Change Your Brain Every Day - How To Turn Life's Defeats Into Victory

Episode Date: June 29, 2017

Turning your life around is often an uphill battle, where the defeats seem to always outnumber the victories. It’s important to remember, however, that losing the battle isn’t the same as losing the war, and that next breakthrough may be just around the corner. Dr. Daniel Amen and Tana Amen share a personal story of family struggle, and how even the darkest days ultimately yielded light at the end of the tunnel.

Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. I'm Dr. Daniel Amen. And I'm Tana Amen. Here we teach you how to win the fight for your brain to defeat anxiety, depression, memory loss, ADHD, and addictions. The Brain Warriors Way podcast is brought to you by Amen Clinics, where we've transformed lives for three decades using brain spec imaging to better target treatment and natural ways to heal the brain. For more information, visit amenclinics.com.

The Brain Warriors Way podcast is also brought to you by BrainMD, where we produce the highest quality nutraceutical products to support the health of your brain and body. For more information, visit brainmdhealth.com. Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. Welcome back. We're so excited that you're with us. We're going to talk today about what do you do when you feel like you're losing the war? You know, in the Brain Warriors way, our goal with this podcast is to help you be arm prepared and aware because everywhere you go, it just seems, you know, there's negative news. There's, you know, gadgets that addict your attention. There's bad food.

We want you to be arm prepared and aware, but bad things happen to good people. Right. So it's an honor for us to be with you on this journey. And there's a reason we chose the framework, you know, we use the metaphor of a warrior, because we know that it's a war. And, and I, you know, I look at all of my own Facebook messages and some of you send me these amazing testimonials of overcoming and changing your lives. But a lot of you send me messages of you're losing battle after battle and it's not a perception, it's actually real. Bad car accidents and then maybe losing your. And it's like one thing after another, pretty tragic. My own sister recently, who I've been helping personally, lost her kids,

you know, last year. And it was just one thing after another. And it was, it was a war. I mean, that was a war. And she was losing every battle for a while. And now we've got it turned around. So what happens when you're losing those battles? It's more important than ever to think like a warrior and train like a warrior. But let's talk about what that actually means from a practical standpoint. So the first part is mindset. And it's... And that's hard. Okay. I'm not going to underestimate. I'm not going to minimize it. We can't minimize that. When you are beaten down and losing a bloody and you're like, you know, on the ground and thinking life's not worth it anymore. That's not an easy thing to do. Okay. So we're going to use some real life examples of how

we actually did this, right? Because it's really hard to have a good mindset if your vitamin D is really low. If you aren't sleeping, if you just had a massive trauma. And if you don't know what you want. Or if you're going through trauma. So when I first started doing our brain imaging work, so I'm a double board certified psychiatrist. I got, you know, that took me a long time to do. And I fell in love with imaging. And then all of a sudden people called me a quack.

And they, you know, said I was a charlatan. And I was taking advantage of mentally ill people by wanting to scan their brain. And I had no clue about the torrent of vitriol and hatred coming at me. is now that I realize how scientific revolutions start, is if you're a revolutionary, the first rule of the status quo is kill the revolutionaries. And so I had no clue how to deal with that, except I was passionate about it. I saw the difference it made in people's lives. So you've got to have a why.

So the first question, when you feel like you're losing the war is, well, why are you in it? Right. What is your goal? What is your deepest sense of meaning and purpose? And the harder that the war is

that you're in, the more bloody the war, the more important the why and the more you have to have it really planted, like it's got to be front and center, written down where you can see it and you're focused. And it's hard to be front and center written down where you can see it and you're focused. Like, and it's hard to focus. And what you did, how you helped Tamara.

It's like, this is the difference between whether or not you'll ever get your kids back. Oh, I literally, at one point it was the difference between life and death. It was that, it was that bad. So, but when she came and I, this is why I want to use this as an example, because it was personal. So I know how hard it is for some of you. Um, I didn't even know where to start. I was, I was overwhelmed because she was a mess. So she was a mess. She showed up and she was so emotionally overwhelmed and in so much trauma that I couldn't get through to her. And then we ran her blood work and her blood work was such a mess that I didn't know where to start. And this is where you have to have a team, right? So by myself, I was like, oh my God, I don't even know where to start. Then psychologically,

we had our hands full because she had some issues we had to take care of, you know, with mental wellness and health. And then, so there was the biology, the psychology, the social and spiritual part. You know, she had lost her home and now she lost her kids. You can imagine where she was with that. So it was overwhelming. So if you think that we're saying some of this like in passing, like we don't know. How would you know?

Oh my God. Okay. How would you know? Yeah, we know. And so it was literally, there were days where I'm like, I can't do this. But because I have an amazing partner and I reached out, literally, I reached out to my friends at the church, I would bawl and cry and ask them to pray for me because I didn't want to do it. I literally was overwhelmed. And I'm like, I am one of the strongest people I know and I don't think I can do this.

So, you know, I reached out to everyone I know to go through that. So social support is critical. Oh my gosh, critical, critical. So that's the social circle we keep talking about. Right. And then spiritual is why? What's the purpose? What's the point?

How does this fit in your overall life plan? Well, because not doing it means my nieces, I perpetuate a cycle of trauma and illness. And my sister would probably kill herself. So you get Tamara involved in her why, the support system, you and me, involved in our why. And then learning how not to believe

every stupid thing you think so one of the psychological circles so one of the things i did to help my sister um actually to help me and my sister um it was a joke it was a joke in our house she actually kept these i had giant sticky notes um and i also have to not underestimate my team at work. My team at work was very patient with me because I was not very patient at the time. There were times where I was- Not you. Yeah, no, I was pretty frustrated and I was fragile and it was hard. But my team put up with me a lot. So it was really good. I had a really good team. But what I would do, I had these giant

post-it notes, like huge post-it notes, you know, the size of a window. And I would literally systematically write out everything we had to do, biological, psychological, social, spiritual, and then also my to-do list. And I had them posted around my house. And then I would go through these little lessons with my sister. You know, one of them, I mean, when I finally would get so frustrated with her because she just, I couldn't break through. One day I like snapped and yelled at her and I wrote out on the sticky note shut up and put your big girl panties

on this is not about you and it's like Daniel's like you are so mean I'm like I can't get her to get up and do anything and I bought her a big giant pair of big girl panties I mean like huge panties like for like training panties like when you're potty training. You should post those. Oh, it's hilarious. I got her potty training panties. And I'm like, these are your big girl panties. I need you to put them on. This isn't about you. It's about getting your kids back. And so- Now I don't recommend doing that at home. It's like, don't do that at all. I'm not a psychiatrist, obviously. So, but I had these big post-it notes because i was overwhelmed so day one we're getting your blood tested day two right we're gonna like figure out how to get you to sleep because she wasn't

sleeping i mean like day three it was it was that microscopic how we had to break it down like from there were days where it was hour to hour so we know the war which is i was thinking of people who are going through grief right Right. She was going through grief, loss of home, loss of family. I mean she was going through all of it. It becomes hour by hour. Hour to hour. When my aunt lost her. Airway breathing circulation. When my 20 year old cousin

died in a military accident. He was in the Navy and he died. It was awful. And I can remember my aunt not getting out of bed for three months. She wouldn't get out of bed. And when she finally did, she looked at me with the worst look I've ever seen on anyone's face. And she said, I just don't know if I can take my next breath. And I will never forget that. It was a mother's grief is horrific.

And that's literally, it was breath to breath. It wasn't hour to hour. It's hard. So this is where the warrior. So we know how hard, but in that moment, you never want to be tragedy or grief to be your reason to hurt yourself. So you still want to do the right thing, you know, not drink to mask the pain or eat terrible food. Which Tamara did at one point and made it worse.

She made her situation much worse. As we talked about when we first decided to help her, it's not just going to get better. So you have to understand that getting well is never a straight line up. It's often a jagged line that goes up and down. Right. And when you relapse, really try to understand what happened. Well, now she's over six months, completely sober. She's got total clarity.

She's amazing. She's doing really well, got her completely sober. She's got total clarity. She's amazing. She's doing really well, got her kids back, but it wasn't perfect. And because she's my sister, I got very judgmental at that point. I got really angry because we had done so much to help her. She was doing well, and then she fell. And I'm the queen of telling people it's falling, not failure. And when it's patience, it's really easy for me to do that. When it's my own sister, it was really hard. So shame on me, right? I needed, I needed to take my own advice and step back and go, wait, I'm doing exactly what I tell people not to do. I had to recognize my own faults. It was you that went, what are you talking about? This is exactly what we said was going to happen. And so your support system becomes most critical at those points, right? And your

support system needs a support system. But back to the, right, your support system is a support system. So back to the, the steps, make sure that you're not just dealing with the actual trauma, the actual tragedy, make sure that you are addressing things like your blood. Her vitamin D was nine. Okay. Her vitamin D was nine. Fish oil, her omega-3 fatty acid level. What was it? It was like stupidly low. No, no.

The ratio was. Oh, it was like 40. Right. 40 to right. It was really high. She, her just nutritionally, she was a disaster. She wasn't sleeping at night. So she was literally getting less than one hour of sleep a night. Well, that was a disaster. She wasn't sleeping at night. So she was literally

getting less than one hour of sleep a night. Well, that was making her a basket case. So she wasn't making good decisions. Right. Wasn't making good decisions. So we have to systematically in the brain where's way we give you a plan to follow. And there's a reason it's not because, oh, this sounds like a good plan. It's because we know, okay, if you aren't addressing those things, you're not going to be able to get through the war when warriors go to war they have a plan they have to follow it's systematic there's a reason they do it it's it's a survival plan right so they you were in the army you know you don't follow the plan people die so that's why we came up with that plan the way it

is because we've done this for so long with so many people. Follow the plan. Follow the steps. When you can't do it on your own, just follow the steps. I love that. So we have a testimonial from Catherine from the Brain Warriors Way podcast. Thank you so much. This approach really works. I first learned about Dr. Amen almost 10 years ago and have subscribed to his advice and expertise ever since. In joining up with his wife, Tana, for his latest book, her perspectives are added

to make even more powerful recommendations. In 2008, I began suffering from what I'm pretty sure was physical brain damage due to ongoing hypoglycemia, low blood sugar, acute stress, and even the medications prescribed by doctors. For over a year, I had fainting spells and could not memorize my own family's phone numbers, my address, or even remember a two-digit number. I felt I was on the path to pancreatic cancer and dementia. It was terrifying. I read everything I could by Dr. Amen and applied what I learned diligently, and the regimen regrew what must have been holes in my brain. I only wish that they could have documented my progress using SPECT imaging. Fortunately, other important aspects of the body also respond to the brain warrior advice,

improving my skin, muscle tone, and cardiovascular health. Thank you, Dr. Amen and Tana. Well, Catherine, you're the reason we do this. Thank you for listening. We're going to continue to be here for you to help you be arm prepared and aware to win the most important fight of your life. So I want to just end with this is that the Brain Warriors way, we work on mastery. If you need these steps, they are literally listed out stepwise, mastery, mindset, assessment, sustenance, training, essence, responsibility, and we tell you step-by-step what to do. If you are in a war,

all you have to do is get your support system to help you, but go through those steps systematically. Pick up a copy of the book. Give it away to someone you love. And if you can't afford it, we hear it a lot. It's Tana's favorite cookbook. It's our favorite cookbook. And if you can't afford it, go to the library. And we will always be here for you.

Thanks so much. Thank you for listening to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. We have a special gift for you. It's an opportunity to win an evaluation at the Amen Clinics. All you have to do is subscribe to this podcast, leave a review, and rate us on iTunes. To learn more about Amen Clinics and the work we do, go to amenclinics.com. You can also learn about our nutraceutical products at brainmdhealth.com. Thanks for listening.