Change Your Brain Every Day - The Autism Community – Part 3 of an Interview with Lisa Ackerman

Episode Date: May 25, 2017

When it comes to autism treatment, acceptance is not a strategy. Neither is guilt. A sense of community, however, can be a major asset for families with autism. In the last installment of this series with Lisa Ackerman, founder of TACA (Talk About Curing Autism), Dr. Daniel Amen and Tana Amen talk with Lisa about what may be the biggest resource of all for those treating autism: other people. TACA provides an abundance of helpful resources for these families, such as putting them in touch with a local chapter for help in facing their special challenges.

Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. I'm Dr. Daniel Amen. And I'm Tana Amen. Here we teach you how to win the fight for your brain to defeat anxiety, depression, memory loss, ADHD, and addictions. The Brain Warriors Way podcast is brought to you by Amen Clinics, where we've transformed lives for three decades using brain spec imaging to better target treatment and natural ways to heal the brain. For more information, visit amenclinics.com.

The Brain Warriors Way podcast is also brought to you by BrainMD, where we produce the highest quality nutraceutical products to support the health of your brain and body. For more information, visit brainmdhealth.com. Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. So we are back with our friend Lisa Ackerman from TACA. We're talking about autism today. Lisa, you are amazing. I mean, you really are a warrior. We talk about warriors a lot and turning pain into purpose. And we have your story in our new book, The Brain Warrior's Way. And I just am thoroughly enjoying talking to you on this topic and what you went through.

But you said something, we were talking sort of behind the scenes, and you said a couple things that I thought were really important. So you talked about acceptance and how sometimes it bothers you when people talk about acceptance because that's so different for so many people and people shouldn't feel bad if they come to it at different times. Yeah and really it's not the word acceptance and I love and accept Jeff today. I love and accept all people with autism today. I love and accept him at his worst. But I know that when he was at his worst, sleeping two hours a night, you know, poop smearing, having severe constipation and diarrhea, projectile vomiting, misdilating pupils, mobile rashes, you know, that acceptance is not a strategy. It's not a strategy

when you see someone that is sick and you need to help them because your job as a parent is to get them to the best possible place. So when your job is done and God takes you home, you have someone that can function on this planet. Not one of us will have a child and go, yay, I left someone behind that's going to need love and care from somebody that doesn't love and care for them. Right. So when I, when I, I love and accept humans, you know, I, I love my, every kid, every adult with autism. The issue that I see with acceptance is when someone needs help, acceptance can't be your only strategy. You can pray that acceptance becomes more. That it happens eventually.

That people are more tolerant to people with disabilities. I know people are barely tolerant, like we talked about, with politics. How are they going to be tolerant with it? Right, and religion, right? Yeah. So to me, what I think is the most important thing and the most important job as a parent is to not be driven by anger and not, you know, but not be driven just by hanging low and not and accepting what is. You've got to find kind of a middle ground and a middle ground that will drive things forward, hopefully teach other people along the way acceptance and awareness. But really your job

as a parent is to get your kid to the best possible place so they can achieve their world's dreams. I'd say I love that. So I always say my job as a parent is not to be popular. It's not to be accepted. It's none of those things. It's not even to have my kid like me, right? My job is to turn out this responsible human being who is a good person who's, who knows how to take care of themselves. If they like you, that's a really big bonus. But, but what I loved about what you said is that in the case of autism or, or I hate the word disabilities, um, but let's just say challenges. Yeah. Okay. Um, I know cause I see it's affected our own life with our granddaughter. Um, people feel so much guilt and shame if they don't come to that. They think that there's this, it's like a box you check off

or it's this thing you're supposed to do as you have to come to acceptance at a certain pace. And it's not like that. And so they feel guilt and they feel shame and it makes it harder to do your job as a parent. Well, no joke. If your kid's having a four hour tantrum in Target, it doesn't make you look like a rock star as a parent. Totally get that. And I've been there, done that. Four hour tantrums in Target, you know, that talk about don't yell at me. We are going to have that discussion.

No, no, no, no, no, no. This was a while back. I'm more moderated now. But no one looks at that as like, yay, awesome. This is autism awareness loudly. But I think just to really bring it to center. And I was raised Catholic, so I know about guilt. Me too. Holy guacamole. I wear guilt. I passed guilt 101. Advanced guilt. Right. I mean, it's ridiculous. And I always tell people, did you do something wrong? And they're like, no, no, I love my kid. And I'm like, well, then get over the guilt. You did nothing wrong. And it's just such a worthless emotion unless there's something you did wrong to be guilty thereof. So honestly, it's an emotion.

And unless you killed somebody, you shouldn't have that emotion. You should not have that weighing you down every day. So rather than should, because that's a Catholic word. I know. It's not helpful. We're shooting all over ourselves. Will this help us? It's not a helpful emotion. Even if you think you did something wrong.

But I just love what you said. And all of us, quite frankly, have done things that are wrong. Oh, God. Right? I've done five things wrong before I got here. From what we ate to what we thought to, I mean, and most people who do wrong things don't have children who have autism. Yeah. And the incrimination, the self-incrimination is often horrible. Yeah.

And it's important to have someone you trust to help you work through it. Which is what I love about your work. So know, you know, I always love John 8, 32, the verse in the New Testament, know the truth. And the truth will set you free. And the truth is, we still don't, we're still not sure what causes autism. Right. I mean, that's the truth. So you can say, I did this, that, and the other thing,

and so did millions of other people do the same, this, that, and the other thing, and they didn't have a child with autism. Well, it's almost like a Richter scale. Maybe that was a 1.0 on the Richter scale, not the 7.0 you're thinking it is. But to kind of parlay what you said, there was one mom that came to me and said, I put my kid in the wrong school. And he was there for three years. And she was devastated.

Like she made the biggest mistake of her life. Crying. It was the wrong placement. Why didn't I make a difference? Why didn't I change it right away? I saw that personally happen with a kid at my daughter's school. Yeah. So, I mean, you can insert anything into that and feel horrible. If you're ready to recriminate yourself,

you'll find all the things that you did to fit the negative mindset that's inside. One of the things I want to make sure we do before we finish this podcast is I want to talk about Taka. What you want us to know. I want to talk about why you started it, a little bit about its evolution, and how it can help people now. And I want to know what you want us to leave with, with how Taka can help families.

Okay. Well, Taka, the one thing that is a common theme for a lot of families that we serve over the last 17 years is that they lose their sense of community when you have a kid with autism it's just easier to stay home it's easier not to go to church because your kid can't be in the children's group at all right it's easier not to go to the store with your kid it's easier to not do a hundred things just to stay home and what I found is losing that sense of community is just one of the worst things that can happen to a family. You need community to feel good, to feel connected. And, you know, that's the way we work. We're community kind of peeps. That's how we roll. So really what I think autism does is take away that community. And what Taka does is bring it back. Teaches you what information will help drive to effective treatments and therapies.

Finding your peaks, if you will, and finding people that are really going to motivate and drive you. So as we would say, a tribe. Correct. Absolutely a tribe. And I talk about the tribe all the time. So we have that in common. But I think the most important thing is the tools that we have is based on over 50,000 families and what works and doesn't

work and what we've just been really good at is documenting those things sharing them so you can rule things in or out is it in or out so it's not that everyone's going to have the same experience or the same results it's not about right and wrong. It's about does this work. No, and really what we just want to see is the best possible outcome for these kids. Some kids may need help for their lives, but we want them comfortable. We want them happy, not riddled with severe medical issues, undiagnosed, which is a big problem in our community. We really want to drive people to effective treatments through the website, webinars, conferences, meetings. I mean, this month, tomorrow, we'll have over 100

meetings tomorrow that are coming across the United States for our National Coffee Talk Day. But really, what we want to do is just give people that sense of community, but the tools that are going to drive them to the best possible outcomes for their kids. So it's done that way through 12 programs and 700 amazing volunteers that work tirelessly to really just pay it forward. They got help, so they want to give help back. And you talk about paying purpose. They have it too. I mean, nothing is better than talking to a family that is absolutely devastated,

having the hardest time giving them some help and then having them come back and say, my kid's better. Oh my gosh. So to us, that just is like, I got to do that again. That's your, that's your paycheck. Let's do that again. Yeah. So the programs are driven based on personal need. What did I need that wasn't there? And then with our team, we've built other programs. So it's very much a team effort to drive families to effective therapies and treatments. That's really what it boils down to. And to go back to one thing that you said, you know, what I hope parents leave with today is guilt, get rid of it. Take that emotion, apply it somewhere else because you did nothing wrong.

And for that family that had their kid in the wrong school for three years or, or, or whatever 58 reasons you're thinking that you did something wrong, which you didn't stop it, um, is to take that feeling and drive it forward in a purpose. Love that. Um, because it's pain to purpose. It really is so important. And you're going to waste time. And then you are guilty of something. I wish you could see her face like we can right now. It's hilarious.

The Catholic part came out. It came back. Yeah, it did. That's a little mama bear thing coming up. Bless me, Father. Oh, that's funny. But I think the most important thing is for families to know is there's hope and there's purpose. And there's resources.

And there's things to do. There are things to do. Get busy. And don't be afraid of the future. Be positive. You know, and that's kind of a hard thing about autism and a great thing about autism. But you are full of resources for these people. Right.

Okay. And everything's free. For these families. Everything's free. And if there's a fee on something, these people. Right. Okay. And everything's free. For these families. Everything's free. And if there's a fee on something, there's a scholarship. Okay, so tell us the website, how they can contact you, where they can get these resources for free. Correct.

It's TakaNow, T-A-C-A-N-O-W.org. What we will do is connect you to your local chapter or to a mentor. Mentoring is one-to-one, youone, connecting you by geography and by need. And then we will help you on your path towards the best possible outcome, including recovery. That's awesome. Thank you so much for being with us.

You're amazing. Lisa Ackerman, founder, executive director of TalkAboutCuringAutism, T-A-C-A-N-O-W.org. You're listening to The Brain Warrior's Way. Thank you for listening to The Brain Warrior's Way podcast. We have a special gift for you. It's an opportunity to win an evaluation at the Amen Clinics. All you have to do is subscribe to this podcast,

leave a review, and rate us on iTunes. To learn more about Amen Clinics and the work we do, go to amenclinics.com. You can also learn about our nutraceutical products at brainmdhealth.com. Thanks for listening.