Change Your Brain Every Day - Overcoming Negativity: Kill the ANTs

Episode Date: November 22, 2016

You will listen to this podcast over and over.  In this episode Daniel and Tana will teach you the importance of not believing every thought you have, how to discipline your mind, kill the ANTs (automatic negative thoughts) and overcome negativity.

Hi, I'm Donnie Osmond, and welcome to the Brain Warrior's Way, hosted by my friends Daniel and Tana Amon. Now, in this podcast, you're going to learn that the war for your health is one between your ears. That's right. If you're ready to be sharper and have better memory, mood, energy, and focus, well then stay with us. Here are Daniel and Tana Amon.

Welcome back. Today is a very special podcast. We're going to talk about killing the ants or overcoming negativity. It is one of the most important skills that brain warriors learn. You do not have to believe every stupid thought you have. Thoughts lie. They lie a lot. And it is your uninvestigated thoughts that steal your happiness and rob your joy. This is actually one of my favorite topics. It's so powerful and can literally flip your day in an instant once you get it. So ants, what do ants, what does that mean? Automatic negative thoughts. And like the little critters, they can come in and just infest everything in your life and ruin it. So what most people don't know is that every time you have a thought, your brain releases chemicals every single time you have a thought. And if you have a sad thought,

a mad thought, a hopeless thought, a helpless thought, your brain releases a certain set of chemicals that literally make every cell in your body feel bad. But the opposite is also true. If you have a happy thought, a hopeful thought, a loving thought, your brain releases a completely different set of chemicals that make you feel great. And in addition to that, your brain, as you often say, your brain makes happen what it sees. So if you're having negative thoughts, it's going to make happen what it sees. If you're having positive thoughts, it's going to make happen what it sees. So it's sort of a double whammy. So when I was a young psychiatrist, I learned about biofeedback. And biofeedback is where we take instruments and measure physiological processes in your body.

So I would hook up your hand temperature, how much your hands sweat, muscle tension, breathing rate, heart rate, even brainwave patterns. And when I would get you to think about something negative, immediately what would happen is your hands would get colder. They'd get wetter. Your muscles would become tense. Your breathing would become faster and more shallow, and your heart rate would go up, but it would become less variable. Heart rate variability is a sign of heart health. And when heart rate variability goes down, it's associated with a lot of trouble, not only stress, but also an increased incidence of heart disease.

Now, if I got you to think about something positive, something loving, something hopeful, your hands would get warmer, they would get drier, Your muscles would become more relaxed. Your breathing would become slower and deeper, and your heart rate would slow down. But the rate would become more variable, which is associated with heart health. So every time you have a thought, unless you learn how to discipline your mind. Just like you do your children. Changing what's going on in your body. And you can learn to take control. Now, thoughts are automatic. They just happen. They're based on complex chemical reactions and memories. But the one thing that they should

have taught you in second grade but never did is your thoughts lie. They lie a lot. And it is often your uninvestigated thoughts that ruin your life. I mean, literally, they can ruin your marriage. They can ruin your health. They can ruin your money. You don't have to believe every stupid thought you have. You have to take control. Over the years, I've developed different kinds of ant species. So these are different ways we distort things to make them out to be worse than they really are. So let's talk about a few of those ant species. So one is all or none. It's like everything, right? Things are either all good or all bad.

So black and white thinking. Right. So very black and white. We have the best marriage that ever lived. Or when you're mad at me, we have the worst marriage that ever lived. Very black and white thinking bad right so very black and white we have the best marriage that ever lived or when you're mad at me we have the worst marriage that ever very black and white and the second one is always thinking so people who use always language you always do that to me right when in fact no one ever always no one no one ever always does anything So whenever you think in words like always, never, everyone, every time, that's an always thinking and. And it's usually very distorted. Mind reading,

that's an interesting one. It's where you arbitrarily believe you know what another person is thinking, even though you haven't told them. And even though we've been together for 11 years, you'll go, I know what you're thinking, but you're often wrong. And even though we've been together for 11 years, you'll go, I know what you're thinking, but you're often wrong. And it's not helpful. It's not helpful. I'm teasing, but right. It's not helpful. Or fortune telling, which is where you predict things are going to turn out badly, even though you don't have the evidence. Okay. I have to tell the story about the trolls. I have to tell the story about the trolls i have to tell the

story about the trolls we went and saw the movie trolls with our grandsons so cute so fun but i was laughing so hard because my new nickname for daniel is prince poppy because if you saw the princess poppy okay princess poppy have it your way i was gonna call you prince poppy but but in the movie princess poppy is always, like she is the happiest, most positive. I always say that Daniel has Disneyland in his head. It's like the happiest place on earth. Nothing bad can happen.

And it's like almost annoying because I'm very, I call myself a realist, okay? So I am prepared for every bad thing that can happen. Like my house is wired for sound. I have supplies for the end of the earth. I'm like, I am that person. So in the movie branch in trolls, he is there's Poppy and then there's branch branches. He's the only troll that's gray. And he's walks around with his weapons on his shoulder and he hides in the trees waiting for the bad guys to show up. And he has this underground

bunker with 10 years of supplies that's my house so it's hilarious it's so fun so and who do you think has more anxiety who is more vulnerable i admit it focusing on the negative that's another ant species guilt beating where you think in words like must should have to have to, ought to. So those are people who should all over themselves? Yes. Labeling, which is where you label yourself or someone else with a negative term. She's a jerk.

He's an idiot. And blame. And both Tan and I agree, this is the most harmful red ant. When you blame other people for how your life is turning out, you're a victim and you can't change anything. Right. Victims can never win. So you want to unlearn victim language as much as you can. So you need an internal anteater to take control. So this is not hard. You just have to work it. And here's the exercise. Whenever you feel sad, mad, nervous, or out of control, write down what you're thinking. And then identify if you see any of these ant species and talk back to them. Yeah. Talk back like your kids talk back. I mean, how many of you used to talk back to your parents when you were teenagers?

I was excellent at it, but no one ever taught me to talk back to myself. You just sort of believe the nonsense going on in your head, and it causes way too many people to suffer. And when I did the big NFL study, Big Ed White was one of our football players and it was called Big Ed White because he was obese. And I'm like, Ed, what's the deal with your weight? And he said, well, I have no control over my appetite. So I wrote that down and I went, well, is that true? Right? That's an all or nothing and. And no one had ever asked him if it was true. Right.

And he's like, it's not true. I said, but when you tell yourself you have no control, you've just given yourself permission to eat anything you want at any time you want. Tan and I have a friend, Byron Katie, who wrote a wonderful book called Loving What Is. Yeah, it's just fabulous. And in it, she expands this exercise. So whenever you feel sad, mad, nervous, or out of control, write down what you're thinking.

And then label it. And then question it. And I love these questions. So the first one is, is it true? Is it true? The second one is, can I absolutely know that it's true? Like more than God, can you know it's true? The third question is, how do I feel when I have this thought?

The fourth question is, who would I be without the thought? And then you turn the thought around and you ask yourself if the opposite thought is true or even truer than the original thought. So I've had this thought, Tana never listens to me. And if you just think about it, if you don't question the thought, you believe it. Right. And then you act out of the belief. And that's actually a very toxic thought. It's toxic, right. And so if I didn't know how to question my own thought, it would actually give me permission to be rude

or angry or inappropriate or withdraw. All of those things would hurt our relationship. So when I had that thought, my first question, because I trained myself to do this is, is it true? Tana never listens to me. So that's an always thinking thought. And it's like completely not true. Out of the 11 public television specials, you've listened to all of them repeatedly. So when you say, is it true? It cracks the thought. Right. And even if you come up with a small example, it still cracks the thought. And then if you go to the second question, well, can I absolutely know that it's true? Well, of course not. If the first question is no, the second is automatically no. And even if the second question

is yes, you're stuck on yes, it's absolutely true. Okay, don't argue with it. Well, the idea behind killing the ants is truth. Know the truth and the truth will set you free. The third question, how do I feel when I believe the thought? Well, I feel isolated. I feel alone. I'm mad. I'm sad. Disconnected. Disconnected. And then how do I treat you then if I believe that thought? Well, I'm either withdrawn or rude and irritated.

Right. And you can also ask yourself, how do I treat myself? Do I engage in any negative behaviors? Who would I be without the thought? I'd be a good husband. And you are. And then turn the thought around. Tana never listens to me.

Tana always listens to me. Well, that's not true. You're saying I don't do everything you say. Tana does not always ignore me. Which is true. Right. Right? Because we're like busy people.

We mostly don't ignore you. Right. We're like busy people. But then you can turn the thought around to yourself. Oh, I never listened to T people. Right. We're like busy people. But then you can turn the thought around to yourself. Oh, I know. Never listened to Tana. I'm like, oh, so I don't always listen to Tana. And that's, that's also equally true. Or sometimes you turn it to yourself. Correct. So then you go, well, I don't always listen to myself. I don't always pay. So then you see people will go, well, that doesn't make sense. Sit with it for a second.

I don't always pay attention to myself and sit with it for a second is that true are you taking good care of yourself do you meditate do you listen to your internal dialogue are you actually taking good care of yourself so let me give you a fun example i was at lunch so the alumni director where I went to college, Rosemary, she and I have been friends literally for 35 years. And when I was a student there, she was just the warmest, most loving support person. And we stayed in contact over the years. And then when she was 73, her husband, John, who I knew really well, had died of colon cancer and it was awful and I was there to support her in her grief and then two years later we were having lunch and she said well I'm tired of being alone and I think I want a date but no one would ever want a 75 year old woman

and so we're at lunch and I just I started I wrote down the four questions and I just worked with her. No one would ever want a 75 year old woman is a very toxic thought. And I said, is that true? And she said, yes. I said, can you absolutely know that that's true? And she's a smart woman. And she said, no, I can't absolutely know that that's true. I said, well, how do you feel when you believe the thought no one will ever want a 75 year old woman? Sad, lonely, isolated, depressed, abandoned by God. I'm like, whoa. I said, well, who would you be if you didn't have that thought? Or how would you feel if you couldn't have that thought? I would be happier and more like someone that someone

would want. I said, so let's turn the thought around. Someone will want a 75-year-old woman. I said, well, you think that's true? said i don't know but if i act like no one will want me no one will want me and then she got online and started online dating so cute unbelievable and you know she kissed a few frogs and then she met jack And this is like nine years ago. Yeah, a long time ago. And Tan and I had lunch with Rosemary and Jack. You remember that? Yeah. And they were like two 15-year-olds who had just fallen in love.

They were touching each other and looking at each other. Yeah, it's really cute. And then the next year they got married. And they've been traveling around the U.S. And we're actually looking at a picture of Rosemary in Oregon with blueberries because she knows we love organic blueberries. And if she would have believed every stupid thought she had, it would have devastated her life. You don't have to believe every stupid thought you have. Question your thoughts. Free your mind. Stay with us.

Thanks for listening to today's show, The Brain Warrior's Way. Why don't you head over to brainwarriorswaypodcast.com. That's brainwarriorswaypodcast.com, where Daniel and Tana have a gift for you just for subscribing to the show. And when you post your review on iTunes, you'll be entered into a drawing where you can win a VIP visit to one of the Amen clinics. I'm Donnie Osmond, and I invite you to step up your brain game by joining us in the next episode.