms.

Okay. So all candy casino slots, Jewel Craves Connect, Big Blast Mania Land. So who's the problem here? I love this game. The first person who's the problem is Benny. Yeah. Okay. The second person is the lawyers that said, hey, you could totally make money.

You could totally trademark the entire word candy. As long as you sell the judge and or people at the... That there are ripoffs everywhere. At the patent, whatever, trademark office is that it's as long as it's in use of video games and these clothing lines we're working on. So everyone is disgusting. You've got so much money, but the only people who can take you down are Pfizer. I feel sorry for the guy that was working on Happy Birds.

So this is very similar to Bethesda's lawyers going after Notch for his game Scrolls. Yeah. And Tim Langdell. Tim Langdell, the ultimate mother fucker, who owned the word edge and he owned it for like 15 years. That's why Capcom couldn't re-release rival schools because edge is in it. Yeah, sure. So Tim Langdell owned the name and the word edge for all video game purposes for years

and years and years until EA, alongside their release of Mirror's Edge, they said, no fuck you Tim Langdell and they went through the process of suing his ass off and finally got the trademark. It's a beautiful thing. So it's going to be until Activision or EA or Notch or whoever says, I want to put a game out that has candy in it and I want that more than the hassle it will require to fight this lawsuit. Right.

I just want to say it's funny because that's one of those moments of like righteous indignation where this company you normally don't... EA's evil. And you're like, yeah, fucking wreck that guy. You are pointing Darth Vader at the emperor. They quoted the perfect thing. I just want to say real quick, the other time recently where there was that like, yeah, you fucking get him, evil company, was Activision saving themselves from Vivendi.

Vivendi. Yeah, Activision. You get him. You go. You save yourself. You do a little acting. Exactly. They're way smaller than Vivendi.

God damn. At the time. Yeah, I know. They still are. No, Activision I think has been. No, Vivendi. Vivendi. Vivendi.

I was just thinking about the movies. Vivendi is nervous. Vivendi. They're going to be coming from Vivendi. Vivendi owns your couch. Yeah, I know. And your couch. Candy Box is next.

Run Candy Box. Oh no. They're going to shut it down. Oh no. It's coming. No, Candy Box too. I need to play that. You can't stop Candy Box.

You can't. It's a virus. If you didn't hear about it, like 1313, you guys remember 1313. I remember 1313. It was showed off as probably the first Next Gen game. It was revealed later on that it was going to be a Boba Fett game. It wasn't the first Next Gen game. The Watchtower.

The Last Guardian. Oh, it's true. Fuck. Rock. And then when LucasArts got bought by Disney, they fucking super cancelled it and said, each shit. They shelved it and then they canned it. And now the only news article left is the name has expired.

And they just let it go. The trademark for Star Wars 1313. Any hope of any form of that game ever existing is crap. Goes out with a squeaky fart. And now is when you'd hope some crazy dude working on it just puts it all online. Yeah. Show us everything. Like apparently every person who ever worked on all the failed Legacy of Cain games.

All that shit got up online somehow. Well, usually it's because some dudes like, well fuck you, I want to work. I'm going to show my portfolio and guess what it was for the last five years of my life. It was this thing that doesn't exist. That's where tons of game news, did you see that thing? All the time. You see that thing today is that some guy that worked on Harmonix said we needed a combat design. That's next on my blog.

Oh well, there you go. I said wait nicely. We're all in sync now. We're in sync you. Time to get inside the Eva. That's fine. Synchronization rate is high Willy. LCL everywhere.

That's what it is. LCL everywhere. The circle jerk leads to LCL everywhere which leads to high synchronization. It all comes together. Full circle. So Harmonix can the next bone game. That's what we know as of today. Oh they did Canada.

They can the next bone game. We don't know what it was but it's gone. But the speculation is based on two or three months ago. The other rumor being that they weren't looking for a combat designer. They're like they probably can some badass music fighting thing. I remember hearing the rumors way back from Mom's taken. They wanted to make a shooter. That seems like a thing.

A musical shooter? No. It would have to be. Why would it have to be? Because every employee of Harmonix is a musician. But that's like saying... No but that's the point of the company. But that's like saying the guys on Aliens...

It's named Harmonix dude. That's like saying the guys making Aliens infestation have to make a fucking RTS. No. But guess what? When everyone is... Why are they all generals? Every employee... You know how every employee...

That's what they bought. You know how every employee of Vanilla Ware is an artist. So they're dedicated to words. Fucking art. Of course. It's exactly that with music. But if I said you like action games and we all like action games we could only make an action game. I like a lot more.

No but guess what? It's gonna be musical. But that's the fucking RPG. But the identity they built... It wasn't bad at all. It wasn't bad at all. It was not a platform game. It was not up to this platform standard.

Wait did Harmonix ever come out with that awful Fantasia connect thing? No that's upcoming. That's still on 360. I was hoping that's what got cancelled. It's still on Microsoft's strong 360 support moving forward. Remember? On the old Kinect. That's embarrassing.

Super good. We're gonna have to play it. It's a shame about that game though. Hey From Software. Yeah! Yeah! You guys gonna be releasing Dark Souls 2 on next-gen consoles? Maybe?

Eh... No. Generally thinking about it. I haven't thought about it. I haven't thought about it. That's goddamn lies. That is... People thought that was lies when they said it like nine months ago.

In every interview they are fighting it less hard. The argument is getting a lot easier to make. A couple months from now they ask them again. You guys gonna port it and they're just gonna be like, What's a console? What? Maybe. In all fairness, nine months ago it would have been like,

Who knows how well these consoles are gonna do. But now it's like... The very first thing they said was non-committal. We are focusing on the 360 PS3 and PC versions at this time. The only thing I can think is that their office is populated with real skeletons. And it's incredibly hard to make a game in the first place. And that's why they must focus. Here's what I can see realistically.

This time PC is the primary SKU. It might come out a week later, but it's part of the 360 PS3 SKU. What they're gonna do is if the PS4 and Xbox One are doing well, like they will, they will do what they did with Dark Souls 1 with the PC. As they'll say, there's an audience here. Let's port this from the PC to these machines, which should be fucking super easy. And that'll come out a year after.

The problem is that every time they give one of these interviews, there's some guy like just out of reach in the corner wearing a deep down shirt just giving him the stink eye. And they're on it's own now. Deep down looks so good. Namco Bandai doesn't seem, they're the ones polishing Dark Souls. They are. They don't strike me if I'm wrong.

I can't remember them ever doing cross gen ports or anything. I can't either, but I mean there's... To be fair, Namco Bandai is doing this as a publishing deal, like as a deal. They don't own from software. I know it's not, but they're still the one that would theoretically call the shots. Namco Bandai though, they're extremely aggressive at being on as many platforms as they can, so I wouldn't believe it to be out of their plans. And they are the ones that decided to push for Dark Souls too to have a much larger marketing budget.

Remember, Namco just released in winter an exclusive Wii U game, built exclusively for the Wii U. What game is that? Tyco? Tyco no Tatsujin, which is extremely popular franchise in Japan. It's the last armor core game that came out? Five? Vertic Day.

Yeah, it just went up on Games on the Man. Like one per year and a half. Okay, armor core will never stop. Yeah. Okay. That audience? No, I'm just thinking about them. But what is from software?

In terms of Dark Souls... Making a Sony game, probably. In terms of Dark Souls 2, it's weird to say, but the developers' own comments are not even 1% of the bigness of the news this week. The biggest news this week for Dark Souls 2 is that Epic Namebro, a.k.a. Marcus, a very prominent Dark Souls YouTuber, probably the English-speaking world expert on Dark Souls, has revealed that he is the person writing the Prima Game Strategy Guide for Dark Souls 2. And for anyone who's jumped to us for saying Epic Namebro with a name like that, you can't be any... No, this guy's fucking amazing.

That dude's amazing. It's not his fault he picked that name. His parents just named him that way. No, his name's Marcus. He's a great guy. He's a fantastic YouTuber. He is the person writing the Strategy Guide, which is also super gigantic and filled with lore he's probably writing.

What does the fanbase think about this? Hold on. Is it a name that he picked in the mid-Aughts? It sure is. I don't know. But the important thing is that alongside his reveal that he was the person working on this and writing it, he revealed that he is also the first person, who does not work it from software and, or Ampo Bandai, to have beaten the game,

and as an early cynic on Dark Souls 2 has reported that he thinks that the game is easily the best of the three games. He likes it dramatically more than Dark Souls, which says that Dark Souls 2 is going to be awesome. Now, yes, he's right. He's working for the company. So, grain of salt? But Marcus is so awesome. He would never lie.

That game's going to be great. It's true. Why are you skipping everything you told me about it? What? There's a backlash. There's a huge backlash. Explain the backlash. Oh, right.

I'm sorry. I was getting... That was the point you were telling me about it. I was getting lost in your Marcus-fueled dream. I was getting starry eyed. Well, I'm just thinking about the early Street Fighter 4 dudes that were saying that this is easily one of the best Street Fighter games of time. Totally. And people want you to show up.

You don't know. So, yeah, the people have come against Marcus and said, You're a show, man. How can we trust you? It's like when I played Killer Angstink and I didn't understand anything about it, and then I understood it, and then I called this show. It always comes down to the... Look at that guy at the end of the video that wore the Xbox shirt. He was whispering things in your ear.

Right in my ear. It always comes down to the idea that if you see somebody who's passionate about a series or a project, and they end up working on it in some capacity, and they say that it's good, you have to either believe that they were legitimate and trustworthy all along, or that they were not. That they were a liar. And that always comes to be the case.

Liar. If you think that Woolly took money for Killer Instinct promotion... No comment. No comment. Of course, no comment. There is nothing I can ever say to someone who thinks that, that will convince them otherwise. That did not take place.

I don't think. I wish. But it didn't. Same thing with Marcus. He has spent years gaining trust, and the idea that that dude would throw it away for the cost of writing a strategy guide? Ridiculous. It's too petty.

Crazy. That dude's awesome. Dark Souls 2 is going to be so good. I'm so excited for it. It's going to be so good. Are you going to play it on the Steam Controller? Are you going to play it on the redesigned Steam Controller? If I can get my hands on it, I'll absolutely try.

Are we going to add a segment to the podcast called What's Up with the Steam Controller this week? There's shit going on with it. They're re-designing it. Here's the problem is that the Steam Controller has entered into the nebulous area. The Steam Controller is a big deal. We've talked about it. It's not a big deal. We've talked about it twice.

It's a fucking controller. And the third toy, I agree with you. However, there is a problem with talking about the Steam Controller, and the problem is that the Steam Controller has entered into a nebulous zone called Valve Time. That fucking thing is going to be... I bet you the final version is going to look nothing like the version we're looking at right now. I am interrupting this segment to show you a picture that Plague of Grypes just sent me in the middle of the podcast. That is Shugnight and Tupac Shakur.

I remember this. Or a Bubble Bobble. It would appear to be or something else. No, they're playing Sonic. They're playing Sonic 2. Nice. Is that taken today? Based on the shirts, yes.

From Beyond the Grave. Thanks, Plague. I'm going to check later, but there's no way he sent that to any of us but you. Oh, yeah, no. No, we've been having a discussion about Tupac. No, I thought he was going to say, hey, Woolly, I thought you'd like this picture because you like Sonic. Yeah, no.

Anyway, I just thought it was interesting that they basically said, we're going back to like the drawing board or at the very least we're making drastic changes. They probably got a lot of feedback that was made so far. And they showed an early prototype of what they're adding. Yeah. And they're including the pads and buttons. Yeah, the important things for your controller. The reason I'm not hugely excited for the Steam Controller is because of what it's built for as opposed to what's built for it.

And I think that says everything. Yeah, it's a weird controller. The controller is built for PC games to work on it. Not to have these controllers like Nintendo controllers or even the PS4. Yeah, I hear that. They're built so people can add something new to it. But the reason why I'm interested in this is because it's introducing like a dynamic that might show up on a lot of controllers. Yeah, no, they're absolutely.

If this goes like gangbusters, we're going to see this everywhere. Don't get me wrong, they're absolutely trying to set a standard and make PC games become more of a thing, more of a consoleized kind of deal. And that's great. And I respect that and I think that's great. But I'm not super enthused over the controller because other than the way the touchpads work, it doesn't do anything new. Yeah. It doesn't do anything new. It's ironic that the reason that...

But it's the same as the OUYA controller in that sense. Granted, it's built better and probably works better. Oh yeah. The new OUYA? It works. It works? See, Lee, the reason you're uninterested in that controller is the exact reason I am interested because there are a shit ton of old PC games that only use mouse and keyboard. Yeah.

And I would love to be able to just sit back and play with a controller. I totally want to buy one of those controllers, day one. For me. I want to play Civ V, the fucking controller. For me, it's about the tech. I'm like, is this going to be something that... I also... Yeah, yeah.

It also occupies a standard of weird bullshit. Yeah. Touchpads now are a thing that we're seeing on a lot of controllers and that's going to be around for a while or at least rear touch on a lot of things as well. Or front touchpad. On one thing, rear touch. Sure. Rear touch. You're going to see that.

Rear touch is great. We will see rear touch again. I hate the rear touch. You didn't play Terroway. I hold the controller in such a way that rear touch becomes a problem. Play Terroway. No. Play the thing that you don't want to play.

Gone. So no, I'm just curious. That's all. The controller is fucking weird. Sad news, by the way. But Terroway totally outsold Wonderful 101. That is sad. In a shorter time.

But I thought you loved Terroway. In a short time on the shelf. I thought the sad news was they both bombed. I love Terroway, but Wonderful 101, man. I've got some good news. Yeah, let's hear good news. Good news. Yeah, the thing that we were super asking for last week totally happened.

The girl next door that lives in a haunted mansion is going to be a trophy in Smash Brothers. Yeah. Ash, dude. I woke up in the morning and someone sent me that picture and I threw my goddamn phone at the wall when I found out it was an assist trophy. Like fuck. Here's the problem. Here's the problem.

Here's the problem. She doesn't deserve a trophy. Liam, no. She doesn't. She didn't know it. For all the people out there who say, I want Skull Kid as a character, that's how I felt about Ash. Okay.

Neither of them deserve a character to slap. Okay. Well, Liam. You guys are right. Liam may have overreacted a little bit. That being said, 90% of assist trophy characters are people that you go, ah, fuck. I can't stop or ninja be in the game. Did you throw your phone at the wall when Lil Mac wasn't a playable character?

No. More than my phone. Well, that's how, that's actually for me. So for me to say, for you to say how overreacted, I think it's very fair because Pat's right. These are all the characters. There's going to be an assist trophy character that you react in this man. And it's going to be wonder red this time. Oh, don't say that.

Don't say that. My top three butt hurt assist trophies are Lil Mac, Cyborg Ninja, and Saki. Those are three big butt hurts. What if it's Bayo? Bayo's an assist trophy. I will die. I will kill myself. I take it.

I take it. Yeah, wonder red this time. Again, I can see them being like too sexy. Too sexy. No, man. Put it away. Zero suit. Zero suit.

But I must. Yeah, I know. But Zero Suit Samus isn't like sliding down the stripper pole. Yes, she is. The Bayo Two's costume is way to cover up more. Yeah, it's true. It's fine now. We've been over this.

Yeah, it's fine now. We've been over this. Her heels are smaller than yours. Mario getting a lap dance. What? Why would that even hurt you? Dang. Why would that hurt me?

Her throw. Her back throw. Why would that actually hurt you? She grabs you, slams you on the ground. She has a little grind in her ear. She knows you are projecting. No question Bayo didn't know it was ever. She doesn't know.

You are projecting. Maybe he's talking about anarchy reigns. Yeah. Watch Bayo. What are you, an assist trophy? And she does a Kira's back slam. What's your top but hurt assist trophy? Ashley.

Ashley now. Now, before this, Lynn or Isaac. Lynn from Fire Emblem, Isaac from All This Fun. Lynn is one of the ones where it's like, damn it, I want another Fire Emblem character who's like different in a substantial way. A horseback. Martha and Roy were the same, unfortunately. He's pretty similar.

Ike's different, but he's not the most exciting thing in the world. The same type. A horseback character is the only type that we haven't seen so far, right? Yeah, but he's the same. Lynn is not a horseback. No, I'm saying we haven't seen so far. We haven't. I do think there should be a horseback character.

That's what I'm saying. We have not seen other types. What I want is I want like Ephraim with his spear or Hector with his batting men. Yeah, I know, I know. What did Plague send her? Who's my biggest but hurt assist trophy? It's a little Mac. Little Mac is the one that he's the most confusing to not actually be on the run.

The only fucking fighter out of everything. And there's a boxy drink in the can. And when Little Mac gets the Smash Ball, he should turn into Mike Tyson. Well, he would actually turn into Giga Mac. Sure. He would turn into Giga Mac. That'd be sick. No, Mike Tyson should be an assist trophy.

Yeah. I'm only half joking. And he throws you underneath a treadmill. Wow. I was going to say he eats a Nintendo. He should eat a Nintendo. I'm going to get killed by Mike Tyson. Barbecue your kids and eat them raw.

Mike, if they're barbecued, they're not Ronnie. Okay, you guys hear about the Mega Man board game? No. Yeah. So this thing went for $70,000 and it made for a single board game. But it's a Mega Man thing. Oh, wait. I want to show a thing after this.

Okay, now show a thing after this. But the thing about it is that it made 415K now. Yeah. So massive, massive success. If I'm, I might be getting this wrong. So totally correct me if I'm wrong. But I believe when I first read about this before they hit their goal, they put this up there without the license. Yeah, that happens.

Yeah, they did not. They just went, we are fans and we're trying something. That's the thing you got to check for at Kickstarter. This is at least the second Capcom based Kickstarter with no permission. And at some point during the groundswell, they managed to get the license. Which doesn't surprise me at least. And now it says Mega Man TM. I'm almost certain you could make anything Mega Man related on Kickstarter and you would feel a sense of invincibility.

Because Capcom doesn't want to touch it. No, they'll be like, Capcom would be crazy to go. But that's it, yeah, they're super gifted. Well, we're not going to let this Mega Man thing come out. And then Capcom is the villain. As long as it's good and the fans themselves aren't like, well... As long as it's not, like, squeaky. As long as it's something kinda worth having.

Yeah, yeah. But it's just like, hey guys, I'm making these Mega Man shoes. Kickstart my Mega Man shoes. If they're nice enough? Yeah. Just what? Capcom doesn't have to put any money because it's on fucking Kickstarter. But if they show up and go, hey, hey, you can't, everyone's like, what?

What, Capcom? What? And then Capcom's like, oh, it just slings back off. Pitchforks, man, pitchforks. Oh, why'd I do this? I don't think they would. As long as it's something worth having associated with the brand. Yeah, the worry is brand damage.

And how could anyone on their own damage Mega Man more than Capcom has? Like, I'm just imagining, like... I'm fortunate. Two days after the announcement for Mighty No. 9, like, some Capcom legal guy got on the phone and just called up Comcept and just went... Fine. Fine. Fine.

No, no, what he did is he picked up the receiver and start dialing the number. It was about to dial the last number and then slowly pushed the receiver back down. Just stared at the phone. That's how that went. Stared at it. What do you want to show? Okay, so there's this animation that came out just recently called Junkhead. Okay.

I saw it. It's awesome. I've been super excited for this for a long time. I'm so happy it's out now. It's a approximately 30-minute stop motion. The smoothest stop motion I've ever seen. Well, barring actual films. Well, yeah.

You know what I mean. Yeah, I know what you mean. The smoothest amateur. This guy made it in four years. This Japanese guy. He uses a sick gibberish language. It's like a cyberpunk fan. It's about monster dicks.

That's not about monster dicks. It's about monster dicks, Lam. It was a tale. It's a tale. It's a dick. Okay, so it's a cool thing. It's a really sick stop motion thing. The first episode, he wants to make two parts into like a full movie.

It's on Kickstarter. It's on Indiegogo. Indiegogo. Because he's in Japan. You can't do a Kickstarter. So the first episode's on YouTube. It's fucking awesome. If you like animation, let alone just stop motion stuff, it's sick.

It's really cool. It's a name again? Junkhead. If you go watch Junkhead, please write in and tell Liam that it's a dick, not a tail. It's a tail, not a dick. It's a dick. It's a dick. I guess you guys see different things.

You'll know what we're arguing about one way or the other. It's totally a tail. Sure. So I want to see an inbox full of it's a dick. No. Your personal inbox always says that. Yeah. It's up on Indiegogo, and there's not enough people shelling for them.

So it's not looking terrible, but it's not looking great yet. It's totally a dick. Okay. No, it's really good though. I assure you. It's fantastic. Have you seen it then? Oh, it's fantastic, totally.

Yeah, it's awesome. You gotta watch a lot of it to know that it's a dick. That's true. It's at the end, the dick. It's totally at the end. Yeah, but it's actually a tail. Random little update I want to drop on the... I'll fight you over this.

Just to drop a little update on the Is Majora's Mask coming? Like on the Madrigal Mask. Going saga. The watch. The watch. The episode's going to be over after we say, yes, it is, because there's no way it's not anymore. So, yeah, no.

Game Informer does an interview with Hiromasa Shikada, a link between worlds. Interesting little note about this interview. I didn't catch this, but they said in this that 60 frames per second will not be a Zelda standard. And it's not a Zelda standard. It won't be important for Zeldas going forward, which seemed weird, because how did that even come up? Wind Waker was... someone asked.

Wind Waker, yeah. Wind Waker's 60 FPS, but Zelda's in the past. Wind Waker's 30. Yeah, you're right. Well, we're in a time, it's like 12. On a good day, it's 12. It's rainy outside. If it's MasterQuest, then we can go even further.

Yeah, so they asked. We found Majora's Mask and other subtle references and so on and so forth. Is there something we can expect, or did we miss anything else in the game? Yeah. And he says, ah, having Majora's Mask show up in Link's house was a special request from Aonuma. Now, why would they ask us to do that? So, I don't know why anyone would have even questioned Majora's Mask for not coming out

on 3DS, because after the awesome success that was Ocarina of Time, Grezzo has been busy at work on nothing. Nothing. Which means something. After just rebuilding Ocarina from scratch. Yeah. They didn't use it. I always forget that.

They built it from scratch. And Majora uses a bunch of Ocarina's assets. You could use a bunch of assets. Now, there's a collection of people on the internet. Really? Leave it or not. Really? And amongst this collection of people, there's a group that is like, it's never gonna happen

shit, Lawrence. Fuck you all. I'll be laughing all the way to Clock Town, you motherfuckers. Majora was one of the things that really kickstarted the 3DS in America. It was one of those ones. Okay. You're kidding. What?

I misspoke word. I thought you were time-traveling. You don't have enough imagination to feel that. You spoke the most important word of that sentence. No, I could have said Vita. You could have said Vita. The Vita kickstarted the 3DS. No, the Vita kickstarted the Vita.

Anyway, Ocarina helped kickstart that in America. And Nintendo's been super expediting all their franchises, especially Zelda as of late, because you notice you get a new Zelda game if not two every year now. Yeah, that's weird. So expect Majora at the end of this year, I bet you. I hope so. That sounds plausible. Or mid next year.

Expect the announcement this year. No, because Grezzo fucking finished Ocarina over a year and a bit ago. Maybe they're making Majora's Mask 2. Don't? Don't? No, but... I only have one heart. Grezzo shifted from what?

2012? It wasn't 2013, because it's nowhere near my top 10. It was in 2012 they shipped Ocarina. Maybe they're making Majora's Mask between worlds. Geez. No, they shipped it in 2012. They had over... By the end of 2014, they will have had two and a half years.

I think three Zelda games in... In a ten month span might be a little much. A bit of remake? With a remake? No, I don't know. Two remakes? No, I think this is the Christmas title. Well, I think this is the Christmas title.

I hope they use that 3D to do some strange shit. The beginning of 2014, I forgot. Those putting on the Mask sequences are going to be horrifying. And every fucking person in Terminal will look horrifying. I can't wait. No, it's going to be a great port. One of the features is playing the entire game as Fierce Deity. Yeah.

The game plus seems obvious. One of the things I'm excited to see is after Ocarina of Time and they built in Master Quest, they're obviously going to build in something like that. They've had Hero Mode now. Build out in Wind Waker. Wind Waker, all things from World of Skyward Sword. They're obviously going to do a second thing like that. I'm excited to see what it will be.

There's totally a bug where you can just roll out of the giant Goron boss fight and wear the Fierce Deity mask around all of Terminal anyways. There's bugs bugging everywhere in that game. There's a bug where you go to an owl off the map and you go anywhere in the game after that, thus making an any percent speedrun like 5 minutes long. And hopefully maybe they'll redesign the four giants at the end to not look super lame. No, they've got a little bit of a hurt thing.

I know what you mean, but they're going to look lame or more gamely. You fucking dosh in the giant looking motherfuckers. That's what they should do. Let you play as Dosh in the giant. Replace Link with Dosh in the giant. Like the patch notes. Why is he Dosh in the giant? Dosh in the giant in Smash.

All other characters replaced with Gift Pia. Everyone expects Dosh in the giant. I hope he's playable in Smash. Y'all forgot. He never left. He never left. There's no one that left harder than Dosh in the giant. Rippin' peace, Doshin'.

The 64DD, man! Yeah. Anyway, did you know? I was just like, holy shit. So Twitch TV is obviously growing bigger. Were you aware that Twitch TV has more unique viewers than Hulu, MTV, Sci-Fi, AMC, and TNT? Yes, I knew this.

I saw it the other day. Let me change that. No. No? But I assumed that. Do you assume that because it's Twitch or because TV is shit? I assume that because of both. Okay.

I assume that because, yeah, like, look at us. We're growing up in the world and none of us have TV. Are we all cord cutters? Yes. I don't know anyone that's not my parents. That has cord cutters. That has television. Is that the term?

I know one person. Yeah, you cut your cable. Okay. I know one person. Yeah. Like, this generation of people, particularly people who are weighing into video games and digital technology, don't watch broadcast television.

Does that one person you know, like, do they got to have their soaps or some shit like that? They got to have certain shows. Yeah. Yeah. Or on Netflix. But I'd rather have fucking AGDQ or Evo and the library's saved than anything on TV right now.

Totally. Yeah. Yeah. Forever. Last night I watched two and a half hours of the AGDQ Paper Mario run and it was better than anything on TV. There you go. For you.

For everyone. Yeah. It's Paper Mario. Yeah. But how could you forget about G4? Is G4 even ever dead? Yeah. Exactly.

I used to watch it when I was younger. Of course you did when you were younger. And then at some point it just became cops. Yeah. Yeah. Slowly but surely. Do you remember at work when G4 was playing? Me too.

Just cops? Yeah. Me too. I'd be like, oh my god there's a game coming up after the attack of the show. Cops. And after that? Cops. And not the good cartoon.

It's a shame. Because there was a time when X-Play was cool. Extended play? I don't remember that ever. You don't? No. There was a time before like 2005. I remember the most important thing that X-Play ever did

was they were the first people to air the public trailer for Advent Children. Yeah. On television. The one with the bike shot that never made it into the final fucking movie. But I remember it was announced that secret Advent Children trailer is going to be on X-Play exclusive. And that's a big thing. And people went nuts.

Oh yeah, that was before the movie came out. I remember I taped it with VHS. Our friend that actually pushed this whole podcast thing to happen is obsessed with Liam sounding like Adam Sessler. Tonight on Attack of the Show. I don't think I do. You don't hear it. But he uses it every minute I say something.

And he refuses to let it go. He's completely wrong. He said one time he listened to this podcast, Why Would He? And he said he thought for a second that he was on the show. Yeah, we got Sessler on here. No, not Sessler. That's... I'm not familiar with him.

From Attack of the Show not from X-Play. I'm not familiar. I thought you were talking about Sessler. No, not Sessler at all. Maybe it's letter time. Hey, if it's letter time, you know what that means? What does it mean? It means that I have to say that if you want to send letters in so we would read them for

letter time, you'll have to send them in to superbestfriendcast at gmail.com. Where the fuck would you send those letters again, Pat? Wooly, I just told you. It's superbestfriendcast at gmail.com. But what if you need to send a piece of physical thing? Well, it's a good thing. That was a really stupid thing to say. Yup.

Well, it's a good thing you wrote down the address, Wooly. Uh-huh. And that address is? On the paper in your hand. 56051 Alexis Neon Montreal Quebec. Canada. Yes, sure. If you need the postal code.

The postal code. Which people constantly ask for. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be H3Z3G3. So superbestfriend, you know what you should do? You should put that address in the show notes. Oh, guess what? It's already there.

It's been there. Is the postal code there? Yeah. Are you sure? Yes, it's been there. Go look. Because there was some demand and I filled it. Go look.

Yeah, you filled it. You filled all the demand. Jared wants to know. Yo, what's up, Jared? Has Microsoft paid you for your YouTube videos? No. Next question. David wants to know.

Has Microsoft paid you for your YouTube videos? Can we stay on that for a second? We will not be getting paid for- No, we're not going to take that promotion. We're not going to take that promotion. No. If that's what they're talking about- I think that-

Oh, he doesn't know what this question's referring to! Not just Killer Instinct. He's referring to- Oh, the stealth- It says, okay, there's a link here to an R's technical article. Yeah, okay. There you go. And it says, stealth marketing, Microsoft paying YouTubers for Xbox One.

Yeah, Microsoft is going through Machinima to raise a $3 per CPM payment if you promote the Xbox One in one of your videos. Awesome. And you don't talk negatively about it at all? And you don't call- You don't call it a piece of shit. You don't call the video Go Die Connect. That's correct.

Yeah. That would be so insane as to- I was talking to Matt about this before, and like, you never even got the email for this promotion. No. I think that kind of- No, I think we're on a blacklist. I think, I think, like, whichever way it happened, either we're just too legitimate.

That's awesome. Too legit to quit. Or maybe we've talked too much shit already, but we were never- We heard- We heard about this via the news- So what you're saying is- We get all the shit of being shilled. And we don't even get the money!

The benefit! This is awesome! Not only that, but Go Die Connect, Fighter Within, is our most successful video on Machinima in the current season. That's my favorite thing ever, because you sent that video in, and it was titled Go Die Connect, and right in front of that video, it was a pre-roll for the Xbox One. It's so funny! You can't write that shit.

No. So there you go. Yeah. Blacklist. That's our answer. Is no. And we're not allowed. Even if we wanted to.

Yeah, exactly. Instead, we'll show junkhead. Okay, so I'm reading one of the physical letters. Oh, you have a physical paper here. You got a question on a paper letter? Yeah. So David- Is that even possible?

Is asking, out of all the games you've played, how many have you kept in your personal collection, and what are they? All of them. Since starting the show, all of them. I can also say all of them. Since the PS2 generation, I have not sold a single game. I've traded in that extra copy of King of Fighters 12 to get my Assassin's Creed the other day on that crazy to trade in thing, but I don't sell games.

No, I only trade in nowadays if it's a ridiculous deal. No, that's not true. I've traded in Modern Warfare 2 and some of those things. You really don't care. Back in the day, how many times have you guys come over to my place, like years ago, and we'd just be like, fuck it, man. Yo, let's pop in Second Impact, or let's pop in Rival Schools or some other shit. Just to see.

Like, per game. Just to see. And you can't do that if you saw your shit. The rumblefish. The rumblefish. The rumblefish. That being said, I got tons of games that I should, so we'll never play them blind. And they're in a huge stack right over there.

A huge stack right over there. I just bought the worst shit ever. But I'm not going to say, but I bought it. I mean, might need it. Because when the future happens, you'll never be able to get those again. That's one of the reasons why I've been so comfortable with going digital, because the idea of like, well, you can't sell them. It's like, I don't sell my games anyway.

Pre-2008, I was a broke-ass kid, and I wanted to play every game that came out. That's correct. So I sold games a lot more. I was always pretty careful with it. I was like, I don't mind selling Uncharted, because I'm not going to have a different or more unique experience the next time. That's correct. So like, yeah.

Well, you and I sold a lot of games back then. You and my old roommate know exactly how to do the whole exploit the system thing. Yeah. Go bargain bit hunting, get the shitty value, trade it in for amazing value, get discounts on consoles, etc. I've seen you guys working that for a while now. So that's the new work the system. Dude, the fucking, on working the system.

The fucking new platinum edge card is amazing for that. You pay like 15 bucks a year, you get 10% off all used games, and once per year, you get a trade any game, get $10 credit. Yeah, no, I got that card. So yeah, so I bought a copy of Cameo for 79 cents in the store, slapped my 10% discount on it, and traded in for 10 bucks. Oh jeez, are these guys sponsoring the podcast? That sounded like an ad.

No, well like work the system, because you could fucking see that. Yeah, now the old work the system that I used to do before I became enlightened with game purchases was that, hey man, you could get a 14 day refund if you did not like the game. And then they stopped that because I abused it and many people liked me. Then it was, if a used game, you could get a 14 day refund, and then you would abuse it. So what ended up happening is I ended up buying Zone of the Inders 2 for the PlayStation 2 three times, because the first time I returned it, the second time I sold it, and then the

third time I was so mad at those other two times, that I went out and bought it at a way higher price. And I lost substantial amounts of money. That was the game that broke me on ever selling games. And the moment that it broke me was that I have a habit of I always put the receipt behind the manhole. Always, always. And what happened was is that I came to school, I came to Sejap, and Keith came up to me and

said, hey, I just bought your copy of Zone of the Inders 2 because the receipt with your name on it is right there. I said, fuck, I'll totally give you a hundred dollars. Nope. And I was so fucking mad. What was the biggest regret sold game for you guys? You must have one. I'm not the first one I ever did.

The first game I ever sold, which broke me on it in this exact same way. I walked into a goddamn micro play with a cartridge of Star Fox. Oh my god. And I was a wee little tot. And I thought, oh, awesome, I'd get something cool for this, and maybe I'll have three dollars. And I was so young and stupid at the time. That's a million dollars. The transaction was already happening.

And I just walked out and looked at three loonies in my hands and went, I can buy a bag of chips now with Star Fox. I would never have traded in a single game for enough. It would always be a bunch for a big thing. But that was it. At the moment that happened, I'm like, not only is this dog shit, but later on when I especially knew that I wanted to play old games way beyond their years, I was like, why would I ever do this?

You can't make those type of decisions when you're like 10. Yeah, I know. It took a while. There's two for me where one of them, you're all going to go, ooh, but I actually don't give a shit that much. Oh? It was Ogre Battle 64. Oh.

What are you, stupid? But I actually don't give a shit that much. But that's straight up valuable. Worth the shit of money. I sold it for 85 bucks. Okay, well then fair. That's not fair. That's not a bad price.

We were talking about selling games, so whatever. I didn't give a shit. Did you give it to a store or a person? I sold it to a friend. Okay. The one that broke me, and I said I have to stop this, was I brought in a bunch of games, including Uncharted, and a couple games that I just didn't give a shit about. I had a spare copy of Madden 94 on the Genesis, like a bunch of shit that I was like, I want

to get rid of this and I don't just want to burn it. And when I looked at the receipt, because it was a lot of money, it was like a couple hundred bucks for like 15 games or like 10 games or something, I looked at the receipt and Madden NFL had rung up for zero dollars and zero cents. And I said, wow. Hey, this rung up for nothing. Can I have it back? And he said, no, I've already printed the sticker.

I was so offended by that. Wow. He just took your game. So deeply offended by that. And I said, can't, like, you didn't give me anything for it. You just, he just took your game. I said, like, you didn't run them by me individually, and I, you know, I kind of had a mutual trust idea here where if there was something for zero, you tell me, like, it isn't worth anything.

But no, he had stuck a sticker on it. It was, you know, four bucks, which is, you know, you have to make profit off of it. And I said, can I talk to the manager? And I spoke to the manager. And you were, that's infinity profit. It is infinity profit. Yeah. And the manager gave it back to me because the manager wasn't a fucking douche.

The manager was like, stop stealing from him. The manager took him in the back, actually, and came back out and he didn't look, he didn't make eye contact with me, but he gave me, he gave me back my copy, the manager. And that, that was the one where I was like, no, like, not anymore, because like, you can get really good deals if you're savvy enough about it. But if, if you trade in too late and the game is valueless, sometimes it's really valueless. I, I'm kind of ashamed that it didn't break me of it, but I sold my Genesis and every game I owned in order to get a copy of Sega Frontier, which is the PlayStation one, which

is terrible. I do recall you going in to sell Matt, you going in to try and sell a copy of Double Impact. Yeah. Oh, that motherfucker. Yeah. On, on eBay. No, I went to this game store really quickly and I saw that they're selling Street Fighter

3, Double Impact, just Street Fighter 3, New Generation, and Second Impact, one CD. And they're selling it for $175. That's the Dreamcast, right? Yeah. The Dreamcast. Which store was this for hundreds of dollars? The game. The Dead One.

Of the Dead One, good. Game Buzz. It doesn't exist anymore, so we can tell all the shit we want. And I went on eBay and I saw that some guy was selling his copy for like $25. And I'm like, this was like years ago and I was just like the plucky, oh, make tons of profit. I'll sell it there. Not knowing that when I got there, the guy would look at my disc that I bought and I looked

at the disc and looked really good and he goes, there's lots of scratches here. I can give you like $3 for it. And I make a point of looking in his display case going, well, how come you're selling the exact same game for just $75? And he goes, listen kid, I have rent to pay for. And I'm like, are you seriously talking to me about your rent? And then the guy that you originally spoke to. Like the little innocent clerk and he goes over to this old guy, runs the store and that's

what that old guy told me. And then he told me to fuck off and I told him, well, I'm never coming back here again. This is highway robbery or whatever. And then the other guy says, the young innocent story clerk says, you know, I'll just, I'll buy this off you for like 30 bucks. This game is awesome. And then I'm like, I know, and then I just, I, I wound up just giving the, giving the copy to woolly anyway.

Damn straight. Yeah. Good night. Thank you. He appreciates my dream cats. It sucks that like independent game stores like that have to mark up so high. Yeah. That, that dude was a dark man.

He was the worst. I remember that guy firing a slew of employees over breaking street dates and imagined, uh, imagine theft that didn't happen when this motherfucker broke the street date on Pokemon Diamond and Pearl and got caught. Yeah. Yeah. This stupid motherfucker. Cause the game facts kid that posted the photo.

Unbelievable. Yeah. Unbelievable. Of the store. He, one of those douchebag idiot owners that would constantly lord over his employees and say, you stupid idiots, you should do this. So I'm perfect and makes the stupidest mistake possible as the kid run home and post a picture of the receipt on game facts.

And now he gets super fucked by the attention down from that. And anyone who builds three stores within four miles of each, that's why you get shut down. You remember, you remember that like loop you'd always do where you walk from, and then you walk to the other, and you do the golden mile. Every single one says, no, we don't have it. And then you go to the future shop that's right next to his store and they totally have it.

Yeah. Am I, am I eyes like blurry or is that Neo Geo actually $1,100? Yeah. Yeah. No, it's that $1,100 sticker. Yeah. Really. Okay.

All right. Move it along. David is asking us, um, something, is I can't keep up the work good, keep up the good work. No, we won't. Uh, do you guys feel you'll be able to keep up the pace and why do you choose to record on Monday nights? Oh, for the podcast?

Yeah. That's clear. Podcast. Quite simply. Yeah. For the podcast. Quite simply because we have lies. You asked which day was all good for everyone.

Well, the news week starts on Tuesday. Yeah. And when we get to the next Tuesday, you've got the full week of news. But also, I feel like the primary reason is like, Hey guys, we all have to meet one day week and it can never change. It can. We always have to make it. And Mondays is the day that who the fuck's doing anything on a Monday and furthermore,

the podcast being a long show, right? It's a two hour and a two and a half hour thing for you to listen to a Tuesday early in your week. You, you're probably listening to it. You can listen to it on the way to work. Yeah. On the way to work on Wednesday. On Thursday.

Like you have it for the week, whenever you want to drop. But also there's no way in hell it was going to be Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Absolutely no way. And you look at the rest of the week and it's like, Yeah, I could go to the club or I could listen to the podcast. Man, what are you doing at the club on Wednesday? Yeah. Yeah.

No, Monday. Thanks a lot, David. Monday works. Good question. Good question. Good hustle. All right. Our go.

The good work. Okay. Can I just say something? I forgot when we read this paper letter. I said earlier that we're reading a paper letter question. If just because you write a letter doesn't mean you're going to get it read. Not necessarily. The question's asked to be good.

Still asking a good question. Just like emails. Send us a bunch of letters thinking you're guaranteed. Because some of you have tried and the question doesn't work. I'm still not going to pick it. Go straight into the pile with all the other letters. That being said, our go wants to know, subject line, guerrilla murder question. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. How many clones of yourself would it take to kill a full-blown guerrilla in unarmed combat? Unarmed? And what would be your strategy? Like a silver bag? Like a silver bag? Locked in a room.

Like a set of how many fourth grade, how many four-year-old you could kill. You will be locked in a room, decent-sized, no windows with a guerrilla, but you can choose how many clones you would take to bring it down. So this is a silver-backed guerrilla. The big ones. This is the mental photo of guerrilla in your head. Mighty Joe Young. Sure.

But a bit small. Now too many clones and you have no maneuverability or strategy. You're trying them out. So how do you do this? Unarmed? You need one to just straight up be the meat. You need more than one. You are done.

You need more than one. And while that's happening, you need the one that's the meat, right? And he will be the meat. You need the tank. I've used five minutes, maybe three. While that's happening, you need two more to get each eyeball. And once the guerrilla's blind, then you just need to wear them out. That being said, I doubt the ability of any number of unarmed humans that are clones of

me that could kill a guerrilla. We are weak compared to guerrillas, dude. I don't think any single one of our punches, kicks, or headbutts would have any effect. Like remember that one time I got drunk and flailed on you and you were like, please stop? Imagine that by like a factor of 20. Right. So you'd never be able to damage it straight up. So you'd have to, again, go for eyeballs.

Okay, here's what you do. Here's what you do. You have to fucking tear its brain out through its eyeballs. The only way to do it is you need enough clones that there's a body wall in between. A meat shield. No, a body wall. Not just a shield. Even if it beat them all down to death, it would create a barrier.

Okay. And then you need to take about 10 or 15 of your own clones and they have to agree to be murdered horribly so you can go inside them and get their bones and sharpen those into pointy sticks. You have the time to sharpen femurs? That's why you don't need to break a femur. You don't need to sharpen a femur. If you were to snap a clone of your leg off and you were like, I'm going to use this

to stab a fucking gorilla, it just needs to be kind of pointy. All right, where do you stab him? In the face and or body. Now you need a bunch of dead clones and you need a bunch of femurs. So let's say you need 20 femur-wielding clones. That means you're going to need like 50 decoy clones and like 40 to 50 clone pairs of murder and weapon clones. You're going to need a lot of clones.

Depending on the size of the room. Hundreds. You're going to need lots and lots of clones. The important thing to note, it's infeasible. That gorilla's- Yeah, they're coming for the thing. You could probably use some of your own ribcaged for armor to take a few extra hits. But you couldn't because the impact would break your bones.

Yeah. Gorillas are tough. It's not a great situation. It's- Gorillas are tough. The best situation I've ever been. I would rather fight like a fucking tiger or something than a fucking gorilla. Yeah.

Sargo? Yeah. That's a tough one. That's a tough one. Sargo! That's the best you got. You went too far with the animal. It's too strong.

But you need to ask it again and give like a- No. Choice of weapons. A penguin. But that was a really good question. And I guess the answer is hundreds. Hundreds. You need lots.

I don't know how many hundreds, but at least two. Because the crux is unarmed. Yeah. Humans have weak puny arms. And like you said, the only tool is bones. Yeah. And if I guess you could bite it really hard and you'd just piss it off. Yeah.

But then you'd need even more clones because everybody gets one bite and then gets killed. Because even if you stabbed it in the face with the bone, it would take the face impaling because you didn't make it to the brain. Well again, that's why it's got to go through the brain. Like you need hundreds so that it's literally like when you get stuck in the snow, you can't move. If you had a large enough pile of clones to hide underneath and you were in it for the long game, you could have a couple clones bite it and spit into its wounds and then it would

eventually succumb from human bacteria. I was going to say, if you have 200 Woolies, there's enough of you. Just smother the gorilla. Yeah. Well, 200 Woolies, the gorilla is not that strong. Knock that off. The only other thing I'll think of. Just jump on him.

Just pile on until he can't breathe. Just dump wild. Just condemn the bottom 80% of Woolies to suffocation. The thing I was thinking is what if you do it like the wonderful 101 where you just have like god damn like 20 people on each arm and leg. Because the size to strength ratio is so bad for us. But at that point, if you somehow, if you had so many people and he wasn't enraged in the first place, he's going to be enraged once you start climbing on him.

When he has five arms, five people on each arm, he's not going to be stopped, but he's going to be slower. If there's 20 people on each arm. And you could probably get that brain shot. I don't know. I'd say they have to be like 100 at least. Yeah. No, 100 people.

With no tools of any kind. And he has to not be enraged. Which he will be. Not necessarily if that wasn't said. All right, Argo. That's what we got. Why don't you punch a gorilla in the face? Probably going to get pretty pissed.

Sure, but you haven't punched it yet. You're still in the one. I don't think so. There's 100 of you. Now, the follow-up to this is how many toddlers versus gorillas? Oh, that's exponential. Yeah. That thing goes nowhere.

Infinity? They have to drown in blood. You need infinity toddlers. The graph has an event horizon. Yeah. Brendan asks Liam, you like anime, you speak French. What do you think of Wakfu? Je l'aime beaucoup.

Wakfu is cool too. I like Wakfu a lot. Yeah, it's great. I used to play Dofus actually, so I'm kind of a fan of Ankama already. It's good. Wakfu's got great animation. It does have really- Awesome fights.

Flash stuff? Yeah, it's really high quality. Cool. It's really good. I like hearing Parisian French every now and again. Ethan wants to know. Matt, Paris. And everyone else.

What is your favorite loading screen in a video game? Benetta. Benetta's pretty much way up there. Benetta. I like the one where you have to tap the buttons. Shoutouts. Excluding Benetta. Excluding Benetta's awesome fucking loading screen.

Shoutouts too. I want to say Tekken 5? Yeah, Tekken 5. And you've basically got- It's a space shooter. You've got an old space shooter from like the 80s? One Chandra, Bikini zombie slayers. It unfortunately controls like shit, but you get a little garbage beat em up.

Yeah, I do. I always liked Waverace Bluestorm and No More Heroes, which had like the little super gimmick toys to play with. You know what my favorite loading screen is? No loading screen. What a great, wonderful answer. It answers the question. But yeah, Benetta's the- That's the go-to core gameplay in the loading?

It's the most functional. Wonderful 101's is not as good because it's not payout. I know it's not loading, but Smash Bros Brawl is connecting online with the little training stage. Yeah, it's not loading, but I like that. Secret asks the Zaibatsu, Hey, if Commander Nelson wanted you to join the team, you could be your own wonderful, but you'd have to pick your wonderful weapon, and it can only be a household appliance. I was going to say, well, everyone kind of has weapons, but that household-

It has to be a household appliance, what would it be? Oh, that's good. Oh, that's really good. I would be Wonderful Waffle Maker. I would heat that shit up and sandwich everybody. The Waffle-er! And he says, keep in mind you have to be able to do stingers and all the moves. Wonderful Pizza Cutter.

Not bad. Not bad. You can do a bunch of things. Wonderful Big Romantic Rubber Fist. That's not a cute house appliance. Well, Pat's kitchen works differently than ours. I'm not accepting that answer. I'm throwing it out. In certain states, I would like to be Wonder Gun boy. I'm going to throw that answer out to gentlemen. Kitchen and or household appliances.

Wonder Box Cutter. Because the Box Cutter is sitting right next to you. That's totally a household appliance. Pat, are you just looking at things around the room and saying you love them? I love Box Cutter. Wonder Shop-Fact. Okay. Shop-Facts are cool.

You can find ways to fight with that. I'm waiting to see if Pat knows what goes inside a kitchen. Just say toaster. Just shut up. Wonder Broom. No, Wonder Broom's lame. Like you. Oh, no.

I want to be Big Romantic Rubber Fist Wonder. Go to the kitchen. Yeah. Wonder Plunger. There you go. That's a household appliance. Can't do much, but it'll do. You know what you can put on a plunger?

Big Romantic Rubber Fist. There you go. Martin asks a really long question, but the gist of it is what were my favorite parts of JoJo? Really simply, Giorno's 7-page punch festival. He fucking beats up Chuck a lot out. It's the best, and he lets out that read.

It's the sickest thing I've seen. And the dumbest thing I've seen is Stray Cat and everything that has to do with Stray Cat. I'm sorry, I really hate that character. It's a really dumb idea. Moving along. You guys really, at some point, you got to do it. That season's coming out soon.

Yep. And what are we going to end on? Let's end on... Oh, okay. I want to know what's the worst... I don't give a fuck. You should be fucking dead moment that you've seen

in a movie or a game. I'm not... The characters should have died and came back. That guy's still alive. What's the absolute worst? Riding in just for... That's the worst ever.

Shadow Moses? Yeah, totally. Arsenal Gear. Out of Haven. Liquid. No, that's... Meryl Slash Otacon. Yeah.

Where one of them literally died and Johnny... Johnny Sasaki? Is this... Is this limited to video games? No, it can be shows. I'm going to stand by Kira fucking Gundam's seat.

That's the absolute worst. I watched... I'm shocked that you don't know the one I'm thinking of. I'm like, Chuck, you're not going to say it. You coughed a little bit there. A while back I used to watch One Piece and there's an arc in which there

is going to spoil some shit. Yeah, it won't. Four hundred episodes in. I haven't asked her or something. Some desert thing. The crux of it is there's a bird guy who has to grab a nuclear weapon and fly it into the sky

in order that it does not blow up the city. They show him Vaporize. They show the hand-drawn version of the character fade off the screen.

Oh yeah, the anime thing. And Vaporize. And there are characters on the ground looking like ten kilometers in the air. The entire sky is an explosion. And that character comes back within the same episode

to walk to a grave and say, oh, I guess they thought I was dead. And then walk off. To never appear again. I thought you were going to say, what's his face? He's going to come back. I just thought of two good ones, but I can't say them. They're massive spoilers.

To what? I will say that Jojo's Bizarre Adventure Part 3 has in spades in that it creates a gigantic plot hole

that that character somehow lived after being unequivocably killed. A non-sensical plot hole that was never even attempted to be reconciled. There's things you won't... It gets so much crazier

and more bizarre. What's the one you're thinking of? Fucking Goken! Goken. Goken's pretty bad. It was like... Goken was dead for 20 years! That's actually probably the worst one.

Yeah, I can't even... Goken was dead for 20 years. 20 years! Kira entices me and enrages me. Of course. But that's such a mild... like my entire life. You were told that...

It's made so much worse that it's hand-waved. Yeah. I was unconscious. You were unconscious for 20 years? Yeah, but I can't bring myself to be like just super histated because

I like the fact that there's a new cool character and he fights well and it's fun to use. But it's such bullshit. The equivalent of a shot from a soap opera where the coffin burst open. Yeah, yeah. And the person just turns out and looks at it. Exactly. That's a ridiculous...

Yeah. What's coming up on the channel? There's the same of all three playthroughs. We've got Moriakaza. We've got one more part of Screen before we record more. Don't let them know that. Now you're under pressure.

Whatever. Shut up. Anyway, there's going to be one more part of I Have No Mouth and I Must Screen. There's going to be Moriakaza, more Disaster. There's going to be the Sunday Machinima episode which this week will be very special. Yeah. Well, no. A very special episode of Clone High.

A very special episode. There's going to be a new hunting and killing with someone and someone. And there's going to be another one off with a game that represents change. What? That's nice and vague. The person that would know is Woolie.

Yeah. I guess. Yeah, all right, fine. That's fine. I'll make sure to keep an eye on the channel. And of course, the mailbag video for this week. Yeah, we'll get to that when I'm not killing myself over this.

No, kill yourself. Well, if you put it that way... Woolie's death will be the most unwarranted come back. What? The coffin. What were those two things you guys were saying to check out just to remind everyone really quickly?

Your game and your... Junkhead. Junkhead and your... Bannersaga. Bannersaga's fantastic. I want to go home and check this out. And Junkhead's also fantastic. Yeah.

And Bannersaga's fantastic too. It's all fantastic. Wow, just reach around already and get it over with. Don't stop. You're listening to an audio podcast. You can't tell we're not reaching around. We'll see you guys next week.

Let's go. You