Change Your Brain Every Day - Still Dancing: A Story of Survival with Hayley Erbert

Episode Date: August 3, 2026

After a life-threatening medical emergency during a performance, professional dancer Hayley Erbert faced a recovery few could imagine. This podcast is a previous conversation that follows her journey — the surgery, the uncertainty, and the moment she sits down with Dr. Daniel Amen to see her own brain scan, confronting the physical reality of what she survived. It's a conversation about resilience, memory, and what it means to rebuild a life and a career after coming face-to-face with mortality. Raw, honest, and unflinching.

I was on stage dancing. We were on tour. I just got the worst headache on the right side of my head. I just need to get through this and then I can lay down. And I actually don't recall doing the very last number that I did. After that one, I came off stage, collapsed. I started having seizures. And that's when they were like, okay, something is really, really off.

It's not just a headache. Haley Erbert is a professional dancer, choreographer, and television personality. Dr. Eamon and Haley discuss her accident, brain injury, and brain scan. My mom and my dad both came to the hospital immediately when they found out. My mom said to me, honey, your dad and I don't hate each other anymore. And I remember saying, good thing it took me almost dying for you guys to finally get along. So the goal is to evaluate and rehabilitate the bleed. But there's more.

And the bleed was not a small bleed. Every day you are making your brain better or you are making it worse. Stay with us to learn how you can change your brain for the better every day. One of the most important lessons I've learned after helping thousands of people is that when you support your brain, you often feel the difference in your life. I love hearing stories like this one. Happy Saffron Plus has given me the peace I've been looking for. I can't say enough about it. It has truly been a godsend. Stories like that remind me why I'm so passionate about helping people care for their brains.

Visit BrainMD.com and use code podcast 20 for 20% off. Better brain, better life. So is this your first time on a psychiatrist couch? Yes, actually. And I'm like, and it's on camera. What a joy. you for doing this. Thank you for having me. I'm very, very excited to just, yeah, to just experience this and really learn about myself and learn about my brain and why I do the things

that I do. So we chatted when you were in Washington, D.C. Yeah. And I'm actually very close to Carrie Ann. Yes. And she did this. Yeah. And she actually got skin. seven months apart. Wow. And making her brain better. Amazing. And then she connected us with Derek. Yep. Then you went in the hospital. Yes. Derek texted me. Julianne texted me. Yeah. It's been quite the while right. Yeah. So I read your history. Yes. I looked at your scans. Yeah. Looked at your testing. I sort of have a good idea what's going on. Okay. But I want to hear from you, your goal. in being here. Yeah, I mean, obviously after having such a scary,

just honestly terrifying, like help scare, I think I've never really paid too much attention to my health because I've always been a dancer in my entire life. So I've always been like, oh, I'm active, I'm healthy. So yeah, so I think just now, after something like that happening, I want to know what's actually truly going on inside of my body. And I remember saying to Derek, like a few probably months ago being like, I want to do a full body scan. I want to know what I'm susceptible to getting.

I want to know if there's any cancer that runs in my genes. I want to know like all of the things that's just going on within me. So it's quite ironic that then a couple months later, here I am doing a scan of my brains because I had head trauma. So yeah, so I just want to learn about me. And I haven't really done a lot of diving into, like, even internal work. Like, there's not, there hasn't been a lot of that for me. So I think this is a new journey, and it's a very necessary journey for me to be on right now. So I want you to sort of walk us through what happened recently.

Yeah. But before you do that, I should go back a year. Because a year before that, you had a head injury. Yes. So start down. Okay. So December 12th of 2022, Derek and I were in a crazy car accident. We were on the hills of a super slippery slope in Lake Arrowhead, California.

It was very icy. And our car had no traction. And, yeah, and we got into an accident, and I hit the left side of my head, like about probably two inches below my temple. And I had just like a really solid gash. But we actually had to jump out of the car. It was sliding down a hill and we were like, we might go off the hill.

Like we have to jump out of this vehicle. So we both jumped out. I was in a dress and heels because we were on our way to a wedding. And my feet just slipped right out from underneath me. And I just slammed my head on the ice and the concrete below me. And I didn't necessarily go unconscious because I was, Derek said, I popped right up. I don't recall any of it. I don't recall jumping out of the vehicle up until about when the paramedics were with me in the vehicle, like sitting.

Because right when we jumped out, the car swerved and slammed into a tree. So in hindsight, we were like, maybe that would have been a better option to stay in if we would have known that we were going to hit a tree. But we don't fully know. You didn't know. Yeah, we had no idea. So yeah, so we came back to the car and he said I was just talking gibberish and I was like saying, oh yeah, let's go to the wedding. Like I was ready to still go to the wedding. So I had no recollection of what just happened to me.

So you had amnesia. Was that amnesia? Or what happened during that? Yes, yes. And it was probably a time span of like 20 minutes, I would say that I just have no recollection of. Um, so they rushed me to the hospital and I had like five stitches above my eyebrow and they actually told me, oh, you might have a concussion. We don't need to do any scans on you. So they didn't do an MRI or a CT scan on me. So I wasn't really sure. I was like terrified to go to bed that night because I was like, what if I don't wake up? Like I've, and I have this like weird fear of like dying, which is quite crazy. But, um, yes. Um, well, let's put a. mark and talk about it. Okay.

I'm like, yes, I'm terrified of dying. We'll come back to it. Okay, great. Great. I love that. So, yeah, so went home, and then I just had this, like, gut feeling that I needed to get scanned. And so I asked a doctor, I need to scan up my head. And I didn't know to ask for an MRI, so they only gave me a CT scan, and it all came back normal.

So we just assumed, okay, it was just a little bunk on the head, just some stitches. is and that's kind of it. But then cut to almost exactly a year later, December 6th, 2023, I was on stage dancing. We were on tour and I just got the worst headache. I remember it being right here on the right side of my head, the worst headache I've ever had in my entire life. But I was like, I'm on stage. Show must go on. I have to keep dancing. So I called for my... It come on all of a sudden? Yes. I don't recall it. being an issue at all that day. However, the day before we were in Los Angeles, and we took two red eyes to get to Washington, D.C. And so we were exhausted. So your body is stressed. Yes. So

tired. And it was towards the very end of the show. So we probably had five numbers left of the entire show. And that's when the headache came on. Five numbers out of how many total? Out of like probably like 50 something. And it's a very like intense. We are thrashing and spinning and doing all of the things. Like when people say, oh, you're a dancer, I don't think people fully understand exactly. You're really an athlete.

It is, yeah. And like I'm like throwing my head back and like arching my back. Like things that probably are not good for my brain, truthfully. And I've done it my entire life. And it's kind of become my normal, I guess, if you will. But yeah, so we were really, really close to finishing. And that's when all the pain came on. I called for my physical therapist. The only thing that I wanted for some reason, I don't know why was I was like, squeeze my head. It's the only thing that kind of relieves me. So as I'm like doing 30 second quick changes into my next outfit, she's like squeezing my head as much as she can. But I'm the type of person that, like, I don't like to take medication.

So I didn't take any ibuprofen, Tylenol, nothing. I just was like, I just need to get through this. And then I can lay down. And I actually don't recall doing the very last number that I did because I finished the other ones. And after that one, I came offstage, collapsed. I started having some seizures. And that's when they were like, okay, something is really, really off. It's not just a headache.

called the paramedics. They came really quickly and they were able to see that my right pupil was dilated. And they were like, okay, we need to rush her to the ER immediately. And that's when they did all the scans. They told me that I had a cranial hematoma in between the dura and the subdura membrane. And they were like, we need to rush her into emergency surgery immediately. And meanwhile, I don't remember. I don't remember the very last dance that I did.

And the next thing that I remember is them taking out my ventilator. So I probably have blinked, I would say, about 15, 16 hours. Like, I don't recall any of that. Yeah, woke up. I was told that I had a head injury, that I had a shaved half of my head. I had brain surgery, all the things. How long was your hair before? Oh, it was like.

down to here. I had the longest hair, very long hair. And so, and meanwhile, they only cut, they, like, shaved one side. So I had this, like, super long hair over on this side and just bald on this side. Oh, so punk. And I, yes, everybody was like, you know, it's kind of a look. And I still hadn't seen myself in the mirror. I didn't see myself probably for, like, five days after the surgery. And when I saw myself, I was like, oh, my gosh. What was your thought when you woke up? Well, I mean, I didn't have much of a thought when I woke up because I was just like, where am I and why am I in the hospital?

And then that's when Derek was like, you just had a really... So you just have this blank spot? Totally blank. So you didn't like... I mean, I was just... Go to the afterlife or anything like that. No, yeah. It was just completely blank.

So you were stable the whole time. I was going to... I was dancing on stage to all of a sudden waking up in the hospital. And I was like, what just happened? I had absolutely no recollection. It's so wild. Yeah, it's really wild. Yeah, so I'm here.

How have you done emotionally after that? It's been a roller coaster, massive roller coaster. I think right when I got out of surgery, I was really honestly just focused on surviving and just being like, I've got to get through this. I have to heal. I felt super grateful for like so many, so many things. I remember Julianne and Derek walking into my hospital room and being like, there's all these people sending you so much love. And I just started bawling my eyes out.

And I was like, you guys, I know. Like I can feel it. Like I actually felt it in my body. It was weird. They didn't even have to tell me. And I knew there were people like all around the world sending love. So that was wild. But yeah, so it's been, I remember going straight into just being like, I have to get better.

And I kept saying, sorry told me that I kept saying, it is what it is, what's you going to do? Like, that was just my mentality. And I don't know why. But it was. I was just like, well, okay, it is what it is now. We just have to keep pushing forward. We just have to keep moving forward through all of this. And I was just feeling really grateful for like life and for the,

people around me because all of my like best friends flew in immediately and my family flew in immediately. It was really, really special. Then it wasn't until my second surgery, my craniopasty where they were putting the implant in and everything. And I actually told you this on the phone that I was terrified. Like I have never, never gone into a surgery ever, I don't think, or at least consciously because the first one, I was unconscious. So I've never gone under. I've never, have never had a surgery. I've never really been hospitalized. So all of a sudden I was like, okay, I'm willingly going into this surgery. I know it's a very invasive surgery. They're having to cut into my head again. They're replacing my skull. There were a lot of thoughts that

were going through my head. Of course, there was so much fear. And, for you. For you. For Funny enough, I actually used your meditation on Happy Brain the app. And I was like, immediately I felt so grounded and so calm. And I was like, okay, I can do this. But I was so scared throughout that entire thing. And I remember Derek leaving the hospital because the visiting hours were over. I was just bawling my eyes out. I was like, I'm such a mess.

But with that meditation and that hypnotherapy, that was so necessary. My doctors were amazing. They made me feel so grounded and so honestly, he just made me feel so comfortable throughout the entire thing. And yeah, so then I went into that one. That one was scary. And then after that one, that was when I kind of, I still was in, like, I have to get through this mode. I have to heal. I have to do better. But I was in a lot pain. I was on a lot of medication. And I know the first round I was on a lot of medication too, but I started getting put on seizure medication, which made me a little more irritable. And I just, like, I wasn't feeling good. And I think it was hard going from the first surgery where I recovered

for two weeks. And I was starting to feel a lot better to go straight into another surgery where I just felt worse. Like, it was, it was so bad. I was in so much pain. So, of course, my, emotions are then fluctuating and I'm like, I'm still grateful, but I'm like, oh, I like don't feel good. I don't feel like I'm getting better. So that was a wild roller coaster for that one. Then coming home from Washington, D.C., that was when a lot of things shifted because L.A. is obviously normal. It's like, I'm back home. Oh, my gosh, everything's normal here. Why am I not normal, like almost, like, I had this pressure on myself where I'm like, I should be normal. I should be okay. I should be able to work out. I should be able to do all these things. And I'm like,

why can I not do what I did when I was here before? So that one, and then I had to keep reminding myself, you just had really major surgery like four weeks ago. Like, you should not be normal. You should not be working out. You were assaulted. Yes. Yes, essentially. Pretty much. because what you had was not a sixth. It was an event. And as I'll show you, I don't think it's given you any lasting damage. Okay.

That's really good to know. That's amazing. Because I was looking for it. You let me find everything in here. I mean, hey, I appreciate it because I need it all. So the goal is to sort of evaluate and rehabilitate the bleed. But there's more.

Okay. I'm sure there is. There's more. And the bleed was not a small bleed. It caused a midline shift of your brain. There was enough blood. Yes. And, you know, the reason they had to evacuate it quickly is because they can cause

compression and kill you. Yes. But thank goodness. You didn't take. Yeah, I didn't take any ibuprofen. So it didn't create more bleeding. Yes. So your tendency not to want to do medicine.

Yes. Just because I'm very stubborn, but it could have saved my life. Yes, I see the stubbornness to me. We'll get to that. What was actually crazy about the midline shift is that they were saying to me that they were like, most people with a midline shift that intense sometimes don't have their motor skills back. Like there's a lot of things that they were like, this is kind of a miracle case, which I'm truly so grateful for because I'm like, I can, might not be able to dance and do all the crazy things that I was doing before. But like I can talk.

I can move. I can still like use the body. And you'll be able to dance. And I think so too. Yeah. Because I've already started feeling better. Because I think there's going to be an emotional component to it. Yes.

that if we can get rid of the trauma of the event, maybe some trauma you had before then? Probably before, yeah. Yeah. I think you're going to be yourself. I think. So I noticed the theme of low energy, some loss of interest, some issues with memory.

Oh, yeah. And being a professional dancer, the fear of being judged and body and magicians, issues. I mean, how many dancers do you know don't have that? Oh, yeah. I mean, I don't know many that. Did you ever have an eating disorder? Never an eating disorder. No, but I am. That's a bit miraculous on its own. Yeah, honestly. Right? Yeah. That's an occupational hazard. It's a very common thing, too. I grew up with a lot of girls that eat eating disorders. And I think that I don't know why this is, but like when I always saw people doing stuff,

I saw the damage that it did to people. And I was like, I don't want to do that. Like that was even moving to L.A., I saw lots of people doing drugs. And I was like, definitely I'm not going to do that because I saw how it, like, affected people. And I don't know what that is in me. That kind of makes me, maybe it's my stubbornness.

I don't know. But, yeah, so growing up, I saw people with. Or we could call it strength of character. That's true. I love that. Let's call it that. There's also this unable to recall important past. Yes. For upsetting events, which is why I had you do the ACE questionnaire, which is adverse childhood experiences on a scale of zero to ten.

Yeah. How many bad things happen to you? Right. And you had three and a half. And people have four have an increased risk of seven of the top ten leading causes of that. And people have six or more died 20 years early. Wow. So it's not nothing.

Right. And there was sort of a yes or no one. So the first yes one did a parent or other adult in the house who often or very often swear at you and insult you, put you down, humiliate you. Tell me about that. Yeah. I mean, I remember. So this is where I kind of said yes because I was like, I remember there always being yelling and I remember like resorting to my room because I was like, I want to stay out of this.

And it might have been to me, but also I don't really remember a lot of that. Like that's my childhood is primarily what I've blocked out. So I remember there always being like cursing and yelling and just. constantly putting each other down. Do I remember if it was to me? Not exactly. Small changes can create meaningful results over time. One happy saffron plus customer shared,

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Where'd you grow up? I grew up in Topeka, Kansas. I've been there. You have, Topeka? I've been. I got an award. at the Menager clinic. Wow. That's a very famous psychiatric clinic. Wow. I mean, I remember. Gave me the award. He was like one of the pillars and stuff. Wow.

It was a very long time ago. That is wild. I remember, I mean. But I remember to be to Kansas. Yeah. It's not like. There's not much to do it. Nope. No, it was a culture shock moving here. That's for sure. And how many kids in your family? Just me and my brother. And he's older than me. He's about. So you're the baby. and your mom and dad were together? He were together up until I was about 10, and then they got divorced. Okay. But I remember always saying pretty much my entire life, like being like they should have gotten divorced a long time before they did.

So there's a lot of chaos with them and a lot of them, happiness. Yes, no one was before you're 18, 40, no one in your family loved. you or thought you were important or special, or your family didn't look out for each other. So that's part of the chaos? Yes. So the family, it was no, because I always felt as if I was loved, no matter what. But it was the last part of that that I was like, that was kind of yes. Like it didn't really feel as if they were all looking out for each other, especially

because my parents, when they got divorced, it was they did not get along at all, which was actually really funny because my mom and my dad both came to the hospital immediately when they found out about what was happening with me. And I remember pretty much right after I woke up, my mom said to me, well, honey, your dad and I don't hate each other anymore. And I remember saying, well, good thing, it took me almost dying for you guys to finally get along. And I was like, and Derek was like, there she is. She's back. But yeah, so I'm like, well, I mean, hey, at least there was something. that happened that they could finally get along, but it's been a long time of them not getting along. So I remember it was them always, like, putting each other down, even to me, like, talking to me

about it. And as a kid, that's really hard to hear. Like, my dad just saying bad things about my mom. My mom's saying bad things about my dad. So, yeah, so there was, like you said, lots of chaos in my childhood, within my family. And then we lost to biological parents through divorce. Did they still stay actively involved in your life, both of them? My mom, very much so.

My dad, I have a different story, because I've actually talked to my dad about this. I have a different story than he does. He claims that he really tried to get me to come over to his house. to talk to me about lots of things. Like, he always wanted to stay in my life. And he very much stayed to my brothers. My brother was always at his house, always talking to him on the phone. In my recollection of memories is I remember him calling my brother's cell phone and them just talking and then him hanging up. So him not even asking to, like, talk to me. So I started blocking him out because I was like, well, if you don't love me or if you don't care about me, like, I'm just going

push you away because that's kind of what I do. I just start to push people out of my life. Rather than you reaching out to check. Yes. It's like did you mean to ignore me? Yes. You just assumed he did. Yes. And then that's where him and I are very similar where he's like, well, if she doesn't want to talk to me, then I won't talk to her. Like we both started pushing each other out. And it was interesting. And truthfully, it's like as a parent, you have more maturity than a child does. But, but we both were, that's true. Not always.

That's true. But yeah, so we both were starting to push each other out of, out of each other's lives. So it was a hard, it was a hard thing to process. What was it like for them growing up, you know? I know my dad, my mom had a very great relationship with her mom and her dad. They were both very supportive of her throughout everything. And my dad, on the other hand, though, my dad's father was an alcoholic. He was like a chain smoker.

He had a lot of addictions. He died when I was five, so pretty early on from lung cancer. So I don't really know exactly, but I know he did. have the best relationship with his dad. And I know his dad was abusive to his mom. So I could see kind of how he just like would shut off because of his childhood. So I can see how. So you're a grandchild of an alcoholic. Yes. Yes. So I studied them. My first wife grew up in a very abusive alcoholic home. Wow. And I'm a second year medical student. I want to be a pediatrician. and my wife tries to kill herself.

And I take her to see a wonderful psychiatrist. I came to realize if you helped her, it wouldn't just help her, would help me. And I started studying children of alcoholics because the more I learned. And then I'm like, well, I have children who are grandchildren of alcoholics. So I studied them. And they tend to be somewhat obsessive. Yep. And they also tend to have 80s.

a little bit. My brother was diagnosed with ADD. And I saw some of the ADD symptoms. 100% fails to finish things, loses things, not a great reader, some organizational issues. And I'm like, we're going to luck.

Yes. I've always said my entire life, I'm like, I either have ADD or ADHD. I'm not sure which, but my mom never let me get tested. She's like, you don't have it. You don't have it. And I was like, how does she not want me to have it?

But I've always said my entire life. I'm like, I swear I had ADD. How was school for you? I don't remember most of it. But I was a good student. I was really good. However, I procrastinated in everything. So if I had an essay coming up, I waited until the night before to write it.

if I had tests coming up, I waited the night before to study for them. But I was really good at the beginning of my schooling until I would say probably high school. When I started realizing I want to be a professional dancer, this school does not matter to me. Like schooling does not matter in my education doesn't matter in my career, my career path that I want to go down. So I think I kind of stopped paying as much attention. I was pouring more attention into dance and more energy into dance. So yeah, so I'd say schooling was great up until about high school. And then I was kind of like, I don't need it. Probably should have kept going with it, but I kind of was like, I'm not going to do anything with this in the future. So if you were interested, you could pay attention just fine.

Yes. But for regular routine, everyday thing, Yes. It's hard. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Because in dance, I can remember, I can remember dances that I did when I was like six. But I can't remember in some of the tests that I did earlier today. I couldn't remember the numbers that were flashing by for the life of me. But I can remember dances that I did from 20 years ago. Interesting. Yes. I want to get to this. So here's the test.

did today. Oh, gosh. So this is called Total Brain. It's like a 35, 40-minute test all sorts of things. Yes. And looking at how you scored that there was some mild depression and some past trauma. This says not a risk for ADD, but I don't believe it. I've seen way too many ADD women. I know more about this than I want to. I bet. I bet. Good at recognizing faces, but you recognize negative faces way faster.

Yes. Like way faster than positive faces. You'll be flexible, which means you get your feelings hurt. You can bounce back. Yes. Somewhat stressful. it's been very stressful for you, not terribly anxious, but your mood's not what it could be.

Your long-term memory is awesome. Your short-term memory is excellent too. Processing speed, which, for a dancer, I would expect that. Focus, not awesome. Not great. Not awesome. And this is, I think this is the most important test. Okay. It's called conscious negativity bias. How quickly does your brain go to what's right versus what's wrong? Right. And you're at 39.

That's not terrible. I have some people score one. Okay. And that's a predictor of every bad thing that will happen with you. Right. But you're at 39. You know, if we work together, we'll get it to 70. Okay.

I love that. We don't want it at 100 because you need to see trouble. Right, of course. Of course. 70 sounds good to me. When is the resilient? Not feeling terribly resilient. Okay, yeah.

I think that's the recent trauma. Okay. Yeah. We've had. So let's look at your skin. Okay. We did a study called Spec. And Speck looks at blood flow and activity.

looks at how your brain works. And at basics, different than a CAT scan or an MRI. Those are anatomy studies. They show what the brain actually physically looks like. Right. Looks at function. Okay. I'm nervous to see mine.

So here's your brain. Your brain actually looks pretty awesome. Not bad. It's, yeah, for that bad head injury. Yeah. You had on the left side. I think it actually looks really good. Okay.

It's full, it's even, it's symmetrical. This is probably where the bleed happened. I can see the little dent. But what you've been through, your brain looks pretty good. Beautiful. Okay. So, because I was thinking I'd put you in a hyperbaric chamber and no. Right.

I don't need to do that. Okay. I mean that is very good. It's no. Yeah. With this brain, you're going to live a long time with your cognition intact, with your mind intact. But it's busy. Whoa.

Yeah, it's busy. So, again, if we go back to what's healthy. What's healthy, I know. One on the right, and then we go to yours. It's like, wow. Mm-hmm. Which is interesting because the white's, like, not even close to where it needs. need it to be. It's, you have this diamond pattern. So here's, if you connect these dots, it looks

like a diamond. Diamond plus. Now, when I look at seizure activity, I either see areas that are really low, and that's in between times you have seizures. And now you're, we call it interdictal between times of seizures. And I don't see really any way. parts that I'm worried. Okay. And when you have a seizure, it's generally really busy, but this isn't that kind of pattern. Right. It's like past trauma that's still hanging out in your brain.

Now, you just went through a very traumatic event. Of course. Right. The trauma tends, and there are very few humans, like probably nobody in this room, that didn't have Trump. Yes, of course, of course. Right. But yours at rest, the one on the left, is pretty intense.

And when you concentrate, notice, so if we look here, it sort of drops an activity. And a little bit of the harder you try, the worse it gets. Yeah. And I think that's the ADV part. And this part can go along with worrying, and if things don't go a certain way, you get upset. Yeah. And I want to calm it down.

Yeah. I'd be happy to do that. But what I want you to go home with, I have the beautiful brain. It is not permanently damaged. Yes. But there are things I can work on. Of course. Yes.

I'm sure there's a lot of things that I can work on. Yeah. Like not believing every stupid thing you think. Yes. Whenever you feel sad or mad or nervous or out of control. Yeah. Write down what you're thinking. Do you have a journal?

I actually, funny enough, just started doing it. I go kind of all over the place. I start doing it when I'm feeling really intensely because I'm like, I have to do this. And then all of a sudden I start to feel better. And then I'm like, and then I stop. And then I feel crazy and I'm like, have to start journaling. And I just started it yesterday, banana.

So yeah, so I need to be a little more consistent with that. Because once I start feeling good, then I'm like, oh, I don't need it anymore. But realistically, I do. But what's interesting about the emotion part is like I actually have a really hard time pinpointing what emotion I'm feeling. So like I don't know the difference. between feeling angry, sad, happy I do, anxious, like all of those kind of feel the same to me. Because either way, like, I start crying. I'm just as a very emotional person, so I could feel

so angry and I'm just falling my eyes out. I could feel anxious, I start crying. Sad, I cry. So I have a really hard time being like, this is what I'm feeling until I start maybe journaling and being like, okay, there's like a pattern of how I'm feeling. This is this emotion that's attached to this feeling. Yeah, pretty much my entire life, I've kind of been like that. I've been like, I don't know how I'm feeling. Have you not been in therapy? Not really, no.

I went to therapy for probably in 2018 for a couple of months and then just. But I did have these amazing like realization and epiphanies. So it is kind of interesting. When I say it out loud, it is interesting that I just stopped. Because I was having these, like, yeah, these moments where I was like,

oh my gosh, that's why I do what I do, or that's why I'm saying things I say. Could have been a little at ADD, where you get excited to do it. Honestly, probably. You're late for an appointment, and you feel bad about it. Yeah.

So you go, I don't want to feel bad. I don't do it anymore. Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever done an EMD? DR? I don't think so. No. It stands for eye movement, desensitization, and reprocessing. My favorite kind of therapy.

Okay. So what I like to do, it's like, let's do a timeline. Every five years, starting from zero to five, what awesome things happened and what awful things happened. Yeah. And then from five to ten, ten to fifty, ten to fifty. And you, the trauma gets organized. But you realize your life has been incredibly cool.

And you have this balance between hard stuff and awesome stuff. Right. Right. But then from there you get the top 10 traumas. And there's a whole process to EMDR where, in fact, in our scan my brain, we did EMDR session with Miley Cyrus, Mom Tish. It's amazing. And so we take one of the traumas.

And it could be you seeing your parents fight and have you bring it up, get your eyes to go back and forth while you do it. And the emotion comes up, but then it tends to dissipate. And you make all of these very cool. connections. Wow. And then we get your adult self to love the child self. So rather than being sort of a bad coach, teach you how to be a good parent to yourself. I have a new book coming out in March called Raising Mentally Strong Kids. And the big aha is you have to be mentally strong. Right. Right. You have to like do the work for yourself if you're going to give it away.

Yeah. Right. So I think you probably like it. It's my favorite therapy because it's not you go for four years. Yes. But you might go for 30 or 40 sessions. Yeah. And organize the trauma. So the trauma is not in front of you anymore. Right. It's behind you. Yeah, I would love to, I would love to explore that. Yeah. Because I need, I clearly need something, but yeah, it was like traditional. You are awesome. I want you to think. You're awesome. You've been traumatized medically.

Although they saved your life. They did. They did. Exactly. But you've been traumatized. But let's use it as an opportunity. to just get as healthy as you can. And that's what you said you wanted even before that.

Even before that, yeah. I was like, I just need to focus on all of me and be like, okay, what do I need to like do to get it to where my whole entire body is aligned and to where I feel the best that I can possibly feel. I can think the best that I can possibly think. Like, just all the things I wanted to really prioritize my health. And it came at a very kind of unfortunate at time, but it was like, here you go. Here's the catalyst of it all. Here, start focusing on

your health. This is not a seizure brain. Okay. So I'd feel good about it. I'll talk to Dr. Jordan. Yeah. But he and I share a number of patients. Which, and also, like, I haven't had any of those tingling. I haven't had that one specific, like, fainting spell since, I mean, it was that one time. And then I haven't had any of the tingling sensations, the localized seizures in about 20 days since the 3rd of December. So we were like, is it the medication that's working? Is it because my brain is finally settling and like my body is just healing? But, yeah. You're also light sensitive.

How long have you been light sensitive? Honestly, never really until this surgery. That doesn't go away. I want you to let me know. There's something called Erlen, I-R-E-N syndrome, and often happens after a concussion for an assault. And so I'll put this. I'm going to send you my notes. I make something called Happy Saffron, Saffron, Zink, and Kirkcumin. It's been shown to help with mood. That's 24 randomized control trials. It's equally effective in antidepressants, but doesn't have any of the same.

side effects. Yes. And I take it every day. And then two packets a day, multiple vitamin, fish oil, brain boost. Okay. Those three things just to keep your brain as healthy as it can be. Just think of me as on your team. I love it.

Thank you. I mean, everybody who's told me about you has been like you are the best person to have on my team. So thank you so much for this. You're so welcome. What a joy. I know. Thank you. As a psychiatrist, I pay attention to subtle changes because they often tell the biggest stories.

One parent told us, my son started taking Happy Saffron Plus, and within two weeks, he was whistling around the house and seemed so much happier. I love hearing stories like that, because when one person feels better, the whole thing. family benefits. Visit BrainMD.com and use the code podcast 20 for 20% off.