Castle Super Beast - SBFC 030: No More Dutch Rudders

Episode Date: March 4, 2014

30 episodes yay! Maaaannnn, F2P Mobile games and ignorant investors are getting out of control. C'mon guys. Stop scumming all over the place. It's sticky and hard to clean. Got a question? Superbestfriendcast[at]gmail[dot]com

But like, that Batman art is a gem, like... Well no, what do you have? You have no friends. You have to think that based on the fact that they've done it continuously and no one seems to be showing any sign of stopping, putting quotes on the back of a box thing about how great this is from all these reviews must somehow come into view. It has to. It has to.

Well I think so. It must be tangible. Because they're not for you. Because you and I and us, we know about all the games ahead of time. And we also come from the point of view of like, when I picked up Uncharted 2 and I looked at it and it was slathered with that shit, I got, ah, gross. Exactly. Box looks gross.

It becomes a deterrent. So of course we are all against it, but for average Joe Snow, if he picks up a box that has like a billion awards on it, this is probably pretty good. I don't know. I feel like there's no data at all about whether it works or not. It's just for some marketing guys who can just jerk off about how such a good job he did. But when you pick up a movie box and you don't know what the movie is and it says, won an

Oscar or a Fantasia Film Festival Merit, you're like, oh, okay. Even if it just says Fantasia Film Festival, you say, okay. Lots of shit. In that example, just lots of shit has those things on it. Like, Joe, crap. You know what, if there is data, then you know that it's right next to the same data that says putting 3D faces on your cover sells way more to America than artistic European covers.

You're totally right. And it's internal focus group data. That's what it is. It's guys bring in 20 dude rows in a room and they show them 80 different boxes and they say, which one do you like and which, how does this one make you feel and you know, all these fucking service. And the Batman one makes everyone feel great. It makes me feel great.

It's the funniest thing. So good. What, for Arkham City? Arkham City Game of the Year. Yeah. Then it backfires when your next game is garbage. It's alright. It's garbage.

It only backfires in the long term. That's garbage compared to a modern review scale. I can't believe you adhere to the modern review scale. You can't, but it's garbage. But I also played the game. And it felt like total trash. I'm still, I'm still reeling from the fact that I've got to pay attention to the whether there's quotation marks around those five stars.

Yeah. After came in Lynch, it's like, if you see a picture of five stars, it might not actually be a quote. Yeah. They might just be a picture of five stars there. Then the guy said five stars. And IG's logo is floating next to it. No, the guy actually said five stars.

Meaning nothing. Just saying a statement. Yeah. To the error. Yeah. Oy. Five stars broken ever since Angry Kirby and we'll never go back. But that's fun.

Angry Kirby's amazing. Just Fox. Well, Angry Kirby's okay. You know what? Like, you know, I was about to say, you know what, fuck that and get all huffy. And who, I buy every game digitally now. So who, who, why do I even give a fuck anymore? Let Fox art be what it is.

It's just because, it's just because when we get those art books later on, because we know we're gonna, you turn it to like three or four pages of amazing art that was never used. Way to push me towards digital by giving me like 15 years of shitty box art. But I'm never going to forget the Resident Evil 4 box art. The fucking European one's so good. The European one's cool. But it exists.

Yeah. Psygnosis, PC games from way back when. Yeah. Masterful paintings. Phalanx. Don't forget Phalanx. Of course. Phalanx is godlike.

Of course. No. It's the best one ever. Everything that came out on the master system. Yeah. And those ones are great. Your painting is beautiful. Eiko is the poster boy for this conversation at the time.

Yeah. Actual piece of art. Versus the good version. CG, garbage. The cool little viking guy. Pretty faces. It's like Animal Crossing but action-y. I think if you like the Japanese one, you're just lying to yourself.

Because clearly, the American one is so bad that it's better. I can't believe that this long after like fun time adventures like episode one, you're still like clinging onto that fucking joke. Because it's so good. I love it. I laugh at that joke all the time. It's just my little guy going, this cute little viking guy, motherfucker. Guys, we made it to 30 episodes.

Oh my god. What the hell? Without getting heart attacks, I'm surprised. Is there a... No. I had one a few weeks ago. Oh shit, that's true. Is there some kind of milestone?

Find out who it was. Is that like a special anniversary or something? Not really. I mean, we also hit 2.5 million downloads for a while back. That's awesome. So we're doing pretty good, you guys. That's more than 2.4 million downloads. It is.

Let's see if we can get to 2.6. Yeah. I think that's... Hating high. No, no, we're already at 2.6. We're already at 2.6. Wow. I said now.

That was quick. I said over 2.5. 2.7. We'll maybe get to 3.6. Amelow. Amelow. So low that if you fail, no one will even notice. There's no expectations.

10 billion Xbox ones. No, no. It was worth it. It was worth it. There was no expectations. 10 billion Xbox ones. No, no. It was more than that.

They wanted 100 billion Xbox ones. No, no, no. What's wrong with you? It was one billion. Wait, wait a second. It was one billion. Wait a second. It was more than the planet Earth.

I clearly got the BNM voice. I'm sweating out of my hands. So it was 100 million? No, I thought he said million. No, they straight up said they want a billion Xbox ones. A billion Xbox ones. And everyone went, what the fuck? They said we'd like to work towards that.

They want an Xbox one for every day of your life. Every person on Earth with clean drinking water needs an Xbox one. Give us a clean drink. Hooray for the 20-year life cycle of a console. Anyway, that's last 30 weeks in, man. It sure feels like both a lot longer and a lot shorter. You're totally right. You can't really say, oh, that went by so fast.

No, it didn't. No, we bled to this. But it also totally did. It did go fast. It's scary. It helps that I enjoy doing the podcast. It feels like yesterday since Liam brought the idea about doing the podcast. Wow!

And started editing it for a single handedly. Just as many dumps as you could fit. Don't act like it's you either, William. Don't act like it's you, your idea. Liam, I want to thank you for this podcast that we have received. Yeah, I'll just go hide behind all the boxes that I stack into my house for you guys. That has nothing to do with the podcast if you think about it. Oh, my God.

Oh, just take a joke, man. Hey, about the Xbox One, just back to that real quick. You know, Microsoft was like, oh, our sell-through is so quick for one day. Your sell-through? Well, they sold 3 million in like a month. If they keep going at that sell-through rate, they'll hit a billion soon. Hey, man, that's how it works. That's thinking positive, really.

That's how it works. Anyway, that's a free one, MS. I was just going to say, gentlemen, it's been pretty good so far. It's been pretty good. Yeah. Thank you all for never missing a day. That's true. And more importantly, thank you, listener.

Yes. For never missing a day. Yeah, none of that. None of you ever missed a day. I know that even the people who just started listening last week totally went back and listened to all the old podcasts. Yeah, all the outdated news. Yeah, so outdated.

That got outdated between episodes. Well, to be fair, half the stuff we talk about is total nonsense that has no bearing on reality, so you can go back and listen to those old ones. Yeah. You know, hopefully, like, we're being interesting enough and it's not the subject matter. No. Oh, no, the Xbox is listening to us. That's going crazy.

It said interesting and it went to your notifications. Well, just kill the Xbox. Or kill the Xbox. There we go. Xbox, go kill yourself. You press the button. Anyway. All right.

Enough self-reach around. Congratulations. Congratulations. No, wait, that's the opposite. No more stealth masturbatory. Self-relation. No more Dutch rudders. There you go.

And then on radio. No rusty trombones. Oh, okay. Oh, not familiar. We're done now. You're not, never mind. Yeah. Why didn't you explain it, Pat?

Ah, it's creepy. I'm asking him to know all of them. Speaking of which, how was your week? I don't even know what you're going for. I had, most of my week was a delayed Valentine's Day week, which I very much enjoyed and was very romantic. And I'm not going to talk about on this. Yeah, Monster Hunter is great.

Monster, yeah. I haven't played any Monster Hunter in a while. Oh, wow. I burned out. I got to the end. When you say that you've played 200 hours, I can see that. I got to 260 and I was like, I'm going to die. I need to play something else.

So one of the things that I'm kind of shocked that I played this week at every moment that I could is we shot the Donkey Kong video and I really liked it. Interesting. I've never played a Donkey Kong Country game before that video, except for the one we recorded three hours ago. But you were just so, I went and picked it up. Yo, that game's awesome. It's really cool.

And it's awesome right at the beginning, unlike Super Mario 3D World. Where would you say that got awesome? 3 or 4? Because it's just so easy. 3D World. Donkey Kong is nuts. Donkey Kong is hard from stage number three. Remember, no Super Guide.

No Super Guide. I really like how in the 3D Land and 3D World games, if you get absolutely everything, you end up getting a super, super, super hard stuff at the end. But for Donkey Kong, if you get all the Kong letters, which are relatively easy but kind of hard in a few places, you unlock those temple levels. Those temple levels are fucked up. And remember, like two years ago, I had you and another friend play one of the temple levels after not playing the game since we did the video.

Yeah. And you got so frustrated, you're like, I want to play this shit. And I go, I give it to another friend and he plays it and he's like, I can't play this. It's too hard. So I just threw you guys into it. But those temple levels, yeah. No, those temple levels are fucked up and they remind me a lot of the Rayman origins, like when you're chasing the Cheshire Cheshires.

Yeah. Because it's not scrolling, like it's not forced scrolling. It's time. But if you fuck up the timing on the jump, like the enemy that you use to jump off of is dead and you're going to fucking die. Yeah. And there are no checkpoints. Mm-hmm.

Those missions are awesome. Yeah. Yeah. Good for you, Retro. Retro. And I kind of, I'm kind of glad that I didn't play any of the other ones because a lot of the reviews I read for Tropical Freeze is like, yep, it's another Donkey Kong Country game.

It's really, really good. But if you play the other ones, you might be a little tired. I'm not tired of it because it's new to me. That being said, I played and beat and got almost all the temple levels done in the original and I bought the 3DS version and beat it, didn't get the temple levels and those. But I wasn't burnt out because the music in Tropical Freeze. Really? I don't care about the music at all.

It's just like bland back. No. No. But you might have appreciated more if you played the original 16-bit ones because they're all tributes to that. Yeah, sure. It just sounds like good, like regular, platforming music. But you've been on NeoGaff, you've seen that there's threads dedicated to just loving

that guy's music. Yeah. And I looked at that and I feel crazy. Like, I feel like I'm the one that's crazy. Did you get to yourself that African level on the made-up animals like on the sticks? Yeah, totally. That one was awesome. The music on that was awesome.

It was like, oh, laying king. I guess. Those games are, since they're not quite as easy as 3D World and Accessibility, they're not quite the same in terms of grabbing your girlfriend and sitting down and you both play it. Because it depends on your girlfriend. No, if I had done that, I would have. Is your girlfriend a casual?

Yeah, probably. If that had happened, I would have probably, there would have probably been a huge fight and it would have been real bad. So no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, it's harder. It's harder. Yeah, it's harder. You've got to get two people that know what a video game is.

I mean, for fuck's sake, when we all played it and we tried to play it legit at some point, just like, let's try and beat this stage. Me and Liam trying to beat that stage took us like fucking 18 lives. Something like that. And we were friends. Like, I have to go home with Liam later. And that's not the end of the game. Shut up, shut up.

That couple levels in. That episode wasn't, that level that you were talking about was in the second world. The cheese. Yeah, the cheese one. Yeah, it helps that, like, Co-op was making it harder for anyway. Yeah, that game was fucking awesome. Yeah, it's really good. That being said, I honestly feel crazy and I feel crazy in a way that I haven't felt

crazy in a long time where it's like somebody, everyone's going, man, look at the art design of this. Isn't it amazing? And I go, hey, that's fine. And it's like, am I nuts? I can't remember the last time though you've had this where you're like, oh, I played an episode. I played a game for an episode and then you just were like, oh shit, it's well, I don't

know why. But like part of, like, I think it's because I never played Donkey Kong Country at the time and because of the art style aged really badly that I kind of wrote it off and didn't care. And for Returns, the fact that you had to waggle to do the role meant that I'd never even considered touching it. Right. And this one's like, well, there's no waggle anymore.

So like. There is actually, but. Well, you don't have to. Yeah. Well, you can use every fucking control scheme in the world invented for Nintendo systems. How would you feel if they reinvented Donkey Kong again? Okay. Retro.

You mean again, again? No, Retro did some art, like a concept art for Donkey Kong Country like Returns of the First One on the Wii where Donkey Kong was really stylized like giant head and it was like, like painterly filters. It was very stylized. Like it's hard to, it kind of looked like guacamole in a little bit. Like how sharp and kind of. But it still resembled the Donkey Kong.

No. No. Like you barely saw his eyes. His brow was over his eyes. He looked tough and mean, but not too edgy. And I was like, ooh, I would have liked to have seen that. Because what I'm imagining is just like, and it's not necessarily a good idea. I'm just curious to see what, what the reaction would be in some ways to.

This idea is garbage, but. Going back to like just the idea of monkey, right? And then taking that forward, you got Donkey Kong originally, Donkey Kong Country originally was someone's art style. It was a very distinct look with the mouth and the little hair tuft and all that stuff. And if someone took it back to the source material and tried again with a totally different thing. Maybe. Would that be offensive to you?

Or would you be welcoming of something different? I mean. Providing it wasn't awful. Seems like it would depend a lot on a lot of stuff. Yeah. That depends a lot. But I'm a bit after two games that are very identical. Like art wise, I'd be totally open to something new.

Yeah. The only problem I have with Donkey Kong tropical freezes art is that everything in the entire game looks great except for Donkey Kong. I don't mean Diddy. I don't mean Cranky. I don't mean Dixie. D.K. kind of looks fucking weird and like shit. He looks the same about to me.

Diddy looks, well maybe because I don't have the history but I feel like D.K. is like head. He looks about the same. It's so weird. I think maybe in 3D it does. But I remember Miyamoto. Hold up. Miyamoto screamed at Retro to get the fur right? Yeah.

The fur when you beat a stage and you see him up close. That looks very good. He looks amazing. So he's just like, I like how Miyamoto's looking at the gameplay. He's like. Make the fur better. I need to be angry about something Donkey Kong related today. But no, like I said in the vid man, I'll never get tired of those silhouette level.

Oh, they're great. The underwater one, holy shit. Underwater one, holy shit. That one, damn. That's bang for your buck every time. Yeah. Don't want a whole game like it though. No.

Don't need that. Don't need that. That was, what was that game? Outland's problem? Outland. They tried to do the whole thing and I just got tired of the other style. I wonder if that's why we all never finished it. No, I think it just didn't have enough variety.

It didn't have enough variety. They took it off pretty quickly. It's like the premise was really cool but then like they dragged the levels out really well. Yeah, it was really long. But those brief moments in shank where you're running and then it all goes to that. Tons of games doing it. But yeah, why not man? Yeah.

How was your weekend? It was really good and then I played Final Fantasy Lightning Returns 13. That's a great segue. So Liam, we played that a couple weeks ago. It's not even a segue. It's just that it was a period and then he started another sentence. No, the week went really well but then I played Final Fantasy Lightning Returns. Yeah, me and Matt played it a few weeks ago for a video and we came away with some thoughts.

But what are your thoughts, man? I'm really bummed about the game. Why would you be bummed about the Return of Lightning? Well first, what's your history with the 13 series? Yeah, I platinum 13. Wow, okay. In 13. 13's fine.

It's got problems, the combat's not perfect, but it's fine. Okay, so we're coming from the different sides of the fans on it. It's not terrible, you know? I would argue that, but okay. I played 13.2 for about 16 hours. Okay. You did not complete it? It's only about 20 hours long so I wasn't too far off.

Wow. But there's a really annoying dungeon at the end. Really? What did you think of it overall? Better. It was an improvement. But yeah. And then, barring the main characters because Lightning's still cool and they just shatter up.

Hey, can I take something out of that just for a second? That is, to me, one of the most infuriating things to ever hear. Man, the game's great and the game has a story as a huge component. The game's great except I hate the main character. But that's what I'm going at. The internal parts of the story. That's where I'm going with Lightning Returns. Lightning Returns is a better game.

The combat's fun, it's enjoyable, I like it. I really like the pseudo open world and do the quests in whatever order you want. I don't think you played far enough. But when you switch to an area, you can do story quests in that area. And you can do that story separate from another story. Separate from another story. And I like that openness to it. And the combat's fun.

The game runs like shit. Portraits. That seemed to be one of your main things. That, to me, that was one of those things that took away my ability to give the rest of the game a chance. Is that it looks like shit and it runs like shit. To me, it gets to do one of those. Particularly the first city. Whatever.

Whatever. It runs like ass. Other areas run back like wild dunes and stuff. This is a Final Fantasy game. You can't even keep a fucking good frame rate. Built on leftover resources. Fuck, I don't give a fuck. Of course, it's relevant, but still.

So poor tri-ace for having to go through that. I was tri-ace. I'm pretty sure it was tri-ace. I now feel really bad for tri-ace. Exactly. So it's such a shame, because the thing that brings it down is that it's quote-unquote 13. Even though it doesn't say 13 on the box. Lightning's there and they're all front and center.

And there didn't need to be anything after 13, too. It ends just fine. I've seen the ending. And this is just bullshit, where suddenly you're the god-servant. Hope is there and he's been turned back into a boy. You can't question conversations. That's the same thing when the story popped up. Pat's like, the hope is what now?

What happened to Snow? It is so incredibly conceded. There is a piece of dialogue that we either missed or didn't get to in the early game, in which it actively describes that god has taken away lightning's emotions. Yeah, I recall that. And that's why she's like that. That was presumption that occurred, but yeah. And it's like, why?

You took your main character and gave them no emotions. The one that really got me was the bit where god has given up on the world. He's letting chaos take over and he's building a new one. What a great guy. But he wants lightning to go get souls for the new... You can't just make new souls! But you just said she lost all emotions, but wasn't some of the quests we were doing like, look at the plight of these characters and then choose whether to save their soul.

Don't you need emotions? Regardless of that. The writing is poor. Would you agree if I said that it's inarguably the most poorly written Final Fantasy game? Easy. That's actually real fun. It runs the worst. It has the worst story.

It has characters that everyone's tired of. It's got worse dialogue. Destiny is destiny. Oh shit. It is so bad in so many ways. And the thing that really gets me is the insistence that lightning is so popular. And lightning is so incredible. She won the character pool.

I thought I was being crazy when I was playing the game. It feels like you can feel the developers telling you that lightning is popular. But hang on. Does it not feel like that? Yes. Because they said that when the game was coming out. And she won the character pool, which had a couple tens of thousands of votes. Not immense.

She won that. And the game... Enough to win, but tens of thousands. Not a huge amount. Not Final Fantasy sales numbers amount. Not the 20 million people that have played Final Fantasy games. And it went on to sell 500k in Japan in its first week. Ouch.

100,000 for a Final Fantasy of those production values? Like fuck off. That's wrong. There's something wrong with that. Those sales numbers. That's wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Incorrect. That's less than half of 13 too. Which was less than half of 13. Way less than half then. Yeah. Now let's compare that. You remember when... When we finished my point.

Sorry. He's really... I just want to add to your point. The point is the fucking character pool had tens of thousands. And they said we have to do this. And the game goes on to sell 500k. Like that's a fucking demonstrator. Yeah.

That people like lightning. Sure. But not everyone does. And most people are starting to get tired of her. Because they stopped buying her game. And I would argue is the people that don't like lightning aren't well represented in these character pools. Because they don't care about Final Fantasy.

You can't do a negative vote. It's a thing. Right. And like... I'm gonna... Woolly, your reaction sums up this entire thing perfectly. Because do you remember 5, 6 years ago when Final Fantasy XIII was announced to also come for the 360?

Right. Do you remember that your reaction was that that was a nail in the coffin of the PlayStation, the PS3? That like, oh well what the fuck Sony got now? That's the biggest. Final Fantasy is the biggest fucking thing. And Devil May Cry as well. Right.

And like that's... It's the biggest mega franchise that exists in Japan. Yeah. At the time. At the time. That's my toy. And like, everyone expected it to sound like Call of Duty... Call of Duty numbers didn't exist back then.

Back then it was fucking Final Fantasy numbers. Right. Right. And now it's lucky to scrape a million. You're totally right. They've squandered the series away on 13. And it's the worst. It's the fucking worst thing ever.

And it's a shame because the gameplay is fine. And the world is fine if it was with different characters. Yeah, you're right. I can't even see past it to a gameplay system I might even like. Mm-hmm. Because it's like... But like if this had been, instead of that, if they'd have given them an extra month, and maybe an extra few months on the beginning of development, and said,

hey, make a launch title for PS4, make a launch title for Xbox One, make an original thing, it would have scraped a million easy. Yeah, sure. Because at launch you get a buy. So what you're saying is they need to take it back, they need to fix that ending and replace it so that you beat the game and you see the character pull. But they can't.

They can't take it back. And that's what's the most painful thing is they did it and they shipped it. You could? Same with Bravely Default and it's shit half. No, you could take it back. They shipped it and they fucked up. You could take it back with the ending because remember Prince of Persia had that DLC ending that fixed the shitty ending that you got?

Yeah. Well, it was just like an extra. It was a little... Well, it was an extra. FF102 had a... Not FF102. FF32 had a bunch of DLC that added more to the ending too. Yeah, okay.

You play as the other character. Yeah. I don't agree though because I'm playing this game. I probably have the lowest standards and I want to skip every bit of text because it's terrible. It's terrible. I can't listen to these goddamn characters. I'm playable.

It's not unplayable. The game is good. But you don't feel good playing it. I'm emotional. I like it. I like playing it. But the cutscene, everything is terrible. You sound like the Eurogamer review that was like the game here is good,

but this is the worst story ever. They've coated it with the most caustic coat of paint. Going with that. And they insist that it's shining and sparkling and beautiful, but they're wrong. Yeah. And first thing or more, they insist that you will see her again. Yeah.

Which I will. As long as she's not done. As long as she's not front and center and she's DLC like Yuna is in this one. This is one of those weird things in which the game is actively being hurt by nothing in the game, but by comments that you hear from the developers. Yeah. If Toriyama came out... It's being hurt by the dialogue.

Sure. But think about it. If Toriyama came out at any point and said, I get it, a lot of people don't like lightning. Like, we understand. Like, was she still going to be in the main character, but we get it and we'll think about it in the future? Like, we would not have this vitriolic reaction.

No, I disagree. Because I'm totally fine with lightning in the first game. Okay. And the second game... Actually, you know what's so am I in the first game? Exactly. And the second game, it's like, okay, I can buy this. It's the third one that really ticks me off,

where she's front and center, bigger bust, and she's taking care of everything. And she's the servant of God. And she's so special. For me, it was the second one in which she's on the box and not in the game. Yeah. I mean, she is, but...

You know what I mean, though, right? It is a bit weird. I agree. But I can still... I'm still okay with that. Just... Until we get to the lightning is the end all... But they're...

Like, without the minutiae, there is one thing that you said that I think we all agree with, is they have totally squandered the brand. And hopefully 15 is the best... Yeah, so now it's up to Nomura to save Final Fantasy. Oh, look, here's the question in general, then. Like, so far, sequel numbers to... Numbers, you know, 10-2.

And I'll... Like, have any of them been worth anything? Is this even a good... So, 10-2 is made... Was made by Toriyama, again. Shocking. And it has a really, really, really amazing battle system and a complete garbage story.

And now we're looking at 10-2. But it's still got a better story than... Not in our turn. 10-3 confirmed not in development. Okay, good. That was just a little thing. Confirmed not in development. That was a book, and that's all it was.

Okay, okay. It's just... But no, like, the direct sequels to games made by people that are no longer working there. Yeah, they've all turned out to be disasters. Yeah, pretty much. Basically, Nomura or Sakaguchi made a game, and then Toriyama picked it up,

and then it becomes a fucking mess. Crisis Core is the only exception. Crisis Core is an exception, but even then, that's, like, not nearly as strong as it could be. No, it's good. Parasite Eve is another, like, classic example. Yeah, well, you told me about their birthday? Holy shit.

So I'm talking to Matt about versus third... No, third birthday. Fucking third birthday. God, no, I'm talking to him about Lightning Returns, and how much I hate Toriyama, and how every single game he does has dress fears of some kind. It revolves around changing the appearance of your female main character.

And then I bring up third birthday, and he goes, you know, yeah. And he goes, what about third birthday? Wasn't that the one with all the creepy, like, torn clothing one? What was that? It's like, guess who made that? Toriyama made that fucking thing.

Yeah, the only remaining thing is extra drive. Yeah, and that's the game that killed Parasite Eve. Never, never. And Parasite Eve was never Final Fantasy, but, like, if they keep giving it to Toriyama, he's totally gonna drive into it. Like, are we gonna hit a point where it's like, you get, uh, six, like, 15's good,

and 16 and 16-2 are god-awful, and then 17's good, and then 18 and 18-2 and 18-3 are god-awful. You know what, there's a lot of parallels with Call of Duty now, because you know who's making this call. Yeah, there's the good team, there's the bad team. And Batman, today, this is gonna be the one that hits at home, as opposed to last year's, which was...

I also feel like the whole importance on lightning, and saying lightning's so great, you guys should like lightning, lightning, lightning, lightning. The same thing as if Square Enix said, hey, we're having new Final Fantasy, the main character's Randy Orton, and the final boss is John Cena, or fucking whoever, Batista.

And it's like, but what about Daniel Bryan? What about Lulu? They're pushing lightning, and I want you to stop. Stop pushing lightning. Stop pushing Randy lightning. And your booze can never be loud enough to reach them in Japan. It's just not possible. Do you think, do you think that whatever they have planned to be on 15,

like, they're probably really... I bet you they don't knew people. I bet you they don't have a fucking thing planned. What kind of philosophy? Because it's pretty much confirmed that 15's gonna be like a series. There's gonna be multiple 15's. So there's gonna be 15 for a little while, which looks promising.

As long as Nomura handles it, I have a lot more faith in it, because Nomura still makes good games. 14's been returned to good game status, like really good MMO status. Who's that? Yoshi P? Who made that? Oh, Yoshi. The guy who jumped in to save it,

I can't remember. That dude saved it. The only guy at the company is like, man, 14 looks like a pile of shit. Uh-oh. Can you fix it? Yeah. But then, like, for final fantasy after that? I don't know.

For Bravely Default, they're gonna keep going. I want 8-2. Dragon Quest, we're gonna get a 3DS. 8-2? I want 8-2. And it's a parody game. I bet you there's a lot of, like, 35-year-old women out there that also want 8-2.

Yeah, no, I'm one of those. It's, uh... No, Lightning Returns is better than I expected in certain ways, and way worse than I expected. I feel like Toriyama has it. Better than you thought. I feel like... And worse than everything.

I feel that I should bestow a special honor on Toriyama by finally creating characters that I hate more than Squall. It's not even hatred. It's just, I'm sad when I play it. It's actually worse than hatred. That's way worse. Yeah, that's way worse. Because I desperately see this as a good thing,

if this was new characters. Sure. And that's just the worst thing I've ever seen. Sure, totally. I'd be like, ah, this game's a little fucked up, but it's interesting. Even Nolan's Sarah wore shit, because it was still 13.

Ah, yeah. And it was still the attached universe that I don't give a shit about. Yeah. Matt, what happened? Do you have anything good to talk about this week? Nothing really happened. Oh, nothing?

Oh, I'm glad to hear all that work. No, and Moving Gettin, 2014. I slept, like, what, like, seven hours in the last three days. Moving is hard, you guys. And I had Liam helping me a bit. I had my other friend helping me a bit, but... I offered to help, you didn't call. Yeah, well, the thing is that when you offer to help,

and you say, but I don't want to, I kind of... I'll still help. I know. But Liam didn't say that ending bit, so I knew he wanted to be there, because Liam told me to lie. He didn't lie.

No, we had lots of good times, and I took him out for dinner. That's critical. It's a little critical. No one wants to help any of us. We took him out for dinner. No, wait a second. Like, why am I...

We took him out for dinner. That's, like, you and your girlfriend with Liam in the booster baby seat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is fucked up. Nobody ever wants to help anyone move. Sure, I do. Oh, you're better than me.

It went really easy, too. In fact, I found two people to do that. Yeah. I was willing to help you guys. But... But you didn't want to. So... But you didn't want to.

I could still lift things if I'm not happy about it. But we don't want to hear you complain. I wouldn't complain. We don't want to see you frown. I frown all the time. Anyway. It's true.

Anyway, Zach is traumatized. Zach is hiding. Oh, yeah, totally. Zach is hiding under the claw foot tub. Yeah. Which is sick. Yeah. Which is sick, but you can't get him out of there.

Yeah. Other than that, that's... I still have a lot of work to do, but I watched... Boxes. Boxes. Now I know how you felt the last couple of weeks.

Yeah. Yeah. I watched... I actually had some time before, so I'm moving. I watched that Bayonetta OVA thing. Yeah. What was it?

What was it? It stopped terrible. It kind of feels like... It's like an OVA movie thing, right? It's a movie. Yeah. But it feels like the first two episodes of a show in the sense of like,

oh, wow, now it's cool. Oh, it's over. It feels so incomplete. Oh, okay. Like, and kind of unsatisfying. It feels empty. Ironically, it's Bayonetta. Better than Devil May Cry?

Yes. Yeah. Yes? Not hard, buddy. Can you make it worse? Like, yeah, you can. Hey, you don't have to remind you that Dante doesn't fight a single demon

in the entire... That's not really part of Devil May Cry. I'm not sure if you know the mythos. There's not a single fight in the entire series. Wow. Yeah, I know that's canon, so... But it was pretty good. Who hasn't seen it?

I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. Go shoot. Yeah. Like, if you're a fan of Bayonetta, may as well watch it. Okay. Is it like an extended cutscene?

Shit. Yeah, but it feels different from the game. Like, it has a different flow. It animates unlike the cutscenes in Bayonetta. Okay. You know what? That sounds good enough because my expectations were below ground.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. As they should have been. Yep. Yeah. Other than that, I took a little look at Lord's of Shadow 2, and we have a video coming up for it.

That's a video game. I think that's one of the most video games I've played in a while. Do you do video games? You do. You do too much of it too fast all the time. It's certainly not like the combat's the same as the first one,

or like a little bit different, but everything else is so wacky and weird. I would draw a video game almost to a fault one. Yeah. I got a lot of personal parallels to Lightning Returns in that it made me sad, and I was disappointed. Especially because I know,

I'll just say this right now, in the video, we found a part of the game that looks so fucking stunning. Art-wise, that Liam started crying. Like, I can't believe this amazing art is wasted on this weird thing. No, I'm barring these tears.

Like, we were sitting there. Like, this is such a fucking waste. We stopped moving the camera. We sat there for like a minute. We stopped moving the camera, because that's the thing about this game is that one thing you have to say is that when you get to these cool vistas,

turning the camera everywhere, you're like, oh my god, that looks amazing. It's behind the back now. It's not the fixed one. Yeah, and the backgrounds are so much more beautiful. When we stopped moving the camera, it looked like a concept art shot.

But now we're finding out what that costs to do. Yeah. It costs drama. It costs dearly. But we're gonna, I'm gonna put that up hopefully this week. If I get a moment, but it's gonna be called Best Friendvania.

And I invite anyone that, hey, if you have anything to say about Castlevania, we'll shoot like a random Castlevania video, just to gap about the Castlevania. Dude, I love Castlevania. I know you love the 64. Shut up. I like some Castlevania.

I like Castlevania Legacy of Darkness for the N64. Really? It improves a lot on the 64. That's not hard. It does improve, I agree. Because our mutual friend that loves Castlevania, he had a copy. And I was like,

and I played it in your Cornell the entire time. Is that the mutual friend who likes Curse of Darkness a lot? Yes. Good, because Curse of Darkness is great. It's, yeah. The language of innocence sure isn't. Anyway.

It's such a shame, because it had all the right ideas, but it went in all the wrong directions. They executed them real bad. Yeah. Some friends and I, roommates had some fun with harmony of dissonance. It's a good game.

You know? That game's fucking weird. That game's super weird. It's a good game for me. The dashes make it amazing. Yeah, I know. I remember looking at this, like, who's that for?

Who's that for harmony of dissonance? Well, if you didn't buy it, then no one would. Because when we, remember when everybody heard about it, it's like, oh, there's a new side-scrolling Castlevania game coming out for XBLA.

Awesome. And then it's like, You're thinking of harmony of despair. Wait. You guys, Wait, are you talking about the XBLA one? Harmony of dissonance is GBA.

Harmony of dissonance is GBA. Harmony of despair is the XBLA HD thing. Multiplayer thing. Oh, man. Did we both get it wrong? I am so disappointed. The problem is that HD can only have so many words, right?

Well, Dawn of Sorrow was that, because of the DS. And you even accepted that I started to think of the dashes. Don't forget Deadly Silence. You didn't even know what I was talking about. I'm sorry.

Well, I just assumed you knew better what I was talking about. They wanted to go for an HD pun so hard that they made it that confusing and bad. Deadly Science.

A Deadly Science. A Deadly Science. A Deadly Science. A Deadly Science. A Deadly Silence. A Ninja Gaiden. Dragon Sword. Dragon Sword.

Dragon Sword. Dragon Sword. Yeah. I love those things. I wish they had done them more. Advance Wars had one too. Oh, Dual Strike. Dual Strike, of course.

Yeah. Dragon Sword was a precursor to Kid Icarus Carpal Tunnel. Yeah. Personally, Dragon Sword is awesome just because it introduced Momiji. Yeah.

Momiji's great. Who's my waifu of any Tecmo character? Yeah. She's going to watch it now. Tecmo's got a lot of girl characters too. Oh, wow.

The only, the like, I make, I say, hey, Tina's fun because she's American. Her, Momiji, man. No, Ayane's the best.

Come on. Ayane's the most garbage. What about the girls from Self-Gaiden? She does spin kicks, man. Oh, cool. I bet you do spin kicks. Why?

I do spin kicks a little bit. Well, you do spin kicks. What do you do? Use your Tecmo Koei waifu. Yeah. Um, um, um, Phase Four.

Phase Four. Phase Four. Phase Four, the new girl that's introduced in D.I.A. 5 Ultimate. So, Kasumi with a robe. It's Kasumi with a robe on. It's the same shit,

but her name's Phase Four. Kasumi, what's her face? The girl we all forget. The MMA girl. Uh, Tina? Oh, um, Red, red.

Oh, I remember you being like, yeah, that's cool. No, I like both new characters in D.I.A. 5. Um, a rig and, a rig's pretty cool. Yeah.

And I forgot her name, but she's cool because she's just a fighter. Yeah, it was like, Stacey. No, I think it's her name. Mi-a-mi-a-mi-a.

Anyway. Someone's screaming at us. Yeah, whatever. Mi-a-fa. She was cool. No, um, excuse me, my thing was

I beat up Strider. I beat Strider. You beat him up. I beat up Strider. That's it. Uh, does Hitler's head explode at the end?

What are you talking about? Does it? Does it or does it not? Master Mayo gets some fucking punishment, though. I'll tell you what. Is there any spoilers?

How is that final boss? Because even the first boss of Strider was like, holy shit, or the solo was like a holy shit fight. This is the most complicated Strider fight ever.

Um, it does Master Mayo, as it's always been. Okay. And then it takes it to, um, a space?

Yes. Of course. Yes, it takes it to space. Why is it only space now? And then when you get to space, you have another expected sort of space form.

But there's a really fun, there's a really fun twist to what they include there. I'm not going to go into too much detail, but they take one of the funnest elements of like

just the regular gameplay, and they include it in that fight. Cool. Um, what do you, what?

Hey guys, what's a Strider? A Strider is a Special Future Ninja class, like, Or, or it's Aragorn. Okay.

Yeah. That's, that's the answer I wanted. Sure. That works. Around these pots, they call them Strider.

It's here, you! It's, it's the best starting class in Dragon's Dawn. Oh yeah, it's called Strider instead of Ranger, right?

Yeah. Well, uh, they're all, and you get a, an achievement called, um, uh,

Honor to the Fallen, I think it's called, and like every costume that you're, you're unlocking are all Fallen Striders that have fought against, and failed against Naio.

Do you get the one from fucking Strider returns? That guy? No, you don't, uh, Strider,

and Joe. You don't get, you don't get, you don't get, and Joe never was. Yeah. But you do get Hien, you get guy,

but you get, you get a really close to guy colored costume. That's cool. It's all just colors, right? You got a, you got,

you got a close to Zeckie colored costume. Okay. Um, and you get something that reminds me of Ninja Commando a bit as well. So it's all there in spirit.

Okay. Um, and a little backstory for them. Oh, and I also can confirm that like towards the end of the game,

that fucking scarf is going. It's really long. Every time it grows. It's a lot of fun with it. Like I said, how long did it take you? Roughly.

Um, I over exaggerated last time. Um, because, because yeah, I was sitting on it and I thought I was hitting about 10 hours.

I didn't. My total play time at the end was 833. That's good. That's good. Yeah. And that's, that's doing a lot of

collecting and stuff. Um, did you get a hundred? Did you get to 101.1? And 201.4% Not quite. Not quite.

Well, um, I'm going to definitely put it up there with that and, um, Shadow Complex as like the two best

Metroidvania new entries into that genre. You didn't play Guacamelee yet, did you? I didn't play it yet. Guacamelee is real good. When it comes out on

Xbox one, the gold version, you should really get it. It's real good. Cause the combat like better than all Metroidvania. Yeah,

I flew through that game in a day. It's awesome. Okay. And I just, something about that um, uncovering the map

just feels good in all of these games. It's like, it's like a reward in itself just by seeing that block go away.

It's the most, it's the tangible No, but it's the best thing about those games. Like it's, it's not a reward.

It's the reward. Yeah. You run into a corner. Oh, there's nothing there. Okay, cool. But that Fog of War is gone. Yeah. I've uncleared that map.

Love that. I've gone back to areas just to clear everything. Yeah. Over the boss that I didn't jump up over. I remember Aria of Sorrow

just holding up and mashing R to keep, like, to keep it up on the ceiling. Yeah. Yeah.

No, man. Um, do it. Do it. That was my week. Yeah. That sounds like a good week. Sounds like we all had good weeks

except for Liam. It was, it was good otherwise. Oh, it was good otherwise. It was like, like you ate food, you breathed. It was a brief two hour

behind and some people in the comments and just like me, we keep thinking because you don't say Last of Us, we think of the weird religious games.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause that's what their name is left behind. So I always go, why are you, oh. Yeah, yeah. No, Last of Us.

It's alright. It's where the rapture takes place. Yeah, exactly. Um, and I just want to revisit it because I've finished off the first season of

Rick and Morty. Uh-huh. Holy shit. The last two episodes are fucking bonkers. I pushed this hard enough, guys. I'll really try to get it. And it's six episodes seasons.

There's another show that we've all been watching that I really want to talk about, but there's not, we can't even dance about around spoilers. Oh no, we can't. Like there's not,

we can't even talk. Kill it, kill it, kill it's great. Amazing. I have a feeling next week's episode is going to suck really hard. Emotionally or bad?

I mean, I think it's going to be a fantastic episode that I'm going to be really, really, really mad about that I haven't been mad since, uh, back in the day

when I hit episode eight. If it's going to be any, it's going to be the next one. If anything, if the animation sucks, you know why. You know they're saving it. Do you want,

do you need me to say that again? I think it's going to be the worst episode since, back in the olden days when episode eight happened. Okay. That's what I think

is going to happen. Is Kill or Kill scheduled for 25 or? 26, I believe. 26. So it's, I think

next podcast, after it is, I'll just leave the room and knock on it. No, we can't talk about it. No, we can say, we can say, hey, 10 minutes,

we're going to put it live and we'll have some time. Yeah. I'll walk out of the room and go get some work. Give the fans 10 seconds to get away from their computer. 15 seconds to get away.

Um, actually on anime, I watched Samurai Flamenco and I mentioned it to Matt. Yeah. It's getting too nuts too quick. He, he,

he mentioned some interesting things about how, like there's this arc that lasts three episodes. I'm like, that's not an arc. Okay. An arc is 10 episodes.

Right. And after each arc, there's a drastic change up in the formula. And so the first arc is seven episodes. That's reasonable. Next arc is like four episodes.

But there's a, but there's a tangible change. Okay. And then the next one's three. And there's a tangible change. Three too short for tangible change.

There's three again. No, come on. Tangible change. No, it's just your foolish shape. And there's a half episode. Then there's one episode. Oh, fuck. And between the beginning

and the end, there's a tangible change. And that episode, besides being 18, so not like we're still like eight episodes off the end makes the retroactively makes the entire

Sentai genre better. I don't know if I mentioned that to you. It retroactively makes all Sentai genre. All of it. Now, you guys haven't seen this

show, right? That's quite a claim. I keep telling you to watch it. You guys haven't seen this show. He showed me an episode. I was like, this is pretty interesting. I like it.

No. Samflam. Wait, Samflam. You know what I'll do? I'll wait till Kill the Kill is done. And then I'll be sad the Kill the Kill is done. And then watch all of

Samurai Cham in one Samflam. I just, my brain auto-completed to Samurai Cham blue. Cham Cham. Because it should. But still.

Cham Cham. It's so close. So it's a good week. Yeah, not too bad. Dirty podcast sin and we're still happy. Still happy individuals. Yep.

Yep. Before we get into the haps, I want to bring back. That's the happenings for all you people that aren't as hip as we. Yeah. It's actually not that hip.

It's a pretty hip guy. The haps? Yeah. I want to bring back a little plague ask smoke. Oh. Fantastic. So we got another one this week.

Plague is asking if you had to design. Before, I'm going to cut you off. Wow. Oh, yeah. It's for Plague's benefit. You're going to put

air quotes around benefit. We know. We recently got a sneak peek at his new video that should be coming out soon. That thing is awesome. Oh, it's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that thing is fucking great. Yep. So you should check it out if I understood more of it. Oh, yeah. But, you know. It's for you, then. It's for us.

Watch it again until you get it. Yeah. Plague wants to know if you had to design a big evil bad guy for your game and he wants to destroy the planet. Yeah.

The whole planet. What are the only legit motivations for doing so besides being crazy? So besides being crazy. Like, why would a convincing, a well-written bad guy

want to destroy the planet and what examples are there? Because it's a giant space version of Blastcore and you're in the way. Which is Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, so I'm going to really nitpicky here. Are we considering psychopathy? Well, here's what he says. He says as long as it's well-written. He says, Of course, like, we'll give some

Yeah, like, he's like, one he can think of is a convoluted wave, including time traveling, like, Knox-type time traveling, or something like Kuja from FF9, where it's kind of like,

oh, whoa. Your laptop just died. Yes. No, it's back. Or some convoluted reason, kind of like the Matrix or something like that. You've got to kill them

to wake them up or to free them or something like that. He's saying that he's saying that those are possible reasons. Destroy the planet. I think that one of them is the safeguarding against a worst possible future.

Well, I was going to say the wonderful 101 did it really well. The wonderful 101. That's not a spoiler, because it opens up with them destroying, like trying to destroy your planet. Yeah, that's an interesting one. I'm going to go ahead and say

Trigun has a pretty good one as well. Oh, yeah. Sorry, spoiler alert, if you haven't seen Trigun's before. Trigun's decades old, so. But the original race, the plants are the only things keeping that planet alive.

Totally. And it's their suffering that is what allows humanity to exist. And knives is a plant that wants to free his brethren. Yeah. It's like, yo, yeah, you're enslaving my people.

Exactly. The way the planet should. That's so crazy. Yeah. I also think that some overarching goal that is particularly important to the villain for some reason that has nothing to do with anything

that happens to include the destruction of the Earth. Anything that includes the greater good, where the Earth is the lesser, is fine. But I don't even mean that. Like, straight up, like they don't want revenge

and say a religious figure or some aspect of society. And the only way that the villain can go about that is the whole sail destruction of the entire fucking planet. And they don't even fuck. Like, I think that's reasonable.

Okay. This is going to be like, I know you're all going to know your eyes and say shut up. I'm going to roll my eyes in preparation. In Street Fighter, the animated cartoon.

Oh, yeah. Wow. Okay. Towards the end, Bison has a line where he says, I'm so tired of trying to subjugate the world and failing, so I'm just going to destroy it.

If I can't rule it, no one can have it. So profound narcissism? That's cool. Yeah. Is that frame psychotic? That's breaking. That's crazy.

The problem is, is that any motivation that you have to commit wholesale genocide is strong enough to be considered crazy. Well, again, unless it's like a greater good thing, it's like an intergalactic level.

You know what? How about this? You don't call it crazy if you can follow his train of thought today. Yeah, no. 64 episodes of this cartoon, Bison has failed every time. That leads to frustration.

Like when he says crazy, I'm going to assume he means, like the guy goes, whoa, I want to destroy the Earth. If it ends in maniacal laughter, then Kafka. Kafka is the example that we can't use because he does it for the lulls.

Yeah, maniacal laughter. I disagree because I think as long as it's written well and you buy into it, it's fine. It can be just being a psycho if you believe it, if they make it believe it.

He believes his gimmick. It is hard to do. Don't get me wrong. Because the thing is, as a trope, I'm starting to hate maniacal laughter because it's so predictable and very, very

unwarranted in many situations. I'm sure someone out there has got it. And Joker so much of the time. Right? And I'm not to take anything away from saying like Megabyte, who's got a great one. Totally.

And there's some other characters that are fantastic ones. He doesn't want to destroy. Yeah, he has a very concrete goal. But I'm seeing in many fiction things where you just go, I am evil for evil's sake. And it's like...

It was a vibe. You know? And evil for evil's sake is always going to be lame since no characters are ever going to top Luca Blight. Oh my God, no one's going to top Luca Blight. Who's the evil?

This is for evil's sake. Oh, what a shit bag. Every time I remember. Die pig. Oh my God. I never played this game, but I read that it did it super well as Soul Nomad and the World Eaters.

I read that that did it fucking amazing. I don't know. Because it like... The fucking sweet coding though, man. The bad endings are like dire and the best ending is like world destroying. Yeah. Like, apparently it goes the whole gamut

of crazy to like reasonable. Outlander world gets blown up all the time. So I think my favorite is greater good against the future timeline. Yeah. Okay. That's my favorite. Like I said, I like the knives,

you know, like hyper environmentalist. You people are not the way the earth should be and you're enslaving my people. Or what you're talking about is I would call more accurately, like a non-compatible morality. Yeah. Okay.

Yes. Yeah. That would be like Avatar, the movie, where it's like, hey, we need your planet to live tough shit. Yeah. Your life was just my art life. What am I going to do?

I'm sorry. But I have to kill all of you. What am I going to do? Let my kids starve? Fuck you. No. You guys have a lot of unobtainium. We really need it.

We need so much. And that's... And if you're villain, can say something like that. That's awkward. We need your planet. You thought we were just going to let you live here? Oh, fuck.

If your villain can say, I'm really sorry, but I have to kill all of you, like that's probably because... If your villain cries when he does it. Yeah. The ideal scenario is that you hate your villain's actions, but not their motivations.

Okay. When you look at the villain's motivation, you go, uh, that's legit. Okay. And you're like, the only reason I have to fight you is because I'm the opposite. Exactly.

I think we forgot the greatest one of all. Galactus. I need to live. Yeah. Yeah. Galactus. I need to eat your planet. Not only does Galactus need to eat your planet to live,

but Galactus needs to eat all the planets so that the big bang can happen. Yeah. It's inevitable. Yeah. And you can only stall your special planet for so long. And when you save Earth, you're putting other people up on the dock.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck. Of course, man. Galactus is still a jerk, though. I hope that answers your question,

but yeah, I'd say that's a pretty sophisticated, like, list of reasons why you could have it convincing and good. Every time someone says Galactus, by the way, I can only think of the line, you've saved the Earth. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's good. Good question, Plague. Thank you. I'm the only one who imagines Plague in, like, a purple robe on, like, a couch. Yes, all the time.

All the time. No. No. I imagine him sitting out in a rocking chair on a porch. Well, if he's a straw on his mattress, right? Yeah, totally. And then animating porn on a laptop.

And he's got a synthy right next to him. Yeah. The spittoon. Yeah. And just draws on a super expensive tablet. And then he reaches his head over and just takes a big gulp from a trough. Like, he drew, continuing his whole thing

of creating fetishes where there once was none. Where there was none. He drew female say-ins this week, and he posted it on his Instagram. Oh, I bet those are tougher. I didn't see them. But I bet they're the hottest fucking people. They're really hot.

Yeah. They're just, like, two puny, human touching my body. How dare you? God damn it. Like, they're just, like, what they could have been. You're like, ah, it's true. What amazing guy. It's pretty hot.

Yeah. Well, what's been going on with video games? Why are you holding your crotch like that? Because there's a cup in it. Why are you making air quotes around cup? I'm not, I'm not moving my hands even. This week in video games, the product of one investor's mind when put towards what video games should be.

Oh, no. Paying 99 cents to make Mario jump a little bit higher. Jumps. Man, that's disgusting. This represents the type of person who has the capital and calls the shots and who Iwata has to talk to when he writes these speeches. And when you hear shit like that.

I feel really bad for Iwata. When you hear shit like that. That's who he's talking to. You look at Iwata's statements of fuck smartphones forever. Yeah. And it makes a little more sense. Yeah. It should be stated this wasn't literal.

Nobody's crazy enough to do, but the guy, but the guy was like, I love it if someone did that. He was basically talking about how Nintendo should move towards smartphones and things like that. And like, of course, his hypothetical example given was imagine paying 99 cents to make Mario jump a little higher. Like does Mario understand when he says that that makes everyone cringe?

No, of course, but he probably said it offhand and anyone could talk him down in the video. And he's saying it as a complete outsider who's putting a ton of chunk into Nintendo hoping for returns on it with no interest. Well, I think the king of all disgusting microtransaction statements was like two years ago when John Riccatello was talking to his investment group

about the future of possible battlefield microtransactions and price sensitivity. He was talking about how like, say you're three hours into a game of battlefield and you have a good match and then when you go to reload you're out of ammo for that match. So maybe we charge you 50 cents to reload. The customer isn't price sensitive at that moment,

so that's our chance to get them. Like these kinds of business men and investors are fucking scumbags. They're disgusting. And we're going to talk a lot more about that. Boy are we. But modified versions of their ideas are already successful in the industry today and that's why they will never go away.

Well, to an extent. The worse it gets, the more, I believe, more attractive versions of these that are not this. What if Dungeon Keeper is a very, very like aware move that they make in order to set the pace so that your anger is here and your outrage is at this line so that we can pull it back here on other things and push it forward.

I think you are dramatically overstating the long-term plans of these kinds. Find out what will kill me, but then back it off a little bit. I think you are. I think you're seeing a master stroke conspiracy in which they just kind of fucked it up. It's more like a Xanatos. But there's no conspiracy.

The testers have already said that in the testing process they upped the amount of tolerance people had. They took the highest level of tolerance people had and went above it, right? So if you kind of have... Sorry, what's so funny? Sorry, it's not been enough I could do. Because I said Xanatos?

Yeah, because anyway, please continue. It wasn't to say a master stroke. It was just to say you throw something out there that's so extreme that you go back to your other many titles and can implement what did work. I totally agree, but I also believe that the industry is large enough and there's enough people that fucking hate that, that there's always going to be a market for games that are not that

and that the less the more games get pushed towards this business model that people like us spit and are disgusted by, the more lucrative those games will be in a more open market that isn't being served. Well, they put the thing in Plants vs. Zombies 2, almost immediately after Dending Keeper. Oh god, that was so gross. Where you had to pay for lawn mowers.

You had to pay for lawn mowers, yeah. It seems like you really need those for gardening. Yeah, you would. It's a thing in which if you don't have lawn mowers, you're fucked. You lose the level if they hit you, you don't have lawn mowers. That's terrible. And they backed it off. They rude it. People were so fucking mad that they backed it off.

Yeah. And Plants vs. Zombies 2 besides that is just a total shit. And I'm of the opinion that this is just a larger experiment to see just how far you can push people and there's totally a line and that line is different for each group of consumers. And I don't know why EA keeps hitting this line. Because they're aggressive with their monetization strategies.

And they have to make up for those years of trying to be good. So there's two types of... You say that, but like... There's two types of money trees in the game business and there's your free-to-play whale and then there's your hardcore power user, let's say. People like us who buy a game a month, I think is the metric. No, we buy more.

We buy more, but people who buy a game a month make up a dramatically, like... disproportionate amount of the traditional industry's revenue. Those people are way into it and they're going to spend a lot of money in the industry. They're also the people that are most likely to get super pissed at shit like this. Meanwhile, your free-to-play whales seem to be considerably less likely to get pissed off at stuff like this.

Before we transition into the headline, I just wanted to say that this story to me represents an excellent microcosm of the mentality of a lot of investors who are in for quick in-and-out capital gains. That's the problem now. Not understanding the industry they're investing in. Yeah, totally. I've made fun of Nintendo a lot in saying that they're so far up their own ass with their own philosophy, but at the same time, it's like...

I admire them for telling these investors to go fuck themselves with their refute... Like, I hate that they haven't modernized parts of their business, but their refusal to modernize at all also means they will not do the awful shit. Like, all the stuff I hate about Nintendo is incompetence. It's not evil. And I appreciate that. And you can see how other companies would buckle under a ton of these guys. Totally. Just put 99 cents for a lot of jobs.

Just do it. Give me like, an A in Activision that totally do that all the time. Yeah. And then they... You can buy 60 dollars fucking mounts in World Warcraft. And then they break away 60 bucks to level yourself up. To 90, yeah. You know, and then of course they unveil that 99 cent high jump

and then damage control for the next year while the investors just go... You wasted your own time. Like, for something that you know long... Short-term and long-term won't even pan out. Now that moves us into the more interesting headline this week. What? According to VentureBeat.com, 0.15% of mobile games... That's not the original source of this.

Yes it is. Account for... Dude. 50% of game revenue. Dude. It's your... Your mobile. You're misreading it. It's not 0.15%. It's 0.015% of people account for half of all mobile revenue.

One tenth of 1% is half of the entire mobile industry and only 1.5% of people total even buy anything in the mobile industry. No, no, it's 0.15%. I'm looking at it. What's the number? 0.15% of mobile gamers... Zero up. Then I misread it. ...account for 50% of all e-gamer...

It's low. Okay? It's low. It's a tenth of a percent or a little higher than a tenth of a percent. Stop at math nerds. I'm sorry everybody. I can't do math anymore. But yeah, the point is that you and all your friends, a number of that many people,

are paying for all of the mobile e-gamer purchase market. It's the kind of thing where you say like, you know, this app goes out to 100,000 people and it's like 10 people can make that game profitable because they're spending so much money on it. Now when I saw that news, I got really, really, really, really pissed off because we've talked a lot about free-to-play methods. Like we just were about how they're gross

and how they're predatory and how they're just... They're bad, right? And then now that I see the data, that it's not even 1% of people are the ones spending almost all the money in the fucking business, I look at the fact that 1% of people in the United States and probably Canada, but I don't have the data on it, have obsessive compulsive disorder.

2% to 5% of people in North America suffer from issues that can be construed as gambling addiction. So when I look at this data, and you know what, I bet anything that those numbers are higher for people who play games than they would for the otherwise normal... It's a staggering parallel. So the foregone conclusion is that free-to-play cell phone games

and into a lesser extent PC games have basically reinvented the gambling racket in a situation that has no regulation at all and is basically basing their entire business model of addicts. Well, I saw this one thing from this Chinese company recently, very recently, I can't remember the name of the game, where they celebrated when they got their first $1,000 whale. And when I saw that, wow, it's disgusting.

Good job, you created a cigarette smoker. I'm sure that guy feels great. Pat yourself in the back. You might, but you're taking advantage of him, regardless of whether he feels great or not. You look at the casino business, which is really highly regulated now, and about 1% of their customers

accounts for 33% of all casino revenue in the US. Now that is a combination of addicts and rich motherfuckers. And it's the same thing we're seeing in the free-to-play thing. I don't have the data, this is just my extrapolation from statistics. But you see people like Michael Pachter talking about how, ah, blow fucking whatever on Candy Crush. Yeah, Mike, you make fucking a million dollars a year. No shit, you don't care about putting 100 bucks into fucking Candy Crush.

And at the same time, a guy who says, man, I really need to get to Candy Crush because I need to. Because I need to. But you, as the game's developer, you can go to sleep at night just going, no, they're all rich people. And so you get these monetization directors, which I have no doubt most of them have no idea, not having given a thought to this.

They're essentially discovering ways to addict people to feed back in a free-to-play game with money as the end. Well, the fact that you would celebrate a whale, like that's regardless of mental disorder, you're celebrating a man spending a thousand bucks on your one dollar micro transaction. And based on how little your goal of, like your fish in your net, how few fish you need in your net to actually make it.

As long as you have a whale. You can make that app as addictive and as horrible and as shameless and as garbage as you need to, because you're going to get that one, two, three, four guys that'll keep it afloat. And there's no incentive to change that or to modify it into something that is less. Until it gets hit with regulation like the casino industry.

And Liam, you brought it up to me a couple days ago. I'm so glad. Can you please explain as much as you know? I don't know if you have the story in the docket. And I didn't read the entire thing because I was busy at the time, but basically in Europe, they are going to make it or they're trying to pass a bill so that you can no longer call a game free-to-play

unless it is free in its entirety with no payments. Now that's... Which changes every year. I wouldn't say it changes everything, but it's a step. It changes game-changer. Hashtag game-changer. People are still going to play those games, but you just can't label them the same way.

Sure, but also it's like... They need the same regulation the casino industry is and they need to show that they're not actively trying to ensnare addicts. And that's going to be a while. Like Japan... How long time? One of those fucking card games in Japan. So there's games in Japan that rely on a gashapon system

or have it as an incentive kind of thing where you pay money for x-gashapon item digitally, right? Which is fine, whatever. But there were some where it was you pay money for x-gashapon item, but x-gashapon item doesn't actually do anything until you have all five of them. That was outlawed for no longer long. Those games just got to keep going until you hit it.

You don't have all five pieces, tough, norzodia. Those outlawed on smartphones as well. I don't know. Because the last time I checked up on that news they were outlawed on cell phones but due to a legal loophole in the bill that was introduced in Japan the law did not apply to smartphones. I actually don't know.

And this whole thing reminds me, you remember? Was it last week that we talked all sorts of shit about Pachinko? Yeah. Pachinko is not gambling because there's player input which technically classifies it as a skill game which is the same loophole that free-to-play games are going to use to get around regulation. Whereas casinos can't

because casinos, when you go up to fucking slot machine there's no illusion that it's a skill-based game. And that's the one thing about that is that as awesome as little bits of news like that are going to be when we hear them this is not going away and this is never going to be something that we can feel good about. It's only going to get worse. It's going to help a lot to have 70% of the games on the App Store

no longer say free plus. It's going to help a lot to have them say something way more incendiary. It'll also be awesome if I doubt it's going to happen but if both Google and Apple follow up on that whole flappy birthday and start getting rid of clones maybe they don't want to get hit with a huge lawsuit by creating an unregulated gambling industry. I mean at some point when it gets big enough

eventually the government steps in and say go away, what are you doing? Yeah, eventually. But that could be 10-15 years from now. Look how fucking shit it was to prove that cigarettes killed people. Yeah. No. Like six years? Yeah.

And we're saying this all with no data but it would be interesting to see if there were any article out there studying what a whale is, who is the whale? What do these people look like? Is it usually an addict? We do know, is it the 0.15% which really corroborates with the statistics on mental illness? Right. And the thing with gambling, those are starting to be several percentages.

And we also know that for the data for the whales that their first purchase is almost immediately when they start the game within 20 minutes. And the second is within two hours which looks like compulsive behavior to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now again, we can't say anything for sure because there's no peer-reviewed data on who these people are.

Exactly. But I feel like it is a reasonable jump of logic to say that, hey, this incredibly tiny part of the population that interacts in this incredibly compulsive self-damaging behavior is likely people that have disabilities that lead them towards compulsive self-damaging behavior. The whole casino stat doesn't hurt either. No.

Yeah. And there probably are an even smaller few that are rich people that just go back. Totally, sure. And others that are just like, I really like this video. And that's fine. But you can imagine most of it being a lot of disorder. There are two other takeaways to this for me. One, depending on how rock solid those people are

and how much cell phones stay around as the dominant game of choice thing, basing your entire market on 0.15% of people unless they are addicts seems real shaky ground. That was for your entire industry. Why would you base your entire setup on that? So for the people basing their business model on that percentage of people they better fucking hope they're addicts.

Because if those people go away the whole fucking thing is going to crash within a day. And the other thing is that it means that we're going to see game companies have little outsourcing like Capcom is going to do more smartphone stuff and we're going to see some companies shift completely over but because of its lottery nature and because of the grossness and the danger of the looming threat of regulation

you're not going to see the whole fucking industry just tumble into the free-to-play garbage. I don't know about you guys. When you think about this stuff, how it preys on people that might have mental disabilities and just how gross the whole thing is when you think about video games like 15 years ago when you were a kid it makes you feel really sad at this point. Something that you love.

Do we don't have a particular hobby that has evolved in such a way other than video games? Because 15 years ago when I walked into the arcade and I walked over to the cabinet you'd walk past the people sitting at the poker machines and the mahjong machines and I would look at those things and go like that is a completely different activity from what I'm about to do.

There was no connection whatsoever. Matt, there is another example in anime. In Japan the anime home release system works on the exact same whale principle is that only the whales are going to buy your $800 blu-ray sets. But yeah, back in the day you'd walk by those people sitting there and there were addicts at their machines ordering their third or fourth fucking beer.

And now it's like a little blur. And now you're getting that image barrier. Now the problem is that your addictive video poker is in your fucking pocket and you don't have to go anywhere to get it. And that is totally sad. Hate to play is not a bad thing on principle either. It's people who abuse it, that's the problem. Just like anything else in the world.

Look how fucking successful and non-engendering of hate non-engendering of hate. League of Legends and Dota 2 are. No one's going League of Legends and Dota 2 or killing children because you buy a fucking hat for your guy who gives you shit. As much as people hate it and love it, whatever. It's not harmful. The motto of this podcast can just be

being a scumbag is profitable and that sucks. Like every week it's just another version of that. Being a scumbag is always going to be profitable. If we get to this topic. The point where scumbagness doesn't become profitable is when people catch you at a point of light at you and then you're not profitable for a little while. Like the most scumbag thing we ever heard of is like

I gotta pay another $50 to play as the bosses in Street Fighter 2. What a bunch of scumbags. Like that's as bad as it got. And that's not bad either. That's not bad, it's fucking great. It's even cheaper now to play as the bosses. And in case you didn't catch it, Zynga's on their way back with Farmville 2 and shit on smartphones.

No, the most evil shit ever is that Zynga bought fucking Euphoria so goodbye, good physics. I mean they did a bunch of more. You didn't hear about that? You know the makers of the Euphoria engine? Yeah. Bought out by Zynga, goodbye to that license forever. Or it'll just be way more expensive.

Okay, well moving on. That was fun. You got to pay $0.99 per license. Per usage. Now moving on into happier things. Yay! Is it really happier? No.

Don't lie to me. JP. Sony Sound Emonica. Oh, yeah. They got hit with cuts. They got hit with some big cuts. Happy times are here again. And rumor that they lost the game in the process.

More confirmed than rumor. How many staff did they cut? 50. 50? Yeah, no shit they lost the fucking game. That's too, which is shocking to me. Everything at Sony must go. They're selling old buildings, they're selling divisions.

This 50 was unrelated to the 5000 that's getting later. No, sure, but Sony is clearly fucking... The timing is moving. Hunkering down on everything. Money is moving. To me the timing isn't weird. To me the timing is this game's not going well. No, but the timing is also weird.

No, the timing is unfortunate. Oh, okay. It's not weird. The game is going bad. It's weird and that's unfortunate. That totally sucks. I can accept that. It was totally PlayStation All Star Battle Royale 2.

Two, yeah. No, no, what we're all... I remember Woolly having a real concern is like, please let Seth be okay. Because we don't know, but I assume he's not. They just hired him. We have no idea. Exactly.

Why would they ditch him? They just hired Corey. They just hired Corey of the fucking SuperBot team. They brought Corey back, right? Oh, man. That's a good sign. God damn it. That guy's kind of an asshole.

Like he made a good game. He made a good game. Yeah, he saw like the rumored project was apparently a sci-fi thing. Open world sci-fi props. New IPs. And Stig was in charge. Look forward to four new Kickstarter's next year. But also...

You're actually totally right. In this opening year of the new generation, expect more of this because we just had a rational... Happens every time. Last week, we've got this going on now. But these are top tier companies. Yeah. This is kind of a difference.

New hardware is a new generation. People are re-moving their money and putting it into other places. I feel really bad for all those men and women who got fucking lost their jobs, especially if they're vets. Hopefully they'll bounce back because if they're vets, it's sewing Santa Monica. I can't see it being all that difficult grabbing a new gig. I'm sure some new indie studios will form.

But I feel weird about it because I joke about Kickstarter games in coming, but we saw a lot of fucking studios shut down the past generation. A lot of people go out of work. And we saw this enormous fucking explosion of the coolest indie shit ever. What we saw was the death of the mid-sized studio. Yeah. And now we have fucking small games that are better than those mid-sized games ever were. Yeah, but mid-sized studios, Sony, Santa Monica and the Rational,

are not mid-sized and non-B tier at all. Not at all. In this particular case, you're right. So now we'll have big indie games, but the heads that hold this entire last couple years. But we just saw a Kickstarter that has the creator of Cold Duty multiplayer and the art director got a war and their Kickstarter failed miserably. That sucks. Well, it's got to be something enough people want.

You got to put it on the project, man. You got to put the weight of that failure on the project. And you know why that failed? And the Sony, Santa Monica guys left the company forcibly because neither game was appealing enough, neither game was good enough. It didn't have 99% of the jumps. You can make the best game ever, but if nobody wants it, then it doesn't matter. And that's what I'm saying.

Look at Clover! Look at fucking Clover! I wanted it. Let's not do like a marketing thing, you know, where you kind of go like, the names attached to this project, they failed. It's like, no, the weight of the game is what fails the Kickstarter. Right, but me personally, I wanted the game. Yeah, sure.

You should have bought 20,000 people's worth. You know what? I should have. You're not wrong. It sucks. I hate it. We have good news on this dock at all. In the meantime though, Kickstarter itself is doing fantastic. Super good. Because they just hit $1 billion in backed funds.

I bet Kickstarter is really happy considering that's $300 million that's theirs. Yeah. Yeah, they take home a good chunk. They take 30%. They take a raw 30% cut. Here's the weird thing about Kickstarter. Right off the top. Getting $1 billion.

I'm like, wow, that's a lot of video game projects. And I forget that Kickstarter actually has other types of projects. They do Oculus Rift. They do card games. They do... They do tons of other games. Yeah. They do books and shit.

What are they really talking about? Hold on, wait. The picture that they introduced this article with Destructoid was the Robocop statue. Yeah. Right. There's so much more than video games. No, we've barely ever talked about it. I forget his name, but did you guys see the...

Is the guy who makes the webcomic's sad pictures for children... Pictures for sad children? Yes. Did you see that he fucking melted down and is burning the unshipped copies of his comic? Wow. Wait, is that again? So he shipped about 75% of his comics to his Kickstarter that successfully went through. And does not have the money left to ship the remainder.

And has gone on public record. And went on this huge rant. It says, every time you message me about where's your book, I'm going to videotape myself burning more of them. And I don't want money from you fuckers that want a comic book. I want people that will support me even though, even if I don't do anything. It's totally, totally fucking melted down. Oh. And basic...

And the way it worked... What the comic? The way... Did the son tell him to do this? Right. And the way that it worked with the backers is because the larger gifts cost more money. The people who pledged the most are the ones that didn't get their stuff. Right.

And you know, he's posting pictures of his bank account saying, I don't have any fucking money. You fucking people. I don't need your sympathy. Just give me money. Just let me live on my own. I think the line is, I only want money from people who deserve... You think I deserve to eat and live my life if all I do is sit in a room and think. I don't get it.

After he already took all the money and did all the stuff. All the money that he made was forced to shipping the comic? He mis-underestimated the cost of the bank. Clearly. Fucked up and decided that instead of being classy about it and figuring it out, that he would melt down and burn people's things that they bought. Well, it sounds like instead of using Kickstarter, you should have used that other service where you can be a patron that regularly gives a person X amount of dollars per month.

I can't even... No, not Indie. It's based on patron something. You actually get not shares. Yeah, it's patronage or something like that. Smooth McGroove does it. And what it does is X amount of people vow to give you X amount of dollars per month. And once it hits a certain minimum, he goes, okay, I will release a new song every time

I get this much money. It kind of does the work for you in terms of budgeting. And it's a subscription of these people every month. I think this is up one because it's ridiculous and I can't believe it. I'm pissed off that I can't remember the guy's name, but I do remember it's Pictures for Sedgell. Yeah, no, with the little ghost comic. It's a really, really funny comic.

So the Kickstarter terms of use are not very helpful to you if this happens to you. If the creator loses their shit. If they go mad or they just say, fuck you, I'm keeping the money, you're kind of fucked. You can pursue a class action lawsuit, but that would be up for a court to decide. And if they ever wanted to do another Kickstarter, they'd have a lot of problems getting charged. That being said, the only takeaway that people can really take away as a moral victory from this is that this guy's career is done forever now. Yeah, no, exactly.

You know, if a game company, like say, say, what's his fucking name? The guy works at Double Fine. Tim Schafer. Tim Schafer. Say they completely fucked up Broken Age. Say, you know, it fucking never came out. Well, it sucked for everybody back Broken Age, but you know that those people are fucked now.

Well, no. But that's a good example of it when fine. That's the cost of a Kickstarter. If you fuck up your name is on this giant pile of shit that will haunt you forever. That are like footage of Inafune in a back alley with hookers. Yeah, totally. I mean, I don't know if that constitutes like that at the moment. That might feel like a long time ago.

But that also goes through to the deeper thing of like when you're talking about the names failed to the death, right? Yeah. It's just because of the game. But it also means is when you're backing a project, like it does help a lot to have people behind it that you that seem not crazy, I guess. Hold on. What are you thinking?

What are you thinking? Yeah, yeah. I'm just thinking of the shot of a back alley. Oh, damn it. There's like these prostitutes. Damn it. Then Inafune is in front of the camera and he takes a cap and just puts it on his head and smiles and turns around and walks towards it and fades away.

I'm sorry. Perfect. That's better than mine. What was yours? Mine was just like a candid like, oh no, you caught me over the top. Like looking behind himself shot. And he's got the hat on. And they're both dressed like roll.

I was thinking I have to go to my home planet now and he's going to sell off the top. So yeah, Kickstarter sure ain't fucking perfect. No, no. But it's pretty good anyway. It's never been a buying system. And if you think it's a store, you're using it wrong. If you think it's a store, you're bound to get fucked. And yeah, I mean, hey, I believe we've been saying for a long time now too that like,

we got to wait and see how things roll out because it looks really great now. We're starting to see the first products coming out. Very little of the stuff that I've never come out yet. A video game. No. What? Chivalry, FTL. Yeah, they're fighting back those.

So it's, you know, from my perspective. Yeah, totally. You've seen huge successes, but it's like, you know, there was that first wave and now we're on the second wave. And actually, I'd say now we're on the third wave when we're seeing stuff like Kingdom Come in particular brings to mind like that. There's a lot of fucking money going into that. The things that like Broken Age to me feels like first age.

And it's now hitting. So Broken Age is the first of the second wave. To me, it's not so much that because no matter how many waves we have, it's not going to compound my trust. To me, it's do I trust you? Yeah, totally. Regardless of what wave you're in, do I trust the guy who made like X game? Do you trust Brian Fargo?

Do you trust Chris Avalon? Do you trust Inafune? But you have to admit that they didn't know how to handle things like transparency and stretch goals from the beginning. That was hilarious to watch stretch goals of projects that they blew out all their stretch goals within an hour. Yeah. And see the team like literally having to rush pre-production because they have no idea

what the fuck they would put in the game now. No, I agree. But regardless, I trust that. And if you say, hey, I'm going to the Depanur, I'll give me three bucks and I'll buy you an ice pop to the Depanur. And I give you my three dollars for an ice pop, I trust you. Regardless of how many times you've done the trick. And if you don't bring the ice pop back, then you'll never be trusted again.

Yeah, exactly. That's not bad. I want my ice pop. And if you record yourself burning the money. Yeah. I'm up in the middle. Exactly. If you record yourself tripping and dropping it and a bus drives over and it sticks to

the bus, I'll be more forgiving like a big fuck up. The Kickstarter seems really powerful because you can get stuff for your project, but it also means that you basically tethered yourself to your one big shot. Fuck it up. You're done. So you eat that ice pop, right? And there's a toe inside. No.

And you come back the next day and then you just hold up like your five dollar piece in front of the guy at the store and just you burn from you. Wow. That's all fairness. He didn't make the ice pop. And he made the ice pop with a toe inside. I'd be frustrated. Maybe he's the one that put in, you know.

Exactly. Maybe it's his wife's toe. Maybe it's his wife's toe. And speaking of like Kickstarter specific things, have you guys seen Heart and Slash? Heart and Slash. Looks good enough. Looks fun, right? Take a look at this project.

It's called Heart and Slash. Is that heart like a heart? Like in your heart? Heart and Slash. And slash. Yep. And thank you. Shut up.

Oh, Garo and Slash. No, shut up. I won't shut up. Stop doki dokiing all over. I'm doing it right now. The main character and a lot of, in fact, the characters in the game all look like Canty from Fudakuti. Oh, man.

And you are. That's awesome. And you're running around doing air combos, beating up dudes. I like air slashing. Because you have feels and you're trying to make yourself unique from the rest of the world. Well, it looks fun. It's cel-shaded and it has like a kind of Mega Man legend style texture going on.

Okay. Check it out. How would you feel about a die by the sword kick starter? That looked good. I don't know. Can I just get a machine? I don't know. They wouldn't.

They'd fuck it up. They'd fuck it up. They'd fuck it up. They'd fuck it up. It's too good. You fight like a cobalt. You fight like a cobalt. It's cel-shaded things that I never knew I wanted.

They announced cell damage HD. Oh, yeah. I saw that. Okay. I played cell damage ages ago and I loved it. And I totally forgot it was a thing. And they announced cell damage HD and I'm like, I need that. I need that in my life and I didn't know it.

That's so, it's so weird because it's like that existed when it was like, holy shit, we figured out cel-shading. Exactly. Right? Kind of like stunt effects. I looked at it and it looks old. It looks old and not a great way. But I'm like, I want to play that.

I don't care. If you don't do tech, you're just bringing it back because. I don't want to play it. I remember when that was announced for a GameCube port and I got also really excited. But then I played it. Yeah. Other things. Wasn't all that great.

Other things announced slash shown off. Pavilion. Pavilion. Pavilion. It's Vita slash PS4. Have you seen this? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

Okay, okay. It's on the Vita. All right. He told you about it. No, he didn't. But it looks interesting because they're calling it a fourth dimension or fourth person adventure. You better back that up. You need to explain this to me right now.

You played Geist, right? So you're platforming. In a way. Actually, the second person. The trailer's really ambiguous, but it seems like you can manipulate time. Okay, wait. Are you saying fourth dimensional or fourth person? Because these are two different things.

I was pretty sure it said fourth person. It said fourth person, but I think they mean fourth dimensional because time is being fun. So you're playing inside a hypercube. I was going to say you're playing as a kid that's playing a video game. That's what I think of when I think of fourth person. Yeah, I think of Star Platinum versus Darby the Gamer. No, no, no. You're playing a game that's happening at three quarter view.

Okay. And while your little guy is going on his adventure performing his activities, you're fucking with time and skipping ahead to segments that have already happened. Okay. And things that are happening in the future. That's ambiguous and so clear. Fifth dimensional. But it's not a Tesseract, but it could be interesting.

I want to play a hypercube. God damn it. It could be interesting. See if the trailer peaks. I want to go chill in Carl Sagan's Flatland. Might be a thing. N plus plus also a thing with like a bazillion levels. Oh my God, I can't wait.

I'm so excited. Was it 1500 levels or something stupid? You can never beat them. There's no beating N plus or N plus plus. Don't we know someone who beat N plus? Yeah, plus plus. No, but he didn't really though. He beat him.

Well, you can't. Don't count. What? The PC versions? No, the ports to PSP and to Game Boy. They count. Oh, not to Game Boy. They count so much he got shit in the mail.

Exactly. Like he totally, our friend was so disappointed at those bad ports. N plus to the handhelds that MetaNet went, yeah, we know they suck. He mailed them. Which ports? PSP. Just PSP? PSP and DS.

I tested the DS one. And not as a quality like I made the game. Yeah. But that worked. And I tore my hair out. They were just like, after he mailed them and said, I'm really disappointed in this, they said, yeah, we know. We're not proud of it.

Sorry. And they sent him a bunch of stuff, like a t-shirt and some stickers. Yeah, he was like, hey, thanks for letting me know and responding. Thanks for buying me off. You know, nice little, cool little team at MetaNet. I'm excited. N plus plus. That looks great.

Plus plus plus. Hey, who says that the Wii U can't move, right? What? Who says it can't move? It can't move off shelves. It can't move off shelves. It can't move off shelves. Because as of this week, as of this week, they just beat the Japanese 360 sales.

Yeah, that's true. Aw, shit. It moved. It beat another console. 1.6 million units means they just beat out Japanese 360. Wow. Lifetime sales. That shit is so doomed.

Retailers are going to start yanking that shit off shelves. What an achievement. To be fair, all that shows is, like, I didn't know that the 360 did that bad in Japan. Yeah. I thought, like, maybe 5 million total. Too bad. No, man. Because it lasted for, like, eight years.

That's how fucking bad it was. That's what I mean. She's making shit, so you keep shipping it out there. Looks like that dude, the Japanese spokesperson that got the logo, shaped it to the back of his head, it didn't work. That fucking console sold almost exclusively to people who needed tales of Asperia faster. Don't forget Los Odyssey, that system seller. But it was tales, though.

And the 20 guys who wanted cave schmucks. Yeah, cave schmucks. That's all you got. Stinesgate. Stinesgate was the best. And what should we call it? Treasure games. Do we even talk about the Wii U aside from this this week?

Or what are we going to say? Donkey Kong? Donkey Kong? Yeah, sure. No, the games are great. To me, it's like counting down until Walmart pulls them off the fucking shelves. Unless they already have, we just didn't hear about it. We also don't go to Walmart.

We also don't go to Walmart. And why would you ever go to Walmart? Well, 40% of game sales. No, I know, but why would you care? Well, no, because one retailer starts pulling it off the shelves, that's going to hurt their fucking sales. Sure. It's hard to sell an item that people refuse to stock. No, I just like...

People stop stocking this fucking Saturn in Quebec when it was better off than the Wii U is now. Well, the Saturn didn't have nearly as good as enough games. Yeah, but well, it's all sales for the retailer. The whole thing, it sucks. Yeah, no, that's what I mean. To me, it's like countdown before retailers just give up. No, when the retailers drop it, it drops hard. There's something about these like underdog battles, though.

That's always the most interesting thing. These three versus the GBASP. Yeah. Oh my god, yeah. The battle returns. Yeah, no, the PS3's soul is damaged. And it's always really hilarious because no matter what you do on the lifetime metrics, you're looking at all the stat and data, and then way off on the horizon is the fucking PS2 towering above everything as the god king.

Fucking PS2. With the DS as its janitor. The Castle Vidcon's comic, when do we need one? There probably is one, have we killed? It'll be there exactly when you need one, but not when you're totally right. I love Castle Vidcon. I'm wrong. I'm wrong for thinking I needed one.

Because you keep thinking that the guy died or disappeared or something, but then, damn, there's a new one. He's sitting and waiting. He's got his pen ready, and he's going to draw a comic in a minute. Quality, ink is not quantity, everybody. And then there's that, then there's like VGCats making a joke about Navi being annoying. Like last week. Oh, she's pretty annoying. She's pretty annoying.

Remember how annoying she is? Holy shit. I remember every single day, and I say that without irony. Anyway, hey, would you like to take a tour of Seinfeld's apartment with the Oculus Rift? No. Are you sure? Because then we have no segments. Do I get to hang out with George and Kramer?

No. Well, then fuck it. You can pretend you are, just like real life. I have seen so much Seinfeld that, like, what? I'm going to look at the left corner of the bathroom, and I'm going to see his bedroom. You're going to see his bike. Yeah. The bike's on the wall in the hallway.

That's amazing. And now you get to slide through the door, Kramer-styling. I don't care. To an empty room? I've seen the full pan of the set. Like, I don't care about the fake part that used to be audience open wall. Yeah, you do. That shit doesn't count.

It might be just fewer than you expect. Why do you ask me about this? Because someone made it. Oh, great. And it's a thing that a guy is working on. That's great. It's not canon. So all the real news is off.

It's not canon. No, if you told me I could go to fucking Oculus Rift trip into a Seinfeld apartment, I don't want to go to fucking Jerry's apartment. I want to go to Kramer's apartment. Yeah. What is that episode when he made a bunch of levels? Levels. With the Murph Griffin show.

Yeah, yeah. The Murph Griffin show, too. It's got the blinding red light from Kenny's chicken across the street. Yeah, yeah. But like Kenny's roaster. But when I read this, it kind of brings my mind back to the whole thing when Gone Home was coming up before when we talked about this, where it's kind of like totally in a weird space of things that are not games, but you might have an interesting world where

it's an IP that people love and you can walk around in it and go, hey, look, imagine if there were characters there and it wasn't episode happening. You could just check that out. I don't think it has anything to do with IP or not. People have been building experiences for years, physically and otherwise. Experience. Okay, let's use that word. There's a museum in Montreal, actually, that has a building that's like demonstrating

the after effects of an earthquake and it's slanted and stuff. People build these things that are neat that you can go to all the time. I don't think it's exclusive to video games at all. The obvious end game here is the colonoscopy oculus rift in which you walk around your favorite celebrity's asshole. That's a seller. At 1.50th of your size. Where I was going to go, Liam, is that how do you sell that, right?

What, what he did you sell? Yeah, like those experiences as it were. And in my head, the first place my brain goes to, like I said last time, is Hogwarts. You sell digital Hogwarts. Like if you specifically had to make a place and you would to sell it. And it was something that would be like you can now, you can now play this experience for people that are interested in these non-video game things. I mean, I know I jumped about it, but the obvious frontier here is porn.

Like the obvious frontier is porn. And Japan's working on it right now. They used to be already in there. If I was in Hogwarts, I'd just follow Luna Lovegood everywhere. And Tripp Neville. Yeah. Tripp him? Yeah, like just pull back and beat you up.

No, shut up. He's really handsome. No, it's the Neville like beat down simulator. Truly what Oculus Rift was always meant to be. I'd spend my time fucking up Dobby instead. But that's neither. What, that's sick. You're sick.

What the fuck? No, you should not like Creature. Oh, even though Creature has his face turned. I mean, I don't think you could do just like a place because that's really dull. But like if you did like a Kaiju attack kind of thing. That's cool. That's interesting. Like that would be really fun.

As a person that's running away. Yeah, exactly. That's cool. Like an overfield. I mean, the sky's the limit. But the point remains, I think there's a space for these things. At the end of the day, it all falls down to good design. Is it compelling?

Are you able to buy into it, right? There's totally a space for those stupid roller coaster movie rides in which there's a giant screen and you fucking, you're going, you're pretending you're on a roller coaster and the fucking seats are showing. Yeah, like the Street Fighter 1. Remember the Street Fighter 1? I think it's fucking magic. I feel Oculus Rift like popularizing that again and much easier because it's in your

own house. But dude, like as you say that, just like a little scene, you run away from Otachi, then you get in a helicopter and then you fly around the scene as Gypsy walks up to it and beats it down. Exactly. Yeah. I'm down for that. Peek over guys' shoulders.

You know what would that be cool? It's like, depending on how it's all set up and networked, it's like that's an extra on the whatever comes out of the Blu-ray. Take your pick. Now, I want to say that that's probably like 10 years away. That's what I mean by saying the thing after the whole race. Hopefully it's sooner. Awesome Pacific Rift.

Pacific Rift beat downs. I think it really did spike your drink. I'm tired man. Your water is super spiked. I'm tired. I did have a big day. I did have a big day. Yep.

Whatever. It's far away. Yep. Don't get hype. Get a hype for the creepy porn. Unless so. That's not far away. Because it's not always the first.

It's on the forefront. Because people, because there's a market. Because people are going to pay for it. Because that's the thing. Unlike the experiences, people have been thinking about that for years. Yeah. Yeah. You remember like 15 years ago, Wired had that fucking front page issue where everybody

was having sex with robots. And the next issue, Wired had to publish a retraction saying we got so many letters of people wanting to buy the sex robots. They were confused. On the cover that we had to say something that they're not fucking real. People want fucking fuck robots. Yeah. There was, I remember there was a site that was put up like over 10 years ago with these

guys that have been working on the perfect AI to put into these sex bots when they exist. Yeah. And they have it there. They have the algorithms and everything is set up great and good. Good. They just need the hardware. Good. If you go by Futuramo logic, it's not going to be to the year 3000 where you can get

your Lucy Lubot. Okay. Well hopefully Sony knocks out of the park a GDC. Yeah. Did you fucking imagine Sony brings out their VR solution and it's exclusively for porn? PS4 would win everything. Sony back to profitability in a second. Xbox One dead forever.

Yeah. I think you would both sell yours immediately out of discipline. Matt, Matt, Matt. So basically GDC opens up. Gianna Michaels walks on stage with a VR headset on. No! And it shows over. It shows over.

Cut the mic. Whatever your product is and now buying it. Porn exclusive to Sony forever. For Belladonna walks out on stage. Shakes her big creepy fist at you. Hmm. Drives the shivers up your butthole. Okay.

Beaking of buttholes. What? Have you seen? How do we do this? Have you seen the Stick of Truth censorship? Oh, I have. That thing's great. Amazing.

Fantastic. So let's bet. Well, can you explain this to the viewer? What is the Stick of Truth? Well, the South Park game that's coming soon. Today. Today. Oh shit, are you serious?

Today. Well, I didn't finish Bravely Default, so fuck everything I asked. That's okay. Looks great and we are excited for it. In Europe, there is a scene that has been censored. It's a scene specifically that involves a character getting anally raped. Anally probed by a robot. I believe it stands father.

I believe it stands father. What's the difference? I believe it stands father. At least the robot's not enjoying it. Okay. Well, anyway. And so instead of showing you that scene, it shows you a scene. Or instead of cutting it out and not telling you?

You just hit a splash screen. And the splash screen is of the European Union flag. The stars on the blue flag. With Michelangelo's David with his hands in his face. Space bombing. With a message that says, censored. You lose again, Europe.

This scene where you try to disable the force field around Randy, but instead accidentally force probing machine next to him into probing his ass with violent force is not meant for your eyes. Randy in obvious rectal pain urges you to proceed onward. Hold circle to skip. And then you skip it. And the scene continues as if that scene like happened. You just didn't see it.

What a perfect fuck you to censors because it lays the blame at their feet. They didn't cut it out and the scene's like weird. It's like, no. You're fucking dirtbag. Whoever is responsible for this. Which it would take. I would argue it would take an outsider like Trey and Matt to just go fuck it.

Put this in there. Fuck those guys. That's been their thing for years. As opposed to like trying to make sense of it somehow. If you want us to cut it out, fine. I'll fucking cut it out. There. With this shit.

There's just the fucking guys who do that. But the usual video game reaction is what? Turn the blood green. You put more costume on the girl. Make it sweat. You make them 18 like they should be. Every one of these is valid answers. Also terrible.

Yeah, no stick of truth. Stick of truth, man. Truly the stick of truth. Yeah. Apparently the uya is still existing. Its sales are within projections according to... Well Liam bought it, so yeah. So despite the fact that I'll shit all over the uya

and I don't think the uya sit the world on fire whoever the fuck made those projections good on you for being unrealistic. You're good at your job. Something weird that has been going on for a while is it's always the top seller on Amazon. That's weird. It's selling, people are buying it.

And they're saying that... I'm not feeling a lot of the grounds well but it must be there if people are buying it. And phase two of their plans includes that soon you won't even need the box. Well good. You won't even need the hardware. But it's a cute little box, why would you not want that in your head?

Because they're seeing uya as a digital platform. Okay. And you can get it on many things they'd like to offer it on whatever hardware can handle it as long as the games are compatible from a compliance point of view. I think that's what it should have been from the start. So they want to be... I mean at the time there was a place

there was a place on Kickstarter where people wanted another hardware. As was the style at the time. So it's gonna be like a home-based thing like Steam but for cell phone games? For whatever can support it. So it doesn't mean you just mean your phone it could possibly mean your consoles.

It could mean anything but you get the uya app. That sounds like it sucks. You can play the amazing frog on it so no. And basically what you would be doing is playing this massively. That sounds like fucking you play. That sounds like fucking origin. Where's the way what? It doesn't fucking root your computer.

It doesn't like do that at all. No it's another service that I don't want. Then okay you don't have to touch like whatever. I'm just saying it sounds like it sucks. I think it's smart of them to take it off the box and offer it to anybody. I think that's totally smart. I think it's dumb.

Sure. Great. If that makes any sense. It's a collection of games. This is the smartest dumb thing I've ever seen. If there was good games that you wanted on it then your opinion would be different probably. If there was good games, I don't know.

Wait there's no good games I want on Origin. Titanfall? Fuck off. I don't want it more than I hate Origin. Fair enough. My love does not beat my hate. No. That's it. I thought that was something.

I think that's a good move because they got to figure out a way to get money in those developers' pockets. Is that not happening? Yep. It's not happening. In fact they just said the same thing that that's not happening. No one's making... So the box is selling really well but not the software.

It's selling really well. It's selling according to plan. Well I would guess it that well. The thing on the Ouya is every game has to be quote-unquote free-to-try. It's not in their terminology. So the XBLA kind of thing. There has to be a demo.

There has to be a playable trial. Whatever. If the box is selling really well and the software isn't maybe it's just a bunch of women thinking it's some sort of sexual device when they look at it. No, I mean... It's a fucking cube, man. Maybe it's New Age.

It doesn't even rumble. What's a chick supposed to do with a cube? Then what is yours? Matt, what you do in your bedroom. Hey, I'm not the guys that get these sorts of things in the mail. Sorry. We're gonna go to his place and we're gonna find the cubes everywhere. The pleasure cubes.

Yeah. And you'll all be jealous. A little. It's like, wow, I can't believe there are so many solved Rubik's cubes out here. Your hands must be tired. Yeah, my hands. I guess you guys are old school. You use the fists.

Yeah. We're gonna have to borrow the Stick-a-Truth censorship screen for our next video. Yeah. But the sales are pretty poor on software. So. It is so weird. It is.

And the fact that it's successful is nice. I'm glad about that. Like it's not. I expected it to be the next Engage or Gizmondo. And it's not. Digital distributions. What's really doing it. Sure.

I can't. Like, so weird. There's a place for it and I'm glad it's there. I think it's dumb, but I more or less just want to see the story now. Of course. Of course. But I'm glad it's a thing because there's a lot of developers who can't do console and you just want to make something because they want to make something.

I'm Xbox Live indie games. That shovelware needs to go somewhere. But it's the same thing. No, but it's people who've never made something. I'm just making a joke. I'm just making a joke. I'm wondering though if like they would be able to convince like Microsoft and Sony to take another game store platform onto their console.

You know what I mean? You place there and it's only a shell. The reason I don't really think so. Like to jump into it like crackle or something. It's like what? Well, the reason I don't really think so is because like the compliance rules are going to get all shaken up and like it's a game within an app. A lot of work.

It's going to get weird. Therefore it's something to its own unique rules and the user wouldn't understand that. It's going to get weird and also the financial divvy is going to be ridiculous at that point. It would make a hell of a lot more sense as a separate platform on PC. Or PC and phones. Yeah, but not consoles basically. Steam, good old games. Maybe the Amazon box.

Maybe the Apple box. Maybe the Ouya is the Amazon box. Well, I mean frankly the very fact that those boxes exist is a testament to that the Ouya was doing something right. I guess. They'll probably just make a version of it for everything they can and put out publicly what they're allowed to. Yeah.

Yeah. No, exactly. And get on them. Keep on truckin' Ouya, I suppose. Yeah. You know who should stop trucking? Oh no. The Tony Hawk franchise.

Oh no. What did I say last week? What did I say last week? You said don't get excited. I said I'll care if it's not on a phone. And I said it will be. And what did they say the next day? Guess what?

What did Tony Hawk actually say? He didn't say anything. No, he did. Tony did. He broke the story. Tony said I'm doin' MoCat for a new Tony Hawk game. Oh, well that was when I said last week. Yeah, but then he's the one that broke this news you're about to say.

Oh, well, it's a mobile game, so whatever. Why is he doin' MoCat for fuckin' mobile? Move along. It's gonna be a year. Well, at least I don't have to give a fuck. Don't get hyped, everyone. Hey, if you want to skateboard a game, go play Olly Olly. Yeah, no.

Give me a fucking game. Hey, guess what? If you pay $0.99, Tony Hawk will do another spin. He'll get a $10.80 instead of a $9.00. Yeah, exactly. No, maybe he's doing MoCat because it's gonna look as good as... Man, whatever. At least this goes to like...

Yeah, it's probably gonna be a good-looking game. At least this goes to... What are those games called? Infinity Blade? Infinity Blade. It was like Unforgettable Nothing instead of a goddamn tragedy. Yeah, I guess it's the better of the two. Like, fuckin' ride.

Come on. Like, fuck. We talked about it. Like, fuck. We danced this dance. Fuck. We danced this dance and it wasn't fun the first time. Nope.

We stepped all over my toes. I stepped on yours. The board broke. I hit my head. It wasn't a fun night. It's all downhill after Tony Hawk 30. You know, it is gonna be a fun night, though. Picking any version of any Street Fighter character.

Wow. In Ultra Street Fighter 4. Alright, let's all perk up. It's so good. Yeah. This is known as Edition Select. Edition Select. You will be able to pick, say, Ryu, Ryu.

In Ultra Street Fighter 4. In Ultra Street Fighter 4, you'll be able to pick as Vanilla, Super, AE, AE 2012, or Ultra versions of Ryu with all of his mechanics and balance changes unchanged from that specific version. And the trailer they put out show off guys having nightmares about fucking Vanilla Cigar. With the big fucking phrase going, he's back. The crux of the trailer being AE Yon and Vanilla Cigar is the best thing ever. I thought that trailer was really, like, stupid and cheesy, but at the start I was like,

what the hell are you doing? I was like, oh, okay. Now the other way to look at this is this is definitively the last version of this game. No, probably not. Whatever. So this is so here you have them all. You never need to go swap discs back to the old one. You just go back to whatever you want for fun.

The important note here is that a lot of people seem to have missed it. The very important note. Because people can't read. And people assume dumb things as well. This mode of edition line is off line. Only. This is not ranked online. When you want to go play online in Street Fighter, you're going to be playing Ultra.

Period. That's it. And also, if you think for a second that any tournament is going to run something besides Ultra. That's wrong. No. There'll be a gimmick side tournament. There'll be gimmick tournaments.

And those will be great. But Evo? Fuck no. Everyone can only be Old Sagat. No. Yeah, we've come full fucking circle that yes, Old Sagat is best Sagat. I guess so at this point. Old Ken is also really, really tall.

No, no, no. Old Akuma is. Old Akuma is really. If you're going back, you're going back to Old Sagat or Old Rufus. Or Akuma. Super Rufus, right? He's dangerous, but not as dangerous as those two. No, no, of course not.

But he's good. Or if you go back to Blanket with what? 600 damage? Ultra one? 530. Not 600? Sure. I'll go back to the old versions of Gief just to see exactly how the SPD changed over

the years. Over the years, it's gotten weaker and larger. And go back to the really tight SPD that takes 90% of your life. I just feel bad for DJ players who still get nothing. Yeah, who get like three or four different shit versions of DJ. Or Makoto players. You want to go back to that? You know what pisses me off?

Why wasn't this in Third Strike Online? Why wasn't New Generation and Giant Attack available in Third Strike Online? Man, I'm sorry, because unfortunately you and I are the only people that care about those. No, because the changes, I mean the changes like for like different super exhausts. Because I would say that Vanilla SF4 is a way better game than either of those. No, no, I mean to select a good shot. And I know and I'll tell you why. Because those games are hated.

No, but I got an answer. We have fun. But I got an answer for it. There's just not enough money in that one. Well, that's... There's that too. Like that's the answer. Woolies is the ideological answer and yours is the real answer.

Because it was like what features do we put in? How much money do we have? Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying to be able to play New Generation. No, because there was a time when they had the choice to do that with ST or to do it with Third Strike. They did it with ST. They put both games on the same disk and released it as anniversary collection. But New Generation and Second Pass are hated because basically they're not balanced at all and there's problems.

But we have fun. Just like Vanilla. No, there's no comparison. The chasm of unbalance is two different things at a time. Okay, I didn't think it was that good. If Bukane's second impact, dude, you have to understand. Please understand. Second impact and New Generation were all fucked up.

Yeah. She originally had... Again, for Lolls. Just like how this... I don't know why we're being... No, I agree with you. I agree with you. It's just like I don't think Third Strike Online had the...

Well, yeah. See, Matt, Woolie and I's answer is the first one and then you say but for Lolls and then Liam answers kicks and which is... Well, money. But I would... No, no, I would love to have that too. You know, I would totally love to have... Unbalanced and shit. I'd love it.

I'd love to have Second Impact, Dudley. Were the rules on Cross Counter or Bullshit? There's a big dumb fucking... The weird, stupid move. Have you seen the... Thunderbolt. And the Bullshit. Have you seen the Cross Counter?

If you hit it... If you hit Dudley with Yoo-Hoo on Cross Counter, he kills Yan in a single hit. There's all kinds of shit. There's all kinds of shit. So fucking nuts. And maybe even Shinakuma, that was like a hack that was never existed in the final version. But regardless, even for fun, it's like we're the only people and like spooky poverty streams. And that would be it.

Everyone else is like good riddance. Let's never talk about those again. I wish Capcom would publish a like $2 digital only rainbow edition for SF2. Oh my god, that'd be awesome. That they would have to like... Appropriate somehow? No, no. They fucking own it.

Like whatever. Well, not really, those are... What? What? Well... No, what I mean is they own it, but those are not their hacks. Those are random hacks that aren't there. No, but he means they have to make it.

Make it, yes. Straight up. Just copy it wholesale. They need like a DLC pack for Ultra that's like a busted, complete bullshit edition. I don't know if they had that. Before they had rainbow edition on the main menu, that'd be the sickest. They'd be hilarious. And here's what you would get.

Hakans always oiled up. And PC hackers are gonna do that anyway. And when Dalsum hits him with his fireball, he dies. Yeah, yeah. But you're gonna get, and then you get the influx of comments of people going, this is what you're wasting your time and money on. I don't give a shit. You mean just like salty bed?

Well, I'm just giving a... Because people are... Sorry, I just, the real answer is... But my real answer to you is people are saying that already for the old character versions and you're saying, yeah, I like that. Yeah. Give me fake versions that never existed that were not balanced at all. Yeah, no, no, no.

It would be fun. It'd be the best. And just in the same way that New Generation and Second Impact would be fun. It'd be so fun. It would be fun. Like, you know what? You know what I want? There's so many reasons why they'll never do it.

You know what I want? I want a version of Street Fighter game in which you have a giant tournament which determines who in the world is the best at each character. And those people are the only people that get to decide the balance changes for that character going forward. So Daigo gets to decide all of Ryu's nerfs and buffs. What nerfs? Yeah, like, well, exactly. You wouldn't nerf anything.

It'd be so fun. Exactly! Exactly! Then you just reset it after like a month and then you go back to square one. It would be a great dumb party game. Oh, it'd be great. Dude, if they had the nerfs and buff thing every day and it reset after 30 days... Delayed Wake Up made me cool on Ultra.

I'm now super fucking hyped for Ultra again. Yeah. Now all I can't wait for is the disappointing character reveal. Yeah. Oh my god, it's going to be so disappointing. It's going to be so disappointing and we know that because they said you're going to be disappointed by the character. Yeah, no, please don't get hyped. We may...

Cool your expectations. We may have fucked up and taken too long. Maybe we should. Maybe we took too long. Maybe we shouldn't have spent a year teasing you about a character that probably sucks. Maybe it'll actually be good. I hope so. But they said it wasn't!

What if that's the trick? Oh, what a troll trick. A troll trick. This weekend, SoCal Regionals took place. Yeah. And I don't suppose any of you guys tuned in. Bit. I tuned in to watch Zangief destroy NorCal.

Okay. Well... Cool city. In the main, just to go into some of the results that were more interesting. They had an Ultra exhibition tournament. Okay, they got an early build of Ultra. Yup, and there were three Elinas in top 8. Yay!

So... That's cool. I think Justin Wong. Yeah. Way too cool. And Gamer B. So that's a thing. That's a thing, man. You know what my favorite thing about this would be?

If we get to Ultra and the tier list looks like fucking third strike. And all the characters from 4 are so low as to not even be visible. That'd be really great. Never gonna happen, but that'd be hilarious. But no, just from watching people trying to figure tools out with Elna on day 2, day 3. Yeah, she's great. She's got so much going low, going overhead mix-up shit. Yeah.

Her basic gameplay style is better suited for 4 than it ever was for 3. Other interesting results from that weekend are they had the dive kick tournament. Yeah! In which the Baz won. It's not the rebalancing. That rebalancing hasn't happened yet, right? No, it hasn't happened yet. So this is Clash of Baz.

Gunther the Perilous is a Baz player that fucking took it. The best one in the world. Finally! Represent! Represent! Because Adeleheid's Stark took second place, and Adeleheid's Stark is usually the person that's cleaning up all these tournaments with S.K.L. Well, Baz is really the best. Whoa, he beat S.K.L. with Baz?

The EVO S.K.L. player? Adeleheid? Yeah. Keats says that S.K.L. is balanced, but it doesn't feel balanced. Well, that's the main reason they changed him. Baz is a great matchup for S.K.L. It's a really good matchup. Good?

I believe. I love you Baz. I love you Gunther. I'm excited by these rankings. It's a brave new world for fighting games. Looks interesting. Now that Baz exists and is back. Could you imagine SF4 last character?

We've talked about this. If they just unveiled it, it was too bad. There's no way. There's no way. Early on, I could have entertained the idea. The important thing is that we take credit early before Capcom can say that we had no involvement. Well, we already covered this in that if some ridiculous... If in some way it happened, we lift our hands off and go,

well, we did our work. Job done. Pat yourself on the back. Go get a beer. Beyond that, what is it? JoJo coming out on April 25th. 25th? I thought it was the 4th. 25th.

April, isn't it? April 25th, that's what I said. That's later than I thought it was the 4th. And once again, looks hot. It's going to come with Yoshikage Kira and Shigeki. So the two characters from Part 4. Wait, what are we talking about? Are we talking about the game or the show?

No. The game. Okay, I'm talking about the show. The game. The show is coming out on the 4th. No, the game. The game. Which is why you said looks hot.

And I was like, really? Yeah. That's why I was looking at my head like, no, it's hot. Wait, you see. No, the show looks hot. Oh no, the game's getting pointed here and it's getting released on April 25th. Cool, I'll get it whenever Digital River decides to send it to me. We'll see what happens.

Yeah. Never. Yeah, never. I'm not looking forward to that Dracon Guard 3 shipping. Oh. And your predictable headline of the week goes to... The WB getting the Lego Movie Guys to Make the Minecraft Movie. Yeah, that was the fucking worst one.

No, it's confirmed that they're getting the Lego Movie Guys to do it. Day one. Day one. The Minecraft has even less going on than Lego. That's exactly true. We know exactly. These are the guys that are going to figure out what to do with it. What are they going to do?

There's going to be a story about how you have to stop Jimmy from building a giant penis on your server. Okay, so WB, WB Movie Exec Guy goes, hey, we got a Minecraft thing. We got to make it. What do we do with this? They got that license probably for nothing. They're like, we have no idea. How do you make this story out of this? I don't know, but these guys made a fucking Lego Movie that's making this much money.

Get those guys. Get them on the line. Sure. Sure. Done. I want it to be about the real Minecraft, though. Not a sanitized for kids Minecraft. No, you know what?

You'll probably get a sanitized for kids Minecraft. Well, now I don't care anymore. You didn't care about the Lego Movie, so you don't care about these things. I don't think you will. It's going to have a hit song. Everything is good. Yeah, no, that's how it goes. Everything is good.

Everything is doing alright. Everything is sweet. It's great. You're not supposed to put the features in that he promised by now. Yes, you're not. You're going to get your joke about the guy that made the crazy enterprise-type level. And Shiro Bryan will be in the background. Yep.

You'll get your calculator-making guy. There'll be at least four Creeper jump scares. There you go. Oh, man. That's it. No, it's going to start with this. It writes itself. Yep.

Yep. Why didn't they hire us? We know so much about Minecraft. Does anyone know anything about Minecraft? Did you see me playing it with that stick in the video? Yeah, no, I totally did. You punch wood, you build a house. Yeah, we also made a big thing on the ground that said Minecraft sucks.

I don't like Minecraft. I don't like games in which I have to build a thing. I don't get it. Why would I build a thing? Why don't I just kill a guy? I thought you liked Sins of the Solar Empire. I can't stand that game. Oh.

It needs to be turn-based. My brain can't handle real-time strategy at that scale. That's true. You told me. I'm just waiting for Terraria to beat them to the punch. I know. They're going to get an anime adaptation first. Terraria plays a lot better.

Is it an Angry Birds movie going to come out like within a year or something? Yeah. Right alongside the World of Warcraft movie. God. That's like 2018 now. Which, if you remember, there was originally a World of Warcraft animated thing that never came out, so that's actually going full circle. No, that's what World of Warcraft turned into.

No, that's what Warcraft 3 turned into. Oh, you're right. Adventures of Warcraft. A Warcraft adventure. Yeah, and that became Thrall's backstory. It was a point and click, I believe. So weird. Yeah.

Dad movies never came out. Stupid Terraria trivia. In Japan, Spike Chun's World of Warcraft. Do you know who's making the Warcraft? Yeah. And they added as playable characters Monomi and Monokuma from Danganronpa. That's interesting. It's weird.

That is weird. I know. Man, I want to see Starbound. I want to see what the fuck's happening. I don't know if it's Starbound. Is that game finished yet? No. They're making it.

They're cooking it. These things, they take time. Fucking Steam Greenlight. God damn it. What's wrong with it? I want games to be done. No one understands it. I hate being able to buy a game before it's done.

Because then I have to wait. Then don't. I hate being patient. It sucks. Yeah. Make a difference. No, no, no, no, no. I want it to be letter time right now.

Oh, shit. Oh, that was good. That was good. That was good. Hey, everybody, if you want it to be letter time right now, send us so many letters at superbestfriendcast.gmail.com. Matt was talking, so you didn't hear me. It's called Super Best Friend.

Yeah, I'm sure people don't know it. It's called Super Best Friendcast at gmail.com. It's probably a link in the description on the podcast page. And by 30 episodes, you should know it. Now my neighbors know it. Yeah. Good. They'll send letters.

Like, holy shit. Hey, if you send mail into their electronic mails, you could sound something like this. David says, hey, Zaibatsu. Hey, Dave. How big is the SD card in your 3DS, and what is the game that you have to keep on it at all times? Okay, 32 gigs. Fire Emblem.

It's what size SD card comes in the 2DS? Two. Four. Four? Then that and Ace Attorney, because it only comes digitally. Yeah. I have a 16 gig, and I'd never take Fire Emblem off. I'd never take, well, obviously, Phoenix right off.

I would never take Gunman Claw. All of them. I don't want to. I've never deleted a single 3DS download game. If I had to pick a second one, Sakura Samurai, for sure. Yeah, I have my 8 gig in there. I have Sakura Samurai and Pushmail, but, I mean, really and truly, what I actually need in my 3DS, or at least in my pocket, is Tetris DS.

I always switch that cartridge. Oh, but on your card, yeah. No, no, no, but, yeah, I know, but, like, they don't have it on the store. I can't get that, and I wish I could, but I have to walk around with Tetris DS. Did you ever buy the Tetris 3DS game with all the interesting modes? No, not the new one. No. I'm really interested to see that one.

I guess I'm curious. I'll find out, but I love Tetris DS so fucking much. Oh, if you really do. Hey. I have one in them. Yep. Nicholas asks a question. Great.

If you actually look for the games. Account system. Account system. If you actually look for the games. Needs an account system. Yeah, well, I like playing video games, and I'm playing them. Nicholas says, my boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship, and he's finally coming down in May.

Nice. We want to know what you guys think would be some great, romantic, salty-style fighters and or games to play. I thought that was going to go in a different direction. Yeah. No. I can think of some romantic, salty things. What's a good versus game that's like, like, you can play with your-

Divekick. Significant other- There's Divekick. Divekick is the only one. I played Divekick. Divekick's the ultimate. I played this- the- Divekick this- this last week with my lady friend, and it went well because she kicked the shit out of me.

Right? Yeah, and I was fucking pissed, but I was smart enough to hide that. I don't think it actually probably worked. Does she say that specifically? No, there was- No, there was- Did they get you angry, or- He says-

Or he says. He says- Yeah, no. Salty- Salty-Romantic- What the fuck? It's Salty-Roman. He wants to get angry.

Like Sailors. A game like Divekick where it's like you can get pissed and hate it, but you're also doing it in a couple sort of ways. Damn it. I have so many fun games to recommend, and not salt ones. Smash Brothers always the thing. Smash Bros. It's pretty good.

It's not salt enough. Smash is pretty good. It turns on BitTripRunner while laughing at each other's fuckups. Yeah, no, that's not the plan. If you're in a play game that takes turns, you attempt to fuck the other person up via Waze. I'd recommend Mario Kart. That's not bad either.

Via Reason. That's not bad either. I go ahead with Mario Kart, because Mario Kart's the saltiest bullshit because you can't turn off fucking items. It's source bullshit. I hate it. We were just gonna play about this the other day for no reasons. I hate it.

I wish you could turn off items. But why did you suddenly bring this up? Because I hate it. I'm so mad. I have all this angry energy. I need to get rid of it somehow. No. Let's play Mario Kart.

I can take it off on you. Yeah, that's the thing. There you go. There you go, Nick. Isaac asks a question that I thought, that I improved. I'm gonna improve his question, because his question is, what do you think is better at the end of the game, a final boss that is a David and Goliath style fight, or a human-sized side affair?

We've said this already. It's always gonna be better for sure. So grow that question. So I'm gonna grow the question and say, do you ever think it would be possible to have a David and Goliath style fight that would trump a rival style battle? No. Yeah? No.

Easily? What? I can't think of it, but like, you know what I mean? Yeah. I don't. Have we played every video game ever? No. I think they're in transit design problems, because the larger one has to be slower,

and you can't react to it as fast. I mean, does it have to be slower? No. No. I wanted... What if you were the unstoppable force, and it was the immovable object, and you were all over the place? I mean, I'm trying to tell the tale in my head in different ways, and there's definitely

some compelling ones, but I feel like I'd always be more emotionally drawn to the one that is exactly like me. It's because every super gigantic boss that I can ever think of is more or less part of the environment, where every small boss is a character or an enemy. Because it's difficult. Yeah. It's also, every video game has been presenting us with 90% Goliath bosses from our birth to now.

Not the Souls series. There's a bunch of man-sized bosses. But I'm talking about like, your childhood up until now, Mega Man fighting like, giant sized things, and then the men eventually, like you always, you have those, but then you have Mario always fighting things huge than him. Yeah. I think that we're starting to see the rare things become a bit more frequent. Yeah.

And it feels like a little bit of PvP in a way. A little bit. A little bit. Yeah. I don't know. I feel like it's- The closer your final boss fight can feel to a fighting game, the better. That's why, despite its problems, MGS4's ending is radical.

I think you can do the Colossus fights super well. Yeah. The sky's the limit creatively for both of these things. All those fights and Shadow of the Colossus are just awful terrible. But that's the thing. The worst game. The worst game. Really?

That's the thing for that. This whole game is about that, and they get to done so well. Yeah. Yeah. So it can be done is what you're saying. No, but the question is, can it be done better? Why not? Why not?

What if there were four players involved? Well, then what if it was a hunting game? Well, what if- Then you could just spin the question the other way. Like- So then there's no real answer. So there's no real answer, and you're just picking the one you favor. Yeah.

I wouldn't put- That's all the series pick when you favor. Any of the Colossus I over- I think you could do either, totally. And I think, just like other questions I've answered, I think it's all designed and contested. Do we all agree that the Colossus I are the greatest, large-scale David and Eli, that boss fights ever? Yes.

They're pretty godlike, and I wouldn't put them over, like, the best of the mono-mono. That I've seen? I would. Okay. Well, then that's your opinion. Some of them I would. Because some of the games don't- So the difference is divided?

I can't- Yeah, I guess. Personally, I would never compare them, because one game, the only thing you can do is scale and slay the beast. The other game, you can do a million things on your feet. But that doesn't have to be true. It doesn't have to be scaling. It can be flying.

But let's say you had to fight a wander, like you versus him, with you guys flailing your shitty swords around, awfully on the ground, like, you're guys not meant to do that. And that's not the story that we're just trying to tell. No, but I mean, again, like, what if you were flying? Yeah. You know? Sure. What if you were, like, what Bayonetta's too is doing, literally, where you're flying,

and a certain other Platinum game totally does, flying and fighting a boss. Well, I've played that sequence, and it's not as fun as fighting Xen. No, no, but you can do stuff that's interesting and fun in that context. Yeah, totally. I'd like to be proven wrong, but I don't think I would be. I don't think you can totally be written off at all. No, I guess it just comes down to- No, there's some great joint boss fights, but I'll always tend to prefer the smaller

scale ones. No, sure. And I love Ganondorf and Winwick are into it. You know what? I apologize, I wish I could've made that question even better, but like, it's just gonna come down to a little- One of my favorite ones is, is that it's a little bit in between this, is the boss that is larger than you, but not by much.

The enemy that is, say, you're six feet tall, they're ten feet tall. And enough that they're still a human or adversarial sized creature, but they have a dramatic size advantage. You're thinking of Dark Souls. I'm thinking of Dark Souls. That's what I'm thinking of. The penetrator. I'm thinking of the penetrator.

I'm thinking of the- Lords of the Fallen Sword. Lords of the Fallen Sword. He's a strong man. He's got a penetrating sword. Lords of the Fallen Sword. I'm thinking of the- I'm thinking of that size as well.

No, because then I think about the penetrator and then I'm immediately reminded of Garol Vinland and how much cooler Garol Vinland is. Well, I really think of like Castlevania bosses. I love the last bosses that like, you have to scale up in Castlevania. Yeah, those are cool. Those are awesome. Like, you make it work in 2D games, for sure. Like, let's say in a Castlevania game, there's two dudes weaponing each other, it's like,

yeah. Well, actually, they made that really fun, where you fight Julius and stuff. In which- In Aria, you fight Julius. Right. Oh yeah, because Julius is trying to kill you. In Portrait of Ruin, you fight Richter. Yeah, that shit's awesome.

I fought him with the fucking Pies only. It was the best shit. You know what? It's amazing. And as it comes to mind, in God of War 1, when you fight the Minotaur- Yes, that's right. He does not feel like a big guy. He's fast and he's fast.

Yeah, that's right. God of War is a good example. He's on your pace. The Aries is the one-on-one fight, and it fucking sucks compared to the Minotaur and Hydra fights. But again, I think for God of War, they design like, they made sure to design that every big boss is cool, and like, in God of War 3, when you're Kratos, or 2, even when you're killing other Greek heroes that are more interesting and cooler than Kratos, they're

terrible fights. Yeah, totally. Michael wants to know, what are the hypest opening credits that you play as the- sorry, that role as you're playing the game? I guess all of the first thing I'm talking about is the one- MGS-1. MGS-1's up there. There's a game that's really bad that I think we played not too long ago that had that-

The Veil. The Veil. The first level on the clock tower. The Veil, falling on the clock. It's fucking godlike. Except for the performance. On PS3. Yeah, doesn't run great.

Yeah. Oh god, I'm hearing the music in my head right now. Yeah, totally. That's one of those moments that it's happening. You're like, wait, I'm playing it? Oh god. There's got to be something else. I know this is random for me, but I remember when I first played Call of Duty 4 and you're

in that car and the credits are rolling. Oh yes, that's a really good opening. You're in that car and you're being brought around to see all these people getting shot in the street and military should happen. I remember that being impressive. Call of Duty 4 is such a good game. Call of Duty 4 is so fucking good it ruined first person shooters. Call of Duty 4 is so fucking good.

Michael asks the question that I mentioned earlier about game maps and Metroidvania things. Yeah, totally. Game maps are radical. Give me a percentage. If there was a DMC live action movie, says Brett, who or what would you cast as Dante? What? Fastbender. Fastbender.

And what? I don't care. Yeah. Yeah, no. That totally stresses me as an answer. You don't care. Tom Cruise? Fuck it.

Live action DMC 2 commercial. Yeah, sure. No. I'd say get an unknown that looks like Dante and make him play Virgil as well. I don't care if he looks like Dante. I just want him to be able to say that dumb shit with like a smile. Like if I want a DMC live action movie, I just want it to be versus two. Meanwhile, the shittiest one that Hollywood would pick would be like Owen Wilson.

Oh yeah. I don't know. No. Because he knows Dante because he's got the jokey look at the Hollywood execs and be like, yeah, his hair is right. McConaughey. McConaughey. Yeah, it's a McConaughey.

I could just see him shrugging like, hey. And then Vince Vaughn plays Sue Ever in that movie. Virgil! Vince Vaughn plays Virgil confirmed. You know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what?

Do you know how Chris Evans plays Lucas Lee in Scott Pilgrim the movie? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what it was like? It makes me think about it. Man, and like, I used to think about this kind of stuff all the time. And I remember the one that was really, really, really important to me was that Mark Wahlberg had to be Max Payne. Yeah.

And then that movie sucked and now I don't give a fuck anymore. What? You thought Mark Wahlberg had to be? Oh, it had to be Mark Wahlberg. No, it didn't. Yeah, it did. But he has nothing like Max Payne. Physically in.

He can't make the dumb face. Oh, he can make the dumb face. But I'm thinking more of the, all the... No, I don't give a shit. The only thing that matters is the face. No, it had to be either Sam Lake or... Paste it on his face. Or it had to be Mark Wahlberg.

Remember that time when they announced a new movie and the first thing you thought was they gotta get the rock? Yeah, that's what I thought. No, what I thought is it's gotta be on fucking Mars. I can't believe how botched that is. I heard a little synopsis of it recently. Oh my God. It's not even on Mars.

Oh my God. It's like zombies or some shit almost. It's aliens. Sam Bambo. It's aliens. No hell. No Mars. No, it's not aliens.

Oh, it's mutants. It's like some genetic shit. Yeah, mutants. Bullshit. It's not doom. That's what it is. Yeah, doom's on Mars and it's hell. It's the only two fucking things anyone knows about doom.

You know it was a fucking good casting that could have gone wrong? What? Fucking Judge Dredd. What about it? He was great. Oh yeah, the Dredd mask all the time. You mean Dredd. You mean Dredd.

That's true, I mean Dredd. You mean Dredd. Yeah. But I'm not a character. I am the law. I am the law. You just see that picture someone posted? It's a picture of a wooly and instead of your hair, it's just pictures of Judge Dredd.

I saw that. Pictures of Judge Dredd? Like little photoshop in Dredd's face. That seems really weird. It's saying it's one of those. Oh, that's dumb. Oh, that's dumb. No, that's hilarious.

Oh, that just hit me. That's stupid. It's like one of the Naruto box pictures. Oh yeah. Yeah. Those are great phones. They're not. What's the new?

Like, Christian wants to know. Man, fuck Naruto. I pulled up Steam this weekend and I get blasted with a fucking full page ad that says Naruto Ultimate Ninja Storm 3, full blast or whatever and I see the two characters and once Naruto and he's all blasted in orange and then the other's a gray guy with a giant snake coming out of his stomach. I don't imagine that. And he's like, what the fuck is this stupid shit?

I'd imagine that Sasuke at this point. There's a really cool guy that we work with and he's got friends and he just keeps watching it every week and I'm just like, but you're such a cool guy. Is this a guy I know? No, he started after you left. And he also always says, oh, it's to everything. Yeah, he does. And you just go, oh.

What a cool guy. Otherwise he's great. Otherwise he's great. He DJs and he's good at it. He's a really chill dude, but he can't fucking stop. What an amazing person. Cool guy. I don't know, man.

It's all the ultimate proof that one shitty thing can ruin everything you've done about you. Like at his lunch breaks, he's either watching Naruto or Judge Judy. It's so fucking shit. What am I doing? Judge Judy's legit. I don't want to hear no shit talk about Miss Judy Shyneland. That's the point.

Yeah. Because it's that or Naruto. That's what we're either crazy or terrible. Judge Judy's the greatest. That's the most American and the most Japanese mesh together. Anyway, Christian asks, how awesome is Judge Judy? So awesome. Judge Dread Judy.

My name is Zaibatsu. My name is Zaibatsu. My name is Christian and I was playing Bayonetta when my mom walked in on the scene where Bayonetta and the Joy were having their sexy puns off. Damn it. Nice. Damn it. That's the time when you want your mom.

I'm 20 and I didn't know how to explain what was going on. I said, it's okay. They're supposed to be that sexy. Oh, that's not good. Has anything similar ever happened to you guys? No, it's always happened. It's always happened. There's always that one fucking scene.

That you're just like, oh god, damn it, dad, you had to walk in right now. This is so embarrassing. I think the tale that I told before was my mom walked in right at the end of Clockwork Orange. Oh, that's not good. When the applause are happening and there's not much you can say to that when she's a good Christian, God-faring woman, what you're watching in her house. You must have millions of these. I have one in particular and I don't even want to say it because I don't want to offend

anyone. Too late. I'm offended. Am I allowed to say trigger warning? Am I allowed to? Say what you're going to say. It's the scene where what's-his-face Smith is getting raped in Killer 7. Yeah, okay.

That scene. Oh man. That was, yeah. That's not good. Your mom walked in. But yeah. And what happened? Well, have you seen the scene?

No. It's fairly tame. If you didn't know what was going on, you wouldn't catch it. They're all clothed and he's an old man in a wheelchair and it's very weird. Jeez, man. I don't want to play Killer 7 anymore. So like it wasn't bad, but I knew what was going on and I was like, okay. Man, mine's like way less embarrassing than that.

Did she say anything? Not really. Okay, you didn't have a talk about game ratings. Well, because we're warm-blooded Canadians. So we're like, if you're killing someone, if someone slandered across the wall, that's a problem. Sex is a thing. And sex is a thing you have to understand and learn and understand.

For me, it's way tamer and way dumber than that. It's in Diablo 1 when you go to hell and you're fighting the succubuses who are totally naked. And their yell noise is basically an orgasm. My dad walks in and I'm clicking on this shit and I'm killing hundreds of them. And you're clicking fast and large. And he's like, what the fuck? Like no, it's hell, dad. What a disappointment.

It's a video game. It must have seemed. And let's not even talk about fucking cartoons and anime. Goddamn. Well, that's mine, right? How many fucking ninja blade accidents have happened? All right. All right.

All right. So God bless the channel return button when Ninja Skrull was on because you switched channels to Jay Leno real quick. No, no, no. Here's mine because it is Ninja Skrull. My parents go out. My sister's like, hey, I'll take you to the video store and you can write whatever you want.

Watch it. And I go, okay. And little Matthew Sharpen Jr. says, I heard about the Ninja Skrull. I've seen it in the back of EGM. And he says, I guess Ninja's okay. Sure. Whatever. Dude, you're told right.

That's why I found out about Ninja Skrull too. Exactly. So we take it home. We're watching it. And it's like whatever. And then the rock guy throws his blade and everyone gets chopped up in the room. And she's like, oh, it's pretty violent. But whatever.

We've seen violent movies. So then the rock guy, the rock guy takes the grow back to the cabin. And if you see Ninja Skrull, song starts happening. But it's just like, oh my God. Is this what you, why, you never told. I'm like, I didn't know. I thought it was just Ninja Fun Time. Yeah.

Pretty awkward. So she took it away. She's like, took the video tape out. So you're not watching that. Okay. Whatever. At 5 a.m. I go downstairs and watch the movie. I just think they remember when I was a kid that something that I really, really like

to watch would come on both before and after Sailor Moon. So I would just say, fuck it. And just watch Sailor Moon. And you were better for it. And my mom was like, isn't it for girls? Fuck it. Whatever. Yeah.

That's different. Shut up mom. Darian's going to say something. He's going to throw a rose and be super hot. That's for sure. Brian wants to know. Shut up mom. Super serious question.

Would you rather have no face or Zach Braff's face? Zach Braff. Do you have a picture of Zach Braff? I know what he's got. He's got some scrubs. Scrubs. I need to look at a picture. I'll take that.

I'll take a face over no face. Yeah. I'll agree with that. So I'm thinking of no face from Tristamental Black. And that's fuck. Or just Slenderman. I'm thinking of the blank from Dick Tracy. Yeah.

Good lord. You take that face? Or the question? Over no fucking face? How do you eat? How do you smell? How do you see? I guess I would take this face and wear a mask.

I'd become Vega. Wow. Zach Braff. That was an easy one. I guess he hates Zach Braff. Yeah. He says, I am Arab and I say they're both wrong. Is it Abdul or Avdol?

Okay. Oh. I don't know. Avdol. Isn't it both? I feel that it's Abdul because Abdul is the name that call Abdul and we know in regular Americanized language. What he says is there's an incredibly famous singer in the Arab world known as Abda.

Abda? Abda and it's supposed to be a mixture of both and that's what he was going for. That could be like all the music references, land a lot of credence to that. I follow your Paula Abdul thing but at the same time Americans call him Mario. Yeah. You don't get started on that. Like exactly. Mario.

Mario. I say Mario. Yeah, that makes fun of you. And Americans make fun of me for saying Mario. Americans make fun of you for another thing too. They say Mario. With the cup and the toothbrush. Shut up.

Shut the fuck up about that. No. Shut the fuck up. You guys have to tell that. Save that shit. Save that shit. Save it for the natures. Not as sinister as it sounds.

No, it's not. It's adorable. It's so human. It's so human. Criticizes your pronunciation of Mario. Yeah. Just point to the Super Mario Brothers Super show where the Mario Brothers themselves said it.

No, he's dead. In the Italian way. No. Everyone says things wrong. Without rolling the order. Better told if you don't give a shit. Technically we're all wrong. In regards to the AdVol or Abdul.

Kokari. The only thing I know is that shit's typed AdVol in the West. Which sucks. Because you know ACDC is not...it's fucking ACDC. It's not ACDC. ACDC. ACDC. ACDC.

ACDC. ACDC. ACDC. ACDC. ACDC. ACDC. ACDC. ACDC.

ACDC. ACDC. ACD. ACDC. ACDC. ACDC. ACDC. ACDC.

ACDC. ACDC. ACDC. ACDC. ACDC. ACDC. ACDC. ACDC.

ACDC. ACDC. ACDC. ACDC. ACDC. ACDC. ACDC. ACDC.

ACD. AW hvor. STILUS. STILUS. Asterisk. Aquaman. Oh, wow. That exactly puts me on spot.

That fucking character that was full of shit that I talked to you about the other day, was it a tactics game? Dark Cloud. Or it was... he had so many things it was a parody of characters with too many items on. I can't remember. I know you're talking about a awful. I'm gonna frustrate a lot of people.

The new Fate изуч, whatever, New Fate game has some of the worst character designs ever. They're just naked. They're just fucking naked. Lightning Returns' look was revealed in 2013, it's not the worst though. And that default costume looks awful. It's not as bad as Fate Extra, that's my opinion. It's too broad.

I have so many characters. There's a lot of them. Do you remember the Vita game that had a horrible, horrible transition from artwork into 3D? Oh, Mine Zero. Oh my god. The character designs were super bland, but the 3D models were terrible. Double-blank.

The art is fine, but oh my god, the models are awful. You know what character really stood out in this room were awful, because I remember because I was watching the episode when we did DMC. It was that woman that was hanging around Mondos, which is awful from every standpoint. Like it wasn't sexy, she was trying to be sexy, it wasn't sexy, and the whole idea of like this thing being gross, like it wasn't even gross enough. No, she's not trying to be sexy, she's trying to be gross. No, but it wasn't even gross enough.

You know what I mean? Like it failed in whatever you were trying to do, like to me. Like she should have been grosser. Her pulling back her scalp thing was pretty like. That was so mean. I don't like that. It's just a bad character. Um, okay, Miltonus Prime asks, do you think it's a company's right to have an all-male

cast in a game, or do you think it's an affront to potential female players and vice versa? I think it's both. Oh, I think it's totally right. I think it's totally both. You totally have the right to put whatever you want and no one has the right to censor you, but that doesn't mean that female players or even male players have the, don't have the right to get pissed off that you made an all-male cast. You're allowed to not like things.

I'm getting super tired of all-male cast. I really think if you're approaching making a cast with a measuring stick, or you have some kind of agenda while you're doing it, you're doing it wrong. Don't have that goal into designing your cast. Have a story and a reason why it's mixed or not, or whatever, and as long as it's justified and makes sense at the same time, it'd be nice to have some more female, black, Asian, Arabic, et cetera, characters in games. I am so tired of Nathan Drake.

I am so tired of Nathan Drake. You're tired of relating to characters, whereas I can't relate to a tall man with dark hair. None of us do. Like his lines are too smooth. No, his lines are too smooth, man. You relate more than I can. Dude, I can pick up a girl like he does. Let me have my wine.

On a rope. Exactly. Let me have my wine. I have to chip over on them. Damn it. I didn't know that. That's why I like it. Dude, wine kind of was great.

No. Anyway, no. It's anybody's right to make whatever they want. But he's right to call them out on it being fucked up. In fighting games, when it's all girls or all guys, I just don't like that. A good example of this is GTA 5. What a fighting game has all guys. Creepy ones.

MMA games. I don't know. What's up? A good example of this exact problem. I know it's been answered. A lot of fire is GTA 5 has no female characters whatsoever, and it's fucking weird. Every single chick in that game is horrible, is painted the most unsympathetic at all, and all three main characters are dudes, and it's about being dudes, and it's like...

The answer is about... The story is about masculine. It's like... But it's a... Fuck, man. I just want like a single person. GTA 1 had female characters that were your boss, those were cool. I think diversity is great, as long as you don't make a bad character.

Yeah. At the end of the day, as long as you're not making bad characters, make them however you will. Sure. Yeah. But don't... And the thing is, again, even though I said I don't like when it's all one or the other, but don't pull up a measuring stick and have an agenda as to why you're going to...

I'm going to say something then, I don't remember you having a particular problem with Skullgirls' first release, and there were story reasons why there were no guys. Actually, I did. I'm sorry. Yeah, if you did, I don't remember you having a problem. No. I'm very happy that Beowulf and Big Band are showing that. Yeah, so am I.

But I remember us both being like, and... No. It was actually my biggest... You know? But in the end, I think, for example, KOF does a really good job of having all kinds of shit going on, right, for whatever, multiple reasons, but just don't have an agenda. No, exactly. I was the one who didn't have a problem with Skullgirls, because to me, it doesn't matter

What do you mean by don't have an agenda? I'm confused by the way you're saying that. Don't go into it specifically saying, I am making a cast that is going to be represented. Everyone needs to be gay or nothing. I'm making a cast of the Village People, or I'm making a cast of the Captain Planet Kids. Yeah, but see, that doesn't happen. That's silly. That's not a thing that even exists.

Exactly. Instead, the question is like, how about you put one non-white guy on the fucking roster? Sure. One. Whatever. Yeah. And if it's suitable, do it. But when I see this very blatant pandering to a specific thing, it's like Skullgirls.

No, not like Skullgirls. I mean, I'm the opposite of that. If you decide to diversify in a way that's not believable, where your plot- When has that ever happened? I'm saying don't go forward doing that. There's some- Yes, there's some- I guess.

But I don't feel any risk in that ever taking place. There are some Kickstarter projects. Where the crux of the plot is gay. Whereas Persona 4, Kanji is amazingly portrayed in sexuality. That's the difference between hand-fistedness and confidence. Sure. There are some Kickstarter projects, for example, where the whole point is this thing, and then the actual plot characters and things are secondary.

That's great, but make your characters Kickstarter or open for personal projects. I think it's more interesting to have your cast be diverse just so that they're different. No, absolutely. That's my personal opinion. I think Zero Escape does it well in having a diverse cast. Absolutely, totally. Because it's never like, oh, you are all X, thus you have to be X. No, they're just all-

They're good characters, and that's what matters at the end. I think- If you had a game like Night of the Sickleweasel, you never see a character's face at all. Yeah. You only have text, like a book. It doesn't matter. As long as they're good characters, they can be whatever. Totally.

Yep. That's the problem with your bad characters. I'm of the opinion that you can make whatever game you want, regardless, even if it's, like, outrageously disgusting. Uh-huh. But if you don't like that, then you should keep yelling for stuff, say, get Femship on the front of the box. Yeah.

Because why not put fucking Femship on the front of the box? Femship would never be on the front of the box. She was on the inside cover. That's the part that I got. With what marketing- When we're told you can't have- What was it? Last of Us?

Elizabeth? No, both. There was both. Ellie and Joel were- The cover that we got for Last of Us is the one that was originally pitched. And the version of Bajak Infinite had Elizabeth on the cover. And both devs were told, no, you gotta take the chick off. And Naughty Dog said, how about you go fuck yourself?

We're not- That's the cover. They told marketing to fuck off. And the irrational totally caved because they ran over budget. Yeah, they had a lot of ground. But for a company to just be like Femshut, like, you know, just- Yeah, but that's this main circular bullshit of girls don't play games. What if you put more characters where you play as a chick?

How about that? It's possible to be a hack going in the extreme of both directions. It's just so much more common. You can be a hack by going, I want to make Lollifighter and that's all I want to do. And you can also be a hack by going, I'm going to design a character that's gay, trans, whatever. And all this stuff. But you have, and like, what's their plot? What's their story?

What else is going on with them? If it's bad, it's bad. Exactly. And it's just terrible. And it's like, oh, but you get, yes, you made something different, but that's not the most important thing when you're making your game or your story. Mortal Kombat 1, the Sonya, originally not supposed to be in it. It's supposed to be Jax all up until like midway through development.

And then they're like, midway, huh? Yeah. Maybe we should put a woman in just for diversity's sake. And the game was way better. The game was way better. Jax was just that fast. It worked in that case totally. But Sonya should have been black.

Yeah. Combine both characters. Because all the black characters in Mortal Kombat, not really the best ones, but if it was a black Sonya, it'd be pretty cool. It'd be great. Cyrax. Back then, it's like whatever story it was. Cyrax doesn't count.

He's a robot half the time. But he's black. Yeah, sure. But he's a black Chinese robot. I guess. But it's like, you gotta count the numbers up. It's just fucking, ugh. No, it's not.

I agree. God, man. Do you remember the fucking shit storm over Santa Andreas? Because she plays the fucking black guy. Do you remember how fucking embarrassing that was? And how amazingly well it turned out. Oh, yeah. It's the fucking best GTA game.

You played through Assassin's Creed Freedom Cry. Yeah. Which is like... You're playing as Ed Ayer. I don't want to. You keep going to say Ed Abisi. No, no. I never said that.

I don't think so. What are you guys going to say to Abisi? No. And some of the characters in that are just so flat. And they're just like, yeah, we're black, fight slavery. Yeah, no, I agree. Fight slavery. Why?

There's like three black guys on the team. But like a bad character is a bad character. No matter what's going on. No matter what's going on. No matter what's going on. And at the same time that I would ask for diversity in everything, like more, at the same time, I'm super wary of another fucking awful Japanese homosexual character that is super offensive. It is the worst.

And is always like Leron pitched two octaves up and is wearing a dress and you're going like, fuck man, come on. I never played that. Fucking come on. Enchanted Arms is so fucking offensive. It's the worst at that. Enchanted Arms is the one that got the saxophone. I think so.

I believe so, yeah. Yeah, the guy's name is Makoto. Yeah, the guy's name is Makoto. The ex folks initially and then it came in pairs three far later. The dude's name is Makoto and in English and in Japanese VA, he's fucking offensive. It's so bad. It's terrible. And we get a black character in a Japanese game that's not like fucking yourself.

No, no, no. Except for Big Bo, who's awesome. Wait, Josh Stone. Josh Stone? Yeah, Resident Evil 5. Resident Evil 5? He's pretty good. No, you're right.

He was good. Sheva's not, but Josh is pretty good. Sheva's all right. Josh is better. He's got to bring up Big Bo. Big Bo's great. Big Bo's great. You don't know because you refuse to play for Big Bo's great.

It's offensive. You just like it because it's stupid. No, he's actually really great. You just don't give him a chance. One of blacks is like a super big superhero. How many hours am I supposed to give for the guy not to have a big bug face? Like 25? Oh, he loses his ghost face?

Wait, Coltrane has a creepy bug face and everybody loves Coltrane. Not nearly as bad as Big Bo. No, not nearly as bad. No, Coltrane does not fucking stick his eyeballs out of his head. That's just the one picture. Like a fucking pruning-ass lake. Okay. Black Sambo type.

All right. We don't get none of that. Okay. God damn it. It's the worst. How do you feel about Mack in Yakuza? Is he over the top? Mack?

Mack. He's the black guy who teaches you about revelations and goes, ah! Wait, which guy? In Yakuza. No, for Sagamore? Yeah, for Akiyama. Oh, for Akiyama. The guy who teaches you revelations.

How's he? He didn't, like, visually he was fine, but his voice was like, yeah. There's another black character in Yakuza called Gary Buster Holmes. He's a very large dude that used to work in the underworld. And the joke is that he's super-American, so he always has terrible Japanese. But that's... Nah, it's fucking weird. I mean, the original Doc Lewis was a bit, like, a little bit in the way he was drawn,

but then I think of, like, I don't know, what's a decent one? Kevin, from Rising. Sure. Hell, Kevin's great. Yeah, Kevin's great. So, I guess the end of it is it's getting better, but bitch harder. Like, get mad. When you see something like GTA V or, like, that's bullshit, get fucking mad.

Say something about it, but... And eventually people will listen. But it is totally their problem. Or I could just opt to not play the fucking game because... No, but that's another option. You just vote with your dollar and also scream. You know what handled this really well? Actually, Avatar.

The Lost Airbender. The show? Yeah. Yeah, it did. Having tons of characters from different descents. Yeah, it's got a bunch of people that are Inuit, Han Chinese, or Japanese. Oh, yeah, no, sorry. Yeah, no, I've seen Avatar, but I thought you meant there were black people.

I was like, well, just fine. No, it just handles it really well. Yeah, that's all. Yeah, it handles the whole multicultural thing well. We need gay people in Star Trek. I'm just gonna say it. We do. We have one.

We do? There's one? In Star Trek, he's not, but Zachary Quintan. Ah, that doesn't count. That doesn't count. Gene Roddenberry's answer, I think, was like, there's no gay people in the future. He's like, what? No.

What? Everyone loves everyone. No, everyone loves everyone. It's kind of like Orson Scott card stuff where you're like... There's a fucking character that switches genders halfway through their life, but there's no fucking gay people in the future. What the fuck are you talking about, Gene? Jesus Christ.

Fucking get off your... Oh, he's dead. Yeah, you can't relieve something, you know. And his wife's dead. Yeah. You can maybe go and stick that back into Earth Final Conflict, though. Oh, fuck. Yeah, fuck.

Yay! I watched Earth Final Conflict. Whatever. Get out of my face. Yeah. We got another question? Nah, we can keep going, but I think we should wrap it up. Okay.

What's going on on the channel? We got more Nuzlocke. We got more Yakuza. We got the Castlevania video that Matt was talking about. You should be this week. Is there anything that I'm forgetting, boys? Mailbags. Lots of mailbags.

Yeah, hi. There are. We are going to, by the end of, I'm going to say Friday, we'll be completely caught up and up to date on the mailbag, which means I hope you all enjoy five plus hours of mailbag footage. Yeah. It is nuts. It's nuts.

You guys are the best. What's going on on the Matwatch? The Matwatch, as I alluded to a little bit earlier at the start, I talked to Kurt and Nick from Team Four Star and did some voiceovers for some upcoming things. Not the ones I kind of mentioned you guys. I was about to fucking say, you jerk, I really hope you were not that much of a dick. If there are multiple roles in that thing, I know I'm sorry I'm like being kind of, dancing around, but they were super fun to talk to and I hope we can do some more stuff

in the future. One of them does Chris Jericho and it sounded like he had Chris Jericho next to it. It was amazing. Nice. Come get my band fuzzin'. I think it was amazing and I kind of blew my voice out trying to out impersonate with them and guess what? They were talking about Double the North Star and guess what their favorite joke from Double

the North Star is? Key. Key. Key. Key. Key. Key. Key.

Key. Key. Key. Key. Key. Key. Key. Key.

Key. Phil. Phil. Phil. Phil. Phil. Phil. Phil.

Phil. Hello everyone. How do you feel that your son who never died has been so doubtey in his own motherfuckers meeting. What happened to you dad? You put your cup and you fill it up with water, then you put your tooth paste on your toothbrush, then you dunk it so that it is wet, then you brush your teeth, then you use the water in your cup to rinse and spit.

And what happened? Oh, I don't want to talk about it. But that's the crux of what happened. Okay, fine. That's really weird and I played it off like oh that's what Canadians do. We don't do that shit. You just hold it up to the top. No, it's everybody but you guys.

How weirdo. And now she's going to hear it. I should love you more for it. God damn it. God damn it you motherfuckers. I didn't go with Liam and Woolly. Woolly doesn't wash his fucking socks if we're going to get into the weird shit. What are you doing?

I buy new socks. I wash them once. What are you doing? I buy new ones. You're fucking socks outside and when I ask you aren't they going to get dirty? Your response is I'll fucking throw them out. Everyone's a weirdo but me and Liam. Because we created a blight for Pat now he's got to go on the rebound and reach out and

scratch and everything. No. You're shaking man. I'm not shaking. I'm pissed. He's nervous. Nice. Now Ireland is going to think I'm a weirdo because they didn't think that already.

They didn't think that already. Exactly. Nervously pissed. Alright, we'll be back next week. See you everybody. Peace out. Have a good one. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye