Change Your Brain Every Day - How to Find Success Through Adversity with Alize Castellanos

Episode Date: August 5, 2019

Finding success in life can be hard enough even when circumstances have set you up to thrive. But what happens when you start out in life with the cards already stacked against you? In this episode of The Brain Warrior’s Way Podcast, Dr. Daniel Amen and Tana Amen are joined by their niece and co-author of Change Your Brain, Change Your Grades, Alize Castellano. Alize shares some of the tips that have allowed her to rise to the top of the class despite her tumultuous upbringing.

Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. I'm Dr. Daniel Amen. And I'm Tana Amen. In our podcast, we provide you with the tools you need to become a warrior for the health of your brain and body. The Brain Warriors Way podcast is brought to you by Amen Clinics, where we have been transforming lives for 30 years using tools like brain spec imaging to personalize treatment to your brain. For more information, visit amenclinics.com. The Brain Warriors Way podcast is also brought to you by BrainMD, where we produce the highest quality nutraceuticals to support the health of your brain and body. To learn more, go to brainmd.com. Welcome back, everyone. This is week two of Change Your Brain, Change Your Grades. And we changed out the teenagers from Chloe to our niece, Alizé

Castellanos, who is one of the co-authors with me of Change Your Brain, Change Your Grades. Alizé is very special to us. And she's a great student. She is, you know, you may have heard us talk about, has gone through a fair amount of trials and tribulations. Yet, wherever she's been at in school, school has been sort of a haven for her, where she knew she could do well, she's bright, and has excelled. They moved from Oregon, goodness, coming up on more than a year and a half now. Yeah.

And she just graduated Costa Mesa Middle School, virtually with straight A's. She was the graduation speaker. She won three subject awards. They love her there. She's enrolled at early college, so be able to do basically high school and early college at the same time. And none of this was in a family environment that was easy. Yeah, most people would have said that the cards were stacked against you. So we're really proud of you, Alizé.

And I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I don't want to have you talk about anything you don't want to talk about. But I think your story is motivating to a lot of people. So anything you are okay talking about would be really great. Alizé's story is pretty, it's hard. She has a hard story growing up. And they moved around a lot. I don't want to tell details, but she was in foster care.

We helped get you guys down here and out of foster care. And even that when you first came down here was, was painful and hard because it was just another move. And you, I remember you breaking down and saying, but then how, how do I know they're going to stay around? How do I know they're going to stay? That was your feeling about people in your life. I don't know how long we're going to be here.

They're probably not going to be in my life that long. It took a while for you to turn that around. Yeah, you're stuck with us. But you still did well in school. And that, to me, is fascinating. So even in foster care, you did well in school. And I just, that's mind blowing actually, because I think a lot of people would give up. So as you think about it, why do you think, where did you

find that strength? I feel like school was the one place that I had, that I had, that I knew that I was in control of at that time. But also just, I've always loved learning. And when I was able to really apply these habits that, I mean, they're in the book, you know, but just things like that. And I saw the success that I was getting out of it. That just made me feel really good, you know. And I've just, I've always kind of looked to the future. I've had a mind like that. And it's like, do I always want to be in this situation? No, I want to do better than this. I want to be beyond this, you know? And so it's like, okay, well, then how do I get there, you know? And it's like setting those goals for yourself, which we talk about in the book. It's like, and you've taught me this before, you've taught me this before, where it's like, okay, what do you want? Where do you want to go? Now, how are you going to get

there? Like, how is your behavior going to get you there? How are your thoughts going to get you there? How is your, like, your actions and stuff like that? And so I just feel like school, that's what I, that's why I put so much into school. And has it always been easy? No. There's been times where I've missed a lot of school because I had to take care of my mom.

I had to skip school because I was, like, pretty much on the run with my family. And there's been times where it's just been crazy, where my home environment has been so stressful that it's so hard to focus on school. But I just feel like school is so important. And if you really put a lot into it, you'll get that same out. So it's those three words we talk about, does it fit? Does my behavior fit the goals I have for my life? And one of the exercises in Change Your Brain, Change Your Grades is the one-page miracle, which we talk about a lot.

And I think I talk about it a lot because it's so important to tell your brain what you want so your brain can help you get it. But it's really defining what do you want in your relationships? What do you want in school? What do you want in work? What do you want for your money? What do you want for your physical, emotional, spiritual health? What do you want? So it's not me telling you, you should be this way, you should be that way. It's what do you want? And does your behavior fit? Right?

Because then it's never about should. It's about fit. Does it fit what I want? Well, and we're just so proud of you. I mean, I think so many people would just give up and just feel like there's no hope for me. And I think a lot of people do. And so your story is inspiring, I think, to a lot of people who, and we're not going into detail. The story's hard, okay?

It's been hard. And yet you have managed to be this ray of sunshine. Literally, just a ray of sunshine and sweet and kind and her teachers love her. And that's sort of mind blowing when you really think about it. So you choose to do that every day. Now, I've seen the other side. I've seen this girl break down when she gets home. So we've worked with you a lot on killing the ants, right? We talk about killing the ants, the automatic negative thoughts, because you hold it together at school and then you would get home and sort of fall apart. So let's do a whole lesson on that next time.

Okay. But for this one, let's really focus on clarity of goals. That if you're going to change your brain to change your grades, the first thing you have to do is know what you want. So as you look at your life, getting ready to go into ninth grade, well, what do you want? What do you want for you? Like for me, I know that when I look to high school, I want it to be a very bright experience. I want to get a lot out of it.

I want to be a social person. I want to be balanced. Obviously, that's one of my biggest goals because I know what it's like to be unbalanced. So I know the polar opposite of that. And so that's why I can't stress that enough being balanced. And I want to be I want to be successful. I want to strive and I want to thrive in high school. I want to be able to set myself up for success in the future. And that's one of my biggest goals is like building those blocks up so that I can look back and be like, I did something great. I did something great. And now I'm here. And I feel like, um, back to what Tana said, just a little rewind. Um, when she was saying, she was like telling me, oh, you

ray of sunshine, this and that. But one thing about that, um, I'm not always that way. I mean, like you said, but also just the immense support that I that, I'm not always that way. I mean, like you said, but also just the immense support that I've been surrounded by, like that I have had with you guys and like the things that you guys have taught me, that really has helped me get where I have been today. So support really does matter. Yes. And one of the things I've noticed about you, and this is so important if you're listening, whenever i ask her how she is or how her day was almost immediately she goes how are you and how was your day and i've had plenty of people in my life and probably you have too where you ask people how they are and they dump the whole thing on you but they never once well, what are you working on?

And how are things at work? They're energy vampires. How are things at home? Energy vampires. And so I've noticed both you and your sister and your mother, as soon as I ask you how you are, you'll tell me. And then you'll be interested in me. So relationships naturally go both ways. But as you think about ninth grade, 10th grade, 12th grade college, how much, and people are going to just think this is a loaded question. It totally is.

How's alcohol going to help you get? Or marijuana? It's not, not at all. I mean, like I've seen the effects of that kind of thing. Yeah, you've seen it firsthand. I've seen that firsthand for sure. And I do have a lot of friends who are, who look at that kind of thing and they're like, that's the best part of high school. That's the best part of college. And it's just like, no, no, no, no. That's like, I have no, I do not have the desire to do that at all. Cause I've seen the effects of that. I've seen the, and that's not going to help you get anywhere that you want to go. What I have my patients do is see both the positive of their behavior and the negative. So we call it the fork in the road exercise. So this is what I want.

If I do this, yes, it might be fun in the moment, but it could be a disaster because drug and alcohol abuse has a genetic component to it. And this is really important because your mother, my sister, we're very, very different in a lot of ways. And she's one of the sweetest people, funniest people you'll ever meet. But we grew up with different mothers. We had different upbringing. And I grew up poor and in a really hard situation like she did with one exception. My mom didn't drink and didn't do drugs.

Okay. And I know your grandmother did have some issues with substances. And that affected your mother. And what's interesting is teaching them what you just said really early makes a difference. Because when I had a, your mother's now sober, which we're so proud of her. I had a conversation with her and I'm writing my new book right now and I'm writing some things about the past that were hard for me to write. And I was talking to your mother about this and I said, so I'm confused. How, when you first decided to try drugs you know what part of you decided oh cocaine or meth or whatever it was that you were trying what part of you wasn't there one part of you that said

this is a bad idea she's like nope no i never even thought that never never crossed my mind the only thing i thought of is what can i try next? And I was like, what? Because she was never taught. She was never taught. She was actually modeled the opposite. She was modeled that drugs are good. But also the model came with chaos. And we have seen your brain and your brain is vulnerable. It can't tolerate a lot of nonsense.

And so very few people get the privilege of actually seeing their own brain and knowing I need to take care of this. And what's mind-blowing is that in spite of having a vulnerable brain, that means you were working really hard. You were just, you were determined. Definitely. And that's really interesting.

All right, when we come back, we're going to talk about ants and learning, how important they are to go together. Automatic negative thoughts that steal your soul. Steal your happiness. Steal your soul. You can get a free copy of Change Your Brain, Change Your Grades, autographed by the three of us. If you enter the raffle,

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