Change Your Brain Every Day - Overcome Feelings of Being Invisible

Episode Date: February 10, 2021

In this special multi-part series of The Brain Warrior’s Way Podcast, Dr. Daniel and Tana Amen discuss at length the most important concepts explored in Dr. Amen’s new book, “Your Brain is Always Listening.” In this episode, the focus is on the Abandoned, Invisible, and Insignificant Dragon, which was one of Daniel’s biggest obstacles growing up. Daniel reveals how living with this dragon shaped him into who he is today. For more info on Dr. Daniel Amen's new book, "Your Brain is Always Listening", visit https://yourbrainisalwayslistening.com/  

Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. I'm Dr. Daniel Amen. And I'm Tana Amen. In our podcast, we provide you with the tools you need to become a warrior for the health of your brain and body. The Brain Warriors Way podcast is brought to you by Amen Clinics, where we have been transforming lives for 30 years using tools like brain spec imaging to personalize treatment to your brain. For more information, visit amenclinics.com.

The Brain Warriors Way podcast is also brought to you by BrainMD, where we produce the highest quality nutraceuticals to support the health of your brain and body. To learn more, go to brainmd.com. Welcome back. We are talking about Your Brain is Always Listening. We are continuing on. And today we're going to talk about the abandoned, invisible, and insignificant dragons, which is Daniel's primary dragon. I love the dragons. I think they're a great metaphor for understanding what's going on with your brain and make it easy to understand. And this idea of taming them, it just, it's so helpful and puts it into perspective. But before we go on, you have a review. And if you are so inclined, we would love for you to leave us a review at brainwarriorswaypodcast.com, or you can go to Apple or Stitcher or wherever you listen.

We would love to hear from you. And you want to read a review. I do. This is from Chippy Puff, A.C. Chippy Puff. Dear Dr. Amen, I bought your book Healing ADD more than two and a half years ago. I had suddenly noticed my health deteriorate and was trying hard to fix it. Your book gave me hope. From the fact you had written the book and your voice present on the pages, I believe you genuinely care to help others and not just make money. Your advice is helpful to anyone, even someone without ADD. Reading sections of your book, I got teary-eyed from your kindness. Thank you. I am grateful for your service. I love that. And I want to, before we get started, I want to say something because that's true.

So your dragons are not always negative. They can motivate you to do good things. And that's true. I always tell people when I'm doing my interviews, I've known a lot of interviews recently because of my book and people invariably ask about you. And, um, I always tell people, you really are the person that they see when they see you speaking or when they see you, you know, on live chats, that's you, you're not putting on an air. He's genuinely loving and caring, but also you work in like an extraordinary amount. And yet you don't think of it as work because you really love helping other people. And so that is your dragon tamed and doing a good thing. Well, the idea for the dragons actually came from our friend, Sharon May. We did a podcast with her and she talked about the dragons from the past breathing fire on your amygdala, the fear center of your brain. And I was so taken by that. I went, well, I bet there are different

kinds of dragons and you helped me develop it. We created the dragons from the past. There are 13 of them. And of course we have to start with my primary dragon which and you have primary dragons and secondary dragons and my primary dragon is called the abandoned invisible or insignificant dragon and its origin is if you were abandoned, I was not. If you were not seen, I was not seen. If you were lonely, I was not lonely. I'm one of seven. Not lonely, but not seen.

If your parents were unavailable or not competent, Now, my mom's very competent. My dad was gone all the time. Or you have siblings or children, even, that are high achievers. So you are often not seen. I was abandoned, I was invisible, and I was insignificant. There's no question about it.

So you can relate. As a child, there's all of those things. So I am the second son in a Lebanese family. And if you know about Middle Eastern families, the oldest son is the golden child. They're the coveted one. They go into the family business. And I always knew I was Avis, that I was always going to be number two. I should have just called myself Avis. That's so funny. And it's hard when you know you're not special and i always knew i wasn't special um and it it can wear on you

and now the upside of that made you achieve is i didn't have to go into the family business right because i didn't really like the grocery business. It wasn't my thing. Love what I do now. So it gave me freedom. And you also became an achiever. You wanted me to earn significance. Now, you can't attach your worth to your significance. Otherwise, that's a trap, right? One of my books is in a number one New York Times bestselling author. That means I'm terrible. No, you got to work on that. But the things that trigger this dragon or rejection,

if you perceive others ignore or belittle you. If you feel lonely, this dragon can breathe fire on your emotional brain. And how this dragon causes people to react? loneliness, worthlessness, feeling small, having abandonment or commitment issues. How do you think this one impacted you? I spent most of my childhood trying not to be seen because it was safer, but I wasn't really seen anyway. So, um, but being abandoned for the right things, right. Um, I think it led me to the being abandoned, um, hurt my relationships with other people later, especially men, um, being invisible led me at a later time to try to be seen in not so healthy ways. So my appearance became overly important to me, which is a trap also,

because when you lose that and at some point you will, that was really painful. And also trying to find significance in ways that were not always healthy. So how do you tame this dragon now the upside is the dragon may drive you to be significant and help others to become part of a group that brings positive energy to the world now this also could be why people join gangs oh it is oh significance for sure or want to be famous uh but that's that's significance too well they think it's significant but it's a trap right it's uh it's not a good a good trap so to tame this dragon it is critical to connect to other people, to become part of a group, to work,

to make a difference. Volunteering, for example, is a great way to just gain significance and soothe this dragon and to know your purpose and make the purpose meaningful to be beyond yourself. So you can rather than look in at what you don't have, but look outwardly to what you can give that helps tame this dragon. Now, we also did a fun thing in the book and i asked for your help which is what movies might each of the dragons like underdog movies. I love underdog. I love Blindside, Soul Surfer. Those are like- So Rocky. Karate Kid. Gladiator, 300. You love 300. No, I love 300. Or one of my favorite movies, Slumdog Millionaire. And then for each of the dragons, I also have meditations. And

meditation is so important. I know you meditate and have always found it to be really helpful. And I really like loving kindness meditations. But I add meditations for each of the dragons. And for this dragon, it's just repeat five times. I am loved. I am unique. I am significant. I am seen and I'm blessed because I'm seen by you. So I'm seen by Tana.

I am making a difference in the lives of. So for me, it'd be the patients at Amen Clinics, the people who listen to the podcast, the people who watch our public television specials. And I love that. And one mantra that I really love is, it's not your job to love me, it's mine. And that just really helps me.

It's like, it's my responsibility. And it's my responsibility to see me. Right. To know what I want and ask myself every day, is my behavior getting me what I want? And also seeing the blessings of being the second son in a large family. My dad, as I mentioned, died in May. And I have seven siblings.

My mom's not been alone one night. She's been alone one night. Because we just trade off spending the night with her and if i was an only child that would wear me out a woman who has worked really hard to keep her family she is the matriarch she has worked really hard to keep her family strong um that's a testament to your mom no question that she was very strong. Because there's a lot of families that would not do that. All right.

When we come back, we're going to talk about the inferior and flawed dragon. This is the dragon that actually is driving the epidemic of teenage suicide. What did you learn today? Write it down. Post it on any of your social media sites. Leave us a comment, question or review at Brain Warriors Way podcast. You can pre-order the book at your brain is always listening and get great gifts, including a bottle of happy silver. Stay with us. If you're enjoying the Brain Warriors Way podcast, please don't forget to subscribe so you'll always

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