Change Your Brain Every Day - How to Successfully Parent in a Global Pandemic

Episode Date: May 11, 2020

With families finding themselves in close quarters for such an extended period of time, stress levels are on the rise. In fact, during this quarantine incidences of child abuse have seen a significant rise. Simply put, many parents and children alike don’t know what to do in this unfamiliar situation. In this episode of The Brain Warrior’s Way Podcast, Dr. Daniel Amen and Tana Amen give you some important strategies and techniques to bring some sanity into the household.

Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. I'm Dr. Daniel Amen. And I'm Tana Amen. In our podcast, we provide you with the tools you need to become a warrior for the health of your brain and body. The Brain Warriors Way podcast is brought to you by Amen Clinics, where we have been transforming lives for 30 years using tools like brain spec imaging to personalize treatment to your brain. For more information, visit amenclinics.com. The Brain Warriors Way podcast is also brought to you by BrainMD, where we produce the highest quality nutraceuticals to support the health of your brain and body. To learn more, go to brainmd.com. Hey, everybody. Hey, everybody. Parenting during a pandemic. I never thought I would be doing this video. No. But it's so important and what triggered this was a report out of Texas that child abuse has gone up significantly. both horrified by that and we thought we just absolutely have to do this video for you and then

we'll answer questions as we can so it's on my facebook page on tana's instagram sorry i had a little delay so um we're doing a parenting during a pandemic so yeah it's been a little crazy for everybody and um yeah it's nice to see you nice to see you too you've been so busy i've been busy busy during a pandemic but we're going to talk about parenting and i'm actually going to give you eight strategies on how to stay sane for yourself and to help them they're having trouble being a little bit sane right now i mean it they're acting a little different i mean i have noticed we have really really good kids and they behaved a little differently than i was you you know, but then if you step back, it's like, well, yeah, this is a really weird time. Kids, people are behaving differently. Right. So you have to understand where they're coming from and then

react accordingly. Well, it's a historic time. We are all going to remember this for the rest of our lives. And, you know, when we come out of this two months from now six months whatever it is um we just want to be proud of ourselves right and we want to make sure it's a time that that matters in their life in a good way rather than in a stressful way. Well, and that they've learned something. Because we've had our 9-11. We've had our stressful times if you've lived 50 years or more on the planet. Well, just growing up in your household was stressful. Growing up in my household, right?

But having cancer and being through 9-11. And we've had those opportunities to go, oh, okay, this is a really stressful thing and figure out how to react. And the first time it happened for me, I didn't react very well, right? But they haven't had that yet. And so this is their sort of first time and it's a big thing.

So when you think of parenting during a pandemic, step number one is you got to know what you want. What's the goal? I mean, I say this to my patients all the time. What's the goal? What do you want as a parent? And what do you want for your children? And so as a parent, I want to be present. So important during this anxious time. I want to be present. I want to be kind. I want to be helpful.

I want to be thoughtful. And I don't want to make it so easy they don't learn anything or they become too dependent. What do you want as a parent? And so my goals through this are to really think about the big picture, to think about my relationship with them, bonding, teaching them to be responsible. Responsibility is my favorite word. You know that.

So most of our people know the ability to respond. And taking responsibility for me is an empowering thing because when I take responsibility, it makes me feel empowered so that I don't panic. Right. So when things are going weird, I feel empowered and I don't panic then. And so I'm teaching them that strategy. It's like, oh, you're scared right now. What can we do that will eliminate that feeling? What can we do to mitigate that feeling?

That's one of the things. And that really helps me when I focus on that, because if I'm focused on my bonding with them, my relationship with them, and I'm teaching them, it's easier to let some of the little stuff go. I mean, come on, we're all trapped in a house together, right? And so our normal routines are messed up. It's easy to get really annoyed. And so focusing on your goal helps you to let stuff go easier, I think. And then the second part of number one is so... We've got Germany on. Know what you want.

And then, well, what do you want for them? What kind of children do you want to raise? Do you want to raise entitled, spoiled children, children who blame, children who take no responsibility, or do you want to raise empowered children? So I want to raise children who feel good about themselves as part of a family, as part of society. And I also want to raise honest, competent kids because the more competent what you've been doing lately is you've been really helping them be competent by helping. Well, when I know when you think about what you want for Chloe or Alizé or Amelie, what do you want for them? So exactly what you said.

I want them to not be entitled or spoiled or because I don't want them thinking about just themselves during this thing, because when people get scared, they get fearful. You know, the first weekend that this all happened before everything really hit the fan within a two hour period, I went to the grocery store, saw an elderly woman get pushed down and literally crack her skull open. There's blood everywhere. No one would get near her. So, of course, I went over and tried to help and they wouldn't let me come near her and help. Um, just because of my

trauma nurse training, I tend to jump into stuff like that. And so they're like, you need to stay back. And so they called nine one. Thank God nine one one was there. I would have tried harder to jump in. They were walking through the door. Um, but I saw that happen fist fight at the gas station. Um, Chloe ended up seeing the fist fight happen there, went into the pharmacy, saw the pharmacist get threatened because they didn't have his medication and saw a guy walk in and just lose it and start singing opera. And they tried to get him to stop. And he's like, can't I just sing? And he just like lost it. And this is in, you know, this isn't a neighborhood where, you know, people have this tendency to say nothing bad happens here because it's just a really nice place. And this is what I don't want our kids to do. I don't want them to

have that attitude. Like one, one stressor happens and they lose it and they start behaving in a way that later they're not going to be proud of. And I, and what I said, I did, I sat them down and I said, look, they started to kind of freak out too. When they saw everybody else freaking out initially that first weekend, they started like, oh my God, what's happening? What do you mean we can't see our friends? We didn't do anything wrong. I mean, there was all this chaos. And so we sat them down and we had a really good family talk about it. And one of the things I said was, you don't get to control this. It doesn't matter whether you like it or not, you're in it. You're in it. But you do get to control how you behave. And at the

end of this thing, you get to control what kind of person you were going through it. That's all you get to control right now, right? We get to control how we behave. We get to control the decisions we make right now. So someone wants to know what you're drinking. I'm drinking. I've been drinking it every day. I'm like, I'm like not kidding about building my immunity right now. So this is like someone who's had cancer three times i'm not joking so i've been a little bit complacent after having a hysterectomy this really like lit a fire under me so so what is that this is lemon water with ginger cayenne and one teaspoon of manuka honey it's supposed to build your immunity and your like bite allergies and yeah so um all

right so step number one is know what you want for yourself and for your children really important and then whenever you go to say anything whenever you go to do anything you just ask yourself does it fit does it fit the goals I have as a parent and does it fit the goal i have for the children so step number one what do you want does your behavior get you what you want step number two bonding because if you are not i wrote this book a long time ago called Healing the Hardware of the Soul. And in it, there's a chapter I love. How to make your child a Democrat, a Republican, or anything you want. And do you know how to do that? This is where the whole lecture here is you bond with them.

If you're bonded to your children, they're going to pick your values. If you're not bonded to your children, they will pick the opposite of your values. So 1972, I turned 18, and I was not bonded with my dad. He and I were sort of like this the whole time. I mean, I really never saw him unless I went to work. And then, you know, work, he wasn't my dad. He was my boss. And it wasn't good. And so presidential election, I told him I was going to vote for McGovern. And he said, if I voted for McGovern, the country would go to hell. The country did go to hell, but had nothing to do with McGovernvern. But it was the lack of bonding, which is why initially I didn't pick his values. But if you want to influence your children, you first have to have a relationship with them.

And bonding requires two things. Time. Which you have a lot of right now. Actual physical time. And listening. If you're talking over your kids, if you're telling them how to think, if you're not listening to them, you will not have a relationship with them. So I have an exercise I love, developed three decades ago called Special Time,

20 minutes a day. Do something with each of the children that the kids want to do. And during that time, no questions, no directions, no criticism. Just listen during that time. 20 minutes a day, special time changes. Well, and right now we have so much extra time. It's funny. I don't have a lot of time as far. I'm busy, right? I'm bleaching floors. I'm cooking everything by hand because, you know, I mean, start from scratch and actually it's been challenging because they don't have your normal ingredients, but it's also been fun because we've been improvising with everything and we've come up with some really cool stuff and I've gotten the kids involved. So they now have ownership of like the kitchen and getting them involved and spending time. But during all of those things, I'm getting them involved and taking, teaching them to take responsibility,

not only for their health, but their community. And so that's a really important thing is taking responsibility, not just for you, but thinking more global than that, thinking bigger than that. So we are all in this together and we need to think like that. If you're enjoying the Brain Warriors Way podcast, please don't forget to subscribe. So you'll always know when there's a new episode and while you're at it, feel free to give us a review or five-star rating as that helps others find the podcast. If you're considering coming to Amen Clinics or trying some of the brain healthy supplements from BrainMD, you can use the code podcast10 to get a 10% discount on a full evaluation at amenclinics.com or a 10% discount on all supplements at brainmdhealth.com.

For more information, give us a call at 855-978-1363.