Change Your Brain Every Day - Is Your Teenager’s Behavior Normal?

Episode Date: February 27, 2019

A teenager’s biggest job is to realize their independence as individual human beings. However, there tends to be a number of missteps along the way. So how do you know if your teenager’s problems are just an occupational hazard or an indicator that something is very wrong? In this episode, Dr. Daniel Amen and Tana Amen give you the characteristics to look for in an honest evaluation of your teenager’s behavior.

Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. I'm Dr. Daniel Amen. And I'm Tana Amen. In our podcast, we provide you with the tools you need to become a warrior for the health of your brain and body. The Brain Warriors Way podcast is brought to you by Amen Clinics, where we have been transforming lives for 30 years using tools like brain spec imaging to personalize treatment to your brain. For more information, visit amenclinics.com. The Brain Warriors Way podcast is also brought to you by BrainMD, where we produce the highest quality nutraceuticals to support the health of your brain and body. To learn more, go to brainmd.com. Welcome back. We are still in teen week, and today we're going to talk about what's normal and when should you get your teen help.

But before we do, let's go to another one of the reviews. Thank you so much. Hannah Raul. I can watch and listen again and again. It's so helpful and important. Great. Thanks. I love it too. Well, we love you back. Thank you so much. Normal. So this is actually going to surprise people because kids act badly and they go, oh, he's just a teenager. That's normal. Well, that's not normal. They actually did a study out of Chicago a long time ago looking at 10,000 teenagers. A third of them never had any problems, Pretty much like Chloe.

She's consistent, hardworking, loving. Now, she can be anxious and worried. But she doesn't... Not to a point that... We're not constantly thinking about

teenage therapy. No, there's no drugs, alcohol, like that kind of stuff. We scanned her, but we do that because she's in our family. No, she wanted to see her brain. She actually wanted to see it. So a third of teenagers, they never have problems. Another third of teenagers, every once in a while, they would have problems. And then another third, they had problems all the time.

So if your teenager is really struggling most of the time, that's a sign you need to get them help. And did you know that when a child or teen first has their first symptoms of trouble, it's on average 11 years before they see their first therapist. Wow. They are suffering for more than a decade before they actually get help. I'm not okay with that. That's why in our high school course, we have a high school course, hopefully you know about called Brain Thrive by 25. You can learn more about it at brainthriveby25.com. We actually have a module in the course on brain health, mental health issues like ADD, anxiety, depression, eating

disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder. And you just can't believe the number of stories we get. After we taught it, there was a girl that came up to us after class and she's just crying. And she goes, I never had a name for it because I have PTSD. I'm like, oh, sweetheart, what happened? She said I was babysitting my little brother when I was seven and he got away from me and ended up drowning. And I have nightmares. Seven? Watching her little brother at seven. And she said, I have nightmares and I'm wracked with guilt and I see his dead body over and over again.

It's horrifying. And we said there's help for it. And we connected her up with an EMDR therapist to help her work through the trauma. But there's so many kids who are struggling with a mental health issue. And nobody knows. So let's talk for a second. a mental health issue and nobody knows. So let's talk for a second because so Chloe comes up to me about a week ago and she, this is really funny. It's actually a funny story. So she's, because we're so open with her, because it's safe to say things in our house,

she'll say things. I think that a lot of teenagers aren't willing to tell their parents. It was, it was actually a very funny conversation. So I, she was, she was sort of pulling back on something that I was trying to talk to her about. And, um, she was disagreeing with me and, and I said, so I was, I talked to her about it and she said to me, here's what she said. She goes, you know, she goes, I don't know what's wrong with me. And I said, what do you mean? And she said, there's just something wrong with this. Like, I don't know what's wrong with me. And I said, what do you mean? And she said, there's just something wrong with this. Like, I don't know what's wrong with me lately, but the last couple of months, she goes, I all of a sudden feel myself wanting to say no

to you for no, like for no apparent reason. She's like, I don't even know why I just want to say no. And I have this question in my head. She's being very honest. And she goes, and I'm trying not to laugh out loud. And she's like, and I just, I have this thought in my head, like, well, how do you know what's best for me? And like, how do you know everything for me? And so, and I could have reacted and just gotten mad at her. But because I'm armed with information, right? Because it's easy to be reactive in that moment and bristle and go, yeah, why are you doing

that? But being armed with information, like childhood development information, I sat back, I let her finish. And I said, do you actually want to know the answer to that? And she said, yes. It's like frustrating. She goes, I know my life is easier if I just do what you say, but I don't want to all the time.

And she's like, and that's not really like me. And I go, well, that's funny that you say that because I know the reason why. And she said, why I go, I don't want to minimize it by saying it's because you're 15. But what it really is is because it's childhood development. And at 15, your two tasks are to become independent and figure out who the heck you want to be. And so separate, right. I said, you're, you're now figuring out I'm not the hero of your entire life. You may look up to me, you may respect me, but you're starting to want

to take charge of your own life. Yeah. It's so irritating. And that's normal. When they're 15, they begin to see all of your flaws and then they point them out on a routine basis. And then when their brain's done, they are back to, you're amazing. Right.

And they can hold the fact that you're not perfect. Right. With the fact that you're amazing and your relationship can go back to being more normal. So I often tell parents, we just got to get them to 25. Right. Let's just keep them safe. Once they get out of college, right. But my point with that was this.

Many people see that as teenagers are being rebellious, they're irritating, they're whatever. And it is irritating. But that part of it is normal. So how do you sort of differentiate that normalness from the problem child? Like, I know that that's normal. Well, what I want to do before we're over with this podcast is talk about when to know when they need help. Right, but that's part of it is knowing normal from not normal.

Yes. So know that chronic trouble is not normal for teenagers. That's a sign of trouble. So if you find six or seven or eight, nine, ten days out of ten, you're struggling with them. Something's going on either with you or with them. And so getting assessed is important. But what kind of struggling are we talking about? Problems in school?

I'm going to talk about it. Okay. Thank you. Listen. Any form of self-harm. Okay. Cutting, talking of self-harm. Okay. Cutting, talking of suicide, suicidal gestures, having their friends tell you that they told them about suicide.

That's a 911 emergency call that they need to be assessed immediately. And cutting is actually very common. Substance abuse. Marijuana use is common, but it's not good for them. I had that conversation earlier this week with one of my friends, a 14-year-old starting to smoke pot. Pot increases the risk of psychosis 450%. I don't care if everybody's doing it. So many parents think it's normal.

It's not good for them and it's damaging a developing brain. Sadness. Now, not that sadness is there for an hour. Transient. But sadness that's just like it's been a week or two weeks or three weeks. So persistent. Irritability that, you know, they're snapping. they're more negative than they used. High highs and low lows. You have to be concerned about kids having panic attacks. There's treatment for that, and it's important to get. Because if you don't, they begin to start avoiding friends, sports, classes, and so on.

If they're chronically fatigued, if their sleep cycle really begins to change, those are some symptoms that something may be going on in their brain. More common after head injuries. They're more common during when parents are getting divorced, you know, which has been very common the last three decades, right? If they're struggling in school, it's important to assess why. There's actually a brand new spec study out this morning on learning

disabilities from China and spec'd. You can see the differences on scans, which I've known for a long time. So those are some of the things. We love helping children and teenagers here at Amen. Because they're amazing when they, even when they're struggling, when they start to figure it out and trust you and get help for themselves and they don't feel that shame in being able to share it and get help, teenagers are cool. They're amazing. Well, I had an appointment earlier this week with this girl that was diagnosed with ADD.

And I figured out she also had something called the Erlen syndrome, which is a visual processing problem. And we're actually going to have Helen Erland on in a couple of weeks. We're really excited about that. But when she put on the glasses, she actually saw her mother's full face for the first time. Isn't that crazy? It's crazy. Isn't that wild?

Yeah. So when a child is struggling, notice it. Get them the help they need. Stay with us. If you're enjoying the Brain Warriors Way podcast, please don't forget to subscribe so you'll always know when there's a new episode. And while you're at it, feel free to give us a review or five-star rating as that helps others find the podcast. If you're interested in coming to Amen Clinics. Use the code PODCAST10 to get a 10% discount on a full evaluation at amenclinics.com. For more information, give us a call at 855-978-1363.