Change Your Brain Every Day - How Are Living Your Purpose and Happiness Connected?

Episode Date: May 24, 2021

Dr Daniel and Tana Amen discuss how important it is to live your life with clearly defined values, purpose, and goals.

Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. I'm Dr. Daniel Amen. And I'm Tana Amen. In our podcast, we provide you with the tools you need to become a warrior for the health of your brain and body. The Brain Warriors Way podcast is brought to you by Amen Clinics, where we have been transforming lives for 30 years using tools like brain spec imaging to personalize treatment to your brain. For more information, visit amenclinics.com.

The Brain Warriors Way podcast is also brought to you by BrainMD, where we produce the highest quality nutraceuticals to support the health of your brain and body. To learn more, go to brainmd.com. Welcome back. We're so excited you're with us. We're talking about ways to increase your happiness. And ultimately, that's what brain warriors do. I mean, they fight for happiness because they realize it's a moral obligation that how happy or unhappy you are impacts everybody around you. And you have more to say. So in our last episode, the end of last week, we were talking about relationships and, you know, relationships can really impact your happiness. If they're good, they really impact your happiness in a positive

way. And if they're not, they can impact your happiness in a negative way. And we were talking about our relationship. I mean, you really increase my happiness. You're sort of the end to my yang, if you will. You're calming and grounding and you are very Pollyanna. You see what you see what's good in the world. And that's good for me because I tend to see what's not right in the world. And I love that. Um, but what we were talking about was, um, noticing what we like more than what we don't like. And I was talking about with you and Chloe, how I do that. But one of the things that helps me, I was talking about winning the battle or the war. So sometimes you lose the battle, but you

win the war. Cause it's like, I stepped back and I asked myself, what is important? I, this relationship is more important to me than pretty much anything else. It's more important to me than anything else that, that we could argue about. Right? So if I remember that, then I stepped back and it's, it's not worth it. This rarely is something worth me arguing and holding on to with you or with chloe or anyone else in our family that i want to have a close relationship with and you just always have to ask one thing i always ask myself is does this have eternal value is this ultimately going to have eternal value is this going to make things better eternally or even now in our family in our relationship is this going to make us happier and have more love?

And that goes with question seven. Live your life based on clearly defined values, purpose, and goals. And the question is, does it fit? Does my behavior fit the values, purpose, and goals I have for my life? And ultimately, that leads to the question you just mentioned, does this have eternal value in the context of what I want? I think the most successful people in life, successful in relationships, successful at work, successful with their money,

successful with their physical, emotional, spiritual health is actually know what they want. So they define it, they write it down, and then you're actually telling your brain what you want. Because if you can see it, your not about what you want, it's about what you don't want, then your life is going to basically be on guard against bad things happening. But that's why that question helps me. Does it have eternal value? Because when I get really freaked out, having something bigger than me to focus on really helps me let it go.

Does this have eternal value? Then I can like step back and go, oh, wait a minute, very little has eternal value if it's something minor that I'm, you know, an argument or something that I'm focusing on right now that is not helpful. It rarely has eternal value. And something bigger than myself helps me let it go. Does that make sense? Because we're all going to die eventually. So what are you doing with your time here?

Who bicker often. It's about the little stuff. The little stuff. And it becomes a bad habit. So in the last episode, we talked about negative thinking can be a bad habit. Well, how you interact with each other, is it a good habit? Does it serve and elevate your relationship? Or is it a bad habit

that maybe you picked up from your parents or earlier relationships that you had and whining complaining withholding turns into a pattern of behavior that creates distance. And so what are you doing today that creates closeness versus what are you doing today that creates separation? And I don't want you to be judgmental. I want you to be curious. And because if you're curious, then you just ask yourself, well, does it fit? Does it fit the goals you have?

Which is why I just think goals are foundational. Almost every successful business has a detailed business plan. They know what they want. Like at Amen Clinics and BrainMD, we have a one-page strategic plan. What are our core values? And what are we going to do this quarter, the next 90 days, the next year, the next three to five years but people don't ever think about that for themselves and for their relationships which I think is just it's it's foundational to success and when you went to the Tony Robbins date with Destiny I know that was part of what you guys did right yeah we had a life plan there were a couple things that really helped I think having that life plan

and understanding your values was really critical. That just changed so many things for me. The other thing that really helped me, especially with relationships, because we're talking a lot about relationships and eternal value, as far as happiness goes, Byron Katie has a saying,

defense is the first act of war. And that's the opposite of happiness. Defense is the first act of war. And when I really understood that, it's like, oh, that means when you're defensive, you have to be right. You have to win. And so why? Why do you need to, like, is it really worth it? And when I really understood that defense is the first act of war, if you just drop the rope, does it matter? except it does matter in your happiness right i'm sorry you're probably two of the most powerful words in the world um you know just drop the rope i mean sometimes it does matter big things yes if it has eternal

value boundaries are important but i'm talking about day-to-day, you know, menial things. It's like really pick your battle. Right. The battle or the war. Yeah. And brain type matters here, which is the first question in the happiness challenge is know your type. An interesting example of it this week. This is happening so often and breaking my heart that families are fighting over the vaccine. And one, you know, someone we know, a youngster, she was sort of deciding to get it or

not. And the family put a lot of pressure on her to do it and almost excluded her from events because she didn't get it. And I'm hearing this. A lot. We've been hearing a lot. Actually in my own family between my two girls. And even in marriages. One is really anxious about the virus, the other not at all. Well, and family members saying. And they haven't seen each other. Right. You can't see the rest of the family. We at all. And, uh, Well, family members saying,

And they haven't seen each other. Right. You can't see the rest of the family. We've been hearing a lot of this. You can't come over. You can't see us ever unless you get it. And it's really hard. But the point I'm trying to make is I had her brain and I know she's a type three.

She's a persistent brain type. Her cingulate works too hard. And so never tell type threes what to do, because if you tell them what to do they will do the opposite you know people like this so you have to know about the brain type of the people you're dealing with brainhealthassessment.com will help you know and i introduced her to a word called sovereignty which is basically you need decision-making over your life. So if someone would give you an option, you're so much better than if someone tells you what to do. Now you're not like that. Thank God. But I have been with people who are like that. And that was a painful lesson. You don't like to be told what to do. But your first word isn't always no. And for people who are type three, it's like no matter what you say to them, their first response is no.

My dad was like that. Like no matter what the answer to to any question was no and um if you're with someone like that it's very important to just go we could do this or we could do that what would you like like to do? And give them choices. And you've often heard me say, you do a hit and run, which is you plant a seed and then you let it go. Plant a seed and then you let it go.

So effective for parenting teens. Oh my gosh. Well, and Chloe is someone who needs sovereignty, right? If you try and tell her what to do, surprise her. It's like, oh, I could never throw her a surprise party ever, ever. So yeah, really important to know those things because it's easy to look at them and say they're ungrateful. It's easy to look at people like that and say, you know, they're, they're stubborn or ungrateful and label them. But if you really understand how their brain works, you can also go, okay, I just, I know that surprises make them anxious is what it really is.

Well, and on the surface, they appear selfish, but they're really not selfish. They're rigid. Yeah. Their thinking is rigid. So if you have an autistic child, you know exactly what I'm talking about, or somebody who has OCD or OCD-like tendencies. Anyways, a lot of neuroscience for starting out the week, but we hope this is helpful to you. When we come back, we're going to talk more about eternal value and relationships. Stay with us. If you're enjoying the Brain Warriors Way podcast, please don't forget to subscribe so you'll always know when there's a new episode. And while you're at it, feel free to give us a review or five-star rating as that helps others find the podcast.

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