Change Your Brain Every Day - Holly Madison Opens Up About Her Autism Diagnosis, Battling Depression & Reveals Her Brain Scan Results

Episode Date: June 29, 2026

Holly Madison joins Dr. Daniel Amen for an honest conversation about her experience with getting an adult autism diagnosis, her battle with depression, mental health, and life beyond the Playboy Mansion. She shares her personal journey, discusses the factors that may have contributed to her struggles, and reviews the results of her brain scan with Dr. Amen. Together, they explore how brain health can influence mood, resilience, and overall well-being. In this episode: Holly Madison's mental health journey 2. Her experience battling depression 3. Brain scan findings and what they may reveal 4. How brain health affects mood and emotional wellness 5. Practical strategies for supporting mental health

I feel like there's been a lot of depression. I feel like I've struggled with it since I was in junior high. Holly Madison is a television personality and model. Best known for the girls next door. Dr. Amen and Holly talk about her childhood. Her biggest hurdles and brain scan results. How did you end up at the Playboy Mansion? I was in LA trying to do way too many things

and failing all of them. I was in college as a double major, trying to audition, and it got to a point where I've been going to parties at the mansion for a while. I kind of knew what that entailed, so it wasn't a situation that appealed me but then I ended up in a spot where every day you are making your brain better or you are making it worse stay with us to learn how you can change your brain for the

better every day after looking at nearly 300,000 brain scans I'm still amazed at how few people learn how their own brain works one of our students said the content and information was cutting edge Why isn't everyone learning about brain help? That's the very question that drives everything we do. And it's why we train coaches to carry this message into the world. Become certified at amonuniversity.com. Welcome to change your brain every day.

We have such a fun podcast for you today. Holly Madison is at two-time, New York Times. best-selling author, podcaster, whose journey from a small town girl to TV personality have made her a household name in the world of entertainment. She entered the true crime arena as an executive producer and host of investigation discoveries, the Playboy murders, which recounts the murders and mysteries that intersect with the world of the iconic adult men's magazine. Holly's first memoir down the rabbit hole debuted at number one on the New York Times bestseller list and is currently being developed for television.

And we're here to talk about her brain. Thank you so much for having me here. I'm so excited to talk to you and get the results. Well, you were diagnosed with autism recently. Yes. Tell me about that. It was just a couple years ago. I got diagnosed. My mom brought to my attention that she had always suspected I had Asperger's and I looked up with the symptoms of those that was and I felt it really resonated with me.

So I went and got a diagnosis maybe three summers ago. And it was a series of seven different appointments, I think we did. Yeah, it helps me understand myself better. I feel like I can finally kind of tackle these social difficulties I have now that I know where it comes from were before I was just a lot muddier about it. I was just like, oh, I guess I don't like being around people. And for some reason, it didn't click in my brain to tackle those issues I had when that was my only explanation rather than having a name for it or what I was dealing with. You're right-handed? Mm-hmm.

Okay. Because, you know, when I think of autism, I think of three things. language issues. And I don't know if you've ever had those. I mean, I certainly haven't seen them, but we just met. Obsessions. Like, you like things a certain way, and if they didn't go a certain way, you get upset.

And then problems reading social cues. And it sounds like maybe that was something you struggled with growing up. Yeah, the last two. And I definitely haven't really had any language issues other than being abnormally silent a lot of the times. And silent, you think, because you're shy? Partially, but partially, it just feels normal to me to be silent most of the time. But other people comment on it all the time, like it's really weird. Or, you know, when I was a child being caught zoning out a lot and things like that. And to me, it feels completely normal. But that's not the feedback I get. What did teachers say about it?

you? I was always a really good student. I mean, the teachers like me. I was, it was easy to teach. I was always, you know, a bright kid in class. I didn't really cause any trouble. It was more like other adults would say things to my mom and ask her, like, oh, why is she, you know, staring off into space and not reacting to anything, things like that. And so academically you did okay? Yeah. And how far in school did you go? I only did a couple years of college, like three years. I was a double major. I didn't finish. And how did you end up at the Playboy Mansion? Oh, that's a long story. Well, I was in LA trying to do way too many things and kind of failing at all of them. I was in college as a double major, trying to keep my grades up to keep my scholarships, trying to audition and get into the

entertainment industry, working as many hours I could to pay my bills, pay my rent. And it was just kind of everything felt so up in the air. And it got to a point where I'd been going to parties at the mansion for a while and the pool parties on Sundays. And a bunch of girls lived at the house. And I kind of knew what that entailed. So it wasn't a situation that appealed to me. But I kept being asked, you know, to go out with them on certain nights. And I would say no. But then I ended up in a spot where my roommates were moving out last minute and my credit was in the toilet and I couldn't find a place. And I'm like, you know what, maybe I will go out with them and then I can live in the house. And it was not meant to be a seven-year stint.

I heard there was mold in the house. I heard that after the fact. Yeah, I wasn't aware of any of that when I was there. But, yeah, that's what I've heard. And how old were you when you started to live there? 22. 22. Must have been a wild ride.

It really was. Yeah, it was a lot. So now I have to read down the rabbit hole. Yeah. What appealed to you to come on this podcast and get your brain scanned and look back? Well, I love health stuff. I kind of geek out on it. I've always wanted, ever since I heard of you, I've wanted to come get a brain scan, just never got around to it.

So when this opportunity came up, I was super excited. And I just always want to be at my best, you know. I feel like lately I've had a little bit of trouble with recall, you know, that feeling when something's on the tip of your tongue and you can't think of what it is. So I want to get ahead of that. And I just always, you know, in my life, I'm always taking on a lot of things and a lot of responsibility. So I always want to be at my best and able to tackle that. Yeah, me too. And if you don't look, you don't know.

Exactly. I'm just a huge believer that, you know, once you actually look at how your brain is working, you have targets to make it better. When you think of autism, if you look at, your mom and her people and your dad and his people. You see where it comes from? Probably my mom's side. Although this occurred to me when I was filling out all the forms I was filling out to come here.

And it was asking about family history and my parents and stuff. I think I have a weird view of my parents. Because if you look at how I write about them on the chart, it's almost like everything's perfect. Like no mental health issues anywhere, no nothing anywhere. where when I was diagnosed with autism, the doctor told me that she suspected. Maybe my mom had it too. She had to interview my mom as well.

But yeah, I think I have a weird view of my parents. Like they're, you know, they've been together 50 years. They're still married. They've never even fought in front of me. And you know how we always kind of wear a mask in front of our kids for age appropriateness? At least I do. I feel, I feel like I don't really know them that well. Is that weird?

Well, it could be the culture you grew up in. Yeah. And how did they get to Alaska? My dad worked in the shipping industry and a job came up there and they didn't want to stay there very long because they didn't think it was that normal for my sister and I because we lived basically out in the middle of nowhere. We lived on Prince of Wales Island. And if you watch those Alaska off the grid shows, you see a lot of Prince of Wales Island. Yeah. So that's what it was. So we moved down to Oregon when I was in middle school. And I didn't like that change. I would have rather stayed in Alaska at the time. So how many kids in your school when you were in elementary school? I don't know how many kids, but it was a K through 12 and each grade only had one class of maybe like 15 kids.

So not much. I had love Alaska. I've been there 15 times. I've worked with Indian tribes there. Oh, that's so cool. I think it's just the prettiest place. Yeah, it really is. But the weather is brutal.

I know. And the darkness. And the darkness. Well, I read your history. I've looked at your scans. I looked at your testing. I have how you filled out the checklist. I just want to go over some of those.

So your goal, there's been some depression, which we'll talk about. I feel like there's been a lot of depression. I feel like I've struggled with it since I was like in junior high. And it's bad. Like I take Wilbytran. And every time I go to my doctor for like a regular. checkup. He always, because he's a regular doctor, but he's also very into holistic everything. And he's every year, he's kind of like, what do you think about getting off the wellbutrin?

And I'm terrified to do it. Like, I don't want to do it. Like, it makes things a lot better, but it's not perfect. So I think you should actually be on more. What? Yeah. I think that, I think you're underdose. Okay. So tell me about when the depression started. I would say middle school. Yeah, I was just like severely depressed, had a hard time. I'm finding interest in things. This is after you moved? Yeah. So before you moved.

I was fine. You were fine. I didn't like the change at all. Like I said in Alaska, we lived out in the middle of nowhere, very small school. And then we moved to Oregon. And it was kind of a small town in Oregon, but it felt extremely overwhelming to me. I didn't like anything about it. So it really helped put you in.

to a negative place. I think so, yeah. Yeah. And if you are on the spectrum, change is really hard. Mm-hmm. So if you like things and then they change, it can really trigger a lot of negativity. Yeah, that's not good. Negative thinking spirals. So one of the things I want to work on with you is being more positive. Okay. Because your negativity score. was terrible. And you can train that, but you have to be intentional about it. If your brain sort of defaults to what's negative, that'll hurt you over time and won't help your relationships for sure. Emotionally compulsive eating. I mean, you look awesome. Thank you. It takes a lot of effort, Yeah, I'm a big emotional eater and compulsive eater, and I've really had that under control

recently, but it's definitely something that's like there and I have to think about and not do. When did it start? It kind of like comes on and off in phases in my life. Like sometimes I'll be really good about controlling what I eat, and then sometimes I'll just get really sloppy with it. And it's kind of like a go-to as far as like trying to regulate my feelings of stress, I think. Well, sugar boosts serotonin. Yeah. It makes you feel better. I think that's a big one.

Yeah. And then it makes you feel worse. Exactly. So the autistic spectrum diagnosis, longstanding difficulties with social communication, avoiding eye contact, spacing out, not understanding social interactions, some recall issues. I think I know why. I'm excited to learn why.

So well butrin. Now, the dose range is 50 to 100 milligrams to 450 milligrams. And the goal is never less. So everybody thinks they're like a better person if they take less. Yeah, yeah. It's sort of thinking of like eye glasses. Like, I don't know if you wear glasses. I wear contacts, yeah.

So when you go to the eye doctor, they show you different. lenses, right? It's like, not good, not good, better, better, wow, great. Not good, not good. It's you want the lens that fits your eyes. You would never go, just give me a thin lens. That's true. Right? I mean, that's ridiculous. Yeah, that makes sense. And if you struggled with depression for 35 years, you don't want that. Yeah. And the goal, in my mind, is never medicine or no medicine. The goal is always your best function, your happiest place.

Because I think happiness is a moral obligation because of how you impact other. people. Truth. Yeah. That's a good one. So it's not now. Heenism. Yeah.

Think of the Playboy Mansion. Mm-hmm. Is the enemy of happiness because it wears out the pleasure centers. Yeah. Your thyroid has been an issue. Yeah. I'm at a good level now, though. I get blood work every couple months or so.

And you're taking estrogen or progesterone? Yeah. I'm a huge fan. Do you know why our hormones drop with age? Why? It's the planet's way of getting. rid of you. Oh, they want you to die. Great. You have some issue with energy, which the higher dose of well-buter can help. Oh, good. Mold exposure. And paranormal experiences. I just, I have to ask.

I think that might be tied with the molds because it's at my house where I also had some mold exposure. But it would be stuff, it was during quarantine. And like, I would hear a voice, like, behind me and freak out. Because I thought somebody broke into my house. But I also had no voices. I hope not. Anything else besides that? Like seeing shadows and things like that. It was all around the same time at that same house.

But nothing recently. No, uh-uh. The checklist I thought were really interesting. Social anxiety. That could go with the autistic spectrum. A little bit of paranoia. Well, not a little bit, a lot. Frequent feeling.

and there's a part of your brain that can go with the paranormal activity and the paranoia, which I'm going to show you. Sadness. There are a lot of still even now on the wellbuter. It's too much depression. Yeah. Overwhelmed by everyday tasks, trouble maintaining, organized work or living, easily frustrated traffic violations. And I'm like, does she have ADD?

I wonder that because I, you know, when I was a kid in the 80s, you would hear about ADD. And it was the stereotype of the hyper kid bouncing off the walls. And that was never me. Like I could like sit in a corner with a book forever. But there's trouble focusing on certain things. Like I can lock in on my work if it's like an edit. I have to have done in a timely manner. But like I would die to be an organized person.

Like I have that on my vision board every year. I have like a clean, organized house. I'll have like a picture of like Chloe Kardashian's pantry or something on there. And it never happens. Like there are doom piles all over my house. It's just I can't get myself to do it. And then I get this weird overwhelm when it comes to stuff like that and I'll just freeze. How's your attention span for most things?

Probably not great because I, ever since I was a kid, I've loved to like divide things up. Like if I have a big project, I'll do like one step in the project and then I have to go do something else. And then I can come back and do the step and then I have to go do something else. And then that's even like how I write my list during the day. I'll have like a step and then this other totally opposite thing I can do. And then forget being distracted by the phone. When part of my job is social media. So that's like my excuse for like being on there and stuff. But God, like I get distracted by that really easily like compulsive Instagram checks. So we're going to look at your brain. Because I think that may be part of what's going on.

Okay. When I'm like overwhelmed, disorganized, impatient, and girls don't get diagnosed with ADD because they don't have the hyperactive type. Right. So the inattentive ADD, it's like you don't have enough horsepower in your brain, but there's still gender bias. If a little boy is having trouble, people go, oh, he's going to have to take care of a family someday, and they get him help. If a little girl is having trouble, especially if they're pretty, they go, oh, she'll marry somebody nice, which is completely irrational because women do way more than men, right?

They're primary caretakers for the children, their primary caretakers for the house. And here in California, they work outside the home 90% of the time. And so if they're distractible and disorganized and they tend to procrastinate, they look like they're depressed. But it's really they're overwhelmed because they don't have the mental horsepower to just get stuff done. There was a lot. I'm looking at this and go, there's a lot. And then there was. So these are actually a lot of ADD symptoms from organizations.

losing things, problem expressing your feelings. And then some over-focused stuff, not liking change, get the same thought in your head, can hold on to hurts. Yeah. And then this is the emotional stuff we were talking about and some anxiety. So we tested your brain today. And you remember the X test? It was hard. Did I fail it?

You scored like somebody who has ADD. Oh. Score. Okay. So I'm looking at the symptoms. I'm looking at the testing. There's some past trauma. So I want to learn about that.

I don't know where to start. I don't know what caused it. You're good at recognizing faces, but you recognize negative faces way faster than positive. Oh, weird. And that tends to go with past. trauma. Oh, wow. Stress, not terribly anxious, but still, even on Well, Butron, you're in the depressed

category. Your long-term memory is okay. Your short-term memory is actually awesome. Oh, good. It's the flexibility you could be better. Okay. And here's the negativity, so zero to 100, you're at 17. Now, my patients, over time.

if they do what I say, it can be so much better. And this will make you so much happier. Because the negativity will drive the depression. We do a study called blood flow and activity, looks at how your brain works. And it basically tells us three things. Good activity, too little or too much. And then my job is to balance.

This view shows us the outside surface, and they're going to be both important. I love the pretty rainbow brains. So here we're looking underneath the brain, just like this, down from the top one side, then the other side. And the color doesn't matter. It just should be full, even, and symmetrical. Here, the color does matter. Blue is average. Red is the top 15%, white is the top 8%, And it should be back here in an area called the cerebellum. And this is really important because we've scanned maybe 3,000 people with an autistic spectrum disorder.

And usually the cerebellums involve. So if we look at your scan, remember I told you there's a part of your brain that goes with paranoia, paranoia and the paranormal experience is right here. Oh. It's your temporal lobe. And if you see here, it's low. That's not good for you. So you have a great brain.

You're not getting dementia. Oh, good. You're not headed to the dark place. I was wondering with the recall problems I was having, I was like, uh-oh. But this could be better. Okay. Have you ever had a concussion? No, unless a concussion happened and I don't remember it.

I don't think I ever had. Well, that can happen. You have, like sports and sports. school. I was a cheerleader, but I never got dropped or anything. Car accidents, falls. No, no major car accidents. Yeah. And then you see this area here? It's low. Both of these. Yeah. Or low. Which is why I thought maybe at some point you had a concussion. But I also see it low in people who have ADD. So I think you have ADD. I think I do too. Well, Butron or bupropion is actually a treatment for adult ADD. Oh, I didn't know that. And it's an antidepressant. And it helps you. And when the doctor goes,

oh, maybe we could get you off of this, you're like, please don't. Yeah. Right? Because you know the darkness. And I'm like, you should talk to him about raising the dose. Either 225 milligrams or 300 milligrams, because it'll also help with the ADD symptoms. Okay. I'm also going to give you something called peak energy that is made with something called parazanthine that can increase blood flow, give you better energy, help you focus without any side effects. Oh, nice. Also, going to give you something called happy saffron to calm your emotional brain and help your mood.

So those two things, but I think it's worth increasing the dose. Okay. And always think of it like glasses, right? You don't get a star. by being able to take less. Yeah, I think that's so important to point out because there is such a stigma still. It's weird.

When it's the right thing for you, we thank God for it rather than think something's wrong with you. Yeah. My goal is to help people go, the brain is an organ, just like your heart is an organ. If you had heart issues,

you absolutely take the right medicine. at the right dose for it. Right. Low, left, temporal low. How's your temper? My temper? Yeah. I think it's okay.

I mean, I don't outwardly express anger a lot. I'm more of a frustrated person. If I asked your children, how's mommy's temper? I think they would think it's fine. I'm more somebody who gets, like, overwhelmed really easily. So I might be like, you guys, I only have time to do one thing at once because that's their favorite thing is to ask me to do three things at once. But I don't ever, like, lash out or get mad at them.

The classic autism brain, frontal lobes really busy and your cerebellum sleepy. Frontalobes aren't so busy. This is your right basal ganglia, and that can go with sort of the OCD tendencies. Your cerebellum, we go back to what's healthy. You see how it's full, even, and symmetrical. And with yours, it's a little choppy. Yeah. So not what it could be.

And part of your emotional brain is still busy. So I think a higher dose of Well, Well, Buter, with the other two things I mentioned, just tune you up. Yeah, I'm excited to try it. One of my greatest joys is watching faith communities come alive. One community told us, this has been a blessing. for our church. That's exactly why we build the Amen Hole 4. So congregations can heal together

in brain, body, relationships, and spirit, and walk closer with God with renewed clarity, energy, and purpose. Bring it to your community at Amenhole4.com. So tell me about why I saw past trauma. I don't know what to blame it on. I mean, it's probably like when I moved into the mansion, honestly. So nothing from your childhood? No, other than, I mean, I feel like I reacted heavily to things that other people might think are normal, like moving. You know, to me that felt like such a disaster, but that's not like a traumatic thing, you know. It was for you.

Yeah, I guess so. Did you have friends in Alaska? So Alaska was comfortable. Yeah, I didn't like feel the need to move at the time. And what was the temperature in your house? Probably more icy. Yeah. There's not a lot of emotion.

What do your mom and dad like? Like I said before, I don't know if I know them. They just always act. We're very like placid around us, you know? Like I never saw them fight. Were they affectionate with you? No. Afectionate with each other?

I didn't really see it. Not that I remember. And when you're in a relationship is being affectionate, easy or hard? Really easy for me. Like, I'm the most, like, hands-on, like, lovey-dovey person. Like, I always want to, like, sit next to the person in the restaurant or, like, I'm extremely affectionate. Okay.

So you didn't pick up that trait? No, not at all. I did the opposite. What are your kids like? Really good. They're really fun. and they have a lot of interests. And they're not like as academic as I was,

but they're more well-rounded and more social. Either of them have ADD, you think? I don't think so. So erratic attention spans. It's really not short attention span. It's erratic. If they're really interested, they're fine. If they're not interested, they're awful.

Distracted, disorganized, procrastinate. I mean, my daughter just loves to kind of push back on everything. So I don't know if you'd call that procrastination or she just doesn't want to do what she's supposed to do. She's not thrilled about doing homework ever, but I don't know. I don't think that's really abnormal. We have a great program called Parenting with Love and Logic. In fact, I have a book called New Skills. Raising Mentally Strong Kids, we'll give you a comment. Okay. I love that. It's so important. Because at nine years old, I'm like, I did third grade. it's up to you do your homework.

Yeah. And if you don't, you'll just have to deal with the teacher. Yeah, I can't do that with my daughter. Like, she would just never do it. Like, I have, I mean, she even goes to tutoring for it. Like, I can't. I feel like hover. I remember an interaction with my daughter, my youngest when she was seven.

And she and her mother would be at the table for two hours doing 20 minutes of homework. Yeah. And that's how it is. And Hannah took the Love and Logic course. She goes, oh, I did second grade. It's on you. If you need help, let me know. And, oh, by the way, if you don't turn it in, you'll deal with the teacher.

And you'll make new friends when you repeat second grade. No one ever had to ask her to do her homework again. So you want them to make mistakes and learn the consequences when the consequences are inexpensive. they're going to be way more expensive if you're managing her life when she's 20. That's true. And it's going to be way harder. Because, you know, as parents, we don't want our kids to fail. But it's in our failures we learn the most.

Yeah, that's true. So if she forgot her homework at home, nobody brought it to school. Yeah. She brought her lunch. Nobody brought it to school. She was not going to starve. It's just, it's a mindset that's so helpful. What if I don't think she cares about any school consequences?

Like if we say you have to do this or you're going to get held back, which we said so many times, like, I don't think she cares. But if you care for her, when is she going to learn to care for herself? Yeah, that's true. Because self-esteem comes from competence. Yeah. And if you're making it all easy for her, her self-esteem is going to struggle. Yeah, that's true. Didn't think you were going to get parenting advice.

No, I'm always down for parenting advice. This is a very important concept. Oh, I love that quote. Curious, not furious. Bad days into good data. So when people come to see me, they're generally not doing great. Yeah. Sort of my job.

But they have good days and bad days, but they're often bad. And then they come to see me and I put a plan together and people get better. Yeah. I've been doing this for a long time. And we have outcomes on 16,010 patients. Treatment-resistant, complex patients get better, 73 times out of 100. But if you do what I say, it's like 85 times out of 100. Nice.

So compliance is so important. But I show everybody this graph. It's like you'll get better, but it's not in a straight line. You're better and then not so much, better, not so much. We always want to learn from the downtimes and pay attention to the setback. So every day you win or you learn. So you're curious, not furious. And then at some point, a couple months from now, you have good days and bad days.

There's just nothing like when we started. Does that make sense? Yeah. So it's that mindset of no failure. But expect, you're going to have good days and bad days. So is it related to what you ate? Is it related if you have mold in your house for the environment you're in? Is it related to your menstrual cycle? Your moods tend to change around your cycle? Yeah, like right before. Like two days or two weeks? Yeah, two days. Two weeks already half the time. Yeah, two days.

Oh, no. This is not my therapy session. Are you dealing with a two weaker? It was three weeks. She'd like like me for five days. Oh, that's so funny. She's like, you're just such a good man. And then I talk about ants, automatic negative thoughts, the thoughts that come into your mind automatically and just ruin your day. Yeah.

But they're different kinds of ants. So different ways we distort our thinking to make things worse. Look at these and tell me which ones you might have. So all or nothing. Things are all good or all bad. You tend to think in black or white terms. Yeah, I have all or nothing, less than guilt, labeling, fortune telling for sure, mind reading. I wish everybody could read my mind.

I try to think I can read people's minds. If only, I probably have all of them. You're going to get so much better. Oh, good. I'm so excited. You're going to get so much better. So give me an example of a bad thought. Okay.

I feel like there's, first of all, I feel like they're so natural to me that I have to like take a step back and even like examine how I think. Bad thought, I mean, an easy one that comes off the top of my head is like comparing myself negatively to like others on social media. I think that's a pretty common one people are dealing with today. Being like care. Like I'm not good enough or? Yeah, or like I haven't accomplished enough or everybody else is making so much more money than me.

What am I doing wrong? Because you're constantly being fed that. And you have how many followers? A million point two on Instagram. What else? Paranoia, especially with relationships. Like, is he cheating? What are other people going to think?

Because he follows other girls on Instagram. Just like dumb stuff like that. Why is he following other girls? I don't know. Ask him. I don't know. What else? I'm just really hard on myself.

I have really high standards for myself. So like if I'm not getting everything done as quickly as I want to or achieving things as quickly as I want to, I can get real negative about it. So it would be an example of a thought. I think it's back to the comparison thing. Like, oh, why didn't this get as many views as my video last week, even comparing myself to myself?

Yeah, we never know. What's going to go viral? Yeah, true. I said this one thing, which goes back to what we were talking about with your daughter, when you do too much for your children, you build your self-esteem by stealing theirs. Oh. That's a good one. 50 million views.

Yeah. So true. Damn. But you never know. Yeah. So let's go with I'm not enough. Okay. Do you know the work of Byron Katie?

I do, yeah. I love her. So much. And so this is a form of the work, but I'm not enough. I'm not successful enough. So that's an all or nothing. Yeah. It's a less than and.

So just the bad hand. Is it true? You're not enough. No, it's not true. Is it absolutely true? No. You're not enough. Not absolutely true.

How does that thought make you feel? Better. It's just I need to remember that. How does I'm not enough make you feel? It makes me feel kind of anxious and nervous, like I need to do more. And then how does it make you act? I need to do more. So you never can relax.

And the outcome of that thought is suffering. Yeah. How would you feel if you didn't have the thought? Better. I would probably feel like way more relaxed and like in the flow and inspired. So it's your thoughts that make you suffer. That's so important to understand. And you can train them to be happier.

How would you act if you didn't have that thought? I think just I would be happier and probably better interacting with people just because I don't have this constant like churn in my mind of like what else do I need? to be doing. So the outcome of not having that thought is not laziness. Because a lot of people go, oh, if I'm not beating myself up, I won't do anything at all. It's peace. So if we take that original thought and flip it to the opposite, I am enough. Do you have any evidence that's true? No, because I'm constantly thinking of like more stuff I could do. Like what is enough? Like I know theoretically what it's supposed to be.

So if you went, I am enough. It feels like I'm lying to myself, honestly. Like that's one I'm going to have to work on. Well, I just want you taking each thought captive and just go, does it serve me? Am I listening to the AM station, the third? thoughts that are against me or the FM station, the thoughts that are for you. Yeah. Like, if you have someone you love like the kids, are you just going to notice what you don't like?

With the kids? Yeah. No. Or if you have a close friend? No. It would have to be something really grating my nerves. But then they probably wouldn't be my close friend if that was the main factor. Right.

I mean, would you treat anyone you really care deeply about like you treat yourself? No, no. I don't have any kind of the standards for other people that I have for myself. Like even if you ask me, like, what I want my kids to do when they're older, I'm like, I don't care as long as they're happy. You know what I mean? As long as they're happy and they can support themselves. That's what I, I'll just add that piece. That's a good addendum.

Right, because you have to be careful with your kids because, kids of famous people are vulnerable, right? Because they're like, how do I ever live up to that? Yeah. I want you to start every day with today is going to be a great day. Okay. I don't just start pushing your brain. And as you go through the day, look for the little micro miracles, whether it's a hummingbird or a butterfly or whatever you love. It's like my brain defaults. to what's wrong and I need to teach it. And you can't just do it like five times. You have to like make a daily practice of it. Yeah. Sort of like we have an NBA player that we treat that we love.

And it's like he shoots free throws all the time. So that when it's game time, he can actually make them. Yeah. So you have to remake those networks in your brain. And when you go to bed at night. Do you have a bedtime routine or ritual? Not really. I know I probably should, but I'm always like going to bed at different times, which I know that's not good for you either, but I'm just trying to fit sleep in where I can't. How is your sleep? It's good. I don't have a problem falling asleep at all. And how many hours of sleep do you get at night? Usually, well, I'll be in bed for like seven or eight hours, but according to this ring over here, I'm only getting like six max, which is weird. Is that an aura, right? Yeah.

Yes, it's oaring. Before you go to bed, I want you to do what went well today. Okay. I like that. Start at the beginning of your day and go hour by hour. Okay. What you liked about the day. And the bad things will show up.

And I want you to imagine a big broom, sweep them away and go, I'll deal with you tomorrow. Okay. The only thing I'm focused on is what did I love about the day. Yeah. And that one exercise has been shown to increase your level of happiness in just three weeks. I've been doing it for 15 years. Nice. And it helps so much.

Did you grow up religious at all? No. So neither your mom or dad went to church or... No, I mean, my dad did growing up, but not when I was a kid. And have you grappled with the whole, why are you on earth thing? Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty spiritual. So why do you think you're on the planet? To have experiences and learn things and learn things for other people so that they can learn from my mistakes and, you know, learn and grow.

And why did you write these two books? I wrote the books. Well, the first one I wrote because people would watch my TV show and they would see this weird relationship and this weird situation always portrayed like it was really fun and cute. and after I left the house, people would come up to me every day and ask, like, how certain people were or ask if I missed being there. And they would seem like kind of sad for me that I wasn't still there. And my mind was blown because I was out, like, making money and doing everything and, like, living my dream life after the fact. But I realized people just had such a skewed idea of what that relationship was like.

And it got to the point where, like, I was feeling sick to my stomach when people would ask me. Like, I just couldn't lie about it anymore. because I would always say nice things when people asked me just because I felt like that was the nice thing to do and I don't want to like unload my drama on like a random person during the day. But it got to the point where I would feel sick when somebody would ask me about it. So I finally just let it all out. So maybe there is some trauma.

Oh, 100%. Yeah. Yeah, there is for sure. Trauma, drama. Yeah. A lot of it. How long were you there? Seven years.

My goodness. So you must have seen. so many interesting things. Yeah, it was a lot. Yeah, no, we should do version too. Yeah, totally. The psychological impact of living at the Playboy Mansion.

Yeah, it was a lot, a lot to unravel. My uncle actually performed the ceremony for one of Hugh Hefner's marriages. Oh, you're kidding. Father Charles, yeah. It's one of his claims to fame. Oh, my gosh, that's so funny. So you have a great brain.

that can do anything, but it needs to be tuned better. And I think the first thing is more wellbutrin to calm down your emotional brain. But the beautiful thing about wellbutrin did also boost dopamine. And it can stimulate your frontal lobes and treat your ADV. I'd even talk to your doctor about trying to stimulate. at some point, just to go, does it help me? Yeah. Does it make me more focused, more organized?

And then the supplements we mentioned. Have you ever been in a hyperbaric chamber? I've only done it once. If you went 20 times, that may actually help that left temporal lobe. Really? Yeah. Okay. I'll start doing that.

And if the paranormal experience ever comes back, they're not crazy. that area is just vulnerable. Okay. And more hyperbaric will actually help. Oh, good to know. And it'll help your memory as well. Oh, good. Questions?

I don't think, I don't think so. I'm just so intrigued by like starting the things you told me to do. I can't wait to see what it does. Well, I want you to let me know. Okay. For sure. I will. I will keep you posted.

Small changes can create meaningful results over time. One Happy Saffron Plus customer shared, I've been taking it for about four months and feel less stressed, more calm, and better able to shift negative thoughts into positive ones. It's still a practice, but this supplement has been a great support. That's exactly the kind of progress I love to see because lasting change happens one healthy choice. at a time. Visit brainmd.com and use code podcast 20 for 20% off. All right. You're watching Change Your Brain every day here with Holly Madison and her beautiful brain that we're going to make better still. How can people learn more about you and follow you? I'm on Instagram at Holly Madison and my book Down the Rabbit Hole is available on Amazon.

And you have a podcast. I have a podcast called You Wish. It's every Thursday. And I'm about to interview you for it. So I'm excited. Thanks so much for watching. Subscribe, leave us a comment, question, review. We're just so grateful you're with us.