Change Your Brain Every Day - How Soldiers Overcome Extreme Trauma: PT. 1 Denny’s Story

Episode Date: February 6, 2018

California native Denny Salisbury was 19 years old when he had his first brush with an IED bomb while serving our country in Iraq. Although it was a harrowing experience, it was minor in comparison to the other brushes with death he would soon experience, both in combat and back at home. In this episode of The Brain Warrior’s Way Podcast, Dr. Daniel Amen and Tana Amen are joined by Denny as he relates his terrifying ordeals.

Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. I'm Dr. Daniel Amen. And I'm Tana Amen. Here we teach you how to win the fight for your brain to defeat anxiety, depression, memory loss, ADHD, and addictions. The Brain Warriors Way podcast is brought to you by Amen Clinics, where we've transformed lives for three decades using brain spec imaging to better target treatment and natural ways to heal the brain. For more information, visit amenclinics.com.

The Brain Warriors Way podcast is also brought to you by BrainMD, where we produce the highest quality nutraceutical products to support the health of your brain and body. For more information, visit brainmdhealth.com. Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. Well, I'm so thrilled today. We have a special guest. We have Denny Salisbury, who I met when I was with Chloe at a wilderness survival retreat, which you thought I was crazy to go on. But I'm actually really happy I went because meeting Denny was one of the highlights of the trip. You know, I actually enjoyed sleeping in the dirt and building shelters and doing all that

stuff. I know you would not have liked that. But Denny's story really caught me. It just tugged at my heartstrings. I called you immediately afterwards and I wasn't expecting it and it was just one of those stories and we both have a very special place in our hearts for veterans. Denny is a veteran and so first we want to say hello Denny. How are you? I am doing wonderful. Just had surgery so I'm healing up from that. Well we're happy that at least you are able to talk to us and share with us today.

We want to sort of go into, you know, your story and what happened. And I called Daniel and I was talking 100 miles a minute. And I'm like, this is why we do what we do. I mean, every now and then. I love that he doesn't say no to me often. When he does, I'm usually in shock. But I called him and I'm like, look, this is why we do what we do. And I usually reserve, you know, an opportunity to bring someone in under my wing, you know, at least once a year.

And your story, just you were that person. So I loved your story. It was amazing and, well, sad, tragic, but it's why we do what we do. And so can you start by talking to us and, you know, tell us a little bit about, you know, your military experience. You were in the Marines, correct? Yes. How old were you when you went in? So I went in right out of high school. So January of 2006, I joined boot camp and that was in San Diego.

Okay. And I flew down there and it was, I mean, it was a shock. I didn't really know. Didn't know what you were getting yourself into. I had that same feeling when I went to basic training in 1972. It's like, what? I know you told me, you said you were all excited to go. And then all of a sudden you had someone screaming that you, you're calling you maggot and telling you what to do. I'm like, that's not what I expected. It was a surreal feeling because if you've flown into San Diego,

there's a big rappel tower right next to the airport. It says USMC right down the side. Right. It's the thing I had to see when I flew in. So it was. So you were at pendleton then yes that's right near us yeah it really is until you probably go to basic training it probably is great um so you ended up right away going to iraq is that where you went um so actually there's

quite a bit of training before you get to ira I had a full year's worth of training, which I thought was very good training. We really trained hard. I spent three months in boot camp, and then I went to school of infantry and then got shipped out to 2-7, the unit, 29 Palms. So I spent a little over six months out there training and it was just preparing for war and that's that's ironic because when I was in high school I didn't think I was going to join the military but then 2001 September 11th and it was just for me it motivated me enough to to join the military so I mean I knew I had to do it. And so when I did the testing,

actually, I scored quite high and I could have done whatever I wanted to in the military, but I chose to go into the infantry for the Marine Corps. And my family has a history of being in the military. So, I mean, it just felt natural. It's really interesting. You mentioned something. And I'm not bashing the military by any means because I think that, you know, the guys who join all men and women who join the military and serve our country, they're our heroes. I mean, I actually, police officers, soldiers, I mean, I look up to all of them. But what bothers me a little bit is we do do a really good job of marketing and motivating people to join. But I don't think as a country we do a very good job, jump in if you think I'm wrong, of supporting them afterwards.

Well, I was in the Army 10 years. I started as an infantry medic. And I think it's one of the most important developmental periods of my life. I actually joined during a war, too. It was during Vietnam. But no, we can do better. But let's hear about Denny's story. So you're really well trained in the infantry as a Marine.

And then what happens? So in January of 2007, actually about one year later from joining bootcamp, we went to Fallujah, Iraq. And when we landed, it was like a week after Saddam had just got home. So there was a lot of uprising in the area the area but uh i mean that was my first deployment and i remember landing in in the country of iraq and i was just i don't know if enthralled would be the right word i'm scared at the same time very curious but also very like recluse um i remember we were driving into the our base and in Camp Fallujah is what it was.

And I really wanted to look outside and see what I was getting myself into. And I remember my seniors who were there the year before, you know, they knew a lot better than I did. And they were all tucked behind the armor. And I remember peeking my head over the armor to just look out at the city. And, you know, there's palm trees on fire cars on fire buildings in pieces it was surreal to say the least and uh i remember our truck got shot by a sniper and it just you hear the tink hit the truck and all my seniors were like i told you get down you know a lot a lot different language they use so then we we pulled into our base, and we didn't really know that there was artillery, big, big guns that were right next to where we were sleeping for our stay in Iraq.

And they immediately started firing into the city of Fallujah and the surrounding cities. And all my seniors hit the ground because we had no clue if it was incoming or outgoing. And that was just my first sense of what I was getting myself into. Nice welcome. What's that? Nice welcome. That's pretty crazy. Right.

I mean, I'm glad that they were sending the heat in a different direction. But it was about two weeks later when I really started. We started doing missions because you kind of got to left seat, right seat is the term where you learn what the unit that's there already has to teach you from what they've learned. Right. So we we did that. And within the first month on February 16th, I got hit by my first IED that my first bomb IED. We we had an illumination round that hit us earlier in the deployment. And that was just really scary. It kind of lit up the sky and it was on the ground, caught, you know, caught bushes on fire because they didn't know what ordinance they were putting

in the ground. So that was a scary experience. So that was kind of another welcome. And one month after that was my first IED and that it gave 12 plus concussions. Oh, so that's not even, that's not even the one that the story I heard about. That's a different. No, no, no. Oh, holy cow. Yeah. And I think this is really important to set it up is, and tell me, had you had any brain

injuries before you went into the military? Yes. So I grew up playing Pop Warner football from third grade to, I mean, I was one of the best players in Northern California for tight end and defense and then my junior and senior year. So I played my whole life basically football. And you're a pretty big guy. So lots of high impact sports. I mean, I skateboarded and just anything you can think of where I was punishing my body is basically what I was doing growing up. It's just part of the adventure, I guess. Right. is to protect a child's brain because it just can impact

the rest of your life. So going in, playing football and skateboard and so on, you could have likely had, like me, I played football, a vulnerable brain. And then as you get to Iraq, just- So you already had a concussion, right? A couple of weeks there, you're exposed to your first IED.

Tell us what happened. Yeah, so we were just kind of on patrol. Well, we had some, another unit in our area, they were under attack and it was in the middle of the night and they needed emergency, you know, they needed quick quick reaction force they needed to be pulled out of there quickly so we got in our trucks there was five of us our five trucks about you know 25 30 people and we took off driving down there and uh i remember we pat we passed their location by maybe 100 feet and so we began to turn around our convoy. And I was in the second

truck. The first truck had begun to turn around. And I just looked over to my left out the window. And I see just all the telltale signs of a vehicle born IED. I mean, this thing was laying on the ground, the car was laying on the ground, like the axles were gone, or the shocks were gone, right? The trunk was sagging very low. There were wires hanging out. All the windows were spray painted black. And I just looked at it and I remember telling myself, oh, you know, oh, bleep, that's an IED. I said IED, it exploded.

And I remember just watching a piece of the bumper or something tumble at my window. And it just, I mean, it spiderwebbed my window right next to me and it popped open the door on both the left side, both passenger and driver door. And I just, I remember hearing a piece of metal tinking off of all the metal inside of our truck. All the armors are like, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink. And it lands on my seat.

And I didn't realize anything of it. I'm trying to hold the doors closed because, I mean, I'm not really aware of what just happened. It kind of rocked me pretty good. Everyone in the truck is kind of like, what the heck? We knew it was an IED, but it was just really crazy. And when the door swung open, there was just this big burning crater. So, yeah, I closed the door. I wasn't going to hop out in that.

We still had to pick up those guys. But we ended up telling them that they had to run back on their own because we just got two of our trucks almost disabled. And we were driving back to our base. And I remember sitting on this molten lava piece of metal that had been tinking around in the truck. So that was definitely a scary experience for me. And when we went to like clean out the truck from all the you know to fix the truck from what happened what they had a piece of shrapnel had went through all of our gear and all of our water and all of our food and it's stuck in the the armor it's just like the thinnest armor right behind my head less than a quarter inch of just kevlar and it's it's just

this little door so you can reach into the, but everything else is like two inches thick of armor. So, I mean, I kept that piece of shrapnel. Wow. So you already had PTSD and brain injury, like early on before the, before your really big, um, explosion happened that I heard about. You can't say PTSD. So he had a traumatic event, which is obvious. Well, so you wouldn't call that you would, that wouldn't say PTSD. So he had a traumatic event, which is obvious. Well, so you wouldn't call that, that wouldn't cause PTSD? I hadn't interpreted it badly.

Yeah, no, not yet. And you probably had a concussive blow with the IED being so close to when it exploded. And then did you notice anything different about yourself after that first ied so they actually took all 12 of us out of the field for three days and i do just remember being you know slower i just felt slower my body was sore i mean i was just really exhausted but i don't know if that was just from being on a very very schedule that we were on i mean demanding so i i feel like it gave me a concussion i mean i was probably so um it had to is a massive bomb right it was right next to me and dodged it so that's in february of 2008 2007 and then what happened uh so we just can kind of

continue our mission and like i was saying tana the um it i was kind of preparing for war right the whole year so when i got blown up the first time it wasn't like a a real shock you know kind of comes with the territory but the the one that happened on April 16th was far, far worse. And so I have to mention that the day before, so this is April 15th, we were, we kind of got put up in a situation where these guys were trying to hijack a car right in front of us and kind of beat up some civilians. So we kind of aggressively chased after them and shot at them i don't know if we got any but you know that what happened was

is the very very next day and this is april 15th i mean same day april 15th we went over to this house and i'd been there before and my lieutenant had asked myself and another guy in my truck to dismount and go into this house and kind of talk with the people and again I've seen these people before had conversations with them on more than one occasion and when I walked in that door these guys were laying on the ground cowering like rear like back on their hands and you know back on their elbows just kind of like don't hurt me and I knew immediately I was like something wrong. And so I asked for backup, and I was denied backup. And so I ran back out to the truck. And the very next day, we were,

we kind of just started our normal routine, went out on a mounted patrol, five trucks, and we all got in our vehicles. And what we do is sweep in front of our vehicles a big shape of a v goes out 100 yards and up 100 yards and it's 45 degree angle from the front bumper of our first truck right so like a big cone off the front of the truck and uh i'm on the front of the very left side so i'm as far this away from truck as you can be other than the right and where i'm kind of walking along and looking for wires because we trip over them that's the way we find ieds and that's because during the war while i was there there was multiple ways to stop ieds we would jam them with a jammer or we would find the wires and so whatever the situation for them was they'd work

around it essentially and what they had done was watched us for so long that they ended up burying the wire. Just where right as I was about to trip over it, they sent a car racing out of our convoy. And this guy pulled his e-brake out and hung his AK out the window and just started shooting at all of us. So we were called back to our truck right before we were tripping over the wire. So, I mean, it was, now that I look back, it's easily a well-planned ambush against us. So it was, it's kind of scary to think of that. But I ran back to the truck, hopped in, and we took off to pursue.

And the first truck drove over the bomb. It didn't go off. And then my truck went over it. Oh, God. And boom, I didn't so much hear the blast as I felt. It just, everything turned dark and it was brown inside of my vehicle. And I felt weightless, you know, floating through the air.

And it was really crazy. And I remember telling myself while this is going on, like, oh my gosh, that was another IED. And the truck hit the ground and then rolled, I feel like it, but I'm not quite sure what happened after the first impact to the ground. I think I was knocked unconscious. So I woke up to the inside of my truck was like on fire for a flash second, a couple seconds. Like that's what woke me up.

And my face was just, it burned. And so disoriented, I hopped out of my truck, which at this point in time, the entire front is gone. Most of the right side is gone. The shotgun position is just gone. The right side of the armor is 50 yards off the road. The engine block with the pistons blown out was 200 yards down the road in front of us. And the roof of our truck was pinched like a wedge. And I hopped out and tried to slam my door, but the armor, it was just like a muscle memory. I'm trying to close the door. I remember focusing on that for quite a bit of time.

And then I see my buddy right next to me and he's just hanging out the truck and I knew that I needed to help him. I ran around the truck once and kind of triaged the scene. And then I went to pull out my buddy who was the gunner. He was standing up next to me, but now he's laying out the driver's door. And he's in between the legs of our driver, which is one stuck up by his head and the other one's pinned down below the steering wheel. And the driver's stuck in the roof above my seat.

So I don't know if that is an explanation that you can visualize, but my gunner was trapped in the radio mount. When the transmission came through the floorboard, it wrapped this aluminum radio mount that held two radios. It wrapped his ankles inside of it, and that kept him in the vehicle as we were rolling around and tumbling. And so his legs his ankles up to his femurs were just shattered and his lower back was broken and at that point

in time i seen the guy that was sitting next to me he was about 50 yards um in in front of me and i'm staring at the vehicle perpendicular to me and so i'm looking through where the passenger seat would be, the shotgun seat. And I see him just laying in a big puddle of his own blood in the middle of the road. And I told the guy I was trying to treat that I couldn't pull him out. And I ran over to help him. And that's when the rest of my guys showed up. And so I just frantically started searching for a gun because mine was in pieces. And I went and took cover and one of my friends came over and he helped me kind of patch up my wounds and I had shrapnel on my face and I

had burns on my face second degree burns on my face I mean shrapnel on my neck I had holes in my right and left leg I broke my ankle and then the concussion so So finally got treated or got some first aid on there, and then some helicopters landed. And during this time, I had to kind of direct my platoon as they ran up. I didn't have to, but I just knew what the scene looked like. So I remember my guys running up and asking where our lieutenant was, and I had to keep emphasizing that he was gone, you know, and they wanted to still see his body.

So I pointed them in the direction, but I made sure that the imperative was to get, you know, this gunner who's stuck, get the driver out who's bleeding out, get the guy that was sitting next to me because he's got a massive head wound. You know, they took precedence at that moment. And then so the healing process from that, I went straight into surgery, and it was excruciating. They had to dig out shrapnel and I mean, willow wire brush my face to get all the burns and debris off.

And then from there, I went off to Qatar and I wasn't even 21, by the way. I'm 19 getting ready to turn 20 and I turned 20 in Qatar. And so, yeah, by the way. I'm 19, getting ready to turn 20. And I turned 20 in Qatar. And so, yeah, on May 18th. So a year, I mean, a month after I was wounded, I was still healing in Qatar. And then they sent me back to Fallujah, and I wasn't ready for it. And so I ended up going home, and just I didn't really recover quite like i wanted to um i was just given an excessive amount of meds essentially and and it was a struggle from there i mean but

when did you go back to fallujah it was june june of 07 that same year yeah so i went and healed for a little while after being wounded and then and did you go back to doing the same job? So that injury ended up getting me medically separated from the Marine Corps on a med board. So I got like a second pack agent. So in June, when you went back to Fallujah, that you then got a medical board and then were... Oh, I mean, I began the process. Yeah. So I had to get out of the country and that I just, I wasn't in the right mindset and I didn't feel 100%.

And I couldn't justify it to my buddies. Like, I was like, hey, I want to come out there with you, but I don't feel 100%. And that could get one of you killed or me killed. And I just can't, like it's not something I was willing to risk. So who died in the vehicle? First Lieutenant Sean Blue, Lance Corporal Jesse De La Torre.

Both of them died. Yes. And then so when I flew back to Fallujah, they kind of had me do some mundane duties like radio watch in the command center. And the very first day in Fallujah, very first day back seeing my unit after being separated from them for a while, and I'm sitting in there on radio watch, and the first thing that happens to me is my platoon is taking contact. And I hear right over the net that we had a KIA already, and he's not even just from my platoon, but he's from my squad.

So he was shot in the head by a sniper, and he was killed, right? So I was supposed to go from that duty radio watch to my psychologist, right? But that was within my radio watch. my psychologist right but that was in within my radio watch i hear this and so my with the xo the executive officer kind of like the second dude in charge in the in the clc he he comes over to me and he goes hey lance corporal salisbury just so you know lance corporal strong was just shot and killed by a sniper so if you hear any rumors um you just you know the answer all He's all, you can go see your buddy before you go to your psych appointment. Right. And so this guy that I'm going to see was

one of my, he was one of the most motivational Marines that I've ever met. He had trained me to be who I was. I mean, he was a really good person, but he had gotten sick. And so I was supposed to go over there, but not tell him that his friend just got killed and so I had to go in there and I remember just like I was crying like crazy and I just I felt bad because I wasn't so much crying to see him I was crying because I couldn't tell him that our friend just got killed and it was really a screwed up situation so I went to see the psych and I was like I can't i can't be here right now so i'm just i'm not right in my head and i used a couple choice words and sayings and um i guess they ended up sending me home yeah that was wow wow so what happened then um So I went,

I came back to the U.S. And what month is that? That was, so I got back July 1st of 2007. Okay. And so on July 1st, I remember I was able to request leave and I went home. I mean, right off the bat, there was some drama that happened at home.

So it was just. So you walked right into challenges, which wasn't helpful probably. No, I went straight. I mean, yeah, right when I got home, the very first thing I see is this guy just punches a girl and knocks her out right in front of me. And I was like, what? I mean, this is not what I front of me and I was like what I mean what did this is not what I just fought for I said I was seriously disturbed and I remember telling people like they were asking what's wrong you know because I had bandages on and I was in crutches they were

like what's wrong with you and I said that I was I was hurt in Iraq and they said oh really was it a car wreck or a motorcycle wreck oh my god level level of ignorance that I came home to was very disgusting. It was like, I mean, at that time there's, you know, all these sports games on and people just had this disconnect from the reality that we're over there fighting and dying. And there was, and there was all this fake thank yous, you know, thank you for your service. Not saying that all of them are fake but there was kind of like a false support so it had to i mean i i can only assume it probably had to feel to you like why was i there like why did i risk my life and almost lose my life and two of my buddies lost

their lives or three of them or however many of them tons of them why why did i do this yeah that's been a that has been a question I'm sure that's haunted quite a few people. I mean, at the same time, you know, I don't want to be negative about the military. I mean, the Marines, the Army, that experience, those people that I met and lived with were the greatest people I've ever met and will ever meet. No, and a lot of us sincerely do consider, I mean, I feel safer because I know a lot of people agree with me, you know, police officers, soldiers, we sleep better at night because we know there are people out there who do that job. It's a necessary thing. It's just got to feel to those of you who experienced what you experienced like why did I do it we certainly feel like they could do a better job of supporting you know our heroes well it was an ambivalent war

right like Vietnam right was an ambivalent why we were there right it was an ambivalent war I mean nobody felt threatened because of the Vietnamese in Southeast Asia, and nobody felt threatened by Saddam Hussein in California, right? But, you know, because of the political powers that be, and as soldiers, you know, as an infantry medic and as an infantry Marine, that's sort of not our job, right? Our job is to do what we're told and we do, but when you come home, whether from Vietnam or from Iraq, and people don't really understand, they don't get it, it's hard. And you ask yourself the question, why did that happen? but tell us quickly and then um we're going to go on to uh the scan and we're going to go on to healing uh tell us tell us um quickly over the next 10 years what happened so actually i got to the point where I was on so much medication.

And at that time, you know, I'm having a daughter that's being born. And I have a wife that isn't so much, we weren't right for each other kind of a thing. So it was, I was in a very, very bad state. I mean, I wanted to die every day. I felt like I wanted to die every day. I was on so many medications and just no hope spending all my money. It just, it wasn't what I wanted and I knew it, but I couldn't do anything about it. It was so hard to, to come off those medications just by yourself. It's deadly even. And I remember going to the VA and I was begging them for help every day. I was taking an excess amount of medications

and I just wanted again to die. And I got to the point where I really did. I tried to kill myself. I wanted to shoot myself in the head. And when I squeezed my trigger, the gun did not go off. So I was extremely fortunate, but you know what at the same time i may have subconsciously not loaded it it had a magazine in it but there was the bullet in the chamber did not fire so i mean wow i uh so i went straight to the va and to my psychologist and i was like i really need help right now or i'm gonna die i'm gonna die and i remember swear to god i got on my hands and knees and I begged her. I was like, please help me. And I'm crying tears of freaking porn out of my face. And they kind of just didn't do anything. And for two months, I'm sitting there

begging for my life, it felt like. And I'm asking for them to put me in a program. And I'm looking for programs on my own. And finally, I just got to the point where I advocated for myself. Even though I'm in a delirium, I'm almost unconscious every day from all the meds. I just knew that I had to be in a better place. And I ended up, I was so desperate that I ended up going to this rehab center that's in downtown San Francisco. It's in like one of the most ghetto parts of San Francisco. I mean, you can hear gunshots when you're in that place, you can hear them outside and the people that are coming off the streets with drug habit, you know, addiction, and they're trying to suffer through

their withdrawals under a roof, you know, so they all have scabies and bed bugs and it's just, but I was so desperate to get clean that I went in there and just, I'd suffered through two weeks of it. I'm just sure agony of, because in order for me to go to this program at Menlo Park, I knew that I wanted to go there clean and sober. And after I voiced that concern, they made sure that I couldn't get in there unless I was clean or sober. And finally they, I was able to get healed from that or not even healed. I, I, I had to leave that that rehab center because it was just so much too much for me. Um,

but I went home and just suffered the other two weeks just on my own. And was this prescription medication or was this other kinds of drugs? This was all prescription. I didn't do street drugs. I just, prescriptions that were given to me through the military, through the VA, I was just, there was no regulation so much. So I was just able to keep asking for more and more and higher amounts. One statistic, my friend Colonel Daniel Johnston, told me the more prescription medications veterans are on, the more likely they are to kill themselves.

Crazy. Well, it makes sense. So, yeah. I was on 15 at the highest point. Yeah. Wow. And I'm not even 21 at that time. You know, 15 medications, like, give me a break.

I mean, I share that. Right. But that's what traditional medicine does it's you have a symptom they give you a drug they get you know they're side effect they give you a drug for the side effect and they're all disconnected when did you go into the program in menlo park that was uh i want to say sometime in 2012, maybe like August. Okay. And you found that to be really helpful for you, correct? It was. It was a three-month inpatient program. And in the last month, their focus is on trauma therapy to kind of dissect your trauma. They take you all the way back to where it started.

And you look at it from multiple perspectives. And it kind of helps you understand where problematic thinking arises from from that's awesome i thought it's very helpful and they also taught communication skills and coping skills and anger management and at the same time there was a cycling program within that and i definitely got i was like i'll do it you know i'll try the spandex i'll i'll I'll sleep in, you know, I was super, you know, I was biased against wearing spandex at the time. It's funny.

Cause it, you know, it's really helpful for those. Sort of like you and minivans. Yeah. Me and minivans. I won't drive a minivan. Yes.

So I, and I won't wear pink lace. All right. So that was super helpful. All right. So now people have sort of a context for what happened to you and the war that you were still in when you came home. So the war Chloe and I recently watched the movie, Thank You For Your Service. And it was so sad, but it did a really good job of talking about

how when these guys come home, the different perspectives, one guy just wants to go back, wants to go back, but he can't. You know, one guy is like you, desperate. He suffered so much over there and he's desperately begging them to help him. Can't get the help he needs. And the VA is pretty much just overwhelmed. And they just can't do a good job.

They don't have the right model. They don't. They don't have the right. So how many people in your recovery, since you came home from Iraq, looked at your brain and taught you how to rehabilitate it? I don't think anybody looked at your brain and taught you how to rehabilitate it? I don't think anybody looked at my brain. Maybe when I was in Camp Pendleton, I got a brain scan and I was able to do some,

oh, I can't think of what it's called, some sort of therapy for that. But I don't think they really grasped how bad or what direction it was versus, I mean, it was a PTSD or TBI. You know, they didn't calculate it down to the way that your scan has done it, what you have told me. So when we come back, we're going to talk a little bit about how you and Danny met. And then your visit to the clinic and what you learned and what happened then. Stay with us. All right.

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