Change Your Brain Every Day - Stress + Holidays: How to Deal

Episode Date: December 3, 2019

Many of us tend to think of the holidays as a happy time. After all, we connect and spend time with family and loved ones and give thanks for what we have in our lives. In reality, however, there’s more depression during the holidays than any other time of the year. So what can you do to keep the holiday stressors at bay? In this episode of the podcast, Daniel and Tana Amen discuss some of the biggest holiday stress culprits, and how to manage them to keep a level head going into the new year.

Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. I'm Dr. Daniel Amen. And I'm Tana Amen. In our podcast, we provide you with the tools you need to become a warrior for the health of your brain and body. The Brain Warriors Way podcast is brought to you by Amen Clinics, where we have been transforming lives for 30 years using tools like brain spec imaging to personalize treatment to your brain. For more information, visit amenclinics.com. The Brain Warriors Way podcast is also brought to you by BrainMD, where we produce the highest quality nutraceuticals to support the health of your brain and body. To learn more, go to brainmd.com. Welcome back. We are talking about the holidays, gifts and stress and all the things that go along with it. In this episode, I actually want to talk

about stressors. And what I'd love to know from you is what are your biggest stressors during the holiday? Maybe you can tell us what you do if you're really good at managing it. And if you're not, what are your biggest stressors? And what is it you want to know about how to manage that? You can leave that on brainwarriorswaypodcast.com. You can also leave us a review at Apple Podcast or on brainwarriorswaypodcast.com. And if you do, it enters you in a raffle to win my cookbook, which we just sent a bunch out,

which is a great gift for the holidays. And yeah, so let's talk about stress. Well, I have a review from a mom in Colorado. Thank you for doing the work you do. I'm a single mom who grew up in chaos, has the genetics for brain disaster, and was outrageously over-medicated. My brain was a disaster, as was my life. It's taken years of work and the guidance of your books to get to where I am now. Off meds, just landed a job I love, and launching a business. However, I have found myself 100% single parent,

and that has brought a new host of challenges. I love what Tana brings to the podcast as a woman and mother. Hearing tips from your kiddos has been so insightful as I guide my relationship and home structure with my own daughter. Thank you and love to your whole family. I was on Apple reviews. Thank you.

Well, and think of it from a single mom. You were a single mom when I found you. When you found me? When I rescued you. Like I was an orphan? Not rescued you. Yeah, that's the wrong word. When you rescued me? When I rescued you. Like I was an orphan? Not rescued you. Yeah, that's the wrong word. When you rescued me from-

We rescued each other, yes. From the craziness in my life. Yeah, no, we rescued you. But you were a single mom and it was hard. It was very hard. Right? I mean, you were working in these 12-hour shifts. And because of my chaos to that fact, I wouldn't have a babysitter.

So I refused to have babysitters because I had been so traumatized by babysitters in my past. So what I did was I was mom when she was there. When she went to visit her dad, I would work and I would work double shifts as a nurse. So I'd work nights, I'd work weekends, and then I would make up as much time as I could so that I could be home and be mom. And I was just exhausted. Well, I wonder how many moms actually have adrenal fatigue. Well, I worked in a trauma unit, so you can bet I had adrenal fatigue.

You can bet that you did. And it takes a toll. And so if you're a single mom, being a brain warrior is even more important. Yeah. Oh, and I wasn't then. So my refrigerator, I was really good at making. I was dead set that I was going to make my daughter.

I was going to give her what I didn't have. So I made her breakfast. I made her whole foods. I didn't really understand what we understand now about the gluten-free stuff and all that. But I was really good at making her food. And then I would eat frosting, go to work and have two pots of coffee and M&Ms. So I was really bad. It was really bad. It was when we got together. I feel like I'm in an AA meeting and we're sharing our confessions. Oh yeah, it was bad. It was bad. But when we got together and I started taking classes again, and I'm like, wow, it hit me

how much my lifestyle and nutrition and all that was playing a part in my past illness over my life. And I didn't want to repeat that cycle. Yeah, didn't you say? In my family. Growing up, your best friends were the captain. The captain, the tiger, and yeah. The leprechaun.

The leprechaun leprechaun for lucky charms and um captain crunch and frosted flakes well they started coming to dinner too yeah no you have to be careful they'll just you know wiggle their way into your life. They look so harmless. And the problem is exposure equals preference. What you do is what you're going to want to do. Maybe not even want to do, but what you do is what you do again. And that you do again what you do again. It becomes an unconscious habit. And what I love is this sort of leads into what we're talking about today with stress over the holidays. People do not want to accept it. And I'm sorry, folks, you can want to accept it or not,

because I go through this with our 16-year-old. Now that she's 16, the teenage gene is finally kicking in a little bit. And that pushing back, which I never thought would be, she was just so easy. And she's still easy. But that little bit of pushing back. Never thought she would push back. Well, I mean, she's always been strong-willed when she was just so easy and she's still easy but but that little bit of pushing back never thought she would push back well she just she well i mean she's always been strong-willed when she was five terrible but she's been such an easy teenager and all of a sudden now she's

pushing back a little more and um she's got her own opinions and her own you know she just she's not quite as easy and she you know she wasn't she wasn't feeling quite right and she was getting a rash and she wasn't feeling like her normal self. And I'm like, have you tried cutting gluten out of your diet? Cause she does not want to acknowledge that she's sensitive. Like I am. And she's like, it's not that and rolls her eyes and gets all mad. And then finally she, it has to be her idea. She comes to me and she goes, so I'm going to cut gluten out of my diet and just see what happens. And she was like three days later, she's like, Oh my God, I feel so much better. And she it's her idea. But as we go into the holidays, our diets get worse and worse and worse and brain fog gets worse. And already people, even though we think of it as a happy time of year, it's not for most people. If you actually

look at the statistics, it's when depression goes up. It's when people are very, very stressed between the weather, the time change, the financial problems, and having to shop, which that alone for me is just like, oh. Did you know that when men go to the mall, bodies take on the physiology of a soldier in war? I knew I was a guy in disguise. But for me, that doesn't happen. I shouldn't have said that because that sounded really weird, but I knew that that was like, I knew there was something to that. Is there another discussion we need to have? Well, I'm just telling you when we get near a mall, I literally, I feel myself tensing. I feel like my blood pressure's going up. I get annoyed. Like I'm like, I seriously, i'm almost angry when i get near

a mall and when you say oh it's your birthday let me take you shopping i'm like i thought you loved me why would you do that to me i get seriously annoyed and then you found amazon yes yes which talks all right so let's let's this is not about us this is is about our listeners. So if you don't like the mall and you have to do some shopping, online shopping. Yes. Yes. But with what you can afford, which means take care of your frontal lobe so that you plan.

And part of the one-page miracle I do with all of my patients. So if you haven't ever done a one-page miracle on one piece of paper, just write down what you want in your relationships, in your money, in your work, in your physical, emotional, and spiritual health. just don't talk enough to their patients about money and managing their money because it's clearly one of the biggest stress is if I spend this, does it fit the goals I have for my life? And so we're often so wanting to please other people, but going in debt to do that increases your stress and then you're not as happy. You're not as fun. And you know, as somebody on the receiving end, it doesn't feel good to me when I know that someone had to put themselves in a position of being stressed to get that gift. That doesn't feel good.

That feels awkward. So just FYI, the person receiving it, unless it's a little kid, they tend to not see it the same way. And one of the things I've learned about little kids, being a child psychiatrist, that Haven, my 16-month-old granddaughter, actually likes the box better than... And the bows and the, yeah. Right. So it doesn't have to be expensive. It's the thought and the time that counts. And if you go, oh, well, you don't know my family,

then it's, you know, are these really the right people to hang out with? Because you become like the people you spend time with so so so so the tips we so far have talked about food really watch your protect yourself um brain warriors protect themselves right because you're good food will the food you eat will either make you feel better or more stressed going into the holidays we We talked about, um, how to shop, um, to protect yourself. Like I know I hate them, hate it. And I hate it worse during the holiday, hate them all. Um, so I shop on Amazon for the shopping I'm going to do. I try to think of

things that are more gifts of service. So maybe that's something you can do. Um, don't stress yourself financially in any more than you absolutely have to. And you'll be surprised at how much you can do. Like reading books to kids is a really helpful thing. And one great gift that you could institute if you're not already doing this is something called special time, which we've talked about a lot, but it's spend 20 minutes a day with your child doing something he or she wants to do. Games or books.

I remember one, because I like watching basketball and you don't. And one Christmas you said, I'll watch 10 games with you. Because I just like it. Someone collected all of them. I still, but I know that you owe them to me and I feel good about it. That makes you feel good. Yeah. No, it makes me feel good when you're with me and I feel good about it. That makes you feel good. No, it makes me feel good when you're with me doing something. That you love.

I'll go to the games with you anytime. I like going to games. I just don't like it on TV. Now the Lakers are more fun. But be careful. There is one word of caution with special time. When you institute it, it's really hard to uninstitute it. So our 16-year-old still, every morning, she gets up,

Mommy, and she climbs in my lap. Can we go for a walk? Can we go for a drive? Can we? She's like, it becomes this ritual that you have. Yeah, but who has the most influence over her? I'm sort of kidding because I love it. As a 16-year-old, you want the parents to have influence. I'm going to cry when it ends.

I'm going to cry. it ends i'm going to cry and it'll be okay because you and i can have more special i don't see you what is the one thing you've learned today about how you can help manage stress uh during the holidays post it on any of your social media sites and hashtag brainwarriorswaypodcast. Also leave us a comment, question, or review on how you manage the stress or any really cool brain warrior gifts that you've given to people you care about. Stay with us. If you're enjoying the Brain Warriors Way podcast, please don't forget to subscribe so you'll always know when there's a new episode and while you're at it feel free to give us a review or five-star rating as that helps others find the podcast if you're considering coming to amen clinics

or trying some of the brain healthy supplements from brain md you can use the code podcast10 to get a 10% discount on a full evaluation at amenclinics.com or a 10% discount on all supplements at brainmdhealth.com. For more information, give us a call at 855-978-1363.