Chambers of the Occult - Old News Nonsense Vol. 3

Episode Date: July 18, 2024

Welcome to "Old News Nonsense Vol. 3," a special bonus episode of Chambers of the Occult! In this episode, we're diving into more quirky, funny, and unusual newspaper clippings that are sure to tickle your funny bone. From sneaky snakes and a Florida man's quest to win a jet from Pepsi, to frogs with a taste for bees, mischievous hamsters biting kids, and daring people swallowing goldfish, we've got it all. We'll also explore tales of shaved goats, ducks with a peculiar interest in yeast, peeping toms, and a tree that legally owns itself. Join us for another delightful breather and a hearty laugh as we uncover these oddball tales from yesteryear. Enjoy the ride, because we all need a bit of nonsense now and then!If you want to read these clippings on your own, we have them available on our website. Stay tuned for a journey through the odd and the amusing!Send us a Text Message.

Chambers of the occult may contain content that might not be suitable for all listeners. Old news nonsense. Oh, yes. Who are you ma'am. Who are you, ma'am? Who are you? Yeah, I'm Alexis. There we go. I am Jay. And I'm Kai.

Welcome back. This is Jay. We're glad you're back. Yeah, thank you for being back. And if you're new here, welcome. If you are new here, Old News Nonsense, um, It's like the most un-serious Episodes of podcast. It's about old news that are just a bunch of nonsense. Yeah, you know, basically

I think that's a really good choice of words. Yeah So if you were looking for something more serious Listen to a regular episode Yeah, listen. We got regular editions of chambers. Now for this season for this season. Wow. Yeah, for this season. Oh, we have Alexis. What's her theme? Alexis? Your mama. Cool.

Your mama. Cool. Yeah. You know, one thing I've always wanted. One a snake. Yeah, I love making. A sleet, I like to make you snake. That's the other snake.

I'm a slithering snake. You are a slithering. Do you I'm a Slytherin snake. You are a Slytherin. Do you speak parcel tongue? Not yet. Yeah, do it right now. Yes, I said not yet. Ah, he's learning. He's learning. Oh my god. Well, hurry up. Well, the alpha is hard. You know, there's there's not all the

ABCs. It's better. It's all s's. And like, we better. It's all s's. And like, yeah. We better, man. Anyways, I love snakes. Okay. They're a beautiful little queachers. They're so cute.

And so this newspaper clip in is about a snake committing suicide. Oh. Fighting itself. And so this newspaper clip in is about a snake committing suicide. Oh Fighting itself. Oh, yeah Okay Okay, so that's what the headline is snake commits suicide by biting it. So Yeah, it's interesting so far but it says Nisa or August 20th horse horse. Oh, his name is Horace. He's a horse. And I was like, what?

having your throat? Yeah. Yeah, what do I do? Anyway, or should I say, nay? Get on with it, lady. Yes. So Horace, he's just a little rattlesnake. That's what it says. Pride of local zoo was dead today, a suicide. For one month, Horace withstood the stares of the curious who came to see him coiled in a glass jar Yesterday apparently weary of captivity. He committed suicide by sinking his fangs deep in his body. I Mean he died within half an hour

That is the ending Yeah, I'm sorry. I I chose this one as the first one But I figured I'd get the saddest one out of the way first. Fair. The other ones are not bad. Is this our first sad old news nonsense clipping? I think so. Oh my god. Well, unless you count Duck Duck, who got the duck? Alexis, what have you done? I know, I'm so sorry. No, but like that one was kind of cute though. Yeah, Horace the snake, the rattlesnake. Yeah. Like wait, okay does it like, I know snakes will sometimes like accidentally like

start to bite you themselves because like stress or they're scared or they're like tired and they mistake themselves for food but like is that what this dude did or is it or like? It doesn't say that in newspaper clipping. I mean it very like that doesn't say that in the newspaper clipping I mean it very well could be because I didn't actually know that Well, yeah Yeah, like sometimes they'll just like stress and like hunger or poor eyesight. I mean if you have people staring at you For how long was it two weeks two months? Yeah valid a month Oh one month. Yeah, non-stop. I'm sure at some point that poor snake gave up and was like, oh, this is so sad.

I'm so sorry, you guys. Oh my goodness gracious. What did I do? I'm a monster. If there's a snake that's like biting itself or it's like biting something it shouldn't be eating, like if you have a pet, just like get a little bit of a hand sanitizer and just read it. Yeah, they immediately reject. Yeah, yeah.

Because like they know the smell of alcohol, they're like, and then they eat it. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. So, the later snakes eat themselves. If you ever handle a snake as well, it's always a good practice to use some hand sanitizer before you touch them because it helps to like mask the smell of like you being a human that's like meaty and alive or there meat on your hands as well that might like eat me. You say almost as if you've handled snakes, Kai. I have. He has. I know he has.

I'm just trying to get him to share with the listeners. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I grew up having a snake and then I also work at a park conservancy and we've got some snakes in enclosures and I'll take care of them sometimes. So yeah, it's pretty fun. Nice. Well, thank you. Yeah, I love Nets. What was their name? Horace. Horace. Oh my god. Like Horace Green from School of Rock. May they rest in peace. And yes, School of Rock. Would you like to go next or would you like me to go?

Sure, me. I'll go next. I have a system. All right. So you know what? Going along with the theme of animals. Dad. And specifically animals biting.

Oh. Mm-hmm. Here's an article. It's from the Herald News from Passaic, New Jersey. I don't know how that's pronounced. On Thursday, October 16th, 1958. And this one says, hamster class pet bites boy. So it says, two school boys were hurt in Psyche yesterday. One fell and broke his leg. The second was bitten by a pet hamster. Aw! Israel Jerina, 12, of 258 Chestnut

Street, fell in the gymnasium of Memorial Number 11 school. His leg was set at Psyche General Hospital. Julius Yuhas, 15 of 96 Van Winkle Avenue, Van Winkle, was bitten on the small finger of his right hand while playing with a hamster in Woodrow Wilson Jr. High School. A classmate, Judy Buck, what? Judy Buck is 19, but she's the classmate of 15-year-old Julius? Oh, wait, can you say that again?

So Julius Ujas, 15, of 96 Van Winkle Avenue was bitten on the small finger of his right hand while playing with a hamster in Woodrow Wilson Junior High School a Classmate Judy Buck. Oh No, okay, Judy Buck 19 Aspen place Took the brown and white Month ago and it soon became the class mascot soon became the class mascot. Dr. William Foster, city veterinarian, said, ill effect seldom, if ever, fall out a hamster's bite, but he nonetheless ordered the animal quarantine in its cage for 10 days. The bitten lad was treated at Beth Israel Hospital.

hospital. And that's the article. My goodness. I like it. Oh, the hamster that was supposed to be the class mascot ended up biting the kid. Oh, okay. I would do the same if I was a hamster. Yeah. But at the same time, I'm just like, hmm. Okay, I just realized though, that they just completely glossed over the fact that the other kid fell and broke his leg, which is arguably a bigger deal than getting hit by a pet hamster. But that's right. They kind of just made the article about the hamster instead. Brush past it.

What? Someone was a school school a class favorite. For sure. Oh my god, they're like, oh my god, he got bit by a hamster. He's gonna get rabies or something. And then the vet was just like, Nah, dude, you're fine. Which honestly, I think I have had had hamsters in the past. They have been in the past. You've got hamsters? Yeah.

I've got hamsters. Yeah. I don't know. That made me think of the pig from Sing. Oh yeah! Oh I know! Yeah! It was a good movie! It was.

It was. Alright, what do you got for us, James? It was a good movie. It was. It was. All right, when you got braised, James. Well, in that note, I learned my lesson from previous episodes, and I actually transcribed my newspaper clipping because it's old and I had to read it properly. So on the topic of animals, I will keep it in the topic of animals. At least for this newspaper clipping. So this says, Toad frogs attack bees, killing many of them.

Oh shit! What? Yeah. So, frogs eat bees as they come out of the hives at the home of police officer Falwell on Willow Street. Police officer E.B. Falwell has a number of bee hives at his home, 303 Willow Street. I also think it's kind of crazy how they used to give like people's address just very nonchalantly. Yeah just in the newspaper.

Not literally. It says the hives which sat squarely on the ground were attacked by frogs. The common toad variety of a large number of bees were destroyed. Officer Falwell says that the toads stationed themselves close to the holes of the hives. And when the bees came out, they swallowed them with apparent great relish. The frogs did not appear to be stunned by the bees, said Officer Falwell to the party of friends. I would judge that there were nearly half a dozen of toads eating my bees when I made the discovery I had much trouble in getting rid of them. After they were driven off I raised the hives about a foot off the ground since which

at the time the frogs have been unable to get to the honey makers. And that's it. I'm just so glad they weren't like stung at all. No, which is very interesting. I don't think the bees were quickly enough quick enough to react to that. No, I guess not. Or like the the frogs, the toads, they just like they flung their tongue out like so fast or like they they like they bit bees so quick. And they were smart to wait by the holes where they would come out and they're like, snack, snack, snack. I honestly love that. I would have loved to see it, but at the same time I would have also been like, hey, those are my bees. Stop it. Yeah, I didn't even think of that. There's also a toad where I work and the toad is really cute.

Does the toad have a name? Rocky. Rocky. Rocky the toad. These toads do not have names. They were just delinquents. They deserve names. They've done us a great service.

There's like half a dozen of them so we have to have a dozen names. Send in some name suggestions. We will name this toads. Yeah. Oh, and then this one, I don't think I told you from what newspaper it was from. It was from the Austin American Statement from Austin, Texas, August 5th, 1904. Oh, I love that number. Cool.

1904. Why? Yeah. Oh my God. You guys said it at this exact same time. That was so scary because I like the number 19 and I like the number 04. Oh. Yeah.

Oh, I see. Not because someone got married that year. Oh my god, do you actually see it? I know why, yeah. Oh my god, I was just kidding, but yeah, I realized as I said it that it kind of correlates. Yeah, that's what it's like. Yeah, anyways, we're not gonna anyways, okay. Yes, tell us Alexis. I realized I didn't mention where my first story came from. So blame Muncie, Indiana Evening Press for that information that I gave you. They published the article Saturday, August 20th, 1932.

Did you say blame them? Yeah, blame them. They're just reporting the news. Hey, why are you reporting that kind of news, my man? There. Anyways, this next one is not necessarily about an animal. That's okay. Tis about a tree. No way.

And if you know me, you know I love trees. So this is this was published by the guy, the Boston Globe in Boston, Massachusetts, Sunday, December 12 19 of 15. Good number. Good number. And it starts off with three owns itself Yeah, what george a man yeah tree owns itself Did you get that okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah George

Gave his old friend D to He gave his old friend deed to ground it stands on. What the hell is that even English? Oh my goodness. Can you read that again? Yeah. Yeah. Georgia man gave his old friend. Oh, oh, oh, okay.

Georgia man gave his old friend deed. Nope, it still doesn't make sense to ground it stands on. Wait, say okay, say it one more time. Yeah, okay, we got it. Georgia man gave his old friend Indeed To ground it stands on Okay, that makes sense Does it? Yeah. Yeah, man gave his friend the deed to the ground that whatever it is stands on Okay, okay

Okay, I don't know what it is. Oh the tree the tree that was well, yeah Yeah, okay, thank you I'm smart like that Okay There is in Athens, Georgia a tree which owns itself. Oh It has a deed to eight feet of ground on all sides of its trunk. The tree formerly was owned by W.H. Jackson, what a sick name, to prevent its ever being cut down. Mr. Jackson executed a deed, making the tree owner of the ground around it. This deed is the only one of its sort in the world.

Wow. So the tree owns itself. Wow. Where do we? I'm so proud of that tree. I love trees. I know for real, right? Like, hi tree, I'm so proud of that tree. I love to eat. I Know for real right like I tree I see you What kind of tree? This is how the earth reclaims itself?

Yeah, what are lies itself back? Yeah Yeah, wait away nice, I like anyways Thank you. I I love it. Anyways, thank you. I love it. I love trees. Trees are so cool. Trees are sick. What's your favorite tree?

Post-Redwood. What's your favorite tree, Jay? I've, Kai already answered that. Is your favorite tree post-Redwood? Yes, not gonna lie, earlier today I was looking up if I could grow my own redwood like in my backyard or my shop yard. You should have bought one of those little ones.

Yeah you should have bought one of those. Yeah. I think we, I can. There's really like nothing telling me not to do it. Mystery spot. So we gotta go back to the Mist-A-Way spot so we can buy a web which we the missed with spot. Mist always, Bob, we can grow our own tree and then give it its own land.

Yeah, we give it a name to itself. Yeah, tree owns itself. Yeah, what are we? Sick. All right. Take it away. Anyways, I guess I'm going for my second story now Yeah, like right now. Oh, okay. This is from the Bradenton Herald from Bradenton, Florida on Thursday July 20th, Bradenton 96 Bradenton

Bradenton Bradenton right Bradenton. Bradenton. Bradenton. Right? It's Bradenton. Yeah, it's Bradenton. My aunt lived there. Okay, Florida girl. Okay. Okay, I'm sorry. I lived there for a few weeks.

My fault. You lived in Bradenton? Yeah, I lived in Bradenton. I lived in Mepopka and I went to Orlando. You lived in... Florida seems so fitting for you. a pop cut and I went to Orlando. You use Florida's them so fitting for you. Like you seem like a Florida girl. You know, stop reading. No, I don't see that.

Don't ever see that ever again. That is so disrespectful by that is so disrespectful by I literally just said don't read into it. I just said don't read into it. So you're so Anyway, this article that I'm covering Yes Florida man wants Pepsi to give him jet I'm sorry, huh?

Florida man wants Pepsi the company to give him a jet Um, I would like one too, please. But is it a Pepsi Jet? It should be Pepsi branded and it should only serve Pepsi. I think so. So this was written by Michael Rapoport from the Dow Jones News Service, I think. I like that name. Anyway, Michael Rapoport.

That's what they say. Jones News Service, I think. Anyway, Michael Rapoport. So this says, PepsiCo Inc. thought it was a pretty good joke to pretend to give away Harrier fighter jet. It's Pepsi's promotion. The company stopped laughing after John D.R. Leonard tried to take Pepsi up on the offer. Up on it. The Inwood Washington man and the Purchase New York based company are now bottled up in a different kind of Pepsi challenge. A dispute over a Pepsi stuff TV commercial that offered a Harrier Jet to Pepsi drinkers. When Leonard tried to take advantage of the fictitious offer and Pepsi told him it was just a joke, Leonard told the company to stuff its refusal and

the dispute has gone to court. Yes! I'm so glad. Yeah, that's false advertisement. Give me that jet. Yeah, where are we? You said I can get a jet. Give me my jet. Yeah, where are we? so it goes on to say the commercial itself and Or this is all quote the commercial itself and the Harrier at the end is clearly a spoof And I think everyone knows that but I think mr. Leonard is clearly getting carried away said Bradshaw a Pepsi spokesman but Larry Mr. Leonard is clearly getting carried away," said Brad Shaw, a Pepsi spokesman. But Larry Schantz, Leonard's attorney, insists the hairier offer is no joke to his client. He thought it was very serious, so did I. We thought it was a big contest and giveaway." The Pepsi

Stuff promotion, begun in March, lets consumers redeem Pepsi points on beverages containers for caps, t-shirts, jackets, and other prizes. But for comic effect, Pepsi offered a slightly bigger prize in a TV ad, a Harrier Jet, initially available at the bargain price of 7 million points. Oh my goodness gracious. How much Pepsi would you have to buy? Oh my goodness gracious It would have to be buying it would have to go like you know, we're like by the whole company Okay Enter Leonard who saw the ad and tried to take advantage of a provision in the program, allowing consumers to purchase points for 10 cents each. So Leonard sent the company a $700,000 check drawn on Chan's law firm to buy 7 million points and request. Oh my God.

Holy crap. No way. Who has $700,000 laying around for a jet? Okay, so this dude must have been rich. Why didn't he just buy it himself? No, it cost more than that. Okay, but the thing is, this is from 1996. $700,000 back then. That's a lot. Hold on, let me look it up. Let me look it up. Hold on, let me look it up. Let me look it up. $1,401,200.13. That's almost 1.5 mil in today's money. That's crazy. I feel like he definitely could have just bought a jet for himself. Oh yeah, for sure.

Unless I don't know exactly what a Harrier jet is and it's gonna say I don't have a jet yeah I was gonna say that I feel maybe they won't be able to oh maybe it's like a military jet and like you can't privately buy one it's a jam it's ah that actually makes a lot of sense yeah but at the same time can you imagine writing a check for like $700,000 to Pepsi? Oh wow! Oh wow! This shit is nice! Yeah the Harrier Jet, informally referred to as the Harrier Jump Jet, is a family of jet-powered attack aircraft capable of vertical slash short takeoff and landing so it can can take off vertically like helicopter. Oh, holy crap.

Yeah, because as soon as he said jet, I figured it was like military something. OK, so it's definitely a military jet. And he was like, no way that would be a military jet. OK, well that makes more sense. Leonard is valid. He is valid. Yeah.

I'm with this guy on this one. He sent him that $700,000 check. and it says, but the company returned the check telling him it wasn't really offering a harrier, which goes for many times more than $700,000 anyway. Okay. I guess so this is when he took them to court. Yeah. Yep. So Leonard threatened PepsiCo with legal action claiming the company had a fraudulent offer and breached a contract according to court papers. Shant said he expects to file the suit soon in state court in Florida, where he lives.

PepsiCo has struck back with its own lawsuit in federal court in New York, asking to have Leonard's claims declared frivolous and to be reimbursed for its attorney's fees. Um, see, I don't know if there's an ending to the story, is there? No, that was it. I'm looking up right now though. I hope that he got his jet. Jet. He didn't. Oh my god, Leonard versus PepsiCo Inc. It's a whole court case on Wikipedia.

Yeah. I literally just looked it up. More widely known as the Pepsi points case. That's so funny. Wait, I should see this for like a bonus story or something. Actually, you should. I will not look at it. I will not read it. I promise. I will be excited for it. I won't either. I don't know if it's long enough, but... I mean, you'll figure it out. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure you can dig some stuff up. No, because I would think it would be if they were like, okay, you don't have the money for those like

points Yeah, I can be dismissed but he sent the seven hundred thousand dollars for the points it was like he was trying to redeem something that they had out like Was it not published something that they had promoted There's a Netflix documentary on it. Oh my god. No way, bruh. That's sick.

I love how this man made a name out of himself. That's sick. No, literally. I do hope he got his jet. I do too. Well, actually, yeah, okay. I do too. Well, actually, yeah, okay. I did too. I hope you did too. Where are we?

Wow. Thank you very much. Yeah, I can't believe that happened in Bradenton. Okay, you know what? I'm definitely gonna watch the documentary on this and make it a bonus story. That'll be fun. I love it. Yes. Cool. Well, thank you. And I will say thank you in the future. Yeah, welcome. We should go to Brighton. Hell no, I'm not going to float around. What is there to do?

Brighton, it has a beautiful beach and the water is warm. Oh, so what I hear from you is that we're not going to find this man to barge into. It's also a safer city than Apopka. It actually is a safer city than Apopka. I think the fact that you bringing up its safety at all in the first place is enough to deter me. Valid. So valid.

All right. What do you got, Jake? Cool. I have a story that's not involving animals or jets or pepsi. Okay. Or jets. Or pepsi. Or trees. You'll find out. All right. So this is from the Cincinnati Post from Cincinnati, Ohio. And this was published December 27th, 1954.

And there is a column that's called Molly Mayfield. And then this column says, her husband is a peeping Tom. Oh my god. So this is I figured when people write in their issues and they publish them on newspapers. So this is what happened. Yeah. And it says, Dear Mrs. Mayfield, my husband is a peeping Tom. It's terrible thing to admit. I know, but it's true. We live in a row of houses which are fairly close together. Between our house and the one right next to right, the one to the right, there's just a hedge that separates the lawns. Well, my husband will sneak out of the house and hide himself in the hedge and spy on the young lady who lives next door to us.

What? Yes. This woman is calling her husband out. What the fuck? She continues by saying, I noticed how often before going to bed, he'd say he was going out for a breath of air, or going out for a smoke. And I noticed how excited he was when he'd come back in. So not long ago, I decided to do some spying of my own.

So I watched him from a darkened window when he went out. First, he stalled around a bit, looking this way to make sure that nobody saw him. Then he crept into the hedge where he could look straight into this woman's bedroom. And there he stayed for 20 minutes to a half an hour. Ah! Yep. What? What? Depending, no doubt, on what there was to see. And then she follows by saying, I'm not the type of woman to keep my mouth shut about this type of thing.

So I slipped out and I pounced on him and I told him off and I told him off good and proper. He was livid. He was so angry and denied everything. Said he was said he just wanted to be alone as though he had to hide in a hedge for that. Well, literally this man. Well, for about a week after that, he would go out and walk around the block,

but didn't hide in the hedge again, as far as I know. But he started coming in excited again. So I followed him one night and Miss Mayfield, he had found another hiding place where he could look into the window of another house. Isn't that disgusting? Oh my God. Oh my goodness. Oh my God. I have told him that if I catch him at this sort of thing again, I'm going to report him to the neighbors.

And so help me. I believe I'd be tempted to. My husband is such a mild man on the surface. This is hard to believe that he would sneak around as a peeping tom. If you were in my place, how would you handle this? I'd kill him. Oh, I mean, you do you. This is why you belong in Florida. Anyway. That's for you, Kai. I honestly I think she handled it pretty well. She pounced on him. She's like, I'm going to call the cops. Yeah, tell the neighbors.

The fun thing about this is that there's a reply to the post. And the reply, I love how the reply says from angry wife Agnes. Agnes. There's something so I love how she said this. There's something so reptilian about a peeping tom. Reptilian? Yes. That makes like zero sense but it also makes sense at the same time. I don't know. He's a snakey snake. I mean yes. Yeah she says I don't blame you for pouncing on him nor for raising all manner of you know what nor following him nor threaten him. Truth to tell, the man is doing a very risky thing. He could easily be shot at or picked up by the police. If some of the neighbors got wise to his tricks and reported that a peeping tom was in the neighborhood, the police might easily wail at him and the consequences of these little stories would be drastic.

Why don't you talk to him seriously about the possibilities? Why don't you say that unless he behaves himself, you'll be the first to alert the police? That's certainly not to put the fear of God in him. Also, when he goes on this evening ramblings, why don't you just follow along until he begins to realize that you're serious about not trusting him out of sight. Oh my god. Damn. She went in.

She did. I love it. And then there's a final thing back from Ms. Mayfield and it says, PS, I discussed the problem of peeping Tom's with a psychiatrist friend of mine who said that frequently such people were late, latently dangerous, but that often discussing their tendency with a physician might be one of the. Inestimate might be of an estimate value, only he said people with such tendencies would seldom admit to them unless they'd

been caught on the act. So I kind of like it was like a little back and forth. It's like this is my story. I actually really love that. Yeah, that was fun. Angry wife reply. And then yes. So yeah. That was fun. Thanks. You're welcome. I love the response. Like that's the first time there's been like a direct response to something I feel like and that's just I don't know. It's really cool. I like when they have like a response but at the same time I'm like, does that mean that the newspaper just like gets a hold of it or like publishes like a second thing?

I, I don't know. But like they definitely have like, are they talking through the newspaper or are they are? Yeah, that's so funny. Which I can really appreciate. I'm like, you go, you know, or internet before Wi Fi. Before all of that. Yeah. I love angry women yeah this is why you belong in florida i was gonna say no one yeah yeah y'all will be bullying me on here y'all will be hanging up on me Hang it up on me. That's two big one right here. Anyways. Yeah, tell us what you have. What's next? Um, y'all ever been to Waterloo? No, no, but I've heard of it. Waterloo, Iowa. That's where this was published by the Courier on September 16th, 1907.

Guess what happened that day? Just give it one wild guess. Your mom. I hate you. Was it a once in a blue moon incident? It was. Oh my God. I'm so glad you said it. Wait, was it a once in a blue moon incident? It was. Oh my God. I'm so glad you said it. Wait, was it? This does only happen once in a blue moon.

You know what I'm saying? Right, right guy? No, no. Wait, what do you mean? This only happens once in a blue moon. No. Have you guys ever have you guys ever pet a goat? Yeah, I have, actually. Are they soft? Well, I have actually Are they soft?

But I don't know I'm asking you that they have kind of like coarse fur But they usually have fur you feel me, you know every you know every guy's for Not this one every goat but not this one Not this one Okay, this goat what is two things. Number one, I hate you so much, but this guy has two things. Okay. Number one, it's shaved. Okay. Number two, it's stolen. you it's stolen which one came first the goat no like this stolen goat is is what this article is called this stolen goat is that you cut out the stolen goat is shaved.

Okay. Okay. Now under it says trimming of quote Billy's beard fails as a disguise to quote. It says it starts off with Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, which is weird because it's in Iowa. But September 13th, clean shaven and youthful looking. Mrs. Mary Klambski's Billy goat is back again in the clamp ask you back yard. And this I'm going to give out an address rear thirty one six seventy six Miller Street. The complex case was decided yesterday.

Yeah. Well you give an address and then you say I'm going to give an address. Rear. you give an address and then you say I'm gonna give an address rear 31 76 really 176 Miller Street. Yeah, thank you. The complex case was decided yesterday by Magistrate Hughes. Mrs. Klambovsky accused Mrs. Francis Polinsky of harboring her goat and shaving off his whiskers to disguise it. What the heck? Mrs. Kalinske. Yeah. Yeah.

So, Mrs. Kalinske said the goat was too young to have whiskers. The magistrate and one or two other goat experts made a careful examination and decided that the goat had been shaved and also recognizes mrs. clam lambosky and said to her What? Don't make me say it again. No, no, genuinely. I said it. That was a week as hell. Go on. Ma! So I had also recognized Mrs. Klamwoski, so the goat recognizer, and said ma to her. And so Mrs. Klamwoski got the goat. And that's how it ends. So she got her goat back.

She got her goat back, but Ms. Kalinsky, man, what the hell was she thinking taking the goat shaving off its whiskers brother? so um I guess it still begs the question which came first it being shaved or it being stolen? it being stolen okay and then it was shaved. Thank you. So she thought she could silicone shave it and then claim it as its own. Be like, no, this is my goat. It doesn't look like yours.

Yeah, this is my Billy goat. Oh yeah, you're right. That's the name Billy goat. Joe goat. Yeah, so why is she calling me ma? Bruh. I can't believe Mrs. Kulinski would do that though. I believe it. She was jealous.

I thought she was better than that. Her goat was dry so she needed a new goat. Her goat had whiskers and so she needed a goat without them. Do young goats don't have whiskers? I guess not. Let me see. Do young goats, I spelled young wrong, have whiskers. Bucks or male goats can have black whispers, whiskers, other types of goats such as dairy goats, dairy cross, boars and pygmy goats can have beards. So that's the difference. Okay.

So that is an actually answer whether young goats can have whiskers or not. It tells you that goats have whiskers, so it also tells you that they were shaved off. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. If you were a goat, what would your name be? That's crazy. I felt like there was no response. Y'all didn't come up with anything. I didn't come up with anything You should have just came up with it I was like I was locked in on thinking what my name would be That's why you needed your in person recording

Yes Hubert Like Gerald Hubert? Gerald? Gerald the goat Hubert the goat. Yeah, not Hubert. Oh Pubert yeah, she you I'm so sorry. I did not mean to Disregard your pubic hairs pubert

Go and that coat That's such a white pubert right away. Does help You name So might as well use it for a joke That's true, that's true or Oscar Yeah, I think more people would call Oscar's a cute name, though. Yeah, I think more people would call Oscar's a cute name. That's my dad's name. Are you saying my dad's cute?

Yeah. Okay. Okay, Kai, what's your story? Well, my story is published on the Lancaster New Era. It's from Lancaster, Pennsylvania, posted on Tuesday, March 21st, 1939. Where are we? This one headlines by saying, FNM youth swallows three live goldfish. I'm sorry. Why would they do that? In classes today, feeling fine, won $10.

Huh? Won $10. So apparently there was a goldfish yellowing fad in 1939. No, it's like the whole Tide Pods again. It's something like that. I didn't think that was an actual thing. Is the Tide Pod thing an actual thing? Yeah, it was a thing. Tide pods like in what 2020 or something like that. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. Oh, did it with Goldfish too? I guess so. Continue. Oh, or not. Um, I didn't think that Tide Pod things was a thing. Actually, I thought it was just a joke that was just around at that time. I don't know. No, it was on the news and everything. Really? Yeah.

Yes. It was huge. I didn't pay attention to that. So you're from Florida. So I'm not even from Florida. Well, apparently rubbed off on you. Oh my god, I lived there for a few months! Oh my god!

Okay, so... Having apparently won the National Collegiate Goldfish Swallowing Championship. That's a mouthful for a contest. Imagine having that as a trophy. That's a mouthful for a contest. Imagine having that as a trophy. That's crazy. Bragging rights, brother. A national collegiate goldfish swallowing championship. That's crazy, brother.

How many goldfish were swallowed in this competition? Oh my goodness gracious. All animals were harmed. Yeah. Yeah. So, Swallow Championship, Frank Pope, F&M Jr. was back in classes at college today with $10 in his pockets to pay his expenses at the Interfraternity Ball. He said he was feeling fine. Pope swallowed three live goldfish, the largest about two inches long, at a local cafe last evening with a goodly crowd watching.

I would think that this would happen at like a county fair, not a cafe. Cafe. Yeah, wait a wee. Everyone watching intently. Okay, I'm Tina Kai. He got $5 from the proprietor, Karl Hildebrecht, an F&M alumnus, and another five from a student who bet he couldn't do it.

His feat was three times as impressive as that of a Harvard student who swallowed only one fish. Now there's a quote it says, I did it to show up those Harvard bums and sissies Pope said. Anyway, I don't like fish any other way. He sprinkled some salt and pepper on the fish before lifting them above his mouth and dropping them down head first. Stop! Stop! Okay, I don't know if you've covered this, but were the fishes alive? Yeah, they were, they were, they were alive.

Just living fish down the hatch. Oh yeah, I'm assuming they're alive. Down the hatch. Oh my goodness gracious. I assumed they were alive, I just wanted to double check. Yeah, yeah. Good question, it's a good question. Sorry, I didn't mean to.

No, no, you're good. Damn. That's a good question. Try it. No, no, you're good. You're good. That's crazy. What the hell? So this sounds like it went on for a couple years though. Probably. Yeah. I was beginning to wonder when someone said, hey, like we should stop swallowing goldfish. When somebody probably like died from swallowing goldfish? When somebody probably like died from swallowing goldfish? Yeah, or they ended up in the ERs. What made them even start thinking that? What like, they woke up one day and were like, oh. Have you seen the videos of dudes just drinking

like a whole cup of raw eggs? Yes. Oh yeah. That's crazy. Well I feel like that's like, not as bad as eating white or like swallowing live goldfish. I don't know. I wonder if you could feel it swimming around in your stomach. I hope not. I stop it. That's what I was literally thinking about. I was like it wouldn't die right away. The thing is it would be cleaner around because yeah I was gonna, it would be swimming in pain and like, I don't know, like, 100% it would die pretty quick because lack of oxygen as well as being like eaten by your stomach acid essentially, but it wouldn't die immediately. Oh my god, that poor goldfish. It would be alive like flipping around in your stomach. Oh, I know. Oh, I don't want to know but I do want to

know and I won't do it but I would be willing to swallow a goldfish but I won't do it. Don't you dare. You know they did that on jackass. Did they? And he would yeah one guy he would like swallow the goldfish and then he'd like puke it back out and it would still be alive. No, I'm sorry No, yeah, no, it was crazy. It was great. No, I see I can't do this. I can't that's just oh my goodness gracious Anyways, you know, have you guys tried? Shut the fuck up Have you tried the extra toasty Cheez-Its? No!

They're really good. They're just like Cheez-Its, but they're like extra toasty. They do sound good. I have a box next to me right now. I'm glad that you're not eating goldfish. Yeah, me too. I forget if it's like a Japanese dish or like a it's some type of Asian dish or something. But it's like raw live shrimp. Like the little jumping shrimp salads.

Yeah, yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about. Oh, and they're literally jumping like off the table as you're eating it. Stop. Yeah. Oh my goodness gracious Anyway, oh Yeah Continue. Oh, was that it? That's it. Okay. Oh my goodness. Thank you. Oh my goodness gracious. Well, I'm

Animals were injured in all stories. Yeah. Oh my god, these poor animals. Included my upcoming story. Oh god, okay. So we had a snake that bit itself, we had goldfish that were swallowed. And this one is titled, Price Duck Ate Yeast, Rose Up, and Exploded. So much is happening in that sentence. Yeah, it's basically another whale story but just a duck this time. So this is the Independent from Santa Barbara, California, and it was published Monday, December 27th, 1909.

Okay, so this story goes... Are you okay, Alexis? She never is. I'm so sorry, continue. No, you're good. You're good. So this story goes, Sutter Grove and Jay. There's so many initials, but the thing it's called Careful Cultivator of Geese. Note, care is spelled with a K rather than with a C, just to emphasize the fact that

it's extreme um instead of grove to emphasize the fact that the extreme of pains is taking it's taken in the culture of poultry eggs garden uh garden truck like they just it's i don't know if i make any sense i'm just going to tell you the name of the duck. The name of this duck is named Redamathus. Redamathus? Wait. Redamathus. Redamathus? Yes.

Redamathus. How do you spell that? I'm gonna spell it for you right now. Okay. Ra. Duh. Sick. Redamathus.

Redamenthys. Spelling me up in here. Yeah, I was going to say it feels like it's spelling me right now. Yeah. Oh wow, that's actually kind of a sick way to spell it though. It feels like a D&D character. Redamenthys? It kind of does.

It does, yeah. Redamantus blew up at 710 this morning just as the Essex Falls Cannonball accommodation stopped by at the General Notch Watering Tank. A stiff northerly gale was blowing at the time, and five dark brown duck feathers were waft even so far as great notch, and flurred into the open window of the smoker and that admirable Erie Railroad train. Redamanthus was no ordinary or- orny duck. He was- oh shoot, here we go. Um, I'm gonna spell it out for you.

I know how to say it. I did. I believe in you. I believe in you. I believe in you. Here it is. I believe in you too. He was a kook duck?

Maybe? That sounds honestly right. He was a kyuuk duck of the famous breed that Frank Rue has been cultivating with such success. He was a grandson of, and here we have another duck's name, which I will be putting up for you. I love how these names are just crazy long for ducks. Here we go. How would you say that? Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- Neb- too. But Nebuchadnezzar was the grandson of the famous fortune-telling duck. That predicted it's so... What? Yeah, yeah. So Nebuchadnezzar was a famous fortune-telling duck that predicted for its owner and propitator, Mr. Roo, the Appropriator mr. Brew the early discovery of the North Pole

Fire as hell actually, so yeah, I don't know how he Foretold the discovery of the North Pole, but the stuck did Anyway, this was after newubachan Dazar had wandered into an icebox in George Mears' grocery store where he was imprisoned for the night. He came home a trifle stiff and a bit blue, but his lips and the very first thing he did when he was thawed out, he picked the North Pole in the contest with his bill and the very first thing he did when he was thawing out he picked the North Pole in the contest with his bill on the map. Oh so I think it was just ducks pointing in a map to where the North Pole was. Yeah the duck pointed out to the North.

I love this. Okay so Perkins has done some blowing about town over the decision of his over the decision in favor of his rooster cook. On top of this he has been put in on Redamantis as the plus ultra of the Sutter Grove ducks befitting by comparison each and every duck in rolling's duckery. Then the tub, then to tub it, then to rub it, and he brought Redamantis to the last meeting of the Sutter Grove Board of Poultry Trade and pass a resolution through which Redamantis was awarded as the longest-billed and brownest tailed duck along the great notch right of the eerie.

We got an award for that? Yeah. That's so cool. People were proud for their ducks. Well, he was going on roller-rollings, bought a cake of yeast in Gus Mears' grocery store. He asked for a, he asked for and got a moldy looking cake of yeast, a cake of yeast that was tied twice with a cord to prevent it from busting its wrapper. There's good raising powder in this yeast, asked Rollins before purchasing it.

The cake of the yeast replied Guzmier, who used to be a sailor, would rise the Luth- Luth- Luth- Luth- Oh my god. You got it, you got it. I've had this word before, but I no longer have it. You got it. Lus-ti-tia. Type it in, Sharpie. I did type it in. Lusitania. I think it's the name of a boat. It would raise the Lusitania if she sank in 80 phantoms.

So Rowling bought the yeast and he went forth into the crisp twilight of last night. Witnesses have testified that he passed the fence that girdled the Perks' duckyard. Likewise, that he lifted Redamantis from his coop and said Fowl entered the Perkins' yard. A little later, he was seen walking briskly homeward, springingly in tune. Later, Perkins made his discovery. He noticed that Redamantis was sitting on a box outside of his special coop and that he was nibbling on something with apparent relish. Perkins patted his favorite duck on the head and entered his cottage. It was not until six thirty o'clock this morning that Perkins saw Redamantis again. Looking out from his bedroom window, he noticed a strange commotion in his duckery.

Drake's and the Lady Ducks were flapping their wings in alarms. Ducklings were quacking in panic. Perkins rushed down to the yard to discover the cause of the strange potter. The moment he opened the door, he fell back with an exclamation of dismay. the door, he fell back with an exclamation of dismay. There was Redamantis, floating in the air six feet above the ground, flopping his flippers, pathetically and utterly wistful quacks. Redamantis was filling and glow was filling and growing as unusual as big as round as a balloon. His wings did not move. The wind waft him against the coop and then he floated gently skyward

quacking forces Looks so chaotic all of a sudden I think So much yeast and it's there to like grow in him. God Got the yeast high. You just started like blowing up like I don't know. Or rudimentous. I feel so bad. He was mounting slowly in the air, growing larger by the minute. Perkins followed him and petrified dismay. Suddenly, as he gained the level of the second-story window, there was a terrific report that flung Perkins on his back. The air was filled with feathers and fragments of duck. Redimantis had burst and was no more.

Oh my goodness! Redimantis! I know! Oh my goodness. Renamantis. I know. Oh my gosh. Why? So what I think is, I picture the scenes from Shrek when like they blow up the frog and the snake. Oh my God.

Yes, I know what you're talking about. Just around. Oh my goodness, Gracious. My God. Yeah. He just blew gracious. My god. He just blew up. He did. He ate too much yeast. All the yeast.

No. Poor Rattamanthish. It says. Some animal death in today's episode. Yeah. The poor Chatsville was found later in the front of the Thumbpoint Town Hall. Fast in the jaw of the bill was the telltale wrapper of the yeast cake Rollo Rollins had bought from Gus.

This evidence will be offered as exhibit A in a threatened suit to be brought against Rollins by Perkins. Dude. Bruh. That went like 0 to 100 so fast. So fast. So technically. So that's Redamantis for you. Oh my goodness gracious.

May he rest in peace. Thank you for keeping his memory alive. Yeah. Thank you. Glad they got reported. My eyes are teary. I'm gonna make a D&D character in honor of him. Redimentus. He's gonna literally be a duck. We're gonna be like, what's your race? Duck. I'm like, I'm sorry.

Duck. Douche. Who has the duck? And then he's got to have some type of like an enlarge spell or like a, or like, some like giant DNA or something so like he can make himself like enlarge and bigger. Round and start rolling just down the hill. Oh no. Why am I? No, I'm actually going to take this so seriously. How are you going to create this beautiful character? Wild magic sorcerer, but like the only, the only two options on the wild Magic table are you blow up, like you like expand in size. Yes. And you need to name them Redamantis.

That's gonna be his name. A Wild Magic librarian. Redamantis Jr. Oh my god, I just looked it up. He could be a druid. Turn into a duck. You see Redamantis being a druid? I think it's. You see Rattamanthus being a druid? I think it's just best if you have him as an NPC that just, a duck that turns around.

Yeah. But if he was a player character, honestly, like a wild magic barbarian or something, I think would be sick. Like a barbarian though. I don't know, it's just funny. Because that's just so fitting for like a dog Fair right amante's Yeah named right amante's well, thank you y'all

Three Three right volume three. Yeah volume three. Yeah one two three. I know how to count Yeah, did you give this tree that's land? Yeah, I tree I know how to count. Did you give this tree that's land? Yeah I planted a tree and then I got a deed for it and I used to read it stop okay I could probably I could probably go on and on and on and on. Yeah. Bye bye, folks. Tune in next week for Caranel Lunch or Crime or in two weeks for the next. Chambersoftheeacall.com This is the latest we've recorded an episode. So yeah, it's a sound loony. It's because we are.

Yeah. Yeah. Alrighty. I literally feel great. Okay. I mean, if you have one thing to say Alexis Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for listening you you lovely people

Have a good night. Come back here. You heard yard I heard. I don't know. Bye. I love you guys. Thanks for watching!