Chambers of the Occult - Old News Nonsense Vol. 1

Episode Date: June 19, 2024

Send us a Text Message.Welcome to "Old News Nonsense," a special bonus episode of Chambers of the Occult! In this episode, we're diving into quirky, funny, and unusual newspaper clippings that are sure to tickle your funny bone. From mischievous monkeys and curious cats to baffling insomnia cures, pesky gremlins, banana mishaps, and adventurous ducks, we've got it all. Join us for a delightful breather and a hearty laugh as we explore these oddball tales from yesteryear. Enjoy the ride, because we all need a bit of nonsense now and then!

Chambers of the occult may contain content that might not be suitable for all listeners. You're looking! Always. It always starts with her laughing. Hello. I'm Jay. I'm Kai. I'm Alexis. There we go. There we go. Welcome back to Chambers of the Occult. Welcome.

Now, we're going to- You guys, yeah, you guys may have noticed, well, I guess not yet because we haven't uploaded this because we're still recording it. But when we upload, this is an extra little episode. Yeah. We're doing something new. If you're thinking to yourself, I have to wait two weeks until I get the next episode not anymore It's yeah, it's special I

Like a steel to tell them what this new little special is called Yeah, sure, um, so This is called old news nonsense Sure. So this is called Old News Nonsense. Woo. It rolls off the tongue. Let us know what you guys think of the name. Yeah. Don't know what it is because we haven't told you.

But we made our mission for the past three weeks. No, I'm joking. I don't know how long we've been doing it. No, we we took it upon ourselves to find old newspaper clippings, um that are fun, funny, quirky, intense, unhinged, not dark. We're trying to deviate from darkness. Yes, this is a lighter, more fun, more casual little like, um, like bridge between our bigger main episodes. Yeah. So if you think that we're giving you dark story after dark story, this is a breather.

We're now chambers of the funny. I don't know. But I know I'm excited for this episode. It's going to be really fun. Do you want to start us off? Sure. So how this is going to work is we, all three of us, we have like two or three different newspaper articles picked out. We're just going to take turns like talking about them.

So we want to dump all of our newspaper articles on you guys. I don't think I want to start off with my best one, but I'll do one that's kind of funny anyway. All right. So this first newspaper article, it's from the Pittsburgh Press. It's from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, posted on Monday, June 29th of 1953. And so it's sort of like the headline for this article. It says, insomnia checkup not so silly after all. Can't sleep Sunday nights? Try this. Incredible how many in Memphis got no shut eye without this plan.

The following story and illustration are sent simply because we think this is a good reading," explained editor Edward J. Memon of the Memphis Press. We assure you that putting people to sleep is not the only thing we do," the editor added. We sometimes wake them up. I like that. Okay. So it starts off, Memphis, June 29th, when Joe Oxendine, Memphis sales manager of Western Union, mentioned to a reporter with the Memphis Press Scimitar, a Scripps Howard newspaper, that he had not slept a Sunday night for a year, he didn't know what he was

starting. Not only did readers of the Press Scimitar find a way to put Mr. Oxendine to sleep, but also many other readers of the Press Scimitar find a way to put Mr. Oxendine to sleep, but also many other readers of the Press Scimitar got to sleep again for the first time in months and years. Quote, it's silly, Mr. Oxendine said over a luncheon table, but one Sunday night a year ago I didn't sleep all night long. The next Sunday night I remembered I hadn't slept and I could not sleep that night either. And I couldn't sleep the next Sunday night, nor the next nor any Sunday night. Just thinking about how I couldn't sleep Sunday nights. He goes on to say, something to do with psychology, I guess. I can't forget I can't sleep Sunday nights."

Goes on to say, that was an amusing short story, but the city editor of the press scimitar, Bill Adams, was a persistent sort who wouldn't let a good story die. Call Joe Oxendine every Monday morning and ask him if he slept Sunday nights, ordered the persistent Mr. Adam. Mr. Oxendine and the reporter were friends, so when the reporter followed the city editor's instructions, he apologized. You know city editors, Joe? Well, did you sleep? Sure I know, Noel Adams, laughed Mr. Oxendine. No, I didn't sleep. But do you know, it's a funny thing, six other people who saw the story in your paper told me they couldn't sleep Sunday nights either. And the next week, at the prodding of the city editor, the question was repeated. Did you sleep Joe? Heck no, I didn't. But I've made sure but I've sure

had plenty of advice. And I never realized how many people there are who can't sleep Sunday nights. It's incredible. What? But this isn't where it ends. So it then goes on to say, a little mini headline, woman finds simple cure. It's getting so that people who meet me for the first time say, Oh, you're the man who can't sleep Sunday night. So Monday after Monday, Mr. Oxendine gave his reports. No, no sleep. And then it happened. Hey, I slept last night, Mixer, Mr. Oxendine reported. I really did.

It's the first time in a year, I'll tell you what I did. Any guesses what Mr. Oxendine did? I don't know, to be honest. So, what go go Alexis? I said this is awesome. I'm just like this guy for real. So it says it goes on to say a lady who works for a restaurant chain asked me and this part's kind of faded it's hard to read asked me what if I ate supper Sunday nights I said I live a little differently on Sundays I eat noon dinner so late that I just skip supper that's it said

the lady you go to bed hungry eat your supper and you'll sleep. Bro. Well, Mr. Oxendine said, I did eat a good supper Sunday night, and I did sleep. Mr. Oxendine slept the next Sunday and the next, always after a good supper. It was reported in the press in Qatar. Then his friends who couldn't sleep began calling him again. They said they had read in the paper how he sleeps again Sunday nights. They tried eating Sunday supper too, and they slept. So that's how Joe Oxendine, Noel Adams,

and the Presimitor put a lot of insomnia victims to sleep. Mr. Oxendine's complaint was not so silly after all. I don't know how I feel about this. I do. I love it. So yeah, that's the story of Joe Oxendine's insomnia and how it got cured. On the newspaper, are we going to, are we going to post like these articles, like pictures of them on like Instagram or something? Okay, cool.

I'm going to have like, you know, three to start off, because I think nine pictures should be fine for one single post. Awesome. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, so you guys will see it then listeners. But in the article, there's a picture of Joe, like laying down in bed, he's smiling and like the caption it says, wakes up Monday after good Sunday night's sleep. So cute. He's just a half little guy. night's sleep. So I have a little guy.

It's fun. So if you dear listener suffer from insomnia, try having dinner. Yeah, make sure you eat literally. Keep yourself fed. Keep yourself hydrated. Yeah, yeah, and as well. Yeah, and as well. Now, I have a couple stories for you, but I don't have one that kind of

feeds off your energy like the story from your like the energy of your story. That's the fun of this this episode. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, I love this one. And it's a little shorter than yours, which is fine. And this one is called, did my cat come to live with you in early summer? What? I love kitty cats.

Old newspaper article names are so fun. They are. So this is from the Post Crescent. It's from Appleton, Wisconsin, and it was published on Sunday, September 26, 1976. I think it's a fun title. Did my cat come to live with you in early summer? And then it gives you the description of the cat. Black with white on throat, female, 13 years old,

but looks younger. Answers to kitty or one in the mood to Grendel. When in the mood? Yes. So, you know, when I'm in the mood call me Alex. Oh, I thought you're gonna say Grendel. Yeah. Alex. Oh, I thought you were gonna say Grendel. Yeah. And then it says, despite arrangements to live at home in her customary comfort during my long absence, Grendel left in June. Incredibly vast reward for returning her to her home of 13 years. And then it has the phone number. What?

So, yeah. Did my cat come to live with you in early summer? Now, I was actually able to find a follow-up to this one. Really? Oh, okay. There is a follow-up. And it says, Cat lost. Female, black with pink throat. And it says, after unprecedented three-week absence, Grendel returned for one week. But although the most pampered cat in town,

although the most popular cat in town they have now disappeared again do you have her have you seen her family pet for over 12 years that's your war have you seen her and yeah that's kind of like two tiny ones into one because there was a follow-up and I just I love that Yeah, I love that too. So I never actually thought of naming a cat Grendel, but I kind of want to now It's such yeah Cat owners literally are like they're like like, oh yeah, this is my cat. This is my cat Earl or this is my cat world destroyer the third AKA Grendel. Yeah, like, like there's no in between. No.

I love it. So I'll send you the clippings to the chat if you guys want to check them out. No pictures or anything. But it's still just kind of fun to see that someone was like, did my cat live with you during the early summer? It's so good. That is really good. I like that.

So Alexis, where does your newspaper take us to? Mine doesn't exactly go so well with your guys's. All I really have is the Empire Bananas Canadian Banana Company. How many times did you say what? Yeah, say that again. Empire Bananas Canadian Banana Company. OK, sick. Yeah, so this was on the Hamilton Spectator in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada, Friday, May

14th, 1937 is when this was posted. It literally starts off with this like picture of like sliced bananas on a plate. And it said, sing a song of salads all year round. That's what really got me at the argument. So I was like, why are we talking about salads? Why not? True, actually. Fruit salad, yummy, yummy.

Fruit salad, yummy, yummy. Shout out to my wiggle lovers um it says it's never too hot never too cold for a luscious banana fruit salad so it is a fruit salad um bananas are one fruit which never goes out of season. They are always available, always inexpensive, always good. True, true, true, true. Buy them at the stage of ripeness. You find them in the store. If they are partially ripe, let them ripen at home at room temperature

until the skin is golden brown, yellow flecked with brown. Then combine them with fresh or canned fruits or berries When other fresh fruits are scarlet bananas bring your family the fresh fruit nourishment they need Empire bananas direct this distributed by Canadian Banana Company LTV and Nice So that's what I have. So if you didn't know about your bananas, right, being for a fruit salad. Now you know. Yeah. You have like a whole lesson on bananas. I don't know. I did. I'm kind

of surprised. It's bananas. From Canada. Yeah. If there's a Canadian, like was there also an American company or? Yeah, there's American companies. Like what? Tell me now. Okay. There's the United Fruit Company. No, but like an American one that like explicitly states it's American in its company name. United American Empire.

Ah hell no bro. They all have empire. Oh my god. It's the banana empire. Bro, this is crazy. So what is a banana fruit salad? Is it just a regular fruit salad but like a bunch of bananas? But like mainly banana? I'm not just describing it to you. My goodness gracious. No I'm sorry.

It's basically sliced bananas I guess. Let me look it up. Sliced bananas with kiwi, melon, blueberries, just a regular, regular fruit salad, just with bananas. Okay, yeah, so just with a bunch of extra bananas. Nice. Yeah. Nice. Cool.

AC for the summer. Makes me want some banana cream pie. I for the summer months. Maybe she wants some banana cream pie. I love banana cream pie. Thank God you love banana cream pie. I love banana cream pie. If someone can make me a banana cream pie, that's literally like the key to my social security number. So.

Yeah. my social security number. Yeah. All right. On to you, Kai. On the next one. Round two. This is kind of another long-ish one. Not that long, but... Alright. So this one, it's from the Chicago Tribune in Chicago, Illinois. It was written on Friday, June 9th, 1933.

So the headline for this is, ever try cheese as dessert? You'll find it's delightful. Sounds great. I want your guys' opinions on that before I even get started. Like cheese as dessert. I know you love this one Alexis. Yeah. Yeah. I do. I really, I love it. I know you love this one Alexis. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I do. I really, I love it. Alexis loves cheese. Yeah, I do so much. I could just eat it by itself. Okay, would you try cheese as dessert though? Isn't that, isn't that already a thing?

Yeah, yeah, I'll try it out. I'll try it. Cheesecake, I love cheesecake. That's not like cheese. Cheese. Yeah, that's cream cheese. That's like sour cream and cream cheese. Yeah, I'll try, I'll try cheese as a dessert depending on how it is.

I've had cheese as a dessert, depending on how it is. Okay. I've had cheese as a dessert. Yeah, of course. It's just cheese. Like, there's nothing special. It's just cheese. It's cheese with like a piece of chocolate, or like cheese with like some fruits or bread or something. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Alright, so this article, it says, it's by Dorothy Masters, and it starts with saying, A great many women who wouldn't think of serving the soup course after the dessert display a surprising lack of finesse, or so connoisseurs claim in their use of cheeses. Perhaps the proper taste for cheese, as for caviar, must be acquired. But to the knowing palate, this interesting food

presents a wide variety of pleasures. And when one considers that there are about 20 cheeses of distinct economic and dietary importance in this country, it follows that rather great care should be taken in the selection of cheeses for various uses. It so happens, because of its price and nature, doubtless that American cheese, or cheddar, leads the field as a cooking cheese. It is admirably suited for use in fondues, omelets, soufflés, sauces for vegetables, for casserole dishes with macaroni rice, and all gratin dishes of all types. But this doesn't mean that it should be the only cheese in the icebox.

Fair. I just say I love that they say icebox because like, because it was, like it was an icebox. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. All right. So it continues. It says, for instance, particularly neglected by Americans is that delightful delicacy of cheese as a dessert.

In Europe, it has long been the custom to put the finishing touches on the meal with a bit of cheese and cracker. Camembert, with its rich mellow flavor, is among the favorites, and Rockefart too. That king of cheeses makes an ideal last touch. favorites and particularly pleasing to cheese lovers. Yes. What's your take on this, Jay, so far? I know you're a cheese connoisseur as well. I wouldn't call myself a connoisseur. I would call me a devourer. I don't know.

Honestly, I eat the same. Yeah, no matter what you put in front of me, I will eat it. And last month I went to like a wine tasting with some cheese when I was in France and I was more there. Oh there was cheese. Why am I thinking there's no cheese? And I was just up with the cheese. It's France. Like I'm talking about the and I'm like yeah yeah yeah yeah and I kept walking to the cheese table and just grabbing more cheese. Like said, I'm a devourer. I might have preferences when it comes to cheese, but I'll eat it. No, same, same. Yeah. Whenever I go over to

like my, one of my aunt's house, like, um, for, uh, like any events or anything, she's, um, she like married into my family. And so she's's like her family is like European basically. So she always puts out like cheese platters and stuff and I always like devour them. Yeah. They're so good. The thing I go for is the cheese. Yeah. No, it's good.

You got to up your game, Alexis. There's meat, there's fruit. I'll take the cheese. Oh my goodness. You got to become a cheese connoisseur, a cheese devourer. Why do I have to become a cheese devourer? Because just like this article saying, you're missing out on the sweet, sweet delicacies of cheese. My goodness, gracious. Anyway, it keeps on going. It says Swiss cheese, the wineillere, the wine-aged Trebon Swiss,

slices of aged American, brie. These are all correct adjuncts to the perfect dinner. For the final course, the universally liked cream cheese offered with beurre la duc and crackers are served with any tart jellies, both simple and smart. Limburger with beer. Limburger properly belongs with the following stein. The buffet supper as its forte and it forms an ideal complement to the hearty luncheon. Along with Swiss thoroughly aged American and the sharper old English types,

it goes with beer as naturally as the foam collar. For use in sandwiches, any cheese which pleases the individual palate is suitable. American cheese is probably the most popular in this field, but Swiss is a great national favorite, as is Limburger, and the delicately mild cream cheese among the soft cheeses, but even for sandwich use, there is a right and a wrong way to serve cheese. It is the theory of true cheese lovers that Swiss should never be cut to paper-thin slices, but should be served in generously thick slices. Only then, they say, can the sweet nut-like flavor, which is the distinguishing characteristic, be properly appreciated.

Oh wow. I, I, I don't know, I've only ever had thinly sliced Swiss, so I guess I gotta get a good chunk. Yeah, I wanna say that like the same. Yeah. Yeah. But one last thing. It goes more into camembert and brie. American cheese, on the other hand, may be cut either thin or thick. Rockefurt, camembert, Limburger, and brie are best served in individual portions with crackers. All of the Rockefurt is eaten, of course course for the green veins give the cheese its flavor. Oh. I know there's blue cheese but like green veins? Yeah. I'm okay. Anyway, the connoisseurs do differ as to the proper consumption of camembert. Many of them insist that the choicest portion of this cheese lies just inside the crusty

rind and therefore consume the entire portion with great zest. Others will have only the semi-liquid, creamy-like pungency which constitutes the center and fully ripened heart of the camembert. Edam and Gouda should have generous mouthfuls scooped from their pale yellow centers, and cream cheese should be spread to a tooth-some thickness and combined with a tart jelly. One of the most delectable uses for cream cheese is as a spread for hot breads. True. On hot biscuits, for example, with cherry preserves, this cheese is scarcely to be equaled as a breakfast or tea time delicacy. True again. Used as a stuffing for baked apples

or as a topping for hot cereal. Ooh. It provides, it proves its versatility because of its high body building values and 90 to 99% digestibility. Cheese has come into great importance in late years as a valuable food for children. And that's it.

I agree with that. Okay. Well, you like true that and like ooh, and like agreeing with it. Or like me. Yeah, that was me. That was not the that was not the the article. No, like, I agree. cream cheese on like hot breads. It's like unrivaled. It's a great breakfast delicacy, I guess. But topping it for a hot cereal. I've never heard of that, but I've never heard of that. That's kind of good. You know what I did one day? I woke up one morning. I fried me an egg. I tried to do it like over medium,

but I didn't really succeed And then I toasted a bagel put some cream cheese on that bagel and I seasoned my egg with everything bagel Seasoning and I put the bagel or no I put the egg on top of the bagel and then I put tapatio on the egg and then I ate it Okay Have you guys Have you guys... Have you guys ever eat or put salsa on top of cream cheese and like eat it with chips? That is...

Cream cheese and salsa? No. But I hope people say like me. No, like it's actually so good. I so I dated this girl in high school, in my sophomore year of high school. I already know who you're talking about. Yeah, no, you don't. No, and so she invited me over to her house one time and then she

just like, I think her grandma was there. And so they pulled out just the brick of cream cheese, they opened it up and they just poured a jar of salsa over it. And I was like, what the hell? And they're like, no, this is so good. You have to try it. And I was like, okay. And it's so good. Like verification. I'm like, was it like cream cheese or was it like sour cream? No cream cheese. Oh, like it was one of the like, I don't think I did the sensor. Like the, like the Philadelphia brand, I think it was one of the like- I don't think I did the salsa. Like the Philadelphia brand, I think, has the foil around the brick of the cream cheese. Yeah, it was just one of those.

They opened it up. So it was just that the brick of cream cheese sitting on a table and they just poured the salsa right on top of it. I'll knock it till you try it. No, seriously. I was flabbergasted at first, but it was good. Anyway, go on, Alexis. You guys know that- Sorry, no, you was like abrogasted at first but I was good anyway go on elect Sorry, no, you're fine. Sorry, but you guys know the the Doritos the Namitas the green ones. Yeah. Oh wait the green

The dynamite yeah, the green bag Yeah, it's a green bag. Okay. Okay. Well, you said the green ones sounds like green chips Yeah, um, I used to get those and just like put cream cheese on them and eat them like that all the time So good, I just tried the the Flamin hot dinamitas the other day and they're they're okay Which is hot other day and they're they're okay. They're just hot. No no they're not they're supposed like the Flamin' Hot Cheetos like the Hot Cheeto flavor but they just didn't hit the same. Yeah I'm sure. So anyway uh cheese I um I love how like eloquently this person like talk Dorothy Masters I love how like eloquently this person like talk Dorothy Masters. I love how eloquently she talks about cheese. She has an ice box. She's gonna talk eloquently. She's like the proper taste for

cheese as for caviar must be acquired but to the knowing palate like it's it's just so funny the passion you can tell behind this cheese. Yeah She's a cheese devourer as well She's just trying to play it off What no Listeners let us know do you do you devour cheese? Yes or no? Yes or no? Yeah Devours or? You said no, hit me up.

Get it? To devour or to not devour? What's your favorite type of cheese? What's your go-to flavor of cream cheese? Do you like cream cheese bagels? Oh my God, strawberry. See, strawberry cream cheese is hard to get right because sometimes it's too artificial

of a strawberry and too like sweet. That's why it's called plain. You can never go wrong with plain cream cheese. Panera bread? I love Panera's cream cheese. It's so good. Panera's sponsor us. Please.

You've had it. You've had it. Have I? Oh, you said that. When we get stuff catered to at work and like, Yeah. Yeah. I was like, that was like a year ago now. No. He's had it.

He's graduating. But we had it pretty recently. Oh, yeah. Oh, I didn't have it. And like, any time that you come in on Friday, you're going to see we're pastries there, because they've given us pastries on Fridays. Oh sick yeah. Yeah last Friday there was the ones left over. Yeah so

they had chocolate croissants there but nobody saved me. I ate both of them. I ate both of them. I'm not going to lie, I ate both of the ones that were left. So yeah, he saved it in his stomach. I thought about I was going to save it and then I just ended up eating it. So chocolate croissants are like my weakness. Hey, I can't blame you. Thank you. What is it? Chocolat-tan?

Or something like that? I don't know if that's it. South of France? I'm gonna fuck it up on the podcast, but it's either Chocolatine or Chocolatane. Okay. No, that was good. That was good. No, I mean, I should know which one it is, but it's one of those. One of the ones that's. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, what do you got next for us, then, Jay? I don't know how I feel because you gave us such an eloquent newspaper clipping stories. Yeah, I would say that we're not the right story to follow up your connoisseur cheese story. No, it's okay. Before I tell you the headline, this was this is from the register in Santa Ana, California,

and this was firefighters. I love firefighters. So this is a short story and it simply goes, Ontario, California, September 17th, a 2000 acre brush fire which left no bears in the hills. It's in quotation bears. And hills near here was reported under control today. The blaze which swept San Antonio and, ooh. It's Studard.

Studard? Studard Canyon, 25 miles east of Los Angeles, chased more than 100 nudists from their silt and sports. My God. And their Arcadia sustained camp and burned up most of their clothes in passing. 900 grimy firefighters snickered as they fought the flames to the, Duties, Duck and Gallop from Bush. Not that. Oh, no, I lost my spot. That's a good find.

You know, a hundred chasing a hundred nudists is crazy. Yeah. During a fire. From Bush to tree. And then he would have quick look at the firefighters. It was a hilarious fire report a forest ranger. I can't remember when the boys have had so much fun. You should have seen them fellers running around without any pants on. And then it says, frantic calls by the nudist, who are first to report the fire, brought sketchy costumes from nearby towns.

Some were evacuated in automobiles and some in various stages of undress made it out, made it out on foot. And then here we have another quote from the people that were there helping. None of them were burned up anyways, commended on an unimaginable bit of Ranger. But if remarks of some of the nudists were quoted accurately by the firefighters. He didn't know half of it. Fire trenches and portable hose units were used in checking the blaze. Fighters were being relieved today, but were held in.

What's this word? Old newspaper. Ah. Oh, concentrate. Oh, wait. old newspaper ah oh concentrate oh wait we're being relieved today we're held in concentration camps against a fresh outbreak with the wind falling however Rangers were confident the flames could be held in check And there you go That's such a random occurrence yeah 1935 100 nudists were running around in a fire They set the fire were they there when the fire happened was it a coincidence Or wildfire and they were questions that the nudists were like hey, there's a fire Yeah, anything

I'm naked. I'm sorry. Yeah, we're nudists and there's a fire come help Yeah So I was laughing really hard. I accidentally muted my mic a bunch of times because of it. I don't know if that was accidentally. Because of everything. No, no, you're good. You're good. Everything. No, no, you're good. You're good.

Yeah. Yeah. So that is what quirky little newspaper I have for you. I love Nudists. Thank you for giving us that wonderful story. Running in the wild. Yeah. Nudistic.

Yeah. No. yeah yeah no yeah like what is the afternoon big foot factor fraud it's just Roger Patterson's Bigfoot North America's Abominable Snowman. Is this your article? What? Yeah, that's literally the name of the article. Okay, I thought you were just like saying some bullshit. Like I... like, because you didn't say that you were getting into it. You just started reading. Yeah, I'm getting into it.

You're like, Bigfoot. Yeah, that was like a you thing to do. So I was like, oh shit. Okay, okay. I you thing to do. So I was like, okay, I'm going to repeat myself. Okay. Okay. This is posted by or this was yeah, published by Enterprise Record in Chico, California Friday July 11 1969. Book Bigfoot Factor Fraud is just Roger Patterson's Bigfoot North America's Abominable

Snowman. Oh my god, that was a lot to say. Go ahead. Yeah, yeah. Okay. So Bigfoot, America's abominable snowman see the first and only actual films of America's Bigfoot fact or fraud fraud and then this is what it says are there really giant man-like creatures that stand over eight feet tall roaming the wilderness areas of this country. I don't know why I went Southern, but it felt right. It felt right. Readers digest. After months of intensive research on this subject has this to report.

There would appear to be, oh wait, star quote. There would appear to be a little chance of people working together to perpetrate a hoax since the reports have been so separated in time and location." Dr. JR Napier-Smithsonian Institute. Whoa, that was really hard to say. It says, quote, the presence of unknown humanoid creatures in the Pacific Northwest should not be discounted. End quote. Dr. AJ Wright, US Department of Commerce, quote, to me, of course, there was no real mystery. As you know, I believe firmly in the existence

of these creatures, end quote. Is there a well organized, wait, is there a well organized conspiracy perpetrating the biggest hoax in mankind's history? The Piltdown Man was a hoax and fraud that fooled the scientific community for years. Scientific and commercial publications are filled with opinions that The Piltdown Man was authentic and was the long-sought-after link between men and apes. Is this a hoax? Are the skeptics that believe in the hoax theory justified

in saying if Bigfoot exists like they say, why have no bones been found? Why don't more people see them? Why hasn't one been captured? Why hasn't one been shot and killed by a hunter? And where could they possibly be coming from? Visino Theatre, 1821, Esponado 343-1515, Saturday, July 12th only. 2 o'clock, 4 o'clock, 7 o'clock, 8.30, adult, $1.50, child, $1 flat, and student, $1.50 child $1 flat and student

$1.25 see the most controversial and talked about film of the century bigfoot America's abominable snowman fact or fraud you be the judge And that's it nice I Like was I don't know why I was so excited to read that because I was like no way they had a movie for this and they really really marketed for it. That's why we need to find it and watch it. Yes. Yeah we do. It sounds like they did the same type of marketing like they did for like the movie like smile You know how like random people would like yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, but this time like Bigfoot I Always think like like Bigfoot stories and stuff. They're always so goofy

because Come on like like like Bigfoot conspiracy theorists are like some of the funniest people because it's like it's not like a serious like conspiracy theory Mm-hmm, and like there's not like super concrete evidence So people are just like big foot this big giant man animal is running around out there Yeah, it's crazy we should go to the Bigfoot Museum. We should. We really should.

Yeah. I've been waiting to go for a long time. We need to plan it out then. We don't even know what's there. Have you guys seen iCarly? Yes. Have you guys seen the episode about Bigfoot on iCarly? I don't remember.

I have, but I don't think I remember it. So they, it's like the gang, you know, Carly, Sam, Freddie, and Spencer, they're in an RV and they camp out for the night. And they're trying to like record Bigfoot. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. I remember it now. Yes. And they're in their big like tin, their tin metal yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, I remember it now, yes. And they're in their big like tin, their tin metal camper and then like it's at night and like the camera gets like destroyed or whatever and. Yeah.

Yeah, okay. They just unlock that memory. Like looking for Bigfoot and then this dude that wrote like a book about Bigfoot dressed up in a Bigfoot suit and he like, he was basically just messing with them all night and then and then when they were like away from where the RV was, they went back to check for the RV and then it just shows a clip of Bigfoot driving away. What? Yeah. Okay. So we probably shouldn't go in a car that's too big for Bigfoot. No we shall.

Did you say too big? I mean that's too, you know what I mean? What? Yeah. Like too, like a car that Bigfoot won't fit in. That's the car we should drive. A car that is too small for Bigfoot. Yes, that's what I meant to say. Oh look, you do know that how people get some Christmas trees home, right? They tie them to like the top of the car Are you saying I love Christmas sure the top the car yeah Smart I Mean I feel like he would probably manage to like flip over the car. He would.

So I don't know if that's a big, best idea. Yeah, let's leave him alone. I think it was just then like, has he ever done any has Bigfoot ever done anything wrong wrong or is it just like people making him out to be a monster? Not that I'm aware of, to be honest. Like all the big stories and things like that, they're like sightings. Not like people came downtown and went in a dumpster type of thing. I think it's all just- you really think? Do you like, do you think he's a bad guy? Like, I'm sure he's lonely. He probably doesn't want to be so secluded,

but he's scared that like, we're just going to hunt and kill him if he ever shows his face. They're probably like, well, because they don't really interact with people. So they keep their distance. True. And we think that they're just like, for real. Guys. Well, it's funny that you it's funny that your article mentioned like closer to what humans are like apes or something like that. Yeah. like apes or something like that. Yeah. Because my next article is titled Monkey Business at Store.

What? That's so funny. Mischievous Animal Rearranges Bokraks. That's the name. So what do you guys think this is going to be about? So what's the title again? Monkey Business at Store. I don't know.

I think it's going to be a business that's run by monkeys. Yeah pretty much actually. Crazy. So this article is from the Decatur Daily Review from Decatur, Illinois. It was supposed to be published on Monday, March 10th, 1952. So Monkey Business at Store, Mischievous Animal Rearranges, Bach Rocks by Bill Hines of the review staff. So it says Henry Bach rock bought a monkey. Also, his last name is spelled B A C H R A C H. So Bach rock back rack batch, batch, batch, batch rock.

Yeah, that's fine. I bought a monkey last week keeping a fancy cage in his clothing store on the northeast corner of Lincoln Square. But the monkey doesn't like cages. He broke out four different times yesterday when he was left alone in the store and here's what he did. He mopped the floor with new shirts. He separated about 30 pairs of new socks, dropped them on the floor, and scrambled them up.

He threw neckties around like Christmas tinsel. He sprung the handle of the water cooler trying to get a drink. He got into a salesman's files, tore up the cards, and scattered the pieces on the floor. He broke down some potted plants. He did other things. Oh my goodness. What are those other things? I don't know. It's kind of ominous. So there's more to it. It started when the monkey, as yet not named, arrived Friday night.

Mr. Bachrach had a circus-type cage already in the boys' department of the store. He put the monkey in the cage and got ready to go home. The monkey explored the cage, then walked out between the bars and began to explore the store. I love that! cage, then walked out between the bars and began to explore the store. So Mr. Bachrock fixed the cage for the night with a lining of cardboard. Saturday, Mr. Bachrock lined the cage with chicken wire to make it monkey tight. The monkey behaved alright Saturday, evidently amused by watching the people in the store. Then Bob Whitson,

a store employee, went to the store yesterday about 9am to feed the monkey. When he got inside, he saw a shirt torn from a mannequin. He caught the monkey, returned it to the cage, and fed it. While he was putting the food away, the monkey got out again. You know what? I'm proud of this monkey. Me too! I'm like, you go. Seriously, like, you don't deserve to be locked up like that.

Mr. Valkorok came down to the store and he and Mr. Whitson fixed the cage the animal couldn't get out quote. Then they left. At 11 a.m. yesterday, Eldon Johnson, another store employee walked by the store. day, Eldon Johnson, another store employee, walked by the store. Said Mr. Johnson, I wonder when we started displaying socks by throwing them on the floor. He called Mr. Bachruck. So did the cop on the beat and the proprietor of a nearby business. The monkey was returned to the cage and the cape was fixed so, quote, he get out. Then at 4 p.m. yesterday, Mr. Whitson went down to the store to feed the monkey again. Quote, there were 25 or 30 people standing around the door looking in.

I knew what was up, Mr. Whitson said. He had four hours in there alone that time. He murdered the plants, Mr. Watson said, or Witson said. Mr. Vahkrak, who ruefully admits that he never had any contact with monkeys before, estimates the animal did a total of 35% of damage yesterday. Quote, looks like we'll have to have a sale, something like fire sale call it a monkey sale he said a monkey sale i like that you're right he was his first rodeo he even said it he's never had any contact with monkeys before um i love monkeys i think the make it monkey tight is so funny. I read just like the first few lines of this article of this clip and I was like, oh, this

is perfect. Like, this is so good. No, seriously. And then this, the article actually does have a picture of the monkey and the caption it says Bach Rocks guest so I'll send her. Thank you. Welcome. Such a cute monkey.

I love this monkey. I I did picture one of those tiny little ones like the one at the museum. I want a monkey. I was like only one of those type of monkeys would be able to walk between bars. Oh yeah. Dude it's so funny. First I was like imagining like a like a gorilla monkey like you know what I'm saying like a like a no it's just I would have just destroyed everything yeah I love this monkey I want it get one get I'm gonna get a monkey yeah but don't put it in a cage they don't like cages

Yeah, but don't put it in the cage. They don't like cages. Nah, I'm gonna get a monkey and I'm gonna name him Jorge. Alejandro. Not Grendel. Nah, I'm gonna name him Jorge. You're gonna name him Horacio? You stop. You would. Oh my goodness. I haven't heard that name in forever. That's a lie. But you dream about him. I love that name. I love Josh Hutchinson even more. Okay.

I'll tell him on you guys. Oh my god. You'll what? I'm gonna tell Josh Hutcherson. I don't know if that's like a threat or like a reward. I mean kind of both. I don't really know what he would do. Yeah. It's like he would tweet at him and he would just dismiss it. I still need to watch Five Nights at Freddy's, dude.

Oh, same. Just for him. And Beck. There. Oh, and Beck. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I forgot she's in that. I don't even know her real name, but I don't either. All right. All right. Take it. Take it away, Jay. Oh, okay. Right. I like how Kai got a little bit more of a wild story because this story is also a little bit wild. So I also don't know why this is the title of the article, but this is the Tampa Times from Tampa, Florida, on Tuesday, May 18th, 1943. And the title of this clipping,

it's an Attic Salt Shaker. Mm-hmm, what? Wait, what? An Attic Salt Shaker. Yo! Okay. Yeah. Don't expect an attic, don't expect a salt shaker. What the fuck?

You know. I'm sorry, this is weird. What the fuck? And this is written by W. Orton Tucson. And here it goes. In the folklore of the Royal Air Force, the legend of the gremlins I love gremlins! explains a multitude of otherwise inexplicable happenings, or so it would seem. I can't hold the laughter in already. These little creatures of the clouds,

frolicsome, to the point of danger, are known to every pilot. Declares Squadron Leader Tom Dudley Gordon. And I seek my prey in the waters. Exciting. What? I know. It's only getting more and more wild from here. And I seek my prey from in the waters.

Exciting factual story of the valiant part And I seek my prey from in the waters. Exciting factual story of the valiant part the RAF coastal command is playing in the Battle of the Atlantic. He may not have seen them himself, but he has experienced their pranks. They are believed to have been spotted first in the Middle East, long before the war, where they were responsible for a number of mishaps. There could have been no other cause, except, of course, the most unlikely one of a lapse on the part of some. Briefly, the gremlins make your aircraft do things it should not. They shake the wings, they block fuel pipes,

they upset the trim, and sometimes they cause petrol unaccountably, unaccountably, yeah, to disappear. There is even a particularly naughty gremlin who lives in the clouds. And jumps into the aircraft when visibility is very bad. and jumps into the aircraft when visibility is very bad. As the pilot officer flies almost blind, the gremlin skips on the shoulders and whispers in its ear, You silly fat head! You're upside down! Oh my god. Of course the pilot isn't, but it unnerves him and it makes him jumpy.

Why? Take a breather, because I need one as well. Can you send this article? Yes! I'm going gonna send all of them all to you. Okay, okay, okay. It's just, it may have been some such experience as the following, which gave rise to the legend of the gremlins. To think squadron leader Tom Dudley Gordon. Electrical storms provide one of the most spectacular phenomena of bad weather flying. The aircraft becomes charged with static electricity,

which causes greenish sparks to run along the metal struts and ribs in the fuselage. If the wireless operator is not careful, he may get a severe shock and possibly have his set blown up. A night, the crew may see a pulsing wave of bluish-green light just ahead of the leading edge of the wing. While the propellers are probably surrounded by a luminous circle, it is spectacle, but not welcomed by the crew because of the interference to instruments and consequent danger of getting thrown off course. And as I told you, there was no attic,

there was no salt shaker. Yeah, what does that even have to do with the story? So, no. So, there were, but there's a naughty gremlin. Yep. That's for sure. So you guys can check it out. What was being written in this? Let's see. As soon as I saw that, like, gremlins were being mentioned by, like, pilots, I was like, was this posted on, like, April Fools? It wasn't. It wasn't.

That's what you were telling me about, okay? Yeah. No, it's just about naughty gremlins. Naughty gremlins. Who live in the air, who live in about naughty gremlins. Naughty gremlins. Who live in the air. Who live in the clouds. I know! It's so stupid.

I love that. Somebody, they must have been like on something. Oh, definitely. Yeah. Especially the one that said that like it whispered in its ear. Your upside down. I love gremlins. Especially the one that said that, like, it whispered in its ear your upside-down pat-head. I love gremlin. Imagine there was, like, I'm honestly, what I'm imagining is, like, I'm kind of imagining, like, the Lorax, in a way.

Like, somebody who looks like the Lorax, like a gremlin, just, like, a plane and like, nothing like malevolent or like malicious, but it's just like fucking around. Just to be a silly little guy. Just being annoying. You silly have had that for upside down. I love that. Cool. Yeah, so that's-

Naughty gremlins. Sorry, I love that. Cool. Yeah. So that's naughty gremlins. How are you going to close this out, Alexis? Yeah, Alexis. Mine's a wee bit long. That's fine. I got a ready mouth voice. Okay. This is Duck Duck. I got to ready my voice. Okay.

This is Duck Duck. Who got the duck? By. So it's it's by it has two T's and an E at the end. It's by the butt daily post in but Montana. Saturday October 26 1901 was when this was published, which is crazy to me. I don't know. But it's the headline is Duck Duck who got the duck.

And then it says mysterious disappearance of two fine fouls from police headquarters causes much trouble of various kinds and the worst is yet to come. It's not as like bad as it sounds, but it's just like, this is a story of two ducks, an Irishman, a policeman and soul levy, the Corconian. Incidentally, it's also a tale of how Chief of Police Reynolds was, what does it say? It's faded out here, but it was, I'm assuming it's just like, out of the police, like like not the police department, but it reduced its pay from a $1.50. And then it says, the other afternoon, the Irishman brought in two fine drakes for which he claimed a fancy price for breeding purposes.

Not wishing to carry the heavy box the ducks were in, he hid it away in Dublin Gulch. Two boys saw the ducks deposited and speedily appropriated them. Unfortunately, they ran into policeman Matthews and were obliged to drag the box in order to make good of their escape. The officer took the ducks to the police station

and thus innocently started a mystery which is consuming all the spare time of Chief Reynolds sleuth to solve. He's crazy that two ducks caused havoc in the police department. I love it, I love it. I love that they dedicated so much to it. police department. I love it. I love it. I love that they've dedicated so much to it.

According to written reports and this spells it wrong. I don't know what the word is. Afflidatives. I don't know what it's called. In the possession of Chief Reynolds, the duck were placed in charge of city jailer Sol Levy at 3 o'clock in the afternoon. At 5 o'clock the same day, the ducks had disappeared. Officers greatly excited for three days. There was so much excitement about the police station. The owner appeared and wanted his ducks. The Corconian jailer was responsible for the property but couldn't produce it. In despair, he went to Chief Reynolds and demanded an investigation. The chief began a still hunt assisted by his right bower, Detective Murphy. While the investigation was going on, several internecine wars were startled in the police station.

The jailer was accused of swiping the ducks himself. He in turn accused Captain Everett. Quote, I found feathers in the captain's hair, end quote, declared the jailer. During all the wrangling, the owner kept putting in an hourly disappearance or an hourly appearance to depend demand the return of his ducks. At last, Chief Reynolds came to the rescue and paid the man $1.50 for the drinks. Then he gave notice that he would hold jailer Levy responsible for the amount.

This caused more trouble. Yesterday, Chief Reynolds declared he had a clue. Quote, we have done work on this case that is worthy of Sherlock Holmes. End quote. Wow, I believe it. Yeah. Well, Murphy and I actually discovered that the ducks were missing at five o'clock in the evening.

Feathers are traced. Then we traced the feathers. We found duck feathers back of a certain restaurant down the street. Murphy, who is an expert on ducks, declared the feathers came from the drakes because they were curly. Then we learned that Fire Chief Police or Fire Chief Pete Sanger, Street Commissioner McLaughlin and two others ate duck at the restaurant on a certain day. No. Quote, now you can draw your own conclusions. We are positive we found the guilty parties, though we haven't yet secured evidence sufficient to convict.

Maybe we'll get a full confession about next bell ringing time end quote just now oh i lost it just now the sheaf is out one dollar and 50 cents and solevi corconian is expecting garnishment proceedings and that's where it ends we never know what happens to those men justice for the dogs seriously man you have this for the dog seriously man you have got the duck you're gonna find the follow-up to this oh the follow-up to this i know i do have to find the follow-up to this i tried finding one but all it shows me is al capone yeah and i don't think al capone has anything to do with ducks. No, yeah, definitely.

Unless he ate them, but. Cool. I think that was a good story to end this. It was fun. Yeah? Okay, good. Okay, good. I had a lot of pressure lying on me.

No, thank you. Okay, good. I had a lot of pressure lying on me No, thank you at least you don't have the pressure to find what happened to the ducks so I know I'm so sad. I don't know what happened to those ducks, but those guys those ducks get justice I hope they did find over a hundred years later. They found justice I I hope that they did Me Me too, me too, me too. I always wanted to have you. Have you guys seen that? Oh, wait, I want to duck. So no, I want to duck so bad when I was younger, but continue. Really? I don't know if you guys watched is that we want to one like that.

I think it was I watched it. I wasn't I have't in to every episode. There was like one episode in there where one of the girls had like a pet duck. And I was like, now I can't remember that. Well, now you got to watch. So you want to one. For those of you who want to one listeners, you know what I'm talking about. Maybe. What's that one show where they all turn to mermaids? Are you talking about H2O Just Add Water or MAKO?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You first chose. For what? I love H2O. There's MAKO Mermaids too. No, it's H2O. It's the one that everyone knows. Yeah. I don't know why like

that reminded me of H2O but yeah. I love H2O just add water. No, no one's gonna sing it? Okay. No, I mean I don't know it that much. No, no one's gonna sing it. Okay. No, I mean, I don't know it that much Yeah, well the listeners might they might sing along with me Alrighty well, let us know what you guys thought We are hoping to do these like in between our our big main episodes. So expect another one in two weeks from now. Yeah, hit that subscribe button, drop a like down below. As always, if you have any suggestions, if you have any like quirky newspaper articles you want us to read, send them in, we'll definitely take a look at them.

If you happen to find like a fun one, send it our way. Yeah. Or like, even if there's just like other like random topics you just want us to like talk about and like joke and have fun talking a little bit about, like I think these episodes would be a great opportunity to do that. So let us know as well. Yeah. Yeah. You send send us one random weird word. We'll look it up on the newspaper clippings That we do we should start like a like a question of the week or something like that Oh, they could be like anything it could be something like more serious or more like fun or silly I don't know. Yeah, really in depth or just really dumb Yeah, I like I support it

I'm okay with that. Yeah. So start writing in some questions. I don't know. Well, thank you for tuning in. Thanks. Hope you enjoyed. Have a great rest of your day. Whatever time it is. Yeah. Yeah. What they said. Sleep well, eat supper, don't have insomnia. Yeah. Yeah. Bye-bye. Thanks for watching!