Change Your Brain Every Day - How To Overcome Covid Anxiety and Communicate With Your Partner

Episode Date: June 8, 2021

Dr Daniel and Tana Amen discuss their own personal struggles with isolation and trauma caused by losing a loved one to Covid-19.

Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. I'm Dr. Daniel Amen. And I'm Tana Amen. In our podcast, we provide you with the tools you need to become a warrior for the health of your brain and body. The Brain Warriors Way podcast is brought to you by Amen Clinics, where we have been transforming lives for 30 years using tools like brain spec imaging to personalize treatment to your brain. For more information, visit amenclinics.com.

The Brain Warriors Way podcast is also brought to you by BrainMD, where we produce the highest quality nutraceuticals to support the health of your brain and body. To learn more, go to brainmd.com. Hey, everybody. Today, we are going to talk about six ways to overcome mismatched anxiety levels. So what to do when your partner is driving you crazy. Well, I didn't say that. I just said you're my partner. Aren't you glad you weren't in a program? I'm no one. And you didn't know we were live. I am never. He is. I have to tell a story. We were, I was doing book tour for Omni Diet. I was on the news. I was on Good Day New York. He's with me. We were miked. We're sitting on the couch. He started saying

very inappropriate things, forgetting that he was miked. Marital thing. They were very inappropriate. They were not appropriate. You're going to start this live with that? I'm just saying. You have to be careful what you say. Pop quiz. On a scale of 1 to 10, You're going to start this life with that. I'm just saying. You have to be careful what you say. Mismatch.

Someone is always listening. All right, pop quiz. On a scale of one to 10, where's your anxiety levels these days? So one is really awful. 10 is peaceful. Where's 10 is? Well well i was just telling you um you know about a year and a half ago i was i was thinking to myself how is it possible for my life to be so perfect like it just feels so peaceful and so good and then about a month ago i was like and i'm not generally an anxious person like that so i might cause a little anxiety

but i don't usually get much anxiety she caused and i'm telling you i have been so anxious so one to ten um i wouldn't say ten i would say probably more like seven but that's a lot for me all right so one is none and ten is terrible yeah six seven is high that's high for me. All right. So one is non-intentive is terrible. Yeah. Six, seven is high. That's high for me. Yeah. And I think the weeks of the riot protests and rioters, the riot, the protests didn't bother me is the rioting started to scare me.

And I was like, okay, this is getting out of control. Like I'm, it's starting to freak me out now. So like the quarantine, everybody was inside. I could see people getting

depressed. That didn't affect me as much. It was when, when I felt a lack of control, the chaos, that scared me. And what's your anxiety level? Mine's two. Yours was more, we were mismatched because your anxiety didn't go up at all during the social stuff. Well, I don't know about not at all, but not much. And, but your anxiety over the virus is much higher than mine. It is. I don't want it. I have a dad that died, at least partly from it. I have no interest in the virus. And I think that don't worry, be happy people, the people who show up without masks and want to shake your hands. I'm not happy about that. It's like, because we have to protect not only ourselves, we need to be protecting other

people. So what about the girls? The anxiety levels initially was really high and had nothing to do with the virus. It had to do with not seeing their friends. Quarantine, yeah. Initially, it was really high and had nothing to do with the virus. It had to do with not seeing their friends. Quarantine, yeah. Well, and Chloe losing a job and she had just gotten her license. That was really- Well, and what about you that are watching? What about your kids? And the whole idea of this talk is what happens when anxiety is mismatched. When one is high and one is low, I mean, when they're both high, there's trouble going on because neither one of you are really processing effectively because anxiety decreases processing skills. Negativity is not great for your brain. So you can just imagine with all the negativity over the last 18 weeks,

can you believe it? We're 18 weeks into this thing. My goodness, pretty soon it's going to be like half a baby. Right. So how about at your home and do you feel safer at home but your partner wants to go on vacation i just had that talk with someone today um or are you the one who wants to host a party but your family today too because chloe wants to have a party here and I'm like no we'll have a small get together and I need to stay outside but um so and when we had my dad's funeral I was like 50 people no that's a bad idea um if you're a nine but your significant other is a four or two and your kids are a two you've got an anxiety mismatch so and I

think early on in the pandemic our anxiety sort of went together I know we were totally the same and that made me feel really good so I'm always prepared like I'm prepared for everything so I just it's how I manage my it's how I feel It's how I sort of control my anxieties by always being prepared. And so when the quarantine hit, I kind of felt like, oh, I got this because I've been preparing for a long time for something weird to happen. And I just immediately kicked into gear, started cleaning stuff, stocking up on food, which I already had most of, but trying to make sure we had everything. And you were just like right there.

Okay, let's make sure, you know, you were helping me get everything together. And I'm like, oh, this is really comforting. And I realized, and I told you, I feel so comforted because we were like on the same page during the social stuff. You weren't on the same page with me. And I got, it just made my anxiety kick in harder. And I dug my heels in. I'm like, I'm going to go to the mountains by myself, find a cabin, buy a cabin somewhere. Like I got really upset. I want to be away from everybody. I want no people around.

And like now, I was just looking at her. Who stole my wife? Where's my best friend? Well, and sometimes your anxiety is triggered by something in your life. And for me, you know, I mean, I remember the Vietnam protests. I remember the riots in the 60ies and Watts and LA. But if I hear one more time, nothing bad happens where we live. I'm like going to lose my mind. Like nothing bad ever happens here. You know, I'm like, no, we live in one of the safest communities. It doesn't matter in the world. No. All right.

One thing I want to say is your anxiety can be triggered by, like for me, the reason the protests triggered me, the reason that the quarantine didn't is because I'm a nurse and I kind of felt like, oh, I've got some training and trying to like keep things safe. But the protests triggered sort of my own trauma from the past when I was a child, when I felt out of control. So things from your past can sort of affect how you handle things going forward. Well, and I have this formula I've been talking about, TLC, that resilience goes when you see a crisis as temporary, as local, even though it's a global pandemic. Here we are in Orange County. What's happening locally and control. What can I do and what can't I do? Right? There's certain things I can't do. I can't control what's going on with other people, but I can control myself. And certainly I've learned having four children now, I just cannot control teenagers. Try as I might. It just isn't going to happen.

I could nudge. I can influence. I can try not to yell out. Well, what I've learned is like, one thing I got really good at is I cannot control what you do, but I can very much control what I do. Like where my car goes, what my money gets spent on, and what I spend my time in. TLC, temporary local control. Do what you can do. If you're enjoying the Brain Warriors Way podcast, please don't forget to subscribe so you'll always know when there's a new episode. And while you're at it, feel free to give us a review or five-star rating as that helps others find the podcast.

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