Change Your Brain Every Day - How One Family Member’s Illness Can Affect the Entire Family

Episode Date: April 24, 2019

In this episode of The Brain Warrior’s Way Podcast, we continue the story of the how Tana’s father’s health issues turned her into a reluctant healer, which then paved the way for redemption. This section chronicles the impact a leukemia diagnosis had on the family. Although times were tough as ever, maintaining a balanced brain and sense of understanding kept things in perspective.

Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. I'm Dr. Daniel Amen. And I'm Tana Amen. In our podcast, we provide you with the tools you need to become a warrior for the health of your brain and body. The Brain Warriors Way podcast is brought to you by Amen Clinics, where we have been transforming lives for 30 years using tools like brain spec imaging to personalize treatment to your brain. For more information, visit amenclinics.com. The Brain Warriors Way podcast is also brought to you by BrainMD, where we produce the highest quality nutraceuticals to support the health of your brain and body. To learn more, go to brainmd.com. Welcome back to the Reluctant Healer. And, you know, I love sharing this story. It was a very important part of our sort of relationship

history and, you know, sort of one of the first relationships we tackled together and it was very important so one of the things i think that was important for me um we're talking about my dad but we're also talking about a new relationship starting between us and there was there was some annoyance i was like annoyed my dad was moving in with me there was all this stuff going on with me and my dad but when you're talking about getting together with someone and starting a relationship and starting a life with them, it's also important to step back and see what that person is like. And even though I was fairly annoyed with you for bringing him down here, it told me a lot about you and your view on family.

And that was actually really important. So I might have been annoyed about that specific situation, but I realized something that you don't back down when family is in trouble. You don't back down when there's a challenge. And for me, as somebody who had a little girl, that was really important. So I realized family was really important to you. Sometimes those relationships were more critical for you to dig into and want to heal than they were for me. Because there were things that I had pushed, not just pushed out, but I was clear. They had been so toxic that I didn't want them in.

And you were like, no, let's do this. And it was a love-hate thing. Well, and sometimes people are so toxic that you need to push them out. So I'm not, even though I've been accused of being Pollyanna-ish, although Pollyanna is my favorite movie. Yeah, he is. I know there's a reality that you become like the people you spend time with. But often people eliminate people from their lives or ban people from their lives. And nobody knows, well, it could be their brain.

And if you don't look, how would you ever know? And once you balance their brain, often, not always, but often their relationships are better. They have more empathy, more forethought, better judgment, better impulse, control, all of those things that go into making us who we are. And so he teaches an all-day seminar at church, and we're sort of feeling good about ourselves that he is progressing,

and we really like that. And I think it's at that point I begin to meet your sisters. That was yet another part to the story. We'll tell that story another time. That's a whole other thing. But you begin to think about how do all these brains interact with each other. And no family therapist I know outside of the ones here at Amen Clinics and a couple of my friends like Dr. Hensland, Earl Hensland,

who's in Bray, Southern California, they just never think about the brain as it relates to relationships and so now in the beginning of our relationship we actually begin to put the brain in the center of it scan you scan your dad then I scan your mom and your uncle who are working together they both have terrible add balancing their add they stop fighting with each other your mom just recently sold her business when you balance the brain people can get along better and then a couple of years later, your dad actually gets sick with a medical illness. Yeah.

So it's interesting. So he's doing so well. And like I said before, it didn't just all get better. We had to work. I mean, there was a lot of work that went into the relationship getting better. And so there were ups and downs. And there were some weird things about you don't just blend your life with someone after, you know, 36 or 37 years. And all of a sudden it just all better. Um, so we were working on a lot of stuff and letting a lot of

stuff go. And he was doing so much better though, physically, his health was so much better. And all of a sudden he was diagnosed with leukemia, a form of leukemia. And it was pretty crazy. He had to start going through chemo. And so now he's sick again. And, but it wasn't Alzheimer's disease, right? I mean, it was something completely unrelated, completely different. And so he got pretty sick. And through that process, one thing I did notice through that process is it affected his brain again. So, you know, when he would not feel well, when he would go through chemo, when his blood count was low, when his hemoglobin was low, stuff like that would actually, he would slip back into some of his old behaviors. And fortunately, it was actually you that pointed it out to me. I would get so irritated.

And you're like, wait a second. He's not actually getting oxygen to his brain. So that would actually be helpful because I could step back and go, oh, that's true. So the nurse in me could put that together. The biological thing I could actually deal with. The just sort of being a jerk thing, not so easy to deal with, right?

Although they may be closely related. Well, that's what I mean. I could deal with that. Because I can remember being in the hospital and people getting ICU psychosis and people having reactions to medications. That I can deal with all day long. So when I would hear that, it was easy. It was easier. And so when he finally got this progressed, it was pretty bad. And he actually for a while was living independently again. So that was pretty wild. Actually for a good long while. Yeah, for a couple years.

He lived independently again, which he wanted to, which was interesting. So we had to move him back in with us. And he was living in one you know, one of our bedrooms downstairs because he couldn't climb stairs. And eventually we had to have hospice come. And it was so interesting because I remember having such a hard time. I was starting to get physical manifestations and I didn't know why. I was having, I never get headaches like ever. I was having these massive headaches and I felt sort of nauseous. I was not feeling I never get headaches, like ever. I was having these massive headaches, and I felt sort of nauseous. I was not feeling well at all, and I couldn't figure it out.

And I was getting, I was getting these like, like very anxious, not mad at him, just like anxious feelings when he would moan and like, like he was going through certain physical issues, and I could not figure it out. And I got to tell you, hospice nurses, God bless you. You guys are an amazing breed of people. Cause as a trauma nurse, like I'm a hard charging, like let's do something. And so when I couldn't do something, I just sort of freaked out. And so it was the hospice nurse that pulled me aside and she goes, I was like, I don't feel well. I don't know what's going on. I just can't, I was like feeling really blah, like I was going to throw up or pass out or something. And, um, which is weird because I'm used to seeing like literally blood and guts all

day long, brain tissue and like fractured skulls. And, and so, and she pulled me aside. I'm like, this doesn't even make sense. I just feel so awful. And she pulled me aside. She said, yeah, it makes perfect sense. She said, you're used to always doing something. And now is the time when you need to not do something. Now is the time when you need to let him go with grace. And I like that. I literally felt really sick for a second. And then I was like, oh my God, she's right. Like I didn't, that's just such a hard thing to grasp, letting someone go with grace and with dignity. And that's what hospice nurses do.

It was such a weird thing to experience. So this man that you were disconnected from and held a lot of animosity toward, came back, had a better brain, you guys had a better relationship, you were able to heal one of the biggest hurts of anyone's life is their relationship with their father. And the day he died, he asked me to go to Taco Bell and get him an Enchirito. And I'm like, no, you know, why am I going to accelerate your death?

It was so funny. And your book had just come out, you know. Change your brain, change your body. Yeah, and I'm like, oh my God, you're going to have to go cloak and dagger. I mean, if I'm on my deathbed, give me what I want. We knew he was dying, so. So I went and got him an Enchirito, and then he died. But I want to talk about that day in the next episode, because it was really an amazing day.

It was actually a miraculous beautiful day which sounds really weird for the day that someone dies but that people who've been around people who died that doesn't sound weird at all yeah i need to talk about it it was so wild stay with us if you're enjoying the brain warriors way podcast please don't forget to subscribe so you'll always know when there's a new episode and And while you're at it, feel free to give us a review or five-star rating as that helps others find the podcast. If you're interested in coming to Amen Clinics, use the code PODCAST10 to get a 10% discount on a full evaluation at amenclinics.com. For more information, give us a call at 855-978-1363.