Change Your Brain Every Day - ADHD & Intimacy: The Physical Intimacy Issues No One Talks About – Part 1

Episode Date: March 10, 2025

ADHD doesn’t just impact focus—it can wreak havoc on relationships and intimacy. In this revealing episode, Dr. Amen and Tana expose the little-known ways undiagnosed or untreated ADHD can sabotage your love life, from saying hurtful things to emotional outbursts to struggles with connection and sexual satisfaction. If you or your partner have ever felt unseen, misunderstood, or disconnected in the bedroom, this episode is a must-listen. Understanding how ADHD affects intimacy is the first step to rebuilding passion and trust. 00:00 Intro 00:52 ADHD & Sex 01:54 ADHD vs ADD 04:38 How Does ADHD Impact Relationships? 11:33 ADHD in the Bedroom 15:28 The “New Love” Addiction Cycle 16:50 Sponsor 18:05 Novelty Patterns 19:04 ADHD Symptoms in Sex 24:34 Dopamine 28:30 Conflict Seeking Behavior 30:59 Guilt vs Shame 33:00 Practical Tips to Manage ADHD & Sex 41:35 Wrap Up

Short attention span, distractibility, which really becomes important with sex. If you're easily distracted off and say, what does an orgasm require? Focus. You have to pay attention to the feeling long enough to make it happen. So they're often easily distracted and they're sensitive to touch. So if you touch them the wrong way, it can be sort of like nails on a chalkboard. So what you might think of as intimacy, they may find annoying. So communication is really important.

Yeah. Every day you are making your brain better or you are making it worse. Stay with us to learn how you can change your brain for the better every day. So welcome back to the Change Your Brain Every Day podcast. Today we're going to talk about my favorite topic with my favorite person. It's a topic that's not talked about enough. We're going to talk about ADD or ADHD and sex. ADD, ADHD affects focus, impulsivity, emotions, and relationships. And that includes intimacy.

So many couples struggle with this, with their connection, their communication, intimacy, especially when they have unmanaged ADHD. So it's hard enough normally, but then you have unmanaged ADHD and it's 10 times worse. So if you and your partner or one of you, or both of you have ADHD, you're not alone. And there's good news. There are ways to improve intimacy, connection and sexual satisfaction.

But it starts with understanding how ADHD works. But you know, I think a lot of people have been curious why the interchangeable ADD, ADHD. I have a tendency to say ADD. So explain that to people. And I think actually most people do because 1980 when the DSM-3, so the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, so it's what they teach medical students and obviously psychiatrists how to diagnose things, it came out with ADD, tension deficit disorder, with or without hyperactivity. And then in 1987, for God knows what reason, researchers, see, most of these diagnoses are sort of made up by researchers. The researchers decided to change the name to ADHD, highlighting the hyperactive component, which basically threw out half the people who had it. So, doesn't that mean that a lot of people won't get diagnosed then?

Especially girls. Because girls often have the inattentive type. I was furious because I knew it was wrong. And in 1994, so 1980, the DSM-3, 1987 DSM-3 revised edition. So that's the culprit. 1994, they sort of figured out the error of their ways, but rather than you know, most guys can't say sorry. They changed it again to AD slash HD. I'm like, well, what the hell does that mean? It means we made a mistake. And a lot of people who have ADD are never hyperactive. And that was right at the time I was developing my typology of ADD.

And I wrote an internationally bestselling book, Healing ADD, See and Heal, the seven types. But that's why the difference and on this podcast, we'll talk a lot about ADD or now you know the difference, ADHD, it's just a different term. But today, I wanted to talk about sex. We're gonna break down the common challenges, the strengths, best strategies for improving your relationship both in and out of the bedroom. So let's start with the basics then.

So how does ADHD impact relationships in general? So many ways. It's a brain-based condition that, and I've studied 260,000 brain scans over the last 34 years. And my first scan, which hooked me on imaging, was with Sandy, who was a 44-year-old woman, who the night before I met her tried to kill herself. So, she was conflict seeking, as we'll talk about.

So, she was always poking at her husband. And he exploded, she cried, then she had a suicide attempt. She wasn't really suicidal, but impulsively she was so angry and that's what landed her in the hospital. And I went to my first lecture on brain-spect imaging, it was just grand rounds at my hospital. And I walked out of the lecture into her room. And as I'm sitting there, now I'm also a child psychiatrist and 50% of the patients, child psychiatrists see the kids have ADD of one form or another. So I'm sensitive to it. And I listened to her, I listened to the suicide attempt,

and then I learned she has an eight-year-old son that has ADD. Always think if a kid has it, it's coming from somewhere, unless it's a head injury or something like that. And so she has an IQ of 144, but never finished college. She has an IQ of 144, but never finished college. And I asked her, and I was sensitive to this one question, I asked her, so just tell me how you studied. And she said, well, I never did,

except for the night before exams. I'd go on a date, I'd come home at 11 o'clock at night, realize I had a test the next day, I put on a pot of coffee, stay up all night. That's how I did school. And that's a classic ADD way of doing school. So really bright, underemployed, she's a lab tech, but she's underemployed for her ability. And I'm going, have you ever thought that you might have ADD?

And she goes, oh, adults can't have ADD. And I'm like, wait, I thought I was the doctor of like, of course adults can have ADD. And we fuss. And I'm like, just went to the lecture on brain spectamines. I'm like, can I scan? And we're going to do it twice. Once at rest, once when you concentrate, because I'd been doing some EEG work, quantitative EEG work. And we saw that ADD is not a disorder of a resting brain. It's a disorder of a working brain. And virtually everybody when you go, can I scan you?

They go, yes, because everybody wants more information. So she said yes. And so scanned her the next day at rest, next day after that when she did a concentration task. And then the following day, I come in with the pictures and I put them on the table. And I said, a very healthy brain at rest. But when you try to concentrate, it sort of goes away. That she had decreased activity in her frontal lobes.

And then she starts weeping. And she said, you mean it's not my fault. How many times have you heard that? So often. But that's what hooked me on imaging. Because immediately it decreased shame. And I wear glasses to drive. And I took the glasses out of my pocket and put them on my face. And

I said, you know, having ADD is sort of like people who need glasses. People need glasses are dumb, crazy or stupid. Their eyeballs are shaped funny and they wear glasses to focus. Having ADD, you're not dumb, crazy or stupid. Your brain sort of turns off when it should turn on. And the medicine or whatever treatment we do is sort of like glasses for your brain. So helpful. She took the medicine. So I gave her, I think it was 10 milligrams

of Ritalin twice a day and finished college, stopped fighting with her husband, was a better mother, ended up as a nurse practitioner and made like four times the amount of money, right? People go, oh, I can't afford to get help. It's like, can't afford not to get help. And just think about what that did to her intimacy. Because when your frontal lobes turn off, when they should be turning on, well, you do things to turn them on. Whether it's poking, you know, what I've often seen. I grew up with ADD all around me.

I didn't believe in it until I really understood and you explained that part to me. And I'm like, oh, that's why there was so much chaos in my family. Well, in our first date, you asked me what I did and I talked about it. And then we started talking about ADD. I'm not sure why. And you went, you think I have ADD, don't you? Yeah, I'm like, this is complete nonsense. Yeah.

And then what happened? Well, you scanned me. You mean after you scanned me, you scanned my mom, you scanned my uncle, you scanned my dad, you scanned everybody in my family. And my mom had terrible ADD, like really bad ADD. And it explains my childhood. Like it really explains my childhood.

So, you know, she made good decisions, bad decisions, good decisions, bad decisions, but chaotic, just very chaotic. And so I began to understand a bit more about it and it made more sense to me. And you could actually see it in your family. Oh, a lot. Because it's a disorder. Yeah, both of my uncles have it.

It's genetic. And I remember when I treated your uncle and your mother, because at the time they worked together. And they used to complain about each other constantly. They fought all the time. And then all of a sudden, my uncle was saying, oh, your mom is so better. And my mom is like, your uncle is so much better. He's not so annoying. And I'm like, it was so funny. But how does, so how does this, like, how does that translate to the bedroom? How does that translate to intimacy? I mean, besides the,

obviously if you're annoyed with people. Well, that's one, you know, our friend, Earl Henslin, always says, if there's no forethought, right, there's no foreplay. And people with ADD or ADHD often don't have forethought. That's the whole problem. So, it's a brain based condition that affects your prefrontal cortex. So that's impulse control, attention. It's the break in your brain also involved in emotional regulation. That means it can create patterns in relationships like one partner feeling ignored while the ADD person may feel misunderstood. Right, and it's common for this to show up in communication struggles, obviously forgotten commitments which doesn't work well for foreplay either,

emotional outbursts, and that all leads to problems with this connection. I'm having flashbacks. And it's public. We've talked about you having ADD. Although you have the anxious ADD type. So in many ways it's not typical. But I'm almost OCD. But having loved several ADD women,

one of them just didn't follow through. Like I couldn't trust if I said, could you please do those, that it would be done. Yeah, that's not me. And I was- Let's be clear, that's not me. And I was furious until I really understand it because if someone doesn't live up to their commitments, if you're a conscientious person, it really sort of irritates you.

Well, and that's a trust issue. And living with that stress, lack of trust, irritability, that begins to disconnect. Yeah, that's a trust issue. And also if you have got kids or you're like, that's a big issue. Yeah, now on the other side, people with ADD can be passionate, spontaneous. Funny.

And intensely focused when interested, which can make for exciting, deep relationships for a time. And then the other stuff starts to wear things out. Isn't it true though, if they are intensely focused on something, that's when they're really good at it, but the novelty wears off. And if the novelty wears off, then all of a sudden there's a problem.

Right. Because love is a drug. Right. And new love, we often talk about this, new love is cocaine, dopamine on steroids. dopamine on steroids. Lasting love is more like heroin. It's that warm, peaceful connection.

And so new love, if you break up, it's not the end of the world, right? And getting off cocaine is hard. Hang on. For people like me who haven't done any of these drugs, I think what you're saying is that one is like a high and one is like a warm blanket. Right. Okay.

And so breaking up with cocaine is really hard. Breaking up with heroin is a nightmare. Breaking up with a new love is hard, but generally a lot easier than breaking up with someone you're very connected with. Right. So let me just say this. I have seen this pattern in teenage girls so often, and this is the pattern. New love is a drug. People who have ADD when they fall in love, they can pay attention until it becomes the

relationship begins to become more routine, more regular. But it's very important, sidebar. If you have ADD and a lot of people do, pick a job you love because your focus is going to be so much better. Well, maybe that's why I picked a trauma unit. It's completely unpredictable all the time. But you didn't love it. Right? It made you- Oh, I was terrified. Terrified for six months. But many people of ADD are running toward fires. Right. That's me.

Rather than away from fires. Like if a dog comes to attack us, you're in front of me, ready, bring it on, scare the other dog a lot. And I'm like, how do I protect this situation? Every thought, every decision, every success is created by your brain. And the one thing I've learned from looking at over 250,000 brain scans over the last 30 years is that you are not stuck with the brain you have. You can make it better and I can prove it.

This is why I created BrainFit Life 5.0 to help you assess your brain and then help you optimize it by knowing your brain type and giving you access to the tools you need to have a better brain and a better life. It includes a 30-day happiness challenge, brain and mental health trackers, hypnosis audios, brain enhancing music, and tools to conquer stress and anxiety. You can feel better, think sharper, and live happier. Go to the App Store and download BrainFit Life 5.0 today.

What I see in teenage girls is they fall in love. New love. They get very excited. But after a couple of months, begins to wear off and then they start picking on their partner and poke, poke, poke, poke, excitement over the drama. And then they break up, excitement over the breaking up And then they break up excitement over the breaking up and they're so sad.

And then there's new love. And then they start picking on them and then they break up and then there's new love and then they start picking on them. So it's this. So that could either be with someone who's constantly finding new people to fall in love with and break up with or people who constantly break up and get back together for the makeup sex. Right.

Which means maybe both of them have ADD. And so if you just look back at your pattern, that might give you a sense of whether or not you have ADD. Now the hallmark symptoms I think of is five, short attention span, but not for everything. It's short attention span for regular routine, everyday things, schoolwork, homework, paperwork, chores, the things that just make life work. On the other hand, for things that have dopamine, things that are new, novel, highly interesting, stimulating or frightening, people with ADD can pay attention just fine. So they love scary movies. My mom loves scary movies.

I hate them. And you were how old? Nine years old when she took me to see the Hills Have Eyes and Silent Scream. And I'm like, who does that? Who does that to a child? I'm still like, I need therapy over it. Who does that?

So they pay attention just fine. New relationship. Novels. So when it comes to sex can get weird, highly interesting, which is why you have to be so careful with pornography. Well, we should talk more about that as we go on because I mean, there's a lot of things with sex where you can see this taking a role. Right. With a dopamine deficit comes behaviors

to increase it, pornography being one. So risk taking behaviors. And then risk taking behaviors and so on. So short attention span, distractibility, which really becomes important with sex if you're easily distracted off and say, what does an orgasm require? Focus. You have to pay attention to the feeling long enough to make it happen. But if you hear everything in the house, you know, I did a post recently on How's, you know, I did a post recently on people with ADD often have white noise on at night and that's so they don't hear everything else that distracts them. So they're often easily distract and they're sensitive to touch. So if you touch them the wrong way, it can be sort of like nails on a chalkboard.

So what you might think of as intimacy, they may find annoying. They may find it. So communication is really important. Yeah. Communication is so important when it comes to sex. You know, it's like, what do you like? And how can I do that better and be a good listener as opposed to with ADD. There's also rejection sensitivity syndrome. And so because they've been in trouble a lot in their life, they're sort of looking to be rejected.

And when you're having sex, it's a very vulnerable time and someone really can get their feelings hurt. But communication is just so important. Disorganization, often for time and space, if you look at their rooms, their desks, their cars, their book bags, often a mess. And they tend to be late. Thank God you're not. But I used to lie all the time to one of my ADD partners in the past because it's always late. And I'm like, I like to be at the airport early. And so I'd like, oh, we're going to leave at 11 when the flight was at 10. And because she was disorganized, she just never checked.

So I think you did that to me early on. And, but I'm the opposite. I like to be early. So you're like, I need to stop telling her we need to be early. So distractibility, disorganizing, procrastination. Oh my goodness. They like don't do something until someone else is mad at them because they haven't done it. So everything is last minute. I wrote a book with someone once who had terrible ADD and of the 42 books I have written, everyone has been turned in on time, most of them early, but he like, wasn't given me the chapter is I'm like, I show up his house 11 o'clock at night and I told his wife, do not give him sex until I get that. So sex as a weapon is a whole nother podcast.

So procrastinate and then impulse control where you say things or do things that are not in your best interest. Well, and when it comes to intimacy, that can be very hurtful and people often don't get over those things for a long time. Right, because the female brain has a larger hippocampus than the male brain and the hippocampus is the major memory structure in the brain. So if you say something that hurts or feelings, she may hold onto it for a long time. So short attention span, not for everything, easily distracted, disorganization, time and space, procrastination, impulse control. And if you have two or three of those things,

it would be good to be assessed. ADD, ADHD, low dopamine, medications we use, specifically increase dopamine. So low dopamine, let's talk about that for a minute, because I've heard that low dopamine actually can, if you have low dopamine, it actually decreases your sex drive, and that can be a problem.

So that's one of the hallmark signs of ADHD or ADD, is low dopamine. Yes, although it's highly variable because some people who have ADD are hypersexual and some people their libido is low. And is that because they're looking for the stimulation and the excitement sinking? Yes. The hypersexuality.

Right. So they can get, there's a higher incidence of all addictions in people. So like pornography or strip clubs and cheating and gambling, shopping, drugs, alcohol. They tend to not go for marijuana as much as they go more for cocaine. I tried it twice in high school and absolutely hated it. Like it slowed my brain down way too much. I have this one just so sad story. I mean, it has a good ending,

but this one guy was wildly successful as an attorney. Great focus, but he was using a little bit of methamphetamine every day. He found that just a little bit of methamphetamine every day. He found that just a little bit of speed helped him tremendously. And then he got married. And he's on the day he got married, he's like, I'm going to clean up my life. Oh no. And he stopped, which was his treatment for ADD. Now I'm not a fan of speed. So when I say, Oh no, my thought was he should have seen a doctor. He should have seen a doctor.

And so he stopped and all of a sudden he's impulsive. He's disorganized. He's distracted. Was he cheating? And he wasn't cheating, but his wife divorced him because she said, you're different. And it was through the divorce he had read Healing ADD, my book, he's like, oh my God, I was treating ADD. And when we treated him, he did so much better.

But having undiagnosed or untreated ADD is a major cause of divorce. But we should be clear. Like the proper doses through a doctor are therapeutic and doing illegal doses of methamphetamine will ruin your life. So be very careful. Like not. Yeah, no, absolutely. In fact, for most people, not him, but for most people, they start using a little bit

and it really helps them. But then they use more and more. And dosages that are higher than therapeutic, you lose your soul. Of all the murders I've seen, it can make you paranoid. So we're a fan of seeing a doctor. And getting your brain assessed, right? Like some people respond really well to saffron. There are four studies now, five studies on ADHD and saffron.

That saffron can be real helpful. L-tyrosine, which is the amino acid building block for dopamine, can be helpful as well. Omega-3 fatty acids, especially EPA. Exercise. The low dopamine is why some partners crave newness and variety in the bedroom and out. Now, one thing that really messes up relationships is their conflict seeking or negative seeking. And it's like, what does that mean? It's in my book, Healing ADD, which is very, the introduction is very funny of that book

because I write, I know you're not going to read this book. Just read the first five pages, just to let go. I'm honoring your ADD. And I tell the story of Betty, who I saw one of my very first patients when I opened up our first clinic. And I loved her and I was actually seeing her a couple of times a week because she's chronically suicidal. And when I started scanning, I scanned her and I'm like, every session she'd come into my office and tell me how she was going to kill herself. And I was always freaked out because I don't want that for them. And I for sure don't want it for me. And then when

I saw the ADD, I'm like, oh, negative seeking. You're using that as a stimulant. And for those psychiatrist therapists, don't do this unless you really know somebody well. I looked at her, I said, you're no more going to kill yourself than I am. I said, you have five children. You know, if you kill yourself, you just gifted them a 500% increased risk of killing themselves. You do that to get me upset and to be upset yourself. You're using it as a stimulant, right? Because that's like a really stimulating, horrible thought. And she stopped talking about it and didn't

kill herself. And then, you know, I more effectively treated her ADD because when I saw it on her scan, I'm like, okay, it's clear. Because it's harder to diagnose in females. And do you know how I often diagnose in females? They bring their boys to me. The boys getting in trouble in school. You know, he's like all over the place. And I'm like, where did this come from? So you can see where this is a problem in the bedroom then because if you are constantly

conflict seeking and negative, yeah, it becomes really difficult. It's not sexy. No. When you're mad at someone, it disconnects you from them. For sure. So ADD, it affects both partners in a relationship. So let's talk about how, you know, this is not, I mean, obviously if you both have it, but even if only one of you has it, it's going to affect both of you in this relationship. So.

Well, many couples fall into a cycle where the non-ADD partner feels like they have to remind, nag or parent their partner, which sort of gets weird when you think about sex. It's like, no. They feel emotionally neglected. They crave more consistency and follow through. AMT – So, you can see where people might feel criticized or controlled then. So, if someone's always being nagged, they feel criticized and controlled all the time. And this becomes like a terrible thing. I also feel overwhelmed and guilty for not meeting expectations and shame is huge for people who have ADD.

Yeah, because if you're constantly making bad decisions or you're constantly messing you know, messing up, that's, you know, going to create this feeling of shame for the things you've done. Well, and guilt is feeling bad for something you've done. Shame is feeling bad for who you are. So like, I can't change this. I have no power over this. I'm a bad person.

And if you have untreated ADD, you know, I've often said, if you have untreated ADD and it's not been treated before you're age nine, you carry a lot of shame because you've been in trouble a lot. And you go and you have this feeling that I'm bad. And these patterns carry into sex where one partner feels disconnected and avoids intimacy, while the other feels pressure or frustration. So let's get practical then. What are some of the best strategies for improving intimacy with people who have ADD in a relationship?

Well, some of the things that are really game changing, if you notice you have ADD, go get assessed because the treatment literally can change the trajectory of the rest of your life. And it doesn't mean go to the family doctor and get stimulants. Now, stimulants may be part of it, but you need more a whole person approach like we do here at Amon Clinics. You can increase dopamine naturally, exercise, healthy diet, supplements like omega-3s. Well, that's a big part of our treatment here. We've often said if we can get your nutrition right, we reduce, you've often said you reduce how much medication people take. Well, and you almost broke up with me because I was keeping you out late at night.

Yeah, when we were dating. I was just getting up at four o'clock in the morning every day to work out. And I was like, I could tell, I wasn't like, I didn't feel like myself. And I didn't believe in ADD then, I didn't have ADD. But until I met you, I didn't have ADD. But when I wasn't exercising, I could feel like my brain wasn't right.

It's how I cleared the cobwebs every morning. And that's when you looked at me and you said, oh, but you don't have ADD. You drink a lot of coffee and you need to exercise to clear the cobwebs every morning. And that's when you looked at me and you said, oh, but you don't have ADD. You drink a lot of coffee and you need to exercise to clear the cobwebs. But it's very effective is my point. Very effective. Dr. Justin Marchegiani I've actually had lawyers get through law school because they exercise two hours a day. And they. Getting treated was so much better for their joints. Yeah, because they didn't have to work out so intensive.

It's something that a lot of people have used. I was never a person to use drugs because of the drugs in my family. I figured out exercise very early in my life, but I did beat my body up. Yeah. And caffeine. And caffeine. Yeah. And you picked a job that was a bit excitement seeking. So if we think of professions that have a higher incidence of ADD or ADHD, police officers, firefighters, trauma surgeons, emergency room doctors, trauma nurses. Yeah. I've had nightmares for a year.

So right. But you love the adrenaline. I actually got depressed when I stopped working there. I remember I felt like some like what, oh, this is like, what do I do? This is normal life. Like this is weird. Normal life is very slow. Yes.

But we're very grateful for the people that run toward fires or trauma surgeons. We're very grateful for them. So, increase dopamine naturally, create rituals for connections, set times for intimacy so the ADHD partner doesn't get distracted or forget. So, the ADHD partner doesn't get distracted or forget. When you have ADD, it's chronically stressful, right? Even though you have the same amount of time as everyone else, because there's always this flurry of things you're behind on, you feel chronically stressed and overwhelmed. Which steals cortisol, the stress hormone, steals testosterone.

So you don't have the sort of energy of libido. Yeah. And I think one of the signs, because I'm not usually behind in things, but I need to almost feel like I'm behind in things. So, I'm like, so I'm, I constantly, like, that's just a feeling I have of like needing to make a lot of lists. And I'm like constantly saying, I'm going to get behind, I'm going to get behind if I don't, you know what I mean?

So it's like, I almost need to feel like I'm going to get behind. It's very strange. So that's- No, no, it's not strange. It's cortisol on me. Yeah. Cause I'm like, make a list. Like I've made lists and the lists have lists.

Rituals for connection. Mindfulness, which I think you find incredibly helpful. And I think you finally believe me that I have to get up and meditate. Like it's just, it's not a, it's not an if it's a must. I know, but you're so cute. I want to keep you behind. I know, but I need to get up and meditate. It's for you.

It's for your good. Name it, don't blame it. Acknowledge ADHD's impact without making it personal. Instead of saying, you never pay attention to me, try, I feel disconnected and I want to reconnect. Well, on this same one, I think, you know, sometimes it's a little like when women have PMS, the worst thing a man can ever say, let's just say, let's just bring it out right now. Don't ever say, oh, it's going to be okay in a couple of days.

You're going to get a shoe thrown at you. Probably the high heel end of it. So just saying. So just sort of along those lines, when the person who has the ADD or the ADHD feels like they're the ones being blamed, as opposed to, like, it's not, you don't need the label. We need to work on a solution together.

If you love that person, don't do that. It's like, let's just work on this. We don't need to like, oh, it's your ADD. Like it's your PMS. Like that's not helpful. It's not helpful. You don't do that and I'm grateful. No, I don't do that.

It wouldn't go over well, just FYI. No, yeah. Yeah, you have to be thoughtful. Like what's the goal? And my goal with you is always the same, kind, caring, loving, supportive, passionate relationship. I married my best friend. Right? I always joke, say in this gesture to somebody, I wanted to scan both presidential candidates. That guys have fantasy women, I have fantasy brains. Mostly because I married my fantasy woman.

No. Yeah. So kindness requires forethought. And that's why getting ADD treated can decrease the chance you get divorced. So important. Novelty in the bedroom, that divorced. So important. Novelty in the bedroom, that can be very helpful. New experiences, locations, techniques, studying sex together, I think.

I think it's also important to, this is where communication comes in because someone might be going, "'Okay, great, novelty,' but they didn't run this by their partner. You guys have to. I think it's really important that you both are on the same page and have the same idea about what novelty looks like. It's it's so important. I wrote a book once, actually the first book I wrote after you and I met. It's called The Brain in Love.

And there are some people, you need to know your partner. Right. When it comes to sex. If your partner tends to be anxious, you're probably not having sex in an airplane. Right. They're not going to join the mile high club. If your partner's really impulsive, then that becomes a possibility. So.

Right. But you talked about, we talked earlier about the impulsiveness and the risk taking behaviors. So like, I've known people who are into some crazy stuff and they talk about this crazy stuff they're into and you talk to someone, if they have a partner who's anxious,

that's probably not gonna fly, right? So you have like, choke parties are probably not gonna fly for someone who's anxious. So I think it's really important to understand who you're with and, you know, don't just show up and go, oh, Dr. Raymond said novelty is a good thing. Like that's not, yeah. I've never heard you talk about joke parties.

Is there something I need to know? Definitely not. Definitely not. So stay tuned. We're gonna finish up ADHD and intimacy. More about sex coming up. In the meantime, subscribe, leave a comment, a question below,

and follow us at DocAmen or at TanaAmen.