Chainsaw History - No Time For Love Doctor Jones #2: Morocco 1908

Episode Date: April 14, 2023

It's another episode of our new limited series from Chainsaw History: "No Time For Love Doctor Jones" — where Jamie Chambers drags his reluctant sister Bambi through the fictional life of Indiana Jones. In today's episode, our hosts continue The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles in chronological order with Episode 35: "Tangiers May, 1908." (Future episodes of this series will be available only to paid subscribers ... but for now they're free!)On today's installment the Jones family visits Morocco, where nine-year-old Indy is loaned a young slave by Emily Keene, Cherifa of Wazan. But when he disguises himself as an Arab and forces his enslaved friend decide to sneak off with him to check out a severed head on a stick, they are abducted by child slavers--requiring a rescue by famous journalist and known pedophile Walter B. Harris. Decades later in the 1990s, old Indiana Jones liberates a beauty pageant.Created for fans and newcomers alike, "No Time For Love Doctor Jones" delivers foul-mouthed entertainment and real-world history as we follow the evolution of cinema's most iconic archaeologist and whip-cracking hero!

Hey, Dr. Jones, no time for love! We've got company! Oh, hello, young lady. Are you a beauty pageant contestant? Uh... I like to randomly attend beauty pageants, you see, because I like to remember back when I used to look like Harrison Ford, and women would ask me to whip them. This is gross, and I want out of this conversation. So welcome, everybody, to No Time for Love, Dr. Jones.

Where we follow the fictional adventures of Dr. Henry Walton Jones Jr. as he bounces off of real-world history and important figures. I'm your host, Jamie Chambers, and this is my sister, Bambi. Hello. This, if you're hearing our voices now, that means you are one of our paid subscribers on chainsahistory.com, and we love and appreciate you. Thank you.

You're going to get access to this and the value of series and other bonus content that we put up on the site. So we appreciate you telling your friends to do the same, and they can hear more of this. Our goal in this show is to mostly follow along the television show in chronological order, and normally that's pretty easy to figure out, especially because the early episodes have literal fucking dates in the titles. However, this is where it instantly gets complicated,

like in episode two, because this one's a little weird. The show we're talking about today was originally intended for the third season of the young Indiana Jones Chronicles, and it was going to be titled Tangier July 1909. So nice, helpful date. Now chronologically speaking, that would have made it at least a few episodes down the line for us, and little Henry would have already been 10 years old. But this episode never aired on television.

Because of reasons? Well, the reasons being it was very canceled. So, but they had already shot the entire thing. So when they repackaged the show for home video, they just cut George Hall out completely as Old Indy, and they just edited it together with the story we covered last time about Egypt, and just and then called it My First Adventure, and they actually got the kid who played Young Indy to do the narration,

which is why every once in a while, even in the cut we watch, you'll hear a little boy narrating, because they're like, yeah, they took out Old Indy, as they should. They took it away. I know, I completely disagree. I'm fighting for, it's better than. It's so bad. Gosh, Collie G, I missed my dog, Indiana.

No, I will take Old Indy any day of the fucking week. The old child abuser. So anyway, so because they decided to pair this with the last episode, we talked about last week, it kind of rewinds everything in terms of the timeline and makes it take place as the next thing Henry did after the whole deal with Lawrence of Arabia in Egypt. So now, we saw Ned bicycle away heroically after a murderer.

Yeah, and Indy can't let that go ever. And he's still holding on to it. And so that was, so now our adventure takes place vaguely in the spring of 1908. So he's still nine years old. And I know it broke your heart that there was no old Indy scene to kick this episode off and it just jumped straight into the old days. But don't you worry, I've got a special surprise for you where we get to the end today. Oh, joy.

But let's get into the plot. In this section, we talk about the plot and major story points of the episode. So Bambi, here is all we know about the old Indy section that was shot but cut. But this is according to Indiana Jones dot fandom dot com quote. The teleplay for the episode indicates that the framing book ends involved the elderly Indiana Jones being present at a beauty pageant slash talent show. His story, which reveals that Omar eventually gained his freedom when Morocco abolished slavery and the boys maintain their friendship inspires one of the contestants to follow her own passions

rather than continuing to be pressured by her overbearing mother unquote. So we'll get more on this. So for whatever reason, old Indiana Jones is just at a young girls like that's so fucking weird beauty pageant. I would know like no indication that he has like a granddaughter or some fucking reason to be just some kind of random ass pedophile being a weird old creep. Just going to a beauty pageant and talk and chatting up the girls. So I don't know.

I haven't seen the whole script. So that's all we know so far. So but that's that's the old Indie section. So in talk of the actual story, which you did, you did watch. I did watch it. I didn't enjoy it, but I was here we go. So as we see, our adventure begins as the Jones family plus Miss Seymour are headed to Morocco in North Africa.

And when asked, you know, what Morocco is like, one of the first things Dr. Jones is sort of excited to tell his son is and this exciting four lambs that they still own slaves. Yeah. And at first he was like, Oh, gee, Willikers, what's what's slavery like? What's a slave? I'm my wholesome apple pie life. It means I don't know nothing about slavery. Yeah, it's very cringy. It's cringy from the start.

And Dr. Jones senior just a little bit too into it. You're sure you're junior. They're slaves. And the mom's like horrified. Let's not talk about that. Oh my goodness. Yes. And yeah, Henry gets a little annoyingly interested on the topic and had to be told to shut the fuck up.

So on the deck of the steamship, Dr. Jones. And once again, it's every time I'm mentioning Dr. Jones in this case, it's always are a senior. He's giving a presentation to the Sultan of Morocco. Yeah. And he like flipped out because he lost his book. Oh, he was sitting on it because he's an absent minded professor and needs his wife desperately to take care of him. Clearly.

He's like, oh, thank you. Oh, thank you. What would I do without you? I would let you out of your nightly beatings. So then they would be staying with a man named Ding Ding, first historical figure, Walter Harris, an old friend who was a correspondent for the London Times. And this is back when you could be like a rich foreign correspondent. Miss Seymour declares that he sounds like a thoroughly respectable person.

And is he? No, none of this is respectable. All of it's cringey. So we get some lovely establishing shots of Morocco. Do you get to see some of that money? Yeah. Again, the one thing about the show is the cinematography is absolutely stunning. It's gorgeous.

You can't. It's not this one wasn't remastered and it was a little weird and grainy. But but still just like the the actual like location shooting they do is looks great. Yeah, it's beautiful. And especially realizing this was like television in the 90s. This was expensive shit. And so the really gorgeous yet the visuals on this are great. And so then Walter Harris introduces himself.

He does look very much like a respectable British gentleman. He's all dressed up nicely. And at dinner, he tells the Junes is that he arranged tea with the Sharifa of Jabel, an English woman named Ding Ding Ding Emily Keen. So we have another historical personage that we're going to meet. For the record, I have no idea who these people were. No, I went into this and I'm sure that maybe I'd heard of Walter Harris because that time period and I got really interested in those kinds of people who especially went to Africa.

Like one of my no longer. But when I was younger, one of my heroes was Sir Richard Francis Burton, this explorer, colonizer, dude who went in and liked to dress up and live as the natives and see all the shit, you have a lot of cringy heroes. That's the thing, you know, that yeah, I had Sydney Lopper and I still stand by it. So anyway, I think I might have heard of Walter Harris, but I certainly didn't remember him when we watched this episode and I don't know that I ever heard of this, the Sharifa chick. But I learned a little bit that we'll talk about in that appropriate section later on.

Walter says the Sharifa came over from England and seven years ago, Mary, the Sharifa, Emily Keane went to be the Sharifa, the feminine, I mean, the wife of the Sharifa. So he's like a very special Moroccan native who himself is a descendant of the prophet Muhammad, which is the first time the second episode. We've got a little bit a touch of Muslim religion explained in front of little Henry. So while walking the streets, Henry decides to stomp in a mud puddle and splashes his father's coat. Yeah. And he was, you could tell that he was about to get beaten. It's like, I'm in a country where it doesn't mind when I beat children in public.

But yeah, funny enough, like when I watched the second time, it was like really sloppy editing and camera work because you could see that the stain was already on his jacket before. It was just, come on people, try harder. Little editing could have fixed that. But anyway, so Junior, did you see what you did? And you just wonder what kind of terrifying punishments Dr. Jones has in mind for later because he's trying to impress the Sharifa at tea. And then all of a sudden a local man screams something in Arabic at them. And these subtitles tell us, you are a dog of the Christians.

And he keeps yelling Christian dog as he walks away. Yeah, he spits from me. He's not pleased with these white people. Yeah, well, you know. Imagine why, why would Morocco, who was like completely, had like multiple countries attempting to colonize it at the same time, why they would be pissed at the Christians? Yeah, it's all crunchy. And again, it's like they, they framed it at least, I guess, I don't know. I don't know. I got to say, I will say this, both in the last episode and this one, you know, that it was even though the white people are always our heroes in this story,

the other people, but this really does always try to seem to give multiple viewpoints and respect for these other cultures. I think, I think that was one of George Lucas's mission statements was to try, you know, in a Captain Planet sort of, you know, like naively optimistic, you know, way and obviously through a very cringy, or like, I hope to God that this is the cringiest episode there is. I really, really hope so. Because this one was bad. I got some bad news for you. Oh, oh, good. Something to look forward to.

I can't let you have, hold on to any fleeting hope. Anyway, so they got abused on the street, but then they arrive at the home of the Sharifa. Walter shows off that he is both fluent in Arabic and just complete absolute comfort with the native customs. The home is gorgeous. It's richly appointed and a complete contrast to the poverty you saw immediately outside in the dirt and beggars in the street. Yeah. The squalor. Yeah. And in Henry immediately spots a lizard over by a fountain and starts playing with it and even wants to sneak it inside to tea. Walter introduces the Jones family to the

Sharifa who claims it is always pleasant to meet Americans, which was a line that just made me laugh. That's what everybody says. Yeah. How pleasant Americans are, our international reputations, just the best. Oh, yeah. Of course, in 1908, it would actually be kind of quaint because we were not a big deal back then. We're kind of right out, you know, post Spanish American War, pre-war war ones, this sort of, it's like America's had its coming out party, but we really haven't hit the stage quite yet, as we will. Anyway, that was just a funny little line. And then, like I said, Henry tries to sneak the lizard in, but Dr. Jones knows that his son

is like a little dentist, the menace, and he's like, God, just give it a try, Junior, and I'll show you what I'm going to do about it. I mean, honestly, at this point, I would be for Henry just beating the shit out of him. Just get that little bastard. Try and stay out of trouble. He can't stay out of trouble because he sucks. At tea, the white British and Americans are being served by black household slaves. Yeah, and then the whole lady just gives Henry a slave to play with. We are about to get to that. Just something to note,

but all the white people are being attended to by the black slaves. And Mrs. Jones tells their hostess about the whole getting spit on and screamed at in the street, and that's a little troubling. Like, what's with the religious prejudice, yo? They wonder, like, why did this Sharifa, she was accepted in this mixed race, mixed religion home, and she says it's because she doesn't enforce her beliefs down people's throats, unlike other Europeans. Yeah, well, I mean, that's what they do.

Now, seeing Henry is, you know, once again, he's nine years old, and he's bored, and there is no iPhone to give him with YouTube back then to keep a kid quiet. So, yeah, so Henry's fidgeting at the table, bored out of his mind, and there's nothing, you know, can't give the kid an iPhone or anything to keep him occupied to shut him up, but what they'd have is even better. They have a little black boy. Here, take the child, Henry.

So, yes, the Sharifus asks if it'd be cool for the little slave boy, Omar, and Henry to go play in the garden. So, they go off to play orange ball. Yeah, and apparently Omar sucks at orange ball. Yeah, orange ball, not his strongest game, so the grown-ups are talking. Now, back at tea, the adults are talking about the merits of letting a country rule itself, rather of being under the oppression of a colonial power. Professor Jones keeps his trap shut about the issue.

We can guess what he has to say about this. I don't think his opinions would be... I don't know about his opinions. He's, there's just so much, there was so much to unpack in there. There's tightly wound Scotsman. He's very quick to say that he doesn't have an influence on any government. So, in the garden, they've just shifted to orange hockey, and Henry tries to figure out what this whole slave thing is all about.

When Omar asked if he should lose on purpose, because Henry's like, well, I want to win, I'm going to win. He's like, oh, do you want to win? And he's like, wait, wait, wait, no. And so, at first, he thinks it's pretty cool that Omar doesn't have to constantly study under an evil, you know, British teacher like he does. Yeah, it's totally cool being a slave's rocks, because you don't have to go to school, right? You don't have to go to school?

That's awesome. Now, it was all very critical. I will say this, Henry's opinion about child slavery or slavery in general changes in the story, so to be fair. So, T wraps up with the Sharifa asking Walter to present the Sultan with a bribe in order to keep her health programs to continue. So, we've got some, you know, nice governmental bribery going, but at least it's for a good cause.

We like health programs. When she learns that Henry hasn't had another child to play with in months, the lady just orders Omar to go travel with them and be a good companion to the little white boy. Well, you said, you just give him a. Just to have a child. Loans him a slave. Then they set out on horseback in carriage to go see the Sultan.

There's more long desert shots. Yes, there are. Out on the countryside, Walter warns Dr. Jones that bandits roam these hills ready to steal anything from a fine horse to a gold tooth. And Henry learns that Omar has never traveled anywhere in his whole damn life because once again, he is a slave. Yeah, he showed him a map and stuff. Yeah, like he learned like Omar hasn't even heard of most like major countries in the world

because slaves don't need to know any of these things. They need to know how to do their jobs and that's literally it. And so, meanwhile, little Henry has already been, you know, over a good chunk of the globe and he's not even 10 years old yet. So Henry shows Omar his hand-drawn map of the world he's been making and talks about he's going to be an archaeologist one day. Then he asks Omar, what are you going to be when you grow up? A slave.

Exactly. Henry like is under the opinion you can sort of graduate from being a slave. He's like, no, when you grow up. So it's like first piece of knowledge Henry gets is that oh, slave is like a lifetime deal. Yeah, it's a forever deal. So at dinner, Henry is bummed that his new best friend is, you know, a fucking slave. And so he's a little quiet.

It's like, well, this is actually not as cool as I thought. Not going to school sounds awesome. The rest of it, not so much. But most of the grown-ups assure him that Omar is well taken care of. And in his fact, better enjoys a better standard of living than the average peasant because he lives in a nice lady, nice rich ladies home and she's not a cruel, you know, she doesn't mistress. They use the word mistress.

It's she feeds him and close him and make it keep some clean and safe. And and I guess as for a white slave owner, she wasn't so bad. In fact, their local friend, Walter says he is better off as a slave. That's like a like a direct quote. Yeah. And fuck that guy. But Miss Seymour are educated. Maybe not the most British lady person on the right side of history.

But in this case, she calls serious bullshit. Yeah, Miss Seymour calls bullshit. But Dr. Jones gives a soft defense of the institution of slavery, not having slaves is a relatively new idea. Yeah. And gross. Yeah, his opinions. His opinions are really fucked.

Miss Seymour patiently explains to Henry that Omar has no choices at all. It can be sold off like a pair of shoes. And Walter explains that they can also be stolen, which he said that's what the real problem is, is the stealing. Banded steel slaves and resell them in a thriving if illegal trade. Nasty business, declares Dr. Jones. No one should be stealing slaves. Yeah, the child trafficking.

No, all of it's bad. So Henry leaves this delightful conversation to go brush horses with Omar, which, you know, fair. And Omar is more is asked to have more questions about geography. And Henry explains that most of the world is ocean and that no one owns the ocean, which makes Omar really interested. I really dig the ocean. This ocean.

Nobody owns it or you. Yeah. And then Henry tells Omar, he's like, you're not a slave around me. And they should shake hands instead of Omar bowing every time Henry says something. He's like, look, no, you're you're not a slave for me. You are my friend, even though that is tested. Completely bullshit. That is that is tested.

And Henry fails this test coming up in a little bit. His heart's in the right place. He again. But he sucks. Again, he's not. He sucks. He's dying and you've seen his parents. So we're so far.

I'm actually cheering that Miss Seymour is here to be a good influence on him as well as make him the, you know, ridiculously educated for a fucking nine year old. So at the city of Fez, which I didn't look up, but I hope is where the name of the cute hat comes from. I think so. I vaguely remember that. So this is me showing my historical ignorance. I don't know everything. Never claimed to.

Walter tells Henry that the the walls are there to keep the bad guys out. Does it work? Golly G. Willikers. Oh, no, by no means. This place is filled with villains. This is a terrible city. Welcome to my home. Walter also declares the city he lives in smells like incense and dead cats.

Welcome to my delightful home. The dead cat place. Don't worry, the incense covers up the dead cat smell. Glen Cullows came in here a few weeks ago. Continue. It's so cringey. I just I just can't get Walter Harris's home. They enjoy some lemonade.

They're really excited about the lemonade as it comes up several times in this episode. They're into the lemonade. It's like when I guess fair in Morocco in 1908, that probably would hit the fucking spot. Serve to them by once again. Slaves. Yeah. Don't do the every take a shot every time you see or talk about slaves in this episode, or you will be dead in the first 15 minutes.

Oh, yeah, they they they're all about the slavery in this episode, but nothing but. Yeah. And even though they rush through it, they try to give us like the sense that some time has passed. So the boys are playing when Henry spots a mysterious man with a turban in his face wrapped and they confront the thief and they start throwing shit at him and yelling at him. And then they learn that the thief is actually their host, Walter in disguise. Yeah, he was wearing black face. Well, brown face.

Brown. Yeah, you see, apparently his work as a journalist involves going in brown face using walnut oil, which apparently washes off with lemon juice. So he stains his skin and then it dresses up and apparently speaks the local language and knows people well enough to together because he said that that that everyone despises Europeans and won't talk to them. So if he pretends to be a native Moroccan, then then yeah. Yeah, he won't get a solid he can get the he can get that tea that not the actual

literal tea, but the tea he tries to get for his job working for the London Times. So he literally is basically a journalistic spy. And and and Henry try to get some to explain the difference between being a spy and a journalist. It's odd. This is just so bad. I'm struggling. I'm struggling even talking about this. It's so gross.

There was so much. Walter explain. Oh, you have no idea. Walter explains to Henry that he went to go see the Grand Vizier who had pissed off the Sultan. But unfortunately for him, the Grand Vizier was in a bad mood that day. So now sorry. I got one.

Walter explains to Henry. He went to go see this Grand Vizier. This dude had pissed off the Sultan. And unfortunately for him, the Sultan was in a bad mood and the Grand Vizier's head was now on a stick in the marketplace. College you will occurs. I'd really like to see that severed head. Cheapers.

Henry gets into it. He wants to know the details. Are his eyes open? Walter answers in Arabic. And Henry reveals he totally is fluent in Arabic. Since the last episode, which like I said, if we're going by the way, they revise the timeline. It's been a few months and so Annette had just told him learn Arabic.

It's like, okay. And now he's fluent in Arabic like three or four months later. And so the phrase he said about the head was he stares but sees nothing. So before they head to T, Henry looks at the Arab disguise kit and we could all like see the little light bulb right above his head. It's like, I expect I'll be using this later for, for adorable little boy hijinks before the grownups head off to meet the Sultan. Henry's mom tells him not to leave the house and Miss Seymour reminds him that he has three

chapters of Latin to study. He is nine. He is nine years old. He needs to read three goddamn chapters of Latin. Yeah. I mean, I can understand why he had that. Wait, you don't have to go to school line. It makes a lot more sense.

You understand what school means for a this nine year old school sucks school. Yeah. The literal moment, the boring adults are gone. Henry runs to Omar to hatch his scheme for them to go see the salted head on a stick. Yeah. Omar wasn't pleased with this. He, he, he was not about it. Omar immediately is like American not safe in marketplace.

Henry says he can disguise himself as an Arab. So that way, you know, what do you know? He's American. He's like, even as Arab, not safe. Yeah. Being an unintended child in the place with the child slavery ring is bad. And Henry tells Omar to stop arguing with him and that this led and the moment he says that the slave boy says, as you bid, and that makes Henry feel a little uncomfortable and

squirmy. So he doesn't want to like order Omar to come, but he wants Omar to want to go. And Omar was, I do not want to go. Exactly. And then he, Henry says, don't say that. And then Omar goes, as you bid, Henry just says, just stop saying that and just come with me. And you'll feel better about it later. So he literally, he orders Omar to come with him.

Spoiler, he does not want, Omar's like, I got a good thing going on. I do not want me to fuck my life up. This is a bad idea, but I have to obey. Cause I, that I am a slave. So, and I'm currently on loan to this nine year old shithead. Omar is just full of regrets about life right now. So Omar helps Henry get into brown face and a turban, which is weird and uncomfortable. It is.

It's very weird and uncomfortable. And then they march out into the marketplace. They sure fucking do. And so you see Henry gets startled by a fucking king cobra in the street. Cause they're like a snake charmer. And then he bumps into a dude with a huge gap between his teeth who looks very menacing and laughs in his face. Oh yeah.

And it's like, they might as well have literally just put a pirate hat on this dude. Like, you know, he's the bad guy. So yeah, the smile straight from to catch a predator. The shot lingers on him being a little too interested in the young boys. So then the boys ask around and a guy with a knife offers to take them to a second location. And they're like, yeah, let's go. Well, not they. They just Henry.

Henry's all about it. And Omar is like, no, let's, let's head back. He's like, it's late. We need to get back. This is a bad idea. We're going to get in trouble. But Henry once again over rules him and again uses his authority as the slave Lindy to order Omar.

And of course, the moment they make it around the corner of the child kidnappers, grab the boys. But Omar's got moves and he like, he knees the assailant right in the berries and then makes the getaway while Henry is just taking like a little bitch, just grabbed a screaming and crying. And Omar makes a heroic getaway. Yep. He ducked behind some shit. He was he hid under some sheets and got away while the guys were chasing him.

And Omar slips away. And if Omar had any fucking common sense, he would have just ran away away from all of it because it was no going back without Henry. But like, he's like, I'm fucked. I'm peace out all of you. Fuck you, white people. I'm taking my chances. But I don't know.

Then again, you know, in his situation, what's he going to do? Poor fucking Omar in the story. Omar is definitely the quiet hero of the story. Quiet hero and biggest victim. So Henry's all trust up and quickly locked in a dark building before anyone notices the obvious child abduction because, you know, like they are kind of circumspect about this. That's why they go around a corner and quickly just throw them in a place because, you know, not everybody's cool with abducting children in the street, just some people.

Well, I mean, but then you cut to the next scene and Henry's like getting up out of his Well, yeah, he's thrown in there and you see Omar hides from his pursuers. You see Henry uses his foot to kick rocks at a rat who's coming at him because, you know, because he's all tied up and is vulnerable to being nibbled on by rats. And you see, yeah, just like you were saying, he like wriggles like his way through a hole in the floor. So like, because this is just like a little shack just sitting on top of the dirt and his head just kind of like sticks up. I don't go on the ground because he's bound and gagged. But you also see like just children being snatched off the street.

Like nobody gives a shit. Yeah, this place is rough. Like the city of Fez is not literally we're just like picking up small children and putting them in bath. If this is how it's like, they were not fucking around. And so he manages to catch Omar's attention. And so they attempt a daring escape by hiding under Omar's like stolen sheet. But both boys are snatched by the child slavers who were announced they're going on a trip. So like once again, they're like, there's several times where this like there's like the her like these moments where I was like, okay, now the kids are going to make their heroic escape. Yeah, this is one thing this tastes the idea of child slavery a little bit more

seriously than like an adventure movie. This is not a Goonies kind of thing where the kids are going to get the better of the adults gets a little serious in this episode. Yeah, no. We're coming up with some harsh shit. It's it's it's pretty rough. This one was genuinely upsetting. And like I said, I'll give it credit for the fact it doesn't pull some punches, even if it's just like a little snapshot of somehow bad some of this stuff is. But anyway, back at the Harris household, Mrs. Jones can't find her son anywhere. And Dr. Jones is more concerned that the Sultan nodded off during his super interesting lecture than giving a fuck where his little boy is. Meanwhile, Miss Seymour is convinced the little shit is hiding from his

Latin test. Mom's like, no, never hide. No, my little angel. But then Walter sees that someone has been messing with his walnut oil Arab disguise kit. And he's like, Oh, shit. Oh, fuck my bad, you guys. I might have told the most irresistible story to an adventurous little boy and told him who that he can go in disguise and be like a daring adventure. It's like, maybe that maybe I was dumb. Whoops. Maybe that was not great. So so really what we've learned over the last two episodes is adults should really fucking carefully talk to children, because otherwise they get scary ideas in their heads like fucking dumb ideas and mummies and mummies and disguise disguise. You can go see a shriveled head. So yeah, the the staff looks around or the slaves look around the

the estate boys are gone. So Walter and Dr. Jones run off into the market and learn the boys were taken, which sends them back for Walter to enact a plan to rescue Henry. So Walter takes personal responsibility for this. It's like, I have fucked up, but I will I'll make it right. Don't worry. I got this. It's good. I got this. And he assures Mrs. Jones that he will never forgive himself. He does. If he does not return their son safely does not mention Omar. Yeah, no. Omar was not on anyone's radar is collateral damage. As far as everyone's concerned at this point, there is a white boy to find. This is a job for brown face. Walter once again dons his disguise and mounts his horse and rides off at a gallop. Our second harrowing British guy who likes to cosplay as an

Arab in a row, but at least to at least Lawrence just was wearing like the clothes just like a practical after like a turban's a smart thing to wear in the desert. And he'd be still rode around on his bicycle half dressed in a suit. He wasn't pretending like this guy full on is in disguise. However, probably the smart thing to do in this situation. So out in the desert, we're back at the slave caravan and Omar tells Henry to shut the fuck up and stop speaking English because, you know, they'll kill him rather than allow him to be a complication. It's like, oh, if we're going to get in trouble because there's an American, we will leave him half buried in the sand and we will be out and no one will ever know it was us. So, so, and then Henry has an amazing revelation.

He's like, kill me. That's not good. Straight line from the show. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Jeepers golly gee whiz being killed sure would be not great. That wouldn't be swell at all. Omar says their best hope at this point is for a good and kind master to buy them them when they get sold at auction. But Henry once again, he has his future Indiana Jones. He's not going to just wait around to be bought at a slave auction. It's time for another escape plan, which is the dumbest. Now they're all sleeping at night. Yeah, it's so dumb. They're all they're trust up in like in these giant pillowcases. Nothing but their necks hanging out, right? Wiggling around like work. So they were tied

up in the dumbest way. It was like this half ass corral that they, well, there was a thing there. All the kids are tied up in their giant pillowcases. And then there was just like a big rope strung over where they were sleeping. And then they are easily able to get out of that. But all they can do is kind of inchworm their way, like up the hill and try to get away, which they did not. They fell down. Yeah, they fell down and immediately started to fail all the way down to the bottom. They fell down and broke their crown. But then suddenly there's the sound of horses in the darkness. Henry, we're safe. Henry's like, we're being rescued. And he's thrilled to see their kidnappers are all horribly killed. So these two children are traumatized as murder

happens right in front of them. Like in the last episode, Henry witnessed the results of a murder. This time he straight up watches a bunch of guys get fucking murked. However, he doesn't give a shit. Well, no, these are the guys who kidnapped the slavery. So he's like, yay, look at these guys get killed. Hooray, we're saved. Oh, wait. And then right then suddenly this dude grabs his mouth and checks Henry's teeth. And he's like, good teeth, very good in Arabic. Omar hopefully explains that they were just stolen from being sort of and they were just going to go right to the same place they were going to go. It's just that now these new guys are going to get the money instead of the dead guys. And Henry can't believe it. He's like, you mean we're not rescued?

Like, no dipshit. We're not rescued. All these little adventure stories that he they're just all in his brain. He's just baffled that there's just more bad guys. So yeah, Henry's like, we're not rescued. No dipshit. We're not rescued. Now, at this point, I am fairly certain that Omar hates Henry with every fiber of his being. As he should. He absolutely should. Like, like he didn't have a like in the chain of of life situations in the world in 1908, he wasn't in a great one. But at least for being a slave, he was in one of the better situations because he was in a rich home that with nice people in charge. But it's Henry just ruined his fucking life. Like he could be going to like someone who beats or molesters slay me. God knows what's going to happen to

this poor kid. And it's all Henry's fault just because he wanted to see a goddamn severed head. Yeah, Omar should be better at this point. Yeah. And he reminds him was like, we should pray for now for a kind master. It's like that is how fucking bleak we're at. And it's not even as bleak as we're going to get. So the next morning, Walter investigates the massacre from the previous night of the first slavery group. But then he sees the camel tracks leading off to the slave markets of Marrakesh. So he once again takes his horse, the horse has this like really cool looking blue saddle blanket. And he looks he makes a very dashing looking fake Arab figure with his turban all dressed in like velvet black. So so now we cut to Marrakesh.

Where we see dozens of screaming crying children being hauled by their feet up through a small and beaten with rods. Yeah, being little being whipped because they have these like long rods with just short little cord whips because they're not they don't want to mark. They're not trying to put like actual lash marks on these kids for this the market just just enough to keep them in line. And then, you know, iron, Colin, sorry, iron collars being clamped around their necks. Yeah, it's a little little bitty crying kids. You see slaver smack children with sticks for no apparent reason. Another little boy you see getting just whipped as he's being hoisted feet first through the hole in the floor. And he doesn't know what the fuck to do at this point. He's just

staying in there like an asshole going like what this is not part of this. I mean, to be fair, this is probably like he had probably no concept that this is a thing that existed in the world as a nine year old and in his little little privileged bubble. So suddenly he's like, this is a thing that happens to little kids. And now it's going to happen to me. And he's like it's starting to sink in just how bad he fucked up. And just then he gets grabbed by a slaver and hauled up into the. Yeah, it's like they're trying to tell us slavery is bad or something. Yeah, Henry looks sad on the shopping block. Yeah, like there's a shot on them where you see Henry just looking like incredibly sad and Omar has this very distant but coldly angry

look, which 100% is directed at his fake Arab buddy. So Henry asks, I'll never see my mother and father again. Will I, Omar, tell me the truth. And then Omar, instead of answering that directly, kind of like try to shove some fucking empathy in his face. He's like, he's like, I never knew my mother or my father. Like I was born into slavery and and and so it's like the shut the fuck up is is implied. It's like, you've still got it better than me, motherfucker. At least you got to know what your parents' faces look like. Shut up. You've ruined my life. I hate you. The slave children are herded to the slave market where potential buyers poke and grope at Henry and Omar as they walk by. So we watched the first slave get auctioned off with

only a few bids for the crowd. And then suddenly Henry is grabbed and thrown up in the auction block. And there's suddenly lots of shouting and jeering. So they show off his good American teeth, not knowing he's American because he's still got the walnut oil all over him. And the auctioneer shouts will grow big more money, which we see in subtitles from the from the Arabic. So like, bye, future Harrison Ford. And then there is the bidding war. Yes. And so just as the bidding on Henry begins is when Walter in disguise shows up into the market. So we see this one angry looking motherfucker in a yellow turban and he bids 60 reels and Walter counters with 100. And you like I said, there's bidding war goes on and it gets all the way up to 400, which is just too rich

for yellow turban's blood. But he looks pissed. Like he like shakes his fist in anger. Didn't get the good teeth slave I wanted. So Henry's been saved. But he doesn't realize it at first. And Omar looks with sad anger. His Henry is hauled away. It's like, I the only good thing about this is I will never see you again. I hate you, dude. So once outside the auction yard, Walter drops the disguise and Henry realized he's finally been saved. So Walter makes Henry promise that he will never do anything as foolish as this again. And he was like, sure. So yeah, sure. No problem. Sure, Mr. This will never happen. I will never like next time. I will never never do anything reckless or stupid ever again from the rest of my life. I will live in peace and safety. So Henry

did but Henry to his credit does not want to leave without Omar and Walter pushes back. He's like, Omar is a slave. It's a slave. It doesn't matter. He's a slave here. There is no difference. But Henry refuses to leave. Walter explains that he only brought 500 in cash with him and he spent 400 of it buying Henry back. So he's only got 100 left, which is not going to be enough to buy a young healthy slave like Omar. So they don't have enough. So tough luck sucks. But this is what it is. But Henry says, we got to try. So back in the auction yard, the yellow turban guy notices Walter bidding on Omar. He didn't want Omar at first. But then he's like, Oh, wait, that you fuck you, dude. Like he literally just pure. We have a spite driven bidding war.

But at a lower amount. So it gets up to gets up to Walter throwing out his max bid of 100. So he's like, if it goes any higher than this, they're fucked. Omar is fucked. But then Henry has an idea and he shows off his fluent Arabic. So he loudly asks an Arabic master, why are you bidding so high? He cannot. He can't talk. He is mute. Walter plays or he's like, Oh, okay, I get what you're trying to do here. And so he smacks the shit out of Henry to sell the lie. Henry wasn't expecting it either. He's like, Oh, fuck. He's like, Why didn't you tell me sooner? So the yellow turban guy thinks he's screwing Walter over by sticking him with a mute slave. So the so he lets the hundred real bed bid stand. And so now both boys have been rescued. Now in the courtyard,

Walter drops the disguise and let let's Omar know he's going back to the Sharifa. And Omar for the first time looks almost happy. It's like, wait, I don't have to get beaten with go back to his previous slave life as opposed to the potentially horrifying one he had. However, yellow turban guy sees them and realizes this is some filthy foreigners up to no good in his neighborhood. There's trickery. There's trickery afoot. So both boys mount up with Walter on his one horse and they awkwardly gallop away with Omar on the ass and just sort of bouncing and looking like he's about to fall off every second. And then it's like cut scene. They're still bouncing away in the exact same position. And

again, this had to be over at least the course of a day. Yeah, you're bouncing on Omar is like, I've got his his testicles. Poor kid. But they finally make it back and everyone gets to hug and see Henry. And then Omar just looks on going. Yeah. So back at Walter's place. Yes, as you said, there is joyful Jones family reunion and gratitude for Walter's heroic use of glies and money and brown face. So the next thing you know, we're back at the Sharifa's estate. So super out of Fez. We're all the way back where they lie their asses off to her and let her know that Omar was a very good and obedient slave to Henry. And he was very good. She approves. Yes, I believe Dr. Jones is like, Yeah, she obeyed Henry's every whim. Even though he shouldn't

have my son as an asshole. So Henry says his goodbyes to Omar, who tells him, I hope you get to be an archaeologist and Henry applies and I hope you get to her. Well, I hope I get to see you again. Yeah. Awkward. So Omar again shows interest in seeing the ocean one day. And he tells Henry one of the saddest fucking lines in the show, at least so far. And he's like, you have given me dreams to dream. It is not my place to see or go like you. But at least now I have dreams. It's like Jesus Christ. This is bleak as fuck. It's as bleak as fuck as it gets. And then that's the end. Yeah. Feeling horrible. Henry gives Omar his map, his hand drawn map and who thanks him and to bow and bows. And he's like, no, Omar, French shake hands. And this is where the chapter ends

for us with little Henry learning an important lesson. Slavery is bad. Slavery is bad. And yeah, he wasn't all about it. It made him uncomfortable. It made us uncomfortable. It made everyone uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable episode. This was so cringey. The last one, I mean, it had its moments, but it wasn't just a cringe fest the entire time. This one sucked. But guess what? It's not quite over yet because I have a surprise for you. No. I have recovered pages from the original teleplay so we can relive the magic that would have hit our televisions in the 90s had the show not been canceled. So I'm going to give you the pages and then I'm going to read the directions and old Indies lines. And you're going to read the lines for Mona, an overbearing

beauty pageant mom and the contestant Jenny, her daughter. All right, so here we are. We're going to do our dramatic reading from from this script, the original old indie ending that the world was denied, baby. I know you're excited. So with the show, you know how the show ended with with young Henry and Omar, like French shake hands and they and they have a nice little handshake. Well, in the original cut of the episode, you got to hear old Indie give a voiceover over that handshake. Two years later, they abolish slavery in Morocco. The Sharifa gave Omar his freedom. He learned to read and write. He eventually became a sea captain. So then we cut to the present day. You see the protesters at the beauty pageant, the audience and contestant and judges

listen. Old Indie says, last time I talked to him, he was deciding whether to go to China or Greenland. He had a choice. All right, all right. You're saying no one is forcing these young women to be here that they have a choice. And then his daughter interrupts. Yeah, Omar finally got a choice. And he exercised it. Well, mom, she looks out into the audience, takes the microphone from old Indie. Mom, the only reason I'm here because you talked me into it. Tap dancing lessons when I was two, singing when I was three, piano when I was four, ballet when I was five. Get the picture. I think so. I never wanted to do it. Mom, I'm exercising my choice. If you want to get up here and wear this ribbon in this bathing suit and these high heels, then you do it. Contestant

Jenny starts to walk off, comes back and gives old Indie a wonderful kiss on the cheek. Thank you. Thank you. No, thank you. The piano player, I guess there's a piano player, this beauty contest starts playing a pretty girl is like a melody. An old Indie watches Jenny walk off, fade out, the end. That's fucking awful. So now we know, Bambi, that the beauty pageant contestants are the same as child slaves in Marrakesh in 1908. So I guess old Indie was there protesting the child beauty pageants because it was slavery. I don't know. We don't know why the fuck he would. I honestly am terrified to know why he was there because weirdly and talking into a microphone about slavery. So I found this script online from some dude who's been collecting these young

Indiana Jones scriptures, a Google drive with them on there. But this version is weird because it's like it doesn't have the old Indie beginning of this cut of the teleplay. So I don't know. I guess it's because they reshot some things later when they did the home video, but then they left the old Indie thing at the end. So I don't know. Either way, at least we got weird. It's creepy. We don't know how it begins and it's a little disturbing. So this whole episode was a little disturbing. But that's how it was supposed to end was with that baffling fucking scene in a beauty pageant. So now world, you know. So this means, Bambi, guess what? It's time to move on to our next section that belongs in a museum. This is the section where we go over the historical

figures, lessons and artifacts featured in today's episode. So today our setting is North African Morocco in 1908. As like this is when different colonial powers were all fucking with the country at the same time, like four or five different ones, all trying to like so there's like zones of control in Morocco at this point. Interesting note, in the original script for this episode, all of the slave bids were in Pesetas, which was like the Spanish currency. And I probably said that wrong. So that was not used in Morocco for a few more years. So this was like an act that was anachronistic. So there's no clue. But sorry. So like the original script had the Spanish currency, but then they then they actually switched it correctly to the real before they actually like shot the episode,

or maybe they reshot shit. I don't know. No idea. I don't think that the going rate for child slaves was historically accurate because they kept the amounts the same. They just literally scratched out one currency for another, but you know, whatever. Yeah, I guess that's not the thing I'm not really going to be. That's not the the nit I'm going to pick. If you apply real world history to this episode, it becomes a lot more disturbing in a minute. Oh, because it wasn't already disturbing. Not enough. Oh, wow. So Walter Burton Harris was he was a famous writer and journalist who was native to England, but he settled in Morocco at age 19 and lived most of his life in Tangier. And in fact, he was famous for his ability to speak French, Spanish and Moroccan

Arabic so fluently, he could easily pass for a native whenever he wanted. So like he showed up when he was literally still a teenager and really got into it and just fit in. And I didn't actually see any stories of him actually donning like actually like like dying his skin. I think he just had such a good tan. And then like he just dressed the part he could fit in like I never heard of him actually like like he wore the he wore the clothes and everything, but he and he definitely adopted the disguise, but he didn't actually like do the brown face thing. I think they made that up for the show for for Indy because yeah, I never heard of any of these explorers like even sort of like Richard like Sir Richard Francis Burton. He didn't like he just

had a really good tan and he just knew how to do makeup and clothes and all that. And then he could that's why he had to sneak into all this shit. But anyway, so they put that in there so that Indy could do that. I'm convinced at least. He used the British fascination with exotic places of the world to write well regarded books about countries of the near and far East. So he he really got money because there was a huge appetite back in Jolly Old England for these stories of Arabia and the Orient and you know all this far off places and you know North Africa. So Harris played an active part in international disputes in Morocco using his access to high ranking figures to influence the course of events. So he served as a special correspondent in

Yemen in 1892 and in Athens in 1915, where he caused a dispute between King Constantine the first of Greece and oh geez, someone I cannot pronounce. Letharious Vanilius. Wow, I can't even remember writing these words after writing articles critical of the letter for the time. So he's like fucking like literally using his position and writing for the newspaper to literally stoke international disputes. He's wielding wielding the power of the pen. Harris's role was not always helpful to the British government as he periodically undermined the efforts of British diplomats in Morocco. So he really had a lot of sympathy for the natives. He kind of yeah well white colonizers who kind of went native. He was awarded the Legion dionneur and

the title of commander of something of Morocco by France. Harris died on the 4th of April 1933 and was buried in the Church of St. Andrew in Tangier. Villa Harris is the expensive home that we got to see the you know young Indian version of is in the hills of east of Tangier was renovated and it opened as a museum in 19 and sorry in 2021. So as of just a few years ago. So if you happen to be in Tangier if you want to visit Walter Harris's home you like you can. I don't think you'll find a walnut oil disguise kit though. Did they actually use his for real house? Do we know that? I don't think so. On to that I don't know the answer. I'm just guessing no. I mean they gave it a nice little but yeah there wasn't a big landscape shot of the house.

They just gave a little snapshot. Apparently I don't know what the state of ownership was about. Why are there so many walls? But I said apparently this guy was a big enough deal that making it a museum just two years ago was a thing. So here's something a little uncomfortable fact that I found straight on his Wikipedia page and it makes his interest in little Henry a little more problematic. You see according to his Wikipedia page Walter Harris quote lived an openly homosexual tending toward pedophilic lifestyle thereafter though this was little hindrance in the social milieu of Tangier at the time. Unquote. Oh ew. He was a little bit of a pedophile. Oh why are we aiding? This is gross. They made a pedophile the hero of this episode.

This just took a real dark turn. Oh little Henry you're a little. Here go off with my son. Oh fuck this is dark. Yeah I don't know if they if that was like as well known in the 90s when they wrote this episode. I don't know but that's like I found it just literally on his Wikipedia page just like oh who's this guy? Oh yikes. Yeah. Jeepers. Golly gee whiz. I'm in danger. All right so now let's talk about Emily Keen a.k.a the Sharifa of Wazan. I didn't see any of reference or being called the Sharifa of Jebel but again I don't know shit so I'm not claiming I have any like unlike the other topics I researched on our scripted shows where I least feel like I'm grounded in those topics. Here I like I kind of look up some shit real quick

and that's it so but I didn't so I she was known as the Sharifa of Wazan which once again I'm pronouncing all of these names incorrectly. Let's just assume that and she was an unusual figure in Morocco because she had traveled there when she was a governess when she was very young and she fell in love with the Sharifa of Wazan. He's like this very important regional governor and I guess according to the episode anyway supposedly like a direct descendant of Muhammad. Now they got married despite intense pressure from both families so this is a this is a mixed race mixed culture mixed religion marriage which is kind of a big deal when this took place which was the literal 18 fucking hundreds. Despite the epic love story this one ends in

divorce after the Sharifa discovered her husband being a cheating bastard because the timeline presented on the show seems wonky. It's really kind of hard to say if she really could have been around for in this capacity because like the real Emily Keen got married in 1873 and then she was divorced before the old Sharifa died in 1891 which is literally eight years before little Henry Jones Jr. was supposed to have been born if he was a real person in the real world. So in 1912 the former Sharifa published a book simply titled My Life Story which is apparently really well regarded because and once again I can understand why especially in early 20th century you know England why the tale of this woman who married this exotic eastern man would have been like

who's very titillating. So and yeah it's kind of interesting too so it's like at this I think when I was actually looking at pages of this original script they actually addressed that the idea that her they kind of made her sound more like a widow not that she did divorce after the cheating bastard had cheated on her but either way old Indy was full of shit when he said in the narration that old that like Morocco just got rid of slavery in 1910 because while there was a lot of pressure to end the practice from certain colonial forces in the country public slaves weren't banned until 1923 and then they just went private you just couldn't do it out in the open anymore and mostly then it was like because they went when went private that meant it was just rich

people mostly house slaves because they weren't going to be running around with them anymore because of the whole you know trying to outlaw so literally like house slaves like Omar would have been the staple at this point like kidnapped children mostly because that was a thing still going on at that point toward the end of the 1950s slavery in the country was said to be limited to the household servants and royal harem of the king so only women 1950s yeah that point it was just it's just well well it was it was also mostly the women but I'm sure there was some men in the household staff as well but yes then the harem this practice was officially dissolved in 1999 oh after after this episode came out they're gonna party like it's 1999

aches that's the favorite one like truly like like the last Moroccan slaves were officially freed by law at least it may have the in practice may have been earlier but at least on paper didn't get freed until after this episode actually air or it didn't air but went on dvd that's fucking terrible amazing um so but at least in the fictional world Omar was set free to become a scurvy sea captain that made me happy yeah and the thing is that was not in the episode that they put on a home video no Omar was just left and you're just left oh you're just a slave at least old indy told us that he got away and he was fine even if it was all horseshit because he's senile he's a senile man he doesn't know what's making shit up all the time whatever thanks

this is just like slavery and now it's time for our next section it's the mileage this is the section we talk about the development of dr henry jones junior into the man he will one day become we're only two episodes in so far so let's see henry's bravery score stays high yeah his stupidity score also stays very high these things are holding hands the whole way you know his common sense score lives in the sub basement because even when i went a practical friend that he's promised to listen to is in front of him saying this is a bad idea he's gonna be fine it'd be great i want you to go um we we see he's continually forced to study by miss seymour who makes a nine-year-old read three chapters of latin in a single fucking day well

yeah and he also managed to learn an entire language fluently within a matter of months he is a super genius obviously while also being an annoying little shit and a menace to the people around him he does he looks more like denis the menace than he does indiana jones yeah now according to old indy omar and him stayed friends and wrote to each other omar didn't know how to write yeah well the voiceover said he learned he learned eventually but did you hear the voiceover there was totally the tree so how did the x slave go and there's so much to unpack honestly omar sounds like a bright bright guy all right so anyway thanks to ned's encouragement i wish him the best yeah yeah thanks to ned's encouragement last episode henry managed a casual mastery of arabic and only

about you know three months maybe so if this episode had taken place in the original plan timeline it literally would have been over a year which for a nine-year-old kid constantly exposed is totally doable totally doable but not over a matter of a few months yeah so we'll see it'd be interesting to see as we go along if henry showed his how his language skills seem to bounce around but we shall see so after his time with laurence arabia and howard carter he is still committed to being an archaeologist like he is he's put a pin in his career plan already so yeah this is long before we even see him in river phoenix mode he's like already much very much wants to be an archaeologist and is heading toward that bit um we already see he's comfortable on horseback we already used to

riding and camels and camels spend a lot of time on boats so he's just in and travel i'm sure lots of planes because he's bouncing around with his parents um we also see a basic competence at both orange ball and orange hockey he can sport now of course we have to address the jeepers of it all because that is jeepers is said at least four times in this episode along with holy smokes and other adorable little little apple cheeked little rascal it's very gross um now henry never manages to escape captivity by himself this episode he keeps trying so we'll give him some like experience points and the escape artist type thing which we see him do several times but then he loses points by never getting away well you only let me you learn the most by failure maybe this isn't so

if failure is the greatest teacher he's learned some shit this week because he failed in everything spectacularly only the only good thing he did was literally come up with a daring lie at the very end and then got himself backhanded by a pedophile but it saved no more so good for you henry ew he took one for the team yeah so uh henry learns a little something about disguising himself as an era but which by the way he does again in my very favorite movie of all time yeah but without the brown face that we just wears the clothes which is a little less cringy uh he also do uh yeah we also see the bullshit talent like he came up with an immediate clever lie uh to save omore at the end yeah that's where the writing came in because india india at this

point is dumb because it was like this whole thing is like he's this is supposed to be his development as a hero and this is a very unheroic episode where he just make he he just near he nearly ruins his own and someone else's life and breaks his parents hearts and makes everyone else feel stupid and guilty although i have to say the one thing about this episode is he did get a hug from his father for like the first time his father seemed genuinely so good he was genuinely very upset and concerned that his son no there was a guy i didn't really talk about it but there was an argument with walter at one point where he was like no i'm going with you and walter's like no you can't do brown face the way i can we have no time for this and you know what i need to be alone with

the boys and guess what we did it we're done we made it through episode two uh the cringiest episode so far this was like so wow i mean fucking all over the place in tone from sort of like like it's starting as this sort of apple pot i mean i guess that's what they're going for i mean they were trying to gut punch you when they cut to that scene of the kids being hauled through the floor and whipped with sticks i mean it was like okay okay george lucas god damn we get your point this is bad yeah like he only wanted to tell us nazis was bad and and i would like to know child slavers child slavery and trafficking is also bad so we've all learned something and beauty pageants exactly the same thing uh well i mean so i hope so so i'm so so honey so the story about pedophiles

is just solidified i take back everything i said about honey boo boo except the one thing thank you if you're listening this once again it's because you have actually decided to throw flowers up on our beauty pageant stage of podcasting and we appreciate you um you can tune in for more stuff from us we are looking at doing more value tales books the the adorable children's books our parents forced on us when we were kids and uh we will be doing more scripted content more bonus articles on the website you just go to chainsawhistory.com and we will catch you on the flip side see you bye why does he care about my teeth because we have been stolen what are they gonna do with us sell us so we're we're not rescued we are still slaves to be sold we should pray now for a kind master