Change Your Brain Every Day - The Everyday Habits of a Happy Mind

Episode Date: January 22, 2019

Our habits play a giant role in determining our level of happiness. That’s why it’s vital for us to choose and live the habits that are most likely to bring about feelings of positivity and joy. In the second episode of a series on happiness, Dr. Daniel Amen and Tana Amen give you a list of habits you can adopt to increase your feelings of well-being.

Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. I'm Dr. Daniel Amen. And I'm Tana Amen. Here we teach you how to win the fight for your brain to defeat anxiety, depression, memory loss, ADHD, and addictions. The Brain Warriors Way podcast is brought to you by Amen Clinics, where we've transformed lives for three decades using brain spec imaging to better target treatment and natural ways to heal the brain. For more information, visit amenclinics.com.

The Brain Warriors Way podcast is also brought to you by BrainMD, where we produce the highest quality nutraceutical products to support the health of your brain and body. For more information, visit brainmdhealth.com. Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. Welcome back. We're going to talk about the habits of a happy mind. We're in the beginning of Happiness Week. This comment was left on Tana's website, TanaAmon.com. I can't begin to tell you how much you and Daniel have literally changed my life. I've always been an overachiever, but I also struggled with depression, and sometimes I just act like a complete recluse. After listening to your podcast religiously,

trying to catch up to the current ones in 2018, it occurred to me that I might suffer from ADD. This never once occurred to me because I didn't have the classic symptoms you think of when you think of ADD. Nevertheless, I visited my physician and he was able to determine that I likely did have a form of ADD. He gave me a trial run of Adderall and my life is forever changed. My impulse control is vastly improved. I was able to land my dream job and everything is just so much clearer. Perhaps the most significant impact on my life is my ability to accept the former instances of abuse in my life and deal with them. Understanding how they affect my current life,

which is pretty perfect, has been so powerful. Your story and how you overcame so much gave me the courage to address my past. More importantly, I'll tell you why I'm laughing a little bit. More importantly, it has given me the warrior mentality. I want to be a warrior, not only for my brain, but for my heart, my soul, my family, and all those I care for. You and Daniel have inspired me to be a better person. And for that, I am forever grateful. I intend on visiting one of your clinics in 2019, most likely the Atlanta location,

and I am so excited to learn about my brain. I am certain there will be findings that explain even more about my life so far. I thank God for leading me to your podcast and to you and Daniel, you are both such a blessing in my life. And I thank you for the work that you do. Well, that made me teary. This is from Lisa. Speaking of happiness week, that was awesome. That's a habit of happiness.

Reading the reviews from the people. You know, we've done more than 300. That was an awesome testimonial. So the reason I laughed in the middle of it is I remember that time when we were at Esalen. You're just really going to get, you're going to, do you see what he does to me? You're just like. And you were so private. Oh, I was no way.

No one was ever. I had never done that. And you were so private. Oh, I was no way going to talk. I had never done that. I had never spoken anything about anything to anyone and I never was going to. Because you wanted to show the world you were perfect. Yes. I had this perfect wall. Perfect facade. And you shouldn't have been with a psychiatrist who wanted to climb over the wall and play with you. That was so irritating.

Oh, I remember that. So tell me now, it's 13 years later. Are you happy you climbed over the wall? You know, I got to tell you, I'm just going to be really honest. When I first said something like the first time, and then even the second time saying something, um, out loud about something painful in my past and just being very raw and very vulnerable, it's a little like popping a boil. There's just a lot of pain and ugliness that comes out and you feel super freaked out and exposed. And like, what the hell did I just do? Like, what? I can't take it back now. Why did I do that? I was thinking

I was even kind of mad at you. I was just like, what just happened? That shouldn't have happened. And then all of a sudden there's this just huge sense of relief, like shedding something huge. And then the best part is that all of a sudden you realize people don't like you less. They like you more. You're like, they don't like someone that they think is all buttoned up and like doesn't. Well, they know you're not perfect. They just think you're just kind of stuck up and not telling them what's going on with you so because no one's perfect so do we like lady gaga more oh my gosh she came out with her struggles with mental illness yes and here's

the funny thing i don't even have to like know agree like connect with so many personal, like nitty gritty things in her life to just have huge respect for someone's just that ability and that, that vulnerability that someone expresses when they give something like that. When they talk about that. Yeah. Huge respect for the fact that she does so much for people with mental illness. Yes. Okay.

The habits of happiness. Let's talk about them. Yep. What are the mental habits of happiness? Well, you just touched on one of them connection. I used to not connect. I kept myself wall up.

That's interesting because the more time people spend connecting on social media, the more depressed they are. That's not the, yeah, that's different. I think that's different. I'm talking about real being present, connected, being connected with people. Whether it's social group, whether it's church, for me, karate, the people I practice with are amazing. So there's something about in-person connections or connections on the phone where you're talking to someone as opposed to someone where you're just sharing photos on Facebook. And I also think that when- Because people just tend to share the perfect pictures.

Right. And that's not life. No. And the other thing is connecting in a way when you are helping someone else, there's just something hugely powerful about that. It's okay to need help. It's okay to be helped. We're all in both places.

But it's also amazing when you can help someone else. There's a high to that. There's a high to giving. There's a high to giving and helping others. Talk about happiness. So one of the habits of happiness is not believing every stupid thing you think. Oh, for sure. There's two great quotes. One from our friend Byron Katie, a thought is harmless unless we believe it. It's not our thoughts, but the attachment to our thoughts that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it's true without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we've been attached to often for years. This one from Jeffrey Schwartz,

dark thoughts in the mind are not you, "'but are false messages from the brain. "'And because you are not your brain, "'you don't have to listen to them.'" And of course, we call the man's automatic negative thoughts, the thoughts that just come into your mind automatically and ruin your day.

And we have found one of the habits of happiness is whenever you feel sad, mad, nervous, or out of control, write it down and then ask yourself, is it true? Can I absolutely know if it's true. Learning how to talk back to the negative thoughts is one of the habits of happiness. Because if you just let that thought fester, my wife never listens to me. How come you always choose that one? Because it's just the one that sort of I had and I was mad at you. What? How did I not even know this? No, it's just, I don't know.

You were busy and I wanted you to listen and you didn't. And so I had that thought. Tana never listens to me. But I'm disciplined. This is the benefit of being a shrink that actually, you know, that does therapy with patients is I'm like, Oh,

what'd you tell your patient to do? Write it down. Tana never listens to me. And then go, is that true? No, she listens to you all the time. Right.

So I don't know if it's where you are in your cycle or you didn't sleep. I woke you up early that morning or whatever. But if you don't question your thoughts, you believe them. Right. And then you act out of the belief. So I would have given myself permission to be rude to you, to withdraw from you. And then I would have talked to you more than you would have liked. So, but the issue is don't believe every stupid thing you think.

So I'm going to add something. A habit of happiness. And another habit of happiness, because I took Byron Katie's nine day course. And I have to tell you, it was the most irritating thing I've ever done in my life, because you want to talk about something that turns your brain inside out and really makes you dig into things that are pretty vile and that you have like pretty awful things that you thoughts and beliefs, not thoughts, belief systems that you have held. So it's hard. It's a hard class. So, but one of the things that I really like that's simple, you can take away today, won't take you nine days, that I love, and it's another habit for happiness, is what other people think of you is none of your business. Because we spend, especially the social media thing, right?

We spend so much energy comparing ourselves and worrying and this and that, what they say. When someone says something bad about you, you just go crazy with it. And it can ruin your whole day. And the truth is, what other people say about you is none of your business. And it was just such a freeing thing for me. Because I used to be consumed in my 20s, for sure, and probably halfway through my 30s with what people thought about me. And now I just don't care. And it's so great.

It's just so great. Well, and I taught you the 18-40-60 rule. It says when you're 18, you worry about what everybody's thinking of you. And when you're 40, and this happened to you when you were 40, you don't give a damn when anybody else thinks of you. It really did. And when you're my age, when you're 60, you realize no one's been thinking about you at all. Even if you're a public figure, no one's thinking about you at all.

They're thinking about their lawn. Right. They're thinking about dessert. Their butt. They're thinking about whatever. Their pictures on Instagram. All right. And the two minutes left.

A couple of other habits of happiness. Start every day. Today is going to be a great day because then you're going to begin to train your mind to look for what's right rather than what's wrong. Finish every day with what went well. And I'm just, I'm five minute meditation.

You don't have to make a big thing out of it. Five minute meditation, five minute. I've got, I've got tons of meditations on YouTube. You have meditations. We have them on brain, brain, life. Just learn got tons of meditations on YouTube. You have meditations. We have them on Brain Fit Life. Just learn how to meditate five minutes a day.

We'll change your life. Habits of happiness. Stay with us. We're going to talk about your relationships. Use the code PODCAST10 to get a 10% discount on a full evaluation at amenclinics.com or on our supplements at brainmdhealth.com. Thank you for listening to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. Go to iTunes and leave a review and you'll automatically be entered into a drawing to get a free signed copy of the Brain Warriors Way

and the Brain Warriors Way cookbook we give away every month.