Change Your Brain Every Day - How a Pastor Faced His Fears and Confronted Racism - Pt. 5 with Miles McPherson

Episode Date: September 13, 2018

When pastor Miles McPherson made the decision to write The Third Option, his new book on racism, he was racked with the fear that the final product would divide his church. In the fifth and final episode of the “Racism and the Brain” series, Miles reveals the surprising effect his book is having on his congregation.

Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. I'm Dr. Daniel Amen. And I'm Tana Amen. Here we teach you how to win the fight for your brain to defeat anxiety, depression, memory loss, ADHD, and addictions. The Brain Warriors Way podcast is brought to you by Amen Clinics, where we've transformed lives for three decades using brain spec imaging to better target treatment and natural ways to heal the brain. For more information, visit amenclinics.com.

The Brain Warriors Way podcast is also brought to you by BrainMD, where we produce the highest quality nutraceutical products to support the health of your brain and body. For more information, visit brainmdhealth.com. Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. Welcome back. As I promised, we're going to kill Pastor Miles McPherson's ants. Just make sure you throw the ants in there. We love Pastor Miles, so we're going to help him live in an ant-free

zone. And he's the author of this new, wonderful book, The Third Option. You can get it on Amazon, right? You can get it on Amazon. Any bookseller, really. Pastor Miles McPherson, or Miles McPherson at milesmcpherson.com sdrock.com. At milesmcpherson.com. S-D-Rock.

Dot com. Yep. So when I was there, thank you for inviting me. I had so much fun. Our church loved having you. They want you to come back. Well, I would love that. That we talked about how to not believe every stupid thought you have.

And we taught them a process of how to kill the ants, how not to believe everything you think. And the most powerful exercise we did is we actually started by working on your fears of writing the third option because your aunt, your automatic negative thought that tortured you for a long time was this book is going to divide my church. Yes.

Interesting. Yeah. So racism is a volatile subject. And every time you bring it up, people just, they get tense. So I started writing the book and as I was writing it, people were saying to me, are you going to really write that? Are you going to write that? You know, from both sides, from white and black.

You can't, you know, you're not going to be able to write a good book because you can't be, you're not going to be able to be honest enough for the whites. You're not going to be able to be, you're going to offend the whites, you're going to offend the blacks. And literally for a year on Sunday, I would sit there and look at my congregation and be full of fear. That's fascinating. Thinking this is going to divide the church because people don't want to hear it. People are closed. for me in writing this book is learning how to, which I, which I had great confidence I could do,

but it took me a long time to write about hard topics in a way that everyone could apply to themselves at the, while at the same time addressing the issues that people need to hear. But there was a, but I've rewritten it and rewritten it. But a lot of times I was sitting there going, what did I do? I made a big mistake. I shouldn't be writing this book. I should have just written a book about prayer, something real basic. But when I got my literary agent, I said, I don't want to write a book that pastors write about. I don't want to write just a regular book because I'm a pastor. I want to write something that's going to impact the culture. And this plopped in my lap. And so for a year, I had these negative thoughts of, and I would literally sit there and think, oh, I shouldn't write this sentence, this sentence, this word.

Yeah. You were very cautious. Oh, I was scared. Yeah. Because those words and phrases are still in the book, but I had to rewrite them in a way that people can get it. My brother was a professional boxer and sometimes you can knock somebody out, but you keep hitting them so much they can't go down. Oh, interesting.

So if you knock them out, you have to give them room to fall. Oh, that's so interesting. And I had written a couple of drafts that were just pounding, pounding, because I think I had more pain than I knew. And the people working with me were saying, wow, that's a little harsh. But that wasn't my intent. So I had to going to, you know, that's a little harsh. But that wasn't my intent. So I had to soften it, soften it so people can read it, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, whoever, and go,

this makes sense for me. This is going to help me get along. That was the goal. But there was a process where I didn't think I was doing that. And so in front of the whole church, several occasions, we went after that thought. Oh, that's so fun. So we, you know, this book will divide the church. Yes. And then I asked him the questions that we teach you.

Is it true? Is it true? We are just now giving this book. We just gave last week a few copies. We got some early copies. And I 98% of my fear is gone. But I'm like, I wonder what people are going to think as

they start really reading it. Yeah, so we went through, is it true? And no. You can't know. It's true. I'll really, really, really know. We have people read it, but I don't believe it's true now. But if you'd ask.

I have to give you another little piece of this. Another one of my little goals. I have to throw one thing in. You're a man of God, right? Yes. So God inspires you to read things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're kind of fighting with.

But he's also a man. I know, right. But I'm just thinking, you know, I've had this thought for so long that. He's also a man. I want to give you this rule. It's called the 1840-60 rule. It says when you're 18, you worry that- He's also a man. I want to give you this rule. It's called the 18-40-60 rule. It says when you're 18, you worry about what everybody's thinking of you. And when you're 40, you don't give a damn what anybody thinks about you.

And when you're 60, you realize no one has been thinking about you at all. People spend their days worrying and thinking about themselves, not you. So that has helped me immensely. And I'm almost 60. I've gone really close. Wow, you've been taking good care of yourself. I'll be 60 in a year and a half. So the thought that tortured him, this book is going to tear apart my church.

Is that true? I don't know. Can you absolutely know that it's true? With 100% certainty, the book will divide my church? And that is absolutely no. you absolutely know that it's true with 100% certainty the book will divide my church? And that is absolutely no, I cannot know that 100%. But how do you feel when you believe the thought this book is going to divide my church? Petrified, failure, I made a mistake, anxious, nervous, nothing good. It was paralyzing at times, paralyzing. I mean, and it wasn't only on Sunday. It was just on Sunday that they were standing in front of me.

It was all week. And it was a spiritual attack. Now, the reality is I could have written a book that would have divided my church. That's the reality. So it's not like it's out of nowhere. This is a very volatile topic and very sensitive topic, emotional topic. And I had friends telling me, white and black, you better not write that. And, or, and if you write that, this is what it's going to do to my people,

you know, my clique, my in-group. So I was getting that from both sides, but I was, I had signed the contract. This is what it's going to do to my people, my clique, my in-group. So I was getting that from both sides, but I had signed the contract. It also almost feels like ignoring the elephant in the room when you just say, okay, I'm not going to write it. There's an elephant in the room. Someone's got to address it in a healthy way, right? Correct. However, my goal and my calling in life is to share the gospel and bring people together. And so if I, in an effort to bring people together, divide people, then I miss something somewhere.

So getting rid of the ants does not mean we're not thoughtful. Right. Right? Who would you have been without the thought? Or how would you feel if you didn't have that thought, this book is going to divide my church? Oh, getting back to the answer. I'll say this.

There's two sides to that. Without the thought, I am so empowered and encouraged. But as you very wisely said, because this is what you do, a little bit of anxiety is good. And so in the process of writing it, you know, I'm a fairly intelligent guy. I'm listening to what people are saying, going, hmm, that makes sense. How can I rewrite that then differently? I love that. That's smart.

And that's what I had to go through. We sent it to the publisher, and for different reasons, she sent it back, for different reasons, not that it was offensive, but just grammatical stuff. And I had another person come help me rewrite the whole thing. And that person came and said, this is not past the miles that I know. And she helped me rewrite the whole thing with the tone that I really always wanted. I just didn't know that I didn't have that tone. Right. Because, you know, I'm not the writer.

I'm more of the idea guy. And I'm from New York. We're blunt. So being blunt is kind of normal. I should have been from New York. You know what I'm saying? Right. And so that anxiety, you know, it worked to my advantage.

However, it tortured me. But without it now, I am so encouraged. And I think, you know, one of the things you said at our lunch was, when you get rid of those ants, you're able to fulfill what God's called you. And I cannot tell you, I cannot tell you since two weeks ago how I have changed. And think about that every day. I am so much more encouraged. It's almost like someone took the lid off of my life. And I now can say, I can do so much more now without the fear of these ants.

And again, I'm continually getting rid of them. But without anxiety and fear and these negative thoughts, there's so much more courage to go do and say what God's called me to do and say. So without the thought, you're still thoughtful. Yes. But you're powerful. Powerful. And you're not suffering. You can take that energy that's going into anxiety and suffering and turn it into motivation to live your purpose, right? Because without doing this book, if you would have let the thoughts control you,

you would have actually decreased your level of purpose on the planet. So what's the opposite of this book will divide us? Not only is this book going to change and unify our church. Again, in our church, when I tell people, find someone who doesn't look like you, all they have to do is do this. Right. They're not looking around the room.

Boom. Because that's how it's going to make us even stronger. But it's also going to help churches and the culture as a whole in the nation. That's what I believe. I really like that. And so my opposite is going to change America. If it goes around the world, great. But, you know, I like the United States of America, so it's my home.

It was a while ago I was saying this to you because I'm watching on television all of these problems between the neighborhoods with police officers. It feels to me like the racial division is just terrible right now. And I was actually saying, we need someone to come forward that has a positive message that can somehow bring this back together. And I mean, it's going to take someone really special, right, with a special message. And we haven't had that for a long time. Well, and the third option. I'm really hoping that that's. But these ants that were bothering you for the book, they've been bought, they've been attacking you for a long time, haven't they? Yeah. You know, I, yes, the fear of rejection. You know, I, you said I'm a man of God, but as you said, we're human.

And I think one of the burdens pastors have, which I don't know that I have this burden, is having to look like I'm perfect. Because I talk about my sins all the time. I did cocaine. My wife and I were a mess because I was a mess before we got married. But yeah, you grow up with fear of rejection, especially when I was growing up. I was rejected in both my neighborhoods. Right.

And I never had to process that and what that really meant, what that really means to me today. And so absolutely, the fear of being rejected, the fear of being embarrassed on television and being shamed and not doing well. I mean, I grew up achieving. Football was, ever since 10 years old, I achieved. I was, you know, you have to be good. You get a trophy at the end of the year. You know, they had the participant's trophy. We didn't have that.

You know, this was the participant's trophy. Thanks for coming. But so absolutely, those ants have bothered me all my life. And it's true for most people. And what I love about you. All people don't have ants? I think all people. Okay.

Well, no, sociopaths actually don't. They don't have enough anxiety. Okay. So some anxiety is good. People have low levels of anxiety, they go to jail. Right. Because they don't have enough anxiety to go, don't do that. Right.

That's stupid. But most of us have ants. But what I love about my NFL players and the professional athletes I treat is they're used to being coached. And so when I ask them to do something. They do it. they do it. Like with intensity. And so what have you done with the ants since we met? Oh, let me tell you. I have a book right here.

Oh, that's great. Can I get it? Okay, I got to show you. It's in my other bag. I have a little notebook. People always give me these little journals. And I have this little journal. It's my my other bag. I have a little notebook. People always give me these little journals. And I have this little journal. It's my aunt journal.

And every day, almost every day, I write A-N-T-S, automatic negative thoughts. And then I go through the six questions. What's the thought? I write it out. Is it true? Is it 100%? Can I know for 100%? I write the verses out.

What has it make me feel how would I feel without it and I do the opposite and and I could tell you you said to do a hundred of them so my goal is to do a hundred up until the when the book launches this book launches September 11th get it on Amazon but to do a hundred by then to totally rewire my brain. I like science. I like that. I like the rewiring.

I get all that. So I just write stuff down. I try to think of a negative thought because a lot of them are gone. A lot of ants have been killed. So I know there's a couple of them hiding in the corner somewhere, so I try to spray the water again. They're a little like cockroaches. They just somehow they keep popping up. So you just have to be aware of them, right? You little like cockroaches. They just somehow they keep popping up.

So you just have to be aware of them, right? You have babies. And it's okay as long as you know and you've got a solution. And I talk about it since you were there three Sundays ago. I talk about it at church again this past Sunday. And people love the ants. They love the six steps. They love it.

It's changed their life. I've probably gotten more positive comments from this series on the brain called Mind Your Business that I just finished than any other series. And you were a big part of that. I loved it. That's fantastic. So you don't have to suffer. You don't have to allow the automatic negative thoughts to steal your happiness, but you have to develop a discipline around them. Whenever you feel sad, whenever you feel mad, whenever you feel nervous or out of control, write down what you think and then ask yourself, is it true? Stay with us. Use the code PODCAST10 to get a 10% discount on a full Warrior's Way and The Brain Warrior's Way cookbook we give away every month.