Change Your Brain Every Day - Brain Boosting Habits for New Moms with Dr. Darria Gillespie

Episode Date: February 19, 2019

Make no mistake, if Moms aren't happy then no one’s happy. In fact, moms need to make sure they take care of themselves first so they’re in better shape to care for their children. In this episode of The Brain Warrior’s Way Podcast, Dr. Daniel Amen and Tana Amen are joined by Mom Hacks author Dr. Darria Gillespie to reveal some helpful habits to help new moms manage their day.

Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. I'm Dr. Daniel Amen. And I'm Tana Amen. In our podcast, we provide you with the tools you need to become a warrior for the health of your brain and body. The Brain Warriors Way podcast is brought to you by Amen Clinics, where we have been transforming lives for 30 years using tools like brain spec imaging to personalize treatment to your brain. For more information, visit amenclinics.com. The Brain Warriors Way podcast is also brought to you by BrainMD, where we produce the highest quality nutraceuticals to support the health of your brain and body. To learn more, go to brainmd.com. Welcome back. We are here with Dr. Daria, and we're talking about mom hacks and her experience as an emergency room physician, mother, Harvard MBA. But really, it's how can you really be your best as a mom?

Because I know this. If mom's not happy, actually, nobody in the house is happy. Nobody's happy. So true. And so I think many women- Because moms are the glue. Many women forgot that. And so they're not taking really great care of themselves because they're worrying about the baby. They're worrying about the other kids. They're worrying about their husband.

They're worrying about their job. And they are overwhelmed. So- And it's different than generations before where here in California, Daria, 90% of moms work outside the house. And it's probably not that different where you are. And you're clearly working outside the house really hard. It's how do you balance that?

You know, I just wanted to say one thing to speak to what you said. And Daria, you can answer to this, you know, how, how you see this, but, um, it's, it's just so interesting being a mom. I, I write about this a lot in my books. Um, so many women think they need to sacrifice themselves for their family. And the problem with that as someone who's also been very sick, um, for a long time and had to really struggle. And so I practiced martial arts for me, my metaphor, yours is the emergency room. And I love that my metaphor is being, being a fighter, being a warrior. So I apply that metaphor to my life and my health. And, um, so many women feel like they need to

sacrifice that. But the problem with that is if you don't put your health first, just like as a doctor, if you don't put, if you're not well and focused and on your game, when you walk in, no one's, you're going to make mistakes. You're not going to do well by your patients. So if I'm not well and healthy as a mom, then I'm not, I'm doing a disservice to my family and I'm not going to be here that long, or I'm not going to be my best, or I just can't offer who I am to my family. And so I had to flip that. And that wasn't an easy flip with my values, but I realized one day it's got to be my health overall. It has to be, or I can't do well by anyone. So I don't know what you think. Tana, you've worked in an ER as well, like you

said, in a trauma center. They say the first thing that happens when you get to a code is you should take your own pulse first. Now, when I had my kids, my thought was, how can I, can I take it even further instead of putting me first and then having to worry about them? Can I find shortcuts that kind of put us both first so we're're both thriving together because that's even one that's eliminating one step. So I tried to find those things that would help, you know, what are ways that you can exercise when you have the kids or make healthy meals easier that you'll eat and your kids will eat. Yes. Sleep is the same way. I mean, I can focus on your sleep, but if I don't get baby sleeping, mama's not going to sleep. Right. So how do we focus on both of us together? I love that. I love that. Yeah. So I like that. So doing fun things. So let's talk about tiny habits. What are the

quickest things moms can do to take care of themselves and their families? Yeah. What would you say? So many, obviously there's 110 and asking me for my favorites is like choosing a child, which hurts a little bit, but I'll do it for you guys. Yeah. So a couple of things that we've mentioned in the last segment, that light in the bright light in the morning makes a big difference. Right light for our kids is children are even more susceptible to light. So when I see, you know, I'm over at a friend's or family's house and they're giving a bath and the lights are all on and they're blaring. And then they wonder why their kids don't want to go to sleep.

Melatonin of kids is dropped by 90% in one study after they were exposed to bright light. So same, a lot of these same things for moms and dads. So that sleep routine you talk about for your kids, dim the lights, bath, read, milk, bed, brush teeth, bed. Parents need that too. And as you both know, you're both brain experts. We develop those routines and those habits in our brain. So if you start that bedtime routine for yourself as a mom, your brain knows, okay, time to start slowing down. And so we talk a lot about how to create that sleep routine for your kiddos and for you. I love that. I know one of the things that I did, cause I used to get up at four o'clock in

the morning and go to the gym and all of a sudden you have a baby. Well, that's not going to happen anymore. Right? So I invested in creating a home gym for my, it didn't have to be super fancy, but what I did when I had my daughter, cause it's hard when you have a baby to like, to carve out that time, unless you're creative. I love what you said. So I see moms out with their jogging strollers and that's awesome for me. What I did is I created a corner of, I took my bonus room, turned it into a gym, and then I took a corner of it and made it just a super fun play area for her in the corner of my, now I had to listen to Barney while I worked out, but so what I got to work out. Right.

I mean, you end up hating Barney when you're a mom, it just is the way it is. But, but, but I got to get my workout in. I got to be with her. We made it playful.

She'd come over and work out with me, but it was just, you have to start thinking and being creative like that. Right. So I was one of the things I did. Have you been reading my book? Like, did you read my book before I even heard it?

I did not. No, I did not. That is, I have an art basement is an unfinished basement. I got the treadmill, but we don't have a full gym in there, but I have a little pen. My brother once said, why do you put your child in jail? We have a little hand-me-down play kitchen and he's, children only get to play with that when mommy's working out, which buys me at least seven minutes. Absolutely.

So you, so all those things can make it possible. Another thing I do with my daughter is I'll give her my iPhone and I'll say, here's a timer. It's set for five minutes. I'll run for five minutes. Then I'll play with you for five minutes. She's in control. And I sprint for five minutes. I sprint all out. Then I'm sweaty playing with her for five minutes. When the alarm goes off, I go back. So there's little things like that. I love that. And I got my daughter a jump rope and we would jump rope together. Hang on. So what you both just said is so important because the research actually says burst training is more effective for you than long distance running. And so it doesn't have to be a long time. It just needs to be an intense time.

Right. And exactly, even further on that, when they looked at studies, when they told some women just exercise for seven to 10 minutes, and another group, they said, you got to exercise for 30 to 40 minutes. Right. The group in the seven to 10 exercise total more minutes per week. So there's a lot in the book about finding that little small amount that you'll do. So you can get that success and check it out. I love that. And the one thing I love about that too, is you're really killing two birds with one stone in a sense, because kids do what you do, not what you say. I really believe that. So that consistency

over time of spending that time with them and being an example is so important. You are modeling health or you're modeling illness. And you're clearly very healthy. Having grown up like seriously Roman Catholic, I had to pass guilt 101 and advanced guilt. And so I never really liked to go there. But the fact is, is moms and dads, but more so moms, are modeling behaviors that your children end up picking up. And so by modeling exercise along with time, I always say, because I'm also a child psychiatrist, if you want to make your child a Republican, a Democrat, or anything you want, you have to be bonded with them. If you're bonded, which requires physical time and being a good listener, so you draw out who they are, they'll pick your values. But if you don't spend time with them and if you don't listen to them, they will actually pick the opposite values just because they're not connected.

Right. What do you think, Daria, about having your kids go in the kitchen with you and just kind of make a mess cooking with you? I think it's fantastic for a number of reasons. One, it's fun. And number two, studies have shown that when kids actually help prepare the meal, they actually eat more of it. So I do. I'm all about using and there's a lot of behavioral watch this podcast, so I can say whatever I need to say right now. It's fine. But so, you know, and giving them options. So she has the option of, do you want green beans, asparagus, or broccoli as the vegetable tonight? Just confuse them a little. She what?

You kind of confuse them like, oh, like they don't even realize that no is not an option. They're just going to pick one of the three. Exactly. They get to choose that. They have a salad. So I interviewed Dr. Tracy Mann, who has the book Secrets of the Eating Lab. It's a fascinating book. We talked about that veggie first philosophy.

So as I'm fixing dinner, even if dinner's ready, I'll tell them dinner's not ready. Here's your salads. And I let them choose what's in the salad. And then they sit there like, I love my daughter eating cabbage that way. Cause that was all I had one night. So I played it cool. I was like, sorry, here's some cabbage. It's delicious. She waited a minute and you have to wait them out. You can't, they can sense fear. So you have to be cool. That's actually a good tip. That's not one i've heard is to just like dinner's

not ready yet and let the veggies kind of sit there for a minute i like that that's good yeah well you also have some gray dressings that you make that actually make it oh i'm super i'm like you i'm super sneaky i'm like yeah i would sneak it into her without her i wouldn't let her see me making her smoothies in the morning and you know that's a great way to hide veggies i mean i was totally like good good good, good. I love it. And I love the dressings because we didn't get into it, but there's so much hidden sugar and so many, and 74% of foods in the grocery have sugar added to it.

No, we make ours. So yeah, same thing. Make your, it's so easy. It takes three minutes. It tastes better. Yeah. So we have sleep. We have exercise. We're talking about food. What about taking care of daddy? All right. Next book coming up, Dad Hacks. I love that. Because dads often feel like they've been sort of elbowed out, which can cause all sorts of problems.

And moms don't feel sexy anymore. Dads are incredibly important in raising kids. And I often tell my parents, you know, the best thing you can do for the baby is love each other. Right. So do you address that at all in Mom Hacks? What do you do about that? I do. I think the role of the partner is so important for many reasons. One is letting them help. Even things like for babies, skin to skin, it helps them relax. Mom, dad, partner, grandparents, anybody in your village can help with that. So I think that's really important, especially when baby's young to feel that you can hand baby off to somebody else and let them do it. And that's okay.

You as a mom don't have to be there 24 seven. You can't, you cannot be there 24 seven and be your best self. So that's really important. And then on the flip side, there are a number of things in there about relationships. It's important. We know that there's more people live longer when they're in a good relationship as well. So there's a lot in there about bids for connection and following up on that and maintaining relationships. That's awesome.

So in our next podcast, let's talk a bit about dad. Yeah, I like that. I think that's so important because I know when relationships, and babies change things. They do. They just do. When relationships change for the bad, the level of stress in everybody, especially the children, goes way up.

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