Change Your Brain Every Day - Is the “Mama Bear” Response Triggered by a Hormone?

Episode Date: September 12, 2017

Many of us have felt an instinctual form of protective aggression in situations where one’s family unit seems threatened. Did you know that this response is caused by a hormone known as Oxytocin? Dr. Daniel Amen and Tana Amen lay out what oxytocin is and why it’s so important you have enough of it.

Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. I'm Dr. Daniel Amen. And I'm Tana Amen. Here we teach you how to win the fight for your brain to defeat anxiety, depression, memory loss, ADHD, and addictions. The Brain Warriors Way podcast is brought to you by Amen Clinics, where we've transformed lives for three decades using brain spec imaging to better target treatment and natural ways to heal the brain. For more information, visit amenclinics.com.

The Brain Warriors Way podcast is also brought to you by BrainMD, where we produce the highest quality nutraceutical products to support the health of your brain and body. For more information, visit brainmdhealth.com. Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. Hi. Hey, baby. We're holding hands for people who can't actually see the podcast. And it's because we're going to talk about bonding. And oxytocin. The cuddle hormone.

Yes. Which is, it's actually what you give women to cause contractions to have the baby. So, pitocin is the synthetic form, right? Or it's the medicinal form to increase contractions to have the baby so pitocin is the synthetic form right or it's the medicinal form um to increase contractions um so it's what helps women go into labor it's what helps them breastfeed it's what when you're like i remember when chloe was born i still remember the three days after she was born this bizarre euphoria coming over me where i just i literally didn't sleep i just stared at her i'm like what what what, what is this? This is like so weird. Like you're kind of high. So you fell in love. Oh, like at a level, like it's not like a normal love. It's like,

like, you know, like you would jump in front of a bus. Like it's the weirdest thing. Yeah. That's a different kind of love. Like don't even think about it. So oxytocin has actually been studied a lot and has been associated with bonding, love, touch, trust. They've actually done studies where they've sort of sprayed it in the air and people are more giving. Give away more money. They give away more money.

80% of people gave away money when they were like, or they gave away 80%. So can you imagine if you're at a charity auction and they spray oxytocin in the air? But it's very important in making us human because humans are a bonded species. Right. And when people are lonely, it's actually one of the major risk factors for depression.

One of the major risk factors for Alzheimer's disease and memory problems. Why some people have trouble with attaching, with like attachment issues? Because they might have a deficiency in oxytocin and actually giving people oxytocin has shown to help decrease anxiety. So that's actually something they do now. They actually like prescribe oxytocin sometimes. Right. That many naturopaths do.

Well, one of the doctors who used to work with us, Ken Stoller, wrote a book on oxytocin. And he had a son, a teenage son, who was hit by a train and killed. And he just felt so bad. He said it was like having your skin ripped off. That's what I could imagine off while you're alive. And he couldn't work. And I mean, it was horribly traumatic. And it just went on and on.

And he'd read about oxytocin. And he said it was like seven seconds after he took it that the pain went away. How does that make sense? I mean, he said he still missed him terribly. But he was functional. But he didn't hurt so bad. So he could function. And so he became very interested in the neurochemistry of oxytocin.

So one thing that's interesting about oxytocin though and this is what i found so fascinating so before i had chloe i didn't worry that much i wasn't so worried about things and when i had her i thought maybe it was past trauma that all of a sudden got triggered like okay i'm never gonna let that happen to my kid but as i began to read about oxytocin, I realized, oh, maybe it's oxytocin that caused that because you not only become bonded, but they show that oxytocin is also responsible for this concept of protective aggression. So interesting, protective aggression. It's what makes people police officers, like I'm going to protect my community. I'm going to protect my tribe. So people protect their tribes.

Now, if you're not part of their tribe and you are a threat, that's where the aggression comes in. But if you are part of their tribe. So like the mama bear. Mama bear. It's a mama bear syndrome. So, but before I had Chloe, that wasn't there. And so I thought, well, maybe somehow my old childhood weird memories got triggered and I was trying to protect her from that.

But another thing is going on that would be interesting for people to know about. When you have a child, whatever age that child is at, unconsciously you begin to relive the trauma you had at that age. That's not good. As they go through certain developmental stages, in your unconscious mind, you're reliving those. And if you've not sort of cleaned them up with psychotherapy or processes like EMDR or neurolinguistic programming,

then they can come and bite you. or processes like EMDR or neuro-linguistic programming. Right. So that could explain part of it too then. Then they can come and bite you. And all of a sudden you feel anxious, you feel depressed, you feel angry. And you have no idea why, but it's having a child who's 13 and you got molested at 13. All of a sudden that can trigger feelings of anxiety and depression. Oh, that's fascinating. Well, as I read about oxytocin, I'm like, wow. Well, you married me because that's interesting, right? You are, yeah. Very interesting. But I was like, wow, this really sort of explains some of the

feelings I had gone through. I'm like, protectively aggressive, like that instant mama bear. You'd jump in front of a bus or rip someone's head off that tried to mess with your kid right you just the bonding the like the euphoria when you have a baby that's like oh this is so beautiful when it goes away the withdrawal from oh I can't even imagine so for people who so grief break up right who get divorced who lose a child or lose a spouse the withdrawal from oxytocin has all of the opposite oh and let's talk about when it goes wrong so do you remember when we were interviewing Mercedes Maidana recently um, recently, and she had a really, really bad accident. And so as part of, and she went through her head trauma, um, was severe and she went through that depression

and someone prescribed oxytocin for her and she felt better. But all of a sudden she became attracted to someone who she would not normally be attracted to. In fact, he was, in her words, he was very unhealthy for her and she knew it. But then all of a sudden she- Now people are going to start getting oxytocin and- That's manipulation. You can't do that. But anyways- You totally can do it.

Just be moral about it. Well, yeah, you may not want to because be careful what you wish for, right? Right, and then when the oxytocin wears off are you still going to like them well and that's the thing is she started to realize that she was she's like wait i'm not i'm i'm like drawn to someone i shouldn't be and wouldn't normally be and so and she was making decisions she wouldn't normally make and so that's a really interesting idea so just to be something to be aware of. Well, and what's interesting about withdrawal, that sometimes taking oxytocin might be able to help.

Oh, with drugs? No, but with the bonding. Oh, with grief. So, you know, if somebody leaves you and you weren't ready for them to leave you. Just be careful not to go out to a bar when you first take it. I'm just saying. Well, I actually don't think you should be going out to a bar.

I know, but sometimes when people go through breakups, they do silly things. So don't take oxytocin and then go out afterwards. So yes, to a meat market. Just my word of warning after what I heard. Did you really just say meat market? I did. I haven't heard that term to a meat market. Just my word of warning after what I heard. Did you really just say meat market? I did. I haven't heard that term in a long time. It's because you don't go to those places because I would hunt you down.

So is that the protective aggression? That's the oxytocin, yes. That's protective aggression for my tribe. Well, and it's also important why couples who want to stay together, that it's important to look in their eyes cuddle hold hands their hands it's important and there's an interesting thing about sex with uh so you know women need talking and cuddling and texting and holding hands they need to be warmed up right where for guys they don't really need to be warmed up but they get an oxytocin burst like 500 after they have an orgasm oh that's so it's like she needs right talking and gentle touching in order to have sex. He needs sex in order to

have talking and touching. Right, exactly. And you reminded me of another interesting point. This is really important for parenting. So right along those same lines, you know how sometimes I hear women sometimes complaining that their husband's like, oh, he just wants to be the Disneyland dad. He wants to play all the time. So really interesting. Another fact about oxytocin. Moms get more oxytocin from gentle caressing, from caressing their babies and feeding them and changing diapers

from caring for the baby that way. I get no oxytocin from changing diapers. Okay, anyways, back on track. Dads don't get that same burst from that type of caring, from gentle caressing touches with babies. They get the burst of oxytocin from poking, playing, rolling the baby, like messing with them. That's where they get their most oxytocin.

So they want to play with the baby, which is part of why a lot of you'll hear a lot of dads say, yeah, all of a sudden the baby became two. And I was like, all of a sudden they were a person and I like had a lot of fun with them, but they're the way a dad plays part of that is so don't criticize them for that because that's how they're bonding. And that makes the baby bond with them too. So it's just different. It's not good or bad. It's just a different way that they get oxytocin from parenting. So the cuddle hormone, increase it in your life, but not when you're with the wrong guy. Thank you for listening to the Brain Warriors Way podcast.

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