Change Your Brain Every Day - What Effect Does Birth Order Have on Your Mental Health?

Episode Date: March 8, 2021

We all know the stereotypes. Only children are spoiled. Oldest children are responsible and ambitious. Middle children crave attention and are natural people-pleasers, and youngest children are free spirits. Are any of these true? And, if so, how do they affect us as we grow? In this episode of The Brain Warrior’s Way Podcast, Dr. Daniel and Tana Amen talk about the ‘Sibling / Birth Order Dragons’ which are born out of the highs and lows you share with your siblings during your childhood, and the advantages and disadvantages they bring.   For more info on Dr. Daniel Amen's new book, "Your Brain is Always Listening", visit https://yourbrainisalwayslistening.com/

Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. I'm Dr. Daniel Amen. And I'm Tana Amen. In our podcast, we provide you with the tools you need to become a warrior for the health of your brain and body. The Brain Warriors Way podcast is brought to you by Amen Clinics, where we have been transforming lives for 30 years using tools like brain spec imaging to personalize treatment to your brain. For more information, visit amenclinics.com.

The Brain Warriors Way podcast is also brought to you by BrainMD, where we produce the highest quality nutraceuticals to support the health of your brain and body. To learn more, go to brainmd.com. Welcome back, everyone. We are so grateful that you're with us. We're sort of in the middle of your brain is always listening. And we just started the they them and other dragon section anybody else ever wonder who they is all the time they said they did they yeah it's always there's so many so many days let's identify them i know that's my mom used to do. My mom too. They said, and it's like, it's, it's now gospel. They said, so,

um, pay attention and hopefully you'll learn something. If you do write it down, uh, post it on any of your social media sites, hashtag brain warriors way podcast. If you leave us a comment, question, or review, we'll enter you into a drawing to win either the Relentless Courage

of a Scared Child, Tana's book that she'll sign for you, or Your Brain is Always Listening. You just tell us which one after we announce the winner. You have it, Tana. And we have a winner. This is Debbie. So Debbie, you get to choose which book you'd like. Your brain is always listening or the relentless courage of a scared child. I think she's probably going to choose yours because she said she's reading mine currently. Thank you, Dr. Amen and Tana for sharing and delivering the messages you do.

Not only do I subscribe to the podcast, but I buy supplements from BrainMD. I am reading Tana's new book and in the process of booking a spec scan for my adult daughter who is on the autism spectrum we've seen some amazing changes in her since starting the pro brain biotic omega-3 and d3 I now I know once we have the scan and follow up with Dr. Pack there may be changes in her supplements and some new ones we look forward to to see what allison is fully capable of once her brain and body needs are met i also enjoy the guests you have on your podcast so a big heartfelt thank you for all you do thanks debbie so i'm

guessing she's going to want your book since it just came out but she has yours already. She already has mine. So we're grateful to all of you. I mean, that's why we do what we do, because we want to be helpful and tame my abandoned, invisible, insignificant dragon. The dragon we're talking about today, my God, they've haunted me forever. So your brain is always listening to the dragons from the past and other people alive and dead. And last time we talked about the parent dragon, your brain is always listening to your mother in your head and tried not to listen to your father in your head. I sort of put your plugs in. And the next one is the sibling and birth order dragons. And you're an only child. And the research on only children is actually really interesting. You know, it's interesting though. We have to talk about this too.

I'm an only child who then had half siblings much later in life, who then became the oldest and the responsible one. We have to talk about the confusion that some people feel with mixed families. I think almost half of the families today are mixed. Right. Cause I still, and that person who's the responsible one of my family taking care of everybody, like, you know.

And they looked up to you. They wanted you to solve their problem. Even when I didn't want to. So if you're the oldest child or the only child, you get 3,000 more hours of parenting than the other children. Yeah. It's interesting. So Chloe, our little one now she's the, she's the only and the youngest in a mixed family.

So she was raised as an only, but she's got, she's got step siblings that are your children who are, were adult children. So she was raised by herself um so as raised as an only child around adults and professionals around doctors nurses and um she we hear all the time from her teachers and just just recently she got an email from a teacher saying you know you handle yourself so incredibly different than other high school students and so they wrote her a letter of recommendation for college and it's interesting to see how differently only children who are raised with so many adults now the problem with that though she didn't do she didn't socialize

well with children at all and that can be a problem well she ended up and a lot of only children end up with the special spoiled and entitled dragon. I clearly didn't get that dragon. Me either. But the oldest, often responsible, just like you said, more successful early in life, because they have sort of two coaches, you know, their mom and their dad, whether they're together or not. They, of the first 23 astronauts, 21 of them were oldest children. Wow. of them were oldest children. Of the 46 presidents, more than half were the oldest children,

and only six of them were the youngest child. So where you fall in line makes a big difference. They're not the best drivers. Middle children are the best drivers. And they're not as monogamous. The middle children, lucky for you, are the most monogamous of all the birth order. Because they tend to be the peacemakers. So if you're like me with five sisters and an older brother,

so the oldest child is special. The youngest child is special. The oldest child of a certain gender is special. So I have an olderable, completely not special. And I felt that growing up. And plus my older brother, for whatever his own reasons, beat me up virtually every day until I was six or seven. And so there was a level of anxiety that I had knowing I was not the special child. It was really clear my older brother was because in a Middle Eastern family, the oldest boy is special. And wow, you know, even though my dad owned grocery stores, you could totally, you knew it. You could feel it. Well, your dad was very traditional too. Well, and actually didn't, wondered why the girls wanted to go to college.

It's like, you don't need to do that. He actually thought it was ridiculous. It was a waste of time. But I felt that. Which was a different time. That's a generational thing. Because I felt that. My stepdad said the same thing to me.

He actually, I wrote about this in my book, The Relent, scared child. Um, I was really smart. And he said, why are you going to waste your time going to college? Especially cause I wanted to go to medical school or do something professional. And he said, why would you do that? You're going to get married and have babies. And he's like, you need to just find a rich guy and settle down. And I'm like, what? Like, it made no sense to me that they wouldn't encourage me. No one helped me figure out college. No one guided me. No one taught me. Like I never toured a college.

No one helped me with college applications, nothing. Well, it's actually interesting because no one helped me either. Because no one had graduated from college in my family. I was the first one to graduate from college. And of my six siblings, only two of us graduated from college. So education wasn't a value, but somehow it became a value to me. And I knew I was going to go to college. I wanted to be a veterinarian. And then after I was an infantry medic, I decided I could go to medical school. So where are you in your birth order? Oh, another interesting fact is the youngest children are more spoiled.

I mean, that just sort of makes sense, but they also are more likely to go to rehab. They're more likely to struggle with substance abuse because of the trauma they feel because they're often the smallest picked on always could view themselves as less than even though um like my younger sister didn't go to rehab but uh my parents were wildly different right with her than they were with my older sister i remember my older sister wanted a bikini and I think she got beaten for it. I think their corporal punishment was alive and well in my house.

And when Joanne wanted one, which was like 10 years later, my mom went with her to pick it out. Oh, that's so funny. And I remember my older sister going this is not right it's funny because as only only children as i'm listening to you i can see certain traits like parenting styles of both for me with my daughter so like the driving thing i'm so freaked out about her driving so i'm so cautious about letting her take any kind of risks. I'm so paranoid about it. I'm always watching her on life 360. You know what I mean? Like, like, so I, I hold on a little

bit tight, but at the same time, she's ultra, she's like a, like a very intense leader, super responsible, you know, um, really, um, very good with adults, you know, that kind of a thing. So, so very interesting how, even as a parent, you can see some of those, those traits and how you parent, you know, because she's a, she's a oldest and a youngest. So, so we would love for you to write us your experience on birth order and how you believe that has impacted your psyche. And when we come back, we're going to talk about the children dragons. So important because, you know, once you have children, you basically have their voice in your head. Always. Always. Stay with us. Use the code PODCAST10 to get a 10% discount on a full evaluation at amenclinics.com. For more information, give us a call at 855-978-1363.