Change Your Brain Every Day - Adrien Nunez: The Truth About Finding Out You Have ADHD

Episode Date: March 30, 2026

In this eye-opening episode, country pop star Adrien Nunez shares the moment he discovered he has ADHD and low activity in his frontal lobes. From struggling with focus and consistency to questioning his own potential, Adrien opens up about the silent battles that many people don't see. This conversation dives deep into what it's like to go through life undiagnosed, the relief (and confusion) that comes with finally having answers, and how understanding ADHD can unlock a whole new level of self-awareness and growth. Adrien discusses the strengths, creativity, and drive that often come with an ADHD brain.   If you've ever felt scattered, misunderstood, or like you just couldn't "get it together," this episode might change the way you see yourself.   Topics include:   Discovering ADHD later in life Turning challenges into strengths   Find your ADHD Type: https://www.amenclinics.com/brain-health/add-mom-daughter/ Amen Clinics: https://www.amenclinics.com/   Honest, relatable, and empowering—this is a conversation that just might make everything click.

My dad would always tell me that I'd have to work twice as hard to get half as far as everybody else. I feel like I applied that as much as I can to everything I'm doing. I feel successful when I'm doing everything I can to achieve that one goal. Whether I get there or not, doesn't really matter as much to me. Adrian Nunez is a singer, songwriter, social media influencer, and former basketball player. Dr. Aeman and Adrian discuss his career transition from basketball to music. And the balance between health and success. Fame is tricky because it can.

feel really great and then it can burn out the joy circuits in your brain. The more people recognize you, the more your records do well. There's pleasure in that. But if you hit your pleasure centers too hard or too often, pretty soon you just begin to feel flat. What a lot of young stars do, some of them lose their souls. Some lose their lives. When you and Tiana fight, does it bring up some of that trauma. I feel like, every day you are making your brain better or you are making it worse.

Stay with us to learn how you can change your brain for the better every day. Every thought, every decision, every success is created by your brain. And the one thing I've learned from looking at over 250,000 brain scans over the last 30 years, is that you are not stuck with the brain you have. You can make it better and I can prove it.

This is why I created Brain Fit Life 5.0 to help you assess your brain and then help you optimize it by knowing your brain type and giving you access to the tools you need to have a better brain and a better life. It includes a 30-day happiness challenge, brain and mental health trackers, hypnosis audios, brain-enhancing music, and tools to conquer stress and anxiety. You can feel better, think sharper, and live happier. Go to the app store and download Brain Fit Life 5.0 today. Welcome to Change Your Brain Every Day, special edition.

Scan My Brain, and I am here with former college basketball star and now Country Pop Star, who is just growing in his career in such an exciting way. Adrian Niuyaz, welcome so much. How you doing? Thanks for having you, man. Good day. We're going to look at your brain. Awesome.

I'm excited. So why are you doing this? Why did you want to come to the clinic and get a look under the hood? Yeah. I think optimizing my brain in this season of life, in this new career, it's very demanding and taxing, writing songs and touring and performing in front of people, the pressures of that, and then also my relationship, I feel like this is the one and I want to make sure that we have all the information we can to make us continue on this path that we're on right now.

We actually have couples who as wedding presents come and get scanned because they really like really like each other and they want to keep liking each other. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's the goal here. Yeah, I believe in that. I think my two parents, they went to a lot of therapy and a lot of work that maybe could have been avoided. if they did this and maybe like understood each other better at an early age. So, yeah. Where'd you grow up? Brooklyn, New York. Or actually, Lower East Side first, half of my life there or half of my New York life there. And then the other half in Crown Heights, Brooklyn.

And you play basketball at the University of Michigan? Yeah, I did from 2018 to 22. And how was that? It was great. It was the best four years of my life. I wouldn't change it for a thing. So super glad I did that. And how do you go from basketball to music?

I was actually into music first growing up up until I was like 12. And then I started growing really tall. My dad was like, let's not pay for college. So I kind of focused on that and gave up the guitar and the wanting to be a Jonas brother. and now it's found its way back, and I'm back in music, so it's cool. The original passion is here again, so that's cool. Well, and music is actually good for a developing brain.

Yeah. Because you have to learn patterns. Yeah. There's a lot of coordination with it, and music and rhythm activates the brain in a healthy way. Of course, if you're smoking pot while you're doing music, could sort of ruins the benefit. Right, 100%. My dad, he just found these videos of when I was 10 playing guitar. And I'm, I was much better than I am now. But I feel like that is a huge part of my,

like, developing life was a lot of guitar. And I feel like it explains a lot of, you know, the brain, too. I feel like that's a, that makes sense. And was it your mom or your dad who wanted you to do music? Nobody wanted me to do anything. I just loved it. The, They didn't force me to do anything, whether it was basketball or music. I mean, they'll, they'll, like, nudge me in certain directions, but there wasn't like a, we want you to do this and this is what's right for you. My mom is super artistic and she's from the States and his very, like, the arts and your emotional health. And my dad's very straightforward. He's an immigrant in this country.

And, you know, you got to work hard and do something, you know, very straight. He's from Dominican Republic. So he came here when he was 14. And it's just, I think having those two types of people in a household was important, you know. So kind of feel like I got both sides of that, the emotional side for my mom and the very straightforward black and white side of my dad's way of living. Siblings? I have one older half-brother. From your mom or your dad?

My dad's side. So I'm the only child on my mom's side. And how much older is he than you? He is. I want to say six years. He's six years older me, so he's 32. And were you guys raised in the same house? Yeah, up until I was like, he came when I was like two years old.

And we were together ever since I left New York. So, yeah. How do you guys get along? Great. He's out in L.A., graphic designer, video games. designer, what he always wanted to do. And every time I'm out here, I try and see him. And he came to all the shows that I had in L.A. And it's great. So, yeah, he's awesome. And how are you get along now with your parents? Great. I make sure to call them. I try at least once a day,

you know? Yeah, I think we have a great relationship. I'm super appreciative of them and all that stuff. So, yeah. And what was it like growing up in your house? It was good. It was, It was a good environment. Like I said, I feel like I got both. More emotional on my mom's side. More of the straightforward, hardworking discipline on my dad's side. And when I was about seven, they had 18 months where they were going through a divorce. And then on the last day, when they were about to go through with it and actually make it official, they decided to get back together.

So I think that was like the most trauma probably that I went through like, you know, it's the same emotion. of them splitting, but in the end, just being able to see them get back together and work through it really, I think, affected me a lot and being able to see that people can work through things. And even when you're on the last day of a divorce and you're about to, you know, sign the papers, it can change. Why do you think they struggled? I feel like it's something maybe I've never addressed. I feel like they're just very opposite. My dad's very like, you know, like I said, an immigrant family and trusting someone, I feel like is,

a lot for him. So, yeah, they argued a lot, not a lot, but for like a two-year period, I remember pretty heavy. But I feel like that's normal. I don't feel like that's anything that I can really affect you. I remember feeling like, is it because of me of some sort? Like, I had that feeling for a little bit. But then I feel like those feelings get a little bit erased when they got back together. Yeah, there's, you know, when we're born, our parents keep us alive. So bonding is so critical. And if something bad happens, like they're starting to split up children seven and under think it's their fault. And then they feel pain. They feel sometimes anger, sometimes sadness. But they can't really express it because these are the people that keep your heart. a lot. And so you shove it down. Sometimes it can come out. Yeah. Later. Yeah. And I feel like, yeah, that definitely was true for me. But like I said, I think seeing them come back together, I think somewhat mended those feelings and maybe what trauma would have happened if they

didn't come back together for sure. So I feel like it's pretty rare that people do end up. I think so. Coming back together. So I don't know. Yeah. I don't know what the case study on that is. Yeah, yeah, it's cool. When you and Tiana fight, does it bring up some of that trauma? I can see a lot of similarities between my mom and dad and Tiana and I, for sure, me being my dad and Tiana being my mom. The emotional, I think I saw on her scan, the, like, yeah, that emotional, the center part is firing a lot higher. and I feel like I dealt with that with my mom

and maybe like feeling like, I think I realized, like her reality is not the same sometimes as your reality. That sounds kind of like diminishing, but it is like a thing. Like I feel like... Well, you didn't say my reality is right and hers is wrong. It's just a different diminishing.

But today you have different realities. Right. We all have different realities. We all have different background. And I feel like I got to see that at a young age and maybe I wouldn't understand why my mom was yelling at my dad. And I could see the situation. I was old enough to like see, okay, this is what happened. This is why this is happening.

And I got to see that. I'm like, oh, something's not right here. And then I see that happening again in my own life. So I feel like it doesn't make me freak out as much. I'm like, oh, this is that. This is what's happening. So it feels like that. So one piece of advice that I think has helped me.

so much is define together what you guys want. And then every day you go, does my behavior fit? So, for example, with my wife, always want this, kind, caring, loving, supportive, passionate relationship. Always want that. But rude thoughts show up. And it's like, no, does. it fit, does my behavior fit, kind, caring, loving, supportive, passionate? And as long as I

don't try to make her, I mean, we agree, this is what we want. But I always focus on my behavior. And if I do that, odds are, because she loves me, we're going to get that relationship. Yeah, I feel like keeping in the eye and not the accusing is huge for sure that I'm still working on. I feel like I'm not accusing her a lot, but it's definitely a conscious thing that I learned from my mom. Well, it's patterns, right? And we learned them. My dad was an ass. Yeah.

I don't know how else to say that. His parents were immigrants. He owned grocery stores, very black and white. But it was my way or the highway. Same. Yeah. And yeah, I didn't like it. Right.

And later in life, we did much better. But that kind of personality is hard. Yeah, it's tough for sure. You know, you have your mom's father has ALS. Or he died from it. Yeah, ALS. When I was very young. he was around when I was alive, but like the first couple years.

And so that's something that has always been a topic. And my mom is trying to prevent everything she can on her side. And obviously, that would be passed down to me as well. You know, it's not terribly hereditary. My experience, something like Alzheimer's, depression. Yeah, is Luke or not Luke? Lou Gehrig's disease. Luke Garris is the same thing.

Okay, cool. Yeah. There you go. And my experience, I don't see it running a lot in families. When I looked at the health things, you really don't have very many complaints. When you were young, and in Connecticut, you were bitten by a tech. And you actually got preemptive treatment for Lyme. Yes.

So that's great because sometimes Lyme can get stuck in people's brains. Yeah, like I said, I'm not sure. sure, if I ever got it, I just remember my mom taking me to do the Lyme stuff just in case, Lyme treatment. So that's the sign of a mom who's educated and pays attention. There you go. Okay. So you did that long test for us.

And how you answered the questions, it was like, oh, I wonder if he has ADD. Tell me about that. Yeah. I mean, very, very, very possible for sure. Like the ADD, I am all over the place. Like, I feel like I just contain it pretty well most of the time. And I feel like with music and in sessions, I get to let that out. And I notice in sessions, because I'm more free and not thinking as much about what I'm doing,

just because I'm trying to attack that emotion, whatever I'm chasing, can come out. more. I just was talking to a producer yesterday. He's like, my ADHD brother, like, because I get him. He's the same way. He's hyper and super excited about something in the moment and then maybe like, you know, like a squirrel brain and I'll go on three different things or if there's like five people in a session and everybody has an idea, I shut down because I can't, there's too many ideas going and I can't focus on one train of thought because this guy's talking to me and I'm hearing a melody over here. I'm like, ooh,

I might like that, but I also like this idea. And now, you know, so it's very, very possible. How'd you do in school? I did pretty great in school. I never really studied. I never, it never was like I didn't love school. I hated it. I've never showed my work.

I would be able to do everything. I just hated the process of doing the school work. It felt pointless and like, why am I here? I shouldn't be in this thing. What did teachers say about you? That I was bright, but I wouldn't show my work or listen to what they were saying because... And you'd do better if you could focus.

Yeah, I mean, the focus, I don't know if focus was so much of a problem. It was more so like, yeah, I just wouldn't. If it didn't seem like it made sense in my brain, I wouldn't, it just wouldn't happen usually. Once I got to high school and everything, it's more about like test scores and how you're actually performing people, it never was a problem. So you could do well on tests, but sort of getting there and showing your work was hard for it. I remember that being a thing. Like, Adrian, he got everything right. He just didn't show what he's doing. And if I asked your mom about how you did in school, what would she say? She'd say great, for sure. But she'd say the same thing. It's like a stubbornness of, it didn't make sense

in my brain of why I had to do that. So. And every since I was a little bit. How stubborn are you? Probably like, probably, it depends on the area of life. I would say like a six to an eight, depending on usually what I'm doing. I think when it comes to like Tiana, I'll definitely be more lax than other parts of my life. I think I'm super, I don't know. I put stubborn and discipline.

into like the same category in my brain. Persistent. Right. And when it comes to myself, very high, like a 10. Well, I think if you're going to play college basketball for four years, you have to be disciplined. Yeah. It was more. It's not a joke when you're at the University of Michigan.

Yeah. It's not about like a want or an emotional feeling there. It's like, I have to do this. So. And I saw that from that. And you played high school ball in New York? Yeah, high school ball in New York. Yeah.

I graduated from there. Then I did a prep school year in Connecticut at St. Thomas Moore. And then I went to Michigan for four years. Yeah. No, that takes discipline. Yeah, for sure. Right. Because it's not like there's 14 people in New York.

Right. No, yeah. Especially in basketball. Yeah, it's a lot. It's a high competition thing for sure. And starting pretty late, like at 12 is late for New York. So I had to, it felt like I had to, my, My dad would always tell me that I'd have to work twice as hard to get half as far as everybody else.

He's like, he took that in his life, and I feel like I applied that as much as I can to everything I'm doing. Your brain's a little bit on the stubborn side, which will be fun. Cool. Good at recognizing faces, again, a little on the paranoid side that you recognize negative faces way faster. Any idea why? I think I do great in negativity. I think me and Tiana always talk about that. I think you're not negative.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like when people are negative to me, it doesn't feel hopeless. I don't know. I feel like in New York, everyone hates their life, you know? They're mad all the time. I have a clinic in Manhattan. The hardest to make people happy is New York.

And I feel like that probably, you know, I saw a lot of fence to my York friends. Oh, my goodness. Be happier. I know. I'm one of them. I feel like, yeah, I saw that a lot. So maybe that's stemming from that. Not terribly stressed or anxious, definitely not depressed. Long-term memory is good, but your short-term memory is not good.

And your focus, planning, process, all of this could have been better. So thinking about that. when we look at your scan. So you remember, these are the healthy scans. Looking at the outside surface, should you be full even unsymmetrical? Color doesn't matter. It's the shape. And then here, we're looking at the active scan.

Your cerebellum should be really busy. Your brain looks great, but it got whacked. This is a... Does this side? Uh-huh. Yeah, I got elbowed right there. In basketball? Have a scar right there from that.

That makes sense. And so this area here got hurt. You're right-handed? Yeah, if it was left side, more irritability. You might say not so much. But this decrease here, you probably do have ADD. But what's really interesting, this area of your brain, it's called the dorsal anterior cingulate gyrus,

is really busy. And this is the part that sees errors and lets you shift your attention. So I don't know if you're hard on yourself, but if things aren't just so, you don't like it. 100%. Yeah. And I think, uh, I feel like a lot of that is happening and I don't maybe express it as much.

Like whether it's with me and Tiana, if she doesn't organize the way that I see fit, maybe that's a thought in my head, but it doesn't come out as much until at one point there's a breaking point of, you know, it will come out at some point. But I'm like that with myself 100%. I feel like I'm seeing what's not working a lot. But I don't want to say that and feel like, oh, I'm sad and I hate, like, I'm okay with that. You're not depressed. Yeah.

I'm like, it's like okay being, the errors are okay in my brain. Or like if a song doesn't do well, it's okay. For example, if you're a neurosurgeon, I want you to be obsessive. I want you to want to count every sponge you put in my skull to make sure you got them all out. right so being persistent can be really good you only treat it if it's causing trouble but your emotional brain is busy and i wonder if it's the early trauma you know i didn't scan your dad or your mom because often you know if your dad is black and white you might have just inherited that pattern Does that make sense?

Yeah, my mom is super emotional. And she exercised that muscle. Yeah, like, I think I feel this when Tiana will tell me like, oh, it's not black and white. Like, you don't get it. You don't get the hurt I'm feeling or what I'm feeling. And I feel like I do. I feel like I'm feeling it. I just process it a different way than the way she does.

And this is cool. This is cool to know that that's. And so if I can balance it a little bit better, if I can. So when she goes for hyperbaric, you absolutely should go with her and make it special time. Is this one, is that another hole? Right under there? Oh, this in here. Oh, this is here?

Yeah. Back right? Back right. But, I mean, that's little. I don't really worry about this. It's this pattern. and this is right side. And what would that affect?

Focus, short-term memory, sometimes reading social cues. I think of this area here. Are you reading her correctly? Or are you reading her more from your perspective rather than getting into her head? Because ultimately, you're the most, most effective when you know what you think, but you also know what she's thinking and feeling.

And she had said she's masterful at mind reading, even though she probably sucks at it. You guys just have to be very good at listening and like, tell me what's really going on. Because as soon as you go, this is what you're thinking, you lose. Right. Right. I tell my wife, please don't read my mom. I have enough trouble reading it myself. And we've been together 20 years.

So I'm like, nope, not thinking that at all. You're right. So you want to take my lipstick off. I didn't have a thought of that at all. But I did want to kiss you. What can I say? She's cute. So this can be mendable.

How much are you drinking? Same amount as her. I mean, I feel like it's very, slowed in the past. Like, they've never got to, like, a really big point. It's never been a big point in my life. If you're struggling with anxiety,

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Go to amenclinics.com. I want to give you something to try called neuralink. Neurrelink increases serotonin, and serotonin will calm this down. also increases GABA, GABA will calm it down, but also tyrosine, that will help this part that was low, help you focus.

The focus thing. So just something to help you balance plus multiple vitamin, fish oil, brain boosts. And I think those scores will be even better. Yeah. And I remember saying in the form that one of my strengths in school was memory,

and I still think, I feel like it depends on what memory, like with music, I can memorize a chorus and like the first time I listen to it, I can repeat it back. But if you put a bunch of numbers in front of my brain, I'm like why, like it doesn't compute the same. So I think it's a different memory. I think there's a spectrum, honestly. You're right. I do think there's some short term memory that I'm very good at in others that I'm not. So I don't depends on if you're good at it. So music, you have training, you have skill. And numbers you might not be interested.

Right. How's your organization? I'm pretty, pretty good. I feel like I go in waves, but for the most part, good. How are you with time? Great. Most punctual person you'll ever be in your life. Do your concerts start on time?

No. And is that my design? No, that's not. That's not on purpose. That's on purpose. I think I'm working on being less. rigid yeah because i think the error part that like it's like an anxiety of that drive that's drive drives me to go to the studio though that drives me to go to the gym that drives it's like a fear

what do you think the fear is dude i couldn't even tell you i think i inherited it from i think it's just how your brain works right and there you go and you can choose to like be tortured by it or not be tortured by it. I want actually both of you to do this exercise. It's called the one-page miracle. On one piece of paper, one form, write down what you want. Relationships, work, money,

physical, emotional, spiritual, health. And so how would you answer this? this question. Relationship? Yeah. What do you want? Yeah. I want a partner. Someone who's working together. The support is huge. And yeah, kind of, it seems generic. But yeah, kind, caring, loving, supportive partner. I feel like partner is a big thing. I don't know. I feel like that is a large umbrella of what a partner means. I don't think, I don't think, I don't particularly agree with like, oh, man should just do this all the time and a woman should just do this. I feel like they're all intertwined. And there's obviously certain things that men and women

do. But I feel like it is a, it's a lot less black and white as this and this. I think there's like a partnership is like someone who works together towards the same goal and what you guys are wanting. So I think that's really important to me. And then for work, Dude, I don't even, I mean, I just want to play stadiums. I want to, it is just the largest thing. The best I can be at the music thing is what I want to be. And that is stadiums and diamond records, all that stuff. But it's not like every day that's consuming my brain.

It feels like I feel like I'm not even. I'm just trying to win today, which I feel like I learned from basketball. I'm like going to go to the studio after this and I'm going to try and win that day. And then the next day I'll focus on winning that day. And then... So rather than I'll be successful when, it's I know I'm being successful when I'm doing these things. Does that make sense? What...

Deanna and I were talking about it. Right. Yeah, that makes sense. I don't... I think what I'm trying to say is I'm not so focused on. It's very cliche. The destination is full goal. I feel like I feel fulfilled and I feel successful when I'm doing everything I can to achieve that one goal.

Whether I get there or not doesn't really matter as much to me. Because the people who get there are often miserable afterwards. Right. Because they think that's going to fix them and fix what they are dealing with now. Right. And it doesn't. Right. And I feel like I have been very successful up to this point.

I have, you know, all the things that I thought I wanted, you know, before. And I'm just fortunate also to have parents and be in basketball and be around people that, you know, are much more successful than I am. Were you bummed that you didn't play professionally? Yes, there was, I was bummed, but I tried my hardest and that didn't. And I was okay. with letting go of that part of me and ready to tackle a new thing. I never loved basketball as much as I did music, really. So you love that and excelled at it.

But then you... Basketball. Yeah. But then I like Ariana Grande's song, Thank You Next. The gratitude for it and then looking forward to what's next. Yeah. I think that was it. It wasn't meant to be.

I tried, I'd have no regrets. There's no anxiety there because I did. I worked harder than everybody at in my spot. And it didn't happen. So worked harder is a relative term. But, you know, I feel like anyone you talk to that was a coach of mine or a teammate would say the same thing. Yeah. You did what you could.

Yeah. I love that. So how about with money? What's the goal? I don't know. These are questions that I don't think about. much. There is no goal in that what is the goal?

I mean, like you said, you're going towards something. Let's say I want $100 million. Like, what is the, I'm going to get there and then it's a number. So I don't know if that's, I just want to be able to pay for my house and be able to eat food when we want and like go out to eat and not think about it. Actually, yeah, the goal with money is

to never think about it. There you go. I don't want it. Yeah, but you want to think about it so you don't have to think about it. Right. No, exactly. Like now I'm thinking about the, but there's not a number or goal. There's not, yeah. So with mine, it's just be responsible. There you go. And I also wrote no margin, no mission. It's, it's got to keep moving forward. Right. In order to do the work I love to do or have the life I want. And physical health. What do you want for your body? Yeah, I want to stay in playing shape as long as I can. I'm trying. even on the road and everything. So what do you do? On the road, I'm running a lot and just trying to maintain until I get back to Nashville

where I can do my basketball workout into my lift, which is what I used to do when I played. And then I had into my session from there. So just trying to keep that as tip-top as I can because I feel like I don't function as well when I don't. And maybe my brain had a little bit more activity because I didn't work out this morning. I feel like it would be a different brain scan after I have my routine and exert myself. It increases blood flow and increases serotonin, which calms that busyness. How's your diet? Pretty great, unless I'm on the road.

Sometimes we get off stage. It's midnight or 11, and the only thing is open is Taco Bell or something. So that's not great. but other than that, pretty, pretty solid, pretty great. I mean, like I said, I grew up with a gourmet food store. And do you guys cook at home or do you mostly order in? This last week we cooked a lot. We're mostly ordering in as healthy as we can or going out to eat.

But we're trying to cook more. I grew up with cooking every night pretty much. And I think I took it. Yeah, we didn't have doordash. Right. You couldn't even. That wasn't anything. But in New York, you had Chinese delivery and Spanish food.

It just wasn't like the as accessible as it is now for sure. It's so crazy. And how about emotionally? Do you have a goal? Yeah, just happiness. Happiness. I think the anxiety comes with inaction. The bad things, not working out, not doing.

I feel like that leads to that. And so continuing that so I can, because I feel like I'm in a really good place right now. Your depression score was happy. Yeah, it feels great. Real mood score was happening. Right. Feels great, but I feel like as the artist's career develops, I can feel myself maybe being a little bit more irritable or I have to tap into those parts that maybe

aren't as happy to get that emotion for the song or I've slept four hours on a bus and now I have to. Do you write most of your songs? Yeah. Almost all of them. Or actually all of them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and if it's country, it can't be happy all the time.

Not all the time, but, you know, we're making our own little lane. So hopefully that is the thing. But, yeah, there's a lot of sadness in there. And, like, you know, you're writing 100 songs for every one song you put out. So you're exploring those emotions. And I'm exploring those emotions much more than I've ever had to, especially being a basketball player, you're told to be stark and never show your motion. You never waver him, even keel, which is just not real, you know.

Um, so it's a cool era of my life for sure. But I, I see it coming with irritability sometimes and instability more than I've ever found sometimes success, then you begin to chase it. And that can lead to misery if you're not managing your mind. Right. Yeah. I feel like, uh, with the gap and gain thing that we were looking at before, I feel like I don't look at the gain as much because it's almost.

scary. It's like, I don't even want to feel okay. Yeah, I feel like feeling okay is scarier to me than being not happy with where I'm at. So I don't know. Say more about that. Like the feeling of being content or like okay is proud of yourself or proud is almost scarier than not because I've never, I mean, yeah, because then I feel like then I won't be getting to where I want, which my, now, I keep bringing on my parents. My dad is getting to that point. He's 56. He's just getting to the point where he has to slow down and not be in that and not live in that. And so I know that day is coming for sure where you have to sit back and be like, okay, do I actually want to work my whole life?

Or because he's just running from that feeling, I feel like, of, he's just running. just goes, goes, goes, and he's scared of poverty. He grew up in, you know, Dominican Republic's at third world country. So I feel like that fueled him all the way up until now for 40 years, pretty much. So do you think if you were really successful, you're already really successful, you would somehow lose your motivation? Or do you do it? I don't think I would. I don't think I would.

Yeah, that's, it goes back to the reason of why. Like, why am I doing music? Why am I doing? I feel like I was doing basketball to chase the NBA. That's what it felt like. It wasn't like, I found a love for exercise through basketball, but it wasn't like a, I love the way it made me feel, but it wasn't, the basketball wasn't the thing.

So I feel like, I don't know. That's a complex thing. I haven't thought about it enough and I feel like I'm going in circles for sure. I'm not, I'm leading to a dead end everywhere my brain goes with this one. And I don't fully understand it as much. I don't even know if I want to because I do enjoy this like unwavering feeling of like I have to go get it and or I have to do this and there's no other option. I like enjoy that. I have that.

And I don't know. Will it go away or not? You know, it works for you. You know, fame is tricky because it can feel really great and then it can burn out the circuits, the joy circuit. it's in your brain. But if you take care of your brain, Miley Cyrus' mom and I are really close friends. And we talked about writing a book on how you manage fame.

Because, you know, the more people recognize you, the more your records do well, there's pleasure in that. But if you hit your pleasure centers too hard or too often, pretty soon you just begin to feel flat. And what a lot of young stars do, they do more video games, and then they start doing drugs,

and then it's alcohol, and then it's other women. Then, you know, some of them lose their souls, and some lose their lives over it. But if you realize, I have to take care of my brain because this puts me in a vulnerable state, and you don't go out partying and you protect your brain and your mind and your relationships. Then you can do it for a long time.

One of the questions I asked Miley was, so how long do you want to do it? And her godmother is Dolly Parton, who's still doing it. Right. She's like 80 or something crazy. I saw them both at a New Year's Eve party when Dolly was 77 and she was just, amazing. I'm like, if that's what you want, this is the path to get that. Yeah. So questions for me? No, that was great. Love that. So what do you think about your brain?

I thought I was going to see a hole or two for sure. I got, yeah, I got knocked a couple times by some large humans for sure. So I was like, yeah, if she had a little dent. then I definitely have a whole. I'm not really surprised with the ADD thing at all. Or that I'm trending towards that. Did you ever try her Adderall? No. I'm not a believer in that.

Actually, yeah. You're not happy about that? No, I don't like her. I mean, I feel like she doesn't have it. So, or like from what we saw, she doesn't need. She doesn't need it. Yeah, and I feel like I think you telling her that she's going to get a lot better, you already made her 100% better because she's so in her brain.

And I think the brain is like, I think speaking things into existence is very powerful. Whether she's going to get better or not, she already did. Like, whether you're seeing things that she's actually going to get better or not, just you saying that and her trusting you is going to make her be better because I can see. say it all I want and she's not going to you know not that she doesn't trust me as much but she doesn't you know on that subject and I think uh yeah I think that's really cool to see I think it was cool to see the diagram I think it was cool to you know understand each other's brains more so so I just you know now that I've seen both of your brains and chatted with both of you um I'm just very

curious what you think about your own brains, which think about your partner's brain and how that fits with what you both know and how you think it might help your relationship. You have a hole in your brain. Who would have thought? No, I kind of want you to go first, actually. I think her, her, the irritability. section, I forget exactly, that left part, or yeah, that section, which can you remind me? Exactly.

Okay. And then that could that is responsible for mood stability, memory, irritability, temper control. So I feel like that is very in line with real life experiences for sure. I feel like we never know what version we're going to get of Tiana, which is great, you know. I mean, there is no... I keep him on his toes. Yeah. You know, I feel like we've just accepted that.

And if she's having a bad day, all right, it's a bad day. If she's having a great day, let's take advantage of it and go do something. He's one of like the happiest people I've ever met, which you saw. He's so optimistic. Like, depression, I don't think has ever ran through you. Ever, maybe. Well, so when I explain my moods, it's like, not that you don't hear me and you don't invalidate me and you actually are really patient with me.

It's just, it's interesting to see that it's actually there and I'm not just in my head about it. About the mood thing being high. Yeah. And temperamental. It does suck though because there's like a hole there or there's like a bump there. And it's like when I thought it really maybe it was just my hormones that I could fix. It's like, okay, no, I have to actually mend my brain.

And don't think of it as a hole. But what you have is decreased activity. It looks like a hole. Oh. But it's decreased activity. So it's not dead. It's not broken. But it's sleepy.

Yeah. And we have to fix it because if we fix it, then you have better control over your mood, over the irritability, over your temper. And how exciting. Yeah. Right. And some of this behavior is not will-driven. That's the important thing.

It's brain-driven. Will-driven. Will-driven. Will-driven. You just decided to be awful. Yes. Yes. You didn't decide to be awful.

Totally. But you feel. And I don't want to do. Yes. And sometimes I'm in the moment of high, like, rage or anger. and I'm in my head going, why is this happening? Like I don't want this to be happening.

I don't want to feel like this. Right. Which is why I did the one-page miracle exercise. And I want both of you to do it. And it'll be in the slides I send you, what do I want? Does this fit what I want? So even when you're in your darkest place and you want to, throw something, it's like, wait, kind, caring, loving, supportive, passionate, it doesn't fit.

And at that point, Haven, take a breath, take a walk, take a break. Yeah. I know like a nice scenery change is always helpful for me. Wait, what's his again? Short-term memory. His spot. Reading social cues. And so you have to teach him if he's not reading you.

Do you feel like we do that? I feel like. What? The social cues? Yeah. He was finished. He had a sentence. Sorry.

You said reading. Reading social cues. Yeah. And then you had, you have to teach him. And then you have to teach him how you're feeling. Yeah. In a way he can hear. Yeah.

Right. Because if you're demeaning, if you're hostile, he's not hearing anything. Okay. It's not all the time, but nothing's all the time. Right? You just want to go, okay, you know, fun exercise I do with my patients. It's like my couples, it's like, all right, so what do you do that makes it worse? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you both do things that make it worse. Yeah. And what do you do that makes it better? Because you're both powerful, right? both can throw a little bomb into how you guys are doing and you both can sue it. And if the goal is babies and lifetime love, you have to be very intentional. I agree.

Especially if you're on the road and women are throwing themselves at you and, you know, you're great, you're great, you're great. And then you come home and she's like, you're awful. Yeah, that is a thing, isn't it? You have to be so protective of, you know, it's another way fame sort of gets in the way. Yeah. I think doing this is really helpful to understand each other on like a, you know, biology level. Yeah. And he likes things a certain way.

Yes. And it's not because he's rigid. It's his brain. It was the emotional part was interesting to me. Because you thought I just didn't feel emotion. No, I just. Or it wasn't as active. Yeah.

I thought he lacked like empathy. Well, and that's that right frontal lobe. Yeah. So his right frontal lobe, right temporal lobe, reading social cues, but this is empathy. So you're obviously deeply feeling. and deeply caring. And you obviously love him a lot. But there's going to be times when you're not reading this situation, right?

And in those, just know, I could use a little help here. Be a good listener. And the ADD part, did you think I was going to say he had ADD? No, but it makes sense. Yeah. The ADD part is you're not going to want to listen because you're already going to think you know what she's going to say. Right. And that's death. Right.

Yeah. It's way, it's going to take a shorter time to fix the problem if you take a long time to listen. Write that down. I've never said it as clear as that, but I love that. It's going to take a shorter time to fix the problem if you take a long time and really listen and get from her what she's thinking, what she's feeling. And after killing the ants, her thinking is going to be better. Her thinking is going to be more accurate because she's plenty bright, but she's never been taught how to not believe every stupid thing you think. Yeah.

Yeah. Right? And I think that'll help you both, but for sure it's going to help you. Yeah. You do that exercise. You are going to be teaching people because it's just so powerful. Yeah. I need to.

She's been my main one telling me I need to do that as well. So I have someone in my ear reminding me, which is good. I think you're really highly emotional. I do actually because you're very intuitive. with like what needs to happen emotionally with me. It's just sometimes I'm not good at explaining what I need, I think. That makes sense. That's how you dance.

And like you won't, yeah. Like you won't let this fail, I don't think. And that takes like emotion to do that. Right. And like cares. Does the goal kind, caring, loving, supportive, passionate work for you? Mm-hmm. Like for.

what you want. Kind, caring. Loving. Loving. Supportive. Passionate. Passionate. Yeah.

And like integrity. I feel like it's like loyalty. It's like huge. Okay. For me. And so whenever you say something to him or whenever you do something, just go, does it fit?

Like I don't have any tattoos yet. But if I did, does it fit? would be the fur because I know what I want and I want my behavior to fit because that's success. I could harness my brain a little bit more. Like these are like people just use their brain throughout the day and like they think they're like, oh, okay, what I'm about to do? Does that work in here and this way? I don't be doing that. I just like run free all day and like let my brain just do what it needs.

And it's not. Put reins on it. Yeah. Like you want the horse. go somewhere. Right. You don't want to just running around. Right.

And I feel like you were, you were blaming ADHD or something like that. Yeah. For no reason. And I love that. I mean, whatever. But I feel like that was an excuse.

What do you think I was blaming it for? How do you feel about the words? I don't know. Like you didn't, I think you didn't want to take accountability for it. For what's the it? Um, this last thing we just talked about.

You were like, uh, every time I get home, you know, my problem is I don't know. know how to delegate my energy and what I should focus on and what I shouldn't. So obviously, these things aren't going to get done because this has been a problem for me forever because I'm over here and then I'm over there. And then I don't know how to focus on one thing and get it

done and then map it out in my brain because I have ADHD. But you don't even have that. I know. I do feel that though. But I apparently don't have it. But yeah, I do feel like I can't delegate things very well. As we balance your brain, you then have to program it. Yeah. Like, you know, I gave you the exercise for the morning. Today is going to be a great day. What went well today. But I think it's also good to maybe work with a professional organizer

or something to not give yourself an excuse for not getting stuff done, but start the day with here's the list. Yeah. And even if you just do two of things on the list, it's just retrain. your mind to go, Dr. Raymond, so that I have a great brain. Right. I know.

And that you're going to be so much better and you're going to do great because you have a great brain. Yeah. I just feel like I need to discipline it more. I'm being almost like lazy with it in a way. When you get that diagnosis, then you're like, well, that's the reason I can't get this done. So you don't nudge yourself to get it done, even though you've done obviously a lot. Yeah. Right.

is we talked about the 10-year-old would be really proud of you. Yeah. It's tough because, like, he's just, our brains work different. Like, you're so good at just the little things. But I have ADD as I go. I know. Like, he can do a lot of good thing. He can do a little bit of a lot.

And I can do one thing really, really well. So if I'm working on one thing that day that I need to work on really, really well or like a series of like things that fit in a bubble, like things around the house aren't getting done. And I just thought it was ADHD. I was just like, oh, I have a diagnosis. It's fine. But, yeah, whatever, I'm going to let. I just write down what are the three things you want to do today. And don't do the OCD thing and write down 30 things. And then nothing gets bad, but just go, what are the couple of things I need to do? And then you guys figure out the house stuff, who's doing why.

What would you say to, if I explain myself as, like if there's a, for example, a mess, unless I can do all of it in that moment, I don't do it at all. Like, what do you say to that? Kind of like I will not touch the pile

if I can't do the whole thing, speaking, spam, and perfect. Do you need to touch the pile? So that. No, yeah, it gets to the point where it's on you can't walk anywhere. So it does need to be touched for sure. So I think so if it gets to that point, you need a professional organizer to come.

And then they should come back. Like get the house just like you want it. Yeah. And then they should come back like every week for a month. And then every two weeks. Why are we not doing it? You just have to train your brain. Yeah.

To be more organized and not let, oh, I have a D. So I'm not going to do it. I was really, I was really riding on that. And I'm the one with it. That's crazy. Think about that. I was really right. Dang it.

Dang it. We're going to balance the hardware and you have to do the software stuff. Yeah. Your brain is your most valuable asset. It controls everything. from your focus and memory to your mood and energy. That's why I created BrainMD to give you science-backed supplements

that support your brain so you can feel and perform your best every day. If you haven't tried them yet, go to BrainMD.com and use the code, Podcast 20 for 20% off. Because when your brain works better, you work better. Such a joy to meet both of you. Let's be friends forever.

Don't ever forget about me or Adrian. I don't think I'll forget about you. I don't think I'll forget about either. I'm going to email you both as a plan. And then just think of me as somebody on your team. And if there are problems, if there are questions, I want to hear if you're doing great. I want to hear if you're not doing great. Okay.

Thank you so much. Like we're grateful. Thank you so much. Yeah, this is awesome.