Change Your Brain Every Day - Sex on the Brain

Episode Date: December 5, 2016

Use your brain to enhance your sex life. Enjoy more intimacy and better sex using the untapped power in your Brain. Light up your Brain lite up your sex life.

Hi, I'm Donnie Osmond, and welcome to The Brain Warrior's Way, hosted by my friends Daniel and Tana Amon. Now, in this podcast, you're going to learn that the war for your health is one between your ears. That's right. If you're ready to be sharper and have better memory, mood, energy, and focus, well then stay with us. Here are Daniel and Tana Amon.

Hi, everybody. This is Dr. Daniel Amen. And I'm Tana Amen. Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. Today, we're going to talk about sex on the brain. So much fun. So I was a columnist for men's health for three years. I wrote a column called Head Check. And after I was writing for a while, they asked me to do a number of feature articles. One of my favorite ones was six women wrote about the best sex of their lives. And I had to do the psychoanalysis. Oh, no. I'm like, really fun to read. Don't hang out with those women because it was pretty crazy. And then I wrote an article called sex on the brain. It was 5,000 words. I was really excited about it. And I went with Caitlin, who was my, she was 16 at the

time. And we went over to Barnes and Noble because I wondered, you know, would they put the article on the cover? Because I'd never had a cover article. And when I got there, I looked at the cover of the new edition of Men's Health and I was disappointed until I opened up the table of contents because they, in fact, did put my article on the cover. And when Caitlin was looking over my shoulder, she squealed. She's horrified. I know. By the way, she still has PTSD to this day. Our daughter, Chloe, has threatened if you ever do that, she's running away from home. And so the article, they changed it to the best sex of your life. So we are going to talk about the best sex of your life because ultimately it's your brain. Your brain is the biggest sex organ in your body. It's the only organ where

size matters. And the thing is, is that women and men, you know, they their brains can transplant someone's heart. You can't transplant their brain or people say, oh, I have a broken heart, right? When really it's your brain that's broken. But you know, that just sounds like somebody hit you over there with a bat. That's very funny. So how do you use your brain to have great sex? And one of the things that I discovered was with a healthy brain, in fact, my friend Earl Hensland, you know, Dr. Hensland is a very well-known psychologist. He says, no for thought equals no for play. So if you really want to have great sex, it starts by taking good care of your brain. Right. And then knowing, paying attention to what are those things that excite your partner.

Right. And so is it smell? So for women, this is incredibly important. And there are a number of scents that have been shown to increase blood flow to female genitals and it's baby powder. That's weird. And so when, no, Alan Hirsch did studies on this when he was, he's in Chicago. And I read that and I'm like, well, why baby powder? Well, what do women associate? Babies.

Babies. Cute little babies that have been diapered and then they want one. Now it's completely unconscious. Right. And that's opposite for men, I think. So if you want her to feel a little frisky, take a shower and just a little tiny

bit of baby powder. So whenever I take Tana's car to... Oh my gosh, you are so devious. To get the car wash and they go,

so what kind of scent do you want in? You're so devious. I'm like, do you have baby powder? Really? Wow. They're actually going to learn like what kind of scent do you want in? I'm like, do you have baby powder? Wow. They're actually going to learn like what kind of guy you really are. Oh, you're so funny.

I mean, we've been together 11 years. No, I've known it all along. Yes. I am very, very, very fond of you. For men, it's not baby powder. Obviously, you're right. It scares them. It's the scent of cinnamon.

Interesting. And when I told my mother that, she hit her forehead. She said, that's why I have seven children. Lebanese people cook with a lot of cinnamon. And so when she hit her forehead, she said, he would never leave me alone. So my dad married someone he liked a lot. Yeah. Yeah. Funny.

The other thing, and I think this is actually one of the brain ways I hooked you, was do something nice for someone she loves. No question. Yeah. So when we were first dating, my dad had become a recluse and diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. And I just remember the whole family being extremely stressed out. And you treated him and discovered that not only didn't have Alzheimer's disease, but he was on the wrong combination of medications, which were toxic. But just that act of you moving him down, you've done many things for many of my family members.

But that was one of the initial ones that really made me realize what kind of person you are. And for women, men who are family oriented, it's just, it's something that for women is, I'm not going to say it's the same for all women, for most of us, it's critical. So it's what we look for. Someone who is going to take care of our family, our children, when things get rough, are you going to be there to help make it better? So smells, emotional bonding, a healthier brain equals sexier you. I've just seen that over and over again that people have had head injuries. Right, because you're more consistent, you're kinder, you're more thoughtful. All of those things are very true. relationship, anxiety, you're just, your body's filled with tension. And so you're not feeling

sexy. All of the stress hormones are going to cortisol. All of the mother hormones are going to your stress hormones rather than to your sex hormones. So there's, there's another big thing. I'm just going to speak from a female perspective and you can talk about the scientific part of it. Energy. Women are tired a lot from working, taking care of children. And for women, it's funny for men. Sometimes it seems like, tell me if I'm wrong, sex is often the way to fix problems, arguments, things like that, or how they feel better when they're tired. For women, it's like, yeah, not going to happen. It'll fix just about anything. Right. But for women, that's not going to happen. If you're tired or you're stressed out or you're angry, it's not going to happen.

Right. So helping her around the house can be really helpful. Depression. Often. I mean, one of the number one symptoms of depression is it drops your libido. If you have OCD and things have to be just a certain way, it often can disrupt someone's sex life, brain trauma, toxic exposure, aging. You know, why do our hormones drop with age? Well, it's because it's the planet's way of wanting to get rid of us to save resources for the next generation. When I heard that, I was like horrified. We believe in hormone replacement. Oh, no, I'd be on the evening news without it.

It's scary. So all of these brain health issues unknowingly can sabotage. And we talked about sex hormones a little bit. Low levels of testosterone are associated with low libido, depression, memory problems. And how do we lower our testosterone levels? Sugar and lack of exercise. Sugar bursts and lack of exercise. So with two thirds of us overweight in the United States, almost 40% of women now are obese. It's the biggest brain drain in the history of our country because as your weight goes up, the size and function of your brain goes down. That's going to steal your testosterone.

I thought I heard you say that something about, three times a week, decreased the risk of heart attack and stroke by 50%. We have no medicine that can do that. So I'll often tell 10 if she withholds that I could sue her for attempted murder. Oh my God. But I want, right. I want the followup to that study. What was the follow-up to that study for women? Well, for women, it's not frequency. It's how much they liked it. Thank you. So if you're not pleasing her, you could sue him back. Right. Thank you very much. So, so we picked on men a little bit about helping women around the house because of her energy, smelling good, all these things. But you know, women have a, you know, if you want your relationships to be really special and connected, because ultimately that's what it's about. It's about improving your relationships.

And, you know, you have to want to know the sexy foods. Well, hold on. Ultimately, it's about improving your relationships. And so, you know, you have to be aware. Sometimes women get this idea in their head because I talk to a lot of them who have this idea. Well, he should just understand. And it's not all about sex. Well, I have news for you. It is for him. Okay. A lot of it is about sex for him. And it's not because he's a pig. It's because it's how he's wired. So if you want to understand him, you have to understand that he's biologically hardwired that way. It's one of God's cruel tricks that he made us different. So she needs talking in order to have sex and he needs sex in order

to have talking. So anyways, you know, take a little responsibility for your relationship and don't just go, well, he should understand me. Well, no, you should understand him too. In fact, I remember when I was, you love my mom for this, actually. I thought that it was a little bit weird that a mom would ever say this to her daughter. But when I was getting married, my mom said, my mom's a little crazy. You have to know my mom. She's awesome. I know you actually like her. But she actually said to me, she said, because I couldn't cook at all. I mean, I literally could not cook at all when I met Daniel. At all. And she said to me, she said, you know, honey, it doesn't really matter. Don't worry about the cooking. I'm marrying into a family where there's all these, you know, amazing

cooks, these Lebanese cooks. She said, don't worry about it, honey. She said, you only really have to cook in one room in the house and it doesn't have to be the kitchen. So I'm like, I looked at her, I'm like, mom, but that's my mom. And her point was you, you need to, you know, take care of your man, you know? So, and that's the responsibility piece. So if you want your relationship to be healthy and you want him to understand you spend some time understanding him. There are foods that can significantly decrease your chances of sex like sugar and foods raised with hormones and pesticides. Fried fats too.

Oysters have a lot of zinc in them and omega-3 fatty acids, avocados, nuts, seeds. But cinnamon is supposed to be an aphrodisiac for men. Do you know that 40% of 40-year-olds have erectile dysfunction? Oh, I do. Hold on. Maca. Speaking of foods, maca root powder has actually shown in multiple studies to improve sexual function in both men and women.

So add a little maca powder to your morning smoothies. Food can make a big difference. So if you eat like we talk about in the Brain Warriors way, it actually directly attacks vascular problems, including erectile dysfunction, which is extremely common, which is why Viagra, Levitra, Cialis commercials are everywhere on TV, even though they've been out for 20 years. So it's all about blood flow. You want to avoid anything that damages blood flow. It's true for men or women like smoking a lot of caffeine, the standard American diet, and do things that increase blood flow. Omega-3 fatty acids from fish or fish oil. Exercise can help as well. Certain supplements like arginine and ginkgo. And sleep. You have to sleep. You want

to know your partner's brain because if she's a little OCD and likes things a certain way in order to have sex, well, make them that way. I mean, don't have to push against her. Yeah. If you're sitting there going, no, we need to experiment and things have to be different all the time, that's going to freak her out. Yeah. So know her brain. But if he's got low frontal lobes and he needs excitement, experimentation, things like that, you want to get out of your comfort zone. So the more I can get outside of my head and into Tana's head, the luckier I get. But it's about the understanding each other and knowing that it's about your brain. And sex is not just about you unless it's single sex. You want to be about each other and knowing that it's about your brain. And, you know, sex is not just

about you unless it's single sex. You want to be about each other. You want to boost the chemicals of love like oxytocin. That's the cuddle hormone. Whenever Tana sends me a text, I'm thinking about you or she'll take a picture and send it to me. It just... Clarify that because you just got everybody thinking something. Okay, he's not talking about the bad guy. I didn't even think about that. Well, I'm sure they are. But now I am.

Well, they are thinking that. I am. The topic is sex on the brain. Yes, I do not do things that will get me arrested. So what increases oxytocin? It's eye gaze, not staring. Don't be creepy. As my 13-year-old would say, do not be creepy. Or give you that look that only your wife can give you. That does not increase oxytocin, it increases cortisol. But hugging, hugging increases oxytocin. Hugging, touching,

texting kind things. Right. Raisy things would be okay. Not that we'll get you arrested. That could be wrong. Another chemical called phenylethylamine, or PEA, that's in a little bit of chocolate. But a little bit of chocolate. You give her a box of chocolate,

she will have no need for you. She's going to get sleepy. She'll have plenty of PEA. But there's a reason that chocolate is the international food of love. It actually really does make you feel more attractive. And you want to focus on what you like about your partner more than what you don't. And then- So that, wait, that's important. So let's stop there for a second. Because to be married and together, even as long as we have, and some of the people we know, 30, 40 years,

you have to be able to focus on what you love about someone. Every couple gets irritated with each other. Every couple is going to go through those times. They're going to get annoyed. And I mean, we've certainly had our, we work together. So there's times we get annoyed, but you know, when those moments happen, I know for me, I will make a list and, you know, you are so amazing with my family. You know, when my mom had a head injury, you are amazing with Chloe, our 13-year-old, you know, with my dad, with everyone in my family, really. And so when I focus on those things and how awesome you are and what a good partner you are

and how much fun we have together working together, it instantly switches that thinking away from, he irritates me to, okay, so what? You know what I mean? Like all these things are amazing and they're, they're wonderful. And you can just shift that quickly. You don't stay married for a long time if you can't do that. Well, and it's funny because, you know, we've talked on TV about how you have ADD and you've never met a cabinet door. You actually wanted to close. I know you

said something really nice about this the other day. Or a rapper that you ever really wanted to throw away. I went downstairs and there were like, I don't know, 15 of them. They're not all mine, by the way. It's Thanksgiving. They're not all mine. When I look at them now, rather than being irritated, I just go, I would truly hate it if they weren't here. Yeah. You said to me, you go, you know what? As much as I sometimes look at them and go, why? I realized I would miss it if your rappers weren't here, if you, or if you weren't stealing my cup from my sink. So those little things that normally, you know, so it's, it's important to flip. Well, let's be clear. If you've started putting away the rappers, I'd be okay with that. Yeah. I would miss the fact that you were connected to them.

Probably not going to happen. So, all right. Well, we've gone on and on about this. So much more to talk about sex on the brain. We hope your love life is awesome and amazing. And the one secret I'll tell you, being a psychiatrist for 35 years, you have a lot more control in it than you think. You are powerful. You are powerful. And just let me leave you with this one question. Do you know what is the one thing you could do when you got home that could make your partner crazy? Crazy mad.

I know that if I walked in the door and looked at Tana with a stern look and said, you need to be quiet and do what I say. I would actually laugh at you and think you had a head injury. That's like throwing a match on kindling. No, I seriously would think you had a head injury. There are those things, you know, you can do that, that you can blow up your relationship. Now I choose not to do that because I or her smile feel warm and have those weak knees? Take care. Thanks for listening to today's show, The Brain Warrior's Way. Why don't you head over to brainwarriorswaypodcast.com. That's brainwarriorswaypodcast.com, where Daniel and

Tana have a gift for you just for subscribing to the show. And when you post your review on iTunes, you'll be entered into a drawing where you can win a VIP visit to one of the Amen Clinics. I'm Donnie Osmond, and I invite you to step up your brain game by joining us in the next episode.