Change Your Brain Every Day - Alcoholic Parents: What Does It Do To a Child’s Brain?

Episode Date: April 4, 2018

Studies have shown that children of alcoholic parents exhibit the same brain types as soldiers who have been in war. What is it that causes these similarities? In this episode of The Brain Warrior’s Way Podcast, Dr. Daniel Amen and Tana Amen discuss what exactly happens to the children of alcoholics.

Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. I'm Dr. Daniel Amen. And I'm Tana Amen. Here we teach you how to win the fight for your brain to defeat anxiety, depression, memory loss, ADHD, and addictions. The Brain Warriors Way podcast is brought to you by Amen Clinics, where we've transformed lives for three decades using brain spec imaging to better target treatment and natural ways to heal the brain. For more information, visit amenclinics.com.

The Brain Warriors Way podcast is also brought to you by BrainMD, where we produce the highest quality nutraceutical products to support the health of your brain and body. For more information, visit brainmdhealth.com. Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. And stay tuned for a special code for a discount to Amen Clinics for a full evaluation, as well as any of our supplements at brainmdhealth.com. Welcome back. Today, we're going to talk about a subject that is near and dear to my heart, even though I didn't grow up in an alcoholic home, is we're going to talk about the long-term impact and talk about children and grandchildren of alcoholics. Alcohol devastates the brain. It's one of the most common preventable causes of Alzheimer's disease.

So I have a question. When you say adult children of alcoholics, how do other substances weigh in on this? You know, it's actually very similar. You can be an adult child of a cocaine addict. Okay. Heroin addict. Meth head, heroin. The issue is when you grow up with chronic stress, it changes your brain. It changes your gut. It changes how your brain functions. And, you know, I have a very personal connection to this because my first wife, when I got married and I had known her as a teenager, she was my first love. Talked to her every day for three years and had no idea her dad was beating her mom. I had no idea the police were called to her house. I had no idea of the yelling, the screaming, the trauma that was going on. My house, I mean, I have five sisters, so there was plenty of yelling.

Totally different context. There was not chronic unpredictability, chronic stress, and so on. You know, I grew up in a fairly normal household. And even though I talked to her every day, she was so ashamed by it. It never came up in our conversations, which is sort of unbelievable. And then I went in the Army and, you know, she moved away. And like six or seven years later, we got back together and we got married. She was just mad all the time. And I didn't understand that. And a couple of months into being married, she tried to kill herself. And I took her to see a wonderful psychiatrist. And I came to realize if he helped her, which he

did, same with Stan Wallace, he was the chairman of the Department of Psychiatry at ORU where I was in medical school, I came to realize if Dr. Wallace helped her, it wouldn't just help her, it would help me. And ultimately help the children, even the grandchildren, because they'd be shaped by someone who was happier and more stable. I became a psychiatrist because of her issues and because of Dr. Wallace. I just loved him. And he began to bring up her childhood. And she's like, oh, my dad didn't have a problem.

Right. It's funny how often. And we were talking about that one. I'm like, what do you mean your dad didn't have a problem? The police don't come to your door if there's not a problem. And she almost felt like it was a betrayal to say he was an alcoholic. But, I mean, the definition of alcoholism or drug abuse is if you drink or use drugs and it causes a problem,

either with your health and your relationships, with your money or with the law, if you drink and it causes a problem, and then you drink again, if you don't realize this is ruining my life, then that's our definition of someone who's addicted. Right. And so as I began to learn about her history,

I had no idea there was a whole body of literature already about what's the psychological impact of people who grow up with chronic trauma. And it was three things. Claudia Black had written a book right about that time, and actually later became friends with her. The book's called Adult Children of Alcoholics. They learn not to talk, because we don't talk about this stuff, not to trust.

I mean, I just married her. It's like, why are you not trusting me? And not to feel so they block trusting talking and feelings and it comes out in oh so many other ways right from panic attacks to depression to suicide abuse substance abuse for many but not for Robin and it just completely blew my mind so what I did when I was a child psychiatry fellow is I studied children and grandchildren of alcoholics and I found they actually had a very high incidence of ADD attention deficit disorder but not the kind that responds to stimulus. They had a kind we call over-focused ADD. So they have a lot of ADD symptoms. But in addition, they're worried,

they're rigid, they're inflexible. If things don't go their way, they get upset. And in 1994, I actually wrote a book about this called Healing the Chaos Within. Because what I found is on a combination of substances to increase dopamine for the ADD and increase serotonin for the worry, it was remarkable. So I am curious. So much of what you talk about. So my mother was not an alcoholic but there were substances in my house and so much like the right lots of substances in my house um so much of what you talk about sort of um that profile sort of fit me the being anxious um not trusting

the environment you're a little worried all the time. The sort of, you know, that over-focused, you know, tendency. And what's interesting is that on... Are you saying I'm addicted to this female type? Maybe. But my question is, so if you're... But that wasn't my mom. Okay.

So, but with being in the house, can it affect you the same way if it's just in the house? Well, you grew up with chronic trauma. You never knew what was going to happen. And a lot of it had to do with substance. It was just not my mom. So that can clearly have an impact. Now, the other thing I want to point out is family dynamics are so complicated. So my parents were divorced, whatever.

And so my half-sisters grew up in a house where there was substance abuse. point out is family dynamics are so complicated. So my parents were divorced, whatever. And my, so my half sisters grew up in a house where there was substance abuse. And I think that I ended up with more stability as bad as it was. There was more stability because my mother didn't abuse substances. Well, and interestingly in our research and other people's research on children of alcoholics, if the dad's an alcoholic, that's a big problem. If the mom's an alcoholic, it's a freaking disaster. Because women still are primary caretakers for children. And if the primary caretaker is unreliable, then it's a disaster. Right. And so even though my mom- Now, not a disaster you can't fix. Right.

And I remember when we first met, and I'm like, I could see the trauma in your brain, remember? When we scanned you. And getting a couple of sessions of EMDR, specific psychological treatment for trauma, was super helpful for you. Yeah, no, EMDR is amazing. I actually really, really liked it.

And it sort of helped me to unwind some things. Just like Robin. So Robin, your first wife, I know her, we're friends. But just like that, I remember meeting you and you saying, you know, don't you think that some of these things are connected? I'm like, nope, not at all. Like I was, I was, I was a warrior. I was ready to fight.

We're not going to talk. Right. I'm like ready to fight about it. And we're not going to feel. Right. I'm not going to go there. Not going to get hurt. Not going to hurt.

Not willing to do the hurt thing again. So. Right. And so it took us a while to work through all of that. But I remember that. You had to break my heart once or twice. But it's all for the better. Yeah.

Right? I mean, because we're closer than we've ever been. Oh, it was just amazing to be able to finally see it. And it's part of the reason we bring this up, that if you grew up in a hurtful environment, there is healing for you. You are not stuck with the brain you have. Here's what I love. I love that for as painful as it was to sort of make the decision, actually the healing process wasn't that bad. Making the decision to do it was what was hard, the painful part. I did it for one specific reason. I didn't want to perpetuate the cycle. I wanted to have a happy marriage and I wanted to make

sure that I did not pass that on to my child. So that's why I did it. And that's the message I want people to hear from this. And you think it helped? Oh my gosh, so much so. I did it. And that's the message I want people to hear from this. And do you think it helped? Oh, my gosh. So much so. How did it help? The day that my daughter said to me, she was hearing something about my childhood. And I was pushing her to take martial arts.

Because for me, it's a very empowering thing. I think all women should know how to defend themselves, protect themselves. Plus, you'd been attacked. I'd been attacked. And safety became a huge value for you. So I was talking to her about it. I'm like, it's not an option. I need you to, like, you need to be able to protect yourself.

And she looked at me. She's like, Mom, I hear these stories about your past, and I am sorry for you. Like, I'm sorry that you had to go through that. I can't relate to any of it. And it struck me. I did my job well. She couldn't relate to anything I was saying, but that was actually a moment of awakening for me. Which means you beat the cycle.

Right. She could not relate to the chaos. She could not relate to feeling unsafe. She could not relate. She's like, I don't want to walk around feeling unsafe. And she, and she actually said that. So I'm like, okay, I want you to be aware, but I don't want you to feel unsafe either. So I realized I had to back off a little bit, but my job had been done. My goal had been met that this kid could not relate. And what happens in the brain for the children of alcoholics and other children who've been traumatized.

In fact, we had another, we just talked about a viral video. We had a viral post, and it said something to the effect that children who grow up with trauma have the same brains as a soldier in war. And so growing up with the trauma, it changed your brain to be more vigilant, to be more watchful. So to give you an example, we stay a couple of nights a week up in Los Angeles, right? Now I'm used to, I've got my little nest very protected where we live. So I drive up to Los Angeles and there is just something about, it a it's like this ground floor it's a very nice neighborhood but it's a ground floor I cannot sleep I've got the windows secured I've got I just I can't explain it but I can hear every single noise and any noise I hear

even near my daughter's bedroom bam I'm up out of bed and I'm like over there and that I know that that's because of that I know it's because of that past. That's never going to probably go away. So it does things that change you. But it's not as bad as it's been. No, no, no, no. And over time by working on it, you can feel better and it can last. Right.

Right? Oh, yeah. I feel more empowered now. That's the difference. I feel empowered. I don't feel out of control. But that's just something that happens when you grow up like that is you're always aware. You're a little

bit hypervigilant. So if you can relate to any of this, Claudia Black is just a wonderful author. She has a number of books, but Adult Children of Alcoholics is really powerful. I also write about this in Change Your Brain, Change Your Life. Stay with us. Use the code PODCAST10 to get a 10% discount on a full evaluation at amenclinics.com or on our supplements at brainmdhealth.com. Thank you for listening to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. Go to iTunes and leave a review and you'll automatically be entered

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