Chainsaw History - Young Washington Is Definitely A Movie

Episode Date: August 5, 2026

A day-drinking trip to the movies for us means a show for you! Podcasting siblings Bambi and Jamie Chambers used free tickets from trivia winnings to see Young Washington from Angel Studios, a movie about the very topic that launched this podcast more than five years ago. In an unscripted and unsober conversation you will hear how the pair enjoyed it as a movie, how it captured the essence of the historical Washington, and how some of the details matched up to history. Learn how George goes from being a sad orphan boy to failing so hard that it gives him superpowers and ends with him anointed by destiny! You could almost call this episode a movie review.Support the show and stay tuned with us on social media and discover more on our website: http://www.chainsawhistory.com

Chainsaw History Hello, I'm Jamie Chambers, and this is my sister Bambi. Hello. You enjoyed this episode of Chainsaw History. Please pay it forward by scanning the QR code on your screen and sending a $5 per month donation on behalf of someone you care about. It's the patriotic thing to do. Welcome to Chainsaw History's bonus episode, everybody.

Bambi, we've come full circle. We're at the beginning. We started with young George Washington as a thing that I didn't think anybody cared about, the part of his life before the American Revolution, which genuinely skipped over or glossed over by most middle and high school history courses, even AP. Yeah, well, you know, get to the meat. Nobody cares about the British and the fucking French.

And yet, people. And yet, as we learned at that very beginning, five years ago, if it wasn't for the French and Indian weren't all the shit that went down, it really kind of laid the groundwork to let the revolution happen. Even that big famous snake chopped into 13 pieces

join or die that's been Franklin published, that was from the French and Indian War and an idea of uniting the colonies, even back then, not necessarily against the British, but to still be a united force instead of just being separate little colonies squallowing amongst themselves for more crumbs from the king.

But yes, I don't think we even got to it yet. What we just got back from was watching the movie Young Washington. Oh, boy. By Angel Studios. Angel Studios had a lot to say both before and after the movie. And lots of previews for other Angel Studios movies that all seem to celebrate the lives of these true fucking patriots. I mean, there was also one about the apocalypse and a dinosaur horror movie.

Which, by the way, the dinosaur horror movie. That wasn't an angel studios. That was for Jay. That was from Jay. You're right. That is JJ. Yeah, that's bad robot. That's going to be a great movie.

If nothing else. I was like, I'm in for this movie. Dinosaurs in suburbia, yes. I mean. Are you desperate to watch the life of Hershey? And how we got a town named after him. Helt with child slavery and other. Yeah, but you know.

I don't really like it's like, and this is how the corporation started. Let's put a heart shape on it. Yeah. Never mind how terrible these people were. And getting back to Angel Studios on this movie, one thing I learned was they were selling tickets to this movie before a single shot was filmed. They literally were using early ticket sales as like a crowdfunding and way to drum up like support for the movie. So people had bought it. Then they were allowed to like reschedule once there was actually a schedule.

Because again, the movie didn't exist when they were selling tickets for the thing. Okay, full disclosure. I was day drinking during this film. So I have a, I am more fucked up than I have ever been while we're recording this podcast. Excellent. But the good news is we're not doing a hard history thing. Neither one of us have notes. We just have our own memories of a movie and then a topic we did five years ago.

So, but in a whole. order to help us out, I am going to try to organize this, but first I was just going to say, yeah, Angel Studios has got its own thing. The first time I heard of them was when they did the movie, The Sound of Freedom, which was also propaganda. And they literally called this the movie in Washington. They call it a faith adjacent movie. Oh, ew. Which someone in a comment section asked what that meant, and I, and my reply was lots of violence, no tittyes. And we were, we got both, baby. Zero tities in this movie. Tons of violence.

Well, fair. Now, full disclosure. Another. A second full disclosure. I thought you already disclosed fully before. I think that this movie was fully worth all the money I paid to see it, which was not. Exactly. Just so you know, we had free passes to the delightful movie tavern in Roswell, Georgia.

Or winning trivia. Yeah, from winning trivia long ago. We now do trivia somewhere else. But thanks to this trivia wins, we did not have to pay any money to Angel Studios or anybody, and we got free popcorn. It was delightful. The alcohol, however, we did pay for it. It was worth every penny. Oh, so to help organize our thoughts, we're going to start first.

We'll break this into three sections. So the first I'm going to call Cinema Jorge. So this time we're going to discuss George Washington the movie just purely as a movie. Not worrying about accuracy, not worrying about how the politics or anything that. But just the film experience as if this was a fictional character and all that. So first just what did you like a general review. Did you like it? Did you not like it?

I liked it actually. I liked it a whole lot more than I thought I would. I came in with not even low expectations, but like negative expectations. So it actually pleasantly surprised me. The violence was both gratuitous and, you know, it was all right. It was also like appropriate violence for the most part. We'll get to that in a second. I also in general liked the movie and actually had a lot more respect for it until we got to the third act.

And then when it went unhinged, but we'll get to that because we're going to try to try to plot summarize in a second. But yeah. So in general, I wouldn't recommend paying, I don't want to pay Angel Suisse any money, but if this is like on streaming or you just happen to go to a Piff Torrance site or whatever. If you just happen to have free movie, please, go see this, though. Or wait a year and this will be on the dollar bin and whatever for your Blu-ray. because, yeah, the between we saw,

there were two old bastards who were in there, joke around with each other before we even got there, and that was it. So there were two potential paying customers of this movie, and even then,

they might have gotten those tickets bought for them. Because apparently, if you, there's a QR code, that was the joke we made. The end of this movie, that's speaking of the crowdfunding idea,

was it's not just a movie experience. At the end, Kelsey Grammer, TV's beloved Frazier, shaking us down with a QR code saying we need to pay it forward and buy other people tickets for a movie we ourselves did not pay for so we said it's no fuck you fraser no but it's literally hilarious and then the QR code stayed on the screen while the credits rolled so they're encouraging so apparently you can actually

go to some website and maybe there's just free tickets up for grabs that somebody else bought for you so if you want to do that that also is fine let somebody ever let somebody you buy your just don't do don't pay like a lot of money don't give these people money because Yeah, we'll get to it because... I'll give movie tavern my money, but Angel Studios, you get none of it. So before we try to, like, synopsize the plot of this movie, I will say I've a head cannon from behind the scenes that I have no basis for.

Like, I don't know real much of anything other than a few things I heard about the production history of this movie. And I'll note a few things as we go along. But I get the impression that the guy who made this movie, And this was apparently a passion project of this dude. This director apparently couldn't get tickets to Hamilton. And so he was so disappointed. He decided to dive into parts of George Washington's life that aren't talked about a lot.

And that's when he came upon this story, just like I did when we were starting this podcast. I was like, whoa, this is an interesting story. And because of the way the movie went, I think that his original version was a much more honest depiction of Washington. Who I still think, I would still think, like Washington has, there are things to admire about him. The real unvarnished watching, it was still an impressive guy. However, this movie definitely... He's our nation's hero.

We'll get to the actual historical accuracy part later. This was a love letter. But it's like, it did, I could see where he was trying to at least put some of the black eyes and unfair things, even though it got glossed over. So I'm like wondering if there was an earlier script at Angel Studios and other writers, like how much of this got varnished? It got a little, you know, it got a little. little sugar coating.

Yeah. And that's the thing. We're not going to, we're good to accuracy later, but like I said, I feel like there was a version of this where the filmmaker really wanted to be more honest, or try to give a much less of a, well, what this was. Because. Boonful of sugar. Because spoiler alert, the very last words on the screen before fucking Fraser shakes you down for more money is the words, the United States of America.

A thing that doesn't exist and wouldn't exist for a long time after the event. of the movie. So it's like this may not have started as a propaganda piece, but that is absolutely what it turned into by the end, especially by the end of the movie. Yeah, well, you know, not historically accurate at all, but the actor was very cute. Yeah, that's actually where I wanted to go next is let's talk about cast and we got to go with our lead, the young man who I do not remember his name to look again. I have no idea. I just want to think of him. a square job. Actually, I do you know what?

He had a very square job. But yeah, the title role, I went to British actor William Franklin Miller. A young, you know, this is like early in his career. This is his first leading role from what I understand. He was good.

He was good. He was good in the lead. I do think it's funny that they had to cast a British actor to play George Washington, but he did fine. And I do think in most ways, they even said they cast partly They wanted someone who physically resembled Washington. And except for the teeth, they pretty much nailed it.

Yeah, I mean, if George Washington would have had dentistry, like modern dentistry, that is what he would look like for sure. And he was tall. And I did like, I like the fact. He's got that square jaw line. I mean. I did like the fact that they emphasized his tallness. Like he loomed over everybody else in the movie.

He banged his head at one point on the ceiling. on the ceiling. Like the tallest other characters came up to his shoulders, which is the way we described him those years ago. And also, his youth was emphasized. Oh, yeah. He looked like a baby and they called him a baby. Yeah, that was one of the parts.

I know, I took enough high school French when the guy said, Les Enfons. I was like, oh, I called him a baby. And then sure enough, that's one of the guy later, the later scene's like, are you even old enough to shave? I did hear parts where he was trying to struggle with the accent they did for him. And, you know, they said they had a dead hard time figuring it out, too, because it's like they were trying to come up with, well,

he's not going to sound like a modern person for Virginia. He's not going to sound like the Hillbillies, like the Virginians. So they almost gave him a generic American accent, except you could tell it was a, every time once wrong he'd pronounce a word kind of weird. And I could say, oh, he's. which would make sense if you were raised by someone who was a British officer. But his performance was good.

For what this way we asked him to do, which included both, you know, trying to be like, you know, you see him go from the pure young underdog who everybody doesn't believe in to you see him, you know, get the whole authority. And you see him humbled and humiliated. And then come back. And then you see him become a fucking action star where he's just shooting people. people in the face and slicing people with his saber. For the record. Frogs left and right. I mean, it was a little glorious.

Oh, in terms of actions, that was pretty fucking cool. We'll get to that, but, like, in terms of, like, the action, he nailed all the different parts. Even did okay with the little bit of romance that the movie gave him to do. Yeah, I mean. They had the flirtation. For the record, I was a little smitten, so the fact that she was, too. You know, it was all very believable. Yeah.

So he was good. And then, of course, the supporting cast, that's where they actually stack the names. First, we had Ben Kingsley. We see as Governor Dinwiddie. Our Scottish Governor Dinwiddie. And Ben Kingsley is great in everything he does. I love me some Ben Kingsley. And he was perfect as a snooty-ass aristocrat.

But even still, of course, at the end, gave Washington the measure of respect. he'd earned. Because his brother at the very beginning told him you can command obedience, but you have to earn respect. So, yeah. So, you know, all the supporting parts didn't have a lot of time. But you got your Ben Kingsley. You said you're Kelsey Grammer playing Lord Fairfax. And he was also quite good.

This is why the fact I won't fucking kick Kelsey Grammer and the nuts. I mean, he's a bad person, but he's a good actor. Yeah, and the way he played him, yeah. Everything was fine. Again, they all brought the 10 minutes or less of screen time that was needed. And then, of course, we have my beloved Andy Circus. Andy Circus really was excellent. And his performance, it's like, I just want to be Darrell from the Walking Dead,

but a little bit more hillbilly instead of just redneck. Well, Andy Circus wasn't a hillbilly. He was Colonel, he was General Braddock. Oh, really? Yeah. See, this is day drinking. That's what you get. No, you thought, you thought, just because he was the most gollum-like character.

He was. That's amazing. He thought he was. No, there wasn't a hillbilly. I have no idea who that guy was. He was great. However. He was, and he reminded me so much of fucking.

Norman Reedis. Yeah. Norman Rees, thank you. Yeah. Again, I've been day drinking. He was. And I was also, like, I, waked and baked all day.

No clue. Bambi loved the redneck. He was great. He was great. You not know his name. However, General Braddock was played by Andy Circus. The one who dragged his piano through the wilderness despite bitching about everything. And then ultimately, he just had this any, bitty part.

He was a tragic figure who got shot and died. But then he passed on the literal, not a torch, but a sash to Washington of authority. So that he would go around and so he, so in the end, he understood and he understood who the right man for the fucking job was. The anti-circass, yeah. Well, he was the only man for the job at the time. But it also showed him, like, up until he got shot, he was still just kept it together. He kept that British stiff upper lip and was keeping the discipline. But then he got shot in the chest and that really takes it out of it.

Yeah, well, that and everybody was like, fuck these people. And there were some lesser members of the cast. But, yes, other than Mamie's beloved redneck. I don't know. Right. The other redneck was great, too. Like, everybody, the acting. There was, like, there was three very good hillbilly rednecks in there, and all three of them

were excellent. But lead redneck, he was the one who took him through the wilderness. Yeah, I'm feeling back. What's her face? Is Mary Louise Parker played his mother, Mary. So, yeah, she played his mother, which made her seem smarter than the woman I got the impression of through history. But, you know, once again, this is not.

the accuracy section. She did a good job with what the movie asked her to do because that all of their supporting actors were great. Even the people I didn't, hadn't heard of. No, all the acting was really, really well done. And the movie was well directed. I thought, but like the scenes were well shot and blocked. The pacing kept going despite the fact that,

well, part of it was because the script shuffled history around to give it a little bit more pacing that works for a, for a film. But again, that's what it's supposed to do. So yeah, the director, like... A cinematography was excellent. So I got nothing against this director, except I'll be suspicious of him if he only does Angel Studios films. I'd like to seem freed from their prison and go do like something for somebody else.

Because this movie itself, I like, weren't bad, except for some of my beefs with it that we'll get to. I guess now will be the time where we just talk about, like, we'll go through the plot of the movie real quick. it decided we just started to start in media res like in the middle of the action Washington is laying in his sick cart and he yeah and you can tell he is like with the way the camera was shaking yeah he was not well we started this Dutch angle so it looks like everything's sideways and there's explosions coming out he's like here's his ringing in his

ears he's got fucking tumitis and he splashes his boots into the muddy ground which by the way from someone who has on and off tinnitus, it very much sounds like that. So like that sound was accurate. In fact, there were times when it would happen during the movie and I was wondering if it was the movie or was just me and I was so happy that it was the movie. I was just George,

even though it's like, it's so funny because he was, they even say later, you know, when we loop it back to it, that he was sick with dysentery, but they pretend that it would, dysentery is a different disease. They do not address the best. that he was shitting his lungs out.

Well, yeah, that would not have been very good for cinema. And we'll get to there for the accuracy section. But either way, they just sort of ignore what dysentery is just for the sake of it. So he's just like, he just vaguely sick. And then so at the beginning of the movie, he jumps out and we get immediate shots. And that's when I got worried about what the movie was going to be like. Because he instantly just like grabs a horse pistol off the ground and shoots a Frenchman in the face. who was on horseback and he's like staggering around and still manages to kill like three people as he's trying to figure out what's going on.

I was like, oh my God, this is what I thought it was going to be. This is fucking George Washington the Rambo story. I was excited for it. I was like, whoa. And then it's baby George. It zips back to him, you know, a little kid. Probably the weakest actor in the movie, sorry, poor kid. Sorry, again.

The movie asked a lot of this boy, the emotional way, it's like, we meet young, young, young girl. George Washington, the day of his father's funeral. Yeah. He's sad. He's really sad. His mom says that he hasn't spoken since his dad's death and his brother rides in and starts talking to Wee George. I'm your dad now, basically. Yeah, he's like, I'm going to make sure you're going to be okay, my dude. I'll be around. Ish. Yeah. And so this one, yeah, that's one thing. You know, you get started to establishes this sort of second father figure in his brother Lawrence, who does look out for him, but can only do so much, too. It's like acknowledging.

As his mother said, they, it's like they have 10 slaves to deal with on there. Because, yeah, it's like, if I remember correctly, George Washington, they had two slaves when he was born. There's never a moment in his life. The dude did not have black people taking care of him. Yeah, but he wasn't an aristocrat. No, he didn't have the money. No, nor do you have the education. and that's another one.

His brother came in. Dad's dead. Things sucked. And he's like, yeah, you can't go to school because you got to like work the family farm.

And George is like, fuck you. I'm going to school anyway. And then they slam the door in his face and he cries about it. Yeah. He's like, that sucks.

And then his brother came in and was like, well, I can still like, he's like, he has little books and shit. Like, I'm going to make you read the classics.

And also, and it's like, he just implies he homeschooled him and he's like just as educated as anybody else. else. The education of young George starts. He started with books.

They went on to fencing. Yes, he's learning. His brother teaches him all the important shit. All the shit. To become an upper to because he's trying to be an uppery muckety-muck. He wants to fit in with high society. And his brother told me, it was like, this is a lofty dream that you are never going to reach.

My dude, you are not going to do it. Look, you're a colonial peasant and you have a major glass ceiling. above you. Especially since he was the half brother of a landowner, not even a wealthy landowner, just a landowner. But always on the verge of something big.

So anyway, Lauren, the movie Lawrence is a very, like, he's maybe the most pure person in the movie. He just seems nothing but kind, devoted to his brother. He can't do everything for him, but he feels bad about even that. And then it's like, well,

it really sucks. It really sucks. it really sucks young george that i am dying of tuberculosis and so oh i'm now going to we haven't gotten to that part yes i must cough now that's coming later so we see we get the education of young george and then and oh on the day of his father's death his brother gave him the compass yeah though he which is a big deal his brother's compass the surveying tool which you know that becomes his first job uh is is that other than tenant farming was that was being a land surveyor and so that does become into a thing and so we literally have this one transition

where as his brother was teaching young George and we jump up to our current the actor for the rest of the movie in this like he's riding the horse as little kid and suddenly it fades into him riding the horse as a young man who I believe is supposed to be like at this point like 20 years old

yeah and by that point George is an expert horse rider yes and now at this point he is this dashing handsome ball dude however very the first thing he does is fucking break into a party sneaks into a party because

as he is he's always trying to get in above his station his brother was invited and so he thinks that basically means he can be the plus one and he gets again turned away so he sneaks in through the servants entrance and literally just at first he tries to

he's like oh we need more ice come on slaves just hand me some ice we're like we're going to let you carry it in for us so then he just sheepishly asks them which way in But they tell him. Yeah, well, they're going to do. What?

He told them to let him in. Yeah, whatever. So he sneaks into the party, which is where he can run. And his goal going into the party is to try to impress Lord Fairfax. And the first person he runs into is Lord Fairfax's very pretty daughter. Yes. So he has a meek cute with Sally Fairfax.

And they have delightful banter. And then she was like, yeah, you're not even supposed to be here. Bye. Yeah, she's like, yeah, you are a loser, but you amuse me for five entire minutes. But the idea, though, is to catch Lord Fairfax. He does talk to his brother, and he does a little bit of smoozing in the party before he sees Lord Fairfax dart upstairs because he hates his own parties. And so he barges in on Kelsey Grammar. And yeah, and so then he kind of charms his way into the room and has a nice little conversation.

He's like, he's like, he's like, managed to get a commission for survey. Yeah, he's like, you own all this land. You have no idea what it even is. I am a, I'm a trained and experienced surveyor, cough, cough. I can, you know, go in to do a proper land survey so you know how much your land is worth. And so that's why he's able to get kind of his first job going out into the wilderness. Yep, yep. And so he manages to get his commission.

He takes a small team of dudes, including the one guy who's sort of implied to. But one dude was the only one that was really with him. Yeah, Christopher. Christopher Guest, which that name always messed with me, even in the original history. But it was like, that was his, that was his bro. And then they had this whole team of other guys to go out in there. Well, he does the job. He surveys the land.

But that's also where the first time you had to meet our Native American friends, you have the Mingo chief. They called the Half King, which I think his name was like Tanagrasen or something, if my brain reminded. and which I never could pronounce anyway, but everybody called him the half king, which was that sort of half respect. It's like, well, this guy's important.

So he's half a king, at least among his own people. And so Washington ran into him to establish his character, even though I don't think, I don't know if you met him yet in real life, but we'll get to that. By the time they come back, they're all, that's when they meet them is when they're all half dead anyway. They're freezing to death, ready to abandon their horses. And then after they meet the natives,

they take a little raft across the river. and almost drown and freeze. Yeah, they fall into the river and nearly freeze to death. And finally they make it back. Lucky to be alive. Because they were able to walk across the river because it froze. Yep, which seemed like a bad idea, but it turned out... Turned out fun.

The only way. Like that would turn to be the miracle that saved their lives. The river froze over. So they get off that shitty little island that's still famous to this day. So yeah, then we get to the par where he's able to use this to work his way into his first military commission. Yep, yep, which is a bad idea. It was like, yeah, we saw this French fort with a bunch of French people went in. And so we tell you about it.

It's like, now we can deliver this message. Let's say, hey, frogs, get the fuck out of here. This is our land. The French are like, no, this is our land. And the Afghans like, motherfuckers, this has always an our land. So, yeah. But he made it back. Him and his friend make it back.

They didn't freeze to death. They didn't freeze the death with any. They delivered the message. They had to go deliver the message. message. And he was, they were like, you need to take your militia and go tell these French people to go fuck right off. And everybody's. Such a liberal detective message. So he was really excited. He was like, I'm going to take my little commission. Do to do to do. And everybody around and was like, you're going to get fucked in this. Don't do this. This is bad. The reason they're not sending British officers to do this is because you are expendable. And it's like, so if you do.

You do a good job, then it's their victory. And if you fuck up, it is your fault. Yes. And fuck up, he does. Oh, boy, howdy. Even though cinematic George Washington is a, let's just say, almost a victim of circumstance. Because they, so when they're, so they delivered the first message. And the British were like, yeah, thanks for that.

You may go fuck off. And then he goes, now we've got to deliver a second. message with this time with a threat a direct threat of force and so and but they're also told that if anybody interferes of them to they are allowed to to kill them and that's when the virginians are like we don't want to get into the bullshit war for these colonial powers and so yeah but how about we're not here to die we're here to get paid yeah right this is we're supposed to be messengers this isn't about and jorge's like no we must fight for his majesty the king the crown and glory Because that's what he really wanted.

He wanted the glory in them. Well, yeah, he wanted to make a name for himself. He wanted to be important. He wanted to break through so he could be one of the important people. And oh, buddy, did he break through? And again... Not yet, but he's the thing. His first, he fucked up.

So, even though, so the scouts tell him there's some French dudes down in a glen. And so they position themselves all around in Washington tells everybody to hold. Nobody's shoot anybody. We're going to deliver this warning to them. and then somebody just randomly fires a shot. And George's like, well, God damn it. We don't want to do that. And then everybody's, the fighting starts rushes down there.

And he's like, no, stop killing people. And the natives are killing people. And the Virginians are killing people. And it's like. The French are killing people. I mean, it was a smorgasbord of people trying to kill each other. Oh, yeah. And that's when the half king kills the finishes off, the French dude,

who they'd already met in the earlier part. Because he delivered the message, and that was the part where he called him. a baby. He kind of and asked if he was even old-knit a shave. The man was getting a shave. Yeah, because he was, he was literally getting a shave like a gentleman. And then they fucking shot at him when nobody, they were just sitting there. Yeah.

But movie George didn't mean for any of this to happen. He said, go, stop. God damn it, stop killing people. Fuck. And then, yeah, the half king went in there and just fucking. He chopped that guy's face off. Yeah, it sucked to me him. Boom.

And then it. turned out, whoopsie, turned out that guy was, he was the cousin of the dude running Fort Duquesne, which made it personal. And also, that's when he came back and that was when, uh, Ben Kingsley like, you started a war. And he's like, yes, yes, you did. And, uh, but that was, so they do that, and Washington's men, they get, they get ambushed in her and hounded by the French. And then they have to, uh, build fort necessity. The shitty. little ring of And they told him when they were

building it. His dudes his little redneck posse was like, uh, this is gonna flood. It's gonna flood and also they're gonna be able to shoot us from the trees and we're gonna be sitting ducks, this place sucks. This is a bad idea. Like, no, it's gonna be great.

So they're gonna fight us like good proper gentlemen and just stand there like bowling pins and we'll do the same thing and whoever dies the most loses. And everyone's like, what the fuck? In their middle, there's something A terrible way to do. They're sitting there having to try to dig trenches and bale water as immediately it starts to break.

Yeah, and his native friends were like, whoa. See it. This is dumb. Go fuck yourself. So they have the half king and his boys split as they, of course they should. And Washington's like this. And everybody keeps telling him, no, we need to abandon this physician. And then later, and as they start dying, then he decides he wants to have a huge heroic fight.

And a bunch of people die. So he's like, no, retreat. So they retreat back inside the fort. And then his buddy, when his buddy Chris guest dies. Yeah, pretty much like almost in his arms. And they're like, yeah, retreat. And so then he agrees to the retreat. Yeah, he lets the guy do the white flag of snows.

And then he thought he designs the thing where he was like, yeah, I started this war. I suck. I'm a piece of shit. And they were like, here's my journals. Go publish them in the paper. He signed with that. He signed. That was the name's show of it.

This is my fault. He signed the confession of murdering the dude. And it's like, oopsie. And now it's when Ben Kings was like, you started a war. So George Washington goes back to the family farm. He, after having resigned his commission in shame. In disgrace, he felt really shitty. His friend is dead.

But that's when Mary Louise Parker, his mom, is here to give him a pep talk and tell him that even though you fucked up and tons of people died. And you should absolutely never lead men again. I still give you permission to go to it. Failure is a great teacher, and that means you, my friend, I have a PhD. And George Wilson, you're right. Nobody's failed harder than me. I know more than anybody. So I'm going to go back and fix this shit.

I am going to be, I will have my dream of bigger British officer. He got back just to find out that his brother was also dead. Yeah, because as mentioned before, he was cough. So now his brother's dead and his friend's dead. And he's just like, fuck this. I'll go be a farmer. And his mom was like, really just need a little bit of talking to. Yeah.

And an earlier scene we glossed over, Lawrence was coughing blood into a hanky. And it was like, oh, he was dying. Oh, yes, George, it is the consumption, they say. So, yeah, George, after just getting a five-minute pet, he was at the farm for like five minutes. He was like, you're right. I got to go back. I got to be part of this more. It was like several years later.

And they even said that it was several years. You just, it's so hard. to tell because the movie had to just keep going. Yeah. There was lots of things where in theory, there was a lot of space and time. But the movie did not have time for that shit. So it's like moments later, it's... I mean, for the record, neither did our podcast.

We don't... I don't know what happened in those years. He, like, farmed and shit. He became a farmer. He discovered that he actually likes farming. That's when he bangs Sally Fairfax. Well, her husband, who is his friend? This movie makes them way more...

like not even friend of me is more like just adversaries like oh yeah I hate this guy he's a dick they seemed very adversarial but yeah like in in like history wasn't like one of his good friends yeah no that was his good friend and he and it's like the letters and then certain details we don't know for sure but you know that's when you know but again to the romance but whatever again we're saving that for a little bit so the movie just zips us back what George's like you know I fucked up but because because mom's that experience experience like failure is the best teacher. And so now I know everything. So that's when he goes and asks Dinwiddie to let him go back. And he ends up talking to General Braddock, played by our boy, Indy Circus, our precious. And he's basically, but he's at this point, Washington, all of his previous pride is washed away. He's like, I am here to just help. I ask for no money again.

I ask for no, I ask for no rank. I just want to be an aide. and I will help you because I have these maps I surveyed and also I know how to get through this country and you clearly don't. And he was like, no, no, we're British officers. It'll only take us a week. He's like, it'll take you a month if you're lucky. Yep.

Good luck with that. And he was like, look it off of my piano. And he's also, yeah. Also, they'll attack from the trees. Look, but once he saw the maps, Braddock is like, oh, well, you could at least come and tag along. And yes, it was later where you found out you can hear a piano. playing in the middle of the goddamn woods, and it's because General Braddock

had literally brought his actual piano with him, so he wouldn't have to not play in the evenings when he's having his fine British officer's supper. Yeah. You do not miss tea time in piano playing. His redneck trio really did. They made fun of him a lot for that. Yep. And then they were like, yeah, this whole lugging of piano thing sucks ass.

And that's also one of the things that, uh, the movie at least, this one of the story arcs is this idea that in the beginning, George Washington, young George was striving to be one of these aristocrats and important British officers, but by the end, he was one of the boys. He was a Virginian and he was a rough and tumble dude. He bled with these motherfuckers. Yeah. So anyway, they're going through the, they're going through the woods, dealing with all this shit.

And that's when, uh, yeah, lugging a bunch of stuff. And then you can see Washington. And he's working really hard. He's not feeling good, but he's still like, I'm going to keep working. I'm going to keep working. I'm cutting down this tree. I'm doing all the...

I'm writing letters. I'm doing delivering orders. I'm writing around. And then finally, he falls off his horse in a coma. And that's when the, well... When we wake up with shaky cam at the night? We'll call her a nurse with the woman who was taking care of him. Was just like, yes.

Some lady. It's dysentery. There was some lady. She was the only lady there, so. She was an old-urface lady. I mean, she was the one nurse. She was a sturdy, 40-year-old woman. But she was a one of dysentery.

But like I said, in this world, dysentery just means he's weak and feverish and delirious and has ringing in his ears. And so that's it. No poopy pants. No screaming. You know, for the record, I didn't remember to see that. Yeah, he was like, you know what? We don't need any of that. So dysentery.

They didn't give him his little. His little horse, his little horse donut pillow for his opioids. So we get to that point. So while Washington's out, we do, we follow as they advance and they're going to, gun across the river. Before they can even get near the river, they start hearing howls from the trees. And that's when the shots start firing in the French, the dirty French, they're hitting the trees despite their bright white, like freshly bleached uniforms that somehow they blended in.

Really? did not see them at all. Fantasticly. But they come out of the tree line in formation and then plus you got the natives just chopping people up and howling. And so it's really bad. And then we... Lines break.

And then the other's cannons being fired and all this stuff. And that's when we loop back to the beginning of the movie where Washington staggers up from his sick bed to see what the fuck is going on. And that's when his buddy, well, buddy in air quotes, who married his girl... Yeah. He's like, oh, he said Braddock sounded the retreat. He's like, what? We wouldn't do that.

We're homicidally brave. That's when we, the ghost. And he was like, uh, we're just going to have to leave these guys to themselves. And that's when we go, it's just start a series, uh, with some breaks for, for plot stuff, but a series of breathtaking action sequences as Washington comes out of his sick bed. And just charge the field. Like he was on, he was awake for. less than 30 seconds before he shot his first frog.

Mm-mm. And then after that, it was just lots of it. So he runs back to Braddock to see what's going on. He's stealing guns up and dead people. We cut to Braddock and Braddock is, Braddock, to his credit, is keeping it totally together. He's like, form up, present, fire! And they're like doing their, they're doing their thing.

And then he's seeing what's going on and he redirects the men. So despite the fact he is not really equipped for this type of fighting, he, again, he's like, he is a British officer and he had never won. acts like a coward or you see his eyes get a little wide but he never works it together and then he gets shot then he gets shot he's like oh i'm dying oh jolly good then i will die but then he lays there and then uh as washington gets there he's like you sounded the retreat he's like i sounded no

retreat in the full anti circus throaty voice and then he tells so he tells Washington to use him the sash he's like they'll know your orders come from me as he's bleeding out everywhere and he tells him save as many as you can and so Washington's like we're not going to retreat we're going to win this motherfucker but really it was just like we need strategic retreat but the movie only sort of mentions that later because for now Washington first the whole thing is and even in the before that when he first met up with the asshole and married his girl um what the fuck here keep forgetting his name but anyway way, that's the guy who also said that his men.

He's like, you have no, men. And he's like, no, the Virginians, my people, my boys, my bros. He's like, yeah, they're down there. He's like, they're down there and they're going to die. They're fucked. He's like, those are front line. Washington, save yourself. Come, come with me.

And he's like, no. We don't do that. So that's, so when he gets back there, that's when he has to charge through the French lines to get to his boys who are pinned down near the river. And so that's when we get the most unhinged. That's why I literally laughed out loud because it went. It really went hilarious, though. It was so like, with the top.

He's riding horse back now. And this one, he's already been, like, you see his clothes get clipped a couple of times during all of this. Bullets are getting his clothes. He gets one horse shot out from under him at one point. And he lit at first. Which, by the way, you said that that was an actual thing. That was a thing to happen. He did a horse shot out from under him.

and he did have some bullet holes. I don't know if it was quite as many as the movie did, but whatever, we'll get to that. But the thing is, so George charges through, completely recklessly through everything. He has a musket in one hand, a horse pils with the other. He's a saber at his belt, and he uses all of them from horseback, then off of horseback as he's literally chopping and shooting his way through French. Every once in a while, Native runs up and he shoots that guy too or just chops him with his saber, and he makes it to the Virginians and they're pinned out.

And apparently, like, one of the natives, like, shot him in the head, but it only hit his hat. Yeah, he's a hole through his hat. Which is a big deal later. He has holes through his coat. All his clothes. And it's like, you see every once in a lot, and they... But no shit on his pants. But they did cheat.

And I thought it was adorable, considering it's literally called Young Washington, and we know who George Washington is. But the movie is this two fake-out deaths. George Washington. Once when the horse gets shot and he goes crashing down and it cuts first, I was like, holy shit, he's dead. Because it made it look like he was shot not the horse. In fact, the movie barely even clarifies. It just looks like they both went down and he just gets up because he's invincible.

And then later on, there. Free story. And then later on, a cannonball just explodes underneath his feet. It's like, oh, he just got vaporized. Well, it just, you could tell that it was supposed to have hit him, like, hit the ground before him and you just see the ground, his silhouette

with the ground exploding. He still would have been killed. Luckily, this point in the movie like the earlier part of the movie that was more grounded and felt more real. Oh no. But once we got into the third act it was like that's when it felt like Angel Suisse and now we're in action movie mode and he, that's when I saw that

that ad, or not an ad but it was like a review that said this movie went full Rambo. And that's what it did. Because he, I mean, he killed at least 15 people in this movie, if not more. I mean, directly. We talked about the movie The Patriot earlier today privately. And it is what it reminded me of is the very end, like the unhinged scene with fucking Mel Gibson and the. When it gets completely ridiculous.

Yes. Soon it goes, went fucking nuts. I was like, yeah, this feels like a blockbuster movie now. Congratulations, maybe. So Washington makes it down to the Virginia. And apparently the only thing they needed was his leadership because once he got there, he just told them what to do. And they were able to shoot their way out just by being a little more organized. And that's all they needed because it turned out that despite his shitty leadership earlier, failure is the best teacher.

And I think they said it a couple more times. It's like turns out. See, all of that failure was just there to make him as awesome as possible. He'd failed so hard. He became bulletproof. That's what it takes. Well, I mean, no one, bullets did not get George Washington. Not ever.

So, yeah, so anyway, he gets that he's able to shoot their way out. And literally, they literally win because they march triumphantly back to the camp where he was like, yeah, you said it was a retreat. And he's like, well, the battle was lost, Washington. So, of course, we were in retreat. That's no, we did. And we won. Without your help, motherfucker. We're, we're, no, we're in a retreat.

Well, then later, what's the thing. They only call it a retreat later. when we're back in Denwitty's office. But the movie, at least up to that point, it was a total victory. Because, like, said, they weren't, like, retreating and running. Where the record, not dying would have been an absolute...

They go back to the camp. That's a win, my name. And the camp, they were just tending of the wound and just hanging out. And then Washington just shows, it was like, yeah, we won. So fuck off. And then later, then when we get back to Denaddy's office, it's like, oh, Washington led this strategic retreat. He's reading from, like, the newspaper,

which I think that was an actual quote from the real newspapers of the time. But anyway, so you basically get back to Washington. You were humiliated, but no, you're redeemed, my boy. You redeemed yourself, and that's when Washington shows his term that he has no longer got his ambitions to be a British officer, that he's happy to accept commission as colonel in the newly established, like permanent, whatever the new name for the Virginia militia, but one that was going to be a more established force.

Also, he was like, I don't want to wear these red uniforms where we're literal targets. Let's wear these blue because Virginia. Well, they had said earlier because Indigo grew locally. So the local people died. Blue was the big die because that's what they could afford. And so he's like, I don't want to be a fucking red coat anymore. I don't want a blue coat. So the movie ends with him finally riding in with his nice uniform as Colonel Washington.

And they all had new spanky. Blue Year of Flanamo. And in the end and then they were cheering for Virginia. And that was the final shot of Washington at least. Literally cheering is like, yeah, for Virginia. So none of this more for the God Save the King bullshit. He was a Virginian. And yeah, well, his like his little fucking frenemy buddy,

when he was talking to him, he was just like, I'm not going to die for this land. I don't, he was like, this isn't my country. This is my country. He's like, my country is over there. And he was just like, that's the difference between you and me. This is my land. And that is why George Washington was badass.

He ended as a man of that guy. He ended as a man of Virginia. And then the movie fades to black and we get some title like some text. And then we. Text leans out where it says, you know, this is what happened next and this is what happened next. And then the thing. And, you know, and then. on July 4th, 1776,

and then literally it ends, talking about the establishment of the United States of America, and all the text fades, except for the words, United States of America. And it just holds on that with stirring music playing the background before it fades, and we see a QR code.

Because the movie ain't over, until Kelsey Grammer tells us we had to buy other people movie tickets. Which was incredible. And then, and then the QR code just stays on the screen. That's where we're like, and we're out. In fact, we were out at the moment we realized Kelsey Gramer wasn't going to talk about the movie. He was literally just trying to bully us into paying more for the movie.

It's fuck you. We paid zero dollars and we're paying not a cent more. Not ever. So that was the movie's plot. And again, it was quite, it was a, it was a fun ride. So that's enough of that's above the cinema or a, but now we can get to the next section. And this is the one I call George Ossity. So this is probably a shorter one where it's just like Not worrying so much about direct details and historical accuracy But how much of the vibe and general Georginess that

Carried through And I would say I was pleasantly surprised And how much of the George Washington And I pulled out of that like Even though it tried to turn into will failure Actually it gives you superpowers But it's like it really did It's softened some things in certain ways

but it's still like it literally, but he's Jamie. It gave the idea of him being a... You forgot the best part of the movie. That's the best part of the movie. When the, after the big battle and the half king comes back and tells him that

the fucking indigenous people want to go talk to him. And he goes to him. Oh, you're right. Oh, shit. How do we forget this? I didn't. Okay. So, yeah. So after the, they get done

with the whole battle. He's in Kansas. and then, you know, his little pals, the half king and his buddies, he's like, yeah, you need to come with us. His other dude wants. These other dude wants to talk to you. And the other dude was like, yeah, I tried to shoot you in the head, but you have an aura of protection around you.

And they were like, you are special. You are sent by Providence and Destiny. And I laughed and laughed and laughed. Oh, God, that was where we both burst out laughing in that part because it was like. Oh, it was a great. part of the whole movie. It made it so worse. It was so funny. George Washington was blessed by

America itself imbued him as this warrior of destiny. And that's why even when you're trying to shoot him in the face with three muskets, it ain't going to work. You'll just quit holding his hat. He's just invincible. The only person that can kill George Washington

is, in fact, George Washington. Because he pretty much got himself blood to death. RIP. So, yeah, I think that as far as the George Austin of it all the movie did a fair job of getting like, because one of the ideas that I always had was that

because he was the son of the second marriage and didn't have the, and that his family had fallen on harder times and he didn't get to have the education. He always had something to prove. And that really was the kind of the through line of the, until he had to get humbled. He was always trying to thinking, well, I'm actually better. He was trying to

plunge his way through until he found the brick wall that was actual warfare. Yeah, what a reality. He's like, oh wait, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Turns out it 20 years old. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing and I got a bunch of people killed because... Including my best friend. I didn't listen to people who knew better than me. But so, yeah, I don't know that the real George quite had that level of humility ever. Even though he did, you know, like so, he did some of the technical things. But, yeah,

there's no way to avoid... Well, they said George as a president was remarkably humble because, A, he didn't with the job. He fucking aided it. He was, he really, like, governing was not his, his stick, but he was there to hold it together. And, you know, he set the whole pace for the rest of our country by deciding to not be our king and going off to die of pneumonia, bleeding. Yep. So, let's get to the real meat. Let's talk about George accuracy. Historical accuracy. Now, this, So this movie, like I said, I was pleasantly surprised. I was expecting a way less. The gist of it was good.

The premise was solid. I mean, the details were hilarious. It glazes Washington a bit here and there. But it uses some of his character flaws and some of the fuck-ups, you know, to tell his story. And I appreciated him for at least doing that. So let's see. Starting off, I mean, they, you know. You didn't even talk about the love story?

We talked about it a little bit. But again, that was also overstated. It's like there's letters that, you know, we could tell that him and Sally Fairfax, I mean, they wrote to each other their whole lives. And, you know, it's like there's speculation that there was that one period where he, where she like nursed him back to health. And there's speculation about what went on. And some of the stuff in their letters there might be some innuendo in there, but we don't know.

Either way, he did very clearly had feelings for her. And so they played that up and they actually got a kiss in the news. movie, which, you know, may or may not have ever happened. Who knows? But it was respectful. Yeah. She kissed him. Yeah. That's not like they'd banged or anything, which probably happened in real life. Well, I mean, later, this was still while she was a young maid. Yeah. This is what...

Before she was married to his friend. Because, yeah, as a movie, had the guy basically be his rival, whereas... That guy was supposed to be his actual good friend in real life. But let's see. Younger... Let's talk about the younger shit. But Mary Louise Parker, her role was good. But my impression of Mary Washington was that she was a bit more of a dumbass. And in fact, Washington himself kind of described her that way. They thought of his mother as a bit of a simple.

Wow. Like, look with love and respect. But, you know, it's like she's just not that bright. That's not why dad married her. Good birth and hips. So you want a woman with some girth. So, yeah, George Washington's father died when he was young And then he'd already had to deal with the fact that his father had an older previous family

And he had this connection with his brother Lawrence I think they overstated his education That is one of those things Every time I saw him writing these perfect letters and all this stuff He's like got to aide de camp just like Hamilton was Yeah, it's like oh look at these beautiful letters I mean no I don't think that was it I mean, there were things, like the whole thing where Washington wrote his own, like, rules of civility and stuff out of those books is a real thing.

But it was also him copying shit as opposed to his own letters, which were badly spelled, had poor grammar. And, like you said, one of the reasons he loved Alexander Hamilton is he did that stuff very well as opposed to Washington was self-conscious about his writing abilities his entire life. Which they did not bring that up. No, no, this one. And the film. This, the film. They were like, oh, look. Look at your writing skills.

Isn't it beautiful? The Mel implied that Lawrence just took over and was just as good or better than any school ever could have been. And that just wasn't the kid. Lawrence was, Lawrence helped him out. And, you know, everybody did their best. It was the best he could. But this is also like a busy dude. I do believe it was his mother who taught him to read and write as best she could.

And again, maybe a bit of a dumb ass. Or at least not educated. She asked me because it's like, say maybe calling her dumb is like even unfair. But the truth was she was a bit of a hick. She was a farm woman. She was a Virginia girl. So anyway, yeah, that's out there. And also, too, the whole, there was a bunch of, I mean, obviously, they just skimmed and skipped a lot of shit.

But I think some more thing is worth noting, like Washington's one trip out of the country was when his brother Lawrence, they tried. I forget exactly where they went. Was it you were? They went somewhere semi-tropical because they thought the climate would be better for Lawrence, but it ended up not working in me. came home and died. But Washington went with him on that trip in real life. Where in this movie, he just came home for more and his brother was dead and he was

set. Yeah, as opposed to. It was a lot more long and lingering. Because they really tried to do everything they could for poor Lawrence, but he was just, he is sick and TB sucks. I think one of the most important bits that was definitely not discussed other than one

mention because his real life friend but movie rival, who's name keeps escaping. The one who married Sally Fairfax at one point they were talking about, you know, who owns the land and then ways of, whoever buys it, of course. And that's one of the things that was not talked about is, you know, there was disputed ownership of all this fucking land in the Ohio territory. And Lawrence was a partner in this

company that had a bunch of stake in this land. And Washington inherited that contract, you know, upon Lawrence's death. And so, like, literally, the Washington family and George himself had a vested financial interest in winning that territory away from the French. And so that was completely skipped over.

In fact, so it was only implied, only the asshole made a joke about that because, you know, Washington was kept saying, you know, it's our land, not because, you know, it's bog, but because we tame it. Has brave, white men. And meanwhile, the natives are like, what the fuck? We're right here.

We've been here the whole time. But at least At least that attitude You guys switched over to the frenzy He was like, yeah, you guys suck ass We'll switch whoever We're here to We're here to fight all of you actually

Use you guys against you guys You guys should all shoot each other And we will take care of the rest of you But you know It's like this thing But the attitude of pretending Like it's just this unclaimed territory Because until a white person

Sticks a flag in a ground It don't count So that was definitely One of the little inaccuracy he's there besides, you know, when it came to that, as like Washington literally had something to gain and which is why, like, the transition from him being this scrappy young

underdog to when he became president in the country, we've never had a richer president until now. And that was partly because of the success, the ultimate success of the campaign. So let's see. What else in terms of stuck out in accuracy? I think that even though they major,

sure they were there enough to cease like see we're being fair they sure barely mentioned slavery and in the way they dealt with the natives was just sort of kind of what you'd have to do for the fact of their own role did you have to take your spoon full of sugar to make the medicine go down it's a movie but yeah i understood they they didn't it wasn't offensively not there even it made sure that by the end the black slave was on the side of the Virginians and helping them reload their muskets, he went and grabbed a powder barrel for them also dead French people. And I mean, he would, like, he was like, we were sent to fight for our masters. He was just like, and then his son, they sent you to die.

But then when his son died, he's like, oh, fuck the French. I'm here to help you kill the French, despite the fact that me and my son would be fine if he had not been sent here at all. Because we are slaves to Virginians, like you, Washington, the guy who had 10 slaves. when he was 10 years old. Yeah, but he wasn't really helping those Virginia. He was helping the, he was helping the scrappy. Yeah, he's helping the scrappy ones. The rednecks.

Under the, they were under the command of slave-owning George Washington. Whatever, like I said, like I said, it just felt. George Washington was not really, well, I guess his mom was, they had 10 slaves. I guess they did say that at the beginning of the scene. Once Lawrence died, he owned a Mount Vernon. But Lawrence wasn't dead in this movie. He died in the movie. He died in the movie, but not until he got home.

By the end of the, well, no. but Lawrence was dead before he went back out again, before the big battle, at least in the movie. Yeah, remember? It's like, your brother's dead. Oh, that's right. Your brother's dead. You need to get back down there because failure taught you a lesson.

So, yeah, the last part of the movie, he owned a plantation. That's right. With dozens of slaves. It was badly in debt at all kinds of problems. And his boys loved him. That's what really matter. And he can smoke cigars. But also, yeah, you did see a little bit of pipe smoking in the movie.

But Washington himself, you used. did not see him hitting the tobacco, which I assumed was one of the reasons his teeth sucked. His teeth sucked as a very young man. He had like some kind of like orthodontal issue. He had gross. He had gross teeth, but I'm also assuming he smoked since he was six years old. Just out there chewing tobacco.

Chew and tobacco. Smoking out of a little corn cob pipe, boofing whiskey. Let's see. Oh, yeah. they did the whole thing about George Washington getting his horse shot out from under him and the bullet holes in his clothes, which are real things.

Which they didn't talk about him changing his pants. Or having to shoot his last horse because it smelled like shit. There was things about testimony from and some, and the French ally natives who did remark about the fact that we shot right at him and he lived. But they turned that into the George's the warrior of destiny you're destined to become president that is why it's so it's why god it wasn't let you die

why did they it's like honestly if they had not added that little nugget of just ridiculous it's like the movie would have actually like it would have been mostly fine but they were like oh we have to take this one step first it's like once we already had the incredible action sequence like no you're invincible for a reason because god has chosen you to be president of the United States. What's that? Don't worry about it. It's going to be great. It's going to be real big, though. Oh. So yeah, the movie more accurate than I thought. Now, it also shuffled events around and simplified relationships and did all that. But you have to. That's just standard adaptation stuff. But those are, I think, the biggest sins we've kind of covered.

Oh, and all, I have more problems with the movie studio than I do the actual movie. The movie was sort of fine. Even the parts we were talking about, we laughed. It was fun. Even after we go past the serious stuff and we got to the ridiculous stuff, it went from a holy shit action movie to, oh my God, that's hilarious. Holy shit, he literally has been anointed by God, but it delivered through people who joined. The Native Americans.

Yes, because it has to be the people from this land, letting him know that he is the chosen one. He is of this land. He was born here just like them. We're all Native Americans. God. So then, yes, is... And then the fact that it went from there to literally pitching us to keep buying tickets. Yeah, I did the QR show.

Keep this party rolling. I mean, truly, it's like I was glad that I had ordered a double vodka at that point because I was like, oh, yes, I'm enjoying the last half of this sequence. Very well, thank you. You will have a good time with this. As like I said, I recommend you and enjoy this movie paying exactly as much as we did. Which is nothing. So if you don't have a friend to let you in through the fire exit door, just wait until it's out on streaming. It'll probably be in three weeks because nobody was there.

Nobody was that. There was two old dudes in our theater. Yeah, and we don't count. We didn't pay for shit. All right, y'all. That's it. That's it. We've gone full circle.

I think we're done with young Washington. Now we can move on to old Washington. Well, he never really got that old. Well, middle age Washington. Middle age, oh fuck of dead, Washington. See ya. Bye.