Chambers of the Occult - Old News Nonsense Vol. 5

Episode Date: August 15, 2024

Cat Farms, Platypus Love, and Dodo Birds, Oh My!In this wild ride through history's quirkiest headlines, we're diving into the oddball stories that make you go, "Wait, what?"Ever heard of a cat farm? How about a platypus with a romantic dilemma—was it true love or just a runaway wife? Get ready for dinosaurs making a double feature, the curious case of the dodo bird, and even dogs tuning in to watch TV! And that's just the beginning. Buckle up for a mix of funny, funky, and downright bizarre tales from the past!Send us a Text Message.

Chambers of the occult may contain content that might not be suitable for all listeners. Listener discretion is advised. Hello. Hello. Welcome. Yeah. Chambres of the occult. Occult is nonsense. Yeah. Volume five now. That's fun. I love that we're doing these little episodes. They're cool. Yeah, they're a little like de-stressor. They're like easier to like research and they're fun. Oh, for sure. sure for sure and that allows

to bring on some fun guests like Milo here. Milo's been here on a previous episode but we're welcoming him back. If you like him on the previous episode great go ahead Milo. It's your local disembodied voice just right the boogie oh my god that's true so the one and only you don't know another Milo you truly don't I'm the only one actually yeah I believe it I was gonna gonna say, no one that's spelled M-I-L-O. Isn't that how every Milo is spelled? Wow, making some generalizations. Sorry, sorry.

I didn't mean it like that, guys. With whys rather than an I. Guys, I didn't mean it like that. guys. I'm with wise rather than an I. I didn't, guys, I didn't mean it like that. I'm a good person, okay? Wow, wow. You can tell Alexis has taken a little hiatus. She's not in this episode. So hope you like Milo, cause she's back.

Yeah, so you may be, for some of our next episodes. You may be seeing some other guests that we're gonna bring in So just voices more disembodied voices. Yeah Alexis is okay. I just wouldn't let that be known. So yeah, yeah, she'll be back. We just can't tell you one She's currently on a five week trip in Morocco studying insects. Yes. What Milo said. All right. Well, are you ready to get some some funnies in? I am ready to get started. Cool. Now, just like some previous newspaper clippings. I can start from east to west or west to east.

It just depends what you guys prefer. And if there is no preference, I suppose I can start somewhere else. West Coast. West Coast. OK. OK. Okay. Cool. Um. I realized we have two West Coast ones.

Do you guys want Miami or do you guys want New York? Wait, that's the East Coast. Those are both East Coast. Oh, shoot, you're right. Never mind. Um, I got one West Coast. There we go. Okay, nevermind. I got one West Coast. There we go.

Let's go! We'll start there. And just real quick, how do y'all feel about cats? I love them until they like, are like evil demon spawns. I certainly see them. Okay, cool. are like evil demon spawns. I certainly see them. Okay, cool. Because this one is...

This one takes place in... Well, this was from the San Francisco Call and Post from May 15, 1909. And it starts with the title, My Cat Farm. My Cat Farm. My Cat Farm. And it's quite interesting because I read this and I'm like, why is this on the newspaper? But this is by Lucille Scott.

She's from Sebastopol. Yeah, I think so. Something like that, okay. Yeah, she's a sixth grader and she is 13. And she says on the newspaper, she says, If John D. Rockefeller should be kind enough to leave me one million dollars, I would be very glad. Oh yeah. me $1 million, I would be very glad.

Oh, yeah. I love the direct approach. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's like, hey, Mr. John D. Rockefeller, if you want to leave me casually just a million dollars, I'd be very happy. Yeah, that'd be great. Yeah. Yeah. I should put a newspaper like I should put an article out like that, too. We should try it. See what happens.

Yeah, see if anyone replies. Yeah. It says I should set out and buy and built a cat farm. I would buy five acres of land around it, put wire three feet high to keep the kittens in, and in the yard make a very large barn. And the barn would be nooks and crannies, also a few stalls so the cats would be at home. I would have trees and catnip in my yard. I would have the barn filled with loose hay. I would keep several cows so they would have plenty of milk. No.

Yeah. She's thinking of everything. Cats can drink milk. I know they can't. Okay, but this is 1909. I don't think it was that common. Yeah, they didn't know. No. Yeah. Well, well, can't they can't they technically? They're mammals. Aren't they like lactose intolerant? Yeah, they can. But it's just like they're very severely lactose

intolerant, I think, or something like that. Actually, when it comes to like, not cat milk, right? Yeah. Well, then they can technically drink milk. Yeah. Yeah. Um actually, that doesn't matter. Actually. Um it continues by saying, I then would begin my collection of cats. I would send boys around to get the cats and kittens in the city and all around and get the poor and thin ones and not the kind that are fat and have good owners who take good care of them. I would have long, um, droughts in which I would put milk for them. It also says in the yard would be a little in the yard, there would be little houses for them to sleep in if they wished. Wouldn't they be glad to come to my farm and have a good warm

place to sleep with plenty to eat? I myself would enjoy watching them. That's I I really respect this lady. This 13 year old. Yes. This like she's like hi I need a million dollars and this is exactly what I'm going to do with it. Yeah. This is like before Shark Tank. This is the original Shark Tank. I'd like to invest a 13%. Yes. 13% stock.

How are you going to make profit? What do you mean? What do you mean? How would I not make a profit? You could turn it into like a petting zoo. Like a petting farm. Like a cat cafe, but like a farm. Yeah, but it's a farm.

If you think I can't turn a profit, clearly you just are not creative enough. Leave it to Milo to find the profit. I underestimate how much people love cats. You underestimate my love of capitalism. Cat-tibalism. Cat- Atable is so I like that. I know I'm a genius. Was you know if there was ever a response? OK, no, no, no, I actually know why this ended up in the newspaper,

because at first I was really like it was it's a fun clipping. Like, I'm not going to lie, it's really fun. And I was confused at the same time. I'm like, I love this. but why is like a 13 year old writing to like John D. Rockefeller about a million dollars to invest in her car? Yeah. It turns out that it was like a school contest

type of thing. So, students were asked to like, write, I don't know why John D. Rockefeller was such a big deal in 1909, but they're like, write like a tiny little letter of what you would do with a million dollars if like John D. Rockefeller left it to you. So there's multiple like little clip-ins like this talking directly to like John D. Rockefeller of like, hey, this is what I would do with a million dollars.

But hers is the most creative by far. The other kids, you know, they're like 13, 14 year olds, 12 year olds, and they're just saying if I had like a million dollars, I like, I would buy my parents' house. We would travel the world. We would like open up an orphanage type of thing. We would give money away. But

this girl was all about like investing it into a cat farm. And I can appreciate that. I love that. Yeah. Yeah. So I actually don't know who the winner of the contest was. But apparently like the winner would like earn like, if I'm not wrong, like an expensive watch or something like that? What what is it in your need an expensive watch? A they can sell it for nickels and dimes and get I don't know a poly pocket. In 1909? Oh I wasn't paying attention to when the story was made.

Oh, I wasn't paying attention to when the story was made. They can invest it into making Polly Pocket. They can go, I don't know, buy cocaine, I guess. That was popular in 1909. I assume. I think that has always been popular in certain groups of people. You tell me you like cocaine? No. I think the kids should have just gotten the million dollars. Yeah, but I also don't know why the big John D. Rockefeller out of everyone.

Well, he was the... What do you mean? He was the most famous, richest man in the world. Yeah, I know that fact, but I'm like just just like, I want to know why, like it became like a school contest. It would be strange if there was a school contest to write Elon Musk what you want for like Christmas. Yeah, it's like I'm trying to compare it to that. Like it would be like fun, but also like why?

Why not? like fun but also like why why not because what if he just like randomly decides that he's feeling generous and does give the million dollars i don't know a lot about rockefeller but maybe he was the mr beast of whatever era he's from i'm not too great with history. You know what I hope that like at least he read some of this once and was like like had like a good chuckle at the cat farm. I hope so. I hope the God. Yeah. So that's a cat farm for y'all. Thank you. Yeah. So, Kara, take us off, Kai.

Take us away. Yes. So, for my newspapers today, I'm going to take us on actually a bit of a saga. And you guys will see what I'm talking about. But I guess to start off off with my first article. This one, all of these articles, they're the type of thing like last time where like they're posted in other articles around like the those states, but they're all set in the same place, I guess, whatever.

Yeah, yeah. You're telling me your newspapers have continuity? God damn it. Yes, they do. I have to pay attention. Yes. No, no, no, they'll be great. It'll be worth it.

I promise. They do. I have to pay attention. Yes. No, no, no, they'll be great. It'll be worth it. I promise. Okay. So this one comes out of Eugene, Oregon. It's called the Eugene guard. It's posted on Sunday, May 23rd, 1954.

But this story is based in New York. So. Okay. This article starts off, the headline is Penelope flirting with platypus pal. So. Okay. Yeah. It honestly is. but there's some drama involved. Penelope the Platypus, who spent last summer pretending she was a mother, is flirting again with her platypus friend, Cicil. So Bronx Zoo officials think they've figured out how to keep her from fooling them this time. The furry little duck bill won't be allowed to go near the earth bank in which she builds her nest until her keepers are convinced there's at least a reasonable ground for expectancy.

So they just are keeping her locked away, all on her lonesome. But it says, last summer Penelope spent three and one half months going through the motions of motherhood. But when zoo officials gently broke open her tunnel in the earth to save the infant from November frost, they found Penelope had never so much as laid an egg. So she was faking it. God forbid a woman had a hobby. You like, faked her pregnancy? Wait, what Jay? I was like, this isn't like a hyster- what is it called? Like,

like a fake pregnancy? Like, one they faked? Yeah, but a platypus did it. Sometimes animals just do that. Especially platypuses. Those are just weird as hell. I mean, I feel bad for the platypus though. No, for sure, for sure. Like she just wants to be a mom so bad. But, who knows. So article continues to say, the courtship this time got started last Tuesday, curator William Bridges announced, a month earlier than last year. Quote, Cecil started it, and Penelope has been quite receptive, end quote Bridges reported. As usual among platypuses, Cecil gets a bite of Penelope's tail and she swims around the pool, towing him. It's presumed to be very romantic for platypuses. If Penelope does produce a young platypus or two, it will be

something of an event. The breed is a rare oviparous, a viparous mammal, both lays eggs and suckles its young, and young have never been produced in captivity outside their native Australia." So Penelope and Cecil are in love, but, and Penelope just wants to be a mother. And Penelope just wants to be a mother. But this is the start of a love story that will develop, so stay tuned. I look forward to it. Okay, we're reading this and I thought it was so cute that Cecil bites Penelope's tail and they're swimming around the pool and she's just like towing him along. I think that's super cute. Why do animals do that? Like animals do the weirdest things.

I like that. I think it's just like a little nibble. Yeah, no it is. Yeah, this is the start of the story of Penelope and Cecil the platypuses. I look forward to seeing what where this leads. All right. Care to carry on Milo. Scientists thinks dinosaurs may roam in Western Africa. Oh, great for the guys. Bro is ready. That's what that's what that's the title of the article

yeah dinosaurs may roam in Western Africa what more do you want from me no I love it nothing that was perfect is beautiful a bizarre creature that dwells in the swampy jungles of Western Africa known to the natives as Mokeli Mende may in fact be a modern-day survivor of the dinosaur age says a researcher what time period do you think this paper came out in I want to say like 2000s ah Jay you're right on the money. Yeah! Let's go! You don't get anything. A million dollars? I wasn't expecting anything.

You get cat farm. A what? It's your imagination. I get what? You get a cat farm. That would be lovely. It's an imaginary cat farm. I will take it.

You can cultivate it. The beast is described as having a body about the size of an elephant, with smooth brownish-gray skin, a long flexible neck, and long tail and huge, blade, three clawed feet. James Powell Jr., who said his field is cryptozoology, the branch of zoology that deals with the search for unknown animals, has never seen the beast but believes it may be related to the Brontosaurus, a dinosaur thought to have become extinct 70 million years ago. Oh wow. It sounds like a dinosaur from the description he said Tuesday but we can't say it's a dinosaur until we actually have a specimen such as a bone. Yeah. Bro really thought the dinosaurs still existed.

Why not? Honestly I wish they did. I would love to live with dinosaurs. A witch doctor in Gabon named Michael Obieng asked by paddle to select from a series of pictures the animal that most resembled the Mokseli membe picked one of a small dinosaur. resembled the Mokseli membe, picked one of a small dinosaur. I got that consistent response in various jungles, he said. The impression I got in Gabon was that the animal is part of the culture. They know about it, but the trail didn't seem to be too hot. Okay. Powell said he does not want to capture the creature, but rather to observe it in its

habitat. The main thing is to discover it, and certainly the area should be made a national park because of the importance of the animal. That's the kind of science I can get. I agree. I agree. Yeah. We have to preserve the dinosaurs. Powell's biggest problem in pursuing the Mokeli Membe has been raising money for his trips

to Africa. Oh, he doesn't live there? No, he doesn't live there. I thought he did. You're telling me James Powell Jr. is not from Western Africa? Some people relocate for their jobs. Yeah. No, he's not from Africa.

Abilene, Texas oilman Jack Graham, who is currently financing a search for the sunken Titanic, withdrew an offer for funds and Powell said he sees little chance of securing a grant he is seeking from the Rolex Corp. What? He's trying to get sponsored by Rolex to go. Out of all the... Some girl wants a cat farm from John D. Rockefeller and this guy wants Rolex to sponsor his dinosaur hunt? He's certain the native stories are not the setup for a hoax. No, they're kind of reluctant to talk about it because they've been laughed at so much, he said.

If you look more into, I'm gonna say the name wrong, Mokeli Membe, there's been no DNA evidence yet. There's no, there's not been any photographic evidence yet. Anything of the sorts, but it is said to be a local legend of a a I guess mythical water spirit thing that's okay Congo River maybe it's a dinosaur I guess it may be only the he needs to do more research. He does. That's it. I just want to talk about his day. Oh, I love it. Talk about his dinosaurs as much as you want. Yeah, I am interested in this. Cool. Well, that's going to be the last that you hear of it. Oh, okay. Got it. That's it. You've got different dinosaur stories for later. I have more dinosaurs. Nice. I look forward to them as well. And I wonder where they're at now because this one was in Africa.

This one was in Africa. It'll be around the world. Ooh, around the world. Well, circling back to Jay, to myself. I have a newspaper clipping from the Miami News from Miami, Florida and this is from June 24th 1988 and this is more of an advice column I would say but it's an interesting advice column. The title says a three three year old dog is not a minor. What? A three year old dog is not a minor.

Oh, oh, I didn't hear the dog part. Oh, did you just hear a three year old? I'm paying attention, I swear. No, that's fine. I have selective hearing. And this is from Ryan, the advice dog. Hmm? Oh.

Yeah, so this advice column is by Ryan, the advice dog. It says, none of the human advice columnists have been able to get the word straightened out properly. So send your problems to Ryan, American's most widely read advice dog. Address your love Lauren, hate Lauren, pet Lauren, or any problems to Ryan the advice dog and then it gives the address Miami News peel box 615 Miami, Florida 33152 And it says do you think that there's any real danger that my young dog Might be corrupted by all the sex scenes so often

shown on television in this area? What? Huh? Wait, what? Go back just like five seconds. Oh yeah, I will do that for you. I know. It says, do you think that there is a, there is, do you think that there is any real danger that my young dog might be corrupted by all the sex scenes so often shown on television in this era? See, this is a responsible parent. Yeah. We need more folks like this. Concern about their dogs. Yeah, their dog is like exposure to sinful stimuli. And then it follows by saying, I have a three-year-old German shepherd named Wolfgang. Already. And he does indeed stare at

the television a lot. I know that the animal psychologists say dogs don't watch TV, but I know for certain that some dogs do. And Wolfie is one of them. My dog likes TV. I wish my dog liked TV. That way I could put it on and she could not look at me for just five minutes. Does she just like constantly stare at you? She's just always side eyeing me like I've done something wrong. I have, but I don't need her to acknowledge it. Yeah.

Yeah. So it continues by saying mostly he likes animal shows, particularly when the animals are making real animal noises, which perk him right up and he gets downright excited at the sight and sounds of birds. I like animals that don't make actual animal noises. He tries unsuccessfully to sneak up and catch birds in real life around the yard. So it says, so I know he's interested in TV, he just sits there and stares. But what about when steamy sex scenes come on? My husband and I don't

go out of our way to tune in such movies, but we don't get all that shock when they come on. However, my husband swears the Wolfgang stares with great interest at the sex scenes. Is there any possibility that this is true or is it my husband trying to hit me as usual? Hmm? Yeah. And then she follows by saying, We do of course turn off our rated movies while the kids are up, but Wolfgang keeps late hours. And I think it would be silly censoring TV for a young dog. What do you think? Feeling puzzled?

Bro, what? What? These dogs are getting freaky, what the hell? No, no! The different responses. This is awful. This sucks. No, this is terrible.

Why? So, there is terrible. Why? So there is a reply. Great. Is it from the husband? No, no. From Ryan, the Advice Dog. Ryan, as a fellow dog, how do you feel? Yeah. It says, well, for one thing, Wolfgang is actually 21 in dog years so you're not being a party so you're not being a party to lowering the morals of a minor in any case although frankly it is hard to make people understand that a three-year-old dog is not a minor which is why it is almost impossible for me me to buy a drink here in Miami when I go out dancing.

You will have even greater comfort, however, in the fact that dogs who watch television are not corrupted by sex scenes amongst humans. In any case, we think that they are hilarious. Nudity per se has little or no effect on us dogs as we stay nude and think clothes are ridiculous in the first place. Aw hell no. Okay, Ryan's onto something right now. And then he continues by saying, And human sex scenes, far from arousing us, totally break us up.

We're just too polite to laugh in front of you people. But the truth is, you folks are an absolute riot with your provocative procedures. Talk about silly. Why are the dogs laughing at us, like being naked on TV? That's humiliating. Well, it's like their nature documentary. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. You're telling me you hate everything.

You keep going on. No, he just he just has one last thing to say, like this is how he wraps it up. So don't worry about Wolfgang being corrupted. He watches sex scenes for the same reason you guys watch the three stooges or Pee-wee Herman. Except yours are a lot funnier. And yeah, that is from Ryan the Advice Dog. I need Ryan to give me advice every single day of my life. Every time I go to the grocery store when I'm thinking about which chicken nuggets I need to buy. The answer is always the dino nuggets, but for some reason I always stop.

He'd be there. He would tell you the dino nuggets. Ryan the Advice Dog. I need him speed dial on my phone. I think it would be fun if like, there's still columns like that on newspapers, but. Dog with a blog. Yeah, yeah.

This was before dog with a blog. What's dog with a blog? You don't know what dog with a blog is? I don't know a lot of things. Oh My god, it was like a good explain it what was it was it like a not a It was like a little Ian show was a show. I think it was like Disney Yeah, yeah, it was a Disney show It was like is like there's this talking like golden like retriever or something that has like a blog that he posts on every day, but like he's living

in this family and he has to pretend that he's not a like conscious dog. And I don't know, the the family eventually finds out or the kids do and they're like, Oh my god, even talking dog. And I don't know, I don't really remember it. But dog and I don't know, I don't really remember it, but. No, it's yeah, I as soon as you said dog with the blog, it's like Memorand locked because that wasn't like a huge fan of it, but I would watch it whenever it was on. So that's a good comparison. Telling me a dog was a micro influencer.

Yes, yes, he was. It's kind of crazy, actually. You're telling me a dog was a micro influencer? Yes! Yes he was! It was kind of crazy actually. Well it wasn't real, it was TV. Yeah, but now you know that maybe it was based on a real case like Ryan the dog, the advice dog. What if Ryan was an actual dog we would never know that is true we would never know that's a very Alexis coded thing to say Alexis would know more about dog with a blog she should be here to explain that

right now so there all right I guess for my next one, it's going to be part two of the sequel. Yes. So this is posted by, of course, a different newspaper in Maryland, whatever. Does it really matter? But this was posted theing Sun from Baltimore, Maryland. But yeah, this is still set in New York. This was posted September 18th, 1957, so about three years after that first article with the platypuses. But this one says, Platypus Penelope presumed perished. Huh?

What? Platypus Penelope presumed perished. No! The Bronx Zoo says Penelope, it's missing duck-billed platypus, is probably dead. No, she's just missing... Doctor... I hope so. Dr. Leonard J. Gross, acting director of the zoo, yesterday called off the hunt for the two pound reluctant lover. Damn you know that. I said damn she was two pounds! Ignore me! Go on!

What does that mean, my love? It doesn't mean anything! Keep saying your story! I say stupid shit all the time! Just ignore me! The Zoo people don't know exactly how Penelope escaped. They believe she scambled out of her burrow and over a high wire fence on July 26th. Sissel, her intended mate, her intended mate, lingers on in the platypusery into which he and Canela feed each other. What is that? Sorry! Oh damn it! Is that like a hatchery but for like platypuses? What do you think? I think that's just what they call their platypus environment at the zoo. They call it the platypusery. I was trying so hard to get through it without laughing. I wonder if they still call it that or if they like change the name.

Oh I hope not. I hope they do actually. I hope they still call it a platypusery. Anyway, Cicil, her intended mate, lingers on in the platypusery into which he and Penelope moved after a trip from their native Australia. He hasn't betrayed much sense of loss, but they never got along anyway. Who didn't stand Sissel? Sissel had been indifferent to her, but unexpectedly showed some interest

in July. It was too late. Penelope couldn't stand him. For weeks, the zoo men combed the 252-acre grounds. They searched along its streams and ponds. A Troy, New York, amateur detective reported her at an upstate crossroads 150 miles from the Bronx. A long island man telephoned. He had seen her cross one of the state parkways. None of the leads panned out. The platypus is a freak of nature.

Warm-blooded, it lays eggs. Literally platypus is a freak of nature. Warm blooded it lays eggs. Literally platypus means a broadfoot. Damn, okay. They really said this. Wow, okay. Like a sad story and at the end they're just like, yeah, platypus is a freak. Help us find our missing platypus. By the way, the platypus is a fucking crazy animal. It almost sounds like, hey, she might be dead, but don't worry, she was a freak. Pretty much, yeah.

No, but it's kind of sad. Like they had a hunt for her, but they couldn't find her. She was missing for days. So she's presumed dead. How did this two pound fucking platypus go over a fence? I don't know! Over a high wire fence, nonetheless. No way.

That's crazy. Her ass did not do that. I don't believe it. If it burrowed underneath it, that'd be understandable. But like, if you were to walk by or drive by and you see a platypus hanging on to like a fence, I would have to stop my car. The platypus crossed the highway. Allegedly. Allegedly. Yeah.

It sounds like the start of a bad joke. Oh, it really does. Why the platypus? start of a bad joke Says they believe she scambled out of her burrow and over a high wire fence Like she just climbed over it She was so sick of Cecil of Cecil that she just had to leave like she couldn't stand being with him anymore Why did the why did the platypus cross the highway? Why? Why? To get out of the platypusery!

She was sick of her lover. Uh... Yeah, both. Both. I can't do this anymore, Cecil. I have to go. It's over for us. He doesn't even give a shit. No he was just like, he was like, oh, okay, sorry.

Good luck. Have fun. That's the second part of this development. You'll learn more later. Fucked up, man. I want to know how this is going to end. Oh, it gets crazy. It gets crazy. Dude! Okay, let me speed through.

Let me speed through the mic because I want to listen to more of this fucking platypus story, man. It's got to be fucked. Usually, my brain is wandering all sorts of ways, always thinking about solving the hedgehog or lunch, but damn, I got platypuseries on the mind. Don't say that. You've introduced me to a word. Let me go hang out in the platypusery.

I'll be back later. Yeah. I'll be back later. Yeah. I'll be right back. Oh yeah, I don't have a man cave. I don't have a man cave. No, no, no, no, no, no. It's my platypusery. Only the boys are allowed in the platypusery.

Why do I love that so much though? Yay, you guys have fun in there. Okay. Why do I love that so much though? Yay, you guys have fun in there. Okay. Monsters of the Deep. Wow. Professor Wiggins writes about it. Wow. Okay.

He believes that the Plesiosaurus and other huge marine creatures still exist. An interesting diary written for the journal by Professor Stone Wiggins. As a matter of curiosity I have kept a sea monster scrapbook for 20 years in which I have pasted all the newspaper accounts of sea serpents and sea monsters seen or alleged to have been seen by marines during that period. These form quite a large volume and to visionary people and the young makes very interesting reading.

What time period do you think this is from? The 50s. 1990s? No, no, no. Oh, you guys suck at this game. I'm sorry. I'm just kidding. It's 1889. Oh shit.

Okay, I was one year off. What do you mean you were one year? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no know, like the Loch Ness Monster, the Mokeli Membe, various other creatures of the team, they still exist. Okay. It's great contemporary. I believe they exist. You think they still exist? Today, I think they're out and hiding.

Where? I don't know. It's like how Bigfoot's hiding in him. But like they're out there somewhere. No. Wow. No. No.

What are you talking about? Sorry. Sorry. He, Milo was just shutting it down. He's like no No, no these they don't exist Mothman is not The Nightcrawler is not real Mothman is not no hole. No, they have to be real The true Bacabra not real

No, not real. Taxes? Not real. Oh, really? The Queen of England? Not real. The Easter Bunny is not real. Nothing is real. Are you real? Milo is shutting down everybody. Everybody's dreams are real. I'm not real. I'm not real. And that's when we know that we have lost it, because Milo's a figment of our imagination.

Yeah. But he goes on to recall various experiences of various captains of when they've experienced a monster in the sea. In June of 1880, Captain Joseph Hall of the Brigantine Caribbean from the West Indies reported that on the outward passage, when about 80 miles south by southwest of Cape Sable he saw about seven miles off what appeared to be a great rock. But knowing there were no rocks in that vicinity, he ran his vessel towards it to see what it was. As they approached closer, he thought it was a car buoy, which had recently gone adrift. But on getting still nearer, it had the appearance

of a large wreck bottom up. He sailed on till within 200 feet of the strange object. Both Captain Hall and Captain McCraig, who was on board at the time, signed the following report of the monster. Its length was 90 feet, with 20 feet, and it was about 12 feet above the surface of the water. Its eyes, which were not large, were underwater, while near its head was a large balloon about eighteen feet across, which looked as though made of silk. Its color was a pinkish-grey, while the main body of the fish was a dark grey, and around

it there appeared a fringe of a reddish cast. By going up the rigging the crew could see its arms or feelers. What? N in number and from 12 to 18 feet long. And you're telling me this is not real? No this is not real. This this has to be real These where the balloon connected with the main body of the fish Seem to be about the thickness of a man's leg No, you know what That thing is massive It appeared to be going through the water about three or four miles an hour

It appeared to be going through the water about three or four miles an hour, propelling itself with its multiple arms, apparently. It's moving, Milo. It's not real. It's not real. Possibly this was the same animal seen two years before by the Nellie Clark, and having been injured by accident or some other animal, by which its wings were torn or rendered useless, was forced to come to the surface, probably to obtain food. This answers to the Scandinavian Kraken of the 18th century, described by sailors as a giant lobster that crawled up on vessels from the sea. A monster of this description in the year 1879 was seen from a passing steam ship to approach a beclaimed vessel in the Bay of Bengal which crawled upon her deck and sank her in a few minutes.

Oh, a ship. Oh, and it's still not, I'm sorry, So what is sinking this ship? Apparently the Kraken. That was like a giant lobster. It's a giant lobster. What do you think a giant lobster would be sick, actually? That's scary. Like, we still wait to this day. We don't really know too much about like lobsters and what they

do on the ocean floor. What if like, what if they all scuttle along and they go to like hail their lobster king, who's just like a giant lobster on a giant lobster. Kai, what the fuck are you talking about? Because technically lobsters are immortal, like they never die. The only reason lobsters actually die is because they like get too lazy and they don't want to shed their their their shell anymore. So they just like rot. Oh, okay. New D&D character. Yeah. You say that. I ran a campaign once one of the gods was a giant mantis shrimp Yes, and The party was full of fucking damp here. So they all sank to the bottom of the sea like idiots And they were like, oh what's down here? It's a giant fucking mantis shrimp. Good luck

Well this time it's gonna be a giant lobster and you know what they did You know what they did they took a bunch of the mantis shrimps children Brought it up to the surface and then sold them might what my father's they just did capitalism and D&D What the fuck? We were all talking about Perm. They're like, oh can we sell food in this area? You can stab somebody and I won't care. What do you mean? So they stole the babies of a god and then sold them for food. That's so sick. Anyway, I like to think about like what these people actually saw. You know, I think I think it was a mass hallucination. That's what I assume. True, but like they

must have seen like something in the water though. Like even if it was just like a pack of dolphins or something. What year was this again? This was 1889. They were suffering from scurvy. Yeah that too. I don't know. The scurvy. Like I wonder if there was just like a regular whale swimming in the water and they saw it

and they were like, mass hysteria, water and they saw it and they were like Masisterius curve or whatever and they're like, oh my god is this giant monster? Maybe maybe it's just a narwhal. I Love narwhal Something that they've never seen before and just Exaggerated it that's what it always ends up being is another, it's a normal animal. It was just the dinosaur. Yes. Maybe it was a dinosaur. Yes, it was. They're still here. I can feel it. They technically are. Birds are dinosaurs. Technically, um, actually. What are those things? Uh, isopodsods aren't isopods like technically like dinosaurs

What are they? Do you know what an isopod is? I know what an isopod is. How is it a dinosaur? well, cuz cuz like they're like the oldest like Species like like though not like the water Ones I don't know. Okay. What like I'm not sure though. We're like no like they're like they're crabs. They're a type of crab or something. I don't know. Oh, okay. What? Like, I'm not sure though. Or like, no, like they're like they're crabs. They're a type of crab or something. I don't know. Okay. I was like, I don't know about a lot about a lot about them. Or like the giant isopods. Like deep ocean giant isopods. Yeah. You ever seen one of those touched one of them dude those things are cool Like horseshoe crabs

Horseshoe crabs are sick horseshoe crabs are very old There's that theory that everything will eventually turn into crab Anyway, oh isn't crab like isn't crab like peak like animal form? It's peak animal form for like crustaceans. Valid. Okay. Because if you if you look at a here if you look at a lobster you know guy big long yeah and he's got his big massive claws he's like okay he's pretty good at defending himself from the front but he's not too good at defending his butt from the back. It can't, it can't, it can't reach that far. Animals can attack him from the back so what do you do? Oh well you just make yourself smaller and then if you move side to side, oh it don't matter, it don't matter that you can't reach your butt, you can just use your big ass claws

and attack everything. It don't matter anymore. Like you would take the chance to be a crab for a day. Oh, I 100% would. I would love to be a crab for a day. Oh, I 100% would. I would love to be a crab for a day. It's peak. It's peak for crustaceans. That's why they all turn into crabs. It's all crab. It's all going to be crab eventually. I should make my familiar a crab. In D&D, just walk around in crab form all day. Could you imagine, like you're just walking down a hallway and you just see a crab and

it starts moving from side to side? Well that's how crabs move. I know I know. The Wimchester mystery. Exactly, like in a hallway it's like why is it like how do you deal with the crab? Like first of all how do you get in here? Why is there a crab there? Yeah.

Oh a crab's dead here. Squirrels, raccoons, cats, but like a like a sea creature. Like why is there a crab on the second floor? Okay, that would be pretty fucking funny. Yeah, it would be. But yeah. That's next stop. Dude, now you have to turn your familiar into a crab.

Yes. Just for just first like shit's iniggles, just for the hell of it. I think it would confuse a lot of people and I think that's great. It's the distraction we need. Evasive maneuvers. He's bobbin, he's weavin! He's built to withstand the ocean floor. There is no water anywhere inside. No. That's enough of my crustacean rambling.

Thank you. No, I loved it. Well, Jay. Okay, so we're back to me. And this time we're heading to Buffalo, New York. Nice. I love buffalo sauce. Like buffalo sauce. Yeah. So this is from the Buffalo News. And this is from July, July. Wow. July 18 1984.

Oh, July 18. Yeah. Oh my gosh. That date is important to me for some reason. Go on. Okay. So this one, it's straight to the point, I think. It says bees in house cause a honey of a problem. What? Yep.

Bees in house cause a honey of a problem. Does that mean a good problem or? I don't think there's good problems. There are totally good problems. Okay. Yeah. My dick is too big. That's a good problems. Okay. Yeah. My dick is too big. That's a good problem.

Cut that out. Cut that out. No, we're leaving that in. We're leaving that in. Please don't. Please. No, we're leaving that in. We're leaving that in.

Anyway, there are good problems. Go on. Okay. So this starts with an expert on bees says the the 50 pound of gooey honey that fell through the ceiling in Julia Filders bedroom may be just a small part of a giant honeycomb hidden within the recess of her two story brick home. That is fucking awesome. So what kind of problem, Philo? That's a good problem. A good problem.

Yeah, you have a bunch of free honey. What are you going to do with it? Yeah, you know. In this economy? You're telling me you got raw, raw honey, fresh from the source, your ceiling, and you're complaining about it? Okay, but my question that comes to mind is how did she not hear the terrifyingly loud buzzing coming from above her in her walls?

How lucky was she that it didn't fall on her? Oh yeah! That's what I had in mind as well. Could you imagine being like crushed by like a giant block of like a 50 pound gooey honey? 50 pounds. That was actual nightmare. So she said, she goes, I don't know what to do, Miss Fielder said. I don't have the money to get all the walls and ceilings torn out and replaced. What a mess. She was asleep Sunday night when she heard what sounded

like breaking plaster. Oh. At first, I thought it was a burglar trying to get through the back door, she said. I got up and looked looked and the noise stopped. Then I went back into the bedroom and it started again. She switched on the light and saw that a corner of the ceiling was bent down. An hour later, a large part of the ceiling collapsed and about 50 pounds of honey hit the floor next to Miss Fielder's bed. God damn.

Entomologist George A. Winkler of the St. Louis Zoo said, It is not unusual for European honeybees, such as those found in St. Louis, to have the same hive for years. He said it is unusual for them to build hives inside a house. Honeybees can thrive in big cities by gathering nectar from clover, wildflowers, and domestic summer blooms, Mr. Winkler said. Ms. Fielder said she noticed bees around her house soon after she bought it 12 years ago. She didn't think much about them until last summer when she saw them going in and out

of a small hole in the outside bricks. I had my son dump some ammonia inside the hole and then plaster it shut she said that got rid of the beast but not their hive which might fill much of the home Reese's official says oh god and that is all that's kind of terrifying Kind of terrifying. There could be feets in your walls right now. Oh, God. There's a theory that you're always,

like, what is it, five to eight feet away from a spider at all times. Yeah. Oh, I believe that. Who was I talking with last time about it being a different animal? Birds. It's like, could you imagine if it was the same thing but with birds? You're telling me, well, in that case, instead of honey, what would it be? A giant 50 pound egg? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

There's an ostrich in your ceiling. No, you know how like there's always how many spiders are like how far away from you you said? Oh yeah. Yeah. But what if it was instead of like spiders it was birds? Well. It's just a bird flying in my room.

God that would suck. I've had that happen. If there was a bird within 8 to 10 feet of me, my dog would have a field day. Oh yeah, mine would go crazy. She'd go, it would not be the first time. Oh gosh, I don't know what it is about these fucking local birds, man. I don't know what it is about these fucking local birds, man I don't know if they have brain damage or something But they just oh they see they see my patio open and they're like I gotta I gotta get in there

I gotta get into that house and then they come in and they're like actually this is a horrible fucking idea There's a dog in here and it's trying to kill me and they're trying to make it out. And they think, oh, this is open and they go straight into a window. This has happened twice. No. And the birds react the exact same way. And they hit their head in the window and then they make themselves prime target for my fucking dog these poor birds how do you know it's not the same bird actually oh man i didn't even think about that

i hope the bird would like not be stupid enough to fly into the same house where it almost died previously. Some birds are pretty smart. Not these birds clearly. Yeah, I'm sure. They weren't crows. They're like these. They aren't small birds. I could probably like hold them in my hand. But like a hot dog.

How do that many bees even get into your home? Without you realizing? Like surely you've got to see a bee fly around in your house and be like, I wonder why there's a bee in here? And then you investigate. Well, if you see one. Well, she purchased the house like 12 years before the incident. So that's like 12 years of the bees going in and out just like how

expanding their eye. How did this lady not notice? That's what I'm saying. The thing I was gonna say it's like a brick house so I don't think it would have been the same sound as if it was through like a different like wooden plaster wall. But still 50 pounds of like honeycomb and honey is like crazy. That's just the tip of the iceberg. That's half of my weight. That's insane. Like how many bees would it take to create that? How many are just swarming inside? Yeah. So, hope you all like honey. I do. That was a sweet story. Okay. Get him out of here. Get him out of here. Get the fuck out of here. Get out of here. We're ending

the episode. Get out of here. Okay, I'll just head out. I'll leave it to Kai and Myla to take it over. No, no, no, no, stay. You gotta hear this. I'm supervised. Okay. Oh, that's right, that's right. Let's see like how this, the grand finale of the Platypus journey. She better not have fucking died, I swear to God. So, this one was posted by the Buffalo News in Buffalo, New York. So also Buffalo. by the Buffalo News in Buffalo, New York. Also, also Buffalo.

Friday, September 20th, 1957. So two days after the previous article that I read. And this one, did platypus die of broken heart? Cecil, the last surviving captive platypus outside Australia was found dead Wednesday in the platypusery at the Bronx Zoo. No! God damn it!

We were talking shit about him earlier, but fuck! We were. We were. Death came one day after zoo officials had listed Cecil's mate Penelope as presumed lost and probably dead, following her disappearance from the Platypuserie on July 26. Cecil and his mate held all records for platypus survival in continuous captivity. Cecil, which arrived at the zoo with Penelope on April 25, 1946, had lived there for 10 years, 4 months, and 24 days. A captive female

survived almost 10 years at Badger Creek Sanctuary in Australia. Another platypus lived 14 years there, but its captivity was broken by six weeks' freedom after its first stretch of confinement. Nobody knows why Cecil died. Dr. Leonard J. Goss, acting zoo director, held up the death announcement while he carefully performed an autopsy. Cecil showed no signs of disease or injury and no degenerative changes due to age. The only overt sign of trouble was a sharp loss in weight. Oh.

So... Just out of nowhere. This platypus, like, I guess he really did bribe a broken heart. He was so sad that Penelope left him and he realized he messed up and he just fell into a deep depression and he stopped eating. Oh, he did have a broken heart. He did. Damn. Normally the animal weighed from 3.4 to 3.8 pounds. On August 13th, almost three weeks after Penelope left, its weight dropped to 3.03 pounds. At death, it weighed 2.31 pounds.

Cecil's appetite for crayfish, earthworms, frogs, and caudalbegs began to decline five weeks ago. Damn. and caudal dugs began to decline five weeks ago. Oh, so Penelope was not that, damn, Penelope was a skinny platypus. Well, yeah, and then Penelope left and he just, Cicely just couldn't carry on. He just stopped eating. Damn, the story's fucking sad.

Why are you laughing? I laughed through the pain. It's how we- No, it is really sad. It is. When I first read this, I was like, I just sat back in my chair for a bit and I was like, no fucking way. I was like, no way.

He actually died of a broken heart because he missed Penelope. And he did. Zoo officials who abhor nature fakers and anthropomorphic sentimentalists won't blame a broken romance for Cecil's passing. Instead they'll wait three weeks for microscopic analyses of the internal organs, hoping to obtain some clue to the death. Arrangements to restock the platypusery, which drew 500,000 viewers in its 10-year history, are already underway. Zoo officials will

write Prime Minister Robert Gordon-Menzies of Australia for permission to export three specimens, two females and a male. The platypus, a duck-billed anomaly that combines the characteristics of bird, mammal, and reptile in one peculiar shape enjoys strict Australian government protection. Permission secured, the zoo will ask Dr. David Flea of Australia, world's top platypus expert, to capture the animals. Dr. Flea will seek four-month-old babies, capturing them when they emerge from their burrows next February.

After two months' adaptation to captivity, they could be flown here in two or three days, riding in a special platypusery on a regular airliner. With luck, they could go on exhibition at Bronx Zoo next spring. That's what Spirit Airlines doesn't have. Spirit Airlines doesn't have a platypusery on board. No, they don't have a platypusery. They're not cool like that. You'd expect them to. I would hope they don't. You always gotta be prepared, you know? Yeah.

They immediately were like, damn, these platypuses died. Let's get new ones. They brought us so much money. They're like, okay, time to move on. Let's put an ad out. So I was theorizing though, right? And I was like, why did all this drama unfold?

And remember how in the first article Penelope the Platypus, she like faked being pregnant and faked being a mother? Yeah. Yeah. Like she probably wanted to feel like a mother, right? But so she had to fake it. But she eventually left. Why did she leave?

She was mad that Cecil wouldn't give her a baby. Oh, wait, is that your theory? Or is that like, that's my theory. That's my theory. She was just like, fed up with him. She like she wanted a family and he was just like, No,'t think I'm ready yet and she was like well I'm sorry but I have to leave you and that's what she did. My biological clock is ticking. Exactly like I need to find somebody now and Cecil was just like like no please don't leave but at first he was angry and that's why he didn't really care he was like ah you know stupid, she left me. But then he realized how much he actually loved her and missed her. And he fell into a deep depression. And he eventually succumbs to it. That's my theory.

And that's just a theory, a platypus theory. Maybe she made it all the way back to Australia. Maybe. She went back to Australia. She found her family. She finally, you know, got to grow old and have her children. But in her last, her last days, she wanted to know what happened to her old beloved Cecil. So she went on a journey back to the Bronx and she found that he had passed away many, many years ago. And that's the story of Penelope and Cecil the Platypuses. All right. Yeah, thank you. I mean, no happy ending here, but definitely a story.

Definitely a story. Thank you. I agree. That was beautiful. Thank you, Milo. It's the new Romeo and Juliet. Oh, pretty much. Yeah.

Modern modern platypus day. I don't know. What are you gonna end us off with Milo? Yeah. Um, I'm going to end you off with you'll never guess what it is. It's another no way Fucking dinosaurs. No way. Oh my god. What what's the the headline This one's actually it's got a pretty normal headline extinct animals

If the mammoths return to earth once more dinosaurs and do dodos would cause consternation among present-day animals, human as well as brute, a realistic picture. This one was posted, ooh, I forget, 1896. all of my articles happened after the bone wars. We're not going to get into the bone wars because that's a whole other. Dinosaur there. Of history. But a majority of this article is this author kind of talking shit. It is a good thing, on a whole, that the extinct animals are extinct, because a dinosaur, a

dodo, or a megatherian returning to Earth at the present time would create more trouble than would be worth. Nobody would know what to do with such a monster, and science tells us that he might be worth. Nobody would know what to do with such a monster. And science tells us that he might be dangerous. Even the pterodactyl, which was in many respects the most delicate of these products of a remote age, would not have made a decent soup. The size of these beasts was such

that they could afford only a poor kind of sport. They were so big that the worst marksman could not help but hit them. And after they were killed, they could not be removed. The sportsman who shot a dinosaur would have no fine pair of antlers to take home with him for the edification of his friends, while the Dodo was an ugly bird without any ornamental feathers that would have looked well in a woman's hat. This monster was an absurd creation, being able neither to fly nor to swim, and was exterminated in the 17th century, much to the general relief. Relief of who? Yeah, what? What are they? They're just like, okay, you know what, that's so much better. We don't have to worry about it

anymore. You're telling me you want dinosaurs to be around? At least the dodo bird. Yes, I do. Yes, I do. It does suck that the dodo is dead. The dodo displayed neither activity nor intelligence and its name is a synonym for stupidity to the present day. Captain Von West Zanon of Kattvia has left it on record how a dodo captured by some of his men could not be eaten by the whole crew, so great was its size. He also tells how the dodo is such a display of stupidity as to merit the contempt of his men. A dodo walking along a country road at the present time would scare all of

the horses and block up the passage. I would love to see dodo birds flying around still. They can't fly. That's what I just said. No, but like if they could fly, you know what I mean? I think they'd look silly. They'd be like silly little birds flying around. I think if dodo birds still existed, we like we would genetically modify them so that they could be able to fly. I think that would be how it'll be like Jurassic Park. I think it

would have to be. I, you know what, if Dodo birds were like still alive, I think that girl would have won that one at the million dollars for a Dodo bird farm Oh That would be sick How would it be if there was like pterodactyls flying up above us I Don't know not cool. No, I like some dinosaurs and I don't like them that much I like some dinosaurs and I don't like them that much. Fair. No, I like dinosaurs. I like being able to walk outside and not being concerned that something might snatch

me. I fully recognize the fact that most dinosaurs would just completely obliterate me, but I think I'm okay with that. I'm fine with the herbivores. They can be around. that. Those guys are awesome. Anyway, continue my little one. Yes, go ahead. The author then goes on to describe various animals of various sizes.

And he loves to end it off with a curious thing about all these animals is that in spite of their vast size and great strength, they should have become extinct. The smaller and weaker animals survived. Perhaps the giant monsters killed each other off in some great battle of prehistoric times. And this theory has more than once been advanced to account for their disappearance. And then that's just how it ends. Damn. That's fine. Yeah.

No, it's not fine. You think dinosaurs fought each other to the death? They did. No. Like, isn't. Isn't that historically accurate? No! I can't tell if you're being genuine. No, I know as a whole I know

as a whole I know dinosaurs didn't commit genocide on themselves, but there were dinosaurs that would fight over their food and stuff, and they'd battle it out to the death. Yeah Yeah but not in some mega, not in like some super smash bros brawl. It's not what you typically see like in Jurassic Park. No they're not doing, they're like every other animal. You know before um before like the 2000s everyone thought that dinosaurs had died due to drought

Before like the 2000s everyone thought that dinosaurs had died due to drought and not the meteor, which is now more popular. They thought everything, they thought there was a great drought and it killed all of them. I'm actually like that's such like an embarrassing way to die though. A drought or a meteor? A meteor, like you're just minding your own business and then all of a sudden a big rock hits your place and then you die because of it. Or a giant cone, like honeycomb. A giant honeycomb comes down from space and wipes out the dinosaurs.

This obliterates you. Yeah. I can't believe you find it embarrassing to be hit by a giant space rock. How is that? How is that not cool? Also, who would be witnessed to like make fun of you? That's true. Everyone would be dead.

Yeah. The aliens who sent the as the meteor over to Earth. Lol get pranked. They would come down to Earth and be like, ha! Look at these losers. They didn't, they couldn't counteract anything. They couldn't counteract a meteor. Seriously, like they just had to accept their fate.

Like they're just chilling there like, ooh, meteor. Saying that they got to live through it, it could have been like instant, like they weren't even aware of it. Like implosion. True. Like maybe they didn't even know that they died. Like they blinked and one minute they were there, one minute they were not. I mean, I'm not gonna question their sentience, but they're also giant lizards. Yeah. Not all of them, but the majority.

Majority of them were giant lizards. I want to be a giant lizard. You are a giant lizard. How am I not? I believe you are wrong in both categories, Kai. Figo. Figo. Oh yeah, he is.

Yeah. Yeah, I thought you were telling Milo. Oh no, Milo is, I mean Milo could be like a lizard, but I don't know. Who knows? He might be hiding something from us. I am a lizard. I'm told he's like, take stun baths. You might be hiding something from us. I am a lizard. I love the sun. It tastes so good on my senses.

Oh hell no. We got Mark Zuckerberg over here. Wait, what? You know the meme that like, he's's like a, he's a lizard or whatever? Yeah, yeah, but I thought you were like trying to, like it was something he said in the past. Oh no. No, didn't you know? He totally said like ssssss. He said that, man.

Now I know. He's actually a lizard confirmed. That's been confirmed. He was trolling us just to troll us. Because he can't. And honestly, I would do that too if I was him. Anyway. Yeah, I just wanted to talk about dinosaurs.

I'm glad you did. Thank you for coming on here and talking about dinosaurs. I think we all enjoyed it. What's your favorite dinosaur? I need to know your favorite dinosaur right now. My favorite dinosaur? My favorite dinosaur? The fact that you don't have this immediate answer. An Ankylosaurus.

The Ankylosaurus? Yeah, the one that has like a club tail. I know what the Ankylosaurus is. Yeah. That one's your favorite? It's so cool. It's so cool. It's like the heavily, it's like the tank of dinosaurs.

What? What? Well, actually, they don't, recently they've been like, oh, they don't recently they've been like, we don't actually think they use this for defense. They think it may have been possibly used for mating or something like that. Oh, dinosaurs. Well, it's just because how good of a defense I literally we were just talking about this with the lobsters. How is that a good defense? Your butt. How is your butt a good defense mechanism? Well you could swing it around. You could use it like a whip and you could wind it up behind you and he could just turn his whole body to like...

No! The butt defense is not good. We don't know what they used their clubs for but it probably was not for clubbing things or being ankle biters or whatever no I do also love a good Brachiosaurus though. I like the Spinosaurus. That's the one that I like. The Utah Raptor. What the fuck is the Utah Raptor? Yeah it's basically like it's like like the inspiration for velociraptors pretty much. Because velociraptors aren't like real dinosaurs. Yeah, no. Are they? No.

Well, yes and no. Yes and... Or like the Jurassic Park velociraptors. Fair. Like, those aren't real dinosaurs. Those are more like Utah Raptors. Did you know that they use the sounds of like mating turtles for them? What? What? Yeah. What?

Like their call, like it's the sound of mating turtles. That's so weird. What's the sound of a mating platypus? Oh, I do not want to know that. I don't know. That's almost sounded like you're gonna tell us a joke as well. Nope. Okay, my favorite like, like, prehistoric like animal or whatever though, is the Megalodon. I'm a big fan of any like mega fauna. Like, they're so sick. Yeah, so good Can you believe that avocados would have gone extinct because the fucking mega sloth went extinct?

What? So, okay, so, you know avocados, right? Yeah, you know, they're they're fleshy and they got the you know avocados Well, I'm just asking. Fuck. You know avocados. Yeah, I do. The things that ate avocados a lot and helped spread them around were the giant sloths. And so they were like the main people or animal spreading them around everywhere.

But then Giant Sloth goes extinct and avocados are like, oh shit, who the fuck's gonna not a lot of animals like us. It's really difficult to eat us. What are we going to do? How are we gonna do? How are we gonna? Don't worry, avocado. You don't need to worry. Because another animal technically loves you and is gonna start eating you. And what's that animal that comes into existence right after? Humans? Yeah, fucking humans. Fucking humans love avocados. I think we eat a lot of things. Humans are weird.

We don't eat anything. We only eat avocados. That's what we ate for the first few million years. Yeah. Strictly avocados. Did you know ice was the first technically export? Not actually. What's it called? What's the term?

Import? No, not import. It's when you, it's like food. When you export food. Um, um, um. It was the first harvest or whatever. Okay, okay, okay. Because you get because ice was like, oh, we need to keep the fucking shit.

We need to keep shit cold. What are we going to do? And a guy was like, Oh, I know where there's some ice to keep shit cold. What are we going to do? And a guy was like, Oh, I know where there's some ice that keeps shit cold. And he makes a thing about selling ice. But it's like a consumable, right? Yeah. It makes it makes a lot more sense in my head. It's got to be a pro. If you were there, like, okay, it would be considered produce type of thing. Yes. Yes. That's the word. Okay. The first produce. The origins of ice. I want to know who first saw like ice and like was like, I'm gonna eat that. Me. I love ice. Also, did you know that the Hawaiian Islands used to be called the Sandwich Islands?

What? Sandwich Islands? Why? Well, they were named after the... I can't remember the whole story. My memory is bad. The Sandwich Islands. Some white guy was like, oh, hey, look at these islands.

I'm gonna... I'm a knight and I'm gonna name them after the Earl of Sandwich and the Earl of Sandwich was some other white guy in Sandwich United Kingdom something and he was the guy who people credit as creating the first sandwich Why are the islands sandwich just some some guy decided to? That's boring some like white European guy That's how a lot of things got their name. That's how a lot of things, yeah. They're like, yeah, I own this place now.

I'm gonna name it like fucking the Sandwich Islands. I mean, I feel like even nowadays, lots of things are named after like people like laws and things like that room as much as I you know as much as we dis white men I'm the I exist because of them cut that out yeah I was colonized We all were technically. And that's why we're ending today's episode. Remember where you came from. Let us know in the comments. Did you guys get colonized?

Um, actually, maybe don't let us know that. But no, maybe, maybe just let us know if you, if you, I I don't know Talk to us somehow, please Yeah, um go to the bottom of the Description and then or the top of it and then click send as a text. So yeah You know, so leave YouTube comments Um, by the way Instagram YouTube just reached a thousand so. Oh, that's so cool. Thank you everyone.

Do the YouTube thing. No, do the YouTube thing. Come on man, every... What's the YouTube thing? Oh, alright guys, make sure to like and subscribe. Finally, geez. If you like the video, give it a like. If you like it a lot, make sure to subscribe.

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Fun episode. Thank you, Milo, for coming along. Yeah, thank you. No, thank you. And until next time, bye. Bye bye. Why did the platypus cross the highway? Why? Why?