Change Your Brain Every Day - Caregivers: Why They Need Better Care with Leeza Gibbons

Episode Date: January 17, 2019

When a loved one becomes ill, it’s often the caregiver that suffers the most. It’s crucial for caregivers to take the time to focus on themselves, not only for their own quality of life, but to help themselves to be better caregivers for their loved ones. In the last episode of a series with TV personality Leeza Gibbons, Dr. Daniel Amen and Leeza discuss the role of the caregiver.

Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. I'm Dr. Daniel Amen. And I'm Tana Amen. Here we teach you how to win the fight for your brain to defeat anxiety, depression, memory loss, ADHD, and addictions. The Brain Warriors Way podcast is brought to you by Amen Clinics, where we've transformed lives for three decades using brain spec imaging to better target treatment and natural ways to heal the brain. For more information, visit amenclinics.com.

The Brain Warriors Way podcast is also brought to you by BrainMD, where we produce the highest quality nutraceutical products to support the health of your brain and body. For more information, visit brainmdhealth.com. Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. Welcome back. We're doing Alzheimer's Week with Lisa Gibbons, author, television personality, social entrepreneur, philanthropist, and one of my friends who I adore. Ah, that's my favorite part. Thank you. I am so grateful that you're spending this time with me.

So, as you know personally, and your family knows, because you've been devastated by Alzheimer's disease. Yes. What are some of the challenges families face and what have you learned personally and then through your work helping other people? I mean, you know, on the Brain Warrior's Way, we actually talk about essence. It's why are we here? What is our passion, our purpose, our deepest sense of meaning? And you really took this thing that was incredibly painful

and have helped just tens of thousands of people. Thank you. It was my lifeline, though, as you know. It was my salvation. And it was a promise I made to my mother who just, I didn't know what to do, and I was fumbling with this pain. And in the early stages, she said, honey, you're a storyteller. That's what you were trained to do. And that's what you're paid to do. All you have to do is tell the story. And it was such,

she said, this is now your story. So tell it, make it count. And that's where I started was to not be in such denial, to not be ashamed, to own our family story and that this is a tremendous part of my legacy. Not the getting Alzheimer's part because I have the benefit of knowing things about my brain that I can change that generations before me didn't know, perhaps. But to be able to take this experience and open it up, and I've been so blessed, same with you, with so many of you on a much grander scale, to be in contact with people who are so resilient. And I think that family caregivers has become my calling. I looked at, well, what can I do? What's my seat at the table? You know, I'm just me. What difference can I make? And all those things we tell ourselves, right? While I didn't see a place for me in finding cures, that's up to the medical side of things. I can support research and raise money, which we do. But I thought, here's what we

can really do. I looked at our family and and I looked at how we fumbled through, and we all went to our corners to deal with our pain in our individual way, and we created in the world what we wish we'd had, and that was a place where family caregivers, the husbands and the wives, the sons, the daughters, could feel like they were seeing that somebody gets me, somebody knows what I'm going through, where we could focus on helping people call on their courage and summoning their strength to

know that you can hold on to you even while you're letting go of someone that you love. And that's really hard for people. So we look at education, we look at empowerment, we look at energy, those three things. How do we connect people to resources in their communities to help with that? How do we connect them to their own strength? And most importantly, for what we've been able to do since 2002, is how do we connect people to each other so they can begin to feel more powerful, more confident, more competent in their journeys. And you get people helping people. We do. You know, a lot of people say, oh, well, say, for example, support group. Oh, I'm not the kind to join a support group. That's just not me. Okay, fine. Let's meet you where you are. But support can be an email with

an anonymous person, a text with someone that you may never have to see face to face. It doesn't mean you have to join a group. Although when people do, invariably they benefit from being in community with others who can share their stories and share tips and share things that work. You know, when you're looking at the behaviors of people with Alzheimer's or the other dementias, they're very difficult, sometimes combative. People can be nasty. They can bring out knives. And, you know, it's dark and it's very scary at times. So to know that other people have that experience, to understand what they did to deal with it. I remember being at a party with my mom and she was in the early stages. She was wearing this beautiful sequined gown and I couldn't find her.

And you know how people will wander and be distracted with dementia. And I was panicking now. I couldn't find her. And my eyes darted to the corner of the room where my mother had proceeded to take the dress off. wander and be distracted with dementia. And I was panicking now. I couldn't find her. And my eyes darted to the corner of the room where my mother had proceeded to take the dress off. And this gown is puddled around her feet at the floor. And my mother's standing there in her bra and panties. And I'm like, oh my gosh, I swoop in and I'm pulling the dress up going, mom, mom, you know, what's the matter? And she goes, well, this party is so boring. I'm ready to go to bed. So there are those finding the humor and realizing that there were so many other people that saw that moment.

And they weren't shaming and judging and feeling sorry. They were saying, gosh, this happened to me. Let me tell you about when Dad did this. And so you begin to learn strategies and you begin to feel that you're part of a team and not so alone. And when you share from your pain, it really, it's like there's a salve to that. It is an ointment that heals and soothes and that has full-on benefits. You know, you have your warriors with your brain programs, and we have warriors of wellness, because people who are caring, they're in the front line. And they're in a war. They're in a war.

There's no question about it. Alzheimer's is clearly a war. It is. And you want to say, okay, who's in my army? What's in my arsenal? What weapons do I have? And you have a lot of weapons beginning with taking your oxygen first and fulfilling yourself, mind, body, soul, and spirit,

and knowing that that is the way. You need to say that again. Take your oxygen first. So before you put the mask on your child or your honey, no one wants to be that selfish person. It is not selfish. It is the best way to love and care for someone is to first say, let me make sure that I'm as full as I can be. I'm as well as I can be. I'm nourished mentally, physically, spiritually. I'm taking care of my finances. Because too often, women in particular will not spend the money on themselves.

They won't go to the doctor and make sure they're okay because they want to spend all the time, energy, and resources. But that actually makes everybody worse. Better care for caregivers creates better outcomes for care receivers time and time again. And we have to remind each other of that. And we have to help change the culture of feeling guilty and turning that into a high five for you. That you ask someone, can you sit with mom? I'm at the end of my rope.

I need to go take a hike. I need to take a bath. Please don't knock on the door for 45 minutes. Can you please come cut the grass this week? Can you pick up the dry cleaning? Can you bring me a casserole? Because when someone says, gosh, how are you doing? Let me know if I can help you. Have an answer for them. Here's great. Thank you. Here's how you can help. Write it down. Give them a list. They want to help, but they really don't know how. They don't know. And we have to teach people how to help us.

The other thing that's happening with the caregiver is they're also grieving because they're losing the person even though they're not passed on. They've lost the person who they know. So there's actually a high incidence of depression among the caregivers. Now, that doesn't necessarily mean you need to take antidepressants, but addressing it is so critical and not being in denial that it's sad. And so having someone to talk to is important. And then making sure you're taking fish oil because head-to-head studies, And so having someone to talk to is important.

And then making sure you're taking fish oil because head-to-head studies, fish oil versus Prozac, fish oil is actually a little bit more effective. You need to learn not to believe every stupid thing you think. So we call it killing the ants, the automatic negative thoughts. Head-to-head against antidepressants are equally effective. And like you said, you need to take a walk 45 minutes, four times a week, and you need to walk like you're late because that has been shown. Head-to-head against Zoloft, equally effective at 12 weeks, walking at 10 months, beat the socks off Zoloft. Isn't that amazing? And so... And walking with a buddy, even better. Even better, as long as you walk like you're late.

Right, like you're not having a really relaxed conversation. Well, it's interesting. If you only can walk a mile an hour when you're 80, you have a 90% chance you will not live until you're 90. But if you can walk three miles an hour when you're 80, you have a 90% chance you will live until 90. And so move out. Look at that. That's really inspiring. Really inspiring. We have lots of great programs. Dr. Raymond has told me that I need to do more hand-eye coordination as a preventative to help increase blood flow to my brain and grow my cerebellum and

all the rest. And we do a lot of line dance classes at Lisa's Care Connection and, you know, humor therapy and laugh therapy. And there is something that will make sense in your life that you'll look forward to and begin to put yourself back in the picture. So many times when we'll say, well, how are you doing? The caregiver will respond, well, she's had a rough week and we were at the doctor, as though you didn't even ask how you were doing. They don't even see themselves in the scenario at all. So that's a big part of what we try to accomplish is giving caregivers permission. Laughter decreases inflammatory markers. Bingo. Did you ever read the book The Anatomy of an Illness by Norman Cousins?

Norman Cousins. It's phenomenal. Yeah. And he had an autoimmune disorder, ankylosing spondylitis, and was in great pain. And he actually locked himself in a hotel room for like 500 hours with comedies and ended up not having the disease anymore and wrote this best-selling book that has really impacted the way I think about patients. Interesting. And you and I've talked before about music and we see a lot of people diagnosed with Alzheimer's

who, you know, the common reaction will be, you know, well, she can remember 30 years ago, but not 30 minutes ago. And so, therefore, the music from 30 years ago is very beneficial to calm down the agitated behavior, to help you with those activities of daily living, like feeding and bathing and things that are so hard for caregivers. So we started putting together customized playlists that remember that loved one is still a person. They still have preferences. They still have that recess of memories, many of which are tied to music, that can really help you manage their experience and give everyone better quality of life.

So before I have you tell people about Lisa's Care Connection, I want to tell you one of my beefs. When people go into a home or into a facility, they actually let them choose their own menu. And what they choose is simple carbs. Mashed potatoes and gravy? And sugar. And spaghetti and dessert. And what they're doing is they're actually accelerating the illness. That you can, even in the later stages, accelerate or decelerate the illness by the healing environment you put the brain in. Even in the final stages. Even in the final stages. And some people are going, I want to accelerate it.

And I don't blame them because there's just not a quality of life. Let dad have the banana pudding, for God's sake. Right. And at that point, let him have it. If you've decided there's no hope for significant improvement, why fight? But if you're in the mild stages, at least for me, I'm fighting like heck. Even the moderate stages and I'm sorry because I have to do one more beef.

I knew you couldn't stick to one beef. So many people diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease don't have it. Don't have it. And no one's looked at their brain. So Tana, when I first met her, one of the sneaky ways I got her to fall in love with me, I've learned this. If you want a beautiful woman to fall in love with you,

do something wonderful for someone they love. with me. I've learned this. If you want a beautiful woman to fall in love with you, do something wonderful for someone they love. And so her dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease and they were actually estranged when she found out she didn't know what to do. And I'm like, well, I know what to do. Let me see him. And I scanned him and he didn't have it. He had this thing we call pseudo dementia, which is severe depression that masquerades as Alzheimer's disease. And six months later, he gave an all day seminar at Mariner's church.

He completely normalized. And he ended up dying seven years later of leukemia in her arms, fully. Fully awake. Fully aware. And it was just beautiful. And you just wonder, I wonder, how many people who get diagnosed with dementia by a paper and pencil test and even they show, oh, normal atrophy for age on their MRI, and they've never had a functional scan and they're just operating on the wrong diagnosis.

Okay, I'm done. Well, no, but I think that's... And some people are dehydrated. Some people, their thyroid's out of whack. Some people are infected, like Chris Cofferson had Lyme disease. The Lyme disease. So that's one of my beefs, too, is people thinking, well, and they just throw in the towel.

They just say, well... And they're throwing away lives, and they just throw in the towel. They just say well. And they're throwing away lives. And I'm not okay with that. You say not only can it be delayed, but sometimes reversed, like changes in your brain that can be reversed, certainly prevented. But focusing on that, being able to reverse things is very powerful for people.

Yeah. So how can people find out more about Leza's Care Connection? Thank you. Our website is Lisa's, L-E-E-Z-A, lisascareconnection.org. We have a lot of supportive information online. We have communities on both coasts. We have a program that I love called HUGS, which stands for Helping You Grow Strong. And it's peer-to-peer. It's what we've been talking about, that people always come to us and they need help finding doctors and diagnostics and all the other side, clinical side, but they also need and want to find someone who understands what they're going through. And so that's when we hook them up with a HUG ambassador. So there are

lots of ways that I hope we can help, whether we have a center near you or not. So it's lisascareconnection.org, and there's a toll-free number there, too. 888-OK-LISA. 888-OK-LISA. Right. Well, I adore you. I adore you back. And I'm so grateful you did this with me. I know our brain warriors will have loved it and I hope they check out Lisa's Care Connection. Thanks, Dr. Amen. Use the code PODCAST10 to get a 10% discount on a full evaluation at amenclinics.com or on our supplements at brainmdhealth.com. Thank you for listening to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. Go to iTunes and leave a review and you'll automatically be entered into a drawing

to get a free signed copy of the Brain Warriors Way and the Brain Warriors Way cookbook we give away every month.