Change Your Brain Every Day - How Stacked Stressors Take a Toll on Your Brain

Episode Date: November 16, 2020

In Tana Amen’s upcoming book, “The Relentless Courage of a Scared Child”, she inventories the packed bag of stressors she carried early in her life. Luckily for her, she found a way to build strength out of her chaos. But what happens when stressors in your own life begin to stack to a seemingly insurmountable height? This episode features a discussion in which Tana and Dr. Amen describe what stacked stressors can do the brain and body, and how you can keep your mind under control while you remove some of that weight off your shoulders.  For info on Tana Amen's upcoming free live virtual event, visit tanaamen.com/event  

Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. I'm Dr. Daniel Amen. And I'm Tana Amen. In our podcast, we provide you with the tools you need to become a warrior for the health of your brain and body. The Brain Warriors Way podcast is brought to you by Amen Clinics, where we have been transforming lives for 30 years using tools like brain spec imaging to personalize treatment to your brain. For more information, visit amenclinics.com. The Brain Warriors Way podcast is also brought to you by BrainMD, where we produce the highest quality nutraceuticals to support the health of your brain and body. To learn more, go to Brainmd.com. Welcome back. As we're going through the relentless courage of a scared child, there are just so many issues.

I'm not sure how to take that. You often say you're a psychiatrist. No, you often say that. I don't say that. He says that. And you have been. At least I'm not a psychiatrist nightmare. This psychiatrist dream. Because you're so strong. But yet that was born out of chaos and stress.

And so, you know, we talked about the molestation. We talked about losing your voice. And so as you go into adolescence, a whole bunch of things sort of came together from developing early and you know a lot of people don't understand but as child psychiatrists when you develop early it causes all sorts of stress yeah it did and psychological issues. Your mom's chaotic relationships and her problem with the picker. So where do we go? So, you know, one of the things that I think is, first of all, I want to relate this back to people. The whole reason I wrote this book was to relate it back to people that we hear from all the time.

And I don't think I'm alone. I think I'm pretty typical. Well, I don't know if I'm typical, but I think I'm not that uncommon. My story is not that uncommon, really. Already, I've been hearing from so many people on social media saying, my story was like your story. And that's really why I wrote it so that people would understand like, it's not that uncommon, and you're not alone. But what happened was, my teenagers, I think, were some of the most stressful years, because these stresses began to stack, and they stacked quickly. So in addition to developing really early and looking much older

than I was, um, I didn't, you know, we, and it's funny now girls change their pictures. They all sort of look that way. They're sort of used to it. We didn't have social media back then. So if you looked like that, you got this insane amount of attention for the way you looked and not from boys, I mean, from men. And so it began to be weird. It just began to be weird. I told you my, in the last episode that my, um, dad, my stepdad called me sexy bitch. And that, that was sort of a nickname that I had. And he didn't, he thought it was hilarious. He didn't really mean that much by it, but I started to develop this code red identity crisis, if you will. So I hated the attention I got. I was really young. I mean. I was like 14 when it started.

Nickname at school became drugs and at home it was sexy bitch. I didn't like it. If I went out, I started to try to cover up. I'd cover up with a sweatshirt. I'd go out with no makeup. Then I would get no attention. Or worse, people would say, are you okay? Because they were used to me looking differently. When that happened, I began to realize that I began to crave the attention that I hated. And that's when I began- So you wanted it, but you didn't like it.

I didn't like it, but I needed it. But you wanted it. I began to need it. Oh, that's so interesting. So just to give you context of wanting versus liking, I'm working on a new book called Happy, the Neuroscience of Feeling Good in Four Decisions and Four Questions. We talk about dopamine. That's the hit you get when somebody notices you.

It can make you want it again, but you might not necessarily like it. So if you think of someone who smokes, they want the cigarette, but they often don't like it. They're really doing it to satisfy the addiction and they hate it because they know it's causing cancer and making them smell and it's expensive and so on and so you wanted it because the attention fed your reward circuits so that's what dopamine does gives us reward um but you didn't really like it that was really uncomfortable a conflict yeah and i began to sort of hide um if you will so it's like this is what people expect me to look like so I would do it because it's I thought that it's what was expected of me but I almost felt like a performing monkey it was a little weird um and I was really young so you know 14 15 16 and then it began to stack because you know someone says you should start

modeling and I started modeling. And then that was a whole ugly world at that time, especially. Um, so, um, there was this, there's a story about a producer in the book that is just a mess. And these things began to happen quickly. And so, um, and I didn't have supervision. My mom would always tell me, I mean, she was doing the best she could. She worked so many hours and she's like, I'm just so happy. I'm so lucky you're such a good kid that I can trust you. I'm so lucky that I can trust you and that you don't get into trouble. And I wasn't looking for trouble.

It was just there all the time. It was finding me. It was finding me. And so, but what happened was all of a sudden it sort of culminates into this date rape situation. The last, the final stressor, I think before the dam broke was a date rape. And at that point it just came crashing down. And what happened? This was the guy you actually liked. I liked him. Yeah, it was weird. And then it just, I don't want to go into detail. It's not something I really want to talk about in detail on a podcast, but it, you know, it was an ugly situation.

And it again, confused me because it's like, did I ask for it? Was it my fault? Was that really rape? That wasn't rape. Like I couldn't identify what it actually meant and whether it was my fault or whether, and all of a sudden I began to have these thoughts I hadn't had since I was a child. When I was really young, I actually thought I was stupid because I was behind in school. And then I figured out, oh, I'm actually really smart once I got older and was more cognitively developed. And I started

school when I was four. And so I was way behind. Don't do that. Yeah, I was way behind. Do not start children in kindergarten when they're four. Yeah. Right. If you are sort of on the cusp, like I was on the cusp, my birthday's in July. Mine was in December. So you were like six months. And for me, if I was my parents, it would have held me back another year, but it's so early and it puts kids behind for a long time. It really affects your self-esteem. Correct. So I used to think I was stupid when I was young. And now all of a sudden fast forward and this, this date rape happens. And I, for the first time in a long time began to wonder, maybe I am really stupid. Like maybe I, maybe I'm not that smart because these things keep happening to me. It never really occurred

to me that it's because I, I lacked supervision or I lacked guidance or I lacked, you know, support it. That didn't occur to me. What occurred to me was these things don't happen to other girls. Like they happened to me. And of course they do. I just didn't know it. And so all of a sudden, one day I find myself over a toilet bowl. And I couldn't explain it. I didn't see really see it coming. Over a toilet bowl, making yourself throw it. Right. And I want to say toilet bowl, making yourself throw it. Right.

So I want to say it was, I just turned 17. Yeah. And it was just a really hard time. And, and, um, you know, I mean, it, it sort of came crashing down and that was the outcome. Yeah. So that was my, you know, beginning into this new struggle with this eating disorder. I wouldn't tell anybody. Well, at the time, my mom found out took me to an eating disorders clinic, and they made such like, my idea of how it should have been handled. That wasn't my idea of how it should have been handled. And it was so like, it was so dramatic. I'm like, I didn't come here to be labeled. I came here to get help for my anxiety and they didn't do that. And so I never went back. I refused to go back. And I promised my mom, I wouldn't do it again if she didn't take me back. And I learned to use exercise to control my anxiety. So I thought that I'd overcome the eating disorder. I'm like, I'm strong. I'm good. So you just shifted it from making yourself. Oh yeah. I'm like extreme exercise. Like I would, you know two and a half hours of just like beating myself up even if i was sick it didn't matter um seven days a week and i would get depressed if i didn't so and exercise is a treatment for depression yeah

well it became my drug for sure and it also was a form of purging but i didn't know that and so i started this struggle you know i just sort of. Now, was that better for my body than what I was doing? Probably, but it, I never really dealt with it. So for years, I just didn't deal with it. I kept putting a bandaid over it. But when exercise was taken away from me, when I was diagnosed with cancer, and I no longer could exercise it, the eating disorder reemerged. It had been years. Yeah. And it had been years. As did the depression. Yeah. And it had been years since I struggled with that. And then all of a sudden it was right there. And then I realized, oh, maybe this isn't as easy to just get rid of as you think. Maybe it doesn't just go away, but I couldn't tell anybody.

And so some of the lessons in that story is if you don't deal with the trauma. Stacked stressors, first of all, stacked stressors make a difference. You know, it's like, I think, I think we can deal with sometimes one thing or even two things, but when they begin to stack, there are just, if you don't have the right support system, if you don't have the right guidance, the right, you know, situation that you're in where, where someone can help you, where you can talk to someone, it can quickly send you into a spiral, a downward spiral. So I think the stacked stressors are a big part of it. And so someone listening has a teenage girl or a teenage boy that's struggling either with their eating, their behavior, their mood.

Body dysmorphia. What should they do? Get help. What do you wish? Because your mother tried to get you help. She did. And you said, I'm not going back. So I would hope.

Because parents have that problem as well. So I would hope that treatment has changed since then. That's my hope. I mean, I went to UCLA. You would think that that would have been like the best. They just freaked me out. I mean, they had this they had a code blue while I was there, some 17 year old girl died. And I'm like, wait, what? Eating disorder unit? Yeah, but I didn't know you could die from it. And I like I'm hearing all of this. But I didn't know that. And so to for someone who just thought she was going in for treatment for anxiety,

it was so overwhelming. And I was so terrified by the time I came out of there that rather than wanting to get help, I felt more shamed and I felt more scared. And so I just like retreated into myself. So the first thing I would say is get help, but know where you're getting help from. Um, you know, I like, I like the, the approach we take in the four circles. Like, it's not just a psychological issue. It's not just because your mother is messed up or whatever, you know, there's a biology to it. Are your hormones out of balance? Mine were, I didn't know it.

So I had thyroid. They think I had my thyroid cancer starting at about 13, but who knew? So, um, and they, they said, I definitely had Hashimoto's. So there's a biology, there's a psychology. Certainly I was right for that, right? With everything going on in my family. But there's a social aspect, which that was a terrible time in my life

with my social circle. And there's a spiritual component. And I was totally disconnected spiritually. And I don't think we talked about, you had switched schools, which is one of the hardest things to do. So when we come back, let's talk about that. And one of the lessons, and I've certainly learned this, is be very cautious about switching a child's social circle in junior high or high school,

because it can really disrupt their development. Stick with us. If you're enjoying the Brain Warriors Way podcast, please don't forget to subscribe so you'll always know when there's a new episode. And while you're at it, feel free to give us a review or five-star rating as that helps others find the podcast.

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