Change Your Brain Every Day - Discipline and Good Parenting That's Firm But Kind

Episode Date: March 10, 2017

To be a parent of someone who has ADD or ADHD is not easy. It's really important to be educated. So today, we're answering some common questions on how you should manage your kids who have ADD or ADHD but still maintaining your supportive role as a parent and ensuring that you don't lose your temper.  We'll also tackle other questions including pot use, resource recommendations for someone dairy allergic. 

Hi, I'm Donnie Osmond, and welcome to The Brain Warrior's Way, hosted by my friends Daniel and Tana Amon. Now, in this podcast, you're going to learn that the war for your health is one between your ears. That's right. If you're ready to be sharper and have better memory, mood, energy, and focus, well then stay with us. Here are Daniel and Tana Amen.

Concerning your discipline program. So this comes from Healing ADD. So if you have ADD in your life, Oh, this is interesting. we actually have, Boy, did I go through this. Tana and I film, of course, called Healing ADD at Home in 30 Days, which just gives you, in as quick a time as

possible in short nuggets, like eight to 10 minute nuggets. Here's our version on what to do to deal with ADD. I just got PTSD from this question. So here's the question concerning your discipline program. If she asks for a hug or food during a timeout, one that resulted from refusing to come to the dinner table and has lasted over an hour because she refuses to be quiet, what do I do? You said never to withhold affection, just want to be clear about what happens during timeout. So in our parenting approach, it always starts with goals. Know your goals. What kind of parent do you want to be? What kind of child do you want to raise?

Clear goals. So we have rules. We have rules posted. Bonding. So bonding is absolutely critical, which is special time, which is not what you do when they're in timeout. So bonding. So it's time and listening. When they follow the rules, notice what you like a lot more than what you don't. But clear discipline. And as part of the discipline, it's one of the things we use is timeout. But our timeout is very different than other people. Think of these two words with good parenting, firm and kind. Firm and kind. When you say something, mean it. Back it up. But never scream, never yell, never hit them. No, no. That's not helpful. And so timeout is basically I asked you to do something, come to dinner. You didn't do it.

And you don't have to ask them twice or three times because one of the rules we have in our family is do what mom or dad says the first time. And so if they won't do it, I mean, probably I'll gently remind them with, I'm serious, come now or you'll be in timeout. I don't care, it's up to you. I always throw in that little smart-out-lucky comment just to let them know they're not going to get my goat. And if they don't, I'm like, all right. And timeout is in a neutral corner, not their room,

because generally you spend a lot of money, so they like their room. A neutral corner, about their age in minutes. So if they're four, it's about four minutes and their time starts when they're quiet. Oh, and as a result of their time starts when they're quiet, I have a very strong willed child. I'm not kidding. I often say if I survive her strength, it will serve her well. And I don't. And during that time, there's no hug. There's no food. If she's 100 years old, I guess 100 minutes, she'll maybe starve, but odds are she's not. As a result of the timeout starts

when you're quiet, I had to do sometimes up to 30, 40 minute timeouts because she was that strong-willed. Where did it come from? I don't know. But she finally got it. Is that okay?

Yes. But I had to throw that in. It starts when you're quiet. She finally got it. It took a while. Yeah. I mean, sometimes it'll take them a couple of weeks to really get it.

That's okay. I don't really want you engaging with her. And I always say, become like a broken record. Your time starts when you're quiet. You don't love me, right? Your time starts when you're quiet. You don't love me, right? Your time starts when you're quiet. You're so unfair.

Your time starts when you're quiet. And just don't engage. Over time, she'll learn. And if she doesn't learn, then the elimination diet becomes even more important because there's something causing her not to learn. The problem gets is if they make you feel guilty and actually draw this graph in the Healing ADD course

is what happens is parents explode and then they feel guilty. So they let their child get away with bad behavior, let them get away. And their parents feel so guilty, they continue to let them get away with bad behavior. But at some point they can't stand it and they explode. And it's a cycle of explosion, let them get away with bad behavior, let them get away with bad behavior.

Explosion, where really where you break it is you stop exploding. And firm and kind. So those are always the two words we're listening to, firm and kind. So those are always the two words we're listening to, firm and kind. But if time out isn't working, I often ask myself, well, did I do the first steps? Am I noticing what I like more than what I didn't? Am I doing special time with them? Am I bonded? Am I bonded?

Do I have the clear rules? And if all of those things and it's still not working, do they have untreated ADD? Have they had a head injury? Do they have a food allergy? All those other things that we're talking about. These are really great questions. I put Chloe in time out in the mall and she was just in one of those moods and she had to sit there for a long time. And all of a sudden she started, I'm not even near her. I was like a foot, two feet away from her. She starts screaming at the top of her lungs and pulling her hair going, get away from me. You're hitting me. Get away from me. I'm like, well, I haven't yet, but I'm about to. You've traumatized that child. No, that child has traumatized me. All right, another question. Barbara asks, how can I safely increase my blood pressure? My upper number is around 100, and I do have fatigue issues from time to time. So interesting.

We usually tell people low sodium because most people we work with need low sodium. You actually may need to increase maybe naturally the types of foods you're eating that have some sodium in them. I'm not quite sure why your blood pressure is low. Now, mine is low. Mine's around that same number, but I'm not symptomatic. Okay. So if your number is low, if you have low blood pressure and you're symptomatic, then you want to maybe ask your doctor, do I need a little more sodium? Do I need more fluid? Do I need to increase my volume a little bit? So you might need some more fluids. You might just naturally have low blood pressure. But if you're tired-

Well, a lot of people do, but I agree with Tana. Those are times when a little bit of salt is fine. Right. And salt's really not the problem. It's your kidneys' ability to handle it. If your kidneys have a great ability to handle salt, it's certainly not- Well, it can be an endotoxin for vessels for people who are sensitive to it

or who have high blood pressure. It can be a problem. But not for people with low blood pressure. No, no. All right. Another question from Trailscape. I use Potmos nights about 11 o'clock to fall asleep.

I'm 56. Of course, it slows down brain function and memory while I'm high and sleeping. Do I see any permanent effect on brain damage while not high the next day or long term? He doesn't have a sense or she. Yes, that is clearly my experience with pot long term. I've scanned thousands of people who use pot on a regular basis. And what I've seen, not only does it increase your appetite which cannot be good for you it decreases temporal lobe function cerebellar function and it just makes your brain look older

than you are i'm really glad they're legalizing it because quite frankly i don't want people who smoke a pot going to jail but at the same time know, like alcohol is legal and Xanax is legal. I'm just not a fan. It's controlled. There are. Oh, this isn't a political discussion, is it? I'm just not a fan. I guess that's what I'd say.

I've seen all the scans that I've seen now. But if you have problems turning off your mind at night, if you have problems turning off your thoughts and you feel really anxious, I understand why you use it because it calms things down. The hypnosis that we have can really be helpful. Everyday stress relief that we make, I almost think of that as my natural form of alcohol because it helps people relax GABA calming support magnesium can help meditation can help I think there are other ways and what I would do is I would just try all the other ways until you find something that is really helpful yeah the hypnosis we only have 10 minutes left Peter asked what do you suggest to raise mental and physical energy levels? Why did you

kick me? Are we going to do this here? No, I was trying to ignore you. We're having marital therapy on. What do you suggest to raise mental and physical energy levels? Go ahead. Get your thyroid checked. Yeah, you have to get your numbers checked. Get your thyroid checked. Make sure you kill the sugar. That's one of the things that really helped me raise my level. Yeah, I'd get all the numbers checked. A higher protein, lower simple carbohydrate diet is often energy-based. Yeah, that's too vague. I need to know more about his diet and his habits and how he's sleeping. It's very big. So sleep is important. Also avoiding things that steal your energy, like caffeine,

because over time it'll bring you up and then push you down. So the things I think of naturally, make sure your important numbers are checked, exercise, the right diet. We make something called Focus and Energy. It's one of my favorite supplements. People just write a lot of positive things about it. Ron, I've been treating my ADD four years,

and I feel like I've gone in a circle. My symptoms have come back stronger. Nothing has helped. I have sleep apnea and allergies, which exacerbate ADD too. And I'm telling you, the 12 steps in brain fit life,, you know, that we reiterated in Brain Warriors Way, I think that is the best thing. Sleep apnea will absolutely make you feel like your ADD is much worse. And what I tell people is, okay, you have sleep apnea and you're using a treatment, you need to go back to the sleep lab and have them test you on the treatment. That is critical. One of my patients today, he came to me for dementia. He's crying. He can't remember anything. He just retired, he's 76. When we scanned him, he'd actually had a stroke, and he had sleep apnea, and sleep apnea is associated with vascular disease.

And so he's wearing the mask, and he's feeling better, but not as better as I wanted him to. Back to the lab, have them test you on the mask. And still on the mask, the mask was leaking. He was still having apneic events. And I know when we get it fully treated, his energy and his ADD symptoms are going to be so much better. So if you're chasing ADD, know your type. It's just such a huge innovation. I think we've done based on our imaging work. Get your habits right, and then make sure everything you have

like sleep apnea is fully treated. Last question we're able to deal with today. How can I find a doctor like me in my area, Kenosha, Wisconsin, to Northbrook, Illinois. My son and I were scanned in Atlanta. You know, I think there's Stephen Best, who is north of Chicago in Deerfield, that Stephen and I often think alike. We also have an Amen Method professional program where you can write to Jenny. Her desk is right next to Chris's, who manages our professional program. And we can see if we have somebody in that area who might be good. Actually, we do have time for one more question.

Tana, do you want to take this one? So Barbara's asking, any resource recommendation for feeding a nut, egg, sesame, and dairy-allergic 4-year-old child to do a healthy, doable diet? So, yeah, I mean, so, okay, so our program is not nut and egg free, but we have many people who don't eat eggs because they're vegan and it's already dairy free. So the only thing really is what I tell people is look for the things in the program that you can eat. So don't look at don't focus on the things you can eat. There are so many things you can eat.

And then what you have to do is figure out what your child's favorite things are and find a healthy way to rehab those things, which is what I've done. Like so in, in a healing ADD through food, I took all of my daughter's favorite foods, rehab those recipes and made them as simple as possible. So people get really hung up on the specific ingredients. So if they're looking at one of my recipes and they're like, Oh, it's got almonds in there. My child's allergic to almonds. I'll tell them, well then, well, then replace them with some sort of seed. Now, in your case, she might not be able to do all of the seeds, but maybe replace them with sunflower seeds or something like that. You've got to get a little creative. Don't be afraid to try it and make a mistake and just try things like that.

Well, and I think your cookbook, Healing ADD Through Food, has a lot of recipes that don't have these things because there's nothing with dairy in it. It does use a lot of eggs. So we just have to get an egg replacement. So a lot of times for eggs, that's when I will use some organic tofu. Sometimes I'll use organic tofu. There are a lot of same types of recipes that I will use that you can actually find online. Like just look up paleo or look up certain recipes know, certain recipes like that. And you'll find a lot of stuff for fun recipes that you can do for kids. Some of them have eggs and some of them don't. And a lot of raw food ideas are awesome. Now, a lot of them do use nuts and seeds, but you can always find the ones that don't. So you just have to figure out the seeds that don't

focus on the things she can't have as much as the things she can and just start being creative. Replace things with coconut. Replace them with, you know, some sort of nut that, not nut, but something that they can have. Some sort of seed. Did you just call me a nut? Always. All right. We're out of time.

Thank you so much for being part of our community. We will do this again next month. And for those of you that don't know, we have another course called Healing ADD that features our video series, Healing ADD at Home in 30 Days. Make sure you take Web Neuro online, because the reason I want you to take it is as you work through the course materials, I want you to take it in a couple of months and see if you can't really change your brain and change your life. November 3rd, my new book, my newly revised book, my big book, Change Your Brain, Change Your Life, is going to be available everywhere. And brand new show on The Psychiatrist's Couch coming nationwide, November 27th. So stay tuned. Take care.

Thanks for listening to today's show, The Brain Warrior's Way. Why don't you head over to brainwarriorswaypodcast.com. That's brainwarriorswaypodcast.com, where Daniel and Tana have a gift for you just for subscribing to the show. And when you post your review on iTunes, you'll be entered into a drawing where you can win a VIP visit to one of the Amen Clinics. I'm Donnie Osmond, and I invite you to step up your brain game by joining us in the next episode.